Benny Big Hips and Peter Paperwork

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Speaker 1 The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. I'm Josh Peck, and I'm Ben Soffer.
And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there, and we're the the good ones.

Speaker 1 Mazomorons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with a guy who's only got one sister and one very, very, very

Speaker 1 beautiful brother.

Speaker 1 It's Ben Soffer.

Speaker 1 I don't even know how to respond.

Speaker 1 I'm calling you my brother, you jerk. Oh my God, I thought that was Len.

Speaker 1 It is Len. We're much closer than you and and I will ever be, but we have time on our side.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 tell it to my face. Tell it to my face.
You can't make up for time. Anyone who becomes your best friend when you're in your 30s, question them constantly.
See? See? See what he does to me?

Speaker 1 That's mental manipulation. That house is built on sticks.
He throws it out. He draws it back in.
He throws it out. He draws it back in.
I don't trust new friends. You're not a new friend.

Speaker 1 Saying to me.

Speaker 1 You're not a new friend. But like people are like, oh, I just found someone.
I'm like totally in love with them. I'm like, are you? And is it?

Speaker 1 No. Within the last year, you can't trust them.
1000%.

Speaker 1 You don't know if they're a murderer. You don't do background checks on your friends.
Do you? Do you?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be against you.

Speaker 1 That's why I want to know where you work, where you use. I'm like the DMV.
If you want to be friends with me, you better have paperwork.

Speaker 1 I want to know where you work, where you resided the last two times, where you moved from, where you're moving to and if you have a p.O. box if you don't have a business and you have a P.O.

Speaker 1 box what the fuck are you hiding?

Speaker 1 Excellent question. Claudia went to the DMV yesterday.
For words.

Speaker 1 It was the word she in New York. We now all these new need these new licenses.
They're called real IDs. That's the whole country.

Speaker 1 Where they put your little face in the corner. I already got one.
I don't know how, but I already have one somehow. She needed to get one.
She had an appointment at 1.15.

Speaker 1 Do you know when they saw her, Josh? What time? A DMV in the city. Oh, yeah.
What's that look like? Awful. You've never been to a DMV in Manhattan? No.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, Josh. I asked that as if it was like a special place.
It's the worst place in the world. The DMV is awful.
Awful. It's disgusting.
Everybody that works there hates themselves.

Speaker 1 They hate you. Everybody there hates each other because they're like, why the fuck am I at the DMV?

Speaker 1 It is

Speaker 1 hell on earth. It's a mental illness meetup.
You know what I'm saying? It's hell on earth, is the DMV.

Speaker 1 The people that work there are pretty unacceptable, but my only defense is it's because we, as humans, are so unacceptable that they've had it, had to harden themselves. It's possible.
It's true.

Speaker 1 I don't know who came first. You're saying that you show up to the DMV chipper for work and it's the people every day that bring you down.
I'll tell you this.

Speaker 1 and they because I think it's the opposite.

Speaker 1 I think I go into the DMV the first time I'm pumped, I get my license, and then all of a sudden I'm greeted with just the saddest, most upset faces that couldn't give two shits if I lived or died.

Speaker 1 I'm Peter paperwork over here, right? I love,

Speaker 1 I love,

Speaker 1 I love when I go there and they're questioning me because they know because they've been hardened when I had to get my real ID. You have to show two forms, count it, un de

Speaker 1 two forms of identification. And they want to have two proof of address.
Okay. I'm talking to utility.
I'm talking gas.

Speaker 1 I'm still having it. I'm Peter Paperwork.

Speaker 1 You're such a loser.

Speaker 1 What are you just realizing?

Speaker 1 I'm your friend.

Speaker 1 I'm Peter Paperwork.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Ben. Don't worry.
I'm over here drinking an unsweetened blueberry tea. Oh, God.
You're Benny Big Laps today.

Speaker 1 I'm Benny Big Hips.

Speaker 1 Benny Big Hips. Oh, that's hot.
That'd be fun. That could be your drag name.
Benny Big Hips. Yeah, Benny Big Hips.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The biggest, least flexible hips in the world. God created me, and they're like, I'm going to make sure your hips don't flex.
I'm so flexible.

Speaker 1 Like, I just want i really want you to like i can do like i'm wearing all black so you're probably not seeing how drastic this is but this is a full like knee to shoulder okay okay sorry i'm flexible in that direction as well

Speaker 1 i'm flexible in this direction too josh they always comment look okay no this can this can go far this can go high yeah that's good but i can't but what i can't do is this way can you do a european leg cross yeah

Speaker 1 that's flexible no? No, but not in the... I am internally flexible, but not externally.
I can't get this knee any lower than this. Do you understand? When would you need to?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Just in case a contortionist came up to me and said, show me your best.

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 1 I can't. Somebody holds a gun to you.
They're like, push your knee past your hip. I can't.
No.

Speaker 1 I can't. And it's because I'm like, I'm a little bit pigeon-toed.
I'm sure you've noticed.

