Guys: Episode 127 - Apple Guys with Patrick Doran

Welcome to guys,

a podcast about guys.

I am a piece.

I'm a Mac, and my co-host is a PC Christian.

Just an absolute catastrophe of that.

That was catastrophic.

I mean, that was a catastrophic flip.

I had it all in my fucking head.

That was even a significant flood.

That was a catastrophic flip.

Because

I made my name that to remember what I was going to do.

And you spelled it M-A-C.

No, I did that because it's funny because that's what they used to call a pimp.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

I'm a Mac daddy.

So, wait, and I'm the are you the PC on the PC?

And I am.

I use a PC and a Mac.

Well, I use both of them.

I use a Mac.

It's called an iPhone.

Computers.

And

yeah, he has eight computers.

He's got so many computers.

Well, you bought one of them.

This podcast bought one of them.

It's for editing and stuff.

Come on.

And from a podcast about lists, we have Patrick Doran.

Hi, Patrick.

Hello.

Thank you for coming here and talking about Apple guys, which are...

Now, you guys are going to think like, oh, these are tech guys, right?

Oh, no,

i think i know how freaky these apple guys are and but but do you know how stupid they are because that was the huge shock to me the biggest shock to me is like oh my god these guys are really stupid yeah

in in what way like because i i guess it's started off

like apple or mac started off as obviously like a super user-friendly it still kind of is right it's just a more like out of the box anybody can use it good capabilities but i guess the people who are really into tech and really want, you know, to be able to customize their machine and things like that, they're going to be obviously using a PC.

And that's maybe why you have more like ignorance from these, you know, they're less like techie.

Now I have to tell you, I have this one friend that

has an Android.

And it's the biggest phone you've ever seen in your life and it folds in half.

That's sick.

Oh.

No, it's not sick.

It's not the Razor one, is it?

Like the Android Razor?

When he folds it up, I don't know if it's the Razor or whatever.

When he folds it up, it looks like three-quarters of an iPad.

It's so fucking big.

Now I have a question.

Is it?

It couldn't be, but is it as big as your wallet that you bought?

Shut up.

No.

Yes, yes, it is bigger than my wallet.

This guy bought a wallet and it looked like a PS3.

It had a bunch of mechanical stuff on it.

It was that was an error in one.

I got to see this thing.

Hold up.

Oh, it's, it was, it was really thick.

It was a mistake.

I didn't think it was a mistake at first.

And then I showed it on the stream and everybody was like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

That's a big fucking wallet.

And then I threw it away in shame immediately.

It's like, I don't need this anymore, man.

I pulled this out because all I could think is like, I go to the grocery store and I pull this out of my pocket.

And the cashier is like, damn what's going on i mean buddy honestly you're

you're you're lucky if you pull it out of your pocket this thing i i imagine once it gets in there it's it's in there for a while hey what are you are you wearing jankos like how big is this well he kind of he kind of does wear that it's like this thick patrick i would say which is a thick wallet and because i want it it's this thick but it also has a space on it for an air tag Oh, which is why I got it.

So that makes a part of it like this thick.

Yeah, the bevel out.

Yeah.

It's just a big dog.

And it had like a button on it, pops the cards out.

Now, it turns out that's not that great to have.

It actually doesn't work the way you would like it to.

That's what I knew.

I knew right away when I saw that was on there.

That's when I knew it was a bad wallet, like 100%.

No, no, I have a question about your friend's phone.

Is it an old phone or it's a new phone?

He gets the new phone.

He gets new phones more than I do.

And you know,

I'm like, as soon as there's a new iPhone, I'm like, hmm, I should probably get that.

My phone has 85% battery capacity.

Do you really do that?

I always want a new one.

Nobody wants a new phone more than I do.

How often do you,

I'll ask both of you guys.

How often do you, like, Brian, how often do you replace your phone?

Like, you go the next one or maybe two?

Two models.

Like, so I'll skip one model and then go to the next one.

I basically

I'll look at what I still owe on my phone.

And if it's under 500 bucks, I'm like, let's roll that over into a new phone.

You know?

Yeah, I see.

I see.

That's pretty much what I fucking, I have, I think it's still here, but I had like the

12 Max, the 12 Pro Max for the longest time.

And I was like, this thing, I'm good for this forever.

And I didn't know because I like, will like film like skate stuff.

And like, sometimes I'll hit my phone.

Like, the board will like go out and hit the phone.

I had no idea I had shattered the back screen because it was in the case.

And then apparently I also, I think I have it over here

right here.

I I fucking

like you see that battery right there?

Oh my god.

It is just destroyed.

I've never seen a more destroyed phone.

That's the battery popping out too.

Yeah.

You see that?

What?

And it was still working?

It worked until it didn't.

Yeah.

The iPhone 12, that's what I had, the 12, until I just replaced it.

And I think the 12 was like a super

phone.

Yeah, like it, I think it like notoriously lasted a little longer than the other ones.

Well, I thought I had that for like six years.

Let's start with Mac Rumors, which is a website that, a forum, an active forum.

Oh, it's very active.

I was on it recently trying to fucking fix this phone.

I don't think they're healthy.

They might be healthy.

I think almost like just reading this stuff, it's like, I think I trust Reddit more than Mac Rumors in a way, you know?

I don't trust Reddit very much.

Well, I trusted Reddit when it came to going to get drugs in Mexico, but that was a mistake.

This guy's pissed off.

His name's Sabaturi and goes from, quote, think different to, quote, rethink nothing.

It's time for Tim to go.

That's Tim.

Because of the slogan?

Or is that like, that's not the actual slogan?

He's just kind of saying that, like, that's his little...

Like, is he being a bit sassy there with that?

So the thing that has made them mad is, and listen, I don't know, I'm going to explain this right off the top, that they haven't invented a new thing in a while.

Oh, yeah.

Right?

Like a new,

when the iPhone came, and if you'll remember correctly, if you'll remember this, they released the iPad and people were like, what the fuck is that?

Like, everybody goofed on them.

They said it's just a bigger phone.

I mean, they were right, but then it turned out some people were like, oh, I actually want a really big phone.

You know, like, that's all it is, but it turns out there was a market for that, I guess.

Yeah.

Oh, and I'm telling this guy I know that has a huge phone.

He goes, we're like, get an iPhone so we can text like normal people.

He's the only one with this huge phone.

He's like, I need to be able to customize it.

And I'm like, what the fuck are you customizing on your phone?

It's just Android.

Yeah.

It's just the font.

That unreadable fucking,

that unreadable like script font that every Android has.

Yeah.

I need to have that.

Oh, I gotta have it.

Like, I can't imagine.

And we're gonna get yelled at so bad.

I can't imagine what you need to customize on your phone.

To do what I do, you don't have to do anything because all I'm doing is posting and fucking texting and emailing.

But so this guy goes keynote after keynote.

They get less and less exciting.

Apple no longer dares.

I started using a Mac back in 1993.

I loved it.

But by 95, everyone was declaring Apple dead.

Back then, Apple was run by financial managers with no vision, no creativity, and no interest in pushing boundaries.

They focused solely on revenues and nearly killed the company before Jobs got back.

I'm going to tell you right now, they're also focusing solely on revenues now and where when Steve Jobs was there too.

And that's like kind of what businesses focus on.

He thinks that like the people at Apple are like,

like they would do it for free.

I'd be doing this for free if I didn't work here.

Yeah, I just love, I love inventing, man.

I love inventing so much.

So, so, this is really funny.

This guy posts this long, boring post about Tim Cook not inventing anything anymore.

And the answer that everybody gives him, the defenders of Apple, the true Apple guys, are like, there ain't nothing to invent.

It's over.

I mean, at some point,

it was bound to happen.

I mean, you can't, like, it can't just go on forever.

You know?

Yeah, well, they did.

They did just invent the, what's that?

Well, I guess it's already been invented, but the Vision Pro or whatever.

We'll read about that.

Yeah.

When you see guy, when you see, ah, God, the guys using it.

So I was watching a thing the other day about these weird freaks that invested in Bed Bath and Beyond and just got fucking destroyed.

Like when it was closing.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we got to buy low.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're coming back.

I know they're coming back.

Buy on that bus.

They were buying at like 11 cents.

Holy shit.

And shit,

it can't even really get any lower than that.

Fuck, man.

It's got to go up.

Well, and they were like, they thought some guy had bought

Bath and Body Works.

A guy did a pump and dump scheme, right?

Like, so he goes on, he's like, you gotta buy Bath.

It's a fucking surging company.

Which one was it?

I mean, you said Bath and Beyond.

I'm sorry.

It's a fucking surging company.

He's saying it's a surging company.

And then at the height, when the stock price is up as high as it can go, he fucking sells it all.

Like all of his stock.

And they're like, he did that on purpose because he's bringing the price down so that he can then buy it and then raise it back up.

So they spent all this time.

Every time something bad would happen with Bed Bath and Beyond, they'd buy more.

They'd be like, we got to buy more, man.

This guy's going to buy this company.

He's going to name it Teddy.

And it's going to be fucking a whole new thing.

And it's going to be.

Why is he going to name it Teddy?

I don't know why he's going to name it Teddy because the guy.

No.

No.

He's going to name it Teddy.

It's going to be all good.

And then.

It's going to be all good.

As soon as he gets the name Teddy going,

then we just start fucking.

We need money counting machines at that point once he changes the name to Teddy.

