Pool Sharks and Horse Girls

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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject. Too small for the good guy.
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. stars what are you nuts what are you nuts yeah we're the good guys they're not the great guys how the hell are you benjamin oh man i'm freezing like i don't know if you how cold is it in los angeles are you experiencing a bit of a wind chill mid 50s josh it's 10 it's 10 degrees here and like we're experiencing a wind fire not a wind chill but yes go please go yeah i guess i shouldn't be complaining but it's it's really just like so cold and you don't want to leave the house and when i do leave the house we're driving everywhere you know that to get here josh i think i blew through four red lights rode the bus lane for at least half a mile.
I'm expecting at least one ticket, but we're good. We're good.
We're cold and we're here and cheery and I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I don't normally wear like I'm normally in a t-shirt.
I'm Mr. T-shirt, Mr.
Shorts like this. I don't know if you can see my breath, but I don't think the heater's working at Toast Studios either.
I'm just upset you're going to have to pay congestion tax. Okay, Josh.
It's unleashed. Let me explain to you what I just found out.
Do you know why we have a congestion tax? Really why we have it? Because of Lyft and Uber? You knew this already. Do you know how much money? So the congestion tax is $9 a day, right? You get in an Uber and they're charging you $4 a pop for congestion.
No good. But they're paying $9 once.
Let's say they do 10 trips a day, 15 trips a day. They're charging $60 in congestion tax, but they're only paying nine.
They're netting an extra $51 in profit, this Uber, when it's only costing nine. So all I have to say is, what are you nuts? I'm anti-ride share.
I'm pro-taxi. I'm anti-ride share.
I'm pro-taxi, but I'm really pro-driving. Drive everywhere.
What's the worst thing that can happen? You park at a hydrant. You're honestly, Josh, I'm getting a ticket one and every 10 times.
Why wouldn't I drive? I'm parking wherever I want. No standing.
I'll stand. I'll stand.
You'll see me standing. Okay.
Hydrant. No problem.
Ride the bus lane. No problem.
It's worth a $50 ticket once every two weeks to get places faster. The Uber on the other hand would be 60.
So what's the problem? You have slow have slow kid good luck that's the problem in that possible yeah it's possible you're blessed because i think god goes he's so pure he's so good he blows into his hands on a podcast i'm so cold i might as well be outside like i'm freezing i mean i wish that people could see you now and your chinos and your white Air Force ones blowing into your hands like you're in the tundra. You're in Midtown.
You're across from the Waldorf Astoria. You have no idea how cold I am.
Like, it really, it's freezing in here. But this is the cross I have to bear, Josh.
It is what it is. If you go in front of a hydrant and you get towed, that's all bad, right? Like that's your biggest fear.
Awful. Going to the pound is an experience.
And if you don't call it the pound, get the hell out of here. Yeah.
Okay. The pound is an experience.
These people, this is, if you, if you got a complaint at the DMV on your record and you were fired, you go to work at the pound. This is the worst of the worst of the worst.
These people hate you. They don't want to be there.
No good. You go all the way to the West Side Highway.
You're spending $500 to retrieve your vehicle. Yes, getting towed is no good.
So you have to be careful. I want to be clear.
I'm not parking in a bus lane on Fifth Avenue. I'm strategic.
I'm thinking to myself, if I was a cop, where would I tow? And if there's any chance I think of towing, no, going nowhere near that. That's a bad game to play.
It's a bad game to play. You're a wild kid.
The only thing that I really push is I do the fast track lane in Los Angeles where they have a dedicated lane with an easy pass and you have a transponder and at any time of the day and it vacillates right so if there's not a lot of traffic it'll be like a dollar fifty but if there's a lot of traffic it could be anywhere towards like twelve dollars to be able to be in this lane and what I don't know this they charge you different amounts of money based on the time of day to be in a lane sure it makes sense if you want to be in the fast track lane which basically is completely open you know i love it this is capitalism at its finest i didn't even know that this existed it's super smart okay so you depending on time of day you can pay more money to go get somewhere faster yeah and then and also depends on how many people are in your car. So if you have three people in your car, you're going to pay less than if you're just by yourself.
But they they take a picture as you enter and they take a picture as you leave. And if you don't have the transponder, you're going to have to pay that plus a fee.
And I'm I'm paying fees left and right today. I just paid off two hundred and twenty dollars.
Nuts. If I had the transponder, it would have been like 12.
Oh my God, I'm sorry. What about Josh? Do you think that they know that they're human beings or could you get like inflatable sex dolls and put them in the front and two in the back and look like you're four on the camera? So I tried it and- You're like, been there, done that.
They did did catch me but i did feel less lonely so it's a wash they call that in vegas a push a push okay wow yeah no all right so you're not that crazy but this is something that we need in new york we need this i guess i'm doing it anyways though you ride the bus lane the best part about this new system where they take a picture and then send you a ticket, at least I don't have to get pulled over. They stopped pulling people over.
I do crazy things. I'll never get pulled over.
They'll send it to me in the mail. And the worst part is getting pulled over because that's a time suck.
You're scared. The ticket in the mail.
No problem. No problem at all.

