MY MOTHER'S A MURDERER?!

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Speaker 2 Time.

Speaker 4 It's always vanishing.

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Speaker 4 The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.

Speaker 2 I'm Josh Peck, and I'm Ben Sopher. And we're the good guys.

Speaker 4 There's a lot of guys out there.

Speaker 2 And we're the good ones.

Speaker 4 Mazzomorons, welcome back to the Good Guys Podcast. I'm sitting here with someone who doesn't have diabetes, but he's not against it.
It's Ben Soper.

Speaker 2 I'm into it.

Speaker 2 Me too.

Speaker 2 Why not? Like, it's cool. I'd wear with a badge of honor.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 4 I would wear a badge badge that says walking diabetes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it would be, it would be awesome. I like the way, by the way, that you introduced the show.
You went and mazzle, morons. You threw your whole chest in the mazel.

Speaker 4 That's right.

Speaker 2 Fucking, it was fucking sick. And if you're just listening, I'm just saying you're missing out because Josh really put his whole heart into it.

Speaker 2 And you couldn't even, you couldn't even see it, you non-YouTube watching scumbag.

Speaker 4 My pectorals, my upper traps, all of it, my rhomboids.

Speaker 2 Honestly, if you are diabetic, I just want you to know that while it's definitely not ideal, you're awesome. You're awesome.
100%. And one day, I'll probably be diabetic.
I will.

Speaker 2 And I will be your king.

Speaker 4 Oh my God. You walking around with a couple insulin syringes in your pocket and a couple of the pin prickers so you can do the blood sugar on the side? That's sick.
You're going to need a fanny pack.

Speaker 2 It's sick.

Speaker 4 It's absolutely sick.

Speaker 2 I'm into it and I'm down.

Speaker 4 But did you know, because shout out the great Dexcom, former sponsor, the Good Guys podcast, they created a thing where it basically attaches to your arm and it gives you continuous blood sugar readings right to your phone.

Speaker 2 So have you seen that guy on TikTok, Josh, that eats something and tells you where his blood sugar moved? You've seen him.

Speaker 4 Of course, to which I always want to respond, let me guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hilarious. Hilarious.
But I just saw one that was particularly stupid. He's eating a sandwich and he eats the sandwich in five minutes, which he says is quick.

Speaker 2 I've never eaten a sandwich in more than five minutes, but he eats a sandwich in five minutes. A normal sandwich, white bread, some fillings, but nothing too thick, not like a cat's deli.

Speaker 2 A regular homemade sandwich. Eats it in five minutes.
Shows that he had a big spike and he said it's because he ate it too fast.

Speaker 2 He then says, let's see what would happen if I ate this same sandwich in 30 minutes. Would he a nuts? Who's spending 30 minutes eating a sandwich? One bite, one bite.

Speaker 2 It's three, four bites max per half. So we're talking about what, Josh? What, three minutes per bite? Impossible.
And yes, 26, it was 10 degrees less on the blood sugar spike. 10 degrees less.
Okay?

Speaker 2 What are we doing? You're not eating a sandwich in 30 minutes.

Speaker 4 Please.

Speaker 2 Please.

Speaker 4 I'm such a glutton that I'm standing over the island or over a sink or over the stovetop. I'm huffing the food into my my big fat, fat face.
And usually there's no cutlery involved.

Speaker 4 I'm using my paws and I'm

Speaker 4 scooping it into my gullet.

Speaker 2 Clip, clip that.

Speaker 2 Josh, you have no idea. It looked like you were guzzling a huge cock.

Speaker 4 That too, babe.

Speaker 2 And again, if you're not watching on YouTube, what are you nuts? You are missing out. Josh, recently, we didn't discuss this, but for the break fast of Yom Kippur, the Jews' Day of Repentance,

Speaker 2 I ate way too much food. Way too much.
Wait,

Speaker 4 let's dress it up for our Gentile listener. Well, we have one here.
Olivia.

Speaker 4 Do you know about Yom Kippur and the break fast?

Speaker 5 It's a big meal. You're breaking your fast?

Speaker 2 Correct.

Speaker 2 Correct.

Speaker 2 And by the way, that's it.

Speaker 4 We Jews consolidate, instead of doing it weekly weekly like the Catholics. We repent one day a year.

Speaker 4 We have a 25-hour fast where we kind of cleanse the old bod, ask God for forgiveness and for some help for the year ahead. And then it all culminates in a break fast, Ben-Go.

Speaker 2 And during this 25-hour fast, this is no water. This is no food.
This is no nothing. A no-nothing fast.
Some years are easier than others. This year, Josh, was incredibly hard.
I don't know why.

Speaker 2 I got a searing searing headache, terrible. Like, I needed caffeine more than anything.
So, what did I do the second that break fast broke? I chugged two huge caffeinated iced coffees.

Speaker 2 Two huge coffees. What a mistake.
It was 7 p.m. From there, I had a bagel with Oxford Cream cheese.
I had a bagel with tuna.

