Dixon is the new Lawro, Ange's logical next move & "where the dust mites dwell”

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I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

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I'm sorry.

You can sit there and look and play with all your silly machines as much as

But jeez!

He's round the goal, Keymate!

Done it!

Absolutely incredible!

He launched himself six feet into the crowd and Kung Fu kicked a supporter who was eye without a shadow of a doubt getting him lip.

Oh, I say

it's amazing!

He does it tame, and tame, and tame again.

Break up the music!

Charge a glass!

This nation is going to dance all night!

Cliché stalwart set to sign long-term deal with new fiancé, Thomas Tuchel rattling through the bullet points of the most clichéd England managerial tenure of all time, Lee Dixon's officially the new Laurel, Ange Posta Coglu and the always welcome back at Stadium X sentiment, acceptable new signing adjectives from EFL social media admins and clichés going live in 2025.

Brought to your ears by Goal Hanger Podcasts.

This is Football Clichés.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to Football Clichés.

I'm Adam Hurry joining me for this one.

First of all, he's back from Roland Garros.

It's Charlie Eccleshire.

How you doing?

Yeah, I'm good, thanks.

Had a couple of sort of clichés adjacent moments actually over the last few days.

One

played tennis on a clay court, which is a kind of a real novelty.

And at the end of it, you get to kind of sweep up the court.

And as I was doing it, I was thinking, this is very Mark Noble, isn't it?

Really classy touch.

That he goes, he plays his tennis, but he doesn't think he's above sweeping up the court.

So I really felt I was channeling my inner Mark Noble as I did that.

Cast from you.

Yeah, I think of myself as a clayman, actually.

Do you?

Yeah.

In my most recent bout of tennis activity, I was on clay.

I like the slower pace.

It's good.

It's proper proper tennis

i feel like myself more as a tennis quarterback on clay get to really assess what you're about to do yeah yeah we should play let's play this can be good fun we'll televise it subscribers only

and that's this this month's extra content sorted uh the other one i walked it there was a um there was an event for kind of uh tnt sports analysts and so it was luminaries of the game it was a breakfast thing so it was like your tim henmans your lindsay davenports anyway i absolutely channeled my inner commentator and when we walked in, I said to him, I was like, oh, I've never seen a tennis player up this early.

And it went down so well.

It was perfect commentator banter.

They were like, oh, yeah, it was Tim's idea.

It wasn't anything to do with me.

But yeah, just get in their heads.

And yeah,

really went down well.

Well, I imagine dress sense banter doesn't go down as well with tennis people as it would do with footballers because, I mean, they're quite a smart bunch.

So maybe that maybe that wouldn't be the avenue in.

Yeah, although Tim was wearing the commentator shoes, so that would have been my second go-to if I hadn't had that open goal.

What is it about those shoes?

Elsewhere at Roland Garros, this came from Sam Taylor at a very tense moment of Alcaraz versus Cinna in the final.

I think this was two sets all, and this happened on BBC Radio 5 Live.

Alcaraz shakes his fist.

Cinna

stunned.

How does he regroup now?

Listen to this.

Sweet Caroline!

Fine!

How do we get Sweet Caroline?

I have no idea.

What an ombus!

It doesn't quite hit the same, though, does it?

We'd be singing much better if this was in England.

Set aside Greg Gruzecki talking like a cartoon animal for a moment.

Sweet Caroline,

at the peak drama at Roland Garros.

It shouldn't be there.

It shouldn't happen.

It was weird.

Yeah.

We were talking about this artist, like mid-match, Sweet Caroline.

Like, it's a celebratory kind of pre-game or post-game.

It's not to chuck it in mid-like, I find it kind of crazy.

You know, these players are in such a huge moment and they're that's playing as they sit down.

Like your Yannick Sinny, you just had your dreams dashed, and sweet Caroline's playing.

No one joining in with the so goods, so goods either.

Um, alongside you, uh, belated welcome for Mr.

David Walker.

Dave, big news coming for a man who knows a thing or two about stagdoos.

Yes, uh, as listeners may well be aware, uh, judging by the comments on my Instagram post, I got engaged last week.

Oh, well done.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

And yeah, it's been

amongst all the stuff you'd expect, the celebrations, the bubbles, and all that, there's been quite a regular stream of my now fiancé turning to me and saying,

do you know this person?

Do you know that person?

We've got another listen fair play here.

Why has he said what a fiancé she is, by the way?

Listeners, please stop friend requestering Dave's fiancé on Instagram.

It's really uncouth.

But mind you, for $5.99 a month.

Anyway, speaking of formalising your love and commitment to something that's become a permanent fixture in your life, how about signing up for Dreamland?

