Guys: Episode 123 - Cryptozoology Guys with Gareth Reynolds

Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys.

I'm Brian

and my co-host this week, DBJ.

Hi, buddy.

Buddy, how you doing?

Oh, man.

So bad.

Hey, shut up.

I haven't even introduced you.

People aren't supposed to know you're here yet.

This is like when you're like, you take a little break from work and they got a guy filling in for you, but now he's like, everyone likes him a lot more than you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm just excited for this new era of guys with the three amigos, basically.

That's going to be so, it's going to be so exciting for all of your listeners to get to know me really, really well over the course of the next six months.

But But I'm excited about that.

Thank you for being here, DBJ.

Obviously, Chris is back, so we don't need to talk about him.

And our guest this week, so fucking excited because he's another guest that impresses my wife.

Gareth Reynolds.

Hi, Gareth.

Hi.

Well, first of all, that's great.

And also, it's nice to be here for the first episode of the full rebrand.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I know,

Chris, I'm another huge winner.

Hold on a second.

Sorry.

Well, no, no, sorry.

But I just am saying it's nice.

It's nice to be here for the new energy.

Chris, I know you're excited.

I know there was a money dispute.

I've cut the money a different way now.

Chris makes a little less.

DBJ makes a little more.

The only way to solve a money dispute is to bring in a third party.

Yeah.

No, it's very nice to be here.

Yeah, I just think we don't have all.

We could talk about a lot of this stuff off the podcast or whatever.

I don't know what there is to talk about.

I mean, it's not my world, but I don't know what there is to talk about, quite honestly.

That's fair.

So this week, I wanted to get a good fun episode and bring Chris back.

Gareth, I wanted to give him a big episode because he's a big guest for the show.

Okay, just and listen, let's not feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on him in the beginning of my life.

My wife is so impressed.

But I have to say that every time every time it's a guest that would impress people in my family, I really like to let them know that.

Because then when Nate listened to the episode, they'll be like, oh, he knew that was impressive.

Yeah, he told about

that.

He talked about that to me.

He talks about it to me a lot as well.

Like,

my wife doesn't like you.

My wife, I talked to, well, my wife.

I do talk to my wife as well.

But I talked to your wife.

I sent your wife a nice happy Mother's Day on Mother's Day, and she was very appreciative of that, actually.

All right, enough of this shit.

We are doing cryptozoology, guys.

Now, this is a different sort of episode because I'm not going to do Sasquatch, guys.

My plan here is to talk about guys that consider themselves cryptozoologists so that later on I can do a Sasquatch Guys episode, maybe a Loch Nest Monster Guys episode.

Like, I cleaved off a tiny little area.

I made it a very narrow focus because they're weird guys.

Kind of odd.

I would have thought you would have got cutting a huge slab off for our massive guest, Gareth, but that's cool if you just want to go with the tiny sliver.

It better be good.

That's all

I'll say.

There's some very weird guys.

These guys are.

I hate to say this, everybody, but these guys are kind of strange.

I'm just going to say it.

They have some very strange.

I don't know if you're right at all.

They have some very strange politics, and they also have some very strange beliefs about what's going on in the world.

I do think that you're right that there is, excuse me, there is a difference between like a cryptid guy and a Bigfoot guy, and then the cryptozoology guys is a specific kind of thing.

Maybe explain it to me then because I'm not sure that I understand the distinction.

I'm with Chris.

Yeah.

Well, do you want to take it, Brian, or I can give you a call?

Okay, well, Brian, you take it and then DBJ, you can come in and say what it actually is.

I'll explain it in the way I see it in my mind is like we kind of goof on guys who follow Bigfoot around.

I want to be clear.

I don't believe in Bigfoot.

That made it sound like I believe that there are guys that follow Bigfoot around and Bigfoot is real.

But there are guys who do that that follow around, like trying to find him, essentially.

They're out in the wilderness because that's where he is.

He's in the wilderness, and they're out there just exploring, which isn't that bad.

You want to just love hiking and stuff.

My favorite Bigfoot thing that they think is true about Bigfoot is that Bigfoot loves pushing over trees.

That's like

that's huge for them about Bigfoot is that Bigfoot love going up to rotten trees and pushing them over.

At least they're rotten.

So they're hulky.

I have a friend who actually,

he's evolved over the years, but he's a bit of a Bigfoot chaser.

His name's Steve Berg, and

he's on my podcast all the time because he's always got updates on

things.

But even just this last weekend, he was out there and you'll be like...

like his his views evolve over the years to now where i'll be like so what is he and he's like honestly i think he's an interdimensional traveler

that's the thing whoa now now Garrett the cryptozoology community would be furious at him for that that is not they don't want to hear about dimension

it's a science no UFOs these are scientists we're talking about right okay

they're scientists that that that are trying to discuss there's a big dispute let me explain the dispute first there's one side that's like all right I think these bigfoots might be interdimensional beings that's

like your friend.

Yeah.

And then there's the other side that's like, you're making us all fucking look bad by saying you think Bigfoot are interdimensional beings.

Oh, yeah.

They're like, we just want, yeah, we don't want people to think we're crazy.

Yeah.

It's like how Christian, like, people who go to church on Sunday feel about like

Pentecostalists.

Yeah, exactly.

You got to stop with the snake stuff.

It's like, we're just trying to have a hang on a Sunday.

Would you please?

You're going crazy.

Come on.

They're like, nah, poison doesn't affect us.

So, Jesus.

Now, we're going to see both sides of the argument, obviously.

But the first thing I found,

because I was like, there's no way anybody believes this.

When you say that, you know, somebody's going to believe it in the back of your mind.

You know, somebody's going to believe it.

But this guy just says, what happened if scientists find living dinosaur?

Well, I'm not trying to bring it all back to my buddy, but when I asked him what he was doing last week, because he was going to Wisconsin, he told me he was investigating a pterodactyl attack that happened in 1913.

That's

fucking amazing.

That's still a while ago, though.

Yeah, I don't know how long they live, but it's like, that doesn't mean they're around now.

No, no, it's true.

The extinction could have happened in the last hundred years or so.

The extinction of

the break.

But he goes, it's highly unlikely that living non-avian dinosaurs still survive today.

But let's say a group of...

By the way, it's highly unlikely.

I know that people think birds are dinosaurs.

They're not.

They're birds.

alligators and stuff though nope they're alligators living uh they're find a living dinosaur in central africa rainforest and even taking pictures and dna samples of that living dinosaurs how would all the scientists in the world react and how would the dinosaur fandom react so we're looking into the fandom i think

the dinosaur fandom would be overjoyed i think

they would be excited yeah what would that what would be negative about that for them that would be the best day of the day.

I guess the fantasy would be shattered, right?

Like the romance might go away if they saw it for me.

Maybe it was like if it was really kind of unimpressive.

Yeah.

That'd be the best.

It just kept eating its own shit and just like jacking off.

Jesus Christ.

This is the Jackodactyl.

Yeah, it's like

what's that thing called?

I forget what they were called.

It was on some South Park episode.

Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

With Pat Duffy as his letters?

No, it's like the dumbest alien ever.

Yeah, but yeah, if it was just like you guys remember South Park, yeah,

that would be the best if they found one, and they're like, Jesus Christ, Scuzzlebutt.

If they found Scuzzlebutt, that was their big thing, and it had his leg was made out of Patrick Duffy, and he just walked around.

But anyway,

I used to think that was the funniest show.

I did too.

I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard in my life when they were.

Well, it's funny because back then it was funny, and then it just got so much funnier that when you watch it, you're like, that wasn't their best stuff.

But

Patrick Duffy, though i didn't even really know you know what i mean but i was like patrick duffy has his leg oh my god but i didn't really know patrick duffy you know idealistically if we somehow did find living dinosaurs i would hope there would be laws and regulations to protect the animal so we can learn as much as possible and then a guy responds with a genuine concern as long as it's not a meat eater

oh yes again this is these are the same kind of guys we we encounter them quite a bit in different areas where they they just watch a lot of movies or whatever and then they envision themselves all of their fantasies are just movies that they've seen you know they're like they take different plot elements from different films maybe i'm reading too much into it when he says as long as it's not a meat eater but is him just saying that little thing implies to me that he's imagining himself having to defend himself against this dinosaur yeah most definitely

running away and some sort of a you know possibly he's on the toilet and then the trannosaurus rex terrorists

i saw a documentary that actually showed this scene just like that was that's exactly what i was thinking like the minute somebody's like the minute they announce oh there's a meat-eating dinosaur and it's alive like millions of people picture themselves as newman sitting on the toilet getting eaten by the tyrannosaurus

sitting on the toilet

you fucking movie guy

once again reaffirming that i am the movie i love the guy on the podcast i love movies This guy goes, I mean, there are a lot of animals that eat meat and even hunt humans that we try to preserve.

I don't think a dinosaur would be any different.

Well, tigers.

Tigers do hunt humans, but that's one.

That's a weird way to phrase.

They hunt humans.

They're not like making a plan.

They'll attack humans.

I would say tigers in villages and stuff, that once they realize that they can kill humans and how easy it is compared to other prey, they're like, oh, my God.

They'll start hunting.

Like, there are man-eating tigers that have killed like hundreds of, like, they really do start hunting humans for sure.

But that's only one breed of animal.

Like, that's only one animal.

