Deli Shivers, Chopped Liver and Ben’s Embarrassing Celebrity Text?!

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Speaker 1 Benjamin, how the hell are you?

Speaker 2 Oh, I am wonderful.

Speaker 1 How are you, sir? Better now.

Speaker 2 I went to the event of Our Dreams last night. I'm sorry that you weren't there because this was just Josh.
Hellman's rented out Katz's Deli. They shut it down.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 I go into Katz's, okay? First of all, unlimited pastrami sandwiches.

Speaker 2 Completely unlimited.

Speaker 1 Unlimited pigs in a blanket.

Speaker 2 It was just,

Speaker 1 it was unbelievable, okay?

Speaker 2 All of a sudden, as if this night couldn't get any better. First of all, let me paint the picture.
We're in there, small group, unlimited pastrami, unlimited ruglock, unlimited Diet, Dr.

Speaker 2 Browns, all the stuff, okay?

Speaker 1 What would be Blink 182? Oh my God.

Speaker 2 They're playing Blink 182, Josh. Unbelievable.
Wow. And this, all of a sudden, I get tapped on the shoulder.
I'm like, yes. He's like, hi, I own Cats' Deli.
It's lovely to meet you.

Speaker 2 I meet the owner of Cats' Josh. Not only is he a fan, we could go there if we want to.
First of all, we can get a reserve table. Okay.

Speaker 2 Second of all, if we want to do, I know we're thinking about doing our theme song music video in LA, but we could do it at Katz's.

Speaker 1 Wow, unreal.

Speaker 2 And then the last thing that I wanted to tell you about this evening is that he told me that they do, it could be in private information, but I'll share it anyways.

Speaker 2 Upwards of 2,000 orders a week just in the mail.

Speaker 1 Oh, I believe that all day. I've received it.
My friend, David Mannheim, Dave Mannheim from the Great Dopey podcast, is, I think, the head of all that for them.

Speaker 1 And he's shooting out packages left and right.

Speaker 2 This is a five-generation business, Josh.

Speaker 1 Vazemir.

Speaker 2 How unbelievable is that? Five gens.

Speaker 1 Send a salami to your boy in the army.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get him to send you some stuff. This is quite the operation.
Unbelievable. And yeah, Hellmans.
Wow. Hellmans.

Speaker 1 And you're a Hellman. You're not a best foods, man.
You've been a Hellman's king since Street, right?

Speaker 2 I've been Hellman's since I made Russian dressing when I was 12. Wow.
Hellman. Hellman has always been my brand of choice.

Speaker 1 Now, you tell me, when you're eating said sandwich, are you only doing Russian dressing or are you considering a nice spicy deli mustard?

Speaker 2 I'm really, really a big Russian guy, but I do love a deli mustard with a little bit of mayonnaise. I don't love the just straight mustard.
I need some, I need a bit of cream.

Speaker 2 I need a bit of that cream filling. Spicy deli mustard is very good, but I don't.

Speaker 1 Don't talk like that.

Speaker 2 I need a little bit of cream.

Speaker 1 You gave me like the shivers.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I know Jasmine's going to use this for the first 30 seconds.

Speaker 2 I want to kill myself.

Speaker 1 Shout out, Jasmine. Me first.

Speaker 1 Okay, give me your, can I start my perfect deli order?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Sit down for the table. For the table, we're doing an order of latkes.
Potato pancakes for the table. I'm talking sour cream.
I'm talking applesauce. You know, just bites.

Speaker 1 Bites, bites, bites, bites, bites. Then everyone's, everyone's getting soup.
You're not a soup person. You're getting soup.

Speaker 1 You're either getting a mushroom barley, you're getting a matzah ball, you're getting a kreplach or you're getting something in the noodle the the chicken noodle family okay you know and how good is mushroom barley josh you said it best you said it's the king of soups it's the king of soups it is it's the king of soups continue because this is fantastic you must have soup because you must be sweating before the pastrami comes 100 you get a plate of pickles what do how do we do them ben you say it best how do we want 100

Speaker 1 sour 100 Half sours.

Speaker 2 Take your half sours and shove them up your keister.

Speaker 1 Keister.

Speaker 1 Then with the main dishes, we're getting an assortment, right? Because

Speaker 1 what I want to happen is you get turkey, you get corned beef, you get pashrami, you get brisket, and we all go, I'll take a little bit of yours. I'll take a pull of yours.
I want a bite of brisket.

Speaker 1 I want a bite of corned beef, right? Russian dressing overflowing. Russian dressing in squirt bottles, right? Yes.
So it's just like,

Speaker 1 okay. And then for the table, thick steak fries, extra, extra crispy.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Come on.

Speaker 2 What are we talking about? Unbelievable. I forgot to mention that they had unlimited thick steak fries last night.
So this, Josh, was, it was unbelievable.

Speaker 2 And you don't realize how big Katz's deli is until you see it with all of the tables cleared out. It is enormous.
It is enormous. The owner said he had his bar mitzvah there.
The guy's name is Jake.

Speaker 2 There's a sign that says Jake's Jake's bar mitzvah. They threw his bar mitzvah there.
I have another one for you, Josh. I don't know what it would cost.

Speaker 2 Our first live good guys, we're doing it at Katz's.

Speaker 1 That'd be awesome.

Speaker 2 That would be fucking sick. I would get fucking sick.
The amount of pastrami, the Ozempic forced me to only have half a. I had half a sandwich last night, Josh.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. E.D.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 But I had two pieces of rugalach. Not rugalach.
I had two pieces of thinly sliced popka.

Speaker 1 Wow. This is the most Jewish-centric podcast on earth.

Speaker 1 So good. This conversation.