For $5.99 a month, you get ad-free listening, two episodes a month of Dreamland, our exclusive new show.

Pre-sale access to football clichés live tickets, free entry to clichés quiz live events, first one coming up this Thursday in Leeds, of course, and exclusive discounts on merchandise, which we'll announce in due course.

Everyone's been signing up, people have been signing up in relative droves, I would say, Dave, and it's been an absolute pleasure to have them.

And episode one seems to have gone down very well as well.

Yeah, big thank you to everyone who signed up.

Pleased to see that it's gone down well.

And I'd be pretty confident in saying that we're only going to get better from here.

The first episode of Match of the Day was good, but I think we've got a lot more left in the tank.

Yes, episode two is being lined up for the latter half of this month as we speak.

Charlie,

more big news.

If it couldn't get bigger than Dave getting hitched,

I can finally announce that clichés is going live in 2025.

We are on tour this October.

We're hitting Comedia in Brighton, Hackney Empire in London, Old Rep in Birmingham, Helix Theatre in Dublin, Academy 2 in Manchester, The Wardrobe in Leeds, and Oran Moore in Glasgow.

So, I mean, we've proved, Charlie, that we've got that endurance in us to do a a tour like this, and we're going to do it again.

Yeah, we're tour ready.

Yeah, this is

we know the UK.

Yeah, we know.

And Ireland.

We know.

And Ireland, yeah, we know our way around

these aisles.

Yes, very, very exciting.

It is exciting, isn't it, David?

Also, October.

What a great month to do this.

Someone should finally step up and claim October for themselves.

Nothing happens in October.

Halloween aside,

it could be our month.

I'm going to be turning 40 in October.

Fuck.

Just days after the final show of the tour.

Oh, my god.

Wow.

Well, maybe time to question whether you have got the miles in the tank after all.

We can discuss this after the live show.

I'm sure people want to discuss it.

But for me, pound for pound, October's the best month of the year.

Interesting.

That's a theory.

Just going to leave that out there.

I would go for May myself, but yeah.

Wow.

I've got no view on it whatsoever, to be honest.

Dreamland subscribers, you are going to be emailed your exclusive pre-sales link on Wednesday.

Keep an eye out for that.

And tickets will be on general sale.

What a phrase I'm finally able to use in my life on Friday.

We're going to plan some quizzes for some other places as well.

So you don't feel too left out if you're in a sort of sizable metropolitan area in the UK.

Yeah, and we should remind you that a number of shows did sell very fast, especially London last time.

So if you get that pre-sale link, you're giving yourself every chance of a ticket.

Absolutely.

Join in the fun.

Right, adjudication panel time.

Let's kick off with a big game for the weekend.

Andorra Nil England won.

Dave, Thomas Tuchel is really rattling through his England manager intree here.

We've had Anthem Gate, which he quelled quite quickly.

We've had England's unusual training methods to deal with the heats next year, getting ahead of that problem.

But now we've had the turgid can't break down a team who are ranked 173rd in the world situation, a classic sort of post-millennial England manager problem.

Same old shit, really, isn't it?

I didn't actually watch the game live on Saturday as I was at hastily arranged engagement drinks.

But I did, for my sins, attempt to watch it back this morning

with my England pod hat on.

I wanted to be across it.

Yeah, I recorded it.

I thought I'm going to watch it.

But I suppose, potentially, fortunately for me, I was unable to watch the game back because it was raining quite heavily during those hours on Saturday afternoon when it was recorded, which meant that basically

the signal was

shit for the whole two hours that the coverage was on.

And it's recorded that.

I've just got like a stuttery version of the game.

I've got it on VCR.

What's going on?

I don't know.

I have a word with the sky, but yeah, so I've actually haven't been able to watch it, which, judging by the reaction and reading the reports, was probably a good thing.

But

nice to see England continuing to be England, regardless of who's in charge.

Absolutely, there are just things ingrained in our DNA.

Meanwhile, this came from Pacey Arno, Charlie.

I really do think this seals the deal.

Lee Dixon is the new Laurel.

There's also a weekend festival, the Premier Premivera Sound Festival, which I know you were interested in on the seafront.

Was I?

Yeah.

I thought you asked me to get you tickets for Charlie XCX last night.

Sabrina Carpenter's playing tonight.

Oh, let's go.

Chapel Rowan tomorrow.

Wolf Alice are on the bill.

Central C.

And the very good Northern Irish band, Fontaine's DC.

No D Kirtle or Pink Floyd.

Not this time.

I mean, that's note perfect for Laurel at the end.

Yeah.

I think Laurel would have given him slightly less to work with.

