Marmoush's hat-trick of Etihad gasps, Messi in Mobland & what makes a "shrewd" signing

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Be unstoppable.

Come into your local store today.

I'm sorry.

You can sit there and look and play with all your silly machines as much as you like.

Is Gas going to have a crack?

Yes, you know.

Oh, I think

brilliant.

But jeez!

He's round the goalkeeper.

He's done it!

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Oh, I say!

It's amazing!

He does it tame and tame and tame again.

Break up the music!

Charge a glass!

This nation is going to dance all night long!

Will Still's inevitable English football unveiling edges closer.

Omar Mahmoud's triple gasp eliciting Venn diagram occupying unacceptably late contender for goal of the season, some ludicrously overengineered six-aside naming conventions, Leonor Messi in Mobland, mid-table EridaVisi clubs in sci-fi novels, shrewd signings, Tammy Abraham's wide-open future, and Fabrizio Kisano with the latest transfer tittle-tattle.

Brought to your ears by Goal Hanger Podcasts.

This is Football Clichés.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to Football Clichés.

I'm Adam Hurry.

This is the Midweek Adjudication Panel.

Joining me is Charlie Eccleshere.

How you doing?

Very well, thank you.

And alongside you is David Walker.

How you doing?

I'm good.

Straight off the bat then, Reddit user, they perhaps can't see you, which is a great reference.

Said he's amazed to realise how long I've known this voice.

This is from a random YouTube video of Radio 1 stings.

This is BBC Radio 1.

It's David Walker's voice again

in Radio 1 branding.

It is.

You happy with that one?

That is me.

Back in, that would have been from around 2009,

between 2009 and 2012, maybe, something like that.

Well, that was actually you.

Yeah, yeah.

What?

Yeah, I thought that must be.

That has to be it.

This is not the answer I was expecting.

I was expecting you to go, yeah, I suppose it does sound a bit like me, but what?

What?

I basically, long story,

I sort of won a competition to be the voice of, male voice of daytime Radio 1 jingles for a few years back at a student radio event.

Charlie, what percentage of my disbelief are you currently sharing?

Not that much.

I did think that was him.

Yeah, and I even, from the year, I thought, oh, I wonder if that's like around the time you graduated and it was some studenty thing.

Bloody hell.

The first time that I was on, which this really dates it, I remember listening.

They told me, right, your stuff's going to go live from tomorrow morning.

It was on a Saturday.

And the first show that had my voice on it was Chappers and Dave doing weekend breakfast.

Mark Chapman hosting a show on Radio 1 with Comedy Dave.

Dave's all over the place.

This is a star.

I'm actually blown away.

This has completely thrown me.

I did not expect this to happen.

This has completely undermined my following clip because, lest we forget, this is when Dave's voice also popped up in a video of Phil Foden playing foot golf on holiday.

No pressure.

That sounds more like you than the Radio One does.

That was not me.

Wait, that wasn't you.

Okay, okay, good.

We've got some mind-blowing comedy.

Men actually won a competition to play foot golf with Phil Foden.

Wait, play that again?

No pressure.

It really is.

Oh, it is.

It's so similar.

I'm trying to think, like...

No pressure.

The slight difference.

The shirt is a little bit different.

But yeah, that's eerily close.

It's just like when you see him at the public, goes, all right, fella.

You're right.

Meanwhile, in asking for some correspondence from our listeners, I made the huge mistake of asking them for their corrections as well.

And boy, did they go deep.

Someone wrote and said, aghast to hear Dave refer to Richard Key standing on the Burj Khalifa with a telescope that's in Dubai not Doha but understandable error as it's a niche topic well I I actually went back to someone who mentioned this on the Reddit page it wasn't a mistake it's a joke lads

it's the most notable building in the region right

if I'd pick like the random hotel from Doha he's not going to land as well is it

I really respect that post-rationalization um charlie do you know who this correction came from?

Instagram page, Tall Buildings Daily.

So if anybody knows a thing or two, it's them.

All things, tall buildings.

Yeah, but that supports Dave's argument in a way because, yeah, obviously, like, you're experts.

For that small subset of people, yes, it would have landed better if he'd said someone specific in Doha.

But yeah, I agree with Dave.

For the majority, they're not going to know or care.

Oh, a swing and a miss from Tall Buildings Daily.

But yeah, no more corrections, really, because Mike Greenway sent this in.

He says, hi, Adam, just listened to episode 164.

And David Walker just used the phrase gathering a bit of steam.

Surely you can get ahead of steam or gather momentum.

You can't gather steam.

I'm not having it.

Dave, there has to be a statute of limitations on this.

That was 262 episodes ago.

Yeah, fair play.

Look, if you want to comb back through the archives, I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from.

Yeah, that's quite gratifying because that almost implies that that person is going through each and every one.

And if that's all that's being turned up,

you take that all day.

Yeah, it'll only be me and it'll only be me and Davey who suffer from this.

All Charlie's mistakes get edited out after he picks them out himself.

So let's adjudication panel.

This came from Football Cliche's artwork ace, Eamon Dalton, who was watching Sunderland versus Coventry in the playoffs last week.

