Stanley Tucci's Champions League punditry, Furniccio Villaggione & a chat with Rudi Voller

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I'm sorry, you can sit there and look and play with all your silly machines as much as as you like.

Is Gascoigne going to have a crack?

He is, you know.

Oh, I think

brilliant.

Kung Fu kicked a supporter who was

without a shadow of a doubt getting him lip.

Oh, save!

It's amazing!

He does it tame and tame and tame again.

Break up the music!

Charger glass!

This nation is going to dance all night!

A cultural review of Inter 4 Barcelona 3 from both sides of the Atlantic.

A very human footballing sound from a Bundesliga highlights commentator.

The first ever usage of merked in a Premier League live match commentary.

A journey into the unraveling media persona of Graham Potter.

Cliché's pod running jokes settling domestic disputes.

And the story of a man called Rudy Voller from Rudy Voller himself.

Brought to your ears by Goalhanger Podcasts.

This is Football Clichés.

Hello everyone and welcome to Football Clichés.

I'm Adam Hurry.

This is the adjudication panel.

On that panel of course is Charlie Eccleshaire.

How are you doing?

Very well, thank you.

Alongside you, David Walker.

Dave, on Tuesday's episode, I don't know how this got through three pairs of our ears and another pair of ears in the edit, but I somehow managed to mix up big break and you've been framed.

It didn't even come close to entering my mind, but I mean, the logic is sound, right?

Absolutely.

You can see how you've done it.

You can see how you've fallen into that trap.

Yeah, at the time, I didn't realise it.

I think Charlie did either.

And yeah, editing it as well, it just didn't even

register that you'd got it wrong.

Charlie, you're usually so quick to pick up on these things.

I know.

Well, what happened was, because I think, I can't remember exactly, but you corrected yourself, but it must have been that you were correcting yourself about something else.

About the format, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

So I thought in your acknowledgement of that, you'd kind of acknowledged that obviously it was wrong and that that would, you know, sort of scratch that.

So I was like, I don't, you know, I don't need to pipe up here.

So, you know, classic, perfect storm.

You've been framed could easily be the name of a snooker game show.

It's absolutely perfect.

It's a great name for it.

It should be.

And it also begs the question, was there anyone who ever became famous off the back of being on You've Been Framed?

Could they have called it Big Break instead?

Yeah.

I mean, well, was it his bit?

Was it Beatles Big Break?

He'd done a bit before, hadn't he?

But that sort of defined him.

The hubris looking back of me saying, I know the format of You've Been Framed.

Thank you very much.

I mean, look, hands up.

I enjoyed it.

I've been singing the Big Break theme tune all morning.

So

we all win in a way.

Right, let's begin.

We're

the only place to begin.

Tuesday night, Intermilan 4, Barcelona 3, Aggregate 7-6.

My highlights?

Actually, it was Amazon Prime's quinquilingual pitch side reporter Alex Aljo helping out QPR legend Julio César with his football clichés.

How much of an advantage to Inter have with this incredible crowd tonight?

I can understand, sorry.

It helps them, doesn't it?

Ajour de Muito?

Of course, I think the defense, they are

the 12 players, you know?

I don't know.

12 man, 12 man.

Yeah.

Just immaculate stuff.

Turns out she knows six languages, Charlie.

The language of football as well.

Yeah.

Endlessly impressive, I have to say, these sort of in real-time translations.

And yes, to do that with

football idioms, lovely stuff.

Julio Cesar, by the way, Dave, just seems like a properly nice bloke.

He's very FIFA drawer.

You afa draw-y, isn't he, I think, as well.

He may have done one, but I can definitely imagine him standing up there in front of the plinth.

And looks like the American dad character, I've always thought.

Oh, right.

Interesting.

He's got a friendly face.

Yeah, definitely.

Amazon Prime also Dave brought us the commentary pairing once again of Alan Shearer alongside John Champion.

Once again I thought it was quite a nice change from the chaos of TNT.

TNT would have been all over this.

It would have been it would have been raucous wouldn't it?

There was times last night though where I was thinking

Ali McCoyce would be having a great time here and I'd be enjoying it but it is always nice to hear John Champion as well.

Yeah.

Champion obviously brings a different energy to say Drury Charlie on nights like this.

But if anything, I thought the audio was a little bit detached.

There were moments where I thought, are they actually at Stockley Park?

They're not actually at San Cero.

It almost feels like they weren't quite connected to the euphoria of what was going on.

Oh, do you think?

Yeah, maybe, but I think that might have been a bit of.

I might even have not minded that because I did find the first leg.

We were asked a brilliant question, I can't remember what it was, but you know, to talk about football wank fests.

And good God, the Laminia Miles stuff last week crossed that threshold into wank fest.

Yeah,

I thought it was too much.

Like, it almost, like, I love him as much as the next guy.

He's amazing.

But it was, it was just like constant one-upmanship about him.

And, like,

you know, and then into the realms of like, oh, he is human after all.

Like, you know, he's 17.

What were you doing?

You know, all of that sort of stuff.

I actually preferred that it was maybe a little bit more mellow.

I enjoyed Sharon Champion a lot.

There is this clamor with Yamal to crown him the next Messi, I suppose, because of the Barcelona thing as well, and the fact that he's so young.

But he's the person who has filled that void.

There is a clamor in general to crown anyone as the next messy, and he's the person that at the moment I think is sort of come closest to being that guy.

And just wait.

I don't think we do.

I think he's already brilliant.

I think mostly it's been justified.

But yeah, I do accept the Wankfest threshold may have been met.

On your point about the

commentary sounds and the noise,

I did wonder that as well, actually.

And someone pointed out to me as well that it felt like the crowd noise was distant, almost like I don't know whether they were behind some glass or whether there was the effects mic wasn't turned up loud enough or whatever.

Because when you, it was very noticeable when you went down to Gabby Logan and the pundits at half-time.

The crowd noise was really loud inside the San Ciro, but during the game, it didn't sound like the atmosphere fit what we were seeing on the pitch.

