Killer Klowns from Outer Space

This is Free with Ads, the podcast that asked the question: why pay HBO max 10 bucks a month to watch an it prequel series when you could go online for free and watch a scary clown movie that's not actually that scary, but it does contain a scene where someone gets hit with pies until they turn into a skeleton.

I'm Jordan Morris, and I'm Emily Fleming.

It's the first week of Halloween, baby, our month-long celebration of scary movies where we'll also probably make jokes about dongs.

But I also do fingering stories.

But what are dongs but the fingers of the crotch?

Yes.

So true.

That is true.

So true.

Perfect sense.

Thank you.

Or dongs are the...

Wait, I'll figure it out later.

No, you had it.

What are fingers but the dongs of the...

No, I got it.

I got it.

The fingers of the hand.

Yes, the dongs of the hand.

Okay, we got there.

Our first movie is Killer Clowns from Outer Space, the 80s cult classic about space clowns with giant heads that look like they're made entirely out of testicle skin with us as always is the super producer the he freak matt leave hitting us with those creepy kooky drops

and fried

my favorite guy is that yeah uh old man old man

who has a dog named poo

poo bear poo bear the dog uh yeah only southern person in the whole movie i don't think this movie is in the south.

I don't know what he was doing there.

You know, Matt, they filmed some of this movie in Santa Cruz.

Look at that.

Where

are you from college?

So,

this is like

a Monterey Bay movie.

Oh, yeah.

This is like a battle man has a classic cannery row accent.

Yeah.

Oh, you know me, just surfing on my surfboard.

Yeah, I'm going to head up to San Jose for some of that classic Vietnamese cuisine.

I'm going to go 10 toes down in Bolinas and get pitted.

So pitted.

So pitted.

Hey, before we talk more about this movie, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we're gonna read an email from a listener in a segment we call We Got Mail.

You got mail.

This message is from Dylan.

They write, as big fans of horror, which horror villain slash monster do you guys think you have the best chance of surviving against, and how would you plan on escaping/slash defeating them?

Which do you think you die to the quickest?

Chucky.

Chucky's the easiest one to kill.

Oh, okay.

What's your what's your Chucky murder strategy?

Dropkick.

Dropkick, sure.

Just dropkick that fucker into the ocean.

Yeah, field goal kick.

Yeah, keep him away with a broom.

Or I just not a lot of reach on Chucky.

Yeah, or throw into a

flaming trash can.

You know?

Yeah.

Trash can full of fire.

Throw it.

It's easy.

I know that there's like a spirit involved.

Doesn't he like possess different?

It's like somebody's spirit in the doll, so he'd hop somewhere else.

But in terms of the doll itself, yeah, I can take that doll out.

So, yeah, I guess, right, Chucky could counter by throwing himself in something more effective.

I guess, which is, yeah.

But have we seen this?

I don't know.

I've only seen the first ones.

I saw the first one when I was very young, and it scared the crap out of me.

And the older I got, the more I was like, I'm bigger than Chucky now.

Yeah, I could kill Chucky.

I could kill Chucky.

Chucky.

Or anything that size.

Yeah.

What about y'all?

So I think my, when I first read this question, I'm like, well, I would die to all of them easily.

I do not suspect I would survive that long in any kind of horror scenario.

So yeah, but some, you know, just some stuff I was mulling over.

Okay, my first thought.

Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Obviously, I'm a strong swimmer.

I've talked about it on the show.

True.

But you know what you do against the creature from the Black Lagoon?

You don't try and swim away from it.

Well,

it's the shape of water.

You fuck it.

But you don't swim away from the thing.

You get on land.

Have you seen that thing on land?

It sucks.

It looks hungover.

It cannot jog.

So I think with creatures from the black lagoon, I don't think my swimming does anything.

I think you just get on land.

You're 100% right.

That's why anytime someone dies in that, I'm like, well, what were you doing near a black lagoon?

Shouldn't have just get away from the lagoons.

Get away from that one.

Go to other lagoons.

Yeah.

Go to a lagoon.

Monsoon lagoon at raging waters in San Diego.

Wild Rivers, where was Monsoon Lagoon?

It was, you know what?

It was a childhood destination.

I don't actually know where it was.

It was back before I had a map in my head.

At a water park, something.

Sure.

Yeah.

You could also give a little visit to Swamp Thing.

I'm sure that he needs visitors.

Swamp Thing was nice, though, right?

He was like a friend.

I don't know.

Is it that the TV show, Swamp Thing?

And wasn't it kind of horny?

Swamp Thing is a pretty horny property.

The comics that Swamp Thing are from are very horny.

It is, yeah, he's got kind of a hot girlfriend in there,

and they do it pretty regularly, at least in the agency.

Swamp Thing comics.

If Swamp Thing is free with ads, that is a Boco.

That is a Boco right there.

I thought you were about to say, if Swamp Thing is single, give me a call.

Call me.

I don't even care.

If he's not married, then he's done spoken for.

Brigitte Bardot, the female lead of the Swamp Thing movie, I can already

already call the Hunk Watch.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, damn.

What's one do you think I'd die from?

Which one, what about you, Matt?

What's one that you could kill?

Which one would I beat?

I feel like I could beat Freddy, Freddy Cougar.

Are you kidding?

What's your Freddy strategy?

You don't sleep?

Meth, yeah.

Oh,

just go on meth.

I I feel like meth would pretty much do it.

I mean, you know, the thing is, is you

right out there to MacArthur Park.

Yeah, very easy to get, just right outside the studio.

Sure.

Just go down there and tell one of the people in the park, I have a Freddy problem.

I have a Freddy issue.

Can I stay up for a month?

And they'll give you the medicine.

They will help you out.

That's amazing.

I think when I was watching It Follows, I'm just like, just get on a plane.

Just get on a plane, right?

How's the It Follows going to

get you?

But

bar?

No, it follows can get on a plane, though.

I don't think it can cross an ocean.

Yeah, how far does it follow?

You know, because it just seems like it's just a town, and it's like, oh, no, I've got to go to another house.

And it's like, guys, it follows.

And the it follows is scary, but the it follows is slow.