And he asks, Is this a new world record for the quickest a rhetorical question from the commentator has been answered by their co-commentator?

Sakamoto's grass hatching right.

Was that the moment?

Yes.

That was it.

Now, we've covered rhetorical questions from commentators a lot on this podcast recently, Charlie.

I'm not 100% sure if that is a rhetorical question traditionally.

Is that the moment, or was that the moment?

Is that something that actually wants an answer, warrants one?

No, I think that is often rhetorical because it is a kind of like, what, you know, it's almost like a will, will they get another chance?

Is there to be one final twist?

Yeah.

Was that it?

I mean, it reminds me, which was a self-answer, but I remember sending one in that we used used last year where ian crocker said how many how many chances are they're gonna miss loads

such a good response

yeah i don't know co-commentators just can't help themselves but yeah dave are you are you happy with um was that the moment being being a question that should just float in the air yeah i don't think it needs to be answered but i think that i mean there was i think there was like 30 seconds left or something who was that andy was that don goodman or just think the classic question was it goodman or hinchcliffe i was never

but it was Don Goodman.

Yeah, but I mean, if

Weaver doesn't say that, the co-commentator can come in and just say, that was the moment, that was the chance.

Yeah.

But they've covered it from both sides, I guess.

That's right.

Next up, it's happening, Jason McAteer.

It is happening.

Still?

Is it?

I think he's still.

He's in France.

Is he in France?

He's enormously underrated and he's done a fantastic job.

Will still

coach?

Frank.

Frank Lampo.

Yeah.

Will still is a good time.

No,

I think he's done a

few times.

I'll never get bored of the clip ever.

But Dave, it's happening.

Thingy still is coming to English football.

Southampton, The Guardian report, are accelerating plans to appoint Will Still as their head coach.

If Saints make sufficient progress in the coming days, they hope the 32-year-old will be in the stands when they host Arsenal on Sunday.

Should Will still be in the Premier League?

I feel like he should be at a distance at all times, Thingy Still.

Well, he'll be in the championship next season, of course.

And I think that's the right sort of introduction for him into English football.

I noticed something the other day in connection with this I think it was I think it was Sky Sports and I we've got to keep our eye out for these.

They were asking a question as to whether he would be successful in the job and went with will Will still be successful at Southampton.

It does feel very right Will still to Southampton.

They are the sort of club I would expect Will still

to be appointed by if he was to come to English football Charlie.

But more pertinently, Charlie, the Arsenal game will come 34 days after his appearance on Monday night football.

So the Monday Night Football just doing Monday Night Football things.

Yeah,

it does feel right, especially because he can have the sort of trajectory of they might get promoted, but then he'll stick to that philosophy in the Premier League and it'll go really badly.

And after 10 or 15 games, we can all have that debate.

I was wondering as well, could this be an ultimate sort of realising the scale of the task in front of you if he is in the stands?

You know, getting to watch them probably get battered by Arsenal.

Yeah.

Yeah, there'll be a lot for him to learn and take away.

Yeah, that's a huge task on his hands situation.

No danger of Patrick Davison going up into the stands and misidentifying him like you did with that Huddersfield manager a few years ago.

Perhaps not.

Now he's been on Sky, but that was what an incredible moment that was, Patrick Davison.

Yeah, yeah, he's airbrushed that out of his career now.

I think he's got over that.

Elsewhere on

Tuesday night, the forgotten Premier League game, Manchester City seeing off Bournemouth And Omar Marmouche coming with a very late contender, Dave, for goal of the season.

An astonishing goal, really.

Cracking hit.

But it would narrowly miss out on being the latest goal of the season, date-wise.

Jack Wilshire 2015 and Julio Enciso 2023 both came on May the 24th.

But I feel very uncomfortable.

I've said this before.

I feel very uncomfortable about a late winner.

of goal of the season.

It doesn't feel right.

It should be

in the fleshy middle of a Premier League season.

Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day when I was at the last Watford game of the season.

They handed out goal of the season on the pitch before kickoff.

Leaving yourselves wide open to someone scoring an incredible goal in the last game.

And then, you know, what do you do?

Because especially Wilshears was the very last game.

And Cezo's was the midweek just before.

And Wilshears, do you remember, was the one that prompted them to change how they did it because it was a public vote.

Yeah.

And, you know, Wilshire's

was an amazing goal.

But it does feel weird.

I think, again, I think it's what we were talking about the other day, the recency bias fear that you're just picking it because it's the last goal you can remember.

It's also, I mean, I suppose this could probably apply to goals scored in August as well, maybe, but it just sort of feels like

they're not as serious.

They don't mean as much.

In this game against Bournemouth, it's sort of like, yeah,

do that in December, mate.

Yeah, there's less riding on it, isn't it?

We can all have a pop from 30 yards and a dead game.

It's like getting a gold star at school on the last day when everyone's mucking about.

Like, it doesn't mean anything.

It's not real football.

Jack Wilsh's goal, an astonishing goal.

I just can't see it being scored in January.

It doesn't make sense to me.

And Cito's goal and Marmusha's goal were basically just fuck it.

