The TRUTH About Nepo Babies
Mazel morons! It’s another immaculate Monday right here with the Good Guys. We’re kicking things off with Ben’s legendary Utah Clydesdale story before delving into hats that hurt, Josh’s “art teacher hair” debate, and why Jews secretly run Christmas music. We pitch our own holiday single (“Oy Vey, It’s Christmas”), dream up a Good Guys kids’ show, and debate whether Charlie Sheen’s comeback streak was pure talent or pure nepotism. Plus: Moron Mail featuring fat jokes gone wrong, a pizza addiction confession, and a twist on the classic Big Mouth. What are ya, nuts?
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Transcript
The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
good guys.
Whoa.
Mazza Morans, welcome back to the Good Guys Podcast.
I'm sitting here with a guy who's built like a beautiful bucking Bronco.
It's Ben Sauffer.
Oh my God, that was so nice.
Thank you.
I prefer to think of myself as a Clydesdale, like that Clydesdale Olivia that I rode up the Utah Mountains.
Yeah, remember that?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Olivia, that you share a name with the Clydesdale that I rode.
But look,
this Clydesdale fantastic.
She was gorgeous.
She took my 280-pound caboose up the mountains.
But yeah, that poor horse,
they had to retire her.
They retired her after your ride?
Of course.
I was her last ride.
I was her last ride.
She, they, there was no tread left on her horseshoes.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
But yeah, Josh, you know, you're looking fit as a fiddle, strong as an axe.
I love it when you wear flat brim hats.
It makes you look really macho.
Thank you.
I feel macho.
I feel high T.
I feel alpha.
One of our speak pipes, they asked me, they were like, Josh, you joke around so much.
Like, is there a chance you're a literal gay man?
And my answer is, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
And like, we'll see.
And this is actually a dope hat.
My wife had it made for me, and it is the starting lineup from my father-in-law, Ken, when he played for the mid-80s New York Jets.
I mean, he played for a decade, but Ken O'Brien, Al Toon,
other very masculine guys.
So, yeah, I love this hat.
Super cool.
Is it fitted?
It's fitted.
It's just so my wife.
This is just so her to get
the
perfect present.
Fitted.
Yeah, Josh.
I can't do fitted hats.
It looks amazing on you, on me.
They never look good.
They never look good.
I don't know why.
I can only do a snapback.
And even the snapbacks, I'd say 90% of hats don't look good on me.
What is it?
Is it your head shape?
I think so.
I think it's the combination of a large head that meets a bit at a point.
It's rather eggish
when I tuck back my hair.
I think it's my head shape.
I think it's my head girth.
And I think that...
because of that it rises up a little in some areas but down a little in others so i can't ever get that perfect fit you know you know what i'm talking about I almost need a custom, the way that people have custom suits, I need a custom hat.
Think about this business, Josh, one of one.
You send in your exact hat dimensions.
Okay.
They measure from here to here, here to here, and they send you a hat that's only good for you.
I love it.
I'm in.
I'm down to clown.
Right?
The thing is, it's, it's, it's probably very difficult to scale, but it would really help me.
I get terrible headaches from hats.
I think because they just don't fit.
I don't like the feeling of my head being squeezed.
I couldn't agree more, Ben.
I feel seen.
I have head tension.
I don't like anything even remotely squeezing.
I can't even wear beats headphones.
So why do you wear hats so often then?
Because you wear hats.
If you've noticed, I don't wear hats.
As much as humanly possible, I don't wear hats.
Even on a golf course, which is, you need to wear a hat.
People look at me.
They're like, you're not going to wear a hat?
I'm like, no, I don't want to wear a hat.
Unless I have to wear a hat.
I'm not wearing a hat.
And I think I look good in hats, but I don't wear them because they hurt me.
You're saying they hurt you, yet you wear them.
Why?
I think for the podcast, here's the thing.
I have, and I don't know if you would identify with this.
I have difficult hair.
I have great hair because I have a lot of it, but it's very coarse.
It's very North African.
It's very thick.
It's like, I remember once we, a family friend, their little daughter, I put her on my shoulders.
We were walking around and she put her hand in my hair and went, wow, it's like a dog
yeah dude it's thick as heck it's like and so people always go oh my god your curls you're this you're that i'm like nah dog you're tripping like i don't have like it
i don't have luxurious beautiful bouncy curls like my son shy i have thick wavy like howard stern type hair Are we missing out on you growing out your hair?
And I'm not talking.
I'm not a fro.
And I'm not talking a little.
No, I think you could grow past the fro stage.
I never realized quite how thick it was.
Have you seen pictures of Bruce Saffer circa 2001?
It's all I can look at.
Yeah.
Bruce Saffer, if you Google Bruce Saffer, there's a picture that comes up.
He's holding a plate of hors d'oeuvres that you just want to eat one by one.
