SUPERFLY #55 - Mama Said Knock You Out

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David, I don't know if you know this about me, but I've always been a fan of exploring new places. Not like you, kind of, you know, no offense.
And one of my best trips, listen up, is when I stayed at an Airbnb, felt like I was living like a local with all the space, comfort of home, you know, hotels can be a hassle room service. And then the housekeeper, it's a hassle.
So then you go to Airbnb and you can get whatever you want, a little cottage, this and that. It that it's fantastic you have your own separate space so it's a great product for people who travel david yes i have friends doing one of these right now if you have a home you can airbnb it it's fantastic i mean um to to monetize your home when you're not there seems like a good idea i mean look i'm on the road a lot i could probably do it it's it's something that people can do when they travel they have extra space or you're at a place not full-time you come in the winter you leave in the summer so that's something you should think about it's a way to get some extra money and it's a cool experience.

Your home might be worth more than you'd think. Yep.
Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. I'm telling you, I fluff and fold it.
I have my secrets. I have my ointments and my oils and my moisturizers.
But when I am no longer on camera in life, maybe, you know, in Italy cruising around, I'm going full Letterman. This Dutch main goes downtown, trims down.
This goes way out, covers all the sins. No more Adam's half hole.
Even any chest and neck sins goes all the way down. I still have a pretty good amount of chest hair.
No, I don't. Not really.
I'm Norwegian and Irish. I mean, come on.
This Lederman beard, does he still have it that long? No, he trimmed about two inches off it. So it just covers his collarbone.
I don't know. But I think he looks good in it because

all the stuff around here,

not you, because you're kind of eternally

youthful. Your new nickname is Peter

Pan Spade. Christ's sex.

But

I think Letterman looks good. It's just an advantage

men have. Women have to get facelifts.

Men can grow a beard.

So there. End of story.
Newsflash.

You know what was funny? Make a clip out of that patrick he goes not enough but uh i remember when the weekend for like a year he had like a band-aid on his face or something and then he had like a fat suit on was that something else too who was that the singer the weekend and then he oh the weekend yeah i don't think he ever paid off that band-aid bit. It was like a fat suit on.
Was that something else too? Who was that? The singer, The Weeknd. Oh, The Weeknd.
I don't think he ever paid off that Band-Aid bit. It was like a long play.
We're in the era that a Band-Aid, it's not a bit. It could just be a fashion choice.
I remember the first dude I saw, dude, who had pants on, Levi 501s, and one pant leg was rolled up on the top of his knee. The first time saw it just walking around what's up uh no comment no wound on the calf but just one pant leg rolled up i remember the first time i was going on the lot i remember the first time a guy said hey dog to me what's up dog what's up dog and that was kind of cool too so which brings us to kendrick lamar should we i know it's oh super bowl yeah we got super bowl bits what's up what are we talking about what's good i'm just let me just put in context is i don't want to be a grumpy old man everything was better than it you don't get culture you don't get it go ahead i was born and bred and introduced to hip hop in the 90s.

I said hip.

Okay.

I got three examples.

I'm saying a hip hop in the 90s or rap, if you will.

The first one was Sir Mix-A-Lot.

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Can't lie.

Can't lie.

That's funny. Very potent.
Really. I got good butts and I cannot lie.
Can't lie. Can't lie.
That's funny.

Very potent.

Really.

I got good butts and I cannot lie.

Don't choose it.

And I'm good.

Good rhythm.

Yeah.

Got it.

Super catchy.

Get done.

One of your favorites, I believe, which I think also is crazy.

Brilliant.

Mama said, knock you out.

Mama said, knock you out by LL Cool J.

Mama said, knock you out.

Yeah, the beginning is good. So it has an anthem an anthem i mean the lyric of mama my mother said knock you out and my madre madre yeah mia madre so it's sort of sweet in a way mama said knock you out i'm gonna knock you out mama said get I'm in a headlock.
I'm going to kick you in the balls. I'm going to kick you in the balls.
Mom said, wrap a pizza around your face. I'm going to wrap a pizza around your face.
These were all possible lyrics that they had to whittle down. Don't call it a comeback.
Is that it? I've been here for years. Is that how it starts? Yeah, don't call it a comeback.
LL Cool J is cool. That's a great beginning, too.
He was on, yeah, don't call it a comeback. I like LL Cool J.
I think he also, he was on SNL as the host. And I had him in church chat in read-through.
And then for whatever reason, he was perfectly good. For whatever reason, his part got cut.
I wasn't sure the reason i did it by you i don't remember it wasn't a big part but then later on he's got a job by carly sidled up and kind of was very serious goes what was wrong with what i do what i do i said what did you wrong i said lauren said knock you out i'm gonna cut you out Fuck him more just before we go to uh kendrick lamar who probably got a commercial like a beautiful person um snoop dog throws that in which one gin and juice like it's hot was the first oh drop like it's hot i went holy i played a day in the life for my kids and they put on Drop It Like It's Hot, Drop It Like It's Hot, Drop It Like It's Hot. Snoop.
But talk about crazy catchy. Great queer anthem.
Also gin and juice. I like Big Butts, Drop It Like It's Hot.
Mama Said Knock You Out. And then the other thing I was introduced to hip hop and rap was Eminem with a real slim

gay.