There's a talk attorney.

I think his name is Hugo Lord.

Shout out.

Love him, love him, love him, love him.

And he always says about when once is getting pulled over, comply now, fight later.

Comply now, fight later. And that's what I do, man.
You pull me over, get ready for the best 12 minutes of your life, officer. Because you know what I do when you pull me over? Knock on my window when you pull me over.
Here, ready? Pull me over. Pull me over.
Get out of the car. No, no, I'm not getting out of the car.

No, no, I'm not getting in the car.

It's against my constitutional right.

You have to say what happened.

Walk up here.

Look, you see my hands?

I got nothing.

No, no, I got, I got, sir, I've got nothing.

My hands are out of the window.

I always do hands out the window.

So you go, look at this.

Not hiding anything.

What's going on over here?

You don't think that's like too much?

You don't think that's too much?

You don't think that then makes him think, hmm, I should check his trunk?

No.

Why is he doing so much?

Check my trunk for what?

A couple inhalers?

Here.

Knock on my window.

This is what I see.

Knock, knock, knock.

Excuse me, sir.

You got me.

That's how it started.

Good job.

You know what I'm pulling you over for?

Before I go, don't matter.

You're right.

You're right.

When's the last time a police officer heard you're right?

Certainly not for me.

I literally, he's like, sir, you were going 75 and a 25.

I'm like, I don't think so.

He's like, I have it on like on the speedometer now, but that's fine. I'll tell you another tip and trick from the good you go Lord of TikTok.
This is a great name. You go Lord.
I could totally have made it up. Do you know why I'm pulling you over? Is a leading question setting you up? Wait, what'd you say? I thought you were asking me.
I'm like, no, I don't know. Perfect answer.
answer do i do you know why i pulled you over as a leading question for you to incriminate yourself you have no you are not required to answer that and you will inevitably incriminate no you pull me over why are you pulling me over don't say it like that say like i did you're right you know you're Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right.
Keep a couple Starbucks gift cards, you know, in your console. They call that bribing.
I call that nice. You know? What do you do, Josh, if you really shouldn't have been pulled over? Like, I'm sure that you've experienced your own 70 and a 65 and a cop had a bad day.
Have you had that before? Absolutely. Because I've had that on the way to Atlantic City.
And is a New Jersey state trooper and they come out with that big ass hat and you're like, oh my God, I'm going to sing, sing. They're frightening.
They're frightening. There's just something about a state trooper where I look at them and I'm like, oh my God, you're right.
You're right. You're right.
You're right. Please.
Yeah, please. Just just please have mercy on me.
Please. State troopers and motorcycle cops are a different breed, too.
And I've literally had a motorcycle cop pull me over. And I said to anyway, and I knew I was wrong, but I was like, anyway, you can let me offer this.
And he goes, bro, I'm a motorcycle cop. I live for this.
He said that?

It's his only job.

Yeah.

To give tickets.

You think that anybody's ever been pulled over on a horse?

Oh yeah, my friend did smoking weed in his car.

My buddy AJ.

He got pulled over with a cop on a horse?

Well, he was parked.

My buddy AJ was getting stoned in his car and all of a sudden he hears and he goes that would end my life i would have the panic attack of the century i'd just die can you imagine though the horse head you're stoned on some bad like some bad cushion the horse head comes down like like that's some heralded kumar shit like are you seeing this man it's an absolute nightmare is there a motherfucking horse in my window nightmare like i. Like I see these horses in the city, Josh.
This is no place for a horse. No place for a police horse with their feet on the cobblestone.
Imagine going through Tribeca. They can't just bumping around.
They're up here. Their hooves hurt.
It's no good. Horses are such majestic, stunning creatures.
Wait, more importantly, Olivia, did you have a horse phase? Does it seem like I did? Every girl has. I had a very, very brief horse phase.
I went. Yeah, I did.
I was age 10 and I went for my birthday and then the, I went one more time,

like a couple of months after that.

And it was awful.

The horse's name was Bozo.

And one of them like bucked somebody off and the lady broke her arm.

It was bad.

I'm sorry.

It's,

it's the owner's fault.

If you name a horse Bozo,

what are you expecting from him?

Like,

that's not good.

The horse had a right.

The horse fully had a right to buck that.

He had the right.