Speaker 1 Can you enjoy this podcast without being Jewish? I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 I think so.

Speaker 2 Katz is his beloved. Look, you need to, here's the thing.
If you're not Jewish, you just need to get with the program. Okay.
Get with the cultural references. Yes.
Okay. Do your research.

Speaker 1 We're welcoming.

Speaker 2 We're not going to change who we are.

Speaker 1 We might change the weather, but not ourselves.

Speaker 2 No, we're gluttonous.

Speaker 1 We're going to get out.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. Well, that sounds like a perfect New York night.

Speaker 2 It was. It was.

Speaker 1 So that's all.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to share that with you. So, what's on the docket, Josh, for this week? What do we have to look forward to? How's Los Angeles treating you?

Speaker 1 It's pretty amazing. I'm getting ready because my son has ski week, which is a week off from school in February.
So we're going to go up to the beautiful state of Vancouver, Canada.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 1 Or as Donald Trump would say, America Light.

Speaker 1 Or as Donnie D calls it, 51.

Speaker 1 And I, I, you know, I couldn't be more excited. We're going to go for like six days, bring my little guy up.
And my in-laws are going to come. Hopefully, I think they want to come.

Speaker 1 But, you know, I spent a year up there making the show Turner and Hooch. And so it feels like home when I go back.
And I made a show there last year. Yeah, it's just, it's a good, it's a good time.

Speaker 1 I wish I could take you around. And let me tell you, the eating, the amount of Southeast Asian food that I'm about to just plow down my throat, I'm talking Indian.
I'm talking Taiwanese.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to be in heaven, babe.

Speaker 2 It reminds me, Josh, we both cannot go, but we were invited on quite the ski trip. Yes.
I think we should talk about this because we were invited. Was it Sonos?

Speaker 1 Shout out Sonos. Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I think we were invited. We were, I think.
We were invited. No? Olivia's like a lot of people.

Speaker 1 There was one of those emails where they were trying to understand if we would be interested. Olivia's like, are your names Claudia and Jackie?

Speaker 1 We were invited.

Speaker 2 We were invited to the Italian Alps.

Speaker 1 The Dolomites. Who even knew?

Speaker 2 I didn't even know that there was a mountain that you could ski on in Italy.

Speaker 1 We dodged a bullet.

Speaker 2 Honestly, we would have gotten there and we would have been imprisoned.

Speaker 1 This is a fake trip. Oh, for sure.

Speaker 2 We're inviting you to ski in sunny Florida.

Speaker 1 I'm in. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Never seen again. But Vancouver, Vancouver.
Does Paige ski?

Speaker 1 She has skied before, but she's not a big skier. Her mother is, though, and she has requested that we spend a day in Whistler, which is about an hour 15 from Vancouver.

Speaker 1 So it's an easy drive and spectacular.

Speaker 2 Now, does she bring her own skis?

Speaker 1 No, she's a renter.

Speaker 2 She's a full renter. No, bringing her own helmet, goggles, etc.
She's a renter.

Speaker 1 I would imagine so. Yeah, I mean, unless she's been hiding a helmet from me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've never understood these people that bring, that bring these skis. I get it if you're like an Olympian, of course.
But the people that own skis just rent them.

Speaker 2 It's so, it's just such a schlep. And by the way, if you're skiing, skiing is a rich man's sport.

Speaker 2 If you're trying to pinch pennies skiing by buying skis once so you don't have to rent every time, you're in the wrong field.

Speaker 1 Sure. Well, but I do understand, right?

Speaker 1 Like, for instance, I took my son ice skating and I love ice skating, but I don't own, like, I like hockey and stuff like this, but I don't own a pair of skates.

Speaker 1 And so I use the rentals and they're barbage.

Speaker 1 Like, what I would have done to have my own skates, but I just feel weird with them, you know, around my neck walking in like Charlie Conway, Mighty Duck 7.

Speaker 2 I'm getting you skates. That's your next next birthday present.

Speaker 1 No, don't. Bauer's hooking me up.

Speaker 1 Shout out, Bauer.

Speaker 2 What size shoe are you? An eight and a half?

Speaker 1 How dare you?

Speaker 2 I'm a size 11, very wide.

Speaker 1 I have a splayed foot. It's like a duck foot.
That's a size. I have button in it.

Speaker 2 Honestly, as I was talking about not needing my own skis, I've never found a pair of ski boots that fit this wide foot. Of course.
It's always so uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 So honestly, I'm the person who needs them. Jews need ski boots.

Speaker 1 We should not be skiing. Our people don't come from these places.
We're sand people. We're people from, you know,

Speaker 1 we are desert people. We are.
We are. This is why we do so well in Miami, why we do well in Palm Springs.
Like, this is it. No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 Our feet were not meant to be put in these binders. That's what it really is.
Ice skates, they're binding your feet. It's too tight.
That said,

Speaker 2 I love ice skating. You ever go to Walman Rink?

Speaker 1 Well, I broke my arm at Walman Rink.

Speaker 2 Walman Rink is fantastic.

Speaker 1 Isn't it owned by Trump?

Speaker 2 It is.

Speaker 1 It is still. Fun fact.

Speaker 2 I think so.

Speaker 1 What if Trump came out and was like, the presidency's nice. I'm most proud of my ice skating rink.

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Speaker 1 Yeah, no, skiing is, I wound up skiing for the first time in my life when I was doing this, this charity thing.

Speaker 1 And it was Microsoft sponsored it, and it was this really beautiful thing with the Special Olympics. So this girl is teaching me how to ski.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm like 32, and this is not the time to pick up skiing. Because immediately I was like, this is so.

Speaker 2 Wait, it was for the Special Olympics or you were being taught to ski by somebody that was a Special Olympian?

