Stanley Tucci's Champions League punditry, Furniccio Villaggione & a chat with Rudi Voller

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I'm sorry, you can sit there and and look and play with all your silly machines as much as you like.

Is Gas going on have a crack? He is, you know. Oh, I think

brilliant.

He's round the goalkeeper. He done it!

Absolutely incredible! He launched himself six feet into the crowd and kung fu kicked a supporter who was

without a shadow of a doubt getting him lip. Oh, I say,

It's amazing! He does it tame, and tame, and tame again. Break up the music! Charge a glass!

This nation is going to dance all night long!

A cultural review of Inter 4 Barcelona 3 from both sides of the Atlantic. A very human footballing sound from a Bundesliga highlights commentator.

The first ever usage of mercked in a Premier League live match commentary. A journey into the unravelling media persona of Graham Potter.

Cliché's pod running jokes settling domestic disputes, and the story of a man called Rudy Voller from Rudy Voller himself. Brought to your ears by Goalhanger Podcasts.
This is Football Clichés.

Hello everyone and welcome to Football Clichés. I'm Adam Hurry.
This is the adjudication panel. On that panel, of course, is Charlie Eccleshaire.
How are you doing? Very well, thank you.

Alongside you, David Walker.

Dave, on Tuesday's episode i don't know how this got through three pairs of our ears and another pair of ears in the edit but i somehow managed to mix up big break and you've been framed it didn't even it didn't even come close to entering my mind but i mean the logic is sound right absolutely you can see how you've done it you can see how you've fallen into that trap i i yeah i at the time i didn't realize it i think charlie did either and yeah editing it as well it just didn't even didn't even register that you'd got it wrong charlie you're usually so quick to pick up on these things.

I know. Well, what happened was, because I think, I can't remember exactly, but you corrected yourself, but it must have been that you were correcting yourself about something else.

About the format, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
So, I thought in your acknowledgement of that, you'd kind of acknowledged that obviously it was wrong and that that would, you know, sort of scratch that.

So, I was like, I don't, you know, I don't need to pipe up here. So, you know, classic, perfect storm.
You've been framed could easily be the name of a snooker game show. It's absolutely perfect.

It's a great name for it. It should be.
And it also begs the question, was there anyone who ever became famous off the back of being on You've Been Framed? Could they have called it Big Break instead?

Yeah. I mean, well, was it his bit? Was it Beatles Big Break? He'd done a bit before, hadn't he? But that sort of defined him.

The hubris looking back of me saying, I know the format of You've Been Framed. Thank you very much.

I mean, look, hands up. I enjoyed it.
I've been singing the Big Break theme tune all morning. So

we all win in a way. Right, let's begin.
We're, well, the only place to begin. Tuesday night, Intermilan 4, Barcelona 3, Aggregate 7-6.
My highlights?

Actually, it was Amazon Prime's quinquilingual pitch side reporter Alex Aljo helping out QPR legend Julio César with his football clichés.

How much of an advantage to Inter have with this incredible crowd tonight?

I can understand, sorry. It helps them, doesn't it? Ajour de Muito? Of course, I think

the defense they are the

12 players, you know?

I don't know. 12 man, 12 man.
Yeah.

Just immaculate stuff turns out she knows six languages Charlie the language of football as well.

Yeah, endlessly impressive I have to say these these sort of in real-time translations and yes to do that with

football idioms lovely stuff Julio Cesar by the way Dave just seems like a properly nice bloke.

He's very FIFA drawery UEFA drawery isn't he I think as well you can he may have done one but I can definitely imagine him standing up there in front of the plinth and looks like the American dad character I've always thought.

Oh right interesting.

He's got a friendly face yeah definitely amazon prime also dave brought us the commentary pairing once again of alan shearer uh alongside jon champion once again i thought it was quite a nice change from the chaos of tnt tnt would have been all over this it would have been it would have been raucous wouldn't it there was times last night though where i was thinking

ali mccoys would be having a great time here and i'd be enjoying it but it is always nice to hear john champion as well yeah champion obviously brings a different energy to say drury charlie on on nights like this but i if anything I thought the audio was a little bit detached.

There were moments where I thought, Are they actually at Stockley Park? They're not actually at San Cero. It almost feels like they weren't quite connected to the euphoria of what was going on.

Oh, do you think? Yeah, maybe, but I think that might have been a bit of, I might even have not minded that because I did find the first leg.

We were asked a brilliant question, can't remember what it was, but you know, to talk about football wank fests.

And good God, the Laminia Miles stuff last week crossed that threshold into wank fest. Yeah.
Yeah, I thought I thought it was too much. Like, it almost, like, I love him as much as the next guy.

He's amazing. But

it was just like constant one-upmanship about him. And, like,

you know, and then into the realms of like, oh, he is human after all. Like, you know, he's 17.
What were you doing? You know, all of that sort of stuff.

I actually preferred that it was maybe a little bit more mellow. I enjoyed Sheeran Champion a lot.

There is this clamor with Yamal to crown him the next Messi, I suppose, because of the Barcelona thing as well, and that he's fat that he's so young. But he's the person who has filled that void.

There is a clamor in general to crown anyone as the next Messi, and he's the person that at the moment I think is sort of come closest to being that guy. And just wait.
I don't think we do.

I think he's already brilliant.

I think mostly it's been justified. But yeah, I do accept the Wankfest threshold may have been met.
On your point about the

commentary sounds and the noise,

I did wonder that as well, actually.

And someone pointed out to me as well that it felt like the crowd noise was distant, almost like I don't know whether they were behind some glass or whether there was the effects mic wasn't turned up loud enough or whatever.

Because when you it was very noticeable when you went down to Gabby Logan and the pundits at halftime, the crowd noise was really loud inside the San Ciro.

But during the game, it didn't sound like the atmosphere fit what we were seeing on the pitch. I really agree with that.

