GOURD GUYS: Big Moo Shu’s Going Meshuga

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The following podcast is a dear

media production. I'm Josh Peck

and I'm Ben Soffer and we're

the good guys. There's a lot of Soffer.
And we're the good guys. There's a lot

of guys out there. And we're the good ones.
Mazel morons. Welcome back to the good guys

podcast. I'm sitting here with Dr.
Phil's barber. It's Ben Soffer.
It's been a while since I've had

to do anything. I'm not going to lie.
I'm starting to twiddle my thumbs i'm a little a little a little off the top oh man joshy oh fuck i forgot to ask when does this come out whenever you wanted to come out hun i just want to know if we should be talking about thanksgiving we should yes great okay and i'm not cutting that out we're not cutting out a single thing maybe just that little part. I'm not.
I'm not. I'm not.
I'm not. I'm not.
I'm should. Yes.
Great. Okay.
And I'm not cutting that out. We're not cutting out a single thing.
Maybe just that little part. I'm not so excited for Thanksgiving.
Yes. Same here.
Yeah. I love it.
Let's talk about Thanksgiving. Okay.
Where are you for Thanksgiving? I'm at my wonderful mother-in-law's house. It's going to be fan flippantastic.
There's potentially going to be a new peck and by that I mean a new my sister-in-law is pregnant. I'm just saying it's going to be a new peck but she's supposed to give birth in the next two weeks.
We might have a new guest at Thanksgiving. Well, congrats to them.
Everything is nice and easy, happy, healthy. That is wonderful news.
Bizarat Hashem, Bizarat Hashem, poo, poo, poo, poo. Poo! And what are we eating, Josh? What are we eating? That's all anybody cares about.
What is Josh eating? A fucking, I don't know, stuffing? Let's go nuts. What are you eating, more importantly? Honestly, Josh, this is going to be like the worst thing for some people that I've ever said.
I think the Thanksgiving meal is just dreck. I think it is just crap.
Because the truth is when you're, when what you're waiting for is worse than everything that comes before it,

you have a fundamental problem with the meal.

You have a fundamental problem.

I'm in on your mac and cheese.

I'm in on your green bean casserole.

I'm in on your stuffing.

I'm in on your mashed potatoes.

I'm in on your, any way that you can make a potato in all,

gratin, anything like that.

I'm so in.

I hate regular roast turkey. I think it's dry.
I think it's no good. One in 10 is juicy.
But even if it's juicy, I wish I was having chicken. I wish I was having duck.
I think roast turkey is awful. So what do we do? We made a reservation at Polo Bar and we're going to be going out and having a lovely meal.
And then I'll probably have like a dinner, like maybe like a Friday night dinner or something. Not Thanksgiving themed, though.
Not because to me, the meal itself is not good. It's not good.
So you're going to Thanksgiving at Ralph Lauren's Polo Bar in the city and an impossible res, if you know, you know.

And you're forgoing the Thanksgiving meal.

Who will be attending said Polo Lounge wonderful fest?

It'll just be me and Claudia.

We're just doing the two of us.

That's it.

That's it.

Keeping it small, quaint.

Probably see our family other time during that end of the weekend.

But that night, just us.

