Toothless with the Saudi Prince?!

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Speaker 1 The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Zopper.
And we're the good guys.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones.

Speaker 1 Mozamorons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with someone whose girth is as big as his heart.
It's Ben

Speaker 1 Ben Zopper.

Speaker 1 I didn't expect to catch a stray bullet. I said girth, like girth.
Oh, okay. Well, sure.

Speaker 1 It's big. Don't ever get quiet like that again.
It's meaty. It's good.
Now you have everybody thinking of my Johnson. Cut this out, Olivia.
Cut it all out.

Speaker 1 We'll just start the podcast here. Hey, guys, it was weird at first, and now we're starting the podcast.

Speaker 1 Josh, how does your penis look? Good? Stop it. It's nuts.
I said it in a cuyute way.

Speaker 1 You're crazy. It looks fine.
It's just totally normal. We need to talk about this t-shirt.
Give us the history of the chess club t-shirt. Tell us where you got it.
This was a gift from my wife.

Speaker 1 It's from the fashion label Em Leandor. Em Leondo.

Speaker 1 from i believe it's a new york streetwear brand i tried to go actually check out the store when i was in soho and there was a line outside and they said you needed to make a reservation for the store and because i stand on business i went and got a slice of pizza instead So, big fan of their clothes.

Speaker 1 I do order them off the net, not from the store, not making a rest.

Speaker 1 I thought it was like merch from one of your guys.

Speaker 1 I do cons.

Speaker 1 I am a chess player, so I did just love it, but I don't believe the Triborough Chess Club exists. Oh, I couldn't even see Triborough Chess Club, I couldn't see Triborough.
Fantastic.

Speaker 1 I also have an Aim de Londor. Is that what it is? Aim de Londor.
Aime Landor.

Speaker 1 Do.

Speaker 1 Aim de Londor.

Speaker 1 I once went into their store. Nothing fit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Nothing fit. It's just like,

Speaker 1 it's those brands. And I haven't been since I have shed a couple of pounds.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 There was that classic brand, Paul Smith, ring-a-bell. I'd try their shirts.
A medium. Like, the XL is a medium.
Well, it's a British cut. Yeah, it's no good.

Speaker 1 I don't like the British cut. I don't even like the British.

Speaker 1 You haven't lived until you've worn a triple XL gucci shirt like i have i have i have plenty of triple xl gucci sweatshirts fantastic speaking of high-end fashion did you go to any fashion week events over the last month ben i did i did i actually went to plenty and one of them was really really sick and the rest of them were ah Really?

Speaker 1 Just like you just like, yeah, you just like pop in, you take a picture, you leave. But we went to this one event, Cynthia Rally, and Cynthia is a friend.
And this event was so cool.

Speaker 1 It was on the river. She got like 25 Cadillacs, Josh, and used their lights.
It was at night, used the lights, the headlights from the Cadillacs to light the show. Cool.
It was sick.

Speaker 1 And also, it's just like, it was like cool to like, you know, just to be cool, you know, be there. Cool celeb, just like with celeb passes, just like being, doing celeb things.

Speaker 1 Like, it is what it is. I have a hard time because I don't want to do any of those things ever for the rest of my life.
But my wife, who isn't that way, is normal.

Speaker 1 And so she can appreciate a one-off cool event here and there. And she wants to go.
So next New York Fashion Week, you come. We'll do it together.
The kids will figure it out. We'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 I don't yet have a plan for them. But honestly, it's cool to be like a young hip family that brings your six-year-old to a fashion week event.
We'll dress him head to toe in Brada.

Speaker 1 I know that would be sick, but I don't think it's cool to bring kids to grown-up things at all. No, me neither.
No, me neither. It's terrible.

Speaker 1 I went to Paris Fashion Week.

Speaker 1 Wow. Whoa.
That's the big one. Yeah, babe.
Yeah. That's sick.

Speaker 1 What was it like? It was cool. First of all, there was a lot of pressure on what I was going to wear.

Speaker 1 And I am not a fashionista, but I had a really good, like European-cut Ralph Lauren purple label suit that I wore.

Speaker 1 Cool, cool shirt underneath. Who knows? And we went to a, we went to like two fashion shows, a couple parties.

Speaker 1 The worst, and I'll never forget, we, Paige and I just got engaged and we spend the whole night out.

Speaker 1 And we're at this party and we're at some like Saudi rich kids table, random, like someone like brought us over.

Speaker 1 We're sitting there and they're handing out glasses of champagne and they go to cheers and you know sober sally over here doesn't know what to do with his arms so everyone goes to like take a swig of the champagne and i'm like yeah

Speaker 1 and i smack the back of the champagne into my wife's mouth and she literally i'm talking drenched like boosh like a wave of champagne just drenches her and I'm like, oh, this is, this cannot be fixed.