Yeah, there were a few times when they said things like, the noise now, you know, what a mood change, the noise now. And I was sort of like, it really doesn't sound that loud.

And I was like, Are they just that makes more sense? Because in my mind, I was like, Are they just bigging it up? But I kind of think champions are better than that. I don't think he would do that.

Do you know what I mean? This is the first time we've ever blamed the foreign sound engineers for the brokenness.

Nothing wrong with the sound here, though, as the heavens opened at San Sero.

And as the rain is driven into the faces of the players with

increasing vigor,

so the noise echoes around around this iconic bowl and up in the gods

Barcelona's fans much quieter than they were even a few minutes ago

We're getting everything from you tonight. We're even getting weather updates with the rain coming down

Turning into Michael Fish

This is it's bread and butter banter Charlie. I'm just I just love it.
I loved it in the context of what was going on. I love the fact he went for Michael Fish, which is the only option.

Some people saying John Ketley, which is also, you know, I sympathize with, but brilliant.

Yeah, I mean, independent that you tweeted it and without me seeing moments later, I put on our WhatsApp thread saying, I love that Michael Fish is still the go-to guy here.

Absolutely perfect. It had to be him, that man, Michael Fish.
Yeah.

And then didn't Champion then make the only other thing that everyone knows about Michael Fish that he incorrectly predicted that hurricane, which Champion then, or didn't predict the hurricane, which Champion referenced.

It was just perfect. Yeah.
Yeah. Really, really nice.
As I said, Dave, the energy on Amazon Prime was nice and controlled. I felt like that

they were sort of keeping things nice and steady, but over on the increasingly and knowingly unhinged CBS Sports. Hello, everybody.
Welcome to Beckham and Friends, the debut episode.

I have the honor of introducing this Champions League watch-along show, but it's not my show, it is your show.

You are the host, David Beckham, of course, Champions League winner, former World Cup England captain, and global icon.

And you've invited a couple of your friends to watch this Champions League game with a semifinal second leg we've got acclaimed movie director Guy Ritchie and also star of stage and screen Stanley Tucci good to see you both good to have you both with us

I mean what the fuck

wow so yeah just to just to reiterate what the scene is here Charlotte David Beckham watching the game in a frankly ludicrous kind of drawing room studio with a bookcase behind him leather sofas wood paneling a fake fire behind them.

Looks like the house from the traitors.

Yeah, it does, yeah. Um, so Kate Scott was kind of directing things, yep, sure.
Thierry Andre dropped in, fine. Jamie Carragher was in and out, sure.

Michael Richards, obviously, uh, just sort of leaping into the scene, and then Guy Ritchie, yeah, okay, fine. And then Stanley Tucci.
What? What is Stanley Tucci doing here?

They'd only met a few weeks earlier, David Becker for Stanley Tucci. Is that right? Yeah, he's not a long-standing associate of him.

Yeah, I mean, an amazing idea. We'd love to know how it sort of all came together.
Yeah. Can't say I'd be desperate to watch it.

No, I mean, from the clips that I saw, Dave, Stanley Tucci's interventions were few and far between.

They were as measured as you could imagine, but he was really clinging on to whatever football knowledge he could absorb from the rest of them.

That's really strange that they've got him if he's not really good friends of Beckham. Because you can understand it if Beckham was like, oh, we've got to get Stanley along.

Like, he loves his football.

He'll be great. But otherwise, it is a bit random.
I mean, Kai Ritchie's, I mean, I suppose they are probably mates, aren't they? Him and Beckham.

Yes, known each other for 15 years, apparently. But I've got no idea as to Guy Ritchie's football creds, to be honest with you.
But I mean, the concept of the watch-along is obviously not a new thing.

And

it is, I think, more of a mainstream accepted thing in America.

There's been a big thing in the NFL for the last few years. The Manning brothers have a regular watch-along that's done really well on NFL.

And that kind of makes sense because they're actually, those two are like two great quarterbacks who are watching the game analysing it but also having fun and they do occasionally get a guess on I think but it's not it's sort of done remotely and it's all a bit it all makes a bit more sense than these lots sitting in front of a fireplace

these lot

I mean yeah again again I'm not against the concept holly I just I just did I wasn't sure if it needed the fish out of water angle with Stanley Tucci much much as everybody loves him obviously but just to give you an idea of how the dynamic did or didn't work so you've got basically seven people in the studio at its absolute peak.

And I'm not saying the whole dynamic needs some work, but here is David Fratesi's winner.

It is unbelievable.

It's crazy. What a game this is.

What a game.

The champions just never disappear.

It's not always like this, you know. No, no, I know.
He's got a really good game to play. I know, I know, I know.

This is one of the special channels on my left and in that game.

A game like that, oh man away, three, three, four, three.

It's gonna be 10-10 on aggregate.

You think we get more?

You know what? I don't know where to, I don't know what to say anymore.

All I really would have wanted from this broadcast is just a really smooth. What a player he was, by the way.

Here in Italy, we have a saying about football.

Yeah.

Nothing. Instead, just a really, like, and fair play to him.

You know, it doesn't sound like he's necessarily an expert, but he keeps it nice and vague with, oh, the energy. Yeah.

You know, he's kind of like, yep. Micah Richards, Dave, taking on the role of teaching the American how it all works, which is a crucial role in this dynamic, surely.
Yeah, yeah.

It's not always like this.

Yeah,

I just really hope. Don't bring this across the pond.
I'm all right with it being in America. Crack on.
I don't know, man. I think I fear for it.
I think it's fine. Fear for it.
Yeah.

yeah, I think it's probably on the way our own friends

As we record on Wednesday lunchtime, Charlie, we've fallen between the Champions League cracks, as we so often do.

Um, so PSG versus Arsenal will be taking place this evening, and by the time people are listening to this, it will already have happened.

Um, so let's let's air our precise predictions what's going to happen. It's going to be on TNT Sports.
I don't know if that's going to affect your take on how things are going to unfold.

