Longlegs

This is Free with Ads, the podcast that asked the question: why pay Hulu 12 bucks a month to watch a bunch of recent Nicolas Cage movies when you can go online for free and watch a recent Nicolas Cage movie that's actually good?

I mean, all Nicolas Cage movies are amazing, but you get what I mean.

I'm Jordan Morris.

And I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is Long Legs, the 2024 horror hit directed by Oz Perkins, the son of screen legend Anthony Perkins.

I've heard of a Nepo baby, but a psycho baby?

What about a Psycho 2 baby?

Arguably better than a psycho 1 baby.

That's my hot take.

My wrong hot take.

With us, as always, is the super producer, the heat-free kittenist with those haunting, seasonally appropriate drops.

There it is.

That's me when I'm looking for my parents in the grocery store.

It's true.

Yeah.

Oh,

guys, there were so many clips that I could have chosen for that interview.

What were the backups?

What were the backups?

I have so many.

Let's get a look at your process.

My process.

You're all the process nerds.

Behind the music.

Let's see how that sausage is made.

I would love a mockumentary of me in a really just ungodly big studio with a mixer that I do not use.

It's eight hours.

It's like, get back.

Peter Jackson recreated the footage of you making drops.

And it's just me fighting with my bandmates.

And yeah, I have bandmates.

Yeah, so so I mean, like, I've just, I've got a bunch of people.

George Harris.

That's a good one.

You know, just like, it's endless.

It's endless.

You didn't have the song that he did?

Oh, you think I don't, you think I don't have.

Let me in now,

and it can be now.

That's whenever.

God, it's so good.

Whenever I'm waiting to get let into the Zoom call.

I like how you have like, these are like deleted scenes, but they're they're drops for people who buy the DVD.

People don't know the amount of prep work that goes into making this dumb podcast, and I appreciate

a little recognition.

Most of the work is Matt.

Let's all recognize Matt.

Let's all recognize Matt.

Jordan has this gigantic dock filled with facts and scene-by-scene breakdown.

And I'm like, I made the little music from clippies.

And I have tits.

That's true.

which is a kind of work.

Yeah, someone's the brains of this operation.

I'm the tits of this operation, man.

Let me in now.

There it is.

All right.

We're going to talk about Long Legs, maybe the most recent movie we've ever talked about on this podcast.

A movie that came out last year.

Imagine that.

We're going to talk about...

I can't believe this is available.

This is really crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're going to talk about Long Legs, which we watch streaming with our library cards on Canopy.

But we are going to talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week.

This is something mixed up.

There it is.

Sorry, Matt, again, I don't respect you, so I talk over your drops.

I apologize.

Let's all recognize Matt, the George Harrison of this operation,

the sweet spiritual one who doesn't get enough respect.

That's right.

Can I be Ringo?

Yeah, sure.

You're definitely Ringo.

Yeah.

What are tits but the drumsticks of the chest?

That is so true.

Yes.

I got a bad back because of my giant tits.

I can't find a good sports, bro.

I'm in an octopus

titties.

It's hard to run because of these giant knockers.

This is fun.

We should just do this instead of talk about the movie.

We don't even watch a movie, guys.

Yeah, why watch it?

Why do we do anything?

Why don't we just do it?

Like, okay, what if the Beatles had big jugs and just the show this week?

Anyway,

we want to talk about Long Legs, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads.

But we want to talk about something else.

We're free on the internet this week.

Matt, you want to play the drop again?

Of course, I'll play the drop again.

Other free stuff.

Rock and roll.

Okay, so this was a link to a Wikipedia page that I saw posted on the Blue Sky by a great writer, Ryan North.

Ryan North, good writer, fun poster on Blue Sky.

This is a Wikipedia list of what is considered to be the worst music ever produced.

And guys, would it be

gratuitous if I told you I made a sting for this particular song?

Oh my,

for this one?

Yeah, let's do it.

Oh, my God.

Here we go.

The worst hat song edition.

Wow.

Matt, you are kind of a long legs.

You're leaving us all these clues, all these ciphers.

What is he doing down in that basement with those dolls?

I know.

I'm like, avoiding his child.

Meets the snowman.

So, this is

the worst hat song edition.

That's right.

It rolls off the tongue.

It sure does.

Perfect name.

So I think when people, so they're kind of like cobbling together the worst songs based on like critic reviews,

you know, reader poll type things and like Rolling Stone, like negative YouTube comments.

So they're kind of going year by year and saying, what are the worst songs and albums?

And I think anyone who would look at this at least a few times would go, Oh fuck, I love half these songs.

Yeah, exactly.

And I think anybody who looks, and you feel like shit because you're like, Oh, wait, all these scientifically determined bad songs are

all on my running playlist.

So I want to talk about some of them, but I thought we could go through it, find some that we personally are shocked are on there.

Here is mine.

Matt, would you play this?

Absolutely.

I love it.

We built this city on rock and roll built this city.

I love how it doesn't make sense.

I love how it's a rock and roll song that's not really in the genre of rock.

It's a wrong about rock and roll that's not really a rock and roll song.

I mean, it's a terrible song.

How dare you?

But there is something about it that, like,

it makes you want to dance, which

is not what rock does no

it's a song about rock and roll that's in another genre yes the genre is you know the 80s cocaine driving i guess

um i love i love the shit that doesn't make sense i love marconi plays the mamba i love uh corporation games um it feels like it should like um have sex with we didn't start the fire like it feels like those two songs would date Yeah, yeah.

I know, but this, this song, like, We Didn't Start the Fire did its homework.

This song did not.

Like, We Didn't Start the Fire is like, is like,

you know, a student who wants extra credit, and this is some, like, fuck up who rolled out of bed and snorted some Adderall, you know, like this.

And I like that about it.

So, yeah.

Two ends of each spectrum.

Of course, you need both.

You need both.

And yeah, like every, I think this has kind of dagged down a little bit the past couple of times I've been to karaoke, but I feel like for a solid five years, every karaoke, you had to hear Journey three times, right?

You had to hear

Don't Stop Believing.

Every time I've heard Don't Stop Believe It, I'm like, this should be We Built This City.

This is a better version of that.

It's the same genre.

I think it's a better song.

I think they should have ended the Sopranos with We Built This City.

