Cyndi Lauper asks about cookbooks

This is a head gum podcast.

Cheers.

Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

It's Fortune Fleamster.

And I'm May.

And I am your very dear friend, Tignotaro, also a host on this this wonderful podcast called Handsome.

It's amazing that we haven't got more slick at those starts.

How many years now?

And every time I panic.

10 years now.

Yeah, 10 years.

We're celebrating 10 years.

Fortune has been keeping good track of time.

I know every episode we've ever done.

10 years in order.

Yeah, you could list them in order.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that would be great.

Let's not do it right now.

I don't want to bore everybody with history.

Guys, how are you?

Guys, we're together again.

I'm doing all right.

I'm very,

my eyesight's terrible, and I'm looking at myself on the screen.

My hair is a little wild.

I just got back from taking Max and Finn to the park, and I've had fantasies of showering before,

and

that just was not in the cards.

Yeah, it was a real fantasy.

We didn't get out of the park in time.

It looks good, though.

It looks thick and solid and healthy.

It's thick.

I'm getting a haircut this week.

It is so thick.

It's so long.

Yeah.

So that's my boring story.

Anybody?

I just got back from tour, so I feel pretty wrecked, but I feel also so invigorated from the handsome listeners that I feel like I don't even really know where to start.

I have so much to tell you both.

Just jump in.

Tell us everything, even if none of it makes sense.

Just jump in.

Because it's all kind of scrambled in my brain.

Like I was, I was doing like a real, it felt like I'm picturing one of those like cartoon

dust balls with legs and arms in my head coming out.

Yeah.

Well, no, that's like what I pictured when you said it was crazy.

So go ahead.

Let's hear about it.

It was like I got the immersive experience of like being a touring musician.

Like I was in a dirty van with two boys, like, and I don't drive, so I was just sort of stretched out on the seat.

Wait, you never got your license?

No.

No, don't you think that would have been the biggest news of my life?

May's been putting this off since like, yes, but we started this podcast 10 years ago.

My memory comes and goes.

And so I thought, maybe, maybe you got it.

No, okay.

I still I'm writing my learner's permit test on Thursday

because it expired.

So I'm on it and then I'll be back for the lessons.

Yeah, it sounds like it.

But also I would not be brave enough to drive this huge van.

This like

it's kind of falling apart.

These guys have been in a touring band for like 15 years.

So they're kind of pros.

Jason and Wes, who I tour with.

But man, guys, these audiences of handsome fans.

First of all, they know me intimately.

Like, I forget the stuff that we say on this podcast.

Like, after shows, people are like, I mean, the amount of love for your mom, Fortune, or like your documentary tick, and people just being like, they know us so well,

which blows my mind.

Like, they've been following all of our life events for years.

They're bringing us weird gifts.

They're bringing

me well,

really weird.

Let's be like, really pretty strange.

Like what?

Like what?

Did you get a horse costume?

Did you

that fits for that we can shove Thomas in as well?

What are we talking?

Weird.

Well, I'm going to bring them all in tomorrow to go through with you, I think.

But it really did make me think about like, what am I putting out there?

You know, because I was getting like a small vial of antique marbles, a small rubber hand with rolled-up scrolls that had like puzzles written on them and interesting facts or like

a lot of crystals.

A lot of people are like, can you put this by the cat statue in your home on the altar?

I'm like, yeah.

Like they, they know me.

Like they, they know what I like.

But, okay, so I've distilled it.

Well, because I will say, real quick, I'm also on tour and I'm not getting those kind of things.

Really?

Well, I got a bunch of stuff for you.

You're not getting tiny scrolls, Fortune.

No, just

people wearing a lot of our merch.

Yeah, a lot of good merch.

Yeah, I would have pegged you, Fortune, for a real tiny scroll kind of gal.

I mean, I'm getting like poems and

riddles and strange things, but I've distilled of the like fan interactions or listener interactions, I've distilled them down to just a handful that I have to tell you guys.

And I can drip feed them, but like the one that really blew my mind was so people did like a meet and greet after.

And so this person, this tall woman, comes and she's really nervous, I can tell, because she's got something really important to say.

And she just holds out her hand she can barely speak with anticipation and in her hand is this rolled up piece of paper and i look at it and i see my own handwriting guys it's the note from the silver lake hotel behind the painting yes

no i

collapsed

how did you keep this from us how did you keep this from us i'm so glad that you're having this reaction because i felt i i honestly fell to the ground.

