Episode 320: How To Become Bolder

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Greg.

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Okay, so today we're going to talk about being bold.

And you know why?

Interestingly enough, I've been on a lot of podcasts talking about being bold.

My book is obviously called Bigger, Better, Bolder, but yet I don't think I've ever actually done an episode or spoken about really what bold is on my own podcast.

So I thought that today can be a time that we can delve into the idea of what boldness is just a little bit and kind of, you know, share the boldness message on my podcast.

What do you think?

I love that.

I think that's a great idea.

Don't you?

I think it's a bold idea.

I think it's a very bold idea.

So the first part here is what is being bold?

People ask me all the time what it means to be bold.

And what I want to share with people is that boldness is a skill like anything else.

If you want to get good at tennis, if you want to get good at Spanish, karate, I don't care, pick your modality.

It's something that you have to do over and over again.

You got to practice it just like being bold.

And you don't need to be born bold.

People tend to think that you're either born bold or you're not.

And I believe that you can harness this no matter what kind of personality you have.

That's, can you give us a question?

I'm glad I have you here for that.

Can you give us an example of something bold that someone could do in an everyday situation?

Absolutely.

I can.

So.

Anybody can practice this by doing these little bold moves daily.

So what I'm thinking is because we want to always give people these actionable, practical things to improve themselves.

I would say, if you're someone who needs to work on that boldness muscle, a really easy step is to pick something really small that you do every day, like your cell phone, like calling your cell service provider and seeing if there's any other package that you can be on that may save you money, that may be a better plan for you by just making that one call.

It's getting you primed for asking for bigger things in life.

So if you are not comfortable asking for little things, how are you ever going to be comfortable asking for the big things in life?

And that's truly the message here is that you need to be practicing by getting better at something, by doing small steps daily to increase your, I guess, your ability at it, like anything else.

And I think we also have to get very comfortable with being okay with the word no and being okay if we don't succeed.

Because the truth is a lot of times we may not get to that actual goal and that's okay.

But by going through the motions, other things open themselves up, other opportunities happen by you going down the path of being bold.

I like that.

Being okay with the rejection or the failure just because, I mean, no matter what, how many of those times that you go out there and put yourself there, you're going to succeed, at least a number of them.

Well, I think the way I look at it is more about the idea that you want to become desensitized to the idea of rejection and failing or rejection in general, right?

And the only way to become desensitized to something is if it happens over and over again, right?

If you never get rejected and then you get rejected, it's like, oh my God, it's like a huge sting.

But if it's happened over and over and over again, you're kind of like, all right, on to the next, on to the next.

And that's really what the idea of like this 10% target that I'm a real believer in and why I wrote the book.

And my TED talk is all around this idea of making 10 attempts at whatever you want most to get not only to get to that goal, because like I said, most of the time you may not even get to that goal, but it primes you for that idea of, you know what, like either you will get to the goal or another opportunity will present itself, but also

you'll becoming more, you'll become more comfortable with the idea of failure, the idea of rejection.

You'll become immune to that feeling because you've already like primed yourself for the, okay, I'm going to be doing, making these 10 attempts.

So you're already in that, in that mindset.

And also then you don't live with the regret of having not tried, which is so much worse.

Oh my God, of course.

I mean, it's always much worse to 100%.

Like, wouldn't you rather have went after something versus the idea of like, what if I did?

What, what could have?

What should, what, you know, if I did this or if I should have done that.

That to me is way, way worse because that's a gut feel, that's a guttural feeling that lives with you forever.

Like not maximizing on your potential to me at the end of your life is way worse than attempting and going after something and not getting it and failing.

And rejection is always way worse and is always way better, I should say, than regret.

Completely.

So how can people differentiate between being bold and being rude?

Because I feel like a lot of times that's a question that comes up.

Well, how do you ask for something while being assertive without being too aggressive or overly rude about something?

Well, I all, you know what?

It's so funny because everyone always, there's like, there could be such a negative connotation with the idea of what boldness is.

Like, why is there a negative connotation with someone who asks for what they want, who is deliberate in going after something, who, you know, is assertive.

I think there's so many, but it's like, those are all euphemisms that I don't believe have anything to do with being you know I don't think that necessarily being bold necessarily means being rude but I do believe there is that negative connotation and I believe that who cares Like if someone's going to say that, then that, you know, first of all, like, where are they coming from?

A lot of times when people's opinion is that, it's because they themselves don't have the courage yet to be bold.