That was the kind of Laurel special, just kind of

ending conversations.

Dixon, at least, like, gives him a morsel.

But yeah, I mean, absolutely.

I mean, he has been heading that way for a while.

I think Laurel would have said something like, probably more into the Carpenters rather than Sabrina Carpenter.

Yeah.

He would have had to find a play on words there.

Karen Carpenter.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But

you're right, though.

Like,

I think the transformation is complete.

I think Dixon is our Laurel now, no question.

I completely agree.

I think once you settle into that role, it's hard to get yourself out of it, I imagine.

An inglorious early evening all-round was sealed by Mark Pugats tweeting, tough night for England, both on the pitch and for the watching public.

Tomorrow will put in perspective their challenge in the USA next summer: Portugal versus Spain, Nations League final, ITV 730.

Ballers everywhere you look.

I won't have this.

I can't abide it.

I won't have Pugat same ballers.

That is a real like dad wearing skinny jeans sort of ballers.

There's nothing more to say.

I just can't have it.

I don't want it.

I don't want ballers to catch on amongst that demographic.

It's for the younger people.

Right.

Next up, Chris Paul White got in touch about the other big news at the tail end of last week.

Charlie says, I've been debating with friends as to where Ange Posta Coglu could go next.

The usual West Ham and Everton got thrown out, and they are fair shouts.

The club they didn't say, which I'm absolutely passionate about happening, is Ange to Leeds in November once Daniel Farker is sacked.

He ticks every single box.

He probably thinks his stock is high.

He wants a decent-sized club.

They've got great support.

They're pretty shit, important factor.

They like attacking football, and they would absolutely take him for a solid yet underwhelming two-year stint where they also get sick of him slagging the fans off.

Well, funny you should say that because on April the 16th, I someone made a suggestion, the lead suggestion to me as well, and I thought it was a very good idea.

And I even wrote out what I thought he'd say at his unveiling press conference, which was, listen, mate, this is a special club.

Might take me a little while to learn some of the lingo in these parts, but no, my dad was a huge fan of Billy Bremner and all that, and just delighted to be here.

So I think it kind of does.

It ticks every box for him.

You know, it's got that historic element.

His football, I think, is quite a red bully, isn't it?

As well, in terms of sort of high-octane, high-press, high-line sort of thing.

He's fished at now, though.

High-octane.

Yeah, I mean, I tweeted this because I find him him the other day that one of the elements of this I found really weird for a while, and I think that's what prompted this leads conversation I was having, was I just you can't place him in the footballing ecosystem.

Like, most managers are quite easy to place, I think.

He's such a kind of outlier, like, you know, he's he's had he's had such a unique route to this point, and even the way he leaves is so unusual.

Like, is he the guy who ended Spurs' 17-year trophy drought, or is he the guy who was complete shite in the league for a year and a half?

like i where where is he now i don't know i suggested ajax maybe someone like that a kind of another historic club who you can't really make sense of is there any chance that he would end up managing a team at the world cup next summer yeah that was i've heard that suggested as well an international team like he's managed australia like maybe yeah but i also i would put to you like has there ever been such a plausible job swap as him and frank in the in premier league history like frank yeah because brentford do you?

But kind of in the sense like that feels about his level, but it's just so unusual that you would, one team would appoint another, but you could actually see them swapping managers like that.

Because normally, by nature, when you leave a job, your stock's fallen so much.

It just feels like

he's more destined for a club who have less of a rigid strategy and philosophy than Brentford.

And it still oozes West Ham, doesn't it?

I mean, it does.

It does ooze West Ham.

That's where he's going.

And I feel like he feels like he could sort them out as well.

It would be doomed to failure, as most people are at West Ham.

Knights of Sidona asks Dave, is Ange Poster Cloggy the most welcome back at any time manager?

Spurs obviously said he was welcome back in their statement announcing his sacking.

It's right up there, but then Fine Discussion 26 says Ranieri at Leicester and it really can't be beaten, can it?

Ranieri at Leicester?

Yeah.

Solskjaer at Man United?

A little bit, yeah.

I suppose the trophy just means, yeah, you know, of course you're welcome back and sort of all the other stuff is water under the bridge and in the passing of time will just get forgotten about i guess but i think so yeah yeah i don't know i just think there are others i mean what occasion is he gonna be back charlie like

there'll be a situation where he comes back and he's spotted right at the back of the stand and the cameraman has to really work with their levels to find him and zoom in but they're not going to parade him around the pitch anytime soon so i don't think the welcome back is that big a deal actually

i mean yeah i guess the whole concept though is a bit ridiculous yeah i feel like yeah i mean ranieri is definitely the the right answer there i feel like so

that's a bit too patronizing Like, he's beyond that.