Please stand up.

Please stand up.

And so this is my introduction to how I perceive Ken.

This is a big windup.

I think I know where you're headed though.

No, I don't.

What about Ken?

I don't know if I understand it, but.

He sounds like an auctioneer. Ram-a-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- What about Cannabondale? I don't know if I understand it, but...
That's a good one.

He sounds like an auctioneer.

So let me name it, Kendrick Lamar.

I mean, I'm not... I'm saying Mama Said Knock You Out.

All I got, I couldn't get a...

You couldn't decipher.

Now, I don't know. I like Mama Said Knock You Out.
Well, catchy, hooky. I mean, I think one song in there I sort of knew.
But I will say I didn't know them all. Fine.
Matt, that show's not for me. Fine.
And I like the GNX because I have a Grand National. Remember, I had one for a long time.
I just want to understand it, and I want the commenters to help me. I'm not shet-hane on it.
I'm just saying I don't quite get it, and the early hip-hop rap was very clear to me, and I'm just trying to understand it. Also, the whole diss song about Drake.
I've heard Drake stuff. I really like it, but's uh kind of i agree that i listen if a song is about you're in a fight with someone or you're mad at someone is that really the most peaceful fun super bowl bring us all together song or is it like hey fuck you to some guy and everyone's like hey i know what he's talking about fine also great visually i didn't i It got little snoozy in the middle but great visually as far as all the outfits and you need that element you definitely need that i think i give uh kendrick kl an a plus for for the aesthetic the dancing and i did watch i uh read an article in the new york times and it broke down all his visual elements in other words they used to call them mb mtv videos and they are sort of brilliant the visual is brilliant but oh but i'm bound to be today but i don't want to a man up but to be you know i'm i'm gonna scroll on me already the more i do it but you, I mean, there was a lot to that Super Bowl.

Also, well, the whole thing, you watched it.

Chiefs got smoked.

Oh, how about this?

The Kanye commercial that he paid for, $7 million for that Buki little commercial on his iPhone, which he's done that move before, which is pretty funny.

He's paid $7 million, films on his iPhone, says, I have no money left. Here's my grills.
Go to my website. Fine.
Ends it with going, um, wasting time. But what I didn't know, you go to the website.
What is it, Dana? Uh, yeezy.com or yeez.com. You go there.
It's one item t-shirt with a swastika. I saw that.
So listen, we all have different merch. I'm listening.
We all have different merch. It's very interesting merch.
Oh, Shopify. How long does it take to take that down? How long do you have to be told? Maybe this isn't, is it a joke? Is it what? I mean, he's controversial, but at a certain point, it's just beyond controversial where people just go, Hey, come on.
Now, what, what are you doing? And are those checks clearing for 7 million? I guess so. but well as far as stealing focus like i put the bookends he was there with his teeth and i i

couldn't really talk you know this is my new grills and uh you know uh i i again this is all i could do on an iphone uh you know because i paid uh so much for the commercial eight million dollars so it's kind of brilliant and then the bookend to that is bill murray on hey you know you might want to get another beer but meantime you know bill murray yahoo.com and i don't know what product that was for unless it was for yahoo i think it was for yahoo oh i didn't even see that one but i knew he did something i thought for yahoo uh also kanya's uh wife girlfriend wife uh-huh uh her family lovely person lovely lovely gal, mom would say yeah such a now she she keeps defending herself and her family he's going hey i'm not i'm here by my own free will i'm not like kidnapped and then i want to say to her maybe don't say that yet let's see how how things go because you're not even going to get a job at Lady Foot Locker after this.

I mean, it's very hard when this is all on your resume to go, oh, you should have that in your back pocket.

He made me do all that.

I'm the greatest person in the world.

I wouldn't be any part of that because he's saying things causing disruptions where you want to go, maybe I was brainwashed. Let's just say that because it gets you out of it it's your one free pass right that i'm saying yeah uh that relationship you know my blink is not really equal it looks like one person in the relationship is more dominant than the other i'll leave the the listeners to

viewers to figure out which one um we really got those two i have to say it's a it's a click-friendly world if you really yeah um i just thought yeah well kids in love two kids in love let's let's leave it it's a story you've seen a million times those two I just would like to...

It's a Hallmark movie.

It is.

Look, I can say they're an adorable couple, and no one can say they're not. Yeah, there's nothing.
You remember the song? Frankie Valli, 1983. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Charlie Rich, I think. Oh, Charlie Rich, right.
I don't know where I put a bookmark guy in there. When we're a kid behind closed doors.
It's a little cryptic, isn't it? I mean, that would be good for like the serial killer. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
on my behind. Yeah, so maybe they're just a cute they're playing scrabble every night i don't know maybe it's all an act it's gotta be partially an act hey would you like some cocoa sure babe you mind putting on this see-through thong while you make what's on to be beep i wish i was at a kansas city chief.
I mean, everyone's got jerseys on my home. They've got beers flowing.
We got this. Oh, fucking Chiefs.
34 zip. They said there's an after party for 11,000 people and I saw today a DJ was like, might as well be going.

