2024 Ep 277 - Jack’s Unbelievable Request!

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One

ahoy to me, Brady Cardia.

Hey, okay.

Um, hey,

just trying to be a brat.

Well, he got it first time last week, and he was

getting started.

Mike is looking over smugly over there.

He's done something Gen Z, I reckon.

He's gone.

Ahoy to me, tachycardia.

Oh, I know.

We're to do with the heart.

Sorry, I think we're the

disorders.

No, no, no.

I think it's like the beats of the heart.

Like it's machines you use for the heart.

Haim, I'm going to give it to you.

It's abnormal heart rhythms.

That's what it is.

And I was a fibrillation.

Hamish is familiar with abnormal rhythms as a drummer, so that's why he got it so easily.

Good dig, but I think what you need is sometimes when the guitar is so slow, you have to slow the beat down to try and catch the guitar and bring it back to the band's place.

Sillily, I gave Hamish the, sorry, Jack, the tachycardia, which is the heartbeat's too fast.

That's when

the beat's over 100 beats per minute.

And your taco's going wild.

Yes, and Bradycardia is a disruption of electronic impulses conducted by the heart and

fibrillation, a quivering heartbeat, which is me in that case.

It should have been Jack because he obviously has stage presence like a quivering mess.

That was a long time ago.

You guys haven't seen me play in a long time.

Where are you playing?

No, well, I'm not playing on stage, but in my bedroom, I'm very wrong.

We have to play again at some point, don't we, Jens?

Yeah, I'm there.

there's no way we're not playing again.

Often I think about that song that Jack thinks is perfect for the band.

Hame and I had a chat about it the other day over beer.

We're like, Man, Jack,

I send Jack songs.

Sometimes Hame sends me like one question out of thousands and well, tens and hundreds of thousands of songs in the universe, he goes, is it this?

Yeah.

Is he ever close?

No.

No.

No.

Because the way I listen to it.

It's got all...

It's great.

If you both got behind it, it would be a great song for the the band.

Yeah,

just to catch people up.

Obviously, for Cool Boys and the Frontman,

our band we're talking about, it needs to have enough of an area for us to all show off.

It needs to have a good drum bit that I can feel positive I'm showing off in.

Jack needs to be able to show off on lead guitar, and Ando, you need to show off on whatever the special instrument is.

This has an exotic instrument.

This has an exotic.

Okay, great.

Kills me.

I don't know.

I just want to know what it is.

Yeah, same.

Hannah from Brisbane also has gone to Hamishandy.com to tell us what she's been up to ahoy hamishandy and everybody's favorite little baby boy jack

um this is hannah from brisbane i've actually just finished teaching my film and tv class about you guys we do a unit on interactive media where the audience is involved in creating the content with the producers So thanks for providing a fun lesson that you really liked the dreams come true segment from Gapia that I showed them.

Pleasure.

I just wanted to give a quick shout out to my housemate Bridget who is off traveling through Europe at the moment.

Hi, Bridget.

Just to let you know, I have successfully caught up on the Hamish and Andy podcast.

I think when you left, I was still in April, but I'm up to date.

So thanks, boys.

Love what you do.

Bye.

Nice, Hannah.

That's lovely.

Hey, Jack actually wanted to start today's show.

Well,

I've got something to bring up that has to do with the three things that Mike gives you for the start of the show.

This is something that we did two years ago on the show.

It's been in the back of my head ever since, waiting for the right time.

And today is the right time to bring it up so this is two years ago when andy used the start of the show in a weasly type way ahoy to me zorb hamish ahoy to me groomer a zorb and a groomer yeah we are components of the latest dyson vacuum cleaner oh is this a weasel

yeah that's right and then i think we allowed We're allowed one weasel each for three things

to be able to get the product we wanted.

Mine was a Dyson vacuum cleaner at the time.

This is exactly what we got on to say.

Now listen, we'll allow it once for the excellent Dyson vacuum products.

Once only, I'll take it.

Once a once each.

What about once each?

Once each?

Once only.

So you filter me what you want.

I'll give you one and then Hane can give you one another day.

That's nice.

I mean, since we're doing it and sort of wasting the listener's time for our own gain, what about once each, but to satisfy our our weasel hunger uh once each but we all get the thing yes yes good new policy

wow just just three weasels deciding on what the zoo should feed them each day exactly and hunger for the most most food possible just three fat weasels giggling like hyenas well jack it's no i mean Does it not take a weasel scientist to figure out why you've bought us here?