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Speaker 1 If you were held hostage, how would you try to appeal to your captors?

Speaker 1 Ooh, that's a great question. One, I'd make him laugh.

Speaker 1 I like to think that it would be a man. I don't think women really hold people hostage.

Speaker 1 It's a man thing. I'd make him laugh.
I'd tell him that I'm a great cook. I'd say, look, you know, I'll make you a fantastic meal on me.

Speaker 1 I'd offer him certainly a sack of cash. And yeah, that's what I would do.
Funny food money. Right.
You? I would try to be like... Fuck him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would try to appeal to like, I would be like, you, you scared the shit out of me. Like, you got me good, man.
Like,

Speaker 1 you are one bad mamma jamma. Yeah, I would just be like, you're good at kidnapping.
Like, props, you know? That's smart. Yeah.
Yeah. I would try to be like, yeah, you could.
Gas him up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd be like, you could probably kidnap a dignitary, like someone with like a, you know, a detail yeah and you'd volunteer to help him and then you'd become the kidnapper sidekick yeah and then i would i would be like you know you picked a nice van like yeah this is is this a ford ocono line f-350 this is lovely and if you need me to do the paperwork i'm joshy paperwork i'm

Speaker 1 paperwork

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 They actually, they go, oh, yeah, you want your real ID? I go, yeah, they're like, you didn't bring two, two forms of identification, right? I go, in fact, I did. Birth certificate, passport.

Speaker 1 They're like, okay, fine, but it's not like you brought like two proof of where you live. I said, you want a utility bill? You want a gas bill? Or you want a water bill? You know, how about electric?

Speaker 1 See, this is smart. You're taking time out of your day to go to the worst place in the world.
You're really going to go ill-prepared so that you might have to go back again? That's insane.

Speaker 1 Like, come with your forms. You don't want to be there? You certainly don't want to come back.
Come prepared. Google it.
What do I need? What do I need? It's right there. It's right there.

Speaker 1 That's what people do all day. That's what kills these DMV people's soul.
Like, interesting. Interesting.
They're all day. And then they make it their problem.
This is not their problem.

Speaker 1 This is a you problem. Wow.
Wow. You're right.
It kills me. You're right.
People making problems when they are the ones who started it.

Speaker 1 And like, like 95% of jobs, people have no power i this is what i have no patience for if they are part of the 95 wanting them to have more power is so annoying get over it they can't do shit but if you are part of the five percent that have all the power fucking move a mountain for me will you don't stand on business don't stand on precedence well we can't do that we've never actually done that in our company's history i'll be like you're a bunt cake shop you have three employees let's live a little you know do it let's be be crazy at nothing but cakes you know what i'm saying it's actually a really big company but just i think about a bunch i do move a mountain absolutely but i've never thought about a mountain i've never thought about that every single day you know that people have the exact instructions on what to bring and every day they let you down every day that said josh that said if you are a business that is catering to people over the age of 60 you must have a working landline number to answer questions.

Speaker 1 100%. The fact that the DMV has no phone number, this is the problem.
I honestly have this problem, not to digress too much, with Instagram. You have a problem with Instagram, Josh?

Speaker 1 How the fuck do you reach them? You can't. You can't reach these people.
Like,

Speaker 1 why did we do away with customer service? Where is it? I want to pick up the phone and talk to someone. I need somebody to help me with my problem.

Speaker 1 Customer service is a luxury in this day and age, and it's disgusting. Sometimes you have to pay for it.
Disgusting. Disgusting.

Speaker 1 Go on our website. No, no thanks, Delta.
I was going to say, is it Delta and the airlines that charge you to book a flight over the phone, but you can do it for free online? All the airlines.

Speaker 1 That said, I have done it before and I've said, you're not charging me. And then they don't charge you.
So if you come in with a firm fist. Yes.

Speaker 1 Like, look, Lucy, I'm going to come to your house and beat the shit out of you if you don't do this for $25 for $0.

Speaker 1 I was once signing up at a gym and i just felt it was this little private gym and i just felt strongly that this signup fee should be waived it was 50 bucks and i was like what is this they're like it's our signup fee again yes move a mountain you're not bally's you're not equinox you can just waive this bs fee you're giving me to like take a vig off the fact that i'm trying to get fit and hot for the summer by the way everyone can waive that it's not a small gym it's not a large gym.

Speaker 1 Folks, you will never get anything that you don't ask for. Ask.
What's the worst thing they could do? Say no.

Speaker 1 But certainly when you go and sign up for a gym and they say it's going to be a $100 initiation fee, at a minimum, try to get it for 50 bucks. But it should be zero.

Speaker 1 You're going to pay them monthly for the rest of your life. They're going to have your credit card.
You're never going to go. You're never going to go.

Speaker 1 So this guy, I remember working at the gym manager. I'm like, listen, I'm going to sign up.
I'm all good. I don't want to pay this fee.
He's like, I got to call my boss.

