2025 Ep 281 - What a relief, the Mandated Break is over!

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Cause the Hey Mission Andy podcast starts in three,

two.

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One.

Ahoy.

Actually, Jack, I stopped.

Ooh.

A change up.

the year on the government mandated break, which was bloody quick, if I might say.

That was a very fast one.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Straight back into it.

Blinky, and you'd miss that break.

That was a fastie.

Felt like a fast one to me.

Look at this.

Slow ones.

Yeah.

I reckon 2022 was a slow mandate of break.

This felt lightning quick.

Anyway, we're back.

Splash of water on the face.

Back into podcasting.

Barely enough time to unpack your briefcase.

It didn't work.

I've still got the same pen.

I've still got the same pens in my top pocket, calculators on the same batteries as I was the last working year.

But, Ando, for people thinking, yeah, oh, this will probably just be the same old, same old.

No, no, no.

Change is always happening at the Hammy Shandy podcast.

Well, we know that Mike left.

It was a conscious uncover.

Freely.

Yeah, freely.

Like we support him.

He supports us.

It sounds like it's like, he was actually really sad to leave.

He wouldn't mind me saying that.

He was really torn about leaving.

But onto better things.

Not onto better things, he's just onto other things.

And

it's very hard to be better on.

Yeah, he'll come.

There will be an awkward moment in August when he's like, Look, I made a huge mistake, but

obviously the position's been filled.

Yeah, exactly.

Like me crawling back to Beck after my six-month hiatus.

Yeah.

Did that happen?

Is that how it happened?

You had to beg to come back in the relationship.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she said, no.

She said yes.

That's why we're engaged.

No, no, I mean, I thought there might have been a period where she also said no.

Good for you.

No, no, there was no period.

But don't think it'll be that easy, Mike.

Yeah, Andy got lucky.

Yeah.

Anyway, so we don't have Mike anymore, but we have someone who's equally as wonderful.

Liza has just joined the team.

We used to work with her back in the day.

She asked me over the break, are we still doing the same, the three things?

Yeah, that was Mike's domain.

That was Mike's domain.

And I said, I think the guys like them.

I really enjoy the three things.

I think the listeners like the three things.

It's one little puzzle to start the show show with.

We do know it took Mike upwards of 20 hours a week.

So we understand that there's a huge drain on the three things.

The worst part of the three things was the moping that we would get before the show.

Well, just so you know, Lisey has felt under pressure this week to make.

And I said, just don't overthink it.

Don't overthink that.

Government mandate to break would have been the fastest for her.

Because she would have been going, oh, my God, there's only six weeks left.

And

I've only got one of the things.

And the first thing's the easiest.

we haven't correlated it to anything yet

so I've only thought of rock melon and I don't know what else is in the set

so we're saying yes lies so she's I'm not sure I don't think she's I don't think she's happy about that but she no she's shaking her head so we've got the same at least the show won't be completely different this year we've still got someone that's not happy about the three things but I can now go into what she has presented me for the first three things because we did have one just in case as you were jack

ahoy to me shenzi hamish okay cool

ahoy to me bunzai jack bonsai like a tree no i think it's bansai or bansai

are these things that people yell at are these japanese phrases no and i'm ed

Okay.

Are these people that Eliza met over summer?

Because we should explain to her, it has to be something that everyone can get.

It can't be personal to you.

I did actually have to explain that to her on one of the things.

Yeah, she said three.

Like my favourite series.

We are the three hyenas from the original Lion King.

I can't believe I didn't get that.

We've watched so much Lion King in the last six months.

She's after a flyer.

She's Doctor of Flyer.

It's a three.

It's a good

three.

It was undetected by us.

It's obviously from a popular franchise.

Yes.

And got,

I did actually know that from one of us, which is always a good hallmark of a good one.

Shenzy was played by Whoopi Goldberg.

I'm not sure about the others, but Haim,

let's try.

So the same level of detail that Mike gave about the three things as well.

Lies off to a fly.

Congratulations.

That's really good.

Hey, big news for us to kick off this year.

People may have noticed we were over largely in New York City to try and lobby the UN to put pressure on the Australian government to shorten the government mandated break for our podcast that requires podcasters, which is us, to not perform

during for 12 weeks, normally in the period over Christmas and summer.

For Christmas and the Australian cricket season.

So unsuccessful there, which was announced last summer.

Is it those three months specifically, or could you share?

It seems to be.

It does seem to be from the directive we're getting from the government department of podcasting.

However, one of the other legitimate business, keep your receipts, reasons we were in New York for was to be there to witness the opening of the pub Old Mates that we each

have a slice of.

Congratulations, guys.

Small.

Yeah, thanks, Jacko.

I'd say small.

Somewhere in the scale, people are like, how much do you own of this pub?

I'd say, you know,

small to relatively stills quite small, but notable.

You'd be notable.

The kind of slice that if someone was watching their weight at chocolate cake, they go, go just have a sliver just give me a sliver this we have the slice where yeah if office birthday party is i really shouldn't so i just want to have a taste yeah but it's still a taste you still get the you still know exactly what kind of cake it is it's certainly enough to know the flavor of the cake it is open this weekend we had a pre-opening party which we embarrassingly uh sold out of beer so we're wondering whether we're going to be allowed back in the country

that is a bad move for a pub because it created some hype jack i was out the back pouring pallets of beer down the drain so we could get that story out.

