Ryder Cup & Romance Novels with Connor Wood AKA Fibula

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good guys.

Whoa, Mars and Morons.

Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast.

I'm sitting here with an incredibly famous man and a guy who just spilled on his shirt and doesn't want you to know it's Ben Sauffer.

I was going to say, who is famous?

Yes, Connor is so famous, so famous.

Let me tell you, we saw each other at the Ryder Cup.

We did.

The very talked about Ryder Cup, okay?

And let me tell you, we were both guests of Celsius, but this man has a long-term partnership, Josh.

This man was invited last minute because the president couldn't come.

It's a beautiful thing.

It was so much fun.

It was so cool seeing you guys there.

It was so great.

And you brought your beautiful father.

What a, what a stallion.

I have never seen, so my dad did come.

He,

so basically for like six months ago, he asked me, he goes, they don't get how the, my parents don't really get how the, the internet thing works, like it being our job.

And he's like, could you ever get your hands on and write or write or cup tickets?

I go, yeah.

And then I look, I'm just like, usually I'm like, yeah, I'll buy the tickets.

You know, and then, and then I looked at the price of the writer cup tickets.

I go, okay, so like, let's be realistic.

No, you know, I can't.

And then it came in with Celsius that they invited me to plus one.

And so for his birthday, I said, I got you the tickets.

He doesn't know that I, he, because they don't get it, there's a beautiful thing.

He thinks that I bought him the tickets for his birthday.

But I was like, so we are just going to randomly do two videos.

And you're going to want to hold the label out on that Celsius when I do these videos.

It's unrelated to me buying you the tickets for your birthday completely.

Celsius, thank you for my dad's birthday present.

Did you know, Josh, did you know that Celsius has energy stick packs?

You can rip them open and put them in water, and all of a sudden it's energy water.

I had no idea.

This is the most beautiful thing ever.

You knew.

You knew.

Yes, bro.

I have three kids.

I know all about energy drinks and the goings-ons and the heres and the to what-fors.

My question is,

my golf boys, what is the um,

so they charge you to go to a golf event.

From what Connor's saying, it's expensive, but is it all general admission?

Because it looks a lot very bunching.

It doesn't look like there's seats.

So it's definitely not all general admission.

That said, I'd like to thank Celsius for bringing us, and now I want to talk about what a schlep the Ryder Cup is, okay?

Celsius, thank you for inviting us.

That said, what a schlep, Josh.

And will you explain the Ryder Cup?

Because I didn't know.

Yes, what a schlep.

Okay, so you go there.

If you, I think you took a shuttle.

I drove parking past, whatever.

You're close.

Then, Josh, you get on a golf cart that brings you to the 15th hole.

Okay, you beeline for 15, regardless of where you're going on the course.

Thankfully, we were going to one or to 18, to one?

That's such a good question.

I think we went to the first hole, but if you were going to, let's say, seven, they drop you off at 15.

That's at least three miles of walking.

We walked eight at the tournament.

You walked eight miles.

We checked, yeah.

We ended up walking eight.

My dad was a trooper.

I'm wearing sandals for the foreseeable future because I have.

Look at these blisters that I have.

Oh, I can't shoot for you.

I'll just show you, Josh.

Look at that blister, Josh.

That's bad.

That'll hurt.

I'm going to pass out if I have my leg up like that for any longer.

That'll give you a bloody new balance.

That'll hurt.

I mean, you don't.

I didn't realize we were going to be walking so much, but yeah, and so even Josh, like, we really did have V VIP, but he walked eight miles.

Like, golf is made.

Let me just say this.

Golf is made for TV.

Okay.

It's made for TV.

You can absolutely sit on the 18th hole and watch as people did, but then you're not watching anything else.

You see only 18.

What about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17.

That's for the TVs inside in the AC in the section that Celsius had us.

And it was honestly really great.

Celsius's setup was as good as you could possibly do a Ryder Cup.

It was fantastic.

That food?

The food was great.

I didn't eat enough of it because I had a couple drinks and I was hugging people and I was the pictures that I have with everybody, it's just like, it looks like I'm with my family members and I'm like bugging strangers.

Like I saw all these tagged photos of myself and I'm like,

well, I was really getting comfortable with people.

So that was great.

But it was just so much fun.

It was so cool.

It's cool to be there.

It's cool to watch it because we watched it yesterday on TV.

And I was like, we were there.

Like, I'm looking at all of these A-listers that I somehow did not come across while I was there.

I was like, oh, we were all sitting so close to each other, but like, didn't even see them.

And if I'm watching it on TV, I'm like, I would love to go to that.

It looks so fun.

I was like, I was there yesterday.

Did you end up going to the gift shop?

Did I go to the gift?

I spent.

I spent what I would have spent like on the Ryder Cup ticket at the gift shop.

I spent, Josh, guess what I spent at the Ryder Cup gift shop?

What?

Yes.

Uh, 800 bucks.

1500.

Oh, my God.

How is that possible?

What did you buy?

That's okay.

So, first,

okay, so first of all, what did I buy?

The question is, what didn't I buy, Josh?

What didn't I buy?

I bought a gorgeous windbreaker.

My God, like, this is like

top of the line.

Have you ever USA on the breast, like really top of the line, high-quality windbreaker?

Okay.

Yeah.

I know the gift, the windbreaker section was just packed i couldn't even get i was elbow to elbow i couldn't get in there i bought

uh like a another half zip i bought separate it golf hats leisure okay we separated into buckets on the golf i bought two polos yeah a half zip and a windbreaker on the hats i bought two unbelievable hats six snapbacks and then t-shirts claude bought a couple of sweaters this is for me and claude so 1500 for two people.

And look, they gouged Josh.

They gouged you.

What can I say?

It was one of those things where it's like, you're going to remember that forever.

It's not all, like, I'm learning all these facts as we went.

It's not always here.

Yeah.

The fact that it was like, it was a,

but it's like not in Ireland, you know, it was here.

Yeah.

So I did the same thing.

Yesterday.

Me and my dad walking around the city.

I have my t-shirt on.

He has his golf polo on, writer cup, rider cup.

I didn't realize I'm wearing a writer cup hat.

He's wearing a rider cup hat.

We look like the biggest dweebs on the planet.