It just saunters.

I don't think it could get across an ocean.

You have to move internationally, which is inconvenient.

But what if it turns into like a Chucky thing where it goes into a killer whale or something like that?

If someone fucks a killer whale.

No, I don't.

If you have to fuck something, I forget the exact it follows rules.

That's how you get, you get it to follow you, but the actual entity

will show up in people that you know sometimes or like

in the like they'll be, it'll look like your dad or it'll be invisible.

But it is like

sexually transmitted, right?

Like it is.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's sexually transmitted.

But yeah, they're going to do, I think, either a prequel or a sequel or something.

I think they're in the middle of making it.

Okay.

What about a quiet place?

I think I could win that.

Oh, I'd be fucked.

I'd be so fucked.

Yeah, you would be dead immediately.

Uphill battle.

I hate silence.

I hate, I will just say anything.

I will say anything in the world.

Die because you can't handle silences.

I love that.

I can't handle awkward pauses.

Like, if it...

If they came upon us when we were in the middle of an awkward conversation, I'd be like, we can't just let this

leave.

my favorite cakes.

Okay.

Everyone be quiet.

Everyone be quiet.

Oh, I can't.

The oldest team.

I had to play the oldest team.

I thought it was fun.

It was fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think.

And

I think the Predator, pretty easy to beat.

I've been spending a lot of time with that guy lately.

Here's the thing: what you do, he has honor.

So

if you just act as pathetic as possible, first, I don't think the predator kills you if you don't have a weapon, right?

So everybody just throw down the fucking weapon.

But

even if he still pursues you, you just, you cry, you suck your thumb,

you call him daddy.

You call him poppy.

You tell him that you pee-peed your pants.

That guy's not going to, he's like, that's not a, like, that's not an honorable kill.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

No, you're right.

I, I never, I never considered the fact that he has honor and therefore you can manipulate him.

Right, exactly.

That's good.

Why don't you don't have a code?

I've always said that.

Don't have a code.

Well, yes, thank you to Dylan for that wonderful question.

Great question.

Would love to field more questions.

Free with ads at maximumfun.org.

That's our email.

Send us some fun, fun questions, some would-you-rathers.

I would love to

chat about them on the air.

No movie suggestions, please.

We are saving that for a later time.

And yes, we will at some point repo the genetic opera.

Okay.

eventually someday eventually uh so uh killer clowns from outer space i have never seen this movie uh me neither anybody else i had seen some of it when i was way too young to see it oh yeah yeah this yeah i do think this this is a movie you can put a certain age of kid in front of but i bet

there's a cutoff right there's definitely a cutoff and i was pre-cut off

so it is

you were circumcised.

Yes, I was full circumcised.

Yeah, the rabbi was watching this on a TV while he was circumcised.

The mole was watching it, going, Wow, look, they're wrapping them in cotton candy.

What kind of clown is this?

These clowns aren't very funny.

I'm sorry I did the voice, I probably shouldn't have.

No, it's okay.

You're allowed to go.

We're doing Zoidberg.

It's fine.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, and so for me,

having only seen this in Fits and Starts,

I just remember it being like truly scary.

And seeing it as an adult, I have a different take.

Yeah, I think this was like, I was preparing myself for something like brutal with a lot of like.

oh, we wouldn't do that anymore stuff in it because like, oh, it's a killer clown movie from the 80s.

And like killer clown movies have gotten so fucked up, right?

Like, I don't know if you've seen a terrifier movie.

My fucking God, when I watch those, I'm like, I think, am I a conservative now?

Like, I'm,

these are, this is, children should not

be illegal.

Terrifier, yeah, ban this.

I love horror movies, and I can't do those terrifier movies.

I tried to do the first one, and it fucked me up so bad.

I was like,

and everyone's saying that they get better and better.

Like, the second and the third one are even better.

I don't, well, what is better?

What does that mean?

My Jordan Jesse Go-host, Jesse Thorne, has a kid who's obsessed with horror movies, and Jesse

wouldn't take her to see this movie.

And he's like, eh, Jordan likes these.

So I took Jesse's kid to see Terrifier 3.

You took a kid to see Terrifier 3?

Yeah, she's a teenager, but yeah, I mean, okay.

But also, I was like, maybe I shouldn't have done this.

Well, how scary was it?

It's a Christmas movie.

It's nice.

It has so much fucked up stuff in it.

It has a chainsaw up the butt.

It has like kids getting killed in front of their parents, which is like

an emotional

terror that I have a hard time with.

But it does have a Christmas song in it.

It has an original Christmas song.

I love that.

So, anyways.

Well, shit, maybe we should watch that one.

Yeah, it's last Christmas.

She's a coming up.

Oh, yeah.

Comment on Reddit if you want us to do a terrifier movie if it's free.

Because

I'll only do it if it's for the show.

uh wait how did his child like the movie loved it loved it and did not seem bothered by it at all

and I was like I was like shaking driving her home and like are you okay do you need a cold compress it's fine my god just talking about her favorite alien movie on the way home

um so yeah so I was I was I was sitting down to this thinking like oh this is gonna be very fucked up but it's like it's like funny and silly and like I think you could put a 10 or 12 year old in front of this and they would be okay anyway there was some creepy stuff in here though yeah it's creepy and the clowns are very creepy they look cool they look like i mean they look like testicles as we mentioned in the opening

yeah uh there's one cute one there's one little cutie uh the but they're all they're all scary and i feel like this was a it must have been

um like a movie that violent jay from the insane clown posse saw as a kid and said, I want to do this, but also rap.

This is now my whole thing.

Yeah, this is going to be my thing.

It's the movie that started a movement.

Yeah, I wonder how the juggalos feel about this movie.

I'd like to see it.

They must love it.

It feels like their entire soul.

Like it was made for them.

Well, also, the theme song slaps.

Oh, it's really good.

Hard.

The theme song is great.

I was thinking about this, like, I miss the days where the theme song to a movie had the name of the movie in it.