Well, he does get three answers.

Well, he gets an et cetera, too.

Bears, sharks, lions, et cetera.

And then the guy just responds.

He doesn't know.

He doesn't even say tigers.

He doesn't even use the what?

I think he thinks lions and tigers are the same thing.

Yeah.

Which they are.

Okay.

Yeah.

Basically.

Roughly.

Lions

sometimes as well.

Yeah.

The guy that says that goes, no,

as his response.

Wow.

No, they can't.

No.

So, yeah.

He goes, a guy goes, there really isn't that much data on dinosaur behavior.

And going back to the original point, discovering a dinosaur in modern ages would call a lot of science into question, as well as give opportunities to learn about new things.

At the end of the day, it's still an animal.

It could probably be captured and kept in captivity long enough and tagged for geolocation.

So, yeah, pretty sure sure conservation would be at the top of any scientist's mind.

And our guy responds and goes, not to be aggressive, but I did not ask that question.

Wow.

That guy hunts, man.

Wow, man.

Listen, this is a great fan.

When I was a little kid, this was my number one fantasy that I had.

I'm not even kidding.

It was just seeing.

Seeing a podcast?

Me too.

I was in the same.

I didn't understand what my vision was.

If it happens.

It did.

And it was like.

Seeing a dinosaur.

Seeing a dinosaur in

I would drive down the highway or whatever, and I would just imagine looking out and seeing a Tyrannosaurus Rex, like what that would be.

I just thought that was the coolest idea.

But I think I grew out of it when I was like about nine or ten years old.

So when I started smoking, you grew out of it.

Yeah,

exactly.

Yeah.

Do you think it would feel good to like run over a dinosaur, like a velociraptor?

And obviously it's a meat eater, so it's ethical.

I would definitely not not like that.

I can't imagine some people who live in rural areas.

I can't imagine hitting

a present.

It's a threat.

Well, here's less of a conversation.

Here's a lot of people's responses in a row here.

Fergus, the guy goes, It would obviously be reclassified as a living species.

Obviously, it is an amazing word to be using in any part of this conversation.

I love the next slide.

He goes, and a lot more expeditions for cryptids would be funded across the world.

Yeah, it would be huge funding, obviously.

Yeah.

Definitely.

It would be awesome.

It would be, it would be, and then we'd start discovering all of them.

And because, you know, they've all, and how about maybe we can make the first one that we find, we could make it like a big star, and then maybe the other ones would be, they would want to come out.

They wouldn't be as scared.

Oh, we can't kong him.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great.

Looks like he's a superstar.

Maybe the Ohio Grassman.

There's some room for him.

He's a judge on the voice.

It's time for the Arkansas skunk ape to show up.

The skunk ape keeps turning his chair during the hosting segment.

I don't think he understands the point of the voice.

He's discussing the button over and over again.

Skunk Ape, are you trying to say that you want Carson Day?

We're very confused as to what you're saying.

Skunk Ape.

Jesus Christ, he's masturbating again.

He's masturbating with his shit.

Cut to commercial.

Leading scientists would definitely cope hard on years of saying it's scientifically impossible

by saying something like that.

God, to throw it in their face would be such a great moment, though.

And by saying something like, well, they might not really be dinosaurs.

So he knows what they were going to say immediately.

Like,

you know, these aren't dinosaurs.

And it's like, we all know they're fucking dinosaur scientists.

Get ahead of it.

Yeah, I would go.

It would go extinct in a few years for trophy hunting and medicinal bones.

What the fuck?

That is shock.

Medicinal bones?

That was a CBS show, wasn't it?

That is a shocking.

The specificity is phenomenal.

I know.

That is so amazing.

That blew my mind because, like,

the idea of it just grinding up dinosaur bones and being like, take this.

It might do something for you.

Yeah, exactly.

exactly the amount of like trial and error that you'd have to have so many bones I guess they're huge I guess they

would be so human to find out that they had medicinal purposes and just over harvest like the two we found so quickly that we're like well that's the end of that

this guy goes I think the government would hide their existence and then he gets a response from a guy that's like which government and why

he goes to not scare people and I think all governments probably would I think they're try hiding a lot of things from people.

Yeah.

He gives a reply and goes, I don't think they give a shit.

Would be so much more effort to do that than to just say, hey, look, there are a couple of big lizards, much like the already surviving big lizards the government doesn't care about.

Seems like you guys make stuff up to make the world more interesting.

And he gets a reply that says, maybe you're right about the first part, but no.

I mean, who knows what it's really out there?

I try keeping an open mind.

These guys have the most open minds you've ever heard of in your life.

I mean, maybe too open even.

Obviously, for stuff like vaccine, their mind is very close, but they're very open.

Well, that's the problem.

You only have so much openness in your mind.

So if you're super open for that stuff, you have to close off other parts of it.

It also seems like it's close to them being wrong or stupid.

Like they don't want to let that into their brain either.

Yeah.

I think you'd find a different take on the vaccines if it had dinosaur bone mushed in.

Wait, wait.

Does this have dinosaur bones in it?

I want to.

I know Moderna's got dactyl arms.

Joke and one says, and finally he goes, instead of saying that the Earth must not be millions of years old, they would simply say the dinosaurs were surprisingly resilient to extinction, capable of surviving as is for million years, and always just readapt to confirm your pre-existing bias.

Soft tissue is found in dinosaur fossils.

Instead of saying, well, this is proof the dinosaurs existed closer to our time than previously thought, they simply say, this proves soft tissue can, in fact, survive in fossils for millions of years.

So this guy legitimately believes we have found dinosaurs

in their fossils.

The next thing I found that was really good, because I had to read us a good

thing first so that I could read this section where the guy goes.

The Wikipedia pages on cryptozoology are really biased.

And so I read it.

and the reason they're mad is because it starts with cryptozoology as a pseudoscience and subculture

that searches for and studies unknown legendary or extinct creatures

whose present extinction is disputed or unsubstantiated.

So that's the part that makes them very mad.

Seems fair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

so I guess I'm confusing because, so what's the thing with dinosaurs then?

Well, they're cryptids.

They're not extinct.

Oh, I see.

They're saying that dinosaurs still exist because dinosaurs did exist.

That's a little different than some of the stuff we're talking about.

You don't know anything about the other stuff, by the way.

No, I know, but you have to.

Bigfoot might have existed.

I know, but we have.

He's pushing over all those trees.

Dang.

I think, well, the rotten ones might fall over on their own.

The idea is they walk up to a rotten tree falling over in the forest.

They said he's been here.

It's just

a forest combine when those Bigfoots see those rotten trees.

They're fucking doing three-pointers.

They're just dashing at them.

Listen, yeah,

they could exist.

I'm just saying, we have like proof that dinosaurs exist.

And then I just also,

we have dinosaur bones, right?

Yes.

Now, that's a theory I ask frequently.

I'll bring those ones down and try to see if they have any medicinal purposes.

Very smart.

That's the only reason I would think a dinosaur being finding a dinosaur would be interesting to me me is because we've found all these bones and we've just like assumed that they go together in the way they do that every now and then.

They'll be like, actually,

they change it.

It doesn't have a tail.

Yeah, they change it.

The big thing is like feathers.

They've added feathers to a lot of them.

If you go to the

whole vibe, I'll go check out at Science World, they'll have these dinosaur exhibits, and yeah, they're changing constantly.

It's like, this is actually what a T-Rex looked like.

It didn't look the same as what it looked like at the last exhibit.

So that makes sense.

They could be way off still.

Definitely.

I know.

The bones could be in any configuration that you like.

They don't have to just be in that one configuration.

They could be in.

They could be a big blobby sack full of bones.

That'd be awesome.

Yeah.

That's what I circle around.

And I'm going to become the guy that thinks that.

Oh, you're going to be a blob.

Blobosaur.

Blob truther.

Yeah.

I think they're all blobs full of bones.

You should really make a bumper sticker that says dinosaurs were just blobs with bones and then like a website prove me wrong ww yeah prove me wrong dinosaurs were just blobs with bones do you guys do you guys think that the t-rex's arms were actually like that because i don't think there's any way i don't

have huge fucking arms i'm telling you i don't i don't think they were like a bird though that's why like i think it's possible because they were like birds they were like big giant walking birds it's like when you're putting something together and you start kind of skipping the directions and you have a few bits left over, but the thing still looks fairly put together.

Yeah.

So they just had all these bones and then they were just like, there's like 40 bones left, but they're tiny.

And they're like, give them a couple little arms.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

That's what I think happened.

I think it's like when you, when you figure out that Legos and Bionicles sometimes click together, and so you make some freak.

I love Legos.

So anyway.

Yeah.

I do.

I'm a big huge fan.

This hasn't come up.

Maybe.

I'm getting rid of them all.

Hey, again.

That's a still.

I'm getting rid of them all.

Oh, Gareth.

Oh, Gareth.

Oh, Gareth.

No, I mean, he is like a full-on Lego guy who spends like thousands of dollars on Lego.

Not anymore.

I haven't bought Legos in 2025.

So anyway, here is.

He paid $800.

He'll pay like $800 for a set.

Drags are troubling.

Cryptozoology is the study of hidden animals.

In cases like recently extinct animals, it is scientific.

We know they existed recently, and we know about them from other descriptions.

So seeking extant members with a clear focus makes sense.

