A HANUKKAH EXTRAVAGANZA with Robby Hoffman!

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Speaker 2 The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.

Speaker 4 I'm Josh Peck, and I'm Ben Soffer.

Speaker 2 And we're the good guys.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of guys out there.

Speaker 4 And we're the good ones.

Speaker 2 Mars and Morris. Welcome back to the Good Guys Podcast.
I'm sitting here with the third Kelsey brother. It's Ben Soffer.

Speaker 4 Thank you very much. And I am sitting here with the one, the only comedic genius born in New York City.
Actually, Brooklyn, New York. Excuse me.
I already fucked up. It is

Speaker 4 City. We love you.
No, Brooklyn is not New York City. It is.

Speaker 2 It's Huntington.

Speaker 4 No, but like when I think of New York City, I think of Manhattan.

Speaker 2 Five boroughs.

Speaker 2 Oh, good. This is good.
Five boroughs.

Speaker 3 Name them right now.

Speaker 4 Okay. Queens, Staten Island, Bronx, New York.
What did I miss?

Speaker 2 Manhattan is New York, by the way. Boom.
Okay. Manhattan, what did I miss?

Speaker 4 And Brooklyn. Okay.
But we really refer to that as New York City.

Speaker 3 Yes. I'm from the city.

Speaker 2 Yes. Okay.
Yes.

Speaker 4 So people from Staten Island say I'm from the city. And that's clearly.

Speaker 3 Well, not from the city, but New York City.

Speaker 3 When you're on your birth certificate or you're doing your passport, it's New York City. You don't write Brooklyn.

Speaker 4 Fine. But if somebody comes up to you from Staten Island and says, I'm from New York City, you're fine with that.

Speaker 3 Well, nobody should come up to me. for any reason, especially to tell me you're from Staten Island.

Speaker 2 I have nothing.

Speaker 2 What do I do with that?

Speaker 3 What are you expecting from that interaction?

Speaker 4 You do nothing. You do nothing.

Speaker 2 What is a good reason to approach you?

Speaker 3 None. I'm not very, you know what? I don't give a, you know how people post these crowd clips and stuff like that.
I got lucky because I don't seem very approachable.

Speaker 3 And my audience is no better than to fucking talk to me. Okay.
You will speak when spoken to. Yes.
Okay. It's not going to go well and not in a funny way.
I'm not going to be clipping this.

Speaker 3 It's going nowhere.

Speaker 2 And you've just ruined your night.

Speaker 4 So if someone's so jealous, ours are the opposite. They are Yenta City coming up to us, looking at Gab.
We're too nice.

Speaker 3 No, I'm not gabbing. I don't look approachable.
I don't look friendly. And I'm not.

Speaker 2 So if someone heckles you or speaks out of one of your comedy shows, you're getting them kicked out.

Speaker 3 No, they just don't do it. They know better.
They know better.

Speaker 3 You're coming to see me. You're coming to see me.
Nobody is coming to see you.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 We are all here for me when we're here for me.

Speaker 2 Yes. Love this.
Will you talk a little bit? You know, I discovered you from our good friend Ian Fidance from his podcast. Oh, good.

Speaker 3 I get in trouble. I don't know every comedian in the city.
It's obscene.

Speaker 2 That's just crazy. No, that's not.
I don't know what everybody else is.

Speaker 4 that clip that clip was insane that clip was insane to think and i don't know who this person is i'm not trying to shit on her but to think

Speaker 2 jordan japson the great to have i'm sorry well then i'm just gonna say it to have such a big head that you think that everybody in the world should know who you are settle down okay i know who else is down it's not like i know nobody okay i know eddie murphy there are people i do know yes There are people I've heard of.

Speaker 2 Seinfeld.

Speaker 2 Did you know me?

Speaker 4 Did you know me?

Speaker 3 I actually did know you because I love your wife. And then I was discovered to you.
And I just love you guys together. And I'm big on relationships.
I love a good, a cutesy couple. That's my shit.

Speaker 4 Yes. Thank you.
And welcome. I love you.
And I knew you.

Speaker 3 Thank you. I love you and knew you.

Speaker 2 And I don't care.

Speaker 3 I'm not offended if you didn't.

Speaker 4 But I'm just letting you know that I did. And I know you.
People know me, Jordan.

Speaker 3 I've been saying this.

Speaker 4 The Instagram follow read receipt to boot. Thank you.
Do I follow you? Thank you.

Speaker 2 Do I follow you?

Speaker 4 Because I better start following you. But that's fine.

Speaker 2 I'm going to going to follow you. You don't now that I know.
There's going to be some burglaring going on. Yeah.
Can you talk a little bit about your beginnings?

Speaker 2 Because I think your whole story is fascinating.

Speaker 3 I've talked at length about this, but you have a specific question.

Speaker 2 Okay. Tell me about.
So you grew up and feel free to just tell me to shut up.

Speaker 3 Yeah, kind of. That's where I'm aiming.

Speaker 2 Go on, but go on.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 So you grew up, you have 10 siblings. Nine.
Nine siblings.

Speaker 3 I'm one of ten.

Speaker 2 Traditional Jewish Orthodox household. Yes.
And then now you're a stand-up,

Speaker 2 not so observant anymore.

Speaker 3 Well, see, it's hard for when I talk about this stuff.

Speaker 3 It's not like black and white. You know, Gabby thinks I'm the most religious person she's ever met.

Speaker 2 You know, my girlfriend.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You know,

Speaker 3 I have a mezuzah on my door. You know, I'm not an animal.
I mean, there's certain things.

Speaker 3 You know, there's certain things I say the Shema in the evening, hear me. I like that prayer.
You know, there's things that have stuck with me. And there's a lot, you know, most hasn't.

Speaker 3 I'm obviously, you know, casidic to scissoring it's not it's not everybody's path but you know there's obviously so it's what's scissoring like you know what i really don't do it a lot but for i do the this lesbian handshake right there i love that oh yeah

Speaker 2 i wish i could do it with you

Speaker 3 that was intimate you know it's kind of like a spectrum in my family there are people who keep more than others who are more observant than others i was born into a lubavitch family which for listeners that know it's it's a sect of the Hasidic community sort of the typical the way we see it in movies yeah but but you know but people often think from Williamsburg I'm I'm from the Crown Heights which I think is chiller than the Williamsburg I mean to the average person they both look insane but I know that it's a lot cooler in the Lubavitch community but then we moved to Montreal and I moved my whole family I was just a kid so the whole religious thing was really something my parents did to us we didn't become religious or anything we were born religious and then we what's called fried out, we slowly but surely did less and less.

Speaker 3 But still, I remain the most religious person at my school. So I went to now a conservative Jewish school, not an Orthodox Jewish school.

Speaker 4 Where'd you go to school?

Speaker 3 Bialik.

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 4 my dad went to Bialik.

Speaker 3 Look at this.

Speaker 4 That's why I asked.

Speaker 3 Okay, keep it in there. Shout out to Bialik.
Why not?

Speaker 2 In Montreal? Your dad went to school. Was it a school in Montreal?

Speaker 4 No, but he went to Bialik in Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 Maybe it's the same.

Speaker 3 Oh, see, it's totally. Now I'm not as excited.

Speaker 2 I literally thought he went to school in Montreal.

Speaker 4 Okay, Josh, did you have to follow up? He went to Bialik.

Speaker 2 Bialik. Oh, he did.
Continue.

Speaker 2 I prefer Biali. Nobody saw him there.

Speaker 3 Nobody saw him there.

Speaker 2 Okay, this is like this guy. He was the guy

Speaker 3 working at McDonald's. It's not a pick.
There's no

Speaker 2 proof.

Speaker 3 No receipts.

