Get Your A** To Ghana!

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And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys, we're not the great guys, we're just the good, good, good, good guys. Benny boy, fellow father.
I was thinking about this and I hope you'll share because every time I bring up your beautiful baby to be, you're always hitting it with this Baruch Hashem, Baruch Hashem, BH, BH, you know, praise God, love God. What, explain the superstition amongst Jews and a baby to be.
I think we're just realists. Like I think it true.
Like, I think everybody walks around happy-go-lucky, which is really an amazing way to live. And I do live my, most of my life that way, where I am an optimist through and through.
But I have, as I think a lot of us, I have like, I have many people in my orbit that have had late stage complications. Like I've had, my mom had a miscarriage.
Like these things happen. And so to walk around as if pants, there's just something about the gravity of the situation that makes you just want to say, I want to be so excited.
I am so excited. I'm holding my breath and just BH.
I don't know. I don't know.
That's hopefully that makes sense because I don't, it's just, it's, it's just a gut feeling like people bring it up. I'm like, it's amazing if it happens and like, like, thank God everything's going well and it looks good and healthy.
It's just scary, man. That's all.
I think we're just scared. But also Jews don't.
We don't create a room until the baby's here. You don't build a nursery.
You don't have showers or any of that, right? No, nothing. Nothing.
No. Once the baby is born, then you do.
You go hog wild. Right.
Wait until the actual day. It's just a superstition.
I never understood this pre-planning the nursery it's quick put up some paint throw in a crib it's quick it's not like it doesn't take that long and like when i think i told you this but like we did some meet and greets a couple months ago and like we were so early then and people were bringing me like baby clothes like are you crazy but i also understand look we are an ancient religion like quite ancient right and so you know they talk about this a lot people always say oh a thousand years ago or thousands of years ago people only lived till they were 30 or 40 that's actually not true not at all people live till 70 80 90 but the infant mortality rate was so high that it brought the median age down to the 30s.

My God, this is a historic moment where we completely agree on a statistic.

Because it's facts, baby.

So yes, it's true. No, it's dragging down them it's dragging down the average because having a baby is in what women do is positively incredible and it's scary and dangerous and a lot on the body and unfortunately before modern medicine a lot of people perished and so i understand the need and probably why you know things like kosher and dietary laws and people perished.
And so I understand the need

and probably why, you know,

things like kosher and dietary laws

and all these things,

it was probably born out of the need for survival.

Survival, that's it.

Exactly right.

Born out of the need for survival.

We've done a terrible job at that.

We are just now past pre-Holocaust numbers oh yeah horrible job at surviving you know what but jews are a little too banging forward right like i always hear this big thing like on shabbat it's a mitzvah to bang like jews are you know we're we're a mean canoodle we're a little yeah we're a little too we're a little too forward like we're too happy. We're too banging happy.
I haven't heard you use the term bang before. We just go over the line.
It's too much. I'm seeing a new side of you, Josh.
I'm seeing a new side of you. Bang.
So much banging. Let's bang.
So much canoodle. Yeah, what words are...
Canoodle is a good word canoodle is the perfect word yes it's perfect no bang is like no i like it we are definitely a bang forward religion absolutely replace who was lost be fruitful and multiply and yes it can be stressful for sure for sure and what do you think about i and obviously i'm not criticizing because clearly you guys found out like my wife and i we didn't find out about our kids the gender we don't find no one in our family does and by that i mean my wife's family and i highly recommend it it was so damn fun and i feel like it's so rare And it's also what people did up until the last 50 years.

And yet when you bring it up with nine out of 10 people,

they look at you like you have two heads.

It's beautiful.

I think it's really hard to be able to do that is really hard to not have.

Now that I'm going through.

Well,

one,

every single time you go for a sonogram,

they know to the chances of them not spoiling it for you i think are really tough they always do what do you say they always do right they did with us oh yeah like at seven months the nurse was like so are you guys going to want to do a circumcision and we were like what and she goes if it's a boy i'm like stop it you messed it up diane yeah so like if we're if you're going to end up finding out in a way that you don't have control over anyways, I feel like just, just find out. But I think it's like, if I was told that I absolutely would not find out until I held my beautiful baby and either saw a long schmeck or the opposite of a long schmeck, then that would be fantastic.
But I feel like it gets spoiled too much in between. That's not special.
Then you have a nurse. Then you're pissed.
I don't want that. So I don't know.
I feel like if I feel like that's maybe why. Olivia, what's your thoughts? What's my thoughts on finding out the gender? Yeah.
What yeah what would you do yeah i think i feel like i like knowing things and i also agree that it would probably be quite tricky to avoid finding out at some point like your example obviously but i don't know i kind of i think i'd probably like to find out i think i'd like to find out but i also like the mystery of not knowing until, you know, the day of. There's something fun about that.
What is the opposite, Josh, of a long schmack? I've been thinking about that since I said it. An elevator button.
Like we, no, like. A tuna can.
Like, it's so, like guys, like people love saying, oh yeah, he's got a big dick. Like what do girls say? Like, oh, she's got a wet pussy.
I quit the podcast. I quit.
Oh, my God. Call HR right now, Olivia.
We don't have HR anymore. That's what I like to hear.
That's the kind of company I want to work for. What are we talking about? That was pushing it.
Well, it's funny. You did sort of tee me up for the perfect story.
And it brings me to Brooke Shields and her fun little friend. Brooke Shields claims plastic surgeon threw in a little bonus during the labia surgery without her consent.