That's great.

because there was like ghostbusters we had that

and then you have this like adam i wish there were more like you know watch out who's eating gilbert great

she's tar lady she's tar

you can't cancel tar yeah

anyway so yeah uh let's let's start there because as emily mentioned the fucking theme song kicks off the movie this is done by the dickies la punk legends the The Dickies.

I have seen these two times.

They play this every time.

They are probably playing in Ventura Tomorrow for five bucks.

They fucking rule.

They're still out there.

They're old as shit and they still rock.

Do they have a song on the Repo Man soundtrack?

They don't, which is very, it's a little bit weird because they are just so from that era.

Those are so their

bros.

One of the premier LA type bands.

It was like Them and X you could see like everywhere.

Yeah.

But yeah, still going.

They're still great.

And yeah, they have like a Taylor's version of this song that they re-recorded so they could get all the Spotify plays.

Oh, nice.

Because, yeah, like they have a lot of bangers, obviously, but this is like far and away what they're best known for.

Oh, very cool.

Yeah, love this song.

I did

notice that the song mentions Genocide.

I'm like, this is maybe too heavy.

Maybe we don't.

Maybe we don't.

It's a really dark movie.

Walk that back.

Yeah, that's a different movie song.

It's great, though.

Save that for.

Watch out.

It's Schindler's list.

He's got a list, and he's checking it twice.

It's like a Christmas.

Schindler's most Christmas movie.

Yeah, I love it, guys.

I love it.

And I like that all my example fake rift songs are all like show tunes, like Carol Channing.

I know.

But I mean, what is that?

I can't remember what the song sounds like from this movie.

I need to hear it.

Can we talk about it?

It kind of sounds like that's the thing about the lead singer of the Dickies: is that his voice is kind of Ethel Mermin-y.

It is a little bit.

Yeah,

he had that like first-wave punk voice, like Jello Biafra or Fred Schneider,

where they all just kind of talk like this.

We're going to sing like this.

Yeah.

Clowns are committing a genocide.

These bells aren't going to make you die.

Everybody's running when the circus comes and builds it down.

Hell yes.

I mean, it's so good.

I mean, dude.

And then the like circus guitar solo.

So cool.

So cool.

They got to do it for every fucking movie.

Yeah.

Long legs.

Go see the long legs movie.

Smurfs too.

It's long legs.

First one.

How about another one?

This will shut your kids up for 90 minutes.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-duke.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

Ba-ba-ba-doo.

Very good.

Anyway, this is fun.

So.

This movie starts where many horror movies do at a kind of of make-out point.

You got a bunch of

teens, question mark, in cars.

No.

No, these are people that have homes to fuck in.

Yeah, I know.

Um, so these teens are making out.

Uh, we have our two, our two main, main characters, Debbie and Mike Tobacco.

Cool name.

That guy's name.

They thought of him hard.

Now, I again, how old are these people supposed to be?

I don't know.

Let's go ahead and call Mike the oldest teen.

Yes.

He looks like a guy who Elaine dates for one episode on Seinfeld.

Yes.

Yes.

A dork in his sweater.

A mini putty.

I mean, I don't, like, the actor is giving it everything he's got.

I think this character was supposed to be this dweeby, like...

I don't know, musical theater guy.

I don't know what the fuck he was.

I don't know what this personality was.

I have no idea what human he's fashioned after.

Like, I don't.

Yeah,

what is Mike Tobacco's deal supposed to be?

I don't know.

Hard to say.

He's friends with the two 50-year-old dudes driving around an ice cream truck.

Those are also supposed to be teens.

I think, yes, those are supposed to be his peers.

His high school friends.

So while the kids are making out, they are interrupted by this crazy ice cream truck driven by the Terenzi brothers, who are like horny 80s guys.

We love a horny 80s guy.

Oh,

are they in other things together?

Oh, no, I think they're just kind of an archetype, a kind of like pussy chasin,

you know, 80s guy.

They're, you know, so they also Mike and Debbie are making out on an inflatable raft that's kind of lovely car.

Yeah, I wonder, like, what is that anyway?

Uh, I guess it's more comfortable that way, maybe?

I guess.

God, have you guys ever done it in the car?

Yeah.

It's tough.

It's not easy.

I did, you know, I did my like, you know, know, first

like senior year of high school making out in a car.

I don't think we, you know, ever.

No, no, I've never, I've never penetrated in a car.

I've done everything in a car.

I've done a lot.

I got choked out in my mom's minivan.

Wow.

As part of a sexual experience?

Well, I thought it was going to be, but she just wanted to try it.

Okay.

So she just tried choking you?

She just wanted to feel what it would be like.

How'd it go?

I hated it.

Not your thing.

It's just very hard.

But yeah, I've done other stuff too.

Is she in jail?

Like, what is going on?

What's going on with her?

She's probably fine.

But yeah, I know, you know, we've all done stuff in a car, and

it looks better in

theory, like in your mind and in movies.

It's like the same thing with like, oh, hot tub sex.

Like, that sounds

never sounded like a good idea.

I thought it was, well, as someone who doesn't know, you know, even where the vagina is, I was like, of course, it's good.

Yeah, that sounds great.

Water's slippery.

And, you know, we all learn the hard way that it's not, right?

It's the wrong kind of slippery.

That's right.

Is this our most educational episode ever?

Absolutely.

Just might

be.

So the teens are making out.

There's a light in the sky.

Debbie and Mike Tobacco decide to go chase it.

Yeah, it starts out a lot like the blob.

A lot of the same beats are happening, is happening in the blob.

As Matt played for us at Top, an old man with a dog named Pooh Bear goes to see what it is.

And wouldn't you believe it?

It's something, a meteor.

It's the spaceship crashes.

Spoiler alert, it's the clowns.

Yeah, it's a killer.

The killer clowns from outer space.

There's a song about them.

So it forms like a circus tent, like a big top.

And the old man and the dog, they're looking around and they get grabbed by a clown who zaps them with a ray.

We don't know what happened now, but we will later.

Later, Mike and Debbie,

they're looking for what happened.

They're looking for the crash.

Mike does kind of a racist Native American impression.

Oh, that's what that was.

Yeah, I think that's that's what that was.

You know, we did our best.

I will say, I was impressed by the way he was able to jump on top of the car with one squat and jump.