Speaker 2 Me, McDonald's. He was the young.

Speaker 4 He was the young overweight boy in the back brace fighting stolen.

Speaker 4 You saw him.

Speaker 2 you probably picked on him

Speaker 2 you know they did some exit studies and we're not a political podcast but they said that trump working at mcdonald's was one of the most effective photo ops of his entire life you know i worked at mcdonald's i am the only person on record who has worked at mcdonald's we've all seen this let's show the listeners it's great And we'll have our video editors put it in.

Speaker 3 The editor's got to put it in. And if not, I'll put it in.
I don't trust nobody.

Speaker 3 Okay, well, I can't put it in because look at this. But anyway.

Speaker 2 We trust you.

Speaker 4 What did you do at McDonald's?

Speaker 2 Did you digress? We did.

Speaker 3 Okay, here's what we did to go to McDonald's. We were working at this coffee shop.
The coffee shop separated me and my best friend, Shani. Shout out to Shani.

Speaker 2 Shout out.

Speaker 3 And because we were chatting. Yeah, we're chatting.
Occasionally, I broke a cookie to eat a cookie. You know what I mean? Working at the coffee shop, you're like 18 years old.
What do you care? Sure.

Speaker 3 And then she got witted that McDonald's would be paying $11 an hour and we were making like eight or something like that. So I'm like, we got it.
So we apply very professionally, bring our fake TVs.

Speaker 3 I worked for her dad. She worked for my dad.
If anybody calls anyone, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's like,

Speaker 2 yeah, you close the loop.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You inform everybody. By the way, if you get a call, I worked.
I was, you know, I was on time, whatever the thing. And, but we got to the McDonald's training.

Speaker 3 First of all, in the training, they kept saying like, oh, people come into the restaurant, do this.

Speaker 2 I remember thinking like, what restaurant?

Speaker 3 And then I realized they were referring to McDonald's as a restaurant. And it blew my mind.

Speaker 3 I'm like, look, you know, when we have customers coming to the restaurant, I was like, I kept looking across the street, like, is this going to interfere with our, you know, shifts or something?

Speaker 3 Not knowing that they were referring to us as a restaurant, which blew my mind. And then we said, we only want to work the till.
We only want to work the cash.

Speaker 2 Did you wanted to steal?

Speaker 3 No, we don't want to be doing the burgers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's too much.

Speaker 2 You want to steal? I don't know. By the way, we did steal plenty.
You did. Listen, I know where this is going.
Bobby and I come from the mean streets there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And by the way, they're stealing from their employees.

Speaker 2 Nobody's stealing

Speaker 2 stealing.

Speaker 3 We're not stealing.

Speaker 2 We're Robin Hooding.

Speaker 3 Nobody is stealing nothing.

Speaker 2 True.

Speaker 3 So we go, we only want to work the cash. Two Jews come in to work at McDonald's.
We would only like to work. And I let them know I'm very quick on a machine.

Speaker 2 Like me tallying? What are we doing?

Speaker 2 Get it out.

Speaker 2 So good.

Speaker 3 So already everybody hated us because the way that this McDonald's worked, well, I'm sure many of them do or all of them is that it's a rotation.

Speaker 3 Like you're on, like most people end up sticking somewhere. But really, if you're called in to do any station, whether it's the fry station or the back, you know, with the burgers and everything,

Speaker 3 and you're called also to do the till to do the cash. And we were like, we only, and so people did not like us.
what we did have going for us is we were very hot

Speaker 3 so i was very good at the time i was a secret lesbian but using men when i needed to oh say more just like you know like i'm not paying for a drink like that's not gonna be happening love you know like the jewish reasons to be straight i very much picked and choose just like my judaism and what was your observations as like a would-be seductress with no interest where you like men are so dumb no well i was because i grew up poor i was like in a poor, I was the poorest of anyone I knew, which to be Jewish and poor felt unheard of, felt like how,

Speaker 2 how, what an outlier.

Speaker 3 This is the biggest outlier of anything I've had is that I'm Jewish and poor. I haven't heard of the story since reading about Anne Frank.

Speaker 3 So, by the way, I went to go see the attic and I'm like, not bad.

Speaker 2 It's pretty rude. By the way, nice.

Speaker 3 By the way, three bedroom.

Speaker 2 Beautiful.

Speaker 2 Could be dining kitchen. Who knows? I mean, I'm looking at this attic and I'm going,

Speaker 2 it's not ideal, but it's better than many yeah for sure than many they leave that part of the story out may her she certainly she certainly didn't need she certainly didn't need to live so lavishly if she was dead

Speaker 3 pretty lavishly up in that act you know you picture an attic what do you picture some dust a frame a frame no a frame they're standing

Speaker 2 fully up they're up you know everyone knows and frank i'm gonna know annie frank because you know annie was having fun you know played a little backgammon up there oh my god And then,

Speaker 3 so I, I was the friend who never had no money, but I was able to do, you know, it's kind of like a blind person can hear better or whatever it is, you know, your other senses.

Speaker 3 I used, you know, my mouth, my words, my cup, my, my head, all that stuff. So we would go out.
Let's say we went to like a club in Montreal or whatever, and it was like a $20 entrance fee.

Speaker 3 And maybe my friend was like, well, I got you, you know,

Speaker 3 I would be the one to go up to like, let's say we're like 18.

Speaker 3 First of all, we go to the the club you're like you know a group of eight girls who are like 17 sneaking to be 18 or whatever and you're like I can't believe we got in right you know we feel like we're getting power like I can't believe we got in it's like obviously they want these teenage girls

Speaker 3 you know so and we're like they make you feel like you want something happened with my my hearing

Speaker 3 Suddenly it's like much louder here.

Speaker 2 Oh, here, let me.

Speaker 3 And I'm a loud talk to her. I'm a loud talker.
You You might have to be more involved in this episode than you are in others. My levels.
Okay, how are we doing with this now? This is a bit better.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's a bit better.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. There you go.
Because this is going to be the situation like Joan Rivers. You know, the doctor wasn't watching her monitor and she died.

Speaker 3 And I know it's a boring job to watch a monitor, but it's all the surgeon, the anesthesiologist is just paid to put the anesthesia in you.

Speaker 2 It's her only job.

Speaker 3 But of course, he's texting. He's taking pictures.

Speaker 2 I think he took a selfie with Joan's body. Didn't he?

Speaker 2 Sick guy.

Speaker 4 She was murdered.

Speaker 2 She was murdered.

Speaker 4 I don't know who had something against Joan. She was murdered.

Speaker 2 That is a cold case.

Speaker 4 They stuffed it away with JFK. We'll find out soon.

Speaker 2 She was murdered. I could not agree more.

Speaker 3 I could not agree more. She was murdered.
Really murdered in her prime.

Speaker 4 You know who murdered her? De Blasio.

Speaker 2 There we go. That's who I think.
I don't want to bring up another cold case. Richard Simmons.
Little weird. A little weird the way he went.
I don't know what to do. He wanted to go.

Speaker 2 Did he? Only to you. You don't know that.

Speaker 3 He's been wanting to go for 30, 40 years. He said bye.

Speaker 2 That's not true. Didn't he say bye? He didn't know.
He couldn't say bye. He's such an empath.
He had to completely disappear.

Speaker 4 I think. Robbie, I don't know if you know this about Josh, but he's Richard Simmons' number one fan.
He took the news.

Speaker 2 I like Richard Simmons.

Speaker 4 He took the news on the chin.

Speaker 3 He took the news on the chin.

Speaker 3 People, you're glad we don't know more, you know, like the Mr. Rogers, so Simmons.
As we start uncovering the pedophilia ring, I don't know who's safe from that.