You know who else I imagine is having a Thanksgiving like that? Who? Elon Musk. All right.
I went to a polo lounge. I ate for one.
Sorry. Now that you say it, it sounds sad.
But I was very excited. This was a choice.
I believe it was a choice. Because the Thanksgiving meal is bad.
I'm getting a vasectomy in the morning and we're having Thanksgiving, the two of us at night. No family for me.
It was my choice. You don't like the Thanksgiving meal.
Don't't lie and this is no shade on page's mom's cooking okay in case she's listening you're a wonderful cook unbelievable i love thanksgiving i love it and i hate turkey hate it yeah you hate turkey yes hate it but let me let's all do this let's make our perfect menu i'll start so first you need a nosh right and don't get me started with that. Just wait.
We're going to eat early anyway. First of all, the meal should be between three and four.
First up, right? Absolutely. Agreed.
And a minute later than four is sick. Agreed.
Too late. But there needs to be now the O'Brien family, my wife's family, they do a beautiful something called the dip.
It's a family dip. This is cream cheese, mayo, and Dumond.
What's it called? It's a certain kind of seasoning. I don't know what it's called.
Cafe de DL Hughley. I don't know.
I don't know the name of the seasoning, but Beaumont. Beaumont seasoning.
That's it. And it's like this creamy, delicious.
There's like celery in it. You use big Frito scoops.
I know it sounds crazy. It's delish.
Delish. I love a dip.
So you get the dip going. Then you do a baked brie.
Come on. In a phyllo dough pastry thing.
Then you're doing, then you get also get an apricot jam. Nice.
Start right and then you do a crudite fine perfect nice like homemade ranch thing maybe a green goddess dressing shout out the great bake by melissa patent pending let's give her a residual nice right and we're grazing and we're doing drive-bys popping a couple to the fat face okay then you sit down. I want a homemade bread.
I want a Parker House roll. I want a biscuit.
And I want good fresh butter with Florida Sal, baby. That crispy.
I want those salt flakes to shine like crack rocks. Beautiful on that butter, right? Gotta cut through the fat.
Then I want a med medley i want to bake macaroni and cheese i want some kind of potato dish i'm not a mashed potatoes man but i know that people like it i want a nice sweet potato with that baked marshmallow-y thing or do like a souffle you don't have to do the baked marshmallows hey we're not in wisconsin Wisconsin. Maybe that's not for you, but give me something, a nice sweet, sweet potato thing.
Then I want a winter vegetable medley thing chopped up. I'm talking turnips.
I'm talking turnips. I don't know any other ones.
A carrot? I'm talking a root, a gourd. I want roots and gourds.
And I'm engorged. Roasted root vegetables.
Okay. I'm talking rutabaga.
Maybe a beet? A beet? Sure. And I want a drizzle, a nice maple syrup drizzle on that thing.
Great. Yeah.
So I want those carbs, those veggies, of course, string beans, string bean casserole. That's one of my faves.
And yeah, I don't care about the turkey. Do with it what you want.
That's going to be my plate. And then, and from the little pie company in New York, the sour cream apple pie is so sick.
Go get it right now. I ordered them for my birthday.
They're my favorite thing. The sour cream apple pie, they also do a New York cheesecake.
They do everything, but the apple pie is next level. And yeah, and then just spend the rest of the night tooting and being with family and watching football and tooting.
You ordered your own pie on your own birthday. I ordered three.
And you said my reservation was sad. Olivia, what do you think is missing from Josh's? I think that that was an absolute feast.
I think everything there was fantastic. But in case there are some missing items.
I have to agree. I think everything in there is perfection.
The only thing that I might add is my grandmother, every year without fail, makes this incredible cheese log. And I'm not sure what kind of cheese it is, but she's got spices and herbs just rolled all over that thing.
Some little pecans. You get that with some, you know, just little like water crackers and you just go to town before your meal.
And then there's a beautiful like fruit salad usually. And then, you know, I'm not a big turkey person either.
I find it dry and I, I know I'm crazy. I don't really like gravy.
So maybe like for me, I would love like a honey ham to kind of still like a roast ham or something. That's like really going to scratch the itch for me.
You see, the three of us just sat here and said we don't like turkey. And we were almost we were almost worried that we were going to offend people.
You're like, you're not going to hear this. I don't like gravy.
No one does. Nobody likes this crap.
So I have a question. Why are we killing 46 million turkeys? Let's kill somebody else.
The ham sounds great. I'm not going to eat it, but I'll have a chicken.
Why? What is it with the obsession with the turkey? The turkey is not good. We're wasting these turkeys.
I would vote to switch the whole holiday to duck. How sick would that be? We all just have a gorgeous duck.
A Peking duck. I was going to say, imagine this, Josh.
You come over. We have everything you just had.
And then we have these little tortillas. We have a little hoisin sauce.
We have some scallions. We have a Peking duck.
And you make a little Mooshu wrap. God, that's Thanksgiving.
That's Thanksgiving. Yes.
Make Mooshu great again. I'm in.
Make Mooshu great again. Mooshu is it.
Yeah, Mooshu is it. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Good Wipes.
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Nobody's ever dared to ask how many calories do you think are in one tablespoon of hoisin sauce? I don't know. That shit is thick.
Yeah, there's molasses in that. But I'm telling you, Mushu doesn't get enough.
Like, it just doesn't get enough shine. Like someone like if if Olivia Rodrigo gave Mushu its flowers, I'm telling you, Big Mushu would be going Meshuggah.

Big Mushu would be going Meshuggah.

Title of the episode.

Big Mushu going Meshuggah.

It is.

Absolutely.

And Big Mushu deserves its day in the limelight.

