A Larry David Meet-Cute

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys.
They're not the great guys. We're just the good, the good, the good guys.
I'm miserable. Satan.
Here we are in person yet again, another episode. Completely different day and time, and we're doing it right on the day that you think it is, right? Yeah this isn't the second episode of the same we record on thursdays and release on thursdays we're the most topical podcast there is how do we let's leave it up to the listeners because our morons are really smart for being morons how can we be more topical knowing that there is a work chain workflow with the great dear media need time to edit in our video.
Shout out the great Jasmine, the great Olivia. Everything takes about five business days to edit.
So we're usually about a week behind. Yes.
Yes. Is there any way to remedy that? No, but I would like to know, sound off in the comments.
Do you care if we're topical? Do you prefer our nonsense or do you prefer our commentary on current events? I think if we could be topical for at least one

episode a week, it would be great. Or yeah, I think we'd be the biggest podcast in the world.

We would be. Which we already are.
I don't know why I said it.

No, the fact that we're the second biggest podcast in the world and we talk about nothing.

Yeah, it's us and Moe Robbins. Shout out, Moe.
Big Vin. Oh my God.
Yeah, I think, or should we do Patreon? Sure, I'm in. We're going to fight a lot.
I'm down. All right, should we do a Patreon? Having to schedule a third episode a week, good luck.
Easy, yeah, but we can do that from home. You know, we charge them $5.99 a month and make it the lowest quality possible.
But it's not video. It's just audio, Josh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we call it the walking club.
And we're just on our AirPods walking. You go on your nice walk by the beach.
I go on my nice walk by the dumpsters. And we're just walking and talking for a half hour.
And that's our Patreon. I would love it.
Can you record that? I don't know know i think you can on your samsung ultra yes you can my galaxy s25 ultra so we were talking about you

know the great claudia astray yes great page pack yes both great women they are both due yes next

couple of months similar timing similar more similar than i realized yeah me too yeah that

six weeks apart and so tell me what what what is the birthing plan what's our plan

Thank you. Similar to me? More similar than I realized.
Yeah, me too. Yeah, about six weeks apart.
And so tell me, what is the birthing plan? What's our plan? Plan is to BH, BH, BH, BH, BH until the date. Claudia has actually started to think like, okay, what does maybe a nursery room look like? What themes are we going for? Sure.
All of that stuff. Doing as much planning as she can without like buying things and then yeah we're just gonna god willing wait until that beautiful day and hopefully she's ready to rock and we go in and we have a beautiful guy that's the hope and no induction that's not the plan right now yeah no yeah no just letting nature take its Just letting nature take its course.
If her water breaks at a Whole Foods, at a Wegmans, at a Pret-a-Manchelle. Throw her on my back and run to the hospital.
Can you imagine? Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll deliver it.
I'm in. I'm ready.
If you see Ben sprinting up Madison Avenue. Yeah.
With Claudia on my shoulder running. You just hear footsteps.
I've never been, my wife's only had C-section, and so I've never been around a person whose water broke. Interesting.
I'd be scared. Yeah, I can't even imagine.
I can't even imagine. I have seen full birthing videos.
I have. Have you seen them before? Where, in like health class? No, actually, Brian Kelly showed me a video because he's had surrogates of literally the entire labor.
Like I've seen full vaginal labor. He filmed it himself? Josh.
Wow. All of it.
All of it. You see everything.
So I'm completely ready. It's kind of like that Demi Moore movie, The Substance.
Right. It's like that level of gore.
And yeah, it's pretty wild. And quickly shout out to Emmy Moore.
Should have won. I do wonder though, when Brian Kelly started filming the actual birth happening, if he went for a second.
So that's what it looks like. Probably.
Yes. The wonderful points guy, Brian Kelly, our amazing gay king.
Yes. Who needs to come on more.
Must. Please.
Love him. He's so good.
He's always. New York Times bestseller.
Lucky little sucker.

Yeah. Well.
Well deserved. He's the

best. Genius.
Pioneer.

Pioneer. Genius.
Absolutely.

Need to set him up with the Queen of Melrose.

Loves her. The king

and queen. The king and

queen. The king of the points.
The best show

King of Queens. So underrated.

I never really watched. What?

Jerry Stiller? He takes

the cake. He's so good.
He is Thank you. queen the king of the points the best show king of queens so underrated i never really watched what

jerry stiller he takes the cake he's so good he is so good he he's the only reason that that show

works i'm gonna blow your mind right tell me you ready yeah name a sitcom of the last 30 years name

a show of the last 30 years but more sitcom that meant a lot to you and see if i've watched it

and it can be as ubiquitous and part of the zeitgeist as anything seinfeld not really curb

Thank you. but more sitcom that meant a lot to you and see if I've watched it.
And it can be as ubiquitous and part of the zeitgeist as anything. Seinfeld? Not really.
Curb? Are these? Curb's different. I've seen every episode of Curb.
Seinfeld? It's interesting. Okay, so you're not, you don't watch them.
Name another one. Modern Family? Never seen an episode.
Really good, really good show. Believe it.
It doesn't really shock me, though, that you haven't seen Modern Family. It doesn't shock me that you haven't seen all of these.

Name another.

I just know that you haven't seen it.

I can't think of them. I just had a bagel.

The Office?

No.

Same.

We know bagels give you brain fog.

What was I thinking?

I'm sabotaging it.

You sabotaged me.

This episode's done.

I'm sorry.

This episode brought to you by brain fog.

Oh, my God.

I need my turmeric to reduce the swelling.

Brought to you by a neurologist name friends friends no nothing i've seen how about you name what you haven't seen you name them i'll tell you friends i've seen some episodes sometimes all i know less than a dozen all i know is jerryer makes everything better. King of Queens, I've seen one or two.

Seinfeld, I've probably seen two dozen episodes in total.

Modern Family, never seen.