I'm on going on holiday in 10 days' time, kind of hits us up.

Yeah, fuck it, might as well.

Do you know what?

Especially, because that Wilshire one, that was a half.

I think Arsenal went fawn and up in that first half.

And that's such an end-of-season engagement.

They fight

every Emirates' last game ever.

It's just, it's, it's just not proper.

Yeah, sure.

always falling up at halftime.

If you want the change for match of the day next season, lads, introduce a bit of context into goal of the season, please.

Yeah, they should wait it.

Charlie will come on and do it.

Oh, don't, don't, don't mess with the tradition.

Right, John T.

Peacock on the back of that says, let me be probably the 20th person to flag the incredible full crowd gasp, and again and again when they saw the replay of the 14th minute Marmouche goal.

This is absolutely stunning, isn't it?

He just drifted into the central area and the Bournemouth back line back off.

You've got no right to score from there, though.

Must be all of

the best part of 30 yards out.

Look at the dip and the swerve and the

power on the ball.

There's no goalkeeper in the world saving that.

That's an absolute belter for Marmouche.

A hat-trick of satisfied gasps.

Very much warranted it.

And the sort of goal, Charlie, that you would probably would appreciate extra angles of it where you were in the stadium.

Yeah, yeah, some of those do give it some extra context.

Yeah,

they fit very nicely.

Chris Sutton there, Dave, describing as all of the best part of 35 yards.

He can't have both.

He really doubts himself.

Yeah.

Surprisingly non-committal from Chris Sutton.

It was a great goal for something that came up in one of the listeners' MHDs recently,

looking at the reactions of people in the crowd behind it.

Because it was such a sort of loopy one.

It didn't necessarily look like it was going to go top corner as soon as it came off his boot.

So it took, you know, a second or two for some of the slow-motion faces in the crowd to realise what was happening.

Yeah, just a pretty modern trajectory as well, Charlie.

It just kept on going as well.

It's a sort of goal you just didn't see 20 years ago.

Yeah, it was a real these modern bulls move.

Omer Chowdhury writes in, Dave, and said, Chris Sutton on Sky said Marmouche had no right to score from there.

Yet watching it, I felt like he had every right to have a go.

Is this one of those rare goals in the Venn diagram overlap between the two?

He's spot on.

Yeah, and he is in a lot of space.

And as you say, the sort of context of the game, you'd be annoyed if he didn't shoot from there in that situation, if he just sort of tucked it out wide.

This is why Omer Chowdhury is the chief intelligence officer of Football Think Tank 21st Group, Charlie.

Yeah, I was going to say, just crunch the numbers.

Work it out definitively.

Yeah, he gets the game.

Love Think Tank.

Great opportunity to use that on the Football Clichés pod.

Now, Joanne Sinclair had his attention directed towards BBC Sports' Facebook post of Crystal Palace's win against Wolves.

And it said, Crystal Palace, come from behind to get the win against wolves.

Someone instantly replied on Facebook saying, come from behind at 24 minutes.

That's pushing it a bit, don't you think?

A comeback is when you are like two goals down, not just one goal.

I know technically it is, but it's nothing to note.

So just a recap on how the the goals went in, Dave.

It was 1-0 Wolves, then it went 3-1 Palace, then 3-2, then 4-2.

Are you alright with them being described as coming from behind in that situation?

And Palace's first goal was just three minutes after Wolves' opener as well.

Does that factor in?

It's not like they had a long spell where they were...

Rappling at the door.

That's not a word.

Rappling at the door.

Not a word, but it should be.

They're rappling at the door here.

But I didn't think of that aspect of it.

Technically, it is correct, I suppose, but it doesn't feel like it tells the story yeah my main issue is is i mean oh yeah clearly it's facts factually correct my main issue is how much happens between them going behind and like if it had just finished 2-1 yeah so wolves went ahead wolves went one and up in 24th minute then palace scored in the 27th and 32nd so if it just stayed 2-1

then i think yeah they come from behind to get the win against wolves and that's the story of the match they were behind then they were ahead job done but so much then happens the fact that it finishes 4-2, the fact that they build a 3-1 lead, like that to me more would be like Crystal Palace survive late scare to win against Wolves.

Do you know what I mean?

That survive late scare was going to come into this fair play.

That feels more relevant.

Like, I feel like

them going behind is almost in the category of, like, oh, it feels a long time ago now, doesn't it?

Since Wolves went ahead.

Like, there'll be some people looking at that and be like, oh, yeah, we were behind.

Yeah, I forgot.

You really have to look at it.

I mean, it doesn't really tell the story.

But, Dave, the correspondent on Facebook really did move the goalposts here.

Having taken issue with the phrase come from behind, they said, a comeback is when you were like two goals down.

A comeback is completely...

I mean, it's not, it's a more enhanced situation than coming from behind.

A comeback is, as he says, at least two goals down.

It becomes the entire narrative of the game.

But

a comeback is never from 1-0 down, is it?

Ever?

Because you need to have the ability to say, and the comeback is complete.

Yes.

So there has to be a bit of a certain 1-1, would you?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

Pedantry fights pedantry.

