2024 Ep 276 - Hamish Investigates a Historical Andy Rumour

Today,

in 2013,

I did the vulnerability.

Video, like,

obtain Wi-Fi with local con ATNT Fiber with Al-Fi, ATNT, connecting the chambia todo.

ATNT Fiber has limited the case, which is the service that covers Wi-Fi extended ATNT concerns.

Sorry, still buffering.

Ahoy to me, id Hamish.

Yes, hello.

I do.

I do hear you.

But I think, aren't we parts of the, like, Freud psyche?

Is one, the ego?

Oh, well.

Mike has stood up and started clapping everybody.

Well, it shouldn't be because they're meant to be hard enough that you need at least two or three.

Well, sometimes.

I think the majority, I can ask the hundred, but I think the majority of people aren't getting that from that ab.

Always know the area where the id appears.

No, I just know the id from the wizard of int comic.

Is that true?

That's true.

It was very popular in the herald son daily telegraph 15 20 years ago it was not the one it was always in that band of comics i don't even know if there are comics in the paper anymore but

always the comics that you were like well it's not my favorite but it's better than doing nothing

that's right that's right i'll allow my that it's it was our early days of scrolling when you're like

scrolling it was scrolling like i'll allow my eyes to drift across these panels and i won't would you say there was maybe

eight different comics in that strips yeah yeah yeah Would you say

there was filler?

Oh, more

than that.

Several.

I mean, several would just

had no relevance to a joke or a block.

No, those sometimes No Friend Backs was very good, but that worked on a deeper level.

But they'd sometimes show like the Phantom.

Oh, yeah.

And it was just like

three panels from a story that you assume is like 9,000 panels long, but it'd just be like the Phantom in the jungle sneaking up to a door.

And like, that's it for today.

That's it for today.

Let's see what he does next.

take you 17 years to resolve the phantom's adventure uh well yes jack you're gonna be ego i was gonna be suka super ego um idham i thought was perfect for you because that's the unconscious part uh of the brain that contains all the urges and impulses

because we know that you're amazing what i'm drawing minds right up there on the surface in full view of all marketers ahoy also to meg uh in australia who has used the very easy to use system at hamishandandy.com to upload what she's been doing.

Ahoy, Hamish and Andy.

And of course, number six,

I am just busy planning my own conference at the moment.

And I'll tell you what, ham is not wrong.

The biscuit situation in my part of the world is dire as well.

Currently, the catering

people and I are really at,

you know, loggerheads loggerheads with the biscuit selection.

I'd like my guests as well to be well nourished in terms of a creme and or you know plain biscuit.

Creme.

Let you know how I go.

Good luck, but don't be seduced by the plains.

It sounds like the caterers are trying to steer you to the plains.

Yes.

And that's not the way to go.

Well based off that we should jump into this.

There's a cool new conference nomada your beers.

Concon.

The conference's so nice you can deduct it once At a maximum.

Can't stress it enough.

ConCon's two weeks away.

Should we kick things off with biscuits?

Yeah, you said you had some biscuit news.

I have some biscuit news.

Essentially,

the biscuits are the foundation with which we build the house of cards of ConCon on.

You have shaky biscuit play, the whole thing falls over.

What's your biscuit news, Andy?

Because have you been...

hinting,

teasing us with the fact that we might have a big biscuit sponsor, which would ease the pressure.

Look, it's been a hard-fought battle with Arnett to see if we can get some biscuits out of them.

But I did read Art of the Deal during the week by Donald Trump.

Still relevant.

Still relevant.

And I've managed to secure this position from them.

And I'm reading a quote from Charlie at Arnetts.com.

These surnames in there as well, so don't try and get him.

If you've gone under the How Can We Help and you're speaking to the pod,

then you might not be speaking to the most powerful person in Arnold.

Oh, sounds great.

We'll pass it on to our marketing team.

No, no, he's all over it.

He says, we'd be more than happy to supply our Bickies.

Yep.

That's not a problem at all.

Smiley face.

Do you have an indication of how many biscuits you are after and any preference of flavors?

Question mark.

That's where I've left it.

We absolutely, of course we do.

How many times have we been over this?

Yeah.

We, yes, we do.

We want the good assorted pack.

We want the cream assorted pack because that's got the Kingstons in in it.

Yep.

And, you know, Monte Carlo's and everyone's favorites.

We don't want the dud assorted pack.

Sorry, non-cream assorted pack.