Office, saw one episode, wasn't interested.

Have seen all the British Office, loved.

American Office, less interested.

No Shade, zero shade.

Obviously, these are incredible shows.

Obviously, I'm in no position to give a review or a critique.

Sure.

Just my truth.

But just not something that you're interested in watching.

Yeah.

I've never seen Lost.

I've never seen.

Wow, you're missing out.

I mean.

There are some shows that you're missing out on.

Have you seen Desperate Housewives?

With Terry Hatcher?

Yeah.

And Eva Longoria.

I'll hate it.

I swear on my life, you will love it.

Josh, this show is so moronically, fantastically soap opera-y, drama-y, dumb, but really well done. I love it.
Love it. By the way, that's how, it's not topical, but if we watched something and spoke about what we're watching, like even if it was, I know, Reba, then our beautiful listeners could also watch reba and then

we could talk about reba sure sure you know and then it doesn't have to be topical because we're watching an old-ass show like something like reba i could see myself getting into because i i like when something isn't trying to be more than it is and i think reba knew exactly what lane it was in A thousand percent.

Bad.

That's Reba.

Horrific.

Reba McIntyre sees the bad eggs and on the very goes, I'll go that way. It's me, Reba.
Yeah, I'm just not, I'm trying to think of, okay, name your top five favorite shows ever. Can you think of them? Yes.
I'm going to try. Curb is number one.
I love, love, love Curb. Love.
Two is probably Seinfeld. I love, love, love, love, love Seinfeld.
It's hard because now we're blending comedy and not comedy. I really am obsessed with Desperate Housewives.
It might be recency bias. I loved Lost.
It's funny that you brought that up. Loved.
Breaking Bad. Unbelievable.
Game of Thrones. Unbelievable.
If we're crossing genres, it's very difficult. Let's cross them.
I think that the greatest can't put it down show was Breaking Bad. I loved it.
So good. Such a good story.
So loved it. You just needed more of it.
Two, if we're crossing genres, Curb. I love Curb.
I love Larry. Okay.
I would just love to sit in a room with Larry and just hear him complain. Like there's just nothing.
It feels like a show that was just like made for me and I watch it and I love it. Seinfeld feels like it's in the same vein.
But honestly, if you're a Curb fan, you know Seinfeld's just a little bit worse. It is.
It's just a little worse. It is.
It is. And you really see, shout out Jerry.
Sorry. Larry's the guy.
Larry's the genius. It's not that Jerry isn't funny.'m not saying jerry isn't funny no he's he's brilliant in his own brilliant in his own right but larry is like another level funny i can't imagine anyone caring less about the comparable genius and comedic ability than jerry seinfeld but he'd be a thousand percent now he wouldn't care at all yeah wouldn't care like last time i checked we're both billionaires yeah yeah i think jerry's probably richer who he's i don't really

know why not from that pop tart movie yeah no no good no good shout out great jewish king great jewish comedian king jerry seinfeld the best speaking of the second best like my top five are first is Sopranos.

Yes.

Second is Breaking Bad.

Okay.

Third would be the show Transparent on Amazon Prime.

Brilliant, brilliant.

Okay.

Beyond.

Okay.

Californication I loved with David Duchovny.

Not probably a show you could still do.

Yeah.

And then I'd say five is Curb.

Yeah.

So like, and somewhere in that, maybe Curb and then Californication, but those are my top five but we were talking on the episode before about kazi david last week the great kazi david because you were talking about napping and she recently went viral for saying that naps are ridiculous overrated and unacceptable i agree i agree i agree they they should not be done no unless you're pregnant it's a. It's for pregnant people and kids.
Yeah. Who have the ability to sleep for three, four hours.
Right. Right? Like if you're going into a nap, you need to dedicate the time.
Cat nap? No good. No good.
No good. But then there is also studies that a nap that's less than 21 minutes is regenerating.
Really? I don't write. Less than 21 minutes? It's something like that.
That's like the NASA. Look it up on my Samsung.
That sounds like a miserable nap. Actually, maybe it is just short enough that you haven't drifted into REM.
It must be that. So you can't be awoken out of REM.
NASA recommends a 26-minute nap to improve alertness and performance while minimizing sleep inertia. The short nap is known as the NASA nap.
The power nap, 10 to 20 minutes, best for getting straight back to work. The NASA nap, proven by scientists to improve pilot performance 34% and alertness by 54%.
Our pilots are napping? Yes. I don't like that.
They can't sleep. That's why there's co-pilots.
They take off. I'm saying they can go and take a full night's rest while the other pilot is piloting.
Sure. A cat nap? Mid-flight.
It's so bright up there. I don't like that at all.
My friend used to be a teacher for Boeing, and I would say, what do you do up there? And he goes, we cover the windows. It's too bright.
Wow. I mean, you don't need to see anything.
It's on autopilot. They're watching for weather.
Yeah. And birds.
Not up there. Yeah.
Not at 35,000 feet. No, a little lower than that.
But then they come, the birds, they come into the engine, and they crash. I want to know how many plane crashes a year happen from birds in the engine.
There was one that just happened. This is a normal thing.
It is. Bird strike.
Yes. Speaking of the great Brian Kelly, and I know we fought about this, that the people who in Toronto flipped over in the Delta flight, they got offered a cool 30K, no strings attached.
You said that's not good, right? I didn't think so. I know that Brian did go on record saying, take the 30K, there are no strings attached.
You can always sue always sue later i just don't like it i'd rather you sue now that's all sue right now my motto is sue now sue now yeah sue now sue now name of a chinese woman sue now it's gorgeous yeah well he also mentioned that the people the miracle on the the Hudson in the Sully flight, landing on the Hudson, everyone there got 4K. Oh my God, that's terrible.
Can you imagine? Terrible. No, I can't.
Your airlines have so much money. Do the right thing.
The thing is, this stuff happens and has been happening so much more often than people realize.