Wow.

Shields said she underwent labia reduction surgery while in her 40s after experiencing discomfort, chafing, and other things that I don't want to say.

However, her surgeon informed her during a post-op checkup that he threw in a little bonus without her consent vaginal rejuvenation yeah that's really fucked up yeah wow wow i also like didn't need to hear this story not from you like she didn't need to tell us this story who told us this story how do we know this story the new york post okay no that's good they're they're good they're good at what they do it's a bit of an overshare brooke so she went in brooke shields went in she wanted her nether regions just fixed slightly aesthetically right but she didn't want she wasn't interested in being sexually active anymore no and you don't know that I would imagine this would help the activity well the vaginal rejuvenation then would be welcomed right listen you get what i'm saying it sounds to me like she was retiring and then he went in and was like oh no we are putting you back in active duty it's not a free wax at the car wash you know what i mean this is surgery yeah i mean this is crazy i can't i it's hectic olivia happy to weigh in here so the first part like what she went in to get done that's something that like in certain circumstances will be covered by insurance because it's it can be like really uncomfortable and painful. But the vaginal rejuvenation element is something where they like it's almost like Botox for the inside of your stuff.
And so it's like to make the muscles like contract more and essentially be tighter. Yes.
So she's not necessarily retiring by going in for the first part of the surgery by any means. She's probably just trying to have like a comfortable nether region.
And then this doc was like, oh, let me just throw in a bonus for, you know, whoever you're sleeping with essentially, which is pretty shitty for her. It's terrible.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's presumptuous. Very, very presumptuous.
Whoa. Who is the who is the doctor? Who else do bro? No.
I'm kidding. Not true.
Not true. Not true.
Allegedly not true. No, no, I'm kidding.
Not, not, not, not true. Don't sue me.
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All right. How do we hard pivot condiments, Josh? I'm having a renaissance with yellow mustard.
What do you think about that? I think the only thing worse than this subject is penis enlargement. Try yellow mustard, folks.
You haven't had it in too long big dijon moved you along i'm just saying that's all big dijon they spent all the money you forgot about yellow and yellow is fantastic on a turkey sandwich perhaps a hot dog i like on a turkey sandwich Let me let me explain my my favorite turkey sandwich and then you guys can comment sliced super thin i'm talking oh yeah thin thin thin turkey okay like you say to your deli guy you go thin and they go this thin and you go thinner and they go are you sure and you're like i'm sure so you go super thin then a hearty cheese, like a cheddar cheese, like a beautiful, like when you bite into it, you can see your teeth marks in it. And then I don't do, I don't need veggies really.
If I'm being honest, don't need it. I do a yellow mustard and then I do a light dusting of a mayonnaise.
Okay. So I've now made a a homemade aioli we're doing aioli in the home front and then a crisp i'm talking to toasted seeded sprouted bread seeded and sprouted bread thoughts what you just described is perfect the yellow mustard and mayo combination is top tier.
Top tier. Yes.
And Josh, I'm not going to lie to you, far healthier than everything else. There's no sugar in either of those things.
It's not going to spike you up. No.
That's a great freaking sandwich that you just said. The only thing that I personally add, I love vegetables, but shredded, equally as thin as the turkey.
We're talking thinly sliced pickles, thinly sliced red onions, shredded lettuce. But yeah, so you described this.
This is why yellow mustard. We're bringing it back.
We're bringing it back big. I'm bullish on yellow mustard.
Now, see, I do want to talk about you on the other day on your Instagram. You made dumplings with rice noodles and they were so clearly burnt.
And so my question. One was burnt.
Did you consider cutting that part out? Look, Josh, when you film the content, the content is what you got. And you can either choose to go with it or not.
I think I respect that. Yeah, one of them.
Look, these are new stainless steel pans, all clad. And my God, Josh, do they get hot? They get much hotter than pans that I was using in the past.
And I just need to really live on medium high heat. I can't go high heat.
And when I think of frying, Josh, I think of high heat because I want it hot. Sure.
I want it crispy. I want it.
But no, this was too hot. Burn the shit out of me.
Like it was so hot, even touching it. One of the dumplings was lightly burned.
But let me tell you, people are sleeping on rice paper. Take it, you buy it, you dunk it in a little bit of water.
It gets nice and pliable. Loose.
You fill it, you fry it at a medium high heat in a stainless steel pan and you are cooking with gas. Yes, thank you for calling out the perhaps I did burn my meal.
All I got from your wife is that it was gorgeous. It was gorgeous.
And I'm here to keep you humble. Behind my back.
I'm here to keep you humble, you celebrity chef. I know.
I do need to be humbled. I've been writing down a couple thoughts about just things in my life, and I want to share them here on the podcast.
I think I have a free farting policy with my boys and I, my sons and I, because they toot so freely in front of me. And so I now am ripping them in front of them and we get a good laugh.
I go, did you guys hear that? You know, there was someone stepped on a duck, you know, like well are you farting on them or near them near them in the same room in the general vicinity but so it's not like hey max look over here and then your ass is in his face and you're ripping no okay it's just clarifying we're not at camp that's my relationship with my dad to this day to this day jews are gross clip it hey dad i'll tap him on the shoulder and i'll fart on his leg i'm just imagining your father post scoliosis surgery he's in his wheelchair you're like hey dad and he's like all right but continue before i made it gross it was nice and and just beautiful so you're you're tooting with them they'reoting with you. Yeah, we have a free to home with just us never in front of my wife.
And but I think it's too much. I think we've crossed the line and I think I need to dial it back.
That's a personal decision. You know, Claudia and I live in a pro toot household.
We're tooting, tooting and tooting. Yeah.
Tooting and hooting. And yeah, tooting is hilarious.
It's just never not going to be funny. And it's nice to have a nice self-deprecating laugh.
And so I am pro toot. Big time toot.
But it is important. I'm sure you've taught them this, that there is a time and place to toot like that.
Sure. They shouldn't be pushing it out at school.
Then you'll get a call at noon that someone shit their pants. Like they have to be careful.
They have to know. Sure.
Like don't push. I've realized that there are four things that I do that have set me up to live a pretty safe life where I don't have to look over my shoulder, which are I don't cheat on my wife.
I don't do drugs. I don't drink and I don't shill crypto.
If you don't do those four things, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Right.
I would I would agree with you. Yeah, I would agree with you.
You're only is what's that expression? You're only is safe as your secrets. What is the you're as sick as your secret.
Sick as you sick as your secrets. That's it.
I think that's the last one. If you live an honest and open life, you're never going to be looking over your shoulder.
Love it. If you keep things from the ones you love, you're always going to be looking over your shoulder.
But sometimes a secret is fun. Well, it means...
Sometimes you're hiding something. Like what? I'm gay.
I'm gay. This is where it comes out.
You were all right. I was thinking, I was thinking.
Sorry, Paige. I wasn't going to say it, but I was thinking that the whole you and Dobrik seeing each other for the first time, him taking off his shirt and you guys being together, you never know.
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Did you know that Hilaria Baldwin forgot the English word for onions while cooking traditional Spanish dish years after fake accent debacle? Did you see this? No. Tell me.
This is Hilaria Baldwin.