Speaker 2 I had a bunch of like random like cakes, like an apple cake, a this, a munchkin from Dunkin' Donuts. Oh my God, I felt so awful.
I woke up at 3:30 in the morning with raging diarrhea for two hours.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't, I felt worse post-break fast than I did when I was fasting. Yeah,

Speaker 4 you can't do that. You can't go in hard body karate like that.
You got to eat nice and smooth, warm the body up, a nice soup. Slow, it's a slow roll.

Speaker 4 By the way, the fast ends at like five, doesn't it? Why did you wait till seven?

Speaker 2 Technically, it ends at sundown, seven. That's not sundown.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it is. It's mid-October.

Speaker 2 It was. It was seven o'clock.
You can look at it.

Speaker 4 All right, I trust you. You're a better Jew than I.
I plan to do it.

Speaker 2 Not better. Not better.
Not better. I hate that term.
No better, worse, nothing. But what I say, though, it is, it's 25 hours.
So as long as you did 25 hours, whatever hours you picked, it's fine.

Speaker 2 But technically, it's supposed to be sundown to sundown.

Speaker 4 I planned to fast and then I just said, absolutely not. I woke up and I was like, you're not observing.
I'm culturally a Jew. I love being a Jew, but I was like, nah.
And I popped open my favorite.

Speaker 4 I start the morning. My son wakes me up anywhere between 5 a.m.
and 6.30 a.m., the little one.

Speaker 4 And so I get up and the way that I'm able, my, my system is I pick him up. I go, did you have good dreams? He goes, yes.
I said, did you dream about Elmo? He goes, yes.

Speaker 2 I don't believe him.

Speaker 4 So I put him in my arm. We go down.
I get his bottle out because he likes a nice swig of milk in the morning.

Speaker 4 And we sit on the couch and I have a frosty cold, either prime energy drink or a Lanni energy drink. And we just watch Arthur.

Speaker 4 I'm sucking down that ice-cold lemon lime or special cosmic breeze random ass flavor sugar-free energy drink. And it just

Speaker 4 gets me going.

Speaker 2 Do you know why we fast? Do you know the story of Yom Kippur? I do. Do you want to know?

Speaker 2 Do you want to know the story? Yeah. Do they want to know? Yeah.
So, so God came down with the twin tablets, our Ten Commandments.

Speaker 2 And this was right when the Jews were freed from Egypt and came down, gave them to Moses for Moses to go and give to the Jews.

Speaker 2 And he came, and the number one thing in Judaism is we don't bear false idols. We don't worship things other than God.
It's God.

Speaker 2 We don't have a God of the sun, a God of the moon, a God of the twigs, a God of whatever. We don't have that.
Monotheism, one God, don't bear false idols.

Speaker 2 And Moses comes down and these Jews are dancing around the golden calf. So God says, fuck no, I'm out.
I'm done with these stupid Jews. I'm done with them.
They are no longer my people.

Speaker 2 And Moses says to God, he says, if you're done with these people, and oh, sorry, God says, I'm done with these people. Moses, we're starting with you.
You're the only good Jew left.

Speaker 2 You're going to start a new Judaism. And Moses says, if you're willing to cut off an entire community because of one singular transgression, I don't want anything to do with you.

Speaker 2 And Moses then made a twin tablets himself. And God said, okay, let's give them one more chance.
One more chance. And that was Yom Kippur.

Speaker 2 So what the fast represents for our non-Jewish listeners is if you've had like some transgressions during the year, the sort of moral of the story is you're still you're still Jewish and you're still welcome.

Speaker 2 We'd love to sort of talk about the transgressions and make sure that you'd like to correct them, ideally.

Speaker 2 But the same way that that idea that Jesus died for our sins in Christianity, Moses sort of stepped up for our transgressions on Yom Kippur.

Speaker 4 Here's what I would say first. First of all, I think it's hilarious.
Is this an Old Testament pull or a New Testament pull of old? Of, no, I know it's old.

Speaker 4 What I'm going to ask, the line, there shall be one God because I am a jealous God.

Speaker 4 What's that? That's an OT or NT?

Speaker 2 I think that's an NT. It's hysterical.

Speaker 4 And it's hysterical that God, that Moses had to talk sense into God

Speaker 2 and say, God, you're a little brash.

Speaker 4 A little knee-jerk, no God.

Speaker 4 Like, just because they're giving this cow so much, you know, love and affection, you're really going to walk away?

Speaker 4 Like, my question more so is like, do you believe that all these stories are merely allegorical attempts at which to teach lessons to people?

Speaker 4 Like, you don't take anything in these books at face value, do you?

Speaker 2 Not at face value. I definitely take some stories as I think that they happened.
I think that a lot of them, though, are wives' tales that are meant to guide us through life.

Speaker 2 and make us better and make us better people.

Speaker 2 And so while I do find some of them funny, like the idea of dancing around a golden calf, I also appreciate the fact that whether it's a story or truth, let's go with the story piece, and it was written 4,000 years ago.

Speaker 2 Like there, there is, there's, we're always going to find things funny and not necessarily relatable that happened so long ago, because it's like such like an odd thought that people would be dancing around a calf.