Yes.

Great point.

Great point.

And

anyway, and I think what we need to do

to reclaim this song, we need to get five-year-olds into it.

Here's how we do it.

We built this city on Pa Patrol.

Oh, I love it.

I was thinking if you made it the ending of the Sopranos, it's we built this city on Gabagul.

Oh,

Matt, have you never done that on your Sopranos back?

I haven't because I don't live in a parallel universe in which that was the ending song.

We built this city on Gaba

if I could go back in time and remake the Sopranos, I'm somehow a part of the crew now.

Yeah, I would have told them, guys, forget, don't stop believing.

It's about we built this city on rock and roll.

Yeah.

Emily, what's your song from this list?

Oh, should we just have Matt play it and we'll, this is a message.

I just want to know what people listening to this thought mine would be.

And you're right.

So play it.

Here it is.

It's funny you mentioned running playlists, Jordan.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You could fucking sprint to this.

Where did you come from?

Oh, my God.

The song, Trulio,

it's a great song.

It is great.

It rules.

And there's a banjo solo.

We got to play the banjo solo.

Yeah, there it is.

Here's the thing.

What I love about the banjo solo is

a keyboard person.

It's done with a keyboard.

There's something about

turning on maybe the worst banjo patch ever recorded on a fucking synthesizer and being like, yeah, this will sound good.

I love it.

And I think, I mean, related to this week's movie, I think you could do a serial killer movie in 10 years called Cotton Eye Joe.

Oh, easily.

You just have a guy whispering this.

100%.

It's a tongue.

No, honestly,

the lyrics sound like lore.

They do, yeah.

Yeah, lore about.

Where do you come from?

Where do you come from?

Where do you go, Cotton Eye Joe?

Yeah, yeah.

He was married a long time ago.

Like you meet his wife.

Oh, the wife.

She's weird and fucked up.

She's like strapped to a rocking chair or something.

Yeah, she's a skeleton.

Yeah, she's a skeleton.

Matt, did you have one?

I did.

And it was a very interesting list because I like the way in which they organize it.

Because the first few, you know, it's chronological in the first, like, maybe 10, I'm like, I have no idea what they're talking about.

But of course, they're terrible songs.

So maybe I wouldn't have heard it.

Sure.

It's like, they're coming to take me away.

Ha ha.

They're coming to take me away.

Like songs your dad thought was funny, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And then, as the decades go on, I start recognizing the songs and getting a little bit hurt, just going, like,

oobla di oobla da is a bad song.

I know, I love that song.

That's a weird one, too.

I think everybody loves that song, right?

Right, it's very strange to me.

Um, but I found one that I was like, How dare you?

This is the greatest song of my childhood, and uh, here's what it sounds like.

I love this song, too.

So good.

It's great.

It rules.

He's so passionate.

He's so passionate.

Cynthia Arrivo just did an interview, I forget for what publication, about her favorite like pop performances,

vocal performances, and this was one of them.

She was like, it's truly a great vocal performance.

The run he does on just the word baby,

like if you just

because if it was just like eight notes, like listen to how he says baby, hold on

right here.

Check this out.

Baby,

oh

maybe.

Like, I can, who can do that?

Virtuosic.

Virtuosic.

Imagine having that vocal control and being like, I'm going to sing about thongs.

I'm going to sing about thongs.

I'm going to use that.

Lemonade out of limits.

Like, he took a song that would just be corning and it would have still been a hit.

Yeah.

He didn't give it that, but he gave it everything.

He gave it so much.

I did discover some new music.

Funny, you should bring up pop songs about the butt.

I did discover some new music looking at this list.

I do think there were some songs that deserve their place on this list.

Not all, you know, it's not, yeah, they're not all bad choices.

This is a song I had never heard.

This is the 2002 entry, I believe.

Wow.

This is

from

a band called the Cheeky Girls.

Matt, can we play a little bit of this?

Here we go from the Cheeky Girls.

You are the cheeky boys.

You are the cheeky girls.

So, but cheeky cheeky boys.

I think so, yeah.

It's about they get their butts pinched at a certain point in the

video.

This is, is there a more Europe sounding song?

This is the most.

It's so British.

It is.

I want the guys from I'm Blue.

I want them to beat the shit out of the cheeky.

Yeah, 100%.

I mean, which

blue handprints on their butts.

I got a blue hand and it's in your face.

To be clear, the song is called Cheeky Song.

Parenthetical, Touch My Bum.

Touch My Bum.

So, in case you were confused about the double entendre in Cheeky, they are also talking about butts.

It's very clear.

But yes, an inferior song to Cisco's Thong Song, in my opinion.

I'll be the first to say it.

USA, USA.

That's right.

USA.

Nobody does butt songs like us.

Well, yeah, now it's time to talk about Long Legs, I think.

We're going to talk about this movie, but before we do, we want to let you know that this movie contains suicide, so if that's not something you want to hear us talk about, we're going to play some music and give you a chance to find another episode.

We're back.

It's free with ads.

We are talking about long legs.

Emily, would it be fair to say that you're a sicko for this movie?

Yes.

I remember, so I didn't know it was coming out, and you showed me all the weirdo teaser trailers they made for this movie, which had fucking awesome marketing.

The marketing of this movie, like, made it 10 times scarier.

It did.

I honestly, some people are kind of like, oh, well, the marketing made it look different than the end product, but I consider all the marketing to be part of the movie.

Like,

I think that that's just a weird part of it.

It's the whole journey experiencing that marketing and watching the movie and then watching it a second time.

It's like, I don't know.

You notice more things when you watch it.

Also, when you watch a lot of people

dissecting the movie, which I have.

Yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, a lot of Easter eggs in this thing.

A lot of like,

yeah, like fun subtext and like prop work.

Yeah, the like IMDB, you know, trivia section of this movie is a fascinating read.

Yeah, I saw this uh in theaters too, and uh, yeah, I liked it a lot, and I'm stoked to talk about it.

Matt, you've also, oh, you saw it to play a character on Good Mythical Morning, right?

Or Good Mythical Evening, the R-rated version of Good Mythical Morning, right?

I was playing um Schlong Legs, Schlong Legs, uh, and uh, I, you know, I got the character, and I was just like, well, I guess I should probably see it first so I can know what he sounds like, and ended up sitting up sitting, watching the whole movie.