I mean, I don't mean to, I don't mean to pick on her, but I think it's been pretty clearly debunked that she's from the middle of Boston. And recently in a video, she was like, hey, seborias, seborias.
And he's like, onion. And she goes, onion.
And I'm like, dog, what are we talking about? that's so good remember she can pronounce cucumber like

where are we talking about? That's so good.

Remember, she can pronounce cucumber like where are we at with this? Nuts. No, it's completely nuts.
But look, honestly, credit to her. She's digging like the hole is a crater.
She's digging and digging and digging. We just said you're only as sick as your secret.
She is sick. Yes.
She's sick. and maybe you are so sick that you just convince yourself

that the secret is is real yeah maybe she's just brainwashed herself you never know it's kind of like austin butler right austin right i mean how is he these days he's better isn't he we haven't heard a lot from ab what do you say we haven't heard a lot from ab. What are you saying? We haven't heard a lot from AB, have we? No, we haven't.
I just, I have to assume his accent has changed, but we haven't heard a lot. Yeah.
I don't know. I would assume with a new role that the accent has changed.
Maybe that's what he needs. You know what I mean? Maybe he should, maybe that his agent set up a movie for a kid from Anaheim.
That's the character he's playing because that's actually who he is. Yes.
And then he can go back. To help him return home.
To his native tongue. To help him return home.
Let's hit up Disneyland, dude. All of a sudden, that's what he sounds like.
Yeah, he's back. By the way, they were literally a month ago, but we forgot to talk about the Golden Globes.
And i only want to talk about them for one second just to say that nikki glazer was so fucking funny she was so funny i was crying laughing i was crying laughing what did she she i broke down like a button i won't go into it she was just so funny and she's so talented and i thought she was excellent. She really, I was trying to figure out like what made it so good, despite that it was just actually funny, which was she poked at people, but it was very like gentle.
Like there was nothing overly harsh except for things you could universally agree on. Like Joker 2 wasn't great.
And so she took a hard punch at Joker 2 you know totally oh and her i i wrote down the one that i was dying at she's like and two-time holocaust survivor adrian brody is here like she's just so good you know what she did she did so much research like she really prepared really prepared she didn't miss a moment didn't miss she was there it was she was fantastic yeah she did did you hear all the jokes that she couldn't say i don't think so oh here we should we should look this up so nikki glazer was on the howard stern show and she gave a list of the jokes that got cut before the golden globes so who cuts those jokes like she runs them by the globes yeah of course the producers know that okay so yeah i mean i think there's okay this is a hollywood reporter article nikki glazer reveals 10 harsh jokes cut from her golden globes monologue she revealed this on the great howard stern she should have revealed it on the good guys, I'm just saying. Dude, freaking tell me about it.
Okay, this is the last time all of you will be in the same room together until the Diddy trial. Pretty good.
How do you cut that? I loved Conclave. It's about the choosing of a new Pope.
It was heartwarming. It will touch you so much that the church will have to move it to another theater.
Another was a follow-up to a joke about Adrian Brody calling him a two-time Holocaust survivor for his appearance in two Holocaust movies. But she cut this part.
If Adrian Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career. Oh, man.
Wow. Excellent.
She's so good. It's really good.
The fact that you are reading them just in your own plain voice with no delivery and they're still this funny i don't know shout out she's so fucking she's great this one's really good the wild robot is nominated tonight and by that i mean nicole Kidman after two white wines oh man it's so good oh my god oh that's so funny let's see oh that keith urban joke that she told was really great too where she's like thank you so much keith for always singing so nicole needs to leave the house to make so many movies that's so good this one is completely fucked michael keaton was so great in beetlejuice beetlejuice and alec baldwin sadly did not come back to play ghost because he was too busy making them. Whoa.
Oh my God.