Speaker 3 So maybe it's better off you get out from there.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 3 I think Richard, may his memory be a blessing. I think there's a reason we didn't know more that we needed to know about him.

Speaker 2 I know plenty.

Speaker 2 He was great.

Speaker 2 Richard was.

Speaker 2 There's nothing there there except the fact that he never officially came out. And he probably was loveless, which is sad.

Speaker 4 Josh, it's good that we don't know more about Richard.

Speaker 2 And we think his housekeeper, Teresa, might have had her hands a little dirty in his family.

Speaker 3 No, no, I don't know.

Speaker 2 He fell down

Speaker 2 there.

Speaker 4 It's good we don't know.

Speaker 2 It's all alleged.

Speaker 3 It's always good when we don't know what we don't know.

Speaker 2 Remember, it's alleged.

Speaker 3 The less you know, I have said this, the better. Do not look into things.
People are investigating. I'm like, investigate what?

Speaker 2 Once they're dead, I don't want to know anything.

Speaker 4 Let their memory be a blessing.

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Speaker 2 So if you were a detective, if there was law and order crown heights and you were Marisca Hargate, give us an episode. What are you, are you saying? Forget it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're not looking into nothing.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 Okay, you come to me with an issue.

Speaker 2 I go, and

Speaker 3 I give you the and not even, you know, in improv, you do yes and I just go, and

Speaker 3 and that's it. That's the end of our investigation.
We're not going to be looking any further into whatever the hell.

Speaker 2 Here, we'll roleplay.

Speaker 2 My sister's been missing since two days ago. We're really

Speaker 3 leave her alone.

Speaker 2 But my family's really worried. She comes home and she lives with us.

Speaker 3 She doesn't want to live there no more. I think it's clear.
Your sister went wherever she went. It's none of your business.

Speaker 2 Maybe you could just look into it.

Speaker 3 It's not like you're not gonna be looking into nothing. Okay, I'm gonna show you the door, sure, right there.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Okay, and

Speaker 3 we're actually taking it a lot of cases because we only spend 30 seconds on each.

Speaker 2 That's good, that's actually very good.

Speaker 3 It's a good, it's a good, you know, quantity business. What was I saying with the

Speaker 3 what you were at the club? Oh, so the club, so you get in, you can't believe you got in.

Speaker 3 And so, my friends, they had a drink, but I would, because they paid for the cab or they paid for the me to get in, I would go up to like 40-year-olds sitting with bottle service.

Speaker 3 Remember, Remember, they had like the couch, and I'd be like, fellas, what are we drinking?

Speaker 3 I came in with what we, you know, with like just total confidence. It's like, you know, they're all pedophiles.

Speaker 2 Like, why don't they want eight hot girls to sit with them?

Speaker 3 And I'd like, you know, shimmy through, sit. I taking the orange juice or something.
I said, I want a cranberry, and I just helped myself to the gray goose, whatever I was doing.

Speaker 3 And if I was running low, I'd be like, you call yourself a man.

Speaker 2 Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't pay a penny. I didn't pay a penny.
More bottles. No, more bottles.
The markup that, you know, because these bottles, a gray goose bottle, as we know, is $60. Yeah.
But at the club, it's $600.

Speaker 2 You have an issue with this? None. This markup, you're okay with it? Yeah, that you're okay with.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because you're not paying for the gray goose. You're paying for the

Speaker 2 sparklers.

Speaker 3 No, no, no. You're sitting in the couch.
You're paying for the table. A seat in a club is worth a billion dollars.

Speaker 2 I got to sit.

Speaker 3 Yes. I got to sit.
I got to take a seat. Since a young kid, people are like, you go crazy.
I'm like, I go in anywhere and I go, where can I sit? This is, I need to sit.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 I like the music, but I'm sitting. Occasionally, I get up a song only if I know my seat is secured and I'll grind my ass to somebody send me.
But that was it. I did.

Speaker 4 But you have a nice seat to somebody send me.

Speaker 4 Every Jewish girl has a nice seated dance. What's your seated dance? Like one of these, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just one of those.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be Trump-like in my dance.

Speaker 2 When he's dancing, I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Trump is bringing joy.

Speaker 2 One thing you can say this dance is fun. This is fun.
And then the point, thumbs up point. I love that.
I love a thumbs up. Thumbs up.
We're doing good.

Speaker 3 Yes. If I'm at a club and I thumbs you up, bro, we're good.

Speaker 2 I'm going home with this dude.

Speaker 2 They see the thumbs up and countries quake. Dictators quake.

Speaker 4 Did you see what happened on my Zoom? I did fireworks.

Speaker 2 We saw it.

Speaker 3 We saw it. We're acknowledging.
We saw it.

Speaker 2 There's a difference between a Canadian Jew and an American Jew. A Howie Mandel and Alan Dershowitz.
I don't know. But you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 Is there a difference? One is very smart, and I won't reveal which. You know what? I think there's a lot of differences in Jews now.
I don't, you know what? This is going to sound bad.

Speaker 3 I don't bat for Jews. I don't bat for anyone.
You know what? I think I, I think we're not a monolith like anyone else, like gay people, like any kind of people.

Speaker 3 We can all be different types of people. You know, it's not like we're all the same.
You know, I think I probably have, you know, the chips I have only grow.

Speaker 3 I've noticed with age people like, oh, you get, my chips get bigger, the cracks, you know, I can barely walk walk with these chips. Okay.

Speaker 3 So the chip I have being a poor Jew in a rich community and then being asked to bat for the, it's like, bro, you left us starving. Right.
You know, I don't really, I think we've lost Yiddishkite.

Speaker 3 We've lost our way. There are conversations that we can't have publicly because they make us look bad or something.
So then we don't have them even privately. And it's like.

Speaker 3 We're not adhering to Yiddish Kite. We could eradicate poverty within our own community like that.
We have almost no poor people, you know, compared to the amount of wealth we have.

Speaker 3 And we don't even do that. And then we're on our high horse.
That bothers me that we're not more self-critical because you think the Jews were always self-deprecating. We're known for that.

Speaker 3 But when push comes to shove, we do have a problem sometimes with greed, with money, with materialism. And we've lost our way.

Speaker 3 We're not looking out for each other. I mean, I know people, I know landlords who up there, you know, it's like, hey, bro, we're both Jewish.
Can you give me, you own the building.

Speaker 3 You mind cutting me some slack? They don't. Right.
Jew to Jew doesn't help anymore. It barely does.
It barely means anything. You're in a room with another Jew.
It might not.

Speaker 3 Jews show each other deals, showbiz. I love that.
It's hard for me to wrap my head around what a Jew. It's just like, hey, you're you, I'm me.
And it's just, it's hard for me to bat.

Speaker 3 for a homogenous group of people. I'm very person to person

Speaker 3 and I will see. But

Speaker 3 I know great Jews and I know some really shitty Jews and I grew up with shitty people and I grew up with great people.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, you know, for me, Yiddishkite, one of the biggest Jewish Yiddishkite souls that I know of, and I speak to her often, my friend Allie Quinn, shout out to Allie.

Speaker 3 Her mother, who I believe was a convert or didn't grow up religious and did kind of married into a more conservative family or whatever. She was originally, I think, French-Canadian,

Speaker 3 hot as can be. She was the hottest mom in the school.
Shout out to Tina. Like, she's still gorgeous.
But she was the kind of girl who her whole goal was to marry a rich Jew.

Speaker 3 She would go, she moved to Montreal from a small Quebec town with this, this what I've heard with, with, with, at 16 or 17, and was like only going to go to dentistry or doctor balls at McGill, at nice schools.

Speaker 3 And she met her father, who was a periodontist, very successful. And she always was done up.
She drove a little red car, you know.

