2025 Ep 287 - Can This Show Be Trusted?

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One.

Ahoy to me, Malleus.

Hey.

If this is Harry Potter spells, I'm out.

No.

Hello to me, Incus.

Jack.

Feels a lot like it, doesn't it?

And I'm Stapis.

Or Stapes, actually.

Stapes.

It doesn't sound Harry Potter, but I wouldn't be surprised if another fantasy magical world

biological scientific

phones, somewhere.

Well done, Ham.

Whereabouts?

There'd be little ones.

In the ear, mate.

Could be the ear.

Could be the ear.

Hey, Jack, it was absolutely not your ball to get a goal.

The ball was bouncing.

It was in the penalty area.

You stole it off me and kicked the goal.

You don't steal it off.

Congratulations.

Protest, protest, protest.

You were letting the defenders circle for too long.

I had no choice but to steal the ball off a teammate and score the goal.

We all could see coming.

Amazing.

Amazing, Malius.

And

you're the first bone.

You're attached to the eardrum.

And then you connect to the incus.

So you do pass it to Jack.

Oh, the ultimate insult.

The boy that then wouldn't pass it back.

The middle bone.

And then I'm the smallest bone in the human body.

And I connect to the inner ear, the stapes.

Absolutely.

It'd be very tiny, wouldn't it?

I mean, I didn't study, no surprise to anyone here, but I didn't study medicine at uni.

No.

And I didn't see any medical medical exams.

But is it the kind of thing that they would put on the exam to go, have a look at this bone, actual size?

Like, what, which one is it?

Would you have to know?

You'd have to know that, wouldn't you?

Well, I mean, I would say.

And then you'd be like, you'd be like, ooh.

Or actually, it would be a tougher question to go, have a look at the shape of this bone.

What is it?

Hint, it's not actual size.

And they put it on as big as a corn flake, when in reality, it's probably as big as a sprinkle.

What meshmoon?

What exams are you doing with pictures all the time?

And special games.

Maybe I've spent too long helping my kids with their homework.

I think all school is about year three.

Ahoy also to Antoinette from Canberra who uploaded what she's been doing at homeishd.com.

Ahoy boys and number six, Antoinette here.

I just wanted to leave a message for my brother and his fiancé who are getting married this April.

Now, I would like to make two versions of this message.

This first version will hopefully be played just before the wedding.

Hi, Reese and Haley.

We're all so excited to see you on your big day.

Just know that we're proud of you for making this happen sooner than Andy would.

And your friends, family, and your dog Marty look forward to celebrating with you.

This is the second version.

Happy 10th wedding anniversary, Reese and Haley.

Sorry you had to wait so long to hear this, but you know how Andy feels about WhatsApp.

Anyway, we hope you're reminiscing on your wedding day and enjoying each other's company while still listening to the Hamish and Andy podcast.

Must be nice.

See ya.

Surprise it did get through so quickly.

To be honest, it's a very efficient pipe now.

It didn't say which April though.

It could have been

I can show you the email.

It's come in very recently.

Haim, you said that you wanted the top of the show and it was important to me financially to give it to you.

Well, it could be important for everyone financially.

Jack and I have had a busy morning because

we got an email from a young man called Christian.

Well, you and I got an email.

The show got an email from a guy called Christian.

You fell on my side of the fence.

50% of the emails get split.

So I have a look at this email and it goes, hello, guys.

I have a million-dollar idea.

I'm sure it's a winner.

I've been thinking about it for ages.

Problem is, I'm time poor.

And,

you know, he's a carpenter.

He's got, he's got a couple of kids.

He's just a busy man.

But it's obviously troubling him that he has what is, in his mind, just an absolute money-making machine sitting here in his brain ready to go.

If only his body's schedule would free up.

But surely you free up your schedule if you believe in it so much.

Yeah, but that's, we all know that this is one of those tricky times in life, you know, where you like, go, oh, I've got a solid risk it all.

Yeah.

I'm a carpenter.

I've got solid income.

I've got two kids.

I've got a support.

I've got a mortgage.

But then on the other hand, I'm pretty sure the blueprints I have for this money printing machine in my head are sound and this idea will work.

So he's come to us and going,

he's reluctant to tell people the idea or to go public with the idea because as soon as people hear it, someone's going to pinch it.

All good ideas are simple.

It feels like a highly pinchable idea to hear.

For medicines and stuff like that.

Patterns, yeah.

Medical patterns are less pinchable.

So I thought to myself, okay, rather than me and you call this Christian guy and go, what's your idea?

Tell us off air.

His name's Christian, by the way.

Hayman wasn't.

So yes, this guy's religious.

Rather than call Christian you and me, I thought, why don't we take Jack, who has a head,

he's sort of our head of investment.

He has a proven track record at investments.