I assume that means even more drama, right? These things come in couplets. Champions League nights come in pairs.
Well, they do, yeah, don't they?

There's that 2019, those two semis where, speaking of one upping, I mean, they just you went from Liverpool Barca and then the Ike Spurs.

Yeah, although I do, I do wonder if this might then be the sort of letdown that they're kind of, especially because the NT will be so desperate, you know, because they'll be gutted they missed out on last night.

I mean, I even saw like on their, you know, their social channels, because they still have rights to highlights, they put a few up, and you could, I mean, it wasn't at all, but it felt like it was through gritted teeth, you know, the kind of like, was this the best Champions League night ever?

Um, so I can sort of imagine a bit of a damp squib and then quite, and then just the sort of like, you know, I know they've had injuries, of course, they have, but

just lack, you know, they just lack that firepower. And it's, you know, it's been a long time since they've won a trophy.
You know,

they've got to be asked, haven't they?

If this scenario, Dave, of a business like PSG just seeing the tie out, maybe with another 1-0 win or something like that, just that kind of trio, that gantry trio trying to make some material out of the remaining 75 minutes or something will be, it's going to be a tough gig for them if that's how it goes.

It wouldn't surprise me if it was fairly routine for PSG in similar way to how it kind of unfolded in the first leg.

But I think if it becomes clear that that is the way it's going to go, I think you'll get the lads, TNT lads, will just get really stuck into praising PSG and how... Anointing them, maybe.
Yeah.

And how this is finally the PSG team after all those years of false promise and spending money on Neymar. They could do, yeah.
Okay, that's Champions League matters taken care of.

Let's return to ongoing topics. The fallout continues from Trent Alexander Arnold's announced exit from Liverpool.
Lots of chief football correspondents telling fans how to feel, either way.

But I did enjoy this debate on Twitter. Someone, Dave, debating that Alexander Arnold has the right to try something different.
He's been at Liverpool for 20 years.

A Liverpool fan replied saying he hasn't really been at the club for 20 years. He wasn't at the club in any meaningful way when he was six.

Then the other person replied saying, no, he's literally been at the club 20 years. I'm not exaggerating.
And then the other guy said, no one is at a club in a meaningful professional sense pre-13.

Being at the club means it's your job, your full-time occupation. I didn't notice Trent getting his first testimonial when he was 16.
That's it.

Like, can't argue with that. That's such a good argument.
A great argument.

And it proves Charlie. And I realise that, you know, this is veering into, you know, he's 28 till he's 29 territory.

But it just goes to show that are so many ways that people will try and snake out of a viewpoint you know of an argument it's so good i love how people will do this

that's superb just the idea of someone actually getting a testimony at age 16 just before he's made his first team maybe

should have happened that's how the rules work wapped to testimonials anyway jesus this does seem like a a quite a recent development in in the sort of stories of of young players careers i mean has it always been the case that people would refer to being at the club since they were five or six or whatever?

Yeah.

Because if you flip it on its head, if you're one of these people who was at a club from the age of six until 12, that doesn't really count, does it?

If you're sort of saying, oh, yeah, I used to be on the books at Liverpool. Where is she? Yeah.

Yeah. So it's a bit, I think it's a little bit tenuous.
I guess it's because they formalise the, you know, the academy process and below.

Like, you do have under sixes, under sevens to a certain extent. So they didn't have that before.
I can't get my head around someone being attached to a football club at the age of six.

I mean, you're both parents. Like, how can a six-year-old, any six-year-old be at that level? You do see s like, my son plays on Saturday mornings and you do see some kids.

I mean, he's only four, but there are already some kids who are in, like, full kits and look like a cut above.

I don't know how, I don't know where they would be relative to kids who at six are actually getting into academies, but I suspect one or two of them might be.

Like, I think even at that age, there are some kids who are just ridiculously good and stand out. My kid does drama on Saturday morning.
She's moved up a level.

I have it that she's acting above her years already.

Oh, dear. Right.
Next up, Jack Lang was watching the highlights of Union Berlin versus Werda Bremen. Of course he was.

As the visitors take the lead inside two minutes and delight this world feed commentator with a very universal kind of football noise to elicit from somebody.

And they've had some terrific results of late. The season was rather topsy-turvy.
That's why Stefan Baumgart came

on the 2nd of January.

What a start!

I've listened to this so many times now, Charlie. I still can't count the syllables involved in the ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! But I love ha ha ha!

Like, it's not a ha-ha-ha-ha-worthy goal, but of course, the earliness of it does help. But I mean, it's such a great football noise to just suddenly come out of you, isn't it?

Because you know it's sincere when that happens. Yeah, I mean, didn't we talk about like well well and uh well, and this is on a whole other level to that.

Yeah, it's it's I suppose it's slightly derived from well well, isn't it, Dave? It kind of implies that something has happened here and it's

certainly changed matters. Here we are.
Hello.

Well, look at you.

That's an interesting angle to bring it on it. Maybe it was a more curious ha

because I've always thought of ha-ha ha as a kind of thumping drive from 30 yards, Dave, but maybe this was a slight variant on the ha ha ha.

I think it is versatile, can be deployed in a few different scenarios, but yeah, this is this is nice. Yeah, I like it.
Jack Lang declared it, Charlie, as a musical one.

I'm not having it as a musical kind of bitter. No, I won't have it.

Stick with broadcasting now. Some tweaks will be made to the Premier League broadcasting arrangements from next season.

The chief amongst them, Dave, being that cameramen are set to be allowed onto the pitch during Premier League games next season to film goal celebrations.

Those using steady cams, who often enter the field at the final whistle, will be allowed to do so while the game is taking place as part of a plan to give broadcasters more bang for their buck, say the Daily Mail.

How games gone do you think this could be for

certain people?

They say during the game, just during celebrations. Yes.
You would have

to get in the penalty area.