I really agree with that.

Yeah, there were a few times when they said things like, the noise now, you know, what a mood change, the noise now.

And I was sort of like, it really doesn't sound that loud.

And I was like, are they just, that Makes more sense.

Because in my mind, I was like, Are they just bigging it up?

But I kind of think champions are better than that.

I don't think he would do that.

Do you know what I mean?

This is the first time we've ever blamed the foreign sound engineers for the broadcast.

Nothing wrong with the sound here, though, as the heavens opened at San Siro.

And as the rain is driven into the faces of the players with

increasing vigor,

so the noise echoes around this iconic bowl, and up in the gods

Barcelona's fans much quieter than they were even a few minutes ago

We're getting everything from you tonight.

We're even getting weather updates with the rain coming down

Turning into Michael Fish

This is it's bread and butter banter Charlie.

I'm just I just love it.

I loved it in the context of what was going on.

I love the fact he went for Michael Fish, which is the only option.

Some people saying John Ketley, which is also, you know, I sympathise with, but brilliant.

Yeah, I mean, independent that you tweeted it and without me seeing moments later, I put on our WhatsApp thread saying, I love that Michael Fish is still the go-to guy here.

Absolutely perfect.

It had to be him, that man, Michael Fish.

Yeah.

And then didn't Champion then make the only other thing that everyone knows about Michael Fish that he incorrectly predicted that hurricane, which Champion then, or didn't predict the hurricane, which Champion referenced.

It was just perfect.

Yeah, yeah, really, really nice.

As I said, Dave, the energy on Amazon Prime was nice and controlled.

I felt like

they were sort of keeping things nice and steady.

But over on the increasingly and knowingly unhinged CBS Sports...

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to Beckham and Friends, the debut episode.

I have the honor of introducing this Champions League watch-along show, but it's not my show.

It is your show.

You are the host, David Beckham, of course, Champions League winner, former World Cup England captain and global icon.

And you've invited a couple of your friends to watch this this Champions League game with a semifinal second leg we've got acclaimed movie director Guy Ritchie and also star of stage and screen Stanley Tucci good to see you both good to have you both with us

I mean what the fuck

wow so yeah just to just to reiterate what the scene is here Charlotte David Beckham watching the game in a frankly ludicrous kind of drawing room studio with a bookcase behind him leather sofas wood paneling a fake fire behind him looks like the house from the traitors Yeah, it does, yeah.

So Kate Scott was kind of directing things.

Yep, sure.

Thierry Henry dropped in, fine.

Jamie Carragher was in and out, sure.

Michael Richards, obviously, just sort of leaping into the scene.

And then Guy Ritchie, yeah, okay, fine.

And then Stanley Tucci.

What?

What is Stanley Tucci doing here?

They'd only met a few weeks earlier, David Becker for Stanley Tucci.

Is that right?

Yeah.

He's not a long-standing associate of him.

Yeah, I mean, an amazing idea.

We'd love to know how it sort of all came together.

Yeah.

Can't say I'd be desperate to watch it.

No, I mean, from the clips that I saw, Dave, Stanley Tucci's interventions were few and far between.

They were as measured as you could imagine, but he was really clinging on to whatever football knowledge he could absorb from the rest of them.

That's really strange that they've got him if he's not really good friends with Beckham.

Because you can understand it if Beckham was like, oh, we've got to get Stanley along.

Like, he loves his football.

He'll be great.

But otherwise, it is a bit...

a bit random.

I mean, Guy Ritchie's...

I mean, I suppose they are probably mates, aren't they?

Him and Beckham.

Yes, known each other for 15 years, apparently.

But I've got no idea as to Guy Ritchie's football creds, to be honest with you.

But I mean, the concept of the watch-along is obviously not a new thing.

And

it is, I think, more of a mainstream accepted thing in America.

It's quite...

There's been a big thing in the NFL for the last few years.

The Manning brothers have a regular watch-along that's done really well on NFL.

And that kind of makes sense because they're actually, those two are like two great quarterbacks who are watching watching the game, analysing it, but also having fun.

And they do occasionally get a guess on, I think, but it's not, it's sort of done remotely and it's all a bit, it all makes a bit more sense than these lots sitting in front of a fireplace.

These lot.

I mean, yeah, again, again, I'm not against the concept, Charlie.

I just, I just, I wasn't sure if it needed the fish out of water angle with Stanley Tucci,

much as everybody loves him, obviously.

But just to give you an idea of how the dynamic did or didn't work.

So you've got basically seven people in the studio at its absolute peak.

And I'm not saying the whole dynamic needs some work, but here is David Fratesi's winner.

It is unbelievable.

It's crazy.

What a game this is.

What a game.

The champions here just never disappear.

It's not always like this, you know.

No, no, I know.

He's got a really good game to play.

I know, I know, I know.

This is one of the special channels of my life in the

energy.

A game like that, oh man away, three, three, four, three.

It's gonna be ten ten on aggregate.

You think we get more?

You know what?

I don't know what to, I don't know what to say anymore.

All I really would have wanted from this broadcast is just a really smooth.

What a player he was, by the way.

Here in Italy, we have a saying about football.

Yeah.

Nothing.

Instead, just a really gentle, like, and fair play to him.

When you're, you know, it doesn't sound like he's necessarily an expert, but he keeps it nice and vague with, oh, the energy.

Yeah.

You know, he's kind of like, yep.

Micah Richards, Dave, taking on the role of teaching the American how it all works, which is a crucial role in this dynamic, surely.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not always like this.

Yeah,

I just really hope don't bring this across the pond.

I'm all right with it being in America.

Crack on.

Fear for it.

Fear for it.

Yeah, I think it's probably on the way.

R and

As we record on Wednesday lunchtime, Charlie, we've fallen between the Champions League cracks, as we so often do.

So, PSG versus Arsenal will be taking place this evening.

And by the time people are listening to this, it will already have happened.

So, let's air our precise predictions what's going to happen.

It's going to be on TNT Sports.