Speaker 3 She was so hot picking us up from school. Like we'd hop in the back of the car, and she knew I was really poor.
I went to school. I went on subsidy to the school.

Speaker 3 And she was like the lead pack of the moms. There was a bunch of like PTA moms at this private Jewish school that were,

Speaker 3 I mean, this was their life. We had something, I don't know if I'm going on and on and you can stop me, but we we had something

Speaker 3 a couple times a year called pizza lunch, where you would bring $2.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 And you didn't, you know, they had pizza. You didn't have your own lunch.
You had pizza. And it normally went to breast cancer or something like that.

Speaker 3 And all the PTA moms, these eight like Jappy Jewish American princess, not Japanese people.

Speaker 2 We love you.

Speaker 3 I love Japanese people. Love them.
I love the food. I'm interested in going to Japan.
The flight seems long, but I'm going to look into it. So

Speaker 3 these moms, you know, maybe there were 1,500 kids in the school, and that day everybody got pizza. And every kid, but maybe 10 were

Speaker 3 rich, wealthy, you know, Jews who made it after the Holocaust, and their kids are now born wealthy.

Speaker 3 And I would ask my mother, I would like try and like, I'd go to my mother in the morning. I knew it was pizza lunch.
I'd be like, hey, ma, looking good. Anyway, I can get a couple dollars.

Speaker 2 A couple dollars. You know, get out of my house.

Speaker 3 Nice doing business with you. See you at Nora.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I would bring my lunch. The way that I was looked at.
So we would come, we would file down.

Speaker 3 Everybody had to line up, go downstairs to the auditorium to collect your ticket and then go into the cafeteria and you get your pizza. I would shuffle with my bag of lunch.

Speaker 2 Tupperware of cholesterol.

Speaker 3 Yeah, not even Tupperware, plastic grocery bag.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, I would have to like go through the stations. They had like tickets going.
It was like, you know, mayhem for them.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, oh, i don't i don't have the you know i don't have uh two dollars have my own lunch

Speaker 3 you know so i'm like filing through allie's mom ran the dessert the popsicle stand so you had six or seven moms lined up for the ticket exchange for the pizza but then when you got into the cafeteria when you were done your pizza you had another ticket for your popsicle and she and i was like oh my god and she was my best friend we sat together for lunch every day just lovely and her mother came and brought us popsicles and i'm like oh, Tina, I don't have a ticket.

Speaker 3 You know, I'm not going to steal. But Tina came through with that.
But Tina's like, don't worry about it. Kitty.
You know, and she would get me pizza. And I always felt bad about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But it's like, Tina is the only Yiddish kite in this fucking school looking back. You got 1,500 kids with pizza.
Seven don't.

Speaker 2 Either pizza for everyone or no pizza at all. What are we doing? Well, I don't want to.

Speaker 4 This is not.

Speaker 2 You go, Josh. I don't want to blast Ben, but Ben thinks that soup kitchens are silly because because the homeless could serve themselves soup.
Ben, do you want to expound?

Speaker 4 Okay, you definitely took this in a weirder direction than I would have gone. But to respond to the soup kitchen call, I think that it's very self-righteous when people are in soup kitchens.

Speaker 4 I think we should just give the people the food and not have the rich people feel really good about serving somebody soup.

Speaker 2 That's my call. That's my call.

Speaker 4 That's my call about the rich people serving soup. But back to what you were saying, Robbie, because I think it's very important.
First of all, you said it in the beginning.

Speaker 4 This is not a Jewish problem. This is a human problem where we see people in need and we don't help them.
Because we are Jewish and we should have started that this is a wonderful Hanukkah episode.

Speaker 4 And I love that we're talking about this during Hanukkah. I love that we're talking about this.

Speaker 4 That because we are Jewish and because we have experienced some success, I think that we should always, I personally, like, I always try to help anybody that I can, but we have the power to help people.

Speaker 4 So I don't don't know what we're going to do on this podcast, but I do love the idea of there are certainly poor Jews. We absolutely can help them and we should do something about it.

Speaker 4 And it's terrible.

Speaker 3 And the thing is, we do do a lot. We should be, if we want to be an example, be an example.
Do the most. Yes.
Be Yiddish. Do the most.
You know, I went to an amazing school on subsidy.

Speaker 3 So I'm not taking that. There are things, privileges being born into a Jewish community that were afforded to me that I know many of my counterparts in other communities did not have access to.

Speaker 3 So that means a lot to me.

Speaker 3 but we can we can do the most we really can do the most and it doesn't have to be through a foundation we can have people you know something that i love to do now my mother when we would we were growing up she was always clutching her purse when we were running from the subway to home or whatever and one day she was just you know and she was you know we were always running and scuffling classic jew and she gave like five dollars to a nun or somebody somebody from the salvation army somebody and i'm like you gave a five i'm like i thought we were tight you're you're giving five i thought we were tight and she's like sometimes when you're feeling tight it's just good to remind yourself you're in a position to give yes and so what i do and now i try to especially on fridays and i'm reluctant with it but i hear my mother now that i'm feeling better I'll like any homeless person, anybody who's with me, I'll give them, I try and give the smallest denomination in my wallet.

Speaker 3 If I have cash, I get paid cash sometimes for stand-up, but sometimes this, you know, I have 100 because I got 100 the night night before for my set or whatever

Speaker 3 and i just give you know and i just just i don't want to lose a hundred but i'm like wow i have a hundred to give it is a reminder like it's like oh it's so hard to part with a hundred or twenty or whatever's in my wallet but i'm like i have it to give now and it's that sort of it's that sort of that's why it's like yeah i'm very conflicted because i think we've lost our way and we need our Moses could be me to bring us back.

Speaker 4 So in the spirit of Hanukkah, I would love to find a way to do something because this is a very powerful conversation.

Speaker 3 Jews, let's not go. So let's give money.

Speaker 4 No, no, so no, so let's give money. So honestly, comment, really, comment below on Josh's YouTube.
Literally five people that need $100 each because they can't afford a Hanukkah meal.

Speaker 4 We can't trust each other.

Speaker 2 We can't vet these people.

Speaker 4 I can trust them. I can trust them.

Speaker 2 I can trust them.

Speaker 4 Anybody that tells me that they need $100 and is lying is going straight to hell anyways. we don't believe in that.

Speaker 2 The Jews don't believe in that.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, we do.

Speaker 2 Yeah. By the way, we don't really, we don't know.

Speaker 3 I think the Jews' best answer for everything is we don't know.

Speaker 2 That's why we don't have such good numbers because it's not like, are you going here?

Speaker 2 Listen, you know, Garden of Eden could be nice.

Speaker 3 We just don't know.

Speaker 4 Either you're in God's good graces or you're in God's underbelly. And the underbelly is a version of hell if you believe in the underlying.

Speaker 3 So I do think that we could be, if we want to be an example let's be an amazing example but we've we've definitely we have idolatry and materialism and i'm no you know i'm into that i love materialism i love you have a porsche yes i have 2007 basic model porsche cayman

Speaker 3 it needs a new water pump a catalytic converter and you have a porsche guy you have a porsche person i know i have multiple people i i you know what having an old car you have to enjoy a tinkering lifestyle i think i enjoy a little bit of a tinkering lifestyle yes You like the, you have the alarms that come on on the dash.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 There's always a light.

Speaker 2 There's always a light. We don't have a light-free car.
It's not going to be lightless.

Speaker 3 This is not a light-free car.

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Speaker 4 Can we talk food? Are you a foodie? Yes.

Speaker 3 No, I mean in the way that I'm a human, I like food.

Speaker 4 Okay,

Speaker 4 can we talk like top three Hanukkah dishes?

Speaker 3 See, I also, you know what? You guys are going to be like, she hates.

