Big Daddy's Day Out

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Hey, Zach!

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No, Donald.

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Donald, you still haven't returned my weed whacker.

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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject too small for the good guys.

a mother's dream premium podcast team make it your weekly routine it's a good guys

and if you don't give us five stars what are you nuts what are you nuts there were the good guys they're not the great guys we're just a good

of the good guys

whoa Tell me what you're wearing.

What are you wearing today?

I don't know.

I think this is from Paige.

Basically, like, this is my uniform, which is like Reigning champ, tapered pant.

It's a Canadian company.

You know how I love our northern brethren.

Tariffs are not.

I didn't vote for them.

And, and it's just, you know what?

It's a tapered, you know what this is?

This is a grown-up pant.

These pants are for grown-ups.

Okay.

These pants come with taxes and with foot problems, but you know what?

They're worth it.

You're looking gorgeous, Josh.

Worth it.

We love the tapered look.

We love the Canadian pant.

We love it all.

We love it all.

And an adult pant is important, Josh.

An adult pant is important.

And a versatile pant is important.

Yeah.

Let me tell you, Josh, the pants that I'm currently wearing, these theory pants that I've spoken about a number of times, both work in this setting.

They also look like suit pants.

So when I put on a suit, they perfectly match the jacket.

They look like suit pants.

They have an elastic waist.

It's fantastic.

Out of this world.

Highly, highly recommend.

And then this schlubby long-sleeved tee is a James purse.

You wouldn't know it because it's a little bit oversized.

I wore it both when I was 280 pounds.

And now that I am 248,

nine above my low, but still trending down.

Yes.

James Purse.

James Purse.

And in case you're wondering, Ben, what are you nuts?

You back to wearing glasses?

I ran out of contacts.

I'll do that with my what are you nuts later.

I'll go into that story later, but I ran out of contacts.

It's really not my fault.

I ran out of contacts.

First of all, love James Purse.

I'm more of a James handbag guy myself, but I do.

I hate myself.

But I really like you in glasses.

Thank you.

You do.

Are you averse?

I'm not averse.

I wore glasses for a very long time, and one day I just said to myself, you know, Ben, you're looking at the world through something.

I just want naked eyes on naked sun.

So when I put on contacts, I feel like I'm a little bit less looking through glasses.

I don't know how to explain it other than that.

When I wear glasses, I'm very acutely aware that I'm seeing you better, but only because I'm wearing glasses that I'm looking through something.

So I prefer just to wear contacts.

I also generally like the way that I look better without glasses, but I do happen to think Shadow at Oliver Peoples, this is a great frame.

It's a larger frame than I'm used to, large, circular.

The light, the green, I think, pulls out the green in my eyes.

Thank you for noticing.

And the best part, Josh, $100.

Oliver Peoples, $100.

I said Oliver Peoples.

I meant Warby Parker.

That's what I said.

I meant Oliver Peoples.

More like $1,000.

Oliver Peoples, I used to get.

These were $5.95.

I used to get them.

Romeo would chew on the corner.

I'd be like, what are you nuts?

You're spending $600 for your dog to use as a chew toy.

So I said, why don't I try Warby Parker?

Unbelievable.

I like when a man wears a reading glass in an Oakley frame.

I like

that.

Just says that that guy drives a truck and

you know what and will anywhere i respect

that's their next campaign buy our reading glasses if you shit on the side of the road

it just i like a sporty frame in a reading glass me too i love a sporty frame you know i love reading glasses they're cool like especially when have you ever seen those where they don't have the top there's no like top bridge.

It's just glass and then bottom bridge.

That's sick.

It's sick.

It's rad, as you would say.

I want to see a guy wearing outfielder sunglasses, but with reading glass lenses.

Now that would be cool.

Yes, like one of the, like a bass, like a fishing glass, you're saying a fishing sunglass with the gradient.

Is that what you're referencing?

No, I'm talking about like Oakley frames that you're like, you know, your left field for the Yanks.

Yeah.

But it's got the lenses you've got in.

Love it.

Because maybe you're like really aggressively reading, you know, you're like,

yeah.

You know, you need the wraparound.

Yeah, I'm in.

I'm all in.

I'm all in.

So shout out, Warby Parker.

Fantastic.

Maybe next time I don't even have to pay the hundred.

Maybe you comp it.

Who knows?

I have a question about pooping.

So I was thinking about it today.

If you are doing the do

and there's like some little streaks on the toilet once you're done,

I just need to say, if I was talking about this, you would shut it down.

But I'm ready.