Speaker 1 Like, we need to go.

Speaker 1 And, and she's all done up and she looked incredible. And I was like, in that moment, I'm like, maybe she calls off the engagement.
Yeah, that's bad, Josh. That's no good.

Speaker 1 The truth is, the way that you set it up, I thought you like broke three of her front teeth. So like the delivery, it, it softened the blow.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh my God, he pushed this fucking champagne flute into her front teeth and she's toothless with the Saudi prince. That's the name of this episode.
Toothless with the Saudi Prince.

Speaker 1 It was not, it was not hot. And then we went to Italy the next day and they lost all our luggage.
And so it basically like it was a kind of a one-two punch. That's unfortunate.

Speaker 1 When it rains, it pours. Why is it like that, Josh? Why, when one bad things happens, does another, does another, does another? And why on the flip side, when it's good, oh, it's good.
Why is that?

Speaker 1 I've heard this said before, and you can tell me what you think about this one, young Ben. A good day.
is when everything goes your way and you have a great mood about it.

Speaker 1 A great day is when nothing goes your way and you still keep that great mood. Thoughts? That is incredibly losery.

Speaker 1 No, I think it's good perspective. It's important.

Speaker 1 It's important to stay, I like to stay, to say, staying even keeled, never getting too high, never getting too low, just floating in here, I think is best.

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Speaker 1 This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by Jack Black. Folks, look, we're working out.
We're playing golf. We're walking up and down the streets.
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Speaker 1 You know, taking phone calls. You know what happens when you do all those things? You know what happens when we do all those things? We get sweaty.
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Speaker 1 Speaking of floating, this past week, Josh, I don't know if you've noticed because I've complained incessantly about it on Instagram, the sun had not been out for the last eight days in New York.

Speaker 1 We're talking zero. You wake up in in the dark.
I don't remember the last time that this happened. Zero.
And it really, it really affected my mood. Like I couldn't believe it.
I was lethargic.

Speaker 1 I was, dare I say, a little bit sad. It was very strange.
I was having a very weird reaction to the, to the lack of sun. And the sun came out this morning.
And dare I say, I almost cried.

Speaker 1 I literally like looked at the sun. I couldn't have appreciated the sun more if I tried.
My mood, I don't know if you can tell. I am chipper today.
I am fantastic. I'm awake.
I'm happy.

Speaker 1 And I'm also thinking that maybe I have a slight mental disorder.

Speaker 1 You being sad would really scare me because you are just at a resting joy and you're stoked on bowling or like, you know, just like, yeah, just like kind of the good things that life has to offer.

Speaker 1 That being said, I've never been more convinced now more than ever that you live in a cesspool of misery and you cannot garner, you cannot wrestle happiness out of that unforgiving place that you live.

Speaker 1 And I think you need to take a sojourn and live somewhere else for a while. I feel that deeply.

Speaker 1 It's possible, but like weather's bad everywhere. I just need sun.
I didn't realize quite how much I needed the sun. And this leads me to my next point, Josh.
Google AI,

Speaker 1 unbelievable. I don't need anything ever again, but Google AI.
I Google. All of my just,

Speaker 1 I'm terrified, right? I'm Googling. Can lack of sun cause depression? Google AI gives me a whole list.
Yes, it can, but have no fear. When the sun comes back out, you'll be totally fine again.

Speaker 1 Google AI is literally just like a person with Munchausen's wet dream.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, you know, there are light bulbs, certain light bulbs that you can get that will mimic the sun and give you some of those good feelings you're seeking. What are you?

Speaker 1 My mom talking to me at nine nine o'clock this morning?

Speaker 1 She literally said that to me,

Speaker 1 plenty of moms.

Speaker 1 I'm a 70-year-old Jewish mother. Yeah, she just said they're not new.
They exist. This is not a unique problem to you.
You can absolutely solve it. Go and buy this light.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 Ben, I love you so much, and you are a perfect boy. And the level in which you are sheltered sometimes is mind-blowing to me.

Speaker 1 And it's so cute that you thought seasonal affective disorder was created by you and only affected you. I think that I've never heard it for a single week.
Have you? I've heard it for a long period.

Speaker 1 Seasonal depression. I thought that that was a whole season.
I'm talking about week by week. Yeah, people.
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Speaker 1 Who's saying that? James Taylor? I love him. Karen Carpenter.

Speaker 1 Karen sounds like a real bitch.

Speaker 1 I think it was Karen. Oh, she's not with us anymore, so

Speaker 1 okay. Fine.
All that I'm saying is if you have seasonal depression, I see you. And I am the new face.
Are you the face of seasonal depression? Imagine this was all a big pharmaceutical ad.