Speaker 2 But I think that the idea behind it, at least for me, of making sure that I don't ever praise something that isn't greater than me is like an important thing for me on a day-to-day basis.

Speaker 2 I honestly feel that way about celebrities. Like I feel that way about like not, not becoming too enthralled with any one particular thing that I take it as godly.
Like nothing is godly.

Speaker 2 Nothing but God is my takeaway.

Speaker 4 Right. Yeah, I just.

Speaker 2 But I also respect people not like the same exact way I said on another episode, if you you don't want to vote, don't vote. I don't push agendas on people.
Like, that's just me in general.

Speaker 2 Like, I just like, if you, if you don't want to be religious, if you don't find value in religion, that makes perfect sense to me.

Speaker 2 I think that maybe like spending time with people that are a little bit more interesting talking about religion could help.

Speaker 2 Like, there are some really horrendous rabbis and there are some really interesting rabbis. There are some really, like, you know what I mean? Like, it's all in the delivery.

Speaker 2 It's all in the way that somebody explains religion, explains explains a custom, explains a story. And if it sticks, it sticks.
If it doesn't stick, it doesn't stick.

Speaker 4 I just think there are no new ancient truths.

Speaker 4 And whatever your religion or system of beliefs or the thing that attracted you to it, if it stems or has its anchors in just being a good person with good moral values, what we agree under the social contract is like, in quotes, a good person, then it's all the same crap.

Speaker 4 It just got a delivery system that was attractive to you or that you inherited from your parents, right? Sure. So,

Speaker 4 so like, I think all those stories are not based in reality, but I think that people got together and were like, how can we tell these truths in a way that's easily consumable, right? Yeah.

Speaker 4 And totally. Like, I don't think Noah's Ark existed, but I think there could have been a flood a couple thousand years ago and maybe it wiped out a town or a village.

Speaker 4 And the people on the high ground were like, what can we, how do, how do we spin this one? You know, Mordecai, let's spin this.

Speaker 4 We got to, you, let's, let's make something good out of this terrible thing that happens. He's like, I know, get out the quill.
You know what I'm saying? Get out.

Speaker 4 You know, let's write something down. So it's funny.
I was listening.

Speaker 4 There's this adage in 12-step recovery where they talk about, you know, you can tell an alcoholic something, but you can't tell him much in the respect of be careful overly trying to help the man who isn't ready, right?

Speaker 4 Like you can put a hand out, you can take them to a meeting, you can give him some sort of, but if they're not thoroughly convinced that they're like done drinking, better that you allow them to kind of continue to live their life and be there as like a beacon of hope and strength for when they are ready instead of trying to like proselytize and beat them over the head with it, because you will render yourself slightly less useful because that person on top of all of it will then have a resentment against you because they didn't want to hear it in the first place.

Speaker 4 So the whole thing is like, offer the hand. If the hand's not accepted, go help someone else.
And maybe in time, the person will come and find you.

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Speaker 4 I, feeling very Jewish over the holidays, was listening to a rabbi sermon about an exact Jewish some version of a law about that when someone acts up, we are forced to rebuke them, that it is a blessing to tell them that their wrongdoings, if they are capable of hearing it.

Speaker 4 And if they are not capable of hearing it, it is a blessing to let them do what they're going to do and be there for them when they are looking for counsel. It's the same thing.

Speaker 2 It's just

Speaker 4 repast,

Speaker 4 you know?

Speaker 2 Absolutely. And what I was going to say is regardless of if you really feel it or not, you actually are, and I know this to be true, a very religious person.

Speaker 2 And I think that a lot of your religion actually comes through 12-step.

Speaker 2 I think that a lot of the things that you talk about and the ways that you interact with people, I think that it is repackaged and you appreciate it in a different form. Totally.

Speaker 2 But the original package that it's being derived from is the Torah.

Speaker 4 It's Judeo-Christian values.

Speaker 2 It's the first package. And we've taken the package and we've put it in ways that people can understand it in modern society.
But that's the package. And there's so much more than just the Torah.

Speaker 2 There's Talmud and Mishnah and all these things that everybody can Google, but there's commentary after commentary after commentary, thousands and thousands and thousands of books and pages and people just questioning.

Speaker 2 Like that's Judaism. Judaism in a nutshell is questioning and making sure that you either fully grasp something or that you're looking under every stone to make sure that you didn't miss something.

Speaker 2 If you read something once and you take it at face value,

Speaker 2 you are missing the whole point. The whole point is questioning, asking why, figuring out what's right for you, what's wrong for you.
Like that's the true essence of Judaism is asking questions.

Speaker 4 Should we get to a story?

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, yes, please.

Speaker 4 Well, a hungry husband considers divorce from wife who can't cook has literally fucked up mac and cheese.

Speaker 4 The relationship's on the chopping block.

Speaker 4 There are plenty of icks icks or unattractive qualities that could turn off a partner but one in particular has become a point of contention so a man off reddit reported overall things are great but one thing that's been bugging me is that my wife doesn't know how to cook the 28 year old man said i've always been the one to handle meals which i was fine with in the beginning because i enjoy cooking however he said it's become a burden she can literally f up mac and cheese like the box stuff

Speaker 4 and he's calling it a potential deal breaker i see no issues Well, because you're a chef.

