1000-lb Brothers

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

good guys.

Whoa.

Mazlemorons, welcome back to the Good Guys Podcast.

I'm sitting here with my co-host, Ben Soffern.

I'm sitting here with my co-host, the gorgeous bareleg Josh Peck.

Do tell Josh, God, you're looking so leggy.

I've never seen these legs look like this before.

What's going on?

You're looking like me.

I know, and it kills me.

No, it's unacceptable.

It's unacceptable.

That's Chrissy D's joke.

By the way, Chrissy D, Ledge.

Legend in the biz.

Not a good friend.

I thought we were.

I won't say that.

Definitely not.

Just an acquaintance that if he wanted to pursue a more formal relationship with me, I would be open.

But for me to call him a close personal friend would not be true.

No, you should not be sending him your best bereavement notices when you think that his father, who's very much alive, has sadly passed.

That was so nuts of me.

Like top five most nuts things I've ever done.

Nuts.

you was i thinking you thought that his father passed away from an instagram post and you you reached out which is nice i did reach out if you haven't listened to this episode you should go back you should honestly listen to all of them i'm not even going to tell you what episode it's in listen to all of them and find the story but yes i saw chrissy d posted something about his father he did in my defense make it seem like his dad had passed so i reached out and i said i'm so sorry to hear that your father passed wishing you well and he said dude my dad's alive and i was like

then what did you say oh no i don't even remember what did i say yippee

yeah be you

tell me about the shorts stop deflecting well these shorts viori shout out love them shout out

so listen i wear pants on this podcast because i'm old school show biz babe and there should be just in life in general but a dress code okay the way these people dress.

And yes, I know I'm slightly including you in here, but I love you.

You wear your underwear at Sinai West.

Okay.

Do you see these slippers?

These are fantastic.

I'll get you a pair if you want.

The company's called Brunch, and they did a collab at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

My feet have never been cozier.

You're a wild kid, and I do support you, and I accept you.

That's true.

Thank you.

I, on the other hand, People say Josh Peck, what do they say?

They say Paul Newman.

They say old school class.

They say

the white sydney portier and

they do usually say paul newman that's that's what they do yeah josh peck paul newman yes a jewish icon king of salad dressings

newman's own newman's own so good so i was shooting a you know one of my signature tick tocks earlier today And I needed some breadsticks.

So I went to a famous Italian eatery that's probably in direct conflict with Applebee's.

So I will not be naming them.

And they definitely don't have a 2 for 25 deal.

No.

And they have a 2 for Give You Diarrhea deal.

Singer.

Bang.

Boom bang.

And so I go and I get breadsticks and I'm like, while I'm here, I might as well get a chicken and shrimp carbonara.

Sure.

I just want a bite.

I just want a taste.

I want a little something.

I went to yoga this morning.

That's how sick I am.

That's how you know you can't fix me.

No GLP1 is going to rewire this fucking hornet's nest in here that goes after a 60-minute hot yoga class.

I'm going to eat pasta and cream sauce on my drive here.

I'm not even worried about the pasta and cream sauce.

I'm specifically worried about the shrimp from this venue that will remain unnamed.

Yeah, it was those micro mini shrimps too that you know was made by Cisco.

Oh man.

Oof, lab-grown.

Sounded like a lab-grown shrimp.

That's how I like it.

Farm race.

You know, I'm usually an expert driving and eater.

I don't drink and drive, but I do eat and drive.

Wait, you're eating a fettuccine alfredo with chicken and shrimp while driving?

What are you, nuts?

It's a carbonara dick.

How did you even hold it?

This is not

Frasilli, okay?

It's a classy noodle, you fuck.

This is not safe driving.

What did you do?

Hold the tin with your teeth, one hand on the wheel, and one hand scooping.

It's insane.

I drive a car from the head of the Doge department.

Okay.

Oh, so you were self-driving.

It was self-driving while I was doing it.

No, I was, I had my knee on, and I was.

You're like, no, I specifically turned off self-driving.

I wanted to test myself.

How many shrimps?

I was in my drink.

How many shrimps can I eat while going 75?

Apparently, not many because I spilled that shit all over my favorite Raining Champ pants that are like an athleisure wear but classy.

And I was like, oh, God, this is beyond repair like this is cream sauce on black pants like I cannot show up to dear media like this

but I always have gym clothes in the back of my car so here I am

I'm sorry I think you're I think you're just far more approachable in shorts and I would recommend you wear them more often you work on those legs and I'm just saying you look like you're ready to have a good time sometimes you show up in pants I'm like what did this guy just get out of a date in court No.

Am I ever unapproachable?

No, not to me, but

I'm just saying that you are very approachable right now in these shorts.

Yeah, those caps, those calves are looking great.

Olivia, you might want to excuse yourself.

No, those calves are through the roof.

Those calves clearly are not on a GLP that's slowly eating away at the lean muscle mass.

That is full-blown muscle mass, okay?

What about those?

Those are, we're currently looking at his, his traps, tries, ties, quads, quads, quads.

Wow, that's nice.