That's nerdy.

I mean, we looked like genuine, like, nerds.

And like, we'd never been outside before.

And we go, we sit down at a restaurant.

There's two dudes that definitely were in a fraternity in college.

And we sit next to them.

We are wearing the same hats.

Oh, yeah.

I go, dad, we had to go.

He's like, no, I want, I want to be LT from this restaurant.

So we had to sit there matching hats.

Like the loser brigade blew into town.

Yeah, we went.

Yeah, we went.

Every, like, I felt like everyone was looking at us, matching hats, couldn't take it off because I had like bad heads.

I'm just imagining you and your dad at like Jack's wife Frida eating hummus.

Yeah.

Like sitting next to two bros from Colgate who like drove down and they were like, we gotta see the Ryder Cup, bro.

Like, I gotta see

Rory curse me out.

By the way, they didn't curse out Rory.

Our dear friend did.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

Oh,

Judge.

Did you see that?

What?

Heather McMahon led the fuck you Rory chant.

Yep.

Wow, that's unbelievable.

She was

stepped down from her post.

She was a correspondent

for the Ryder Cup.

Like, she was working for the Ryder Cup.

And apparently, I haven't heard this from her.

Love you, Heather.

So sorry about what's going on.

But hilarious.

I literally, I'm reading this article.

It's like started by Heather McMahon.

I'm like, what?

Like, Heather started the fuck you Rory

chant at the Ryder Cup while working for the Ryder Cup?

Yeah.

That takes some balls.

It took some balls.

I mean, Rory definitely got the last laugh because he did do the like chant at the end yesterday.

He was like, did everybody see that, USA?

Like, we just did that.

Yeah.

Heather having my dad reading this article off to me at lunch yesterday while we're wearing our hats.

Heather McMahone.

Have you heard of her?

I go, McMahon?

Yeah.

What happened?

I didn't know about it.

Yeah.

And yes, she started that chant and it took off and then she had to step down.

She was reprimanded.

Yeah.

It reminds me of, Josh, you know the story of me and the NBA All-Star game, right?

The sad, tragic story?

I don't.

You don't know the story.

Okay.

So it was like 2017.

I got what I thought was like the opportunity of a lifetime as like a die-hard NBA fan.

TNT invited me, come all expense paid, interview all the players, like courtside passes, whatever,

for the NBA All-Star game in Los Angeles.

Killers are performing at halftime.

It was like

the time of my life.

I was so excited.

And I was so excited that I took a picture of my credentials right before I went in because I was pumped.

I'm like,

at the NBA All-Star game, at TNT.

Thanks so much.

One minute later, your pass has been revoked.

People are trying to copy it.

You are no longer invited.

They sent me to the 300 section and my dream job was done before.

I remember that.

I remember that.

I remember hearing that somewhere.

I don't know if you told me that, but that is nightmarish.

Like, that is, it gives me chills thinking about how this weekend, if I would have posted, we didn't get any credentials this weekend, but like nightmare.

Never post your credentials, but it made me think of Heather because, like, this was probably like a dream job for her.

She loves, loves golf, yeah, loves golf.

And like, before it even starts, she was just too patriotic.

That's it's tough.

I have an even sadder story of doing a brand deal for that show, um,

Jack Reacher, I think on Amazon in like 2017.

So they're like, it's on a boat in Long Beach, right?

Like they've like taken over like the Queen Mary.

And I'm there with like a bunch of like, like two or three influence, like four or five influencer people, a Mrs.

Christy Carlson Romano, heard of her.

Kim Possible, okay?

And I'm there and I'm like literally there to do social media, like take a photo, do a post, whatever, 10K, it's 10K.

And

I, there was this one publicist woman who fucking had it out for me.

And like, they didn't give me credentials because I was just with the right people.

So we just sort of moved as like a small quad across this thing.

She was like, where's your bracelet?

I was like, hon.

I was like, I am here to do a very mediocre job at posting for this show that doesn't need my help and I'm out of here.

Like, I'm not worried about it.

She got me kicked kicked out.

She, she, no, she went so hard the whole time.

Like, I didn't even pull, like, I'm slightly like, I'm quasi.

I'm adjacent to famous.

I didn't do any of it.

I was just like, ma'am, like, talk to my boss.

Like, talk to the, the, the, the 26-year-old Gen Z girl who's running this campaign

and leave me alone, ma'am.

And she, she kicked me out.

I finally got pushed out.

She got kicked out.

It was sick.

These people make me sick.

Imagine kicking Josh Peck out of anywhere.

Do they not know?

Do they not know?

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i do want to say

specifically this weekend i could have snuck into the rider cup oh for sure i don't know

for sure as tight of a ship as they are i couldn't have snuck into the vip section that sells you satisfy but when we came in

i could have snuck in It was not Employee of the Month at the Ryder.

You could also walk through the woods.

It's a golf course.

It was a golf course.

You can just walk on to any hole, pop out on I-78 or whatever it is, walk through the woods.

It's not like they fence the whole woods.

You could have snuck into the Ryder Cup.

You could have also faked an injury and been like, I need a golf cart stat because I just walked eight and a half miles.

I hope that people did that.

Did you go to Rayos

when?

At the Ryder Cup?

They had a Rayos outside.

Did you see that?

I genuinely didn't do anything besides hang out by the open bar and then walk straight out, watch whoever was playing that hole, and then walk back into the AC.

Yeah, I didn't even walk and watch.

I just sat in the AC.

Josh, this was me at the Ryder Cup.

We get to the Ryder Cup.

We're in the beautiful air-conditioned room with Celsius.

We're feeding Ruby a bottle.

We're getting him to sleep.

We're looking out, seeing what's going on, and then back to Ruby, feeding him, putting him to sleep.

We went home.

We were like, what the hell did we just do there?

And there was a Rayo's, though, Josh, that I wanted to eat at badly.

They did like a pop-up, I guess, where you could have made a reservation and ate at Rayo's right as you walked in, right as you walked in at that, at that sea lot parking.

I like feel really dumb.

Well, I'm glad that you feel that way because I felt the same way.

I just texted my dad and I was like, hope you had fun.

I had fun.

I had fun too.

But it really was like we're driving all the way out there.

You go and we were there for

six hours.