But 170 John Street, if you're in New York City, we aim to be open 365 days a year, so you won't be able to miss us.

And we'd love you to come down for a cold one.

Christmas in New York.

One thing we do need to cover off, and we have a lot of, obviously it's like full of expats, lots of Aussies there that are traveling and great fun.

And we should put others with a slice.

Ash Barty's got a slice.

There's some wonderful Aussies that have a slither of the cake.

Yeah, Pat Cummins got a slice.

Patty Mills got a slice.

Hugh Jackman's got a slice.

Has everyone got the same size slice?

Yes, of the cake.

And Mick Fanning's got a slice.

It's been fairly sliced up.

Yes.

Yep.

And then, of course, it's actually, then there's the other guys.

And the proper people

that actually run pubs and hotels over there.

They've got

to be a good sizing.

They're actually doing the work.

But, Jacko, the big question from so many Aussies over there, and it was beautiful to see it, as well as having a few,

I will never mention

t-shirts floating around the pub.

Still available.

We also.

How many t-shirts do you print?

Well, you put a real clasp on the momentum of selling them, mate.

It's pretty hard to sell a t-shirt when you can't talk about it.

So there are still some available, wonderful collectors' items, a gift for any fan of the show.

But it was nice to see people in the pub wearing them.

I had mine on them with those secret meetings taking up the back where everyone's lifting up their jumpers to show their t-shirts.

But also the loyalty card.

We had a few people on that.

My one big regret was because it's obviously

a lot of the staff or Aussies, but they live in America.

And there are obviously American people behind the bar and stuff like that.

They didn't, there were some teething problems with the Hamish and Andy loyalty card.

And I don't have anything to do with the operational running of the pub, but I did say to you and I said, mate, we've got to fix this.

If I can make one thing the issue,

I don't know, get a staff meeting out, get a staff memo out.

This is what this card means.

Anyone caught not honoring it will be thrown in the river.

That was a great learning for me.

I learned a lot about labor laws and who can and can't be thrown in the river for not accepting a card.

But if you are new to the podcast, welcome.

But we do have a Hamish Nandi loyalty card.

It entitles you to 10% off every store worldwide.

You immediately give 5% back as a goodwill gesture.

And

the Hamish Nandi Loyalty card is accepted at Old Mates, meaning that you'll get 5% off.

Which is great.

Jack's pick on the effects these days with the applause.

Nice.

Hey, Jacko.

Here's another thing that I wanted to raise on the podcast.

And

I mean, it's kind of a, it's a, it's a bit of an awkward one, but I thought this is the best place to do it.

This, this idea, you know, for the, for the pub, had been floating around, you know, a little bit.

Nando sort of came to the group last year and was like, look, this is happening.

There's these guys we know in New York.

They've run great restaurants.

They run cafes.

They know what they're doing.

This idea to run, to open an Aussie bar in New York has come up and this is the plan.

And I thought, yep, look, it does look good.

And then Andy was like, you know, will you invest?

You know, it requires some money to invest in this.

And you look at the list that we just mentioned, you know, your Jackmans, your Fannings, your Barties, some incredible people on that list.

I felt under an enormous pressure, Jack, because on one hand, I have Andy here going, come on, guys, I think this is a good thing.

Put some money in, put real money in.

And then on the other hand, I knew something about Andy that I don't think the others did.

So I'm torn.

So here I am in a quandary.

I've got my best mate of 25 years, but on the other hand, some of Australia's most beloved people that they've ever produced.

Do you remember a couple of years ago, we were talking on this show about what job we think we could do for one day.

Now, don't worry about what else was said in that particular moment, but there was a moment that Andy popped up.

And I was very surprised to hear this, but this is all that was ringing through my head as Andy's like, oh, I remember what he said as he's.

And when it was like, oh, you know, Hugh Jackman's interested, you know, Mick Fanning's keen.

He loves this.

I was like, really?

Do I speak up?

Do I speak up or do I hope Andy has changed his ways?

Because when we talked about what job we thought we'd be good at, aside from podcasting, this is what Andy said.

I feel like I'd feel pretty confident at the top of a pyramid scheme.

I suppose like

I'm saying the top, the top paying, like everything else for my skills,

I would not be able to have the upside.

So Rippery.

But do you think you could

trick people into investing?

Wouldn't feel good about it, but I think that if you're answering the question, it's true, actually.

If you came to me and said, you have a great investment opportunity,

I would believe you.

Yeah.

Yeah, that would be.

The smile there from Andy was so

telling.

No, because a little flicker of

mental note.

I should actually get that.

I should do that.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

So, what am I to do, Jack?

As Andy tells me, like, oh, yeah, Patty Mills, he's keen.

Like, I bet it is me.

Isn't a year a perfect amount of time as well for him to go just put that in the back of his mind and come back around to that?

Gosh.

You know, I was playing golf with Pat Cummins.

He's like, mate, how good's this bar?

You know what I mean?