He was onto Bitcoin very, very early, lost some.

That's all right.

Like misplaced them, not as in lost money, would have made an absolute fortune.

The idea to invest was a sound idea.

Absolutely.

And you don't want to know about the number.

You You don't want to know.

I mean, we don't want to know the number, do you?

Every six months I go looking for it again and I can't find it.

It will never be found.

No.

But now I think Bitcoin's hovering around 130.

Don't say it.

Don't say it.

Okay.

How many did you lose again?

One.

Just one.

Okay.

And some of yours.

Yeah.

Anyway, let's not say.

Anyway, so

we're not talking about that, but Jack is, he was ahead of the curve on Bitcoin and Acai Berries.

That was incredible.

caught that one early and that seems to just be going from strength to strength.

I thought the market should have tapped out by now.

But it'll be saturated in that purple ice cream.

However, I see more and more stores opening up.

All the time.

All the time.

One thing you did miss, though, Jack, I will say, is Biscoff, the Biscoff trend.

Yeah, and I should have known because I think it's got Dutch origins.

And we used to eat, my Dutch grandparents gave me a lot of everything

in the Netherlands.

Jack, if you're the head of investments, we need you on the front of every curve.

And Biscoff, I think, has boomed in the last six six months.

Biscoff, it's like a gingerbready type biscuit.

Cinnamon-y, yeah, cinnamony.

And my Dutch grandparents did used to give it to us before it was famous.

Now, this is what it's just so many famous.

Oh, man.

Macca's are doing biscuffy.

Ever just did a biscuit line.

That's what I saw earlier this year.

I was like, mate, everyone's doing it.

Macca's has done biscoff.

Now it's got too popular.

We should have been on biscuff a year ago.

So that's on new posts.

Well, my frank thing is nowhere near the poll, so I didn't even know what Biscoff is.

All right, we can still get Andy to invest late because he doesn't know.

Nice goff at biscoff anyway we missed the boat we missed the boat on biscuit let's not let it happen again christian has come to the show and he might have the next biscoff he might have the next

next big thing so what i organized is jack and i called him earlier today just before the show did he tell you the idea yeah you we got a few because so a bit of a delicate one here because i can't play you this conversation because the idea is in there so you're not going to tell me now well we tried to talk around it i'm going to try and convey to you how investment worthy i think the idea is with the thought that maybe as a show we get behind this and we back it.

Wow.

If you like the sounds of this.

Okay.

But maybe you don't even like that.

Maybe there's a few red flags in this anyway.

And you're just like, look, I don't want to hear it.

I'm not interested.

But this is the shape of the idea without betraying Christian's confidentiality from the conversation earlier.

I was talking to my brother who's in a similar industry and I said, I'll tell you what they need.

And then I gave him the idea.

I could see the dollar signs in like his eyes as I was telling him the idea and he said, no, it's too good of an idea.

He goes, if it was that easy, it would have already been done.

And have you checked, has it been done?

It has been done in a different part around the world.

Yeah, okay.

So has this exact idea been done like in a different territory or a different industry's done it?

I would say almost the exact thing has been done.

Okay, so it does exist.

It exists, but you wouldn't even know that it exists.

Yeah, but it does exist.

Well, from Google, what I've googled, I think there's three places in the world that do it.

But that's Biscoff.

Yeah, I mean,

yeah.

I'm less excited because he says it already exists.

So that's a huge worry for him.

We've been chatting for some time there and

the build-up had been sort of that, it's amazing, it's incredible every time everyone talked to.

It has been done.

Which we found for most of Hawg's inventions back in the day.

That's true.

It is very, very hard to have an original idea.

So the idea of going, well, well i'm just going to make it big in australia still could hold water

okay this is the next little bit well this is where he actually tells us the idea so we have to beep out some of the this conversation okay what can you tell me what industry is it in or not it's a service is that fair to say jack yeah why is andy not allowed to know again we can't say it now because people will hear it and they'll steal it yeah we can tell andy off air but i'm just trying to have this conversation for the listeners too so they can be involved in the moment where we decided to invest Or do you want to do it differently, Jack?

Should we just turn the mics off?

Well, you can just turn the mics off and tell Andy

and then turn them back on.

No, I think actually you should hear his enthusiasm and passion and maybe just invest without even knowing

what the business is.

Actually, that is good.

Okay,

go on.

Christian, hit us with the idea.

Boss, Dave, a little dignitative, my spiel that I normally give to other people.

Yep, give us the spiel that makes clients' jaws hit the floor and the dollar signs go in your brother's eyes.

Have you ever been query?

Yes, I have.

Have you ever been?

That's where the idea starts.

Jack's eyes have lit up.

I am interested.

You've got to retrain your brain to not hear it as swear words.