Go on,

go on. Yeah.
It's a drop, an instant

But yeah, I can he's basically fine. Again, this sort of thing that happens quite a bit in, I think, like NFL and stuff.

You have those, like, you see, those, they've got those special cameras with that big sort of disc thing on it that makes it look really super HD and like the backgrounds blurred out.

Oh, absolutely be that. I, at some point, I wonder whether a certain pair of ears in Doha might prick up about this and see what he has to say.

But then maybe, maybe BE are going to get access as well, I suppose. They're paying their money.

money so yeah that's true also wouldn't wouldn't he pretend to be really close with a few snappers who he'd sort of he could name check and you know snappers say that he's delighted to see them getting their moment I wonder how the cameramen themselves feel about this Charlie be like oh fuck's sake do I mean

I mean it's an expensive piece of equipment I'm not gonna have I'm gonna have someone jump on my back it's like you know could pull a hamstring yeah thing is I suppose at the moment they can get quite close because the players often go off the pitch when they celebrate down to the corners so they can kind of already do it there's not many celebrations that sort of are happening in the middle of the pitch really are there yeah how much more access do they want like quite literally just just get off go away that's enough um now well worn territory now i i have i have no idea to the extent to which this has been done knowingly but milton keynes dons have unveiled their new crest club crest uh the language that goes with it is utterly absurd as you can imagine sort of lots of lines on this diagram explaining what various elements mean but the um the circular design, they say, is a deliberate reference to the iconic roundabouts of Milton Keynes, a symbol of connection, movement, and identity within our unique city.

How tremendous is that? Honestly. Good on them.
I mean, it's going to get talked about. Yeah,

and it has. I've seen them getting a bit of stick in certain quarters for having Roman numerals on their badge as they refer to their.

Have you seen the logic for it? At the base of

the crest, the club's founding year, 2004 is inscribed in Roman numerals, grounding us in our history. I mean that there is a gravitas to using Roman numerals, sure, but if you were founded in 2004...

This is a big moment for them, I suppose. Finally sort of reckoning with their with their genesis.
Right, this episode is brought to you in association with NordVPN.

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The King Power Stadium ballboy was being slightly mischievous as the visitors tried to take a throw-in.

Commentator Joe Rawson dusting off a classic here.

Ryan Munning

getting merced, I think, is

the terminology by the ball boy.

Yep, no come back from co-commentator Gary Bertels there, nor would you expect it from such a venerable man as him. But Charlie, would you...

How confident would you be that that is the first use of merced in any Premier League commentary since its inception in 1992?

Yeah, I mean, because at the time, I don't imagine any of the commentators would have been using it, and then it just became too far removed so you don't think Market would have dropped one in in the 150 surprise yeah there might have been one around the time of

when when did Rio Ferdinand start doing his

2006 or 2006

merked was first coined maybe maybe around then I reckon there could be one but definitely I don't think it would have had a particularly long lifespan afterwards I mentioned that Gary Bertels didn't pipe up in response and that's probably because he was completely preoccupied for the entire 90 minutes and this is classic world feed co-commentary He was absolutely livid at Southampton, still trying to play out from the back, despite being condemned and on being on like their third manager of the season.

He was livid for 90 minutes, saying, this is a joke. They're still doing it.
And

it's pure world feed fodder.

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And the link is also in our podcast description if you need it. We'll be back very shortly.

As you can see, we can look what the Grinch preparo be McDonald's y verazo lo que tremor. En no grinch meo, ya en McDonald's en McDonald's participants as agotar existences.
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Oh, look at that!

That is wonderful!

Welcome back to Football Clichés Now.

Listeners will recall last week's superb footballers' names in things when a BBC News story about the power outages in Spain quoted a British expat by the name of Rudy Voller.

We got loads of correspondence about this, this, Dave. Joseph said, I'm good pals with Rudy Voller of Essex, and I can confirm that is his real name.
That's good news, isn't it?

Some corroboration of the situation. Yeah, yeah.
It does seem like a lot of listeners are familiar with this guy.

Yeah, James Law also wrote in, Charlie, and says, I can confirm that Rudy Voller was and is the Essex guy's real name. I went to uni with him.

Unfortunately, I've got nothing more on why that happened. My apologies.
Well, yeah, cheers, James. But yes, people did go to university with this guy.
And what a hit he must have been.

Well, it's the sort of name that you don't forget, even if you're not mates with him. Oh, yeah, that guy was in.
That was that Rudy Voller. He's in our year.

You'd have seen his name written down somewhere, and you'd have been so curious.

What's this guy's story? What does he look like?

Has he changed his name? What's going on here? Dom Eddy said, I couldn't believe I heard Rudy Voller's name on the last MHD. He was at university with me in Birmingham.

His family are big football fans, so I assume that was the motivation to call him Rudy. So we're getting closer.
It has to be football related, right?

It has to be, it has to have been, I don't know, the German, German immigrants, or I don't know, like just i don't know big roma fans in the 80s i don't know

definitely an awareness at least anyway from his parents anyway it's probably best to speak to the man himself so joining us on the cliches pod words i simply could never have comprehended ever saying is rudy volla hi rudy

hello thank you for the big intro that's all right how are you doing i'm very well thank you how are you guys I'm really good.

Let's get straight to it. I really only have one question here.
Why are you called Rudy Volla? First of all, I want to state that that is my actual name on my birth certificate.

Rudy Volla, nothing else, not even a middle name. It is Rudy Voller.
Pure Rudy Volla. Spelt exactly the same as you saw it on that article.
It wasn't a pseudonym. It wasn't made up.
That is my name.

Why am I called Rudy Volla?

I'm glad that someone finally asked because I've been asking that same question my whole life.

I wish I had a better story, genuinely, but My the best I can give you is that my mum at the time in 96 thought she was going to have a girl and wanted the name Ruby, liked the name Ruby a lot.