Yeah,

Mike is live.

He's fit.

He's a limber racist.

He's a limber racist.

Yes.

I mean,

you hate to see a racist cramp up, right?

Yes, you do.

You really do.

You know, a racist.

They just can't skip leg day.

Yes.

They got to run.

They got to march.

So they find, yeah, they're right.

That's.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

The Nazi walk, it's a nightmare on the quads.

A nightmare on the quads.

So

this, so they're kind of looking around

the circus, circus spaceship.

Mike has the dreadful line.

Looks like it was decorated by clowns R Us.

Yeah.

Really?

Remember in the 80s where we just said like everything R Us?

Yeah, R Us was how you did the joke.

Not like today when we make everything an oops all berries joke.

Oh, yeah.

I guess this was the

80s, oops, all berries.

Yeah, exactly.

Something our us.

Our memes are better.

Yeah.

We certainly won't look back on this and be embarrassed about anything we repeatedly did over and over again.

Telling my daughter when she's 16, oops, like from Oops All Berries.

Well, it was a cereal.

And it's like me, my dad, when he quotes men in black at me.

If your daughter ever listens to this podcast, I will die.

I would love for her to hear about the time I got choked out in a van.

Oh, God.

So they're looking around the spaceship and they find all of these cotton candy cocoons.

Debbie says the first thing in this movie that really made me laugh hard.

She's like, nobody stores cotton candy like this.

I love how she has an opinion about cotton candy storage.

How do you know, Debbie?

He even said, this must be where they hang the cotton candy out to dry before they package it.

Right.

And I was like, to dry, it is dry.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

Right.

When is it wet?

They don't boil it, Mike.

How do you know if this stuff is prepared?

I don't exactly know what goes into it, but Mike's an idiot.

He only knows about tobacco manufacturing.

Right.

Yes.

His dad, John Tobacco, invented the cigarette.

Anyway, so

you know,

they find the clowns find them.

They start chasing them.

Uh, one of the clowns makes a little balloon dog that they use as a,

like, you know, like a police dog that chases people.

What do you call that?

Like a hunting dog.

A little balloon dog acts like a hunting dog.

I fucking lose it.

I'm like, I guess I love this movie.

Yeah.

Like that was the moment where I'm like, all right, okay.

I think I'm like, I think I'm super on board for this.

Yeah.

You got me, killer clowns.

I mean, they killed a dog and then created it.

And then they created it.

So there you go.

It's a one-to-one

dog for a dog.

Yeah, credit where credit is due to this movie, it really works with all of the different facets of what

clowns do and turns them all into weapons of death, which is like really creative.

Even like popcorn becomes an enemy in this.

Yes.

Or there's like the little, the little cute, there's like a little baby clown

that is my favorite.

He's still ruthless.

He'll still kill you.

Yeah, yeah.

yeah but um after he kills you he'll put a giant cherry on top of it yeah yeah no maybe i missed that maybe i missed the cherry oh my god it's so cute we'll talk about it when we get yeah definitely the like stuff in this movie that's like the most fun is the like right it's like what what matt said it's like finding a thing about a clown and like how would that kill someone right nothing the humans do in this is interesting but like every clown kill is like really cool and funny and the way that you kill these clowns is really funny oh yeah it sure is It's remarkably easy.

Maybe we should have mentioned the killer clowns in

the top discussion of what could we easily get away from.

Oh, yeah.

Spoiler with the nose is the weak spot.

I guess you have to know that.

Once you know that the nose is

the nose.

A little bit on the nose, if you ask me.

Okay.

Matt, shut the fuck up.

Oh, cool.

I'm sorry.

Matt, I'm jealous because the joke was so great.

I lashed out.

I'm sorry.

I was just jealous.

So, you know, so Debbie and Mike, they go to like the cops.

The cops just aggressively don't believe them.

The cops do not believe them no matter what, no matter how many clowns attack them.

The cops will never believe it.

Debbie used to date one of the cops.

This goes nowhere.

It's just this thing that they mentioned that doesn't pay off.

But meanwhile, while they're like arguing with these cops, the clowns are going around doing clown stuff.

They attack some bikers.

There's some graffiti on the wall when they're fighting the bikers.

It says, no butt, no put, grass or ass.

What does that mean?

No butt, no put.

No coconut?

Maybe?

I'm familiar with the bumper sticker, ask, ass, or grass, nobody writes for free.

It seems like this is

a version of that.

No butt, no put,

grass or ass.

Anyway, no cut, grass, or ass.

Yeah, it seems like it's

a mashup.

Oh, wait.

Maybe butt is cigarette butt.

Could be.

What's

cut's not in there, Matt?

Oh, no, but no.

But.

No.

And then grass is ganja, maybe.

Could be.

Ganja?

How the fuck old am I?

Ganja.

Uncle.

I don't get it.

Thanks, Uncle Emily.

Mary Jane

could be a jazz cigarette.

Wacky tabacky.

Anyway, perhaps I'm spending too much time thinking about what graffiti in the background of killer clowns from outer space means.

You know, we could probably ask our friend that I met who was the graffiti artist for Alligator 2.

Oh, I bet they would know.

I wonder.

I'm going to reach out.

Reach out.

Reach out.

Reach out.

Yes, you know a famous movie graffiti artist.

I know.

We can find answers to this.

Yeah.

This is the first time.

So we've been seeing the clowns zap people and turning them into cotton candy.

This is the first time we see a clown kill someone.

He punches one of the bikers' heads off.

It's the baby.

Oh, yeah, it is.

He has a little bike, and the biker smashes his little body.

He smashes his bike, and then the little baby clown gets sad.

He looks down at it and kind of weeps.

And then I was like, fuck him up, baby clown.

Get him.

He puts on boxing gloves and

punches his head clean off with his body.

No blood, none.

Just like a a nice meaty neck.

Yeah.

Just a clean, just a clean, snapped neck.

Yeah, there's a clown.

Sorry, there's a biker in the back.

Did you guys notice the biker who looked a lot like James Hetfield of Metallica?

I did not.

And I even Googled it, and no, it's not James Hetfield.