Speaker 2 I see no issues. Look, everybody has responsibilities.
You saw, when you married your wife, you knew that she couldn't cook. You were the one who cooked.
You said that you liked it.

Speaker 2 If it's becoming a burden, order in. Order in.
Okay? Order in a couple nights. Bring home a pizza.
Okay. But don't, like, don't make her feel bad because she can't cook.
She can't cook.

Speaker 2 It's not for everybody. Not everybody has the patience.
Not everybody cares. So I don't know.
I don't know, Josh. I'm, I think he's wrong.
I think he's wrong.

Speaker 2 Unless she's not pulling her weight in other areas.

Speaker 4 This is a marriage.

Speaker 2 And in a marriage, people do things well. And the other person's supposed to compliment by doing other things well.
Not everybody can do everything. So, I don't know.

Speaker 4 I usually make my son's toast in the morning. My son just loves like plain, beautiful sourdough toast with butter and a little jam.

Speaker 4 Sometimes he'll do like a yogurt granola, but every now and again, I make mgs, maybe a pancake, something cooked. When my wife comes downstairs and sees me, I'm fucking whisking.
I'm flipping.

Speaker 4 She glitches and she is turned on. She won't admit it, but I know.
She sees me, please. It's like she's dating Jeremy Allen White.

Speaker 2 She loses it. Yeah, well, that seems like you need to cook the hot stuff more.
I'm speaking for Max. There's just so much sourdough and butter a man can take.

Speaker 4 Olivia,

Speaker 4 how do you feel about a guy cooking?

Speaker 5 I, you know, I appreciate it. I don't think like similar to Ben, there should be no like assignments of who should do what in a relationship.

Speaker 5 I think it's some like give and take, depending on the people. But it's been, I will say, beautiful to watch Ethan evolve as a chef over the years.

Speaker 5 I remember when we first started dating, he put just leftover freezer fettuccine, Alfredo, and broccoli in a paper bag and stapled it shut.

Speaker 5 So anything that's like up from there is honestly a win for me.

Speaker 4 This is Ethan. I'm falling in love with him.

Speaker 3 He's a charm, right?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 he he sounds fantastic. But yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's just if you like to cook, then great. You do the cooking.
You do the cooking. If you don't, now nobody talks about if nobody can cook.
If nobody can cook, I want to know what they do.

Speaker 2 I want to know what those people do. Are you ordering in every night? Is that what you're doing? Are you getting like a factor meals or like one of those like pre-paid, pre-done meals?

Speaker 2 Are you eating a lot of pizza? Like, that's the real question. If no one cooks, what are you doing?

Speaker 4 So let's say there was life school, because I think about this a lot. Like, what would be some prereqs? Like, Bourdain talked about this a lot.

Speaker 4 You should be able to cook five different things, I believe, for your family and friends.

Speaker 4 And it doesn't have to be wild, but like one good chicken dish, one good fish dish, one good meat dish, a great salad, and a great pasta.

Speaker 2 Don't you agree? Yes, but it's the same exact thing. Like when I meet somebody that doesn't have their driver's license, I'm like, are you okay? Right.
Learn how to drive. Learn how to ride a bike.

Speaker 2 Learn how to cook. Like, do these are very basic things that, like, if you didn't have immense privilege, you would need to learn for survival.
Right. Like, honestly, I'm, I'm backtracking.

Speaker 2 People who can't cook, it's nuts. It's nuts.
I also learn to cook.

Speaker 4 I think some very basic banking is necessary. I think you should know how to jump a battery.

Speaker 2 in a car and change a tire, ideally.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, I didn't even know what jump a battery meant. I didn't even know.
So I got to do that. And I don't know how to change a tire.
I don't. I know how to change the coolant in my car.

Speaker 2 Coolant masks. Because you just pour it.
Yeah, well, you also got to know where it is. Okay.
But you got to be kidding.

Speaker 4 You know, you got to let the car cool down first, right?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I don't take my hand and put it on top of the scorching hot 2000 degree thing. People do that.
Yeah. Those are the same people that need Cameron Diaz to tell them to vote.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think all those, I'm trying to think of other like important things, but those are.

Speaker 2 Yes, there should be just like a very basic life course that you must take. And now in the age of the internet, this could be incredibly easy.

Speaker 2 This could be an online class that's given out where people just learn the absolute basics, how to file your taxes.

Speaker 2 We should all know how to do this before it's cripplingly too late and you're afraid. Like you should know what taxes are before you have to file them.
Word up. You should.
You should. Word up.

Speaker 4 Well, I don't know if you know this, but there's a teacher offering extra credit to students who don't use the bathroom. Parents live it over barbaric policy.

Speaker 4 A California educator has been accused of cruelty after awarding bonus points to students who don't take a bathroom break during class.

Speaker 4 My daughter's math teacher has a rule that they only get one bathroom pass per week. And if they don't use it, they get academic extra credit.