I'm just saying, if you're only listening, you're missing out on what is basically OnlyFans.

Like, Josh just fully showed us like a little

some fans, not only fans, some fans.

He showed us just like a little bit of his sack.

This is just a touch.

This is remnants of 300.

My documentary, remnants of 300.

Remnants of 300.

And it's just a little extra knee skin right around there.

Did you see, Josh, that they're casting for the new season of 1,000 pound sisters?

Where do we sign up?

I'd say you the length.

That's so awesome.

Right?

I'm just saying, like, I would transition

if they let us be 1,000 pound sisters.

Yeah, then we're going to need a GLP 1,000

to take that weight off.

That would be the role of a lifetime, Josh, to play a 1,000-pound sister?

You're going to need to gain 800 pounds and transition, but you could do it.

And then the reversal.

I mean, it's no different than what's his name in the whale.

No, he, yeah, totally.

I'm in.

I'm in.

You tell me when and where.

I'm in.

Tell me a, I know we've, I think we've done this on the pod before, but like completely, I'm not talking wheels off, like trying to be Brendan Frazier in the whale, but like just you're like, I've had a great, okay, you weigh in at like the lowest you've ever weighed in and you happen to play a full court basketball game at 5 a.m.

before you have eaten anything for the day.

You go, today is a free day.

I'm not going to judge.

I'm not going to limit.

I'm not going to be an insane person.

I don't want to make myself sick.

But what does that day look like?

Ooh, okay.

So it's already an insane day if I'm having a gluttonous breakfast.

Like if I'm having, if I'm going in in IHOP style and I'm grabbing just like syrupy, custardy deliciousness, it's over for me.

So if the day is over for me, if that's what you're saying, then, oh baby, I'm getting a nice kala French toast drenched in syrup.

I love that.

So nice and thick, absolutely fantastic.

When it's undercooked, it almost creates custard.

I love a chocolate chip pancake, Josh.

I love just like.

piled high chocolate chips.

Again, some butter, a pad of butter, some beautiful syrup.

The theme here is syrup, Josh.

I love syrup.

I love jelly.

I love powdered sugar.

Anything like that, that's what's going in for breakfast.

Then for lunch, the thing is, I might be asleep.

Like that type of breakfast will knock me out, but I'll go in for a pasta.

I liked what you said.

Maybe an ice fettuccine.

Maybe a nice fettuccine.

I like some hard peas.

I love a fettuccine with peas.

And then at night, I don't know, I'm continuing down this carb train.

I'm going pizza.

We're going pasta.

Get all that protein out of here, unless it's going to be a chicken parm.

but for me it's going to start in the morning with a gluttonous breakfast and it's going to end with an Italian feast you

sure

so I wake up and I bang a couple Adderall right because it's like you know what I'm like I deserve it but any professional taker of amphetamine has learned to eat through it my good friend Jaime

May his memory be a blessing.

He said, the thing about speed is, Josh, once you learn you can eat through through it you do it

and i said

hi me there's a lot going on back back behind those eyes isn't there and he says you have no idea brother that sucks it really sucks

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This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by our friends at Applebee's.

Folks, I'm so excited that Applebee's is a sponsor.

I grew up on Applebee's.

I loved Applebee's.

Me and my friends would turn to each other and we say, hey, want to go to the Bees?

Yeah, that's right.

The Bees was short for Applebee's.

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Oh, baby, they are going to love it.

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Tell them that Ben sent you, okay?

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Tell them Ben's software, celebrity chef, sent you to Applebee's because Applebee's is iconic and you need this chicken Parmesan fettuccine and their new Bangin burger.

I'm telling you folks, otherwise, what are you nuts?

So then I'm waking up.

Okay, what let me.

Here's the thing.

Like for you, it's French toast.

It's syrup.

It's like, that's when you know you've fallen off the rails for me it's a sugary ass drink like

i'll go to dunkin' donuts and bang like an ice colada delicious like whipped cream six seven hundred cal super caffeinated super delicious caramel crunch macchiato fucking jerk off thing oh my god like like like 128 grams of sugar one of those situations a big guy sick i it's You know what's so funny?

I never, that never did it for me.

I like diet drinks.

I think I just like the artificial taste.

I could have, Josh, I could have 12 diet peach snapples in one sitting.

12.

Yeah, sure.

Like endless.

But the second I get one regular peach snapple in me, I don't want any more.

Same thing with Coke.

One Coke.

40 diet Cokes.

What's better for you, Josh?

One diet peach, 12 diet peach snapples or one regular peach snapple?

Probably the one regular.

You know, they don't pay me the big bucks to think that big.

I don't.

But you know what?

It's 12 more facts.

12 more.

12 more facts on the cap.

12 more facts on the cap.

I love a snapple fact.

All right, we're your culada.

128 grams of sugar, 700 million calories.

That's when you know you've fallen off the rails.

Yeah, I'm banging that.

But here's the real thing.

This would make me, Josh, super happy.