Speaker 1 Both. Okay.

Speaker 1 Both.

Speaker 1 Shout out.

Speaker 1 She was damn good, too. She kicked my ass.
She was like, what are you so afraid of? And I'm like, everything.

Speaker 1 Like, I've had orthopedic surgery before. I tore my pack off of my arm.
Like, I know what can happen if I twist a knee. And it was over.
I didn't enjoy it.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you ski? Yeah, I ski.
Really? I ski and I can ski.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I'll do, I'll, like, get up to the blues. Like, that's what I like to do.
I've done like a black. I've done these moguls.
They're too scary. I just don't have any interest in being full of fear.

Speaker 2 I like light adrenaline for sure, but I'm not. I'm not an adrenaline junkie like that.
I would never jump out of a plane. I'd never like, that's not, that's not what does it for me.

Speaker 2 A nice pastrami sandwich, that's what does it for me. But not this going steep, thinking I'm going to die, going so fast.
I like, I like going, I like going fast, but not so fast.

Speaker 2 You know, but I ski, I ski.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 2 I love just like the, the feeling of being free. That's one thing that you really do feel when you're skiing and on the mountain.
You're, you can't possibly access your phone.

Speaker 2 There's nobody around you. It's you and the slopes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like I like getting my adrenaline rush from like buying drugs in bad neighborhoods. You know, yeah.
Like,

Speaker 1 bring the adrenaline here. You don't have to travel for that.
Just go to your local bad neighborhood, look for someone shifty named like, I don't know, Spider-Mike, shout out.

Speaker 1 And, you know, and see the wears. And then, you know, and it's a mission, right? Cause it's like, you got to get it from them.

Speaker 1 You got to hope that there's not going to be like, you know, someone's going to break down the door and there's going to be a raid. And then you're going to get it home and not die while doing it.

Speaker 1 It's a whole thing. It's fun.

Speaker 2 The best is you text them, they come and you're expected to get in their car. You're immediately filled with adrenaline before it even starts.

Speaker 1 That's a New York thing. That's a New York thing.

Speaker 1 Is it? Oh, yeah. I did that in New York when I was 20 years old.
I remember distinctly being surrounded by four guys in a town car I should not have been in and thinking this could be it for me.

Speaker 2 I'm honestly, it's completely, I'm happy that you brought up that it's a New York thing. It's so common practice.
Like, there was a time where, like, I would, I would pick up some weed.

Speaker 2 I wasn't necessarily a smoker, but you know, people are coming over. It was something that I would do.

Speaker 2 I've been in at least, at least 20 2001 toyota camry's yeah without question or a nissan altima or a nissan altima yeah you get in they're blasting music it reeks and you're like are you not afraid of the cops they hand you the stuff you hand them your 20 and you go on your way i didn't know that was a new york thing yeah that's really so it's much scarier so in los angeles you have to go to their house yeah usually or they'll come to your house the going to their house would freak me out them coming to my i don't know know why i got them coming to my house is less scary oh i know why

Speaker 1 because i guess so

Speaker 1 because the dea is probably not outside of your house but it's definitely outside of their house

Speaker 1 and it's just are you is it going to be we i i had friends growing up in north hollywood like guys who you know they were addicts and it was almost like you were always rolling the dice and you knew eventually like your number was going to come up like you'd be like ah, Philip got picked up.

Speaker 1 And like, you know, usually for a guy like that, you know, a buddy of mine who's like, unfortunately very addicted and is going to go spend 50 or 100 bucks buying, like he'd get out the same day, right?

Speaker 1 With like a notice to appear in court. But I just would never want to be in that position.
That's really scary.

Speaker 2 Really scary.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. I don't know, but I have another story.
I remember. Once I, I'll never forget how lucky I was.
I remember I went to go pick something up from this guy's house and he was like a nice guy.

Speaker 1 He played World of Warcraft, totally nerdy guy. And I'm like, you do not belong in this world, but he was, he was reliable.

Speaker 1 And then I remember my buddy had called me and was like, yo, like I'm eating around the corner. Like, why don't we go get a bite?

Speaker 1 So I went to go meet him and I just like walked to go meet my friend because it was like a block and a half away.

Speaker 1 And then as I was walking back to go get my car, I see that the building where the guy lived is surrounded by police and tape.

Speaker 1 And a guy is getting brought out on a gurney from being stabbed and then the next is my world of warcraft buddy coming out in handcuffs

Speaker 1 apparently what had happened was when i left a guy showed up and tried to break down the door to like rob this kid and he took out a knife and stabbed him and he went to jail the guy was you know didn't seem that serious but yeah it was close it was close my god the only

Speaker 2 look the world of warcraft guy I just want you to know, would have protected you too.

Speaker 1 You would have been on his side.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't have gotten stabbed. You would have been protected by him.

Speaker 1 I always paid on time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was your friend. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, we should go see him. We should have him on the podcast.
You think he listens?

Speaker 1 I don't remember his name, and I'm glad. All those people got deleted from my phone February 15th, 2008.
By court order. No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 And by that, I mean my mother was like, I can't take this anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's so funny because, you know, God willing, it'll be 17 years sober on the 15th in February.

Speaker 1 And, you know, because it's the 15th, people always ask, like, oh, like, what happened on Valentine's Day? I was just about to say, what happened on Valentine's Day?

Speaker 1 Like, people think I like got my heart so broken that I was like, I need to get sober.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, dog,

Speaker 1 if you think that I was in any position to be anyone's Valentine the day before I got sober, you're tripping. Like, it just so happens that that was the day.
But it was a couple wild years.