I bet you they have to pay out millions and millions and millions of dollars a year in

these traumatic events.

You just don't know about all of them.

Yeah.

So maybe like, I mean, 4K 70 times is what?

280,000 times 100 events.

Some good coin.

Sounds bad.

28 million.

Okay, Benjamin. So this morning I arrive in beautiful Newark, New Jersey, right? Nobody's ever said that.
Oh, yeah. There's a song about it, friend.
In Newark. Love it.
That's the song, right? Yeah, it is. I thought so.
We can't afford the rights to that. I won't sing anymore.
So I arrive in beautiful Newark, New Jersey. I i'm disheveled you know what i mean i got night guards half half flying out of my mouth yes and i go what do i have on tap today yes take out the galaxy s25 ultra boom now brief yep vavum vavum here's what's next friend yep right with now brief with galaxy ai it's going to tell me what i got going that day what the weather's going to be like also by the way here's what you have you're going to be meeting with the beautiful ben midtown near times square it doesn't tell you that times square is a hellscape no but it does tell you the address of where i'm going it's unbelievably convenient josh unbelievable you want to briefed on your day.
You want to know what's going on the second that you wake up. You want to know, is it shorts weather? For me, it's always shorts weather.
That's why I have this cold. Yes.
It's always shorts weather. You want to know what time is your meeting? Where is your meeting? Without going into that calendar, nobody needs that.
We don't need to see it. We need it all aggregated in one place.
What do I have all day long? And Samsung thought of it and made the Now Brief. And we're all thankful for it.
How easy is that? Get your Galaxy S25 Ultra at Samsung.com. Now Brief displays daily select information from select apps, may require internet connection.
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Bretman to Earth, Earth to Bretman. Girl, you already know who it is.
It is I, singer, songwriter, actor, actress, athlete, activist, and your newest favorite podcast host. I welcome you to the Baddest Radio, hosted by yours truly, me, Bretman Rock.
D Duh! Here I'll be talking about everything from funny personal stories to raw and unfiltered conversations I'll be showing you how to live your best life unapologetically Catch me on here every fourth day of the week which are Thursdays if you didn't know You already know where to find a bad bitch Don't forget to follow, rate, and like You can follow me at BretmanRock on everything And follow the podcast at TheBaddestRadio On all social media Except for X Cause who the hell uses X? Like Before we get off Cassie David I've told you my story of meeting Larry David, right? No I think I've've told it on the pod before, but- Say it again. I had a bagel.
My brain's inflamed. I can't remember anything.
There he goes. I had a bagel.
The I had a bagel defense. Can you see though, how rapidly it affects me? No.
Okay. Well, I feel it.
Continue. I can't remember any sitcom I've ever watched.
You're like, name a sitcom. I'm like, can you stop imagining me? He's like, I'm like.
No, I can't. Stop it.
He's like. No, name a sitcom.
I'll tell you if I've seen. No, you name them.
Easiest layup question, by the way, in history. He's like, days of our lives.
So, Cassie David. So, Pete Davidson, Cassieie David this is when they're dating

many years ago

I had become friendly

for a second

with Pete Davidson

and he was nice enough

to invite me to a memorial

for his father

his wonderful father

Hero

who sadly passed away

during 9-11

he was doing a memorial

for him

you know

15 years later

at the Soho House

in Los Angeles

lovely

please come

you've never told the story

okay

so I go

happy

thank you Pete

so we go

real star studded occasion. Some very cool people there.
I'm there with my wife. We're recently married.
I see Larry there with obviously his wonderful daughter and Pete. The only way to describe her is my wife would say this Thotiana approaches me and this girl, I've never seen someone with such shark eyes in my life.
Now, stunning person, very, very well known on the social medias, sort of a professional, attractive person. Sure.
Let's just say. Got it.
Only fans? A pap. Understood.
I think this was pre-only fans. But like, jugs out? Yeah.
Understood. So she zeroes in right for me.
I go, this is a room of very famous people. You are really settling here.
Sure. And I'm with my wife.
And she is extremely flirtatious. I go, hello, nice to meet you.
This is my wife, Paige. And she literally- Didn't care.
Was like, hi, and next. Kept going.
So at this point my wife and i are like getting a kick out of it of how like ridiculous this is so then i see out of the corner of my eye larry's leaving the party she's kind of making his way out with a few other people and i see fatiana clock larry so now she's upgraded and her shark eyes are on larry and She sees me, sees Larry, needs something to say, and goes, Hi, Larry. So now she's upgraded and her shark eyes are on Larry.
And she sees me, sees Larry,

needs something to say and goes, hi, Larry, do you know Josh? And I go, fuck. I go, this isn't how I wanted it to happen.
Not like this, not like this. And I see him look over at me and he gives me a kind of a, and I literally looked at him.
I said, no need to say hello. Nice to meet you.
Like, please keep going, Mr. David.
Do not let this thought, Deanna, take up any more of your time. He made his way out of the party.
She followed him to the elevator. I'm pretty sure that's where it ended.
That was sadly how I got to meet a hero but i love that he true to character have you met josh yeah you can go okay yeah he's just so good i think he would have given me the 15 seconds if i really was like hi nice to meet you sir that's not how you want to meet him. No.
That's not what you, you'd rather not meet him. Exactly right.
No, you want to meet people in a situation where it can leave a lasting impression. Otherwise, you don't want to meet him at all.
As a rule, I'd rather not meet you. For sure.
Most of the time when you meet someone, it's a letdown. You don't want it, especially a guy like Larry.
Even though I feel like having even just a dinner with him. But see, I'm now even thinking, I guess it's because his character really is just him as a person, it would seem.
Whenever you get in the room with somebody, you expect them to be this version that you've seen on TV. And for 99.9% of people, that's not the case.
Like the actor is acting. And then in person, they're a person.
And they're a different type of person. Yeah, don't meet your heroes.
Yeah, I mean, I think there's also these actors who you meet them and you realize that their great desire in life is to be other people yes and so when they have to be themselves they're a bit of a shell yes yes yeah