Do we want any of those?

Because there might be some people that do like a plane over a creme.

I'm not going to force,

completely force creme supremacy on everyone.

No, I know they wish.

But I would very much.

And let's not forget, this is Arnotts.

So if we're...

talking to one of the bigwigs there

we're throwing in tim tams like yes, we're talking mint slices.

Like, we're not just looking at the

packs.

We're not looking at the norms.

Do you want to say every biscuit you've got?

No, because I think they'll give us the duds.

Yeah, then they'll heavy end the dream, Ando.

Dream that you get.

Thousands of thousands of biscuits.

Yeah, like at Noodle World when you ask for prawns and they give you two and then.

Yep.

And any more?

And then they lift up one and drop it back in and give you bean shoots.

Bean shoots comes in heavy.

You're right.

So

I think we get very specific.

And look, I'm absolutely happy to

run.

But I think it's then knowing this, we are going to be pretty sorted for Tim Tams and things like that.

That's what I'll lean on.

I'll lean some standard bulk creme, but then also the deluxe range where we will have the mint slices and the Tim Tams.

And I think we just go classic Tim Tams too.

I don't think we need to get carried away with George Calambaris' collab with them or whatever.

I'm

a bit more of a classic man.

No, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

Classic and available.

But then you've also got like TV snacks and things like that.

Do they do the caramel crowns?

Is that Arnett?

Is that Arnett?

Those are so underrated.

They haven't asked for an exclusive deal, Jack.

They do.

Oh, they do.

So

I was going to say we could.

They're good.

Okay.

Yeah, they do do caramel crowns.

Oh, you're right.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm always drawn to the mint.

All right.

Well, why don't we sit down now?

This has become absolutely Christmas.

We're going to sit down

and

build up our menu.

Great.

How many?

How many?

I think let's not forget we have one hour of unlimited biscuits at before the conference and then we have a biscuit break in between.

Yep.

And then I don't think it's crazy to have 10 biscuits per head.

Okay, so 3,000 biscuits.

I was going to say plus us, but I do think there will be some spillover.

So everyone will be.

Andy Kingston Crumb, the band that you've organised, where are we at with Kingston Crumb?

Mate, a bit of back and forth through Carly.

I've got to thank her for her work.

Who works as here on the show?

But Kingston Crumb, the coming rock.

They're a band that are going to play.

They're playing acoustic.

I was worried that they're going to come in.

They're playing soft.

No, no, no.

They're playing soft acoustic biscuit rock for that hour.

Have you heard them play yet?

Have you heard any of them?

No, no, no.

Look, I'll be honest with you.

I just know.

I know in my heart.

I know in my heart that a mini band that's named themselves after a biscuit.

I mean, like, what's the chance?

That's the first, that's the perfect band.

What's the chances they're going to be bad?

So they're going to come in and,

you know, there's been a bit of back and forth.

What do they want?

Well, they've said they're happy to play, quote, soft acoustic biscuit jams.

They're happy to do that.

They

did ask if we could pay for their accommodation.

I thought they lived in

the Gold Coast.

Well, they asked if they could have a room.

Why?

It's a morning.

It's me there going for a steak.

It's literally nine in the morning.

I'm actually not from home.

Yeah, well, I thought you'd be proud of me for standing firm on that, Andrew.

I forgot that they were Gold Coast-based.

So I actually, we pushed back on that and went, look, I think there is still a lot in this, like exposure-wise, for you guys.

Oh, yeah.

For Kingston Crumb.

So

I'm also, and at that stage, I thought I might have to pay for biscuits too.

Like we might have to pay for biscuits.

So I thought we're kind of hemorrhaging cash at that stage.

So so i was like look gonna stand firm there on the no a com

um and then they said okay

um

fine all right we'll still do it can we stay for the conference

that's probably fair enough you're just like a seat at the back type thing

It's pretty funny to have the band file in and just sit at the back quietly.

Can I have a bit of business?

Can I get a bit of business stuff from this too?

I don't think this is what I've been negotiating.

When when they you know for instance they fly out you know beyonce or fat boy slim or something to big conversations well i mean very rarely does beyonce go okay can i sit around and listen learn about information or could i have one of little onions yeah but i think surely if you watch a half-time if you're performing a half-time at the super bowl you'd you'd at least watch the second half

they would get a ticket yeah yeah you wouldn't go home i mean if you're watching the first half it could be argued that you should be thinking about your performance but you you'd watch the second half okay so yes that's a yes then you reckon yes i reckon we go Well, here's the thing, though, because we wanted to play soft biscuit jams for the one hour

session one.