And I was just like, this, um,

what is this movie about?

And

I only do it justice.

I don't know what he sounds like, Matt.

He sounds like 10 different guys over the course of this movie.

It is the like craziest, cageiest Nicholas Cage performance.

I loved it.

I loved it.

He had so much fun.

The only thing I wish is that he was in, like, he, we saw him more in the movie.

Yeah, yeah.

He, and you don't see him in any of the trailers and any of the marketing.

You, you know, like, he, he looks crazy when you finally do see him.

Which I made a point to not see what his face looked like until I went into the movie.

And it was very hard to do because Instagram people were putting it in.

Anytime I almost saw it, I was.

It's very memeable.

It's a very memeable face and movie in general.

Yeah.

But I, uh, that this opening scene where you get your first jump scare, I screamed so loud.

Yeah.

So, yeah, let's talk about it.

The movie starts out with a quote from the Glam Rock band T-Rex, which is kind of the musical motif.

It's kind of like Glam Rock from the 70s that recurs a couple of times.

It's not like super explicit why that's there.

I think, you know, if you read a bunch of the backstory type stuff, the

idea for Nicholas Cage's character is that he's like a rock and roll guy who made a deal with the devil and he's possessed and he's so anyway, but they don't say any of that in the movie.

It's just like...

That's all very Phantom of the Paradise.

Yeah, for sure.

For sure.

These are similar films in many ways, but very, many ways.

These good and fun to be aware of.

I also watched

Oz Perkins' movie, The Black Coat's Daughter.

Oh, how was that?

It's very good, and there are a lot of similar themes in this one that I feel like they're kind of, I don't think they're like the same universe, but I think that they are cousins or cis siblings to each other.

Interesting.

But

our girl from from like Mad Men and Killing or whatever, Kieran

Shipka.

Kieran and Shipka

Black Coats' daughter, and then she's also in this.

And I was like, oh, her performances in both are so good.

I think she's a great actor.

I've liked her.

She's in a lot of cheesy schlock stuff.

She's always great in it, though.

She is.

She's Sabrina.

I love her.

Yeah, she's great in it.

But yeah, I'll probably at the end of this talk about

the two things about this movie that I think are tied in those two films.

Oh, yeah, I'll get to

yeah.

So, we get this T-Rex quote, we get a lot of spooky fonts, and we see a

little kid wandering around a snowy yard.

It's in a weird aspect ratio.

We will learn that means we're in the past.

It looks like a you know, eight-millimeter movie or something like that.

Very cool.

Um,

and a weird guy who we don't really see shows up at her house.

He says, I wore my long legs today.

Um, and then you get a weird jump scare as he takes her picture.

We don't really know what that is yet, but we'll learn what that is.

This is very much a movie that just dumps a bunch of weird shit on you and then gradually explains it.

Or doesn't explain it.

She takes a picture of him.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and also some movies they don't explain.

Well, but she takes a picture of him.

Yes, that's true.

Yeah, you're right.

Good correction.

That will be a little piece of evidence they'll use.

And this little girl grows up to be Lee Harker,

an FBI agent looking for a killer.

She gets briefed.

They go to a cute little neighborhood.

She has a very cheekbony partner who will die soon.

This guy looks like he has a mouthful of Legos.

Jeez, the cheekbones.

I know.

Jagged.

Sharp cheekbones and chin.

It is.

He's a really striking-looking person.

I was sad to see his head get blown off.

Yes.

So she's a little bit psychic and thinks she knows which house the killer is in.

She's right.

This guy knocks on the door, gets his head blown immediately off.

And cheek shrapnel goes everywhere.

Jagged chin fragments fly out and kill everyone in the neighborhood.

So she's a little bit psychic.

They catch the guy, and it was a...

Well, they don't catch the guy.

Here's what's crazy.

Yeah.

He gives himself over.

Right.

He kills her partner.

And then he just puts his arms up like...

as if this was a plan.

Very creepy.

There's something going on here.

But also, I guess before they went hunting for this guy,

her,

you know,

what do you call them?

Supervisors or whatever, like, this guy will be dangerous and will resist.

And then he didn't resist when it was her.

So, I don't know.

Yeah.

They put her through these like psychic tests.

They're looking for a killer named Longlegs who leaves little notes around during all of these like serial killer massacres.

And the thing is that he doesn't do it.

It's usually a murder-suicide type thing.

So all of these cases where you get a long legs note, they're all tied together because it's like a family that kills each other, basically.

It's a dad who like kills an entire family and then himself.

Is that like Amityville horror?

Is that like what that movie is?

You know, I've never seen that movie.

I've never seen that either.

Well, I think there's one where it's like the father loses his mind and then he kills everyone.

Like that's, you know, kind of a theme.

Sure, yeah.

It's a shining type thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, it also happens in real life.

Sure.

It's also based on things that happen.

Sorry to bring it down after the thong song, but, you know.

But also.

Save us, Cisco.

Save us from these bad ballets.

Let me kill my mama.

Baby.

No, but I wanted to ask you guys when I was watching these FBI psychic tests, which do they really have these in the FBI?

Is something really interesting?

But I was like, we all have ADHD.

What were your tests like to figure out if you had them?

Yeah, they were kind of similar, but it was an interesting thing in this movie because they didn't make her just psychic.

They made her half psychic.

Yeah, she's, and it doesn't

really enter into the plot.

They kind of drop the psychic thing.

It doesn't really, like, she finds Long Legs because she's connected to him because he's like, he's part of her family.

He's her weirdo dad in many ways well you know blah blah blah they'll that'll get revealed but yeah the psychic thing doesn't really enter into it and it's weird to make her half psychic because that

is that's just not psychic like if you if you can guess things 50 of the time i guess you could be a little psychic but it also uh eventually just is like a probability but also the shittiest psychic because the killer lives in your basement right yeah who's psychic now yeah i guess she's also yeah she's also an idiot.

Yeah.

Also dumb.

We will learn later.

Yes.

Long legs.

But there is a thing about

there is something that

only

lets her see what it wants her to see.

That happens later.

So it's like half of her memory is there and then the other half is kept quietly on purpose.