Speaker 1 Except there's no pharmaceutical for it because the sun comes out. Eventually, by the way, Josh, it sounds like you're one of the toxic people that takes the sun for granted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the sun will always come out until it doesn't. Yeah.
Then what?

Speaker 1 I think you need to leave New York City. I think it would change you in such a great way.
It's a suffocating hellscape where you live. We just need a new mayor.

Speaker 1 A mayor that doesn't let the sun not shine for a week. I'm just saying, if this was Bloomberg, he would have created the sun.
Okay, let's, let's... Zero in.
And you can't go to the typical places.

Speaker 1 You can't go to Miami and you can't go to L.A. Okay, let me think.
You can't go to Boston. we need to...
Can't I just go to like Westchester or you're saying I need to get out of the state?

Speaker 1 You could do Westchester, but like, let's do something fun. Let's be weird.
Like, okay. Would you ever...

Speaker 1 If I'm leaving New York, I like to be on the coast. You can't catch me inland.
I don't want it. So I'm thinking, okay, fair.
Fair enough. Joshi Travel Agent.
Here we go. Savannah, Georgia.
Inland? No?

Speaker 1 No, it's on the coast. Atlanta is inland.
Got it. I could fuck with Savannah.
Yeah. Savannah's cool.
Sure could. How many Jews are in Savannah?

Speaker 1 Olivia's checking. Just Google Chabad, Savannah.
The Chabad, but

Speaker 1 I need a flourishing Jewish population. 4,000.
You could be the king of them. You'd be like a gang.
That's actually like, it's interesting. The fewer Jews, the more you can wrangle them.

Speaker 1 I sound like Hitler.

Speaker 1 You know, that was the thing.

Speaker 1 We've talked about this, that that after World War II, there were organizations that put Jewish communities in places you wouldn't expect, like Oklahoma, like random ass areas so that, you know, we couldn't all be like, they couldn't just go to Long Island and be like, found them all.

Speaker 1 Even though that's literally what happened.

Speaker 1 Right. What else is coastal? Savannah is interesting.
I'm trying to think what else is down.

Speaker 1 That's if I want to be southeast.

Speaker 1 What about like...

Speaker 1 What about, would you ever do like, I mean, it's not, it's, you can't live in Cape Cod. You're not going to live in Maine.
I know you. You're not a Maine guy.
No. Newport, what'd you say, Olivia?

Speaker 1 Virginia Beach. That sounds nice.
Newport, Rhode Island. I'm going to be a little bit taught on the Virginia Beach.
Newport, Rhode Island, lovely. Ah,

Speaker 1 lovely. Lovely.
Rhode Island is lovely. But if I'm going to be Northeast, I'm going to stay where I am.
Right. I need to leave the Northeast.
It's Savannah, babe. It's Savannah.
I cracked it.

Speaker 1 What about like... hmm yeah okay i'm gonna move to savannah i don't know where i make sense except for los angeles and i you

Speaker 1 make sense in in canada yeah you're canadian i'm so canadian it's crazy i'm tim hortons i'm watching the leafs and i'm like protesting justin trudeau bong yeah yeah you're you're put it in the

Speaker 1 you're canadian i think i'm trying to think of where in canada vancouver it's the only place to live. The Couves.
Is that what they call it? The Couves? They should. V-Town.

Speaker 1 You're going to the Couves? Van City.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's cool. Famous Vancouver Knights, Seth Rogan.
Ryan Reynolds. Seth Rogan.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's a good list. It's not bad.
No, those are two. It's a good list.
We've talked about it. Honestly, anything Ryan Reynolds does, I'm in.
That guy's a genius. The guy can't lose.
No,

Speaker 1 he's one of the few that really just has figured it out. He's He's like a rock.
He's underratedly like the rock. Maybe Ryan Reynolds is Mint Mobile.
You and I start a wireless carrier.

Speaker 1 We're Mint chip mobile. I'm in.
I like it. It sounds delicious.
Like,

Speaker 1 hey, we're going to overcharge you for wireless, but you're going to get free ice cream. That's not terrible.
Limited data.

Speaker 1 And then we sell all the data back to the semi-aglutide companies so they know who to shoot. Yeah, that's so different yeah

Speaker 1 makes sense to me what okay this is a fun question

Speaker 1 i feel like we need to reinvent the ice cream shop slightly now we're always doing flavors right you go to some artists in brooklyn place they're like we have blue cheese we have caesar salad ice cream you're like

Speaker 1 miss me brother oh oh we have rosemary and gen z tears ice cream you know it's great you know i i'm I'm not a fan.

Speaker 1 I think they need to have standard flavors, but we need to recreate the vessel because I'm not sure the cone is really coming through in the end for us.