I don't know if that's going to affect your take on how things are going to unfold.

I assume that means even more drama, right?

These things come in couplets.

Champions League nights come in pairs.

Well, they do, yeah, don't they?

There's that 2019, those two semis where speaking of one upping I mean they just you went from Liverpool Barca and then the Ike Spurs yeah although I do I do wonder if this might then be the sort of letdown that they're kind of especially because the NT will be so desperate yeah you know because they'll be gutted they missed out on last night I mean I even saw like on their you know their social channels because they still have rights to highlights they put a few up and you could it I mean it wasn't at all but it felt like it was through gritted teeth you know the kind of like was this the best champions league night ever um so I can sort of imagine a bit of a damp squib and then quite, and then just the sort of like, you know, I know they've had injuries, of course they have, but

just lack, you know, they just lack that firepower.

And it's, you know, it's been a long time since they've won a trophy.

You know,

they've got to be asked, haven't they?

If this scenario, Dave, of a business like PSG just seeing the tie out, maybe with another 1-0 win or something like that, just that kind of trio, that gantry trio trying to make some material out of the remaining 75 minutes or something will be...

It's going to be a tough gig for them if that's how it goes.

It wouldn't surprise me if it was fairly routine for PSG.

In similar way to how it kind of unfolded in the first leg.

But I think if it becomes...

clear that that is the way it's going to go, I think you'll get the lads, TNT lads, will just get really stuck into praising PSG and how...

Anointing them, maybe.

Yeah.

And how this is finally the PSG team after all those years of false promise and spending money on Neymar.

They could do, yeah.

Okay, that's Champions League matters taken care of.

Let's return to ongoing topics.

The fallout continues from Trent Alexander Arnold's announced exit from Liverpool.

Lots of chief football correspondents telling fans how to feel, either way.

But I did enjoy this debate on Twitter.

Someone, Dave, debating that Alexander Arnold has the right to try something different.

He's been at Liverpool for 20 years.

A Liverpool fan replied saying he hasn't really been at the club for 20 years.

He wasn't at the club in any meaningful way when he was six.

Then the other person replied saying, no, he's literally been at the the club 20 years.

I'm not exaggerating.

And then the other guy said, no one is at a club in a meaningful professional sense pre-13.

Being at the club means it's your job, your full-time occupation.

I didn't notice Trent getting his first testimonial when he was 16.

That's it.

Like, can't argue with that.

That's such a good argument.

A great argument.

And it improves Charlie.

And I realise that, you know, this is veering into, you know, he's 28 till he's 29 territory.

But it just goes to show that there are so many ways that people will try and snake out of a viewpoint, you know, of an argument.

It's so good.

I love how people will do this.

That's superb.

Just the idea of someone actually getting a testimony at age 16

before it's made his 13 days.

He's got to that.

Should have happened.

That's how the rules work.

We'll have to testimonials anyway.

Jesus.

This does seem like quite a recent development in the sort of stories of young players' careers.

I mean, has it always been the case that people would refer to being at the club since they were five or six or whatever?

Yeah.

And because if you flip it on its head, if you're one of these people who was at a club from the age of six until twelve, that doesn't really count, does it?

If you're sort of saying, oh, yeah, I used to be on the books at Liverpool.

Where are you?

Where are you?

Yeah.

I was there for six years.

I was a solid servant.

Yeah.

So it's a bit, I think it's a little bit tenuous.

I guess it's because they formalise the, you know, the academy process and below.

Like you do have under sixes, under sevens to a certain extent.

So they didn't have that before.

I can't get my head around someone being attached to a football club at the age of six.

I mean, you're both parents.

Like, how can a six-year-old, any six-year-old be at that level?

You do see, like, my son plays on Saturday mornings, and you do see some kids.

I mean, he's only four, but there are already some kids who are in like full kits and look like a cut above.

I don't know how, I don't know where they would be relative to kids who at six are actually getting into academies, but I suspect one or two of them might be.

Like, I think even at that age there are some kids who are just ridiculously good and stand out my kid does um drama on saturday morning she's moved up a level and she i i have it that she's she's she's acting above her years already

oh dear right um next up jack lang um was watching the highlights of union berlin versus werda breman of course he was um as the visitors take the lead inside two minutes and delight this world feed commentator with a very universal kind of football noise to elicit from somebody and they've had some terrific results of late.

The season was rather topsy-turvy.

That's why Stefan Baumgart came

on the 2nd of January.

What a start!

I've listened to this so many times now, Charlie.

I still can't count the syllables involved in the ha-ha ha ha ha!

But I love ha ha ha ha!

Like, it's not a ha-ha-ha, a worthy goal, but of course, the earliness of it does help.

But I mean, it's such a great football noise to just suddenly come out of you, isn't it?

Because you know it's sincere when that happens.

Yeah, I mean, didn't we talk about like well well and uh well?

And this is on a whole other level to that.

Yeah, it's yeah I suppose it's slightly derived from well well, isn't it, Dave?

It kind of implies that, oh, something has happened here and it's it certainly changed matters.

Here we are.

Hello.

Well, look at you.

But

that's an interesting angle to bring it on it.

Maybe it was a more curious ha ha ha because I've always I've always thought of ha ha ha as a kind of thumping drive from 30 yards, Dave, but maybe this was a slight variant on the ha ha ha.

I think it is versatile, can be deployed in a few different scenarios, but yeah, this is this is nice.

Yeah, I like it.

Um, Jack Lang declared it, Charlie, as a musical one.

I'm not having it as a musical kind of bitter, no, I won't have it.

Um, stick with broadcasting now.

Um, some tweaks will be made to the Premier League broadcasting arrangements from next season.

Um, the chief amongst them, Dave, being that cameramen are set to be allowed onto the pitch during Premier League games next season to film goal celebrations.

Those using steady cams, who often enter the field at the final whistle, will be allowed to do so while the game is taking place as part of a plan to give broadcasters more bang for their buck, say the Daily Mail.

How games gone do you think this could be for certain

people?