Oh,

people literally took a magic marker.

They had a Mahone's jersey on and just crossed it off.

I mean,

fair weather fans.

Jesus.

Yeah.

I don't,

I don't have any big hot takes at Superbowl.

I didn't even see all the commercials.

Cause you want to talk during the commercial.

And then you're like,

when do I talk during the Superbowl? I want to watch the game game i'm not allowed to talk to the commercials i'm not allowed so yeah it's a real you it's a real it was um conundrum mind-boggling glad happy for the eagles their defensive line is extraordinary. Jalen Hurts has always been underrated.

I'll do some X and O's here.

Yeah, give us some X and O's.

And our producer said before we came on, you know, Jason Kelsey.

Is it?

Sorry.

Travis?

Travis.

I'm sorry.

Do you have his shimmery shirt?

No.

Pull it up if you see it.

It's the classic situation you don't want. He's dolled up to go into the party which is a super bowl which used to be the guys were just like hey we come in sweats we get ready for the day now it's a full new york fashion week they walk in they all have purses they all have you know hats and stuff i know yellow mustard socks with little copper shoes Exactly.
Lots of buttons and little collars.

You walk in like Mary Poppins, and then they go, okay,

Cam Newton was good at this.

Good-looking dude.

Has, fine.

It makes people think when you don't win, you put too much time into that.

Because afterwards, poor Kelsey, walking out with his shimmery shirt.

I mean, he looks super cool.

That Clark on the bench, Clark Gable Harry, a little coming down.

Oh, he's a fucking stud.

But then I... shimmery shirt and one's like i mean he looks super cool at clark on the bench clark gable harry a little coming down he's a fucking guy but then i didn't publicize it we went over and sat next to taylor and he goes hey in the stands during the game and after the game when they lost and she scooched over she actually moved over i mean does she pick outfits because don't know.
I couldn't pick all this shit. I think that guy could retire from football and become another action hero.
This guy's life was already all green lights. There was no bumps.
He's great looking. He's tall.
That's all anyone cares about. And he's a football player.
And he's rich. So there's just.
And actually he's. Yeah.
He's. Jason is the retired one.
He's pretty funny and charismatic. He's good in commercials.
Jason. He retires.
He was the one on here. Last year.
And they win the Super Bowl. So.

Yeah.

And then he retires, but he has to go root for the Eagles and against his brother, sort of, right?

Sort of.

But I mean, he would have got a ring.

Missed it by 12 months.

But that guy.

But he got 34 commercials out of it.

So he's doing all right.

Those Kelsey brothers, they're an ecosystem now. Eco.
And his wife and i mean it's it's just they're everywhere all at once like i thought the mom had a cooking show was that just a rumor we started no the mom has a cooking show the entire extended family it's it's really cool to see an empire built from the ground up it's They're the new Kardashians.

As a small biz owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early.

This is very true.

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That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in.

LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. Yeah.
I think when you're trying to hire someone,

there's a lot of different things you're looking for, but you want them to kind of have your,

your aesthetic, your sensibility. If you were, you could look up those words, David.

Sure, I will. There's a lot of different things you're looking for, but you want them to kind of have your aesthetic, your sensibility, if you were.
You could look up those words, David. Sure.
And that's hard to have a chemistry and match. So LinkedIn is going to try to shorten that process for you and make sure you find someone who works.
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Some people follow the rules, but where's the fun in that? I'm Soraya and this is Rule Breakers, the podcast where we celebrate the rebels, the misfits, and the ones who make their own way. Every week, I sit down with the biggest rule breakers in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about the wildest moments, toughest lessons, and why breaking the rules might just be the key to success.
Follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Soraya, an Odyssey podcast available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. Dana, it's awards season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos, like strapless dresses and statement necklaces, or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches.
But you know what look always pairs perfectly together? Discover and cash back. You see, Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of the first year.
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It pays to Discover. See terms at discover.com slash credit we always joke about artists my brother's into art my brother banana was bad enough yeah italian artist sells invisible sculpture for 18 000 now it's getting too it's getting too much it's too much well or not enough I don't know.
Oh, that's one way to look at it i think i told this story but i dropped shrooms in the early 80s and went to the la county art museum my friends and i and it was like a cam of just a 40 foot white canvas with one red dot in the middle and we we had to go out in the stairwell we laughed so hard we couldn't even i mean this stuff is this is a 18 000 where do you feel like i'm not paying 20 for invisible nothing 20 is my my top that's my ceiling well here's our experiment we're gonna book you at a big theater you know you sell tend to sell tickets big theater with the mic there ladies and gentlemen David Spade is going to book you at a big theater. You know, you tend to sell tickets.
Big theater with the mic there.

Ladies and gentlemen,

David Spade is going to stay backstage for an hour.

Enjoy the show.

We can call it not David Spade.

And then it's just a mic stand and not me.