To be clear, it's a surrealist movie.

So it's not meant to...

If you find a plot hole,

if you find a plot hole, it's not a plot hole.

It's art.

Right.

Yes.

And yeah, and if there's anything in this movie that doesn't make sense, it was because the devil did it.

That's right, yeah.

The devil, if it's something weird, it's because the devil was there, and you see little shadows of him throughout the whole movie, kind of subliminal.

God, I think that shit is such a stretch.

Everybody was like, Then you see the devil back there.

I'm like, It's a fucking shadow of nothing.

Like, yeah, that's the Arby's hat.

Ah, the devil.

No, I was like, I guess the devil's just whatever you want it to be.

We have the beast,

they could do that.

They could do that.

Hell yes.

So

she's got a hard ass FBI boss, Blair Underwood, who is fucking great in this.

I loved this movie, the casting in this movie is awesome.

Every like side character is great.

Every like little one-scene character is like an awesome weirdo who you love.

And yeah, he's like, he's so fucking good in this.

So yeah, he's always trying to go here to get her to go get a drink.

She doesn't drink, but he's like sitting, like, watch me drink and tell me about Long Legs.

And he sits in the, goes to this cool bar and sits in this like giant leather chair.

And she's like talking about all the stuff she's found by looking at the Long Legs files.

So

we find there's another, this is happening again.

It's a pattern.

And so she's, she's like trying to figure out who Long Legs is.

She lives in the world's creepiest cabin.

She lives out in the woods in a terrifying house.

She's going over the things.

There's a knock at her door.

We see a bunch of weird shapes.

It's all very like, it's shot in a very cool, intense way.

The knocking at the door is so scary in this.

Yes.

And then as she's kind of like running around the house looking for who is knocking at the door, she gets a little letter on her desk, a birthday card from Longlegs with a cipher.

So she can like, there's like a long legs code and she's like trying to break the code.

Meanwhile, another family died.

They have been in the house for a long time because they were supposed to go on vacation, and so no one checked on them.

So they're like all decomposed.

So they go in.

We see the kind of gross bodies of the family that died, but their cat is okay, which I was relieved.

Their cat is fine.

A month.

Well, you ate their face.

Yeah, I know.

Like, we have to, we, we have to.

That's why the cat survived because he ate a lot of face.

And he's looking healthy, too.

This cat really looks great.

That's a great cat.

That cat is living it up.

Beautiful fur, beautiful sleek fur that I imagine you get from eating these.

Shiny cat.

Shiny mane.

Shiny cat.

Made me like long legs a little bit.

I was like, okay, you know, he's making families kill each other, but he's leaving the cats alive.

Did anybody see that Thanksgiving horror movie?

I think it's just called Thanksgiving that Eli Roth made a couple of years ago.

No.

It's a kind of a whatever movie, but it's fun.

It's like a Thanksgiving slasher, and there's

spoiling a moment in this, but he kills someone really brutally, and there's a cat in the house, and I was like, oh no, he's going to kill the cat, and I'm going to hate this movie.

And then he feeds the cat and leaves.

Oh, it's so good.

I love that.

Yeah.

I love that.

We love a cat that survives the movie.

Yeah.

So in the long legs note, she finds a couple of clues.

There are references to a farmhouse.

And the farmhouse had like a famous murder that happened at it.

And there was one survivor.

It was a the little girl who was at school, so she didn't get killed when dad went on his dad rampage.

So they're going to make two stops.

They're going to go out to the farm and then they're going to go visit the little girl who now is grown up and living in an insane asylum.

They go to the farm in the middle of the fucking night.

Wait till morning.

I know we're trying to catch long legs.

Go at 9.

Go at 9 a.m.

Especially.

Since you know what date he kills people.

Yes.

You've got time.

You've got a night.

Sleep on it.

Which

I'd like to say.

So it's usually their ninth birthday.

It's a child's ninth birthday, and it's always on the 14th of the month.

And guess whose birthday is on the 14th of a month?

Yeah, the main character.

It's me.

Oh, no, Emily.

Oh, you're going to get killed by Longlegs.

No, it's April 14th.

Yeah.

Wow.

But also, I made it past nine, so I think

your dad's a great guy.

He would never kill everyone.

Your dad would never kill the family.

Oh, my God.

It would be the clumsiest killing of our family you ever saw.

He'd be like, do we have any knives?

Where are they?

Your mother knows where they are.

My knee hurts right now.

Could you just walk into this knife?

I'm going to go to bed.

Kill yourself on the way out.

Guitars, whiskey.

Guns, and knives.

He writes a hit song.

That is a Steel Driver's song.

It was a good-ass song.

I was like, Did you just come up on it?

No, it's really good.

I got to start listening.

That's a banger.

You should.

So they go in the middle of the night to the world's creepiest farmhouse and they follow a series of clues and find a really creepy doll with human hair buried under some floorboards.

That was so fucking scary because I thought it was a corpse.

I thought

yes, it looks very corpsey.

It looks, it's a real, it's a real, it's one of the creepiest dolls ever to be featured in a creepy doll movie.

Yeah, even creepier than Megan.

Yeah, way creepier.

I mean, well, Megan slays.

Okay.

She ain't, okay.

She's an icon.

Megan is Brat.

Yeah, Megan is Brat.

Are people still Brat in 2025?

The Dolphin Long Legs was not serving cunt.

How people talk about Megan.

You know, whatever.

Are we relatable, Gen Z?

Are we relatable?

Do you like

Gen Z's not listening to this?

God knows.

She was serving mother, though.

She was, yes, she was.

She was mother.

She was served to a mother, and then the mother.

Yes, that's true.

That's a very good point.

Yeah,

that is true.

So they decide to, now that they have this creepy doll, oh, we start to see some scenes of long legs kind of randomly throughout the movie here.

So we kind of see him wandering around he's dressed all in white how would how do you describe how he looks if people haven't seen the coolest costume i've ever seen i love it so much it's like white denim but it's filthy but you know it's still white like it's still dirty and then he's got this kind of tan vest underneath the white jackets and everything and then his face is basically Queen Elizabeth I white.

Sure, yes.

And then the hair is like, none of this is explained.

None of this gets explained.

We don't know.

It His hair is like house painted.

You know what he looks like?