But yeah, we

golf's really hard

that many boxes like i really kind of don't understand how we clocked in for six hours and then clocked out and what was accomplished i think it's just really saying you've been to the writer cop golf is really hard to not watch on tv i always feel that way but you need like you kind of need those experiences where you go to these things and be like i did i went there i went yeah and uh

yeah

that's kind of it i kind of like that you go to something like a golf tournament tournament and you're like, I've been there.

I don't have FOMO.

No, no, we went.

We did.

And if you didn't know what the Ryder Cup, and like, I know, obviously.

Like, if you didn't know, dumb it down for

other people, not me.

I totally know.

It's like the Olympics of golf if there were only two territories in the entire world.

Yeah, yeah.

Not even, it's the USA versus all of Europe, and that's it.

It's like the Boston Tea Party, essentially, because it's just just like it's us versus them.

And it is, I learned yesterday because I saw someone waving an Irish flag and I was like, oh, it's Ireland too.

I don't know why it was like us in London.

All of Europe.

I'm pretty dumb, though.

All of Europe.

Actually, speaking of I'm pretty dumb, lately, I keep catching myself with my mouth just open.

Oh, same, same.

I've never had that issue in my life.

I'll just be walking.

I'm like, whoa, why is my mouth agape?

Connor, this is me comfortable.

It's comfortable, but I've never been.

I'm worried about how it's going to, how it affects me.

Do I do that?

No, I was just listening to you talk about the Ryder Cup and I could have started drooling.

Oh, you're just open.

Because your mouth was just open.

Mouth breathing's good for you.

Josh, you do that to counteract TMJ.

I do.

Do you have TMJ?

Probably.

So maybe you do it to counteract TMJ.

This is how you loosen your jaw.

I have a class three malocclusion.

Those are all words that are right, right outside of my vocab.

Do you have any pain here?

No, I have I have almost no pain.

Okay, so then I'm not sure why you're doing that.

I think I'm getting dumber.

I think like the amount of screen time I've been getting as of late is actually regressing me into a little bit of a baby mentality.

And I've been with my, I've been hanging out with my dad a lot, like my parents.

And when I'm with my parents, especially like over the summer, I spend a lot of time with my family because they come and I see them a lot.

And I regress

so much into like I go to a a restaurant.

I'm like an iPad baby.

I don't look at the menu.

My parents kind of like order for the table.

So I don't need to look at the menu.

I'm hanging out with them.

I'm in the back of the car.

They're driving.

I'm sitting in the back.

I'm on my phone.

Like, I don't do anything mentally where I have to like challenge even or even really think at all.

And I think it has regressed me about a decade in the past three months.

Okay.

All right.

So what are we doing to get it back?

I bought a book.

What are we reading?

Mopy Dick.

Okay.

You guys, I don't get it.

I do not understand.

I don't know if you guys are familiar with the work.

And I'm challenging myself recently to start reading the old classics.

I'm like, they're classics for a reason.

To Kill a Mockingbird, etc.

Those are the only two that I have right now.

But

I'm like, they're classics.

Why don't you try to read them?

I'm on page seven of Moby Dick.

I've had to read the same page.

12 times.

Don't do it.

When I tell you it, it's dead.

It sounds made up.

Oh, and it's a huge book.

Have you read Moby Dick, Josh?

Yeah, bro.

I've read Moby Dick.

Some of them are good.

Take a Mockingbird is good.

But like, when you start getting like Dickens and Tolstoy and Dostoevsky, like

dogs, it's like you can appreciate it, but it's too dense, dude.

Treat yourself to something fun.

Read Mel Robbins.

Let them.

Josh knows so much about so much.

I mean, I obviously have been barking up the wrong retrieve during that spiel because I'm like, oh, oh, it's so hard.

You're like, yeah, when you start reading Tolstoy, I'm not going to read Tolstoy.

Like, I definitely hate my age.

Toy Story.

I don't know.

I should read Toy Story.

Is that what you said?

Toy Story?

I got him.

No, Josh.

Tol Squire.

I'm going to start talking to someone that's more on my reading level, a fifth grader, and say, now, when you get into Toy Story 2 and 3,

Judy, that's when you start to lose me.

I mean, the kid, he's grown up.

He's now over his toys that he grew up with.

Like, these are his people, you you know, and now he's he's kind of like foregoing what he knows.

And that's you don't need to read Moby Dick.

Josh, can you summarize Moby Dick for Connor so he can stop reading?

No, no, no, no, no, don't spoil it for me.

I was about to get to the good part, I think.

Well, let me ask you this because, like, Ben, Jackie, obviously, the great Jackie Oshri is famous for her Kindle addiction.

And Claudia and Jackie are big readers, right?

But they're reading saucy books, like, they're reading spicy, like, like romantic books, right?

Like, I feel like that's they're reading, well, they're reading, they're reading porn.

They have a nice mix of

saucy porn and Holocaust books.

Okay.

That is really the combination where they'll read Sarah's Key about a terrible event in Nazi Germany in Paris that if you don't know about, my God, they locked like thousands of Jews in a stadium, set it ablaze, locked it and just like let them burn to death.

And then on the other side of it, they're reading Demon Copperhead and like any of these like saucers.

So she'll literally, I don't know, she'll come back.

She'll, I'm like, what's the book this month?

It's literally either Third Reich

or

porn, porn, which I think is a nice balance.

Yeah, I, I, you know what?

Good for them.

It's, it's important.

Yeah, it's important to have balance, of course, the balance of opposites.

Um,

reading porn for me,

there was one book I read that ended up being porn, and I was reading it on a plane, and I did feel like if anyone sees me reading this, I'm going to feel like a creep.

Like, I really don't understand how you go on

in public.

And I've seen people reading books and like, I can always tell by the cover if it's porn because it looks really romantic and it looks like it was made on Canva, you know?

Yeah.

And I'm like, okay, that's definitely a porn book because of the type of cover it is.

I can't explain.

It's colorful.

It's like Canva-y.

I don't know how to explain it.

And I'm like, how do you read that?

And it's like a 50 shades of gray, of gray gray adjacent book, and you're sitting middle seat, like next to people getting all horned up via words, you know?

What were you reading, Connor?