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Prolonlife.com slash goodguys. I told you, Josh, maybe this was like a year and a half, two years ago.
I rode a horse Hannah up a mountain in Utah. We didn't speak about it.
I got on this big Clydesdale of the Hannah and we went up the mountain and it was absolutely unbelievable. She took my, at the time, 250 pound keister up that mountain.
That's animal cruelty. She it she was a huge gorgeous horse and then she took me down the mountain and there's nothing scarier than having a horse take you horseback down a mountain josh yeah like the fact that she didn't slip she was perfect.
All tens. All tens.
Yeah. Well, I can't say

much more than I have a really

reputable horse veterinarian in my life and he jokingly says like if you ever need to get ready for like a movie or something i can give you some of the horse drugs because they're on good stuff oh yeah and i'm like if you just like you know change the weight slightly like the dosages call me seabiscuit babe i mean you know what i'm saying he's just a horse vet like he specializes in horses he works at the racetrack interesting do you think that like i don't know like i can't think of horses without thinking of their huge cocks like is there like say less no i'm just thinking like he he must he sees really big cocks all day long right like yeah dude but that's like me at equinox it's like shout out in the steam yeah man i mean like i'm not i'm purposely looking, but sometimes you can't avoid it. And 95% of the time, I feel just fine.
I know I make jokes on the podcast, but I'm doing great. But then there are a couple guys where I'm like, that guy would be the king.
If we didn't have modern technology, he would own me. Like, walking around with that thing.
He knows that he can dominate you speaking of dominating josh this weekend i went bowl i'm not bowling i went to a pool hall with my parents and sister we went amsterdam billiards 11th and 4th claudia had an in-city bachelorette party woohoo and we decided to go to the amsterdam billiards hall fascinating And when I tell you the king of pool, I had no idea. My mom, unbelievable shark.
My dad made his first two shots. He then proceeded to go at least 0 for 200.
I did not make a ball the final eight games. But shout out my mom, absolute pool shark.
And I just have to say pool, very underrated pool halls, very underrated. And I highly recommend it's a great team sport.
You go there with four people. You want to hang out with them.
You're seeing them. You're talking, you're drinking, you're hanging here.
It's a, it's a fantastic vibe. And when was the last time you played pool? I, I don't play pool enough, but there was a time in my life where I was pulling it up.
And I just have to say anything that's conducive to smoking, I'm talking bowling, I'm talking cards, I'm talking billiards. Great time.
You do not have to convince me. Great time.
No, but there was something I normally, when we have a family outing and we want to play a sport, we're going to go bowling. We're going to go to Chelsea Piers.
We're going to rent a lane. We're going to order some snacks.
We're going to have a great time. The thing about bowling, though, is everybody sits and then one person bowls.
It's very individual. But pool, you're all surrounding the table.
You're all chatting. You're all hanging out.
It's fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.
I agree with you. You know, I take my son on the weekends to sober bowling.
I didn't even know that there was non-sober bowling. What is sober bowling? He qualifies.
So my buddy, the great Stevie Mac runs a AA meeting on the beach Saturday mornings, and I don't attend because I'm with the kids. But after he always invites whomever wants to go to this bowling alley that's not far from my house.
So now I get to go and fellowship with my fellow drunk. All Max knows is there's anywhere from two to seven former felons bowling it up.
He loves them and they love him. I mean, who wouldn him and look bowling we need bowling more people need to bowl that said if you bring your own ball josh i saw people at the pool hall not only did they bring their own sticks they brought their own balls who brings their own balls to a pool hall what's wrong with the balls at the pool hall i will tell get i get it for bowling maybe the finger size the weight if you're a real pro i get having your own ball i think it's weird anyways but i get it bringing your own pool balls i've never seen anything like this first of all i'll tell you the great stevie mac not only has his own and shoes, he has his own little piece of rolling luggage for it, and it's fucking kiyo.

It is fucking kiyo.

And he has a special shoehorn so he can get his foot in.

Stevie's a little big.

But I will tell you that the feeling of that shaft in your hands, there is nothing.

What? Oh, yeah. A pool shaft? No, i'm talking about equinox no yes very good very good but when you have a professional like a really like not even but like 150 pool you know like when you're you have a proper thing yeah pool stick that you're you're not like renting just like the one pulling the one off the wall.
It's gorgeous. It is.
It is. And like to watch them because they screw together.
They unscrew them. They put them in their nice little case.
They have expert level chalk. This is it's it's a fantastic sport on bowling, though.
I did. I don't know why I was looking up the price of bowling balls.
Perhaps

I wanted to buy a ball at some point. They're not nearly as expensive as you'd think.
How much do you think a bowling ball is? Yeah. You know, I think you can get a good one for like 80 bucks, right? Oh, well that I think you can get a ball for 80 bucks.
You can get a good one for like 200, which I still think is incredibly cheap. You have that ball forever.
You'd assume like this is it's a lifetime guarantee.

I love all that stuff.

Like, my wife is really into... cheap.
You have that ball forever, you'd assume. Like this is a, it's a lifetime guarantee.