Whoa.

Wow.

We're cutting that.

We should not.

That's the only one I cut.

Yeah.

The other should have aired.

There was one.

And here's Ben Affleck.

I can't wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next.

Timothy Chalamet took lessons in guitar,

dialect,

movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan. While Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way, heroin and autism.
Oh my god. Oh my god.
That is nuts. Oh.
Oh. That's nuts.
She's a queen.

That's those are she crushed it.

Shout out, Nikki.

She deserves it all.

Very happy for her success.

So funny.

So good.

So funny.

I feel like I fumbled the ball because I realized I have an article here for world's biggest penis sizes by country revealed.

See where the U.S. ranked.

We can't go back. We can't go back.

We can't go back.

Come on.

Maybe we'll cut out all that and then we'll just keep this.

And people will wonder.

We successfully moved out of the penis discussion and now we're back.

Okay.

Read it.

Let's do.

Oh, it's in centimeters.

What is this?

You know, we're getting too international with these ratings. What is a centimeter to an inch? Now, isn't that the question? Yeah.
What is it? It's the conversion. Just jump cut to me hooking up with someone in the Netherlands.
What's a centimeter to an inch? one centimeter is 0.39 inches. 0.39 inches.
So a third. So roughly.
Three centimeters. Let's say three centimeters.
Three centimeters is an inch. Okay.
Well, the United States came in 68th place with an average size of 5.5 inches. Shout out for being average, Omar, right? Look at us.

I mean... Not bad.

No, it's good. It's good.

Then, fortunately,

America's didn't come dead last

in the phallic Olympiad

in Thailand

where they measured 3.7.

3.7 inches.

Who are they measuring?

Who are... You've never volunteered to take a survey.
They probably gave a Target gift card. Somebody comes up to you on the street and says, I'll give you $100 if I can measure your penis with a ruler.
No comment. They're saying no.
This is nuts. This is crazy.
I mean, dude, we're're gonna have to cut all this out do you want to hear the top five no we're good we're not cutting anything just continue we're running we're running into the fire continue oh god i can't say that continue the top five most endowed men in the world, the countries that they live in.

Ready?

Sudan,

the Congo,

Ecuador,

the Republic of the Congo,

and Ghana.

Now we know why Karen Bass

is hanging out in Ghana.

This was great having this podcast

for as long as we did. We want to thank you all for listening.
This will be our final episode. We want to thank dear media, Olivia, and all the people that listened.
If you're wondering what happened to Josh Peck, he moved to a small Mormon community in Utah where the cost of living was low, but his hopes were high that one day he'd be able to return to show business. This is

what it looks like when you turn down Hallmark movies,

everyone. You sit with

this unhinged kid from the Upper West

Side. Oh my god.

Oh my god.

It's bad. Shout out Karen Bass.

Oh my.

That was a good

party laugh.

That was excellent.