Speaker 1 I got to call the owner of the gym. I said, call him.
So he calls him, puts him on speaker. You did speaker at the owner of the gym over an initiation fee.
I told you it was a small gym.

Speaker 1 That's the opposite of customer service. What the hell?

Speaker 1 He's like, John, shut up. Leave me alone.

Speaker 1 I'm Petty Peter over here. And you know that, man.
I'll get real petty. I'll get in the fucking weeds weeds with you.

Speaker 1 So, I go, Hey, Roger, I'm excited to join the gym. I really don't want to pay this sign-up fee.
He goes, All right, I, you know, man, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Let me talk to you know what, can you put me back on with my employee? I go, No problem.

Speaker 1 He doesn't realize that he's on speaker because the next thing he says to the employee is, This guy sounds like a real asshole.

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 Oh my god, I still signed up, but I was hurt. Yeah.
Look, Josh, it sounds like you were trying not to pay an initiation fee at the world's smallest mom-and-pop gym.

Speaker 1 It's you, the owner, and his wife. You're

Speaker 1 ridiculous. Do you mind if I use the elliptical? Josh, you're in my home.

Speaker 1 Can you get out of my house? So dumb. No, it was in North Hollywood.
It's a big gym. It was in

Speaker 1 somebody's are quick. It was in somebody's apartment.
You knocked on 3C. You're like, is this the gym?

Speaker 1 I used the Boflex

Speaker 1 in someone's second bedroom.

Speaker 1 Can you put up some mirrors?

Speaker 1 Can you wave the initiation feed? This is my house.

Speaker 1 Why is the Nordic track making noises? It's so funny. So funny and stupid.
Wow. We were ripping there for a minute.
I couldn't breathe. Do you know that I went to a baseball game recently?

Speaker 1 I went to the Dodgers playoff. Shout out to the MLD.
By the way, by the way, fuck the Dodgers. Let's go, Mets.
Let's go, Mets.

Speaker 1 Well, you can continue to praise those New York Metropolitans all you want. I guess we'll see tonight, game three.
But I went to the San Diego Padres Dodgers game. It was great.
Shout out the MLD.

Speaker 1 Good looking out. Nice.
So I'm in a rental car and we pull up to the stadium. And the moment we pull into the parking spot, the car dies.
And I'm like,

Speaker 1 sick.

Speaker 1 Electric. No, it was a normal, like normal Honda SUV.
It's just like the battery was dead. And so

Speaker 1 no good. And like, literally, all I know is, is it took us an hour to get to that parking spot from the opening of Dodger Stadium.
And I'm like, Triple A can't get up here.

Speaker 1 This is an impossibility, right? So as we're walking in the stadium, I asked guest services, I'm like, what, what do I do? Like my car just said, like, oh, don't worry.

Speaker 1 We have a guy who kind of roams the parking lot, like in a truck, and he can jump or like fix a flat or whatever. Like we have 40,000 cars here.
Like we have a guy. I said, great.

Speaker 1 Like, so when you're done, just like come out and have one of the guys walkie the guy. So I'm leaving and I leave around like the eighth inning because the Dodgers are getting blown out.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, fuck it. Let me just get this done before everyone's going to their car.
So I'm standing there with the security guard. All of a sudden, I see this fight evolve in front of my face.

Speaker 1 These two women are screaming at each other. And I'm like, hmm, they seem upset.
Now they're getting in each other's face. I'm like, they seem very upset.

Speaker 1 Then I see a Stanley thermos come out of nowhere and go, bink, this woman got whacked with a Stanley thermos. And now it's a dog pile of people in the parking lot fighting.

Speaker 1 The security guard leaves me to go break up the fight. I'm literally like, can you just call the AAA guy? I'm like, I know you're breaking up a fight, but please, I got to get out of here.

Speaker 1 Two hours later, the car got chumped. Everything was fine.
Oh, man. There's nothing like a good fight.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry. That's terrible.
I was going to ask you, it's 7-6 in the eighth inning. You're leaving, right? No.
You're not. You're staying.
Not for playoffs.

Speaker 1 For a regular season game, I'm out of there seventh inning stretch. I think that's right.
I think that's right.

Speaker 1 What is the gap in score that will allow you to leave? Anything more than two. Anything more than two.
That's right. Because sitting and waiting to leave an arena is quite possibly the worst feeling.

Speaker 1 And on the flip side, there is no better feeling in the whole world than leaving a game early, getting home, and seeing that the final score is identical when you left. That's right.

Speaker 1 Because that happens in baseball. That happens in baseball.
We left, it was 6-3. We left seventh inning, home, watched the bottom of the top of the ninth in bed, final 6-3.
A joy. Love it.
It's a joy.

Speaker 1 My, my buddy had season tickets to the L.A. Kings, and we would go all the time.
And we had such a system. First off, you go, you say hi to Eddie, the usher, stands at the top of our section.
Dab him.