Speaker 1 I was still fun. I think you just, my friend once said it best.
He was like, you know, Josh was still there. You just felt bad for him.
And I was like, thanks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, don't, don't, don't give me a plausible. I appreciate it.
It's like, when people talk, I sometimes say this.

Speaker 2 It's pretty fucking cool. Honestly, you were, we were talking about it on the episode with Kid David, just like you mentioned that his father gave you some wisdom about what a bar mitzvah is, right?

Speaker 2 And how bar mitzvahs, you know, they might not make much sense, but if you're able to get through it, it's something that you really like you have forever.

Speaker 2 And like, I know that I am like the opposite of.

Speaker 2 real

Speaker 2 like when I say that I keep kosher, I don't keep kosher. I do my best, right, Josh? You know this.
I wish I could. I wish I could.
But at the same time, sobriety is almost like your version of kosher.

Speaker 2 I know that you have to do it, but it's, I'm getting there with some, I'm getting somewhere with this.

Speaker 1 We're with you. Olivia, you on board?

Speaker 2 It's this idea that like you, you have something that is constantly guiding the best version of yourself. And I think that's so awesome.
That's all.

Speaker 1 Thank you. You know, I appreciate it.
And I've seen guys lament about in sobriety, you know, lament about the trials and tribulations and the challenges that life presents in sobriety.

Speaker 1 And I always want to tell them like, oh no, like getting sober didn't guarantee it was all going to be like sunshine and lollipops. I'm like, what we got is a ticket to life.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like on life's terms. Before that, we weren't even playing, you know, playing the game because we were too caught up.

Speaker 1 But like now we get to actually live life like every other human and, you know, experience the highs, experience the lows, everywhere in between. But that's the gift is the ability to feel all of it.

Speaker 2 And I don't mean to like sound like a boomer, but I think everybody's addicted to TikTok. I'm definitely addicted to TikTok.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I have to say, I think that it would do me a lot of good if I could somehow delete that fucking app because it really is just like you talking about missing. I'm missing two hours a night.
Wow.

Speaker 2 I get it. Every single night, I'm missing two hours a night.
Now, perhaps that will change with a child. I'm not going to be on TikTok with a baby.

Speaker 1 Yes, you will. It won't.

Speaker 2 Maybe eventually, but not like it, not in the beginning.

Speaker 1 Within a week. And someone would take you the third on the way.
I love you.

Speaker 2 But like, but like, I just.

Speaker 1 It's a good tool, dude.

Speaker 1 Like, you'll get up in the middle of the night and you will be so dead, dog-tired, and you'll have that beautiful Tatala in your arms, and you'll be feeding him because you're a wonderful, attentive husband.

Speaker 1 And that light from the screen blasts your face, and suddenly you're not so tired. And you're like, this sucks, but this algorithm is incredible.

Speaker 2 I just, it's so good and it just keeps me there and it knows what i need but i just like i wish i could just read a book but i can't i don't want to it's so funny because now that i've and by the way i don't mean to trivialize your sobriety by relating it to me being addicted to tick tock no i get it

Speaker 1 look now that i've upgraded to my new samsung s25 ultra with a stylus But because I upgraded to a new phone recently, I can't, if you have a new phone, you can't download the TikTok app. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 So I'm not, I have TikTok on my old phone. So like if I go home and it's on Wi-Fi, I can kind of look at it, but I can't just be constantly scrolling while I'm walking around or whatever.

Speaker 1 And I miss it. I do miss it.
That algo is good stuff.

Speaker 2 It's fire.

Speaker 1 Olivia, you like this TikTok? You like this spine app?

Speaker 3 The algorithm is so good.

Speaker 3 It's so weird. The like randomized nature of it, it's like the dopamine hit you get from that is like no other.
It is dangerous, but it's so good.

Speaker 1 It's so beautiful.

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Speaker 2 Last night I fell down a beautiful rabbit hole of Taylor Swift collaborating with Gracie Abrams. This Gracie Abrams, Josh.

Speaker 1 You love her. Unbelievable.
Unbelievable. You brought her up when we had the great Matt Matthews on the show because he was talking about how in love with Chapel Rohan he was.

Speaker 1 And you were like, you think that's good. How about Gracie Abrams? And he was like, never heard of her.
And you said, okay.

Speaker 1 She is unbelievable. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Unbelievable. Hard pivot here, but I have a story for for you, Josh.

Speaker 1 Wait, I do want to hear the story, but may I ask one more thing?

Speaker 2 Yes, you may.

Speaker 1 I listened to the Great Pivot podcast with Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway, and they were saying that, and I hadn't thought of this in the moment, but they basically said, look, the government can't agree on lunch.

Speaker 1 But this bill that was enacted six months ago was agreed upon by like 70 plus senators, 350 plus congresspeople. It was, you know, ratified by the president.

Speaker 1 Like all of these things came together, a bipartisan bill to ban TikTok. And then at the 25th hour, when it was time to do it, we blinked, right? Like it was put up or shut up.
And we said,

Speaker 1 you can have an extension. And I'm sure it was sort of exacerbated by having six months of this app to feed us all these videos of like, can you believe it's going away? This isn't fair.
Totally.

Speaker 1 So, you know, they basically, and this was Scott, a quote from Scott Galloway, he said, it makes us look unserious that when we make a decision, when it really comes down to things, we blinked.

Speaker 1 What do you think? I agree.

Speaker 2 I agree. And, but it, it also, it is strange that we were all as a country aware of how much time we had.
Like,

Speaker 2 it 100% should have been private information that there were six months. Because if one day the app just went away, sure, there would be some hysteria.

Speaker 2 But you're 1,000% right that the lead up and the buildup and the time of your life green day style videos of looking at TikTok at a glance. Like it made it all too real and very sad.