Speaker 2 Awful.

Speaker 2 Awful. I fucking hate this.
I hate it. Because if you, let's say, okay, let's say that you are abusing your bathroom privileges, Josh.
You're bored in math class.

Speaker 2 You want to go outside and you want to pretend that you're taking a dump, but really you're just sitting there trying to pass the time. That's on you and you're going to fail.

Speaker 2 Like, what's the problem? What is the issue? I just, I don't understand. And then it brings me to the only thing that it must be is in, I believe, the public school system,

Speaker 2 if you don't have a certain grade point average as a class or as a school, I think you don't get as much funding or you don't get as much.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure that achieving excellence on a broad level helps either the school get funding. You can, if, if I'm wrong on this, let me know.
But I think that that's the way that it works.

Speaker 2 And all that I have to say is let the kid, if the kid's going to fail, let the kid fail. Let him fail.

Speaker 2 If the kid wants to stay and listen to the lecture, then they're going to pass and they're they're going to do great. But I don't know, like punishing kids for going to the bathroom.

Speaker 2 What if that kid actually has a stomach issue? Like, what if you don't know what's going on at home?

Speaker 2 What if he

Speaker 2 has Crohn's?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I mean, I imagine that that would have been disclosed early on, but show-he doesn't know he has Crohn's.

Speaker 2 Early Crohn's. Early Crohn's.

Speaker 2 Early onset. Early Crohn's.
Am I right about the public school system and that, or did I make that up?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think everything is contingent on their funding. Like, they mess up a little and their funding goes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like all the everybody needs to really succeed for them to be like a well-funded great school.

Speaker 4 Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So that's why they're making these kids.
They're chaining them to their desk, shitting their pants so that they get a couple extra bucks.

Speaker 4 Oh, you don't want to get me started on the public school system. Do you want to, we've talked kind of seriously about religion in this pod, but I'll go serious again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do it. It's, it's rare, but look, this is what you get from us.
You never know what, what end of the spectrum we're going to land on.

Speaker 4 I really believe in public schools. I'm a big fan.
I like them. They are the bane of existence schooling for parents in California.

Speaker 4 I grew up in North Hollywood in Studio City, which has become like a very wealthy suburb, like where you cannot find a...

Speaker 4 I'm talking maybe a three-bedroom house on 6,000 square feet of land. You cannot find it for under a million dollars in Studio City, Sherman Oaks, California.

Speaker 4 And its proximity to the studios, it's where a lot of people live.

Speaker 4 Now, a lot of these people who also have four, five, six, seven million dollar homes in these areas, their kids don't go to the public schools.

Speaker 4 And you have never heard anything quite as annoying as a person complaining about their $50,000 a year private school that they have to pay for for their kids.

Speaker 4 And they like bust them out of the town because they want them to go to private school.

Speaker 4 And if you brought up them going to the local public school, they go, ugh are you kidding never it's not good it's not my fault it's not good actually sir it is your fault how can you have a town with million dollar homes and a school which isn't great can you imagine per se if all you rich people said, you know what, we're going to bring up the community together.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 instead of spending $50,000 a year, you said, I got some scratch. Why don't I donate $5,000 a year to the public school? First of all, what a bargain.

Speaker 4 Secondly, everybody's going to get much better education, electives.

Speaker 4 And yeah, there's going to be plenty of kids from apartments whose parents are working nine to five and don't have any kind of savings who are going to benefit off the fact that you're raising up the neighborhood.

Speaker 4 But that's what it's about. Why? Because you live there.
It's not cool to let your public school in your neighborhood be shit while you're chilling in your $6 million mansion. It is your problem.

Speaker 4 Make it your problem.

Speaker 2 Amen. Right? Amen.
Yes. What I will also say is it's not directly that person's problem.
It's also like the government's problem.

Speaker 2 Like make these schools better or figure out a better way to fund them because they're being funded by the taxpayer dollars within that area, right?

Speaker 2 Like that's the way that it works if you're zoned for a school.

Speaker 2 So why don't you have those, considering nobody in that area goes to public school, how about you diverge those funds to an area that needs it?

Speaker 2 Why don't you not have all of those taxpayer dollars go to the Sherman Oaks High School if nobody's sending their kids there?

Speaker 2 And why don't you send it to an area where they could use the money and make a better public school?

Speaker 4 Look at us, man.

Speaker 4 What a team we would be if we were like, I don't think president, but I think we could be like the secretary of, you know, Meshugas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, because we listen and we question, Josh. That's right.
We listen and we question. As we know.
We don't take anything at face value. There's always a better way to do something.

Speaker 4 And as we know, the Jews were always questioning.

Speaker 2 Always.

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Speaker 4 Should we do a speak pipe?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 Great. Let's let's get out of this school talk.
Kristen.

Speaker 2 Hi, Josh and Ben. My name is Kristen, mid-2024 new moron, and wanted to say love the podcast.
I have a question for you guys.

Speaker 2 I want to know what you think about the time kids have to wake up for school and I walk my dog every morning before I go off to work and it'll be like seven o'clock in the morning and I'm looking at these like elementary school kids like waiting for their bus stop and I'm like okay I've been up since 5 a.m.