Because if he goes, have you ever been beef?

It sounds like something terrible.

You want to effort and kill someone.

No, no.

So that's just him saying proprietary information that he doesn't want stolen and we owe it to him not to publicly say it.

So what intrigued me was the laughter that you guys said immediately put me off.

Yeah.

Yes.

At first it seemed silly.

The laughter is because he gave us.

He gave us a 10-minute run-up to essentially that point where he said how good it was, how many millions and millions of dollars to make.

At one point, he said he doesn't want to be a billionaire, suggesting it could be a billionaire.

yeah true he said i'm not even after it he goes i just wanted he said he wanted somewhere between a million but it's less than a jet okay so he's sort of like i don't even need a lot i just want to pay off the house and be comfortable and then everyone else can share in the profit so he was really giving us like tech growth money multiple kind of valuations

and it wasn't quite that we laugh because it's kind of very a very normal idea well it's a retail out it's a, it's a thing that you'd have at a shop.

So it's not a, it kind of feels like I'm a judge on the voice.

I don't get the full picture.

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's the fun part of it.

Yeah, and then would you invest based off that?

Not yet, because the laughter definitely put me off.

But because if you guys went like this, for instance, again, I mean, it's not a billion-dollar valuation, is it, Jack?

I can't see it being a billion dollars, but maybe he opens many, many, many, many stores.

He said the possibilities are limitless, but I don't think they are.

No, they have a limit.

Jack then did say, I am interested at the end, though.

Yeah, yeah, but I honestly think you'd be looking at someone that's opening up between one and five successful outlets.

Okay.

All right.

Here's the last bit where he tells us how far he's got with the idea.

Christian, I feel like you've laid it out to us well.

Again, without disclosing it, it's a giant lateral leap for you from carpentry into running this business, isn't it?

So Jack and I'll take this to Andy

and see if we can get his blessing.

Because I think if this was Shark Tank, you certainly threw the first aquarium.

I haven't really watched the show, but you're through the first stage.

And now we'll take it to the papa shark.

Usually on Shark Tank, they come with a bit more, they're a bit further down the line than just the idea stage.

Yeah, I would agree with that.

Yeah.

Good to hear.

Like,

they've got a name.

They've got like.

I've got a name.

I've got a name.

Yeah, they've got names.

That's good.

That's actually really good.

That's good.

Let us take it to Andy.

Your secret's safe with us, Christian.

We'll be back in touch.

Beautiful.

Thank you very much.

So that's where we sit, Ando.

You like that.

Wanted to do it.

And there's a lot in

branding's important.

Wanted to do it in this public forum because I want the listeners to be on the journey.

Jack, I'm going to text you guys a figure of what I think it would cost.

We haven't asked Christian.

We haven't asked him this, but I think if we were to invest this much,

we could conceivably

because it's going to take him like if he was starting to do this tomorrow, it's going to take him a bit of money to achieve what he wants to achieve.

And how definitely

how's the runway?

Oh,

six months a year, yeah.

Six months to a year, you'd need this amount as a seed investment.

And I think we could ask for 50% of the business

at least.

Okay, I'm waiting for it to come into you yet, Jay.

We

wow,

a $100,000.

Why would we do that?

What?

Whose money?

Whose money?

But you would all have to put in.

It's not that good.

$100,000.

All right.

I think lean, lean.

Lean, lean, you could do it.

Like, sure, he'll probably need that kind of money, but...

That's what I mean.

Well, you can't.

We're not giving it to him.

Well, that's what investing is.

Oh, i thought it was like make a like at most a thousand dollar bet that it's gonna work well who are

his business bet

yeah just wondering if you've got the odds in for a christian small business ideas i reckon thousand bucks against

60 then i i think he could because he needs the money jack it's his idea so he he's sort of he's gonna do the work but he needs financial backing 60 that's $20,000 a piece.

It's not.

And you don't

from us.

Yeah, but I'm not in.

All right.

Okay.

I'm going to say something crazy.

I'm changing tact.

I think we just have to tell Andy.

Okay.

Just up front.

I mean, he tells everyone, doesn't he, Jack?

Now that I think about it.

He told everybody.

He was like, I tell clients, I tell my brother.

And it exists.

I'm doing very keen.

Like, he does say it exists in three other parts of the world.

So this is not,

you know, as we said, this is not like a medical patent or anything.

It's a Eureka moment.

We were mostly trying to protect it in case we all wanted to invest.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

And now it looks like maybe that's, we'll see how that sounds.

It's

barbershops at the airport.

When you say it as simply as that, it sounds funny, but no one's done it.

No one's done it.

It's better than that because Beck looked into it.

Yeah.

Nails.

Nail salons.

That's his next idea, too.

Nail salons at the airport.

So it's barbershops.