But

they look like him.

This one maybe tracked Northern California in the 80s.

100%.

In fact, I'm still not fully convinced it wasn't him.

Wow.

Yeah.

So if you're James Hetfield and you listen to this podcast, admit you were in the clown movie.

Admit you were an extra in killer clowns.

Yeah.

We would think you were cool if you were.

Yeah, it would be cool.

Yeah, it'd be sick.

Yeah, it might make up for that whole Napster conniption.

Yeah.

Which they were.

They were completely.

They were right, though.

They were right.

Lars was right.

Listen, not cool to say it, but he was.

Yeah.

But it would make up for Sane Anger.

Yeah.

Terrible of them.

No.

The U2 of metal.

Yeah, just not a really good.

Metallica is a great band.

It was a terrible one.

I'm sorry.

We got to talk about Killer Clone.

Should I shit talk Radiohead again?

Will that make everyone feel better?

That will not make me feel better.

Let's all go around the horde and say a generally liked band that we can't stand.

Anyway,

so, you know,

it's pretty sketchy from here on out.

Not sketchy in that it seems criminal, but it's like it's kind of a sketch comedy movie in a way.

There's these little sketches.

So Debbie has this, like, as we mentioned, they shoot popcorn out of a popcorn gun.

Some of it gets on Debbie.

Debbie takes the

most nudity-less shower that's ever been in a horror movie.

It's so, it's kind of infuriating because

it's like if for this movie.

I know.

You're like, it's the just

brown movie.

It's the 80s.

Why aren't you?

It doesn't have to be the lead.

I understand if the lead doesn't work.

Of course, it's in the country, whatever.

But one titty somewhere would have been very much appreciated.

Well, there were some inflatable clown titties at one point in there.

What?

That is coming up.

And that kind of did something for me.

Okay.

Glad you were here.

Like, listen, the clowns can have the tits can have little red noses on them, okay?

That's where, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa in the middle.

They can honk like little corns.

Corns.

Horns.

Got it.

Got it.

Corns.

Stop honking my corns.

Like the band corn.

Yeah.

You squeeze the horn.

It goes, boom, bop, bop, boom.

Cool.

Well, we got to talk about

the cops.

We got to talk about the cops, though.

Yes.

So one of them is a guy Debbie used to date, and one of them is a...

She should still be dating, let's be honest.

Oh, he's way better than Mike.

It kind of ends without.

You can say, like, oh, the cop, date the cop.

That's how bad Mike is.

Yeah, it is weird because we are, of course, you know, officially an ACAB podcast, but this, like, Mike.

All clowns are bastards, by the way.

Yeah, by the way.

But in this one, it's a K.

Yeah, yeah.

The clowns are Kardashians.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

But, like,

so there's that cop, but there's also

another cop who's an older cop who doesn't believe, he really really doesn't believe in he sure doesn't yeah he is absolutely my favorite character in this movie

huge asshole and he's great the biggest asshole in the world and the actor who's playing him is crushing it he to me i'm like i love a guy who's like a job is a job and i'm an actor and i'm gonna give it my all

he he truly i could watch a whole movie that's just him hanging up on people calling about crimes But it was also perfect for this movie.

He knew what movie he was in.

Like we talk about that.

It was like, it was a great performance, but it made perfect sense within the world of this movie.

Like, yeah, because who's going to believe, you know, a bunch of people calling saying, clowns are killing me with popcorn.

Like, you're not going to believe that.

Yeah, it's so funny how many calls he gets, and he just hangs.

He doesn't even think about looking into it once.

Including from other cops are calling him.

Yes.

And he just occurs to him to look into this.

He literally says they're all in on it.

Yeah.

He thinks it's a giant prank, which is very the 80s.

It should be.

Yes.

But he's also kind of an asshole.

Oh, yeah.

He is a piece of shit.

Yeah, he's definitely thinks he's above the law, kind of.

Yes.

Doesn't just.

He does police brutality in his very first scene in this movie.

He is not a good guy, but he's

a great character.

A great character.

But yeah, I wish that he had gotten out there and gotten some action a little bit.

Yeah.

Slid over the hood of some cars.

But he did, I think that everything he did was good.

If he was on camera, you're going to have a great time.

Yeah.

He gets one of the clowns kills him with like one of those party blowers.

That was amazing.

And it turns him into a ventriloquist dummy.

That's

the creepiest part of this movie was that moment and the like slow,

like he takes his hand out from his back and it's all like bloody.

That was really creepy.

Yeah, that to me was the closest the movie got to being scary.

Uh, because that is a very creepy scene and like very creepily shot.

Yeah.

Um, the directors of this movie, it's three brothers, I believe.

Their biggest credit other than this is they animated the large marge scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

So they created the scariest two seconds of film ever to our generation.

Yes.

Truly terrifying.

Yeah.

That is wild, dude.

Because, like,

it totally comes through, too, because it's like,

it's the, I remember watching it feeling like it was a very similar style to like both Pee-wee and to like early Tim Burton, too.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that is, that's, yeah.

It also gave like, you know, Ernest Scared Stupid vibes, like, a little bit.

Which I heard that the Ernest Scared Stupid, which, goddamn, one of my most favorite Halloween movies of all of us.

Is in it.

Oh, I didn't know.

It's so good in it.

Yeah, that movie slaps.

I think it's either like Troll, those movie, like troll or whatever.

They borrowed some of the trolls from that to go use into Ernest Scared Stupid.

Oh, interesting.

Okay.

So there's like some like recycled trolls or upcycled.

Upcycled.

There you go.

Lovingly, lovingly recycled.

I guess the clowns in this movie were supposed to be stop-motion at one point, and then it got too expensive.

So they gave people these testicle masks.

I think they're great.

Yeah, they did it.

Yeah, they look cool.

So, yeah, people are getting killed.

Mike tries to get the horny ice cream guys to drive him to find Debbie.

And

he knows how to get them to do something.

He knows that their main thing is that they're horny.

So he's like, yeah, Debbie's got two beautiful roommates with big boobs.

It's going to pay off.

But I love these guys just like want to see women with big boobs, so they'll just do anything.