Biscuit band.

Why do you think they're mopey?

We'll have one listen to the band.

If I said no, if we said no to Transcape for the conference, then I think we'd have a mopey biscuit band, a sobby biscuit.

Yeah,

well, I hope not.

Also, that would be an interesting band to play.

But we know, yeah, I see what you're saying.

I thought you didn't want them in because you were assuming there'd be no, no, I think they'll be happy now.

They'll have to, I think they'll be happy.

But what I was actually going to say is you guys can play, let everyone file in.

I still want them playing as people go into the conference.

I don't want them stopping and joining the queue.

That's true.

You know what I mean?

So I reckon they play, people go in for session one,

they are not allowed to come to session one.

Then people come out again for the break.

They play again.

Yes.

People go in.

They can then, after everyone's gone in, they can join session two.

That's fair.

Exactly.

We don't, we want them concentrating on their half-time gig.

Yeah, I don't want, I don't want, because what's going to happen is they're going to get enthralled by session one.

We're going to go, that's it, everyone.

You got a half-hour biscuit break now,

and then they're like leap up and run out with the throng.

You want people coming out to the music.

They might even see all the careers we're talking about and want to change careers halfway through session one.

We can't have that abstract.

We can't shock their brains out of performance code.

Look, we had a bit of back and forth on the voice notes this week

to do with the grouping and how many seminars we're going to have.

I'll bring everyone up to speed on where that's at.

This is what went down.

Hey, fellas, Erdie here.

I'll just send you a voice note in my capacity as administration for ConCon.

It's coming in soon.

Hello, Jack and Hey Mish Andrew here

from ConCon.

Very excited that you guys are both speaking with us.

You haven't sent through your rider at this stage, so please let us know about that.

But I just wanted to pass on a message from our other speaker, Andy.

He wants to renege on any trades that's happened with the industries.

Upon review, he felt like a lot of boring jobs were just landed on his lap and he doesn't want to go down that path.

So we fully support him.

We think he's a wonderful guy and he's obviously probably the prominent speaker on the day.

So just letting you know, all trades are off and you'll have to go about working out your own groupings from the allocated industries you have.

Peerio.

Hi, Andy.

This is Jack.

That sounds like an unfortunate absence of teamwork.

And how ironic that one of my seminars will be on teamwork and hopefully you'll learn something during my speech.

And as for my rider in my dressing room, could I get a really healthy smoothie with like all the nutrients you need in it, but I want it to taste like a really yummy milkshake?

Yeah, hi, Hamish here.

Before I get down to

the disappointing aspect of the message, I just want to reiterate again how excited I am to be coming to ConCon.

Okay, that's the bread, now the shit part of the shit sandwich.

Really disappointing from Andy, but also not surprising.

From the man that allegedly used a randomizer to give everyone their topics and then he somehow got takeaway food, AFL and beer.

I have no surprises there that

he doesn't want to trade.

But that's fine.

Look, as I said at the outset, this is an educational seminar and I believe I can deliver business development and education on any topic to any audience to the maximum deductible effect.

So that will be fine.

Riders-wise, all I need for my dressing room is 2,500 barnets, biscuits.

And I'm just seeing here that I think we'll have that on site.

So I'll be fine on the rider front.

Hi, Hamish.

Hi, Jack.

Andrew back here from Administration at ConCon.

I thank you so much for your messages.

We're reading it loud and clear that you have no problems moving forward with the plan suggested.

With regards to some dispersions that Andy may have not used a randomizer to pick out the topics, that comes as a real surprise to us because we really feel that Andy is an upstanding young gentleman.

Although, we did get his computer in all logs and got it forensically examined.

And what he was saying is true, we also got a CNN fact checker to look over it, so that's all tip-top shape.

And hopefully, that puts any of your worries at ease.

Hey, guys, Andy here.

Just realized Andrew from administration didn't click on a little tab at the bottom of the Excel spreadsheet and missed about 66 more businesses that we need to cover off at ConCon.

Bloody annoyed at him,

but he seems like a pretty diligent worker, so I'll let him off this time.

Anyway, at risk of getting accused of rigging it again, how would you like me to randomly send through another 20?

Jeez, maybe trades are back on.