Girls just went up for nails.

It's barbershops and nail salons at the airport.

Like we can just do it without him if we really wanted to do it.

Like, there's no IP in that.

Yeah.

Jack, what do you think?

20 grand in, we now own the full company.

And I also like, if Andy's going to go rogue and just do it anyway, I trust Andy's ability to get a company up and going more than, I mean, I don't know Christian pretty well.

This is exactly what he didn't want.

Oh, it didn't want to be.

This is exactly what he didn't want.

He literally came to us because he's like, I trust you guys.

I don't want anyone stealing the idea.

With best efforts and best intentions, we have just completely and publicly decided that stealing the idea is the best business outcome.

Yeah.

And he actually, he actually, we didn't play it, but he specifically asked us not to steal the idea.

Yeah.

In the email, he did too.

I think I gave him my word.

Yeah, you promised him.

Well,

you don't have to.

How How did he wordy was?

No, but I mean, I haven't stolen it, but I seem to have certainly left the keys on the bench

around Andy.

Ando, coming in here today, I've actually got my own upset Andy for you.

I thought we should do some of it.

I was inspired by myself.

as I was coming into the building.

I have bought my laptop in.

That in itself won't upset you.

I don't carry a charger with me.

I back myself to make the full day mode.

That does upset you.

That does upset you.

You do like to have the full suite of chargers.

How many times you've tapped me on the shoulder and said, come here, have your charger.

Juice me up, my friend.

Jack, we're actually, me and Andy were playing golf the other week and it was early in the morning and I'd done the thing where I forgot to charge my phone overnight.

And I was in a rental car that has the, you know, the contactless charging.

Yep.

I put too much stock in that being powerful enough to charge it.

I don't do that.

That just stops it from dying, really.

It barely stops the bleeding.

It doesn't

put any juice back in the system.

It just kinks the hose for a while.

And I got a feeling that if you've got a case on your phone, it also puts a barrier between the charging.

Yeah, to continue on this

medical analogy, I take the case off mine, like how they cut your pants off in the OR.

Take the case off just so it it can get the full contact.

It gets them charged.

Anyway, didn't do the job.

We were out in the golf course.

It's like early in the morning and it's, you know, I'm at 17%.

And I said, oh, Ando.

He doesn't have a power bank, does he?

Well, I said, you'd have a charger.

We're actually in golf carts that you can drive around that you almost owned.

And I was like, they've got USBs and stuff.

And he said, no, I don't have.

And I said, that surprises me because surely you come out.

with every contingency you care for.

And he said, yes, but I would never come out with an uncharged uncharged phone so

which I see his point he's not running an electricity charity he expects those around him to be fully juiced anyway so today's one I've got my laptop with me

but I'm the bag I've bought because I'm getting change I'm going out after this is just a duffel bag so the laptop just thrown into a duffel bag

don't bother you too because as i was walking around the coffee as i was walking around the corner downstairs the side of the bag just banged into like a coffee shop wall.

And I heard a clunk.

And I did think I'd sort of put some socks like around the laptop, but I heard a slight clunk.

And I thought, man, Ando would not be okay with a laptop being in a non specifically engineered for the laptop environment.

That's true.

I mean, I have softened over the years.

Hey, my very first laptop, you'll remember, I kept the foam bit that goes over the...

What do they put in there when you first open it?

I kept the packaging.

To the point where I thought I was meant to do it too.

Have I made a mistake here?

That was the first time we'd ever owned a laptop.

The first time I ever owned a laptop.

Yep.

And Andy would cut out circles of foam to put on his fingertips.

Every time the finger touched it, so the keys would never have to touch anything but foam.

You have suffered people.

You'd never put your laptop in a non-engineered for a laptop environment.

I don't think you even like putting a 13-inch laptop in a 15-inch backpack slot.

anyway so there's a spirit in the spirit of renegade laptop bags let's do it

everything is neat and practical

because that's the way he likes it but what if it wasn't upset andy

got some absolute doozies that are coming through ando all right first cab off the rank ashley ahoy to you ashley aoy ashley ahoy boys so i'm a very type a person um i'm

What does type A mean?

I would say it's the opposite of fast and loose.

Oh, so I'm type A.

Could be Amy.

I would say so.

Okay.

Well, that's one way of saying it.

Sorry, I thought that's all the A stood for.

I've heard people say that before.

I never knew what.

I thought that meant you were like an alpha.

Oh, right.

Okay.

Two different forks in the road there, depending on which A word you choose.

So actually, you and I are kindred spirits.

Kindred spirits.

Very type A, very organized.

I've got all the things that I need written down in my phone, like everyday numbers, logins, password protected, of course.

But my fiancé, Jack, is very much type B, fast and loose.

And the worst example of this

fat yet, but what a bozo.