And if Betbath and Beyond is like, well, actually, then the uh ceo kills himself

and they're like oh that's fake you know what i mean like these guys are all like that's not real and they bought more

yeah and then they were like they filed the thing that was like your stock is worth nothing anymore we're not honoring it

oh my god and so that's and at that point they bought a little more Yeah, at that point, they were like, hold on.

They were like, don't worry about it.

He's going to buy it.

He's going to turn it into Teddy and give us Teddy's stock.

They're saying, so glad I never got any of that.

Hold nothing.

We will have Teddy's stock.

Hold on, dear stock.

Hold on to your stock that nobody will pay even one cent for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then finally, you know, by the end of this thing.

But

they kept saying, like, oh, this is,

they're going to do this new thing and it tricked them.

And I think a lot of these guys

have in their mind that, like, these guys would never trick us.

You know what I mean?

And, and that, and so in that documentary, they were talking about an NFT scam of some sort.

They show the audience at this thing, and like five guys are wearing Apple Vision Pros in the audience.

At this end.

And they have like stickers on the front of them.

Like they're stylish stickers on the front.

Oh my God, these people are so fucking stupid.

I just can't.

Because like I'll read.

Later on, we will read you a guy who talks about what he does with the Apple Vision Pro, and it's the dumbest thing you've ever read.

Let's just, just, um, so everybody, and because I don't know a hundred, I know it's like a VR headset kind of thing, right?

It's not a VR headset, but it's not VR.

Like, so what is it exactly, Brian?

It is a computer that you wear on your face.

I see.

I see.

So, but you can still see in front of you as well.

Yeah, I think it like tracks, or there's like a camera in it so that you can see.

I only know, I think there's just one, there's this one guy on Instagram.

He's like a gambler, and he goes on to like Rollbit.

And I think he wears the Vision Pro like outside.

And then

he'll just be at the McDonald's line.

He's like, all right, one McDouble.

Hold on.

Let's see if I can get it.

And then he just gambles in front of the people.

That's the only good use of the Vision Pro I've ever seen.

Here is a guy gambling and then he loses like 2K in front of them.

Let's do this first, actually.

I think you guys will love this.

This is from the Apple Vision Pro forum of Mac Rumors.

How are y'all watching things with your families?

Sitting in the fucking in the living room with the Vision Pro on.

No one else can see.

No one else can see with you.

Yeah, because like tomorrow, when I get home from work, I want to watch the new season of silo with my wife, but I don't want to watch it on our crappy TV.

I was thinking about sitting there with my AVP on and just trying to sync the time on the TV app with exactly what it is on the TV and press play.

And hopefully it'll be playing at the same time.

Maybe this is stupid.

Yeah.

But I just.

Yes, it is.

I can't think of any.

So the idea is

my wife and I are going to sync up an episode of silo.

I'm going to sit next to her with the Apple Vision Pro on and she's going to watch the crappy TV.

Yeah, she doesn't.

Yeah, I'm like, I don't know.

So in the Vision Pro, I guess you can watch it on like some crazy.

Like, isn't that VR then?

If it's like, like, I don't like, like, how well it is VR, but Apple marketed it, like, they marketed it differently.

Like a wearable computer, yeah.

A wearable, I see, which all VR,

that may all, that is what VR is.

Like, you can pull up a browser and stuff on all of that.

They're saying, Chris, they're saying, like, you can, like, go like this and type in the air and stuff.

Like, you're going to be able to, like, type in the air and do all that.

Oh, that's.

Okay, hang on a second.

That is very, that sounds cool.

Being out in public typing in the air.

Listen, I'm fine with it if you don't have to wear a big, stupid fucking thing on your head.

I'm not, honestly, I'm not that fine.

I mean, I think

imagine that people, even if it was just little, like, you know,

whatever contact lenses that you were wearing, people just walking around the streets

would look so stupid, just typing mid-air, you know?

He goes, maybe this is stupid, but I just got my AVP and

I want it on my head, damn it.

LOL, what do you do?

Is there a feature I don't know about where it'll just sync automatically between devices?

So he's desperate to use this.

Yeah.

Because he bought it and it's expensive.

Yeah, he's got to use it every single day.

He needs to get his money back.

His wife's just like, what does it do?

And he was like, fucking everything.

What does it do?

Oh my God.

Does it have an HDMI out?

Because I'm imagining that, like, just him sitting on the couch with a big fucking wire going to the TV.

Yeah.

You have to sync it up with an HDMI.

You can see what he's seeing, but then it also, like, the HDMI is there.

So anytime he moves his head, the show is like gone.

Actually,

actually,

if the Apple Vision Pro had an HDMI out, maybe you put it on the front of it, down in the bottom, you know, and you can run that to the TV.

Then other people can see what you're seeing on your Apple Vision Pro.

Yeah, that's what Patrick's saying.

Yeah, that all of a sudden it goes on the TV and you're watching the movie, but they're also able to see the movie.

Yeah, it's kind of perfect then.

I mean, they'll see it in, you know, severely degraded quality, obviously.

I love this.

Plus, the motion.

I mean, the motion detection, it's going to like if you move to your bed, the screen's going to move with you.

Yeah, you can.

When you cough, when you cough, it's just going to be like, shit.

This guy goes, I love this guy, too.

Demoing to family members today was a huge hit.

A guy that says he's demoing Electronic for his mailing psychotic.

None of them had any clue what the vision can do and we're all impressed.

They want to buy one now.

Apple obviously isn't marketing the device well.

None of them had a clue that it could create a virtual movie theater.

So it's every single VR ends.

That's like one of the first things in VR.

Like I would wanted the original VR things.

I stopped.

I didn't really like it that much, but that was one of the first things you could do is have a virtual movie theater.

It's nice, isn't it?

I mean, it wasn't really that great.

I honestly preferred watching it on my television.

All of them are like, I don't get why people don't know what this is good for.

You could make a virtual movie theater.

I mean, I'm sure it's better now.

I'm sure like on the Apple vision, it's better.

And it probably is like a little bit of a, it's probably pretty cool.

Like for the first couple of times you do it.

But like, is there also a chance that, you know, your family is just kind of being polite to you or whatever

when you're taking a big, like making a big to-do about demoing this thing to them that clearly means a lot to you?

You know, like, I'm looking up the price because I think it's super expensive, too.

Yeah, it's five, three, four.

Wait, no, that doesn't, that doesn't make sense.

Apple does not.

They're not about it is $3,000 to $6,000.

Oh, my God.

Oh, so you can get different, there's different levels, obviously.

Yeah, there's the base level model and everything.

The base level is $3,300.

So that's for your broke asses that's for your broke ass and the the top pro bottle is 3 499 oh no 5 999 so 6 000

yeah yeah yeah yeah they have some uh they have some american ones six thousand american so so for me for me to buy it would cost like ten thousand dollars that's probably what it is in canada

yeah that's so fucking good man because then you're bringing it into your house You're like, you bring this thing in your house.

You bring it to your family members.

They're like, goofing on you because you wasted money.

That's what it sounds like to me.

It sounds like this guy wasted.

They were like, he wasted his money on this stupid Apple thing to put on his head.

And he's like, oh, let me demo this dude.

Yeah, let me show you my virtual movie theater.

Yeah, that's good.

And you're like, is that?

And then they were like, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's really neat.

Yeah, it's true.

Cause he said they don't know the capabilities, meaning that like they were kind of saying like, well, it doesn't seem seem that good to get that seems like you wasted your money you really overpaid for that i think this is a single guy kind of thing right like this is the type of thing that you would have if you're like a single bachelor and you have ten thousand or six thousand dollars laying around uh then this would be a good thing because yeah anybody with a i don't think it's good if you have a family i'm not i wouldn't buy one i would i would hold off on any headset under $6,000.

I guess it depends.

If If you have a family, but you're like, really don't like spending time with them or whatever, then I would say it's a good person.

You can close yourself up in your virtual movie theater.

Honestly, listen, I know it looked stupid,

but I'm going to be honest.

Google Glass was a better design.

Yeah.

Is that just like the glasses that have the little thing in them?

Yeah, it was a little glass right there.

But it had not as much capability, obviously, right?

In order to

house that, they probably need a little bit of space.

Although, I don't know, there's an awful lot in your dang phone these days.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a computer in itself, and that's why zombies can't take their head out of their damn phone.

Have you noticed that, by the way, Patrick?

Have you been outside?

You live in speaking.

I live in New York.

I see it every day.

That's actually crazy to think that it's like we should have mentioned it off the top that you do all, you actually live in the big one of Big Apple, and we didn't even mention it.

Yes.

Well, we'll go back to this guy.

In Brian's defense.

He was absolutely destroying the intro.

So he didn't know.

Thank you.

Okay.

That was a great intro.

Back to beginning where our guy is saying Apple hasn't invented anything.

This guy replies.

He goes, Apple's doing what Steve Jobs intended it to do after he died, surviving in a world of mature technology.

Until there are tech breakthroughs that push the boundaries of known physics or open some new frontier, there are no more bold company because there's nothing left to be bold about.

The frontier of technology has been conquered, occupied, and paved over with a bargaining lot.

So yes, this guy said, well, they've hit the top of technology.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, like I said, I

guess that won't

won't ever happen, really, right?

That'll just, like, that's kind of the whole thing behind technology is I don't know.