It does.

Can we talk about current and former?

Like growing up, right?

The words Mugugaipan was more a part of my lexicon.

Like of Chinese takeout.

Like Mung Shu, Mugu Gaipan, Egg Fuyang.

Bun Zao.

I don't know if you did that one.

What's that?

But Bun Zao is very good.

Thai.

It's sort of like a pad Thai, but a little bit different. It was a bunzow and came with a little bit of an acidic sauce.
Mmm. Delish.
But it's no longer, I mean, they don't even do, those are more, I found, East Coast dishes. I don't see them a lot on West Coast Chinese menus.
Especially the egg foo young, I think is, I would agree. The Egg Foo Young is a period piece.
There's something about it that is very 90s Egg Foo Young. Yeah, it sounds like a rapper's name.
No, that's Young Egg Foo. Yeah, or like you're from East LA.
What's up, Egg Foo? My boy Young Egg Foo. Yeah.
Or like you're from East LA. What's up, Egg Foo? You know what I'm saying? My boy, Young Egg Foo.
That's nuts. Young Egg Foo.
Oh my God. Yeah.
I love Chinese. Oh my God.
Chinese takeout in the city has also, I think, gone downhill. I feel like you could just order in from anywhere back in the day and it would be spectacular.
And now they are a dime a dozen. Josh, you can't find good Chinese anywhere.
Well, why don't we talk about the utter witch hunt on MSG, which it turns out MSG is just the delicious part. Yes.
Total witch hunt seems incredibly xenophobic. I don't know what the fuck that was, but apparently MSG is just the ultimate umami bomb and makes everything taste delicious.
That and cornstarch, cornstarch. You need it.
It's a thickener. It's what takes that brown sauce from soy to silky.
Okay. You are so right.
And growing up because of my mom being on some version of a diet. You don't even need to finish this sentence.
Every mother, no cornstarch. Oh, man.
I'd literally be sitting there and I would hope she would forget. And then she'd be like, chicken and broccoli, no cornstarch.
And just eight-year-old Josh would be like, fuck. That's at least better than sometimes you'd get a sauce on the side.
And believe me, you don't want to see that chicken undressed. You don't.
That chicken is pale as a ghost. Not a seasoning in sight.
But what like General Chow's chicken, orange chicken, Kung Pao chicken, these are all creations of America. Like this is not true Chinese food.
Correct. These are deliciously fried pieces of chicken in some type of a sweet tangy sauce with cornstarch to thicken it and MSG to make it the best of your life.
But yes, the war on MSG fucked up. I don't like it.
No. And that guy, Logan, the TikToker who is the cucumbers.
You've seen him. Yes.
He's the one who he's single handedly changing our opinions on MSG. Right.
I bet you MSG is through the roof because of him. He adds it, right? He adds it to everything.
I love that. I love it.
Have you seen? And maybe he'll die. Maybe he won't.
We'll see. Have you seen an influencer on TikTok called Bosh? No.
Bosh. What does he do? Bosh.
Bosh. So he is...
Bosh. I actually follow his son who's a boxer.
That's how I discovered him. Big John lives up to his name.
Big dude loves Chinese food, lives in the UK, and he'll be like,

Saturday nights are for fucking Chinese.

And he just goes, and he'll put in an order dog

that is so epic and legendary, and he'll be like,

hello, Peter.

He's like, it's Big John here.

And then he'll be like, shrimp balls and fucking chicken chow mein,

regular chow mein, special fried rice, sweet and sour pork Hong Kong style like it's all this cool British way to eat it and this is it's so ill it'd be like shrimp prawn bowls shrimp chips and then he'll end it curry sauce and then I'll end it with and one for me me. Bosh.
And his order is just so epic. And I'm trying to, on his Instagram, once he wrote out the order.
And I'm like, oh, oh, oh. Okay.
This was just one for him. What's his name? Big John One.
Big John One. Yeah.
Okay. Love him.
Okay. Special fried rice, chicken chow mein, chicken balls, salt and chili chicken, Singapore rice

noodles, salt and chili king prawn, chili crispy beef, salt and chili chips, curry sauce,

barbecue pork ribs, prawn crackers, bosh.