Obviously, something's popped up in your world and you're

trying to set the trying to set the legal the legal precedent to go it's okay for me to bring this to the group now and i've remembered i i've had that in my head since we did it but i've just been waiting for the that is i didn't want to waste it on just anything that is so funny because i forgot that we did that immediately yeah to me i'm i'm worried that a certain mr r has passed away and we're about

8380

uh exciting new melbourne to to Dallas.

No, it is in flights, overseas flights, but you are well covered.

It is.

Although we do not talk about it.

It is indulgent, I will say that.

But I have a reason for wanting it.

Okay.

Because you don't want to pay the money to get it.

Just out of curiosity.

That's the reason.

Just out of curiosity, heading into the government-mandated break.

Have you been in touch with Mr.

Ralph?

We are underway with doing flights for next year.

Is that what you mean?

We are underway.

What does that mean?

We are underway.

Underway, what does that mean?

It means we talk to Bianca's mum and she goes and talks to Mr.

Ralph.

The system is underway.

Jack's saying it like that because it's like, well, we can't slow it down now.

You can't catch it now.

It's underway.

So do you say the specific dates?

We do.

Yes.

And then what if Mr.

R comes back and says, I can't do those dates.

Has that ever happened?

No, that's why we give him such long lead time.

Because yeah, doesn't it?

This is until July next year.

So he might open up one year out.

So I would imagine you're on at 364 out.

Pretty much.

We give ourselves plenty of room.

And you've got to also, I don't like talking about Mr.

Ralph too much, but

you've got to know that he's like, whatever he does, he's high up there.

We've never had a problem where he's gone, oh, we can't do those days.

Yeah.

So you know how sometimes your Bianca's mum has to check the temperature?

Yeah, that's why it takes a long time is because

when you reached out,

did Bianca's mum go, oh no, he's hot at the moment, he's hot.

That's the thing.

We give our perfect dates to Bianca's mum, and we leave it with her, and then she waits for the right time.

And do you ever.

Yeah, this is like getting, I don't know, like

a mobile phone into jail.

It's like you just ask the guy that talks to the guy.

It's like,

you won't know when, you won't know how.

It'll turn up in your soup when it turns up in your soup.

Do you ever follow up with bianca's mom to go how are we going or is that would that be considered rude you'd be pushy boy no we don't we don't like to push no

we just trust the system

you ought to be a pushy boy one one

one thing i would love to do would i know we don't talk about mr r jack but when i know bianca's family comes and visits

to not talk about it yeah the t-shirt's still available to take the pledge well We don't talk about it.

We don't really bring them up.

But since it seems we might be slightly talking about it here, one thing I would kill to see

would be Bianca's mum's performance to Mr.

R.

Because I assume they're like hanging out and just she's sort of like, you know, just the cutlery.

Oh, actually.

Would she ever record it?

No, no, no, no, no.

That's getting, well, that's what that's dicing with danger that we don't need to do.

Because what I want to do is dress up as an old man when she's in Australia next and we see like a dress rehearsal.

That'd be great.

Just for us all to see how she does it.

Yeah.

Would she do it?

She is here over the mandated break.

Oh, but

we can't work.

Is she coming to Darcy's wedding?

Who's Darcy's wedding?

Darcy from the show.

Did you guys get invited to Darcy's wedding?

We do not talk about music.

Did you guys get invited?

No, I'm just saying, is she coming for that?

Wow, usually.

Usually when you're doing guest lists, you do like everyone at work or no one.

I thought he was doing a no-one.

No, he's not doing anything.

What day is it doing a no-conflict?

I think it's been.

When's the wedding?

I don't need to go.

I think he cancelled.

I think he cancelled it yesterday.

That's what I meant.

If you're coming for that, tell her to go home, it's cancelled.

I'm not disappointed by that.

I know it is hard.

I know it's happening, so it doesn't matter.

I know it's hard to make a guest list.

It is hard.

You have to make hard decisions.

Is she coming out for my wedding?

Oh, you haven't got invited that either, did you?

Or not?

I'm coming to your wedding.

She's coming out for Andy's wedding.