However, with some notable cryptids, paranormal abilities or origins are inseparable from them.

The chupacabra being an alien or genetic experiment as opposed to a specialized natural animal is endemic to the discipline.

Now, this guy sounds kind of smart.

And what he's saying is, oh,

an animal just became extinct.

What if we find one?

Then it's not extinct anymore.

That's what he sees cryptozoology as, which doesn't seem

that wacky.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

We're not talking about Bigfoots and Loch Ness Monsters.

Yeah, yeah.

And,

you know,

one of the goofier ones I found was a guy who found these big bugs.

That looked like they were like this big for the listeners can't see it, but it's a big size.

trust me.

It's like a huge dick.

It's like

that's one thing I know about.

He was doing about four or five inches.

It was like a, imagine the biggest your dick's ever been.

Imagine your dick at its absolute largest.

15 inches soft.

So anyway, fathom size.

Go ahead.

So anyway, they have wings and they're bugs.

They're very obviously fucking bugs the guy took a picture of, but he's going around telling everybody they're fairies.

You can't do that

oh fuck that's you just can't do that you can't

cryptozoology look bad

oh man that's awesome oh i found fairies like and then

just guy showed you a june bug like look i found a tinker bell in my yard the best part is is people are like oh This fucking guy's making us look like a bunch of idiots.

So now, like, I read a hundred posts where guys were like, yeah, I, I follow cryptozoology.

I am just not, I don't believe in fairies.

Like, they have to now say.

No, none of us do.

This guy's an idiot.

And it's so, it sucks for them because he's holding up some ants.

He's like, a wizard.

But, but they, but a lot of them just believe in the one thing because it's that one guy made that video of the dude with the suit on walking in the forest.

That's basically.

Yeah.

Sorry.

A guy grabs a couple bugs off the ground and says, I found the kids that guy shrank.

Oh, my God.

We found laser babies.

Honey, they shrunk them.

And he goes, same with certain animals we have today.

Hell, just a little over 100 years ago.

Now, you guys are not going to believe this.

And I think it might not be true, but then our listeners are going to be like, oh, it's true.

Same with certain animals we have today.

Hell, just a little over 100 years ago, people didn't think the gorilla was a legit animal, and all we had were tales of hairy mountain man from the local tribes of the regions.

Oh, I don't know, that can't be true.

I don't think that's correct at all.

It's so great to not know if that's true, because I'm like, that cannot fucking exist.

I don't believe that it's true.

I do know that orangutan, like, in the local language, translates to like forest person.

Yeah.

Which is true, but I think that that's just like a colloquialism.

Like, it's just like, obviously, that's what you would call it.

They weren't like,

that's why gingers have such a bad rap.

They're just like, there's a bunch of gingers in the fucking forest.

That is crazy.

That cannot be true.

1847 is what Google AI is saying, but Google AI

is the absolute worst thing.

It is still quite late, but I would love to be in the era where they were like, there's real hairy dudes in the forest.

They're tough to communicate with.

Oh, they're

very aggressive.

Very aggressive.

They're such dicks, dude.

I went up there with a barrel of ale.

I was like, let's break some fucking bread.

Dude, this one guy, he fully fucking charged at me.

He smashed the barrel.

He smashed the barrel.

I don't know if that's like a thing they're doing, but maybe we can exploit that later.

But he smashed the barrel of ale.

Dude, it was fucking bullshit, man.

Do not, if you're going to go up there, do not go up there to have a good time.

Got a whole group of them, and they tore one of my friends.

I was like, hey, what's up?

What are you guys up to?

And this one dude lost his mind on me.

One of them was honestly, seemed like super crazy.

Dude, I don't know what was going on with that guy that day, but he must have had a shit day.

Like, we're all struggling.

I mean, it's 100 years ago.

Like, the guy's like,

it's 1920.

You know, we're all, it's, everybody smells bad.

It's all fucked up.

Yeah, these guys smell worse than us.

And then this guy, this this guy is a little strange.

I'm just going to say it right away.

His name is CBGuy1983.

And he says,

to me,

it's somewhat like Hitler.

I believe he faked his death.

The man was crazy, not stupid.

Hitler?

That's what he's doing.

He goes, yeah, people say that conspiracy only exists because of Stalin.

That conspiracy only exists because of Stalin.

What would Stalin have to gain by saying Hitler faked his death?

What?

See, that's the thing with like, I kind of feel for them when they're saying the bugs are fairies guys pissing in the pool that they're all trying to swim in.

Because it is like that.

There's stuff like that today where you're like, look, just don't get so crazy.

Because there's a lot of fucked up shit going on.

We're getting ripped off.

You know, we're all this stuff.

But then when they start going crazy, you're like, nah, nah, shut the fuck up.

It's like at any protest you go to, there's always someone who has a sign that's insane, and you're like, no, that's not.

And they're on your side, and they're on your side.

Oh, they're on your side.

We're together.

Yeah.

And you're like, no.

They're weird guys.

Yeah.

Like the weird guys.

Wulk Hogan is Donald Trump.

You're like, put your goddamn sign down.

Or the guys that have the signs with a lot of swastikas on them.

That always is like, let's leave that off the signs.

Sorry, are you going to rallies where people on your side have swastikas on them?

I have a picture of a guy.

I have a picture of a guy from 2016

when we were out walking around in Cleveland during the Republican National Convention.

And he just had a sign with a shitload of swastikas on us.

And it said just Trump.

It didn't say anything else.

So I was like, is this guy like

this event?

Yeah,

I understand.

So what you're saying is they were probably anti-Trump, trying to say that Trump was a Nazi or whatever, but they're just walking around.

Yeah, yeah.

He was anti-Trump.

I want to clarify that because he was like walking around yelling stuff.

And I just wanted to go up to him and say, I love Hitler.

I love Hitler.

Yeah, just wearing a shirt that just says like the worst shit ever.

And on the back, it's just like, Donald Trump actually said this.

My sign that says, let's get him in office.

I'm saying, let's get him.

Like, let's

go off.

We need to get him.

Well, get his ass, you know?

Oh, yeah.

It's very funny.

It was, I just, you want to go up to a guy like that and say, your signs,

your signs kind of not doing, it's not sending the right message.

Yeah, it's like to a smaller degree, it's any of those, like, you're mocking the MAGA hats or whatever.

And it's just like anyone who's not super close to you, obviously, wearing a MAGA hat, ironically.

Like, that'll show him.

That goes power, the excuse to arm and infiltrate more countries under the specter specter of Hitler.

But I'm sorry, how does that relate to cryptozoology?

Great question.

Great question.

We'll get an answer to that.

Main question.

It relates in the idea that these started off with witnesses.

People have seen these creatures just like there are witnesses to seeing Hitler alive after his supposed death.

What?

Okay, I see.

So what he's basically saying is the same as the Elvis thing, where it's just like,

you know, I mean, you're not supposed to, you can't believe that though, Chris.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, that's the guy.

Actually, when you look through some of the bones that are Elvis, the way he was constructed, I think it's actually a little bit different.

Now, he very well could have been a blob.

A lot of archaeologists, when they actually put together Elvis again, it looks quite different.

I'm actually worried if we ever find Elvis, we're going to start grinding him up for medicinal bones.

Elvis said

his final concert, he did kind of seem like a blob with bones.

Not to be disrespectful to the man who

I very much, you know, it was a bit of a bad thing.

Well, you based your whole life around him, yeah.

Well, I did do a live show where I sang Elvis songs because I went and watched that movie on mushrooms and it really, really connected with me.

And the Elvis medicinal bones turned you into a guy that can rock extra hard.

Just turns you into a glazed ham.

Oh, yeah.

It's a rock and supplement, you know, so

it helps.

This guy goes,

These guys argue again.

The guy finally goes, that's the problem.

Too skeptical.

Again, too egotistical.

Again, as a society, we have to see to believe.

Like the natives who saw Mokele Momembe, they know what they saw.

Yet here we come saying unless we see it, it doesn't exist.

Now,

the reason I read these is because I did find a guy, a new guy, a brand new weird guy.

And that's always an exciting moment.

We have a giant pubic mess.

Which is a guy that farts too bad for the fart subreddit.

Yeah, Gareth, are you familiar with the giant pubic mess and his voice

no no no but i'm obviously happy to hear about him as well as the third as the third chair i do of course know who giant pubic mess is yeah you of course know giant pubic mess you have to if you want to be the guy's co-host that's like day one shit we all know him so i'm excited to together present him to gareth i'm excited the fartologist is like i sorry i just want to mention that before we have to mention the fartologist who sort of is the other main farter online, who's an older British man who he points the camera at his ass and then farts it to it and then he turns it towards, and he looks like Benjamin Franklin, and he just gives this little smile after, like he's so proud of himself.

When you said the word fartologist, Gareth just looked down, like straight down.

Well, it's just a little bit more.

His head sort of rolled to the side.

I think it is that if you're talking about which one of those two guys sounds professional, phartologist sounds like an occupation when you hear a giant, what is it, giant

mess.

A giant pupic mess is kind of like the bad boy of the.

By the way, the name reflects it because that sounds like the tough guy.

Yeah, fartologist is like an older, kind of wise sage, kind of like, you know, he's been around for, he did a Q ⁇ A that was very interesting,

sitting on a pub bench, a picnic bench outside of a pub.