On the subject of Crystal Palace, Charlie, Tony Moore writes in.

It says, I'm listening back to old episodes as I've got a horribly long commute suddenly.

On the episode released 28th of May, 2024, you went somewhat mystic meg, it would seem.

Use of hopeful as a noun in sport is really odd anyway, because you never hear it elsewhere in life.

Hopefuls is a really strange one.

Yeah.

And what is hopefuls used for, James?

Well, what kind of team?

Because it's not dark horses.

Because they're not hopefuls.

But you can't be for rank outsiders either.

It's teams who, maybe like Palace, are Premier League Hopefuls.

But they're not hopeful for the title.

They're just sort of hoping to progress in the Premier League.

Palace could be FA Cup hopefuls.

That's it.

I called it.

A year in advance.

FA Cup Hopefuls.

I called it that Palace might like to win the FA Cup.

They were hoping for it, yeah.

I mean, it'd be a mad thing to describe them as, wouldn't it?

Like a year out.

Like now talking about wolves as like FA Cup hopefuls hopefuls wolves.

Yeah.

They're just sort of.

I smashed it.

You can't spell Nostradamus without Adam.

So, um, R.

Barker writes in on Reddit.

I'm playing in a new weekly six-aside game tomorrow, and the teams have each been assigned generic blokey nicknames for one another, so we don't have to worry about names.

It's a thoughtful touch, but surely this is solving a problem which doesn't exist.

So here's the email sent by the organiser, Dave.

As many of us don't know each other yet and it will take a while to learn names, I'm proposing that when calling for the ball, the bibs refer to each other mate and the non-bibs as fella, just so there's no confusion.

Bibs, mate, non-bibs, fella.

Nice and easy.

We'll get to know each other quickly, I'm sure, but hopefully, this will help in the meantime.

Cheers.

See you all tomorrow at 7:45.

What is going on?

Wow, that's ridiculous.

Absolutely absurd.

It makes it more complicated.

Yeah.

If you're the sort of person that, like I am, who uses mate routinely in probably too much in every interaction I ever have with anyone,

And

you're on the fellas team.

You might accidentally call someone mate and you're on the wrong side.

Unsporting conduct.

That's straight away, isn't it?

Charlie, Mr.

Irishman replied to this and said, What on earth could you possibly be doing in the 15-minute pre-game period that doesn't involve asking a maximum of five other people their names?

Now, logically true, but I mean, my record of remembering names in that moment is so bad.

Yeah, it's weirdly so hard to do.

I had this playing last week, and yeah, you just know as soon as it goes in, you're like, I'm just not, I know I've not taken that in.

You really have to concentrate hard.

Gambling on their names mid-game as well as going, oh, bet it's not his name.

And he's either going to hate me or ignore me.

And it's just awful.

He looks like an Andy, but I don't think that is actually his name.

Someone got right into the technicalities of this, Dave.

Beat Consistent said the two-syllable fellas are at a distinct disadvantage over the mates.

Could be.

Could be the over the course of a game.

Yeah.

That's going to add up, is it?

That's the fine margins at this level.

That's ten syllables, you know, per team.

Disadvantage.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

No, it isn't.

It's five syllables per team.

Disadvantage.

So yeah, as you say, Charlie, these marginal gains.

So the guy got back the next day, Dave, and posted the match report.

of what happened.

Some extra context.

He says, probably unsurprising, but the bloke running it was a bit of a burke.

Most arrived 15 minutes early as requested, but he got very antsy as a few still hadn't turned up with 10 to go.

He handed out the bibs and reiterated that my team should call each other mate if we couldn't remember names.

He was on Team Feller, and he must have used that word a hundred times during the hour.

It's ridiculous.

We played offsides, which in a six aside seemed weird, but he wanted to stop goal hanging.

Who is this player?

Oh my God.

What?

What's going on here?

I mean, it's so easy to sneer, Charlie, at other people's five-aside conventions, but this is beyond the pale.

Offsides in six aside.

Though I do remember, did either or both of you play in...

We had a work game that was like seven or eight aside.

And obviously we weren't playing off sides but then it got a bit narky of like oh well yeah but that would have been offside and i'm like well yeah we're not playing off sides like that's not

so do you remember that so it's like it's quite a weird like at what point should you introduce it i think is it like seven eight is there a cutoff i've never played it under other than elevens i don't think i mean Certainly not in an enclosed power league style pitch.

I mean, obviously that would be ludicrous.

But I mean, the last time I played a

park game where someone tried to enforce offsides.

A park game?

It would have been...

It was like an early era office game where we didn't have access to a pitch.

We all just went down the local park and put down sort of jumpers for goalposts.

But there are so many of us that the pitch got so big that someone did try to enforce an off-side rule.

And it was just completely unworkable.

I mean, who wants to stop a game for that?

Those sorts of games, you don't want to be looking along the line and organising the back line.

Let's push up.

They're squeezed.

Come on.

Appealing for off-sides.

How pathetic does that sound?

Stupid.

I mean, this bloke, it's just completely over-engineering the situation.

Do you think that?