boring lame lame who what not that i'm mentioning anybody in particular but but who lame no i don't

i try not to be friends with that i made all all this up. I hate this up.
I'm not going to like other people. What's the plan when Baruch Hashem, the wonderful Claudia, goes into labor? What are your sort of planned strategies as the dad-to-be on delivery day, D-Day? Whatever she needs, whenever she needs it.
But that's me today. Like I am, I think you know this, dinner time, I'm cooking her, like whatever she's in the mood for, whatever.
She takes care of me in more ways than I can possibly describe. Like this woman is like, besides being a mogul, just runs the house.
Like she just, it's her thing. She loves it.
She's definitely a little controlling on that end, but it's perfect. It's perfect.
And then when it comes to sustenance, when it comes to emotional support, like it's I am I'm there for her 24 seven, whatever she needs. And I love that.
I wouldn't have it any other way. So I don't think that's going to change.
Like whatever she needs that day, I'm there in terms of like a plan. My plan is not to be annoying.
My plan is just to be there. Whatever she needs.
Great. Get out of the way.
If not, watch that baby like a fucking hawk the second God willing he's born. Not let like, I don't know.
We're now, I think it's because of Desperate Housewives. We're now like, if the baby goes somewhere else, they're going to switch him.
So it's like, keep eyes on baby. So I'm going to watch baby, make sure that he's all good and that nobody drops him on the floor and return him back to his home and to his mother's breast, to her bosom.
And yeah, do what I can, but get out of the way, I think is the plan. Is that a good plan? Yeah.
I mean, look, when they go into labor, like my wife needed a C-section. She was induced, but we were there for like over a day and a half.
So now knowing that we're going to be there for a third time, I've already got my food places. Yeah, know what you're doing you know the great cedar sinai in california this is a high-end experience so you know there's a magnolia bakery within 800 feet i'll be getting the banana pudding obviously so good jones on third chinese chicky salad nice yeah you're near good stuff you're near good stuff and we're having a c-section and so it's like i literally like if we're having a c-section at two in the afternoon i know i'm gonna put in the order for pick up at four yeah because you know you're good i'm good how long does a c-section take and she's obviously they're under right no no oh they're not they're just numbed they uh they have a spinal they have the equivalent of an epidural, but it turns into a spinal block, which basically from your diaphragm down, you feel nothing because they want to keep you awake because the anesthesia can in theory get to the baby.
Oh, I didn't realize that you were awake. That's terrible.
I've had, that's when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. Literally every woman's like, he's about to fucking relate his wisdom teeth to his section but it's the same okay i remember they gave me local and you could just hear the crunching of the teeth you could feel what they were doing i can't even imagine you you must feel them literally moving around organs you must feel them cutting like not not feel pain but you still pressure oh my god that's always the moment because it's about you know c-section it's a massive real thing in surgery and i don't mean to undermine it in any way but when c-sections are scarier when they're emergencies sure like truly scary sure and that in that instance a baby can be out in 90 seconds sure If it's planned and it's not under emergency circumstance, in my experience, it's about 12 to 15 minutes from the start till baby comes out.
And then it's about 30 minutes of like closing and making sure everything is like copacetic. But what I know the moment, because I'll be there by Paige, beautiful little head right here.
I'll be coaching her, say, you yes you got this you are mother nature you're gorgeous you're fulfilling your duty in life you know and there's some duty yeah and you know and if you do no no duty was you know god's plan god's plan yeah you know and then also the other side they're not like us yeah it's not like guts no it's not and then then the other side, they're not like us. Yeah, they're not like us.
God's plan is not like us. No, it's not.
And then the doctor goes, little bit of pressure. And that's what I go, here we go.
Little bit of pressure. And then you hear it.
And how big is the C-section opening? It seems bigger than it is. But if we're being honest, it's probably like that.
I mean, it's like this yeah but it's not up there it's right above your your pelvic like it's right around oh it's your pelvis like it's it's fupa area got our region got it i've told you that my dad doesn't have a belly button say more okay bruce saffers had multiple hernias and one time he just stole his belly button. They forgoed it.
Yeah, and they didn't replace one. So he just has a line.
No belly button. He went in for a hernia surgery and they never gave him back a belly button.
I'm thinking of this because it happens right in this area. You know? You could lose a belly button.
No, C-section's low. Even lower.
Oh, I would say like four to five inches below the belly button. Got it.
Okay. Anatomically how you're built.
So it's here. It's fupa.
It's like. But it can't be too fupa-y.
It's below the underwear line. What? In most cases.
I can't even. And then they pull down.
Yeah. It's like right here.
It's here. And then they pull down.
And the baby comes down, right? Because it would be coming through the canal. Oh, that makes a lot more sense.

I always had in my head, like here,

and you're just like moving around organs.

I think some organs are being moved.

Wow.

Yeah.

Holy crap.

Ladies, did you know all this?

Hey, gals, you're welcome.

Your favorite pregnancy podcast, The Good Guys.