Keep going.

Streaks on the toilet.

What about you?

You bring out the worst in me.

We said this.

Are you making it your business to make sure that toilet is clean before you leave?

Because I am

wiping.

You're wiping somebody else's streaks off of the inside of a toilet.

My own, my own, my own, my own.

Oh, you're okay.

So you're saying if you walked in and there was a pristine inner bowl.

That's right.

And then you got up and somehow you ended up laser beaming the walls of the inner toilet with your shit.

No, I'm not talking about like some

Montezuma's revenge.

A stripe or two.

It leaned left.

It went right.

I am 100% never putting my hand in the bowl you're leaving the stripe huh i am a top of bowl guy if i left maybe a loose hair if there was a drop of maybe urine that made its way onto the seat i'm cleaning the seat after i leave my hand does not go below the seats oh that's meshuga you're crazy Oh my God, you're crazy.

What do you bring?

Dawn power wash and a sponge every time you take his shit?

What if you went to your in-law's house?

You're at Jackie's.

You're sitting over at Jackie's in Boca, and you use her guest's bathroom and you see a stripe or two.

You're not getting in there.

This is different.

If you're afraid of the person whose bathroom you just took a shot.

I'm afraid of everyone.

I'm afraid of the 76 gas station attendant.

No, I am not cleaning the gas station inner bowl.

I'm afraid of Amingdale's janitor.

But I am cleaning Jackie's because the same way, if I left it a little bit too smelly, I'm searching high and wide for an air freshener.

I'm not leaving that bathroom stinky.

That's not right.

It's crazy.

But if I go to the local mobile and I left the streak, you better believe that streak's being left to the next person.

Okay.

Okay.

Fair enough.

What else, Josh?

What else?

No, I think about these things and I, yeah, I, I'm, I, I know, I don't have OCD, but I find like these OCD type ritualistic things reveal themselves.

They reveal themselves to me.

And I'm like, wow, like I didn't consider it, but I got to get things.

I'm a little bit of a finger sniffer, I think.

It's possible.

Welcome.

Welcome.

I got things.

I got rituals.

I like things nice and clean.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, totally.

Let me know if you do this.

I do this, and people are shocked when I tell them that I do this.

If I'm in a public restroom, I'm going and I'm putting some water down on a paper towel and I am cleaning the top of the seats.

Oh, good.

I thought you were pre-wedding toilet tissue.

Oh, God, that's vile.

Can you imagine?

Yuck.

I just imagine Ben.

Guys are like,

Ben's like, hello.

Ew.

Like making my own wipes?

It's disgusting.

No, I'm cleaning the top.

U-I-O-W.

I'm cleaning the seat and then I'm drawing the seat.

Are you doing that?

Never in my life.

And I don't wear, I don't use seat protectors either because it's called being a grown-up and accepting responsibility.

Yeah, but you're going to get an ass pimple.

Grow up.

Those are fun.

I don't want.

I don't want a pimply ass.

Those are fun.

If you don't have some form of eczema, I don't trust you.

I definitely have eczema.

I just don't want a pimply ass.

Okay.

I don't want it.

No pimply ass.

It is what it is.

Like when people are like, oh my gosh, I can't, you know, do the deed in public or I can't do it on a plane.

Please grow up.

No, that's not.

No, AI is going to take over.

AI is going to be crappy for us soon.

Enjoy it while you can and do it at Target.

That means that you don't need to do it enough.

Anybody who's ever said that they can't do it somewhere has never felt the runs, okay?

You don't have a fucking choice.

You know how thankful you are that you somehow popped

right to your right as a hillstone you can walk into.

And it's not like a McDonald's where you're punching in four numbers and waiting for the homeless guy to come out, and then you're exploding.

Okay, if you have to explode, you are going wherever you can.

Oh, dude, if I need to make boo-boo and I run by a restaurant, what I'll do is I'll walk in and I'll wave like someone's waiting for me, and I'll look at the host snobby action right there.

Good,

that's good, yes.

That's an extent, that's an extension of the fake phone call, Josh.

That's an extension of the fake phone call.

That's very good, Don.

Sorry, it's right there.

Meanwhile, I'm going to go blow up your bathroom.

There's nothing worse.

These people need to stop charging, though.

Sometimes you'll walk in for customers only.

You wish.

Customers only.

Give me a break.

Give me a break.

Look, the truth is, is that every morning, if the deal does happen, I do finish and

I walk out of my bathroom and go, I got the poison out.

Like, I just, you know what I mean?