I can't think of any right now, but it's, I know the, well, no, that's

there's a handful of authors that if you said them, I would recognize them because Brooke, my co-host of my podcast, she's a big romance, mostly fantasy romance novel.

She reads like that one that got really famous recently.

Demon Copperhead.

Horde of Thorns and Roses, I think it was.

I don't know.

Olivia or Priscilla's not romantic.

Which one?

Demon Copperhead isn't romantic?

No, it's like about poverty.

She said, okay, so that was the

other side.

Was it Holocaust to Jason Olivia?

I think it's like the Appalachians.

I didn't know they read about stuff like that.

All right, so it's

probably Holocaust to Hillbilly Elegy.

Wait, is it the Hillbilly Elegy?

No, that's J.D.

Vance's book.

Who JD Vance.

J.D.

Vance in a tweet said, what did I get wrong, dip shit?

And I was like, it's good to see we've held on to decorum.

Like,

what could be more 2025 than the VP writing dip shit on X?

When you mentioned that, I was like, I don't think that's porn.

I don't think that one's porn.

It kind of sounds porny, no?

Demon copperhead.

The devil's in the bed.

I'm getting the summary.

Oh my gosh, you little demon copperhead in the sack.

I don't think I should be throwing this around because I don't even know.

Like, I do know that it is about poverty.

And we're kind of like,

we're kind of like

making it all about like, like, it sounds like sex work, right?

That's what I thought it was.

When you were throwing that around, you were like third Reich and Demon Copperhead.

I was like,

that's an interesting comparison.

Yeah.

No,

I didn't know.

I still don't know.

So what's it about, Josh?

It's about

the demon is there's poverty.

So the demon is poverty here.

It sports demon as the main character.

Yes, tumultuous life as he navigates poverty.

Tumultuous life as he navigates poverty.

The foster care system.

Athletic success.

Opioid epidemic.

The opioid epidemic.

Against the backdrop of social injustice in a beautiful but struggling.

This is a big book.

In Appalachia, yes.

Guys,

it's a heavy one.

Not a lot of romance.

It's a heavy one.

Okay, so for anybody who's looking to us for book recommendations and they're looking for a saucy book, I wouldn't go with Demon Copper.

You go with Moby Dick, not the version.

Not the version I'm reading, but I'm sure there's a book called Moby Dick, and it's probably really fun.

It's actually called Mo.

It's called Moby's Dick.

Moby's Dick.

It's called Moby's Dick, Josh.

Have you read Moby's Dick?

I read Moby's That Dick.

What?

Moby's Dick starring Joey Camasta.

That's the book.

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Let me ask, Connor, you mentioned something with the Ryder Cup that I've been, oh, I've been dying to see this for years since we met originally.

We follow each other on the Instagram.

You mentioned there are a lot of big A-listers at the Ryder Cup that you didn't have a chance to meet.

I notice a little something about our friend Fibula here, and I give you credit.

It's something I notice, but I give credit.

If there's a deadline announcement, Connor is congratulating you.

I am.

If someone's on deadline, I promise you, I'm commenting

amazing congrats.

What I'm thinking should have happened to me.

I am so

cheerful for that, Connor.

I love the

Josh.

So happy that happened to you, but it should have been me.

Oh, that's funny.

Like, if I, if I could just like Ursula my way and just like suck all of the accomplishments from everybody, my entire feed would be deadline, deadline, deadline, deadline, deadline, deadline.

Variety.

Deadline, Hollywood Reporter, deadline, deadline, deadline.

But I'm not, I'm actually, I, thankfully, and maybe someone might, some might call this jaded, because Ben is right.

That probably was me for a period of my life.

At this point now, I only want the announcement only because I don't want to do the job.

The problem is after the announcement, you have to do the job and that sucks.

The announcement is, you're right.

The best part.

The best part.

If you could do the announcement,

skip the work and then post the awards that you win.

Yep.

View the work.

That would be an awesome pipeline.

So let me tell you both something.

First of all, we have free will.

second of all we have chat gpt

and third of all we could just make up deadlines nobody's gonna know this secret project just do it connor woods stars in demon copperhead a

new porn not safer word a newborn for max and nobody would know why not that's the thing like i'm commenting congrats congrats i'm not tuning in you don't know what it is I'm not necessarily tuning in.

Also, if it comes out in six months, like, I'll keep an eye out.

But, like,

there's going to be so much happens in six months that it's like there's going to be another thing that we have to watch or

read or whatever.

And I can barely read, so that's that's never going to be an option.

My congrats is all I can offer there.

Did you see?

I saw this this morning.

Speaking of deadline articles, there's an and Chat GPT, there's a new actress,

and I'm there's quotation marks if you're listening.

Her name is Tilly, she's AI,

and there's all of the talent agencies are fighting to sign this

entity.

No, we have a new segment called Having a Good Day.

How about now?

AI actress is stealing our jobs.

Josh, this is no good.

Who cares?

Let them have it.

They're gonna, they're gonna win.

AI's gonna win.

Let them don't resist.

Be the water, not the rock.

Be the fucking rock, Rock.

Oh, my God.

It's Tilly hot.

Just gorgeous.

Like, objectively.

Gorgeous piece of technology, this young woman.

But I,

it's, it, it, it freaks me out.

But yeah, Josh, I agree.

It's just like it is gonna win, but should we go silently into that dark night?

I don't know.

Like, me loudly complaining, even though I can't get a call back to save my life.

Like, maybe I should be, maybe I should have an AI model that goes and does my self-tapes for me, and then they can just AI me and do these things.

They pay me half of what they normally would have paid me.

Cool.

And then I just hang out at the writer cup for the rest of my life.

This is fun.

Yeah.

That sounds pretty awesome.

Connor, this is me as far as going into the night.

Throwing the key away.

A nice implication.

You won't hear from me ever again.

No, Connor, I would love to hear about your self-tapes because I make a lot of self-tapes too.

And I think people might find that interesting because it's kind of the new way.

Post-COVID, it's 90% you make your own audition tapes.

Yeah.

Well, self-tapes, you know, way better than I do, but like they, they'll email you, hey, we have a, we have a little audition for you.

This person wants you to audition, or there's a,

there's a series coming out, or a short film that you've never heard of and no one will ever hear of, and they want you to do some little part in it.

