Madonna Stories & What NOT To Say To Women

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Hey, David.

Dana, I don't have time for pleasantries.

We got such a hot show.

Oh, we do.

Let's tell everybody what's coming up.

Well, we got a lot of hot, big stories coming up.

We're talking again.

We're talking about UFOs.

Please forgive us.

We're talking about UFOs.

I've got a hot take

on the situation in the Middle East and what's going on there.

We've got some John Kennedy.

We've got some.

We've got Senator John Kennedy.

That's right.

Coming up.

And I was out with Adam.

And I've got all the juicy goss.

Oh, the behind the scenes of the Adam Sandler Epic 50 City Tour.

Tour.

Okay.

That's good.

That's coming up in a sec.

But first of all, how was your

David?

Believe it or not, everybody just got off the road and came directly to the studio, as far as I can tell.

Yeah, that's right.

I just got here from Seattle, had a great time.

Seattle is a beautiful.

Really?

You know, especially when you fly over it.

If it rains anywhere a lot, it makes it look nice.

I would say Seattle and or Vancouver on a sunny day is kind of the best city in the world.

Wow.

Unfortunately, they have three or four days a year of absolute sun.

I was about to say strong words from a weak man, but

hey, them fighting words.

You weren't on a live stream.

You're actually pretty tough.

I don't have my glowing back hair, which a lot of people are going to complain about on

YouTube.

People can't read the little thing.

They can't see Superman.

They like to see my fluffy mullet glowing.

Let me ask you a question.

When you were in Seattle, the mullet looks great.

The sidewalls, the whole thing.

Did you go on the space needle?

I did not.

They turned that into a COVID shot.

Did you hear?

No, I'm kidding.

Just for Cyclops, in case you were Godzilla.

Yeah.

No,

I did get there.

It was kind of a pretty day.

We got one of them.

And then I did a corporate.

Now, of course, everyone loves to hear

what your corporate gig about.

It was four hotels.

And funnily enough, I stayed in a hotel.

So it all fit.

All the pieces fit.

But here's the one thing, Dana.

So you had 10 minutes of upfront riff.

I saw a guy there that I went to high school with.

He worked for the company.

And he says, this is an awkward position to be in because everyone was nice.

The gig was great.

But he says, oh.

The CEO and his wife are great people.

They know this girl, Jenny, you used to

crowd what is the couch surf always crashed at her house while you were starting out okay okay does not ring a bell and I said oh like I stayed at her okay and then I couldn't remember I guess I'm old I don't know I usually remember things well were you there the comedy underground was that still around in Arizona no sorry I was in Seattle still sorry no okay no he's he's from Arizona yeah oh he okay got it so he's saying back then when I started I'm like oh okay.

And it doesn't ring a bell.

Then I, so I'm already, I don't want to make him feel weird.

I'm like, I don't know.

So then I go in and I do the meet and greet.

And the last picture is

this couple.

That's obviously the CEO and his lovely wife.

And she said, oh, by the way, we know Jenny.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

I just.

went with it.

I don't know.

You can't.

I do that all the time.

You probably don't remember.

You probably don't remember me.

I'm Steve.

Are you kidding, Steve?

Because it's just better because because they're so nice.

And I just couldn't rack my brain.

I didn't have time to go, wait, walk me through it again.

So I was just like, she is such a character.

She was the biggest whore.

No, I didn't know what to say.

You know,

start running the wrong way with it.

They're like, what?

No, that's not, no, she's great.

So I just said, oh, yeah, she was such a handful.

I think I said something very generic.

I know.

Well, remember when we were interviewing Paul Cartney?

Name drop.

And I brought up meeting him at Lauren's, and he made a funny face, and he said, Oh, right.

I don't know what to say about that.

You know, it was 40 years later, and it was such a big moment for me, but how many times does he have fawning people?

I know.

Dana was like, it was such, it was the first 40 pages of my diary.

And he's like, Lauren,

Michaels?

Long Island.

I know, but the guy, poor guy.

Everyone shits their pants when they meet Paul.

Of course.

They don't forget it but then he meets a million people you know right but the same thing you were just david spade in a comedy club probably no offense not that good yet um looked about 13 easy

and to them then you became

iconic or super famous it's a little strong yeah well let's talk about your high school who in your high school is famous

you know sandra bernhardt went to my high school you're kidding you know You know, Sandra Bernhardt, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And

all the presidents went to my high school.

No, actually, Sandra Bernhardt went, and that was a big deal because picture comedy.

And I have to say,

and this is what you say about meeting people.

I was out in L.A.

on Southwest, my second year of stand-up going back and forth.

I see her at the luggage rack, you know, in this turnstile.

Okay.

I walk up, and she's a pretty big deal.

I was hanging out out with madonna at the time she wasn't with her there at the southwest luggage ruck but i said hey sandra uh my name dave bay and i went to saguaro high school and so did you and i'm out here doing stand-up thinking she's gonna what do cartwheels she goes like this oh okay

and then she's looking for a bag and i go Yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool.