Speaker 3 I don't. Jewish food, not great.

Speaker 2 Because it sucks.

Speaker 3 It's not, we don't, we're not known for our food.

Speaker 2 We are. We're like the British.

Speaker 4 I think that Hanukkah dishes are better than most. I think we make a delicious latka.

Speaker 3 I don't care for latkes.

Speaker 2 I don't care.

Speaker 4 Have you had latka with creme frache and caviar?

Speaker 3 I mean, maybe I'll try that. Are you going to make

Speaker 3 an invite?

Speaker 4 I'll make it for you.

Speaker 2 Yes, I will. Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay, I got to make it.

Speaker 4 I will make it in my kitchen a crispy latk.

Speaker 2 I got to get to New York. What else is New York? Soufkin Yot? No, chili donuts.

Speaker 2 You don't like fried, huh?

Speaker 3 I don't love fried.

Speaker 2 You're not a fried.

Speaker 2 What's your goal? I love Chinese food. Oh, I love China.
That's fried. Great.
This is a food. I love it.
I love Candy Express.

Speaker 2 I do. Oh, so do I.
That's delicious.

Speaker 3 I love Japanese food. I love Indian food.

Speaker 2 Oh, I love it. You're speaking my language.

Speaker 3 Ethiopian food. Have you heard? I love eating with the hands.
You know, you understand why people went to war for spices with the Indian food, with the Indian or the Ethiopian.

Speaker 3 You're like, there's nothing but a lentil, but like, what have they done to the lentil? It's a spice.

Speaker 4 I popped a turmeric right before I came. It helps with my brain inflammation.
See?

Speaker 3 Yeah, you do have a big head.

Speaker 2 I do. He's worried about the fluoride in water.

Speaker 3 This is his new thing.

Speaker 2 What is it? Big fluoride in the water. There's a fluoride.
There's fluoride in the water. It's what keeps our teeth healthy.
It's been this incredible thing that's been the last 60 years. It says you.

Speaker 2 Or overall. Says you.

Speaker 2 And this guy is on his Meshugana anti-fluoride kick. I mean, Robert Kennedy.

Speaker 4 Let me explain. There is nothing more Jewish

Speaker 2 than questioning.

Speaker 4 There's nothing more Jewish than questioning. I don't think it affected my brain.
It could have affected my brain. To take anything in this life as an absolute is completely un-Jewish and stupid.

Speaker 2 So all I want to know.

Speaker 4 All I want to say is we don't know fluoride for sure. I don't know her.
I got fluoride plastered on my teeth. There's fluoride in all of the water.

Speaker 4 Could big Papa government have been looking out for us? Sure. Could they have been trying to kill us?

Speaker 2 Possibly.

Speaker 2 That's all I'm saying. No, that's all I'm saying.
I'm emotional with him,

Speaker 3 I'm totally with you. Is it

Speaker 4 Josh? You don't want to question anything? Do you want to question anything?

Speaker 2 I'm worried about it. It's It's trendy.
Ben is on trend, worried. I'm not on trendy.
And now in the news, this has been a thing that's been talked about

Speaker 2 for forever. Nobody cares.
It's one of the most common elements in nature, and it's the reason why people have healthier oral health.

Speaker 3 I will go on the record to say there is much too much fluorite in our water.

Speaker 2 I'm convinced.

Speaker 2 I am convinced. It's nuts.

Speaker 3 I am convinced.

Speaker 2 You deserve each other.

Speaker 3 I am totally convinced.

Speaker 2 I just love that this is a guy with respect who

Speaker 2 you have benefited from like big pharma for being overweight your whole life. Pharma came in and helped you tremendously, but it's like you pick a child.

Speaker 3 We don't know.

Speaker 2 You cherry pick your

Speaker 2 kids.

Speaker 4 I cherry pick everything in life.

Speaker 4 Just like Robbie cherry picks the way she's Jewish. I cherry pick the way that I'm Jewish.

Speaker 2 We're all cherry picking.

Speaker 4 I cherry pick everything. It's nuts.

Speaker 2 It's the equivalent to Josh.

Speaker 3 So we should learn about cherry picking.

Speaker 4 How do we not cherry pick? It's a lesson.

Speaker 2 It's nuts. It's a lesson.

Speaker 2 I have a question.

Speaker 3 I'm not eating cherry so we knew how to cherry pick.

Speaker 4 You're going to a restaurant, Josh, and you're ordering everything on the menu. You're not picking what you want.

Speaker 3 Josh,

Speaker 3 give it to us straight.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 You're ordering everything?

Speaker 2 Everything on the menu menu? Do I trust the chef? You're not going to give that kind of money? Do I trust the money? You're not trusting me. You're doing Omikasse?

Speaker 3 What are you doing?

Speaker 2 Do I trust the chef? One item you don't want. What is Omikasi?

Speaker 3 Is it omikasi?

Speaker 2 It could be.

Speaker 3 You know, omikasi is great because you think you're eating one piece by one piece. You're going, I'll never get full.
Boy, are you full.

Speaker 2 It sneaks up on you. Stuffed.
Stuffed. Sneaks up on you.

Speaker 2 You know what it reminds me?

Speaker 3 In university, we had frosh, and they gave us a little shot glass, like a little beer. It looked like a beer mug, but it was this big, cute.
I love miniatures.

Speaker 3 And then you wore it on a necklace. And every time they called something, you had a little shot of beer.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, we're never going to get loaded. You know, when you're 19, you just want to get.

Speaker 3 But it was like a shot of beer a minute for an hour, all vomiting. Wow.
Never been so drunk in my life. And it was just a little shtickle, michiclemitchle.
And then before you know it,

Speaker 2 awful. Wow.

Speaker 3 That's what Omakasu is for me. It's the same experience.
You have a piece of rice, a piece of rice, a piece of rice, a piece of rice. Before you know it, you're done.

Speaker 2 You're stuffed. What's it like having Hanukkah with nine siblings?

Speaker 3 Hanukkah was pretty traumatic for me. And I'll say because my birthday is Hanukkah.
My birthday always fell on one of the days of Hanukkah or around Hanukkah, December birthday.

Speaker 3 And my mother would give me $20 for both my birthday and Hanukkah. But it's like, I was like, she's like, it's double because, you know, it's your birthday and Hannah.

Speaker 3 But I'm like, but then it should be $40 because everybody gets. $20.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 3 So do you know what double means?

Speaker 4 Like, I'm like, wait, all of your siblings got 20 and you got 20 for Hanukkah and your birthday.

Speaker 3 Oh, she goes, well, this is for Hanukkah and your birthday. And I'm like, but they're all getting 20 for a Hanukkah.

Speaker 2 Not fair.

Speaker 3 Not fair. It's like, not how double works.
This is half.

Speaker 2 It's crazy. Yes.

Speaker 3 I'm like teaching basic match. She goes, well, that's double.
And the birthday card, you know. So, and she would maybe get us for a family.
So everybody got like $20.

Speaker 3 And for family, she would get us like a new board game. We'd get risk or you'd get Monopoly.
But the Risk, my brother Levy would make you play till like four in the morning till he owns everything.

Speaker 2 And it's like, let us go to bed.

Speaker 2 We don't want to.

Speaker 3 And my mother would come in the kitchen like late night, and you know, you have off-school, and she's like, oh, good, the kids are playing.

Speaker 2 And we're like, Ma, please,

Speaker 2 please, let him have Russia. He can take whatever he wants.

Speaker 2 We don't even really know how to play the game.

Speaker 3 I remember being like, okay, I guess I lost eight horse. Like, he would move the pieces.
And then before you know it, you know, you're stuck in like Kazakhstan with one guy.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, I don't even want Kazakhstan.