I love all that stuff. Like my wife is really into tennis.
And so for Christmas, I didn't know

what to get her and we didn't want to do anything like too wild and crazy. We did like, we were

like, let's just get each other like, you know, a nice gift, but not like anything over a couple

hundred bucks. So I'm like, let me go and get her a badass tennis racket.
I went to the Wilson store.

I don't know. gift but not like anything over a couple hundred bucks so i'm like let me go and get her a badass tennis racket i went to the wilson store i got her the roger federer first of all the color scheme they were like what kind of racket do you want i'm like um uh one that isn't neon i want something matte matte.
I want something that is cute.

So anyway, they're like, here's a Roger Federer. I put this thing in my hand.
I'm like, this is

gorgeous. I'm like, I'm feeling

like I'm out there facing Djokovic or

some other Serbian man.

280 bucks.

Again, that's

a lot of money, but for the best

racket in the world? For top of the line?

No. There should be more expensive.

There should be more expensive bowling balls.

Josh, while I'm thinking about bowling balls,

... That's a lot of money, but like for the best racket in the world.
Top of the line. No, there should be more expensive.
There should be more expensive bowling balls. Josh, while I'm thinking about bowling balls, I think one, we should start a good guys bowling league.
And two, if we ever do merch again, that should be our merch bowling shirts. What do you think? I'm in and can I say yes and yes and look at what I'm wearing right now first of all this is you just set me up so beautifully for a transition that I feel really lucky to have a podcast with you look I'm wearing right now okay that's what I'm here for are you wearing bowling shoes yes I want zero I am anti-traction look at this okay this is a this is a fire shirt.
Okay. This is not- Engine rescue.
This is not one of the cuter ones, but it is a standard fire shirt. If you, like me, I'm into NYPD, FDNY, you know, Los Angeles Fire Department.
I love fire department merch. And with what's been going on in my beautiful city,

I say we do a GGFD.

I love it.

GGFD.

And we give some of the profits to the people.

We'll figure that out later.

I love it.

Yeah, no, we'll give it all.

We'll give it all.

GGFD.

I'm going to pledge a year's salary.

Cut that out.

Cut that out. Continue, Olivia.
Cut that out. Cut that out.
Continue, Olivia.

Cut it out.

Cut it out now.

Now.

We got Samsung.

We got fucking Samsung.

The Samsung's giving away our money.

This is not 2022, okay?

We've got Fortune 500.

All right, FD. GG.
No, no. FD.
GG. GG.
GG. FD.
GG. FD.
GG. GG.
GG. FD.
FD. GG.
I am so in. Oh, for all first responders, let's do GGPD.
GGPD. I love it.
Call Dick Wolf, the good guy's police department. We only deal with cases that are kind of not scary.
Call us when you don't need us, but you just want a second opinion. Yeah.
Call us if there's a cat up in the tree. That's the fire department.
Well call them call us and we'll call them by the way i have no interest of getting a cat out of the tree no i have no interest the cat stays in the tree cats it's fine the cat's fine how do you think he got up there he has nails i've never understood this how could the cat get up but not down josh How could the cat get up but not down, Josh?

How could the cat get up but not down?

It totally can.

Tigers can get up in trees.

Yeah.

So maybe the cat wanted to be there.

They're like, oh, there's a cat in the tree.

Yeah.

He literally just spent the last hour climbing it and is like chilling.

And now you're going to go and rip him out of the tree.

Right.

For what?

Could you be, I think it's different in New York City proper,

but an outer borough would be okay with it.

Could you be a cat owner with an outdoor cat? Like a cat who comes in your house, eats, hangs a little,

and then might leave for 36 hours.

There's something about it that feels very Bronx.

I'm sure that there are plenty in the Bronx.

Plenty.

And that's why, I'm sorry, I can't do outdoor cats.

I can't do indoor cats.

Thank you. something about it that feels very Bronx.
I'm sure that there are plenty in the Bronx. And that's why I, I'm sorry.
I can't do outdoor cats. I can't do indoor cats.
I'm just not a, it's just not my thing. It's not my thing.
The cats. Another question I had for you, and I think we should film it on my new DJI gimbal Osmo 4 camera.
Sick. Shout out DJI.
It's cool. It's got like a stabilizer in it so we can do like cool vlog style.
Cool. I love DJI.
I use their little microphones when I'm cooking. The lav.
DJI is great. Yeah, the magnetic ones, they're fantastic.
DJI, DJI. I think we should do, I follow this account for this girl who walked from the top of Manhattan to Battery Park.
So went up to like street and then went all the way down. And I think we should do that.
And one day it's 16 miles. We'll walk it.
We'll have incredible meals throughout. Are we walking it? If we're walking it, I'm in.
If we're running, jogging, I'm out. No, it's a whole day.
I love it. I love it.
I really feel like I could walk forever. I think my stamina for walking is unlimited.
Same. Second, I pick up any bit of pace, I'm limited.
But I could walk forever. Yeah.
I have walked from 1st and 1st to 89th Street. I did that once.
I think that's my longest New York City walk. Which is technically- blocks.
So it's like four and a half miles, almost five miles. Yeah.
It's a good walk. I wasn't tired.
Nice walk. I wasn't tired.
I could have gone again, by the way. And first of all, let's figure out the meals that we should do on our full day of walking.
But what I will say is people call into the show.