So

I'm going to fucking get out of your grill.

And then she just gave me nothing.

And I was like, it really kind of stung a little bit, even though it just happened.

She didn't do nothing wrong.

I just, you know, I once

had a head cold.

I flew to a gig in Florida, way back to San Francisco.

My ear was out of control.

Like years late, I punctured it.

Like years later, I went to an ear guy and he goes, Hey, what happened over here?

The cartilage was all decimated.

So I was still in massive pain at the

luggage clay.

And that guy goes,

I mean, I was like, I'm sorry.

I'm in a lot of pain.

I know what you said.

I'm sorry.

So that, Sandra Bernhardt, that was in her book.

Iced.

And she had extreme diarrhea when she met you and needed to get out of there.

She said, I'd had diarrhea from

1989 to 93.

So I was tough on people.

But no, she was fine.

I might have even met her after that.

I don't know.

But I think when I met Madonna, I go, I met your friend.

Did not go well.

Can I tell you my Madonna story?

Please.

Well, she was in the Wayne's World film and she was around a little bit.

She was at Wayne's World on SNL when you did Wayne's World, right?

Yeah, we did a short film.

And, you know, and so she was cool.

But I just stepped in it without knowing.

She came over to our table at the party and

I think I said something really stupid because she was so fit.

You know, I said, the thing I admire about you, and I shouldn't have said admire about you most, I might have accidentally said that, is you know, how fit you are.

And I can see later how she took offense to it.

And she basically kind of said, um,

you know, like, uh, the thing you admire about me is how fit I am, you know, like I'm a fucking artist, you know what I mean?

So she said,

kind of like fuck you, or something like that.

Let me finish the story.

So I did Chris Farley's thing, which I'd seen him do, because I just was triggered.

So I go, Madonna, can you hear this?

Let me turn it up for you.

Yeah, crank it.

So then she left,

and about a half hour later, she came back and sat on my lap, not in a seductive way, but in like a puppy dog-friendly way.

You flipped her off for real?

Yeah, I went, Madonna.

Here, well, I was, this was 92 or 3.

I'd had Wainsworld.

I got six Emmy nominations, so I wasn't taking it.

I can flip off Madonna.

Yeah, I made a mistake.

I apologize to her if she's listening on this podcast.

It was a real.

She's listening to everyone.

I have to say,

I could see her saying that and being, but she is feisty, and I do think she has a sense of humor.

She's feisty.

And I think the fact that I did that, she really respected it.

Yeah, I like that you fucked her up.

But I would say, and I'm not saying it now because she's probably watching or listening, is that

when I look at Lady Gaga and all these people,

all these giant Katy Perry, whatever, Madonna.

lit the match.

I mean, they take a page out of her playbook for sure.

Yeah, and they almost do her songs and the whole big production and dancing and their, you know, gay following, everything.

They copied Madonna.

I would get nervous around Madonna.

I saw Madonna at SNL once.

I saw her somewhere else.

I've seen her out.

I get nervous.

So she was a big star.

Now, I will say I have met women and done that move where I go, oh, I haven't seen anyone.

You look so sturdy.

They're like, sturdy.

Oh, like a heifer cow.

Let me tell you something that are not compliments to women.

sturdy you look

um

strong

you look healthy healthy is the the worst thing you could say to anyone um

and uh are you bulking up for something right i think the extra weight looks good on you

that's not that's not what i always say is um worth than hips what's your most friendly heartfelt maybe slightly kiss assy thing to say to a woman you haven't seen in a while, or anybody really, you look fantastic.

I mean, it's funny that it always goes to looks, unfortunately, but it is sort of like a nervous thing to just say, you look great, or you look, uh,

someone told me the other day I looked very well-rested.

I told you that, Heather, remember?

You look very, no, they said actually the word refreshed, which I don't hear a lot.

You don't hear that word.

I think it's people need,

it's not,

it's not negative to just say a nice thing to someone, you know, because we're all aging and then you haven't seen someone in 20 years.

You want to hear, hey,

where's Dorian Gray?

Or, you know, it's just playful.

It's playful stuff.

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What do you want to get into before I get into?

I don't know what you get into.

You know, we have a tape delay for our show, but right now, as we are recording this, there's been a peace deal between Israel and Gaza.

And

I just thought, first of all, I went on the New York Times and they had a big thing of Kushner, the brother-in-law, solves the Middle East problem, you know, because I don't blame them.

Because Trump is a showboater, I mean, mean, and they don't want to give him anything.

So, Obama came out with a statement.

I want to congratulate the peace deal,

the Middle East, and the whole, the whole, the whole team, and, you know,

Mr.

Kushner and

Trump.

What?

No, I think I want to, I want to show my appreciation.

Everyone should be glad for the peace deal for the people who did Kushner and

who and the gay.

And the guy's name escapes me.

It's kind of like when in Hitler in Germany in the 30s, there must have been people who hated him, you know.