He looks like

Jack White's father.

You know what I mean?

Like, if Jack White had like

a crazy dad, you know, just like, my dad's long legs.

Honestly, he is a white stripe.

Yeah,

100%.

So, yeah,

for me, I was watching him just with racon tour songs.

Well, it was also like the face that they came up with for the character Long Legs is like over plastic surgeried.

Like the

cheeks are huge and the lips are crazy.

It's basically Kardashian with baby powder on it.

Like, yeah, pretty much.

It's like,

you know, one of those,

you know, plastic surgery nightmares shows where you see like some really, you know,

messed up plastic surgery.

And it's like

the face, the makeup in this is so good, you don't actually know that it's Nicholas Cage until he starts doing Nick Cage.

Acting in a way that no one else in the world would act.

Exactly.

And so it's pretty impressive to watch.

I'd say that when he goes into the hardware store, it's

great.

You know, it's Nicholas Cage, but again, the like,

I don't know, it's like an optical illusion or something.

It's just crazy looking.

He, yeah, and so he makes weird cuckoo noises at the teen girl.

And again, this teen girl is so fucking perfectly cashed.

She has two lines and they're awesome and she nails them.

And she's just like

the,

she's Oz.

Perkins' daughter.

Is she?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So when she was calling out for her dad, Her dad was actually in the room.

Honestly, that is one of the best Nepo casting

of all time.

Listen, you're like, I'm a Nepo baby.

Listen, I gotta like, I gotta pay this forward.

I have to start creating more

Nepo babies.

Totally.

So, yeah, so she's like, dad, this gross guy's back again.

And that's when we see, you know, we cut the long legs in his car going, mommy, daddy, unmake me.

Very weird.

Very, very cool.

Makes makes for a great drop.

So the FBI folks go to the insane asylum, and so it turns out Long Legs checked in to the insane asylum.

He signed her name, the FBI agent's name,

Harker Harper.

Harker Lee.

Harper Lee?

Harper.

Oh, Harper Lee wrote Killing Mockingbird.

Harker.

It's got to be Harker, right?

Yeah.

No, it's Lee Harker.

There you go.

Lee Harker.

Thank you very much.

Which I wouldn't be surprised if there was a purposeful kind of parallel to that.

Oh, yeah, probably.

Another amazing side character is the guy who works at the mental institution who kind of wasn't

fucking rules.

She's so funny in in a movie that has Nicholas Cage.

This guy almost has the most memorable performance of the movie.

Yes, he's just so blasé about running a mental institution,

and they so they're like, okay, so this guy came in.

This is the serial killer we're looking for.

He visited the, he visited the, the girl, and she stopped being catatonic.

She woke up.

Who was it?

He's like, he's like, he doesn't know.

And they're like, so did the guys at the front,

do they check IDs?

And he's like, it sounds like a good idea, but no.

That is the hardest I've laughed in a theater in five years

at that.

It's so, yeah.

There are a lot of really funny, weirdo little moments in this movie.

That is, yeah, I looked around a little bit.

I couldn't find that guy.

I'm sure I just didn't look hard enough, but he's a fucking star.

He's so good in this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

One scene, and he almost like upstages.

He's probably Carrie Grant's grandson or something.

Well, his talent reel is fucking killer.

I bet.

With that one scene,

I would just put that on repeat and send it to every casting agent.

Remember this from Long Legs?

Oh, yeah.

Well, you were that guy.

I love that line.

Yeah.

So we kind of like start seeing some flashbacks.

We see the flashback of what happened at the farm that day.

We see, you know, it goes into that aspect ratio.

It goes into the like eight-millimeter aspect ratio.

And we see the like farm dad kill the local preacher, kill the mom, and I guess the little girl played by Kiernan

Shipa.

Yeah,

just because we can't all pronounce this name, can we just call her Sally Draper for the rest of the day?

There you go, yeah.

Yes, apologies, Kiernan Shipka.

Yeah, yeah, apologies, but I will always know you as Sally Draper, Dawn Draper's wonderful daughter.

An iconic role.

You got kicked out of a sleepover for masturbating.

That's right.

I can relate.

We've all been playing.

Big Ben the same girl.

Girl, same.

I'm different only because I was listening to Hot and I Joe.

There you go.

And you didn't do it to the music.

You didn't get kicked out.

Everyone joined in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, that music just makes you want to flip the bean, doesn't it?

Exactly.

Especially the banjo part.

That's my clit.

We can do it in time.

Yes.

What is the banjo but the clit of the pants?

There we go.

Yeah.

Say stuff.

You can just say stuff.

That's a podcast.

I think that we have a lot of what is a blank music.

Yeah, I know.

I'd go to that well too much.

No, but no, I think it's.

Maybe it's a catchphrase, you know?

Honestly,

I think.

It's my favorite form of joke.

Sure, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, then I'm doing it on purpose, not because I'm lazy.

No, I do it all the time.

I say it never gets old.

I think it's funny, and we're going to keep doing it.

Always funny.

Because we are good at it.

Funny every time.

Because

we haven't talked about Lee Harker's weird mom.

She gets a lot of phone calls from a weird mom who we haven't met.

She goes to her weird mom's house.

Mom is a younger woman in old age makeup.

We will see, you know, mom at various ages later in the movie.

we learn that mom doesn't throw anything away.

Mom is a weird hoarder, and the mom doesn't throw anything away will come back in many ways.

I have a question about something.

I want to hear y'all's opinion.

In the hoard nest of her mother's room, there is a bottle of teeth

and it says 10 years.

So it could either be it's been 10 years of hoarding other children's teeth, which is some other people have talked about, but I think because she hoards most of the stuff that Lee has, she likes hoarding like hair that Lee had and stuff.

Yeah.

I think all of Lee Harker's teeth fell out, like fell out at once when she was 10.

Oh, those are all of her baby teeth?

Okay.

Yeah, like, so he spared her on her ninth birthday.

And it's like, I think that there's trauma or something to all of it.

And all of her teeth fell out.

I love that theory.

I don't know why I think that, but I'm like, it says 10 years.

So I'm like, okay, we've got nine years being very significant.

So 10 years feels also

significant.

So I just...

All your teeth fall out.

All of her teeth fell out when she was 10.