I just watched an amazing documentary, Josh. Okay, tell me.
Avicii. Did you watch it? No, I want to.
I loved it. I loved it.
I also loved Avicii and I was like quite sad with his tragic young passing. I definitely loved listening to his music and thought he was incredibly talented.
But if you haven't seen this documentary, Olivia two, and anybody listening, watch it. It is so sad.
So good shows you that like, you just don't know what other people are going through. Like the guy is on top of the world and he hated it.
He hated it. He hated being famous.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't deal with the just he didn't like it he didn't he was an introvert like a total introvert that was then thrown in front of a hundred thousand people at ultra and like the only way that he became an extrovert was drinking and drugs and it was just a slippery slope and watch it it was amazing and like the people that people that he collaborated with, he was doing so he was doing the most.
They were going a thousand miles an hour. He would collaborate with Niall Rogers and Chris Martin in the same day and spit out two songs that day.
Like he was he was a workhorse, produced unbelievable music and so sad. So sad.
Well, yeah, I mean, because there are people like Daft Punk and obviously Marshmello who figured out a way to and Deadmau5 to a certain extent, you know, Deadmau5 used to wear the hat. And then eventually he just realized that it was too, the mouse helmet was too heavy.
And he was like, yeah, fuck this. Yeah.
But he could have successfully. So it's it's interesting right there were ways in which but of course when you're young and it's so overwhelming and coming so much so fast it's hard to see the full picture you know how old he was when he like truly made it 24 18 jeez he's 18 years old like he went from like he grew up in sw.
Like he went from these like the two nicest, like they said that he had an amazing upbringing. Like we met his parents in the doc.
You'll love the doc. Like just like nice Swedish kid who happened to be a musical genius and exploded and was just like 18 years old on top of the world.
And a handsome kid. Cause a lot of these djs they look like i mean yikes he also looked yikes and then yeah he grew out of his he he grew into himself but yeah he was a legend and it was such a sad story it's a sad story is avicii your richard simmons i think so that's fair wow wow okay we all have our heroes, you know, there's something about his music that I just, I loved, I loved that.
Like I'm, I'm like out of my brain is like stuck in 2012 house music, but like, it loves it. Like it loves levels.
It loves Alesso and like all those guys. It like, I love that stuff.
It's like so great. And Avicii is just like the king, king of all of that music.
He pioneered that stuff. And rest in peace.
Bro, my Richard, my Richard Simmons is Kobe Bryant though. When Kobe died, I was like, oh my God.
No, Kobe is both of ours. I mean, Kobe is his own thing.
But yeah,

Richard Simmons is my indulgence.

Richard Simmons is who I turn to when no one else is there.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

And yeah,

I'm going to send you help.

I'm going to send Olivia.

Just remind me.

I don't need it.

He helps me.

26 year old Josh was crushing it so hard going to raves and listening to.

I'm talking Afro Jack. I'm talking Swedishish house you were you were oh bro sober as a saint by the way you see folks we're learning things we're still learning things about each other i didn't know that we had a shared love for that music you had no idea we've talked about how our dream is to go to ultra yes but i didn't know that you were, I thought that post, once you got sober, I didn't realize that you did things like that, but that is the, honestly, when I listened to that music, I don't need to drink anything.
I don't need to take anything. It is the music that makes your body alive.
So that, that makes sense. You turn up the base on a cascade dead mouse collab.
You give me a couple of cigs and a sugar-free Red Bull, you've never seen this side of me. Yeah, I mean, we need to.
We absolutely must. This was at the height of my powers.
I'll never forget. I was 24 years old at Avalon Nightclub dating this girl who I had met who came from out of town from Baltimore with her cousin.
And me and my buddy Len're showing them around Hollywood we went to Avalon we're freaking raging I am listening to like the hardest of hardest house music Red Bulls are flowing people are smoking life is good and then the girls the cousins start making out and I was like whoa i was like you're related what is the best festival you've ever been to how is that your follow-up question to me telling you cousins we're kissing i've been to a nocturnal wonderland nocturnal wonderland i've only been to Nocturnal Wonderland, but I never-

I saw Avicii New Year's Eve 2011 at Pier 94 in the city.

And that was the best night of my life.

Did I do Molly?

Absolutely.

But it was still the best night of my fricking life.

Man, we are-

Seared in my brain.

God, we are so edgy. We're so edgy we're so cool we're edgy dude no like you don't you don't get this from any other podcast you just don't get it no we're so real we're so all over the place one minute we're talking about penises the next minute we're talking about karen bass now we're talking about avicii.
Sure, one could say we have ADD. Sure.
But that's not true. No.
Maybe it is. Should we do a SpeakPipe? Yeah.
If you want to ask us advice, keep it brief. Brevity is key.
Go to SpeakPipe.com slash good guys. This is from, I don't know.
I think you should rename this moron memo. But now my question.
I'm single in my mid-30s living in L.A. How do you guys suggest I meet nice Jewish boys that doesn't involve going to bars? Thanks.
Well, you're very direct and to the point. I like that.
We appreciate. We appreciate.
I like that. Moron memo is a nice suggestion, Josh.
I think I prefer moron male, but both pretty good. I don't think that you're ever going to meet somebody by not going out in real life and meeting people.
Maybe that's like the, I'm fortunate to have never been on the apps and like didn't have to meet somebody like that, but I just think you got to meet people. So you don't have to go to a bar.
I would recommend like, hopefully you have some nice friends that can set you up. I feel like that's like nice.

Maybe a nice group dinner.

You mentioned that you were Jewish, perhaps.

Maybe like a nice Friday night dinner at Chabad.

Maybe you'd meet a guy.

I don't know.

A bar is a fine place, but I would definitely get out there and meet people in real life.

What do you think, Josh?

I think so, too.