And he answered some big questions about like how he got into farting and stuff like that.

But Giant people

would never do that.

He's just in his room blasting farts and antagonizing the fart subreddit.

And is he filming them as well?

Yeah, he's a white guy with dreadlocks.

Oh, that's good.

Okay.

Really long ones, too.

They're beautiful.

And he is in the fart subreddit, and his farts are too gross for the subreddit.

So every once in a while, people would be like, dude, please stop posting your farts.

Which that's all that goes on in there.

Yeah, that's crazy, by the way.

And then he responds to.

That's what they're looking for.

People posting their fart.

Yeah.

He replies defiantly and says, check out this big, wet 17-second gasser.

And then people are like, come on, man, it's too much.

So the giant pubic mess is like an activist, where the fartologist is more of a non-biased.

Well, he just, yeah, the phartologist doesn't bother people.

He doesn't upset people, except, of course, our listeners.

A lot of them are quite upset just hearing an old man fart over and over again.

But as far as the fart community, I think they're 100% pleased with him.

He loves to.

My favorite are Indian Blasters.

Yeah, he does eat Indian food and then

he'll lay some pretty good stuff.

Look, I'm coming in cold.

Obviously, I didn't do as much research as I should have for the show.

But there's just a lot coming at me when you're just kind of name-dropping what sounds like punch-out characters.

Yeah.

Well, this guy, this guy's name is...

Indian Blaster.

He does say Indian Blaster farts.

This guy's name is The Crazy Academic

who I found.

Oh, okay.

It's the fart type of colleague.

I don't know what college he went to.

I'm going to tell you that right now.

I went looking.

He doesn't seem to have gone to college,

at least that I can find, but he does say this.

The irony is most cryptids most likely are government super weapons just on the fact that that

they're always found a few miles near a lab or military base that's off limits to civilians.

In the case of Mothman,

in the case of Mothman,

people versus Mothman.

Yeah,

we all remember.

This is a, yeah, so I was going to say that he's doing, he's in a movie, but he's just,

he might even be doing a joke.

Some of these people are doing a joke.

It's really hard to do.

Oh, this guy's not doing a joke.

That is such a comforting thing to tell yourself.

But I tell myself that all the time, but the real horrifying part about it is that you really can't tell.

And that's because, yeah, the stuff that the real stuff they're saying is so crazy that it's sometimes hard to discern.

Yeah, this guy's not joking.

He goes, in the case of the Mothman, you had a government-associated TNT plant with very toxic chemicals.

So toxic, they had warning signs posted.

So a mutated bar now with a large wingspan isn't out of the question either.

Disagree.

I would personally, as a, I'm not an academic, though.

You know what I mean?

And I don't think I'm crazy.

How many people think in this country think that pollution works like it does in The Simpsons?

Yeah,

it just makes things grow eyes and wings and stuff.

Yeah.

And it's just cancer.

And they're just like, man, I'm going to be able to jump so high.

It just makes you a little sick and all the fish like float to the surface and that's it.

Yeah.

Toxic-derived epigenetic and genetic mutants with deformities and intentional genetic experiments by military-industrial complex.

DARPA can probably explain like 99% of cryptid sightings.

I've said this in another thread.

I personally saw the Wampus cat.

Wait,

wait, wait, sorry.

What a cliffhanger.

Wait, sorry.

I just cut you off at the worst time.

No,

just a great segue.

I just

see the Wampus cat.

The Wampus cat.

I think he's, I'm telling you, this guy's joking.

He's not joking.

There's not one called the Wampus Cat.

Yeah, there is one.

He's the one called the Wampus Cat.

You've never heard of the Wampus Cat?

Personally, I've seen the Wampus Cat.

Oh, my God.

Wait, it's just a, it looks like it's just a

mountain lion.

Well, he says, personally, I've seen the wampus cat.

It was a legit black cat with six legs.

It was an obvious mutant with birth defects.

No other way to explain that.

Oh, it just has six legs.

It looks like a

mountain lion, but it has six legs.

I've said he got.

He's got two tails, I believe.

Two tails, I'm saying.

The wampus cat.

That's the least intimidating name ever for a cryptid, man.

It sounds, seriously sounds like Dr.

Seuss.

That like sounds like actual Dr.

Zeus.

Yeah, like the wampus cat.

It's so childish.

The wampus cat.

Or like Alice in Wonderland.

Yeah.

Because none of this is pseudoscience though we have the genetic technology to create hybrids now i'm sure you heard of xeno transplants where they create pig human hybrid embryos to harvest organs but it's obvious they're taking it to the next level and seeking my uncle had that done in turkey

he was that's sorry it's actually cheaper to fly there to do it it is no in the long run you save up like five thousand dollars it's crazy i'm getting dreadlocks there i'm gonna go there and get dreadlocks

that's my big plan

so i'm a big missile cubes fan.

Yes, well, no, it's corn.

I want to look like one of the guys in corn.

Smart, I always wanted to.

You want to look like the monkey?

No, not like monkey head.

They have a guy in their bed called the monkey.

The monkey.

His hairline's not great.

He needs to monkey's hair.

I feel like I've seen him, but let me see.

Yeah, no, he's head.

Head has no hair.

Head has the fakest hair you've ever seen in your entire life.

And it's M-U-N-K-Y,

Gareth.

Yep, got him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a head guy, really.

I want my head to look like head.

Yeah, I don't know if you'd say you're a head guy.

I'd say you're more of a titty sucker.

Fucking Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

Chris is back.

Yep, Chris is definitely back.

Now I have a guest that I'm super excited about that I've always wanted to podcast with.

And Chris is like, you know, he sucks on titties.

That's what I always do.

If ever I know Brian has a guest on that he's like a little nervous.

Maybe it's somebody that he really liked, I always bring up the fact that when he was younger, he wouldn't even do anything other than suck on his girlfriend's titties for three hours straight.

That was his whole sex move.

Now the Legos make sense.

No!

I don't do it anymore.

No, I know.

2025 you've been clean.

Yeah, every Lego brick is like eight.

No, not Legos.

I mean the titty thing anymore.

Oh, why not?

He has a wife.

He has a wife now and he has a child and stuff.

So there is some, you know.

Will you suck on titties at all, Brian?

Sure.

I mean, yes.

Are you worried you're going to fall?

You're going to relapse if you get back to the business.

No, it's like I can't smoke cigarettes anymore.

You can't even have one little cigarette.

You got a dog nipple in your mouth all of a sudden.

You're like, it's been three days.

My God, my boss has been calling me.

Oh, my God.

She's asleep.

Yeah.

He goes, I'm sure he goes,

mutants have also been seen, have been seen.

We've seen weird colored animals from radiation exposure near Chernobyl, but that's just radiation.

So, like, did we?

I would love to know.

I mean, I've read a lot about Chernobyl.

I think there is some like deformed ant.

There is.

You can see some images of some animals with deformities, and I think that can happen through radiation most definitely.

But yeah, that's a completely different thing.

But that's different than saying we've got a new species over here.

I saw that.

Yeah, yeah.

Or this one video of like this huge green guy that was from Chernobyl.

And he was like enormous.

He was strong.

He was like way stronger than a human being was.

And he was enormous and muscular.

Did he run into trees?

Like, did he

turn trees into tackle dummies?

Yeah, he was dropkicking rotten trees to show off his strength.

Interesting.

We might have a green quatch.

We got a green quatch.

We got a green quatch.

I always wanted a blonde Sasquatch.

That's like always the thing I hope.

And he's singing a musical in the forest about how lonely he is.

Yes.

Perfectly blonde.

So Brian.

And he smokes cigarettes and he has the blonde stain of the tobacco.

That's what I want.

Are you saying

you want an Aryan?

Was this the guy at the Cleveland rally?

No.

He goes, Wikipedia is controlled opposition.

It's run by people who want us to see a certain narrative so they can't be trusted anyway with this topic.

We could argue all day about pareidola,

what it is, or I don't think I could.

I could.

I'd have to pack it.

I'd relish it.

Pretty early, I think.

Hour three, hour four of arguing about pareidolia.

I don't think I'd make breakfast, to be honest.

I got not a lot to say about it.

What is or isn't pseudoscience, et cetera?

But the point is, certain angles need to be explored for cryptids, and the mutant hybrid angle is way more rational than than these nonsense supernatural angles rooted in mysticism which is fantasy i argue that these so-called cryptid experts all the time on why they think they're seeing on what they think they're seeing and i don't believe any of it's supernatural i stopped believing in the supernatural the deeper i looked into various topics Another explanation is exotic pets, which escape all the time and end up breeding and creating a population out in the wild in an area they wouldn't be normally seen.

Now,

nobody replied to this.

That's tough.

Except.

Because that's long, right?

I mean, that guy just went off.

He thought it out.

Nobody replied to it except for one guy, and his name is the crazy academic.

Oh.

We know him.

You act as if the government are omniscient gods that aren't fallible.

If that was the case, half the conspiracies we know to be confirmed wouldn't exist.

So

that's something.

That's tough.

They couldn't properly.

I think that that's.

I think that that first guy is like, he's saying we need better explanations for this stuff rather than like...

No, he doesn't.

Because now he says they couldn't properly take down the Twin Towers without people asking questions.

What makes you think they could stop hybrid experiments?