Speaker 1 I think that Coldstone had it right.

Speaker 1 That is the best way to approach an ice cream shop. I just think that they made it a little bit too complicated.
Okay. Like, you don't need to do it in front of me.
You can easily blend it.

Speaker 1 Like you can have a blender. Like just take the scoop of vanilla, the scoop of chocolate, the Twix bar, the Milky Way, put it in a blender, pulse once, take it out, and give it to me.

Speaker 1 I don't need like this like cold marble, these shovels, the show, all that. I think they did a little too much.
But the perfect ice cream shop is you get it your way. However you want it, it's yours.

Speaker 1 And of course, we have recommendations on the walls. We have bestsellers, all that stuff.
I think that's the best way to do it.

Speaker 1 To your point about the cone, I agree that there is something, there's something missing. Yeah, oh, I know it.

Speaker 1 And no one's talking about it. There's something missing.
And I'm

Speaker 1 over it.

Speaker 1 There's something missing. There is.
There is.

Speaker 1 What if cones almost came like oyster crackers, Josh? Where you get a little bag? Keep talking. Keep talking.
Little cones, okay?

Speaker 1 And you're dipping your cone in the ice cream and putting it into your mouth. It's almost like chips and salsa.
Okay. You couldn't have your ice cream couldn't be too hard.

Speaker 1 It would need to be soft, but imagine that dip. It's almost a Tostito scoop, but in the flavor of a waffle cone.
I like that.

Speaker 1 I love that. I think that's fucking sick.
I love that. What if they made one cone that was a gigantic sprinkle? Okay.
Wow. The whole thing is one giant Jimmy, baby.

Speaker 1 And so as you're taking bites, you're just getting a sprinkle hit with every one. I'm in.
Yeah. Sign me up.

Speaker 1 That's good. A sprinkled banana boat, and then you're piling the scoops in there.

Speaker 1 Or like, what about just like a waffle, a waffle cone that has been dipped in like a score bar, like an English toffee dip? What about just English toffee?

Speaker 1 How about we take all the work that we've done on the apple dipping? People who dip apples, they really dip. They go caramel.

Speaker 1 They go all these different variations of nougats and pralines and all this crap. We apply that to the cone business.
Right. We just need some invention.
We need some thought leadership.

Speaker 1 We need somebody to get behind this. Is a fancy apple dip a show of wealth? Yes, and a lack of care for your dentist.
But it's like because you're at an event.

Speaker 1 No one's coming home from a long day and is like, babe, I picked up dipped apples.

Speaker 1 Imagine you came home. Paige, I brought three caramel apples.
Please.

Speaker 1 I swung by the apple re

Speaker 1 got a couple couple of fucking dipped apples.

Speaker 1 That's nuts.

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Speaker 1 well in the spirit of dipped apples did you know that migraine sufferers

Speaker 1 migraine sufferers are using vibrators on their heads to relieve pain but is it worth all the buzz? The New York Post reports that pounding headaches can be agony.

Speaker 1 But there's an x-rated DIY cure that's tucked away in your nightstand drawer. About 82% of American women own a vibrator.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 which are now being used in an unorthodox way by migraine sufferers.

Speaker 1 While orgasms might be able to satisfy a headache, people are applying sex toys directly on their noggins in order to ease the pressure and pain from migraines.

Speaker 1 And one desperate user wrote on Reddit where they admitted to using their Hitachi wand vibrator. Cleaned, obviously.

Speaker 1 Wow. I want to jump back to the 82% of women on a vibrator.
I'm so happy for them. Me too, but like, we don't have any cool tools.
None.

Speaker 1 If you're a guy who... And if you if you have one of our tools, you should be in prison.
Yeah, you should be on a list. Like our tools are the inflatable doll, jail.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. A flashlight? Jail.
Jail.

Speaker 1 Like, a sock. What are you, six? Like, yeah.
Our tools are jail. A microwaved cantalum.
2% use them to stop migraines. Like, you talk about the

Speaker 1 talk about unfair. It's nuts.
Men should not be going near any sort of. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Should we, Josh, reinvent the male tool?

Speaker 1 Go on.

Speaker 1 All right, we're out. We're not doing that.
There are, I mean,

Speaker 1 I think there are other options, and yet still, there's just something about it. There's a stigma, and I think it's.

Speaker 1 Is there like a mechanical hand, like almost like from the Adams family, that just like I think if they're they're getting the scrotum?

Speaker 1 I think if they're getting into robotics, they're not going for scrotum,

Speaker 1 scrotum attention.

Speaker 1 That's how you get fired from the sex story company. You're like, all right, guys, hear me out.

Speaker 1 I've been working six months on a scrotum hand. They're like, you're fired, Bill.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 As a migraine sufferer, I would try it.