Speaker 2 And then it pivoted to everybody's making so much money. You're taking away people's money, the creators and all this stuff.

Speaker 2 And yeah, no, it, it, the way that the, the whole thing was incredibly poorly executed. And I agree, it makes us look incredibly weak.

Speaker 1 What can you do? Okay, pivot. Hard pivot.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I had a very, very embarrassing moment this week, Josh.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 2 Very embarrassing. Yes.
With our good friend Chris Chris Distefano.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Ouch.

Speaker 1 So he posted a TikTok or he posted a video on Instagram, a reel,

Speaker 2 and it was of his stand-up, which is super funny. And in his stand-up, he's talking about his father in the past tense.
He's like, yeah, my dad did. My dad was past tense.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And I look in the comments and I'm like, people are writing. Like, I didn't know your dad died.

Speaker 2 So I reached out to him and I was like, you know, I didn't see you talk about it, but I'm really sorry if your dad died. Like, that sucks here for you.

Speaker 1 To which he wrote back, dude, my dad's alive.

Speaker 1 So good.

Speaker 1 So good.

Speaker 2 And so, like, am I an asshole? Or I'm like, I, like, I had to say something. I can't just go by and see that like a friend's father could have passed and not say anything, right?

Speaker 1 Here's my question.

Speaker 1 I don't consider Chris DeStefano a friend. Light friend.
And I introduced you guys. Light friend, Noah.
Light friend. How close are you?

Speaker 2 We exchange one DM every two months. That's right.

Speaker 1 Like I said. Light friend.
I listened to the Great History Hyenas podcast with Giannis Pappas and Chris DeStefano. It's so good.

Speaker 1 And I heard Chris talk about that he was finally getting married officially to basically his wife, but his, the mother of his kids, his wonderful longtime girlfriend, Jasmine.

Speaker 1 So I text him, you know, Mazzo babe, like on the nuptials. That's awesome.
And he was like, thanks, dear. But like, that was it.

Speaker 1 Cause I also, I've tried to be friendly with comedians that we've had on the pod before. They, they're not very reciprocal.

Speaker 2 So basically you're saying that next time I just, I just should pretend that I didn't hear anything.

Speaker 1 I wonder, do you think you really felt that? Or was it your desire to have more intimacy with Chris, to be closer?

Speaker 2 I am 1,000%

Speaker 2 sure that it was because I thought maybe his dad died.

Speaker 2 But now that I'm thinking about it, he was very strange of me.

Speaker 1 I'm very embarrassed by this story.

Speaker 2 I should not have reached out to him.

Speaker 1 Hold on, let me just check one thing really quick on the embarrassment scale. Check.
Okay, good. Got my stylus out.

Speaker 2 While we leave, I'm going to check and make sure sure he still follows me on Instagram. I'd say it's 50-50.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a tight rope that we walk with celebrities, quasi-celebrities, versions of celebrity, because it is. You just, you never know, like who.

Speaker 1 That's like the thing, too, with like, and I know I talk about it. Oh, no, did I scratch my ultra? It's

Speaker 1 a stylus.

Speaker 1 So, you know, the thing about it is, is like, that's why I always say, like, my relationship with John Stamos, that we're actually like real friends, and I can depend on him, and I hope he can depend on me, like, is mind-blowing because that should never have happened.

Speaker 1 Only because you don't meet people that are, like, famous and well-known like that and have lasting things. It's so rare.
So rare. Right? Fuck.

Speaker 2 Fumbled.

Speaker 1 It's fine.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 2 Let's hard pivot to something else.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's hard piv, baby. Okay, I was thinking about a fun game the other day.
Recently, I was, you know, me, I'm the donut king over here. I love a good donut.

Speaker 1 I could just, I get about four or five and then I eat about a quarter to a half of each. So to me, I'm like, that's not crazy.
It's like total, maybe two, 2.5 donuts in total.

Speaker 1 It's a little bit of an indulgence. And I get to like, I get to try, I get to test, I get to sample.
Yes. So I recently went into a donut store that I love.

Speaker 1 And I guess that they, because they had opened up enough chains, now they have to display the calorie content of said donuts.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to, first of of all, I got a chart for Dunkin' and Krispy Kreme Donuts. So I thought it could be fun to guess the calories of Dunkin' and Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Speaker 1 I will just say at the donut store that I was at, take a wild guess for what the apple fritter, the brick of donuts, take a wild guess what the calorie count is on that honker.

Speaker 2 I think that the, and we're talking about a regular size donut.

Speaker 1 We're talking about a fritter. We're talking about a fritter.

Speaker 2 A fritter. Okay.
So a fritter obviously has some like cinnamon apple chunks in it, but but it's probably covered in some type of vanilla glaze. Of course.
If they did it right.

Speaker 1 And the whole thing is deep fried.

Speaker 2 I'm going

Speaker 2 375.

Speaker 1 Okay. We're talking an apple fritter, which are usually quite big.
Like they're usually like the size of two donuts. And it's the whole thing.

Speaker 1 First of all, I'm upset that you're this far away from understanding what it is.

Speaker 1 750.

Speaker 2 If it's double, I was thinking it's smaller, 750.

Speaker 1 It was 990.

Speaker 2 You know what? The problem is,

Speaker 2 somebody once told me their Krispy Kreme donut is 250 calories. I thought that was light.
Were they lying to me?

Speaker 1 No, so this was not Krispy Kreme, but let's go there. Okay, let's guess the calorie count, Olivia.
Feel free to play. The calorie count on a Krispy Kreme regular glazed, a Krispy Kreme regular glaze.

Speaker 2 I think a Krispy Kreme regular glazed, from what I've been told, is 250, but that sounds light. Olivia,

Speaker 3 I'm going to go 325.