Speaker 1 Dab him. Eddie, how are you? I don't care, but we do this every time.
I got to go. So then you go, you sit, you watch the game, right?

Speaker 1 Then we would go to the McDonald's right at the top of our section, get a couple coffees because we're trim queens.

Speaker 1 Then right before, like three minutes before the end of the game, we watch the end of the game from the top of the stairs. So like with 60 seconds left, you sprint to your car, no traffic, scourges.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you my problem with hockey games.

Speaker 1 My problem with hockey games are these 20-minute intermissions.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I I don't have the patience to sit in an arena for 20 minutes two times while they clean the ice.
I don't have the patience. I just, I can't.

Speaker 1 It's because you don't like hockey, because I find basketball insufferably boring.

Speaker 1 But it's so fun. So is hockey.
Yeah, I guess. Hockey is the greatest live sport there is in my humble.
Ah, God. You also, do you like soccer?

Speaker 1 I do, and I know why you're saying that, but I think just hockey, the sheer speed of it, that these guys are skating at like 25 miles per hour.

Speaker 1 And remember that nothing in basketball matters for the first three quarters unless you really appreciate basketball. Yes, but there is constant action.
But there is

Speaker 1 constant action in comparison to hockey and soccer.

Speaker 1 Like sports where there are very limited goals in comparison to you score, I don't know, a hundred times in a basketball game. But how long is halftime?

Speaker 1 Halftime is 15, 20 minutes, but it's one, one time, and then five.

Speaker 1 And then five minutes between both quarters. Because you got to take a quick piss.
So you're talking.

Speaker 1 So we're talking about a 10-minute discrepancy here. Yes, but

Speaker 1 it's the allotment of the times. I'm going to get you on a Zamboni at Madison Square Garden.
It's going to change your whole outlook. Look, by the way, this is, I can be bought, okay?

Speaker 1 If the Rangers are setting me up, glass, custom jersey, I sing the national anthem, me and you, chill and sack on the Zamboni. I'm in.
Okay. I'm in.
I will sing the national anthem one day.

Speaker 1 I can be bought. Tell me your approach to the national anthem.
Tonight, they go, Ben, City Field. The Stern family, the owners of the Mets, God bless them.

Speaker 1 They would like for you to sing the national anthem. How are you approaching it? Okay, first of all, I am absolutely starting an octave lower than I'm comfortable.
Smart.

Speaker 1 It's going to sound iffy in the beginning. You're going to be like, why is he so low? But that's just so that I don't have the possibility of cracking at the top.

Speaker 1 So you're because you're tugging a low baritone or a high bass. Like you're going in it.
I'm starting it. I'm starting with the.
I'm sorry. Oh, who see?

Speaker 1 Can you see?

Speaker 1 And my cantorial voice would come out. You heard it.
By the dawn's early he light.

Speaker 1 And then we'd go higher and higher. Yes.
So that would be my approach. Start low so that your high is never that high.

Speaker 1 If you start normal where you think you can be, then you're going to be and the rockets. And it's too high for you.
You can't do it. And did you know that and the rockets red glare?

Speaker 1 That glare, that's as high as the high note at the end. But people trip themselves out.
They sabotage out. It's interesting.
It's just self-sabotage. What an amazing song our national anthem is.

Speaker 1 What a freaking just amp me up, get me going. Gentlemen, start your engines.
I just see Kevin James screaming in my brain. And I just want to go to war.
And by war, I mean to a baseball game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. Yeah.
Imagine how much it amps them up when they're actually going to fucking war. I don't know.
Sick. Sick.
It has to be. It has to be.
It has to be sick. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like you and I, if you and I are like in a Humvee on our way to a battle and I'm like, can we put on some tunes and you start playing the national anthem?

Speaker 1 I would be like, we can, please, little Wayne, I don't know. Okay, the national first time.
The first time it's cool. I can imagine it getting old.
Certainly. I can imagine it getting old.

Speaker 1 Speaking of cool cars, do you see that Hummer now has a cool new electric Hummer? I drove it. I had it for a week.
Oh, you did? We talked about it. You drove it.
They asked me if I wanted to drive it.

Speaker 1 We spoke about this. Was it sick? It's sick.
It was so fun. I love a Hummer.
That said, I missed the gas. Oh, we did speak about this.
I said something dumb like that last time.

Speaker 1 The new Hummer is great. And the fact that it's electric is really cool.
Yeah, really cool. A millionaire claims that working on his honeymoon was key to his success on Never Change.

Speaker 1 Carl Hudson, a 33-year-old entrepreneur, makes seven figures a year through his investments, agencies, and personal business, but it comes with a cost.

Speaker 1 He's from Newcastle, England, and he admitted that he has 18-hour workdays that even impacted his honeymoon with his wife, Charlotte.

Speaker 1 18-hour workdays. What does he do? He has, through his investments, agencies, and personal business, aka he's a drug dealer on the black market.
Yeah, totally owns a flip phone. What do you think?