Yes.

She lived in the room.

Did she rent the room or just go like I left something in there and I have to go in there?

This is the best part.

So she's been listening to the pod.

She lives, either it was Portland or Vancouver.

What if she hadn't been listening to the pod and she found that note behind?

What was it behind?

A painting.

And

so apparently, so she usually stays at that hotel a lot.

And then she was there and listened to the pod.

And apparently I said the wrong room number number at first and then self-corrected.

So she looked the wrong room.

Oh, no.

And then she looked behind the paintings.

It's not there.

So she re-listens and like later I corrected.

Thank God.

Her friend goes and knocks on the door.

The stranger opens the door and she goes, hi,

there's this podcast and

this is going to sound crazy.

Okay.

I'd slam the door and call the podcast.

I know.

I'd be like,

you're about to rob me.

There's no way you're coming into this room.

Yeah.

She goes, I just need to get behind that painting real quick.

Just it won't be long.

And then that person's like, you're the 12th person that has come knocking at my door about this painting.

Yeah, but we really had a moment.

And

yeah, I was just as excited as her.

And it made me think, I got to do things like this more often because the treasure hunty joy of someone finding it.

I really did not think that was going to happen.

I thought it was gone in the wind.

Can we give me a little bit of credit that I told you to do it?

Yeah, you did.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I just need a little bit of credit here, but also

what was this person like?

Please describe.

I mean, honestly, like everyone I met, just very kind.

And

people were really making friends with each other in the crowd.

And

yeah, she was with her friend and she was,

to be honest, I don't remember.

I was so blindsided by this reveal that I don't remember like her job or anything, but she was really funny.

Like people were funny.

Like, this person gave me their phone number, um, laminated, and it, and they go, I laminated it in case you fall in a pool.

And it said on the back, like, phone number for new friendship or something.

And I really got like a friend vibe from this person.

And they made me laugh real hard during the meet and greet.

And I was like, I should just text this person.

Honestly, you're a good person.

I didn't.

I feel like if I start going down that route,

wait, and where, and where were you?

So, I was in San Francisco, then drove 10 hours to Portland,

which I'd never, I'd never really done that.

We pulled over and like swam in a stream, it was really nice, and then so then I was in Portland, I'd never been to Portland, and then

oh man, it's cool.

And I went to like the house where Elliot Smith wrote Roman Candle, and like I did the touristy Elliott Smith things.

And

I wore a tank top on stage.

That was like,

it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a big deal to me.

I bet it was a massive deal for your audience.

But you don't normally, you're not normally in tank tops?

I have never worn a tank top on stage in 25 years of performing.

And also,

I have never worn a sweater on stage to do stand-up because I feel like I got to show my arms to be vulnerable.

So it's a big thing in my brain, but I loved it.

Okay.

And so now is it like try to stop you from wearing a tank top is it that kind of

yes yeah changed my whole personality like i was

tell us okay like i don't know how to dance right like i and with stand-up i'm totally stationary

uh playing the guitar i'm totally stationary but something about i put the tank top on i'm suddenly I'm grooving, I'm grinding.

I'm like,

yeah, I'm like moving around.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm sorry.

Are you saying you started moving and grooving?

Yeah, I started moving and grooving, shaking my head.

I love this.

Yeah.

Shake it.

Don't think there's going to have to be more tank tops in your future.

I think so, too.

I have two more.

I don't want to monopolize the time, but I have two more things I have to tell you.

Please monopolize.

Okay, because I've been saving them up.

Okay.

Again, meet and greet.

This person had.

Made sure they were the last person in the line.

So that's always interesting because you're like, okay, they want to have maybe a longer interaction

So, I see this couple, they're at the end of the line, and um,

I, it's uh, yeah, I hug the guy, I hug, I hug this woman, and she pulls me.

I'm in my tank top, yeah, hugging picture, groove and grounded,

and I shake her hand, and I hear,

oh,

yeah, I go, what?

I look down, I pull my hand away, it is covered in thick white paste.

No, Yeah.

I'm horrified.

I'm like,

my mouth is agape.

I'm aghast.

I can't.

Why are you telling us this?

Wait, what do you mean?

Because you know you're going to hate it?

Well, I already do, but go on.

So I go, what is happening?

Is this mayonnaise?

And she says,

no, it's lotion.