Speaker 2 What time did you get up? Because that's insane. You're so young.
I don't know how your brain is thriving right now. My brain barely thrives at that time.

Speaker 2 And I just think it's crazy these kids get up so early to go to school.

Speaker 2 And I feel like it's different for high school kids because it kind of prepares them for like life and getting up early in the morning.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Kristen.

Speaker 2 Let's let's stop talking about schools and start talking about schools.

Speaker 4 I knew that was the next speed pipe coming. I don't know why.

Speaker 2 It is funny and sad, like when you're out of the house early in the morning and you see this literal, literally four-year-old with a backpack at seven o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 2 Like, I think that I don't know how to solve this problem. This podcast episode is all about solving problems.

Speaker 2 I don't know how to solve this problem, but I do feel that up until the age of literally 14, you need like 12 hours of sleep a night.

Speaker 2 Like I remember I would go to bed at midnight on a Friday night and I would wake up at noon. on Saturday and it was normal.
Like my parents let me sleep as long as I needed sleep.

Speaker 2 I don't know how this is possible, but I do think that kids would be far better at school, retain more information and be happier to be there if they could go to school when they actually woke up and not set an alarm.

Speaker 2 The idea of setting an alarm just ruins your day. You are off to a terrible start.
You're waking up panicked, anxiety, and like we're used to that as adults.

Speaker 4 But as kids, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I agree.

Speaker 4 It's probably the schedule is based around parents' work schedules so that they can drop off and pick up. But if in high school, I could not wake up.
Like my body felt like I was dying.

Speaker 4 Granted, it was carrying an extra hundred pounds and I needed to drink a Diet Coke before I was even able to open my eyes because I was in constant sugar withdrawals.

Speaker 4 But nevertheless, can you imagine if school started at 11, 11 to 5?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like

Speaker 2 just like when

Speaker 2 they are naturally up and ready to give the most. Like, I don't know.
I think it's interesting. I agree.
I think it's interesting. Yeah, so I agree with you, Christina.

Speaker 2 This is a Shonda and we need to solve the Shonda.

Speaker 4 This is a Shonda Rhymes, my favorite TV creator.

Speaker 4 Next one from Madison.

Speaker 2 Okay. Hi, Josh and Ben, first time caller, very long time listener and massive fan.
I'm going to keep this super, super brief. I am one week away exactly from delivering my twins.

Speaker 2 These will be my first and we're having a boy and a girl.

Speaker 2 And with Josh, you being such a great dad and Ben you being such a great dog dad, I was wondering if you guys have any advice for my husband and I becoming first-time parents. Thanks, you guys.

Speaker 2 Also, excuse the breathiness. I am very, very pregnant and just doing anything gets me quite out of breath.

Speaker 4 Bye.

Speaker 4 We love you, Madison.

Speaker 2 I get out of breath for just speaking. Like, you sounded great.
You sounded great. Thank you for calling in.
Thank you for insulting Josh by equating me being a dog dad to him having two real sons.

Speaker 4 I'll turn it over to you. I hated that.

Speaker 2 I'll turn it over to you.

Speaker 2 Give her advice.

Speaker 4 Congrats on your beautiful twins. That's amazing and hard.
Oh, are you in for it?

Speaker 4 It's going to be an interesting couple months, but it's going to be awesome, especially when they're like one and a half or two and they start playing with each other for real. Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 It's game changer. Congrats.
What kind of advice did she need?

Speaker 2 Anything. Anything? Yeah, just like just like advice on being a first-time parent.

Speaker 4 Look,

Speaker 2 we learned it from you in this episode. Make pancakes.
Make the hot stuff. Don't wake them up.

Speaker 4 Let them sleep. Get a night nurse if possible, if you can afford one for the first month or two.
Because that's to me the thing that just is the hardest part is dealing with the lack of sleep.

Speaker 4 My wife and I, I can only talk to my experience. We did shifts.
So I would stay up with the baby till about midnight-ish.

Speaker 4 And then my wife would fall asleep around like eight or nine. And then I would go to bed at noon or at midnight.
And then I'd wake up around six-ish. And then I would take the early morning.

Speaker 4 So my wife would be up between 12 and 6, which was rough. But she knew that she could get in like three or four hours before that and three or four hours before or after.

Speaker 4 And then I could wake up with the kids and then go to work and not feel like a total zombie. So make sure you and your husband are nice to each other.
And, you know,

Speaker 4 what do they call call separate and conquer? Sure. Divide and conquer.
Yeah, that one too. Sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that sounds like good advice. It does.
Twins. Wow.

Speaker 4 Twins.

Speaker 2 Amazing.

Speaker 2 Amazing.

Speaker 4 Amazing. This next one's from Sydney.

Speaker 2 Hi, guys. My boyfriend and I of a few years are moving in together this weekend.
And I was wondering if you have any advice on living with your significant other. Love the pod.
Thanks. Bye.