And turned out I was a boy. You didn't know the gender back then before.
So my dad said, let's go with Rudy instead of Ruby because it sounds similar. It sounds cool.

My mum had fought for Ruben, but my dad didn't like it. So he was like, let's go with Rudy Voller.
For context, my dad is a massive football fan, a Life Bung West Ham fan.

He knew exactly who Rudy Voller was. My mum was none the wiser.
She just liked the sound of the name.

And yeah, my dad went with it because he thought it was a cool name. And to give you a bit more context on my dad, he's a very chilled-out guy, he kind of likes is a bit of a wind-up as well.

Um, and to give you a bit of context over him choosing names, my younger brother was going to be called Toronto before he was called Oscar, so this is a man that kind of likes giving a bit of a different name.

But wow, um, so yeah, it turns out that Rudy Voller was born son of Rachel and Derek Voller from Baselburn and Hamilton in Derek Voller,

yeah.

That's it, Derek Voller's the best thing has ever happened to this podcast Ever.

That's it. That's the story.
That's where the name came from. There's no German relations to the family.

As far as we go back, from a bit of research, Voller comes from Fuller up north, which was something to do with beer or brewing. And as it made it way further down south, it became Fuller to Voller.

Extraordinary. Did you get a lot of grief at school? I think growing up, I hated the name because I never met anyone else in my name.
No one knew it.

You just wanted to be called Jack, Tom, or Harry, and be like everyone else. And I would say to people, my name's Rudy.
And people would be like, like, what? Rudy? Rooney? Rudy.

So I didn't like it back then. Growing up, I've learned to appreciate it a bit more and have had some situations where it's been quite cool and helped me.

And people have, as you said on the pod, I was listening to it, which I got sent so many times, by the way.

It has had different reactions over the years. Some people just think nothing of it.
And other people are like, no way, that's not your name. That is absolutely not your name.

Because, yeah, Rudy, another of your pals, Alan Feely, I think that's how it's pronounced. Apologies.
Apologies, Alan. But yeah, he messaged me saying, Yeah,

I know. I'm mates with Rudy Volla.
We're in Madrid at the same time, and it's his real name. And my first question to him was kind of like, How quickly did you go in with the name stuff?

Like, would some people be quite reluctant? Because they'd be like, oh, he probably gets this all the time. Or would people just jump straight in and be like, what's the deal there? No, it varies.

Some people that know of the football fans are like, surely that's not your actual name. What's your real name? That's always

the amount of times in my life, I've done it, that's actually my real name. And I always have to have my ID handy to show someone.

And like when you live in Spain, you get like an ID card, so it's easy to just whip out me like, that's my name.

Beforehand, it would have been my driving license because people are often asked for proof, they don't believe that it's my actual name.

If they're a football fan and know who Rudy Voller is, have you been to Germany? Uh, yeah, I have. Um, I've been a few times.

I went to watch West Ham in a pre-season game against Werda Bremen and uh took a scarf that said Eskipner iron Rudy Fuller, which means there's only one Rudy Voller, and uh, got asked for numerous photos from local German fans.

I also lived when I used to lived in Valencia before living in Madrid and lived below two German brothers and they came down to introduce themselves and said, oh, what's your name? Oh my God.

And I said, Rudy. And he went, I like Rudy Fuller.
And I was like, actually is Rudy Volla. And he was like, obviously not.

So he said to me, obviously not. And I was like, no, it's actually my name.
So he was like, show me your ID. So I showed my ID and he sprinted upstairs, no dog to his brother.

I went, come down right now.

You have to see this. This is this kid's actual name.
Rudy Voller's here. Oh, my goodness.
This is, I mean, this has worked out exactly as I would have hoped, this conversation, quite frankly.

We said at the top of this segment that so many people had got in touch about you. They'd met you on their travels.
You're clearly a very popular guy. Helped or not by your name, I've got no idea.

Adam Rosenbaum also said, there are definitely vollers in Essex. I was traveling in Vietnam last year and I met a guy called Oscar Voller, who was a West Ham fan, and his family are from Essex.

Your brother is spreading the word. It's fantastic.
I'm not sure Moro was in Vietnam last year, so I don't know how that's happened.

But yeah, I guess it's a strange surname, so it does get around in that sense. People are often people always think we've got German descent, like always.

So it's a big family in Essex and East London, so that's probably why it gets around a little bit.

Are you old enough to have been of sort of, I don't know, primary school or secondary school age when the

Sven, Sven, Sven, Joran Erickson song was around in the early noughties? I know of that song. Because there is a line in that Rudy Voller is featured in that song.

I didn't actually know that.

I've not been able to think of anything else since we had this chat on the last song.

It's just been fizzing around my head. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Volla.

I didn't know that was part of the song. Charlie, at least you're the first person ever to sing that to him.
So that's good news, isn't it? Yeah, that is good. Yeah, pleased about that.

I usually get a song Rude Boy by Rihanna or

something because people like the name Rudy and find it difficult. Well, surely Stop Your Messing Around must get said to you quite a lot.
Yeah, that gets played quite a few times.

And I have to have the awkward moment where I'm standing there, like when people are singing happy birthday to you and the whole room's pointing at you again. A message to you, Ruth.

And I'm like, I don't know what to do right now.

That's happened a few times. It sounds like you've had a tough life, mate.
But thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I thought it was about time someone gave the name a bit of recognition.

I haven't had any for so many years, and I've had to carry the weight of that name, not living up to my dad's expectations and not making it as professional footballer.

I mean, being on the football clichés podcast is about as good as it got for me in my football career.

Me too.

I was quite happy. I was very much laughing reading through

One of my mates sent me the Reddit stream and just the comments on it were really making me laugh. And when we first listened to the podcast, my partner and I were laughing so much.

Ripping into the name and then being like, it's an objectively great name. So I was like, you know, I take that.
I stand by it.

I'd love to be called Rudy Volla, whether it was based on a real person or not. I did once get a discount on this.