Maybe.

That's, yeah, that's come.

I didn't actually hear that last one.

That's come as a fresh and live surprise.

I don't know if that would have had the two green ticks on WhatsApp.

No, it wasn't listened to.

I didn't notice that you hadn't listened to that one.

I just thought it was going to be more of the same.

I saw that and I just left that chat unread.

20 more each.

20 more each.

Mate, just use your alleged randomizer again.

Like, let's just get this.

We've got to get this divvied up so we can start working on this presentation.

Okay.

Here's the thing that I want us to remember.

My recollection of what the tax office said to us was they seem to be hinting at the fact that the more fun it was for people, like the more entertainment there was, the less deductible it is.

Yeah, that was my moment.

Do you remember where they were like, well, you can't really say this is a deduction because people, there's obviously an entertainment element, which we took offense of because we're like, wrong, wrong as a don all day long.

This is the whole point is we're going to business the heck out of this so that's what makes it deductible just bear that in mind when you're divvying these up um you know when we start to write these i will be policing you too and i hope you'll do the same for me

that as we're up there each giving our you know one minute seminars i think they'll have to be now down to one minute because we're going to need more It'll be about a minute.

But I originally said that.

The shot clock was going to be 132 seconds.

I don't think so.

I think it's going to be closer to kind of 60, 70 seconds.

Yep.

And I'll come down on on you like an absolute ton of bricks if I catch you doing any cute shit up there that you think is entertaining, especially you host.

No, no, I'm saying you dare bring that guitar out for one second.

Yeah, no, that'll sound way too entertaining.

That sounds way too entertaining.

Yeah, that's true.

I see Andy complaining about the boring jobs.

I would love more boring jobs because less chance to entertain and less chance to accidentally have a joke pop up.

Yes, it's actually a job.

Which would be a financial disaster for our audience.

That's very true.

Well, maybe

the other two should stay on stage

on to the side while one person speaks.

As entertainment police.

No, well, yeah.

Sorry, not as entertainment, but as entertainment police.

Police, yes.

No, I just assume we're sort of, it's sort of like a panel and then we can get up, walk to the lectern, give your seminar, walk back down.

So you're still kind of, you know, everyone's on stage.

A rotating bench almost.

I'm actually going to have a few extra seconds up my sleeve per seminar.

For what questions?

No, no, just I've got a way to be a bit faster.

Like getting to the lectern or yeah, getting to the lectern.

Robot shoes, baby.

Charging them up as we speak.

That could be seen as entertaining.

It's not entertaining.

No way is this entertaining.

This is the movement of the future, a sub-seminar.

What business won't need movement?

Let me ask you this, audience.

Who here has ever walked at work?

Ah, time waster.

Hey, not only has this provided a bit of a support group for people out there that are empathetic towards objects.

Yep.

I think people are discovering that they're also extreme empaths.

I agree.

The more we do this, the more people are like, actually, I do have these feelings.

Yeah.

Anyway, here's the opener.

It's all the songs in the world played together at once, so no songs feel left out.

okay and uh hey can i kick this off quickly uh courtney says hey the nrl and afl grand final have been an absolute nightmare for me because i feel really sad for the buckets of confetti for the teams that didn't win because they didn't get the color of their team didn't get shot out of the cannons and so i can't stop thinking about the confetti sitting there and probably just getting put in a dark cupboard somewhere that's true they'd be ready to be fired out wouldn't here we go boys and then you know know, for the AFL grand final, the Swanscars would have gone.

Okay, guys.

I don't know.

The confetti near the top, who could see the score at halftime?

Yeah.

Don't get your hopes up, guys.

Don't think we're flying high today unless there is a cannon mishap.

And they make a whole lot of merch so that you can buy merch straight after the game.

So there would have been before the AFL grand final, for example, there would have been a whole lot of Premieres Sydney 2024.

I heard shirts and caps that just, I don't know what they do with it.

Oh, do you know what I heard?

I heard they get donated to charity.

And so same with Super Bowl merch for teams that don't go, that don't win.

And so then if you, there are like pictures I saw at one time, like doing the rounds, like in developing nations, there are like kids wearing all the non-winning jumpers.

So it's like, you know, the factually inaccurate.

The factually inaccurate, like, you know, Patriots win Super Bowl 48 or whatever.

If they didn't, if they didn't win, they've got all the merch on.

Interesting.

This one is from Tim.

He said he's not the most empathetic person.