And she's kind of weirded out that I'm weirded out.

She goes, it's hand lotion.

And I'm like, what?

And she goes, you said on the podcast, Thomas is nodding.

I have no memory of this.

You do.

Oh my God.

I was like, I feel like I've, my grandmother used to

bum rush me with lotion.

Bum rush?

Like, just out of nowhere, she would like, like, slyly put lotion on my hands.

Didn't she also bum rush your bum with a suppository?

Sepository.

She did do that too.

But my hands were dry as a kid, and she, I didn't like to put on lotion so she would like trick she would like grab my hand without me knowing lotion was in it and then rub it in lather up my hands so I was like did I talk about this but I guess you said something and did you tell your grandmother you need to hydrate from the inside you know I didn't know that at the time

well I was like what is happening and and and she was massaging it into my hands I was a little alarmed and oh

yeah and what did you say on the pod I wouldn't have handled this well.

No, you could not do it.

You would have been out of it.

Someone could not do this to you, Tig.

No, no, no, ma'am.

No, ma'am.

Well, she said that I said it would be so funny if someone pranked me with hand lotion.

And then her boyfriend goes, That's not what you said.

You said that you could wear lotion on your hand and shake a fan's hand.

Like, but it feels like I invited basically someone.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah, so I couldn't be

enraged, I was definitely taken aback, but yeah, they were very charming, I guess.

But then, what I didn't tell her, what I didn't have the heart to tell her because I didn't want to know.

That's that she's knowing now, that she definitely is hearing now.

Yeah, she will hear it now, but the hand lotion was coconut hand lotion.

Oh, no, and you're allergic.

I'm allergic, and so my hand, they they get all sort of red and

it's like tasting your hands tingling.

Big old Mickey Mouse Mouse hands.

Trying to play the guitar.

Yeah.

Anyway, so that was a weird one.

Wow.

I liked her spirit in that, like, she was just like, Maybe

it's going to be hilarious.

Yeah.

And May asked for this, and what a treat.

I mean, it did leave an impression.

You'll never forget that.

I will never forget it.

I'm checking every hand before I shake it now.

Yeah.

From now on.

But that would be jarring to grab someone's hand and it'd be wet.

Well, you just don't expect to hear a squelch.

Well, you know, isn't this the beauty of we're all different people, we're all different hosts that would react differently.

And there's all different sorts of people at the meet and greet.

And that's why I did a meet and greet in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, a couple of nights ago.

And it was like

the one rule was no touching.

And so everyone just stands their hands behind their back, smiling, and then we move it along.

Oh, wait,

they can't put their arm around you or anything?

Just no touch.

I literally hug everybody that comes through my meeting greet.

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And you know what's interesting, Tig, is like, I'm because I'm hugging everyone.

And, but then there were a couple of people who I went to hug them and they were like, no, thanks.

Like, and I forget that, like, people have, you know, COVID masks on, and they're like, you know, the climate's a little different with those things, and people have their different levels.

So, yeah, yeah, I should send those people to you.

You can kind of tell when someone doesn't want to hug, they keep their hands to their side.

And

they're not going to be able to do that.

I've also had moments where when I've taken pictures, there have been like some weird little touches here or or there

where I'm like, I don't want that.

Like, what kind of, but what do you mean by weird touches?

Just their hand lands in a weird spot, and I'm like,

I mean, maybe a little above it, a little too close to it.

Right.

You know, just something where I'm like,

I've just, I'm like, let's take a picture.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or, or it's continuing to move the hand.

Yeah, I don't know.

I just

not always.

I just, there have been enough to where I don't do a lot of meet and greets

but I did one and like I said in Eureka Springs everybody was wonderful they kept the line moving totally wonderful people unbelievable amount of handsome

listeners and yeah we just didn't really touch but we snuggled in and smiled big and moved it along.

There you go.

Said nice things to each other.

Yeah, man,

that's so nice.

And I will say, like, with everything going on in LA with ICE and then just globally as well.

And I felt, I feel like we're all collectively just like horrified and in shock with the level of like dehumanization everywhere.

So to gather in groups feels really special.

And especially like music is so emotional and people, it felt really nice that there's this real handsome community of people who are like really connecting with each other.

And I just was like, oh, we're so lucky to do this.

And, you know,

lotion or no lotion,

it was weird, though.

There was one more thing.

Can I say one more?

Let's hear it.

That's what we're here for.