I was like, oh, God.

Oh, God.

Saying goodbye to that money.

Oh, mate.

If only you knew what I knew.

I mean, I hope he's telling the truth here, guys.

So, really, the reason I went across was to go, okay, pretty easy for Andy to be sending around to the group chat, like, oh, look at this.

You know, we found a location.

You know,

AI.

Just, yeah, his brother, his brother works with computers.

Pretty easy to scrub the Getty images, watermark off, you know, pub under construction photos.

So I really felt like I had to get boots on the ground to then turn around to Australia's most beloved people to go,

I'm 98% certain Andy Lee hasn't stolen your money here.

And that's the level of

4,000 actors to come try and get it.

Well, we don't know because, again, that's the thing of the Ponzi scheme.

It seems good at the top.

And everyone's like, oh, look at all this payout that's going on.

But then you go to buy a beer and there's no beer.

It's like, I felt like it was a bitch.

That did continue.

That's why it's 98%.

All right.

Yes.

Well, people can go check out Old Mage for themselves.

Oh, yeah.

We'll just give Andy plenty of warning because he's got to rush in there and quickly set dressing as a bar.

Hey, the other thing that I and you have jumped in on, like to do when we're away, particularly in the USA, if we see any celebrities, we play a game called Who Did I See?

Yes.

And we reveal different clues.

And you guys normally have to guess who I saw.

And I tell you where I saw them in the wild and what they were doing.

Or me.

Let's not forget who I saw in Denmark.

I have forgotten.

Oh, you, it's very forgettable.

Bruce Springsteen's wife.

That's right.

Bruce Springsteen's wife.

Patty Springsteen.

Who is not a recognisable person.

She's when you Google her and it's exactly who I talked to in the lift.

I told you that I've seen some people you've then counted with.

I also saw some people.

I know and I was so happy to see some people because usually you kind of have the, you know, you've got the lion's share.

You go to LA.

I didn't go to LA.

I just sort of flew straight to New York.

So, and we did have, you know, you and I obviously hung out for a lot of the time in New York, and I was terrified of seeing someone with you because I didn't want to waste my celebrity points.

Yes.

If we were together, we saw James Marsden to you.

We did see James Marsden.

Well, that was at the basketball, but it's still, that still counts.

So I've got two.

I've got two goodies that luckily I didn't spot with you.

So we're doing it to Jazz, I guess.

We'll do it.

Well, you don't know mine.

Yeah.

So you can do

that.

No, that's just two rounds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But at the end, Jack, you can discern who saw the better people.

And can I just ask this, Amy?

Is it a famous person's partner or wife?

No.

You know, these are two global names that I saw.

Okay, let's play Who Did I See?

Do you want to go first or be to go first?

You go first.

I reckon he's one of the most famous Michaels of all time.

Michael Fox.

Michael J.

Fox.

Wow, he's joined.

Wow.

And knows him as Michael Fox, and then remembered that we would know him as Michael J.

Fox.

Well done, Jack.

I would have thought Michael Jordan would have come out of your mouth first.

That's what I was going to say.

In order to see him again, I'd need in the same situation.

I'd need his flux campassiter was going to be my next guest.

That's good.

We should watch that on the weekend.

I was a little bit stumbled up there because I almost went for Jackson and then I went off.

No, no, he's widely believed to be dead.

And I

say widely believed because

at Christmastime, one of the more interesting conversations I had with my mother-in-law, who I adore, but who is prone to a conspiracy theory or two,

was about how she'd seen the footage of him walking out the back door of the morgue.

I've never even heard of that conspiracy theory.

Yeah, it's out there, babe.

So that's why my brain jammed a little bit because I was like, Michael Jackson said, no, he's dead.

I know he's not.

I know he is.

But some believe him not to be.

Michael J.

Fox leaving a restaurant as we were arriving.

We crossed paths.

That is a great get.

That's a great one.

That's a huge star.

A little bit of Blake family trivia.

Yeah, we watched Back to the Future on the weekend for the first time.

And yeah,

holds up.

What a film.

All three?

No, well, got him excited for number one.

And then

I was like, guys, how's this?

Number two is even better.

I can't believe it.

And Rudy goes, is Biff in it?

Yeah, he's in it, but he's not the main character.

He gets pretty prominent in the middle of the day.

He does, he does.

She really is talking a lot about Biff.

He hit home with her, not so much Doc and Marty.

Anyway.

All right, Haim, over to you.

Okay.

Whilst beginning my career as a somewhat...

Sorry, the pause sound made a seller.

I haven't written any of these clues.

He hasn't written any of the clues.

I'm just trying to.

I just remembered we're meant to write clues.

Whilst beginning my career as a somewhat niched reporter for the BBC,

my documentaries and factual specials.

Mark Moore.

Louis Thrue.

Well done, Ando.

So Louis Thru on a bus.

On a bus.

Oh, connecting

between

the bus that takes the passengers from the plane to the terminal at Dallas Airport.

Not a common man bus.

No, no.

Well, it's pretty common man.

I think they're a nice way to get it.