We're here to tell you all about your C-section. What to expect when you're expecting from The Good Guys.
You think we're here for the husbands. We're not.
Oh, we're here to tell you. Ladies, ladies.
Can you believe this? Oh, thank you, Ben. We're sorry.
We can't apologize more. Idiots.
Dumb idiots. What a dumb podcast.
Sorry. We can have an expert on if you guys prefer.
I don't mean to mansplain this at all. What a loser.
I'm sorry. Back to the fupa though, because I'm curious.
Yes. It's that low.
It's rather low and it's bigger. And then obviously when they- And then is it like, is it sort of like a horseshoe shape like a hood you flap it open baby comes out flap it down sew it up yeah it's slightly you it's slightly you ish but it's pretty straight it's pretty straight and then it just opens like like the jaws of life yeah it's open and that's where that comes from the jaws probably not but well the the idea of the jaws of life is like using a tool to open to save your life from a car accident.
Yes. Yes.
Oh, yes. Right.
Okay. So no, not that, but wow.
Okay. Yeah.
So the plan right now is no C-section, but we'll see. I don't know.
You never know. Did Paige originally plan to have a C-section? She kind of always knew that we were, the baby was breached two weeks before.
So it was feet down. Understood.
But they didn't try and turn him or they did? So they can do that, but it's painful. And you have to usually, again, this is my experience.
I cannot speak for everyone. Our OB said, we do it in the hospital if we're going to do the turn because you can induce

labor so we want to be there god forbid anything changes and and they you know how they do it with their hands on the front they i literally just got this explained to me they oil you up oh that's nice yeah wow i'll get turned on no i'm kidding our ob is the lady do it to me just like rubbing my belly until I inevitably have to take a dump. I get the coconut oil out.
I'm inducing a fat shit. Did you hear me whistle? Oh my God.
Let me induce these guts. Oh, God.
Oh, let me induce these guts. Oh boy.
This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by booking.com. Friends, you deserve a vacation, okay? The winter was rough.
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Can I read you an email? Sure. Okay.
You're going to crack up. So we get these emails to the Spritz Society email database.
We get these emails about bachelorette parties, people wanting free goods all the time, right? Sure. We get probably 40 bachelorette emails a week.
This is from influencers? No, these are just from random people. Like, hey, I'm a huge fan.
I would love to have Spritz at my bachelorette party. Is there any way that you could give me a couple of cases or like some free koozies or some swag? I'll take some pictures for you.
Can you help me out? I get like literally 50 a week. And it's literally just charity.
Yeah. Full blown charity.
I never think anything of it. This one was particularly insane.
So I had to read it to you. Okay.
Bachelorette party. Hi, my name is Rebecca and my best friend Cara is getting married this June in New York.
We are in the middle of planning her bachelorette party and wanted to see if you would be interested in sending any donations or gifted collaborations. She's a huge fan of you guys, so I wanted to reach out in the hopes of surprising her.
Her bachelorette is in April in Charleston, and we are going to have about 15 people there. She's had a rough go of planning so far with her makeup artist canceling and her caterer unexpectedly passing away so hoping this may ease her stress and get rid of the bad vibes thank you for considering her caterer unexpectedly passing away but her makeup artist did cancel her caterer unexpectedly passing away but the juggler wasn't available we'll send her some cases will you for sure no no way because you lied to me your caterer didn't die i read this i'm like are you fucking nuts you couldn't come up with anything else your caterer died whose caterer dies it's just for me it's the amount of uh what's the word entitlement oh there's so much so much i get them all the time so much hey can you send this to me it's like no but you can buy it right you can buy it by the way you can buy it everywhere in april at all targets did i tell you that did i have anything to do with that no no i was doing i was pulling some strings behind the scenes well then maybe you did there's a big good guys fan high up at target and i said talk to ben amazing Well if you did it'd be great i love you i'm not looking for a kickback just a hug no i could i'll give you a hug now yeah just spray my hand great you're still sick you're still on so much antibiotics i know i know but yeah all targets speaking of that's yeah it's just the logistics thing hard as hell people don.
It doesn't just show up there. Sure.
In 40 states. Yeah, 40 states.
Why? Do not all states have targets? No. And if they do, they don't all sell alcohol.
Like New York, if you go into New York targets, only one of them has alcohol. All these random state laws.
Utah, dry counties. For sure.
Yeah. California's wet as hell.
Couldn't be wetter. Yes.
Super wet. We get shithouse.
It's wet. The state of poor decisions.
Gavin Newsom has a podcast. Big time wet.
How does Gavin Newsom go, you know what? He has a podcast. He goes, I know I'm getting a lot of heat lately and it's been a rough couple of months.
I know what need podcast does he run ads probably i need to know

yeah do it for spritz baby oh my god did your house burn down are you looking to chill out after you lost everything you've ever held dear have a spritz we've got a low alcohol content for those high insurance rates that's's right. Your house burned down.
Oh my God. I love it.
I love it. Okay.
First one from the great New York coast, as we know, shout out. Greek Island with almost no dementia.
They're eating too many bagels before they record. Follows a twist oniterranean diet the two drinks they love you've probably heard of the so-called blue zones five areas in the world that longevity expert dan buettner identified as having residents who routinely live to be over 100 they are okinawa sardinia nicoya costa rica loma linda california andaria, Greece.
Well, recently revealed that on the idyllic Greek island of Acaria, there are some drinks that people are enjoying that are keeping them fit as a fiddle. Please tell me.
Okay. The first one is the Mediterranean diet amplified.
That's right. They're having less fish and meat, a lot more greens and drinking olive oil.
Interesting. Yes.
And like a shot of olive oil, a little bit of olive oil. Okay.
I like it. I like it.
And spilling the tea. Acarians are drinking herbal teas every day.
Podstream shout out. Podstream.
Make a great herbal tea. Fabulous.
Vesta makes unbelievable don't i know it unbelievable so it's basically it's the olive oil it's green leafy veg and tea great good to know we'll get you on that diet i'm in i'll try it for a week i know what i'm getting you for your birthday yeah a good olive oil i'm in yes? Washed in some fluoride water. I'll try it.

I'm good.

I'm good.

Well, there is the best and worst things to order at six fast food restaurants, according

to an oncologist.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, the worst thing, French fries.

Really?

That's upsetting.