I go,

like, I, I think, I, I think, like, good boy.

I got the point.

While we're talking about this, and then we'll stop talking about this.

The last two mornings, I've had three shits each in the morning.

Wow.

I've woken up, taken a shit.

I've had my AG1.

I've taken a shit.

I've had my coffee.

I've taken a shit.

Three shits before 10 a.m.

Two mornings in a row.

You talk about removing the poison.

God.

You are.

You're fumigating your insides.

You tinted your intestines.

I did.

A lot of liquid.

God, we've lost all the Drake listeners.

They're gone.

Does it ever hurt your feelings to think that our wives do the same?

Sometimes it hurts my feelings.

It's definitely interesting.

Yeah.

It's definitely interesting.

All that I hope that they're successful.

That's all.

I hope they're successful.

There's nothing worse than the lack of success.

You have that belly pain.

You go to the bathroom, no-go.

That's a tragedy.

That's never happened to me.

Really?

yeah man eat some fiber and be a grown-up it's never happened to you baruch hashem thank i mean thank god i i don't i don't know from that i mean now being married to a woman and uh a woman with sisters and a mother and people like i and girlfriends i hear about a lot of tummy issues i mean olivia feel free not to to check in here i'm not talking about you specifically because i won't be able to look you in the eyes anymore

i have i have tummy issues but i plenty i hear like a lot from my wife's friends there's a lot of tummy issues going on and a lot of forums amongst the friend group about tummy issues this is true okay good don't look at me in the eyes no i'm getting i'm getting we i love you no matter what you know what i'm saying it's interesting it's not i have tummy issues you're saying this is a gendered thing i have plenty of tummy issues i'm slightly gendering it yeah and i think it's religious too it's religious too the jews have terrible tummy issues for the most part.

You know, let's not project these monoliths on us.

Like,

I don't think we are all these things.

Josh, all you got to look at is the classic Jewish diet.

Josh, you're telling me that you wouldn't get a tummy ache from gefilta fish coming from the container, and then we're going to give you cholent, which is essentially a beef stew mixed with chili.

Of course, you're going to get a stomach ache.

You think we're the only people eating cholent?

A beef stew?

Stew is universal.

Everyone's got a stew.

Yeah, no, that's true.

You're right.

Okay, maybe I'm projecting stereotypes.

Maybe I'm, maybe I am the problem.

I'm just trying to level us up.

You're right.

I saw page six posted something.

Kanye West, he was wearing a diamond swastika.

Really?

Yes, it looked, I wanted one.

You're like, I wish I'd sold it to him.

The money is green.

I bet you, by the way, and they will stop pushing stereotypes.

a Jewish jeweler for sure made him that diamond sauce to go.

He's like, somebody's got to make a million.

100%.

And shout out our people.

That's right.

If it's not them, if it's not me, it's you.

Why should you get your energy?

That's what I am talking about.

That was why, you know, I was uniquely proud to be in Oppenheimer for many reasons, but one in particular was that the three major roles of that movie being the director the legendary our greatest living director christopher nolan killian murphy and robert downey jr all non-jews and killian and robert playing jews the two biggest parts in the movie did you hear a single jew scoff no because we knew that we were working with the greatest living artists of our time and that they would do right by us that's what mattered and it made me proud if it wasn't downey jr and it wasn't Nolan, then we would have had a problem.

If it wasn't Murphy, we would have had a problem.

If they threw random B-list celebrities in here, we would have had a problem.

But we're not going to go against the A-team.

The A-team wants to be Jews.

We're down.

Down to clown.

For sure.

For sure.

Down.

I just, you know, I hate even like platforming it, but like, was Kanye also in the black Ku Klux Klan outfit in the interview you're talking about with the diamond swastika?

I didn't notice.

If he was, the hood was down.

I don't know.

I'm just gonna go off, but like, you see all these people in these videos with him now and like interviewing him and these people, like you all, you're all a bunch of fucking sycophants.

Like, you like, you are the truly shameful.

Like, this is a guy who's mentally ill, but not only are you profiting off the mentally ill, but you're also profiting off of like pure hate in its fucking most pure, concentrated form.

And you should be ashamed of yourselves.

It's awful.

And you know how much we love the New York Post and page six.

Shout out.

Love them.

The way that the amount that they fucking post Kanye makes me sick.

I commented every time.

I'm like, stop posting him.

Do not show me him in a diamond swastika.

I don't care.

I don't want to see it.

Stop posting him.

Okay.

Stop.

Stop it.

And you know what my final red line was with him?