There's no other way to get there yeah there might be a limo but i didn't take it um yeah no saw him on the yeah he was very close to me on the bus reading no and he's doing

he's just sort of serious and i i was like i sort of gave him a nod

there was parts where i was sort of looking at him like you know nodding big fan he's probably five or six heads from me so like we couldn't have a conversation no they're pretty packed those buses but he seemed a little taken aback that i was nodding and looking at him But I am sure it was Louis Thrue.

Am I one up?

Easily.

Really?

Louis Through is a pretty big name.

Michael J.

Fox is a huge star.

Also,

you definitely saw Michael J.

Fox.

I saw him off, which adds extra points.

I would be very surprised if this guy wasn't Louis Thru.

Although you do wonder, why was he flying Sydney to Dallas?

We don't know.

You do wonder.

You do wonder that.

Anyway, here's my second one.

He was a little south of his birth home of Canada.

Will Arnett?

Not Will Arnett.

Tom Green.

John Belushi.

No.

I didn't get a sniff.

No, I didn't get a sniff.

I'm another famous Michael.

Mike Myers.

No, I didn't get a sniff, but Hamish's dad would have thought my breath smells like lettuce.

Justin Pieper.

Wait, what's the lettuce broken?

One of my dad's weird burns to Justin Bieber.

We had this.

When we did the ping-pong battle.

Yes.

Because Justin, I mean, God, let's see if I can remember why this happened.

But for some reason, we were like, we're going to interview Justin Bieber.

And they were like, he, he,

he loves table tennis.

He let every

incorporate table tennis into the interview.

Exactly.

They're like at every show, he plays table tennis before he goes on and he loves it.

And so we're like, all right.

Well, my dad at the time was my stepmom's PA at a law firm and was running their intra-office table tennis championships.

I was like, my dad is actually decent at table tennis.

Let's get Justin versus my dad in an Australian-Canadian table tennis cup.

Dad had no idea who he was, kept calling him Jason Bieber.

And Justin Booble at one point.

Bieber came in eating Subway and just like had a lot of swagger about him and was just, you'd have to say objectively, if you didn't know that was Justin Bieber, you go, this guy looks pretty bored.

And so was just chatting to dad and continued eating a foot long.

And then he said, at one point, he said, well, we were saying, can we please just get some kind of rivalry going?

And he said, bring it on, old man.

And your dad went to go a jibe back and said, yeah, well, your breath smells like lettuce.

More confusing than anything.

It's little easy, smelly food.

Yeah, it's a very neutral food.

Anyway, Bieber.

That's great.

Where'd you see him?

Japanese restaurant in LA.

On my way to the toilet, he was at obviously a very good round table with just his mates wearing a beanie very high in his head.

I was in a tent in the car park for overflow patrons.

Were you really?

Yeah.

The common tent.

Yeah, Beck was very disappointed.

We booked the restaurant knowing it's a good one.

And turns out

that was going through renovations, and we ended up in a tent in the car park.

Was it a good tent, like a yurt?

No, no, no, no.

It's not even a good tent.

Could have got it from Harry's white marquee.

Oh, so more like a marquee.

It was just a white marquee.

Yeah.

Of which.

But you were still allowed to use the inside toilets.

You didn't have a portal or something.

So

you were allowed inside to see what better people.

Prices were the same, which I would also like to say.

Sorry, you haven't applied the car park discount.

Okay, let's see if Ham can knock off Justin Bieber.

Walking through Tribeca, a well-known trendy neighborhood in New York City, home to both Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Robert De Niro.

All three of them, not in the same house, but that's the kind of people.

Yeah, yeah, we just say, but Robert De Niro's not their kooky, um, you know, spare room guy.

Uh, from what I understand, everyone's doing fine and they got their own places.

Who should I see strolling along?

but none other than this actor.

With an amazing IMDb

spanning dozens and dozens of films, he's perhaps best known to this generation as a key character on Game of Thrones.

Playing a Lannister,

nicknamed the imp he is of...

Oh, Peter Dinklich.

Peter Dinklich.

Peter Dinklich.

Well done.

Game of Thrones, I mean global superstar.

Yes.

But it's no Bieber.

It's no Bieber.

And my first thought was,

he does look taller off screen.

Oh, they're baking sort of Peter Dicklidge.

Obviously, he's the regular person.

Look, to me, I was like, that is dead set, Peter Dicklidge.

But you can't deny, he is quite, he's not as short as I thought he was.

What do you mean?

He is,

yeah.

I mean, I don't know, but it was his face.

And he wins hands down.

Really?

Ando,

I mean, it's been

a big summer.

And if you think people have been out there 24-7,

12 weeks of mandated break, just pure pleasing you, they haven't.

They haven't just been pleasing you.

They've been upsetting you as well.

And it's time to check in with them.

Everything is neat and practical.

Because that's the way he likes it.

But what if it wasn't?

Upset Andy.

God, there's some crackers that have been coming in.

There's an upset Andy going on in my house at the moment, which you

just on a day-to-day basis, you'd sympathize with Zoe.

You know, if you and I were married, Ando, of which there would be some upsides.

I'm not lying.

I think we'd have a great time if we were married.

You know, physically.

What's the biggest upside?

Oh, just same wavelength, like golf.