Okay, I'll keep it brief.

And then I love the enthusiasm.

Thomas Clock, May.

May said they were going to keep it brief.

Yeah.

Could be on a timer.

Yeah.

Okay.

I, yeah, I am.

Can you tell I'm like energized from it?

Yes.

Yeah.

That's great.

I am.

You seem like you're in love, I'll be honest.

I'm in love with the

world again.

The life.

I'm in love with the world.

That's great.

Good.

We want that for you.

Okay, so this woman comes up with her friend and

the friend's in a COVID mask.

And so she says to me,

I wasn't going to come tonight because I'm not aware of your work.

But then

something happened that made me need to come.

And so I'm obviously I'm in.

I'm hooked.

So I'm like, what happened?

Yeah.

And she says, I had a past life regression.

And

the

psychic past life person told me, and she says this with total certainty and conviction.

She said, in the 1600s, I ran a brothel.

I was the owner of a brothel.

You were this person.

This person was.

Yeah.

And she says, an infant was left at the doorstep, an orphan.

And that infant was Brett Goldstein.

And

she says, I raised him for seven years.

And then he ended up going off to fight in the war.

But she's like, I loved him and I raised him.

And I'm like,

wow.

I said, were you a fan of Brett's before this?

And she's like, no, she's as freaked out as me.

She goes, I knew him.

Like, I'd seen Ted Lasso, but I didn't have strong feelings about him.

Then I had this hypnosis, and this came up, and like, I need you to tell him.

And so I was like, Is she straight?

She seems

because this feels a little roundabout.

Can you hook me up with Brett?

And I've come up with an elaborate

story.

Or can you get him my home address and phone number and a picture of me?

But what if it's the psychic who's trying to get to Brett by telling everyone that in past lives

this?

wouldn't you be bummed out if you went to a psychic trying to like learn some stuff about you and they're like, no, no, no, let's talk about Brett Goldstein.

They're like, you know, that actor from Ted Lasso?

You raised him.

Anyway, so, but I obviously called Brett right after.

Obviously, I was like, I got news.

I got big news.

And he was like, what?

Are you pregnant?

Like, what?

Like, and are you pregnant?

Yeah, that was because I wasn't.

That would not be my first question.

That would not be my first question either.

Please let Mae Martin be pregnant.

I would love to see you on your rock and roll tour in your tank top, just

pregnant as the day is long.

Eight months pregnant.

Oh, my God.

That is what I'm going to say anytime somebody says I have big news for you.

Are you pregnant?

Is Mae Martin pregnant?

Not are you pregnant, is Mae Martin pregnant?

We know it's coming.

Yeah, but I told him, I said, so, you know, this woman raised you in a brothel in the 1600s.

And he truly was like, this checks out.

He was like, there's something, something rings true about this.

So if I went to war,

yeah, Napoleonic Wars, I guess.

Dang.

Okay.

Anyway, so

that was the tour.

I mean,

and you're just like, hey, whatever it takes to sell a ticket.

What do you mean?

She said she wasn't going to come.

Oh, yeah.

But then had to tell you this.

Fine.

Thanks for buying the ticket.

I really thought she was going to say that she and I in a past life were connected.

Well, it felt like that's the road it should go down.

And I couldn't miss your show because I had to tell you this thing about you.

But

everything goes back to Brett Goldstein.

To Brett Goldstein.

Hey, to Brett Goldstein.

Sure.

And not just to Brett Goldstein.

I have

some news I'd like to share.

And it's not, no, it's, hey, you're not pregnant.

But

happy birthday.

New

year to me.

Yes.

Happy birthday.

God, this is

Happy

New Year.

Jesus.

God, that's fun to sing slow.

So slow.

Jeez.

Jeez.

Well, I think I've now turned every year older.

I think I've turned another year older.

That's what I'm saying.

Well, then let's start again.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Oh, thanks, guys.

It's my birthday.

It sure is.

How old are you?

45?

45.

45?

No, I don't look a day over 41.

You are looking good.

It's these creams I'm putting on my face.

Oh, is that J-Lo creams?

It's my J-Lo beauty cream.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

I can't believe it.

Another one.

What are you going to do?

I have no plans whatsoever.

What?

Yeah, I'll figure something out.

I mean, take I mean, to feel so the audience knows, we're taping this a few days before, so this is not...

My birthday and I'm alone, so don't worry.