Oh, wow. Wow.
Of course. It's that shirt.
I was in Cadiz in the south of Spain and went into a retro football shop and I saw it up on the wall. And I said said to the guy, oh my god, that is my name.

I want that top. And he was like, it's not for sale.
And I was like, come on, you've got to give me that top. And he was like, no, no, can't.
I was like, that's my name.

So I showed him my ID and he was like, oh my God, that is actually your name. Okay.
And then he ended up selling me the kit. So I found it on the retrodog.

That was the only time it's ever given me any kind of benefit. Oh, that's good.
Material benefit. Yeah.

Long may that continue. I really hope you start cashing in on it somehow.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Rudy Voller. Thanks very much.
No, Thank you so much. Right, next up, Jonathan Pearce's Drip Fed audiobook autobiography continues on Match of the Day.

6-0 win over Preston in February 1893.

I can't remember that one, but I can recall vividly my first visit in September 1976 with Bristol City.

Goals from Bob Latchford and Martin Dobton didn't detract from the magical effect this World Cup 66 ground had on me. It is simply unique.
Dave, you've got the absolute trifecta.

of Jonathan Pearce commentary here.

One, a little joke about how old he is, sort of self-deprecation, self-deprecation, a completely unnecessary bit of extra information like goal scorers and, I don't know, the times they scored or whatever.

And then third, crucially, just the sheer affection as a little lad for being in and around football and just the awe that it gave him at that age. It's pure Piercy.
It's brilliant.

And he really has settled into this role as the sort of elder statesman, I suppose, of the BBC commentary pack. And it's great.

And he's sort of filling in the blanks quite nicely because previously we had him telling us about his first car, but he's gone back a bit further now.

And he's sort of filled in some of those sort of childhood first football memories for us. He's spoken about his parents before and like with such affection, Charlie.
Like heart-rending.

But, you know, no more obvious marker that he's been given this kind of, you know, mini role in things than being accommodated for this at the start of a match of the day highlights.

Like it's quite a long intro if you think about it for a match. Yeah, they're leaning into it.

And the fact that he's being introduced himself in this way, it's not like his intro is being given an intro it's quite great that you can just go from that to say yeah joe james tarkovsky is out with a hamstring injury his season looks like it's over that's got to be a very rare rare case of a commentator on broadcast admitting who they support yeah saying that he was there with bristol city which is great but it's you know again you don't hear that much all signs that he's sort of yeah just in a slightly different role now right next up a question from kevin needs to talk dave he says as an avid football and clichés fan the common idiom moving the goalposts always conjures up an image of a football pitch.

But which way are the goalposts moving? I would suggest they're moving further away, making the pitch overall bigger slash longer.

Could they be moving sideways instead, or more likely, narrowing to reduce the size of the goal?

I'm aware this phrase specifically doesn't work in a football context, but I'm keen to hear your thoughts nonetheless. Dave, what does it conjure in your head?

In my head, it's always been like the shot has taken place and somebody's quickly moved the goal out of the way so it goes wide. So it was on target, but you've moved the goalpost at the last minute.

Now it's not a goal.

Charlie, before we get on to which direction the goalposts are figuratively moving in, I had no concept of the idea that the shot had already been taken, the ball was moving towards goal.

I just thought it was something that, you know, it was just being constantly moved and

the other party were having to work out where to put their shot. Yeah, I always thought it was a post-hoc kind of thing.

You've been doing what you've been asked to do.

So, you know, imagining that as goalposts, you've been scoring. And then they're actually like, oh, no, you know what? We're going to make this a bit harder or a bit more difficult.

And then they move them. It's kind of, well, what are you doing? Like,

we've been aiming for here. We've done what you asked.
Right. And now the goalposts are changing and moving.

Okay, but crucially, Charlie, where are the goalposts going if you were to visualize this scenario in any way? I think

if I have imagined it, I've imagined they'd just be moved to the side. Just because in my head, you can't really move them.
But because you can't really move them back, there's not really...

That would be rubbish. It'd still go in, hopefully.
No, no, it wouldn't.

If you've been aiming for the middle of the goal and then all of a sudden they're moved 10 yards to the left, it's like, oh, yeah, well, our shots aren't yeah going in now because we were aiming for the middle and obviously you wouldn't move them forward because that would make it easier i mean i mean we've got the backwards and forwards options we've got the sideways options which is you know obviously the right answer dave but i never considered the idea that you just narrow the posts underneath the bar yeah if you did move them forwards it could be harder if you're if the goal is all of a sudden is then behind you It's hard to get the ball up and down as well, isn't it?

Yeah, I've always imagined it as a sideways thing, though.

It's being yanked to the side. Yes.
Yeah, because you're right, Charlie. Moving Moving it back, I just, you know, I am envisaging it in a stadium.

There's no room to move the goals back unless you were playing, you know, a big stadium with a running track or the old Wembley or something. But there we are.

Kevin needed to talk, and I hope he's been satisfied with that. Right, we'll take a break.
We'll be back in a moment.

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Now, I want to talk about Graham Potter because I am slightly worried about how his career trajectory has taken him into a place where he feels something out of his comfort zone and I'm not surprised this has happened at West Ham United football club quite frankly.

But here he is after they lost quite cruelly and dramatically to his old club Brighton. We have a lot of work to do.
Graham, how are we seeing this frustrating quiet since?

Well I'm going to be frustrated.

Of course I am. I'm not a f-

Not a robot. I'm a human being as well.
I stand there myself, give everything to this what I'm doing. Of course I'm going to be upset.
Of course, I'm going to be frustrated.

I have to come here and speak calmly to you guys. But that's not how I'm feeling inside.

If you want me to swear, I can swear. No, don't swear, Graham.
Last time you did that, look what happened. What did happen?

When he was swearing, when he was Chelsea manager, saying we're going to win the fucking Champions League or whatever. Yeah, it was so unconvincing.