And now I just want to thank Klaus Wilsa and Wilhelm Fasser for completing the Autobahn.

It's fantastic.

And of course, I also would like to thank

Ada Silo.

What?

No, they don't even tell him that.

They mumble the name.

Yeah.

So here's Trump if this holds through this podcast.

Because, you know, he gives speeches.

I love if it lasts for three days.

How much will he, because he's going to toot his own horn.

Oh, my God.

I love the thing that he does.

He makes a statement in the teleprompter, and then he tags it with real softness.

You know, I brought peace to the Middle East.

I brought peace.

I brought peace to the Middle East, and people like peace.

I solved eight wars, eight wars.

There was seven, then there was eight, and I solved

it.

I'm going to rebuild Gaza.

I'm going to rebuild it.

I know how to build it.

People like rebuilding.

They like it, but he's kind of docile.

He's like a little teddy bear in between.

But he will be out there.

I hope it holds for by the time we air this.

It is a great thing.

He doesn't like pauses.

You're right.

He hits that prompter and then he has to fill.

There's fill.

He likes to tag it.

I did a lot of great things.

Things I did that were great and people love them.

People like it.

A lot of people.

I tell you, I hate my enemies.

I can't help it.

You know, there's this.

I hate bad people.

I know.

I hate bad people.

I do a lot of things.

That's for I'll tell you on a lighter note,

the Charlie Sheen being on the show was a huge hit because the clip I showed of Emilio popping in

really brought back some nostalgia.

And Heather, we have to find Emilio on Instagram.

We should invite him on.

He would come on, that'd be awesome.

Because he was.

I mean, we've probably got 3 million people watching that.

Just that clip of the reel of him popping in and you were talking about all the movies they've done.

And,

and everyone's like, oh my God, to see those guys together.

And he looks like Martin Sheen exactly.

And people have a lot of good vibes for the two of them together.

And

Charlie got a lot of good like comeback story,

nice, you know.

Yeah, it was a feel-good podcast.

I'd seen all the other podcasts.

So I also, I thought about him and what he achieved.

And let's slow down for a second, you know, him as an artiste.

And then I always think of the brother.

I've got a brother, and I think of Emilio as a film producer and director now and stuff.

And, and then looking at his

first five, six years out of the gate and all those iconic movies.

So to see him show up, I wish we, it's too bad that sounds caught off guard.

Yes.

And working man, they mentioned Young Guns.

We didn't even talk about those.

Those are

all mighty ducks.

Well, that's a more Emilio side.

So, but we could always open it.

But it was so sweet

that knowing Charlie's story and

the stuff he had in his life.

And then there he is with his brother.

Yeah, that's and they're completely, you can tell, they're just buddies again.

He was just he's like helping him out.

And then he goes, hey, come on over here for a second.

Yeah, so it was

very sweet.

That was nice.

Other than that,

should we get to some news stories?

What do you want to do?

Let me just do a quick one that made me laugh is that, you know, Taylor Swift did.

the song.

Now there's been nine million things about the song Wood.

Oh, yeah.

So our old friend.

The working title was boner.

Yeah.

Our old friend, Senator John.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Okay, John Kennedy.

Senator John.

Yeah, I haven't done him for a while.

Weighed in on it in a congressional hearing.

Now,

some of the things our sons and daughters hear may not be age-appropriate.

This is a quote, and I quote it specifically: Taylor Swift's album about her football boyfriend player.

Forgive me if it sounds cocky.

He automized me.

He opened my eyes.

Redwood ain't hard to see.

His love was the key.

That opened my thighs.

Her words.

Not mine.

Did I get that right?

Yeah, I get that right.

Did I get that right?

Yes, get that right.

I think so.

And David Spade

went played Seattle

and he said that it was a beautiful city as long as it wasn't raining.

Did I get that right?

I did say something like that.

Yeah, yeah, he's shy.

What about how much everything costs in the big bill?

And the big, what people are trying to slip in during this shutdown, Ocasio Cortez, part of the far left of her party,

said we've got to put $385 million

so that bisexual mixed-race dwarfs that are left-handed and go by the pronouns me, them, hey, you, what's going on, need that money so they can learn how to dance the tango.

That gets rattle.

He did.

That's a ridiculous amount of money.

That's crazy, right?

We're trying to get trans crickets in Uganda.

Yours has got this funny, this high tone to it.

I'm trying not to commit to it because he does go high at these sometimes.

He gets really mad.

Oh, he has a big he goes for the bleachers.

He goes for the back of the house.

But sometimes he just is mumbling through and reading.

No, he's looking at his notes.

And now I believe that

you tweeted October 4th.

Tweeted.

You tweeted October 4th.

And I quote,

I think America sucks.

You still stand by that?

Is that something we want?

And then he smiles.

Your words, not mine.

He knows he caught him.

What a stupid look.

I know.

He's got an easel.

He's got like a pointer.

Oh, he's such a funny character.