God, we need those men around, you know?

Yes, heroes, hero, heroic ice cream men.

I'm right here.

I'm right here, fellas.

The hero we need.

Yeah.

So,

yeah, I forget who does this for the first time,

but someone shoots the clown in the nose and kills it.

It was hard to figure it out.

It's okay.

There you go.

That's because like the scary part of like using his boss as a ventriloquist or whatever that old grumpy cop.

And then he gets up and he's really tall.

Like as he slowly rises, you're like, oh, fuck, this is kind of a super tall clown.

And then he takes those metal, huge desks that are heavy and just like shoves them to the side and starts charging at Dave.

And I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm a little scared.

Yeah.

And then Dave is shooting him everywhere else but the head.

He's shooting him in the chest a bunch and nothing's happening.

I'm like, learn your lesson.

Go for the head every time.

Different parts.

Yeah.

I mean, and as soon as he shoots him in the nose, he immediately blows up into confetti.

And I was like, okay,

now is where you get on your cop radio and be like, aim for the nose.

It's easy.

It's so easy.

We're all going to be fine.

Exactly.

Instead, he gets on the phone.

He's like, we need you to send people down here.

And do what?

Do what, Dave?

Do what?

Hang out and talk.

Yeah.

Process.

They've been traumatized.

Oh, I want to double back to what I think is the funniest gag in this movie.

One of the clowns is doing shadow puppets for people waiting at once.

Oh, and I like this little detail that before the clowns kill anyone, people love them.

Everyone's laughing and clapping, no matter what.

That is the weirdest thing about it.

Yay.

The masks are legitimately scary.

Not

anything like people.

Right.

And, you know, like people say, oh, I'm scared of clowns.

And they'll show a picture of just a clown, you know, a Ronald McDonald and be like, oh, but it's scary if you think about it as the screen.

No, these are like evil clown masks.

And everyone's treating them like they're happy clown masks.

They look like melted candles with masks on.

And everyone just loves that these clowns are out at midnight doing bits for random people.

No one thinks it's weird until they die.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But a clown is doing shadow puppets for these people waiting for a bus.

And he, you know, the shadow puppets all turn into something funny.

He does Washington Crossing the Delaware.

That was great.

And then he turns his hands into a dinosaur shadow, which eats everybody.

Fucking great joke.

Yeah.

Anyway, so

Mike's in the ice cream truck.

The clowns put Debbie in this balloon and like tie her to the car.

And that's how they kidnap her.

And then we just see the balloon without anything in it.

We're like, oh, I guess Debbie's in there.

But it's like, like, flopping all around.

So, yeah, oh, there.

So they go to hideout.

The clowns all go to hide out in this like old abandoned amusement park.

That's where the final showdown will take place.

And we'll talk about it right after this.

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We're talking about killer clowns from outer space.

So the clowns have all gone to hide in this amusement park.

There's a security guard waiting for them.

They throw an insane amount of pies at him.

First of all, they do the gag where a bunch of them get out of the little car.

We love that.

They throw pies at him until all of his skin melts off and he's just a skeleton.

He's a skeleton with a bunch of whipped cream on top.

And then

the baby clown puts a giant fake cherry on the top.

It's really cute.

Yeah.

I love him.

Very, like, again,

where this movie succeeds is making mundane clown shit into murder weapons.

It's very funny.

The horny ice cream guys, they crash into this ball pit, and then they look up and they see two clown babes with

slowly inflating boobs.

These are Chekhov's boobs.

You mentioned boobs in the Act 1.

You see a clown with pits.

Boobs.

Screenwriting 101 people.

Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

A perfect movie.

A perfect movie.

Heda Gobblers.

Thank you, thank you.

Yes.

Is that Chekhov?

Heda Gabbler?

No, that's not, is it?

Yeah, it might be.

No, I think it's a different thing.

Cherry Orchards.

This whole time, I thought Chekhov was just a guy who had a gun in a movie.

No, no,

he's a playwright.

Well, that makes way more sense now, Emily.

Now that I understand.

Heda Gobbler.

Ibsen.

Ibsen.

It was Ibsen the whole time.

Damn it.

I think Cherry Orchard is checkoff.

I think you might be right, too.

I think you're right.

So

the titty orchard.

Yeah, that's good.

What are cherries?

But titties of the tree.

Yes.

Yes.

Not balls.

No, no.

No, no.

Clearly balls.

They're tits, okay?

All right there.

Whatever, man.

Help me out.

Just put them in my mouth.

I don't care what you do.

Put them in my mouth.

I'll spit out the pits.

What's going on?

Anyway,

so

the kind of like final showdown is starting.

The clowns,

we find out, are

they drinking people out of the cocoons?

They're in the light cotton candy cocoons, and they stick in a straw and they just like slurp you out of it.

That's pretty, pretty cool.

I kind of thought that's how the clowns got born.

Like they were coming, they would put you in normal and you would come out a clown, but no, they they just like drink your guts from it.

Yeah, I think that they make more clowns the old-fashioned way.

There you go.

By fucking other clowns.

By

bumping uglies.

I mean,

have you seen the jugs on some of these things?

How could you?

How could you?

No, I bet the dicks are crazy if they inflate, too.

The dicks, what are the dicks are like,

the dicks are like those flowers that shoot out seltzer.

Oh, yeah.

You go in to smell the dick and it sprays you in the face.

What a lovely dick.

It's like when the Joker shoots a gun, instead of bang, it says come.

Yeah.

I think that's it.

Let's go with that one.

That is so

funny.

That's the next t-shirt.

Come.

A dick with a flag that says come.

Yes.

Be great.

That is a great t-shirt.

What can you legally put on a t-shirt?

People will love wearing that in public.

It's from a podcast.

Jinx.

Jinx.

You owe me a cum.

A flag that says cum.

Amicum flag, yeah.

I sell that.

This flag means cum.

Yes, exactly.

Our flag means cum.

Canceled too soon.

Canceled too soon.

My favorite canceled HBO show.

We can make a dick gun and then.

Yeah.

I'm going to draw it up tonight.

Thank you.