And then you set up your camera, your phone in your apartment, and you

do an audition.

You read these lines off, and then you email it over to them with your slate where you have to say your height.

And then

you never hear back.

Basically, that's my experience.

But

I've done, Josh, I have to ask Claudia to pull the video.

I've done one self-tape.

Yeah.

I have.

I have.

I'm trying to remember what the plot was.

I think it was for a movie or it was for something called like meme wars or something.

And I was like, it was like, it was like a cartoon about meme warriors.

Thank God, I don't think it was ever made.

And it was something about me guarding a wall, and I had this line, and I have to ask, I couldn't remember.

I can't remember anything.

I can't even remember what I had for breakfast.

So the whole reading lines thing doesn't work for me.

But it's hard.

Why did you have to do a self-tape for a cartoon?

Oh, this is an excellent question.

Maybe it was just a voice recording.

A voice thing?

Yeah.

It was a voice thing?

Is that possible?

Does that make sense?

Was it going to be animated?

I think so.

Oh, okay.

Well, then that makes sense.

Yeah, they do self-tapes, I think, for voice work, too.

I'm going to ask Claude.

She might still have it on her phone, and it would be wonderful to dig out of the archives.

But what kind of stuff are we auditioning for?

Yeah, like little, like TV stuff.

It's funny because every time I do my auditions,

someone I know gets it now, which is kind of cool.

Like, it's like a, like...

That's why you see me congratulating everybody because I'm like, I also got that.

Like, obviously you got the role.

Like, this really brilliant person that I'm kind of connected to gets it.

And it's like, why did they even send this to me?

That's humiliating.

Because another aspect that people don't know, unless you're in it, is that when you send in a self-tape, a lot of times like it's,

it is emailed directly, but I guess there's some

filing system where they put these files, these video auditions that are accessible to other agents and other teams.

And it's not just the people like who you're submitting it, the casting agent, whoever.

It's like

people you know and you hang out with.

And I had to do one where I, in the same tape, I had to cry.

And then next scene, freestyle rap.

Yes.

And I was just like, sounds like an 824 film.

No, listen.

It sounds like the life of Mamdani.

That's what it sounds like.

I'm having so much fun.

I'm at.

I'm at something, a birthday party or something, and someone goes, I saw yourself tape.

I go, what?

That shouldn't happen, Connor, by the way.

That's only you no that's your agent okay

that's that's no

i'm sending my self-tapes with a hipaa agreement from now on like no one should be no one confidentiality across the screen no one else views except the casting agent and then you know what burn after reading burn after reading i can't imagine my beginning self-tapes when i first started doing them and it was just like

fully outside like there's noises happening but there's not even a white wall behind me basically like when you do them there's there's all these like

aspects that you need to have

included in it that I didn't know about.

I was like, Yeah, I'll read some.

I'm reading off a piece of paper.

You basically, like, you memorize the lines, you read with somebody, good lighting, good sound, horizontal.

Just like it looks like you have a green screen, whatever.

I was outside, it's loud, like they probably were watching.

I'm like, who the hell let him in here?

Just dumb, dumb, dumb ass.

What's hard is, to Connor's point, is you have to set up the whole thing yourself.

And then for me, I have to find someone to read it with me.

And forever, it used to be my wife, which nine out of 10 times, the audition would end like this.

What do you think pays for this, Paige?

What do you think pays for all of this?

I

have, this is what I do.

I ask so little.

Do I ask a lot?

And her literally thinking, yes, you fuck.

Like, marrying you is a fucking, it's a fucking journey, friend.

Like, you think

fucking dream.

I can't even imagine.

Josh, can you imagine me asking Claudia to do self-tapes for me?

When I ask her literally to record a one, like literally one second, can you please just record me while I open the oven to take out my sourdough?

Ugh, no.

I'm busy.

I can't imagine asking someone that I'm in a relationship with to do that with me because, you know,

did you not hear that?

Why did you stutter like that?

I'd be like, you know, it definitely has to be someone that you are work in a professional working relationship with for me because it's like, oh, no, no, no worries at all.

No, let's start from the top again.

Right.

I like, and I have to turn, I do them in my apartment now and I have to turn my AC off because it's so loud.

And so I'm drenched.

So I'm soaking wet.

We're doing the 50th tape of this thing that I don't even want, but I have to do.

And it's just like, I hope, like, I hope something, I hope I die, like literally while we're recording this so that no one has to see it.

And then I cannot do another take if we have to.

My, my, sorry, that's a little dramatic.

No, it's like, I hope I die.

It ironates to that point.

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Dating in this era isn't casual.

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And sometimes it still feels absolutely ridiculous.

Welcome to We Men at Acme, the OG dating podcast that meets you right where you're at and gives you the real rules for dating, marriage, and life beyond the ever-elusive happily ever after.

I'm Lindsay Metzlar, and I've been through it all.

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Touring Jake Shane, was that great?

Was it like it looked amazing?

Yeah.

Did you have a great time?

I mean, I had an amazing time.

He's obviously the best.

Yeah.

And how did that come together?

Like, was it just, was it always planned that way?

Did he always need you open for him on all the shows?

Or what was the I did like, I think like half, maybe like even a third.

He did so many shows but um

yeah I did a handful of his shows and it was really really great his fans are insane his show he like we did radio city music hall yeah which was just like mind-blowing walking out there that's

it's just like 6,000 people or something and I was just doing my stupid jokes like I was just it was it was crazy

I mean he's he's so much fun to tour with I almost had more fun

like just hanging out and being on tour with him than I did like doing the shows because I was just, it's just like so,

it's like watching TV, like watching Jake Shane day to day.

Yeah.

So great.

But yeah, it was really fun.

And then I was also on tour simultaneously on my

own tour.

Yeah.

So that was funny to switch gears in between opening for Jake and then doing my shows, headlining my shows.

Was it the same material for both?

Or you switched it up?

I was only doing like 15, 20 minutes to open for Jake.

And that was really funny because Jake's fans are like, who is that?

I'm actually very surprised by that.

I would have expected there to be significantly more crossover.

There is.

There's a lot, but Jake is just a different breed and his fans are a different breed.

But if it's who's that, then that means it was really great for you.

Because I can't imagine there being a Jake Shane fan that also doesn't love you.

Yeah.

Which means that you probably got a lot of new fans from that.

Yeah, I hope so.

They didn't follow me, so I will never know, but I hope they, like in person, they'd be like, oh, that was that guy.

Yeah.

That's all you can ask for these days.

That's that guy.

He was on stage before we finally got to Jake.

He was up there for 15 minutes.

I had to walk out.

There was one time when I had to walk out and be like, by the way, you got, I'm middle of my joke.

You guys are at the right show.

Like, Jake is coming.

I'm just here for like 15 while he gets, he finishes getting ready.

So

you were warming him up.

So what was that?

So switching from headlining to doing that, that actually must be very difficult.

No, it's great because the stakes are so low there.

And

there was a fair amount of crossover.

People would buy tickets because they heard it on my page.

Sometimes they'd be like, oh, yeah, we heard that you were opening for Jake.

So we came.

I was like, oh, you didn't, you know, whatever.

That was rare, but it happened.

But

it was fun because the stakes were so low.

So I could have fun with his shows.

Yeah.

I get scared at mine, but I used to do this thing before I

understood the importance of warming

openers.

I would just go out first at my shows.

That's what Claude did.

Claude's never had an opener once on any of her shows.

Genuinely, if you AB test having openers and always go to a comedy, if you're going to see a stand-up show, a lot of people don't get a lot of people that come to my shows, it's their first.

So they're like, if I go to a concert,

I'm at dinner still through the openers and I get there like when the act that I want to see comes out.

Yeah.

But people think that's the case with comedy.

Always go see the openers for stand-up.

Yeah.

Because it's usually really, really, really funny.

Usually.

Yeah.

But I was going out first

and it would always bomb.

And then my,

I would go out first, sandwich, the openers would be in the middle, and then I would come out at the end, which like nobody was doing randomly because it was horrible.

And wait, you would come out first, then first for 20 minutes, openers would come, and then you'd finish.

First for 20 minutes, 10-minute opener, 10-minute opener, close for 20 minutes.

Oh, that's me.

And I can't believe you did did that to your openers.

That is so.

I know.

Well,

it was really great.

Ready for Gene.

And everybody just goes and takes a shit while Gene is there and then comes back.

It was the dumbest thing I could possibly do.

I mean, it was funny because it was like,

I got to like my 40th or something show on this first leg of tour two years ago.

And this girl in San Francisco, Francisco, this comedian that was opening for me, she goes, Why do you do that?

Like, that's really dumb.

She was very flayed out to me.

And I go, Oh, she's like, No one does that because,

like, you're going out, and these people are getting off work and coming to a conversation, and they haven't, they're ordering their drinks and food still, and you're up there, like, trying to win them over, and they're here for you, but they're distracted and they're not in the mood to laugh yet after work.

And then,

so I started when I went, I did some shows in Ireland and London last fall, and they wouldn't let me have an opener.

So I had to just go out.

Well, they wouldn't let me have more than one opener.

So they let me have an opener.

I went out and I was like, they're ready to laugh once I get out there.

They're like shifted gears and they're like, I'm at a stand-up show.

Okay.

Yeah.

Because we do operate like that.

We don't realize that that is how

we operate until you see that happen.

And it's like, okay, by the end of a comedy show, someone could go out and burp and walk off stage.

And you're like, oh, wait, I'm like supposed to be laughing right now.

Like, this is funny.

Yeah, no, they're ready to laugh.

I mean, at least with claude she would have her like

uh she would like play her song like everybody would get pumped and then she would go on like i didn't i never felt like she needed an opener but maybe like i don't know maybe it never hurts what's your rider look like connor when you're doing your tour what what's in the green room what are we is it celsius are we doing vitamin m's oh what are we what are we thinking i didn't know i got a rider until recently i thought

like for for for two years i thought they were joking what's on your rider i was like oh that's funny so So I would just like usually have nothing.

Now I do a phone charger,

protein drinks.

Phone charger is a great one.

Yeah, because then I don't have to bring anything to the comedy clubs.

By the end of the shows, because it's like four hours of shows,

my phone's dead.

And if we go out.

get drinks or something after, my phone's dead after the show.

And I'm like, I can't get an Uber, whatever.

Phone charger, protein drinks so I stop eating so much comedy club food which is wings and like just the most fried it's bar food delicious so I know it's it was really good for a while and then I was like

really having a stomachache every time I walked out on and I usually wear white pants I'm wearing white pants right now so I would be like I'm really scared I'm gonna shit my pants on stage one of these times but that would have been great for some reason like young women which is most of my audience at my shows like is really doesn't think me shitting my pants is very funny.

No, no, as many times as I tried, I'm like, for some reason, this is never landing.

I'm stunned.

Yeah.

Ben, what would be

frankly?

What would be in my rider?

My rider is very simple.

It's one thing.

A yum kippur break fast.

100% bagel locked cream cheese, enough turmeric to kill a horse.

Okay.

We 100% need our supplements.

I'm going to have some

AG1.

Josh, we're going to do some, what is that company?

Momentous creatine.

I'm loving the creatine.

Momentous.

Fantastic.

What is can you tell by these muscles that I take creatine every morning?

What is creatine?

Okay, creatine.

I also take creatine every day.

Okay, Josh can actually tell you what creatine is because he is a doctorate in creatine.

That's it.

I will dumb it down, which just all that it is, it's really good for the brain.

It makes you think and be able to talk and string words together.

And it's really good for pumping iron.

Why didn't no one brought up creatine when I said said that my mouth hangs open every day now?

Yeah.

I need to.

Do you take creatine?

I do.

Yeah, I take creative creatine.

I shouldn't.

You should be taking momentous.

This is great stuff.

Momentum.

Fantastic.

This is good stuff.

It's great.

We're not just saying that because they're a sponsor.

They're fantastic.

Oh, they're a sponsor too.

Well, they are.

These are gummies.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's nice.

You know what's really good?

Do I say gummy?

The dumbest thing that I just said that I'm getting dumber.

I just thought about every like half of the supplements I take are candy.

Yeah.

You're that guy.

You're the guy who they need to make gummies for for everything.

Why can't you just take a supplement, not in a gummy?

I don't know.

Even though Shoutout Groons, also great product, these are great products.