What the hell is a prawn cracker? That's what I want to know. Think like a shrimp chip.
Wow. And I write him, dude.
He posts this shit. Oh, no.
The guy at the Blue Orchid is in the Blue Orchid, which is in the UK, a Chinese restaurant. I got to try it.
And the guy who works there is Richard. Hello, Richard.
john i've even heard of the blue orchard it's

a famous chinese place i think very famous in the uk in the uk cool i think or wait what comedian did we have what british comedian jim jeffries but he's jim jeffries australian australian yes okay maybe it was different he was talking about mot 32 which is famous yes but that's in vancouver in Vegas. Wow, We need to try.
This is our show to Hulu, Josh. The top 10 Chinese food places in the world.
And we'll review them. Wow.
Every. Why don't we do top 10 of every place? Top five.
Every place. Yes.
I'm in. It's called the top five.
Wow. Yes.
Great. Okay, cool.
I'll do it for free. Not.
No, thanks. Hey, can I bring up something to the group? I recently have been having to use lip balm because Josh has been a little dry.
I'm going to ask you guys something. Okay, I'm going to apply it on the podcast.
And you tell me how I can walk around like this. Okay.
And this is incredible lip gloss. jack black sponsor the podcast i love jack black everything they do is perfect this is an indictment on jack black this is an indictment on lip gloss are we ready chapstick lip gloss i don't care what it is what you're fucking carmex man whatever you are you know okay here and if you're not watching the podcast i'll try to describe it but you should be watching it on YouTube.
Josh is looking very strange. Light layer.
I can't.

Olivia. Okay, here.
And if you're not watching the podcast, I'll try to describe it, but you should be watching it on YouTube. Josh is looking very strange.
Light layer. I can't.
Olivia, be honest. You're here.
I can't walk outside like this. I look crazy, dog.
Oh, are your lips glistening? I can't see. They're glistening.
Oh, my God. I look like I just ate a Krispy Kreme.
Yeah. Let me see.
Yeah, they're glistening for sure. Absolutely.
I'm a grown up, dude. I'm a grown man.
They're too glistening for a grown man. I'm married to a woman.
Yeah, too glistening. Too glistening.
What do I do? Honestly, you just deal with chap clips. The thing is, it's that season, Josh.
It's dry season. I take two Zyrtex now.

My skin gets so crackly,

my eczema pops back up,

but I do nothing about it.

I'm not going to lotion myself every day.

I'm not going to apply Vaseline

or in this case,

a gorgeous Jack Black to my lips.

I'm not doing that right now.

I'm not.

That said, I use their gorgeous deodorant every day

because it's fantastic. All their products.
I love Jack Black. All their products I'm not.
That said, I use their gorgeous deodorant every day because it's fantastic.

All their products.

I love Jack Black.

All their products.

And it makes me feel, Josh, like a fucking man.

When I put on that deodorant,

and it might be because on other days

I wear my wife's deodorant,

but when I wear my own Jack Black deodorant,

I feel like a man.

And let me tell you, even their lip balm's outstanding.

I love to put it on at night and I feel fancy in my dreams. But it's minty.
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That's prolonlife.com slash goodguys to get 15% off their five-day nutrition program. Oh, let me ask this.
This will be a fun segment with Olivia. Okay, tell me what would be a, what's it called? Like a deal breaker, deal breaker, okay? And obviously the great Ethan would never do any of these things.
This is completely hypothetical. You meet a guy, smoke show, handsome, you know, I don't know what you're into.
Young Gerard Butler. I don't know.

And but he wears a tinted lip gloss, like has shiny lips, but otherwise is handsome.

He has a Centurion card, a black Amex. But like literally every time you guys go out and it's flavored, it's either tangerine, something fancy.

Is that a deal breaker? 1,000% that's a deal breaker. I could not handle that.
I mean, my lips aren't even glossy all the time. To have him like showing me up.
One, it's a tinted balm. We've got like a little sparkly pink action happening.
Different strokes for different folks. But I just don't think I could handle just like a perfectly glossed out on my partner.

No. You go.

You go, Ben. You go.
I'm out.

No. No, I don't want that.

Give Olivia a hypothetical.

Oh, okay. Okay.
A hypothetical.

As Josh said, man

is absolutely perfect. Perfect

the same way Centurion card,

chiseled jaw, all the stuff,

whatever you're into.

Except he wears transition lenses.

Again, I'm sorry,

but I feel so shallow,

but I'm going to have to say

that might be a deal breaker too.

You can't.

That was the right answer.

You can't go from the outside in

and be half tinted, half not.

No.

Done.

The tint is too much. The tint is too much.

It's too much. Okay, I

got one. He's perfect.