Like, you know, he's a club legend.

I don't think you need to say that to a club legend.

Because in Angie's case, it was something that probably did need to be spelt out.

Like, there is such a regard for him.

I mean, it's such a mainstay of these statements when you actually do mean it.

So it does serve a quite important function, not that superficial.

So, but I can see what you mean.

For Solskjaer, it would actually be goes without saying, doesn't it?

He's a club legend.

Exactly.

Yeah, I would have thought so.

Did we chat in sleep?

What about Pellegrini at Man City?

That's a good one.

Yeah.

Come back if you want.

Yeah, just really.

If you're in the area, yeah, by all means.

Let's know.

Let's stay in Manchester, actually.

Some of the other headlines from there last week was that Sir Dave Brailsford is set to step back from his role at Manchester United.

Dave, you speculated that this might be the thing that tempts Keesy out of his blog hiatus.

If this doesn't, nothing will.

Yeah,

you know, he loves having a pop at Sonny Jim, the Jim Reaper, and this is another opportunity for him to just sort of say, I told you so.

Yeah, exactly.

But also, Charlie, to lord it over someone who's tried to infiltrate football with their other methods.

I mean, it couldn't be a better target.

So he clearly hates Brailsford for all sorts of reasons.

Some unspoken, some not.

Yeah, it is an open goal, but he didn't, did he?

He's still hasn't broken his blog silence.

Turns out he only lasted a jiffy.

Yeah.

Right, next up, Rhys Donnelly has picked up on this.

This is a tweet from Charlton Athletic saying, We're delighted to announce the signing of ball-carrying midfielder Sonny Carey.

Rhys says, Don't like clubs describing the player in the announcement.

It's creeping in, Charlie.

I'm seeing this a lot.

I mean, we've talked about the editorializing of signings before.

I don't know what hear about my midfielder being a ball carrier.

Most should be.

What are you doing?

Yeah, this is the thing.

And I don't know if this is new, but clubs will often now

give a little blurb about a new signing and say, you know, he could play in this position, but he may also play in this position and he came to our he came to like the wider attention when this happened and it yeah it's uh i don't know if they always did that i don't feel like they did some extra context from rhys donnelly davies says i detest it when they just say highly rated but the club admins shouldn't be doing the scout reports no i mean

you can see the appeal of wanting you know to whet the appetite of of the fans yeah particularly if it's if it's sort of a thing

And

we have had this at Watford a few times the last few seasons when there's like a particular need, you're crying out for a particular type of player, and then the club get that player and they really emphasise the fact that we've we've we've recognised it, we're filling that this this gap.

You're just setting yourself up for failure, I think.

It'd be funny if like this summer if ours were like signed goal machine striker.

This is it, this is the slippery slope.

We're going to get into tabloid ease with some of our signings, like goal ace or something like that.

Hitman, Benjamin Sesko.

I mean, ball carrying midfielder, I guess, is semi-relevant because you want to emphasise the fact that this is a player who can help you in the transition and can make some progressive carries with the ball.

But how about this, Charlie?

Shrewsbury Town said, we're thrilled to announce the signing of ball-playing midfielder, Sam Klucas.

Again,

a prerequisite, I'd say.

I mean, the interesting decision that some of these clubs will have is when they sign a player who's called like a left eight by a section of football fans, but is still just a central midfielder to others.

Like, do they, that's sort of where do you go which part of your fan base are you speaking to which you've got to play it safe left eight do you think well i don't know could like a brentford somewhere like or brighton you know one that's quite forward-thinking and progressive i'd like to see someone announce uh or hail a new player as out of possession workhorse player x

so much potential here i'm really going to keep an eye on this because it's going to be great time for footballers names in things now however first one comes from uh jr he He says, I'm currently watching the American Shameless, where an actor called Steve Howie is playing a character called Kevin Ball.

There can't be many footballers' names in things where the actor and character are both footballers' names.

But

there's more to this, Charlie, because Kevin Ball is the name of a Sunderland player.

Yeah.

Who's played by Steve Howie is the name of a Newcastle player whose brother Lee Howie played for Sunderland.

There's so much going on.

It can't be deliberate.

I don't think it is.

Yeah, I've seen this incredible kind of Northeast Derby subplot here.

Yeah, brilliant.

Same era as well, Dave.

So there could be something going on there, but I can't be bothered to go to IMDb and find out where these scriptwriters are from.

That's too much research.

Right, next up, this came from Gethin Morgan.

I'll run you through his methodology first.