I want to know how that same oncologist feels if you're making French fries at home. Is it really what they're doing there? Is it the frying in general? I know we're divided on the seed oils.
I don't know anything. I know nothing.
I know what they tell me. I don't believe what they tell me necessarily.
Sure. But can't imagine that frying french fries and a little bit of oil is so bad.
Isn't it exactly what we said earlier where it's like, it's about how much and how often? Sure. Not once a week.
Once a week you have french fries from McDonald's. Is that really going to kill you? I think you'd probably be better making your own.
You would be. But why? Why are you better making your own? If it's not the seed oils, what's the difference? I think that seed oils, I think there's probably more ingredients in their process.
That's what it is, the processed. I mean, if you take like a potato gets a bad rap, it is a vegetable.
Yeah. Forget.
Love a sweet potato. If you like did, I'll tell you what, and I know you're a FIA man.
I'm building, I'm building. Okay.
You take a beautiful baked potato. Sure.
Right? Sure. Do a little butter.
Sure. You know, don't go nuts.

Sure. Don't go nuts.
Sure. Irish butter.
Put that in there. Kerrygold.
Get a little faye.

A little faye. Okay.
Right? A little yogurt instead of the sour cream with Greek yolk. Delicious.

Do a little veggies. Do even a little sprinkle cheese on it you want to do.
Maybe do it in the

British style. Do some of those beautiful red baked bean thing.
You know, they do the white

beans, the beans on toast. Sure.
Do it. throw that into your potato i'm in why not i made myself a taco salad last night josh shredded lettuce beef etc onions whatever i had this much left in a tostitos salsa and i thought to myself because i'm a man that likes to experiment and perhaps stumble upon a great recipe.
Also, I'm not wasteful. I'm not wasteful at all.
I put a little bit of low fat mayonnaise, a little bit of sour cream, a little bit of sriracha into the Tostitos, shook it up. It was the most delicious dressing.
I have no doubt. Delicious.
I don't know how we got here, but it was so good. I'm glad we're here.
Me're here me too anyway chick-fil-a you might want to skip the fries okay and instead the healthier options the spicy southwest salad the kale crunch or the market salad obviously who the fuck is going to chick-fil-a for a salad it sucks it sucks sucks and i did read something recently there are too many ingredients in everything at chick-fil-A. I saw something.
It was like 40 ingredients in their chicken sandwich. Right.
No, there's chicken, there's bread, which should be flour, eggs, water, yeast. Like, how do you get to 40? Like, this is the problem.
I don't know what's in that, but I don't know why fast food places can't just make things a little bit cleaner. Because it's uniform.
They got to make sure that the one, the Chick-fil-A sandwich you have in California. You're right.
Tastes exactly the way that it does everywhere else. That's right.
Even if it kills you. It's one way.
It's one way. You've heard that about Starbucks, right? Yes.
That's why the beans taste a little burnt. Yes.
Yes. One flavor, one taste.
I love the Starbucks food though. So good.
We've spoken about this. That spinach wrap.
Double baked. A plus.
Now at my local Starbucks, they know because you can't do it on the app. By the way, Starbucks, if you're listening, let me adjust on the app.
I'm not going to be a snur. I'm not going to ask for like for you to remove the egg whites.
I know they're pre-made, but can I just have the option to say, do it one and a half times. You should be able to.
Double bake. You should.
It's the only way because you might get a cold spot and that'll make you want to end yourself. A thousand percent.
No, you don't want it. No, no.
They're so quick. I love that app.
It's great. It's so good.
Well, at Chipotle, you might want to do a veggie burrito bowl or a salad with brown rice, guacamole, roasted chili corn salsa, or tomato salsa. Sounds delicious.
It also sounds like it's missing the cheese and the sour cream. The fun part.
The fun part. Well, at McDonald's, for our kosher king, they say a McChicken or fish filet with a side of apple slices or even an apple pie is a healthier option.
Of course it's a healthier option. Who the fuck is getting apple slices at McDonald's? What are you, nuts? No.
Get McDonald's and then go to the grocery store and pick up an apple. I don't want the sliced apple from McDonald's.
They're good. I don't want it.
I'm sure it's good. They come in the Happy Meal.
My son eats them. I'm sure they're fantastic.
He loves them. Yeah.
And the fish fillet is a go-to kosher adjacent king meal. It's fantastic.
Yeah. Fantastic.
Even though I don't even want to know what's in it. What could possibly be in that fish patty? Not fish.
Not good. No good.
Not good. No.
Did you know that Australian patients start speaking in posh British accent after having jaw surgery in rare medical case? My mom and my sister came to visit me and my sister said to my mom, oh, she sounds very posh. The 50 year, 57 year old told the news.
Yeah, she woke up and she was like, all right. Oh, I just had a good surgery, mate.
It happens. It happens.
My dad got out of back surgery and was speaking like a little Chinese. No.
He was. Yeah.
Maybe it just hurt. And he was like, oh.
Yeah. Oh.
That's funny. Jesus Christ.
No, he was speaking Chinese. I mean, what if like you get canceled for that and you're like like you don't understand no i he didn't mean to i'm not being insensitive here i just had surgery i just had surgery and for whatever reason i came out speaking chinese this is a thing that happens people have accents they have whatever it's crazy yes it's crazy i don't want any cameras around me the next time I go under.
I didn't mean to say that in road rage. I had, I just got a flu shot.
Yeah. Yes.
I can't be held responsible. Blame it on the flu shot.
Yeah. Everything's blamed on the flu shot.
I got the flu shot. That's why I sound like this.
No, I'm kidding. I didn't.
That's why I sound like this. Totally.
Or I did and I didn't. Who knows? Really? No one.
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Prices subject to underwriting and health questions should we do a quick speak pipe yeah speak pike speak pipe well we had our us and daughters before this it slowed us down we're done we're done if you want to ask what's up facebook it's fucking it's meta i'm doing a talk at meta today this is why i'm in new york it's meta josh hello snapchat okay so if you want to leave us a speak pipe if you want our advice you have questions for us keep it brief brevity is key and keep it an advice or question we don't want your feedback we don't want your questions your questions, your comments. Well, we do want your questions, but not comments.
No, no. Save that

for Reddit. Speakpipe.com.
Good guys. Okay.
Our first one is from somebody good. Somebody great.