Speaker 4 That is my wife. My wife cheats at every board game.
Two and C.

Speaker 4 She's never lost. You know what? Her favorite TV show is Jeopardy.
You know, every single night we watch Jeopardy, she gets at least 35 rights.

Speaker 2 Wow. She's a genius.

Speaker 4 You know how many I get right?

Speaker 3 It's very hard, Jeopardy.

Speaker 2 I know, but this guy's talking about fluoride. He gets six right on Jeopardy.
We got to let's go.

Speaker 4 Josh is very, very worried.

Speaker 2 You know what you need?

Speaker 2 It's going to collapse. You need the scene from White man can't jump where she

Speaker 3 can't jump she happened to know letter you know foods that begin with the letter q if you get onto jeopardy and they have a fluoride category you're gonna sweep and i can't wait to see it i'm gonna sweep but he doesn't know anything you go right there for 200 please to 400 for 600 he just saw a tweet

Speaker 2 double on fluoride we're having a neurologist come in to explain his memory to us

Speaker 4 here's what i know josh all i know is that it's good to question good to question.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 3 I've always said that.

Speaker 2 He's questioning people. You know, there's nothing I don't believe.

Speaker 4 I question everything.

Speaker 3 I question everything and I believe everything. And it's, you know, it's kind of like, it's as crazy that we're here living on the planet, that we're not plugged into the wall.

Speaker 3 I don't have battery, that there would be an afterlife of any kind. There's nothing I don't believe, you know, and I question all of it because I don't know anything.

Speaker 3 But the only thing I do know is that there's too much fluoride in the water. I'll say that.
That is the first thing.

Speaker 2 Amen. That's the reason why we haven't had oral health to begin with.

Speaker 2 When do you go to Britain and take a good look at those teeth? A bishop. By the way, you have beautiful teeth.

Speaker 2 Frankie said. Because of the fluoride.
He had fluoride stealing as a child. He was almost going to be a dentist.
He went to the bathroom.

Speaker 4 I want you to know that you have beautiful teeth, Robbie.

Speaker 2 You know what? I really don't think you're not.

Speaker 2 Your teeth are ugly.

Speaker 3 They're not ugly. You have terrible teeth.

Speaker 2 My teeth are excellent.

Speaker 2 My teeth are excellent. I don't guess I want anything.

Speaker 2 I just have an underbite that gives me a bit of a wonderful.

Speaker 3 You have wonderful teeth.

Speaker 2 God bless you, Robbie Hospital. I wish I could give you both a big holiday hug.

Speaker 3 Same as well.

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Speaker 2 robbie can you i thought it'd be a fun game yes can you give us a couple fun Yiddish words and see if we know no the words

Speaker 3 I see, I don't like the gayification and the cutesiness.

Speaker 2 I learned chasvashalam. I don't care.
It's wonderful. So then keep chasing.

Speaker 3 I should play such a game.

Speaker 2 It's so fun. No, I don't want to be

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 2 I did bring Keepaz in a menorah for the end. Is that okay?

Speaker 3 I'm looking at you for help. I'm like.

Speaker 2 We're playing a different game.

Speaker 4 No, we're playing a different game. Is it?

Speaker 2 You are. putting

Speaker 2 on trail. Is it? No, we're converting people left and right.
I'm sure of it.

Speaker 4 We are. We're going to think of a different game.

Speaker 2 No, we can do the menorah.

Speaker 3 That's good. Because I may not light.
I don't always have a chance to light. I do love to light.

Speaker 2 We're not allowed to light anything in here, but we'll do it now.

Speaker 3 No, we're going to break the rule. We're going to do it.

Speaker 2 I didn't bring a match.

Speaker 3 We're going to find something.

Speaker 2 We're going to find an open floor.

Speaker 3 Olivia.

Speaker 3 That's it.

Speaker 2 Stop it, Olivia. You just don't know.
You think you're going to listen to the rule on the ghettos?

Speaker 3 They weren't allowed to light the menorah.

Speaker 2 You think they said we're not allowed to light the menorah in the ghetto? They fucking did it.

Speaker 2 They broke the law. Oh, you know what they were doing in Mexico?

Speaker 3 Yes, they wife in Pripachi Prenta.

Speaker 2 They sang their songs.

Speaker 2 You know what they're doing? And what they were doing in Menorah.

Speaker 3 Dear Media says, we can't light a match in the big office building. I don't give a fuck.
Get the menorah up.

Speaker 2 And we are going to. Should we do it now? Yes.
Okay, we'll do it in the building.

Speaker 4 By the way, I hope Dear Media said we can't light a menorah because then we we can sue them from there. Okay.

Speaker 3 Get the menorah up.

Speaker 2 Get the menu. I bought this in Canada.
In British Columbia.

Speaker 3 It's beautiful, actually.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 3 This is quite nice. God bless you.

Speaker 4 And in case you're not watching on YouTube,

Speaker 2 you should be very lighting a beautiful menorah. I brought a kipah.

Speaker 2 I thought we could wear kipahs, no?

Speaker 3 I think it's right to left.

Speaker 4 It's right to left. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like we read Hebrew. Okay.
Olivia, do you want to wear a kipah? I would love to. No, what is this? What are we wearing?

Speaker 2 What are we doing here? This is great.

Speaker 4 We're doing what Josh wants to do.

Speaker 2 Robbie, we're all our own type of Jew.

Speaker 4 Robbie, we're all our own type of Jew. Josh believes women wear kibanu.

Speaker 4 We'll do Shechianu because we haven't met before.

Speaker 2 Okay, and so.

Speaker 4 So, Barucha Taronai, Elohenu Melachaolam, Shechianu, the Kiyamanu, the Higianu, Lazmana.

Speaker 3 But what was the first prayer?

Speaker 3 Why did you do

Speaker 2 before the Barucha

Speaker 2 Elohinu Melichalam

Speaker 2 A Shekinu

Speaker 2 Baruch

Speaker 4 Elohenu Melachalam Shatsani Simlam Tainu by Ami Maheim Bazman Hazetna

Speaker 2 Barucha

Speaker 2 Melchalam Sheffianu

Speaker 2 And this is the

Speaker 4 last one to questioning everything.

Speaker 3 This is the pro tip.

Speaker 2 This is unreal. This is

Speaker 4 formulas. Well done.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you stick it in there.

Speaker 3 Okay. And you know what, dear media, we lit a menorah.
We made history here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We did. Did you hear that? The boss sticks.

Speaker 4 We did. If Hitler could see us now, thank God.
Yes. Thank God.
Do you know, Robbie, who invented Fanta?

Speaker 3 Is it a Jew?

Speaker 4 No,

Speaker 4 it was Nazi Germany.

Speaker 4 They couldn't import Coca-Cola, so they made Fanta with...

Speaker 3 I like Fanta, and I like everything the Nazis made.

Speaker 2 By the way, they made great stuff.

Speaker 3 They made great stuff. They were very smart people.

Speaker 3 Listen, I happen to be a German Jew, last name Hoffman. So I like the, you know, the Germans are what they happen to be a very capable people.
I think that is not disputed.

Speaker 2 Yes, they were very efficient. Hashem threw my amazon for that.

Speaker 2 How good? I mean, come on. Could this be a good job?

Speaker 2 You got to give credit to the Germans. Of course we do.
Unbelievable cars. They did a good Holocaust, too.

Speaker 2 It was very neat.

Speaker 4 They were great at organizing. They can make it.

Speaker 3 They were very good at organizing, and they make amazing clothing. Their uniforms are hot, Hugo boss.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 I mean, you see the Nazis now in their khakis and their polos, these incels.

Speaker 2 Terrible. I'm like,

Speaker 3 Nazis were the most fuckable dudes.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 They're like, you know what I mean? This was a classy affair. They're buttoned down.
They got the tie clip, pocket square.