Speaker 1 You're both wrong. 190.

Speaker 1 Yes. See? Yeah.
190.

Speaker 2 I don't believe it, Josh.

Speaker 1 Oh, I do. It's so light.
It's a pillow.

Speaker 1 It's so good. Oh, my God.
Listen, those, if you didn't have six, you're like, it's child's play. So good.
Oh, my God. You microwave it for 11 seconds.
You just black out and think about it.

Speaker 1 You've been with your father. I mean, what?

Speaker 2 You've brought donuts home? Donuts never make it to my house. By the time I literally, I'll get a box of 12.
I'll eat eight of them walking and throw away the other four in disgust.

Speaker 1 Totally. Okay.
They don't make it home with me. What do we think a chocolate iced Dunkin' Donuts donut is? Calories on that?

Speaker 2 225.

Speaker 1 225 for a Dunkin' chocolate iced. Olivia.
250. It's 270.
Coming in at a 270.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Jelly filled. Jelly filled at crispy cream.

Speaker 2 $4.25.

Speaker 3 I was going to say $4.30.

Speaker 1 $270 at Krispy Cream.

Speaker 2 What kind of jelly are they using?

Speaker 1 It's light, babe. Jelly is so caloric.

Speaker 1 I want an investigation.

Speaker 2 We're putting an investigation in at Krispy Kreme.

Speaker 1 Okay, a coffee roll slash cinnamon bun at Duncan. Coffee roll slash cinnamon bun.

Speaker 2 Like a cinnamon, like a swirl?

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 350.

Speaker 1 Mmm, Olivia. 445.
390. Right in the middle, guys.
Okay. Is this our new game show? Instead of the price is right, the calorie is right.
I love it. Yes.
I love it. And you don't win a showcase.

Speaker 1 You just, you get to eat whatever you want.

Speaker 1 Okay. How about just a glazed donut hole? The little munchkins, the little pop-ums.
50. Hmm.
Olivia. 55.
70 calories for one. And you got to pop five minutes.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. Now I'm calling bullshit on the whole thing.
Okay. 75 for a donut hole, Josh.
How many donut holes make up a donut?

Speaker 1 I would say three to four.

Speaker 2 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I think at least eight.

Speaker 1 You're nuts. I don't trust

Speaker 1 your bargaining at all.

Speaker 2 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Speaker 1 You're crazy. That's so not true.

Speaker 2 It's probably not true.

Speaker 1 We could do Chick-fil-A. You want to do Chick-fil-A? Sure.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Or should we save save Chick-fil-A for next week? We'll do one. Save Chick-fil-A.
We're saving Chick-fil-A. Let's get to a story real quick and then we'll get to it.
Wait, do you have it?

Speaker 2 Do you have info on the Boston cream? That's really what I wanted to know.

Speaker 1 Yes. Are you kidding me? I'm happy to share.
Boston cream coming at you. What do you think the calories are on the Boston cream?

Speaker 2 600.

Speaker 3 525.

Speaker 1 The Boston Cream is coming in at 370.

Speaker 1 No. No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Josh, it is so creamy.

Speaker 1 This is the second time you've brought up cream on this episode, and I'm over it. It's so creamy.

Speaker 1 But these are, remember, these are Dunkin' and Krispie Kreme. This isn't like your local donut shop that is giving out big honkers.

Speaker 2 Imagine sticking your dick in a Boston cream.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I'll call that a Boston bombing. Am I right?

Speaker 1 Jesus. Disgusting.
It's so bad. Bad boy.

Speaker 1 Well, did you know that that Keenan Thompson reacts to Pete Davidson's SNL low salary reveal? You got to pay your dues. So I guess Pete Davidson was asked what he did with his first check.

Speaker 1 And he was like, what do you mean? SNL, we get paid like three grand a week. I think I bought dinner.
And Keenan Thompson said, nah, you got to pay your dues. What do we think about that?

Speaker 2 I think that Keenan. has had a very long career because he clearly is very good at playing the game, it would seem.
It seems like he doesn't like to, which I totally respect.

Speaker 2 Why Why would you want to upset the network? He's his life is cushy. It's not worth responding to this

Speaker 2 stuff in any other way.

Speaker 1 If you value your job, I think it's a smart play.

Speaker 2 What do you think?

Speaker 1 I mean, I think there is a nature. I'm not, not that they're ever looking for good old Jaypeck, but the SNL thing has never appealed to me.

Speaker 1 Like, I just, I think people not only love the show, because obviously it's had some brilliant things over the last 50 years, but it as an institution, the idea of having, do you, are you aware of what the audition process is?

Speaker 2 No, tell me.

Speaker 1 So for SNL, you send in a tape, a six-minute tape, three impressions, and three characters. So any three characters that you've like basically created.
And you can also send in a writing packet.

Speaker 1 And from that, they then decide whether or not they're going to bring you to New York. So you show up to 30 Rock and you get sat in a waiting room.

Speaker 1 And they basically tell you, you're going to go in onto the stage at 30 Rock where they say like live from New York, it's Saturday night, like the place, dead center.

Speaker 1 And whomever the head writer is and the rest of the writers, so, you know, Colin Jost and Michael Che and a couple other writers and Lauren are going to be in the audience.

Speaker 1 Do not expect them to laugh. Don't talk to them.
Don't react if it's quiet. Just do your thing.
So you go up and you perform your six minutes and you leave.

Speaker 1 And what happens from there is you wait to hear. And then what happens is that they call you and they go, Lauren wants to see you.
And they might give you the job. They might not still.

Speaker 1 And I've heard it can last from anywhere to 30 minutes to hours where Lauren keeps you waiting in the waiting room of his office to just

Speaker 1 kind of see if you have like enough, you know, if your desire is enough that you're willing to like sit around for a while. Too much control.
Interesting, right?