I hope her health is good because there's been no movement at the station, unfortunately, in terms of wedding plans, despite

the engagement.

When's it on the calendar for?

Ballpark.

The calendar hasn't come out.

The calendar of which it could be part of it.

The calendar company that makes the calendars hasn't even been incorporated yet.

The CEO of the calendar company is still in year eight.

No, no, still have you think about it.

How do you think about it, are you?

Well, get it wriggle on, mate, because there's a bunch of us that are pretty keen on the Bucks party.

Don't try and deflect from the fact that you dropped the Darcy wedding situation on chat.

What was I meant to know?

This is easy.

Is Mike going?

No.

I hope not.

Mike, Mike, you are

but not going.

It frees up a spot.

I don't want a charity spot.

I don't want someone else's seat.

I do.

Well, the thing is, I might be in town for it, but can't make a time.

I don't want to come.

I don't want to come.

I don't want to come.

I don't need to come.

Can I ask for my thing yet?

Yes, Go for you.

Did you forget what?

Oh, sorry.

Yes, sorry.

I put some invite to our side.

Because we'll be legally bound to give you one.

No, I want a golf cart.

A motorized golf cart.

A motorized golf cart.

Not like the one that you drive, the one that you're remote.

The one that you drive.

A motorized golf buggy.

No, the one that you drive.

You drive.

What do you mean?

How are you using it?

Where were you keeping it?

Because my friend's dad.

From Club Car.

Isn't there only one brand that does it?

There's a few, but Club Car, I would be very interested in talking to.

E-car.

He's already done the research.

Jack, they're like 15 grand, aren't they?

Well, they've got to be expensive.

This is what I heard.

I haven't looked this up, but my friend's dad does this and he says it's true.

If you you use, you can use a golf cart within a kilometre of any golf course.

That's not true.

So he can drive from his house just because he lives close without having it registered as a car.

That's not true.

That is 100% not true.

Where's he driving on?

On the road.

And I live 600 meters.

I live 650 meters from my local golf course.

So I could drive from my driveway down to the golf course.

If that is true.

Maybe on Hamilton Island.

If that is true,

we will look into this for you.

But I don't think it's true.

Well, this is also just an open letter to

e-card club card.

But my point is, if that's not true, when are you ever going to use it?

I'm searching now.

Okay.

Carly's saying you can.

Yes, you can

legally drive a golf cart on the road in Victoria, Australia, but there are some restrictions.

Purpose.

Golf carts can only be used on public roads for a maximum of two kilometers at a time.

Oh, my God.

And only for their intended purpose to play golf.

Oh, yes.

This is exactly what I wanted for.

Golf carts must be conditionally registered to be used on public roads.

So then you have to still

register them.

So you will have to be registered.

It has to have a little number plate on it, but that's fine.

Oh, mate.

Come on.

I mean, I understand the laziness here.

You can't be bothered walking 650 meters to the golf course and you're driving every round.

It must have safety guards, horn and lighting, efficient braking system.

I think they could do that.

The speed limit, the recommended speed limit, the conditional registration is 20 kilometers an hour.

That's fine.

I mean, you'll just be like when you see a tractor on the everyone just sort of drives around.

And you must have a driver's license.

Why are you groaning at this thing?

What did you expect to happen?

Okay, if there has to be some restrictions.

A golf cart that goes 100 kilometers an hour and your own private road.

Just so you know, Jack,

just because we mentioned doesn't mean no,

I know how it works.

So when you did the Dyson one, that was just hoping that Dyson listened to it and thought that it was a nice thing to do.

And then you did get your vacuum cleaner.

I am saying to e-car, Club Car,

and you know who else manufactures golf car Yamaha.

I'm already sponsored by Yamaha guitars.

Wouldn't it be so

perfect?

They weren't wrapped with that.

I've actually spoken to the head of PR at Yamaha who said the fact that you kept referring to them as slow guitars.

Well, I didn't do that.

You can only assume they have the same engines in their golf carts.

Okay.

Jack, but this is where you stumble so often with Weasling.

Your eyes light up so much, you list several brands.

So now Yamaha hears this and goes, well, he listed all the competitors.

No, but then you put it out to Tender.

And he just listed one vacuum cleaner brand.

That's how he got a dice.

Well, I don't want, I want to hedge my bets.

That's right.

And then they don't come to you because you're naming all their competitors.