Emily, draw it up.

I will.

Thank you.

So

they're kind of like fighting the clowns.

The ice cream truck guys didn't die in the ball pit, but they come back.

I love how cartoony this is.

Their clothes are ripped and they have kisses all over them.

Don't say, like, kid idea of what sex is, maybe.

Like, oh, they rip your clothes and they kiss you all over your face.

Yeah.

So it's very cute.

Then there's a fucking big boss clown.

There's just a big Bowser ass

giant clown.

It looks so cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It kind of looked like the new, like, penny-wise design from the more recent, like, it movies.

Yeah.

And I, I, uh, again, like, like, part of me is like, this, I feel like this movie,

bad and, you know, low budget as it may be, I think it influenced a lot of other scary clown shit.

I mean, obviously

it was first, but, you know, the

I gotta also say that the set design in this movie is pretty cool.

It's pretty great.

It's fantastic.

The spaceship looked cool, the inside of the spaceship, and then this whole theme park set stuff.

It was very cool looking.

I was very impressed.

And it's all really like,

it's all the cool version of homemade looking.

It does just look like some guys got together and like whipped all the stuff up in their garage.

And it looks really neat.

I wish these guys made more things.

I bet that they would have made something.

Yeah, I think they did.

They have made other movies.

I don't know if anything has been had the staying power of Killer Clowns.

And they're always talking about rebooting it.

They'll like go to a fucking horror con in Des Moines and say, We're rebooting it.

And then the movie will just never come out.

But I mean, I would love it.

I would love it.

We'll be in it.

We'll be the clowns.

Absolutely.

I'll be one inflatable titty.

The last little blurb I read on this is like two months ago, it

got optioned again from, I think, MGM

with producer, are you ready for this?

Ryan Gosling.

Oh, wow.

Wouldn't this be fucking great if this was Ryan Gosling's passion project?

What a cool ass thing to use your fucking celebrity, like, Star Wars cred on.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Anyways, I hope it happens.

I hope it happens for Ryan.

We're putting it out there into the universe.

Yes, we believe in you, Ryan.

We believe you can reboot killer clowns from outer space.

Yeah.

Anyway, so the cop kills the big boss clown, shoots him in the nose.

That's how you kill them all.

It just works.

I don't know why this was a problem.

And the ice cream guys, their truck crashes, but they're fine.

They just come out.

They don't really explain it.

And then it's like raining confetti on them.

And Debbie's like, is it over?

And then Mike says, yeah, sure.

And then they get hit with pies, and that's the end of the movie.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

He sounds bored.

He sounds like he's just done being in the movie.

That's a great ending line, though.

Yeah, sure.

I love it.

That is a line that says, like, you know, I don't know, guys, what more could we possibly give you that we haven't already given you?

Yeah.

It's about 85 minutes.

That's the shortest a movie can be.

Yeah, legally the shortest a movie could be.

And then the credits roll, and you spend the whole time going, who made this?

But then the credits roll, you get to hear that sweet song again.

Yeah, you do get to listen to the song.

I was hoping for a post-credits sequence, but nothing doing it.

I wonder what was the first post-credits sequence ever?

That's a great question.

It feels like a Marvel thing, but I feel like

it had to have been happening before that.

I don't know.

Yeah, that's a great question.

And it's like we could Google it, but I'd rather guess.

Let's guess.

Force gum.

Yeah.

No, I'm trying to think of the first time I ever saw a post-credit sequence, and I think it was just a fucking Marvel slop.

So I guess, like, Ferris Bueller, there's that thing where if you wake, he looks at the camera and goes, like, it's over.

It's over.

Get out of here.

Yes.

Maybe that.

Is that the first one?

I think, well, now I got to Google it.

Now I got to know.

Let's do this.

Grok.

Help us, Grok.

Grok.

It's just going to say something racist, and then Ferris Bueller.

Exactly.

Hey, we're going to talk about what we thought of Killer Clowns.

But first, Emily's going to Google post-credit sequence, and we're going to do the hunk watch.

It's hunk watch.

Hunk time.

Hunk time.

Okay, some hunks in this movie.

I'm going to want to give a special shout-out to a fast food employee who takes out the trash once.

Very handsome.

Yeah, a guy taking out the trash who's just like this tall, kind of handsome guy.

I'm like, I wonder if he auditioned for one of the other parts, but

went to Mike Tobacco instead.

Yeah.

I'm sure that's the actor's name, too.

Anyway, so yeah, I think it was a fast food employee taking out the trash with no lines.

Anybody else got a hunk they want to mention?

It's Dave.

It's like Dave the cop with the beautiful blonde hair.

Dave, Dave, Dave,

so cute.

Maybe it's just also him up next to Tobacco Boy over there.

But I also kind of wanted Mike and Dave to kiss.

Oh, yeah, sure.

I think they made sense.

Maybe in the reboot, they can do it now.

We're a more accepting world.

The movie kind of ends without you finding out who she's going to choose.

She's picking her regular boyfriend.

She already said, Dave, I'm not your girlfriend anymore.

I know, but he's an angel.

At the end, when he comes out and, you know, he's alive.

She's hugging on him.

Listen, just because you saved someone's life does not mean you get a blowy.

Not everybody.

Well, yeah, but at the very least, you get one more date.

Yeah, one more date.

My hunk for this movie is

the character Bob McCreed.

He is at the very beginning of the movie.

He is the blonde guy with glasses.

He's cute.

And he, I choose him because he is comedian Christopher Titus.

And

yeah, that is a.

That's funny.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Oh, I've been to his house.

You've been to Titus's house?

I went to a Christmas party at his house one time.

Very nice.

Oh, I love Christopher Titus.

I've never been to his house, but I've always, for, you know, since I was a kid, I was a huge fan of his comedy.

I even watched his short-lived sitcom.

And

he was like one of the first comedy sets I'd ever seen.

And so I just, he's one of those guys whose careers I just followed.

I was like, what else was he in?

And he was in Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

Yeah, he was.

I was like, I was friends with a comic who

was invited, and he invited me to be the plus one to the party.