He has flowing hair down to his shoulders, like a cross somewhere between Zeus and an old picture of Rob Ryan, if you know who that is, the former coach of the Bills.
He has this long, flowy, gray, black, beautiful hair, gorgeous hair.
He now cuts it, but his hair is thick as thieves.
Your hair, you could have that flow.
And I just wonder how it would change you.
How it would change
would Paige, like, what would Paige think if you had hair to your shoulders?
I think you'd look amazing.
I don't know.
The problem is, is every time that it starts to get, it goes through such a phase.
I'm talking six months.
And so what I've done in those times is I've had it straightened.
I get that creamy crack and I get a hot comb.
And we go, and I'm like the girl at the beauty parlor, you know, and they got to air it out.
They got to, like other people start looking.
at the salon they go this is crazy it smells like turpentine i go relax drink your cappuccino All right.
We got to bust open the follicles here.
There's a fucking B and E happening.
And then my boy Sharon, the greatest, is like crushing it, just being like, you have very, how you say in English, fat follicles.
You know, your follicles are fat.
And I go, shut up.
And so then I straighten it, but then it like gets weird, right?
Cause you're really damaging the hair.
So it kind of looks good, but then it kind of lightens it.
And it kind of, I get like a weird Florence Henderson pop.
I'll show you.
There are pictures of me with long hair.
I've seen longer hair, but I've never seen long hair.
I'm not talking about longer hair.
I'm talking about really man-bun potential that length.
Wow, douchebag shit.
I think, I think you with long hair, your personality would change.
I think everything would change, Josh.
You would be trying out for different roles.
Who knows?
I think your whole life could change with just longer hair.
I don't know, but then also, dude, like I have seen a lot of guys, because I'm going to be 40 next year, which we can talk about, but I'm 38 now.
We need to throw a fucking party.
We need a party, a big ass party.
But I see men do this when they do have hair in their 40s.
Like they go, because they have like the wild crazy hair of their teens and 20s.
And then they get like a good cut, right?
And they go, all right, I should grow up a little.
You know, maybe I'll have one pair of dockers.
You know what I mean?
Like a civilized aunt, a trouser.
And then in their 40s, they go, oh my God, it's almost over.
I should take this hair for a run one more time.
And then you're, then you look like a fucking art teacher who smokes weed and doesn't pay his taxes.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
I do.
I do.
And there's strands of gray in it.
I'm like, what are you, the fucking music teacher at the Friend Seminary School?
Yes.
Give me a break.
Shout out.
Shout out.
Yes.
Shout out to the Friends Seminary school.
Did you know kids who went to Friend Seminary growing up?
Yeah, I played all these kids in soccer.
We had our nice eight-person Jewish team.
It was the size of the class.
You were required to play.
We played Friends.
We played this Deaf School.
I forget the name.
We always lost to the Deaf School.
They're the Deaf School.
Deaf.
Yeah, they're the Deaf School.
And they were always in our league and they always beat us.
And then it's like, Jews can't even beat the deaf in soccer.
Like, they can't even communicate with each other.
Sure, they have raw natural talent and they can still see, but the Jewish team couldn't beat the deafs.
Nope, we couldn't.
They were fantastic.
The deafs.
Yes.
What they couldn't hear, they overcame with a strong foot, Josh.
They had a strong foot.
and incredible reflexes.
That's what they say.
You lose a sense, you gain a sixth, or it's just, you gain a seventh.
all of them you can you can taste colors
so yeah we would lose to them but yeah of course i know friends absolutely and yeah they're their teachers 100 smoke cigarettes
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This is Gracie Norton from the Wellness Airway Podcast, the ultimate sanctuary for a welcoming approach to wellness.
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should we be very new york now and and alienate most of our audience and talk about like the hierarchy of private schools in new york and who are douchebags and who aren't sure absolutely friend seminary to me were rich
rich kids whose parents were parading as not rich earthy crunchy super enlightened bullshit artists yes absolutely yes And on the polar opposite side of that was a school called Dwight, which literally there's an acronym, dumb white guys getting high together, is the acronym for Dwight.
Dwight was just like those, like, you knew you were an idiot, you knew you were overpaying, and you went to Dwight.
That's the opposite.
And then in the middle, sits like a Dalton, sits like a, I think Horace Mann.
Great Jeffy Epps, alma mater.
Huge, great.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
Math teacher.
I think Horace Mann is actually in Riverdale.
I don't think it's actually in the city.
You'd bust your kids out and then they'd come in.
Right.
It was a big school.
I know far more about the Jewish private school landscape, but this is what you heard.
Look, we couldn't go to those parties.
Those parties, those kids were too crazy.
Like, we weren't crazy in our Nebuchadne Jewish schools, but you heard about a Dwight party.
You heard about a Horace Mann party.