However, the Extreme Impact segment has exposed something inside of him.

As part of a house reservation, I installed a new external, internal door handle.

So a knob on both sides that are the same, but obviously one sits on the inside, one sits on the outside.

Yep.

Like just a door handle.

Is that what we're saying?

Mostly.

Mostly like that, but sometimes, I think he made it clear that sometimes you can just open from one side or sometimes there's a different door handle on the inside to the outside.

weatherproofing yep okay yeah yeah

every time i come to the door from the outside i think of how cold it must be for the outside handle and man must how jealous it must get of its brother who spends all its time on the inside laughing at

the little square hole

it seems so unjust that one handle gets central heating while the other one gets frostbite

yeah that could make sense this is one where we're like okay this is from amberly and you go

these are the times when I go if you think this way it just must be so fatiguing oh all day right the energy so I empathize with her empathy she said look um I yeah I didn't know I was thinking like this until the pod came out when I'm hanging my washing on the line I'm very conscious of how much time my clothes spend together in my closet I like to hang items of clothing next to an item that they might not have had the opportunity to interact with

due to the proximity and the geography of my wardrobe.

And in case they're sick of being with the same clothes all the time.

So, you know, leggings and leggings, you'd be like, well, why don't you go and meet the hoodies?

However, I always make sure to hang a familiar friend close by

just in case they don't like the new matchup.

Layers on layers on layers.

That's amazing.

Actually, I do different classes.

Everyone has to dance with everybody.

And at the end of the day,

come back to you.

Sometimes it's nice to be close to another leggings.

They understand what you're going through.

Hey, this is from Rob.

My wife and I ordered a new couch.

She was eight and a half months pregnant when it arrived.

My heart honestly broke that the old couch wasn't going to get to meet the newborn baby.

Yeah.

Brutal.

This is from Ben.

Hey, guys, my ridiculous extreme moment of empathy is when I'm watching something, a movie, a show, YouTube, and I need to go to the toilet or get a drink.

I never pause it.

What?

Yeah.

Listen to this.

Because we've had people that only pause, that never pause when people are talking because they don't want it to be disrespectful.

Yeah, don't interrupt.

No, this is for something else.

I never pause it in case the ghosts or spirits that may or may not be in the room with me enjoying the viewing experience get upset.

Wow.

I would hate it if at the cinemas the technician paused every time someone else went to the toilet.

So I passed the same consideration on into the presence of the possible supernatural.

Wow.

It grates my missus no end.

It would.

Yeah.

Hey.

Because she needs to go to the loop.

Couldn't we pause it just for the living?

No.

Can we forget about the ghost rule?

Love it.

It's from Locky.

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel upset whenever you think about February and how it's the shorter of the other months?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really look forward to leap years because February gets an extra day closer to its brothers and sisters.

I think the Gregorian calendar should be updated so each year a different month gets stuck with the 28 days.

How confusing would that be?

Oh, all right.

Lastly, quick final one.

I mean, sorry on that.

Just people wouldn't have birthdays.

So anyone bought, like, so say if you were on rotation, I suppose it's only once every 12 years you miss your birthday.

Yeah.

It's still complicated.

It's still complicated.

Explaining the rule to why we need this, like explaining by going, this is why we need this rule.

That stuff.

Yeah.

Quick one here uh from locky every morning he commutes on the train to work with sydney's new metro he goes at a connecting stop most people in the chain in the train change to the brand new faster more modern trains

out of sympathy i typically stay on the older and slower train so it doesn't feel bad about itself and i get that i reckon again we've had this with cars and trains yeah it's because of Disney's cars and because of Thomas the Tank Engine that I would absolutely hazard a guess that Lockheed grew up watching Thomas the Tank engine well do you okay i'll just throw this one in the mix then to see if this relates to that story and you being a cyclist how whether you feel about this this is from tony about a year ago um i was allowed to get a new bike i don't know why he was allowed to get one i do 100 you do okay because he's married

and

he probably already has two bikes the old one that has a backup and his latest one that he might have probably had for five to ten years and from year five five, he would have been going, can I get a new bike?

Can I get a new bike?

And

they are impossible to justify price-wise.

All right.

And you've also probably got hanging space.

You, you have to, I'd imagine be one out and the other one in.

You don't have to.

I mean, yeah, bike people just, there's a joke that like n plus one is the number of bikes you should have, where n is your current number of bikes.