So, mom,

they learn that she kind of has these recovered memories of a weird guy coming to the house.

It was long legs.

And yeah, as we talked about in the kind of opening, you get that jump scare of the picture being taken.

So she has a little Polaroid of Long Legs.

They really find him quick.

After this Polaroid is produced, they immediately find this weird drifter.

He's

because he's very recognizable.

Yes, he is the weirdest looking guy in history.

So, you know what?

Maybe it's not that far-fetched that they find him quick.

He's just waiting at a bus stop with two little suitcases.

Where is he going?

No, I'd love to see the movie of him just go somewhere on the bus.

You know what else I like about this?

Graceland.

Yeah, that does look like it.

But another thing is, I think there is something fourth wall breaking about how Long Legs treats the camera in a way.

Like, when we first see him and he ducks into frame of the camera, it's almost like he's doing this for us.

Like, there's something where

totally.

We're in the movie almost.

So when he's got those suitcases, he's just staring.

down the barrel of the camera.

He spends most of this movie staring down, like save for the scene in the hardware store, I mean, there's limited screen time for Long Legs in this.

And the scenes that he is in, like, a bulk of it takes place in an interrogation room.

And he does spend, you know, a good amount of time looking directly into the camera and saying, hail Satan at us.

Yeah, so it's like we are whoever he's talking to.

Right.

Yeah.

We are actually in the interrogation.

Like, I don't know.

It's, it's pretty amazing.

Yeah.

Nicholas Cage was there for three days.

A day and a half of that was getting into the makeup.

Like, he's not in this movie a ton, and you just remember fucking everything.

Like, it's, yeah, every scene, like, totally counts and is super memorable.

Yeah, so they, though, the, the, a big swarm of guys comes to catch Long Legs as he's waiting for the bus.

And then, uh, they, all the FBI kind of crowds around to watch this little video of him.

Um, and he's, you know, he's like, I need to find Lee.

I need to find Lee.

It's her birthday.

Happy birthday.

And they, so he's just like singing happy birthday.

And this, this FBI agent, this like female FBI agent who we haven't seen before, she pauses it and she goes, it goes on like that for a while.

Another fucking huge laugh from a two-scene character.

They're like, how long?

He's like, 26 minutes of him just singing happy birthday.

She gets her head blown off in a little bit, but really, she had a great line.

Really

nails that one little scene.

So they send her in.

So they send Lee in because they're worried that there's going to be another dad massacre.

So Lee is about to interrogate Longlegs, and we're going to talk about it right after this.

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We are talking about long legs.

So

they got long legs.

Our main character, Lee, she's in the interrogation room with him.

He just says a bunch of crazy shit.

There's, and yeah, like Emily, like you mentioned, he is just kind of like, there's so many shots of him looking at the camera from her point of view, and he's moving around like a snake.

He's kind of bobbing and weaving.

There's a lot of like snake imagery.

There's a lot of just like cut to a montage of creepy stuff in this movie.

And like, there's a lot of snakes.

And he's kind of like moving around like a snake.

And then,

you know, he's asking her.

So we kind of know he had an accomplice, right?

Who's the accomplice?

That's who they're trying, what they're trying to figure out and he says uh he doesn't tell her but he says hail satan and then bashes his own head against the table until he's all crazy and he has a crazy skeleton face after he bashes his nose in oh god that was so fucked up yeah that was incredible and i i've i love the commitment that nick cage had to really bashing his head in like it was honest yeah it was like he almost asked for extra makeup so that he could have just the joy and catharsis of breaking out of that mask by bashing it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I haven't looked into how much of that was just practical effects and digital because

it was really wild to look at.

But yeah, I bet the choreography was crazy.

You know, that the legend has it that

Detective Lee did not know what Nick Cage looked like until that scene.

Like, she met him for the first time in his long life.

Yeah, I've heard that too.

Yeah,

that would freak me out.

Imagine, yeah,

really wild.

So, we kind of know at this point that mom is involved somehow, and we see mom in a flashback with a shotgun.

Guess who never throws anything away?

We go back to the farm, and mom is carrying a shotgun.

She blows away that woman who has that awesome one-line in

the briefing room.

And she has the shotgun.

When Lee finds her, she's got the shotgun pointed at one of the creepy long legs dolls that is dressed just like her when she was a kid.

Mom blows it away, and

we learned there's a guy who dissects the dolls, and they have little metal balls in their head.

Anyway, that's where Satan lives, I guess.

They don't really explain the balls, but there's kind of a black smoke comes out of them.

That's what controls people.

It feels like a movie that had a great concept and bits and pieces, and that it was like, well, let's just wrap it up.

But sure,

the end is, it's insane.

Yes, I know.

The end is very season six of Riverdale, which is the highest compliment I can give a piece of art.

So here's what's happening.

Let's just explain what the long legs thing is.

So, long legs, he's possessed by Satan.

He's a doll maker.

He makes these dolls with metal balls in their head.

He brings them to houses where the kid is having a birthday on this cipher date.

And he recruits Lee's mom.

to dress up as a nun to get the dolls in the house so they can control the dad to kill the family for

Satan.

It's really crazy.

It's nothing.

Like, there's no way to figure it out.

No, I get it.

By watching the movie.

I mean, Taylor is old as time.

Oh, sure.

Yes.

That old.

That old chestnut.

This is why we all have, you know, hey, if you see a nun with a doll, you don't let them in.

That's what my parents always told me.

They did.

Also, so the reason why Lee's mother has been doing it is because, I guess, Long Legs came for her when she was nine.

And the mom, like, begged and pleaded for him to spare her.

And he said, you have to be, you know, a servant of the downstairs man and me.

And I'll spare you.

But they made, he had already made a doll of her.

And so the doll, I guess, is supposed to have like

blind her from certain things.

So she doesn't remember certain things.

She doesn't know that he's in the basement of her own house.

So I just like imagine.

So long legs moves in.

He's in the basement.

He's been down there making the dolls the whole time.

And I just like imagining.

So if her doll is keeping her her from seeing things, that he's just up there in his like droopy tidy whiteys, like making cereal sometimes.

Yeah, that she just doesn't see him.

Did I get a package?

Amazon says they left it.

I have a picture on my phone.

Oh, drink all the orange juice.