It says, I stumbled across this beauty after listening to the pod on Thursday.

This was my route to the discovery.

One, listened to the Dan Walker segment on the podcast.

Two, googled what school Dan Walker went to.

Three, tangential, but it turns out it's the same one as Garen Southgate and Romish Ranga Nathan.

Four, spotted another name among the notable former pupils, Erin Doherty, who stars as a certain former Premier League manager in season six, episode two of Call the Midwife.

I do not wish to be forced to discipline anyone.

And I'm sure Sister Winifred will not waste her time again by accompanying patients on visits to the hospital.

Jessie Marsh has just had a baby.

Her mother has arthritis.

There was no one else who could be.

Big fan of Jesse Marsh.

Very plausible name for a female in a drama.

So that's all right.

American citizen.

There you are.

What's Jesse Marsh up to?

Cross-gender ones do add a layer, especially in that kind of

when what's being described is being described.

Yeah, extra layer of deniability, Dave, with cross-gender.

Oh, I had no idea.

Jesse Marsh, really?

Interesting name.

Better player.

Right.

Now, For My Sins Corner.

This came from Edward Irvings, who was listening to 10 to the Top with Vernon Kay on Radio 2.

So I'm going to play you this clip, and I want you to shout out the moment that you think the immortal footballing line For My Sins is about to be uttered.

Get ready.

10 to the top.

Welcome Matthew Smith in Southampton.

Matthew, well you were a Rev DJ, a Rev DJ, a dance DJ back in the 90s.

Indeed For My Sins I was, yes sir.

Yeah, very good.

Where did you play?

Oh, all sorts of clubs up and down the country room.

Quickfire, route one.

Caught you on the hop, didn't it?

It was too quick.

I was ready, I was ready to say it, but he he came in ah, yeah, it's conceding an early goal, it just wasn't switched on.

Don't worry, this is this all serves a purpose, however, because the real headline of this aspect was um, a moment later in the conversation.

This is the greatest example of this I've ever heard.

Here we go.

I was left here working hard, but no, not for me, I don't think proper grafting.

You're a painter and decorator, yes, indeed.

Like it.

Are you busy?

Yes, always busy.

Yeah, good, we like that.

And what do you specialise in?

Painting or decorating?

Well, a bit of both.

Yeah.

Hopefully.

Nice.

As long as we keep the customers happy.

A bit of both.

Yay.

You hope so.

Yeah.

What a ludicrous question.

Do you do mergers or more or acquisitions for them?

You can't specialise in one and forget the other one in painting and decorating.

So can you come and...

I just do the painting, to be honest, mate.

I know I say painting and decorating but i don't i can't really do the intricate bits to be honest what do you specialize in the bed or the breakfast

but yeah can't just specialize in one of those things madness right um we'll be back for part two very shortly

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Oh, look at that!

That is wonderful!

Welcome back to Football Clichés.

This is the adjudication panel.

Right, over to the world of cricket now.

This podcast has, in the long term now, been fascinated with a certain turn of phrase in sports commentary, which is based around the idea of, get the shut away.

Because, you know, the trajectory of a ball does tend to sort of direct people's tone of voice, Charlie.

We seem to have stumbled across this discovery over the last couple of years.

And we've micro-analysed it and settled on that kind of explanation.

Here are the most notable examples of that.

Federico Kies gets the shot away.

He skates into the zone.

Drop pass for Petter.

Gets the shot away.

So now we'll step our way back into plank pose, holding here for just one breath, send the heels back, press the mat away now this came from rick geordi badger and appropriately enough james anderson um here is daniel norcross on five live comms for england's t20 win over the west indies

this on the way

high in the air held over deep back with square egg for six

I mean, it once again does prove, Dave, that, you know, the trajectory of a ball in sport really does, it makes you linger on certain vowels.

Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe cricket is even more well-suited to it with the amount of length of time that that ball was in the air when it's a massive, massive six, and maybe you're not quite sure whether it's going to go over the boundary.

What sort of tantalising considerations when you're mid-word there, Charlie?

Is it going to be a six?

Is it going to be a four?

Is someone going to catch it?

So I guess you've got to go, uh, so yeah, it does work.

Yeah, it's a real time buyer, isn't it?

It does serve that purpose, right?

Lots of people still enjoying Jack Copper's incredible invention listenfairplay.com, the searchable football cliché's database.

But someone has taken it upon themselves to find out the highest ranked team in the English pyramid that we have never mentioned on the podcast.

So L285 was curious about this and they say I think discounting any weird transcriptions in the algorithm it's Eastley of the National League.

We've mentioned all 92 league clubs plus another 12 in the National League in this podcast.