Speaker 1 Working on your honeymoon, acceptable? not acceptable awful. No, of course it's unacceptable.
That said, she probably knew who she married.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't just like if you're working 18-hour days, like, you want to be working 18-hour days. Sorry.
That's like, there's, that's, that's not a, that's a, that's a choice. That's a choice.

Speaker 1 And he sounds like a loveless schmuck. True that.
His poor wife. His poor freaking wife.

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Speaker 1 Josh, the other night, I think that somebody thought I was homeless. Say more.
I walked into our local grocery store because I wanted to make a sandwich. And I walked in late.

Speaker 1 It's a fresh produce sort of place. And so the aisles were rather barren.
They were putting things away and was simply looking for a loaf of bread to make a sandwich. I looked on the shelf.

Speaker 1 I didn't see loaves of bread. But I know that behind the deli counter, they have beautiful like pieces of bread.

Speaker 1 And so I went, even though the deli counter was closed, and I just said, hey, could I buy a roll from you? And the guy said to me, and I didn't think about this, he said, Are you hungry?

Speaker 1 I was starving. I'm like, Yeah, I'm hungry.
He takes it, he puts it in a bag, gives it to me. He says, Don't even, don't ask me.
You will not pay for this. I said, No, no, no, let me pay.

Speaker 1 He said, Nobody should ever be hungry. And I said, Okay, and I left.
And it only occurred to me that this man thought that I was coming in at the end of the day because I had no money to afford

Speaker 1 a sandwich roll. And what I will say to this is that unnamed man is a hero because he thought I was hungry and he gave me bread when I needed it.

Speaker 1 That said, I don't think I look like a homeless person. I don't really know how he could have mistaken me for homeless, but somebody mistook me for a homeless person.
Thoughts?

Speaker 1 Have you seen the meme of the wife who tells her husband, oh, I want to put together a bag of my clothes to give away to the, to the hungry and homeless?

Speaker 1 And the husband goes, if they're hungry and homeless they're not gonna fit into your clothes

Speaker 1 oh my god and whoa and that's how they got divorced

Speaker 1 i mean listen

Speaker 1 you are a fucking unit my boy you are first of all you turn me on more and more every day you look incredible but you're you are hardy you look like you know they say in the navy seals who's carrying the boats you're carrying the fucking metaphorical boats you would be carrying the Hebrew school boats.

Speaker 1 And yes. And you are hearty, my boy.
So I just can't imagine someone seeing you and going, this guy needs a meal. Are you hungry? Yes, I am.
I answered it plainly. I was hungry.

Speaker 1 I didn't even think about it. Are you hungry? Yes.
But did you have your iPhone out and your Warby Parker glasses on? Like, were you at an Upper East Side grocery store?

Speaker 1 I was at an Upper East Side grocery store. I had my glasses on.
I definitely didn't look homeless. Had you been doing yard work in your Air Force Ones? I looked good.
No,

Speaker 1 I looked good. Are you hungry? Yes, I am.

Speaker 1 Here's my theory.

Speaker 1 That bread is going to get thrown out. It's the end of the day.

Speaker 1 It was so good. Soft, Josh.
It was fantastic. Were we talking to Kaiser Roll? Are we talking to Pretzel Bonn? It was a pecan loaf.

Speaker 1 There were a couple of pumpkin seeds on top. What a horrible revelation.
First of all,

Speaker 1 you don't like a pecan loaf? I do, but not as sandwich bread. It was small.
That's like,

Speaker 1 it was a small pecan loaf. That's like going to a deli and they say, what kind of bread do you want? And you go, banana.
Like,

Speaker 1 like, okay.

Speaker 1 Banana bread on your sandwich.

Speaker 1 Like, what kind of cheese do you want? Cottage. Like, it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 It doesn't work.

Speaker 1 You know who loves loves cottage cheese claudia isn't that insane god she is just a she's she is a rubik's cube you cannot figure her out she loves cottage cheese and egg noodles like are you nuts i could i think cottage cheese and i don't discriminate against cheese cottage cheese is nasty it's i'm out on cottage cheese It just, and people, what do they do?

Speaker 1 They put like pieces of pineapple in it, right? No, who? Fruits. Not me.
They do fruits. Not me.
Yeah. They put fruit with their cottage cheese.
Oh, yeah. It's big.
It's gross. Oof.
Oof. Woo.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yucky.

Speaker 1 Yucky. Yucky.

Speaker 1 Yucky. What is something that you grew up thinking was gross and now you love?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Like for me, it's Brussels sprouts, but I think it's because my mom cooked them. Like growing up in the 90s,

Speaker 1 Brussels sprouts were a punchline.

Speaker 1 Like it was the thing that kids hated on sitcoms but i think because our parents were idiots in steaming them but now they exactly they steamed them they didn't put anything on them now they take they take whatever sauce you put on them brussels sprouts are a blank canvas it's a vehicle art yes yeah they're art brussels sprouts are fantastic yeah it's a hyundai they're inoffensive

Speaker 1 i actually didn't like ketchup if it wasn't mixed with mayonnaise.