Just very relaxed.

Yeah.

Just super super duper relaxed with calendars and stuff.

Like, yeah, sure.

What do you want to do, mate?

I'm just going to take off for a few days.

Take five.

Okay.

I'm not saying it'll be, you know, but if we were married, there'd be other, obviously other issues.

And I'd, I'd, you know, I'm very happy with the choice I've made.

And so.

But at the moment, we're going to, in, in six weeks' time or so, we're going to Africa.

We're going to Uganda as a family.

Big trip.

To go to Uganda, you need yellow.

Yeah.

And somehow it's fallen to to me.

I'm in charge of getting the family's vaccinations.

Wow.

Like yellow fever, you need to get into the country.

And I'm organizing the visas.

You would not be enjoying my updates of which

kid has had what, where we're at with the visa process.

No.

Lost the email.

Don't worry.

No, I am going to talk to the traveler.

I'm sure we'll borrow

your phone.

I'm going to insist with you doing that.

I'm going to prove myself worthy.

The downside, Jack, of getting

an Ugandan visa wrong is us all at an airport in Uganda with them going, you're not coming in.

Yeah, because it only takes one to be wrong as well.

Yep.

If it's mine that's wrong and theirs is right, I think they'll go on without me.

Speaking of upset Andy's and travel-based, I saw a guy at the airport and one of his clasps on his bag.

You know, wasn't clicking in, you know, to lock it.

And I went, oh, oh, mate, your bags aren't clear.

and he went oh yeah we didn't have a zip just walked off you know like sending it through he was about to send it off checked baggage checked baggage and it just didn't have the clip into it and i was like oh mate the bag's unclipped and he's like oh yeah and he just looked at me like oh yeah mate whatever and i almost wanted to chase it down the conveyor belt just to clip it in i i wanted to go hang on is it bro is it it must be broken but it didn't seem broken it seemed like a perfectly new bag just seemed like he didn't care for it and that made me

he would have been fine he would have been fine and god bless these people that are out there because we don't have time to check every class man you know he's got time for this kind of stuff we're living fast and loose john ahoy to you ahoy boys and uh happy birthday andy hope you had a good party over in new york as well look to look to hoot he did he did mandatory hats for everyone

hey john is this you or someone else that you've got this is this is someone else i work with okay so you're a bit more like me john i'm very lucky i'm very regiment i organized yeah i like things in place process but um i might get you to do some visas for us

you've got a bit of time

happily happily send it through but um no uh let's just call her izzy and this this is the lady i work with um her and her friends whenever they go to a sporting game or a concert or something like that and there's a group of say 10 to 15 of them One person will buy all the tickets in bulk.

And then instead of allocating them one by one to each person, bang group dump all the tickets all in all in group chat and then everyone kind of just is a free-for-all for tickets so the first person that goes through is is fine because

you know they're fine but the last person he's at the gate you know scanning one ticket burnt decline second ticket decline how fun all the way to the 15th yeah sounds like a treat how fun

i mean imagine how fun you are if you find out you're number 15 and you got it on the first hit you've had a you've had a fun little win you're like guys i hit a 15 to one shot shot before I even got in to see Bruno Mars.

Hey, John.

Yeah.

By comparison, I'm normally the one that's getting the tickets for everybody.

Downloaded, saved, named, then sent individually to people.

On the same, on the same saved in a Google Drive.

It's all labeled, all everything.

But thank you, guys.

Hopefully, you had a hoot out of that.

Thanks, John.

Self-wrap-up.

He's out.

He's got stuff to do.

Hey, Geordie.

Geordie, avoiding you.

He's an organized man.

He's got got stuff for you.

Geordie, avoid you.

How are you, boys?

Very good, mate.

Something to upset, Andy?

Well, while you guys were over

lobbying international governments about the fake mandated break,

hang on,

that's fake news.

They've obviously got to you.

I checked with Elbo.

Elbo said free country to do what you want.

Yeah, he's actually trying to rattle it.

It's frankly hard for votes at the moment or saving

election year.

But anyway, yeah, during the mandatory break.

Well, back in Australia, back in Melbourne, there was a series of a couple of little heat waves and I had a wet pile of washing.

I don't have a dryer.

So I just took it all out in one big lump, threw it on the washing line.

And it's 40 degrees and sort of UV of 11.

I figured it's going to get dry at some point.

Hang on.

That's so nice.

It's a sandwich, just a big old ball, like an enormous spitball.

It would have steamed the clothes on the inside.

It would have been like manure.

And that would have kept the outside fresh.

Did it work, Jordy?

It was fresh as a daisy.

It was like you'd have just been at the dry cleaners.

I believe that, Julie, well done.

I think that people go way too far with the got to peg it here, got to stretch it out.

It's going to dry.

Let just the air all do its job.

What a system.

Taking down big clothesline.

Do you know who Jordy's taking down?

Big peg.

Pegs, the peg industry want us to think we need 100 hundred of them.

We clearly don't.

We just need the clothesline and the willingness to drop it all in one load and a 40 degree day.

Think about the environment.

No pegs, no plastic.

Thank you, Jordy.

That's disgusting.

Ben.

Ben.