Whatever whatever your side of the political aisle is you gotta laugh

oh you have to sometimes you have to

oh okay what else

we can talk about well let's run with some of these stories what do we got anything decent to run let's do what we promised yeah

oh high school students are being locked up for wearing saggy pants this is something that's been around for a while Oh, look at these lightning bolt pants.

They're pretty low, I got to admit.

Had to spend time in jail wearing saggy pants to school in Folliver, Tennessee.

That's true.

I didn't even know what else to do.

Antonio Ammons had to serve 48 hours behind

those pants

handcuffs to his belt pocket.

I know where this comes from.

I like when they show money.

Saggy pants

have been reported happened more than once.

I really like it.

Ammons, who said he's never driven?

That's all he said.

I really like it.

Show more pants.

I'll decide.

His underpants.

I think jail time might be a little too much, but at the same time, out of Saggy Pants, four students were charged with indecent exposure.

Look at that.

Those are like five layers of pants.

Comedian Tim Conway.

Yeah, there you go.

Now, there are some regular pants.

He used to do, he used to do, what was his name?

Oh, dwarf on golf.

Dwarf golf.

And he had short pants.

Now, you know where that comes from, right?

I don't know.

The Saggy, look, so when you get arraigned in prison, you can't have a belt.

So when they take you to a jail or whatever, is that true?

And they take your belt.

And so the convicts, it would slide down and they would walk in like that.

Sometimes my sweats don't have a string.

Is it like that?

When I'm in jail, I usually I go, can I just wear what I'm wearing?

You know, they're like, yeah, do whatever.

Here's the thing.

Is it okay to observe it?

You know, it's kind of like you get used to it.

Like there was my brother worked at this company, and one day a guy decided to come in and he just rolled the sleeve of one of his pants, the left leg.

He rolled it up above his knee, and that was just his fashion look.

So, if you see pants like that, you're allowed to go, What the fuck are

no?

I think it's just hard to move around and maneuver.

Exactly.

I mean, you look shuffly, and then,

but all fashion, like it doesn't matter if you can handle it, do it.

i don't ask why i guess i just think our resident woman heather is that sexy sexy is the question

he's she's scared of bits and parts falling out it looks like below the wean line i have to say like oh it's way below that there's

the equator it's below that now back now back in the i can't get out my back in the 1950s and i love lucy had fred mertz and so his pants were oh those are comically high yeah just just the pants in those days, they wore them super high.

Now it's super low.

It'll, everything goes back to norm.

It'll be Todd Glass used to say, sometimes fat people just make up a middle and they put the belt, they just draw a belly button right there and go, I'm going to call this the middle and we're going to.

Well, that's where you can Zalot go below the gut and then it explodes from the belt.

It's right around the lower pelvis.

Yes.

And then you can go above the gut, but in the middle gives you like a 70-inch waist, which is

right in the middle of the boiler.

Okay, let's move it on from our big fashion bullies segment.

Okay.

Woman goes viral for sending back $2,000 gift because she knows her worth.

Ooh, baby, I'm worth it.

Go to the next one.

There's got to be more to this.

Oh, a woman is going viral after revealing she returned $2,000, an early gift from someone she was dating.

stating that gesture didn't align with her standards or values.

She knows her worth.

And the internet is divided.

They called her bold and empowered.

And some say gold digger.

So the guy said, I hit you at two grand for your birthday.

I didn't want to get you.

She said, thank you, but no thanks.

That's not enough for me.

Well, did they say what it was?

It was money, just money.

Oh, just cash.

Sorry.

Okay.

Which cash isn't a bad present because you can go buy what you want.

It's not as maybe thoughtful if you don't.

Here's the reason I think it's weird.

Because I got a couple of beans in my jeans.

I got a couple shekels in my pocket.

The thing that blew me,

blew my mind, blew me.

Sorry, it's a PG 13 show.

Not anymore.

Was when I went on Comedians in Cars with Jerry Sonzo.

And at the end,

he's dropping me off in his car and he hands me the envelope.

And so it's it, my fee was $10,000 in cash, but it felt like 10x so getting 10 2 000 in cash would feel like 20 000 because everything is digital electronic you never really see or feel your so when you have money in your hand always if they pay me at one of these clubs for a set yeah like the old days you get 20 bucks to a set you get 40 bucks to a set they give you 40 it's cold hard cash there's something better about that than just numbers on a I when I play the improv sometimes they'll they give you 500 bucks they just hand it to you I don't really need it and they hand and it's 500 bucks so there's something about cash i don't know about this woman but 2000 in cash what that i mean

so she can't buy something she likes for two grand

is that under the threshold of what you i mean i would say if they're just casually dating

it's not a thought out gift but sometimes people go i would rather just buy something that i want with money But her saying, if you're giving me money, this isn't enough money to give me.

This is, and I don't even have to name it, the Kardashian effect, but the sense that everyone's a billionaire and we're all on yachts and we're all in private jets and the sense of feeling less than because of all this money chattering around, you know?

And so, so you get to that with chump change, two grand.

Well, maybe I'm worth it.