You're always looking at more bikes.

And there's just no, it's.

Explaining to your significant other why the bike is good value at that price is like when girls are trying to tell you about the cost of handbags or shoes.

Yeah, okay, yeah,

there's just no way you can cut this to represent good value.

Um, about a year ago, I was allowed to buy a get-a-new bike.

We understand why now.

As a giddy as I was, I gave my riding buddy strict instructions not to mention the new bike in front of the old bike before I'd had a chance to broach the subject myself.

I do get that, I get that.

Yeah, you feel sorry for the old steed.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

ATT Fiber with Al-Fi covers your whole house.

Even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring the guests?

Get ATNT Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge ando

we are

here for no other reason really than to serve to serve the listeners of the show yep we have an amazing community and when they ask questions i like to think we're honor bound to look for answers

um especially people that have been with us for the real long haul in fact i'd say that the People that have been for us for the long haul, I'm now just counting as podcast days.

Because,

you know, the seventh year of doing this podcast.

That's, isn't it?

I don't know.

Sixth.

No, you're not.

Mike's saying thumbs up.

Mike's giving you a thumbs up.

There we go.

See, seventh year of doing the podcast.

That's long haul.

If you've been with us since the radio days, that is super long haul.

Yeah.

Right.

Here's something that came in from Larissa.

So

Larissa has been, you know, she's been on the Hamishanny journey for a very long time.

She goes, ahoy boys, bit of a random one, hoping you can help me out with this.

She says,

I have this memory that back in the radio days,

Andy admitted on air

that he farted so hard he ripped his asshole and had to go to the hospital to have it stitched up.

Yeah,

that did happen.

Well, I didn't write something like that, but yes.

You farted so hard.

And then you started to think before your stink initiative.

And so

you ripped the asshole.

Yeah,

I just want to see if you remember it.

It wasn't a well, yeah, kind of a rip.

It was, it caused a a hemorrhoid.

Right.

Well, I was meant to go on a date that night and couldn't go because I couldn't sit down.

Okay.

It came from a fart.

She's been saying, I've been telling people this anecdote for years.

It does, if someone does a crazy fart, I say, well, Andy Lee did that so bad, he ripped his asshole.

I don't think I use the word aol.

Recently,

my partner, who's also a big fan and an avid listener, said that he'd never heard the story.

He's not sure it's actually true.

Then he said, look, there's been a lot of farts on the pod lately, and I don't think it's been bought up again.

So I'm wondering, wondering, Andy, did you once fart so hard that you ripped your asshole?

Or have I been spreading this weird rumor about you and a ripped asshole around my family and friends for years?

No, I please help me settle this once and for all.

Cheers, boys.

I did.

Yeah, I was like, did that happen?

Because I remember.

I couldn't remember at all.

I suppose if you've got the injury, you're more likely to remember it.

You didn't remember it, Jen?

I didn't remember it, honestly.

I remember you had the high bum crack problem, but I didn't remember that.

I remember

you had an abscess on your bum cheek.

Yes, that

not a ripped, I couldn't remember the ripped A-hole.

We're not ready to stand with the hemorrhoid.

I suppose I'm ripped.

So, well, here's the thing.

I'm sitting here going, I don't remember that.

But as we've discussed before on the show, you don't remember.

You forget a lot.

You forget a lot of things.

Luckily, with AI these days, like all the transcripts of our shows, you can search.

You can search for terms to try and find episodes.

you know it's actually quite a powerful tool so i'm searching you know yeah like incident like bum incident a lot of things coming out like that.

So I was like, I'm just going to search for a ripped asshole.

There was

over 15 years ago, bingo, the, the, the piece from radio comes up.

Now, we sound a little bit different because it's, I think it's back in 2007 or 2008,

but I actually found, I found it.

So hopefully this answers something for Larissa and it jogs her memory.

2008.

Hey, Mission Andy, driving you home.

It's Pants Off Friday.

Thanks, Jacko.

I'm feeling pretty good with my pants off.

Oh well I've got to say I don't boys.

Oh no, why not Ando?

Well I've actually got to admit something.

On the weekend I fighted so hard I ripped my asshole and I had to be stitched up by a doctor.

Oh my god, you little ripper Ando.

RIP, your asshole.

Now seriously guys, this is a real medical problem and I just want people to know you can rip your asshole like I have.

Oh no, sorry for laughing mate.

It actually sounds terrible.