And I think,

you know, this Ben,

they leave us,

they speak pipes.

They go,

Hey,

I'm going to New York.

I'm going to LA.

Can you put together?

What am I trip advisor?

I know.

Are we out every day?

Never going to happen.

Don't ask us.

No,

no,

I can't give you a sushi recommendation.

I can't because whatever I'm going to recommend to you like i don't know where you're staying i don't know what you like are you a hand roll person are you a cut roll person are you an omakase person what is your budget again it's not happening this isn't happening no good no good that said josh on our we're going from battery park we're going to start in Battery Park and we're going to go up. I think we start up and go down.
That agreed. 100%.
Okay. We're going to start up and go down.
We're going to end in Battery Park at night. So the morning of our walk, Josh, we're going to start out with egg and cheeses on Hero Bread so that we are full.
We don't have that sugar crash later in the day from having a big ass sandwich.

Good. And we're going to walk up.
I think. How do you feel about this? We stop on 14th and third.
First stop is Joe's Pizza. Does that feel good to you? That's crazy.
We're on 170th Street. Oh, we went up.
We went up. We're up.
Okay. No.
Oh, can we start higher? My favorite restaurant, Golan Heights, 185th in Amsterdam.

Josh, this is the sch 185th in Amsterdam.

Josh, this is the schnitzel, falafel, kebab of your life.

Love.

Oh, so good.

Okay, so we're going to start up there.

Hero Bread, we'll eat you later.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe we'll make little like hand holders, right?

Have you ever had one of these?

You get a nice hero tortilla, and then you put in a little peanut butter and jelly. You wrap that up.
You wrap it up nice.

You know what I mean? Then as we're walking, we're popping. We're schmoozing.
We're kibitzing. We're popping.
Yes. It's an on the go snack.
This kibitz brought to you by Hero Bread. Yes, yes,

yes. This kibitz brought to you by Hero Bread.
We need it for the snacking. So go on hikes.
We're

This is the first time I'm trying to think of, I mean, look, there are like the famous, there's the famous soul food joint up there. Yes.
Let's get a reservation at Rayo's. Who can hook that up for us? Is that like on 110th? Something like that.
Yeah. So for anyone who doesn't know, Rayo's is an invite-only Italian restaurant.
Yes. And if we're feeling breakfasty because it's early, we could also stop at the Seinfeld Diner.
It's also up there. That's true.
We could stop there. Okay.
Either one. I feel like Rayo's at 9 o'clock in the morning is going to be a tough res.
So we're going to go with the Seinfeld Diner. Is it open then? No, it's closed.
I think it's only for dinner. And I also, I think what's worth a thought is on 72nd between Amsterdam and Central Park West is La Dynastia, which is a Asian Cuban fusion.
One of these places that you can only find in New York. It's so good.
So you're popping beefsteak pala mia with a beautiful egg roll or like ropa vieja with General Chow's chicken. Are you serious? You had me at ropa.
I'm in. I'm ropa in.
I'm roped in. Ropa me into that, baby.
And then we got, you know, and then Bob's your uncle. And we're stopping.
We're getting, you know, blue bottle coffees on the way. Oh, yeah.
Yes. I'm going to have to pee so much.
We're using my Starbucks credits, Josh. We're using all my credits.
I'm going to get free coffees for us the whole time. Yes.
Okay. You want merch? I'll give you merch.
I have enough of those stars. I'll take a tumbler.
I'll get you everything. I'll get you everything.
And folks, comment below. If you have ideas for where we should stop on our journey, let us know.
We crowdsource. We're open.
Yes. We're open.
And maybe we do like hallucinogens the whole time. Great.
Yes. Good.
Or we do it horseback. I love it.
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Should we get to a story? Yes. So Lauren Sanchez reacts to Whitney Cummings poking fun at her cheap inauguration look.
Whitney Cummings poked fun at Lauren Sanchez polarizing inauguration look. The comedian told her Instagram followers that she's not going to hate on the 55- old for wearing a white Alexander McQueen pantsuit and a peekaboo lace bra.
She is a businesswoman. Her decisions have gotten her this far.
Cummings 42 continued. I respect her judgment.
And then she kind of basically just she kind of like lightly made fun. She blamed the bra.
She was like, it's probably a $1,000 bra, but white lace inherently sometimes doesn't look the classiest. And so she certainly roasted her.
She said, it's the kind of thing that looks cute in a mirror, but then in a photo, no bueno. She said, it's giving Bachelor in Paradise meets love is blind energy.
But I will say that Lauren Sanchez, who's a bad-ass liked it. And I don't know if she commented, but oh, and uploaded a heart emoji.
If I'm Lauren Sanchez, I don't give two shits. Totally.
I'm, I'm so rich and all that I care about is if daddy Jeff cares. And I think daddy Jeff loved it.
I think he looked at her and said, honey, you look fabulous. By the way, she did.
And I can't wait to go home. Like, that's probably what he was saying.
So each their own. You see John Fetterman? He showed up in sweats.
And basketball shorts. The great senator from Pennsylvania came to the inauguration in a hoodie and basketball shorts.
Legend. Like, I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like over the whole, like, I agree that it's nice to look very presentable.
And if I went, I would like to be wearing like a nice suit, whatever, but each their own. I don't know.
I saw people roasting her. I was just like, the funniest part about it to me was that Zuckerberg meme that went around where he's clearly taking a peek at her hoo-hahs.
And the guy behind him, did you see that meme where there's a guy that's just like his jaws on the floor? But yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
I thought she looked great. I agree.
I thought it looked like watching Zuckerberg, Bezos, Elon up there, the president of Google. It looked like an e-sports all-star team.
It was pretty great. It's so funny.
Well, did you also see that it is a tradition that Trump reveals inspirational message Biden left him in the Oval Office? Did you see this? No. So as Trump was sitting behind the famous desk of the Oval Office, one of the reporters said, did President Biden leave you a letter? Which I guess every outgoing president writes the future president a letter and leaves it in a drawer in the desk.
And Trump was like, oh, I'm not sure. Let me check.
And it was there and it was titled 247. And then he was like, maybe I'll read it on camera.
Actually, I'll I'll read it privately and then I'll let you know what it says. So what would be in your letter to the incoming president? Good luck.
I left the country in as good a shape as I could have for you. Please don't fuck up what I've done over the last four years, but I'm rooting for you.
That's what I would write. Please don't draw back everything I've done.
That must be so frustrating. But yeah, like that's what I would write.
What would you write? I would say don't trust anyone. Aliens are real, real, real, real, real.
JFK was an inside job. You're fucked.
No, I don't know. We don't know.
We don't know. Oh, we don't know.
Oh, okay. I'm sure it was something like that or like just like a smiley face or something weird.