Speaker 2 Be careful. I mean, make sure that the person you're moving in with is

Speaker 2 great and awesome and gets you. I can't even imagine Josh living with somebody that like I didn't like.
Like, what a disaster that would be. But make sure that they're family.

Speaker 2 And I mean that in like more than the sense of blood. Like, you know it.
Like you want to live with your family.

Speaker 2 You want to live with somebody that really gets you, that you're comfortable with all the time.

Speaker 2 And then it'll be great. So I don't know.
Advice is make sure that they're the right person before you do it.

Speaker 4 Love that. And one more.
And by the way, if if you want to leave us a speakpipe, go to speakpipe.com slash goodguys and we'll answer your questions. Let's hear from a fun person named Krista.

Speaker 2 Hey, it's Krista from Wilmington, North Carolina.

Speaker 2 I strictly have a what are you nuts at gift giving for weddings because we just had our wedding in April and everyone at the wedding I know is you know, well off not anyone homeless, no one struggling.

Speaker 2 I think approximately probably 33 to 40% of the people that we invited and attended gave us gifts. What are you nuts?

Speaker 2 And I've heard this from other people my age recently that people are not giving gifts to the bride and the groom. Monitor your thoughts.

Speaker 2 I don't know how old she is, which plays a huge factor.

Speaker 4 Old enough to legally marry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but like she could have gotten married if she's 23 to 25 and she has a bunch of 23 to 25 year old single friends that are showing up. These kids are stupid and they're going to forget.

Speaker 2 It's not malicious.

Speaker 4 They need to know.

Speaker 2 They do need to know. You need to give a gift and you need to give a serious gift that at minimum equals what you think they spent to have you there.
That's the way that I judge it.

Speaker 2 The minimum is how much money the bride and groom spent to make your plate is the minimum. And then if you love them, it goes up in increments based on how much you love them.

Speaker 2 And of course, it goes without saying, if you attended their wedding first, the minimum is now whatever they give you.

Speaker 4 Totally. It's almost as if you're getting married and then your friends are in relationships.
You should all look at each other and go, how about no one gives nothing? And we just cancel it out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could do that too. That's not bad.
You could. No, it's not bad at all.
It's not. I'm just saying, Josh, you never got me a wedding present.
It's fucked up. I didn't know you then.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you must bring a gift. I would go as far to say you should bring a gift gift to every birthday party you go to.
I know people get older. You don't bring a gift.

Speaker 4 My buddy, shout out the great Brian Tenenbaum recently had a party.

Speaker 4 35th birthday. I brought him a present because it's the right.

Speaker 2 Where was the party, Josh?

Speaker 4 At a bar, at a karaoke bar.

Speaker 2 See, that's very nice of you. Very nice of you.
But I will say, I will say that the odds that that gift made at home with him are slim.

Speaker 4 Listen, you get a gift card from Jaypeck, you throw it right in your pocket. You think I'm buying physical gifts? I'm gift cards.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, you're a gift card, man. No, no, this is a good gift.
This is good. I was going to say,

Speaker 2 I agree with you that the birthday, you definitely get somebody a present if the birthday party's at their house. But I always feel a little strange about the bar night gift, unless it's a gift card.

Speaker 2 A gift card's good. Or a couple of C notes.
You ever just hand somebody a wad of cash?

Speaker 4 That's the best.

Speaker 2 The best feeling.

Speaker 4 I don't want to give anything away, but Olivia, it's going to look good for you come Christmas time.

Speaker 4 And I don't expect any of these near-do-well other dear media hosts to be waxing you the way we're going to wax you.

Speaker 2 Just saying.

Speaker 5 Look forward to it. Thank you, Bellas.

Speaker 2 Hopefully, you don't get whacked like Marshall.

Speaker 2 He took too much. He took too much.

Speaker 4 That was it.

Speaker 4 We hit him so hard in Christmas, he quit.

Speaker 2 He's good. He didn't have to do this.
This is not a podcast anymore. The best.

Speaker 4 No, we love you, Marshall.

Speaker 2 We love you, Marshall. We were proud of you.

Speaker 2 We waxed him too good.

Speaker 2 Harris.

Speaker 4 Oh, man. I didn't even give it to him in an envelope.
I gave it to him with eye contact and a handshake. I said, God bless you.

Speaker 2 Have a wonderful holiday.

Speaker 2 Thank you for all you do.

Speaker 2 Oh, Marshall.

Speaker 4 All I have to say is give gifts because people will forgive, but they won't forget. My friend, one of my greatest friends in the world, and I'm calling him out because he listens to the pod.

Speaker 2 Kid David, you didn't give my wife

Speaker 2 a wedding gift.

Speaker 4 You thought I forgot seven years later? I didn't. And I love you still the same, but look at me, not forgetting.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I have the exact same thing. Exact same thing.
I have best friends that did not give. I'll never forget.

Speaker 4 You never forget.

Speaker 2 Ever. Victor.
Never. Victor.
Never forget.

Speaker 2 Never forget. Wow.
Never forget. Unbelievable.
You have a what do you nuts? I do.

Speaker 4 Our what do you nuts moment of the week is gripes with people, places, and things, things currently sticking in our crop. And mine is, I was walking home yesterday.