I found out recently that he doesn't know his tax file number and it's not written down anywhere.

So

if he needs to access it, you know, multiple times a year for job applications or tax time, whatever, the only place it's written down is in a Facebook Messenger chat with his ex-boss from when he was 14 years old at his first job.

And he scrolls all the way to the top of the chat to where he's originally sent his tax file number.

That is the only place that exists.

Yeah.

So he does have a written down.

He knows exactly where it is.

That is appalling, Ashley.

And I hate it.

Yes.

I mean, can you curb this behavior?

Can you, because, you know, obviously, if you say he's your fiancé, you're about to become ingrained and that means more financial joint financials those type of things do you think you need him to up his act

i have tried so hard ash i'll give you a little clue he's not changing um we are who we are and um you know you've always you've got the exciting choice of swimming against the rip or going with it and um you know pick it have a go have a go at both and you just see which one is um yeah see which one's easier on the arms and may you have a wonderful life together thank you thank you very much hopefully we we can combine our numbers or something and I can just use mine.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Essentially, Monique, ahoy to you.

Gusto to you.

Gusto to you.

And the biggest of gusto to you, madam.

Is this you or a partner, someone you know?

It's actually me and my partner.

So a couple years ago, we moved in together and we thought we'll be bougie, get a king bed.

So in the spirit of being organized, which I rarely am, I thought I'll buy a frame, found a nice one with drawers on sale.

And then we moved in together and didn't end up getting the king bed.

So we just have a queen bed on a king frame because I didn't want to use it.

That's fine.

No.

And it's about a foot either side of slats.

And

we always planned on maybe like upgrading, but our cat actually goes in between the slats, like a little cave.

And so now we can't bear to remove that from him.

So this is just how we will live.

Yeah, it's literally the giant version of the 13-inch and the 15-inch pocket.

Like that's

the ratio.

I don't like it.

You've only got a problem there if you're going the other way.

I think king on a queen base.

I think I'd prefer that.

No, you wouldn't.

I think I'd prefer that for look.

I'm serious.

I think I'd prefer that for look with a long duna that goes in the side.

So at least you look.

But you would say you would like, well, you would sag off the end.

That's fine because the other thing,

the shin whack on the side trying to get into bed when you don't have a mattress tied up, it's not fine.

And

that has upset me.

And you've actually given yourself an inbuilt bedside table.

I think that's pretty smart.

So you'd put coffee cups and stuff alongside

in Slatland, yeah.

You know what you could do is you could push the whole mattress to one side, yes, and lay a bit of chipboard along to create.

No, no,

why would you do that when you've already got inbuilt slats that are built to hold things?

Slatland is where you keep coffee cups and books.

Jordan, ahoy to you.

Ahoy, gentleman, and little boy.

How are we?

Ahoy.

What have have you got for us, Jordan?

So it's actually my wife.

She bought like an expensive face serum.

And then, literally, the night that she bought it, she dropped it on the ground and it shattered and spilled everywhere.

So she actually got like a plastic sheet and scooped it into a Tupperware container.

And she continued to use it for three months while picking glass off her face every time that she used it.

Off her face.

The ultimate exfoliant.

Exactly.

Micro generation.

Glass.

You've tried sand.

You've tried loofah.

Now try shards of glass.

I thought you'd hate it straight away.

Yeah, I did.

I wouldn't be following that one at all.

Yeah, glass and the serums are tough.

I mean, the thrifting, the efficiency, you'd appreciate Ando.

What Andy would have done is probably got us some sort of sieve, I would have thought, and cleaned it properly.

Was the serum thin enough to be able to sieve it?

No, it was quite thick.

Unsievable.

Uncivilized,

he's absolutely nightmare is uncivable serums correct correct jordan thank you mate

imagine going into macra and going and just sorry one thing before i buy this is sieveable is it just i am clumsy so even just when it breaks this sieveable oh no no we only have two that weight enough to be sieved

henry hoy gents how you going you're good very good mate you've got something to upset Andy.

Yes, when it rains at my house, the door frame around my bedroom door swells up, and the door doesn't quite shut properly.

So being a fast and loose individual, I'll just stand there and kick it till it shuts.

How do you go getting it back open if it's swollen?

Oh, you just got to reef it.

It takes a couple of minutes.

You can...

Henry, you could easily just paint over the bottom.

So my guess is it's swelling at the bottom

where the rain's hitting up against the bottom of the door.

No, it's like an inside door, and it just swells up, I think, when it's heated.

It might have might have a leak.

It might have a leak, yeah.

But I mean, but no one's got time to get in the roof.

That's an absolute day ruiner.

So, I like the system.

Take it off and plane it down like a few mil.

Oh, God, mate.

No, think about the time, Andy.

Time?

Who's got the time to take a door off and plane it?

Damn, what are you talking about?

He's already got a system.

He kicks it.

A couple of good kicks is far quicker.

mate think about all the time you've saved by not planing the door you can go on a four-day holiday easily

see ando easily um quick one finally last one jake yeah jake ahoy to you hi boys what have you got top said ando yes i noticed something weird with my barbecue recently that the grease trap's always clean and empty despite the fact i never clean it and i worked out what was going on when i started noticing some animal droppings scattered around the barbecue it turns out a rat or perhaps a large mouse has moved into my barbecue is home and since he keeps the barbecue nice and clean for me i've just decided to let him stay

and now i've just cranked the barbecue up to full blast for 10 minutes or so before cooking burns off any potential germs you're good to go for potential germs so you're saying that a rat's coming in and licking your grease tray every time yeah

keeps it nice and clean there's a little barbecue helper for me yeah yeah and you're like like those fish who are those fish that clean the shops that yeah yeah that just swim along like the pilot fish or whatever they're just like just nibble on them so you've created a beautiful symbiotic relationship between barbecue and rat and

you can't take one away because the other will be sad yeah jay exactly how often are you having people around for barbecues oh all the time nothing wrong with that expect a lot less people showing up

having her they'll come they'll come wanting to see the incredible system

the barbecue can't fix that is true and do you put the lid do you put the lid down during the sanitizing yeah i can't

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Good Friday tomorrow for those who celebrate Easter, but everyone enjoys the break regardless of whether you're going to be able to do it.

We do celebrate the day off for sure.

Obviously, it's one of the big ones for Christians.

Yep.

Christmas being a biggie.

Yeah, you celebrate,

recognize, support all biggies across all faiths.

But I felt like I was thinking the other day that there's a lot of Christmas carols, zero Easter carols.

Yep.

No, you're right.

So they've missed a trick and Beck and I were in the car driving along and a Beatles track came on and I was like, this would be perfect for Easter because it kind of would tell the story.

What is the rule with a

carol as a

type of song?

Like, I mean, does it, you don't get a carol, you can't have a birthday carol.

Yeah, what makes a carol a carol?

Can you only have a carol at Christmas time?

I don't know because I know the song we're about to do, but it's

it's

we can call it a carol

an Easter carol because yeah, I don't know when else you can get a carol.

Like imagine just releasing a song and someone going like, oh, I heard you you dropping a new song.

It's actually a carol.

Is it Christmas based?

Nope.

No.

Just it's a carol.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't know what defines.

Anyway, let's go.

This is an Easter carol.

I mean, it's just nice to know we're at the cutting edge here.

Obviously,

for those who've followed the story of Jesus.

You make it sound like it's happened this week.

Make it sound like we're a thrilling conclusion this weekend, which is what it would have been like 2000, you know, 25 roughly years ago.

Yes, where Judas kind of

in the weeks prior.

kind of dut him in a bit didn't he i don't think at the time judas would have been thinking this would have been such a big a deal that he'd be like i mean you think about the people that have done you know dubious things or stabbed someone in the back and you know maybe history hasn't smiled.

You would.

He would have been hungry.

You'd be like, okay, maybe for 50 years or, you know, you probably at the time you'd be like, this will definitely blow over.

Because you've got to remember back in those days, people were getting, you know, horrible things were happening all the time.

you know probably that week they'd been whatever jesus was crucified alongside other two other people on the hill

so so like and you'd be like okay yes i'm in the thick of it here but i'm just i'm looking after number one and this will absolutely blow they won't be talking about this in 2000 years time he wouldn't even believe that he's he's now known as like it's called being a Judas.

It's named after him being deceitful.

One of those names that just kind of gets given people like, oh, we're not using that anymore.

You can't beat, you can't break the brand.

No.

And that's why when a popular Beatles song came on the radio, I was like, oh, this would be perfect for the first ever Easter carol.

Hey, Judas,

have you got a sec?

I just wanted a quick chat.

It won't take a minute

I heard you're scheming things behind my back

I'm sure it's nothing,

but I thought I'd raise it

AJ,

whoa man, I'm shocked

Who'd you hear this from?

That's really weird man

From my perspective, that you and I are type.

In fact, you still good

for top golf on Thursday.

It's just that I heard it from Dave and John and Matt.

And I don't think they've got any

reason to lie to me.

They said you're out on the piss with a

band-arm soldiers that you know

just aren't that into me

No no no no mate

Hey Judas

There's another thing

I got a text from you that I think was for someone else.

It was telling them my exact whereabouts.

It's pretty cut and dry.

How do you explain that?

Oh, Jay, I was just mucking about with Pete.

You know,

we joke, remember how we joke a lot.

So let's grab a beer and hug it out

at this

exact

location

I hear

it's a great loss up a just up a spot

Hey Judas

silly me

that all makes sense.

I'll see you there.

Also,

that's a lovely watch you've got.

How'd you pay for that?

My dad gave it to me.

No more questions, big guy.

HAME, we launched our small business security test system.

That's where you, Jack, and I will get together.

And if

someone has come to HAMESGNER.com, nominated their business for us to test the security on, we'll go and rob them only to go, hey, well done.

Your security has stood up.

And we have to do it with the permission.

It has to be the boss who can, you know, obviously get to the point.

We're going to verify.

We're going to verify.

So a couple of people were just trying, I think, trying to get us to rob their competitors.

But again,

we need that golden ticket, that amnesty to go.

You're not in trouble.

And it's all a simulation, essentially.

And the other thing that I, I hoped I spelt out last, last time, but good to get it out there again, is this isn't just shoplifting.

No, I'm not talking about just shop.

We're not just like, that does exist at like department stores and stuff, maybe, or I guess like mystery shoppers, there are mystery thieves, but we're not just pocketing like a couple of of candy bars would you agree guys that we're not going to pick anything that we can fit in a pocket yep good idea yeah it has to be it has to be on a level of a heist or a proper robbery to test the security we that's that's the level can't wait to get out and burgle one of you um as a goodwill gesture

service to you service to you and also we get to live out of fantasy because i think everyone likes to think they'd be quite good in bank robbery movies or in heist movies you just you know it's the obviously the legal penalty and the ethical dilemma that it throws that means you don't most people don't pursue it as a passion yeah and we get the chance to do both but we're pumped for it

be on the lookout for three people testing small business security burg boys burg boys whatcha gonna do what you gonna do when we steal from you hopefully thank us yes and we'll return the goods as um the good burger boys do burger labor

do you think we should return the goods yes yes no i can i'm aware of any traps now where i might say something that i regret later no we will return the goods

and i'm going to make it my mission for the rest of the year to be less weasly oh

starting now okay i just thought you might go well we've done the work is that of course an old version of me would be tempted to go we should get paid in some manner performing a service for somebody interesting we'll see what happens when it comes up we obviously can't say on the pod now who we are going to be.

We haven't made that decision yet, but we can't obviously go, oh, this is a good one, because then immediately they're tipped off.

But thank you for all the businesses that have sent them.

All of them.

I can tell you who we're not going to go to, but Hatchley Ham.

Yep.

Neil, these are just ones we're ruling out.

Yeah.

We're ruling these out because, yeah, for operational security, the ones we're ruling in, we'll have to discuss off-air.

Yes.

Neil.

He says, much gusto to you guys.

Bet you can't come to my farm, steal a sheep, shear it, and sell both the sheep and the wool.

Good luck, farmer Neil.

Now, why aren't we doing that?

That would have been corrupt.

I would have been quite keen on that.

We would have been rustlers.

I mean, we can.

Sheep rustlers.

We can edit that out.

I mean, it's a podcast.

If you guys really, I just felt like.

Well, I like it because it's a bit left field.

But what it does, though, is I like, I do like the fact that we're trying to test existing security systems.

So what it's sort of saying to Neil is, okay, you need guards in every paddock now.

It's like it's left field.

It is just a field.

It's a field.

There are sheep that aren't getting watched 24-7.

I think it wouldn't be too difficult to go and steal a sheep.

It wouldn't be too difficult.

That's true.

And again, that option is always there for someone.

You just hope that the nuisance level is a high enough barrier to steal a sheep, shear it, sell the wool.

I think such a small amount of wool.

I think you have to sell the wool in much bigger quantities.

I think it is.

Yeah, one sheep, yeah.

I have never investigated sheep farming as a viable career option, but you get the sense that the reason there's huge amounts of them is someone's done the maths on it and mono sheep operations and not lucrative.

And then there's another thing, like if you steal them on a lease or if you steal a very important paper, like

it's hard to move it.

I reckon it's hard to get one sheep sheared.

I think

it's hard to sell a single.

Any others on your side?

I just want to rule out kidnappings as a whole.

Yep.

Like I think

we're not taking a human.

We're not going to steal a human.

We had

Sabrina, I won't say what school she's from or use her last name, but she did say, I work at a high school.

Come and try and steal one of the kids.

One of the annoying ones, preferencely,

I can give a list of names.

Yeah, we're not going to storm into a classroom black bag over someone's head and steal a kid.

No.

That's not what the Berg boys do.

Caitlin Tearham.

She'd love you to rob my small business.

AKA, give it a test

of my security.

my husband and i both own a small butcher shop he's the main butcher so this application is a secret from him so she wants to test her own husband yeah this is good

here we have a small fridge out the back of the shop where we hang our meat i propose that you go for the gold test our security by hopefully getting in there and stealing a leg of lamb or a side of beef

I feel that's you want to do that one.

Oh, again, again, this is not out of the question.

Maybe we can do several of them.

Maybe we steal the sheep from your first suggestion.

If he comes out the back, so it's both a theft and a prank.

We steal a bunch of lamb and then if we replace it or

we rebuilt the animal.

We brought it back to life.

Here's the sheep.

All right.

Well, maybe.

Maybe.

The butcher's the first one where I've thought there is a little bit of inherent danger in what we're doing because.

Because straight away, you do, oh, because of the knives yeah well what if he cleaves our hands off because we were stealing meat and then we go no no no it's just that's the radio movement but the good news is it's not the 1400s which is good so i don't think he'll distribute i thought the clever justice that was one of the main reasons i put across there it's like i don't really want to be caught in a in a in a meat room with a guy who's good with big knives yeah but that's why we're doing this as a team you'd have to trust i assume the play there would be the decoys out the front you'd have to put your faith in whoever's doing the decoy and the short straw guy would be the guy sneaking into the fridge room out the back during the decoy.

That's how you'd assume that's how we'd pull off that heist.

So do you want to delete that one?

Do you guys still want to do that?

Yeah, well, he knows about it now.

So we can do it.

But like, so no, but I'm saying, do you want to delete it from the podcast?

No, no, no.

That's good.

Well, we've got others.

We've got others.

But this is a good, I think this helps us choose the target in the same spirit of not wanting to get your hands cleaved off.

That's why Chloe's, I think, is out, but I appreciate her contacting the show.

Said, don't have a small business.

I think it'd be a great idea if you broke into our backyard and tried to steal my boyfriend's motorbike.

I don't.

Again, again, it just does feel like

it just, even if he's not a biker, he probably isn't.

But he just is a motorbike fan.

She does, she said, look, he's gotten into baseball recently, and there are a few bats around the house.

So straight away.

What kind of, what kind of, did you ask what kind of bike it is?

No.

Yeah.

The type of bike bike might also indicate the type of person we're up against you know yeah and if we're stealing a harley hard to steal it quietly isn't it that's even if we even if we had chloe's help which we can't really have because for it to be a proper simulation no people tend to go why did you help them steal my motorbike it's not an inside it's not an inside job you can't we can't have an inside service to test your security i also wonder too to make this a fair test of the security even things like knowing there's a meat fridge out the back is does like i don't think we should know too much about

vulnerability.

I thought you did have a fridge, but that is fine out.

That is find outable.

That's fine out.

I get your point.

Yeah, I get your point.

He just has an old chest of drawers out the back where he keeps all the meat.

Dominic, he writes, again, this is a no from me.

Yep, he's got an aviation business.

I won't say what airport.

He goes, come to the airport, steal an aircraft tug.

We always leave the keys in them.

That's that's big to me i just i don't want to be messing with a sick like airport that's aviation security that is that's that's that's got the potential to go pear-shaped yeah yeah i don't want to be squealing with a knee in my neck it's a joke it's a joke

yeah

in any context i mean ideally we want to be making off with whatever we choose to steal But I mean, it is, it would be funny.

That's got a risk of us going on some sort of list where we're not allowed to fly over again.

That kind of stuff.

So that's, yeah.

So there's a little bit of self-preservation in the no there for me.

There's so many that have come in, though.

You know, we're probably getting close to 100, Ham.

Do I've got a couple of yeses that I'd like us to discuss off here.

Do you have any others that it's this, we're doing this to give everyone the flavor of what's coming in?

A lot of the mine, I put a line through them because it's just.

it's just shoplifting.

Yep.

And whilst that is a crime, I think I'm looking for, like you said, a bigger score,

a bigger target.

And so a lot of them, I feel

we could do it.

I feel we could do it.

Maybe we're probably going to have to take this off air and make a decision.

And then like, we'll just have to, we'll just pop back up and people will go, like, we just have to pop back up and go with Berg.

Yeah, we're going quiet.

Yep.

And then people will look at the website or look at the stuff that we put on socials and go, do they have neck bruises?

Did they do the airport one?

Did they squeal?

It's a joke.

It's a joke.

It's a joke.

Or did they get away with it?

Like the jackal, we're going to go dormant from here on in.

And then great reference, the jackal.

Now I'm excited.

I think I might buy a tan jacket.

Dormant now.

And the next you'll hear from this?

Yep.

Is us putting on our old man disguises.

And

in a freakishly short amount of time, putting on professional makeup that changes our appearance.

Just so people know, in the real world, that's about a six-hour makeup job, but the jackal is able to put it on in about four minutes.

Yes.

And we'll be doing that.

We'll let you know how we go.

We should use jackal makeup.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.