I don't know.

LOL.

Good luck.

Yeah.

I would just write like, or you just write like, do you like me?

Yes.

No, maybe.

Keep it real high school.

You know what I'm saying?

I would leave one of those little fortune tellers so you can like make yourself like seven, eight, four, two. Oh my God.
Oh man. What, what a time.
All right. And then the last one, surgeon and father of three performs vasectomy on himself as a gift for his wife.
I'm really brave. What is wrong with people? Well, the plastic surgeon Chen Wainong in Taiwan made men of the world wince after giving himself a vasectomy on camera.
It was a strange feeling to touch and suture my own urethra, declared the chop doc in the AI translated caption of the nail biting clip which he uploaded to the platform for educational purposes whoa what platform ig oh my god what the fuck wow why why like i don't even i don't even get it like maybe is he broke he's a doctor i know but you need a second opinion for sure you need you need other eyes that's crazy to me very scary and so he was numb i guess he gave himself local in his johnson and then he went down there and just oh i mean my friends who have had it done before all say it's it's easy peasy even the angles you need a mirror there and like you know his taint wasn't in great shape you know i'm saying this is not the kind of guy who was like let me do some pre-grooming no no no definitely not because he doesn't have to right it's just him that's that's boy oh. When was the last time you shaved your nether regions? I'm so glad you asked.
This is a great segment. I need to, like I, every six to eight weeks, I go, I'm in the shower and I go, it's time.
And then. And you go, and you shave it off completely? I go bare.
Yeah, see, that's a skinny man move, Josh. That's a skinny man move.

You can't go bare unless you can bare the side of it.

So I'm like, once every couple of months, just trim the hedges.

But what about like the other region?

Are you leaving that?

Like you're not touching your... The grundle? I don't even know what that is.
The undersack? Yeah, sure. The taint.
I don't touch it. I just, maybe I should.
I don't know. Why did I lead us here? I do want to get fully waxed one day because I just want to know what it's like totally just to be totally clean

yes what about how do you feel about anal bleaching down the clown call joey come ask

i'll let him do it for me you kidding me what a gift oh that's what we should do on our walk

downtown joey will tell us the the side street that we can get it on the side maybe we do it

before the walk and we see how quickly we become inflamed instantly do you know that