Ahoy, boys.

Do you think you might have something to upset me?

I think you'll actually probably like this one, Andy, because I know you love efficiency and saving money.

So, hey, be honest, how many minutes do you reckon Andy wastes per week measuring out half a grain of rice worth of toothpaste for his toothbrush?

Yeah, we saw him when he bought it in those that time a couple of years ago and said, this is how much I put on.

It was microscopic.

As proven.

By dentists, all you need.

Yeah.

So, mate, I reckon he'd be wasting half an hour a week.

You'd still be on that same tube that we did the test two years ago.

Beck's a fee in for it.

She goes, double.

And then often, this is little insight.

For some reason, we've got this thing where one of us in the show and one of us out, we go, can I have a treat?

This is weird

can i have a treat worse than i'm a witty boy what's what's the treat to brush your teeth and it's it's it's the other person will put toothpaste on that and you get to brush your teeth in in the shower that's i know stupid that's the treat

what a hoot

bringing these things up don't you jack

it's awesome i'm thinking of a birthday present as well at the moment that's a great one got a little treat for you

so beck said the other day could i have a treat i put my amount of toothpaste on and gave it to her.

She's like, no, no, no, no, no, that's not enough.

I said, it actually is.

We discussed on the podcast.

Dentist.

Oh, what a treat.

A treat with conditions.

Just do a squash frog like everyone else.

So anyway, we're getting off topic here.

Okay, Ben,

what's your toothpaste tactic?

And I've got a simple solution.

for that exact problem where you forgot the toothpaste in the shower.

So once a month, you just squirt the entire tube of toothpaste just along your bathroom vanity and just the last little bit that's left in the tube, you just put that on the little soap holder in your shower.

And then twice a day, you're walking past, you're brushing your teeth, you just take a little swipe,

brush your teeth.

And if you've forgotten it in the shower, well, it's there ready on your

soap holder.

You've got the portable one.

You don't actually do that.

You don't actually do that.

You squirt it out.

I've run the numbers on this.

It saves you two minutes a week.

And so, Andy, at your hourly rate of 1,000 an hour, it's now 45 saved a year.

So that's $1,700 net.

And then, minus the $200 extra you're paying on toothpaste, you're coming out $1,500 a head.

That's $1,500, Ando, that you're missing out on per year.

So,

what happens to the toothpaste by day like 20?

Is it a bit dry?

Go dry?

Oh, yeah, but that just adds to the texture of the brushing.

You ever been to the dentist and they use the fine granular sort of stuff in the little

hair?

It elevates it to dental quality.

A few hairs add to the flossing.

What about all the other stuff that happens in the bathroom?

Like, because, you know,

a lot of stuff happens in there.

And you see those things like, you know, on TikTok and Instagram about, no, but even just like when you flush the toilet, like

the aerosols that get puffed up into the air.

Andy would be the only man in Australia that repackages his toothbrush into the little.

plastic case that it came in when he bought it each night.

Everyone else is.

I only do that when I'm traveling.

I just say, let it fly.

Let it fly.

One of the most

audacious toothpaste tactics the world has ever seen.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

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Guys, tell me whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

No way.

Beck and I were staying at Crown in the city for a function, right?

The hotel.

Ambient.

And Beck was off getting ready, hair, and makeup.

And I was watching the cricket in the room.

Lovely.

And I get a text from her stylist that just says, Are you in the room?

Are you in your room?

All right, yes.

You know, great, because I'd like to come up and do a poo.

Who wouldn't?

And I said, it's a wonderful hotel.

I said, no.

No.

I mean, has he got access to other toilets?

Well, I said, no, you can't.

He's like, I'm busting.

I said, well, go to the lobby.

And he said, the lobby's public.

It's like, well, a hotel room's public.

And a lobby at Crown, like, that's, that's, it's not a public toilet toilet on the street.

No, it'd be a nice toilet.

He said, They are great.

They're the lobby hotel.

Yeah, the lobby toilets are great there.

Yeah.

So he says,

top notch.

Or the casino floor.

Or go to the, yeah, go to the gym.

Yeah, there's plenty of options.

He said, you're being unreasonable.

Just let me come up and do a poo in your hotel toilet.

But hotel toilets, they've got adjoining doors.

They're like front doors.

But it's like doing it in the bedroom.

Hotel toilets are, it's all one room.

Let's be honest.

It's a glass door.

Smell doesn't respect a glass door.

Especially if you're you're in the room yeah so i said no and he and he's like mate as someone that i have to schedule my hotel bow movements so carefully yeah as like someone when you're on holidays or whatever with zo like really like i rarely would i even go in the room no i'm a lobby guy

I think I've even talked about before on the podcast.

Like we were all around holidays one time and there was a gang of us, like a gang of men, husbands, that we realized after breakfast every morning, we were all meeting at the pool toilets because

we knew we weren't welcome to go back to the room after having three or four Greek coffees or whatever.

And we're like, oh, I know what's going on here.

We're all the same blokes.

We've just

gone for a walk before we go back to the room.

Yes.

So I say, no.

Where are you now?

He writes back.

I'm in Carrie Bickmore's room.

He was doing her dress starling.