Yeah, you're just saying you haven't planned anything two weeks in advance.

Because I was just thinking

our audience is going to be deeply bummed with everything that's been going on in your life to think that you have absolutely no plans for your birthday.

This is a weird year for me.

It is.

Weird is a light way of putting it.

That's true.

That's true.

And how are you doing?

I'm okay.

I'm, you know, it's, it's a, well,

we haven't talked about it on the pod, but Jackson and I are getting a divorce.

So

this is my first birthday in 10 years

as

a non-married person or whatever it is.

Yeah, it's different.

I mean, but I'm okay.

I mean, we haven't talked about it at all, but I guess, yeah, I'm not going to talk about

anything about what happened other than like, it just

unfortunately, these things happened, and

more commonly than not, they

love each other a lot, and it's amicable.

And we had 10

awesome years and many good times, and there's a lot of love there.

And sometimes these things just don't go the distance, and unfortunately, it didn't.

And

yeah,

we've been separated for a bit, but it wasn't something I could, you know, really talk about yet.

And this, and then the stuff that happened first, and then this, my mom got cancer.

It was a pretty big doozy of a time because those happened around the same times.

But the stuff with Jax was first, so it didn't, the stuff with my mom was independent of that.

I feel like

these things are never linear in terms of your feelings about it, but we're with you.

Like, I'm sure it'll be a process of like

feeling super positive and proactive about like change.

And then also, there's grief, of course.

And like, yeah, and our lives were so intertwined for so long.

And I've obviously talked about Jacks a lot and stand up and life.

And, you know, just

so it's a bit of a change to like suddenly not be talking about us and not be talking about any of it, but it just wasn't the time to delve into it.

We were figuring things out for a long time.

And

yeah, so it's so it's going into 45 is interesting with a divorce and my mom's sick.

And

the one thing I think it is doing for me is just like

just making me realize life is short.

And

I just want to like be happy and

not sweat things too much and just live life.

And like my goal for

this time is to find the light.

That's my

where I'm at right now is just where's the positive, where's the light?

Yeah,

the first half of this year was rough, but well, yeah, I was going to say, when all of this

started to

kind of shake loose and shift in your life, which of course it's been a beat now, several months, and the roller coaster that you have been on, and where you're landing right now, even though it's not completely solid ground, it's a whole new foundation that I think

is going to

be

a really

sturdy place to build from

and to

embrace whatever it is

coming and the light that you're welcoming.

And,

But yeah, I just, I'm very

impressed

by you and me too.

And how you have

stayed generous and warm with people and like just kept your, yeah.

And I feel like whenever, I mean, Tig, you're no stranger to this.

And well, and me too, like when

everything is stripped away like that, it's, it's, um,

maybe, maybe you have to be a bit further through it, but it's reassuring to know that

you do have yourself and yourself,

like,

what am I trying to say?

Like,

you're not empty and bereft.

There is a, you have,

you have to rely on yourself and you have to show up for yourself and take care of yourself.

And there's something really affirming about doing that, kind of, and being like,

oh, I can do that for myself and I value my

self in that way.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is not how I thought life would unfold.

I mean, but that's life.

And,

you know, I enjoyed being in a relationship and a committed relationship.

I liked being married.

I liked the peace that came with that.

And so it wasn't,

you know,

where I expected things to go.

But

I don't know.

I'm kind of focusing on the

like

victory of a 10 years, like dude, you know, that

that was a really successful relationship.

Um,

yeah, and not focusing as much on the ending of it, and because at first I, it felt like a failure, and then I just had to kind of shift my perspective.

And that no, it was, that was very successful and what we both needed at that time in our lives.

And it worked for a really long time.

And that is awesome.

And that's where I'm going to keep those memories of that relationship and of her.

And

yeah, it's just a tough time to sort of

enter into this new phase.

But I'm actually feeling very positive about things and

a new chapter.

I am.

I can feel it in you.

I mean, it's so palpable.

In fact, I would like to declare July 1st,

2025 as Fortune Marie Feemster's rebirth day.

Yes.

Rebirth day.

Okay.

Yes, that's right.

And I feel that.

I feel

very,

despite the things, I feel

positivity.

I feel goodness going into a new chapter.

I'm not dwelling on the negative.

I'm going to, you know,

live life and work and have fun and connect with friends and focus on my mom and just, yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to sit in the

ick.