They say during the game, just during celebrations.

Yes.

You would have

to get in the penalty area.

Go on,

go on.

Yeah.

There's a drop in instant drop ball if it hits the cameraman at any point.

But yeah, I I can it's basically fine.

Again, this sort of thing that happens quite a bit in, I think, like NFL and stuff.

You have those, like, you see those, they've got those special cameras with that big sort of disc thing on it that makes it look really super HD and like the backgrounds blurred out.

It's sort of like

that.

I at some point I wonder whether a certain pair of ears in Doha might prick up about this and see what he has to say.

But then maybe maybe B are gonna get access as well, I suppose.

They're paying their money.

So

wouldn't he pretend to be really close with a few snappers who he'd sort of name check and

say that he's delighted to see them getting their moments?

I wonder how the cameramen themselves feel about this, Charlie.

Be like, oh, fuck's sake.

I mean...

I mean, it's an expensive piece of equipment.

I'm not going to have someone jump on my back.

It's like, you know.

Could pull a hamstring.

Yeah.

The thing is, I suppose at the moment they can get quite close because the players often go off the pitch when they celebrate, down to the corners, so they can kind of already do it.

There's not many celebrations that sort of are happening in the middle of the pitch really are there?

Yeah, how much more access do they want?

Like, quite literally, just get off.

Go away.

That's enough.

Now, well-worn territory now.

I have no idea to the extent to which this has been done knowingly, but Milton Keynes dons have unveiled their new crest, club crest.

The language that goes with it is utterly absurd, as you can imagine.

So lots of lines on this diagram explaining what various elements mean.

But the circular design, they say, is a deliberate reference to the iconic roundabouts of Milton Keynes, a symbol of connection, movement, and identity within our unique city.

How tremendous is that?

Honestly.

Good on them.

I mean, that's going to get talked about.

Yeah,

and it has.

I've seen them getting a bit of stick in certain quarters for having Roman numerals on their badge as they refer to their.

Have you seen the logic for it?

At the base of

the crest, the club's founding year, 2004, is inscribed in Roman numerals, grounding us in our history.

I mean, there is a gravitas to using Roman numerals, sure, but if you were founded in 2004...

This is a big moment for them, I suppose.

Finally, sort of reckoning with

their genesis.

Right, this episode is brought to you in association with NordVPN.

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It secures your connection, protecting your personal information and online activity, especially on public Wi-Fi.

A VPN can also make your phone or laptop appear as if it's in another country, which is great for accessing content while traveling.

Indeed, I was watching the world feed coverage of Leicester vs.

Southampton.

I just popped over to America to watch it.

The King Power Stadium ballboy was being slightly mischievous as the visitors tried to take a throw-in.

Commentator Joe Rawson dusting off a classic here.

Ryan Munning

getting merced, I think, is

the terminology by the ball boy.

Yep, no comeback from co-commentator Gary Bertels there, nor would you expect it from such a venerable man as him.

But Charlie, would you...

How confident would you be that that is the first use of merced in any Premier League commentary since its inception in 1992?

Yeah, I mean, because at the time, I don't imagine any of the commentators would have been using it, and then it just became too far removed.

You don't think Barton Tona dropped one in in the

surprise, yeah.

There might have been one around the time of

when did Rio Ferdinand start doing his

2006 or 2006

merked was first coined.

Maybe, maybe around then.

I reckon there could be one, but definitely, I don't think it would have had a particularly long lifespan afterwards.

I mentioned that Gary Bertels didn't pipe up in response, and that's probably because he was completely preoccupied for the entire 90 minutes, and this is classic World Feed co-commentary.

He was absolutely livid at Southampton, still trying to play out from the back, despite being condemned and on being on like their third manager of the season.

He was livid for 90 minutes, saying, This is joke, but they're still doing it.

And

it's pure world feed fodder.

Yeah, that's that's spawn.

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Welcome back to Football Clichés Now.

Listeners will recall last week's superb footballers' names in things when a BBC News story about the power outages in Spain quoted a British expat by the name of Rudy Voller.

We got loads of correspondence correspondence about this, Dave.

Joseph said, I'm good pals with Rudy Voller of Essex, and I can confirm that is his real name.

That's good news, isn't it?

Some corroboration of the situation.

Yeah, yeah, it does seem like a lot of listeners are familiar with this guy.

Yeah, James Law also wrote in Charlie and says, I can confirm that Rudy Voller was and is the Essex guy's real name.

I went to uni with him.

Unfortunately, I've got nothing more on why that happened.

My apologies.

Well, yeah, cheers, James.

But yes, people did go to university with this guy.

And what a hit he must have been.

Well, it's the sort of name that you don't forget, even if you're not mates with him oh yeah that guy was in that was that rudy volley he's in our year

you'd have seen his name written down somewhere and you'd have been so curious what what's this guy's story what does he look like is is has he changed his name what's going on here dom eddy said i couldn't believe i heard rudy voller's name on the last mhd he was at university with me in birmingham his family are big football fans so i assume that was the motivation to call him rudy so we're getting closer it has to be football related right it has to be it has to have been i don't know the german german immigrants or i I don't know, like just, I don't know, big Roma fans in the 80s.

I don't know.

Definitely an awareness, at least, anyway, from his parents.

Anyway, it's probably best to speak to the man himself.

So joining us on the clichés pod, words I simply could never have comprehended ever saying, is Rudy Voller.

Hi, Rudy.

Hello.

Thank you for the big intro.

That's all right.

How are you doing?

I'm very well, thank you.

How are you guys?

I'm really good.

Let's get straight to it.

I really only have one question here.

Why are you called Rudy Volla?

First of all, I want to state that that is my actual name on my birth certificate.

Rudy Volla, nothing else, not even a middle name.

It is Rudy Voller.

Pure Rudy Volla.

Spelt exactly the same as you saw it on that article.

It wasn't a pseudonym.

It wasn't made up.

That is my name.

Why am I called Rudy Volla?

I'm glad that someone finally asked because I've been asking that same question my whole life.