Speaker 1 What would you do if you came into my house? I'm laying on my couch and I have a dildo pressed against my forehead.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I would be like, ah, tracks.
The problem is, is that if you did. Like, that's cool, but have you tried my scrotum hand

Speaker 1 tool?

Speaker 1 You would have to print out that news article from the post because every time someone discovered your vibrator,

Speaker 1 you'd be like, no, no, it's for migraines. And they'd be like, I'm so sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I swear. Yeah.
Here, paper.

Speaker 1 Out. Migraines are the worst, aren't they? Awful.
Awful. And if you don't, if you've never had them, I found this out recently.
You know, there are people that have never gotten a headache? No.

Speaker 1 Yes, not everybody gets headaches. I get headaches every other day.
This is what I'm saying. I used to.
Now they're much better. I used to get headaches every day.
I would be taking Advil every day.

Speaker 1 I used to get migraines all the time. And I will say, credit Ozempic, since losing weight, or maybe just since weight loss, my headaches have gone down significantly.
Wow.

Speaker 1 But there are people that don't get headaches. You know me.
I'm TM Joshi. I got plenty of TMJ, Bruxism, as it's called, teeth grinding, clenching all day, all night.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, it kills my, I have such bad headaches. Yeah, that's not good.
We got to fix it. You have a bite plate? I do have a night guard.
It's super cute.

Speaker 1 And I sometimes I wonder too, like, if I'm like, I'll throw it in because now I just feel like I'm going into the big game, you know, it feels like a mouth guard that I'm wearing for like my division one football team.

Speaker 1 And so I'll throw it in in case I fall asleep while I'm like watching a show with my wife.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, the off night that maybe she wants to canodle, I then have to go, oh, for sure, just one second.

Speaker 1 Like, I have to take it out.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, that is not sexy.

Speaker 1 There was, when I had TMJ for a minute, there was a trick that I did. Do you ever try this? You basically pull open your mouth and you hold.
Yeah, hold that for 10 seconds. Okay.

Speaker 1 Seven, six, five, four,

Speaker 1 three,

Speaker 1 two, one. Feel better?

Speaker 1 Maybe. I don't feel worse.
No, it's a jaw stretch.

Speaker 1 It stretches it out. A jaw stretch.
Get the thumbnail. Get the thumbnail, guys.
Screenshot this.

Speaker 1 And I'm just saying, if you're not watching on YouTube, then you didn't see my tonsils that have been removed since I was six months old. I, wow, six-month-old tonsil removal.

Speaker 1 Tell me you're Jewish without telling me you're Jewish. I couldn't breathe night at six months, 99% of my airwaves were just cut off.

Speaker 1 I'm just imagining you hear the nursery rhymes from your little crib, and it's like, Rockabye, baby.

Speaker 1 Isn't Ben so cute?

Speaker 1 You poor little thing.

Speaker 1 I told you the story when I got a migraine, my one and only migraine. No.

Speaker 1 I was in the desert with my wife and her family. They were going to stagecoach.
I'm sorry. One second.
There's just something weird that you Californians do where you just throw around desert.

Speaker 1 As if it's not like

Speaker 1 when an East Coaster says they were in the desert, I think of the Sahara. It's a proper desert, but you know what the East Coast equivalent is? I was in the country.
Yes, exactly. Right.

Speaker 1 So you say the country, we think you're in an episode of Yellowstone. Like,

Speaker 1 you're actually 30 minutes outside the city. Yes, continue.
So

Speaker 1 we were in Palm Desert for stagecoach, and I was not there to watch the concert. I was just there to enjoy with the family.

Speaker 1 And so I left like a day early, and I'm driving home, and I remember that my favorite restaurant, soup dumpling restaurant, the famous soup dumpling place. It's like in between LA and the desert.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to go. I just love it.
And I have all my favorite dishes. And I drive back and as I'm like 10 minutes away from my buddy's house, I feel the migraine come on.

Speaker 1 And I had never felt anything like this. So much so that as I'm pulling up, I open the door and I throw up.
because I'm so like, I'm so disoriented.

Speaker 1 And it hit me so hard that I had to sleep at his house. I couldn't drive anymore.
Luckily, I made it to his house. So I tell my mother and she's like, I've made an appointment at the neurologist.

Speaker 1 We are going to nip this in the butt. So I go to the neurologist and I've never been such a, through such a thorough exam.

Speaker 1 I mean, all these, you know, questions and then checking reflexes and balancing and just like checking each hemisphere of my brain and making sure everything's working correctly.