Good luck.

I've got three hooks in the water.

That's all it means instead of one.

Well, I tell you what, if you took two hooks out now, it would mean a lot for the remaining hook.

But

who will you give the gesture to who do you think is the best golf cart who do you think i think from the research you've done makes the best quality golf cart i am a yamaha man through and through

they make the best guitars i am sure they make the best golf carts and i'm happy to put my name on that all right great so he's put all his eggs in that basket that is a bummer because ando and i know the head of

interested to talk

you back together

guys

Beck and I were getting some new furniture for our

apartment.

Yep.

Well, we're waiting for the house to be ready in about 19 years that we're building.

Yeah, this furniture.

This might not even be the last couch you buy for this apartment.

No, no.

You've been there for so long.

So

this furniture shop we went to was a furniture shop we saw called Furniture OK.

Sounds like all you need.

Hello.

Sounds like all you need.

So I I wanted to kind of troubleshoot with you or spitball with you guys what they, what kind of tone, okay is such a, as a word, you can be used in so many different ways.

What kind of tone do you think they're going for?

Because it could be furniture, okay.

So I'm like, what are you doing in there?

Furniture, okay?

Like a 16-year-old yelling at their parents.

Yeah, or someone keeps coming into their shop for car parts and they go, it's furniture okay.

Like, it's very emphatic.

I mean, is it, is the most obvious definition here, like, that it's missing a question mark and an exclamation mark?

Like, furniture?

Okay.

Yeah, it needed a comma.

There's no comma and there's no punctuation around it at all.

What I first thought, and why I said it's certainly bar lows, it sounds like the furniture's, it's okay.

Well,

yeah, I mean, it feels like the opposite of fantastic furniture.

Yeah.

But maybe they want you to go like, we know we're not getting the best furniture, but it's got to be at a discounted price.

You imagine.

Let's be honest.

I mean, you're getting the catch is 180 bucks.

So come on.

it's it's okay

but then you need an it

or it should be called okay furniture yeah

it confuses me it's not called okay furniture seems a little bit like when they

registered

like putting the business name in someone was standing near the computer and they go and they were like now you type in like what you're selling furniture and then hit and then okay

and they've just written it down instead of like hitting the okay button on the form yes there's another there's another way it could be read with

furniture submit yes

yes yeah there's another way which we use okay which is like when we're intrigued so it could be furniture

is that how bad it was

no

okay i suppose it could be interpreted as furniture

or when you go into a store and you weren't expecting to buy furniture that that day but you've walked in and you're gone oh furniture okay

it was a new You thought.

And I suppose I could get around it.

How was the quality?

Was it okay?

Yeah, it was fine.

It was good.

I mean, it wasn't

furniture fine.

Furniture fine.

Yeah, but

I think you're right.

It's not like it's okay furniture because that makes it sound poor.

I think it's better than okay.

Oh, there's your Google review.

I actually think this is better than okay.

I think it's the last one.

I think it was like, and the shop was in a, we went out to visit.

It was in a really weird spot.

Yeah.

Like in this industrial kind of complex.

And it was, it didn't really happen any have a shop front.

You had to like knock on a door to go through.

So it's mostly stolen gear.

No, no.

I think it's.

And the sign was on cardboard with a sharpie.

No, no.

I think they just do most online.

They don't have people visit that much.

But you know that I'm not an online purchaser.

I like going into store.

But I think it was more.

Yeah.

I can't believe you would go on in the store.

I think it was more what Jackson said in the last one.

I think it's you walk in there and you go, ah, okay.

That's the feeling they want you to have.

Okay.

What else were you thinking was in there?

Oh, we're just we're just inspecting rundown warehouses.

What do you got?

Furniture.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Yeah, we're just gonna mooch around and find some more theater props or something.

What'd you get?

Banana lounge.

For the apartment?

Which one's a banana lounge?

Just an outdoor lounge for like on the balcony.

Oh, right.

One of those ones that reclines all the way.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, just like a sun lounge.

That's the answer to the question.

Okay.

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Hey, a week and a half away from ConCon.

There's plenty for us to get through.

Let's jump into it.

There's a cool new conference no matter your beers.

Concon.

Third conference so nice you can deduct it once at a maximum.

Can't stress stress it enough.

We're so excited that we've secured Conrad Saul as a guest musical speaker.