But I think you also, I mean, look, I understand. I guess for me, cause I was never held bent on finding a Jewish spouse.
I was kind of open to all of it. And by that, I mean, I just didn't want to marry my mother, but I, I, um, you know, I, I think that I just think you have to make sure that you have a, you open yourself up to whoever is right.
Even if they're not exactly in the package that you were expecting or anticipating would be perfect for you. Yeah.
Agreed. Agreed.
I get it. But you got to get out there.
I don't like her saying the way that she said, Josh, without going to the bar made it seem like she doesn't want to even leave her house. Maybe I'm misreading it, but it sounded like, how do I meet a guy by not going anywhere? And it's like, you got to go somewhere.
Now, if you were specifically talking about bars, I think we gave you suitable alternatives. The lady, get up, get up and go meet them.
You'll find them. You'll find them.
Yeah, you will. Next one.
Hi, good guys. Would love to hear your thoughts on something.
So basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years. I moved to a bigger city and met him two weeks into moving here.
So I was still in like the friends making phase. And like I had moved here with my best friend.
So obviously I had her, but I was making friends at work a little bit. But he has like a big close knit group of friends, some who have girlfriends, some whose girlfriends are really cool.
And I could potentially see myself being friends with them. But here's my dilemma is they have more guys nights than I think is normal for.
So my boyfriend's 31. His friends are all around that age.
I'm 27 and I basically hang out with all of them and their girlfriends like for big holidays. So like maybe three to four times a year.
And it's a little awkward when I see them because like we don't really see each other outside of that and then my boyfriend doesn't go out like every weekend or anything but they have guys nights probably I don't know four times a quarter at least so yeah is that excessive like at what point are we just like assuming that significant others are invited like obviously it's it's okay to have a guy's night here and there, but they're also planning a guy's trip to Europe and me and my boyfriend hasn't, haven't been on vacation in the last year. So yeah, not jealous or anything, but do I have a right to be like, oh, maybe that's a little much? Whoa.
I mean, you are jealous clearly. Okay.
So first of all, we're going to need to dissect this. We're going to move aside, Josh, we're going to move aside the Euro trip.
Okay. Okay? Put that to the side because I think that's different and I want to talk about it.
But when she first said that it was four times, I thought she was going to say that he sees his friends four times a week. And then she said four times a quarter first of all who speaks in quarters when they're talking about a significant other this isn't work if we're talking quarters i want to be talking about pies and that's it but four times a quarter so you're telling me that you you think it's excessive for your boyfriend to see his friends roughly once a month? Like, you're counting that? Like, no, I'm sorry.
You need to be shaken. You don't want a boyfriend that has no friends.
It's great that he's social. Now, the Euro trip thing, I would say that as a 31 year old, if he takes you frequently on trips, going with his friends on a trip to Europe isn't a big deal.
But I would agree that if you guys haven't been on a vacation and that's important to you and he's excluding you and going with his friends to Europe, that that's not like awesome. But again, I don't know.
You seem, I'm sorry, you seem jealous and kind of like a nightmare. How do you really feel? How do you really feel? I mean, do you feel differently? No, no, no.
I, I, yeah, it, it went downhill so quickly. Cause she started with Goodwill because I was like these infantilized men with their nonstop bro hanging out.
Like you have a partner now. And just with every word that came out of her mouth after that, I was like, dude, what are you talking about? Like totally agree.
And also it sounds like there's this like need to be involved in boys night, which is like you are completely missing out on the utility of a boys night. Like so much good is happening for your spouse when they go off with their friends and have something that can only occur amongst that group that when they come back, they're refreshed.
They're better. It's like when, you know, whatever it is, your thing, whether it's going to the gym or going to yoga or getting a massage or whatever, it's like, yes, it can be considered an indulgence, but you come back so much better.
And also like this idea that, I don't know, my wife and I have always had a really healthy separation of church and state. And then eventually we'll, we'll, we'll coexist and I'll come out with her and her friends every now and again.
But for the most part, it's like, no, her friends are her friends, mine are mine. And our couple friends, then we do couple-y things.
We're the same. Yeah.
And that's, and that, that's really the way that it should be. Right.
Because you can't establish real friendships in a non-authentic way. Like this guy, it sounds like he made his, these are his friends for life that he loves.
And he can't speak and act the same way with his friends when you're there. That's not because he's doing something wrong.
It's just different. It's just like when you're with your guys, you're talking about different things and you're acting differently and you're probably acting immaturely because you've known them for so long.
Like my best friends I can be myself with. And yourself in this present moment is different than yourself that met those guys it's not his fault that you moved there he should do a better job of including you in things but that's not including you in guys nights that's if you want to see more of him then he should set up more things for you to be a part of in addition to the things that he's doing but to be upset that he sees his friends four times in three months is very scary behavior.
I'm sorry. It's so scary.
This is a long winded explanation, but Tom Hanks has this great story of, I think when he was in the movie Big and he talked about how he was starting to become pretty famous. And so I think he was a producer on the movie and Penny Marshall was directing.
And so after the first day of shooting, he went to something called where they watch the dailies, which is the second day of shooting, I should say. Where usually at lunch, what they'll do is they will project everything that was shot the day before for the heads of departments, the head of costumes, editing, the director of photography.
Because you're basically doing the check of yesterday's work. Like, does it look good? Is there anything we need to learn from what we just shot? Do we need to do any pickups? Do we need to fix something? And this usually happens at lunch the next day.
So day two of filming, they all go, all the upper brass, the director, the director of photography, all the heads of departments go to watch the dailies at lunch. Tom Hanks goes, I'm getting pretty famous.
I'm a producer. I'm going to go watch the dailies, too.
I'm going to be a part of this. And he walks in and Penny Marshall, the director, sees him and says, get out of here.
And she's like, and he says, what do you mean? And she's like, this needs a safe. This needs to be a safe space for us to obliterate you because we're going to watch you and go, why did he cock his head like that? And his hair's out of place.
And this is bad. She's like, we need to be uncensored so we can fix everything.
It's not personal, but we can't worry about having to like put on a show because you're sitting here. And so that's my answer to boys night.
The truth is we're probably not talking about you, but if we are, yeah, we're probably talking shit the way that you would talk shit with your girlfriends. Like we are in an unfiltered free space to just say what's on our mind without judgment amongst your friends, share some stories and know that if your husband or your spouse isn't a piece of shit, there's always going to be a level of respect there, even when you're sort of freely talking amongst your friends.
Couldn't agree more. And feel like a kid.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
Like life is life is a lot. And like when you're with that core group of friends that you can just be a different person as that's very important and it's very special.
So yeah, no, this woman. Oy vey.
Oy vey is right. Here's the next speak pipe from, I don't know.
What's up, good guys. My name is Hunter.
No question. Where do I meet Jewish women? I think your women are really pretty.
I love your food. And I think you guys have a lot of really good cultural values.
I'm not Jewish. I'm fine with converting if that has to be a thing.
But yeah. Also, really dumb follow-up question.
Did I just completely screw myself by getting a German shepherd puppy? Take it easy, guys. Oh, Hunter.
Sweet thing. You sweet gentile excellent okay first of all conversion just do it yourself do it beforehand it's no preemptive convert then you ask your rabbi say hey rabbi i'd like to meet a nice jewish girl he will set you up instantly that's it you want to meet nice jewish women The absolute easiest way is for you to meet a rabbi, I'd like to meet a nice Jewish girl.
He will set you up instantly. That's it.
You want to meet nice Jewish women? The absolute easiest way is for you to meet a rabbi, convert, and then the rabbi will introduce you to Jewish women. If you'd rather go the opposite way, then I don't know how you would meet just specifically Jewish women because they typically congregate amongst other Jews.
If it's only Jewish women. Otherwise, you women otherwise you just have to get lucky maybe one is jewish but like maybe at a lexus dealership or at like i'm sorry you can meet her at the bank at like a meteorologist like at a weather station and the german shepherd no problem we don't blame the dogs no and what's what's fun is german shepherds if you're actually training them you have to say plots to stop and that's a yiddish word plots plots you do i didn't know that Mm-hmm.
Fun. Next week.
Learn something new every day.