So

his proof

of experiments like this is that people said, I don't, I think 9-11 was staged.

Like, so he thinks that those people are right and that they screwed up.

I don't think I understand at all what's going on at this point.

And he goes, by the way, look into the Montauk Monster.

It was an alleged cryptid that was created at the close at the

close by Plum Island Animal Research Center, which also created genetically engineered ticks.

There's no evidence Lyme disease is natural if you look closely.

It sure looks like a pig-human hybrid that was allowed to grow past a juvenile stage.

Well, first of all, the Montauk monster.

Now, there's a name and there's a reveal.

Yeah,

I know that one.

I've heard that.

The idea that if you're going to create something as some kind of bioweapon on humans, you're going to go ticks.

Yeah.

There are these little fucking annoying things that potentially a certain subsect of them will give people a fairly nagging condition that can be kind of medicated, but you know, that'll stop them.

Yeah.

Well, the next thing I saw that I found very interesting was there is an International Cryptozoology Museum in Portland, Maine.

Oh, well, that's a great town.

I didn't know about this.

I didn't either.

I went there, and

the only thing I remember about it really is that, because I was only there for one night to do like a live show, and then we left the next day.

But it was snowing, by the way, and it was like late April.

We left New York.

It was like 80 degrees, and then we got there, and it was fucking snowing.

I think what you're saying is true.

It's a little questionable.

Yeah.

But

we get there and I go to do my laundry and it's a Blue Lives Matter laundromat.

I couldn't find another laundromat, but it was a themed laundromat.

Wow.

They were like whites only.

It was shocking because all over the place.

Yeah.

All over the place.

Those flags were there.

All kinds of bags.

You still did the laundry, though.

I had to.

I needed laundry.

Imagine somebody, like a listener of the podcast going by and like seeing through the window,

snapping shots of you.

You were doing Street Fight at the time.

Yes.

Oh, man.

Snapping photos of you in a blue lives

fucking matter.

That would have ruined you.

People would have rubbed it.

Or made you.

Yeah, it could have.

I guess that's the other thing.

Yeah, lean in.

So the Cryptozoology Museum, first, we're going to read Richard M's review, which is a one-star review.

And he says, Maybe the dumbest part of this place is in their title.

They claim to be international.

I tried hard to find out more about this place after visiting, but see, but see, this is the only location in the world.

Yeah, it's real international.

Oh, my God.

This guy is just waiting.

Wait a second.

You don't have to.

You can just name

your company

of all the objections.

Are you telling me that this is not the wait?

You're not the best smoothie place in the world?

You tell me you don't have the top smoothies on earth?

What's going on?

But your name of your business, this guy is just the dumbest idiot ever who believes

every name of every business.

You're not world champs because you won the Super Bowl.

You're American champs.

I'm trying to find proof that this is a world.

I love that he tried to find proof.

And like, I can't quite figure out like what, I guess the proof would have been that they have another branch.

Just another location somewhere.

That's all in another country.

He wants it to be in a different country.

He would have been cool with even Canada, probably.

Or even, you know,

couldn't it also just be that they have some of these cryptids from all over the world?

Wouldn't that also legally clear you?

Well, yes, of course.

That would be.

So that to me would be a funnier gripe to be like, these are all American cryptids.

He goes, wife and I were walking toward the brewery next door when wife randomly said, hey, let's check it out.

I respond.

Yeah, I know.

Just shot from my penis.

I respond, saying I just want to grab a beer, but she insisted.

Sir!

This is a classic case of wife not always right.

Classic case of that.

Why are you going to just say you went?

Do you know what I mean?

This guy's like, you didn't want to admit he went, and he probably was a prick the whole time.

Is it a quote from him when he said, this is a classic case of wife not always right?

That is an exact quote.

It's so, it's so niche

to blame the

fibbing sign at a cryptic museum on your wife.

Well, my wife didn't let me get a beer.

I just wanted a beer and my freaking wife.

Yeah, he does really.

He doesn't want to admit now that he even wanted to.

He needs to give some justification for why he even entered this fucking piece of shit.

My wife's being wrong was suggesting to enter the cryptid museum.

Yeah.

You didn't pick a winner.

Objects in this quote museum include stuffed animal Yetis that you'll find at any Goodwill, other cryptids.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

How great is it if he was in a Goodwill?

He was just in a Goodwill.

He doesn't understand.

And have all these old sharks.

Shardigans.

No.

A bunch of ceramic little boys.

What the hell?

These are cryptids.

These are just ashtrays.

But that's, I mean, that's also a crazy thing to say that you find it on any Goodwill.

They're not that cryptic.

Imagine every Goodwill.

Well, where's your Yeti area?

Your stuffed Yeti area.

Where's your stuffed Yeti zone?

Oh, I hope you have medium and not just small and large.

Do you have any international cryptids?

Oh, do you the lazy lazy boys?

Other cryptic, quote, artifacts are no more than printed photos from Wikipedia, which I've heard is a very bad one.

That's pretty funny.

That's pretty funny to do

like a museum and just print out Wikipedia artifacts.

Honestly, what a fucking, just, that is such a great idea for just a show.

Just for a month, open a cryptid museum that's just printed photos from Wikipedia.

Just to watch and put cameras in every wall and watch these guys be like, the fuck is this?

Yeah, put a lot of money into advertising and do like a really big, like

number one in the National Museum of the Cryptids.

The government didn't want you to see what's in here.

Oh, yeah.

That'll be $35.

Yeah.

Yeah, just pretend like there's like, yeah, like get some articles written up about like, oh, like the fucking government tried to keep it.

Don't touch any of the monsters hanging on the walls.

It's just stapled.

It's a URL at the bottom.

No frame.

They're just taped.

Like the record tape.

Yeah, yeah.

8x11 paper, printer paper.

Yeah.

Taped because you don't want to fill in the holes.

That is.

And you move out.

That's a really fun thing.

But he goes,

when you hear the complaints about this place, guys, you're going to...

The real complaints are great.

He goes,

The other artifacts are no more modern than printed photos from Wikipedia and a curio cabinet full of camel figures with absolutely no explanation as a goodwill.

It is the Goodwill.

It's the Goodwill.

It's actually Goodwill.

I can't believe that it's a camel.

We were just talking.

Yeah, you're right.

They have a whole Do Nation Center.

He goes, I was confused and learned nothing.

Well, you left with the same you had then.

Also, before we started our quote tour, the woman at the desk got super paranoid about us possibly stealing these technologies.

That's a cashier.

That's a cashier.

That's a cashier.

She's very sweet.

That's a cashier.

Yeah.

Made the wife leave her purse in a car.

Then they said no photos for copyright.

I guess maybe that's the point that it's totally just a ridiculous quote museum.

It got lost on me and kind of wish I spent the now the amount they spend for this

is

almost like don't write a review, $10

to get in on the brewery next door.

So he only paid fucking $10 anyway.

Yeah, that's $20.

That's nothing.

That's in today's day and age, that's like to pay $10 for something.

You almost have to understand that it's going to be not a lot of value for that.

Yeah.

Well, the next guy gave it two stars, so that's a touchdown.

A little better.

I really wanted to love this place when my wife and I booked a trip to Portland, Maine.

No single people going there.

The fucking thing.

That was wifey.

It's always wifey, isn't it?

Isn't it always?

It's always one of the places where they want more single guys to come in.

You know what I mean?

They're trying to get it.

Just so you know, Gary, on the podcast, it's a pretty anti-single guy sort of attitude just because of our proximity to the pineapple lifestyle, the swinger lifestyle.

And in the swinger lifestyle, single guys, as you can imagine, are considered

lower than rats.

They destroy every situation.

You can't swing with a single guy because they have nothing to lose.

They charge more money for them.

A lot of people are going to be able to do that.

They charge a lot of money.

It's an absurd amount.

Like an absurd amount.

It'll be like $90 for a single guy and like $10 for a couple.

Yeah, it's really because it sucks.

They just will overrun everything.

Yeah, like everything will become all single guys.

Now you save my dick.

Yeah, they treat them.

They really do treat them.

Like, they put them in a bar.

So there's a separate single guy bar that's almost like a pin that like

the couples can go to and grab a little bit of a little bit of a little bit

of a closed where you can kind of go in and look at the lobster tank.

And one of the funniest, one of the funniest things we ever read, because we were reading reviews of Spider-Club.

She loves this.

Brian loves this so much.

Is that it's my favorite thing.

Is if a single guy goes back to the playroom with you and has sex with you, when you leave, the single guy has to leave.

Like the couple.

Stay.

When the couple leaves, the single guy has to.

Do you want to bring a single guy into the playroom with you, and then you leave because the single guys will try to stick around afterwards.

And then people have to come shoo them out.

Like, hey, hey, out of here.

You know,

he goes, I looked online for some fun, quirky things to see while there.

This totally came to the top of the list.

It's located in an up-and-coming strip mall.

Very strange.

Like, I've never heard of an up-and-coming strip mall.

Yeah.

So that means all the

full, like, all.

the Dominican Republic baseball player.

You got to see this kid.

He's got a hell of an arm.

You got to see this strip mall.

That'd be awesome.

What does it have to do?

Jimmy John's a cable.

He's got a DSW.

It's crazy.

It's a DSW.

You're not going to believe what they're doing over here.

That sounds like something Trump would say.