I think we'll cease to exist maybe and then it will stop, but I think it will continue to evolve, right?

Unfortunately, it's evolving in a really horrible way right now.

No, it's not evolved.

I will say this because I know what you're thinking.

Yeah.

AI, right?

Yeah, of course.

That's not an evolution, though.

That is still like, well, we got all these computers.

It's Google.

It is.

No, I guess it's true.

Yeah, you're right.

It's not a real genuine evolution, but it feels like, I don't know,

it feels like it's.

Isn't that a big feature on the new iPhone, too?

Like the iPhone 16, it's like, oh, we have Apple Intelligence.

Oh, they do not like that.

Oh, I hate it.

I hate it.

They do not like that.

I'll read you

a Reddit thread here where he goes,

it's just the Reddit thread title is Apple quote intelligence.

Oh, hell yeah.

Hell yeah, dude.

Get him.

Today I ordered something from Joann's Fabrics.

It was a little while later.

I checked my emails, and there was one that said it was ready to be picked up.

Upon arriving at the store, not only was it not ready to be picked up, they also didn't even have the item in stock.

Turned out the thing just said it was ready to be picked up and was in the summarized preview of the email.

And the actual email, it said to look it up for a second email when it'll be ready to pick up.

I turned

AI off immediately.

By the way, this is supposed to be more of a cheeky thing.

They said, okay,

so Joe Am Fabrics.

That was an edit, by the way, where it says it's supposed to be more of a cheeky thing.

I thought it was funny.

oh i see because people are coming in saying like fucking kill the robots like down with the robots and shit and then he's just like oh no i was just being cheeky mate this is guys probably british as well by the way well and he also is saying that you know they ordered something and they read the summary and the summary said it was done but none of these

that's the one thing is none of these summary the ai summaries are the worst things in the world they're just so bad

the google we we that's where we get all our answers from on the guys' podcast.

We ask Google AI and we do not do any further reading.

This guy goes, the quote new Siri is half baked too.

I typed a Siri to set a reminder to do a task at 4 p.m.

It made a reminder with no time set and no alarm.

So 4 p.m.

came and went without me doing the thing I knew I would forget to do.

That's a you problem.

Yeah, I think you have to set that.

Is AI supposed to, I know when I said it, it depends on the settings, I guess, but I have to say that I want

an alarm or something.

Hey, Siri said an alarm for four, it just did it.

That's true.

My fucking phone just did it.

Mine,

I hate.

Hey, like, one of the things, the two things I hate, one is Find My

because it never finds it.

It's crazy.

I mean, sometimes it does.

I have these one, I have the green headphones

that sometimes it won't find, but I think that's because they're fake.

Yeah, because

tell us to the ones that you got like bamboozled into buying.

I didn't get bamboozled.

I bought them because I wanted them.

But that's what they're bamboozled people.

That's what bamboozled people say.

They're not fake.

They're painted.

They're 100% fake.

They're 100% fake.

That's why they won't get picked up by the find my iPhone thing.

But why did you buy them, Brian?

And how much were they?

I was at a hotel in Los Angeles by myself, and I was scrolling through Google, and then I got an ad for this company that paints AirPods, and I was like, I'll take them.

And I bought some.

And what was the reason you bought that color?

Well, typo, I'm a big typo negative person, so I got the green and black.

Yeah, how much did you pay for them?

$3.95.

$3.95 for some guys to paint some fake, like, $25 AirPods.

This guy goes, the purpose of a summary is to give you a preview of what's in an email.

It's not a substitute for actually reading the email.

That's true.

They are defending Apple intelligence.

These guys hate it.

Most of them hate it.

But then there are guys that are like,

wait a minute.

I mean, listen, they're not defending it there as much as saying like, hey.

It's shitty, but you also should read the email, not just the summary of the email.

Well, that's two things, right?

Like saying set an alarm for four o'clock.

I don't trust,

I don't trust Siri to set alarms and stuff, right?

I don't use Siri at all.

I don't use Siri at all.

You know what?

I got it in me still at this age to get in there and set my alarm by hand.

I still, I still got, ooh, my dog barking real loud.

Yeah, I can still get in there and do it.

So I've never, I've never been a Siri guy ever.

Here's why.

I've been using it in the kitchen.

Like, if I have like raw chicken on my hands, I use it.

And it never works.

It never.

It never works at all.

I'll like ask it to play like a specific song, and then it'll play like something just so insane that I'm like, all right, this, I like, I have screamed, I've been screaming at it, I've been screaming at my phone, so I changed it from I changed it to a male voice so I don't feel bad.

Oh, that's good.

That's not

the Irish male now.

Oh, Irish, even better, an Irish male.

Oh, you can get mad at Irish guys.

It's so easy to get mad at an Irish male.

It really is.

I do.

I yell at, I'll ask Siri to do something.

It'll say, hold on.

And then I'll be like, oh, for fucking goddamn, like, just cursing it or like, I can't help you with that.

It's like, that's what I need you for.

Because

I hate that you have to say,

hey, Siri,

play

this song by this guy.

Shut up, Siri.

Sorry, he was doing that just so his Siri didn't go off, everybody.

It wasn't part of that.

It did go off.

I'm trying to say that.

We couldn't hear it.

We couldn't hear it, though.

This guy asked, what's the most significant issue you hope the Siri overhaul will address?

So they're overhauling Siri, everybody.

That's good to hear.

Hey, that's good news because it sounds like, you know, I don't use it, but you guys say it sucks shit.

This guy goes, I can't look that up for you while you are driving.

He wants them to get rid of that.

Oh, so he wants to, it's like that fucking Aziz joke where it's like, he just wants to look up if

Patrick Swayze was in willow yeah he goes why not you're dictating to me i'm not reading or watching a video and then a guy gets some response he goes yes well it would be cool to have a back and forth with siri about questions you come up with while driving so this guy wants to have a conversation with he wants to have a friend he wants to have a friend and

there's this real sad thing ai related too is the ai friends and stuff like this guy could he could get a friend now like that if he wanted like someone that will just have conversations with them and give them advice and stuff.

They have those on Instagram now.

They have like the chat bots.

Yeah.

Like it's just like a chat bot and then it says like

I think one of them is like a bee.

Hmm.

You can be friends with a bee?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

That's good.

Listen, I'm not a fan of AI, but I've also been pretty interested in becoming friends of the bee.

I do.

Oh, well, hey, it's all on meta.

I really enjoyed the, and I get, I could make this happen.

I could make it be Jerry's on the Jerry Seinfeld B from B movie, probably, to be my friend.

It's true.

What's he up to?

What's Jerry up to these days?

After Seinfeld, he's probably being good.

This guy goes, that's one of the biggest things I miss about Android.

I would ask it random questions all the time while driving or stuck in traffic.

So this is a use case

that I didn't think existed.

This is guys having a conversation with their, with Siri, not with a person.

Like back when my wife worked, Chris is gonna get all out my ass about this.

Back when my wife worked

and had like a 45-minute drive to and from work,

she would call me and keep me on the phone, and it would drive me fucking crazy.

So

what were you doing?

Smoking weed

and hanging around.

Were you working?

No.

So

she was driving a long time, long distance to go earn money for you to buy the weed you were smoking.

And you're like, God, leave me alone, lady.

I'm busy.

She's busy smoking weed, hanging out with the kid.

You know what I mean?

And she's driving to work at what time?

Well, not in the morning

in the afternoon when she's driving home at like four.

Driving home, I see.

And you were smoking weed and hanging out with your daughter.

It's not rare.

I know, I know.

But how old?

How old was Gwen?

I just, whenever.

I was a stay-at-home dad from

when she was like four to when she graduated, actually.

No judgments, but I have said before, obviously, I have a young child, and I've said that I tend to, if I'm the primary caregiver, like if I'm the only one looking after him, then I tend to go sober,

Fully sober in those situations.

But yeah, if I'm out with Ariel and Charlie and Ariel's there, then I will sometimes be playing with it.

It's fun to play with them.

This guy goes, same.

I asked any question that came to my mind and it answered them nine out of ten times.

Siri feels almost primitive in comparison.

So what I'm learning is

maybe Android guys just like talking on their phone.

That's why they have Android.

They want to be Tony Stark.

They want a Jarvis.

Yeah, they want Jarvis.

They want a Jarvis so bad.

They want to be like, Jarvis, pull up, like, pull up, uh, pull up best, like, CKY clips

while I'm driving.

Pull up Brandon DiCamillo, Chinese freestyle.

Oh.

Legendary clip from C.

I think that was from this.

Doing this with the fucking screen and everything.

Yeah, that.

I don't know.

It feels like.

that was it, by the way, that sketch was legendary

before I understood, you know, that that kind of thing.

I was a kid and saw that.

It was CKY2K.

Oh, yeah.

I showed my mom that.

I was like 11 years old.

I was like, yeah,

how did she react to it?

Did she like it?

Did not.

I think she did, like, probably did like it, but, like,

did not want to tell me, you know, because it's like, why, my 11-year-old should not be watching this?

Why are you watching this?

Yeah, I used to get that a lot.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I would show them Tim and Eric and stuff, and they like, they're huge Tim and Eric fans now.

Yeah, but they had to be like, dude, dude, stop.

Do not do that.

My parents, my mom would have been like,

you're fucking get out of here with that shit.

You know what I mean?

They don't like anything, though, except for sitting in a hot tub in the basement.