Handsome. Got it all

going on. Six pack.

But every time you guys are going out,

he says, are we going to go

party or what?

I'm in. I take him.
I also think I'd have to take him. I love the energy.
He sounds like a hoot. Yeah, good time.
Okay, he also wears a cross body bag. Like one of those fanny bags that goes across your torso.
Oh. Every time.
Every time you guys are out.

Is it like one of the fashionable Euro ones?

Yes, it is. Yes, 1,000% I'm still in.

Wow.

Yeah.

I'm hard out if he's wearing the crossbody Euro.

I have one more.

Perfect.

I love the way we describe perfect, Josh.

Chiseled six pack.

Yeah. He only wearseled, six-pack.
Yeah.

He only wears Ed Hardy t-shirts.

Hard pass.

Hard pass.

I can't do that.

I can't handle that.

We need to bring back Ed Hardy.

Okay.

Those shirts went hard.

He's perfect, but no matter whether you're going to a black tie affair or just a random date night, he's wearing Javiana thongs. And by Javiana thong, do you mean like a flip-flop or like the underwear? No, the Javiana thong, like...
The flip-flop. Oh, okay, okay.
No, you can't have your toes out all the time. You know, reserve that for a special occasion.
Okay. Respect.
Yeah, I think I'm going to have to pass on that. That's a good question, too.
What if there was a guy, because I feel like in my experience, not everyone, not speaking in generalities here, women are celebrated for wearing a fun undergarment. But if a man does run for the hills.
Yeah. Is that a deal breaker, Olivia? You know what? I'll be honest.
I don't I nothing like this has come across my desk. Like a cheetah print or I don't know.
I mean, mesh. It's like a laundry bag material.
A laundry bag material. That's a lot.
That's a tall order. But I could get down with a fun print.
That sounds like, you know, it's playful. What a time.
The mesh detailing. I feel like that would just be incredibly uncomfortable.
I'd be pretty concerned for your well-being after a day of like wearing that in a tight denim. Could you imagine? Oh, my gosh.
I think I'm so shallow that I'm almost out

on a guy wearing underwear that isn't black.

Like any other color, I think I'm out.

White, shit stain, okay?

Any other color, you're gonna wear red briefs.

What are you, nuts?

Red briefs?

No.

Imagine me, Josh, in red briefs. Yeah, it'd be crazy.
It'd be crazy. What I would think is, oh, he got a deal at Nordstrom Rack.
Yeah. On red briefs.
Dude, there are two packs. Here's the thing about me.
I don't wear only black. I hate to break break it because i go to nordstrom rack and the kind of high-end calvin klein the cut that i like which is their best one in my opinion they sell a two-pack and it's a dark gray and a navy blue and that's and i have like so i have about 10 navies 10 grays and 10 black and i switch them.
But they also have a red and a light gray, and I never get it. Of course.
By the way, you wearing a gray and a navy, I'll let it slide. Okay? Thank you.
I'll let it slide. God bless you.
But the red, I once accidentally bought a pack online that came with the red and brown. Oof.
Out. Sorry.
Can't do it. I can't.
Nuts. I had to throw him away.
Yeah, I get it. Should we do another story? We should do a story, yeah.
Would love to hear of something hilarious going on in the news. Well, did you know that one in three Gen Z workers are too scared to use office bathroom? They're literally scared S-less.
For a generation that likes expressing their emotions, Gen Z workers are too scared to use office bathroom. They're literally scared S-less.

For a generation that likes expressing their emotions, Gen Z keeps a lot bottled up inside.

A whopping one in three Zoomers is scared to use the bathroom at the office,

according to a recent study by Online Bathroom Appliance Purveyor.

The UK-based Bazaar surveyed more than 1,000 employees on their workplace loo habits and calculated the impact of bathroom breaks on company productivity. According to the study, 1 in 12 employees have never gone number two at work, while 34% are scared to use the facilities.
All I have to say is they didn't survey any Jews. We could not possibly control could not possibly control not taking a shit post coffee in the morning.
No way. Unless they, unless there's a serious problem going on, i.e.
constipation. This is Josh's least favorite topic.
I hate this. You, you, you're going to have to go.
And if you're not, you're subjecting yourself to some physical pain. This is no good.