I wish I had a better story, genuinely, but

the best I can give you is that my mum at the time in 96 thought she was going to have a girl and wanted the name Ruby, liked the name Ruby a lot.

And turned out I was a boy.

You didn't know the gender back then before.

So my dad said, let's go with Rudy instead of Ruby because it sounds similar.

It sounds cool.

My mum had fought for Ruben, but my dad didn't like it.

So he was like, let's go with Rudy Volla.

For context, my dad is a massive football fan, a lifelong West Dam fan.

He knew exactly who Rudy Volla was.

My mum was none the wiser.

She just liked the sound of the name.

And yeah, my dad went with it because he thought it was a cool name.

And to give you a bit more context on my dad, he's a very chilled-out guy.

He kind of likes, is a bit of a wind-up as well.

And to give you a bit of context over him choosing names, my younger brother was going to be called Toronto before he was called Oscar.

So this is a man that kind of likes giving a bit of a different name.

But

so yeah, it turns out that Rudy Voller was born son of Rachel and Derek Voller from Baselburg and Hayel in Derek Voller.

That's it.

Derek Voller's the best thing that's ever happened to to this podcast.

Ever.

That's it.

That's the story.

That's where the name came from.

There's no German relations to the family.

As far as we go back, from a bit of research, Voller comes from Fuller up north, which was something to do with beer or brewing.

And as it made it way further down south, it became Fuller to Voller.

Extraordinary.

Did you get a lot of grief at school?

I think growing up, I hated the name because I never met anyone else in my name.

No one knew it.

You just wanted to be called Jack, Tom, or Harry, and be like everyone else.

And I would say to people, my name's Rudy.

And people would be like, what?

Rudy?

Rooney?

Rudy.

So I didn't like it back then.

Growing up, I've learned to appreciate it a bit more and have had some situations where it's been quite cool and helped me.

And people have, as you said on the pod, I was listening to it, which I got sent so many times, by the way.

It has had different reactions over the years.

Some people just think nothing of it.

And other people are like, no way, that's not your name.

That is absolutely not your name.

Because yeah, Rudy, another of your pals, Alan Feely, I think that's how it's pronounced.

Apologies.

Apologies, Alan.

But yeah, he messaged me saying, yeah, I know I'm mates with Rudy Volla.

We were in Madrid at the same time, and it's his real name.

And my first question to him was kind of like, how quickly did you go in with the name stuff?

Like, would some people be quite reluctant?

Because they'd be like, oh, he probably gets this all the time.

Or would people just jump straight in and be like, what's the deal there?

No, it varies.

Some people that know of the football fans are like, surely that's not your actual name.

What's your real name?

That's always the amount of times in my life I don't know that's actually my real name.

And I always have to have my ID handy to show someone.

And like when you live in Spain, you get like an ID card.

So it's easy to just whip out and be like, that's my name.

Beforehand, it would have been my driving license because people are often asked for proof.

They don't believe that it's my actual name.

If they're a football fan and know who Rudy Voller is.

Have you been to Germany?

Yeah, I have.

I've been a few times.

I went to watch West Ham in a preseason game against Verde Bremen and took a scarf that said Eskip ner eye in Rudy Fuller.

which means there's only one Rudy Voller and

got asked for numerous photos from local German fans.

I also lived when I used to lived in Valencia before living in Madrid and lived below two German brothers and they came down to introduce themselves and said, oh, what's your name?

Oh my God.

And I said, Rudy.

And he went, I like Rudy Fuller.

And I was like, actually is Rudy Voller.

And he was like, obviously not.

So he said to me, obviously not.

And I was like, no, it's actually my name.

So he was like, show me your ID.

So I showed my ID and he sprinted upstairs, no doubt, to his brother.

I went, come down right now.

You have to see this.

This is this kid's actual name.

Rudy Voller's here.

Oh, my goodness.

This is, I mean, this has worked out exactly as I would have hoped, this conversation, quite frankly.

We said at the top of this segment that so many people had got in touch about you.

They'd met you on their travels.

You're clearly a very popular guy.

Helped or not by your name, I've got no idea.

Adam Rosenbaum also said, there are definitely vollers in Essex.

I was traveling in Vietnam last year and I met a guy called Oscar Voller, who is a West Ham fan, and his family are from Essex.

Your brother is spreading the word.

It's fantastic.

I'm not sure Moro was in Vietnam last year, so I don't know how that's happened.

But yeah, I guess it's a strange surname, so it does get around in that sense.

People are often...

People always think we've got German descent.

Always.

Yeah.

It's a big family in Essex and East London, so that's probably why it gets around a little bit.

Are you old enough to have been of sort of, I don't know, primary school or secondary school age when the Sven, Sven, Sven, Joran Erickson song was around in the early noughties?

I know of that song.

Because there is a line in that.

Rudy Voller is featured in that song.

I didn't actually know that.

I've not been able to think of anything else since we had this chat on the last song.

It's just been fizzing around my head.

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy Voller.

I didn't know that was part of the song.

Charlie, at least you're the first person ever to sing that to him.

So that's good news, isn't it?

Yeah, that is good.

Yeah, pleased about that.

I usually get a son Rude Boy by Rihanna or

something because people like the name Rudy and find it difficult.

Well, surely Stop Your Messing Around must get said to you quite a lot.

Yeah, that gets played quite a few times.

And I have to have the awkward moment where I'm standing there, like when people are singing happy birthday to you and the whole room pointing at you going a message to you, Ruth.

And I'm like, I don't know what to do right now.

Um, that's happened a few times.

It sounds like you've had a tough life, mate.

But thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

I thought it was about time someone gave the name a bit of recognition.

I haven't had any for so many years, and I've had to carry the weight of that name, not living up to my dad's expectations, and not making it as professional footballer.

I mean, being on the football clichés podcast is about as good as it got for me in my football career.

Me too.

I was quite happy.

I was very much laughing reading through.

One of my mates sent me the Reddit stream and just the comments on it were really making me laugh.