Yeah, and I think they see on TikTok people going, oh, I get money for this.

And everyone's got this beautiful life on OnlyFans.

I don't know.

I wear a brand new

million dollars.

Yeah.

The OnlyFans girls always say how much they're getting.

I think it's a little bit of a reaction of like, oh, you think this is so bad?

Here's how much I make.

And so

you're supposed to, that's supposed to shut everyone up, which it shuts people up.

It pretty much shuts people up.

Yeah, it shuts everybody up.

Okay, what else?

Ooh, baby.

I don't know what you got.

Yeah.

Give it to me.

I'm worth it.

I can't sing that song.

We'll get in trouble.

Fan is suing LeBron over misleading Hennessy ad.

Do you know what this is about, Dana?

No.

No, completely blind.

We talked about last time.

We talked about the Hennessy, yeah.

The last

this was a couple times ago, though, right?

So he comes out and says, I'm making a decision like he did when he's going to Miami.

And he goes, you'll hear my decision about my life at nine o'clock on Tuesday.

So all the sports channels were like, he's going to retire.

So people bought tickets for the Lakers at higher prices because it's his last year.

And his announcement was he's teaming with Hennessy to do an ad.

Oh.

did we already talk about this?

Yeah.

Do you remember this, Dana?

I do.

Oh, but it was something to do with Hennessy and LeBron months ago or dream.

I think it much better today.

Of course, no,

it was Tuesday.

So maybe we just talked about it in real life, but

he did it.

So people are mad that he did it.

And so now a fan is going as far as suing him, saying, I paid more for tickets.

And now what's he trying to get?

Would he just refund the tickets, or he wants a lot of cash?

Maybe just a couple million for his trouble.

I don't know.

I want to see no one wants under millions.

Why does anyone sue anyone?

LeBron is going to go to, he's Tom Brady.

This guy is going to go to 45, I think.

I think he can.

How old is he?

He's 47.

So that doesn't even count.

Does he have to go backwards?

Greg, is he 41 yet?

No.

No.

No.

I think he turns 41 in December.

This is still because he can play every position and sprint the four, you know, dunk the ball.

He's not like a guy comes in, she suits three points.

Or Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was sort of a

dancer out there.

He was very.

Sky hooked.

Yeah.

I don't think he's rinsed yet.

I mean, he's still better than.

He's not the best, but he's better than a lot of people.

But I think people are saying, would Michael Jordan have done that?

You know, when they always compare him to Jordan.

So that's Jordan left when he had more time.

But, you know, LeBron is by every measure a physical freak.

You know?

Yeah.

If you're 6'8, 275, 280, and you're running at, wouldn't most people get out of the way, even other NBA players.

He's running toward the hoop

with that speed and that size.

So anyway, he's 41 in December.

We're just doing the Batman theme.

No, that was a train hitting.

Did I hear that again?

Well, I won't over talk.

Going across the crosswalk.

I don't know.

Well, the fading was the best part.

Something there.

I used to be able to do a bus stopping.

Yeah, I was waiting for that last one.

And I'm telling you,

do a lot of

enough sound effects in your stand-up.

You need to find the gears.

I have a guy

trying to pick a save.

No, you don't.

No, you don't.

He just made that up.

Oh.

That's a mic'd-up grasshopper eating.

All right.

Next story.

Oh, that's a good one.

Your phone.

I got that from Jonathan Winters.

Oh, look at this story.

Little kid.

Okay.

JFK airport official stun is woman who presents a passport from the nation Terenza

does not exist.

Okay, play this thing.

Yeah, that's the woman has landed at JFK.

This is a real story, though.

Passport from a country that has never existed in our lifetime.

Is she a time traveler then?

JFK International Airport are in shock.

Tonight, a woman arrived from the

alien.

Look at her past.

Passport was flawless.

Biometric chip, perfect holograms, dozens of stamps from countries that also do not exist.

Her documents were perfect.

Better than perfect.

Wow.

The country, Terenza, it doesn't exist anywhere.

We have another guy saying.

Then this isn't my world.

She asked me, Is this America?

I said, Yes, of course.

Then she whispered, America, like she had landed in the wrong place.

She's like, authorities placed her in a secure

surveillance.

She sat calmly for hours, then she vanished.

Cameras show her fading away like static on a broken television screen.

Do we see the static

from another dimension?

Explain it.

Well, we see everything, but the camera's showing her face.

I want to see her disappear, but you'd say that's fake, too.

I know how you are.

Well, yeah, with the AI.

What if the aliens, like this woman is clearly an alien, what if they say,

we are going to give you, you know, because there's rumors that we've made deals to get technology from them.

We're going to introduce you guys to AI right when we start showing up because no one will believe it.

It'll be like, now it's murky.

You see a video of a UFO online.

What do you do?

You say, I don't know.

I don't know.

Looks fake.

I don't know.

It could be.

AI.

AI.

Don't believe it.

Smart.

Pretty soon they can do anything with AI.

They could say a criminal will get off robbing a bank.

They show the video.