I mean, once again, it's a little bit Ian Duncan Smith. The quiet man is raising up the volume.

Jack Bitt Brooks sent this to me, comparing it to the famous Ed Miller band, Am I Toughen Enough?

Which is almost exactly 10 years ago. It occurred to me today.

But yeah, it did have a bit of that vibe, didn't it? You know, the kind of like, oh, you don't think I'm tough. I'll show you I can be tough.
And it just. Not feeling sincere.
I agree, though, Adam.

I do feel a bit for him. I don't really know where.
Yeah, I'm not saying this was forced.

I'm just saying I feel uncomfortable watching him having to prove his emotion. No, totally.
But I just mean generally a manager like him, they kind of get one go at a big club. Yeah.

And then it's like, it didn't didn't work out. And then you're sort of, what's your level now? Oh, it's West Ham.
And turns out that's quite a hard job as well.

And you've lost that kind of up-and-coming sheen as well, Dave. Like that kind of invulnerability to being an up-and-coming manager.
He's not that anymore.

His career has literally plateaued and now he's quite exposed. I seem to remember, sorry, I seem to remember a lot of talk when he was at Brighton about his emotional intelligence.
Yeah.

100%. And the way he dealt with players.
Has he got some sort of... Did he do a degree in sort of

something very directly related? Yes. yeah, some sort of psychology or something.

And he must have like met with rugby coaches and stuff and talked to them, but you know, he's he's tapped into brains from other sports about how to manage big characters. I'm sure he's done that.

It's a great example of that sort of quality being used as something to praise somebody about when they're on the up.

You know, chuck that into the long read about all the things he's done at Brighton.

But when it's not going for him and he's sort of showing his sort of human side and kind of talking in a more natural way than you would expect in a press conference when it's going badly.

It's like, oh god, he's losing it. He's, he's, what's going on here? Cracking.
Yeah. So, I mean, it was bad enough that Gray Potter had to react in a human way to a dramatic defeat.

But in the following press conference, he was asked to reflect on that reaction.

And I think as you get older, I care less about what you guys think.

Wasn't okay. To be honest, I get older.
I care less about what you think. So I'm happy to just be myself.
And if myself,

if myself is, I'm annoyed after we've conceded two goals in three minutes.

I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't, Gail, because on the one hand, you're having a go at me for being too nice or do whatever. I've not had a

go at you thinking I've been doing it.

But do you know what I mean? You get criticised for being too nice, you get criticised for not for being too emotional. This one's a bit Brent, guilty, get a new rule book.

Charlie, I don't want to attack this from the angle of, you know, he says he's not rattled, but he clearly is.

But what specifically, he seems to be specifically rattled about someone saying, you know, you have been too nice. And so,

no, I can be angry. I can be angry as well.
He's particularly preoccupied. And I feel sorry for him that he has to deal with this as well as having one of the hardest jobs in professional sport.

It probably is incredibly annoying. I mean, all the sort of contradictory claims that made about managers.
And also the fact that for pundits, talk is so cheap.

They can say whatever they want and just completely then contradict themselves. And no one cares.
There's no accountability. It's fine.

Whereas, you know, for managers, like, you know, whereas he's got to, like you say, he's being asked to reflect and talk about and pretty much justify his reaction from something a few days earlier.

Like, I think they do well to hold it together a lot of the time.

It's funny to contrast this with Kevin De Bruyne from the other day, who was equally saying, I don't care, but did it in a completely different way. Whereas Potter

is being a little bit aggressive here. And if you can see the clip, like the white, his eyes are sort of wild, like wide open kind of stare.
It does seem like he is getting a bit afraid.

But interesting as well that he deployed the use of the journalist's first name as well in that response. Has that ever happened to you, Charlie?

Has anyone ever had a go at you, but sort of tried to sort of subtly one-up you by saying your first name? And used to do it all the time. He would always,

there's a quite, I might say famous, but you know, a clip that sort of did the rounds last year where he does it.

Generally, it was quite affectionate. I didn't mind it.
But yeah, it's definitely one that certain managers will deploy, some more than others. Some will save it for like a really kind of big moment.

This third clip then is Potter's pre-match press conference before they played Spurs at the weekend. And

he made something of a faux pas, I understand, but I think it's very debatable. Here we go.
They've had a tough season, I'm pretty sure.

You speak to Andrew, you know, injuries and young players and the double competition, et cetera, et cetera. So, and this league,

nothing's forgiven.

They've done well in Europe, and hopefully, they can finish the job and get into the final. Now, he's getting battered for this day for saying, hopefully, Spurs gets to the Europa League final.

But in football, hopefully, it's such a throwaway word. It doesn't mean what we usually, mere mortals, use it to mean.
It just means they want to do it.

It just means, you know, thankfully it's gone in. It's just not the same.
It's just like, it's gone in. Fortunately, it's gone in.

If anything, he had to do the code of co-commentators kind of caveat saying, hopefully, for them, for them, it's gone in.

I don't think he should be battered for it, but I think there probably is a part of him that wishes them well. Because he's quite open-minded, is that what you mean?

And he's probably quite empathetic to another manager who's had a tough time of it and probably puts himself in their shoes and goes, yeah, I hope they do it. But of course,

of course, you can't say that.

Why not? You can, but you know the reaction you're going to get. You just know, don't you? Yeah, they're a big rival.

Yeah, I think it comes from a place of he's saying it in an almost naive, like, they're an English team and, you know, we want our English teams to do well.

And, you know, I know a lot of those players and wish them all the best. And yeah, as Dave says, you know, solidarity with a fellow, fellow manager who's a top pro and all of that.

I think he means hopefully, I think he is suggesting that we, as the kind of English footballing family, do our rooting for them, which is fairly well placed.

But, you know, obviously that's going to really piss off West Ham fans.

And I pity the poor press officer who kind of had had to say to him, yeah, Graham, a bit of a backlash about what you said, because he'll just be like, are you kidding me?