Speaker 2 Very interesting. Very fascinating.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not, look, I'll never do anything as spectacular as what they've done with that show and what Lawrence achieved. So I don't want to criticize it.
It does seem odd to me.

Speaker 1 I don't know why you'd have to do it, but you know what? He wants to see what you're worth.

Speaker 2 And I feel like they didn't do that. Maybe they, did they always do that? Or do you think that's like newer? Like old SNL was obviously way better.

Speaker 2 Everybody says that. The characters were better.
The actors were better. Like no shade besides Keenan, who I love.
And Pete was good for sure. But like, other than that, honestly, I turn on S,

Speaker 2 if I ever turn on SNL, it's to watch Keenan and weekend update. Sure.
Otherwise, I don't care about any of these other people.

Speaker 2 And I just wonder if that's because of the process you just outlined, that maybe it's not producing the best talent because the funniest people are not fucking waiting three hours for something.

Speaker 2 They're not.

Speaker 1 No, they are.

Speaker 1 Look, clearly, there's brilliant people that have come from it recently. Bill Hayter.
And

Speaker 2 I mean, I think. Is that recent? Sorry, I agree with you.

Speaker 1 But I I don't

Speaker 2 think Bill Hater was on SNL.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, like, every decade you have, you know, four or five that really crush it. So anyway, yeah, it's just like an interesting process.
So I get it.

Speaker 1 I think, like, you know, you want to have the name. You want to be a part of this thing.
And if you get paid three grand a week and after taxes and representation, you're clearing $1,200.

Speaker 1 What can you do?

Speaker 2 Visibility. It helps launch a career.
I just want to go on record. I would take it.

Speaker 1 Yes, same here. Should we get to a speaker?

Speaker 2 I don't know what I would do, but I would take it. Yeah, let's listen to a speakpipe and then what are you nuts?

Speaker 1 Oh, I love it. Love it.
Okay, this first speakpipe, if you want to leave us a question, get some advice, and don't give us your what are you nuts? It's probably not great.

Speaker 1 Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys. Keep it brief.
Brevity is key. Let's hear from Rachel from South Jersey.

Speaker 4 Hi, Josh and Ben. I'm a moron, I guess, whatever.
I hate saying that, but I listen to you guys every week, and it always puts a smile on my face.

Speaker 4 And yeah, so I just wanted to tell you guys about a dating app experience that I've had. Maybe share some advice to any guys listening who are on the apps.
So I've been seeing this guy.

Speaker 4 He said he was 5'8 on his profile and it came up in conversation and he again referenced that he was 5'8 ⁇ .

Speaker 4 And a few dates later, he helped me put up this closet thing for my new apartment.

Speaker 4 And he was the same height as a piece of furniture so when he left i looked up how tall the piece of furniture was and the measurement said that the piece of furniture was 5'6.

Speaker 4 anyway it's really weird to lie it's awkward to lie we're 28

Speaker 4 and i just thought that we were past all that but you know

Speaker 4 Maybe one day I will find my tall Jewish man, B-H-B-H-B-H, and we'll have a beautiful family. So anyway, my advice here is just don't lie about your height.
Why people insist on lying?

Speaker 4 That would be great too. Okay, bye, guys.

Speaker 2 I don't know what's more, it's far more nuts that you looked up the height of furniture that you thought was the same height as your boyfriend and came to the conclusion that he was exactly 5'6.

Speaker 2 No, but he's the exact height of a dresser. And how big is this thing? Five, a 5'6 dresser?

Speaker 1 An armoire. It's big.
An armoire.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess an armoire. All right, look, why do people lie about their height? Because they're insecure and they wish that they were taller.
You're with a 5'6 guy.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to judge, but by the sounds of you, you're probably 5' So what's the problem?

Speaker 1 Totally right. But it's taller than you.

Speaker 2 He's your tall Jewish king. Would he be mine? No, he'd be a squeak.

Speaker 1 But to each their own. Listen, Ben and I, we throw him into a ceiling fan because we're full grown.
This squeak, you know, we toss him around a little bit, throw him around in the pool.

Speaker 1 I was taking a five, six Jewish man and be like, here, Ben, you hold him.

Speaker 1 Olivia, what is it with men in height? And it's insecure for us, but I also think it really does matter to a lot of women.

Speaker 3 It definitely does matter to a lot of girls. And I think that that is unfortunate.
I can, I can say for one, Ethan is, is a tall king. He's over six foot.
Shout out.

Speaker 1 A glass of water.

Speaker 3 I just, I feel bad for the short kings. There's plenty of midgets.

Speaker 3 I feel bad. I think it's an unfair stigma to hold, but also don't lie about it.

Speaker 3 Like, if you own it and you're short, I think like that is much more respectable and like cool because the confidence will read versus if you're like lying about it.

Speaker 3 That is just like a major turn off, I think, to anybody.

Speaker 2 By the way, two inches, though, is within your right to lie, I think.

Speaker 1 I agree.

Speaker 2 He didn't say that he was six foot five eight and five six my dad's been walking around on his driver's license says 5'10. this man is no taller than 5'7.

Speaker 2 well he just did scoliosis surgery yeah actually now it's a good question maybe he is taller now i haven't i haven't measured him post-spinal reconstruction so perhaps he's gained a couple inches you're right But you know what I think it is, is that we all, we want our level of attractiveness to be for the table.

Speaker 1 And by that, I mean we want it to be for everyone. Yes.
We don't want to be fetishized.