I'd be stunned.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

I guess, I mean, that seems mental, but then I guess

the Falling episode probably helped, didn't it?

Yeah, it did, yeah.

But, yeah, but it's just like the thing, like, just like we just had a tweet from Charlton.

Like, we've had so many club officials.

Social media bits that will have padded it.

And then, you know, you just add it all in.

Probably a few for my sins corners as well.

Don't outsource work, but I wonder when we completed the 92.

Find that out, L285.

Do your job.

I mean, other teams in the National League that haven't been mentioned so far: Aldershot, Filed, Ebbs Fleet.

So now they have

kicked him off quite easily, isn't it?

In Scotland, he says, the only team that we haven't mentioned in the upper echelons is Falkirk, who are top of the championship at the end of the season.

In Spain, I couldn't find any mention of Ryo Vallecano, eighth in La Liga.

In Italy, Cremenese, fourth in Serie A B.

We've done Serie A.

That's so good.

We're like European football experts, Charlie.

This is fantastic.

Move over, Libero.

Ryo Vanacano.

I'm surprised we haven't mentioned them.

Though now I say that, I can't think, especially when we would.

No.

In Germany, though, one outstanding team in the Bundesliga, Dave, Heidenheim.

And why would we?

Why would we have said Heidenheim?

Yeah, well, we haven't done a pure Bundesliga 11, have we?

That's true.

Should we do a pure Bundesliga 11?

I think we've um denard about Bundesliga 11.

I think, has it got enough, has it got enough about it?

So, what is a Bundesliga player?

I suppose there are avenues.

Should we do it?

Listeners, please get in touch and compel us to do it because that would be the only reason we do do it after all.

People saying, do do it.

Excellent.

But anyway, what a job Kelvin Davis is doing down at Eastleigh.

Two consecutive 13-play finishes in the National League.

I mean, fair play to him.

Former goalkeeper, of course.

So proving that he can be a safe pair of hands in the fifth tier.

And that's it.

That's enough exposure we need to give them, right?

Next up, this came from the Bears Beyond the Gates podcast and a tweet from Rugby inside line some sort of rugby content aggregators it would seem and dave um they were hailing the retirement of paula see

as a proper streets won't forget player can rugby have streets won't forget uh it doesn't feel like it no i think it can or i think people i think there are um you actually do get quite a few players who i think lends itself quite well because you get players who can look absolutely unreal and you're like oh my god this guy's just going to score a try every time he plays because he's so quick and he's got a really good sidestep.

But Charlie, he's actually really inconsistent.

Surely the whole point is that no one's playing rugby on the streets ever, anywhere.

I did want Dave to raise the class aspect of this.

You try telling South Sea Islands that.

Your tongue, your Fijis.

I mean, you know, if we were being very clinical about this, Charlie, we'd say, you know, if you've got a team sport where lots of players can, you know, pull something off at any point during the game, then you could go under the radar a little bit and still be mercurial.

So it could just about work.

But I think just broadly, I don't like it being employed in rugby.

So keep it for us, please.

What other sports are going to be Streets Might Forget?

We'll soon see.

Here we go.

This came from David O'Donnell and Tom Roscoe, who were listening to Radio 4's You and Yours.

They were talking about takeaways, I think.

Just to ask you both finally, just forget your,

you know, your

place in looking at

this particular kind of food and whether you've got an interest in it.

Is chicken your go-to takeaway, Richard.

Stay with you for that.

Well, I mean, this isn't just the party line that I tow, but I eat chicken.

I wanted to steer clear of that if I could.

I actually,

I mean, I grew up on a chicken farm, so

if you were to cut me open, I'd have chicken feathers in me.

I absolutely loved eating chicken.

Hope that's what that was good.

I'm not even close to being bored of it.

I'm really not.

I bleed chicken.

Chicken feathers.

Like a pillow.

Bleeding chicken would be a horrible tone of phrase, though, Dave, wouldn't it?

It would be.

So, if anything, he's chosen a classier way out.

Now, potential grist for our pure old firm 11 that we ever do in the future.

This came from MJ88, Connor Cody to Russell Martin's Rangers.

Seems 10 out of 10 to him,

Charlie.

I mean,

it doesn't just work because he likes playing in blue.

I think it just works because he's the sort of player that Rangers would sign to sort of, you know, give them a bit of experience at the back.

He could be Russell Martin's sort of lieutenant out on the pitch.

Oh, it's the earnestness for me.

He's such like a good talker.

He's a leader.

He's serious.

He'll love the kind of history of, you know, it's a proper club.

You don't really get the sort of appreciation of how big this club is until you get here.

Oh, well, I think, come on, no, you're missing a trick there.