Go do your business. If you're worried about the smell, bring a little spritz, bring something, a little poopery so that you can make yourself feel better.
Okay. Bring a good wipe to elevate your experience.
But ladies start taking more dumps at the office. I'm cutting out it's so gross yucky as ben would say yucky

oh man well there's another oh i there was one i wanted to uh i got got one set up and i kind of

where the frick is it it was really important i think it was good we don't need to talk about

I'm going to be and I got it. Where the frick is it? It was really important.
I think it was good. We don't need to talk about Brianna and Zach Ryan, right? We can if you want to.
I think we just are clearly team Brianna here. We love Brianna.
She's the greatest. Love.
Queen. Love.
Total queen. Utter queen.
Total queen. No, that's it.
Super queen. She wants to come back on the podcast and like talk like intimate details no problem and actually you know it's funny she if you remember she was on the show and she's like no don't talk about that with us and maybe that's like we maybe we should have known like don't talk about like she had come to us and she had said that i think she had spoken about their relationship on the podcast and she had politely asked us to remove it, which we did.
Of course. But maybe that was because, you know, this guy's a little bit loco over there.
And if he heard it, there would have been some big balagan. Balagan, which for anyone who doesn't know, means a big mess.
Yes. I just again to reiterate,anna is the greatest.
Just, and you know what? It's like really, and I like seeing this no matter what, because breakups are hard no matter what, but like to see how Dave and Josh have been this like cohesive team behind her warms the heart. It's super cool.
Isn't it? What they're doing is really, really cool.

Completely turning the tables,

all with her saying,

no, fuck you and your 12 million.

It's just so badass because that's a lot of money.

And people think she's crazy.

Like, how don't you take 12 million?

Do you know the stress

that she'd need to live under

every single day having an NDA,

being a public person,

talking, worrying about what she's going to say and if she's going to have three of that million just snatched. This was the move.
This was the move. She lives in peace.
She tells her truth. Hopefully she writes a book.
She'll make far more money than the 12 million. She'll be better off for it.
Team Brie. Team Brie.
Team Brie. And as someone who has never signed an NDA either, I'll say shout out Brie.
Much respect. Shout out Brie.
She should start a podcast though. I don't know if you've thought of this, Miss Chicken Fry, but you should start a podcast called Baked Brie where you, if you want, you could get high and eat cheeses or it could be a baking show about baking baking brie either works but baked brie i think is an amazing name i love it this kid went to school for marketing should we get to a speak pipe yes speak pipes are questions or advice we will answer them on the podcast but make sure they're brief brevity is key go to speakpipe.com slash good guys and maybe we'll air your question on the show this one's from you guessed it anonymous elity rose hi guys this is michelle i'm a huge moron love you guys keep doing what you're doing i just had a quick question wanted a male perspective so i am newly pregnant and pregnant with our first child body's going for a lot of changes I've had a lot more respect for what women do.
And I was just talking to my husband and brought up a theoretical topic that if down the line we have four kids, our family's complete, would he get a vasectomy? He was vehemently against this. And I kind of got annoyed.
I'm like, I'm going through all this stuff. Men don't have to do much in regards to pregnancy.
Obviously, you guys are going to be good fathers. But besides the point, is that too much to ask for my husband to get a vasectomy? And again, this is theoretical.
We don't even have our first baby yet. But just the thought that he wouldn't even comprehend it when I've been on birth control since I was like 15 just feels unfair.
So I just wanted a male's perspective. Am I being crazy or is he? Oh, this is heavy.
I was all on his side until the birth control at 15 piece. So I think we got to break this down.
I think that it is insane to be having an argument about something that's not going to happen for 10 or 15 years. So one, I would shelf it.
If you haven't even had your first kid and you're considering having more, I would shelf it. That said, I do think it's a little, a little crazy to ask your husband to have a vasectomy unless he like demanded that you were on birth control.
Like if that was, if he said, I need you on birth control so we can just go hog wild, then okay, you can say back to him, I want you to get a vasectomy so we can go hog wild. If it was your choice to be on birth control as a birth control mechanism, I don't know.
I don't think that they're comparable between a procedure and taking a pill because there are pills that men can take to shoot blanks. There are.
I don't know if that's like, I probably made that up. You did.
You did. You can just let it slide.
That would be, Ben, that would be bigger than Ozempic. That would win the Nobel Prize.
Why can't we make that? We should. We should make that.
Yeah, we can make that. Let's add that to the list with the anti-cancer pill.
Yeah, we're gonna make both of them. No problem.
You have a minor in'll make it and then i had one other thought here no i don't know no i don't think you can ask him to do that oh the other thought was by the time you're done having kids wouldn't you think that he wouldn't need a vasectomy anymore josh no wouldn't god have taken care of things by then with the biological clock i I think you're, you're way off on this one, Benny Boy. Okay.
Okay. You think she can demand the vasectomy? Okay.
First, I think you are dead on with what you first said, which is the thing this is all hanging on, which is theoretical questions like this is a recipe for disaster. Agreed.
There is no need because again, it's all theoretical.