Speaker 2 Let's go back to the middle. Now they're so ugly.

Speaker 4 These neo-Nazis are so ugly.

Speaker 2 Hitler would be so neo-Nazi and how ugly they were. They're like, get out of here.

Speaker 3 You call yourself a Nazi. The Nazis would roll over if they saw what was marching in Charlottesville.

Speaker 4 They would. Ugly.

Speaker 2 Yuck.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 4 Should we do our what are you nuts moment of the week?

Speaker 2 I think we should. I think there's one.
So we have, before our final segment, we do something called a speak pipe where people call in and ask us for advice. They want us to teach them, to help them.

Speaker 2 So we have one here, and it is from someone wonderful. And their name is Kara.

Speaker 2 Hi, Josh and Ben. I have a question for you.

Speaker 9 I've been married to my husband for about five years, and I am struggling to figure out how to deal with this situation. His mother is an amputee.
She lost her leg in a car accident in college.

Speaker 9 Luckily, she has lived a relatively normal and healthy life since then. She had two boys.
Everything has been as healthy as it can be, but they all make fun of her.

Speaker 9 They do it in a joking way and she laughs back, but they joke that like at physical therapy, she gets, she should only be charged half price when she gets a pedicure.

Speaker 9 If she gets a pedicure, they should only charge half price she should get pants half price there's a story about her falling into the ocean one time and that's hilarious they keep laughing about it some kid on the beach stole her leg one time all of these things they seem funny but then in reality they're not and i don't know what to do how would you handle this laugh along or say something thanks

Speaker 3 nothing

Speaker 4 you're asking the wrong room Nothing.

Speaker 3 Why do you have to? Nothing to do with you. Nothing.
She can say, are you taking away her agency? Do you think she's not capable of saying she's been through so much? She lost a leg.

Speaker 3 She had two boys on one leg. Believe me, she's stronger than you think.
Okay. And laughing is a coping.
And if she's fine with it, then why aren't you?

Speaker 2 Don't meddle.

Speaker 3 Well, you don't have to, because one day you're going to have to. And you want to save your medal.
I save a medal.

Speaker 4 And please stop fighting other people's battles. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's it.

Speaker 4 Please, please stop it.

Speaker 2 And it is funny.

Speaker 4 I totally agree with you. And it's probably funny for her.
Otherwise, she, what is she supposed to do? Cry? No.

Speaker 3 it's funny it's funny you know what my mother i just talked about my mother was overweight my whole life and she always just laughed at fat people on i didn't understand why i said but ma you're fat she likes to laugh at fat people good for her it made her feel better where she was so judged in society in every store she went into she was kind of ignored and we had to see that and so when she could laugh at somebody like her when she could be self-deprecating it helped her i think in a way my mother growing up,

Speaker 2 my mother was a bigger person. And she always, when she would talk about something, she'd be like, did you sing Doris? She put on 20 pounds.
Horrible.

Speaker 2 I'm like, you think anyone's saying that about you, Ma?

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, it's like me. It's like people accuse me of being homophobic.
You better believe it.

Speaker 2 You think that like me? What's wrong with you? Right.

Speaker 3 No, it's embarrassing. What are we doing?

Speaker 2 I haven't cut my fits off. It's insane.
Sure.

Speaker 3 Is that a normal experience?

Speaker 3 So, yeah, I like to see other top surgeries with bad results. I go, look at their results.
This is a coping mechanism.

Speaker 3 It's a self-deprecation that we should embrace, you know, unless she has said something, unless she has said something.

Speaker 2 By the way, I need to look into this. I might need a little bit of a top surgery.
Yeah. And I need, I want, you know, I went to the best.

Speaker 3 You know, there's certain things. I spent $8,000 on my surgery.
I believe it's $12,000 now.

Speaker 3 There's certain things people, yeah, people tell me, oh, you're gonna you can get top surgery in minnesota for 2600 i go there's certain things you do not buy on sale surgery and a parachute you do not buy on sale yeah don't buy

Speaker 3 parachute is half off you got a question how is it missing a string what's it you don't want a parachute on sale yes okay there's certain things you want the best price you want the most expensive of okay good i'm saying no expenses spared yeah good because normalized top surgery for dudes.

Speaker 2 I went, I saw a guy at the gym who had it beautiful. He got it in Mexico.

Speaker 3 Oh, he did it. He did it good.

Speaker 2 It looked, I mean, this looked like a proper pec.

Speaker 3 No, you have pecs under the fat. If you have fat, you know, tits are just mammary glands and fat.

Speaker 3 You know, they're just,

Speaker 3 that's what their purpose is. You know, I think it's so the baby has like a fun time squishing.

Speaker 2 No, they're awesome. I don't know.
They're awesome. But under that, I have pecs.

Speaker 3 Right. Women all, you have pectoral muscles that connect your shoulders.
You know, it really is fat grows over that.

Speaker 3 So if you have pecs under, now some people are deflated because they don't have the pec under. Or they have, everybody has pecs, but they're not as defined as you might like.

Speaker 2 But then you could work on that. Great.
No, I can bench press. I'm in.
Okay, good. That's it.
Something to look forward to.

Speaker 3 Something to look forward to. Good.

Speaker 4 Good. But to that speak piper, to wrap it up, keep your, keep or mind your business.

Speaker 3 Mind your business. Nice.

Speaker 2 Mind your business.

Speaker 2 This is nice. The ambiance.
It's a a gorgeous menorah. Lead us into our what are you nuts moment.

Speaker 4 So what are you nuts is our gripe with people, places, and things. You should be very good at this.

Speaker 4 You're walking down the street as you are and looking at people and you're like, what are you fucking nuts? Like, what are you doing?

Speaker 4 I was recently in the airport, ran off the plane, went to the bathroom. I'm in the urinal.
It's a packed urinal. All of a sudden, I see the person next to me.

Speaker 4 peek his head up and tuck it over the side looking straight down at my cock Had literally, no, he didn't care whatsoever, peeked right in. And that to me is what are you nuts?

Speaker 4 Keep your eyes off of my penis. By the way, looking at the urinal.

Speaker 2 Something drew him there.

Speaker 3 Maybe.

Speaker 3 By the way, by the way, maybe you're looking at it

Speaker 3 half empty when it's half full.

Speaker 2 You think? Oh, yeah. Big time.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Dude, okay, you think you, I wish you could find this man and thank him for such a compliment.

Speaker 2 Something caught his eye.

Speaker 3 Probably was your penis.

Speaker 2 And he was impressed. Fine.

Speaker 4 How do we know he was impressed? He

Speaker 4 maybe he was upset.

Speaker 3 You think he was upset?

Speaker 4 No, I think he was impressed.

Speaker 3 Now, listen, we don't know which way. That is the truth.
Was he looking at it in the way we look at a crash?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yes.
Or was he looking at it in a way like, oh,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 Good for him. Well,

Speaker 4 he's still nuts, but I see your point. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Love it. My what-are-you-nuts moment of the week are doctors who take vacations.
This is, this is nuts. This is unacceptable.
You're a doctor.

Speaker 3 It's like, come on.

Speaker 2 You got to be on call. Always.
Pager, pager. Always.

Speaker 2 Always.

Speaker 2 My sister-in-law, God bless, Baruch Hashem is giving birth today or tomorrow. Oh, my God.
Wonderful. Let me tell you.
And now she, amongst other wonderful women in my life, are dealing with this.

Speaker 2 Their planned birth happens to be when their doctor's going to club med. They're going to they.

Speaker 3 She's giving birth. They need a doctor.
What's going on?

Speaker 2 These doctors, this is crazy, they got to either bring in another doctor or they induce early.