Speaker 4 The great salt and straw ice cream store has something called Candy Copia. It's a once-a-year ice cream flavor that's only available in October.

Speaker 4 It's like that best ice cream flavor with all like the different Twix and Reeses and Snickers, you know, crunched up, thrown into a base of ice cream, delish. But salt and straw makes the Twix.

Speaker 4 They make the Snickers. It's homemade candy in like a butterscotch-y ice cream base.
It's sick. It's sick.

Speaker 4 So I'm walking off my anxiety late last night. I go, I'm going to go buy a salt and straw.
Let me buy two, two pints. I go, my wife, she's vegan, get her vegan flavor.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 4 It's ridiculous. I get her the vegan flavor.
I have now a brown paper bag full of these beautiful ice cream flavors. And then, as I'm almost home,

Speaker 4 it was like a three stooges sketch. I'm crossing a major boulevard.

Speaker 2 Boom.

Speaker 4 The shopping bag breaks open.

Speaker 4 Ice cream's everywhere. I'm stumbling around.
I feel like I'm 16 again in an episode of Drake and Josh chasing after ice cream that's rolling down the hill. What are you nuts with these paper bags?

Speaker 4 Listen, I'm all for saving the planet, but like you cannot put anything remotely with any bit of moisture in a paper bag.

Speaker 2 You look like a klutz. If you really cared about the environment, you would make a suitable alternative, okay?

Speaker 2 Then everybody would fucking want to use it. We don't need, we don't, we don't want plastic.
We need plastic because it's, it works. Right.
Find me something that works. You hit the nail on the head.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 2 I i know kills me i'm sorry about your ice cream that is a complete what

Speaker 2 my what are you nuts is i was recently at dinner at my parents' house they had a bunch of people over a couple of my sister's friends was lovely 14 16 people long table fantastic i go to take a sip of my water Everything's fine.

Speaker 2 I look to my left. I see my sister's friend about to take a sip of her water and something's in her water.
You know what's in the bottom of her glass? A tide pod. What are you nuts?

Speaker 2 What are you, nuts? Apparently, apparently, my mom was doing a load of laundry as she was taking out the cups and didn't realize that there was a tide pod in the cup. What?

Speaker 2 There was almost a murder at the soffer's house. There was almost a full-blown murder.
Isn't that nuts?

Speaker 4 A full Tide Pod?

Speaker 2 Full pod sitting in her cup.

Speaker 4 From the laundry?

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 4 Your mother.

Speaker 2 Sitting in her glass cup.

Speaker 4 Your mother tried to kill your sister. You just caught her.
This was on purpose.

Speaker 2 Sister's friend. Yeah, crazy.

Speaker 4 I know. Your mother is Scott Peterson.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 4 This does not track, Ben, so say more.

Speaker 2 No, this is it. I couldn't believe it.
Bull Tide Pod. I'm like, oh, uh-uh.
Tide pod.

Speaker 2 A Tide Pod, if I may.

Speaker 4 Was it a dishwasher pod? Which can resemble a Tide Pod, just smaller.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? It's possible. Is it Tide Pod? It's possible.
Do

Speaker 2 a renegade tide pod that but but i will say that the tide pods and the dishwasher pods are both in the exact same place in the kitchen well that's also what are you nuts is your washing machine in the kitchen their washing machine is downstairs you in the building i am this is breathtaking this is not this is a what are you nuts how okay How did the pod get into the glass?

Speaker 2 I have no idea.

Speaker 2 But this is what Sony is.

Speaker 4 It has nothing to do with laundry because it would have dissolved in the laundry.

Speaker 2 I have no idea, Josh. I have no idea.
This is cuckoo. Is my mother a murderer? That is the episode title.
Not a great one.

Speaker 2 I expected

Speaker 4 a little Ryson in the Kugel, maybe.

Speaker 2 I mean, nuts.

Speaker 4 Should we all compare our perfect murder?

Speaker 2 Ricin and the cookle is a good one. It's good.
I don't know. Every time I open an envelope from somebody that I don't know, I always think there's anthrax.

Speaker 4 I won't even drink a lemonade from a lemonade stand. But then again.

Speaker 2 But those kids, what those kids do to you? What don't we know?

Speaker 4 And then again, I go to fruit carts all the time, and they could be sabotaging me left and right. You never know.

Speaker 2 Totally. The tahin is loaded with poison.

Speaker 4 Yes, it could be a little cyanide. You know there's cyanide in apples.

Speaker 2 What else can I eat? I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 And folks, that's our show.

Speaker 2 What a road. I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 It is impossible for you to get this type of content anywhere else. Impossible.
So rate us five stars. Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch us on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Josh's YouTube. It's fantastic.
Share our clips, TikTok and Instagram. Follow us on those platforms as well.
Make sure to tune in Mondays and Thursdays, folks. And we will see you next time.

Speaker 4 Guys, I don't know if this episode was good, but if you're hearing this now and you thought it was good, I did a great job editing it.

Speaker 2 Okay, have a great week.

Speaker 6 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 6 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.