And when we first listened to the podcast, my partner and I were laughing so much.

Ripping into the name and then being like, it's an objectively great name.

So I was like, you know, I take that.

I stand by it.

I'd love to be called Rudy Vola, whether it was based on a real person or not.

I did once get a discount on this.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Of course.

It's that shirt.

I was in Cadiz in the south of Spain and went into a retro football shop and I saw it up on the wall.

and I said to the guy, oh my God, that is my name.

I want that top.

And he was like, it's not for sale.

And I was like, come on, you've got to give me that top.

And he was like, no, no, no, can't.

I was like, that's my name.

So I showed him my ID and he was like, oh, my God, that is actually your name.

Okay.

And then he ended up selling me the kit.

So I found it on the retroduct.

That was the only time it's ever given me any kind of benefit.

Oh, that's good.

Material benefit.

Long may that continue.

I really hope you start cashing in on it somehow.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Rudy Voller.

Thanks very much.

No, thank you so much.

Right, next up, Jonathan Pearce's Drip Fed audiobook autobiography continues on Match of the Day.

Just two games left at Goodison Park.

Jonathan Pearce first went there in 1976.

49 years later, he's still going strong.

Everton run out to the TED Class team

for the very last rear clock Saturday kickoff at Goodison.

48,293 days since their first 6-0 win over Preston in February 1893.

I can't remember that one, but I can recall vividly my first visit in September 1976 with Bristol City.

Goals from Bob Latchford and Martin Dobson didn't detract from the magical effect this World Cup 66 Brand had on me.

It is simply unique.

Dave, you've got the absolute trifecta.

of Jonathan Pearce commentary here.

One, a little joke about how old he is, sort of of self-deprecation, a completely unnecessary bit of extra information like goal scorers and, I don't know, the times they scored or whatever.

And then third, crucially, just the sheer affection as a little lad for being in and around football and just the awe that it gave him at that age.

It's pure Piercey.

It's brilliant.

And he really has settled into this role as the sort of elder statesman, I suppose, of the BBC commentary pack.

And it's great.

And he's sort of filling in the blanks quite nicely because previously we had him telling us about his first car, but he's gone back a bit further now.

And he's sort of filled in some of those sort of childhood first football memories for us.

He's spoken about his parents before and like with such affection, Charlie.

Like

heart-rending.

But, you know, no more obvious marker that he's been given this kind of, you know, mini role in things than being accommodated for this at the start of a match of the day highlights.

Like it's quite a long intro if you think about it for a match.

Yeah, they're leaning into it.

And the fact that he's being introduced himself in this way, it's not like his intro is being given an intro it's quite great that you can just go from that to say yeah join james tarkovsky is out with a hamstring injury his season looks like it's over that's got to be a very rare rare case of a commentator on broadcast admitting who they support yeah saying that he was there with bristol city which is great but it's you know again you don't hear that much all signs that he's sort of yeah just in a slightly different role now right next up a question from kevin needs to talk dave he says as an avid football and clichés fan the common idiom moving the goalposts always conjures up an image of a football pitch.

But which way are the goalposts moving?

I would suggest they're moving further away, making the pitch overall bigger slash longer.

Could they be moving sideways instead, or more likely, narrowing to reduce the size of the goal?

I'm aware this phrase specifically doesn't work in a football context, but I'm keen to hear your thoughts nonetheless.

Dave, what does it conjure in your head?

In my head, it's always been like the shot has taken place and somebody's quickly moved the goal out of the way so it goes white.

So it was on target, but you've moved the goalpost at at the last minute.

Now it's not a goal.

Charlie, before we get onto which direction the goalposts are figuratively moving in, I had no concept of the idea that the shot had already been taken, the ball was moving towards goal.

I just thought it was something that, you know, it was just being constantly moved and

the other party were having to work out where to put their shot.

Yeah, I always thought it was a post-hoc kind of thing that you, you've, you've been doing what you've been asked to do.

So, you know, imagining that as goalposts, you've been scoring and then they're actually like, oh, no, you know what?

We're going to make this a bit harder or a bit more difficult.

And then they move them.

It's kind of, well, what are you doing like we've we've been aiming for here we've done what you asked right and now now the goalposts are changing and moving okay but crucially charlie where are the goalposts going if you were to visualize this scenario in any way i think if i when i've if i have imagined it i've imagined they'd just be moved to the side just because in my head you can't really move them but because they're you can't really move them back there's not really rubbish it'd still go in hopefully No, no, it wouldn't.

If you've, you know, you've been aiming for the middle of the goal and then all of a sudden they're moved 10 yards to the left.

It's like, oh, yeah, well, our shots aren't yeah going in now because we were aiming for the middle um and obviously you wouldn't move them forward because that would make it easier i mean i mean we've got the backwards and forwards options we've got the sideways options which is you know obviously the right answer dave but i never considered the idea that you just narrow the posts underneath the bar yeah if you did move them forwards it could be harder if you're if the goal is all of a sudden is then behind you It's hard to get the ball up and down as well, isn't it?

Yeah, I've always imagined it as a sideways thing, though.

It's being yanked to the side.

Yes.

Yeah, because you're right, Charlie.

Moving it back, I just, you know, I am envisaging it in a stadium.

There's no room to move the goals back unless you were playing, you know, a big stadium with a running track or the old Wembley or something.

But there we are.

Kevin needed to talk, and I hope he's been satisfied with that.

Right, we'll take a break.

We'll be back in a moment.

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Now, I want to talk about Graham Potter because I am slightly worried about how his career trajectory has taken him into a place where he feels something out of his comfort zone.

And I'm not surprised this has happened at West Ham United football club, quite frankly.

But here he is after they lost lost quite cruelly and dramatically to his old club, Brighton.

We have a lot of work to do.

Graham, how are you this frustrated quiet since?

Well, I'm going to be frustrated, huh?

Of course I am.

I'm not

a robot.

I'm a human being as well.

I stand there myself, give everything to this, what I'm doing.