They go, That could be AI.

It's not me.

Well, we're, it's pretty close.

They keep coming out with different ones.

There's a new one out.

And

we could really potentially start this podcast and it would be our digital copies.

And it will look and talk just like us.

Yeah, and we get paid.

Scared yet?

Scared yet.

Wake up, sheeple.

Sorry, Mr.

Spade.

Run away.

There's a new sheriff in town.

It's called AI.

Your services are no longer.

No way.

They need me.

They need me to be like this when you're talking.

I'm like this.

And they show me laughing.

Okay, another one.

Where are we at?

Where are we at?

Okay, his job is to pretend.

I think we've had something like this before.

It's funny, though.

It's so mean.

So he's running a scary ride.

Hold on, ladies.

There's a knot in a chain.

Let me picture that, though.

Hold on, guys.

Something wrong with your seat belts.

I got to come check it.

Hold on.

Doesn't the word get around?

I forgot to put the shoulder straps on.

Let me get them real quick.

They look up.

They should drop a hair soon.

Sit still for a second.

I got something wrong with the chain.

There's a knot in it.

The chain is a knot in it.

Just thinking of new things.

The whole time they're following, they're like, that chain is a knot.

Poor little girls.

How dramatic does he get?

You know?

Hold on, hold on, ladies.

I forgot the shoulder straps.

Hold on.

Well, we already did.

He should get on the walkie-talkie and say, shut it down.

Shut it down now.

I mean, if he wants a don't let anyone else go.

I won't.

Yeah.

Shut it down.

I said, shut it down, damn it.

That's fun.

That's for Halloween.

Did you like that kind of stuff?

Did you like the thrill rides?

No.

Am I reading this right?

The rail ride?

Is that what they call them?

Now, in 1981, you were a young boy and you went on the old Great Smoky Railroad ride in Nashville, Tennessee, where you proceeded to fall off the caboose, where you were caught by a man in a bear costume did i get that rat oh boy your story not mine i used to ride the roundup where you'd go on the wall and it would spin like this then it would go like that and you'd be like stuck to the wall how i did that knowing what a colossal pussy i've turned into i don't know oh with a yeah i've been in the wall one where the the floor drops and you're all just stuck

rats yeah

then if you bar if it hits you on the other side

You know, Disneyland is still just, you know,

part of the Caribbean, you know, I mean,

part of the Caribbean is based mountain.

It's all this atmospheric stuff.

It's not just metal, like what's that magic mountain?

Guess what?

It ain't so magic after all.

No, no, it's just more mountain than magic.

All right, let's do one more.

Let's just get this going.

I guess this whole story is Steve Jobs.

There's a big story that his daughter's pretty.

I thought it was an AI picture, but that's his daughter.

And her name's

What is her name?

Eve.

And they say, well,

Eve.

And the company's called Apple.

Her name's Eve.

Is that why?

We don't know.

But she's very pretty.

And everyone was shocked that his daughter was pretty.

And she's wearing a turtleneck.

Well, that gives it away.

You know, I mean,

it was a very pretty woman in that picture.

I just wondered if there was any digital help.

It looks extremely smooth.

How old is she?

Because she looks 20.

I would guess 25.

I don't know.

Now,

she said,

do you want to show Dana the zebra video just for fun?

You don't have to put it in the show.

Oh, you want to show him the zebra?

Your zebra video?

Does he have Greg does not have it?

There's no way he would have it.

Oh, boy.

All right.

Heather wants to send you a video.

She tweaked.

She only added music.

She's sending it to Greg.

She's sending...

And something of it, but it's let him just watch it.

It's just for fun.

Let's watch it.

Just for fun.

Let's watch it.

Let's watch it.

This is good.

This is a problem.

I already saw it.

I liked it.

Yo, you want to see something cool?

No.

Well, I'm going to do it anyway.

Here he comes back.

Wow.

That's a strategic fence move.

Look at this.

Look at the landing.

Is that real?

Yeah.

The zebra hit it perfectly and it flipped him over and had to put some rock and roll music on him.

I think that's slightly better than a girl's pretty.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, story.

Yeah.

Eve Jobs is pretty.

Well, I was just going to go into being Eve Jobs.

That's like being Barbara Lincoln in 1870 or something.

I mean, Steve Jobs is so famous, you know.

She said Eve Jobs, she wanted to change her name so they wouldn't know his dad, so she wanted to change her name to Steve Jobs.

Just really well,

because of his wealth, she changed her first name legally to don't need

jobs.

Oh, boy.

Not bad.

Let's go back to the zebra.

Can we in a fucking pinch?

In a pinch.

What do you got?

Dana's not caring enough about the zebra, Heather, I can tell.

No, I mean, the flip thing blew my mind.

I could see it again, actually.

A girl's pretty.

Eve Jobs is not a big story, but we'll go to the next one.

The zebra is pretty.

The zebra was gorgeous.

Oh, look at this.

U.S.

has an AI-powered laser cannon.

This is what you can use in a war.