Yeah, commiserations Andy on the RA.

Yeah, cheers, boys.

It really hurt when I ripped it.

I was like, oh, God, what was that?

Was that a rip?

Was that my asshole?

My brother had a quick look and he was like, yep, that's your asshole, mate.

You've ripped it to shreds.

Oh, man.

What did the doctor say?

He stitched it back up and he said that the only side effect is from time to time a fart will slip out of the rip scar.

And usually it's going to happen if I'm in the studio.

So I'd appreciate it from you, boys, if you just kept going and pretend that it like I haven't farted.

I will do that.

I can do that, mate.

Even if people blame me for the fart from time to time.

You're the best, boys.

What a waste of time.

It does.

You sound so different, Bachelor.

You do often sound different.

It does now actually answer a lot of questions, doesn't it?

With everyone writing and going, oh, sometimes I've heard a fart, sometimes I've heard a fart.

We can reveal that it's due to a pledge that we took to never bring up anything leaking out through the rip scarf.

I'm so

hear that and also

the word arsehole said so many times in a row.

Well, I mean, I was taking it.

I was only going to

Larissa's cue.

Hey, we're really gathering momentum for ConCon.

So I wanted to bring a couple more things up with you.

Yep.

I just got back from a conference in France.

M-R-B-N.

Plus, plus, plus.

Must be nice.

Very nice.

It was all business.

It was all business.

That's not what I saw from your photos.

Beck seemed like she was having quite the holiday.

Well, she she wasn't there for business she couldn't deduct her bit but i could deduct mine seemed like you might have veered a bit into holiday yeah but you said i'm having the best time on this holiday when you texted me

i have a handwritten letter from andy that says things like

things like i can't believe i'm getting away with this this is a real holiday for me and it has no business purpose not true at all and i have those in my possession and i hope i don't have to hand blow for

a TV convention, it was called Mipcom.

It's the big TV industry like, you know, format thing.

People go and sell shows and buy shows and formats.

So we tried to sell celebrity medicine cabinet over there too.

We were trying to send you there, Jack.

That's right to sell celebrity medicine cabinet as a TV format.

This is where you would have gone to sell it at MIPCOM.

And I shopped it two years ago.

And

we heard Adam Steinman from Warner Brothers say I would have taken a look at that.

But Jack hasn't followed up.

Anyway,

there's two things that i've noticed as we're going into our own conference one is

the lanyard yeah we've got one i know but people don't take them off they wear them all the time i thought it was like when you go into the conference you wear it and then it's a bit daggy but i i took mine off to go into i thought it was like security passes at work where you don't really wear them around your neck mate no no it's not it's every someone said where's your lanyard i thought you were part of the conference so i got bullied into having the lanyard back on and i feel like that's what are going to happen the other thing i reckon people what if you're bizarre i'm just going to clarify this slightly with

um

i south by south west was in sydney i'm about to do a thing at south by south west so same thing you go register get your lanyard

but if you're presenting you don't present with no you don't present with a lanyard on that's true i thought i once you're off stage you're back with lanyard on and i think it's because everyone loves the security of seeing people's names and pretending that they've if they've bumped into them before

love

that is good yeah yeah you know the most it's really yeah I use that a lot in circumstances like that where someone's got their name on the lanyard

it's quite hard to duck a look down like it's very obvious your eyes are dipping down you have to be quite clever about it you have to maybe talk about your shoe or something you know

draw attention lower and try and catch the name on the glance back up and the most disappointing part for someone that forgets a lot of names like me is when you pull it off you know you've talked about oh look at the air pockets on this shoe and then your eyes are glancing back at the body and the lanyard's flipped.

You see

terms and conditions on the back.

And then you're like, well,

did all that for nothing.

Our eyes went all the way to the floor for nothing.

Should we do names both sides on our lanyards?

That's, I think, can we do that?

Yeah.

Okay.

Names both sides and your industry.

That's normally your name and your industry.

That's where you're from is normally what's happening.

So we're going to need, that's important and people need awareness.

Here's the other thing I wanted to show today.

I realize there's a bunch of things that that come up in small talk at conferences, commonly asked questions and phrases that will help people during the welcome drinks or at any time during the conference.

I've got them spat out in AI, like a Siri voice, so we can listen to them and discuss them.

This is the first one.

How's your conference been?

That's a very popular one.

You would think that's pretty standard, wouldn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

Talking about the thing you're at.