Of course, I'm going to be upset.

Of course, I'm being frustrated.

I have to come here and speak calmly to you guys.

But that's not how I'm feeling inside.

If you want me to swear, I can swear.

Now, don't swear, Graham.

Graham last time you did that look what happened what did happen when he was swearing when he was Chelsea manager saying we're gonna win the fucking Champions League or whatever yeah it was so unconvincing I mean once again it's a little bit Ian Duncan Smith the quiet man is raising up the volume

Jack Brooks sent this to me comparing it to the famous Ed Miller band am I tough enough

which is almost exactly 10 years ago I it occurred to me today

but yeah it did have a bit of that vibe didn't it you know the kind of like oh you don't think I'm tough I'll I'll show you I can can be tough.

And it just not feeling sincere.

I agree, though, Adam.

I do feel a bit for him.

I don't really know where.

Yeah, I'm not saying this was forced.

I'm just saying I feel uncomfortable watching him having to prove his emotion.

No, totally.

But I just mean generally a manager like him, they kind of get one go at a big club.

Yeah.

And then it's like, it didn't work out.

And then you're sort of, what's your level now?

Oh, it's West Ham.

And turns out that's quite a hard job as well.

And you've lost that kind of up and coming sheen as well, Dave.

Like that kind of invulnerability to being an an up-and-coming manager.

He's not that anymore.

His career has literally plateaued and now he's quite exposed.

I seem to remember, sorry, I seem to remember a lot of talk when he was at Brighton about his emotional intelligence.

Yeah.

100%.

And the way he dealt with players.

Has he got some sort of...

Did he do a degree in sort of...

Yeah, he has.

Something very directly related.

Some sort of psychology or something.

And he must have met with rugby.

coaches and stuff and talked to them.

But you know, he's tapped into brains from other sports about how to manage big characters.

I'm sure he's done that.

It's a great example of that sort of quality being used as something to praise somebody about when they're on the up.

You know, chuck that into the long read about all the things he's done at Brighton.

But when it's not going for him and he's sort of showing his sort of human side and kind of talking in a more natural way than you would expect in a press conference, when it's going badly, it's like, oh, God, he's losing it.

What's going on here?

Cracking.

Yeah.

So, I mean, it was bad enough that Gray Potter had to react in a human way to a dramatic defeat.

But in the following press conference he was asked to reflect on that reaction.

And I think as you get older I care less about what you guys think.

Wasn't okay.

To be honest, I get older.

I care less about what you think.

So I'm happy to just be myself.

And

if myself is I'm annoyed after we've conceded two goals in three minutes,

I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't, Gail, because on the one hand, you're having a go at me for being too nice or do whatever.

I've not had a

go at you being too nice not too but do you know what i mean you get criticized for being too nice you get criticized for not for being too emotional this this one's a bit brent guilty get a new rule book

charlie i i i don't want to um attack this from the angle of you know he says he's not rattled but he clearly is but what i specifically he seems to be specifically rattled about someone saying you know you you have been too nice and so uh no i i can be angry i can be angry as well he's particularly preoccupied and i feel sorry for him that he has to deal with this as well as having one of the hardest jobs in professional sport.

It probably is incredibly annoying.

I mean, all the sort of contradictory claims that made about managers.

And also the fact that for pundits, talk is so cheap.

They can say whatever they want and just completely then contradict themselves.

And no one cares.

There's no accountability.

It's fine.

Whereas, you know, for managers, like, you know, whereas he's got to, like you say, he's being asked to reflect and talk about and pretty much justify his reaction from something a few days earlier.

Like, I think they do well to hold it together a lot of the time.

It's funny to contrast this with Kevin De Bruyne from the other day, who was equally saying, I don't care, but did it in a completely different way.

Whereas Potter

is being a little bit aggressive here.

And if you can see the clip,

his eyes are sort of wild, like wide open kind of stare.

It does seem like he is getting a bit afraid.

But interesting as well that he deployed the use of the journalist's first name name as well in that response.

Has that ever happened to you, Charlie?

Has anyone had a go at you, but sort of tried to sort of subtly one-up you by saying your first name?

And used to do all the time.

He would always,

there's a quite, I say famous, but you know, a clip that sort of did the rounds last year where he does it.

Generally, it was quite affectionate.

I didn't mind it.

But yeah, it's definitely one that certain managers will deploy, some more than others.

Some will save it for like a really kind of big moment.

This third clip then is Potter's pre-match press conference before they played Spurs at the weekend.

And

he made something of a faux pas, I understand, but I think it's very debatable.

Here we go.

They've had a tough season, I'm pretty sure.

If you speak to Andrew, you know, injuries and young players and the double competition, et cetera, et cetera.

And this league,

nothing's forgiven.

They've done well in Europe and hopefully they can finish the job and get into the final.

Now he's getting battered for this day for saying hopefully Spurs gets to the Europa League final but in football hopefully is such a throwaway word.

It doesn't mean what we usually mere mortals use it to mean.

It just means they want to do it.

It just means, you know, thankfully it's gone in.

It's just not the same.

It's just like it's gone in.

Fortunately it's gone in.

If anything he had to do the code of co-commentators kind of caveat of saying hopefully for them for them, you know, it's gone in.

I don't think he should be battered for it, but I think there probably is a part of him that wishes them well.

Because he's quite open-minded, is that what you what you mean?

And he's probably quite empathetic to another manager who's had a tough time of it and probably puts himself in their shoes and goes, yeah, I hope they do it.

But of course, you know, of course, you can't say that.

Why not?

You can, but you know the reaction you're going to get.

You just know, don't you?

Yeah, they're a big rival.

Yeah, I think it comes from a place of he's saying it in an almost naive, like, they're an English team and, you know, we want our English teams to do well.

And, you know, I know a lot of those players and wish them all the best.

And yeah, as Dave says, you know, solidarity with a fellow manager who's a top pro and all of that.

I think he means hopefully, I think he is suggesting that we, as the kind of English footballing family, do our rooting for them, which is fairly well placed.