I wake up and I have five, six six cereals big boxes

and i get a big metal bowl out like you would be you'd use to make a cake but i'm using it to feed my big fat face yes yes and then i take what kind of what kind of spoon are you using you're using a big spoon a ladle my boy it's ladle season okay

and now i'm smacking i'm throwing them in there i'm throwing and i don't need whole milk that's nuts but i'm doing doing 2%

and I'm banging Lucky Charms, Reese's Puffs.

I'm doing, you know, I don't know, whatever, whatever I feel like.

I'm doing some special edition shit where they're doing like tricks, Lucky Charms mix, you know?

You know that there are people in the world, Josh, who use whole milk and then drink it after?

What are you nuts?

Cereal, milk in cereal is simply meant to soften the cereal.

You get a little bit of milk with every bite, but guzzling down two cups of milk after you've had a bowl of rhesus puffs, I'm sorry.

That's crazy.

You have said that before, but I'm that guy.

It's crazy.

It's skim milk, but or sometimes I use protein milk.

All right.

So by the way, skim and protein milk, fine.

Let's harp on the whole milk.

Too much.

It's a lot.

Too much dairy in the morning.

Then I want to make my way.

So now I've banged out like literally 1500 calories of cereal.

Then I'm probably, I want a mid-morning snack.

It's probably doughnuts.

Couple donuts,

get four to six and eat a quarter to a half of both, or of all.

So now I've had six donuts, but I've really only had about two and a half to three.

That's how, that's my mental calculus.

Donuts are so good.

Donuts are so good.

Asian lunch, I'm talking either like a sushi feast or a Shanghai rice cakes, dintai feng soup dumpling type lunch.

Bang it out.

I want some high gluten rice.

Sticky as frick.

I want to get nuts.

I want to black out at Din Taifeng in the dumpling making station.

I'm swapping out my lunch.

I need Chinese.

Give me a general chow's and a million soup dumplings.

God, that sounds good.

Then I'm doing my favorite combo.

I call it a sober shotgun.

It's two ibuprofen, one Tylenol.

This is a sober speedball, and it is fun, fun, fun, fun, right?

And that's going to get me through.

Then I'm napping.

And then it's a carbone type Italian dinner and some kind of mint chip lava cake for dinner.

I guess I said I wasn't going to go off the rails.

I'm off.

I'm far off the rails.

You're off the rails.

That sounds fantastic.

You brought up donuts and it made me think of something, Josh.

The donut to bagel.

Okay, is like the tortilla to a wrap.

Why is it so much easier?

If I asked you, you, Josh, I want you to eat 10 plain wraps, you couldn't do it.

But if I asked you to eat 50 tostitos, you have no problem.

Sure.

Similarly, if I asked you to eat 10 donuts, if I asked you to eat 10 bagels, no chance.

Why?

God, that is a good question, Ben.

Right?

Why?

Why?

I don't know.

That's why I asked you.

Why?

Yeah, why?

Olivia,

say something.

Why?

Produce what y'all

the sand wonders of the world.

Why?

I think it's the density of the caloric density, right?

I don't know.

But chips have got to be more dense calorically than wraps.

They're freaking.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

The caloric density.

That's it.

That sounds good to me.

Lighter.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

It's hard to know.

It's hard to know.

All right.

So give me a Ruby update.

I need a Rube's update.

My little Ruby.

And then my Russian Ruble.

Okay.

Ruby is just so unbelievably gorgeous and fudgy.

The boy is sleeping well, Josh.

Last night, he gave us a nine to three.

How special is that?

A nine to three.

This boy is eating well.

That's how you know he's eating well.

He is satiated.

He's eating great.

He's growing great.

BH, he's doing great.

He loves being outside, Josh.

He loves like a nice three-hour stroller walk.

Just the walk, to talk.

It's fantastic.

It's fantastic.

Just walk and talk and, you know, take some calls.

He's great.

We took him to the beach, Ruby's first beach.

He stayed in his duna under the shade, slept to the sound of the waves.

We have this little fan that we kept on him so he stayed nice and cool.

Man, this kid is killing it.

He's loving life.

And BH.

He is fantastic so far.

Did you put his Tootsies in the sand?

I wanted to.

We didn't, though.

Too hot.

I'm just too nervous.

I don't know.

Maybe give him...

He's still so fresh.

I wanted to put his feet in the ocean.

I wanted him to reconnect with the ocean.

Yes.

Yeah, we got to wait.

Maybe

under an umbrella.

You couldn't.

I mean, the sand's cool under the umbrella, no?

I guess we could have.

I guess we could have, but we didn't.

Too worried.

I got to stop being such a worry wart.

The number,

I'm so worried.

Number one time that I'm worried, Josh, the bath.

Bath time scares the shit out of me.

I'm just, even though I'm holding his head, Claude's washing him.

We're doing, it's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

It's great.

I'm just always worried he's going to drown.

I'm literally holding his head, but I'm worried he's going to drown.

That's cuckoo.

But it is.

It is your first time, Dad.

No, I'm cuckoo right now, for sure.

I'm cuckoo, but he's sleeping great.

He's living life.

Bro, Shai fell down the stairs yesterday, okay?