You heard about, like, these kids were going nuts what about like a collegiate or a uh and then spence was the all-girl high-end school gwyneth paltrow i mean this was yeah yeah and what's that one sacred heart i think is another one that was like all girls these are all just like nice upper east side near the guggenheim you talk about real estate my goodness some of these buildings unbelievable on the most pristine blocks these are like gorgeous gorgeous schools.
With yeah, a lot of great kids and a lot of real morons.
More real moron.
And not the good kind of moron, okay?
Not us.
I had somebody walk up to me and Claudia on the street yesterday, and she's like, oh, I'm an idiot.
And I'm like, okay.
That's good.
That is so our audience.
I'm like, I think you got that one wrong.
I'm not going to correct you.
You are an idiot.
It was really good.
It was was really good.
She's like, I'm an idiot.
I'm like, you are.
Like,
growing up, I went to performing arts high school in New York, the hierarchy of performing art.
There were three performing arts schools.
There was LaGuardia, PPAS, and PCS.
Now,
PCS was at Lincoln Center, and this was the private performing arts school.
And this was like, I think Scarlett Johansson went there, maybe Misha Bartone, some of the Culkin family, like this was a really high-end school.
And then you had LaGuardia with like people like Timothy Chalamé.
And this one was more of a conservatory, right?
So when you went there, you were basically told, we don't want you to work.
We don't want you to start, you know, child acting.
You are here to get your education as a kid in high school, but also your education as an actor or a musician or a dancer.
And then when you turn 18, you can either go to Juilliard or you can, you know, start working.
My school was like, if you were in the bloods or crypts, but could play trombone.
Like
my shit was so like ratchet.
They gave zero fucks and they were like, go work.
We don't care.
Don't show.
Like, we'll send you.
We'll send you work.
And we, we had some cool, we had like Alicia Keys, claire daines a couple like cool alma mater but or alumni but it was it it was it was janky
i'm crying if you were from the hood but you could really sew this was the school for you if you could knit this was the school for you you had great pipes People don't know this.
I mean, people know this from our wonderful theme song, but Josh has some serious pipes.
Oh, God.
Fantastic.
Fantastic.
I think I've mentioned this off camera.
Yeah, Josh, we need, we should, we should really record a Christmas album.
I think that's what's missing here.
I think that we're still a little bit, I only think of this when we have three months till Christmas.
So maybe we do it for the following Christmas, but I think a short Christmas album, maybe we write one original and we sing a couple of parodies.
I think it's a wonderful idea.
I think maybe just a single where we blend Hanukkah and Christmas and call it Oyve, it's Christmas.
I love it.
Oive, it's Christmas time in the city.
Oy Vei, it's it's Christmas.
So much traffic, you know, like what it's just fetching.
Yeah.
Ooh, that's good.
Oy Vay, it's Christmas time in the city.
Yeah, snow will surely turn to slop.
I don't know.
Or what's it called?
Or the snow will turn to what the fuck is that called when it's black?
Slush.
Slush.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or like,
Hanukkah isn't really represented in the Macy's windows.
I love it.
I'm in it.
Yeah.
We can talk.
I mean, I'm getting sick from all this central heat in December.
You know, just things that apply to us.
I love it.
Or instead of the Grinch who stole Christmas, it could be Mom Dani stole Hanukkah.
You like that?
You like that?
I love it.
Right?
I think that would be a hit.
I think it would be a hit.
If his name was Zofran, Mom Donnie, I'd like him more.
I am always not, you know, I just love Zofran.
I love an anti-nausea pill.
We just need the tune.
Like, what is the tune?
We can't make it like it's the Cantorio read at Saturday.
That's what I
want to do because I'm so good at that read.
Oi Vei, it's Christmas time in the city now.
Boy,
it's time for Christmas here Tuesday.
Great.
Amen.
No, it needs to be like upbeat.
Oy Vey, it's Christmas.
Oy Vey, it's Christmas.
Oh, it will.
Let's spread some holiday cheer today.
Well, you know, I mean, this is a fun thing to look up, but it famously, almost exclusively, Jews have written all the great Christmas music.
Yes, they have.
They have.
Did you know what, Olivia?
We're good for something.
I keep trying to tell you, Olivia.
We are.
We're
contributing.
We are.
We love contributing to culture, Josh.
Don't we?
We love it.
We love Christmas.
We love it.
Honestly, most of these holidays.
All right.
Ready?
Let's go through it.
Famous Christmas songs written by Jewish songwriters.
White Christmas, Irving Berlin.
Okay.
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow.
Sammy Khan and Julie Stein.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Johnny Marks.
Rocking around the Christmas tree.
Johnny Marks.
Santa Baby, Joan Jabbitt.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Mel Tormay.
Silver Belts.
Jay Livingston.
I love our people.
And last but and last but not least, Ave.
It's Christmas by Josh Pack and Ben Soper.
I'm telling you, Josh, is a hit.
It's a hit.
I love it.
I'm in.