I don dating Paige. We'd only been together like six months, call it.
I had never been on vacation. I'm 26 years old.
Like on a proper vacation. My mom and I had been to Atlantic City.'d driven down to Florida before but we lived in Florida but I'd never been to like Cancun or the Bahamas or Hawaii like the way kids I knew grew up would go away so I was 26 I was finally with a girl who I like really loved and I wanted to like go away with and I got a check an ice age residual check and I'm like I was like Paige we're going to Hawaii so we planned the trip and before we leave I noticed that I have I'm not like the craziest hairy guy at all like I don't really have like chest or shoulder hair or anything like that but I noticed I had like a few small patches of back hair so I'm like I'm getting that waxed off so I go to this place they do the waxing very nice no big deal and she didn't tell me you should probably go home and shower and just chill out for the rest of the day because I just wax you and it opens up your pores and your skin might react.
I went the gym after i went to 24 hour fitness after i did a chest day after okay that means i'm laying on on the the the bench yes at 24 hour fitness throwing up you know 50s minimum i get such a a infection in my back it when i tell you folliculitis like you have never seen before i i literally because it really started to happen as we got home like it took days to sort of mature i thought i had been attacked by sea lice in the waters of wilea i said i've clearly been attacked by a sea creature and then i went to the doctor and he's like nah dog he's like you have fucked your shit up and i had to go on like a 10-day antibiotic said sea creature josh so i just have to set the record straight i started sea moss gel and after day two i'm off it this is a hoax this is a hoax i felt like i was putting cum in my mouth it's like some joke okay it's just literally the exact consistency of semen you're putting it in your mouth what do you have to reference it to i have my own semen yeah i have equ. I'm going to lose my free membership after this app.

I know it.

And I'm out.

I just, I just, it's, it's not for me.

I didn't see any of the benefits.

I actually, I felt worse.

I felt worse.

Okay.

So I'm not saying that CMOS is for no one.

I'm just saying that CMOS is not for me.

That's all.

But I also questioned when I saw on your review of it that like,

Thank you so much, Olivia. So you didn't like that I went with a mainstream brand.
Classic queen. Yeah, you were like, you got like a mango flavored one? Like, what is happening here? You're like, oh, I got Seamoss by Ring Pop, you know? But it is, it was a fun book.
I got a Fun Dip Seamoss collab. It was 4.9 stars.
Irish witchcraft or Irish witch,

something with witch.

And it was supposed to be top of the line.

No added sugars.

It wasn't for me.

So no way.

I wouldn't recommend it.

I wouldn't recommend it.

Should we get to a speak pipe?

Yeah, let's do a speak pipe.

Okay. If you want to leave us a message,

go to speakpipe.com slash good guys,

and we will give you advice. Keep it interesting.
We don't want to hear your what are your nutses. They usually stink.
Keep it brief. Brevity is key.
Here's one from I don't know. Hey, Josh and Ben.
Love you guys. Huge moron.
I want to get y'all's takes on Southern accents. So I grew up in Alabama, but now I live in North Carolina, and I have my first big girl job.
And a lot of people I work with are from like New York and New Jersey. And I never really thought about having a southern accent until I started working with them because sometimes people will like, in a nice way, like make fun of me for the way I talk.
So I just want to know what y'all thought. Like, do you think people from the South sound dumb or like awesome or crazy or I don't know.
I just want to know what y'all thought. And should I start like trying to train myself to not have so much of a Southern accent? And should I start trying to like talk more professionally at work? Like, do I, do I sound crazy is basically what I'm trying to ask.
Okay. Love you guys.
Bye. Love you.
Don't change. Dumb people sound dumb.
Accents don't make them dumb. Okay.
Like that, like that's preposterous to me. These New Yorkers sound like a bunch of schmucks.
Okay. Your accent is fantastic.
I love it. It always, Southern accents in general, make me feel very warm, cozy, friendly it's fantastic josh i love them and the only accent i don't really like are new jersey new york accents okay you know what i'm saying though like yeah i do southern accents are like romantic and like dreamy like no one's ever ever like, oh, fuck me.
Like you're from Trenton, you know? What? No. Our accents are for sure the worst.
For sure. The truth is you don't really have one in the way that I don't really have one.
I mean, I've lived in LA for 20 plus years, but, but like when you get to like deep parts of Brooklyn, Long Island, you know, certain parts of New Jersey, it's insufferable. They're thick.
Yeah. Very thick, laid on heavy.
And honestly, I'm jealous that I didn't grow up saying y'all. I love y'all.
Oh yeah. Imagine y'all is good.
You all is too much. Y'all.
Y'all. Y'all y'all queen one more hi good guys okay so i need you to tell me who's nuts here guys or girls so a couple years ago my husband and i's dryer was on its way out but it was still working okay and i needed to use it because i'm a physician and my scrubs needed to be washed.
So thank you. The guy comes, replaces the dryer.
And then conveniently that day, my husband takes off to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. I come home and I'm like, hey, where are all of the clothes and scrubs that were in the dryer? My husband goes, what are you talking about? I'm like, you didn't check the dryer? No, he didn't check the dryer.
The guy that took the dryer didn't