And then triple the ticket price.

Yeah.

Because it is better to not hear me talk.

Well,

it's just fake art.

Oh,

this is this,

this just in.

Okay.

Here's Travis leaving.

Oh, here we go. Look, no one's around.
He's like, God, why didn't I just bring a flannel shirt? Yeah, I get it. It's just life, you know, the high and the low, you know.
But the biggest game, and that's the most to be the hardest thing, no matter how good things are going, to take. It's like gambling in Vegas.
It's fun to win, but losing makes you feel so much worse. It's lower than the high is.
And I liked what Tom Brady said, and I thought he did a great job announcing. So I like his announcing.

He's very, very bright.

But at the end, he said he was in 10 Super Bowls.

He doesn't remember the seven that he won.

And there's still Super Bowl.

I don't know which one or all three that he lost.

He still isn't over it.

Not fears, thinks about it.

It's you with the Paul McCartney interview. Hey, man.

Look, you don't have that kind of brain.

You're like, pretty good.

I just cry myself.

No, I interrupt.

Why am I interrupting now?

Why won't I shut up?

Why did I have coffee before he came on this show?

The David Spade Show.

Oh.

Why?

Because I made fun of that Paul McCartney?

You always say that.

No, no.

And I'm kidding, too.

Kidding.

Well, Tom Brady had a big goofy watch on.

And I have to say, love Tom Brady.

He looks very thin, but the guy cannot look bad.

Bless his heart.

Just like Travis.

Cannot take a bad picture.

And, but he had this, I'm not going to say goofy watch,

not my taste,

super blingy.

Uh,

and then it was like orange.

Yeah.

And that feels like not his style.

Look at how,

look at how huge and orange and diamonds.

And I mean,

he's so effing rich.

Like we got it.

I like that Daytona to the right or whatever that one is called.

Uh,

that just the Rolex.

I just don't like anything super showy.

Thank you. effing rich.
Like we got it. I like that Daytona to the right or whatever that one is called.
Uh, they just, the Rolex, I just don't like anything super showy. And, uh, that looks like a swatch.
Is it possible it was $750,000? That's what I read when I went over the morning's newspapers. Every time I read it, it's higher, but that doesn't even shock me.
If he, if he's worth it doesn't blow me away that it's that much. Is it okay to say that maybe I'm a Buddhist monk in a previous Buddhist monk life? I don't really like or want things.
I stole this jacket, as you know. This is a Gap t-shirt.
I stole this jacket. I stole it.
I have a $10 Casio watch. It's in the drawer.
Listen, not about material things. Everything you own owns you back.
Newsflash, David. This, yeah, I have a lot of quarter zips.
You know what that means? I see it. Yeah.
And I'm not embarrassed. Okay.
I can't afford a full're fine your closet's the size of a macy's department store you know i know some famous person and i won't say who it was a famous couple and their house was so big they had a party and went in the closet and then they said oh and here's how they get their clothes. Button.
Like the laundromat. Like a laundromat? Yeah.
Like when you get your dry cleaning. Goes up, around, all their clothes come down.
They take it off the hook. They're all numbered.
Crazy. I was like, you're so rich.
Find your money. I'd throw mine away.
This is ridiculous. Do they wrap it in plastic and say, we can't find.
Come back later. We can't get stain out.
You need to have a ticket. No, we can't get too much heat on it.
Yeah. It melt.
You need ticket. So that was them being rich.
All right, next story. We're why do we need to move I don't know by the way I'll tell everyone before I get to the sickening fucking story I was on Buzzboys all day one of Nate Diaz was late today so that's what pumped us back and what do you say to these UFC guys he's the most badass guy and I'm like texting Theo and his trailer going, Theo, you better rip him

a new fucking asshole when he walks in.

You're a producer. Put on your producer hat

and go to town. Just teach

him a lesson in front of everyone. Read him the riot

act. And?

He did not.

Neither did I.

But then Nate had to

push me around in this scene

and he kept elbowing me and I'm like, huh? Your hand okay? You ever hit anybody this hard? Can't hurt steel. I kept saying stuff like that.
And he's just like, because obviously I'm a 1,000% pussy. But I was taking it.
Wait a minute. So you were on Busboys today.
Yeah. Ran here.
Just got wrapped. And you got manhandled.
Yes. By Nate Diaz, yeah.
Nate Diaz. Who's a super badass.
Very nice dude. He was on yesterday too.
Absolutely. Bobby Lee was in yesterday.
We had a crack up yesterday. We had a lot of people on there.
It was pretty fun. God.
This thing, I'm smelling a hit, man. It's fun.
I don't want to jinx it. You're going to laugh.
I'm going to show you some clips next time I see you.

Let's show the audience clips.

No.

Let's talk about it's raining spiders.

This is my maybe worst nightmare.

Yeah.

Spiders are falling from the sky in Brazil.

Spiderocalypse.

Everything's apocalypse.