So then that's why they see it as being rude, right?

And also, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

You can really get away with saying anything if you say it nicely.

Don't you think?

Like, it doesn't matter.

Like, you can be, you can say something super sweet.

Like, you could be like, you are a fat, ugly bitch.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much.

Or you could end it with, just kidding.

People get away with everything by just saying at the end.

I just hate when people do that.

That drives me bonkers.

The just kidding at the end is so annoying.

It's like, so annoying.

First of all, you're not just kidding.

And also, like, did a lot of truth in jest.

Yeah.

There's always truth.

Like, people think that they can, like, say anything if they just add the two words, just kidding, at the end.

Or lol.

They'll be like, and then they'll just say lol at the end of something to make it like less serious.

LOL is more for

that's like the text version of just kidding.

Oh, people use it in real life now.

Who says lol in real life?

Oh, my, oh, my goodness.

Oh, my God.

They will actually, yeah, they will flat out just be like, lol.

Because you know why this is happening?

Because people have lost the ability to socialize in real time, in real life.

So, like, they're just taking their normal text verbiage and now speaking it like real, like real

conversation.

100%.

If anyone said to me, LOL, I think actually people have said to me, and I've looked at them like, what the hell are you saying?

It's a thing.

It's a thing.

They use IRL.

Like, the people will use.

That I haven't heard.

Oh, yeah.

And in the NFT world, it's very common because there's a lot of the online communities.

So when you do like an irl event they literally will just say an irl event gosh that's so crazy to me

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So like to me, LOL is truthfully like the way you would normally say just kidding in real life.

You just would say the word lol on the thing.

But all these like, all these vernacular, they call it like vernaculars or like slaying words.

God, you got to give me like truly like i'm i'm losing track of like you know i just got a couple you know a few of them like i heard um

thirst i learned thirsty oh thirsty sure thirsty is a good that one yeah that's a good one yeah really have you heard of this trap thirst trap no thirst trap yeah thirst trap is one you didn't know about a thirst trap

straps

welcome to the world

you didn't know about a thirst trap they're all over

all those fitness people you follow post thirst traps all the time.

Really?

Thirst straps?

Yeah, any of those guys that are posting pics without their shirts on, like, come on, you're such a thirst trap.

What about a girl?

Can they, what do, are girls doing thirst traps by the way?

Of course they do.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

So what it Kate define.

Okay, let's define what thirst trap is.

So to me, okay, there's intentional and unintentional thirst traps.

You could just look really good in a photo and post it and people will be like, oh, what a thirst trap.

But to me, a thirst trap is specifically something that you post in order to attract the attention of somebody, like in order to, or many people.

Like you're trying to specifically evoke some sort of like sexuality, sensuality, some sort of something to either like attract your crush or to attract a couple guys, like, or girls or whatever.

You're basically wheeling them in.

You're basically

trying to like wheel them in.

Yeah.

Okay.

There's the other one I was like, hold on.

Like, I've posted, I've posted things that are not at all thirst traps per se.

They're not like revealing or anything, but I've literally specifically posted them for specific people.

Like, I would consider that a thirst strap, in my opinion.

Oh, what do you mean?

So, you post me so someone else would like notice you, basically.

Yeah, yeah, but give me an example.

It's like specifically geared towards someone.

So, for example, if I put it on your actual social media for that one person to see it, yeah, yeah.

So, if I have, if I have like an inside joke with someone, you know what I mean?

Like, I don't know, about like a specific food or whatever, and then like I post a specific photo.

I mean, I've only done this a few times, but and I'll post like a photo of me like eating the food.

Like, that is geared towards one person.

And sometimes I'll actually directly send it to them.

I love it.

okay give me another one another one well oh hold on wait don't i want to do a whole episode on this okay should we should we just do this right now should we just do a whole other episode on this yeah let's do a whole other episode on that okay so should we end this right now yeah let's end this right now okay so i'm gonna say so this episode is basically about how to be bold and thirst and then how to thirst trap yeah that's basically what this your guide to thirst trap

your guide to thirst trapping it what it actually means and are you doing it and and tune into the next episode to find out more slang words.

Yeah, next episode is going to be like the hottest slang words of 2023 so far.

That's what we're going to be covering.

30-year-olds.

I feel like you're even too old for this.

I think I am.

I know.

My God, how embarrassing.

But you know what?

Don't forget to subscribe.

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And if you want to hear more about thirst trapping by itself, let us know.