Speaker 1 And, and, and we talked for an hour and he's like yeah i'm just not sure like put me through the gamut and then offhandedly he goes what did you have for lunch that day and i said chinese food and he goes that's it and i was like what

Speaker 1 and he's like sometimes it's the sodium sometimes if that particular restaurant uses msg he's like we've seen that it can trigger a migraine He's like, so that's probably the best guess as to why you got it.

Speaker 1 Never gotten it since. And I eat plenty of Chinese food.
And you eat it. So maybe this neurologist was a xenophobe.

Speaker 1 I'm fairly certain that you probably got it from like the bright lights at Stagecoach, no? I would. I didn't go to Stagecoach, but you're right.

Speaker 1 I think I could have also just been dehydrated from the desert and ate too much salt. And it was a bad mix.
I'm out on it being from one Chinese food meal. I'm out.
Okay. That's the diagnosis.

Speaker 1 And then he fucking bills the insurance provider. Nope.

Speaker 1 whoa scam you don't think he got on the group chat with his buddies and he was like got another one yeah scam

Speaker 1 well we have another story here and it's a good one trust me and that is that i found a stranger sleeping under my house and then i confronted her What she found in her crawl space is enough to make your skin crawl.

Speaker 1 Someone's been living under my house, an Oregon homeowner announced on Reddit.

Speaker 1 The woman, known only to her audience as Spring Chickun, was tidying up the yard earlier this week when she noticed that the hatch to a small underground compartment of her 113-year-old abode had been suspiciously unlocked.

Speaker 1 Upon investigating the curious breach, the gal discovered a makeshift bed complete with a purple and pink blanket and several bags filled with a stranger's personal effects.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's been slept in super recently. She was pretty unalarmed.

Speaker 1 And then another woman said that she found an ex-convict had been living beneath her floorboards yeah randos sleeping under your house i would freak out yeah yeah she handled it like a champ it's

Speaker 1 brother are you what i would freak the fuck out and move they could take my house yeah you get you you you say well played here's the deed you win you win here's the deed do people still do deeds i mean i think they're they're more figurative deeds.

Speaker 1 I don't know if they're quite like, do you have a deed to your house? I think so. You do?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Give him the deed. You don't want it anymore.
Take my deed. You don't want it, dude.
Should we do a speakpipe? Yeah, please.

Speaker 1 If you want to ask us a question or get advice, only those two things, go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys

Speaker 1 and we will answer. Probably, maybe.
Keep it brief. Brevity is key.
Here's like Ben's middle name, Morgan.

Speaker 2 hey good guys love the pod settle a debate for me and my husband we live in the midwest so there's not always privacy fences around our houses we don't have any fencing between our neighbors and the backyard so theoretically they can see into our house now i like to walk around without pants sometimes you know oversized t-shirt or sports bra and shorts He thinks I need to stop doing this in case they look in.

Speaker 2 Now, I'm in the camp, where's my house? I can do what I want. Look at your own risk.
He thinks this is disrespectful. What do you guys think?

Speaker 1 I love that you asked this question because I often have this debate with my wife because I walk around the house nudity judy. Nude, fully nude.

Speaker 1 Not always, but sometimes I will get out of the shower and I'll just like forget that I'm nude and like I'll go and like answer an email.

Speaker 1 I'm just imagining you on the bed with your schmotz, but like you like and this area. No, it's possible that

Speaker 1 I have fully view.

Speaker 1 And she always says, What if the neighbors see? Put on some clothes. And all that I say is, let them watch.
Take a picture, post it online. What's the worst that can happen? I get paid in a lawsuit?

Speaker 1 Like, what are you worried about? It's illegal. I'll get money.
Word up.

Speaker 1 Right? What am I missing? i've never heard of anyone hoping for revenge porn

Speaker 1 i'm just i'm not hoping i'm saying it is a if that's the only downside that i fall into a sack of cash i'm in okay and just know if you're taking pictures of me naked i'm gonna sue your ass I mean, this woman, I understand her wanting to walk around full Winnie the Pooh in her house.

Speaker 1 And I really don't have any issue. I don't mind seeing other people, and I don't mind people seeing me.
It is what it is. I know that I'm a California 7, but I'm a Louisiana 9.

Speaker 1 So drink it in, kids. Drink it in.
I have no issues. I also think her husband doesn't want her walking around her own house in a sports bra and shorts.
What do you want her wearing? A tuxedo?

Speaker 1 Well, you could draw the blinds. Sure, but like, you're in your house.
You want that sun. I agree.
And the sports bra and shorts, like it is like people work out in, in wilder things than that.

Speaker 1 Much wilder. I sometimes work out naked.
Wow. This next one's from Anonymous.

Speaker 2 Hey, good guys. Big moron and toaster here.
Husband is actually a big moron as well, but weirdly never listened to the podcast about having your first baby.