And, you know, we also talk about, I think we should, let's use this as a springboard to really talk about our next five-year plan because we joke, please.
But I really think we should have, I, you know, and you'll see in another couple months with the wonderful Ruby, like between Miss Rachel, Mika, Blippy,
all these kids' songsters and all this kids' programming.
I know you and me, we are the kind of beta,
unassuming dudes
who can really create a wonderful children's program, I think.
Unassuming.
We could absolutely do it.
This morning, Josh, I baked a sourdough followed by a kala, both from scratch.
It's as beta as it comes.
I could do children's programming.
Let's teach the kids how to make their own starter, which, by the way, I named Euphogenia Doughfire, dear, in case I didn't tell you.
You like that, right?
Pretty good.
But yeah,
we're just like a couple of good guys.
Let's do children's programming.
Let's be the Mr.
Rogers that we wish to see in the world.
I'm in.
Love it.
And maybe we do practical things like, this is how to file your taxes.
You know, like we saw them earlier.
Yes.
I love it.
I'm in.
I'm authentic.
This is how you're going to be.
You're going to set up your ring camera so you can spy on your neighbors, little Billy.
You know?
Yes.
Okay.
And then also I realized that with Patreon, because I am such a podcast listener and I listen to the history hyenas Patreon and I listen to the great Robbie Hoffman and her Too Far pod Patreon.
With podcasts that are on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
there's, how do I say this?
You're inviting the public in for something that is in theory free, right?
So people can repurpose it.
Podcast clips can be taken out of context, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Patreon's behind a paywall.
So you really own all of it.
And that's why you very rarely will see people repurpose or leak something from a Patreon because they can't.
It's actually not for the public.
It's for subscribers who make an agreement when they become a member that they are going to listen and consume it and not repurpose it.
We can get wild, Penn.
The remains coming.
Not only can we get wild, but what's most exciting to me is that we could get a little bit of current events, just a little.
Like we, I'm sure this is a running joke.
We do our absolute best, but we're always about a week late, two weeks late on things.
But with Patreon, I could just call you and I could say, hey, you want to record for 20 minutes and throw it up?
We could do that.
That's what I love about Patreon.
That's what I love about the idea of it.
If there's something that we want to talk about, that I don't know, The Rock
overdosed on Ozempic.
I hope that never happens.
We can talk about it right now.
We can break that news that The Rock Odid on Ozempic.
Or maybe The Rock Odid on The Rock.
Have you seen, I want to talk about Charlie Sheen.
Okay.
Cause I watched his documentary.
Don't let me forget.
Don't let me forget.
Okay.
Because when I said The Rock, it reminded me that he smoked seven crack rocks at a time.
Don't let me forget that I want to talk about Charlie Sheen.
But yeah, I I love Patreon.
I love the idea of it.
And I honestly, all that I need, maybe we don't need buying, but I would just love to know: like, is that something that the morons would like?
If it is, then I would love to do it.
I would love to do it.
If it is, we will procrastinate, but still do it in three to six months.
We'll do it in three to six months.
We're 100% doing Oive Christmas first.
Yeah, Ove Christmas takes priority.
Okay.
In terms of priority, Oyve Christmas, everything else.
What if we release Ove Christmas exclusively to Patreon?
Oh, love it.
That way, no one hears it.
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Tell me about Charlie Sheen Doc.
Okay, so first of all if you haven't seen it you should and if anybody hasn't seen it they should i thought it was awesome i also i had no idea this is just like ben heading his ass cloud in this head in the sky i know charlie sheen from two and a half men and i'm embarrassed to say that i know charlie sheen from two and a half men because charlie sheen was so prolific prior to two and a half men.
I also knew nothing about Martin Sheen being his dad.
I just never put two and two together.
I never put Emilio Estevez together.
You know that's his brother, I assume.
I never put any of that together.
I didn't know that he was Charlie Estavez.
I had no idea.
No clue.
And you had no clue of, what do you call it?
Wall Street, anything he did.
Wall Street platoon, nothing.
Zilt.
Wow, crazy.
I had seen
zero.
I had seen zero Charlie Sheen.
So as I'm watching this,
I'm just, one, I'm fascinated by his breadth of work.
Two, I'm fascinated by the fact that nobody's ever called him an Epo baby, or at least I hadn't heard it because he's the definition of an epo baby.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but like his dad is an unbelievably impressive, famous actor and his entire family, they're all in it.
And that's not to take away from his skill.
It just, it makes a little bit more sense why he always got more chances.
Like I was always thinking to myself, like, this guy, like you watch him completely fall off a cliff and he always, always just like they describe it.
He, he went down a very, very dark hole.
I'm not going to go into the specifics because everybody should watch it but he literally got out of that hole and two and a half men was like name your price and they paid him two million dollars an episode after he had his once the show was a hit totally but it just it fascinating like he was making so much money during a time when the last thing he needed to be doing was making so much money.