Yes.

Yes.

He goes,

That also houses a craft brewery, a distillery, and is within walking distance of an outdoor pavilion where live.

It's literally every strip mall.

Yes.

Describing a strip mall that I see now.

It is within walking distance of an outdoor pavilion where live music and concerts are hosted during the summer months.

It will also be right across from the parking lot from Maine's Children Museum once it's officially reopened.

So not a bad location to be in for the day.

Now, I think that it's possible for something like Bigfoot to exist.

Some one like Bigfoot, sentient thing.

Thank you.

And he goes, so I went to this with an open mind.

I would say, though, that after coming out of this place, I feel like I'm less of a believer now, though,

when I went into it.

Ooh, that is, they are doing the opposite.

That might be government.

That could be government setup.

This is this could be this sounds.

Make a museum such, so dog shit that people are like, maybe we just did come from apes and that's it.

Yeah,

you've got the kind of mind, inquisitive mind, Garrett, that I really appreciate in this world.

You know, you need to be thinking that way all the time time that like this was government.

First thought was this government.

And this seems clear-cut because you exactly

chase the money.

Well, guys, I think this is where we find out

some really crucial information.

A museum might be too formal of a word.

I'd call this more of a personal collection than anything else.

The displays need some major rework in the layout and the presentation.

Artifacts that are supposed to be hard evidence are placed with stuffed animals and toys that really take away from the hard evidence.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle slippers and Bumpo the abominable snowman.

Holy fuck.

Why is that being sold in the Cryptid Museum?

Teenage Mutant Ninja.

Well, not even sold.

I think it's being displayed.

I don't think it's to keep going back to the fact that they are into Goodwill.

But these

literally, it really sounds like it.

Every detail has been Goodwill Possible.

The Abominable Mutant.

are digital slippers.

Old slippers.

Yeah.

I love the idea that the guy's also like an action figure guy.

And he's just like, well, I don't have only one hobby.

Yeah, he's like, I mean, these are fucking very cool slippers.

I think, honey, I think people will want to see the slippers as well.

I know they're not exactly part of the cryptids.

They're not part of the cryptids, but people will fucking go crazy for them.

They just walk by it if they don't like it.

Yeah.

Pretty straightforward.

I don't understand.

And Bumble, the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph are not artifacts that I would think of displaying in this museum.

I get why they're there to show their presence.

I don't, but he does.

Abominable Snowman, maybe.

Yeah, because isn't that like, that's like one of the worst things.

Bumble was real.

That was based on a real guy.

But like the

Rudolph is.

Right?

It's just from the...

The horrors of the red-nosed rain.

He's just

Bruno would be a good one, too.

Yeah.

I get why they're there to show their presence in our media and current culture, but they should be in their own displays so that way the messaging is more clear on whether these animals should be seen as believable or not.

And don't get me started on the fan art.

There was way too much fan art displayed all over the exhibits.

It wasn't even of the creatures that they're trying to showcase.

It was more about the guy who owned the collection and some of his friends.

I mean.

So he had a bunch of self-porners.

Imagine crayon drawings of himself up on at the cryptid museum that's so but imagine if you're opening one of these museums how quick you're like boy this space is way bigger than i thought like you got to fill it up with something yeah you're like

i'm gonna throw my ninja turtle slippers over there maybe

so that wall feels what else

what else do i have what could i possibly fill this um yeah and then ran out of stuff so started drawing pictures yeah that's pretty cool just it's kind of a buffer some filler

what do people like

What's wrong with me?

I guess they like me, so I'll draw me.

It's called the International Cryptid Museum, Cryptozoology Museum.

Can I say something that I don't understand about this whole, like something that would worry me if I was part of this community is there seems to be such a hard line that people draw on what's acceptable and what isn't because they're like, no, the ninja turtles don't count.

That's not real.

The Bumble the Snowman isn't real.

But it's like some of the cryptids are equally silly to just look at or think about.

Do you guys know about the Loveland Frog?

Yeah, he's from here.

I went looking for him once.

He's from here.

He's from Ohio.

I did go looking for him.

I did go looking for him.

I went looking for him, and I went to Helltown, Ohio, where there's supposed to be a huge python.

Oh, Loveland Frog is pretty interesting.

It's an interesting looking one.

He does a dance.

The reason I don't believe in him is because he does a dance.

He does a dance that's a big part of it.

Chris, have you seen the Loveland Frog?

I've never.

I'm not familiar with the Loveland frog.

He's cool.

Okay, it's a frog that is standing on its back legs, and that is the whole idea.

It's also got abs.

Is it a big frog?

It is.

It's standing up.

It comes up to about your waist.

Here it is.

It's not that big, so you could probably still take it or whatever.

I got some Loveland frog pictures here for you.

Oh, look at the fucking Loveland frog.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

It's a little, so it's a little jacked up.

It's maybe the left.

He's so upset.

He's kind of tight.

Yeah, that is the one I go.

That's my favorite image.

Maybe of all that.

He just looks like a regular frog standing on its hind legs.

That is a frog going over something, I believe.

And also the comparison to a person, which

like that, that's the frog.

But yeah.

That's how they show you how tall a Pokemon is in the Pokédex.

Yeah, that's not scary.

That's not scary at all to me.

The only one I want to do is dance.

He's not scary at all.

He comes out and he fucking dances or dances or does it dance for your benefit.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

like a nice champagne room.

He's one of the nice ones or something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's very nice.

I look for the Ogo Pogo,

which is a famous one.

Yeah, around here.

What?

Brian going, very nice.

He's very nice.

Very nice.

He's the real deal.

He's shooting down to Earth.

Dude, he's so chill.

I mean, he is so chill.

He's just like a regular Loveland Frog.

Hey, you know him, Brian.

Do you know him?

No, but I know of him.

And he's.

He's like, you have friends of friends.

Friends of friends.

He's friends of friends.

Similar circles.

I see.

So it's like, you're like, oh, yeah, people know him.

Like, he's been at parties that I've been at.

I never talked to him.

We don't talk about parties I've been at.

He just left.

Father.

Fuck.

Dude.

He was so.

He bought everyone shots.

He started doing his dance.

Fuck.

He did his dance almost here.

It's hard not to like him because he dances.

That's the part that I like.

Yeah.

Like, he has to be the, because Bigfoot's pushing over fucking trees.

Allegedly.

He's fucking over.

He's camp illegally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bigfoot's pushing over trees.

So that's why I like the Love When Frog.

He comes out.

He does like a.

I always picture him having a top hat and a cane, but I'm sure

I don't know where he would have gotten that.

Well, that's offensive.

Don't let him hear that because seriously, he's cool.

And I don't know.

That's kind of fucked up to say.

He doesn't like that thing.

A lot of people say that to him, and he doesn't like that.

And that's like the only thing.

He won't like, he won't make a big deal of it, but he'll like the only thing he hears.

He laughs it off because he's just the

sweetheart.

He laughs it off, but it's like, why even try to hurt him like that?

Because I happen to know about it.

No, I agree.

Yeah, no,

he doesn't mean you need to fuck with him.

Yeah.

That's the exact right answer.

Yeah.

Here's a three-star review.

Lots of Bigfoot foot molds.

Lots of Funko Pops in the displays.

Wow.

That is the lowest bar.

Funko

three stars.

Funko Pops.

Funko Pops.

Oh my God.

And you know the person who pitched Funko Pops being available in the museum saw that and was like, see that?

What did I fucking tell you?

Funko Pops is a wild thing.

He goes, wish it were a bigger thing for the cost.

Someone said it reminded them of a garage flea market.

Yep.

What's a garage flea market, though?

That's like a big flea market.

Just a garage sale.

It's a garage sale.

Someone says it's a garage.

It's a garage goodwill.

I get that feeling too.

Everything's crammed in there.

We did see the Vermont Cryptic map illustrated by an artist we know personally, though.

So they kind of know a guy.

It's crazy, to be honest.

But we want to get a five-star, a four-star.

They don't have any five-stars, but I'll give you a four-star review.

I'm glad I went.

There was a lot there that you'd never see ever anywhere else.

Well, I mean, Funko Pops are fucking everywhere.

But drawings of the owner?

Oh,

that's the thing he's talking about, is those very specific drawings of the owner that you literally can't see anywhere.

The only place that you can see Hank Anderson with wings that he drew on the wall.

That said, I think they could remove some action figures in taxidermy and use the extra space to showcase the really good stuff.

Look, they don't have the stuff.

There is no good stuff.

That's the whole idea of the fucking

topic.

A problem.

They opened a museum where they don't have enough stuff.

You don't put Teenage Ninja Turtle slippers out if you're like, we got enough.

Yeah, they're trying to confuse you with clutter now at this point, it seems like, to sort of overwhelm your consensus, but their big issue is, yeah, they can't get the stuff because the stuff doesn't exist.

Don't tell me

that's the best thing.

It's like when you record an hour, sorry, but it's like when you record an hour and you go out to try new stuff, it's crowd work.

It just needs some stuff in between the stuff that's not the best stuff.

Yeah.

Oh, did you do stand-up?

At one time, he does stand-up.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, that's cool.

I used to do it a little bit.

You don't do it anymore.

I don't know what the point is of you saying that.

It's just that if somebody came on you used to tread up.

Sometimes somebody comes on,

yeah, you used to tread the board.