That's my scrapbook.

I labeled that yogurt.

Did they ring the bell?

I told them not to.

Anyway.

I love Long Legs Roommate.

Long Legs Roommate.

Long Legs Roommate.

Bring back Mad TV.

An old blank patch joke.

Bring back Mad TV so I can pitch blank.

Anyway, so

the kind of like very, very darkly hilarious thing at the end with the final scene is that Blair Underwood's daughter has a birthday.

They've been teasing this very cute little girl, Miss Ruby, having this birthday party for the whole movie.

And Lee gets there, and guess what's happening?

Her mom in a nun outfit showed up and brings this little doll that looks like the little girl.

And there's a crazy standoff.

And

Blair Underwood and his wife go back in the kitchen, and he kills her.

And the acting in this scene is so fucking good.

You can tell just by how weird they're acting that they don't want to be doing this, but they have to.

It's this thing about them.

Well, we got to go cut the cake for Miss Ruby.

And you can tell that they're like, Oh my God, I know what I'm about to do.

It's wild.

Yeah.

Yeah, him, Blair Underwood, and whoever the actor is who plays his wife are so fucking good in this scene.

There's also a great moment where, you know, Lee's mom is there and she's like, you know, mom, no, stop.

And her mom goes, don't you call me that?

Don't you dare call me that.

As if to say, your mom isn't in here anymore.

Yeah,

um, and then so you know, Blair Underwood kills his wife, Lee kills Blair Underwood, and then her mom, and she tries to shoot the doll that is like possessing the little girl, but she's out of bullets, she's out of bullets, and then she just says, Let's go.

And we have one more shot of Nicholas Cage saying, Hell, Satan.

Then we cut to a very jaunty T-Rex song, and the credits not going up, but going down.

Whoa,

that's not how credits usually go.

Yeah, the music was hell with the credits.

The music was super fun.

I liked T-Rex.

When I worked in a retail store, a men's retail store, you know how they have to pay for a certain catalog of music.

Copyright?

Yeah, you're not allowed to play your

Spotify playlist.

No, you're not allowed to do that.

You have to buy a license little thing.

So I heard the la la la la la la la.

Like that was just constant on the playlist.

Passenger.

Yeah, it's a good.

You're bringing me back to the time I went into a Pacific Sunwear and was like, What is this magical song?

And it was just some song by the band Genesis.

And it was like some Phil Collins song.

And I was like, Well, I'm never going to tell anyone that that's what it was, but I really liked it.

You know, also, what is on that worst songs of all time Wikipedia page?

Sue Studio.

Yeah, I saw that.

I like Sue Studio.

I love Sue Studio.

What are you doing?

Making us feel bad?

Come on.

Anyway,

so that's Long Legs.

We're going to say what we thought about it, but first, we got to do the Hunk Watch.

It's Hunk Watch.

Anybody?

Any got any strong thoughts on the Hunks of this movie?

I have a very obvious one, but I want to see.

Blair Underwood.

Blair Underwood is so good in this.

He's such a dad.

He's such a cool dad.

Yeah, a like.

He's a hunk.

He's got a great job.

Guy's been fucking hunking since the late 80s.

Yeah,

this guy hunking for hunking for almost fucking 40 years.

Yeah, and I don't know the character's name.

I keep forgetting what it is, but I just call whenever I see him on screen, I call him Blair Underwood, which is like it's so like funny how much of a white girl name that is.

And he's not that at all.

And the contrast of that is just makes him badass.

It's really good.

He's very cool.

And he's, yeah, he's super hot, too.

Yeah.

I'm going to go with the portrait of Bill Clinton behind Blair Underwood.

We learned that this is set in the 90s because of a portrait of Bill Clinton that is everywhere.

It's so heavily featured.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

when you go into one of the flashback scenes, the family has a big portrait of Nixon, so they just use presidential portraits to let you know what year it is.

It's so weird.

As if you need need to know what year it is in order to contextualize the film.

It's like one of those

movie make more sense.

It's like, whatever.

This just happens in a weird time war.

If it happened during the war on terror, would it not work?

Like,

why does it happen?

Yeah.

I mean, I have to go with, and I'm sorry to be basic, but I'm going with Long Legs.

He's Mahonga the

screen time, and yet,

you know, he attracts the eye.

You can't stop looking at him.

Also,

I would love to say I had a man in my life who remembered my birthday.

100%.

There you go.

He remembers me.

Long legs remembers your birthday.

Breaks into your house, gives you a little card.

Exactly.

Unmake me, daddy.

Unmake me, buddy.

It's so good.

Oh, my God.

Daddy!

It's just so good.

He's hot.

He's hot.

He's hot.

Long legs.

Emily, do you agree?

Yes.

I agree with both of yours, actually.

I think that they're hot in different ways, but equal.

Equal.

All right.

This is a movie full of unlikely hunks.

Okay.

We're going to rank this movie when we come back.

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Okay.

Emily, I'll let you like close it out because I think

you're the biggest stan of this movie.

I'll let you have the final word.

Matt, why don't you go first?

What did you think?

As someone who's played Long Life.

As someone who has embodied the character through a parody form on a paywall version of a fancy show.

Of a YouTube show?

Yeah, sure.

I'm going to give this a solid six.

I really like the movie in terms of, no, I mean, you know, it's, I'm not, here,

my issue with it in general is that it is, um, it's, it's kind of doing too much.

Here's my problem.

I watched this movie trying to get into character for Schlong Legs.

I ended up watching the whole thing and enjoying it.

Upon re-watch, I did find myself

fully spent from my previous watch of it.

Like, I didn't gain anything more from it.

And in general, I don't know.

I like a,

I kind of, I realized the movie I wanted to see had a lot more long legs and a lot less psychic abilities.

And so it lost a few points in my mind.

So I'm sorry, but I'm giving it a six.

Six is not bad, though.

Not a bad score.

No, I mean, it's a failing score in school, like 60%.

Well, depends how we all do.

If we grade it on a curve, okay.

All right, cool.

So I am going to give this movie an eight.

I really like it.

I was wondering, I had maybe a little bit of a different experience than you, Matt, re-watching it.

I was worried.

I'm like, okay, well, this is the.

This movie is set up.

Like, here's a bunch of weird shit.