Speaker 1 I liked Russian, of course. Of course.

Speaker 1 Of course. But I didn't like plain ketchup.
It wasn't for me. I didn't like it.
And now I like it. I appreciate ketchup in all its glory.
I think it is absolutely essential to the modern day diet.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. God, that's funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I saw you eating another Snake River last night.
God, are you rich? It's fantastic. The amount of Snake River coming into the Peck household? I love Snake River steaks.

Speaker 1 I recently, my little boy, my wonderful little son, Shai, turned two. We had a beautiful.
When did he turn two? On October 10. I missed it? Yeah.
It's okay. Fucking.
No, I need a calendar invite.

Speaker 1 Send me after this. I need dates.
I'm scared now because you, you know, we did talk about this. We spoke about him? Yes.
Oh, God, I'm losing my memory. I'm scared for you now.
I'm scared.

Speaker 1 Am I having a bad time? Do I have dementia? Do I have dementia? Just because you wrote me that you felt bad, that you missed his birthday last week, and that you want

Speaker 1 and that you shut up. Yeah, dog.
Shut up. Look at your texts.
And you were like, I want his birthday and I want Max's birthday

Speaker 1 so I can start putting them in my just

Speaker 1 in my gut.

Speaker 1 You're scaring me.

Speaker 1 You're scaring me. Do you take me? You're scambling at night?

Speaker 1 You're scaring me.

Speaker 1 You're scaring me. I'm scared.

Speaker 1 This is something we're

Speaker 1 scared about. You're scaring me.
We talk quite a bit. Okay, I know.
Let's see. You'll find it.
It's there. I didn't make it up.
You said it was on the

Speaker 1 specifics.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you're not watching this,

Speaker 1 this is us talking about Wagovi.

Speaker 1 Yes. This is us talking about clips.
Can you imagine if I was kidnapped? Josh, Josh, no. Yes, we did.
No, I'm looking. No.
Then check our Instagram DMs. We definitely talked about this.

Speaker 1 Okay, by the way, Instagram DMs, I don't remember what I send over there. Just check.

Speaker 1 Anyway. If it was Instagram DMs, I don't remember.

Speaker 1 That's not my fault. Let's just have a code word that if either one of us ever gets kidnapped, but we're not.
No, Josh, it's not here. You are gaslighting.
No, I'm not. We talked about this.

Speaker 1 Look, look. Or we talked about it on the phone.
We definitely talked about this. Okay, look.
Okay. Because that is so you.
Don't lie.

Speaker 1 That is so you to say, I want to put your kids in my gift rotation i do i did yes

Speaker 1 great did you ever send me the dates no so you forgot god i just

Speaker 1 like an out-of-body experience i was like oh my god i texted about this oh i'll come with receipts it's possible that we had a conversation it's okay i'll come with receipts i feel better okay don't feel better you shouldn't I feel better.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. You shouldn't.
I feel better. I certainly feel better.
You shouldn't. I feel better.
I'm going to to send you screenshots to make you feel worse. They're coming.
I feel better.

Speaker 1 Hey, I was going to say about my son. So we had this lovely birthday for him at a place in, if you happen to be in the South Bay of Los Angeles, in El Segundo, it's called the Arena House.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable event space. Good friends of ours own it.
Love it. The best, best place, coolest vibes.
Vibes, vibes, vibes. But I was like, what can we do? We only had a couple people.

Speaker 1 I was like, well, what would be fun to just kind of dress this up? I had a Mr. Softy truck come to the event space.

Speaker 1 I saw a home run. Home run.
Home run. Home run.
I'm not going to lie to you, Josh. I was wondering why you tagged Mr.
Softy. Oh, now I know.
Please, he could. Now I know.

Speaker 1 I was thinking, God, that's a terrible barter for a cone.

Speaker 1 I do a three-frame post for a $9 ice cream for a cone.

Speaker 1 I'm like, how cheap are you?

Speaker 1 That's so funny. I'm like bartering at like the grocery store at safeway

Speaker 1 i'm at i'm at i'll give you i'll give you three frames for a for a razor i'm at cvs i'll give you two frames for a toothpaste

Speaker 1 that is terrible no i got the whole truck and i still had to pay half um

Speaker 1 it's still that's a great deal and sick i was gonna say he'll never forget that he never remembered it but you'll never forget no it was awesome. And I, Mr.

Speaker 1 Softy is not a West Coast thing, but the guy who owns it started one in Camarillo, California. I love it.
And I've gone there regularly since it's open. Like I go a couple of times a year.

Speaker 1 I don't live out there. So I hit him up because he has the truck.
And I was like, listen, it's kind of far. Would you be, you know, would

Speaker 1 just, I feel bad asking. He's like, I'll be there.
You've been good to us. He's a beauty.
Mr. Softie of Camarillo, total beauty.
So I gave him some love.