Yeah, right.

And I said, we'll do a poo in her room.

Yeah, drop one on Bickmore.

Sorry, on her account.

He writes, no.

So I wrote back, I'll ask her.

And then waited 30 seconds, wrote, I've just texted her.

She said yes.

She said, don't be weird about it, though.

And just go in there.

Don't mention that.

She's a visualization.

She'd actually like you to.

Yes.

I still don't know to this day whether that's

happened.

He didn't come to you.

That was the end of the talk.

Odds are.

Yeah.

Odds are it probably happened in her room.

And he probably just gave her some kind of silent nod

that's not addressing it verbally.

So I hope he just said, Okay, you're all finished.

You know, whatever.

Like, here's the last zip.

And then went and did his business.

Came out and just quietly said to her, All done.

And to this day, she's like, Why did he do that?

Why did he do that?

Got your message.

All done.

Hey, and first show back of the year.

And

last year, the show ended with a triumph for one Jack post.

A lot of people have been emailing us, direct messaging us about an update on this.

But if you missed it and

you're new to the show, welcome by all means.

But here's a little recap.

Previously on the Hamish and Andy podcast.

Oh, what a golf cart.

Not like the one that you drive, the one that you're remote.

The one that you remote golf buggy.

No, the one that you drive.

Jack, they're like 15 grand, aren't they?

We will look into this for you.

Hey, Andy, it's Andrew from Cobcar here.

We'd love to help out with the golf cart.

We'd only be able to provide one though due to expense, but hopefully you can understand that.

I would be happy to accept one golf cart and for you guys to not get one.

Yes.

Brutal.

We saw a man stab two people in the back at the same time, which is difficult requiring both hands.

Why did we let him back there with so many knives?

Then he got us and he had nothing but the dreams of driving a golf cart in his eyes.

Number one thing I've been asked over the break is.

Me too.

How's Jack going with his golf cart?

It was Club Current in Golf and Utility that came here and said, yes, we'll do that for Jack.

Amazing.

Jack, I then text you the next day after that and said, hey, the guys are ready to deliver it probably in the next week or so.

When's convenient for you?

And there was a long stall ham.

And then I got a text message from Jack saying,

can I call you to talk about this?

So I was like, oh, is he going to ask what color, what kind of leather that is the seat?

Because where we left off, there was a boy giddy with excitement.

Even in the face of logistical questions like, where will you keep it?

You don't have a garage, let alone a carport.

How will it be charged?

You already run a power cord outside the window of your house to charge the Tesla.

So,

how else could you charge such a car?

But it didn't matter because Jack, we should also point out to the because you'd figured out this loophole that if you live within two kilometers of a golf course, you are legally allowed to drive it.

That's where it started from.

That's where it started from hearing that information.

We were like, well, well played, Jack.

You found the loophole.

You called in your one big weasel last.

Well, I did everything right.

I called Jack and recorded the conversation.

And if people are wondering how much he's been enjoying his golf cart, this might give you an idea.

Jack up.

Andy, how are you?

Yeah, good.

What's up?

I'm calling about the golf cart.

And thank you again for all the strings you were pulling behind the scenes.

Very appreciative

to know that there could be one on its way.

Yes, yes, yeah, no,

it won't be arriving soon.

I'm in a very, I find myself in a very difficult place.

I'm so excited to have one,

but the more that I think about the practicalities of owning my own golf cart, it just doesn't make sense.

That was the start of the call.

I'm so sad.

I can hear in my voice.

I was so sad.

I'm so sad.

So accept it.

You know, like, I mean, you are the boss of this scenario here.

you lobbied so hard and you got it.

I remember after we got off air on that last show, Jack, and you were like, so excited to get a golf cart.

There was a moment.

Yeah.

There was a moment where I said to you, when we were talking about storing it, I said, well, I think it would just come with a cover.

Like you can just put a cover over it in your backyard.

Like you don't have to keep it in your house, which I think was one of the suggestions for a while.

And I, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like that was the moment where you went, hmm, a cover.

Then you went, like a barbecue.

I'm like, yeah, exactly.

But it's custom made for the golf cart.

And then Jack said, yeah,

I don't even use my barbecue because I can't be bothered taking the cover.

It does.

And I felt like it's got all that rainwater on it and like spiders are under there.

So it does deter me from using the barbecue.

And I reckon that's where maybe the first cracks in the fantasy began.

Is that a fair thing to say?

Yep.

Yep.

It was that drive home

from the podcast.

I went from that happy at the last episode of last year.

And by the time I got home, I thought,

where does this live?

Where does it go?

Well, the conversation continued.

The main ones are,

I honestly don't have a garage or undercover spot to put it.

So it would be about building some sort of shed or I was looking at

polycarbonate online to see if I could build some kind of lean to on the side of my house.

Every time I wanted to play golf, I would have to move my regular car out of the driveway, drive the golf cart down the driveway, move the regular car back in, drive to the golf course.

And by that time, I already could have driven to the golf course normally.

True, and they don't go very fast.

I mean, even a kilometer at 20 K's an hour is quite like it'll be quicker to drive up in the car, particularly the fact that you have to rotate.