Sometimes we like to chop it up about stuff like that.

That only kind of, only people that civilians can't necessarily rapidly.

It's really, I think you're offended, Brian, because you're a civilian.

So,

yeah, you're not one of the 250 assassins.

I'm going to go.

Fuck yeah.

Let's finally, before we get out of here, I went to Quora

and a guy asked, why is cryptozoology disdained so deeply by the academic world?

Which I'll tell you, this podcast has shown me why.

Which made me kind of, but it made me kind of sad in a weird way where it was like, oh, man, this guy is like, why are like Harvard professors not telling me I'm interesting or whatever.

Well, they're busy starting wars, but you know.

I mean, because they're the elite.

They're elites and they don't care about real issues.

I think

that they're interested in to play devil's advocate.

I think they're interested in scientific proof.

I'm not a scientist, but they're interested in these sort of proof and provable things.

And so that's where they have the issue with this stuff is that they haven't been able to see any scientific proof of it.

Also, the truth is, like, it's not like...

It's not like

finding new species is just totally being ignored or suppressed.

It's happening every day that we're alive.

A new species is discovered.

Just not cool ones with cool names like the Vegas Ripper or whatever.

Or the Loveland Frog.

They're just because that's the buddy you would notice.

Had fairies taken over his place and he had to get a guy out to

tent it.

That's cool.

Especially with a fairy, you could get some of that dust.

I would harvest some of that.

How great would it be to just on the side of your exterminator van where you've got all the things that you work on, termite, all that stuff, just at the end to be like fairies.

Yeah, well, they get in there, single guys, fairies, you know, all kinds of stuff.

They get in the vents, they start making nests in the fence.

You got vent fairies.

I can see.

Look at the waste.

This is fairy.

Now,

we can exterminate them, or you can gather the dust and sell it somewhere.

It's worth money.

People love it.

This guy goes in the comments.

You guys can kill them, or you guys can, you know, they can grant your every fantastic wish.

Or you catch one and you can get out of this shithole.

In the context of the modern world, where truth is provided by the consensus of mainstream science and medicine, many people feel disempowered.

I think cryptozoology serves as a means of staking a line and saying, you scientists don't know everything.

There are still truths out there to be discovered.

Cryptid enthusiasts are disproportionately male.

I don't know what that had to do with anything.

And

disproportionately male often share a number of outsider traits, a distaste for authority, a rugged connection with the outdoors, and a hearty sense of individualism and self-reliance.

So this guy does like

really,

he's like.

That's a nice way to put it, I will say.

That's a really kind description of that type of person.

Cryptid enthusiasts are disproportionately cool, and they all wear leather jackets.

Yeah.

And they carry one of those hairbrushes that's like a switchblade.

And they go like this quite often.

And they will give you a hug.

Usually, a lot of chicks want to like hook up with them all the time.

But the chicks are all too afraid to say it because they're almost too intimidated.

Sometimes they'll get married.

They're so intimidated.

That's the worst possible.

Few scientists doubt there are thousands of unknown animals, particularly invertebrates, awaiting discovery.

However, cryptozoologists are largely uninterested in researching and cataloging newly discovered species of ants or beetles.

Instead, focusing their efforts towards more elusive creatures that have often defied decades of work aimed at confirming their existence.

Another criticism is that actual discoveries of new species have rarely, if ever, been predicted by cryptozoologists.

Critics note that while other researchers have stumbled upon real animals, cryptozoologists have focused on finding legendary creatures with no success.

Yeah, that's it.

That's exactly it.

It's like,

well, it's pretty simple that there are creatures that you're discovering.

Most of them are very small, and that's the reason why we haven't found it.

Some of them are like bugs.

Yeah, they're mostly so small.

And so the things that are really big, which is generally what the cryptozoologists are looking for, generally speaking, because we've done so much exploration as a species now, that it's sort of hard to imagine that there's something really big that we haven't discovered yet.

Right?

Like, that's the sort of crux of it, is that they're searching for these big, huge things that...

Oh, well they actually they actually go hide when they die smart oh this is a big thing about this is this is another big thing they're on

that i'm not even kidding that is really literally something i have heard about big feet at least bigfoot is well actually large predators um hide when they die so it's actually really unlikely that you'll ever find a bigfoot skeleton because they bury themselves

yeah

and also like don't i mean the scavengers and stuff will go and find dead animals whether they're like it's very hard to hide yourself off yeah but animals don't have burial rituals and many big feet do so the bigfoot is not like us i see yeah he's like they don't need a wreath do they talk do they have a do they have like a language or whatever yep German, actually.

Really?

Yeah, no, they're like we were saying, no, they're quite German.

That's why that guy brought up Hitler.

Yeah,

that's why the blonde one was like, oh.

The blonde Bigfoot, oh.

I'm the future.

Don't you like it?

I'm from the German dimension.

He goes, how do we citizen cryptozoologists change this paradigm?

Simple, but not easy.

Yes.

Quora is the best.

Yeah, Quora is.

Really, Ticketmaster is pretty good as well.

Ticketmaster for reviews is pretty good as well.

Yeah.

I love Ticketmaster reviews.

They're the greatest.

They're so fun.

But Quora to me is like

because

it takes a certain amount of, like, oh, I'm an expert.

I can answer that question

that is really appealing to me as like thinking of a really dumb guy that's just going on Quora every day and scrolling down, looking for questions he can answer.

And answering it wrong a lot of the time.

Oh, yeah.

Not even Googling, not even taking one second to google something just answering it completely fucking wrong he goes uh

find a body or sufficiently diagnostic type specimen specimen of a sasquatch or yeti or orange pendeck or any of the cryptids we're convinced might exist that my friend is a lifelong quest and challenge along that path you must be met with ridicule ridicule until you prove your claim so you got to take the ridicule brother and then there's one more answer here it's nice of you to showcase one of your big hosting traits of flubbing words to gareth as well before the episode ends we're only calling out sfs now which are significant flubs and when those happen there's a group called flubhead nation that pounds the table they go crazy but like that's what he just laid a couple of you know insignificant i thought it was a pun like that's how like you're so awesome that you get ridiculed that's how i am too that's what they do to me they all make fun of demeanors yeah they make fun of me all the time but i see it as them ridiculing me they're saying

You're too ridiculous for school.

Yeah, they're trying to take me down because I'm at the top of the cool chain.

Bingo.

They are making Lego addiction.

We're definitely making fun of them, though.

Definitely.

What do you like better, sucking titties or building Legos?

Great question.

Sucking titties.

I mean, but now if I say sucking titties,

they're going to think I'm back sucking titties all the time.

That's not what I do.

I have other moves now.

Yes, thank you.

Yeah, I understand.

Don't get him talking about that.

He'll get so vulgar about his sex stuff as well.

No, I won't.

That's changed.

This lady goes, good question.

I think there's a lot of reasons.

The first being that science requires evidence and a repeatable experiment.

Photos and videos aren't considered evidence because of the possibilities of photoshopping, etc.

It's a shame because all it takes is one hoaxer to ruin it for serious researchers.

All it does is muddy the water.

So those are out.

And all experiences are spontaneous, so it's pretty hard to repeat an experience.

Eyewitness accounts aren't counted as evidence in science, yet they're good enough for the law, LOL.

That's funny.

It is funny.

That's really funny to think about.

It's quite funny, yeah.

It's all quite funny, actually, if you really think about it.

Think about it.

It's all pretty funny.

I'm just thinking about, yeah, your innocence sort of pinging on...

One person's word.

That's really

fine.

That's hilarious.

How great is it that on these sites, if someone says good question, it's fully invalidating for what you're doing?

That's really smart.

Obviously, you've thought about being stupid a lot.

Because I admit that free.

Oh, so we're left with having to find bones or something where DNA can be obtained.

Wait, no.

Yeah, I got that right.

Even then, I've heard of people who, wanting serious evidence, want to know where the DNA was sent and who sequenced it.

Yeah, well, this, again, the travel, you know what I mean?

You gotta, that's always the question.

I mean, listen,

so he's basically saying, like,

we have to find the bones.

We can't find the bones.

He has to find the bones.

He's got to find the bones because they haven't been able to find them yet.

And that's the only thing they can do because they won't believe their photos.

Because the hoaxers, which, by the way, just to be clear, the hoaxers, the only fucking reason that their whole thing exists.

They should be thanking the hoaxers because they wouldn't have a fucking thing to do every weekend if not for the hoaxers who started all of this shit.

I want to say, I do want to say that like there

I read a few accounts and I was saving it for maybe a Bigfoot episode, but I did read a few accounts of people saying like that hoax that people call a hoax.

It's not a hoax because you can see the muscles on the Bigfoot moving in a way that only a real Bigfoot muscle wouldn't.

You mean the famous one where the guy came out and talked about how he did it?

Well, you know.

The Zabruder film.

I can read you a guy that debunks every single person that came out.

And there's a guy that said he found a mermaid.

And

boom.

He was on TV.

I think there's a reverse debunk on him.

Yeah, yeah.

He was on TV.

This guy finds a mermaid.

He's on TV.

And

turns out it was an actor playing a guy on Discovery Channel.

It was a Discovery Channel.

They had an actor play a guy that

was finding mermaids.

Like it was a reenactment?

Yes.

Okay.

That comes in.

I might even have it.