He is going to surely break the record for this football club.

It's going to be

his own record, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

When he joined Everton, I think.

It's going to be incredible.

I really, really hope it happens.

But

I do like transfers where you can can envisage that player in the shirt instantly.

So a lot to look forward to there.

Now, some football speaker in the wider world, Charlie, a deadly cowpat writes in and says, last night I was playing Call of Duty with a couple of friends.

We were battered by the opposition team in one game and I described it as a golfing class between us.

To my amusement, they had absolutely no idea what I was referring to, as if I'd just spoken a foreign language.

I realized then I don't think I've ever heard golfing X used in a non-sporting context.

Am I the weird one here?

Where would you use golf in class elsewhere in your life?

It just wouldn't happen.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

if you're talking about two employees, there's an absolute chasm between them.

It's threatening to become a chasm.

You can't say golfing class.

I mean, golf and experience in theory could be you.

You know, if you were talking about two job candidates, I mean, there's a golf in experience between them.

I don't think I would, I don't think, Dave, I don't think I would use the word golf.

I know, I don't think you would.

In any context in my life to describe a gap between the people who are in the world.

I don't think I ever have.

I never have.

I'm going to start though.

I'll just see how it catches on.

People look at me completely quizzically.

Now, next up, you know, I like these questions, especially after our end-to-end debate the other day, Dave.

Equal Departure 7 says, I got thinking during the end-to-end discussion last week, when does a football match become ragged?

What's the ragged threshold?

So, what are the true characteristics of a game becoming ragged, Dave?

When it's

a sort of openness, but not from the off, off, more from you know, there's a fatigue is setting in, panic is setting in, perhaps towards the end of a knockout game or an extra time

or that sort of relegation battle or something, six-pointer, that that sort of thing?

I like this.

Yeah, Charlie, we can safely say that a game can never start ragged

because it, as Dave says, it's a disintegration situation.

But crucially, what Dave says there is true.

It's not about a lack of effort.

You know,

two teams can be off it in terms of effort, but this ragged is teams putting a lot of effort in, but also being careless at the same time.

It's a lack of structure.

And I think it's the sort of thing you'd hear, like, it's a basketball match kind of thing.

You know, it's like a basketball match.

I think it gets ragged when, like a manager like Unai Emery, when there are like seemingly like huge spaces between players and they're attacking, but there's also massive gaps in behind, and it's just sort of unstructured.

And, you know, suddenly one team's streaking forward.

And you're like, how the fuck did that happen?

Like, what's going on?

So, Dave, a lack of control is inherent to raggedness in a game.

Is the ball changing hands a lot?

Yeah, I think so.

I think there's a lot of turnovers, but

it's not necessarily end-to-end.

Is it?

Oh, no, I would agree with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It could be side-to-side if it has to be.

Yeah.

I do think there's a lot of, yeah, I think there's a lot of mistakes, like unforced errors, if you like.

Yeah, it's not high quality.

A lot of fouls.

It's ragged.

Stop start?

Is stop start ragged?

Can they both exist?

No, because stop starts, you want it to be you want a stop start game to be a bit more ragged.

Because stop start is just like, oh, we can't get going.

Nothing's really happening.

Like, stop start games are generally quite unentertaining and boring because there's no flow or anything.

So ragged games have flow, but it's just

good to watch.

Or maybe flow's not the right word.

At least ragged games have incident.

Like stuff's happening in them.

Okay.

It's kind of like a shower of shit, but it's still like,

whoa, like, you know, there are chances because people are leaving their men and stuff

you you can have a player gets run ragged

aren't they by they've had a really tough afternoon somebody's absolutely run them ragged yeah i'd say that's that's more or less synonymous with being on toast i'd say yeah given it given a torrid time is certainly being run ragged yeah uh and uh that isn't just a pace thing necessarily but it is broadly about being outpaced can one team be ragged and the other be in control yeah i think you could say like that they just look a bit ragged out there like that you know there's not a lot of structure.

Yeah.

And the other team just takes advantage.

You know, the other team takes advantage of that.

Looked a bit ragged.

Yeah, fair enough.

I mean, it's a pertinent discussion because it is such a go-to word for this sort of thing, but no one's ever stopped to think about why.

Now we have.

Right, next up, you'll remember back in 2022, Thibault Courtois famously kicked off at 442 magazine for not putting him in the world's top 10 goalkeepers.

Now, this was after the Champions League final, Charlie.

So he had a case for being slightly baffled by it, if not aggrieved.

Like, it was a weird thing, right?

So I'm kind of not surprised for a goalkeeper, especially part of that community, to question it.