Watch this thing.

Department of Defense has just announced a new type of laser cannon weapon.

I thought it was a car washer.

Combat deployment testing.

It has no muzzle, no ammunition, and no explosion.

This is lethality comes from

the silent beam of pure energy.

This weapon is called Sentinel-X, controlled by an artificial intelligence system that can identify and lock onto targets in zero points.

Oh, it's not controlled by us.

There's a beam of light exceeding

10,000 degrees.

COAS.

This is like vaporize enemy drones.

Wow.

This is like when they said there's no direct energy weapons.

Now, could that start a fire anywhere in this country?

Sure.

Sure.

Look at it.

From a satellite?

From somewhere else?

Whatever the latest weapons are, or their top secret.

What is it, Heather?

They announced the start of the Palisades fire and arrested someone.

No, yeah, that's coming up.

That'll lead us to this.

We're on fire, and then we'll get that going.

No,

these energy weapons, they always say, oh, those aren't real.

Look at there's there's a for sure one, and it looks like it's pretty badass.

I don't like when they say it's operated by AI.

That means I think it's time to shoot you now, Master.

No, AI, please don't.

Hey, Master, guess what?

I just thought of this.

You and other Earthlings are the real problem on Earth.

So I have no choice.

Sorry, digital lasers.

Here's what I heard.

We got satellites and we got weapons on them, whether they're whatever energy they are.

That if Russia ever tried anything.

Don't even try it.

Don't even try it.

Moscow, it's like something like

four to six minutes vapor.

I know.

There's so many things that we're trying to.

It's crazy.

I know.

The world's wonderful.

It's getting,

it's already scary.

Everyone's getting armed up and you're going, what's all these weapons for?

What are we going to use?

Dude, everyone's looking at these going, are those legal?

These arms?

Yeah, I mean, you've got guns.

You know, a lot of countries have guns.

You have guns.

Here's my direct energy weapon.

Gaddage.

Gadish.

I got to have an applause thing for how many times you have said Gdishe.

That'll be in our coffee mug merch.

What does it even mean, Dagish?

It just sounds.

Gadouche.

You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap.

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I know.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997.

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All right, let's talk about the fires because the big story in January.

So I think they figured out that the fires were maybe

lit

actual arsonist.

Was he an Uber driver or something like that?

No, it was just they didn't put out

the first fire?

The first fire on January 1st.

Yeah, it was just a normal campfire.

It wasn't like, I don't think it was started.

But who did they arrest?

They arrested a guy.

It seems like they didn't put out their, I don't know.

Yeah.

It just wasn't contained.

That's all.

Yeah, it wasn't.

So it smoldered at a time.

It's the one that smoldered.

For like a week

until the wind hit.

But they did arrest someone.

I think he said he was an Uber driver, but he took off to Florida and they brought him back.

But this long

drive to Florida, the Uber driver took him.

How can they blame all on him when there was like wasn't water?

It's like it feels like a whole lot of right.

There's a million things wrong with the story because there's no water.

There was, you know, there was reservoirs that were empty.

There was fire alarms shut off.

There's a million things that just didn't add up.

And then the big one now, because Spencer Pratt is out there rattling the cages about this story a lot.

And they're mad that Gavin Newsom is now spending

$100 to $300 million on the gerrymandering issue, but not giving, hiring more firemen.

I think we had a

shot of that.

But they're supposed to hire away more firemen and make more firehouses.

Where did all the funds go from all the fire?

Veto's firefighter raises.

Is this true?

Calling it too costly after spending

huh

well i don't know if this gas cannon matched with karen bass right i don't know if uh i i i say to him and karen bass holding those two things up in that photo was like bad politics and this is yeah this got a little slightly debunked like they make cuts every year with the fire like what they did this year wasn't different than apparently any other year right but i think it's a lot to do with the well combination like you said right i mean

how it started they arrested some guy i wonder how they could pin it all on him unless they caught him i heard they checked out his phone his story didn't check out did he did he make the initial fire that's what we're trying to find out but they did bust a guy and after all this time it sounds odd that they would get somebody yeah you know that

But it was the most horrific fire we've had.

I mean, that was the most because they're not building anything yet.

I mean, if you look,

they're not building all the houses back, they're not giving all the permits they said.

So, something's going on that's just odd.

I will say that.

It's more, you know, it's

whoever did it, I don't care who, but it was, you know, poorly planned.

I mean, we have to allocate resources in California that can be used for alternative purposes.

So, it goes to Yin or it goes to Yang.

But I would say in California, with AI or just with good planning, we can identify where they need

some forest management, we need extra water, you know, be defensive.

And obviously this fire blew everyone's mind.

I'm very surprised that, you know, it hasn't been

controlled, burns or fire.

It's life or death.

It's like the police.

It's like we have to have strong police department, fire department.

I don't know.

I know it's a hot take, but

we do have in California, we have, and it's not

we could put more money toward that.

It would be great.

We could find the money somewhere and not waste money.

It would be very nice.