Let's gradually explain it.

And I'm like, will that be fun to re-watch if I know what it all is?

And I really had a good time.

I like, I got, you know, the atmosphere of the movie got me.

The weirdness got me.

Yeah, I love all those little side characters.

And yeah, and I had a really fun time.

You know, I'm, uh, I looked at the, you know, the trivia section of IMDb and liked looking at all the Easter eggs.

I'm sure there's a million people on YouTube who break this apart in a video that's longer than the actual movie.

So yeah, I like that there's all this little stuff to discover and, you know, you can kind of like learn about the backstory.

I think that the less is more

is really great with the backstory.

So yeah, I'm going to give it an eight.

I like it a lot, and I think for me, it held up to a repeat viewing.

Emily, what about you?

Yeah, I'm going to give it an eight as well.

I love the ambition of

all of the little elements, and of course, I love the marketing campaign.

I do suggest watching Black Coat's Daughter.

It's a previous movie of Oz Perkins.

And that movie, both of these movies, I think are about the

pointlessness of

depending on the devil to help you.

Like,

be your own devil.

Well, yeah, in Black Coast Daughter, and if you, this is a spoiler, so if you don't want to listen, it's about a girl who had the power of the devil on her side, and then he abandoned her, and she spends the rest of her life trying to find the devil again to be her, like, companion.

And,

and, um, and then this movie, it's like this guy who is clearly not succeeding in life, like serving the devil in a ridiculous way that seems futile.

It doesn't seem like any of these things are actually too complicated.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's giving him what he wants, and it's certainly not giving anyone else.

It's like, it's just this futile repetition that is nothingness.

It's just evil.

So I think both movies are about how stupid it is to rely on loyalty from the devil.

I like it.

It's like a complicated Faust.

Yeah, so I haven't seen his other movies, but I love both of these.

So I'm giving it an 8.

Black Coat's Daughter for me is like an 8.5, but like it's, I love Long Legs.

I think it's really good.

And I like that it's so ridiculous that it's funny

in a way.

Just like all of it, even the scariest moments.

It has a really weirdo, specific sense of humor that

really works for me, totally.

It would have been a nine if Nick Cage was in it more.

Or that interrogation

scene was three minutes longer.

Just three minutes more.

I read

so happy.

They actually did shoot when the lady says he goes on like that for 24 minutes.

They actually did shoot 24 minutes of him just ad-living into it.

No way.

I'm sure he loved that.

Dude,

don't you just want that?

Don't you want to own that?

I would

use this on the Blu-ray.

There's gotta be a way to, yeah, it's gotta be on Blu-ray for fucking sure.

Oh, I would love it so much.

Yeah, it was rad.

It was amazing.

That's our review of Long Legs.

Anybody got anything to plug?

Matt, how about you?

You want to start?

Nothing.

By the time this episode comes out, I will have done three dates in New York that have already passed.

How did they go?

Oh, I crash.

Whoa, sick, dude.

You should have been there, idiots.

But yeah, no.

So just, I don't know, follow me on Instagram at Matt Lee Jones.

Follow Matt on Instagram.

Emily, you got anything?

I'm going to continue telling everyone to please go to mythicalsociety.com and become a second or third degree member and then click on Emily, have you seen this?

Be sure to do that first so that they know you came there for me.

Yeah, that's your show where you watch weird internet videos, right?

Yes, and we will be doing a spooky episode for October pretty soon.

Check in it.

So buckle up.

Hey, surprise.

I got some Southern California-based book events for you to attend.

That's right.

On October 24th, Cody Ziggler and I will be signing copies of Predator, Black, White, and Blood, number four

from Marvel Comics at Things from Another World, 4 to 6 p.m.

This is a fun little wrinkle that we can announce.

Cody and I will be doing the signing wearing tank tops.

We have both agreed to wear tank tops.

So if you want to get a signed Predator comic from both of us and see us in tank tops, come to Things from Another World, 4 to 6 p.m.

Jordan yes can you tell the people what kind of tank top you're wearing or does that have to be top secret and they have to come in order to find out it's tank top secret tank it's it is tank top secret but you know what I think I can reveal it is a vintage predator tank top featuring the poster from the Arnold movie Nice and great tank top with every comic you get a free ticket to the gun show so hell yeah that's uh it's a bargain a bargain at twice the price

And on November 8th, I am going to be at the Burbank Book Festival at the Buena Vista Branch Library.

Don't go to the main branch.

I will be at the Buena Vista Branch 10 a.m.

to 11 a.m.

I'm going to be signing comics there.

And then later on that day, I'm going to be slooshing across town to Revenge of Comics and Pinball for their comic creator parking lot party.

Times to come.

So that's November 8th at the Buena Vista Branch Library and Revenge of Comics and Pinball.

If you're in Southern California and I don't see you at any of these, what's your fucking deal?

Just come see me, okay?

I know.

I love it.

It's really, I mean, come on.

You can find him.

You can meet him in person.

Meet me.

You love to meet me.

You love to meet him and you will love it.

Also, I want to just say, yes, please.

I got on a,

for no real reason, on an alien tip where I just was like, like i'm gonna watch all of them pretty good franchise huh well maybe you i'm very much enjoying it no i i am very much enjoying it and i just now started watching alien versus predator requiem okay and what what i i i'm halfway through what a journey uh and it makes me want to start watching all of the predator movies and you know if i do so i'm going to also purchase your comic book oh my god okay um well thank you, Matt.

I'm sure you'll find a lot to like.

I just have to watch eight hours worth of shit.

No, no, no.

You cannot go into the comic cold.

You cannot go into the comic cold.

And if our listeners don't want to do all of that, they can just listen to our episode of Alien vs.

C.

Yeah, BOG.

I know.

I can't believe.

Matt, I can't believe you're watching AVP Requiem and not for this podcast.

I know you're going to have to do it at some point.

It is very strange watching any of these movies, not for a podcast, because I'm just like, if I'm not talking about it, why am I watching it?

Why am I watching it?

Then I remembered that that's how humans are.

We just enjoy things and let them go, you know?

Fuck that.

Do a podcast.

Great content.

Monetize it.

Monetize your movies.

Anyway,

hey, next week, How Lopeen continues when our movie will be The Ring.

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