But, you know, obviously that's going to really piss off West Ham fans.

And I pity the poor press officer who kind of had to say to him, yeah, Graham, bit of a backlash about what you said, because he'll just be like, Are you kidding me?

Like, I'm getting shit now for saying I hope Spurs beat Bodo Glimp.

Like, what is going on?

But that kind of just is the reality.

And obviously, I haven't got a fourth clip here, but I don't want to have to play a clip within the next 10 days or so of Potter having to address this at his next press conference.

What I meant was it's the, you know, so.

Graham, I have to ask.

You know, last week we heard you wish you'd just.

I care about the coefficient.

I care about the coefficient first and foremost.

That would be a great answer.

Yeah.

My question after all this is:

does any of this make him more or less likely to be labeled a PE teacher?

I fear, I fear it does.

Anybody gets easily rattled by some peers or people that they're allegedly in control of or addressing is probably going to get them into at least teacher status, let alone PE teacher.

Slightly difficult parents' evening discussion going on here.

He has unfortunately got himself into a right hole here.

Next up, listener Michael Cox says, I'll tell you what I hate.

Players being asked to name their Dream 5 aside team instead of their Dream 11.

I want to laugh at the lack of balance, debate whether he's picked the correct right back, see how it all fits together.

I can't visualise a five-aside team.

It is annoying, actually.

I mean, I know it should probably be done for brevity's sake, isn't it, Charlie?

If you can't blind rank something, get someone to do their dream five-aside team.

But it never fits together.

I mean, it's almost like it's biased against fullbacks, because you can't really have a fullback in a five-aside team, a famous one at least, because where are you going to put Roberto Carlos suddenly when you're five aside team?

It's going to have to be two fucking absolute walls of centre-halves in there.

Maybe a ball-playing playing one, and that's it.

Yeah, I know what it means.

We don't have a format.

There isn't a sort of accepted formation.

And most, you know, 90% of teams don't really play with formations, I don't think, do they?

I feel like that's quite advanced.

The old 1-2-1.

Five-aside.

Surely.

Yeah, I would imagine you go 1-2-1.

But Adam said there about two centre-backs.

So he might be imagining a...

a 2-1-1.

And I just think so few people have memories.

Even if they played in five-aside teams, they wouldn't necessarily think of a system that they played with or anything like that.

God, am I anti-football?

I've just revealed myself as a 2-1-1 merchant.

I've got Maldini and Berese at the back down at Power League.

Not allowed to slide tackle at Power League, that'd be fine.

That's probably the way they played.

My issue with the Five Aside, Dream Five Aside teams, sort of, yeah, I kind of agree with Coxie in that it often ends up being people, they sort of still think of it as if it is an 11, and then because that, like you just said, you end up, they end up picking, like, I don't know, someone will pick Gary Neville or someone to play at the back, and then they'll get a midfielder.

No, just pick a good goalkeeper, obviously, and then just pick four really, really fucking good, skillful outfield players.

Don't worry about the defence, because if you've got four brilliant players at five a side, that you know, there's pitches small enough that you would like, you know, you could have Paul Pogba on there, and he's going to.

You have a bit of grip, though, Dave, right?

Yeah, because you need them to be skillful, right?

Like, just pick four brilliant players.

Don't worry about picking someone who's going to keep his eye on the back, you know, keep the defence tight.

You don't need that.

You just need four amazing players.

To return to the original point, Charlie, just get them to do an 11.

Like, you can run through an 11 pretty quickly.

If you've got, you've put, I mean, most professional footballers of a certain vintage have been asked this before.

They'll have it in their memory bank somewhere.

It'll be all right.

And it is probably easier.

There is just a clearer delineation.

I know the defenders are midfielders fighting.

Could rattle this out.

Right, next up,

frankly, absurd entry to this new cliché genre of if X was called Y.

It comes from a listener who simply wants to be known as N.

They say my partner and I are doing some decorating and there have been some disputes about getting a sofa bed to get in the spare room.

I want to be more budget friendly and they are generally of a higher end persuasion and wanted to get something more posh.

Anyway, after a few trips to some of the more high-end places, I was able to wangle a trip to Furniture Village to try out one of the sofa beds that we saw online.

It turned out to be even more comfortable than I thought and it even looked better than it did online and half the price of the other ones we'd been looking at.

But I could still tell there were reservations about being from a budget brand though.

On the drive back home the debate kicked off again and in the heat of the dispute I blurted out oh come on if it was from a shop called Fonicio Villagioni on Upper Street you'd love it.

This was met with a what the fuck are you on about you'd expect.

Felliccio Villagioni how good is that?

Upper Street is a lovely detail as well.

Yeah.

I'm surprised it's not universal enough that even if you didn't know exactly what what they were saying, you could kind of fill the gaps and be like, yeah, I know what you mean, as ludicrous as this is.

I love the fact, Dave, that this is now being used to settle kind of domestic disputes.

Absolute class.

I mean, there shouldn't be any comeback from that.

That should settle it, you know, or at least an appeasement.

I think I agree with Charlie.

You should be able to understand what he's getting at there, surely.

On a similar note, Sam Munnery, very briefly, says, friend of mine said this week that she made a really bad salad because she'd had too long to think about it, as if she was a striker central goal who ends up squandering the chance.

I can see how that's happened.

I can see how it's happening.

Just throw it all in.

Just cheap.

Just throw it in, dress.

Don't think about it too hard.

You do just keep putting something.

You're like, I need to just stop this.

I need to put it to one side and yeah, it's done.

Yeah, there are some people that you just want the salad ingredients to drop to them in the kitchen and they'll put it away.

That's a frankly brilliant midweek adjudication panel, if ever I saw one.

Cheers to you, Charlie Eccleshare.

Thank you.

Cheers to you, Dave Walker.

Thank you.

Thanks to Rudy Voller and thanks to everyone for listening.

We'll be back on Tuesday.

Oh, and clean through.

This podcast is part of the Sports Social Podcast Network.

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