He said, John Legend smells like mashed potatoes.

Oh my God.

In what context?

Just rip them.

Where do you get off?

In what kind?

Agratin?

What do we wish?

I wish?

God, I love it.

Honestly, I'd love to smell like mashed potatoes.

Garlic mash, little cheese, butter, scallions.

Was his marquee song originally Ordinary Potatoes?

And does Chrissy Teigen have a kink?

No, I'm kidding.

Kanye, what a bummer.

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Booking.yeah.

Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S., I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for.

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Okay,

do you want to get into some stories?

Yes, we can get into some stories.

We can also talk.

When does this come out?

In like the 20th.

So my birthday was two weeks ago.

I know.

You have a big birthday tomorrow.

I got you a present.

Want to know what it is?

Oh, you did?

It's at your house.

Oh my God.

Can I ruin it?

Yeah.

It's two pairs of Air Force One.

I knew you'd be a little bit more.

You are a gem.

You are a gem.

Love you.

Thank you.

Bless you.

Love you more.

Thank you so much.

That is overly generous.

So sweet.

Yes, my birthday is April 3rd.

It is a great birthday.

I am excited.

I am turning 33 years old.

Wow.

I've been known to throw a real rager.

We are not doing that this year, Josh.

We are not.

Claudia and I are having dinner.

And then we are popping over to the Maidstone Inn in Connecticut.

And we are going for a lovely spa weekend.

It's partial minimum, partial little birthday weekend.

That's what we're doing.

And yes, happy birthday to me.

Thank you for the generous gift.

And yeah, you know, I love birthdays.

I love birthdays.

How good is it to know that at any moment you will have two fresh pairs of all-white Air Force Ones, your main sneaker, as needed?

Unbelievable.

It's unbelievable to have them already there because I'd never pre-stock up.

You need somebody to do that for you.

And the fact that you've done that for me, you've made it so that if I'm just going out on the town and I want some fresh, clean, white kicks, they're already in my house.

Bless you.

I know.

Bless you.

I remember Dame Dash, who started Rockefeller Records with the great Sean Carter.

Jay-Z.

Shout out.

Once did a cribs and he took out a pair of brand new Air Force Ones and he licked the bottoms.

like

and you can do that when you have a fresh pair.

I want a video of that Ben.

By the way, you should do that for your next how about now.

Having a good day.

This is the full lick.

I love it.

Yucky.

Now, your wife is within, are we allowed to say like within a month or two of giving birth?

Yeah, we're in shouting distance.

Will she be able to enjoy?

Like, I wonder if like in her eighth or ninth month if my wife would even enjoy a spa experience or a baby moon like she gets so uncomfortable yeah she does but what makes her comfortable is being rubbed tampered deeply deeply rubbed but you can't be likely with that baby my wrist no on the shoulders of course yeah shoulders deeply on the shoulders no we go nowhere near the stomach my wrists josh are about to break.

Every night I'm rubbing.

I'm rubbing.

My fingers are falling asleep.

I should really see a doctor.

My wrists gone.

She can't even, but you know, with the prenatal massage, my wife always has gripes with it because she's like, they can't really get in because they want to be very careful.

Like, I would say now, all the way till birth, like when you're in that final, final trimester, I don't even think you can do feet and legs because that could send someone into labor.

Yeah, you might not be able to.

We're a little outside of that go zone, just outside of it.

Hopefully it's fine.

If not, I mean, who knows?

But I think she's too pregnant for the stomach down use of the pillow.

I'm sure you've seen those pillows where they basically put the belly in the pillow.

That's a nice experience when you're in like your second trimester.

But yeah, any later, you got to be on your side, which is just not, it's not the same.

It's not the same.

That said, Big Daddy's getting a big, deep tissue.

Oh, hell yeah.

Big Daddy's getting a big, happy ending.

I worked hard these last seven months.

Do I start calling myself Big Daddy?

Yes.

Okay, Big Daddy.

I just called you Big Daddy.

Big Daddy.

I'll tell you something about, since we're both fathers to be of new babies, and hopefully you won't make this.

It's not a mistake, but I'm giving you a heads up.

Tell me.

So we're reconfiguring the rooms in our house for our, because we have, we basically have a, we have four bedrooms on the upstairs.

Wealth.

Wow.

Wow.

We have the master, a guest room.

Four bedrooms up and three in the maids' quarters.

And so we have the master a guest room and then we have the two kids' rooms.

And Max and Shai obviously had separate rooms, but now Max and Shai are sleeping in the same bedroom together where we got Max's bunk beds and we're redoing the rooms so that there's a nursery for the baby.