check it, didn't realize it was heavier. So all of my scrubs gone.
The nuts part is that this has been talked about for at least once a week by our entire friend group. It was brought up at every major event of our lives.
Our good friends, their dryer was on their way out. And my girlfriend did a load of wash and poof, everything gone again.
So are we nuts, the girls, for doing the wash in a dryer that still works but needs to be replaced? Or are the guys nuts because they're not checking and they're just aimlessly giving away all of our stuff for free? Let me know. Obviously, the guys nuts nuts you don't check the dryer to see if there's anything in it that's like me throwing away a cabinet and not checking if there's any dishes in it or throwing away a dresser and not checking if there's any clothes nuts he's nuts it's nuts.
It's not her fault. Totally.
But that is so something I would do. I'm sure there was no malicious intent, but he's nuts.
Should we get to our Woody Nuts? We should. Our Woody Nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things.
These are just, yeah. they're the things sticking in our craw, big or small.
I'll start. The other day I was getting breakfast with, funny enough, and you'll find this, our wonderful pediatrician who we've become friends with her and her husband.
She's such a lovely person. And so it was me, my wife, my sister-in-law, and the pediatrician and her husband.
So there was five of us and a kid and a shy,

six in total. So we're waiting this wonderful diner near our house, like delicious breakfast

spot. But we're waiting and we're waiting.
And it's like actually, and they're like, oh, it's 15

minutes. Shouldn't be bad.
But we're seeing all these people who are coming in after us are going

in, going in, going in. So, you know, 20, 25 minutes in, I start going like, maybe they don't, you know, I started thinking like, am I, am I not Josh Peck anymore? Like, why am I waiting? So I go to the hostess and she goes, I'm sorry.
There's only two tables in the whole place for six. And both of the tables have paid their check, but they're just hanging out.
What are you nuts? This is when you go up to the table and i believe you just say nicely like i'm sorry you know we have people waiting for this table these people have eaten they've schmoozed they've paid they've been here an hour plus get up what are you nuts but it's on the restaurant if you're a host at that restaurant i once was schmoozing hanging out at restaurant, and it was like, I think it was like Craig's in LA, right? So it was like hard to get a table. I will never forget.
We're chatting after. We've had our dessert.
The bill's been paid. The waiter would come over every three to five minutes and remove one thing from the table.
Like a packet of Sweet and Low, and then he would just look at us like this and just keep walking by the third time. There was no sweet and low left.
And I was like, let's get the heck out of here. This guy wants us out, out, out.
What are you not? This was and this was breakfast, right? Yes. Josh, there's no schmoozing after the check is coming breakfast.
100%. This I agree with you.
It's totally on the establishment, but it's also on these imbeciles. Get the fuck up.
Get up. Get up.
You paid your bill. You don't have anything to do that day.
Leave. At least dinner, you are going home to go to sleep, right? So I get that.
Maybe you had a cocktail at Craig's. You're schmoozing.
You didn't have a cocktail at breakfast. At least I hope not.
Who knows? Maybe you did. Maybe you crushed a couple of Bloody Marys.
I have no idea.

Nuts.

Absolutely nuts.

My wedding in nuts, Josh, is we went to this pool hall, right, that I was talking about.

Me, my parents, my sister.

My mom wanted something to drink.

No.

She said, I want a club soda.

I said, no problem.

I went up to the bar.

I ordered her a club soda.

She handed me the bill, $4.50. I thought it was very expensive for a club soda, but no problem, whatever.
I gave her a 50. It's what I had.
She comes back, Josh. She doesn't say anything to me.
Two fives, 34 ones. Sure.
$34 bills and two fives. What are you nuts? Just tell me you can't break it.

Tell me that you don't have larger bills.

I'll pay with a credit card.

I said, oh, no, no, don't worry about it. She's like, oh, I'm sorry.

I already put the 50 away.

Do you understand the inconvenience

of having 30 plus $1 bills in your wallet?

You can't close it.

That money might as well not exist.

That's just anybody that you see.

You want to one, you want to one, you want to one.

I paid $50 for that club soda. I might as well have paid 50.
Totally. What are you nuts? Nuts.
Folks, it's been fun. This episode's five stars.
This episode's five stars. Otherwise, what are you, nuts? Listen to us on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch us on YouTube. Share our clips get your podcasts watch us on youtube share our clips you're liking our youtube shorts i see you're liking them eight minutes that's your attention span what are you nuts watch the whole damn video share our clips instagram and tiktok mondays and wednesdays new episodes we will see you next time great gorgeous let's uh

one minute

Ben can you say new episodes. We will see you next time.
Great. Gorgeous.

Thursday.

Let's, uh,

one minute already. Wait, Ben, can you say that? You said Wednesday.
I said Wednesday?

I've never heard you say Wednesday.

What? Leave this in.

Leave this all in. Yeah, I guess

just leave it. Mondays and Wednesdays.

Perfect.