Certainly not entertaining.

And we've got to keep in eye on him because he's got a brilliant stage present and is normally very entertaining on stage.

We're going to have to pair it right back.

Jack, you're going to have to be on him coaching him how to reduce stage presence.

You're going to have to do a separate conference in another side room to teach him how to remove stage presence.

He's going to come perform his

new hit,

Absolute Banger.

If you haven't heard it yet, here's the chorus.

This is almost too intrinsic, isn't it?

That's a problem.

That's a problem.

He won't.

We're like, if he does do that, that's just...

no way we can explain that away to the tax office.

That's just sheer entertainment if that happens.

That probably does happen at other conferences.

I bet other conferences just close with a song and they don't get pinged by it.

Ping for it.

But we are under the eye.

We are being scrutinized, so we must do it by the book.

The song

is called, We've got a Different Kind of Love.

The man who wrote it and sings it is on the phone with us right now.

Conrad Sewell, hello.

Boys, how are we?

So cool and kind.

How are we, my friend?

Hey, I'm very excited.

I've been here, it's all I've been hearing about since I've been back in Australia, is this ConConCon getting calls from all over the world about this conference?

Yeah, you're running, you must run in a pretty business-y crowd.

Oh, 100%.

Yeah, it's all coming, they're all the calls

coming from the office.

But yeah, very excited to be involved.

I'm just not sure exactly how I'm getting involved, though.

So I'd say we need to chat about a few things, right?

Yes.

Well, we wanted to this.

The song as it stands is not instructional or business-like enough.

So we've gone about changing the lyrics and we plan on having a PowerPoint presentation that comes up behind you as you perform.

So we just wondered whether we can talk you through where we are with the lyrics at the moment and see if they sit okay with you.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah, let's do that.

That sounds like a good plan.

I'm just going to say, like, if we

then, if we pull this off adequately, the audience gets the experience of having had you sing a song very, very much like your current Yes.

But at the same time, they're taking away educational stuff.

And it means when everyone's putting their tax returns in, we're still very much above board.

Sweeto burrito.

This is the way your song starts.

You know that, but this is for everybody else.

How did we end up here with our eyes filled with tears?

Can't we love like we young again?

Now we have suggested you to start normal.

How did we end up here?

And it was Haim's great suggestion suggestion to show a graph of profit down behind you.

So the song is alluding to the fact that profits aren't going well.

It feels like an all-staff meeting.

And do I stop like after each line and then the PowerPoint will come up?

No, I think the timing responsibility will be on our tech person to be scrolling through the slides properly.

All right.

So no new line has to be remembered for the first one.

Then you've obviously got how do we end up here with our eyes filled with tears?

We think you can still sing that as long as you're saying tears T I E R S, and we'll show a graph of a tiered management structure, different tiers of management, right?

Smart, but smart, okay, yeah, it is.

And then, and then can't we love like we're young again?

Um, Hames' suggestion, which I think is a good one.

Can can't we lead like we're young again?

So it's about being fearless as a boss, it's about going back to when we were younger managers.

Yeah, great, okay,

yeah, for sure.

I'm with you.

Only you know the shit we've been through.

We survived hand in hand and we'll dance again.

So we thought

maybe if we replace the word shit with sheets.

And it's Excel sheets.

Yeah, that's genius, actually.

Genius.

Yep, right.

Yep.

And then

you've got we survived hand in hand.

We thought maybe we survived COVID plans.

And then instead of, and we'll dance again, Andy?

Back in black again, referring to being out of the red.

In profit.

Now, yeah, not ACDC's interpretation of back in black.

This is more of economists.

Back in black.

That feels good.

It feels educational, but still

sticking to the plan.

I like that code.

And there we would have actually the

graph of profits turning around.

Yes.

That would come up in the background.

So I've been through COVID.

Obviously, obviously, yeah.

I guess it's more of an industry that took a COVID hit rather than a COVID bump.

And then, yeah, but then the profits come back.

On to the next verse.

You're the missing link in my chain, even when it drives me insane.

And I wouldn't change a thing about that.

Hey, this is your suggestion if you want to pick it up.

You're the missing linked in my supply chain.

And when it drives profits down the drain, I wouldn't go changing management.

So we think it's a story of a boss.