Yes, but that one is by far.

Just be careful, though.

Okay.

If you arrive at registration drinks drinks on the Friday and that's your opener,

people will know that you've just used the cheap book because

so far it hasn't started.

I would recommend using that one on day two of the conference in the biscuit break.

Great call.

This is the second one.

What seminars are you eyeing off?

Good one for the welcome drinks.

Yes.

But again, we only have two seminars and we assume people will attend both, don't we?

Yeah, but normally the seminar has one title, like one, we're going to have like 40 different titles.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

We're going to have 40 and each of the each time we get up on stage a new seminar i would say so so it's 80 seminars yeah put that in your deductions and smoke it

i think i think so it is yeah you're right it's spot on 80 seminars all educational no entertainment so the fact that you i don't think anyone's gone to a conference and managed to catch 80 seminars so that's going to be a pretty

cool thing to say at a conference i think i'm going to hit 80.

wow this guy can can conference.

This is the next one.

Are you enjoying the conference?

That's enough.

Oh, this is great.

Sorry, have you organized some of these for people?

What about if you can speak English?

And

this does seem like when I tried to learn Spanish, these are the kind of very basic questions

you did.

When I did Duolingo for like two weeks to try and do it, to try and learn it, you'd learn this stuff even if you hadn't registered in interesting conferences.

Like you'd

learn all these phrases that were just about like you know milk and water and conferences all i'm saying is it's a very popular one i'm just going to enjoy the conference yeah here's another one god i wish i'd come with you sounds awesome

in what capacity are you here oh how cool man a lot of people think south of france is all just parties but you can see there's some quite deep conversation yeah so obviously that's when you talk about your industry um here's the next one where are you staying

very popular at a conference yeah and where were you staying for yours i heard it was pretty fancy i was staying at a regular regularly priced hotel how much was it per night

i just can't remember it's in europe

it's hard to do the conversion i think about

150 a night i reckon just and hopefully i've got the conversion well you got lucky with the views from the photos i saw then yeah absolutely i heard your burger was 80 so it's pretty i'm pretty rare that the burger would be as much as the room did you eat an 80 burger i didn't eat it that burger was you just got an 80 burger and threw in the truck No, that's what I'm hearing.

The burger on the menu.

How many burgers have you ordered?

80 Australian dollars, Joe.

That is crazy.

Yeah, that's why we work for a walk.

You swear you didn't eat one.

I swear I didn't eat one.

He did throw it out.

I didn't throw it out.

We went to

Shake Shack.

It's around the corner.

How much was that?

I don't know, 12 Euro.

No, it would have been expensive.

Any flight to use the next one.

How was your flight, Ten?

Very popular one.

How was your flight in?

Very comfortable.

Very comfortable, I imagine.

It was, absolutely, when it's going on the old

TD

pipe.

And because you were there to do business,

yes, the flights were tax deductible.

Yeah, no, I know, but were they, was that also the name of the seat?

What?

Business class?

Yeah, well, if you're going to do business, you have to.

I just wanted.

You might have.

If I was going to do economy, I would have absolutely chosen that.

I just wondered if you were going over to, you know, do first things first.

No,

no, I would not have passed you.

No, it's just business.

Okay.

Oh, just

how common of you.

And then the final one.

Have you got out to see the city?

Oh, good.

Yeah, that will be good actually at ConCon because it is on, you know, it's the golden city or in the gold coast.

Yep.

Some people have have noticed, and now that those people include us, that the dates for ConCon,

just in terms, if you are looking to head out to see the city, it does coincide with another popular conference, Schoolies.

Yeah.

I didn't think of that.

I was told during the week.

People

brought it up going,

you guys know it was Schoolies?

Oh, no.

I know, I know.

Well,

that's an error on our behalf.

It's actually not even the first time we've made this mistake.

Remember, we

finished our Cool Boys in the Front Man tour in Byron, also at school.

So

really getting a rep, really getting a rep for ourselves out there.

Anyway, a couple of helpful tips there for anyone willing to start conference chat.

I could separate that out and put it up as a different kind of YouTube clip for those who need to refer to it.

Absolutely.

Well, they're there.

Download the cue card version so you can always have a little cheat sheet with you at the mixers.

Now, really helpful, Lando.

Peace.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at Hamishandandy.com.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

Play me.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

ATNC fiber with all five covers your whole house.

Even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring our guests?

Get ATT Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

Limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge.