Episode 274: The Alpha Attraction

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Gresham.

I have to talk about something that I saw that I was so excited to bring up on this podcast.

I saw this video where this woman was saying that women need men that are better than them, who are smarter than them, more successful than them, fitter than them, more inspiring than them, more of everything.

And the reason is because that's what we would naturally be attracted to.

I gotta tell you something.

I actually totally agree with her 100%.

Like, I believe a guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast.

And that's just the way it's gonna be.

And when I was watching this, I thought to myself, wow, this is probably one of the most controversial videos, or it probably would be a really controversial video because of the time we're living in.

Wait, really?

I think so, because it kind of feels like it's like how people thought 50 years ago or 100 years ago.

Yeah.

But I think that we're living in a time that we're unable to say what we like.

We say things that we don't actually really believe in our heads, or that's actually really human nature.

But the truth of the matter is, it's 100% true.

Like, I do want a guy who is better than me, who is smarter, fitter, faster, stronger, taller, more inspiring, more successful, richer.

I mean, all the things, right?

Like, I don't want to be the one that is superior because it's hard for me to like be attracted to someone who I feel I'm more dominating in some way to them.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I totally get that.

I mean, especially, I think, like, the stronger, I could never imagine being with a guy that's literally weaker than me.

I can only bench press 75 pounds.

Like if you can't do that, that's just craziness.

Okay, I think the exercise thing aside, I think it's overall.

And I think that if people say otherwise, they're like, they're lying to themselves.

It's bullshit.

Like, what girl wants to be with a guy who is weaker, who's pretty weaker, less successful, less inspiring, who is...

Like all the things, you know, like who is less fit.

I mean, I don't know.

I think we are as we're like we're animals and as animals we are animalistic and have needs and we are automatically drawn to like a stronger like a woman is drawn to a stronger sex it's just how it is when I'm with a guy or not now I guess but when I used to be I guess

back when you were dating back in my dating life

no I remember like Even now, like, what am I even talking about?

Like, in real life now, even, like, I find like so many men aren't even men.

It's like actually kind of like sad and pathetic.

Like the pool of people that I see some of my friends having to deal with, I'm like, oh my God, that is so unattractive.

Like

they're like weak.

I mean, it's just like they're weak and they're just like not manly.

They don't take any initiative.

They don't take any control.

Like, I guess I am like an more of an alpha girl, right?

So especially if you're an alpha girl, you need a guy who's double alpha or at least alpha.

And so that's just, and even if you're not an alpha girl, even girls who are beta or kappa or whatever you want to call it.

Delta gamma.

Delta gamma.

Like, I don't know any girl.

I don't know any girl, any woman, any female who is attracted to someone who they can walk all over and who is like, who has no spine and all that.

Like they may, they may just decide and choose to be with them because it's easier.

Right, right.

Right.

And it's the path of least resistance and they do it because they can.

But don't lie to yourself or lie to me and say like you're hot for that person because there's no freaking way you are.

Period.

That's my opinion.

Now you can tell me yours.

No, I mean, I think I agree for the most part.

I obviously there's like nuance to every situation, but I just could never imagine, I think the only category in which I could see myself giving a little like leeway-ness would be in the sort of financial success category, just because I want to be a billionaire.

Now, I cannot only dream

of dating.

Why?

For example, so here, let me give you an example.

You're focusing on like the outcome and not doing something that can make you that way by doing the work to get there.

That's not all what we're talking about.

I'm talking about dating guys.

No, you're saying I want to be ex.

Right.

So I'm saying

realistic expectations.

Okay, but hold on.

Let me finish my sentence.

That's absolutely not even the point of what I'm trying to say at all.

Okay, okay, fine.

I'm saying I would, I consider myself to someone who's aspiring for crazy aspirations when it comes to success financially and also in career, right?

Now, if my guy that I'm dating doesn't want to be a billionaire, but they want to be a millionaire, for example, and they are moving towards that direction, they're motivated, they're inspired, they're constantly working, they're an entrepreneur, they have that grit to them where they're successful, and they don't make me feel like I'm the wealthier one in the relationship.

They still pay for things, they still support me, they still make me feel like the woman, then I'm okay with that.

But I don't necessarily agree with that.

Do you know what I mean?

100%.

I agree with that.

Like, I think that's the only area where there's, but I just said that there's nuance.

I'm not disagreeing with that.