Hey, how am I going to sing that in that melody it just feels a bit well it's very quick wordy you say you're the missing link in my chain or you have to put in

my chain yeah but supply chain yeah you're the missing linkedin my supply chain yeah you are

my supply chain you're the missing link in my supply chain

link

the missing linkedin comma my supply chain

linkedin my supply chain you have to just commit to it actually i don't even think it is an edge of an edge

yes that's right And we've got to stress,

your lyric was missing LinkIn, and we're using LinkedIn, the business social media platform.

Yeah, we're looking at the LinkedIn, of course, of course.

We're looking at the script here, and we can see the capital L, capital I, but this will make more sense when you see the script.

So, we like to think the song,

what was the song about when you wrote it?

The song was about me having kids and how it changes your relationship.

Interesting for better and for worse.

That's lovely.

Ours is more a boss that is worried

that he might lose his job and he's going to try and turn things around.

So that's why he says, I wouldn't go changing management.

That's a really key line.

And

that's where he's hoping his staff are getting behind him.

But it is similar to Conrad's song because he's going, look, we've had kids, things are different now.

But I'm not suggesting a change of management.

We're not breaking up.

I'm not suggesting we break up because we're in it now for the long, for the long run.

And we've increased manufacturing.

We've increased manufacturing.

We've produced more humans.

But I'm suggesting management perhaps bonds more, perhaps in a retreat, or we change our management style.

Yes.

So I think we're actually kind of just doing the same song.

Draw from the same emotions, then, Conrad, as you sing it.

That's actually a really good point, Ham.

Here's the second part of

the pre-chorus.

You're the beat that makes my heart skip, and you never let me forget.

i wouldn't have it any other way so yeah

you're the beat that makes my heart skip i thought we could go with we can offer more internships um yep and you never let me forget i think it's time to make some hay

instead of i wouldn't want it any other way making hay of course making some props oh time to make yeah right okay

we can have the best one in the song but no no i was early this morning

but i think all singer singers have that don't you you all have a lyric where you're like let's let's just get you from the chorus.

It's all got a throwaway lyric, guys.

Yeah, throwaway lyrics.

But they've got to be in there.

Just to get you to the chorus.

Throw that one away.

Get us to the chorus.

Okay, yeah, great.

So then we're in the chorus.

I know we're going to make it.

As long as we're together.

Oh, we got a different colour.

You know, we got a different colourless.

Ando's written this, and I really like it, but now I'm just hearing it to the music.

But tell me if this is your interpretation, Ando.

Yeah.

So instead of, I know we're going to make it.

I know the global market.

Right?

As long as we're together.

That's good.

Following the plan outlined above.

Following the plan outlined above.

Isn't that it?

And that's right.

And then that's when we will put a slide up that shows the business forward planning.

Yeah.

Five-year plan.

That's great.

You know, I feel like you guys have really respected the art.

also but it's got to work we're going to get a bit of entertainment in there without it being entertaining obviously too much careful

don't be too entertaining don't be too entertaining don't run educational entertainment yes exactly um but yeah um and i really i really like this and i've actually mc'd a corporate conference before um and i was invited back a few years in a row and it was always the the format was forget about last year this is the next year's plan and they really like next year's plan at conferences.

And then I'd come back the next year, and the format was again, don't worry about last year, buddy.

This next year, this is the one that's going to work.

And three years in a row, that was the message.

So, it's very popular at conferences to talk about next year's plan.

Great.

So, there's very little change to the second part of the chorus.

We'll just round this up, uh, Jacko.

This is the second part of the chorus, Comrade's version.

look.

We got a different kind of look.

So we thought we could just go with no other way to say it's good.

I mean, we could

say no other way to pay it.

So it's a bit more financial.

I think it's fine.

Find the way it is.

Find the way it is, okay?

Nobody does it better, which is true, because that's with this bosses going, come on, we can do this together.

With this plan outlined above, we've got this plan outlined above.

And we're all pointing at the plan

outlined above.

And then we kind of, I know there's more to the song, but we sort of feel that's it.

Yeah,

we feel that's the high point.

Yeah, yeah, that's, I wouldn't go on about it, you know what I mean?

I feel like

second best isn't important.

Uh, we've said we needed to stay up there to you know, to

everyone, so yeah, that feels good to me, actually.

Yeah,

I love, I love as a strategy.