We're living in an age of fantastic innovation.

I mean, it's well, Lemmy, every time I have a new illness, Lemmy comes out with a new gummy for me to take.

But like, I'm not kidding.

I

could go to the movies and I could bring a gallon-sized bag and all I could eat.

I don't even need to stop and get Twizzlers.

I will take all my vitamins watching the movie because they taste so good.

If you put a bottle of vitamin D supplements in front of me, I can finish that bottle if I wasn't scared of what would happen to my body.

Yeah.

I think that if you finish an entire bottle of vitamin D, I don't know what would happen.

I feel like it would be bad.

Shit your pants.

I don't know.

Well, shooting your pants is

that that wouldn't worry me.

See,

I'm glad you brought that up.

It is a blessing in disguise.

You're just kind of starting from scratch.

Shooting your pants?

Yeah.

I have, Josh knows this story.

I,

I was 13 years old.

I hate to tell you, Ben, but Barbara Peck has a little bit of feedback and she goes, I love that, Ben, but sometimes the poop stuff, it's too much for me.

She hates me.

Oh, no.

Does she hate my Kutcher's story?

I'm still going to tell it.

So, Barb, sorry.

I'll tell the abbreviated version.

13 years old.

Kutchers.

Do you know what this is?

This is the Jewish cat skills.

We'd all go.

It's a hotel.

I think that, what was that show Mrs.

Maisel was made after when they go to the Mississippi State?

Oh, that's I know exactly the voice.

I mean, I'm thinking, oh, these guys are big time.

They're they're just throwing around Ashton's last name when you guys are hanging out with Ashton Kutcher.

Oh, no, Kutchers, right?

No, this is this is the Nebuchadnezzar's.

No, different people, Kutcher.

No, Kutchman.

Think of Mrs.

Maisel.

We go there.

We're leaving.

It's catered affairs.

I ordered the Fettuccine Alfredo for lunch right before we're about to leave.

Okay, 13-year-old Ben orders Fettuccine.

We're about to get in a three-hour car ride in a snowstorm.

Three-hour car ride in a snowstorm.

We're driving.

It's icy.

I'm like, mom, I need to go to the bathroom.

She's like, Ben, we're on an icy roads.

There's nowhere around.

Can you hold it?

I'm like, I can hold it.

I'm wearing blue jeans.

We go like another 10 miles.

I'm sweating.

I'm screaming, mom, mom, mom, mom.

All of a sudden,

I just completely shit my pants.

We finally pull over at a McDonald's rest stop.

I open the door, and I just feel a huge ball of shit roll down the side of my jeans and plop out right next to my sneaker.

And my mother, God bless her, she's still listening to this, probably laughing, cleaned me head to toe because that woman is a saint.

Saint.

She made custom passports by hand for Josh and his whole family.

What was it for, Josh?

Was it for what he was even for?

Are you, Ben?

Where are you?

I had a child that you forgot was being delivered on June 27th.

Yeah.

My mother, God bless her, sent me gifts.

What was it for?

But she sent it for five people.

That's why I forgot what it was for.

She didn't only,

this is how good of a woman she did.

Like fake IDs?

No, she made passport holders.

Oh, she like designed them.

And instead of just making them for one child, for one beautiful baby, she made it for the whole family because she didn't want to make a chalice.

This is my mother.

Oh, that's special.

I would have been pissed if I was the

child that everyone gets one.

Exactly.

So that's why she made all of them.

But yeah, so I should have made it.

No, no, I would have been if I was the one that was supposed to be receiving it to be special and everyone got one.

I'd be like, what the hell?

The good news is that he was one day old.

Oh, so there's no jealousy.

There's no jealousy.

Until he hears this.

I'm never going to be the parents that Bruce and Ava Safer are clearly, because if Max at lunch and the Cat Skills offers Fettuccine Alfredo, I'm going to look at him askance and go, a little heavy.

It's kind of a big I'm sure, by the way, my dad said, like

he said something along the lines of a little heavy, and I probably gave him a death stare and had two of them.

What do you want for lunch, little Timmy?

The beef Wellington.

So heavy.

Before a car ride, it was really, that was really a what are you in nuts.

Yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm very wary now.

Basically, like when I go on the comedy tours now, I, I, I sometimes land at like midnight places, and I'm so dumb that I don't plan to eat or anything.

And so I got to Austin super late, and I ordered Uber Eats, and I got

schwarma.

Yum.

Really, really good.

I'm trying to remember what kind.

Doesn't matter.

I obviously got food poisoning because

I ordered it at midnight.

And

I woke up the next morning and I was staying with people.

So I was in their apartment, and the apartment building brought me up a cot.

And they had left the room, and it was two girls, one of my, one of my buddies,

and the girls left the room to go down and get coffee.

And I said, finally, a man can pass gas in his cots.

Like, sure, now I can.

Sure.

It wasn't the situation at hand.

It was something entirely different.

And I was wearing mesh shorts.

The cot was destroyed.

My buddy comes out from brushing his teeth

and says,

is that?

And I said, get out.

He goes, is that?

And I go, out, out, get out, get out, get out.

I've never been, and that was, guess what?

That was a year ago.

Shitting into a car.

It was the craziest sensation that

I've ever had.

And I apologize.

I'm done talking about that instance now, but that is the last time that happened to me.

And I was fully an adult.

It happens as an adult.

Josh,

have you had Neurovirus?

Should we get to our Woody Mad?

It's cutting me off.

Neurovirus is bad.

I heard the story about, did you get it too or did you just caught it?

No, me.

I wouldn't do well with an illness like that.

This illness.

I would be crying.

I was crying.

As you,

and then we're getting a what are you nuts, I promise.

This is it.

As you throw up,

you involuntarily shit yourself and vice versa.

When it comes out of one end, it comes out of the other and you can't stop either.

It's like a fountain.

Weirdly, some young woman just talked to me about this, and then I'm done talking about it too.

She goes,

We're having like an adult conversation

at a restaurant.

I think she came up and say hi, she goes, I had this thing, blah, blah, blah.

And I don't even remember how this came out.

She goes, My advice to you, if it happens to you, and it will, she goes, just sit in the shower for a while.

Yeah, that's smart.

Cold shower.

And then when it happens,

it happens.