Yeah, they got a sick basement, hot tub.

Yeah, unfinished basement, hot tub.

It's unfinished.

the basement is unfinished the hot tub is completely yeah the hot yeah it comes pre-mit built they well it's an inflatable one I think it's an inflatable one

and it's sitting

it's an inflatable one and it's sitting on like green turf oh that's awesome like a green turf rug but then yeah like well it sucks because like I've never been in it I'm not getting in that fucking thing well now now I would I definitely wouldn't get it now because it it sort of was a scene of a pretty heinous sort of thing.

Pretty weird thing happened in it.

Yeah.

Somebody stayed in there too long.

Very long.

Long, long, the number you hear when you hear how long, and then they had to go to the hospital for a while.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Like a crazy amount of.

Did they fall asleep in the tub?

No.

No.

They were in there.

They could have gone out at any time.

Yeah.

They wouldn't get out of the gut.

They didn't have to.

That was the thing.

So

they have this rug, but like the rug doesn't go all the way to the stairs.

So like you still are on a concrete floor in a basement going up the wooden stairs.

Well, yeah, you got to bring your like Aquasax or whatever.

It's turf.

Your Crocs or whatever.

It is.

It's like on a big square of turf.

Yeah.

Like football field turf.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then there's a TV.

There's a TV.

Everything you're saying makes it sound better.

Yeah.

not.

How big is the TV?

How big is the TV?

Small.

It's an old TV that's.

CRT?

No, it is just past CRT.

Okay, okay.

So it's like an 06, like platform, like, oh, what are the projector screens?

You remember those?

Like the big flat screens with the big Mitsubishi?

Yeah.

You could fucking see shit on those if like it was daytime.

Oh, yeah.

If there was a little bit of sunlight, then you just had to like cancel your viewing.

That was the worst.

You can't watch Harry Potter a fucking

side.

My cable guy time coincided with the largest, heaviest TV.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I was a cable guy.

I never thought of that.

I never thought of your era as a cable guy.

You really were dealing with some absolute units.

Yeah, yeah.

That's why I said those Mitsubishi TVs.

They're like so, they're on wheels.

Yeah.

They had to.

But these motherfuckers, everything they plugged in, they plugged in with the smallest cord possible.

So

you try to pull the TV out and It's like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I got

the cable boxes falling down on you.

Yes.

Imagine dealing with that.

Imagine dealing with that.

And you're also on so many pills.

That's true.

I did.

But I did a good job.

I showed up early most of the time.

Drove on top of a client's Corvette with a van.

Well, he wasn't a client.

He was just a guy.

The client was his across-the-street neighbor.

Oh, I see.

So it was just a neighbor.

It was a completely innocent person who had nothing to do with it.

He tried to kick my ass.

He said he was going to kick my ass.

I had to lock myself in a van.

But after you did that,

that's not what an innocent man does.

That's what any normal man does.

Somebody drives on top of their prized cherry red Corvette.

Green.

The green corvette.

All right, that's a weird color.

He's like, ugly green, too, Pat.

It was such an ugly, not lime, like

almost a primer green.

And when I ran it over, I've said this before.

When I pulled the coffee, he's like, that's all original parts.

And I was like, come on, dude.

It was under a thing, and he wouldn't take the thing off when my manager came.

I was on the probation.

I had only been working there for two weeks when that happened.

It was.

Yeah, sorry to, and I apologize to the listeners who know this stuff, but just to clarify, the reason Brian wasn't fired is because his boss was also on a lot of pills.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, my bosses love me.

That was the thing.

It's like,

most jobs I have,

in the end, the boss hates me and wants me dead, obviously.

But that's like the honeymoon, the first three weeks.

There's a honeymoon period with all of them where they're like, hey, I like this guy.

I want to hang out with him,

every restaurant job I've ever had.

Yes.

Once they realize that I'm on my phone at the fucking register the whole time.

You get the job and you're like, ah,

this is easy.

I don't know what to do.

Brian Work Ethic bombed all of his jobs.

Where in the beginning, they're like, oh, look at this guy.

It's incredible.

And then just,

he's just, he's just, he's the worst.

He's the worst employee that I've ever heard of.

He really is.

Again, he recommended a guy to work at one of his jobs.

The guy got fired for jacking off at his desk.

By the way, that wasn't my fault.

That was his.

So I don't know what you were looking for.

Yeah, that is his fault.

You continued working there afterwards.

Where was I supposed to go?

I know, but everybody knew that you were the one who recommended.

It doesn't matter.

You can't be held responsible for the people that you recommend, especially if they've been there for like six months.

But I was friends with them and like I'll go with them afterwards.

Okay, that part was

forced.

I didn't ever like him.

I was never friends with him.

I said that.

I apologize.

He did an Italian accent all the way to work every day, and it was hell.

This guy says,

this guy, this comes up.

He says, the two iPads question.

This is the two iPads.

Oh, the trolley problem.

The famous two iPads question.

I, like many Apple fans, have a soft spot in my heart for the iPad mini.

However, I also want something practical that I can use as a temporary laptop replacement if my MacBook needs repaired.

This guy has $15,000 worth of stuff.

He's on every level.

Like he's just like, is there something between the mini and the iPhone Plus that's just a tiny bit smaller?

Like

the iPad mini is, and people say again, like, oh no, I love this and it's great and fair enough.

But to me, that one is crazy because it's just a little bit bigger than like the iPhone Plus, right?

Yeah.

Like, and it has the same capabilities as that without a phone.

Is that right?

I think so.

Yeah.

It's needs, he needs something between

that and the iPad that's too big.

You know, yeah, he, well, is that what he's actually saying?

Yeah, but for the cost of it, I could easily get a regular A16 iPad on sale for open box and a sixth or more likely used fifth generation mini.

So he's trying to buy a mini and he wants both.

Yeah, he wants to be.

He's like, obviously, I got a soft spot for the mini.

You know, the mini is the big go.

We love the mini, but it's like, you ever think about what if we got a mini, but it was a little bit bigger?

you know?

That's the idea that I kind of have.

I was wondering if they have an air, an

iPad medium.

Did they ever make that?

Did they ever consider it?

Yeah, we have an iPad in the house.

I don't use it.

Ariel has it.

I don't, we got one and no one uses it.

Yeah, ours doesn't get used that much anymore,

to be honest.

They'll give it to the kid in a couple years.

Well, no, that's not

the parenting I'm going to do, Brian.

We'll see about that.

Yeah, at the table at the restaurant.

Yeah.

The mini would be great for watching content and white noise when I sleep.

And I can use the iPad for everything else.

I'm not sure if that's a good idea, but do I really need a full-blown Air M3?

Do I really need Apple Intelligence?

It's a iPad adult.

You can get a white noise machine.

I know for the baby,

we have one, and it's like, it definitely costs less than an iPad.

What really?

An iPad mini that's just watching YouTube on before you go to bed.

And if that's a guy that's the two things he needs it for, can't you just use your phone for that?

What kind of obviously you have an iPhone, right?

Like, I can't imagine this guy doesn't have an iPhone.

I like to imagine he has no phone at all, but he just has like 15 iPads.

Yeah.

A lot of these guys have two phones or three phones to do things.

Like to do different things with.

We'll look into some of them later.

But like some guys are like, well, the old iPhone fits in a plastic baggie.

So I can.

What do you need that for?

For wet stuff.

For wet stuff.

Aren't they waterproof now?

Like, isn't the 15?

No, these guys are like going scuba diving with their phones.

Yeah, I guess they got scuba money if they can buy all these fucking phones.

Yeah, they got scuba money.

A guy replies and goes, for me, I don't need an Air M3, but I also don't need two iPads, six and mini.

What's an Air M3?

What's an Air M3?

I think that is

a computer, right?

They're M3.

MacBook Air.

Air.

That's a MacBook Air.

Yeah, that's a MacBook Air, and that's the chip, right?

Yeah.

I bet this guy also has the other big MacBook, too.

Like, it's not just MacBook Air.

He has another bigger one.

He probably has an iMac.

He's got to have a desktop as well.

He might have the Mac Pro, or like, I have the Mac Studio, which is very, very good that I'm on right now, but he probably has the Mac Pro.

It's like $8,000 or $10,000.

It's just like so outrageous.

Is that a little cube?

Yeah, the cube.

It looks the same as the studio that I have.

It's just a little cube.

It's nice.

It's like, yeah.

And then they have their, I'm not using the display, but that's where they get you.

It's like, this is a few thousand, like the studio is like a few thousand dollars, like $3,000 or something.

And the display that they have for it, the special display, is $3,000.

Oh, my God.

And I was like, fuck that.

I did some research and got like a Dell.

Got a monitor?

Yeah, a different monitor.

Hey, I bought a monitor.

It was nice.

A guy goes, for me, I don't need an ARM3, but I also don't need two iPad 6 and Mini.

Apple Intelligence is unpolished product, so no need to choose iPad for the sake of Apple Intelligence.

What software are you using for MacBook replacement?

Now he tells us what he's also going to use it for.

I mean to pay bills and stuff like that.

Don't like doing that on my phone.

Yeah.

No, I get it.

Like you got to pay your bill, like your credit card bill from all the iPads.

Like this guy's constantly paying iPad bills.

So before you start saying like, oh, he needs an entire iPad just to pay his bills.

Like, yeah, he's got a lot of bills.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He definitely,

he has to pay his computer bill.

Yeah, he's got, and then he's got a different, yeah, he's got his, he's probably got like, he's got different AirPods, I would imagine.

I mean, what I have AirPods.

I have a lot of Apple stuff.

I mean, I am an Apple guy, definitely.

I recently went back to PC when I, like, for editing and stuff like that and for streaming, like, five or six years ago.

But I don't know I've I guess I'm kind of an idiot because I've been an Apple guy for a while no it's not it's not I have an Apple phone yeah

no iPhone is different I think and I have an iPhone really standard I think that's really standard to have an iPhone believe me it's not I mean enough group chats

that are just completely ruined by the

one

you're just talking about one guy though with his big phone like you just what's his name so big dude he's a friend of mine oh he's a he's a current friend, so we don't call him.

He's current friend.

We don't call him by name.

We don't call him by name.

He's not one of my.

I bet you money.

Every one of the guys I hung out with growing up are using an Android phone.

There's no possible way any of those guys have an iPhone.

They probably think iPhone's gay.

Yeah, still, you think they're still about that?

Yes.

Like, you don't think Porno Sean has evolved his views at all on homosexuality?

We know Porno Sean hasn't because he was in the newspaper.

Oh.

His son wanted to carry a Blue Lives Matter flag onto the football field.

Wow.

And they said no.

And then he was in the newspaper like, our son should be allowed to, that's an American flag.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was it the Timu American flag that like, it's like the page wipe, and then you see the Blue Lives flag like underneath?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yes.

It would be nice if they, if he had a sneaky one that was like a

regular American flag with Velcro.

No, this was just an actual

Blue Lives Matter flag, just like the thin blue line or whatever one.

Yeah, and so I don't think his views have evolved at all.

But those are different issues.

Yeah, I mean,

you can be a gay police officer.

Yeah, who knows?

Who knows?

I don't want to say that Porno Sean is.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I don't think that's true.

Let's cheer Porno Sean out.

Yeah, hey, let's go talk to Porno Sean.

I don't want to talk to Porno Sean.

You won't let me talk to Porno Sean.

I don't know how to get a hold of him.

Oh, come on.

We know his LinkedIn.

It'll be easy to do.

That's true.

I do know his LinkedIn.

This guy goes, the last 40 years, 1980 to 2020, have been a technological ecstasy.

Every year, new inventions just made our worlds better and better.

The last five years, by and large, most, if not all, of our problems have have largely been solved.

Yep.

When I was a kid, this is an insane paragraph.

When I was a kid, I could have invented FaceTime.

I saw it on Star Trek.

I could also have come up with tens of other problems that we're looking for solutions.

Now, not so much.

They've all been solved.

Why didn't you?

Just a question for you, just out the gate.

Why didn't you invent FaceTime?

It seems like I was a cash cow.

I know.

Yeah.

You could have told an adult, hey, I came up with FaceTime.

Hey, I got to see two phones talking with a video.

Oh, but that's not, that's true, I guess.

It's like, that's different than inventing, I guess, right?

Because I have a lot of inventions that if that's the case, if that's what we're saying, no, I got inventions.

Like, it's just an idea.

It's like actually figuring out the science behind it or the, you know, the requirements.

That's the invention.

I have that billion-dollar idea of Chuck E.

Cheese for adults.

David and Busters?

It's Dave and Busters.

No, no, it's not.

It's a completely different thing.

Because there's going to be animatronics at my place.

Oh.

And they're going to be like the Beatles.

So it's going to be, it's just to be clear, it's going to be Dave and Busters, but then you're taking the animatronics part of Chuck E.

Cheese and bringing it in there.

But I'm going to make them like Led Zeppelin.

You know what I mean?

Oh, so you're gearing this towards a specific type of white man.

Yeah.

Like an old guy like that.

We could have other bands.

I'm just saying, like,

these guys would pay.

We know these guys would pay a ton of money to stand in a room while an animatronic plays

on.

Yeah.

Oh, and I was like,

and then, and then you have sort of nostalgic games from like their era as well, right?

Like, you're hitting all the baby boomers and stuff.

Yeah, you got a big pong, like giant pong or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

That's actually genius.

It's a billion-dollar idea.

But I don't know, Do they go out and spend money in that way, those guys?

Wouldn't they just rather go to a bar top and just kind of.

Well, there's going to be beer there, too.

And like,

with the animatronics, you're able to re-skin them with a different band.

You get what I'm saying?

You can skin the.

Oh, I see.

You can put them.

You can put a.

I see.

So they're just like,

yeah, a four-piece or whatever.

You have six of them, so then you can go up to a six-piece band or whatever.

You can unzip them and be like, oh, it's going to be rushed this month.

Oh, I like that as a Canadian.

Thanks for the Canadian respiratory.

This guy goes, Apple Silicon has been the most innovative hardware advancement in computing in my lifetime.

We've barely started to

scratch their potential.

I thought I read surface because he would say we barely started to scratch the surface, but he didn't say the surface.

He said scratch their potential.

Inventing a new phrase.

Yeah.

Because he doesn't want to say surface because that's Microsoft.

Oh, that's true.

That's theirs.

That's probably true.

He typed it out and then deleted it and sat there.

Yeah, I'm not saying surface.

That's their thing.

Yeah, honestly, you will get skewered in the comments if you say surface.

He's just like hitting himself in the head.

This guy thinks Tim Apple should fix Siri.

He goes, I just wish he would fix Siri.

My products, once excellent, are now merely very good.

I hate Alexa, too.

That's not bad.

I'm not complaining about very good.

Yeah, very good.

If the things go from like excellent to very good, I'm like, it's when they hit the like good to like fair.

When they get to fair,

fair from excellent, then I'm like, this is a problem.

Yeah.

Because I hate Alexa too, but tend to get better results.

For the first time in decades, I'm feeling a little deflated about my Apple ecosystem.

I want a new style phone, a working voice assistant, and the ability to use my products without constantly needing to update, reset, repair, and quote, hope,

find my will do what it says it will do when I lose my keys.

Just a rant.

Feel free to ignore.

Diehard Apple lover that's struggling to keep the spark alive.

Okay.

Damn.

Okay.

Yeah, that's the rant thing.

You'd know, Patrick, you.

Oh, and there's recently an injunction that was actually lifted, so I'm actually able to talk about this.

I used to do stand-up as well.

Well, the court says that I am, Brian, and you do stand-up as well, right, in New York City.

And so you know, you've probably gone on a couple of rants.

Oh,

trust me, I have.

Oh, you should try to if you this is one we this is what we try to incorporate this rant no just no no just if we learned from dennis leary that if you what you want to do at the end of your rant is you say okay

and then that will that that will hit so hard on stage i'm telling you uh okay

doesn't he doesn't he flick the cigarette too oh yeah yeah yeah he doesn't light it and he doesn't smoke the cigarette.

Because I was a smoker, a former smoker.

Yeah.

He used to do, it used to drive me.

I would watch him and he'd go,

yeah.

And it's like Andrew Dice Clay didn't smoke his cigarette the right way, but he looks so cool doing it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was the leather jacket doing a lot of the work.

Yeah, he's performing.

Dennis Leary just kind of

looked like a lizard.

Yeah.

Yes.

He kind of looks like a cartoon like salamander or some shit.

I love

his books.

Have you ever looked at his books?

He's got a book of tweets.

He's got two books of tweets.

Yeah.

One of them's called Why We Suck, and one of them is called Why We Don't Suck.

Oh,

that's kind of nice.

At first, I was like, come on, Dennis.

But then it's like, okay,

you're giving us both sides.

One of them is tweets about why America's good.

And the other one is tweets about why America's bad.

It's not like actually a book.

That's such a classic old guy.

Two books, dude.

This guy goes, I guess the question becomes, what problems have you got that you're keen for someone to invent a new product for?

All my hobbies, pastimes, social interactions are enhanced by tech already.

I simply can't imagine needing a new exciting thing to solve a problem I don't really have.

This guy is living the best life of anybody we've ever seen.

He is just like, everything's fixed.

There's nothing bad going on.

You know?

I've never picked up a newspaper yes i've never heard a guy say everything in my life like i would love to be that happy there's two guys i would like to be well i wouldn't like to be the second one but the guy that drives the cyber truck and doesn't care that everybody hates him like i would love that mindset of like i think that's a bad i don't think i know it is yeah yeah yeah but i would say that's good that's kind of like hey i

I like want to be thought of as evil or whatever, be hated by people.

Yeah, but you know, it's nice to not be self-conscious all the time.

That's the way I think of it.

Like, I wish I was a fucking idiot, man.

Yeah, I wish I was stupid as hell.

Yeah.

I saw the best Cybertruck in Park Slope the other day where it had four of the I bought this before Elon went crazy stickers on it.

And it's like, you know.

Well, Patrick, it makes it still makes you look like a rube.

You might as well just drive it without that.

No, I know.

Yeah, you have to do it.

Having four of them, having four of them on each door, it was each door of the thing.

It was like the two on the two on one side, two on the other.

It was like, what that came out last year when he was like chilling with Trump.

What are you talking about?

It's an ugly car that, like, now you're putting stickers all over it, too.

Right.

Which makes it even ugly.

It's like

trying to get those stickers off.

Yeah.

There's a guy in my neighborhood who had a cyber truck.