Everything's Mageddon. Spider-geddon Mageddon Apocalypse Is it not like shocking Now they show it Sick Dana what would you do I would look I would protect you I'd take out my phone I would take out I would just shoot my shotgun straight up they're riding the jet streamers spiders can't really fly i think they have all these um all these what you call webs you know so all across all these trees and they get on them all and then they're just that you look above and then they're like all just drop or something but they jump and they're they're gonna hit the ground eventually they can't fly they can't gain altitude well you're kind of ruining the story but yeah um well you know they're they're called uh spy birds and they're half bird half spider here's my next story spiders are driving all over brazil Brazil and hitting people with their cars.
You're like, they can't drive. They can land on your car.
They can crawl on it. While these spiders are, I don't even care if they're poisons.
I can't take it. It's too scary.
I don't like anything coming from the sky at me. And mass spiders, ants, comedians who just did an open mic, just flying through the sky.
Hundreds of them do my podcast. Oh, you got it.
You're my super bowl chunk. Look at my YouTube clip.
I can do crowd work too. I say, where are you from? Then I tear them apart.
I don't know what I'm going to say, but I kind of do. I pretend that something I've said a thousand times is fresh.
Don't hate me for it. I say, are you on a date? I already know what I'm going to say, no matter what their answer is.
This is them still coming at you. I'm going to reinsert the premise so people understand what we're doing.
Spiders were flying in the sky.

Now we're saying comedians from open mics are flying toward the ground.

Touring toward you in the parking lot.

Hey.

Or the green room.

Two nuts walk into a bar.

I don't give a fuck.

That's my best bit.

Can you get me six tickets to SNL?

I don't know why I'm talking like this.

They're not even for me.

They're for my friend.

Is this on? Is this on? Hey. All right.
Hey, do you mind if we flip flop? I got another spot at the live fact. Cut to our clip editor.
He just quit. Okay, next story.
You heard about Nate Diaz. You heard about spiders now Oh this is Okay just play it There's a guy narrating but I just want to play it Because you know things get stuck in the sewer Is it a baby Is it a deer Is it a person Okay Chainsaw or bolt Okay bolt Heather bolt.
Heather, you're cheating. I know you're cheating.
One of my choices. What is it? Is it a bird? Dog.
Cat. No, it's a rat.
No. Look at Heather freaking.
What the freak is is it that's a New York rat that's a rat a 20 pound rat oh man this is the most nauseous I've been on this the most nauseous oh my god You can turn that guy down. Oh,

wow.

Remember that,

that song,

Ben,

there's a movie about a huge rat.

Well,

what is,

what's a Guinea pig or what,

what's the thing that looks like a rat?

Chupacabra.

No,

one time my house in Encino and there's this noise outside, I open the door and I thought I saw a 40-pound rat. And I think it was some other thing that looks like a rat.
You know, I'm all for like rat traps. But if you have to wrestle a rat, that's too big.
You can't wrestle them. If you can saddle up a rat, that's too big a rat.
If you can't wrestle them if if you can saddle up a rat that's too big a rat if you can saddle

it up and ride it around a county fair if your rat has a saddle it might be too big to be a rat

if a camel looks at your rat and goes whoa that's a biggin you might have a large rat on your hands

Thank you. a rat if a camel looks at your rat and goes whoa that's a biggin you might have a large rat on your hands if your rat is so big it has an iphone you might be with a rat that's too big if your rat is so big that it demands you pay your rent on the first of the month that's too big a rat if you're driving with a rat in your car and you can legally use the carpool lane it's too big if you're you see a creature and its little paws go up and i go i know i'm too large for my species that might be A big rat.
If a rat can beat you in arm wrestling.

If you play scrabble with an entity that looks like a rat that spells out rat hole and gets offended by its own word score that's what it wrote in scrabble rat hole and it was mad at its own its own word score, but that's a triple score. Scrabble.
Good Scrabble, but your new nickname. That'll get me at it.
I'm looking for names for my tour, but I'm almost there. I have one.
Didn't I have one? Did you have a good one for the tour? Yeah. We can't call it pipsqueak life.
We're not doing that. Oh, if that's your idea.
Nope. Uh, humans are fantastic.
No, that's not you. Tom Segura has a good one.
It's called, it's a world tour. It says I'm coming all over, but that was Howard Stern's book, right? Coming all over to you.
Didn't Howard sperm do that? Look it up, Heather, Greg, Howard Stern book. I think his is called miss new yorkers miss america was one of them maybe uh well i thought of a couple howard stern comes again so david spade comes again no i think comes all over is better from for a world tour.
I'm wearing a hat now. Fuck off.
I can't take it. I can't take it because my forehead is so blind with this light.
We have to look at it. I look at you on this side of the Zoom, and so people are like, look straight at the camera.
I'm like, I wish we could flip-flop it where you're on this. You know what? I'm going to put the camera over here next time.
Oh, this is after 5 million shows.

We already put it lower camera. Yeah.
And instead, here's me looking at the camera.

Here's me looking at Dana.

I'll tell you something that's very charismatic. I saw a guy do it.