Because if you're on the fellas, you could, it kind of works quite naturally to go, come on, fellas, right?

From the off.

But if you're on the other side and you go, come on, mate.

Come on, mates.

Yeah.

It doesn't sound right, does it?

You can't stop making the formal name of the team.

But, I mean, Charlie, my resolution for this anyway, even if I, you know, in the very likely event, I wouldn't remember my teammates' names, would be just sort of offer a kind of yes, or I'm here, or something like that.

Just make make it all about yourself.

Don't address the other person at all.

Yeah, it's yeah, I'm not really sure.

I mean, yeah, overeengineering is exactly what I was thinking, Dave.

It's spot honest.

The word yes just gets you through it, Dave.

It serves pretty much every function you'll need in a fiber sidecar.

Exactly, yeah.

And they may or may not be listening, but sometimes it works.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

Right, this episode is brought to you in association with NordVPN.

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Indeed, as did Tom Miller, who sent in some glorious Anglo-Italian commentary from Fiorentina 3, Bologna 2.

Just enjoy this in all its glory.

Parisi the cross the Keder Dalinga

and he scores

there's the equalizer

Parisi another shot Skoruzki and Tan Richardson

he scores

and Fiorentina is back in the lead Amir Richardson pointing towards the baseline and Orsolini

puts it in

stops again almost falls down and tennis Punzidina Moise

Fiorentina Berkin Dolida

pretending to be Italian what's going on I was gonna say that this is

a real piss take sounding English it really sounds like Loku did the voiceover on Mario Carl yeah

I don't I don't not enjoy it Dave there's there's some there's some joy in that commentary for sure but what's going on here

is this because this looks like from the clip we've just seen is it like the world Siria world feed or something?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's from the highlights.

It's like a hybrid service.

You can have an Anglo-Italian

if you, if you, you know, you want a bit of Italian, but you don't speak it.

Yeah.

Good option.

Bit of flavor.

Yeah, this was on the world feed.

Matteo Gandini on Commentary.

The internet commentator database tells me Charlie Mattio Gandini sounds like a made-up Italian name as well.

That's all perfect.

This isn't real.

Yeah.

No, fine.

If he was called

Matthew Gandhi, yeah.

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We'll be right back.

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Welcome back to Football Clichés.

This is the midweek adjudication panel.

Let's kick off part two with this from Hugh Stubbins.

He says the Paramount Plus series Mobland, starring Tom Hardy, Piers Brosnan, and the eternal Helen Mirren is streaming at the moment.

And I came across this clip of Tom Hardy referencing the world's greatest ever footballer.

Now, how, Harry, do you know Kat McAllister?

She wanted to offer me a job.

Mm-hmm.

And what did you tell her?

I said I'd think about it.

You'd think about it?

No.

I said I'll think about it.

Because you you don't need to think about it.

Correct.

And I'm not lying on Messi.

I can't just switch teams.

Suddenly, I'm stood there with a big smile holding up a shirt that says McAllister United on the front.

I'm loyal.

A troubling choice

of player for this.

Charlie, obviously, you've got to try and appeal to the widest possible audience, but Hugh asks, does this work?

Not for me, Clive.

Firstly, Tom Hardy's character Harry D'Souza talks about loyalty.

I think Messi was pretty loyal to Barcelona before Laporta's fucked up finances forced an exit.

I mean,

I'd love it was like Nicholas Anelka or something.

The original mercenary and how confused Rogland's character would look.

All you're gonna the worst that's gonna happen, Charlie, is that you'd make people look it up on Google and then be interested in the answer.

Challenge people!

Anelke would have been great.

Who do you think I am?

Nicholas Anelka?

Who do you think I am?

The other guy replying with, what how many transfer fees in total did he command across his career?

You are wearing goalkeeper gloves, weirdly.

Who broke his record in the end?

Who was a man of the match, by the way?

Especially because Messi's so

is just the go-to for like the best.

Yeah.

You know, if you're saying, like, I'm not the most gifted or something.

I just, yeah, he's not a turncoat necessarily, is it?

It's such a shame that the scriptwriters had to put him in.

But yeah, there we are.

Right, time for footballers' names in things.

This first one came from Jimbo.

It's from American Radio Quiz Show, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

And we are glad you listeners out there are ready to do your job, which is to call in and play our games.

The number is 1888-WAIT WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924.

Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

How you're on.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter.

It's Alison Becker from Indianapolis, Indiana.

Indianapolis, that beautiful place.

What do you do there?

Not the first time Alison Becker has come up in a Footballers Names in Things.

And next up, this came from Doug Newham.

It's from science fiction novel Leviathan Fools by James S.

A.

Corey.

It was their only private space for the next few months while the price burned out to the ringgate, made the transit to Neuwestad system, and then burned to Fortuna Sittard, the capital city on the main habitable planet.

Quite a classy, obscure choice for a random place on an alien planet.

Fortuna Sittard, I like this.

Charlia, it made me think of other leading European clubs that could be used for this purpose.

Sort of settlements on other planets.

Rail Bettis, Olympiakos Piraeus, Mainz 05,

and Bodo Climt.

Topical.

Yeah, good.