Our first one is somebody great from anonymous. Hey, P drums need some advice.
So my husband

Thank you. one is somebody great from anonymous hey p jobs need some advice so my husband has like chronic chronic anxieties right so when he doesn't take his medicine he's literally crazy pants over analyzes everything stresses out about every little thing and long story short makes my life a little literally hell.
I'm such an empath. So when he is mentally unwell, I am mentally unwell.
Question, he has like been refusing to take his medicine lately. And he's like saying, you don't understand.
You don't understand how, you know, it makes me feel and the side effects and da, da, da, da. And, you know, I can't work as hard.
I get too tired and da, da, da. So he's making all these excuses as to why he can't take his medicine.
But I know when he gets on it and he stays on it, he feels so much better. He acts so much better.
We're all happier and more sane. But he just refuses.
So, like, am I, like, a fucking bitch for getting mad that he's not taking his medicine? Or do, you know, do I need to be more supportive and understanding? What do I do? I don't know. Please help.
This is loaded. I have some feelings.
You want to start? Sure. I'll go.
You're not an empath. You're codependent and you're enmeshed.
And if you take on the feelings of your partner in anything more than a lovely, healthy, sympathetic, you care for that person, you want them to be good, and it hurts you when they hurt. That's one thing.
But you can tell from this phone call that making it all about you makes you a codependent. Yeah.
And I would start working on yourself because if we are not the problem, then there can be no solution. Yeah.
So I would 100% get better at definitely not being as disturbed by you are when your partner, who's their own sentient being, when your partner is having their own experience and allow them to have the dignity of their own experience. I also think medication is a funny thing.
And I could certainly see it making you drowsy and uncomfortable and having certain side effects. And maybe if you came to him in a loving way and say, I've seen the benefits of it for you, maybe in ways in which you might not be able to see because you're in it.
So is there someone we can consult and maybe try a different medicine with less side effects or different dosing or a different schedule of taking the medicine? Is there a way in which I can help you? Because I really see the benefits and I think it's great for us. Yeah, I agree with you.
I also think you picked him. Unless this is brand new, then this is a different story.
If you've been together for a very long time and all of a sudden he randomly, like he was the strong whatever, now he's just become this nervous Nelly who is very anxious, making you anxious.

Otherwise, you knew exactly who this person was.

And so I think you do need to be empathetic to the fact that you are with somebody who has anxiety.

And it is definitely difficult when you have meds that maybe like they help you, but clearly

they're not helping him.

Well, they are, but not if he doesn't feel good. Like feel good like like sure they're they're helping him with one thing they're helping him with anxiety but they're hurting him in in like ways that allow him to function normally during the day it would sound well i think there's no silver bullet like you hear that a lot with like bipolar medicine right is that usually the people like the mania part of it, the high, because it's exciting and you're energized.
But unfortunately it's always coupled with the depressive part. Sure.
So the medicine in theory kind of brings them back, levels them, but they go, it's great, except I'm kind of missing the highs a little bit. I never get the highs.
Everything's a trade-off, I think, with medicine. Yeah.
Kind of weighing that. Yeah.
So I don't know. I don't know.
I feel badly for him and I also feel feel badly for her. It's not a pleasant experience.
I've been around people like this. It's not a pleasant experience when you're trying to control your own inner peace.
You have your own things going on and all of a sudden somebody next to you is making you anxious. Right.
Like that's a terrible feeling. But again, I have to go back to the fact that you're with this person for a long time.
I don't think that they randomly became anxious. If they did randomly become anxious, then you should probably find the root cause of the new anxiety.
But if this person is just anxious because they're anxious, then you got to learn how to not let his anxieties make you anxious. To your point of working on like have some type of a block up where it's like okay i know that he's anxious about this but i know that this can't affect me in the way that i live my life on a day-to-day basis yeah it's very hard to do not letting the way that somebody else is projecting sit on you you know yes that's very hard if you can conquer it, you can be around anyone.

And you also don't have to sit in it, right? You can lovingly pull away and do some self-protection

and say, while you're going through this spin cycle, listen, my wife, every six to eight weeks

where I'm like, it's all over, Paige. I haven't worked in two weeks or a month.
I'm like, it's

over. She's like, it hasn't been for the 13 years I've known you.
Yeah. So it's going to like, I don't blame her where she goes, I've seen this in you before.
We know this story. We bought the t-shirt.
We've seen the show. Yeah.
I'm going to tap out. Yeah.
Like I love you and I will offer you a couple minutes of counseling and support and encouragement, but anything more than that's ridiculous. Claudia is the same, right? Yeah.
It's actually, it's interesting that you brought it up in that way. I haven't thought about it like that.
It is healthy. And actually an anxious person really needs to be checked.
Like if you, in a respectful way, like acknowledging that the feelings are real, but if they dwell in it, they're only hurting themselves. Like separating like what isn't from what is.
Unless this person, I don't know.

We're good. We are good.
No, this was good. No, this was good.
They needed to hear that. This was good.
They did. You needed to hear that.
And now I can taste your cough, which was fun. By the way, that was so deep.
It's made its way over here. I know.
I told you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. All right.
Let's do one more and then we'll get to What are you nuts?

Next one from somebody good.

You already know.

I don't know.