You know,

these people who listen to music and then listen to it and tell you they like it

or not. Like their first song.
Yeah. For the first time.
This British this British guy he's putting on a day in the life and he's looking over here like he's listening I'm looking to the right yeah and then he would do this he would go you know he's looking you see what I'm doing what is he looking at well he's looking at something the song countdown he's looking like this and then he would share it with us. I read the news.
He would go back, and I thought, man. He likes that part.
It was charismatic. Do it for me so I can see it.
Okay. Look away, and then look right at the camera.
I heard the news today, oh boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See? That's cool. About a lucky man who made the grave heather has seen it she's laughing no by the way it's the easiest thing in the world you have a cook watching a guy cook and he goes okay he's putting the pan down well okay this guy's doing this a lot i wouldn't like i wouldn't do that playing they're playing i'm a walrus and like i like that song song.
You know, I'd never heard it before. Yeah, they play rap for people.
They play great songs from history and you get to hear. They have a music coach.
I don't mind those. There are a lot of Beatle people.
It's fucking easy. People listening to the Beatles for the first time.
Oh, yeah. And then they're like, I got to say, man, these Beatles are wild.
We were talking about Oh, Darling the other day, and Oh, Darling, they said, Paul, someone saw Paul before the show and said, do you do Oh, Darling? And he said, it's probably the hardest one on my voice. I'm thinking, wow, we should have asked him that if it's true.
But why? Is it when he goes, I'll never make it alone. He wrote it.
Lennon thought he could have sang it better because Lennon had that. Paul recorded it like five times.
They'd already had the music. On his own and brought it in.
I already did it. And then Paul, on the last time, came in and shredded his voice like he's never done before or since.
So that is his. Believe me when I tell you.
He goes, hi. I can't do it.
Oh, no. Oh, don't.
It's so hot. Yeah.
So that was. I know.
How would you decide? We should ask him next time. He'll never do it again.
Let's ask him. Who decides who sings what? Did we ask him? No.'ll never do it again let's ask him who decides who sings what did we ask him

no i mean usually the songwriter sings it and if there's it's a co-written song early in the days like you go they do day tripper got a good reason and then john will go taking the easy way out yeah that's a classic

yeah classic back and forth

I forgot about day tripper no it's too many songs it's unreal i'm with you it's unreal they too much too much genius itis it's a it's i was hung up on i'm looking through you i was gonna ask him that's the only sound song where he sounds like he's talking condescending to someone you remember it's the only time he's got always about Jane Asher I think or a girlfriend I'm looking through you where have you been it's a toad chapa you know he grew up or like he says she was too good for him and now at me, how I'm doing something like that.

I'm looking through you and you're nowhere.

Yeah.

Paul is just,

yeah. If you listen to the song,

it's,

it's hard to ask Paul McCarty,

even now,

even if he was on right now,

ask him at SNL,

what are we going to say?

Yeah.

Ask him a question that he hasn't been asked,

but I do.

I,

the only reason I had podcast regret, which I've've said before is i realized when you interview anyone yeah not even paul mccartney they cannot toot their own horn or pound their chest but if you introduce something that's brilliant then they can talk about it so yeah yeah all right moving on on. What's the next one? We're educating today.

No, we are.

Oh, this is Mexican Squid Games.

Would you do this game, Dana?

Okay, it's a bullring.

People are lined up.

I think the trick is when it gets you,

lay down flatter and it runs over you.

Whoa.

This is a real contest.

It's got lawsuits written all over it.

Is that safe?

Is it safe? No. Well, why aren't they getting killed every day? Because if they get to the other side, they get like a hundred bucks or something.
Oh, it says winning team gets 24 cans of Coke. You can turn it down.
But it's the Squid Game's music. So they all crawl like the centipedeede flat in an arena and a bull is running over the top of them but they're not all getting killed they're they're in an arena trying to cross the other side of the arena the bull is just fucking loose which would never happen in america because no it's too relations yeah litigious so this bull goes around just starts w on people, and they go flat when it comes by.
That's their trick. It does not always work.
It's not a perfect science. And I think we watched it too short because I think someone gets bumped.
I'll just say this. The non-regulated society is interesting.
I was doing a gig in Acapcapulco and i was out on my veranda looking down on the beach and i see like a maybe five six-year-old walking up to a guy talking talking talking he buys a some cigarettes likes the cigarette the guy gives him a boost he's bareback on a stallion a horse five years of age smoking a cigarette just going down the beach i'm like yeah what the where is the safety helmet well the old days you know we didn't wear helmets for sure on our bikes nope i'm sure i had a few concussions i could do a wheelie for a quarter mile i don't like to talk about that i know paul mccarney doesn't beat his own that means you did something to the chain if you're popping your stingray and it's really you wish you just did it with a store-bought sears bronco just with pure carry underwood quad muscles that i have and i was just like this is it once i got up i could balance it and be like oh my god oh my god i kept going i'm like oh my god everyone was freaking out did anyone witness this or is this a figment of your no one you know your spade amation you probably went five feet let's be honest this is another one of my little fibs but i think i did do that i would skate no footage to cut to you could skateboard you said and i would go down a hill the long long hill zigzag down i wouldn't do it now i was well look i mean a steep long hill without on a board with no helmet or safety called a guinness book you know what's funny about the guinness book world records it's now the guinness website or something i mean book book sounded Would you, if you tried to qualify for something of the world's world record. I thought of this the other day.
What would it be? I thought of this the other day. Because it was like, it was, I swear I saw something odd.
Maybe it's today, but I saw something odd. Like guy gets bit in the nuts by a cobra 60 times in an hour.
And I was like, that's a Guinness World. This cannot be a world record.
This cannot be anything that anyone's trying to do.