I would say, obviously, Nepal babies have always existed, but I would say of that era, they had to be talented.
So like, totally.
When you see like Liza Minelli, you know, Judy Garland's daughter, or the great Carrie Fisher, rest in peace, who was Tony Curtis.
And right?
Who's who's Carrie Fisher's parents?
Debbie Reynolds?
Yes, yes.
Debbie Reynolds.
And
her father actually created St.
Jude's, I think.
And then, but, you know, and Jamie Lee Curtis is Tony Curtis's kid.
Like, but they're so talented.
I think, unfortunately, in the last 20 years, we've seen a lot of that Nepo and they're just kind of i
what i meant by that just to clarify i love the idea of a nepo baby in any industry the dream is for somebody to build a family business and to work for it like i don't ever think that it's a like i don't i i never look negatively upon somebody whose parents built something for them that is like the dream the dream is that you can help your children and that they can be talented enough to take themselves even further in that and not squander it and ruin it.
My comment was more that as I watched the documentary, he felt like somebody who, at least in current times, would never have gotten the level of work that he got after the amount of fuck-ups that he had,
unless, in my opinion, he had a very, very famous family that could vouch for him and help him.
I don't know if that's true.
You don't think so?
Here's my two pushback.
First thing on what you said before, I totally agree that it is fabulous when you can be born into a family business and kind of continue that legacy.
My only gripe ever with that is that you understand you were born on third base.
Like, totally.
And that kills me with friends.
I have a buddy whose son is, you know, like
I've known this guy forever and he's worked really hard, you know, middle-class lifestyle, but his kid has gone to private school and it's wonderful.
And now he's going to,
you know, a four-year amazing college that's $90,000 a year, right?
As many great colleges are, and no doesn't need loans, the whole thing.
And I was like, well, you know, that's amazing how privileged he is
to have such a great family.
And my buddy kind of pushed back.
He's like, ah, privilege.
And I'm like, dog, if you get to go to private school and get to go to college without loans, you're privileged.
Like, and it's fabulous as long as you pay it forward, in my humble opinion.
I think that the problem, and it's a, and then then i want to get back to charlie sheen i completely agree with you the problem is that people villainize the word privilege and they make you feel bad for it i think that it should be like privilege should be celebrated you you should a thousand percent be aware that you're privileged but but then it should be celebrated it shouldn't be which i think it often becomes it's like oh this person grew up really great that's that's awesome like that that's not that shouldn't be perceived as just because you grew up great and i didn't grow up great that all of a sudden you should feel like shit for growing up great that's the problem and i totally agree that everybody should acknowledge the fact if they are privileged financially that they should acknowledge that but they shouldn't feel bad about it i think that's the i think that's the the difficult part to to some people that when they hear that oh you're privileged like maybe your your buddy took it in the wrong way, which is like, like negatively.
Like, no, it's a positive that he worked so hard and was able to provide for his family.
That's amazing and he should be proud of that and acknowledge that and wear it like the gold star that it is It's the dream the dream is to provide for your kids But do you think like I see a lot of kids who think that it's their birthright that their parents worked hard and I'm like nah babe like you didn't you didn't you won the lottery But like now the way that you your cover charge for your great life in my opinion is giving back is living a a life of gratitude and paying it forward because you were born on third day.
Of course.
Of course, but that's 100% with the way that you're raised.
Like if you're raised by douchebag parents who don't believe that, then you're not going to do that.
Sure.
It requires a very, very specific, which I don't necessarily want to blame the kids for.
Like there are great people the same way that like regardless of economic status, there are great people, great parents.
terrible parents and terrible people.
They exist up and down.
And teaching your kids morals has nothing to do with how much money you have.
So you're going to have these kids that just have a lot of money and were weren't taught the right things to do with it and the right way to treat people.
And then on the inverse, you're going to have people that were born with nothing that were taught to give their last dollar because that's just how they were raised.
That if somebody, somebody could always need something more than you need it.
So that's all to say that I don't always blame the kid.
I would always blame the parents.
The kid, once they're old enough, should sort of get a grip and acknowledge the fact that they were born on third base.
And by the way, if they were born on third and couldn't take it home, loser.
Totally.
Loser.
That's what I mean.
Loser.
It's a sack fly and you score.
Sack fly and you score.
Couldn't agree more.
And to your point, I agree with you up till a certain age with kids.
And then like when they're in their late 20s, I'm like, careful because you're getting close to the ILL, the invisible loser line.
Okay.
And if if you 100%, 100% blame your parents at 30.
Yeah.
I mean, sure, I do it at 38 sometimes, but you know, there were some revelations.
But I, uh, and to the Charlie Sheen thing, I think you make a great point.
But my,
you know, my feeling is that if he wasn't so damn talented, two things I've heard to be true about Charlie, despite the fact that he has
a disease and an addiction that seems to be one of, you know, a hall of fame of hall of fame levels.