We wouldn't, anyway, we're not going to go on about it.

Halfway through this beautiful song about your life changing after you have had kids, anyway, Anyway, I'm not going to go on about it.

I'm just going to stop the song there.

Hey, the song's a cracker.

I have to remember that many new ones do me.

Smart, smart.

Well, I've got a proposal that has just popped into my head.

And so apologies to the other members of ConCon in here for throwing this at you cold here, Conrad.

We've obviously, you know, the idea of having you there for a song is awesome.

And that as we've said, you don't want to go on about it, but we are kind of finishing halfway through the song

we were thinking of having you we've got two sessions in the morning two conf business conference sessions in the morning and we were thinking of having you at the end of session two

andy and jack how would you guys feel about conrad playing at the end of session one and the end of session two

Same thing, same performance, but it's two half songs equaling a whole song.

And then immediately after that first question, I just walk off stage.

You walk off, but then you come back to do the same thing again, like come back for the encore at the end of session two.

Yeah.

It's going to be like a really abrupt stop, I think.

That's nice.

Yeah.

That's like having a matinee before.

It's a move we haven't seen on stage since we brought Frank Stallone out.

That's right.

Sylvester Stallone's brother, who sang one song we really liked, and we made him open with it, close with it, and then do it twice in the encore.

Yeah, that's brilliant.

That's brilliant.

Great.

Okay.

Well, thank you, Conrad.

We'll get all the lyrics to you.

On the day we will have some prompting as well, but that's largely for the person running the PowerPoint presentation behind you.

By the way,

I was on Spotify listening to your stuff.

Firestones had over a billion listens.

Do you know that?

Yeah, mate.

Yeah.

Thank God for that song.

That's still providing.

The marriage would be over by now if I didn't know that song.

A billion.

A billion.

A billion.

what do you get do you get something from spotify you know on youtube you get like a golden thing like if you get a million subscribers like a bowl you get a bowl and actually i'm i'm with um with mask wolf at the moment he's the only person i know in this country other than me actually tones and i've got one as well that's got a billion bowl and i'm staring at one right now she's got a billion you get a bowl yeah you get a salad

what's a bowl look like it's it's like a silver bowl on a plaque but everybody like drake ate his rigatone out of it like someone did cereal you're supposed to eat something out of it oh right um have you

am i missing something like why is spotify giving out bowls i don't know because they're not giving out any money so they're just giving bowls

happy man if only i could fill this with food not everyone congratulations we made a billion dollars you get a bowl

conrad sole thank you so much for joining us we'll see you in a couple weeks time bye

Hey, I mean, risk of breaking the rule of too much golf chat.

We weren't expecting Jack to bring up

his request for a Yamaha golf cart so he can drive to his local course.

Sorry, just before we get to the next golf thing we're about to know, I promise after that, we will probably do no golf for the end of the year, barring possibly playing some at ConCon if time permits.

I know we got, we sort of got carried away and we're like, Jack's going to, he's chosen Yamaha, he's weaseling a

$10,000 plus vehicle for hoping for.

That's what he's hoping for.

Can you clarify the rules, Jack, of that bit you played back to us where we were like, okay, well, if we're all going to do this, then we all have to get one.

Oh, yeah.

Just can I ask?

Just sitting here thinking about it, is the rule three or none?

Like if Jamaha comes to you and says one.

I think,

do you guys want one?

Yeah.

You don't get one.

You don't want one.

I don't think you do.

Because you got it.

You got to have one.

We said, didn't we, Andy, say the rules of Weaseling on the show will be three or none?

I don't think you want one.

Desperately.

So, Andy, do you want to?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, now.

But you got to, you remember, you got to live within a kilometer of the front of the golf course.

I'll move.

Remove house.

Well, yeah, you can put your,

all requests are out there.

I think it's important to state, Jack, when, if and when Yamaha makes contact, it's three or nothing.

No, I, I think it's.

Actually,

I think, I think my house that we're building, I think if I hit the apex on all the corners, I'd be within

a kilometre.

I'd be riding the curve a bit, hitting a few people walking a dog.

The request is

definitely the asker should be the priority.

And then if

carts permit, then you guys can have one.

No, I don't remember that in the condition.

I think we all get one.

Electric or petrol?

Electric.

Interesting.