And Before this, when Max had his own room, his bed, the foot of his bed was right by the switch to turn off the lights.

So Max and I had this ritual every night where I would read to him for, you know, 15 minutes and then we'd talk for a minute or two.

And then we would wrestle over who would get to turn off the light.

And of course he would always win and then he would like free fall back into the bed and he'd go to bed.

And I knew that we were going to redo the rooms and whatnot.

And slowly things were arriving.

So Saturday night we do our ritual and then Sunday morning, my wife goes, hey, the stuff's here.

My dad can help us.

Like, let's start switching the rooms over.

And I realized sunday night when i was putting putting him to bed in his new bed in his new room that that was the last night we got to play that game oh and i remember so sad and i remember there were you know always a handful of nights where you're freaking exhausted and you're like i don't want to fight you over this switch but i would say to myself like remember you won't always do this like so have the energy and it made me very sad Oh, I'm sorry.

That's very cute, though.

You'll develop a new ritual.

You'll get a new one.

Totally.

Maybe, maybe before Betty can punch you in the face.

Every night.

That's the new ritual.

Just a black eye, just a...

I'm ready.

I mean, it's some of...

Shout out Steve Levitan.

And while I don't watch Modern Family, because I don't watch anything,

I've seen this clip.

It's clearly a brilliant show.

I saw this clip, this Ed O'Neill clip.

Have you ever seen it circulated?

I've seen the show, so I've probably seen the clip.

Yeah.

What is it?

Describe the scene.

It's Ed O'Neill and who obviously formerly Al Bundy, brilliant, brilliant actor.

And he talks about what it is to have a child.

And he says, you know, you have this baby and they have, you know, the cutest little fat folds and you love them and they're so scrunched and adorable.

And, and then they lose the fat fold folds because they become a toddler.

But then they have this incredible smile and they look at you and they just like light up when they see you.

And then and then eventually they get a little bit older and they're not that toddler you fell in love with, but then they're like these wonderful little people who have the most brilliant questions and you just want to tell them everything that you can.

And at each stage, you're trading one thing for the other until finally you don't trade anymore.

You just let them go.

Yeah.

And it's like, you never know when's the last day you pick up your kid because you just can't pick them up anymore.

And it's like, those are the things right you're you're right everything is a trade and it's totally worth it and it's but it's hard to let go of those stages

so profound that's an eight minute youtube clip derek don't mess up that was a great that was a great just just beautiful just gorgeous you're trading but you're trading for something of equal or greater value remember that we're always trading up we're never trading down yeah always it's up that's beautiful

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What kind of bunk beds?

Did we theme it?

Or what's the color?

Did it stay within like your beautiful wife's style or what are their rooms?

What do they look like?

We started with breaking the bank.

Okay.

This is, these are the early phase talks.

She said, I want to, I want to built in.

I want to build them into the, into the

God.

Paige, I'm like, not only is it going to be 20 grand now, it's going to be 10 grand later when we're going to rip it out.

It'll be 100 grand when they break the whole house.

What do you mean?

They're jumping on the bed.

All of a sudden, the whole bunk bed falls.

It falls through the floor.

It lands on the Land Rover.

You're screwed.

The foundation's cooked.

And she's like, and I want to wood panel the room.

I'm like, all right, that's it.

Like, somebody call good wipes and

get them to re-up.

Fuck, please.

So I'm like, Dre, can you come back on?

And so I go, whatever you want, honey.

And she decides against that.

And then it's going to be like, all right, so we'll do like a big restoration hardware thing, blah, blah, blah.

And then we don't do that.

Basically, we went with like a beautifully basic, super cheap bunk bed.

But my wife had some particular things.

She wanted, first of all, two full beds, full bed on the bottom, full bed on top.

Most of the time, it's full bed bottom, twin top.

But she said, no, no, no.

She's like, and she's smart.

She's like, if we have to lay with the kids, it's going to be awful if they're in twins.

And as they get older, they're going to be way more comfortable having full beds.

But

under the bottom bed, in addition, she said, let's also make sure we have been

a trundle.

Trundle.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

That could be for a sleepover.

That could be in case Max and Shai want to sleep side by side maybe one night.

Maybe Josh wants a place to sleep.

You never know.

You never know.

So is the trundle a full?

No, no, no.

Trundle is a twin.

Oh, I was going to say crazy.

Wow.

Okay.

So we're going full, full twin.

Beautiful, gorgeous.

And is there a theme for the room?