I said I agree with everything you said.

I just said that there's nuance and I'm just adding to the layer I actually agree with

the grouping here I think that it's not so it's not about the money it's more about like the errors like smart er fit to earn yes yes you know stronger

you know whatever it is I just think that a lot of times when you are a successful woman and have a lot of those things going for you because you are fit and you are smart and you are successful you know the pools of men get smaller and smaller to pick from

because there's a piece of it that's like a lot of guys are intimidated by that, or the woman gives off too much alpha male energy where it's not even a turn-on for the guy.

So, there's okay, that component becomes very difficult.

So, what I really feel is that when a guy is all those

things more than the girl, it quiets down that girl's alpha energy.

100%.

That's what happens.

The girl's alpha energy comes out more when she's around some, a guy that doesn't have it and can't bring it.

100%.

Right?

So, like, it brings out their masculine.

Right.

So, when I have a guy around me who's like way more masculine and super, like, super alpha, I automatically just, but not on purpose, subconsciously, I end up not cowering like,

a little bit of a

little bit cuter, you know.

You do just

feel more feminine.

I get like, I feel more feminine.

I feel more of a girl.

I feel much more like a little girl.

Yeah.

And every girl wants to feel like a little girl.

They don't want to feel like they're like taking over.

And though, I guess the girls who do feel that way, well, then all the power to you.

You know, God bless you.

But the majority of us, the majority of women who are just like doing well and strong and smart and fit and blah, blah, blah, we want the guy to be way better, or we will eat you for breakfast

and snack.

So that's just how it works.

But I really wish that guys understood that concept.

Like, because I feel like if they did, they would understand that when they're presented with a woman who's maybe a little bit more masculine, if that guy were to just assert themselves more, that would allow the woman to be able to enter her femininity more.

And I think guys don't understand that dynamic as much.

And so they immediately think, oh, well, she's just a masculine, more intense female.

And then they think to themselves, oh, well, she's got this.

I guess I don't have to be like, I can just be a bit more beta.

But I think if they understood that a lot of those really intense women who are power, you know, just powerhouses who are working, who are crushing it, they actually can be really feminine females within their relationship dynamics.

They just need to be given that shot and they need to be with someone who

can present that more masculine kind of vibe.

Right.

But a guy has to have enough real inner confidence to even do that.

To actually show that and be that as opposed to going the opposite.

Like, listen, I'm not gonna lie to you, there's a lot of women I meet who are like super like,

have a, who are successful, who have like a really,

a really strong male energy, and it is a turnoff, right?

But I'm saying for the majority, for the most of us, like people who are not like in the 0.1 percentile of like super, super successful, crazy powerhouses.

I'm saying, I'm saying the majority of people, majority of women who are whoever and on the scale of whatever, that what they are, what we need, we are looking for someone who is better than us.

We need men who are better than us, like I said, smarter than us, fitter than us, all of the errors of us, you know?

And it's just what we naturally will gravitate to.

And like, again, you can't fake that stuff.

Either you have it or you don't, right?

So this is not about like people like being, you know, kind of like pounding their chest and pretending.

It's the ones who actually are those things.

Yeah.

So, you know, that's really how I feel.

It's interesting.

You know the joke about how women can never decide where they want to eat?

Yeah.

That's me.

Yeah.

So what's so funny about that scenario is that I just think the joke could be non-existent if guys understood that sometimes we just don't want to have to decide things.

We're constantly faced with a ton of decisions.

And in some scenarios, I think like, just handle it.

Just handle it.

Like, you know what I like.

We've been out to eat many many times before.

You know what my vibe is.

Just fucking pick something on the stove.

So that's a great point.

And that's what I guess that's really at the end of the day, what I was even getting to, because I just want someone to like handle shit.

If I'm handling all this shit all the time, I want someone else to be like, you know, I got this.

I don't have to handle stuff.

And trust me, that like changes the entire dynamic of the relationship.

If I don't have to like take control, trust me, I don't want to take control.

Like I'm taking control in enough areas of my life.

I don't want to be taking control in every single area.

And if someone can, like, alleviate some of that for me, oh my God, it is the biggest turn on in my like for me.

I love that shit.

Yeah, me too.

So, that's all.

Let me know what you think.

Leave me a comment.

And for someone who thinks that I'm out of my mind, crazy, or whatever, let me know that too, because I like to hear from you and what you think.