So listen,

once this guy,

let's say you have these four kids.

Once this guy goes through four kids of sleep deprivation,

boobie diapers,

preschool potty training,

he's going to,

he's going to self-visect.

Okay.

He's going to,

he's going to do it.

He's going to do a back room one by himself. He's going to look it up on YouTube, okay? You're going to be like, honey, why are you heating up that knife? He'll be like, be quiet.
So don't worry about all that. You know what? I don't think this is TMI, but I think she brings up an excellent point, I don't think it's worth, and please Olivia, tell me if I'm saying the right thing here.
Birth control is not nothing. And growing up, I didn't understand it completely until I was with someone who was on it and then off it and the way they were affected by it.
And for some people, it is not a big deal, but it's a bunch of hormones in your body that can make you feel crazy, right, Olivia? Yeah, I started birth control when I was 17 and I went off of it after about like nine months on it because it made me like truthfully insane. Like I was so anxious, I ended up getting like diagnosed with an anxiety disorder because of it.
And so it does have a really like insane impact on women. And I think like from her perspective, there's like the common thought, I guess, is that like a vasectomy is technically reversible or what have you.
And, you know, instead of having like a constant flow of hormones, it's not nothing, but a vasectomy is not nothing either. Or you could just practice safer sex.
Like, I don't know if you guys didn't hear what I said, but like what I meant to say was if he forced her to take birth control, then that's fucked up and she can force him to get a vasectomy. But if she chose to have birth control, to take birth control, and yes, it's widely regarded that birth control has a lot of side effects.

I'm not saying that it's not right for the right people, but it has certainly side effects.

And it's a huge thing for a girl to do.

So, but unless he forced you to do it, if you were just like, I want to have a guarantee

that we can have unprotected sex and I won't get pregnant.