No, I mean, my wife keeps it beautifully.

I have to give my wife so much credit.

She bought an incredibly basic, but like really as well-built and as hardy of an Ikea dresser as you can get, like a six-drawer standard dresser and it was like pine and i'm like what what are we burying you know what are we doing at jewish burial here like

you know it was just very basic wood grain she goes i'm gonna work on it she spent the next week and a half in our garage sanding the whole thing adding

adding to it like adding wood accents to it and then made it this beautiful like light blue color i'm gonna send you a picture we're gonna put it up in the clip.

Freaking, did she do a before and after, Josh?

It's unbelievable.

Like this beautiful, like, I guess it's- I'm saying, did she film this transformation?

She should have.

Oh my God, she's a, she's a DIY, Home Depot.

You know how much Home Depot is paying these DIY influencers?

She's sitting in your house.

The brawn is allergic to money.

And it's just amazing.

This gorgeous bronze hardware, she is so talented.

And her parents are so spectacular because they like want to help.

We all help bring it up.

Her dad spent all of Sunday, this man spent all of Sunday building these double full bunk beds.

I wanted nothing to do with this.

I said, I will take the children.

And the whole time, so I sprung for Chinese steak out for dinner.

I said, please, it's my honor.

That's amazing.

Wow.

Incredible.

Saltov.

Congrats on these beautiful rooms.

Congrats on your beautiful family.

Congrats on your beautiful, hardworking, hard-wear-wearing wife with her tool belt.

Unbelievable.

Spectac.

Should we get to a story?

Yes.

I agree.

Okay.

You see.

So, oh, this is one because it touches our show.

How Paige DeSorbo really feels about ex-Craig Connover's new girlfriend, Natalie Buffet.

Is her name Buffet?

Is it Buffet?

What's her last name?

Buffet.

Wow.

All right.

Or like Buffett, like Warren Buffett.

I like Buffet.

I'm in.

Paige isn't phased by Craig dating, a source told Us Weekly.

The insider claimed that the summer house star has been open to dating again, too, but is really focused on work.

It will take someone extremely special to be able to tie her down, they added.

She's a hot commodity, and people are always trying to date her.

Okay,

let's see.

Yeah, I mean, shout out Craig Conover.

We are happy when our boy is happy.

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And apparently, Craig is out in the town dating it up.

Good.

As he should, find your love, find your passion.

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I just made that up.

What do you think?

Not sure.

All right.

Oh, you'll be happy to hear this.

NYC sees dramatic reduction in murders shootings in 2025 under NYPD boss, Jessica Tish's leadership.

I've got some numbers.

Murders dropped to 63 compared to 96 in the first quarter of last year, a whopping 35% decrease.

There have been 140 shootings with 164 victims so far this year, a 23% dip from 182 shootings and 214 victims recorded in the same time period of 2024.

Ben, are you feeling this?

No, because crime is too high.

It's still too high.

Great.

There was a reduction.

That's like saying that inflation went from $1 trillion to $999,999 billion.

Like, it's too much.

What do you say?

160 shootings in the city this quarter?

Focus on the 23% down, Ben.

Yeah, that's what they want us to focus on.

Too high, too high, too high.

The The city, it's too much.

I actually, I am thinking, is the city slightly,

slightly better?

It might be, Josh.

It's got to be.

It might, I think it's slightly better.

I haven't seen that guy that tried to emotionally mug me in quite some time.

This, maybe he was picked up off the street, brought back to Tom's River.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Maybe it's better.

Okay.

Shout out.

Thank you, Jessica Tish.

Thanks for your hard work.

Look, Eric Adams has been exonerated.

Maybe the world is healing.

Healing.

We're here.

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It's interesting.

I mean, I heard it said, I forget the pod I was listening to.

I think, oh, I think it was Ari Shafir was on Neil Brennan's podcast blocks, and he was saying how, like, who's the great comedian who does, who says comedy, comedy?

He's got the pod with Sam Morrell and Mark Norman.

Mark Norman, the great Mark Norman.

Yes, he's great.

Mark Norman was on Joe Rogan's pod and

something to that effect.

But Joe just asked him, How'd you get here?

Mark's like, I took the subway.

And of course, Joe, only reading the news, is like, You took the subway?

What are you crazy?

And Mark's like, Yeah, of course I took the subway.

Like, it's the fastest way to get there.

And I guess when you saw everything that's been going on over the last couple of years with the New York subway and people getting pushed onto the tracks, of course, it's caused for alarm and it's unacceptable.