I saw it like down by the store, and he had his Instagram at

on the thing, and it was like a really obnoxious Instagram ad.

But I won't say it, but I did.

Yeah, no food clout.

It was hard not to go and cyber bully him online.

You know, I was like, that's not appropriate to do.

But I was like, thought about doing it.

And I was like, it's really not a good move.

It's so hated that, guard, that it's like, you're putting your ad.

Like, people are going to come and send you mean messages and stuff.

Especially driving a cyber truck.

Like, there's nobody saying nice things to guys that drive cyber trucks oh no absolutely not

it's so few people it's crazy the the the musk people the the ones that bought it because they love it there's so few of them now

and but they and and everybody hates them but they're the most they stick out more than anybody out there like they're out there like You can spot one from a mile away because they're driving that big, stupid truck.

Oh, yeah.

It's meant to stick out like a sore thumb.

Yeah, it doesn't look like any other car, like by design.

So, just everything about it.

Yeah, there's no hiding it at all.

It's just obnoxiously big.

And yeah,

I can't imagine the type of rich dip shit that would actually.

Let's take a look at this iPhone SE from 2016.

Yes, I like small phone devices.

He goes, I'm not ashamed to say it.

My OG SE even fits inside a tiny snack pack Ziploc bag for protection.

He's not ashamed, by the way.

Why does he need it in a Ziploc bag?

For going into the water, but that doesn't protect him from the water.

I don't know why.

Yeah, no, it doesn't.

I guess he just likes the way it fits in there.

It's kind of cute and cool.

Maybe he doesn't even put it in there.

He just wanted to show you how cute and small it is.

I guess that makes the most sense.

Listen, I always think about this with the iPhone.

The cases are ugly.

And you shouldn't have to have one because the phone does look kind of sleek without the case.

But I carried mine without a case for like two years.

And it was just like,

it just was fucked up all the time.

It was like constantly.

I cracked the screen a bunch of times.

And then I called us.

I did two screen because I was so broke and I needed a screen repair.

So I found the cheapest one.

And one of them was a guy that lived with his grandparents.

and you just went to his house, and he would leave you in the room with his grandparents, and he would go into the basement, and he would fix the phone, and he would come back up and give it to you, and you could leave.

And I didn't like that at all.

Were the grandparents nice?

Did you talk to them?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, yeah, they're grandparents.

It was like $30 cheaper, though.

And then the other one.

I pulled up to one of the dorms at Ohio State and a guy came out and he grabbed my phone.

He took it inside.

He fixed it and brought it back out of his door.

I mean, it's a good hustle.

This guy goes hard to watch the Reacher series on that screen or a movie.

Oh, hang on a second.

Got my ears perked up.

We're big Reacher heads.

We did a whole series, yeah, called Reacher Roundtable where we talked about the show Reacher.

And

I'm a huge fan of Jack Reacher specifically.

How are you supposed to watch Reacher on that small phone?

No, you can't.

It's honestly ridiculous because it's like you have to be watching that on a bigger screen to like appreciate the fight sequences and like his sheer like force brute force you are a big reacher hit

i love reacher so much but i have not even watched people want us to do a new reacher roundtable for the new season but i haven't even watched it yet because unfortunately i have a baby and all this i got a kid and i finished it

Well, I don't want to really get into why I haven't because it brings everything down.

So I'm just going to say I'm busy, all right?

Because been there, done that regarding a movie.

I remember when I had the 5S and getting tired of looking at such a small screen when Samsung had the Note 5 with a much larger screen.

Didn't those blow up, though?

Yeah, I think it was those ones.

Yeah, they blew up huge because of their big screen.

Everyone wanted to buy them.

No, no, no.

They literally

blew up.

Exploded.

Yeah.

I mean,

I do like, like, I bought a Plus this time, you know, before I had just the iPhone 12 12 and I bought the plus to get a bit of a bigger screen.

Patrick, if I did that, it would be,

he would be like, oh, you fucking idiot.

Why'd you buy the plus?

No, I wouldn't say that at all.

I'd take

a smart decision.

100%.

It's like when I bought soccer tickets.

No, I don't.

I don't say that.

Listen, the stuff I say that about is like when you buy 17 ice cream sandwiches online when you order them to get delivered to your house for like $100 something dollars.

That's That's what.

Not like it's like, oh, I would get the iPhone, but that would make sense.

While you get the plus, you just, what are you using the plus?

I could just picture it now.

People on the Twitch stream, what do you use the plus for?

But you would just say watching stuff.

Like that, it's totally.

I don't watch stuff on my phone.

I appreciate art the way it's supposed to be.

I only watch like YouTube videos at night and stuff.

I don't watch like, rarely do I watch TV shows.

I watch this.

Shout out to this YouTube channel that I watch, by the way.

It's called Five Guys FC.

It's these like British seven aside like rec league soccer.

It's a big channel with like a million subscribers, but it's just their matches.

Like where they have multiple cameras though.

And

yeah, it's super sweet.

And it's like there's always huge fights.

Like they play these crazy teams.

They're like swinging on them and trying to fight them and stuff.

Yeah, really, really interesting channel.

I actually swapped iOS to Android for a month.

Had to swap the Android due to camera issues.

Then Apple introduced the 6 Plus.

I returned the Android phone and got the 6 Plus.

The camera was good for the time, but I'd never go back to a screen that small.

Currently using two 16 Pro Max units.

Hopefully

yes.

Oh yeah,

he's using dual screen.

Wait, does he say what he says is he has two iPhone 16 Pro Maxes.

This is a guy disagreeing about the smaller screen being good

when you could get two 16 Pro Maxes.

Those are that's the Pro Max is huge.

Wait, I think it's the same size.

I think it is, right?

It's the same size as a Plus, I think.

It's just a Pro.

yeah yeah it's the pro but it's big it's big it's like

this is the iphone 12 pro max this thing was gigantic yeah yeah this smaller than my penis

what the hell

what the hell man

don't act this way with guests on the camera was good for the time but i'd never go back to that small currently using 216 pro max units hopefully the 17 pro max will be worth upgrading to so this guy's hoping that we can take more of his money.

He's like, please, please let me need that phone.

Like, invent a new thing now.

Yeah, this is really a different thing than, you know what I mean?

This is like people who are just compulsively buying this stuff because they need the new stuff and it's almost like an addiction or whatever.

Sorry, go on.

I'll tell you, Chris, this is my superhero movie thing.

Yeah.

Because a superhero movie comes out and I'm like, I got to see it before everybody else.

Yeah.

But I also don't care what happens in the superhero move.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

I don't want anybody else to see it before me.

I don't

think that people have stuff before me.

That's interesting.

I don't think I love seeing a movie early.

Like I talked about.

I'm seeing Superman early.

Oh, that's, I love that.

I love sneak preview.

I saw sneak preview of friendship, and that was like the greatest thing ever for me with like all the big fans of Tim Robinson in there.

But I love that, but I'm not looking at it like

I'm just like, it's exciting for me to be able to do that, but I'm not like, I need to do that before anybody else.

Like,

yeah, yeah, I know.

Back in the day, I saw Superbad like a month and a half before it came out,

and I was just telling my friends, like, this fucking movie is the greatest movie ever.

And I guess I kind of am like you.

I just realized I'm not, I'm trying to elevate myself above you, but that's basically, that's basically what I'm doing too.

I'm watching these movies early, and I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I know, it feels so good, it feels feels so good, especially when it's like the movie everybody's seeing.

And that, like, when, when, like I said, with Superman, like, everybody's gonna go fucking see Superman.

Can I be honest?

I mean, I, I just like, when I was like, I saw a sneak preview of Friendship, I was like, I was bragging so much.

I know you guys would be so impressed.

Well, I know, I've told Brian, I was like, hoping Patrick would be like, oh, sick, cool, very cool.

Like, that's why I said that.

Oh, I don't, I don't fucking, I don't go to the movies.

You never do.

When I do, when I do, it's like

immediately I'm so stressed out.

I don't know why.

I just hate going to the movies.

Is it like the huge loud sound?

Or the whole thing.

You know what it is?

The only movie theaters that I've gone to in the past

couple years, because every

good movie theater in New York is also a dine-in one.

I fucking hate the dine-in.

I hate the Alamo draft house.

I hate that shit, too.

I hate that.

You're watching the movie, and then it's like

the waiter comes by and is like, oh, did you get the Goju Jong sliders?

And it's like right in the movie.

Oh, I didn't.

It's like a really important part of the movie or whatever.

And the food is so good, too, where it's like, I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, well, fucking, I wish, like, now I want to order those.

And then I'm like, well, now I'm like distracted by like them.

Like, I think I'm just too ADHD to like fucking

do that.

You know,

I love watching movies on a plane.

Me too.

Oh, I watched all of Day of the Jackal on an airplane.

That's not me.

Oh, yeah.

I watched the accountant on a plane when we did our Toronto shows.

I watched The Accountant on the way over, became obsessed with it.

Went and saw The Accountant, too, in theaters.

Yeah, a plane movie is when you really get into a plane movie and it really sort of like takes.

Because you're being held hostage.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

And it's like, oh, all right, fine.

I'll watch the Saturday Night Live movie.

Yeah.

How was that, by the way?

How was that?

Oh, I didn't.

I was just pulling that up as an example.

That's the perfect plane movie, though.

Yeah, it really is.

That's a great plane movie.