What I like about

Christopher Titus is not only is he funny,

but also in all the years that I've been doing comedy and in the comedy scene, I have never heard a single bad thing spoken about him.

So I

think he might actually be a nice, successful person.

He was very nice.

House was really cool.

And it was just a bunch of random people and it was a nice little party.

But yeah, no, he seems really great.

I didn't know that he was in this.

I was like, he's really cute.

cute didn't would not have recognized him um have you heard it matt do you know have you ever heard him talk about being in this movie no never once heard him talk about it just uh i think i like uh

i i yahooed it as a kid i was like what movies was he in and i was like killer cons from outer space oh i wonder who he was in that and then i re-watched it just now as an adult and i was like you know what i bet i bet we could get him on this show Thanks, Yahoo.

Oh, that'd be so sick.

I'm going to make it a mission to try.

I doubt he remembers me because it was years ago.

But I've been to your house.

Come on my podcast.

I know what your house looks like from the inside.

I know where you live.

Do you want to do a podcast?

We're going to ask you about the clown movie.

Okay.

Okay.

Emily, do you have any information on what the first post-credits?

Did you Yahoo it?

I didn't.

I googled it.

But so it's

it says that it's 1966

James Bond spoof spoof, the

silencers.

Okay.

It showed Dean Martin with a scantily clad woman after the credits to a joke about the typical James Bond will return text card.

I don't know what any of that means.

I don't watch James Bond movies.

I'm busy fucking, you know.

Hell yeah.

I'm kidding.

I'm busy watching this shit.

I'm busy fucking the free movies and watching clown movies.

I can't watch James Bond movies because i'm fucking and watching clown movies between those two things i can't find any time well once it becomes free with ads on zumo plus then yes i'll do it but yeah

the the trend didn't really take on again until like the muppet movie had one and then ferris beulu's day off okay there we go that's a fun see

see look at that uh yeah information thanks groking thing thank you grock stop calling me that that is a totally other

yeah groc's not a fan of your other podcast.

Stop calling me that, Grok.

Thank you for your support.

That's a whole other podcast.

It's just post-credits scenes.

No?

Yeah.

And just talk to Grok.

Talk to Grok.

Talk to Grok.

Oh, no.

We're not doing it.

I'm not.

I refuse to turn that into a funny man.

I'll talk to Grok.

Nope.

It's going to go real bad, real fast.

Hey,

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And we're going to do that when we come back.

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We are talking about killer clowns from outer space.

We're going to rank it.

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Okay.

Killer clowns from outer space on a scale of one to ten, super loud commercials.

Emily, why don't you go first?

We'll end with Matt as the one who who was traumatized by this as a kid.

I'm going to give this a 7.5.

I had a great time watching it.

Don't not stoke to watch it again.

I was just pleasantly surprised by how fun it was and great to have on the background of a party.

Sure.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I'll go around there too.

I'm going to say it's a Halloween 7.

I think watching this in

June would be psychotic.

I agree.

Yeah,

it's really fun.

It kind of does all the things you want kind of a good, bad movie to do.

And yeah, as we mentioned, just a just a practical ass delight to look at.

So the costumes and sets, all a ton of fun.

And yeah, lots of actual laughs in this thing.

Matt, okay.

I think, oh, before you start, I do want to know what in this movie traumatized you the most?

Was there like a scene or something that

the ones that really stick out were the cotton candy people wrapped up in cotton candy and the arm

the arm coming down, uh, freaked me out as a kid.

And uh, pies turning you into a skeleton.

Uh, those pretty scary, yeah.

As it was pretty scary, I think it was just there was something just so disturbing about the clown makeup.

I mean, you know, their masks, but like, just everything about it, I was like, wait, this is actually kind of scary.

And the, the silliness mixed with the seriousness of death as a child fucked with me.

Like, I didn't find it like, oh, that's a funny way of doing it.

I was like, that's evil.

I thought I was watching something evil as a kid.

Yeah, that is twisted.

As an adult, I thought it was hilarious and fantastic.

I would give it an eight.

I mean, this is a Halloween eight.

To be very clear, this is a movie that I would never watch again unless it was at a party.

And that party would have to be on Halloween.

That's it.

It is not like a good movie, but for Halloween,

it's an ape.

Yeah, it has a use case.

We love that

useful movie.

All right.

That was Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

Anybody got anything to plug?

Emily, got anything coming up?

I guess not.

Well, okay.

It was a great way of doing it.

Okay.

It was a little jiminy glick, too.

Well, I have a few things to plug in you.

I get how sight

could plug something.

I guess.

Does it sound like Jiminy glick?

Put his face in a floor.

No, I don't really have nothing to plug today.

Nothing to plug, but I would like to plug something.

But I don't think I would.

He could plug.

There's someone listening.

It's the greatest voice.

And there's multiple people out listening going, you guys are all doing it bad.

We know.

We know.

So are you.

Yeah.

Listen up.

Yeah.

You're doing it now trying to prove to yourself you're good at it.

You're not.

You're not.

You're bad like us.

Matt, you got anything?

Yes.

If you are in New York City,

specifically Brooklyn, which I believe is not New York City, is that part of New York City?

I don't know.

How does New York City?

I don't care.

I'm going to be in Brooklyn at the Bell House, October 13th.

See myself and my wife and a bunch of other great comics at the Bellhouse, October 13th.

Tickets in the description.

Get your ass to that show.

I will remind folks that on October 22nd, you can pick up Predator Black, White, and Blood No.

4,

Predator Comics Anthology with a story by me and artist Raphael Linko.

And if you're in the LA area, you can get a signed copy of that book from me, October 25th, 4 to 6 p.m.

at Things from Another Another World in beautiful Burbank at the majestic City Walk Entertainment District.

So come on out.

I'll be there with Cody Ziegler, another one of the writers on this thing.

Great dude.

It'll be fun.

October 25th, Predator, Black, White, and Blood number four.

Okay, tune in next week when our movie will be Long Legs.

This is available for viewing as of this recording on the Canopy streaming service, which you can use if you have a library card.

If you don't have one, get your ass to your public library, get a card, sign up for Canopy, and watch Long Legs with us on next week's episode.

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