It's all going to go away quick.

No one call the authorities on me.

These things.

God forbid.

God forbid.

I go, Shai,

what do you say, Dad?

I don't want any of your carbonara.

Shut up, Shai.

How dare you?

I told him, I said, Shai, don't go up the stairs alone.

How many times have I said this?

All of a sudden, I just hear, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

He goes, I fell down the stairs.

It's honestly, is there anything sad?

It's so sad, but like then, do they learn?

People love to say then they'll never do it again.

They learned.

I feel like they'll do it again.

Yeah, the second time.

he

it was only about three or four stairs he just kind of rolls down and he like comes down to the bottom and then i do my quick neurological scan where i go look at me in my eyes and he goes he like scowls at me and i make sure that none of his pupils are dilated and then i start asking him because he's not you know he's only he's not even three yet so i can't be like you know what year is it so i go who am i and he goes josh

i go who's your teacher he goes miss so-and-so so-and-so.

And I'm like, who's that?

And he goes, Max.

And I go, you're fine.

You're fine.

Poor boy.

Yeah, dude.

These things happen.

Bro, we've talked about this on the pod, but it also is public knowledge.

Billy Stamos, John Stamos' son, who's about eight months older than Max when Max was, couldn't have been, I don't know, I don't even think he was one yet.

Billy, who was like, you know, only eight months older, so a little over one, bit Max in the face.

Like, bit him in the face.

Yeah.

He's fine.

These kids and the biting.

God, it's so scary out there.

Like, a kid bites my kid.

God, that stinks.

You don't know where that kid's mouth has been.

I guess you know where Billy Stamos's mouth has been, but he generally

wag you.

You don't know where these mouths have been.

That's the best Chappelle.

What is that?

What is that?

Is that grease on your shirt?

Dad, it's duck.

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Give me a Meyer update.

Tell me about that beautiful boy.

Everything is good, man.

You know, we're just like, I have three kids.

It's pretty wild and we're out here living like truly living my kids are in camp and school and then meyer's just like chilling i take my son to basketball camp college near our house it's very official very official

and yeah we're just doing the thing and and i don't know it's interesting i I don't know how this will come across.

So maybe we'll cut it out.

Maybe we won't.

But I think it's interesting, right?

Because it's July.

I don't think I told you this, Ben.

Dummy.

Meyer was supposed to be born on on July 5th and then the doctor decided he needed to come a week early and it's this you know it's really it's even less regimented because camp hours are weird they go to different camps throughout the summer it's not like when max is in school and shy will be in school so everything's kind of set for 10 months right yep so Paige really needs me.

And as you know, her and the great Claudia both had major surgeries, can't drive right after.

It takes some recovery time.

It's amazing what women do.

A week before Paige is due to give birth, I got offered the biggest thing I've ever been offered.

What the hell?

And to go do a TV show, to go replace someone through December in Canada.

And I tell me nothing.

You tell me nothing.

Because I turned it down.

Still, I had to, right?

Olivia?

No, no, no, no, no.

By the way,

you had, you have, you had to.

You had to.

It's, yeah, no, you had to.

And

I'm just letting you know that because you turned it down, something bigger will come.

Much bigger.

I'm telling you.

Much bigger.

Not in Canada.

Oh, in LA.

Bigger than Oi to the World, the second Jewish Hallmark movie.

No, I'm getting.

I did get offered that too, though.

Well, that you should have taken.

Oh, shout out.

I would love to do that.

Squeeze me in as an extra.

Just like, let me be the rabbi or something.

Can you imagine?

It is going to happen.

Hallmark, we are threading that needle.

This is going to work.

And you just keep coming at me and I'm going to keep coming at you and we are going to come together and it's going to be flipping fireworks.

Come together.

But Josh, I am proud of you for turning it down.

It must have been very, very difficult to do that.

And honestly, something better will come.

Everything for a reason.

I'm telling you, it's good.

I appreciate you and I know it was the right move.

And it, you know, it was hard and it wasn't hard.

It was, it was hard for the old version of me that is so indoctrinated with the style in which I lived my life for so long before I had a wife and kids.

And then the other part of me, the moment I said, I'm sorry, I can't do it.

I was so relieved.

And it was, it was so interesting because I literally got a call at like Thursday night at five o'clock from my agent was out of breath.

This has never happened.

He's like, this just came in.

Sorry for the brevity.

What do you think?

Amazing part.

Huge show through November in Canada.

You have to leave Monday.

And I'm like, Paige is giving birth in two weeks.

She's like, I know they'll let you come home for the birth for a couple of days and then you'll go back and you'll be back and forth through November.

And so I was like, I can't, let me ask Paige.

So I went and talked to Paige and she's great as she always is.

She's like, do it.

You might miss the birth because the doctor has already told me I could go anytime in the next two weeks and Canada's not close.

And I was like, gotcha.

I won't won't do it.

And that was it.

And I knew she needed me.

And of course, the next day they moved up the delivery a week.

So I definitely couldn't have gone and done it.

And yeah, and you know what?

And it made me really think about

what I want because it's, and I know this is champagne problems and I really appreciate it.

But trust me, like usually like I'm the big offer that's come in is like, do you want to do, you know, a two-episode arc on iCarly the third reboot?

Shout out.

Do you want to be Neville Papperman's granddad?

Yeah, exactly.

Pappy Papperman.

They're like, oh, they're rebooting Say by the Bell and they need like a new screech.

I'm like, I guess I'm available.

What?

How much is it?

They're doing the life of Fleno.

Peacock Digital.

Oh, my God.

Your hand to nail him out.

I don't know what to do.

I really love Cos,

but it's like, do I do Lenovan's my friend?

I love you, Mavis.

You do that scene of him falling down the hill.

Green.

Can you imagine they put me in age makeup?

Oh, just get a crooked bite before my.

Oh, shit.

Bump, bump, bump, bump.

So dumb.

I'm never staying to Hampton Inn again.

He was at Hampton Inn.

So yeah, it makes me wonder about like, I'm always going to choose my family.

And I know that I'm in a uniquely privileged place that we make a nice living from this.

You and I both have other businesses and whatnot.

I'm no longer that typical actor story where my sole income is based on booking something.

And it affords me the opportunity to say no.

And not to preach too much.

You know, I'm like a spiritual person, attract what, like the laws of attraction.

I'm telling you that by you declining something that could have been so big for you and putting out of your head what you need, those things are just going to come.

Like I'm telling you, it's like such a weird thing, at least with me.

For the longest time, the things that I chased and never got when I stopped chasing, they came.

Sure.

And maybe some people are turning off the pod now because I sound like Jay Shady, but I swear it's a thing.

It's like, if you are so focused, it's the same thing.

It's like, if you're so focused on what's wrong in your life, you're only going to see what's wrong.

But if you're so focused on what's great in your life, you're only going to see what's great.

If you're so focused on what you don't have, you're never going to have it.

If you're so focused on what you do have, you're going to have the things that you didn't have.

It's wild.

So I'm telling you that by declining, you're going to get tenfold back.

Yeah.

God, I'm so insightful.

You really are insightful.

And sounds good.

As long as it doesn't, you know, disrupt the podcast, I'm in.

But I don't really care.

This is a traveling pod.

Look, this is not, if you went to Canada, you needed me at odd hours.

We're good.

Honestly, Canada would be easier.

I'm done with PST.

Okay.

I want to record in the morning.

Can we record at 7 a.m.?

I'm down.

Great.

Go somewhere on ET.

No problems.

Ooh, that's good.

I wouldn't care if it stranger family dynamic.

I need to record at 9 a.m.

Just go.

Should we get to a story?

Yes.

Please.

Don't stop masturbating.

It'll make you depressed and stressed out too.

A new study says.

I won't.

The New York Post and their crack recording just beat it.

A new study seems to confirm what most of us already knew deep down in our throbbing loins.

Sexual pleasure is a boon for body and mind.

And denying yourself that pleasure in any way is bad.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

In many ways.

Of course, a survey commissioned by the makers of a popular vibrator, what?

Way to bury the lead?

The magic wand would say that, but the statistics seem to be real and experts appear to agree with the findings.

Citing a shift towards sexual wellness with a general understanding that using toys and giving yourself pleasure can have a positive impact.

Okay, sure.

I believe it.

I believe it.

Yeah.

You?

Yeah.

Why would you deny yourself for what?

You shouldn't.

You get all horned up.

Go take care of yourself.

It's so easy.

I've never

my hand has never had a headache.

No, kidding, gross.

Gross.

Ever in the history of us knowing each other.

Never.

Yes.

It's horrible.

Oh, man.

I don't know.

There's just like something.

There's nothing wrong with it.

It's not taboo.

I mean, it's, people say it's taboo.

There's nothing wrong with it.

You do you.

If you're feeling it, do it.

Okay.

Do it.

But do it for you.

Don't do it for somebody else.

Do it for you.

And also, if you're with a partner, this I'll say that's very anti-you doing it, red flag, super red flag.

Come on, you're not doing anything wrong.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

That said, if you do it very frequently, I would highly recommend trying to stop for maybe a week.

You'll feel much better.

Yeah, like my friend used to do it in the bathroom at work.

You know that friend.

I mean,

my answer to you would be, stop it.

Stop it now.

I would.

I would stop it.

It's very difficult to work while covered in your own cup.

So

what's out of the bathroom?

Hey, Jimmy, you have the clam chatter again?

Oh my god.

What did you spill carbonara on yourself on the way here?

Call back.

Yuck.

Yucky.

It's disgusting.

Yuck.

Sorry.

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Well, in the New York Post, serial killer-inspired baby names are trending, revealing how culture can creep into our minds.

Expecting parents are taking a stab at it.

Villains, crooks, and knife-wielding nuts, bad guys of society have quickly become good options for moms and dads as far as baby names go.

So currently, there are some pretty significant serial killer names that have come into fashion.

Names like Anna of Anna Delvey.

Or I'm sorry, she's just a con artist, not a murderer.

Ted Bundy is one of the mass murderer names that that has become more popular ted i suppose yeah okay look these are full names ted is a normal name anna is a normal name the post you are reaching give me more well they did say that carol of carol baskin the famous animal activist no one was thinking of carol baskin when they named their daughter carol please it's just that's it you like carol is a name i don't like it this article is a

mess

I love it.

I love it in their mess.

It really, it honestly makes it funnier.

Oh, my God.

The New York Post should be ashamed.

It's hilarious.

What kind of racket are they running?

Parents are naming their kids after serial killers.

Oh, my God.

Ted and Anna?

Maybe Ted they named after the bear.

Okay, sure.

And Anna, maybe they named after Wintor.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Well, I love Red Bull so much, I got a barcode tattoo.

It even scans at the grocery checkout.

A Swiss woman is such a fan of Red Bull that she reportedly got the Energy Drink Cans barcode tattooed on her skin, and it amazingly works itself checkout.

Pretty sick.

That is really cool.

I love it.

Red Bull should send her cans for life.

But then

what would she need the barcode for, Ben?

Dink.

Oh, God, you're so right.

Dink.

You're so right.

She played herself.

She loves the brand so much that she can't ever get it for free otherwise she'd need to have her tattoo removed how do you know if you're trashy you've got a monster barcode

by the way how do you know you're trashy you have a red bull barcode tell me you're from bakersfield without telling me you're from bakersfield damn it josh now all our bakersfield fans have left no they love us i agree the inland empire loves us temecula I agree.

They love.

We should do a

podcast on Temecula.

Yeah, we should do a podcast tour of the central coast okay i'm talking stockton i'm talking fresno i'm in you tell me when and where let's do a podcast tour of the worst cities in america we're starting in dayton i'm so down thank you we we would just need to make sure that there are actual fans there but i'm down the worst cities in america and we have to go to their local denny's to try not to get shot And it'll be a city in every state.

So we're not like, we're not picking on.

Every state has a city that just, and maybe we donate some money to that city to make it better.

I love that, Josh.

It's great.

We can donate all the proceeds.

So we make no money from the tour.

We visit the worst cities in America and make no money.

What a mission.

If I sign up.

Get a sign up.

I'm going to hit HGTV.

They would.

For one season, then we'd be axed.

It's my trend.

We need a Home Reno show.

That's the dream, Josh.

Okay, these freaking, what are they?

What are the brothers called?

What are their names?

The property brothers.

God, what a dream.

You show up, get a check, buy some crap house, throw in a couple of shekel, show the people, here's your new home.

They're so happy.

They're always so happy because what you showed them before was a dump, Josh.

It was a dump.

It's the opposite of being catfished.

It's the opposite.

Imagine if.

Imagine if the premise of catfish was that you think you're meeting the ugly person.

That's who you think you're meeting, but then you've, you get the 10 out of 10.

Love it.

Wow, that's two good shows.

I'm just saying.

If only TV weren't dead.

Yeah, TV's dead.

What a shame.

What a shame.

You know what isn't dead, Josh?

I had an amazing, amazing meal today.

I just want to tell you about it.

Do you have a best bite of the week?

Sure.

Go for it.

Maybe we do best bites.

Okay.

My best bite of the week.

Popeyes, Josh, just came out on Uber Eats with their chicken dippers with a signature sauce.

This sauce.

Holy smokes.

It will literally knock your socks off.

A true 10 out of 10.

You got to try it.

Outrageous.

And until July 20th, they're running a BOGO.

So you could get one for you and one for Max.

I'm just saying.

Say less, fam.

I have been a Popeyes fan since forever.

It is the king of chickens.

More than churches, more than KFC.

But this sauce, Josh, let me tell you, I wouldn't be surprised if this sauce, you know, they have the Chick-fil-A sauce and now it's bottled.

If they bottled this Popeyes signature sauce,

it is outrageous.

So good.

It's a little bit smoky.

It's got a little bit of that heat.

I like a little heat in sauce.

My number one sauce, ooh, this is fun.

My number one sauce, spicy mayonnaise.

Your favorite sauce?

If you had to make one.

Spicy mayonnaise, huh?

Yeah.

Are you the kind of guy that orders an extra side of spicy mayo with sushi?

Of course I am.

Of course I'm also a guy.

I'm a guy that if my sushi comes and they forgot my spicy mayonnaise, I'm throwing a fit and then I'm making my own.

And let me tell you, folks, if you, spicy mayonnaise couldn't be easier to make, okay?

Mayo, sriracha, and then a drop of sesame oil.

That's what you're forgetting.

You're just doing mayo and sriracha.

And you're like, why doesn't this taste like what I want it to taste like?

The sesame oil.

You're a wild kid.

That's true.

That tracks.

That's a fact.

That's a fact.

That tracks with underwear at Sinai West.

There's also, Josh, for a burger, okay?

Russian dressing.

Add in a little bit of sesame oil and a little sriracha next time.

You make a spicy Russian.

I believe you.

I believe you.

Okay.

You have a favorite sauce?

And then I want sauce better than that.

I like a ponzu.

That's your favorite sauce.

What do you want me to strogan off?

What else are you putting ponzu on besides sushi?

What are you putting spicy mayo on besides sushi?

A turkey sandwich?

A chicken sandwich?

An Asian-inspired?

You're getting that kick of sesame oil.

Yes, trust me.

Try it when you get home.

You'll never go back.

This is, this is the king sauce.

You can use it across anything.

You can't put honey mustard on your sushi.

I guess you could.

That's called having a bad day.

That's it.

That's like you're buying it, getting a spicy tuner and putting kens on it.

That's like

the electric chair.

I found out Paige cheated on me.

Give me the kens.

I bring a bottle of kens into a hillstone and

lathering them.

Oh my God.

Give me the Osaka style and you just drown it.

Look at me.

Look at the, I mean, if you looked at my body right now, you'd be like, is that Glenn Powell?

Is that a Yiddisha Glenn Powell?

A Yiddisha Glenn Powell.

I see it for sure.

I see it.

Thank you.

No one else does.

Okay.

Do you want to get to a speakpipe?

Yes.

If you want to ask us a question, get some advice, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.

Keep it brief.

Brevity is key.

We don't want to hear your what are you nutses.

I know people give me crap because they're like, but you play some what are you nutses?

You have no idea how many bad

what are you nutses I have to sift through to find like a one singular.

You don't, I would tell you, we get anywhere from 50 to 100 speak pipes a week.

If we play five in a week, maybe two or three per episode, those are the best of a hundred.

Of a hundred thousand.

Yeah.

We get like two and a half million speak pipes a week just from overseas.

Oh, and we play five of them.

Yeah.

And 99% are drek.

Oh my god.

This one person, I don't want to pick on her.

She leaves one every week and it sounds like this.

Toaster.

I'm like, hun, close the window.

When you're leaving us a speak pipe.

The audio quality is garbage.

No good.

This one kid, another,

don't get me started.

This other loser

leaves me a speak pipe once a month.

He's like, I miss your old podcast that you had with your friend Joe.

I'm like, babe, it's been three years.

Joe wanted to end the podcast, and I'm glad he did.

He went and did his with Ilya, and I'm doing mine with Ben, and we are all flourishing.

Get over it.

Get over it, dude.

What are you bringing up an ex for?

Why?

I don't do that to you.

I don't come to your house and tell your wife about your ex-girlfriend.

Look at she misses you.

Who gives a shit?

Who gives a rat's ass?

That's right.

Jimmy?

Who gives a rat's ass, Ted Bundy?

I don't get it.

I do not get it.

Anyway, this first one is from Tara.

Six-year-old daughter and I have recently jumped on the laboo boo craze and started collecting, and it took me right back to trying to get rare beanie babies with my mom when I was her age.

It just made me wonder what your take is on the laboo craze, and have you guys ever bought into the hype of anything like that?

Also, congrats on both of your babies.

Love you guys.

I have no idea what a laboo boo is.

So you have no idea?

Tell me about a labooboo.

I don't know what a laboo boo is.

It sounds like I stopped my toe and I got a laboo boo.

Olivia, you know, right?

Yes.

A laboo boo is the beanie baby comparison is a great one, but it's basically like a keychain of this little doll that looks kind of like a bunny with a big head and then the face.

It has like sharp teeth, but they're smiling.

I don't know.

It's, I guess, more Furby adjacent, but they're keychains and they all come in these little cardboard boxes.

So the excitement behind it is like you don't know what you're going to get.

And then you open it and ah, which one I get?

I don't have any, but that's it.

So it's trading cards meets beanie babies.

That's a laboo boo?

No, I mean, it's really just, it's a vinyl doll.

So it's kind of like a hard-ish doll.

It's about the size of my hand.

hand.

And it became popular.

I think Rihanna.

So really small, right?

Shut up.

But my hands are wide.

Look at that.

It covers almost my whole face.

So the laboo is about five by five.

That's it.

The laboo is the size of a pack of cards.

And I think it became popular because Rihanna had one that she was like attaching to her purse.

It became like on, you would attach it to your belt or your like, you know, really expensive bag.

And now they've become like a craze.

Like they're selling on the black market for hundreds of dollars.

It's people are waiting in line all night.

I got to get in the labuboo train.

Oh, I got to get in.

My boy Luca.

It's all over Laboo Boos.

And if you get a fake one, it's a lafufu.

Ooh, very nice.

Okay.

All right.

Well, apparently Ben is not interested.

I'm interested.

I'm going to go and buy all the labooboos.

I just was unaware.

I was unaware.

Next one from Trav.

What's up, good guys?

Hopefully, everybody's doing well.

Congratulations on all the baby making.

Brevity is key.

I've let my homeboy borrow $20, and I sent it on Cash App, right?

But then that man sent it back a week later on, like, Apple Pay or whatever.

What do you know?

It's like, literally just send...

money back on the same app that you sent.

I'm sorry, because now it's like, you need to set up Apple Cash.

Blah, blah, blah and i'm like dude there's just a 20 bill floating in the air bro love you guys stay safe love you too at first i was going to say what are you nuts but now i'm thinking to send back a 20 on something that you don't have is terrible never loan that person money again okay that said if somebody venmos you and then you paypal them but if you have both things I think it's no problem.

I don't know.

But if you have to download an app to retrieve this 20, no good.

So true.

So true.

Yeah,

you can't use a difference.

Just send it back.

Why do you have to make it?

So when people say certain things, when people go Zelle, I go, we're not going to be, we're not compatible.

It's not going to happen for us.

I also want to say, Josh, and if you think that this is insensitive, you may lift it.

But if your friend needs a 20, let him keep it.

Like, I don't know what the financial situation is of the guy, but if he needs, if he needs to borrow 20

let him keep it i mean i think people it depends he sounds young right like at our age yes like here's 20 bucks i don't expect it back but

like if you need if you need 20 i guess i'm thinking of it in in probably the wrong way maybe they were out he covered him 20 bucks for like a bar cover charge or something and he then moted him 20.

or did he need the 20 my mind immediately went to this guy needs 20 he doesn't have 20 so let him keep the 20 but maybe it's not that but is there is your brain better than mine because there's this great mike burbiglia joke where he says there's two types of people in relationships people who keep score and people who are losing and yeah i'm that way where it's like i don't want the money back but if enough of those instances happen where i don't feel like the scales are even i will get resentful totally and you don't have to pay it back with money but like if i've loaned you a couple times, I need to feel somehow that you're aware of it and not just taking it for granted.

Yeah, no, we all have, I think we all have that friend or have had that friend at one point or another that is a real mooch, like supreme mooch, but you love him so much.

But at some point when push comes to shove, they got to give you back in some way.

It doesn't have to be money.

It can be

a nice gesture or...

Yeah, there are people who take and there are people who give.

And as givers, Josh, we're always going to be susceptible to the the takers.

God givers.

We are.

We are.

We just give.

We absolutely just give.

You got a whatia nuts?

My what do you nuts was me eating while driving and spilling carbonara on my black pants, my athleisure reigning champ pants.

That is definitely a what of ya nuts.

Total.

That is a big time woody nuts.

My what of you nuts?

My what you nuts, Josh, is...

This is a sad story.

You ready for this?

I'm ready.

Okay, so we're in the Hamptons.

I go to, I'm not going to name the bagel place, but it's a very popular bagel place here.

There's literally one.

Bagel ball.

So if you know, no.

So if you know, you'll, you'll know the bagel place I'm talking about.

I go in, I wait in line.

You know, Josh, I don't wait in line.

I do not wait in line.

This man.

But I did.

Sure.

But I did.

Normally I leave.

I did.

I waited 45 minutes because I was shopping for a bunch of people getting a bunch of bagels.

It was a...

just a Sunday spread and I didn't want to abandon it.

I wanted the bagels.

It's the only game in town.

45 45 minutes.

I get up to the counter.

I order everything bagel.

Locks, cream cheese, onions, scallion cream cheese, not regular.

Onions, my bagel order.

Takes another 10 minutes for them to prepare it.

Check out.

I got like $200 worth of stuff.

Again, for a lot of people.

I get back to the house.

I undo all of the stuff.

Give everybody their bagels.

Open my bagel.

Josh.

They forgot the locks.

What are you nuts?

I ordered a bagel, locks, scallion, cream cheese, and onions.

And I got a bagel, scallion, cream cheese, and onions.

Do you understand, Josh, the trust issues, the trust issues that have now,

I'll never be able to order a bagel again.

I have to search the bagel before I leave the establishment.

Yeah, what are you, the TSA?

And what am I going to do?

I'm going to call the bagel place and say, hey, you left out the locks.

Send it along.

Or hey, I want my $15 back.

No, I say nothing.

I say nothing.

Now they're lucky that I ordered pre-packaged locks on the side so I was able to rectify and make my own sandwich.

That said, what are you nuts?

Imagine, Josh, you order a chicken salad sandwich and they don't put in the chicken salad.

You order a turkey sandwich and they don't put in the turkey.

This is the main event.

How do you forget the main event?

Yeah, man.

And I don't know why, but I do judge these people.

And I always feel like a nerd doing it when I check the order.

Cause I'm always like, I look at the people they do that.

And no matter what in my head, I go like, checking ass caring about that ordering

i usually i look at me going look at look at that loser caring about that he got all his things don't don't miss a condiment no and you need it i know it's good you should be checking it but i judge it's funny josh by the way i even if i checked it's not funny if i checked i still wouldn't have known it said locks on the outside yeah what are you gonna split it open right i'm saying i have to split open every bagel you go through the butcher's the butcher's paper what are you nuts terrible inconvenience folks you know what else is nuts not giving this episode five stars?

So true.

That's a what are you nuts?

Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch us on YouTube on Josh's channel.

Share our clips, Instagram and TikTok.

Mondays and Thursdays, folks.

We will see you next time.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.