He,
you hear that he was a good dude that like kind of shined through even when he was creating so much wreckage, which is something.
And then he's so damn talented that I think people were like, God, you're just, you, you're undeniable, even through this BS.
But, you know, and they're, they were constantly weighing like, how much should we deal with your BS because of how talented you are?
And eventually the scales were not in his favor, clearly.
I mean, they, they weren't ever not in his favor i guess that's what i'm trying to say so but maybe you're right maybe it's just talent like he really in watching that documentary he would go on a seven-year bender and come out of it with a bigger opportunity than he had before like and maybe it's and maybe it's just the maybe it's just him like it i i i'm just trying to like looking back on it and like watching the doc you're just thinking to yourself how does this keep happening to this guy it's almost like, again, I'm a spiritual, as religious as I can person.
It's almost like Hashem or God was rewarding him every time he stopped and like forcing him to say, look, look, if you just stop,
everything is here for you.
Last time you stopped, everything was here for you.
This time, they're paying you $2 million an episode.
Just stop.
And to what you just said, it was very clear and on display an addiction of just
incredible magnitude.
Like he was talking about how he would smoke seven gram rocks at a time.
Hell yeah.
And that's $350, I think.
And $350 in India.
For real.
It is.
And live.
And
he spent so much money with his drug dealer that they interview his drug dealer, who's now not a drug dealer, who has a condo in the hills paid for by Charlie's money.
Like he goes on record.
And I'll spoil one thing because I thought it was just amazing.
If you really, if you're going to watch the doc spoiler alert, I'm sorry, but I wanted to share this.
His drug dealer is the reason why he stopped doing drugs because they knew that Charlie would never stop smoking crack.
So his crack dealer slowly made crack less potent.
He made it less potent every single time he sold it to him and never told Charlie until afterwards.
So finally, Charlie went to him and he's like, I'm smoking all this crack and it's not doing anything for me anymore.
I'm just not going to smoke crack anymore.
He like weaned him off it by having him smoke bad crack.
It was mind-blowing.
It was like, yeah, we're doing that with Meyer Spinky right now.
The literal same jeans.
We're also weaning Ruby off the passy.
By the way, the Patsey is the devil.
Okay.
This devil Passy.
It's no good.
If you can get your kids not, just saying, if your kid needs it, whatever.
If you can get him not or her not to take the passy, it'll save you.
Passy is no good.
But yeah.
They have a step-down pack like Nicorette for babies.
Where it's like a full pacifier, and then three days later, it's like a three-quarter.
And then it's literally what Charlie Sheen's drug dealer did.
did, and then a half, and then a quarter.
That's so funny, yeah.
And they get so pissed that they're like, get this away from me, I don't want it anymore.
That's so funny.
Ruby just uses his hand, he just like uses his fist.
He just like loves it.
He'll just like rub the gums and then he'll fall asleep.
But he's been, he's been no passy, passy clean for a week.
I gotta, I wonder what his so I wonder what his sobriety day from the pass is.
Day count.
I gotta get him a chip.
I gotta get him a chip.
It's amazing.
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The Charlie Sheen of it is, is it's fascinating.
And I think also, look, if you look at the people, the pedigree of people he worked with, it's like Platoon was Kubrick.
I think Platoon's Kubrick.
And then, my man.
And then, you know, Wall Street is, oh, who did JF Oliver Stone?
And then he did that show Spin City.
who was the uh i'm literally but i didn't take my lions main today the showrunner from ted lasso and bill Lawrence.
And then he goes on to two and a half men with the great Chuck Laurie who really like Chuck Laurie who did Big Bang Theory, Mom, Bob Hartz Abashola, Two and a Half Men, Kaminsky Method, Bookie.
I mean, the guy is
prolific.
Unbelievable.
But he's really, I watch these shows.
He's fucking genius.
And he's publicly been.
in recovery for decades.
And so that dynamic must have been really interesting, you know, him enjoying a guy guy who was in that throne.
That's fascinating.
They never ever, they interviewed Chuck and they never mentioned that he was in recovery.
I think that if they had, it would have made a little bit more sense because now I do understand why he gave him another shot.
I think that if the writer and head was not also a former addict, that Charlie Sheen would not have been on the show at $2 million an episode.
Like that now, that's the difference.
It has nothing to do with nepotism.
It has to do with empathy and understanding that just because you're an addict doesn't mean that you can't be a wonderful actor.
I think that's 100% it.
I would not
give an inch.
I'd be like, call your sponsor.
You fuck.
You fired.
Get out.
That's
the other thing.
I'm going to do the steps.
You piece of shit.
Can you watch the doc?
I think you'd love it.
I think you'd love it.
I love it.
The last thing that I'll say about it is that his family is so unbelievably amazing.