Speaker 1 I didn't even really do it in exchange for a barter because I still paid Ben. Jeez.

Speaker 1 You just love him. You just love him.
That's it, Josh. I now have a bone to pick with you.
Pick it up.

Speaker 1 I was not invited to this party. Of course you weren't.
You live 3,000 miles away. And what if I came? You were never going to come.
How do you know?

Speaker 1 Like, when you invited me to your birthday party recently, I appreciated it. See? I do.
Listen, the appreciation is there. You could have come.
But it was merely, it was, what's it called, edifice?

Speaker 1 It was fake. It was built on the face.
It was not. It was not, just in case you were in the area.
All right, let's move on.

Speaker 1 Did you know that Gypsy Rose Blanchard has recently been interviewed about the Menendez brothers, and she said, the Menendez bros should get therapy if released. They'll need it.

Speaker 1 And this is actually on the cover of Duh Weekly.

Speaker 1 they caught up with gypsy at lax and asked her about eric and laom menendez and yeah she said listen if they ever get out they're gonna need therapy i did which is like of course i need therapy i've never done anything illegal i mean the whole world needs therapy especially if you kill your parents No, it's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 You're going to need therapy after spending life in prison for murdering your parents? Yeah. Duh.
Right. Oh my God.
That gypsy rose.

Speaker 1 G-Rose. I didn't realize we were still talking about her.
Is she having a renaissance? Is she back? I don't think she ever left. No, she left.
She left the building.

Speaker 1 She became a mega celebrity for a week. She really milked it, too.
I think Nick Vile got her on the podcast, and that solidified her as our modern day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, she became a queen. She did.
Well, did you know that Alex Cooper called out male actor after scrapping Call Her Daddy interview? He was giving nothing.

Speaker 1 Lee's favorite is one that I've never aired. The Call Her Daddy host told the Hollywood Reporter.
It was a male actor who was just giving nothing. You could tell he was on a press run.

Speaker 1 Cooper said she ended up candidly telling the unidentified celeb, bro, you don't want to be here. You aren't answering any of these questions.
Someone put you in this chair. You didn't even know.

Speaker 1 And the podcaster said that out of mutual respect, they both decided, let's let's not air this. Who do we think it was? And we don't know who, and we don't know who it is.

Speaker 1 Just saying, Alex Cooper, been there.

Speaker 1 Been there.

Speaker 1 Just saying, Alex Cooper, we had Marshall first and we're going to ask him.

Speaker 1 In there. All right.
Who could this mystery celebrity have been? I will tell you this. My question about that is, I don't know.
Tell me your reaction. Olivia, feel free to weigh in on this.

Speaker 1 When I see those, you know, those media junket interviews that get clipped on TikTok of when clearly an actor or actress is just fucking over it and they're giving the interviewer nothing and sometimes being pretty rude about it, it angers me to no end.

Speaker 1 And as someone who's been part of those media junket days, it's the worst. Sometimes you can have 55-minute interviews in a day and you're getting asked the same questions.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you're getting asked questions that you weren't expecting or questions that they agreed not to ask you.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying in general, it certainly is a marathon and a crappy way to spend your day, but it's why you got paid. It's the reason you're there and it's a part of the job.
You got to do it.

Speaker 1 How do we feel about that? If you have a press day like that, though, Josh, if you have 55-minute interviews, that means that you have a team.

Speaker 1 And that means that you pay a team to organize these days for you. So it's really on the team to not overwhelm their client with things that they can't handle.

Speaker 1 Like when they give you 55 minute interviews, they know Josh is an unbelievable professional, nice to everybody, will do his job because he doesn't want to be perceived as anything else and because it's just the way that you are.

Speaker 1 But I... in that moment, now thinking through it, totally hold like the press team accountable for not preparing that person to go on caller daddy and smile.

Speaker 1 Like, it's like, it's such a, it's strange and it's definitely on the team. I mean, yeah, what do you think, Olivia?

Speaker 2 I think that it obviously like is, it sounds like it would be a very demanding kind of day, but just out of respect, I guess, for other people too, like, I don't know, I wouldn't want to come across like an asshole at any point.

Speaker 2 And also, if it's like, you know, an interviewer like five. you know, interviews back pisses you off.
It's not the person that you finally snap on's fault.

Speaker 2 So I definitely think like team logistics come into play here.

Speaker 2 But at the end of the day, like, I don't know, we all get tired and annoyed, but like, you don't have to be an asshole when you're that way. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I'm, I'm, I'm with you. I'm with you.
It's certainly not that podcaster's fault that you've had a long day. How about you don't book 50 things in one day? How about you have three days?

Speaker 1 You're trying to jam everything in one day so you can go home. But like you could do 10 things a day, 15 things a day instead of 50.
Well, let's get it to a speak pipe, one one speakpipe before we go.