And so it was a very high-profile example of someone sort of kicking off about that sort of thing, right?

Yeah, I mean, he was justified.

It was still weird that he did it.

He sort of cared and was rattled by it.

And Dave, the reason why I think it's both a great example of it and also fairly acceptable is because it's really high profile.

He is probably the best goalkeeper in the world on his day.

He's right at the top.

So it was a high-profile example of something that was very glaring in his emission.

However, this example,

it's perfect in so many ways.

A graphic was tweeted out

last week about a best free kick takers 11 versus a best penalty takers 11.

Why you would want to pick these two fantasy teams together, I've got no idea.

What's the game going to be like?

Quite ragged, I guess.

Not to know, stop start.

I don't know.

Hopefully stop start because then you get free kicks.

So, okay, so, okay, interesting thought experiment.

It was tweeted out, presumably got a lot of engagement, and then one of the replies underneath with a white stick emoji and a dog emoji, Pierre van Huydonk.

What a great person to be annoyed by his omission from this.

Streets won't forget.

He was a good free kick taker.

Amazing free kick taker.

Yeah, but you're not going to be in these conversations, fella.

Listen, mate, these aggregators are too young to care about you, Pierre van Huydonk.

I love that it's him that's taken umbrage to it.

It's just everything's perfect about it.

But yeah, just immaculate.

I really want to see more examples of this of players getting rattled by people not remembering their one big skill.

Next up, this came from the official Twitter account of Plymouth's independent beer shop Vessel.

Here is Nanny FC versus Cardinal Legacy in the American Seven Aside Absurdity, the Soccer Tournament.

Logan Poncho.

Could this be the go-ahead?

He has Tacone

Gratias to his right, plenty of options to his left.

Poncho punches it in, beating Lemos to the bottom right, where the dust mites dwell.

It's gone too far.

It has gone too far.

I think the dwell in there, Charlie, really sort of sealed the sort of slight cringeworthiness of it.

But where the dust mites dwell.

Don't like it.

What felt too sort of overworked?

Yeah, I would say so.

Yeah, where the spiders live, where the owl sleeps.

But if you have to go for the bottom corner, do we need anything?

I don't mind it.

I don't mind it.

That's where they are.

They're right down there in those corners.

Where they dwell.

They do dwell if you don't take care of them.

Fair enough.

Right, finally, this came from Aloa Stats, the Twitter account with statistics about Aloa Athletic Football Club.

Open brackets, unofficial.

Is this the first time we've mentioned Aloha Athletic?

Must be.

Yes.

Anyway, they were watching Scotland versus Iceland on SportsScene the other day, Dave, and they took it upon themselves to count the amount of dead air during the commentary of the final 35 minutes.

Great list of data here.

In the 55th minute, there were 32 seconds of silence.

In the 66th minute, 39 seconds.

72nd minute, 59 seconds of silence.

81st minute, 36 seconds.

And after 83 minutes, there were 68 seconds of silence.

That's an incredible amount of dead air.

What's going on?

Wow, yeah.

Well, I suppose the June international break is the least serious of all the international breaks, isn't it?

If you're ever going to sort of phone it in and just take it easy, these are the games to do it for.

Maybe there was just nothing to say, Charlie.

The game was just petering out, perhaps, and they were just, Scotland were being outclassed.

Maybe it was just sheer despondency that led to it.

Or maybe it was just letting the crowd speak for itself.

Isn't that the trick of great comment cheap?

Yeah.

Go quiet.

Don't have to fill every moment.

The purists would tell you this was elite commentary.

Fletch would never, is all I'm saying.

Do we have any context to it at all?

I had a quick listen.

It wasn't worth clipping up for the podcast.

Let's put it that way.

There was a lot of chatting off-mic going on.

I don't know what was happening on.

Maybe some tech issues.

but

yeah, a real license fee killer, this one.

I haven't totted up the second tier, but that's a lot of dead air.

Scottish fans deserve more, I would say, especially, you know, and

I'm proud to say that as a podcaster who's mentioned every club in the top two tiers of Scottish football except Fulker.

Yeah, it's nearly four minutes of dead air there.

Yeah.

It's like when the ball's out, you know, it's like the ball out of play statistic, isn't it?

We're not getting our money's worth for the commentary.

How do we speed things up?

This is great.

Yeah, no no dead air on today's podcast.

Great fun.

Thanks to you, Charlie Eccleshaire.

Thank you.

Thanks to you, Dave Walker, and congratulations again to you and Claire.

Thank you.

Cheers to everyone for listening.

We'll be back on Thursday.

See you then.

This podcast is part of the Sports Social Podcast Network.

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