Like the way that they have stuck by him
and like the way that he talks about them and the way that he's been through fucking hell and they've been standing next to him.
Like he still has, it's not one of those where no one in my family will speak to me.
It's literally one of those where it's like, my family will never stop loving me until I, I'm dead.
And it was just very powerful because you don't always see that.
So very powerful.
I loved it.
I used to pick up when I first got sober.
I went to this men's stag meeting where there was this guy with almost 60 years sober, and we would pick him up from his nursing home.
It would be become like one of the new guys, kind of one of their chores for the meeting.
And it was great because A, it got you some alone time with this guy who had 60 years fought in World War II.
And B, you just felt good that you were, you know, esteemable axe, build self-esteem.
And he would get in the car and he would say two things.
He'd say, turn off the radio and listen to God.
Yeah, dude.
He'd be like, I drink, I drink with both hands.
He would say,
I spilled more than you drank.
And I'm like, okay,
gotcha.
Turn off the radio and listen to God is amazing.
And he would say this, and it was true, man.
He'd be like, you are here because of your mother's prayers.
You didn't have anything to do with this.
You're here because of your mother's prayers.
And I'd be like, man, you're right, dude.
And then, and then I'd be like, do you want to put on pants?
Because he sometimes will forget to put on pants.
What can you do?
Should we do a quick speakpipe?
Yeah.
If you want to get some advice, ask us a question.
Keep it brief.
Brevity is key.
Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.
This one's from Anonymous.
Hey, good guys.
I'll get right into it.
I've had a big belly my whole life and people have been asking me if I'm pregnant for the past 15 years.
Now that I'm in my 30s and a mom, I like to be creative with my responses just to make people take a beat and make them start to think, hey, maybe I shouldn't have asked that question.
So the other day at the store, a random lady asked if I was expecting and I looked at her in the eyes and I said my usual response, which is, nope.
I'm just fat.
She did start to get teary-eyed and now I'm wondering if I should come up with a better response.
Do you all have any suggestions for new responses?
Ben, thoughts.
Yikes.
Okay.
First of all, I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.
Like, people need to shut the fuck up.
And
you absolutely never, ever, ever, ever, ever.
congratulate a woman on being pregnant unless you know that she's pregnant.
Like that is just like 101.
So, I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.
What would I say if I were you?
No, I'm just fat is pretty iconic.
I think it is too.
I don't know if she asked for advice on what she should change it to.
I love the response.
I agree with you.
No, I'm just fat is pretty great.
Maybe what about no, are you?
Like, is that good?
Like, throwing it back at them?
Hell, no, are you?
You, you fat fuck.
Or, like, I don't know.
Yeah, no, I think, no, just fat.
That's no, just fat.
Pretty good.
I like that she said that she said that to the woman who said she was pregnant and the woman started to tear up.
So do you want to do like a role play?
And I'll, yeah.
And I'll be the pregnant woman or you're I'm the you be the pregnant woman.
I'll be the lady.
Okay.
I'm the I'm the pregnant woman.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
How far along are you?
I'm not.
I just had Subway for lunch.
That's what I would say to her.
Okay.
Or I'd say, I just had a sandwich.
Okay.
That's what I'd say.
You're not pregnant?
No, I'm just fat, you bastard.
Wow.
I'm so sorry.
Because it's just the way you
you're not fat, but in this little area,
you can understand.
I just drink a lot of beer.
Okay?
That's it.
That's it.
And scene.
Excellent.
Wow.
Wow.
Gorgeous.
You really?
God bless you.
Those are good tears, Josh.
Well done.
But yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that, but like, no good.
Should we do one more speak pipe?
Yes.
this next one is from ryan hey good guys ryan calling for advice my girlfriend i have been going out for a few months and we've been just restaurant hopping around the city have a great time great food and oh i forgot to preface i'm addicted to pizza like five six times a week it's pretty intense and
She doesn't know.
She kind of knows, oh yeah, I'm into pizza, whatever.
And after dinner, we go back to her apartment.
I either like sneak out, say, hey i gotta see a friend quickly or hey i gotta go to the bathroom
and yeah i go i go and grab a slice like it's like a drug so i want to like let her know this is uh this is my deal thanks guys let me let me know what i should do
he should go date pregnant girl they'll go for pizza together
That's one of the funniest sweet vibes I've ever heard.
Oh my god.
It's pretty good.
She's literally going to look at him.
Are you cheating on me no i just love pizza i'm not seeing another genos
i'm just seeing ray you're gay no rays
pizza
oh so good
advice definitely just tell her that you are eating pizza it's not a big deal And you sound skinny, okay?
You see, having a pizza addiction isn't a problem for a skinny guy.
Yeah, I could have heard like your CPAP machine in the background if you were Big Fat Fatty,
getting pizza six nights a week, but you're not.
You're skinny, so being addicted to pizza, okay?
You're like the bag of chips.