Right, here we go again, I fear.

This came from Paul Lightfoot.

It's from a BBC story headlined, HGV rolling roadblock on M1 saves orphan ducklings.

Here is the story.

Brinsley Animal Rescue in Nottinghamshire said the baby birds were left distressed on the central reservation of the motorway where the mother duck lay dying.

They were saved when lorry drivers created a rolling roadblock and allowed people to retrieve the stricken mallards.

That's funny alone.

They are now being cared for by the charity which said it had about 40 birds currently in its care.

John Beresford, co-founder of the centre, said he was called on Friday morning by a woman who had helped another group of birds the day before.

Oh, I hope it's the real one.

Could it be?

Yeah, you can't rule it out, can you?

It would be a really underwhelming follow-up if we got that John Beresford on Dave to interview him about being called John Beresford.

Yeah, it would be.

Yeah, I mean, my parents, my family is Beresford, and just like the name John, really, yeah.

I was at uni with some Geordies, right?

And they hung it downstairs.

They couldn't believe it.

Right, right.

Finally, this came from Connor Brown.

He says, Hello, Adam.

I thought you'd enjoy this.

My brother is a committee member at our local working men's club.

At his first meeting, the secretary was running through the agenda for the meeting ahead of passing to the 82-year-old chair for the meeting to commence.

At which point, she revealed his full name to my brother's surprise and excitement as tony cascarino

there cannot be another tony cascarino in this world mad that is more unlikely yeah 82 years old that's class imagine charlie just sitting there waiting for it all to begin and then outblurted that name

blow your mind well how quick yeah how many thoughts would go through your head in a very short space of time emailing straight into the podcast um next up leo writes in charlie says i saw some nerd on a sky sports show describing rail saucy dad's Takafusa Kubo as a potential shrewd signing for Newcastle.

What is the threshold for shrewd signing?

I think it's quite ballsy to claim any transfer in hypothesis as shrewd before it's actually kind of materialised, isn't it?

Well, no, I think you would hear like, I think this would be a shrewd move for them.

But yeah, so breaking it down, I mean, I think, firstly, it needs to be not like mega money or massively spectacular.

You know,

what's a shrewd price tag right now for a sort of exciting attacking player then?

Oh, for an exciting attacking player.

I mean, depending how big the club is, but if you're talking about like one of the really biggest clubs,

I think you could get now with the way things are sort of relatively speaking.

If they're in like the 20 mils, I think, you know,

we're talking about an experienced international.

That could be a shrewd buy for me.

I think a shrewd as well needs, you know, he plays a lot of positions.

You know, he can play across the front line.

He's maybe, you know, not the biggest name.

I think shrewd as well is often it can be a kind of intra-Premier league signing.

So someone who we know a bit about and that they're going for seemingly not loads of money.

So, if you are talking about an attacker there, like

Diego Jotta or Trossard, when they were signed by Arsenal and Liverpool, they feel like instant shrodies because they're kind of like you know, you know what you're getting.

Yeah, they're really versatile, they're two-footed, they're just really reliable performers, and you kind of know that straight away.

I think Trossard fits that quite nicely.

Yeah, I think, I think it work this works better if there's not that much money involved.

And if it's a club signing a player who, for whatever reason, has sort of been written off or hasn't played much football.

So, like Brighton signing Danny Welbeck or a club signing Johnny Evans, and it was, you know, what?

And he hasn't played much football lately, but I think this is a really shrewd signing for them.

Get him fit.

There's still a player there.

Exactly.

I knew this was coming.

I'm so glad you said this.

The element of there's a player in there.

There's something you have to unlock about a player, which makes the reason that's the reason their stock is low.

You're buying their stock low to make it higher.

that's where the shrewdness comes in.

Isn't astute signing the same thing, Charlie?

I mean, there's obviously a lot of overlap, but astute, maybe there's a bit more kind of evidence.

There's sort of, you know, he's a bit more research.

Maybe that's more of an undiscovered gem, or astrew is a gamble worth taking.

Yeah, exactly.

Astute is like, you know, look at his numbers.

You know, he's got, he's won more jewels than anyone in Ligon last season.

You know, that's, that's,

he'll see, he should settle in well.

Okay, I think we've got it.

Okay.

Right, next up, fuck me.

this is niche.

Rise Weekly on Reddit wants to know why football clubs from from towns named X upon Y or similar always drop the on Y from their names.

I live in Bradford-on-Avon, he says Dave.

A mate asked me why our local football club is called Bradford Town FC, not Bradford-on-Avon FC or Bradford-on-Avon Town FC.

This got us thinking, do football clubs from X on Avon, X upon Thames, etc., ever keep the full town name in their club name?

We couldn't think of any.

Through Wikipedia lists, I found 57 English towns and cities that use this construction and then googled town name FC.

As far as I can make out, only three towns have football clubs who use their full name.

What a quiz question this is going to be, by the way.

Those three clubs are Chesterless Street Town FC and Chesterless Street United FC, Newton Low Willows FC and Western Super Mayor AFC.

I mean, is it disrespectful not to use the second half of the name?