Like there are ways to be safe adults without being on birth control was all I was trying to say. And so if he forced her to do it, then she should be able to force him to get a vasectomy.
If she was on birth control because she wanted to be, I think it's equally his choice to not want a surgery that twists his nuts. Totally.
I just think like if you're, you know, if you have a bunch of kids and someone goes off, like is, is on birth control in their twenties and then they go off of it because you're having kids and every couple of years, and maybe you just like, and then just be like, just get back on it. Like Papa Zyrtec.
It's like, it's, it's a big thing. And I think, and what's wild is right.
If you think about it, it's like you're doubling the amount of estrogen and female hormones in your body. Imagine if men took a pill that doubled the amount of male hormones, testosterone, would be fucking yoked.
It would be fucking sick. I paid for that.
But men would be walking around with roid rage all day because like everything that makes us like insufferable would be to the 10th power. Right.
So I understand that. I don't know if this is true or if I read something that wasn't true, but I believe that I read that there are women who were on birth control forever, went off birth control and couldn't even look at their husbands.
They're like, I married this guy. Like it changes your perception on your partner as well.
Maybe that's true. Maybe that's not.
Olivia, have you heard that? Yes, I have heard that. And it is true.
Yeah. I didn't make it up.
It has something to do with like the pheromones and how you perceive that because it affects your hormones so much. It's crazy.
So the underground talk, Josh, is that birth control was actually created so that women would like their annoying ass husbands and be more subservient. You know what? We wouldn't need birth control if we just banned cargo shorts.
If we banned cargo shorts and lazy boys orthotic shoes then just women would be more attracted to men they would absolutely but c'est la vie c'est la vie c'est la vie now look at us getting serious getting serious but in a funny way god we're so cool we're so good all i know is I've had two buddies of mine get vasectomies from the same guy in santa monica and my boy len called me on the way and he's sober and but they gave him a valium beforehand because like you know it's an in-office procedure so you're not getting like laughing gas or any of that good good they just numb it it's very like it's pretty it's done pretty um easily nowadays but they just numb a little area around the taint and then they just go in snip snip boom boom they cauterize it a little smoke comes up oh there's a new pope and all of a sudden you can't have kids anymore and my buddy Len called me being a sober guy on this volume on the way there his wife was driving and he goes bro i'm gonna have a couple of these vasectomies if i get value every time does it stop the flow what does it stop the flow of like do you get the same amount of testosterone yeah yeah yeah you do everything is the same except the part that makes that, without getting too descriptive. Except that good cum.
But you still have it. This is the episode.
This is where Lauren and Michael Bostick calls and goes, you know, we've decided to go in a different direction you actually don't fit the dear media that i don't know that good come title that good come lauren and michael talk about some wild shit on their pod too so i think we're in good company we're in great company we're in great company i hate you terrible olivia i'm sorry about us this is horrible at least there's video evidence this is what happened when we speak for 15 minutes about birth control okay we earned it should we get to what are you nuts yes we should our what are you nuts moment of the week is our gripes with people places and things things that are sticking in our craw big or small i'll start so i wrote i wrote a movie and i'm gonna hopefully direct it i think i am and my wonderful agents my agency they're fabulous love them very lucky to be with them you know this is a new thing for me so i'm talking to agents. I'm learning a different process because I'm always the actor kind of singing for my soup, praying that I get the role.
But now I'm like the one offering the role. And I am just getting a view into how crazy this business of mine is.
Because we basically, they say, put a list together for your lead character, who you want to play the main lead role. And we got to get a name for financing.
We got to get, you know, got to get somebody good. So I put names together and they read the list and they go, don't even try.
These people are too famous. They won't even read it.
They won't even look at it because, you know, it's a little independent movie, of course. Understandable, right? So I go, okay.
Let's go old school, babe. Let's hold auditions.
Let's find an unknown. Let's find a young Josh Peck, you know, somebody who can really do the work.
They go, what are you, nuts? You need a name. So my answer is, what are you nuts? This business is nuts.
It seems impossible, but we'll see. First of all, what are you nuts for just telling me about this now? I demand a small role.
It can be small, but I demand a small role. It'll happen.
It's happening for you. And if you need any help, I will manifest this thing into a billion dollar project.
You let me know. Call your Montclair gifting guy.
Maybe he'll put some money in. We don't need him.
We got plenty of folks. Trust me.
Great. Next, just because now I'm thinking about this.
Don't ever let some agent tell you that you can't get Tom Cruise. Because if you want Tom Cruise, we're going to call Tommy.
We're going to show him the script.

And he's going to tell you to your face

that he doesn't like it.

But nobody's going to tell you.

But nobody's going to tell you

that you can't put it in front of Tom Cruise.

I like a no right to the face.

I want to know from you.

Not from your agent

that never showed it to the person at all.

Okay?

Because they fucking do that.

Great what are you nuts.

My what are you nuts is totally different. And it might offend some people, but I think I will course correct.
My what are you nuts is the Hershey's Kiss, okay? Interesting. Hershey's Kisses are a what are you nuts? Too much work, Josh, for too little reward.
I want chocolate, okay? I'm craving that good milk chocolate. Ozempic is on day seven of seven.
I'm having sugar cravings. All I want is Hershey's chocolate.
I go, I pick up a kiss. You unwrap the tinfoil.
You pull out the thing. There's a piece of tinfoil still stuck on it.
You take it out. You put it in your mouth.
By the time that's done, you're ready for the next one. There is too much work in the Hershey's kiss.
So this got me thinking, okay, maybe I should just buy Hershey's Bars. That's probably a better solution to my problem.
Or unwrapped Hershey's Kisses in a large bag. I don't know if it exists.
That would also be a problem solver here. But the Hershey's Kiss is a what are you nuts? That's right, Hershey.
You heard it here first. The Hershey's Kiss is nuts.
You know, tonight, Ben, I'm going out, or no, tomorrow night, I'm taking my brother-in-law, Will, who's about to have a baby next week, to a beautiful Italian dinner with my brother-in-law and his brother-in-law. We're going out for an Italian dinner.
Care of Dorcia. Shout out, Dorcia.
And the only thing that would make it better would be if you were here. I would absolutely love to be there.
And I wish that I could be. And if they have Hershey's Kisses as you walk out, throw them in the trash.
I will stand on business if I see one. Don't even look at them.
Folks, that's our show. What a show it was.
Five stars. If not, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch us on Josh's YouTube. Share our clips, Instagram and TikTok.
TikTok and Instagram. Mondays and Thursdays, folks.
We will see you next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and Thank you.