It wouldn't have been a Ryan.
It would have been a Ray.
Hey, good guys.
It's Ray.
I got a fucking problem, good guys.
I'm addicted to pizza.
I'm at the bars right now.
I'm waiting for it to open.
I'm fucking, I'm like Charlie Sheen with his seven rocks.
I got seven slices right to the fucking face.
Oh, my God.
If you were in a real pizza blackout, Ben, how many could you eat?
Like, this is like, I'm so not on Ozempic.
There's like nothing stopping my my stomach from going all in, correct?
Yeah.
Oh man.
I could probably polish a pie.
A large pie?
I think I could, I think I could have eight slices.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
You're my hero.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
I can really like when I'm unleashed, I can really do some scare.
I can do some really scary things unleashed.
So honestly, Ryan, another option for you is micro-dosing GLPs.
Like do it like Josh.
Take a little mini shot once every couple of weeks.
I think you'll eat significantly less pizza.
Will you be as happy?
I'm not sure.
But you'll be eating less pizza.
By the way, you know, I'm off the micro-dose.
Oh, you're okay.
Why?
It was, it was a two-month journey, but two times I had like a little light allergic reaction.
Really?
Very.
What did it look like?
It looked like hives,
but like.
Kind of all over.
And then I would take a Zyrtec and it would go away.
And I just think like, I I don't know.
I think God was like, you're greedy, bro.
You're greedy.
It's possible.
I think I liked it when I did it.
I only did it for like, I don't know, four or five times over two months.
Did you try a different type of medication?
Like where you only took the one type of GLP?
I've never heard anybody getting hives.
Did you?
I just wonder if like maybe I also started a new deodorant.
I think it might have been the deodorant, Josh.
I've never heard of somebody getting hives, honestly.
I think so.
I really do.
I've never heard of that as a as a side effect.
I haven't.
And I don't think that God is thinking that you're greedy, because in the words of the great Terry Dubrow, this is important for all Americans looking to fight inflammation.
You know, I'm fighting inflammation.
That would be funny if you and I did like a re like an after-school special and we're bullies and we see fucking like a kid named inflammation.
We're like, hey, get over here.
We push him into a locker and like Amunjaro, Eurozempic.
Yeah, and we beat him up.
It's kind of like, what was that show?
Fat Mouth.
Was that what it was called?
Oh, with Nick Curl?
Yeah.
Was it?
Fat Mouth.
What's it called?
Is it Fat Mouth?
What's the name of it?
Big Mouth.
Big Mouth.
Big Mouth.
Big Mouth.
Big Mouth.
What's that?
By the way, we make.
I'm going to be Fat Daddy.
I got fat on the brain.
By the way, we make Big Mouth, but all about Ozempic and Munjaro fighting crime.
I love it.
Our what are you notice moment of the week?
Our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever's sticking in your car.
I'll start.
Don't bring shit
to the park.
There's shit at the park.
Okay?
This is a big issue.
My kids, they go to the park.
These other families are like, oh, little Bobby, little Billy.
We brought a plaything.
We brought this.
We brought this from the house.
And every kid attacks that shit.
Like, even my kids are like, oh i want to play with it and i'm like no no it's billy she brought it it's like there's shit at the park leave your shit at home otherwise all the kids are gonna walk your kids shit and i gotta fucking jump in the middle of it and like be like you know on top of my kids and your kid and i feel bad i'm embarrassed but i'm like also you're an idiot
What are you nuts?
Yes.
Nuts.
Nuts.
If you want to bring shit, bring it to a lawn.
Not to a park.
There's a slide.
There's monkey bars.
There's sand.
There's plenty of shit for them to do.
I completely agree.
It's like built for everyone.
It's built for everyone, Josh.
My what are you nuts moment?
I know you can relate to this.
I've been getting my beautiful creatine.
I absolutely love it, but it doesn't only apply to creatine.
It's anything that you get.
Maybe it's protein powder, Josh, where you open it up and all of a sudden your entire hand has to go to the bottom to find the scooper.
What are you a nuts?
This is a huge problem.
I end up getting creatine all over my hand.
All of a sudden, my creatine, who knows the last time I washed my hand?
I'm dunking it in.
It's completely ruined.
Then I pull out the spoon.
The powder gets everywhere.
Tape the spoon to the top of the jar.
This is something, this must change.
I will no longer be buying products where the spoon, where it has to be a find-your-own.
spoon, a journey.
This isn't a game.
I ordered a supplement.
I ordered protein.
I didn't ask for a game to find the spoon.
Okay.
What are you, nuts?
Beautiful.
Josh, you know what else is, you know what else is nuts, Josh?
Not giving this episode five stars.
That would be a what are you nuts?
Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch us on YouTube.
Share our clips, Instagram, and TikTok, folks.
We're going viral again.
Mondays and Thursdays, folks.
We will see you
next time.
But joel.
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