I was just saying to Jack before, I was like, don't you have to run the extension cable out your window already to charge it to Tesla?

Like, why are you getting another electric car?

In future, they'll all be charged probably from the same port or something.

I haven't thought about where I'll store it at home, but

I've got this image of me driving down the normal street on the golf cart straight to the street.

We know the image, but I do think it's worth pointing out that you don't have a carport, even, do you?

No, amazing.

So, where is it going?

Well, probably in the backyard.

Just exposed to the weather

for the weeks and weeks on end before you use it.

Anyway,

three or nothing get the request out there, Jack.

For those who cannot clench their thirst with the free golf cart from Yamaha, we've got a golf offering for you.

People have been asking us,

there's been nothing in the HA store for a while.

Of course, we had the Mr.

Ralph, oh, sorry, Mr.

Shirts.

That was meant to be a bigger hoo-ha.

We had planned spin-offs, but it got kariboshed by Jack and his family.

So that's fine.

So you planned spin-off t-shirts.

Well, what's a spin-off t-shirt?

We had other ideas.

We had other ideas of a true Ralph range, but that's all right.

That's fine.

Plans can change.

And we run a pretty lean operation in there anyway.

Bernando,

we have, we've been using ourselves a, a sort of a prototype almost of this product.

For times when we've been on the golf course, it brings, it absolutely brings the house down when you know, you might run into someone, listen to the show, you do a bow.

It's actually quite handy to stretch your hands when he's on the course anyway.

So I always enjoy that.

But we also have had a few little hammy shandy balls that we've, that we have made that, that have got the show name printed on them or sometimes the words must be very nice printed on them.

So people have asked where do you get these and you hadn't been able to get them.

For me and it just had to be meeting one of us on a golf course.

Until now.

What?

When it comes to your golf, are you sick of slicing, booking, chunking, fitting and duffing?

Yes!

What about cranking, buffing, and coiling?

I don't think they're golf terms.

The last one's to do with pottery.

Don't show off doing three things, Mike.

Well, don't blame yourself.

Blame the equipment and specifically, blame your

ball.

ball.

Here at Hamish and Andy HQ, we've independently chosen to team up with Tailor-Made to revolutionize the golf ball.

We've come up with a ball that is as round, if not rounder, than any other ball you've seen.

And not only that, it has riding on it.

Wow!

Yes, a ball that knows who you are, a ball that you can relate to.

If you have a personal connection with that ball, it is bound to treat you better.

So if you're not fussed by the flashiness of high-tech gizmos and prefer to play a regular public course rather than a stuffy snobby members club, grab yourself a carton of the in-touch with the common golfer golf balls.

But if you're a little bit uptight like Andy and you're a member at over 12 golf clubs,

you'll be drawn to the must-be very nice carton of golf balls.

It's the perfect gift for Christmas and we'd normally price them at $1,000 a box, but we're having a 92% off sale.

That's 92%, So they're yours for just $80 plus shipping.

That's still a lot.

That's how much golf balls cost, Mike.

Yeah, that's true, Mike.

The common golfer ones are actually even cheaper than that, meaning everyone is catered for.

Get your in touch with the common golfer and must-be-very nice golf balls, only available at hamishandandy.com.

If you don't see vast improvements in your game within 17 years, you can apply for your money back.

For us to assess to give you money.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Just apply.

There you go.

Head there.

That ad, that ad will work on people, but this is legitimately what we've got.

We've got two streams of golf ball available for a Christmas present.

They must be very nice balls.

Please give them to someone that you think is trying to weasel their way up in society at fancier clubs.

Yes.

But also the intouch with the common golfer ball.

You know a bit more about this hando, but they're the more entry-level type ball.

Better costable.

They're actually a much better ball to use if you're just studying out the game because there's less spin, so it's less like I'm going into the boring parts.

But we should also point out that we haven't developed the ball with that to Taylor Made.

They are very good balls.

Let's be really clear, we've just printed stuff on Taylor-made balls, but they come from us.

Pre-sales, uh, HamishNi.com.

We don't have heaps of them.

Um, I think there's about a hundred cartons of each, I think.

It's not much at all.

So, um, head there if you want to check them out and uh purchase some good Christmas gift.

When was the last time you bought balls, Jack?

I also like Taylor Made a lot, and they've you've said enough.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at HamishNandy.com.

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