Speaker 2 So we moved away from our hometown over six years ago, don't live by any of our best friends, immediate family.

Speaker 2 How do we go about acquiring gifts for said first baby without having a baby shower without being tacky as hell you know everyone's telling me just send it out send it to people i feel like blasting an email being like hey we want all this shit just seems odd you know but also babies aren't cheap and again need a lot of stuff so wondering how you would go about that would you just not do anything and hope for the best, hope that the people love you and are going to give you stuff?

Speaker 1 Or would you somehow work it into natural conversation need some advice love you guys you're as nuts as the intro said that you would be me and my husband i'm a big fan my husband he doesn't listen i don't need to know that he doesn't listen no he's also he moved away right olivia

Speaker 1 i think she said he well she said he was a moron but never listened to the past yeah what does that mean oh then he's just a moron that's what i said he's just a moron and also i didn't need to hear this it's like the it we talk about about this all the time.

Speaker 1 Somebody will come up to you on the street. Oh,

Speaker 1 my sister's wife is a huge fan. I'm not, though.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Right. Okay.
Thanks for letting me know. I digress.
You moved away. You left your family in the dust.
Sorry. They don't need to send you gifts.

Speaker 1 If it's not close enough for them to come over and hand you a gift, you can't expect anything. You can let people know, hi, I gave birth.
I'm so excited. Or hi, I'm pregnant.
So excited.

Speaker 1 And then them on their own volition can buy you you things if they love you. But this expectation that people should buy you presents when you've moved away, sorry, I'm out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I agree. You certainly can't, unfortunately, if you don't have a baby shower, you're not setting yourself up to win here.

Speaker 1 But I do believe in the village aspect of things and how damn expensive kids are.

Speaker 1 And that it really is beautiful when, like, I have a good buddy, Matt, who's about, his baby's about to be born in October.

Speaker 1 And he basically got everything he needed from his family and friends which I think is just lovely and wonderful if possible.

Speaker 1 I think you can make a list like an Amazon wish list or something and when the people who love you ask

Speaker 1 then say yeah we put together a little list no pressure but if because you can't just like improvise with kids gifts you don't know if you're going to get the stroller they want if you're going to get the diaper table they want so if you want to buy someone a gift you want their list have the list in case people ask, but you can't send it out.

Speaker 1 Agreed. You can definitely not email blast the list.
Hey, we're pregnant. Here's my list.
That's nuts. That's that's fun, though.
It is fun. It's chutzpah.
It's

Speaker 1 chutzpah. All right.
Last one from Aaron.

Speaker 2 Hi, Josh and Ben, huge moron here. My fiancé Anthony is actually a newfound moron, and we absolutely love that for him.

Speaker 2 We just recently booked our wedding venue, which is a summer camp in the Pocono Mountains. It's so exciting and gorgeous and we can't wait.

Speaker 2 Neither of us actually went to camp growing up, so we really need to figure out any and all camp essential activities, games, anything that makes camp memorable to fill an entire weekend since we'll be there from Thursday to Sunday.

Speaker 2 Any suggestions that you guys have would be absolutely appreciated. I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say.

Speaker 2 And maybe if you give us a good enough idea, we'll send you some save the dates and invitations. All right.
Love you guys. Bye.

Speaker 1 I can't make holding the invite over my head? You'd be lucky for me to fucking show up. I'm unavailable.
I went home early from camp when I was a kid. I'm not going back.

Speaker 1 No, but it sounds like a really fun idea. But Josh, we'd be remiss not to mention that's back-to-back people mentioning that their husbands are getting on board with this podcast.
That's right.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying that's how this, that's how it really starts, folks. You guys were here from the beginning.

Speaker 1 Now we're the biggest podcast in America, and tomorrow will be the biggest podcast worldwide. It's a fucking ground swell.
That's how it fucking starts.

Speaker 1 It starts with the women because men are so stupid. Idiot men.
It starts with the women. They're like, ooh, yeah, I'll try something new.
Dumb.

Speaker 1 And then the men here, and they're chuckling, and they're like, oh, I'll listen by myself. That'll be our other podcast.

Speaker 1 That's how it fucking starts. Yes!

Speaker 1 Okay, I just literally broke my wrist. Like, it shattered.
I just like hit something in this. Okay, so what the fuck did she ask before she told us that we

Speaker 1 had to do this for a wedding? I'll tell you what an essential is, bug spray. But, you know, s'mores, pool, maybe a little ultimate frisbee.
I assume there's a lake. I don't know.
It sounds lovely.

Speaker 1 Mazatov, to you. We were on your side until you said you'd be lucky to be invited to our wedding.
And that said, you should bring bug spray. I agree.
S'mores is a great thing that Josh said. Alcohol.