I mean, it's a bit unwieldy, isn't it?

And I don't know, you know, Stoke-on-Trent are Stoke City, right?

Yeah.

It would be weird if they were called Stoke-on-Trent FC.

It would be.

Would it make them a bit more too Bob Charlie?

Would it make them a bit too village-y?

Yes, but I think that's only because that's developed as a convention.

But it definitely would.

It would just seem very like referee

sort of birthplace.

The comprehensive research that's gone into this, as you say, Dave, Stoke-on-Trent, feature in this list of dozens of towns that have a football team but don't take the full name.

Ashby De Lazuch.

Ashby De Lazuch don't even use it.

And that's a cool one.

Yeah.

But they're called Ashby Ivanhoe FC, so they've got other problems.

Okay, yeah.

Obviously, Kingston-upon-Hull, that's Hull City.

Kingston-upon-Thames, go for Kingstonian.

Newcastle under Lyme, they're Newcastle Town.

Be a bit more proud of where you're from, I reckon.

That's the summary here.

Stratford-on-Avon.

Is it Stratford-upon-Avon?

I think it's a lot of people.

Stratford-upon-Avon, yeah.

Yeah, they're just Stratford Town FC.

Disappointing.

And it is helpful, like when you're younger and

some of these things are quite confusing, the geographical things, and it would help to have that additional bit of context.

Yeah, anyway, great research from Rise Weekly.

Next up, Dylan Povey writes in with the news that AC Milan are likely to send Tammy Abraham back to Roma this summer.

He says there was a question on the pod a few months back about players that could feasibly sign for any club in the Premier League.

Here's the answer, Tammy Abraham.

I can picture him anywhere.

Chelsea return, Leeds slash Sheffield United marquee signing, any of the mid-table clubs, West Ham United, obviously West Ham.

And I wouldn't even stop at the 20 clubs of the Premier League.

He could definitely be playing for Celtic, Rangers, Sevilla, Ajax, Sporting Lisbon, Freiburg, Strasbourg next year.

And he's also prime for the Super League.

Is he the most sort of generically signable player out there at the moment, Dave?

He's got so many options.

Great position for him to be in.

Also, he occupies a strange space.

in the European football food chain, especially amongst strikers, Charlie, where he's got this kind of vaguely memorable Premier League CV that, you know, from a strange era in Chelsea's recent history, but also he's kind of his stock has fallen a bit because

he's had injuries and he's you know, he's been knocking about several Serie A clubs, so he might end up being a shrewd signing, is what I'm saying.

Yeah, he is your classic

sort of striker that you basically need one good Premier League season, you know, get like double figures as a striker, and that almost sets you for life because they'll always, almost always be a club.

It was like Marcus Bent was your classic of this genre.

He would always, like, he had one season where he scored a decent number, otherwise, didn't really.

But there was always enough to be like, well, yeah, sort of, maybe he will have another good.

He's got, he's probably got one more in him, and maybe we'll be the lucky ones.

Is it West Ham, though, Dave?

I sort of can see him at Leeds, oddly.

Yeah, I think Dylan is right.

I could see him at Fulham.

Maybe if Palace didn't have Enketia, he could fill that role for them.

I mean, West Ham's did Evan Ferguson, didn't they?

So

they've got recent form for kind of resurrecting the hopes of a young striker who I mean Tabby Abraham's not even that young anymore is he even even like Brentford I could see it would it would make sense but yeah promoted teams it yeah he he's he like you say he's just he's not he's just got enough about him to be attractive to so many options and the and the Chelsea thing as well like you it almost certainly wouldn't happen but you couldn't definitively rule it out and I feel like Chelsea fans might like it just because he's one of their own, that whole thing.

And so that kind of extends his window a little bit as well.

The full range of from Champions League chasing clubs to relegation strugglers and everything in between.

I wonder if his agent knows this, Charlie.

Does he know how many options he's theoretically got at his feet?

I mean, that's the thing as well.

When you are that level of a striker, you are so versatile because you're either, yes, can you be a sort of main man for a not very good club, or can you be the sort of backup plan B?

Because you could make a case, couldn't you, that, well, he could be useful, you know, for a team that maybe don't have that many strikers.

There's, you know, he's an option.

He's a plan B kind of guy.

Which of the Turkish big three is he, though?

I think

Fenobace?

I don't know.

I mean, Galatasarai is what came into my head, but there's no real reason for that.

But I don't think he's Vasiktas.

I just don't think he is.

But I think because Galatasarai are the most sort of, they'll play an English team in the Champions League and upset them, and he might pop up with a goal or a moment to kind of haunt them.

Either play United or someone if they win the, which people will know by now if they're in the Champions League next season.

Could he be Istanbul, Basixha here?

Oh, an outside shout.

Why?

Yes, absolutely could be, actually.

Give him at least a couple of years on that one.

Right, finally, this came from Jordan Laird.

It's from the BBC Scottish Football Podcast, a delightfully proportioned example of one of our old favourites.

Do you think this is Steve Clark just getting a look at some players, or do you think after the playoff with Greece, he's maybe thinking, right, this is the right time to start a bit of an overhaul and maybe phase out some of the players that have served him well, but maybe just hitting that age where they maybe need to start transitioning out of the squad?