But if you pick a weird one, you can win.

Well, what did Mr. Beast, didn't he at one point just repeat someone's name for 24 hours?

I don't know.

Kelsey Grammer, Kelsey Grammer, Kelsey Grammer.

He's rich enough.

Maybe you should do that. Kind of a genius.

Could we get him on here and just have a genius?

We should get Mr. Beast on anyway.

Let's try to.

Well, I'm gonna ask my guy tomorrow because one of my buddies knows him let's try to there's a couple people I wanted to get on yeah we'll pair him with a Beastie boy you know just because the symmetry of that that's kind of funny right yeah all right next one what is she this is a podcast a girl's about to say, right? Yeah. All right.
Next one. What is she? This is a podcast.
A girl's about to say something. I don't know what.
Okay. So I came across this really insane Elvis Presley theory.
I'm going to kind of break it all down for you. Okay.
Let's just hear it. Paul died in 1977.
Yes. His family never wanted to release the public evidence of his death.
So basically all the details. We got speculation.
We thought maybe it was too many drugs in the system. We thought maybe he was being overworked.

So his family said in the year of 2027,

we'll release those.

2027?

2027.

Good reaction.

That's what's 50 years after.

I liked her reaction.

Whoa.

That's a good one too.

There's a man named Jesse Guerin

and he claims that he is Elvis Presley.

He's been claiming he's Elvis Presley for quite some time. There's a few of these on my street.
Well, yeah. So there's a doctor that worked in this hospital with Jesse.
And during his time there, he was like, I just feel this weird skeptical gut feeling about this guy, Jesse, who's claiming that he's Elvis. So let's do a DNA test and let's see what we find.
Guess what they found? What? Jesse's DNA was the exact match of Elvis's DNA. What? Same DNA.
Okay. Jesse's DNA matches.
The doctor's like, this is really weird. Let's do something further.
How untrue is this? I don't know. There's a book it says.
It's a match with Jesse's. What do you know? It's a match.
So this mental patient, mental institute patient.

Yes, this is real.

It's the same DNA and the parents.

Also Elvis's parents.

Okay.

So obviously people are thinking maybe this is a father.

Lie one.

Elvis was born as a twin, but.

Anyone can hold a phone up to go.

Okay.

That's it?

That's it.

What happened? Well, he had a twin brother they showed proof they showed a book i used to do this bit and i'll just do a little bit of it flight of you don't sound like you believe it um i just had a flight of fancy of people who've passed that are in a bunker beneath las vegas and it would be Bobby and Jack Kennedy, Elvis and Hitler.

And they're all in there and they fake their death and they're going to take over the world.

So they're just hanging out for decades in there.

Elvis, would you tell Adolf to stop staring at me?

Come on, Elvis.

I mean, come on, Hitler.

I'm Elvis.

You know, Bobby don't like it when you stare at him.

I believe that Adolf

Hitler doesn't know what he's doing.

I don't know what he's saying. Okay.

I'm the movie executive.

Okay.

Could one of them not be Hitler?

But this exact same situation.

Maybe it could be Marilyn Monroe.

This is my pitch right back. The funny part is

I'm going to put on a dress and go with Shaft over. You want to come with me, Jack? Yes, I will go with you.
They're in Las Vegas in a bunker. I will stay here and teach Adolph English.
Adolph, repeat after me. See? Shoust.
Spot. Run.
Run. Fight.
Oh, look at Bobby. Here's that one word English in there.
It's just gibberish. No, he can do better.
Adolph, repeat after me. See.
Spot. Run.
Hoin. Hoin.
So what do you think? I got a movie deal? Well, I don't get that one. Once he can't talk at all, he just makes noises, right? Well, because then, well, I'm rushing it.
It's a 20 minute bit for my friend. And then Elvis is like, you know, Bobby, we've been in here, faked our death, been in here 40 years.
And here we don't, he don't understand. Hide in our tail of English.
Oh yeah, Elvis, you're wrong. He does.
Oh, watch this. A bird flew into a cave.
Repeat after me, Adolph. A bird.
Kronkfut! Flew into a cave. Great! Boom! Come on, Bobby.
He's not speaking a word. I believe that Bobby is making progress.
I don't think he's doing it because he's easy. He does it because he's hard.
All right, I'm in. Okay, we'll take it.
Try to suppress your... We'll shoot in vegas i will do a longer bit last time next time i like it oh it's shaft elevator and it goes on and on yeah all right next one we'll come back to someone i know just got engaged in and it's a big one.
It's a big one. It's the next step in a relationship.
And that's why they have, you know, a thing called an engagement ring. What was the Beyonce song? You should have put a ring on it.
Oh yeah. Pay attention to that.
And we know how you can get a nice ring, right? You go to Blue N nile your engagement ring shopping spot you got the shape they got the size setting cut color it's all very confusing but you need someone to help walk you through it that's the place to go uh as well it is confusing but they make it simple is what i'm gonna yeah you go there and they clear it up because i don't what I'm doing. Like most guys don't understand.
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That's what Peyton Manning used to yell out. Oh, yeah.
Omaha Steaks. Did he yell steaks too? I don't know.
Maybe. I don't know.
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Yeah.