Speaker 1 And so there's certainly people who are into shorter guys or shorter girls or whatever, but like, you don't want to be like, oh, I'm attractive to one people and their

Speaker 1 thing, their kink, their, you know, whatever. You want to feel like, oh, in most scenarios, someone would find me traditionally nice looking.
So I get that.

Speaker 1 And I under, you know, it's such a guy thing because because like I'm six feet and by that I mean I'm 5'11.

Speaker 1 We all round up and it was, which is definitely average, a little above average if most guys are 5'10. You're tall.
But I remember we went to see the great Joey Camasta and Pat at Out and About.

Speaker 1 And they are like between Joey, Pat, and Ben, it was like, you know, a basketball team at the, you know, at the LGBTQ center. No.

Speaker 2 At the YMCA.

Speaker 1 Yes, it was incredible. But, you know, Pat is like 6'7.
Joey's 6'4. You're 6'2 ⁇ .

Speaker 1 Joey's pretty tall now.

Speaker 2 Dip, there's no way Pat's 6'7.

Speaker 1 He's a big kid. He's a tall kid.

Speaker 1 I don't remember him being 6'7.

Speaker 1 He's like Baron adjacent. Big body Baron.

Speaker 2 I think Pat actually is 6'4. I think Joey is 6'2 and I'm 6'1.

Speaker 1 You're like 6'2 ⁇ , too. And I remember there was a photo of all of us, and I look like the squeak, and I didn't like it.
I did not like it. It rubbed me the wrong way.
Who's 6'7? Brian Kelly's 6'7.

Speaker 1 He's a big kid.

Speaker 1 He's huge. Yeah, big kid.
So channel. Handsome kid.
Oh, yeah. Number one.
Love him. Shout out his new book, which by the time this comes out, it'll be out.
We're going to have him on the show.

Speaker 1 We're going to promote it. Get Brian Kelly the point.

Speaker 1 Shop it. Shop it.
Should we get to our what are you nuts?

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Our what are you nuts moment of the week is our gripes with people, places, and things. Go, Ben.
Go.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I have a woody and nuts from this week.
So I get a call from my dad. I'm on a work call.
So I don't pick up. I get another call from my dad.
I text him on the side.

Speaker 1 I'm like, on a call. I'll call you right back.

Speaker 2 I get a third call. So by the third call, I'm thinking, okay, there's a problem.
Three straight calls.

Speaker 2 And look, my dad is known to call me frequently and nothing is ever a problem, but you got to pick up the third call just in case, right?

Speaker 2 So I pick up the third call and he says, Ben, I have a huge problem. Like, what's wrong? Are you okay? He's like, I'm okay.

Speaker 2 I've been looking everywhere for somewhere that I can order your mother a half a pound of chopped liver. Can you please help me go on one of the apps to order this? Dad, what are you, nuts?

Speaker 2 Three straight calls for me to uber eat to you a half a pound of chopped liver. Are you crazy?

Speaker 1 Like, I just, like, you, this is not, this isn't right.

Speaker 2 And mom, stop ordering chopped liver. Like, it's too much.

Speaker 1 So good.

Speaker 2 It's too much oh i know but like my mom she'll like show up at the movies i'm like

Speaker 2 whose cat died she's like they're eating her chopped liver she'll bring chopped liver movies

Speaker 1 yeah she'll bring chopped liver anywhere ava that is unacceptable

Speaker 1 she'll bring chopped liver anywhere

Speaker 1 like can you imagine you're trying to watch wicked and you're like

Speaker 1 do you smell liver pate

Speaker 1 And you know, she's eating it with crunchy pita chips.

Speaker 1 It's awful. God bless her.
It's awful. God bless her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she'll have a little container of like half a pound of liver and like a couple of pieces of rolled-up deli meat in a Ziploc.

Speaker 1 It's a Jewish cliff part.

Speaker 1 And she'll just alternate in the movie. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Well, my, my woody nuts is I was watching a video the other day for a plastic surgeon and he was like, you know, I'm so into the work and to the artistry of the nose job and how perfectly I want the nose.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't think about it. I don't, I don't, I don't even know how much we charge for them, to be honest.
I just care about making the perfect nose. What are you nuts?

Speaker 1 Of course you know how much you charge for them.

Speaker 1 Plastic surgeons in general have a hustle where they never talk money and then they leave and then the head of their office comes in and goes, that'll be 50K, right?

Speaker 1 It's the same reason why we have agents and managers. They're the middlemen so that they can be the tough guys for the artist.
But, like, Winnie Nuts, you know, you set the prices.

Speaker 1 You just want it to seem all weird and artsy fart. Give me a break.

Speaker 2 Winnie Nuts. Nuts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts.
Okay. We know you're in this for the money.
Yes. That's why you're a plastic surgeon.
You're in it for the money.

Speaker 1 For the cash. For the moolah.
Oh, and by the way, just side note: do you ever wear Viore?

Speaker 2 Am I a fan? What did you say?

Speaker 1 Do you ever wear a Viore?

Speaker 2 Do I have a Roe Viore?

Speaker 1 That ends. I cannot hear you.
The athleisurewear Viore.

Speaker 1 You know it.

Speaker 1 For whatever reason. Viori.

Speaker 2 The mic is going in and out. I cannot hear you.

Speaker 1 Okay, just send the show. God damn it.
Anyway, this is a Viore shirt, and I love it. Thank you, Viore.
And I'll get you some too, Ben. Goodbye.

Speaker 2 Viore, the shirt.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 I would love one.

Speaker 1 I got you. Love it, love it, love it.
I got you.

Speaker 2 This episode, folks, if not five stars, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast. Watch us on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Watch our clips on TikTok because you're an addict.

Speaker 1 Watch our clips on Instagram as well and share them with a friend.

Speaker 2 Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time.

Speaker 5 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 5 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.