Speaker 1 If you want to get advice from us, if you have questions, keep it brief. Brevity is key and go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys, and maybe you'll be on the show.
This one's from Emily.

Speaker 1 I just want you to know that my favorite thing to do on a Sunday is eat a little special candy and cook and listen to your podcasts. So I save them for the weekend.

Speaker 1 But I was just listening to Stasi Schroeder's podcast, and I am flabbergasted to find out that her and her friend both share towels like in the bathroom, like post-shower towels with their partners.

Speaker 1 And I have literally never heard of something like this. And I said to myself, I need to know what you two think.
Do you do this? Do you think it's crazy? Do you think it's normal?

Speaker 1 I need answers from you.

Speaker 1 We don't. We have separate towels.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's crazy. I don't think Claudia necessarily would think it's crazy, but we have two, we're, we're unique.
Claudia, vast majority takes a bath.

Speaker 1 She's a big, big, big, big, big bath person. Wow.
Loves them. Loves them.
And I love my shower. So we have two separate towel racks, one above the bath, one above the shower.
It just makes sense.

Speaker 1 So we gravitate towards what's closest to us, but I would have no problem using Claudia's towel. You? I have a separate bathroom.
Now, I know

Speaker 1 some of us are bawling on a budget, but for the majority of people who don't live in a major city, like you can certainly not, you know, have an expensive home, but have be able to have separate bathrooms.

Speaker 1 And that's what we do. My bathroom is the guest's bathroom.
I love it. I told my wife from Jump Street, this is how things are going to go.
She's like, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 And even when we were working on our house, like her bathroom is beautiful, has a big, beautiful bathtub, double vanity, gorgeous, more than enough room.

Speaker 1 Now she loves that I have nothing to do with her bathroom because she gets all the counter space, she gets all the things. We don't need to know what goes on with each other in those rooms.

Speaker 1 And it's just, it's great. So, you know, it's interesting.
I use the cabinets and the counter space in the guest bathroom. So I do a hybrid.
I do a hybrid. Try showering in there.

Speaker 1 The shower in the main one is too great.

Speaker 1 It's too great. Like this guest shower is fine.
It's a fine shower. No question.
This shower in my in my bedroom is a shower. It is fantastic.
I have a window that gets direct sunlight.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm in Fiji.

Speaker 1 Will you do your biz in the guests' bathroom? Like take a shit? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I will shit wherever I want to shit. Ugh, you're disgusting.
I shit wherever. Stop it.
Yeah, on the carpet.

Speaker 1 Well, okay. No, I'll shit in either bathroom.

Speaker 1 Why? Why not? What do you mean? Because you have the option to not.

Speaker 1 First of all, I want that completely separated, but like, if I have the option to keep my wife out of that just fog storm and like allow her to not think or look at me in that way and that I can have a private place that will air out at its own discretion, that's the way to go.

Speaker 1 I'm proud of it, Josh. You got to do better, maybe.
When I got a fog storm, I'll call you the next time I have a fog storm. I'm proud.

Speaker 1 That's my woody nuts. What's your woody nuts, man?

Speaker 1 Honestly, you led me straight to it. Have you been seeing these ads on TikTok for a brand called Don't Worry? No.

Speaker 1 They are four calorie hazelnut meringues. Okay.
Brand is Don't Worry. I ordered them on TikTok.
Four calorie hazelnut meringues? Got to try them. Had one.
Oh my God. This is instant instant diarrhea.

Speaker 1 Instant. Don't worry.
You're gonna shit your pants. Should be what they say.
Four calorie hazelnut meringues. Don't be duped.
Don't fall for it. You're gonna shit yourself.
What are you, nuts?

Speaker 1 Give me an extra 40 calories and save some of the malitol. That's what it is.
That's the delicious, sugary, no calorie that just drops your stomach. Malitol.
It's in all the sugar-free candies.

Speaker 1 Don't worry. Don't get them.
What are you nuts? Love that.

Speaker 1 So cute. Josh hates duty jokes.
It's just not.

Speaker 1 You just hate duty. You know, you can be a man or you can be a gentleman.
And that means I'm talking about bathroom talk. Oh, please.
Real men talk about their shits. And that, folks, is our show.

Speaker 1 Watch my new show, Best Spite Wins. This will be far past it, but October 18th, it came out.
It's crushing it's the biggest show ever on roku but go watch it it's very cute

Speaker 1 it's sick it's sick i got a screener and i love it it's sick go watch it it's fantastic and folks where else can you get a podcast like this okay okay where else you can't so rate us five stars share with a goddamn friend Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast.

Speaker 1 Watch us on Josh's YouTube. Okay.
Share our clips. Go to our Instagram.
Go to our TikTok. Share our clips.
Repost and send it to a friend. Bring more people into into the good guys' universe, okay?

Speaker 1 Mondays and Thursdays, don't forget about the Thursdays. And we'll see you next time, okay?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 see you next time.

Speaker 4 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 4 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.