Speaker 4 It's actually incredibly fucked up. My sister, the same thing happened to her when she was born, delivered a week early.
They induced my mom. Fun facts.

Speaker 2 What are you nuts?

Speaker 2 What? They're playing God all of a sudden? Nine months of trust, and then you got to go.

Speaker 2 Where are you going?

Speaker 3 They need a doctor. The doctor's got to come back.

Speaker 2 Anything can happen with the umbilical cord, with her blood pressure. Yes.

Speaker 3 I mean, there's many things.

Speaker 2 It's very preclapsia.

Speaker 3 Preclams. It's very fickle.

Speaker 2 Yes. No good.

Speaker 3 And it's two lives all of a sudden.

Speaker 2 By the way, can we just...

Speaker 3 Never mind when the baby comes up. Maybe he needs something.

Speaker 2 I've had two children myself.

Speaker 2 It's an unbelievable symphony that happens in that delivery room. Forget it.
It's wonderful. By the way, can we just touch on for 30 seconds?

Speaker 2 Because I think you're like me, Robbie, how much better Los Angeles is than New York.

Speaker 3 They're both dumps. One's a shithole, one's a dump.
All right, but here's the thing. The whole thing is awful.
Okay. New York is good if you're really rich.
Yes.

Speaker 3 You know, and it's good to go back and forth. I love living in LA.
I'm also the kind of person that I like to drive. I didn't drive growing up.
I love to drive now.

Speaker 3 It gives me, keeps me a connection with my father. I have no relationship with my father.
He's still Casidic, but he loved Porsche and he loved her. That's why I have an old Porsche.

Speaker 3 I don't really even know about really other cars.

Speaker 3 I always had an estrangement with my father, but I always felt like him. He was the few times that I met him and he was so funny and charismatic and very much like me.

Speaker 3 Many of the ways that I am now is because of him. And I realized I could still have a relationship with him by the ways that I am like him.

Speaker 3 I have a very strong relationship with him because I get to enjoy the ways that I'm like him. And I feel it, a relationship living on in me.

Speaker 3 And that's why something, every time I get in my Porsche, I see him.

Speaker 3 It's just nice. It's just, it's a way to have a relationship within me.
So that's, you know, so. I don't know if that, you know, so that's why I like LA.
My father's from Sandy.

Speaker 3 And there's a way that part of me is more connected with him. And I have kind of a more robust relationship with him in the ways that I am like him and get to enjoy those moments.

Speaker 3 But New York is, it's the greatest city in the world.

Speaker 2 So you got that.

Speaker 3 You know, as far as cities go, that's a city. Do not bring me.
People are bringing me. I don't know what kind of cities people are naming.
You know, but like, it's okay.

Speaker 2 Robbie, you're going to come to New York.

Speaker 4 I'm going to make you latkas. We're going to rent a Porsche and we're going to drive around eating our latkes in the Porsche.
I can't wait.

Speaker 3 I can't wait. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you have a what are you nuts moment?

Speaker 3 Do I have a what are you nuts moment? Well, you guys got to prep yours and everything. So this week, what happened to me this week? Let me just look at my cow because then I'll know.

Speaker 3 Because believe me, I have at least 10 of these a day, but it's hard to remember when you have so many.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 3 well, my what are you nuts is about this

Speaker 3 this morning. How do you have somebody on a podcast?

Speaker 3 And you don't send a reminder. Come a day or two before.

Speaker 2 You didn't?

Speaker 2 I didn't realize. I thought you got because I thought we sent you a cow.
You come up.

Speaker 3 A cow. Where do these cows go? Nobody came.

Speaker 2 An email.

Speaker 3 Not the cat.

Speaker 2 Automatic email.

Speaker 4 God bless you that you're here.

Speaker 2 You're so professional.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 It's amazing because I go, is this on?

Speaker 2 I go, is this Dinon?

Speaker 2 I have to find him. I'm finding him.
I'm going through my DMs. Do I have an email?

Speaker 3 If you are booking anything three weeks ago week of send a follow-up it's all right so true just a reminder you're in this week we cannot wait is there anything you'd like to drink i've thought about it a lot

Speaker 2 i've been thinking about it all my watch you nuts

Speaker 4 you're right just so you know robbie josh has been talking non-stop about this episode too not to lift up i hope that it's lifted up

Speaker 3 beyond okay we should we should yeah we should look into and continue to fight to reduce fluoride in the water. I really believe strongly about this.
Yes, it's true.

Speaker 4 And everybody, just my one Hanukkah message. Everybody, don't ever let anybody tell you that you're not Jewish enough.
Okay. Robbie said it first.
I said it as well.

Speaker 4 I think picking and choosing is fantastic across any religion. That's all.
And you should be who you are and you should help the poor people.

Speaker 3 People tell you you're too Jewish. There's such a thing.
Calm down.

Speaker 2 Sure. Calm down.
Yes. Calm down.

Speaker 2 Let's relax.

Speaker 2 Let's relax.

Speaker 3 It's not

Speaker 3 excellent. Let's relax.
The timing isn't great. Let's relax.
Laughing.

Speaker 3 Happy Hanukkah to everyone. Wishing everybody just abundance and safety and fulfillment.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a Yiddish game.

Speaker 2 Let's be done.

Speaker 3 Should we sing a song? I hanuka, I hanuka, yon tebashe na lustaka freelichenetogasena.

Speaker 4 Grad around the table, we'll give you a treat.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's it. I'm already too gay.

Speaker 3 It's too much. I I don't know why Yiddish and gay come so close to me.

Speaker 2 It's very close.

Speaker 3 It's too close.

Speaker 2 Why are all the men so feminized in Judaism? It's because our mothers are so tough. Again, monolith, generalization.

Speaker 3 No, I think we're a weak people.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I think that's true.

Speaker 4 I got a terrible bout of diarrhea starting yesterday, and I don't even know how to do it.

Speaker 2 I'm sickly weak.

Speaker 3 Like, I don't know how, and I've taught, I don't know how anyone lasted more than a day in the Holocaust. I would have been an afternoon in the Holocaust.
No coffee.

Speaker 2 I'd be like, I don't think I can move any bricks today. I got to tell you.

Speaker 3 I got to tell you. I just, and then you take away my glasses and look, but I can't see nothing.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know if anyone. Help me help you.

Speaker 2 Help me help you. Gustav, help me help you.
Help me help you.

Speaker 2 Please.

Speaker 4 Robbie, you are just the best. Thank you so much for joining us.

Speaker 2 I adore you.

Speaker 2 Folks. Adore you.
Folks, this episode is five stars.

Speaker 4 Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us.

Speaker 2 Positive comments only. Apple.

Speaker 4 No, we take the negative too.

Speaker 2 Engagement is great.

Speaker 4 Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast. Watch us on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Share our clips. Follow Robbie Hoffman on Instagram.
She's on dates. Plugging.

Speaker 3 Live podcast, Too Far, which the New York Times calls addictive, is back. It's very fickle.
We're coming back when I want to come back. We're not going to be every week.

Speaker 3 We're going to be hopefully every second week. Maybe every week.
I'm keeping you on your toes.

Speaker 2 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 3 Too far, pod. Follow me on everything.
I'm all over, and I got some exciting news dropping very soon. Samuel.

Speaker 2 I'm in the Rich Kids Club. I'm on your page.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 We really appreciate that.

Speaker 4 So make sure to follow Robbie on Instagram so you don't miss all of our cool shit going on. Happy Hanukkah Mondays and Thursdays, folks.
We will see you next time.

Speaker 3 Can't wait.

Speaker 4 Good junkie. Beautiful.
Robbie, thank you.

Speaker 2 So fun.

Speaker 10 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 10 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.