I would never watch it anywhere else.

Yeah, no,

when you watch that movie, you do take the power back a little bit, right?

Like, you're like, they're taking you hostage, but it's like, now I'm kind of taking control of it.

Yeah.

Yeah, watching what I want to watch.

Oh, I watched

all of Monsters University on a plane.

I think I was going.

Where is I going?

I think I was going to San Francisco or something, and I was like, hold on, pretty good.

Did you see the original?

Yeah.

Yeah, when I was like really young.

My wife and I went to Alaska and I looked over and she was watching Bo is Afraid.

Oh, I like that movie.

I was like, why are you watching that?

It's a great movie.

I saw that in the theater, but I saw it at a fucking, I saw that at a dine-in.

And then I was like, why, like, the first like 20 minutes is so stressful.

And then it was like, I forgot that I ordered chicken.

Chicken sandwich sliders.

There's a place here that my wife will not go to with me because she says I get mad every time.

And I do get mad every time, but I feel like I'm not being like

mean or anything.

I'm just mad because it's a dying place.

Yeah.

The food is so bad.

Yeah.

But I told her, I was like, I think the food's good.

Let's give it a try.

I did this like six times and it was never good.

Why did you do that?

Because I wanted it to be good.

I wanted to have dinner at the movie theater.

I wanted that to happen.

And it just couldn't happen.

But here's their setup, though.

You walk in, the guy that's ripping tickets is also running a full bar.

Oh.

So it takes so long to get in.

Yeah.

And then once you're in, if you do order food, they're like, yeah, just come back out in 15 minutes and pick it up.

Well, the movie.

Oh, they don't bring it to the table.

Yeah, no, they don't bring it to the table.

You're just supposed to leave?

Yes.

And then you'll get out there and they're like, it's not quite done yet.

Come back in five minutes.

It's It's shocking how bad it is.

But it's also very close to my house.

That would make me so mad.

Yeah, sitting there just like, is it fucking ready at all?

I wouldn't like that at all.

That's why I'm crazy.

Patrick, I'm just like against the whole.

They don't have a lot of those like in Vancouver.

I just want to say I saw Bo Was Afraid and somebody, I think the star, what's his name?

Joaquin Phoenix said like, don't take mushrooms and go watch this movie or whatever.

Like, definitely don't do that.

And then I was like, I thought he was like messing around, kind of, and he was like trying to wink and say, like, you should do it.

So I took a bunch of mushrooms and went and saw it.

And yeah, it was like, wow.

I live tweeted it actually while it was happening.

I got like really high on mushrooms.

I really had a good experience, but it was very scary.

Like very, very scary.

Oh, yeah, the paint drinking scene.

Yeah, man.

It was so.

Well, that's you watching that.

And then it's like, you see somebody get like coconut shrimp.

Like what?

Like, I'm like, I'm invested in this fucking scene, and then I'm like looking at the coconut shrimp and I'm like, that looks kind of good.

Yeah.

They don't mix, man.

And the smells and stuff, too.

Yeah.

Right?

Like, the smells of food.

Like, it's just, it doesn't mix.

The only thing they should have is fancy popcorn.

They should just have like every place should just have like different, if it's a dined-in place like that, it should just be different variations of fancy popcorn.

It should be giant pretzels.

We have shakers.

We have shakers.

You guys have shakers at your.

Yeah, we've got shakers.

My go-to is a salt and vinegar shaker shaker on my popcorn.

It's really nice.

Really nice.

So this person says, the cheese one.

This person says,

the thing, quote, I'm not upgrading until they make another small

phone crowd doesn't seem to grasp is devs are

going to go back and revert all their code to render apps on tiny screens.

This guy replies, he goes, paraphrasing field of dreams.

If Apple builds it, they will come.

Have other phones, but still rocking the 2016 SE.

Love how it slips easily into my pants pocket, how easy it is to hold, and how it works with the classic standard Apple white-wired earbud.

Camera's fine.

Phone calls a peach, and most of my apps run just fine on it.

Have a 32-inch TV for movies and TV shows, unlike many.

We've never watched them on a phone.

Hey, chill out, man.

Chill out with that setup.

32-inches.

I mean, so you've got a home theaters.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be making fun of it.

32, though, to watch movies seems insane to me.

That's like a very, that's like a real small TV.

This guy, now they're talking about what to watch movies on.

He goes, of course a 13-inch iPad would be better, but watching a movie on a 6.9-inch screen is easily doable, especially if that's all you have with you and you're using Apple AirPods or AirPods.

AirPods

or Bose-Ultra earbuds.

Oh, my God.

It's simple to watch a movie during lunch at a cafe or restaurant using the iPhone.

Besides, anytime you take video on your phone, you go back and watch it.

That doesn't happen.

I'm sorry.

Nobody watches their videos.

I do sometimes, only the ones of Charlie or whatever, occasionally.

But do you ever watch the concert you went to?

Oh, I went to this concert.

I filmed a little bit.

I'm going to go back and watch it.

Better than that.

Listen, I don't actually film at the concert because I like to live in the moment, not like

zombies with their fun.

You guys are all like that as well?

Oh, yeah oh yeah if i'm at a concert i'm going crazy yeah

what was the last concert you went to brian metallica

oh oh yep metallica

by the way brian i shared it on instagram there was this video that's circulating of james hetfield like taking one of his breaks in between songs and he looks so exhausted and he's drinking a big coffee and he's just like sitting down on the steps and it's like oh man he's like he seems like he's he's maybe nearing the end of this And I guess I like shared that so it started feeding me more of that material because I don't follow anyone on Instagram.

And it gave me the video of AC DC.

You guys gotta look at this.

AC DC video is so funny.

I think I've seen this one.

The one where

it's Angus like playing the Thunderstruck solo.

Yeah, and he's just going, ah, ah.

And then they're so funny.

He's doing the like the one-handed thing, and it doesn't sound right.

Yeah, man.

It's really.

It's like retired.

It was really funny that like all the comments on that Instagram, because they're saying people are saying it's time to hang it up or whatever for ACDC because it's like sad to watch or whatever.

All the comments are these old rock and roll heads like Michael Nolan being like, who dared to tell these living legends when they need to hang it up?

That's what's funny is.

Like most of us want to read, you know, I want to be done.

I don't want to do anything, you know, but those guys,

they're having the fucking best time.

Their job is having a good time yeah they love doing it and you can't tell them like

maybe don't like you're done you know what i mean like angus young kiss has the right idea what no kiss i've never heard somebody say kiss has the right idea they have the right idea where they're they're like i mean they're like going there they're on a never-ending farewell tour pretty much yeah and their only thing now is selling kiss army merch so it's like an unlimited they they figured out the unlimited money glitch from boomers yes

It's just like they have the they have the fucking have you seen the kiss coffin?

Yes, yes.

The credit card is the case.

Yeah, they famously have every there's like this crazy like limited edition thing I remember that they were selling for like $75,000 and it was like not it was just like a you know some

like keepsake or whatever.

And yeah, they just have recognized that there's these people who are obsessed with them and that it's their whole personality.

You get the masks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I, and and you know there's always that thing where they're they could franchise kiss out yeah because they have that they they've changed him out a bunch already right like a bunch yeah they just mostly got that they mostly just got

yeah creepy gene I think is mostly running the show he's my favorite thing my favorite thing to look at with old old rock bands is the young guys that they like we had Pat Finnerty on a couple weeks ago oh yeah Pat Finnerty's great he's so funny and one of the things he said is when you do one of these tribute bands,

that or like when you work, when like the guess who only has like one guy left from the guess who, but they always hire like 45 or 50-year-old guys.

So they still look,

they don't look out of place on stage.

They could have been in the band.

They maybe could have been the guys in the band.

Whereas, yeah, like, right, if you have these super young guys, it's really obvious.

Like, well, that guy's obviously not an original member.

Oh, yeah, like the journey lead singer.

Yeah, like you just need good optics sometimes for that.

But I guess sometimes it is hard maybe to find like old guys that can play like that and like do the touring and stuff.

That's my favorite, like the tour photos of the Beach Boys, like the current lineup, where it's like none of them except like most of them are gone, and then it's Mike Love just in the front.

And it's all these guys in like the most like affliction button-downs.

It's so wear.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

All musicians wear like affliction and like pants from the buckle.

It's like so

because they, that's just what you're supposed to look like.

You're not supposed to look like that if you're a regular guy.

But the beach boys, but the beach boys having those kind of guys like Michael with those kind of guys is really, really good.

Like they couldn't even sick.

Like, hey, can you guys like throw on some fucking Hawaiian shirts or something?

It's kind of our whole thing.

It's so funny.

Like, they've got it down to a science, I think, because I said this about when I went to that festival and corn played.

Oh, yeah.

My brother is like,

this is really good, man.

I can't believe they're all still together.

They're not.

Fieldie isn't in the band.

He's a bass player.

They just hired a fat guy.

that looked kind of like him and he's up there just playing the bass like fieldie and it's like they just you got to hire a fat guy that's smart

yeah if it's not the main guy or whatever and you're replacing not the main guy you gotta get a look.

It'll

most of the people will be like, whatever.

But then all of a sudden it's like, oh, it was like a, you know, it was like

a big, huge, tall, red-headed Irish guy.

And then now you got like a skinny little short Italian.

Everyone's gonna be like, what is going on here?