Hi, Josh and Ben. Moron here.
So I'm going on a work trip and my in-laws are joining so that they can watch my baby during the day while I'm working. My husband's coming too.
He'll also be working. And my in-laws are very, very, very Mormon.
They don't drink coffee. They don't like coffee.
They don't like coffee being in the vicinity. They hate the smell of it.
They just completely detest coffee and think it's of the devil. My question is, can I drink coffee while I'm in our shared Airbnb? My husband and I are paying two grand to rent out this Airbnb so that they can help us out.
He says, screw it. Let's drink the coffee.
We are hosting them. I say, I don't know.
I want to be respectful. They're watching our baby.
They're doing us a favor. I'd rather be a little bit less invasive with it and make them as comfortable as possible.
So question for you. Would you or would you not drink the coffee? Wow, I didn't know that this was such a thing.
Coffee and Mormonism. They don't do caffeine.
But it's the devil? I think it's also something about hot drinks. Okay.
They're not, but yes, it's a big tenant. No caffeine, no stimulant like that.
It sounds to me based on the smell of coffee that you're thinking about brewing your own. I think that's unnecessary.
I don't think that you need to bring a French press to this Airbnb. Like, I think that you could- Hey, Mary and Larry, it's boo! Like, you don't need that.
Like, you don't need the smell of fresh beans. But every morning I get Starbucks as an iced coffee and nobody smells my coffee but me.
Right. So if the trigger is the smell and seeing the beans, like, okay, get a Stanley cup, go to Starbucks, put in your iced coffee, bada bing, bada boom, no issues.
No, I don't think that if somebody's uncomfortable with coffee that you should be brewing it fresh. Kind of sounds like an episode of Maury, you know, the bring out the pickles.
You know what I'm talking about? like whatever she's afraid of pickles and he brings out the pickles like it's just like yeah i don't know because they're doing you a favor so if they're really uncomfortable with the smell of coffee there's a win-win you can have your coffee just you don't have to have it like that that's the headline here you're not hosting them they're helping you exactly yeah the idea that they're they would pay to come help you take care of your kid. Like a thousand percent.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
We're putting, we're spending two grand. Yeah.
They're babysitters. Yeah.
They're babysitters. They're free babysitters while you work.
And the best kind, cause you can trust them fully and not worry at all. Yeah.
And you can't give up coffee for a couple of days and, or figure out like a fun sleuthy way. By the way, go work at Starbucks for an hour in the morning.
Do your emails, use the Wi-Fi and enjoy two piping hot cups of Joe. I think you can get a free refill.
You ever heard of Red Bull? Well, I love an energy drink, but you know, the Mormon mother might see that and think there needs to be an exorcism. But they're more worried about the smell it would seem like something like you can

conceal it buy a koozie leave for an hour and go drink a nice coffee and sit in a coffee shop imagine needing to like go outside to drink your coffee but to each their own it would even if they were not there helping you i think it would be respectful of in-laws it's really not a big ask No, I agree.

And they're your in-laws.

A thousand percent.

They're the OGs.

Yeah.

If they, like, if they bother you enough, don't ask them to babysit. They took long enough to put on that magic underwear of theirs.
Yeah. You can't pass up a coffee for a day.
Shout out Joseph Smith. Yeah.
Do you have a Woody and Nuts? Yeah, I do. This isn't my Woody and Nuts, but I was at Tony's.
Have you been to Tony to Napoli? I have not. Wait, our Woody and Nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever, sticking in your craw.
Go for it. You've never been to Tony to Napoli? Tony to Napoli is like a carmines.
Love. Look, and they're big portions, Italian.
Hell yeah. They sing to you.
It's nice. Nice.
Okay. My friend had a groomsman dinner, invited everybody to be in.
So groomsmen, we had a nice dinner, whatever. I go to the bathroom, three people in front of me in line.
It's a single stall. I just have to take a piss.
Single stall. I wait one person, two person, three.
I'm about to go in. All of a sudden, this person runs up, runs up like they're going to throw up, right? Turns to me and says, excuse me, excuse me, do you mind if I go in front of you? And I'm like about to say yes.
I really need to blow my nose. What are you, nuts? I couldn't even, I couldn't even think what this person could even be talking about.
You can't blow your nose. You're having an, you can't blow your nose into like a cloth napkin or a paper napkin.
Who goes to the bathroom to blow their nose and runs up as if it's an emergency? Excuse me, excuse me. Can I come in front of you? I need to couldn't believe it it was the ultimate what are you nuts i still can't i still can't wrap my head around what i can't wrap my head around it nuts what could that have been nuts nuts people are nuts crazy we're a couple weeks past the oscars but i love i sent it to you and i know you love them too.
Ricky Gervais' great quote about do not make a political speech at the Oscars or really anywhere else. I think in a world where I don't even think we want to hear about politics from our politicians.
We are so beaten over the head and the problem is we're inundated by thought and voice and by people who either proclaim to be authorities on subjects and the all-knowing being. My big brother I've had for 30 years, he's brilliant about finance and economy.
So he's an expert witness sometimes in trials, whether it's an SEC violation or whatever. He'll come in and sort of explain the inner workings of things.
Like it could be something as, you know, as, as crazy as a Sam Bankman Freed case or a Madoff thing. Like he really understands the nuance.
And so when he's working on a trial, he'll be like, so what is the other side going to do when you come in as the expert? He goes, they'll bring in their expert and they'll try to undermine me and I'll undermine him. And then you have to decide who's the expert.
This is the world in which we're living. And thus, we are so inundated that I think perhaps we as public people, me as a D-list celebrity and you as A-list celebrities would be better suited to use your platform for amazing charities like Feed the Streets.
I'll be out there on Skid Row Tuesdays and Thursdays in the morning. Use it for good.
I think using your platform for good is fabulous. But when it's just you prophetizing and making a speech, I think you're missing the mark.
What are you, nuts? This episode was all over the place. So good.
So good. We're so good.
If not five stars. What else, Josh? What else? What are you, nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch us on YouTube. Share our clips.
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We will see you next time. Next time.
Wherever I look. Right.
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