Like, I'm getting shit now for saying I hope Spurs beat Bodo Glimp. Like, what is going on? But that kind of just is the reality.

And obviously, you know, I haven't got a fourth clip here, but I don't want to have to play a clip within the next 10 days or so of Potter having to address this at his next press conference.

What I meant was, it's the, you know, so. Graham, have to ask.
You know, last week we heard you wish you spurs, but just... I'd care about the coefficient.

I care about the coefficient first and and foremost.

That would be a great answer. Yeah.
My question after all this is:

does this,

does any of this make him more or less likely to be labelled a PE teacher?

I fear it does. Anybody who gets easily rattled by some

peers or people that they're allegedly in control of or addressing is probably going to get them into at least teacher status, let alone PE teacher.

Slightly difficult parents' evening discussion going on here.

He has unfortunately got himself into a right hole here.

Next up, listener Michael Cox says, I'll tell you what I hate. Players being asked to name their dream five aside team instead of their dream 11.

I want to laugh at the lack of balance, debate whether he's picked the correct right back, see how it all fits together. I can't visualise a five aside team.
It is annoying, actually.

I mean, it should probably be done for brevity's sake, isn't it, Charlie? If you can't blind rank something, get someone to do their dream five aside team. But it never fits together.

I mean, it's almost like it's biased against fullbacks, because you can't really have a fullback in a five aside team a famous one at least because where are you going to put roberto carlos suddenly when you're five aside it's going to have to be two fucking absolute walls of centre halves in there maybe a ball playing one but and that's it yeah i i know it means that we don't have a formate there isn't a sort of accepted formation and most you know 90 of teams don't really play with formations i don't think do they i feel like that's quite advanced the old one two one five aside surely yeah i would imagine you go one two one but adam said there about two centre backs so he might be imagining a two 2-1-1.

I don't, but and I just think so few people, you know, have memories, you know, even if they played in five-aside teams, they wouldn't necessarily think of a system that they played with or anything like that.

God, am I anti-football? Have I, have I, I've just revealed myself as a 2-1-1 merchant.

Not allowed to slide tackle at Power League, that'd be fine.

That's probably the way they played.

My issue with the five-aside, dream five-aside teams, sort of, yeah, I kind of agree with Coxey in that it often ends up being people, they sort of still think of it as if it is an 11, and then because that, like you just said, you end up, they end up picking, like, I don't know, someone will pick Gary Neville or someone to play at the back, and then they'll get a midfielder.

No, just pick a good goalkeeper, obviously, and then just pick four really, really fucking good, skillful, outfield players.

Don't worry about the defence, because if you've got four brilliant players at five-aside, you know, there's pitches small enough that you would like, you know, you could have Paul Pogba on there and he's gonna.

You have a bit of grip, though, Dave, right? Yeah, because you need them to be skillful, right? Like, just pick four brilliant players.

Don't worry about picking someone who's gonna keep his eye on the back, you know, keep the defence tight. You don't need that, you just need four amazing players.

Um, to return to the original point, Charlie, I mean, just get them to do an 11. Like, you can run through an 11 pretty quickly.

Uh, if you've got you've put, I mean, most professional footballers of a certain vintage have been asked this before, they'll have it in their memory bank somewhere, it'll be all alright.

And it is probably easier. There is just a clearer delineation.
I know the defenders are midfielders fine. Could rattle this out.

Right, next up,

frankly, absurd entry to this new cliché genre of if X was called Y. It comes from a listener who simply wants to be known as N.

They say, my partner and I are doing some decorating, and there have been some disputes about getting a sofa bed to get in the spare room.

I want to be more budget-friendly, and they are generally of a higher-end persuasion and wanted to get something more posh.

Anyway, after a few trips to some of the more high-end places, I was able to wangle a trip to Furniture Village to try out one of the sofa beds that we saw online.

It turned out to be even more comfortable than I thought, and it even looked better than it did online, and half the price of the other ones we'd been looking at.

But I could still tell there were reservations about being from a budget brand, though.

On the drive back home, the debate kicked off again, and in the heat of the dispute, I blurted out, oh come on, if it was from a shop called Fanicio Villagione on Upper Street, you'd love it.

This was met with a what the fuck are you on about that you'd expect?

Felliccio Villagione? how good is that?

Upper Street is a lovely detail as well. Yeah.

I'm surprised it's not universal enough that even if you didn't know exactly what they were saying, you could kind of fill the gaps and be like, yeah, I know what you mean, as ludicrous as this is.

I love the fact, Dave, that this is now being used to settle kind of domestic disputes. Absolute class.
I mean, there shouldn't be any comeback from that.

That should settle it, you know, or at least an appeasement. I think I agree with Charlie.
You should be able to understand what he's he's getting at there, surely.

On a similar note, Sam Munnery, very briefly, says, friend of mine said this week that she made a really bad salad because she'd had too long to think about it, as if she was a striker center on goal who ends up squandering the chance.

I can see how that's happened. I can see how it's happening.
Just throw it all in. Just cheap.
Just throw it in, dress. Don't think about it too hard.
You do just keep putting something.

You're like, I need to just stop this. I need to put it to one side and yeah, it's done.

Yeah, there are some people that you just want the salad ingredients to drop to them in the kitchen and they'll put it away.

That's a frankly brilliant midweek adjudication panel, if ever I saw one. Cheers to you, Charlie Eccleshare.
Thank you. Cheers to you, Dave Walker.
Thank you. Thanks to Rudy Voller.

And thanks to everyone for listening. We'll be back on Tuesday.
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy Voller

Force Bundle technique for something around them.

Little Michael Owen, he put three past Ollie Con. Rolly must have cried his eyes out.
Down the autobond. This is Owen, he's coming it in.
What a start to the second half.

Oh, this is birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve, all rolled into one. Indonesia three, one, up.
Owen Cleanth.

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