Speaker 1 Plenty of alcohol. A lot.
Maybe some other fun goodies. Like, it would be really cool if everybody walked in and you had like joints on a tray or like mushrooms on a tray.

Speaker 1 Like, let everybody like really

Speaker 1 go into the elements. Maybe you have a shaman and everybody trips and everybody's like, Was I at a wedding or was I at like some hallucinogen festival? Yeah, that's cool.
I'm into that idea. Love it.

Speaker 1 Drugs. I say, go for it, enjoy yourself.
Maybe you do the fun things. So you look forward to a camp.
Everyone gets like a care package and you like, and you fill it with snacks and like fun sundries.

Speaker 1 Or, or you force your entire wedding party to swing

Speaker 1 everybody gets assigned someone new because camp's all about new sexual activities and so assign husbands wives wives husbands husbands husbands and just see what happens like everybody gets a new bunk mate

Speaker 1 Love that. And if your camp is anything like Ben's camp, you can dive in in the mornings.
Have a nice morning prayer. Make sure that everybody prays in the morning and shtups in the evenings.

Speaker 1 So aggressive. Let's get to our what are you nuts, our what are you nuts moment of the week, our gripes with people, places, and things, anything currently sticking in our craw at the moment.

Speaker 1 My what are you nuts moment is sending the waiter away. What are you nuts? Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 If you're going to a restaurant, any kind of restaurant where you're excited, where you really want to take a good gander at the menu, look at it before you go.

Speaker 1 Decide what you're going to order before you go. You can listen to a special.
You can make maybe a Hail Mary, a off-the-cuff decision, but you better know.

Speaker 1 Because if that waiter comes over and goes, let me give you a few more minutes, you failed. What are you nuts? I was once, they sent the waiter away three times.
Oh, I'm sorry. We're talking.

Speaker 1 And I never said, I haven't even liked. We're talking.
What are you nuts? Order. Order immediately.
Order when you sit down. Order with the drinks.
And then you can. You can spot seer.

Speaker 1 You can do whatever you want for the rest of the time. Take your time.
Put the order in. What are you nuts? This is an excellent what are you nuts? Excellent.
It's completely nuts. I know.

Speaker 1 Completely nuts. Also, Josh, how do you know that you're ever going to see the waiter again? So true.
Sometimes you tell them to go and then they go on break.

Speaker 1 They could be a type A waiter and come back two minutes later, or they could be a total degenerate and you won't see them for another 25 minutes. Ever again.
Oh, they don't want me? Cool. Peace.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Scary. My what are you nuts moment is I was on my way to a wedding about a week ago and I get in the front seat of the car and my Uber driver turns to me and says, I know you.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh my God, you know my podcast. Like I'm thinking that to myself, oh yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, I know you from TV. And I'm like thinking like, okay, maybe he like just doesn't know the difference between YouTube and TV.
I'm like, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, I love you, George.

Speaker 1 And then I'm like, huh, huh. What could this guy possibly be thinking? And I was wearing my glasses.
And he's like, yeah, I love your politics.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh my God, this fucking Uber driver thinks I'm george santos what are you nuts

Speaker 1 what are you nuts okay like get out of here with that

Speaker 1 i don't look like him i don't like maybe if you're blind and if you're blind you shouldn't be driving my uber okay you blind bastard

Speaker 1 It was insane. It was truly insane.
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.
George Santos. And the worst part: I love your politics.
What are you sick?

Speaker 1 I love the way you steal.

Speaker 1 At least he lands in jail. I love your politics.

Speaker 1 At least he didn't say that you look like George Santos's drag character.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's his drag persona name to me? What'd you say? What's George Santos's drag persona? Speaking of Google AI,

Speaker 1 what's George Santa? It's like Lady Scarlett. Drag drag name.

Speaker 1 Katara Rabash. Rabash.
Oof, that's good. I mean,

Speaker 1 fine. You don't look like George Santos, but that's it.
And that's our podcast.

Speaker 1 Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe.

Speaker 1 Well, don't end it on a downer. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to me and George.

Speaker 1 Check us out on YouTube, Spotify, everywhere we have

Speaker 1 where you get podcasts. Five stars.
I mean, otherwise, what do you mean? George Santos spit and

Speaker 1 the candied apples. What more could you want? It's impossible.
You're definitely not getting this content anywhere else. All these podcasts are the same.
This is different.

Speaker 1 We both are truly mentally unwell, and we're putting that on display for you twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays.

Speaker 1 Watch our clips, Instagram, TikTok, follow us on both those platforms, even though we're mecca and we don't need your followers. But you can still follow us anyways, okay?

Speaker 1 Share the clips, and we'll see you next time. Love ya.

Speaker 3 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 3 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.