When it happens, it happens.

What are you nuts?

Our what are you nuts moment of the week are are gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever, sticking in your craw.

I'll start.

Connor, you have time to think about it.

Ben and I, I'll give you examples.

Ooh, this is fun because this will be fun with as two very extremely successful professionals who are also influencers, as Ben and Connor are.

I recently did a campaign at the beginning of the year for something very cool.

I'm going to be generic here as I decide over the next couple of weeks whether I want to completely drag and put on Blast this company.

Did this social media deal for a really cool company?

And as we know, there's a middleman in between the big corporations that we work with and us, right?

They broker the deals, they get a percentage of it, they set it up, they decide what the deliverables are, an IG reel, a TikTok, blah, blah, blah.

They handle everything.

This company is a legit company.

I've worked with them a couple times.

They were supposed to pay me May 1st.

They're not paying.

Now the big corporation paid them and then they take out their little vig and then they send to me.

They are leaving your boy on red.

I don't know if you guys have heard about it.

I think this company is big enough where it's affected a lot of our brethren in the influential community.

Wow.

In the influencing community.

But yeah,

and I don't, it is a woody nut.

And I'm between a rock and a hard place here because we're going on almost six months of not paying.

Oh, that's that's scary.

Here's all that I'll say.

That's first of all, that's nuts.

People running Ponzi schemes as middlemen, no good.

And as I always say, it's a total Ponzi scheme.

That said, if the big company, Josh, is a huge company, then I would just reach out to the huge company and I would...

calmly explain to them what happened here.

And I think they'll pay you.

I think that, like, if it's a huge company, like I've seen it before where where a huge company will contract a group of people,

there will be signed documents, and all of a sudden they'll say, eh, you know, we're not doing this anymore.

And they'll still pay you, right?

Have you ever seen that before?

It's rare, but it happens.

Like, these companies have enough money to cover it.

So I would reach out to them, and then I would sue the other people.

And if you ever get the money back, I would definitely sue them.

Should we just like, if there's anyone listening who knows about said campaign that I did earlier in the year and you know, you owe me that dodo, let's like, let's slide a little far and be like, how many weeks are we going to give it till we blast some on the pod?

Three weeks?

I think, I think once a week, Josh really wants his money, so we're going to go.

You have 24 hours,

okay?

You have 24 hours

until there's hell to pay.

You do your ad reads, and then you do your anti-ad reads.

So

I love it.

I love it.

It's a slight.

You do three

full-body ad reads.

This is companies we believe in.

We love their creatine.

And then you do one.

Watch.

Count your fucking days.

Count your ad reads.

Fucks.

Yeah, you were playing Sahan.

Connor.

This is why this guy

loves

the anti-ad read is genius.

We do section.

Hi, guys.

Okay, so we did what are you nuts, and then now we do the anti-ad read section.

Speaking of not great Josh, my what are you nuts moment?

They're at it again, Connor.

Okay.

You frequent Manhattan.

Yeah.

They're at it again.

The traffic cops.

The traffic cops are my whatey and nuts again.

And perhaps maybe it's just Eric Adams, it's the mayor's office, whoever controls the traffic cops.

Let me explain the problem with traffic cops, okay?

First of all, they create more traffic.

I will always say this because they stand there and they have no rights.

They're second-class citizens.

Imagine being a cop with no ticket book, but you're watching the crime.

You're watching the crime unfold unfold right in front of you you know what happens when i see a fucking traffic cop i make that illegal turn i run that red light they have no ticket book they have no power they have no nothing connor and i'm not the only one who knows this everybody knows this so you see people they're blocking the box they're driving all of a sudden they're sitting right in the middle of the intersection they're blocking traffic left and right because they know the traffic cop can't do shit.

A traffic cop is a complete what are you nuts.

And I've had enough of it.

New York City has traffic because those cops don't have full rights.

If they could write a fucking ticket,

there would be no more traffic.

That's true.

Because people wouldn't be doing this shit anymore.

I don't drive here.

So this is my first time not having to.

I have no experience with the traffic cops.

You got to look at them.

When you're in your Uber, look to the left,

see the men and women in the shiny neon green and watch their incompetence.

What are you, nuts?

I haven't.

Geez, okay, I'm going to pay more attention to what's going on, the happenings of the city.

You should.

You have one?

I have one, yeah.

i have a restaurant that i go to a lot um

and i have my favorite waitress that works there and i'm always very friendly

and then this last time i was there um

she pulled up a chair and sat with us

and then

you hung out with us and i kind of felt like

This is my favorite restaurant.

You're my favorite waitress.

And now we've crossed a lot, like we've crossed the line.

Yeah.

And the manager was coming up.

Hey, you have have other tables.

She's like, oh, no, stop.

I'm hanging out with like my, like my people.

And I go, now I'm looking, I'm looking pretty bad.

Like, I look like I'm holding you from doing your work.

And I just feel like there's some people who you love to see at your, at your places.

But if I run into like

the woman who cuts my hair at the bar, I don't really want to hang out.

You know, sure.

So can you cross that line?

I kind of, I haven't gone back to the restaurant yet.

And I know that that might be like a me issue, but I like loved.

It's real, I don't think it's a you issue.

No, I think that's, it's not.

By the way, if you, if you guys are really good friends, hang out outside the restaurant.

In the restaurant, though, she,

that's, it's very tough.

Yeah.

That's tough.

All right.

So what are, are we plugging anything?

What are we doing?

Are we, we're just, we're just living.

We're just living.

I'm just living.

I'm on tour right now, actually.

If you guys want to come.

Oh, I didn't even come.

Amazing.

I got some dates on my Instagram, Fibula, if you want to come.

I'd love to see you there.

And thank you guys so much for having me.

I'm so glad this worked out.

Thank you for coming.

Sorry for the technical difficulties, but you're the best.

I appreciate you, dude.

They happen so much.

And so good to see you, Josh, virtually.

So low on FaceTime.

And all I have to say is

you got to give this episode five stars.

Otherwise, what are you nuts?

Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch us on YouTube.

Share our clips on Instagram and TikTok.

Follow Connor on all socials.

Go see his show.

Go to his website.

Buy tickets.

Do all the things.

Mondays and Thursdays, folks.

We will see you next time.

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Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.