Hey, good guys. This is Camilla.
Love the show. I wanted to get your opinions.
I'm a kindergarten teacher. And so this time of the year, I'm very grateful.
Get a lot of gifts from families and students around the holidays. However, I wanted to get your opinions on homemade gifts that are made and gifted to you, not by your own children.
For example, in kindergarten, kids love to bring in homemade cookies. However, if they tell me they helped make them, immediately goes into the garbage.
I've seen their hygiene on a daily basis. I don't want their grubby fingers in their cookies.
I won't be eating those. Or like, do I want their popsicle picture frame? No, I probably won't be keeping that either.
What are your thoughts on homemade Christmas gifts made by children that are not yours? Appropriate or not? I think you should find another profession, dear. So funny.
You seem resentful. That's so good.
Yeah, obviously, i don't want a popsicle painting from a random kid no i won't appreciate that but you're their teacher of course that's what they're going to give you right what are you expecting the parents to buy you a plasma tv no they're gonna and also homemade these kids if they're really in kindergarten they didn't help make the cookies They didn't put their, they watched going to end up. And also homemade.
These kids, if they're really in kindergarten, they didn't help make the cookies. They didn't put their they watched.
And I'm sure the parents had them wash their hands. Totally.
And by the way, if the kid has it, the parent has it. You're always sick.
This woman has to always be sick. I can't even imagine how sick a kindergarten teacher gets.
I agree. You signed up, baby.
You're all in. You got to accept the popsicles and move on.
As the father of a five now six year old, which we hadn't, by the way, just as an aside, we had a spectacular birthday party for Max and Chuck E. Cheese.
And let me tell you, I hadn't been to a Chuck E. in a while on this establishment.
You commented, Ben, you know of this, this Chucky Charles entertainment cheese. Of course.
Charles is crushing. Charles is Charles is it.
He's he's King. And the pizza.
How is the pizza? The pizza is as good as it's ever been. Let me tell you, if you feel like Chucky cheese is something of, you know, your childhood, the 80s and 90s, it has blasted itself into the new millennia and it is beyond great.
We had a lovely time. And I just want to say that you'll learn this about the politics of birthdays.
I was a little nervous about talking about the birthday or posting on social media because I didn't want anyone in my life to be upset if they weren't invited to the birthday party, if they had kids. But the truth is, we literally had to keep it just to Max's class at school.
And we invited the entire class because obviously he loves 90% of his class, but he's not friends with everyone. But we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
And thus, that's 25 kids. We couldn't invite any of our friends.
So don't get mad at me. No, I'm not mad at you friends so don't get mad at me no i'm not mad at you i didn't get an invite but i'm not mad listen you a picture of me you and chucky cheese in the wind tunnel with all the tickets flying up can you imagine that no i'm in reach out charles reach out we'll do a remote episode from c and cheese great i'm in I would love it live from a Chuck E.
Cheese. Can you imagine Chuck E.
Cheese becomes a lawyer? C and cheese Esquire, personal injury attorneys. One more speak by last one.
Hey, good guys. I need some advice immediately.
So my best friend is wanting to bring her boyfriend on my bachelorette trip that is coming up in a few weeks. He is just getting back from serving overseas in a church mission, and she is demanding that he come with her because they have not seen each other in a while.
Keep in mind, she is my maid of honor, So she is planning most of the trip. And so she is necessary to be there.
However, having him there is going to be a total buzzkill. She says that he will not participate in any of the activities, but she just wants him around.
What are you nuts? Please tell me how I address this with her. I do not know how to politely tell her.
Leave him at home. Love you.
Bye this is not the what are you nuts josh we both heard it what are you nuts is saying that somebody's serving overseas yes in a church mission that's what are you nuts what are you serving fries i i completely flipped i thought that this was an army veteran coming home. I'm like, of course, anything.