You have to call Bianca,

who's like managing the kids.

You're like, hey, darling, can you just move the car for me while I grab the golf card?

Yeah.

I did the test.

It added five minutes.

It added five minutes.

It takes two minutes to get there in the normal car.

And at 20 K's an hour, I got down there in seven minutes.

So you drove, did you drive in your car?

I drove in 20 K's an hour.

Why?

Please tell me you filmed that because just to see your face, even time lapse, to see your face getting grimmer and grimmer and more and more annoyed as that went on.

Just to go, I've made a huge mistake here.

The conversation continued.

Since you offered it to me on the show, I have gone to bed every night thinking about it.

I so, so badly want it and I'm so excited to drive it around, but it just does not make sense.

And I can't, as a true...

Weasel-hearted man, I can't fathom the fact that I've done all the weaseling.

i've done the hard part and now the present is coming and what am i just going to say no to it is that what i'm hearing i i think i'm sending santa back up the chimney with the presents

i can't i can't believe it i can't believe it either i've done i've looked at every which way

i made a lot of phone calls a lot of

God well

it's okay

I think it's I I even talked to the golf course and asked them if they would like is there somewhere I could store it on the golf course and they don't do that.

It's also better that you're not really having a golf cart are you?

It's not really yours.

You have done the equivalent of a kid saying I want a puppy for Christmas, but you don't want to take care of it and you're finding it annoying.

Exactly.

And what and kids accept the puppy and then the parents find out during the first week that they have to do all the bits and pieces.

Yes.

And I guess what I'm maturely trying to do here is go, I don't think I can look after this thing.

Yeah, that is

maturity.

This is sometimes what people think like with the robot shoes that I bought that

accelerate.

No, no, people would think, oh, hang on a sec, but is it more annoying to charge them, lug them around?

Even strap them on when you did it live at ConCon, It took you a good 10 minutes.

You know, yeah, people think it

can be frustrating.

You know, and the time you gain by the walking part of your life now being accelerated to a slow jog.

Is that worth all the hassle?

For me, it's still, yeah, that's...

It makes great sense.

Everyone has wearing jeans.

Do you remember?

I gave them away.

Oh, that's right.

I gave them to a guy who couldn't believe it.

Then I couldn't believe I'd given them away because it was in the euphoria of the end of ConCon.

And then I said, I'm lending them to you.

I was like, mate, have them.

And then he goes, really?

No, I'm lending them to you.

He goes, oh, okay.

I said, we'll just enjoy them over summer and then I'll get them back at a future date.

Which is

put that down on something.

Put that down for us to follow up this year.

You've got to get them back from him.

Get them back.

I actually just remembered I gave them away.

Yeah.

Because I was hitting him.

They were in my golf bag and they were so heavy.

I was like, and you're like a big drum kit from the guy we can't find.

No, no, no.

I know his, it's Martin or Marvin's.

I can like stuff.

I need to get back.

I can get to the bottom of that.

Thank God, because the golf cart would have been given away as well.

It would have been given away to someone else and we'd be sitting here going, no, it's Eric or Edward or someone's got the golf cart.

Well, those surprises,

the conversation did end up taking a turn.

And I think everyone probably predicts where it's going, but this is how it turned out.

Is there any chance to get like you mentioned off-air that there's these things like a golf buggy, which is a little remote-controlled buggy that...

that oh god no i'm hanging up for you can we

can i get that to club car do those i don't know

all right good to chat see you later

sorry so jack you were still trying to leverage it at the end into another thing i just hated the fact that i'd done the weasling we'd had the agreement and now i was going to get nothing and i've actually got i thought of something over the summer that might be able to work because we gave Club Car all the

like cheers and said like thank you thank you club car club clown we mentioned about

the list now no no I just thought maybe because

my my local this is a

I thought maybe a good way to solve it and I'm not taking the the car so they save money but they got a whole lot of um promotion for free yeah but that's just because you fumbled the past would that's would they my local golf club has club cars would they do like a voucher system where I don't have to pay

for a golf cart and they just give

like 10 even 10 vouchers how much does it cost to hire a golf cart for $40

so you want to go to your club and go

because I said the brand name of your carts a lot on a podcast

could you now negotiate with the company that gives us the golf carts that gives you guys the golf carts for me to ride around in them for free no the company many times the company would issue a voucher and I would just have to give it to the golf club and they would know what it was i wouldn't have to explain it to everybody voucher just get money like what is the what is this

confusing voucher system

he's right

no jack i've never heard anything more complicated in my life hi yeah um My name's Jack, and I actually did a summer promotion for Coca-Cola on Instagram.

So I know you're McDonald's.

So like it wasn't, I didn't do it for McDonald's, but I have a a deal with Coca-Cola where I am allowed to drink as many cokes as I want anywhere that sells them.

And I have a letter from them because I did this, yes, an Instagram thing.

So does that make sense?

So yeah, I get up to eight dollars worth of Coca-Cola products per day.

You can be a fan day, can be anything I want.

But is that, could you, is your manager here?

Because the voucher would just say, they would just scan it and it would tell it in a system.

What's this system?

This system doesn't exist.

No.

no.

Thanks for listening.

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