But then you also realize, like, that's one case in two million people a day riding the subway, right?

Yeah, there's definitely, so I agree with you completely.

That said,

the New York City subway just doesn't feel the way that it once felt.

It's very dirty.

It's very dark.

And at times, it can be very scary.

Like I do hear stories all the time.

No, they're not murders, but they are like a crackhead going and like...

sitting next to a girl and like kissing her on the cheek.

Like

that stuff happens regularly if you're in the wrong car.

So it's not that it's, I agree with you on the, if you think you're going down to the subway to get stabbed, rest assured, you're okay.

You're okay.

But if you, you are going to go down, if you take the subway enough, you are going to have an encounter that will make your skin crawl.

So it's up to you if you want it or not.

But the subway is, is gross and it's not like, I don't think that everybody's train station is this gross.

Like we, we live, it's very much in the underbelly of the rats.

It's like, it's just yucky.

And it doesn't have to be.

It just is.

Like, I don't, I feel like we just keep giving the MTA more money and more money and more money and more money and nothing happens.

Like, nothing changes.

We're spending, we spend so much money.

I'd love to know, Olivia, if you could look it up or Josh, what does the MTA make in a day from tolls, from fairs?

Can't even imagine.

Insane, like an insane amount of money they make.

Well, let's count it.

If like, let's say 2 million people, but let's say like 500,000 people jump and or like are having some kind of comped fare.

So, let's say one and a half million people paying what three dollars.

Yes, so it's four and a half million, call it a day.

I would say that's the bare minimum.

The bare minimum is what I think they pay.

Wait, Olivia has it.

Yes, I have it.

So, oh, this is circa 2018.

So, let me see if I can find a more accurate, but at the time, it was 17.5 million from passenger ticket sales for public transport use per day.

No way.

There you go.

Yeah, because you're only thinking, Josh, about the MTA as it relates to the subways, but you're forgetting like the Metro North.

You're forgetting like an easy pass.

$18 million a day, folks.

$18 million a day.

That is roughly, and that's in 2018.

That was before price hikes.

That's six, quick math, about $600 million a month.

And we can't clean the car.

And that's not including the $19.8 million from dedicated taxes, local taxes and state taxes, or the 5.5 million from bridge and tunnel tolls.

That's just can't power wash the cars.

It's insane.

You walk down and they look like cars that were built in the 1960s that haven't been washed since.

But here's what I will say.

Is there a fundamental problem with us?

And I say that as you see places like Japan and China, but Japan specifically, how like, how clean their subway stations is, how respectful they are of like, they don't jaywalk, like just cultural norms don't, they don't promote like speaking even loudly on the subway.

There's like a level of deep respect, right?

I was, I was listening to Malcolm Gladwell on the Rick Rubin podcast the other day, who, he wrote like, you know, outliers and so many of like the brilliant, the tipping point.

you know, sociology books.

He did a deep dive on crime.

Okay.

And he said, you know, America gets a bad rap.

He's like, America isn't any more murderous or violent crimes, the worst crimes you can think of.

It really doesn't have a higher percentage than anywhere else in the world.

The only difference is gun violence.

You guys shoot each other way more.

You have more access to guns and you use them way more.

And so.

It seemed like a commentary on a cultural thing.

So the train seems like a commentary on us as New Yorkers and us as Americans, the way we treat our public transportation.

What do you think?

I think, yeah, it could be that.

It could be the people working there not caring.

It could be misappropriated funds.

It could also be just this general mindset that, oh, I'm going to redo it just for them to put it back to shit.

Like, it could be that.

Like, I really, I really don't know.

I'm stumped when I think about the fact that we're in the same subway cars for many decades.

Like you, you should get a new subway car, like a brand new subway car.

Like how much money could that possibly cost?

Do it.

Do it.

And what troubles me even more is that if like if we just said to New Yorkers, and this, this is more than New Yorkers, it's for everybody, I'm charging you an extra 1% on your taxes.

specifically so that we can get brand new subway cars, nobody would have a problem.

It's that you don't know where it goes and you're like, I'm spending so much money.

Why didn't you get a new subway car?

What did you do?

What did you do?

So I don't know if we can like itemize these things, but it would be wonderful if you could see exactly where your city taxes, tax dollars really went to.

I know they tell you where they went to.

Where'd they really go?

Where'd they go?

Because I'll walk past a New York park and it will be barren.

Why are there no flowers?

I'm paying for the park.

Why are there no flowers?

Why are there just sticks and rubble?

Like again, you hear like, people could be listening to this and they're like, oh, these are first world problems.

It's like, yeah, but we're paying first world taxes.

Like,

that's what it is.

I'm paying for it.

So I at least deserve to reap the benefits of a high-tax society.

Otherwise, charge me less tax and then I can live in shit.

I won't complain.

I promise.

I don't trust you.

You'll complain.

I will complain.

But Derek, that's another eight-minute clip.

God dang it.

It's so good.

Firing.

We're firing.

But that's how I am in New York.

Like, I would, I would pray for my life using a public restroom in New York City.

But in LA, I find now that I'm at parks constantly with my kids, overall, there's every park has a bathroom, which is great.

And they're almost always really well kept.

I can't believe it.

And you know, I like to pish.

This is the difference, Josh.

You couldn't catch me.

Oh my God.

I said that if you have to shit, I'd shit anywhere.

I don't think I'd shit in a public park bathroom.

I think I would get stabbed.

Like, there's nothing scarier to me than

a Central Park bathroom.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Horrifying.

Horrifying.

Yeah, you're going to have to go make a lie at Tavern on the Green or Wilming Rick.

I will.

Oh, Rick.

It's you.

Should we get to What Are You Nuts before we get kicked out of here?

Yeah.

Our What Are You Nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever, sticking in your craw.

Go for it, Ben.

You can go first.

Okay, you go to nuts.

My what are you nuts moment of the week is, and it's probably because I'm bitter.

I was at Barnes, I love going to Barnes and Nobles with my kids.

We have the best time, and we love it.

They have books, they have toys, they have everything you want.

Then we go to the cafe and we get drinks.

But, you know, you look at these kids' books, and they're, what, 10, 15 pages max.

Built on heavy cardboard.

It's illustration.

It's two or three lines max if it's for like a young kid up till three three years old.

But on the cover, proudly prominent New York Times bestseller.

Are you my daddy?

What are you nuts?

What do you want a trophy?

You heard 11 sentences.

Oh, congrats.

You know, Mazel, New York Times bestseller.

Where's my daddy?

I don't know.

Ask the duck, do you know duck?

I don't know.

Fuck you.

What are you getting?

What are you getting nuts?

Oh, crap.

Give me a second.

I thought.

Okay.

I'm just bitter because my book, Happy People Are Annoying, did not make the New York Times bestseller list.

It should have.

It should have.

These people are nuts.

God bless you.

It would have if I had released it when we had this podcast.

Totally.

You need to release another book.

Ooh, maybe we'll co-write one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or a cookbook.

I love that.

The good cooks.

The good cooks.

Yeah.

This has never happened to me before.

This has never happened to me before.

Take your time, King.

Take your time.

Be easy with yourself.

We do have to be out of here in four minutes.

Yeah, no, no, I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

One second.

In the meantime, I will close down the episode for Ben.

Thank you for listening to the good guys podcast.

Ben is currently having what he calls brain fog.

He probably had a couple bagels before this moment.

Nevertheless, listen to the podcasts.

Everywhere we get podcasts, streaming services, what have you.

Listen in the car, listen at home, listen in the gym, listen to the sauna.

Recently, I was in the sauna and a guy was on speakerphone.

That's right, speakerphone.

Shout out Equinox, Ben Go.

That's a whatey and nuts.

You know what else is what are you in nuts?

And I'm sorry.

I love you, Starbucks, but I've been shouting you out non-stop.

I spoke about the app.

I spoke about all this stuff.

There's been no deal.

So now I'm going to talk about the negative, okay?

This is what you get.

Josh, you know, every morning I get my Trenta iced coffee.

That's right.

That's why I'm shooting three times.

I have a Trenta iced coffee every morning.

Will you get anything in there?

I'm putting in a couple shots of chai because I thought, you know, chai is delicious, low calorie.

I think no sugar, it's chai leaves.

What's the problem?

A little bit of milk and a splenda, right?

Yeah.

Wrong, Josh.

Chai.

Six grams of sugar per pump.

I'm getting three pumps, 18 grams of sugar.

Chai should be no sugar.

It's the same thing with the matcha.

They now switch over to no sugar matcha.

Why are you putting sugar in things that don't have sugar in them?

There's no sugar in chai flavor.

There's no sugar in matcha.

What are you nuts?

Josh already shut down the episode.

That said, if you didn't give us five stars, what are you not seeing next time?

Yeah, review and rate the show.

It really helps us.

We love you.

We love you.

Rate it.

Review it.

Subscribe.

Otherwise, screw you.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.