Serving overseas in a church mission.

What are you, nuts?

Serving up that Holy Spirit.

Serving up nothing good. I don't want that church freak at my bachelorette party.

Hell no.

Hell no.

Leave your name card in your secret pajamas at home.

No. Tell this friend friend just stop it enough you don't by the way you don't need your maid of honor anywhere be a grown woman but like you don't need her if she if she needs her boyfriend tell her to kick rocks i hope you have other people going on the bachelorette party.
We just spoke about this. No men on the bachelorette party.
No. And by the way, any guy that wants to be the only guy on a bachelorette party, sorry, no bueno, no bueno.
Guy's got problems. I could somehow like if you were going to do it in a place that had like great golf and the guy likes golf and he's literally like we haven't seen each other in a while.
So from like 1 a.m. to 10 a.m.
when you're in the room, it's just going to be, you know, canoodle city. We're going to ravage each other.
And then literally I won't see you for the next 14 hours. I'll be on the links and you'll be out, you know, at the Magic Mike show.

I guess I could see it working, but it all seems too complicated. And I agree with you, Ben.

I don't see it.

Look, if she loves him that much, you're made of honor.

Then she goes on the church trip.

That's right.

If you really want to see him, get your fucking ass to Ghana with Karen.

Yes.

For the inauguration.

Okay.

Get your ass to Ghana and do that church work trip.

Title.

Otherwise,

otherwise you got nothing to fucking stand on.

Get your ass to Ghana.

By the way,

is that Karen Bass?

Is that who called in?

I love that. That NSYNC song.
Ghana. Girl, you're Ghana.
Should we get to our What Are You Nuts? Yeah, we should. Our What Are You Nuts is our gripes with people, places, and things, big and small, whatever's currently sticking in our craw.
Mine is recently, have you seen these delivery robots? I've seen, yes. So basically it's like a big, it's like a gigantic cooler on wheels, but it's, it's a big LA thing, right? It's big LA thing.
And basically they are these little robots that are on four wheels, but they're, they're a hardy size. So're like, yeah, they're the size of a cooler and they have off-road wheels and they'll go to like a ghost kitchen or somewhere where there's like 20 restaurants and someone will make your DoorDash order.
They'll put the food in there. It's sealed tight.
And then it will literally ride it to your place if it's like within five miles and then it'll alert you. You go downstairs, lid opens up, you grab your food, it goes.
People have been beating up the robots. I make sense to me.
What are you nuts? Yeah. Get a punching bag.
Get a hobby. Get a higher education.
Don't beat up the DoorDash robots. What are you nuts? Are they beating up the robots to steal the food no because it's like literally locked they're just they're just making them slower oh that's like what are you nuts not even for theft just for fun that's not fun i know pick on somebody your own size that's so like another fatty oh my what are you nuts moment is this morning.
I went to put my contacts and you know, like my vision was just like a little fuzzy. I was adjusting them.
And, but I just like, I didn't feel right in them. I didn't feel right.
Probably two hours go by. I'm still just like a little fuzzy.
I'm like, fuck this. I'm going to take them out.
Look out my right, my right contact. And all of a sudden I could see perfectly.
I'm like, how is that possible? Josh, I had two contacts in my right eye. I don't know when I put in the first one.
It wasn't this morning. I don't know how long it's been in there because I took out my contacts before I went to bed last night, but I took out that contact and I was seeing perfect out of that right eye.
I'm like, okay, fine. Great.
Took out the one josh i could see perfectly in both eyes you had two in both eyes i had two contacts in each eye this morning each eye what am i nuts very dangerous that's a toxic shock bad bad news bad news bad news. Yeah.
I was stunned. I was like, are you dumb? Are you brain dead?

Like, are you are you dumb are you brain dead like are you okay so yeah i'm nuts love it take us home don't do it don't do it make sure that you don't have double contacts and folks rate us five stars otherwise what are you nuts listen to us on spotify apple wherever you get your podcasts watch us on youtube josh YouTube. Listen to us on Spotify.
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