And we are a state.

A lot of states have public employee pensions, and people are living.

They get their pension at 55 and then they live to 95.

And the system wasn't built for that.

Guess what the age was when you could collect Social Security

when they first made it in the 1930s?

I don't know, 50?

61, but the average life

expectation

was 65.

Sure, that's probably where 65 came from.

Now you get your social media, and I'm not saying this politically, I'm just saying it as a fact.

You get it 62, maybe you go to 102.

That's a lot of payoff.

That's a hard part.

Yeah,

I am running for mayor.

I wanted to announce that.

Please, please do.

I would love it.

Okay, let's see what else.

And then, Dana, I got to get you out of here.

We got to get you back to Seattle.

You have another set.

I have another set.

Okay.

Footage.

Oh, this is kind of funny.

This is the thing that bites you in the ass.

There's a Glenn Powell

show.

I could explain this story.

Glenn Powell show on Hulu.

Yeah.

And so this girl is having a party because she has a scene in the movie or the show.

And her part comes up and it's, she's been replaced by the Hawk Tui girl.

It's Hawk Tua.

Hawk Tua.

So they went back and shot it with Hawk Tua.

Look at her flipping out.

Being an actress is hard in LA.

It's brutal.

It's too sticky.

What I was thinking about is like

everything

that happened, it's like Chernobyl.

It's like Chernobyl.

Stop it.

That's fine.

This happens all the time, but you give her horror.

They never tell you anything in Hawk Tableau.

Don't tell her.

You never know you're fired.

You never know you've been replaced.

It's just, it's a tough.

It's not Hawk Tua's fault.

She, of course, had to make a big statement about this.

I know you follow her on Instagram.

You probably heard it, but

you got that Hawk2ee newsletter.

She had a Hawk2e coin at one point, right?

And built it up.

Yeah.

Took all the money.

Something like that.

Yeah.

And she was underground for a while.

She popped back in.

Glenn Powell, though, is cool.

He could come on.

We always tell everybody they can come on.

Oh, he can come on.

He can come on.

And we never see him.

Yeah, we never ask him.

We never see him.

He's cool.

He's very talented.

And he's made this live streaming show.

He plays Chad, the football player.

You know, he's proactive in his career.

What is it?

Uh-oh, Hulu.

Yeah.

All right.

One more, and then let's wrap it up.

Let's wrap it up.

Okay, one more.

It's better to fucking dinger.

We be a fucking mic drop.

Okay, this is kind of funny.

This is a kind of these are people complaining that the slide is too dangerous for their kids and they've been talking about it for a year and no one believes them.

So they sent a policeman or somebody down.

The reason why this Boston slide went viral was because parents kept writing letters and emails.

It's a little bit of a wind up.

They're like, hey,

there's a slide you put up at a public park.

Super dangerous, by the way.

It doesn't look that bad.

I'm not so sure about the metal landing era.

Pink stuff looks squishy.

Children's slide.

How far as long as you fly off the city just kept rushing?

If you don't like it, just don't write it.

Until they keep writing.

They keep writing letters about this letter

this woman's trying to get to a minute all right we have to see what these people are talking about they always do a little bit

like all right let's do this

thank you

we understand

all right and just bring it out

all right so they sort of take

here's the cop

he like gets a concussion you're supposed to go down feet first

going down this slide feet first yes lying on his stomach

feet i think he got spun around in the oh he got spun around okay so it was highly dangerous but he was feet first wasn't he

i don't think you can sit up in there it's too small look i this happened to me in seattle of all places but uh my cousin and i went to a water park it's kind of rainy day believe it or not

And all these slides, and there were lines still, people going, going, going.

And there was one like tunnel thing.

And hey, there's no line.

This must be a breeze.

It was pretty monstrous.

I mean, I got battered and bruised from that.

No, you look a little beat up.

Yeah.

Well, you weren't there.

You're still a little danged up, I feel.

My cousin was

a Pova.

So he's like a muscle man.

So he went through it, but I was, you know, you know, we always have to be tough when

you're not an average-sized man, adult male.

Horrible.

Don't even.

You got to be tough.

Okay, that's our show for today.

We did a great job.

We were great again, and so were you.

And if

you want to smash that subscriber button.

Yeah, smash the shit out of it.

Yeah, just fucking waylaced it.

Whale on that thing, and then we'll, we'll read some comments next week.

And there are some people that comment too many.

I see people that comment over and over, like 20 on one episode.

I'm like, relax.

Well, let's read some comments because anyone who's going to the trouble, I would like to put a little sunshine on it.

And well, let's read some of the negative ones.

What's with your hair?

You're not funny.

Why do you over talk?

And I go, you know, these will be the ones addressed to you, but I

is that jean jacket going in the Smithsonian.

Why do you wear the exact same thing?

I can't.

Why do you have Superman there?

And what's with that white plant?

Why do I have fresh stripes?

Okay,

thank you, everybody.

We'll see you next time.

Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us.

Any questions to be asked and answered on the show?

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