I really like these guys are getting into a fight now.

We'll get out of here in a minute.

I want to read this fight.

This guy goes, just because you don't like small phones, it doesn't mean anything.

Many people would like to buy smaller phone, but Apple isn't offering one.

So they use older small phone or forced to buy whatever available.

Sky responds to that.

He goes, just because you like tiny phones, it doesn't mean anything.

Tolerant of others much?

Your intolerance is showing.

You intolerant bastard.

You want a small phone.

I do too.

I want to be fair.

I don't think technology was supposed to get bigger.

No.

I think it was supposed to get smaller.

That's what we wanted.

I mean, I'm going to get the brain, Elon Musk brain thing as soon as it's available anyway.

Oh, yeah.

I need that.

Yeah.

This guy goes, I like my 13 mini a lot.

I'll probably keep it until Apple cuts to support or it dies.

I'm not expecting Apple to develop a new small phone as a favorite me.

But it would be nice.

I have very little interest in how big phone people feel about small phones.

Oh, shit.

This isn't.

So it's like, well, yeah, of course.

It's like, yeah,

know, you're a BP.

You're a big phone kind of guy.

Like, I'm not going to literally, you obviously don't.

I'm trying to think.

I think I, for a while, it was getting smaller, right?

It feels like it went down.

It got like pretty small.

And then everyone was like, oh, no, it's getting too small.

We can't see the stuff.

We want to see the stuff.

That's what it felt like, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because everyone's, I think that what happened was when people started watching stuff on their phones is when it started getting big again.

Yeah.

This guy goes, the big phone people do not understand why the small phone people get upset either.

It was just stating my preference and why I preferred larger phone, and a little phone person went on the attack.

Oh, that's classic little phone.

That's classic.

Always causing fucking trouble.

Small phone complex.

Small phone complex.

Although, they love the small phone.

They want a teeny tiny phone.

Yeah, they don't want a phone that's so...

I don't know what this is from, but it's like from a sketch.

The guy's got the smallest Zoolander.

He's only had Zoolander.

That's what I, yeah, that's a little bit more.

That's a little tiny one.

Yeah, the tiniest little phone.

That's what I picture when these guys are talking about their phones.

I would take one of those.

It'd be so sick.

This small phone guy.

It would be really easy to lose, though.

I feel that.

Yeah.

This small phone guy goes, now even finding pockets big enough is a challenge.

Well, try Jankos.

I mean, just get yourself some big.

It's simple.

Don't get a smaller phone.

Get bigger jeans.

This guy's got to study fashion as well because big jeans are actually.

They are coming back crazy.

Janko's doing

like campaigns and shit yeah i jenko's back big i thought about getting them but i'm just like i can't i first of all i don't wear any baggy stuff i wear like lululemon pants and shorts

uh this guy goes this isn't an i hate small phones thread yet you have appeared in the fashion of a troll to negatively express your viewpoint way to read the room oh shit yeah yeah you're you basically thought you were amongst your people but you're not basically.

You appeared in the fashion of a troll.

I love that.

Sir, you've appeared in the fashion of a troll.

This guy goes, yes, but these threads

by and for small, these threads are by and for small phone users.

We don't bomb big phone threads and talk about how lousy big phones are.

So this is a war.

This is a war between small phones and big phones.

I did not realize.

Like, honestly, I had no idea that this is.

I have no idea.

And it feels like big phones are winning at the moment, right?

Like, it feels like small phones are really struggling to have any kind of.

Yeah, they don't.

I haven't seen a small phone in a long time.

I have not seen a small phone.

I'm a small phone guy.

You're a small phone guy.

I'm a big phone guy.

I am.

This is the perfect size for me.

This one.

It's too big.

That's too big?

I think it is.

I think it should be a touch small.

Like, that guy that put it in a Ziploc bag, he's got the right idea.

You just want to put your phone in a bag.

I don't want to put my phone in a bag.

This is actually

that idea.

I'd go see Louis C.K.

and get a yonder bag.

Wait, you use Louis C.K.

as the reference for Yonderbag?

I think he usually gets referenced in a different way.

They usually say Chappelle or Rogan for the Yonderbags.

Oh, Rogan's doing the Yonderbags too?

well, at the mothership, they do the.

Oh, that's.

Have you not been out to the Mothership to do Kill Time?

I went next to it.

But you should have.

Oh, you didn't.

And you didn't think that.

Oh, because

if I went to the Mothership or anywhere near the Mothership, I would be fucking so.

I got a picture out in front of it, I think.

Take that out of the picture of me and Dan Lakata.

Do you know?

Oh,

he's been out of the way.

He came out to Columbus and had me show him around for a project.

Oh, yeah.

And, like, I was like, I'm going to take him to all these cool places and stuff.

And he was like, I'm actually kind of looking for boring places.

So I just ended up.

Take me to Skyline Chili.

Yeah, it was.

Yeah, yeah.

It was for a Joe Parra's show, right?

Right?

Oh, yeah.

They're making a show about a guy from Ohio because Joe Parra stayed in Columbus and like he said it was like kind of a crummy condo or something, but it was right across the street from an Indian mound burial ground.

And he thought it was so crazy to be in like these new mixed-use, like a bar right across from like a thing that's like a very real thing.

Uh, this guy goes,

They're talking about the bezels now, and he goes, I'd rather wear a shirt without a spot on it than a shirt with a spot on it.

Plus, Titch ID, so the black thing at the top is a very big deal with people on your iPhone.

This stupid black thing up top.

top oh yeah yeah yeah they hate it why the big phone people hate it and so do the small the soft the the small phone people use it as a reason to get at the big people you know what i mean so that's why this guy goes i'd rather wear a shirt without a spot on it than a shirt with a spot on it which by the way what does that mean show me the shirt i mean i wear shirts with all kinds of stuff

yeah he i think he's saying like a stain they're they're they're referring to that black thing as like a stain it's annoying and this guy goes plus touch id is better than face ID.

Imagine a movie theater screen with a notch or an island.

Imagine watching TV with a notch or an island on it.

It's ridiculous.

I'll never buy a Mac with a notch.

I'm holding on to my SE3 until they release a full-screen iPhone.

But what happens when it stops working?

What are you going to do then?

Probably going to just hold on to it to a full screen.

Yeah.

Chris, we're trying to get a full screen iPhone.

I mean, I've never really noticed it.

Like, I notice it, but it's like, it doesn't really obstruct very much of your view of the screen.

Yeah.

No, it annoys me.

I will say that.

And finally, our last post for this very fun episode.

This guy goes, Apple may care about diversity, but they forgot about the diversity of hand sizes.

Now, I made sure that was real.

Yeah.

I checked the...

They're very real.

They're saying, like, you know, Apple does these DEI things, but they don't even fucking care about my small hands.

It does.

Okay, I thought he was complaining about big hands because when I did have the 12 Pro, I developed, like, I would have to hold it like this.

Yeah.

And I developed this lump right here.

I'm trying to.

On your finger.

Yeah, I know why.

I stopped the way I like I stopped holding it that way.

Yeah.

Because I noticed it was like, I was like, oh, this probably isn't good for my finger or whatever.

So I started holding it in like a different way.

I had to do, yeah, I sized down because of how fucking big the lump got.

It was like this, and it had like, it was like a phone callus.

You say you sized down?

Yeah, this is the.

I'm a big phone guy.

I thought I had an ally.

I thought I had a big phone ally.

No, no, I sized down.

Fuck.

That's sad.

Yeah, sorry.

You small phone people.

You just said you're a phone.

You're a small phone guy.

I'm a big phone guy.

Well, I am.

That's the thing.

They keep giving me big ones.

They keep giving me big ones, and you know I love my phone.

I know you love big ones as well you love to suck on it i got it

oh

we're not talking about the titty thing we're talking about my big huge penis

all right everyone thanks so much for all right patrick it's our podcast about list you got anything you would like to plug um i guess i mean i'm doing some shows in new york uh there's a i got a show at life world

uh it's me my friend uh alex forrest and my friend neil linski well i would say almost certainly this will come out after that from the way we we record.

But when does it come out?

Let's check.

Oh, that shows July 13th.

I think this will be out by then.

Okay.

Because, okay, so it might be even then.

Hey,

I'm going to be promoing it.

Check me out online.

This will be on the 8th.

Oh, this will be on the 8th.

Perfect.

That's actually perfect.

So, yeah, dude, if you live in New York, obviously, I mean, you probably, most of our audience probably knows Patrick.

He's coach.

He's very funny.

We had on, we haven't had on, who have we not had on from the podcast?

There's one person Caleb on.

Yeah, we had Caleb.

We haven't had Cam.

Yeah, we got to get Cameron on.

We got to get Cameron on.

Yeah.

And I feel so guilty.

I feel so guilty because

Cameron did not.

It's got to talk about poop.

No, Caleb.

Caleb does.

He got to talk about poop.

Because we were doing museum guys and we were reading reviews of museums.

And you're not going to believe this, but there's crap all over the place in those things.

So you didn't get as gross of an episode as usual.

I did right before.

Yeah, well, I mean, we talk about poop on our show all the time.

It was refreshing.

It was refreshing to not talk about poop.

Yeah, this is a very

fart guys.

Yeah, and it was so divisive.

Yeah.

That like I'm nervous to play anymore.

Well, I'll tell you about the fartologist when we get out of here.

We'll see you all next week.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.