It's really quick.

It just is like a mermaid thing.

Oh, here it is.

I'll show you.

Call Me Crazy But Mermaid.

This is asked which ones they think exist.

Call Me Crazy But Mermaids.

Here's why.

You might be familiar with the so-called mermaid documentary that's been on Discovery Channel and Animal Planet from time to time.

If not, I bet you can find it on YouTube or something.

Later, after it was aired, it was widely claimed to be a hoax online, which wouldn't be that much of a surprise.

But here's the thing that's weird.

When I watched that documentary, the first time I decided to look up the main guy speaking throughout an alleged marine biologist, Dr.

Paul Robinson, former NOAA member.

To my surprise, some of the top links mentioning this guy were blocked, seized by Homeland Security.

Homeland Security is serious.

They don't waste their time on fake petty shit.

Now, that's a thing.

I don't know about that.

It's true.

As they're like detaining guys in punk bands for just trying to tour here.

The TSA is a ruthlessly efficient organization, which makes no mistakes.

He goes,

seized by Homeland Security.

Homeland Security is serious.

They don't waste their time on fake petty shit.

So if this guy really is a well-known fraud and has no important or dangerous info to provide there's no logical reason why it would be seized by homeland security because there are way worse things on the internet if you're curious i'd be more than happy to find those links for you that i'm referring to now unfortunately he cannot find those links that he's referring to he's

really important

that's a big part of it

that's a really big part of this yeah and and uh that's the part of the scientists see that's why that's where the scientists want the link they want the link that's why the link called me the link.

It's always referred to as the missing link.

Yeah.

The irony.

He shouldn't have said that he has a link until he checked to see if the link was there.

Or even just go back and delete it after you realize you don't have the links.

Just delete that part of the pose.

The guy who imagines that saying, I have a link is really convincing.

It's also to say that.

I could link you to somebody.

Most people stop reading after you say you have a link, to be honest.

They just are like, oh, okay, good.

To say that and then then to not, like, to not have it is really incredible.

To be like, like, it's the internet.

You can't find one link that kind of leads you in that direction.

And oh, shit.

Yeah.

Even you should be able to find something.

Some other crazy guy who'd like to be able to do that.

Some other crazy guy would be like, here you go.

Yeah.

These teenage mutant ninja turtle slippers were regular slippers until they fell in ooze.

I'd be so a guy says, I'd be interested in seeing those links.

And another guy says that he goes, I looked and unfortunately, the sites are gone.

It was over a year ago when I originally.

Homeland Security again, man.

Yeah, they did.

But I did find a random blog article referring to those same links.

But here's a picture of a guy putting a bottle up his ass.

Does that help?

He goes, when it comes to plenty, a guy says that there's no way there are

mermaids.

And he says, you're in the wrong sub, bro.

Hey, buddy.

This is for idiots.

Hey, the common sense thread is that away, pal.

Hey, pal.

you have society.

We don't.

He goes, when it comes to plenty of cryptids, there's absolutely no evidence of their existence other than.

What sense is that?

It's a dating app.

Yes.

Besides my reasoning behind thinking they may exist is good enough evidence, in my opinion.

If you even read that, did you only read the first sentence of my whole post?

If it can be definitively refuted, definitively refuted, that's a hard thing to say.

that's okay yeah we don't call him out for one i'll drop my claim

yeah i'll drop my claim but it hasn't been yet with your logic a ton of people here need extensive help because there's little to no confirmed evidence of most christians we're all

surprised by your rational

bunch of our own logic yeah do you understand how crazy we'd all have to be for what you just said to be true how sad this room would have to be we'd have to be a pack of dipshits you'd be losing right now if that were true you'd be talking to a big group of losers dude and they what we are

how

dare you

and finally just to end it he says i've already seen they some people post some

things that call into question all the stuff he said disgusting yeah he goes i've already seen this stuff whether

Whether he's a real person, the doctor, which wasn't a real person, he was an actor, that had an actor take his place for the show or not doesn't really make a difference.

Once again, upon searching the guy's name, one of the first times that the show was aired, the first two sites having to do with him and mermaids are unaccessible.

Why?

Because they were seized by Homeland Security.

That's not normal.

Homeland Security is no joke.

There's more to this than what the media has said about it.

We'll never know what it was.

God.

Also,

the reality behind it, whatever it is, is like so.

He did not pay his dumb bill because his wife was like, We're not paying $8 a month for you to keep a mermaid conspiracy site up.

Also, genius, if he just made the website say that Homeland Security took his website, that's what I

think.

It's clearly somebody that's like doing some shit like that.

If there's a mention of Homeland Security, I don't know.

I feel like this guy might have invented that part in his head, but if there is an actual mention of it, then it's somebody who is fucking with these idiots and realizes that, like, hey, this documentary with this actor, people are believing it.

Let me make this site and then say it got taken down by Homeland Security.

That's a really funny idea.

That's Homeland Security.

Look, I have no faith in that ridiculous institution, obviously.

But the idea that even under the premise of what they're doing is securing the homeland, someone brought into a room one day taking down mermaid sites.

Yeah, yeah, it's mermaids.

Yeah.

He goes like this.

He goes, also worth noting, the show got zero media coverage until it became popular and controversial.

That's weird.

That's kind of weird.

Usually shows get huge media coverage before they get popular.

He goes, that's when all this stuff came out labeling it all as a hoax to calm people down, presumably.

And it worked.

And it created people like you calling me insane.

I wouldn't have been surprised myself if the whole things was a hoax, as I touched on briefly in my original comment.

But whether the show was 100% credible or not, I don't believe it was.

Some parts about the evolutionary theory and stuff were a bit cheesy plus what television show is completely credible anymore i think you have to believe all or none of the of the mermaid documentary about the big real i don't think you could sort of pick and say like hey i think they got some of it right but i think some of it seems fake and made up i think the only way that you can continue is is by thinking like yeah but you know Some of the stuff, you know, but most of it was.

Like, I guess, well, some of it was like for the audience.

Like, they have to do that sensationalized shit, just like on reality TV or whatever.

That's probably what they're telling them.

So, you know, at the core, there was truth.

It was weird that they just filmed a pair of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Slippers for 15 minutes in the middle.

He goes, the Homeland Security thing just doesn't add up.

And no, I don't believe in fairies or elves.

So that is the end.

That's the crypto.

And DBJ, I think, is right.

In the end, like he's saying, I only believe some stuff

from the mermaid documentary because that makes him

vibes-based.

It's

a cryptozoologist.

That's whatever him is.

That's the neural pathway that he's fired that makes him happy is the shit that he's sad.

That's really the comment that should go in that room.

See, bro, you just got this little neural pathway that you're just trying to flick.

Also, just there's two more of these debunked ones.

This guy goes,

skunk ape lady supposedly said her paper.

Skunk ape pick was a

it says skunk ape lady supposedly said her pick was a hoax i think someone paid her off so that is somebody got to somebody got the skunk ape lady

yeah and it's crazy they can they can get their thing they're all they're all the way at the top they're at the top yeah finally this guy says most giant reptilian creatures i think it's possible they're small dwarf dinosaurs hidden in the jungles or aquatic reptiles unless people

of course the dinosaurs are small thank you so much for doing this Gareth.

Thank you.

I know you're a podcast coming.

This was important for me to be a part of, obviously.

And I think history will smile upon this session.

Yeah, I've got a, please listen to my new podcast, which is called Next We Have.

It's a lot of segments.

It's nothing like this, so we can both exist in the podcast here.

Thank you.

It's normal.

I wouldn't go that far, but it's certainly not going to make you feel scared to leave your house.

It's basically a lot of segments like

playing games and just pranking and writing terrible business reviews online.

I honestly think I might have to go into Ticketmaster and read some comments on the show.

If you will allow me to do that.

Please do.

They're so really good.

The comments on like fish concerts and stuff and stuff like that.

And I recently discovered if you go read the comments, if they have them, on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

If you're happy to do that, I'll give you credit, no doubt.

Oh, you know, I have to give us credit.

It's a wonderful thing.

And thank you for doing this.

Oh, and also listen to my other show, We're Here to Help and the Dollop.

We're here to help the advice show with Jake Johnson.

And we had

Dave on to talk about it.

Right, right, right.

That's right.

Yeah.

We talked about...

What are we talking about?

I don't know.

It was a good episode.

Everybody loved it.

Hitler did come up in it.

So both dollop guys show up and Hitler comes up.

Well, Dave probably brought it up as he normally does.

Well, it was actually a commenter that was talking about how if you're related to Hitler, you must have a lot of money.

Well,

let's put a pin in that.

And that's Dead Blossom Jesse on Twitch.

Thank you for that.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Being here, Jesse.

We really appreciate it.

And Chris, it's wonderful to have you back.

Yeah, it's nice to be back.

It's so good to have Chris back.

It's nice to be back excited for the three-headed monster

to move forward.

Yeah, it's the two-headed single week.

You know it.

Yeah.

It's the two-headed steak.

All right.

See y'all next week.

We'll talk about it afterwards.

But yeah, I mean, listen,

I have a feeling like the three of us could really make something special.

And we'll talk about it afterwards.

Are we all recording?

Are we recording something out there?

Are we not recording anymore?

Jesse, you're done.

You're out of here, Bal.

Gone.

Wait a minute.

Down.