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That's 50% off at omahasteaks.com and an extra $30 off with promo code fly at checkout. Okay, look at this story.
Okay, don't read the comments. Just listen to the story.
So a guy's pitching to his kid, an older guy. Okay.
The dad throwing his son some wholesome BP went viral this week. And this 17U travel ball team Twitter account felt the need to chime in with some constructive criticism, which provoked Ryan Murphy to ask the question, you for real? Which is a great question, Ryan.
The Evansville baseball program apparently had time that day, and they doubled down. A thoughtful critique for youth baseball players, maybe.
The only issue is that the guy in the video is Mike Trout. Who saw that one coming? I love a good twist ending.
Trout himself even got in on the fun, throwing a few emojis on the thread. I'd love to know what Mike Trout's most used emojis are.
So the dad's throwing his Mike Trout pictures and a guy sees the video and goes, I'm a local high school coach and I'll show you what's wrong with this kid's

swing.

And then he wrote it out on Twitter and they wrote back,

we're all good over here.

And he goes,

listen,

I'm just giving you some friendly advice.

The guy needs to lean back a little more.

This guy's going to be a big hitter.

And they go,

it's Mike Trout. And he goes oh mike trout's one of the biggest stars in the history of well listen it goes too fast that was too fast again these are fucking bombing this could be our comeback bit i don't think it will be uh it might be easier to understand this is is just, there's a mannequin challenge now.
You try to act like you don't move. You know, you don't bend.
We can do it. So you look like, try to look like a mannequin.
Okay, next time we're at Chili's. That's kind of good, right? Not, not too bad.
that's that shirt is the one farley worn at the beginning of tommy boy oh yeah that looks like it okay these are human beings with entirely too much time on their hands what else is on tiktok everyone has 17 hours how about we pretend we're vinnikins i love you charlie it's's like girls going, get ready with me. And they put on makeup until a 90-minute story.
And you're like, I feel like you're getting ready for not going out. I feel like this was the get ready to do this.
And then you didn't really go anywhere at the end. Maybe.
This is a theory. It's just the clicks and the views.
They'll do anything. Look at us.
We're fucking the worst, most desperate idiots out there. Okay, let's do one more.
We got to end on a goddamn high note. Let's end.
Come on, man. You got to get back.
We got to end. You got to get back to the set.
Let me see if this one's any. I know they're going to suck.
I can just tell. Shit.
I don't know if we should risk it with this one. What do you think? Does it look funny yet? Harvard University welcomes the 22-year-old Magnus Carlsen from Norway.
And you're going to all say this is fake. Everyone says everything's fake.
Today, Magnus plays blindfolded chess. And not only that...
I used to play chess. He plays 10 people.
Well, how can you play fun? It sounds impossible.

If it's fake,

he has a lot of extras.

At least he puts some work in it.

Knight to bishop's pawn.

Well, how does he know?

They tell him

what they're moving.

And he fucking smokes him.

And he remembers 10 more?

I think he's, you know.

He's not doing any fucking celebration dances.

What is that handkerchief made of?

One of the best players in the world?

I mean, even if there's 10 that are shitty, I'm impressed. Look at him.
I don't care. And then he writes it all down.
Wow. He goes, hey, let me sign this for you.
Let me write out. You can turn it.
Let me write down every move I made today. He's like, rook to pawn four, bishop to.
Well, his latest one was that he has a guitar and he's playing Blackbird continually over and over again. And they put a bowl on his head and a blindfold around it.
And he's 10 miles away. He beat 50 guys.
And they keep hitting it with a wooden spoon all the time. The bowl.
Hitting the bowl. And then he has to tune the guitar.
Knight upon six. You know what happens? He sees these girls that are having sex with a hundred guys at a cliff, and he's like, I have to do something like that.
But chess-wise, I'll play 10 dudes and smoke them. So he did a good job.
I think we end on that. That was uplifting.
That was like a six, but it showed there's some smart people out there. Yeah, definitely.
And I got to drop in that I play chess. Okay.
Dana, thanks for coming. If you could stick around during the commercial, I want to talk about some other stuff.
Yes. Remember, Busboys.
Busboys coming. February 2028.
Soon. 2028.
We'll be in post for the next six years. No, we're going to whip it out.
We only got a week left, dude. We got a week and a half left.
That's it. David Spade whips it out.

That's your tour.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey.

Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade,

Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.