Yeah, better both.

Delightfully lopsided one, Charlie, but you have to lopside it in that way.

You can't have a big long option A and then a really short option B.

It never works out that way.

Why?

That was a brilliant setup.

That's one of the longest I've ever heard.

I think since the live show one from the history podcast, it was so long.

Which I think about a lot.

It was so long, Dave, that it got to the point where you wondered if they were in on it.

But it just sort of unfolded so naturally.

Tremendous example.

Yeah, really good.

Great delivery, too.

Yeah.

Anyway, speaking of long, drawn-out affairs that involve Scottish people and us getting cheap laughs at the end of it, it's time for Keys and Grey Corner.

Wow, a midweek Keys and Grey Corner.

It's like finding a tenor in your pocket, isn't it?

It's just unexpected, but joyous.

Anyway, here's David Walker on the Football Cliches podcast on Tuesday talking about Richard Keyes at Goodison.

I suspect that was part of it, like just being back on his, you know, his patch old stomping ground.

How many times do do you think he referred to Goodison as the grand old lady?

Oh, God.

There she is.

And lo and behold, this came from D.

Fitzgerald's.

The first of them, a little bit special.

We're in the arms of the grand old lady.

The arms.

The arms.

Oh, that's even better.

Nobody's calling it.

The bosom of the grand old lady.

I swear it's only just become known as that the last week.

Anyway, great keys content all around, really.

Monday's blog dropped just just after we finished recording on Monday.

And the sign-off, Charlie, was, I'll leave you with a little teaser.

Stand by for a crosstown transfer that would cause a real storm, but at the same time, be good for all parties.

This week will determine whether it happens.

That was a particularly cantankerous delivery.

Yeah, it's the only gear I've got now for Keesy.

Well, it set our footballing brains going, didn't it?

We were trying to work out who it was, and that's the intention.

He's getting us going.

He's got some info, and he's using it.

He's brilliant at these.

I love it when he gets a bit of info.

Yeah.

And he's cryptic with them.

Still got it.

I initially thought that it might be, I think, because we were sort of speculating, oh, could it be De Bruyne to Man United?

But no, that's obviously it's not going to be something like that.

Then I thought, well, maybe because he's been on the ground at Goodison, has he picked something up from a contact there?

You know, he's had his ear to the ground.

Is it Darwin Nunes maybe to Everton?

That makes so much sense as well.

Potentially shrewd signing as well.

Yeah.

There's a player there.

But it appears not.

No, it appears not.

He has tweeted with a link to a mirror article entitled Jack Grealish's Five Transfer Options as Pep Guardiola addresses Man City exit.

And he says, hmm, there's one missing from this list.

One maybe a bit closer to home.

It's like a number of dots faster.

Grealish to United.

Wow, what if he calls that?

Because you haven't seen it anywhere else, have you, at all?

No, that must be.

Do you know that would cause a real storm?

Because I thought, I was thinking, I was like, I just don't know how bothered City would be, would they?

No, it feels like he's sort of so on the way out.

I'd be like, yeah, it's hardly Tevez, you know.

No, it's absolutely not.

God knows how much they'd pay for him.

That's such a weird deal to me.

Whether they need him or not, footballistically, I don't really care.

But I just, I'm...

Yeah, they'll be making a few quid out of it, but I'm not sure.

I can't picture him in the shirt either, Charlie, which is a huge factor here.

Yeah, it doesn't.

It doesn't work.

It could be alone.

I can almost see it being alone.

I think it works nicely, though.

Just get over there, hang out with your fellow England injury-prone lads, Luke Shaw and Mason Mount.

It'd be great.

Yeah, right.

The tunnel and the next time they meet will be fun.

I think it would be cordial, at least.

Anyway, Keesy, after sort of tantalisingly flirting with us with some breaking transfer news, returned to form during Man City versus Bournemouth, Dave, and he says, why is the ref wearing the same coloured jersey as the Bournemouth keeper tonight?

PGMOL ignore this law too often.

Each goalkeeper must wear colours that are distinguishable from the other players and the match officials.

What?

Keesy, it's match week 37, mate.

Don't worry about it.

It doesn't matter.

Get on the beach.

There's this shittish rule to care about.

Nothing even happened in the game to trigger it.

You just noticed.

There wasn't a corner or something where it was a little confusing.

Fucking hell.

Yeah, at what point would that actually become a problem?

One of the players passing the ball to the ref because they think he's the goalkeeper or something in the middle of the pitch.

I warned you this would happen.

Time and again.

Heads should roll at PGMOL.

Oh, sign off for the summer, Keezy.

Don't worry about it.

Anyway, thanks to you, Charlie Eccleshare.

Thank you.

You're off to Roland Garros, I understand.

Very much so, yeah.

Enjoy.

You'll still be dipping in and and out of the pod, I hope.

Thanks to you, Dave Walker.

Thank you.

Thanks to everyone for listening.

We'll be back on Tuesday.

See you then.

This podcast is part of the Sports Social Podcast Network.

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