I sat in that for a long time,

dealing with everything and I'm coming into a new era with it all and

just feeling very good.

Yeah, you deserve to enjoy and celebrate the life that you've made every day.

Like, you know, and

yeah, there's a lot of positive things that have come of it too I've you know it's my friends have been amazing and people have shown up for me in these incredible ways and so many people have reached out both about the divorce and about my mom and you you know it just makes you feel like

God I must be doing something right to have

people care like this

So it reaffirms, you know, even though one thing's ending, it shows you, you know, these other valuable people in your life and connections.

And

that I'm really grateful for.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

It's weird to have another podcast where I'm like, and this big thing, too.

I know, I feel like people have been picking up on it.

And

it's nice that you're sharing it.

And I think everybody's just desperate to show you the love.

Yeah, people for months have been like, you seem sad.

And I'm like, I'm fine.

Yeah, it's it's yeah, you just kind of have to bite your lip and the people around you have to bite their lip and just

you talk about it when and if you want.

And um yeah, and I want you know, I want to respect Jax's privacy.

She's,

you know, doesn't well she didn't she's not a public figure in this way and doesn't want her you know, business out there and I I get that and um she's had to be more public

than she would want because of me.

So, I'm going to honor that and not just share,

you know, stuff that's just for us.

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds that makes sense.

Yeah, for sure.

But thanks, guys.

It's my birthday.

It's your rebirth day.

It is your re-branding.

Is that why the song was so slow?

Right.

Yeah, we had to spread joy, but also kind of

keep it down a bit.

Like an ancient hymn.

That's right.

But

it's all good.

I am genuinely

feeling good about

where I'm headed.

We're heading into hot boy summer.

It's beautiful weather.

Oh my gosh.

Fortune, can you make some sort of picture of yourself or video or or something?

Me and a tank top.

Just you in your hot boy summer?

In your hot boy summer.

Me and a tank top does not quite look as if you're not.

Excuse me.

You've been showing off your gams and your guns.

I saw a clip.

I mean, seriously, Fortune.

Yeah, you were showing off your guns on Instagram.

Guns and gams.

That's your next

special.

Listen,

treading water, trying not to eat as much crap on the road.

I'm doing my best.

Last tour i just got so out of control so

well as long as you're in a real win yeah oh dude it's so hard though like i there was a day where i ate mcdonald's twice in a day like in the van because you're just like traveling and there's not much around and yeah and what does that i haven't had mcdonald's you know in a beat and i was just wondering like does it feel

like it would destroy my insides yeah and because you eat dairy and meat and stuff does it

like well does it it just feel like you ate a meal and you move on, or are you like, oh boy, I had McDonald's.

And for the record, I'm not, I'm not like ad, this is not, I'm not advocating for McDonald's in any way.

I'm sure they're, I know they're the most problematic.

May's love is,

but I do love an egg McMuffin.

And I had, so I had like that for breakfast, which is actually pretty, yeah.

And then I, but then I had 20 chicken nuggets, and that was what fucked me.

Oh, 20.

That's a lot of nuggets.

But to be honest, the thing that really messed me up was one day I thought, I'll I'll have Subway sandwiches because that's healthier than McDonald's.

I don't know, man.

I don't think that's real healthy.

Oh, because it's all like processed stuff.

Oh, my inside.

It was a well, like McDonald's.

You know, those

fresh nugs at McDonald's.

It's like just a chicken walkthrough.

It's just like a bunch of parts that are fried.

So, but it is, it's like, you feel it.

That's what I'm always curious because, like, I would, I would truly be on a gurney.

I do feel it, yeah.

But wait, Fortune, because also a lot of people were commenting after the shows

nice guns, and Fortune's got the gams, like their

calendar.

And then my drummer has guns and gams, that would be their name of our sexy calendar.

Guns and gams.

Oh my God, we have to do it.

Go ahead, babe.

Wait, but what would be yours?

Fortune.

Guns, gams, and then take what are you what?

I have guns and gams.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I know that fortune.

And Tig, what we have.

Okay, I'll just be the titless wonder.

Guns, gams, and the titless wonder.

Guns, gams, and jits.

Guns, gams, and jugs.

Oh, my God.

So funny.

I have a surprising amount of guns and gams, but I just don't, you know,

flaunt those jugs.

I just don't flaunt them around on my rock and roll tour.

Right.

I do love the word jugs.

Jugs.

Gun milkers.

We got to get this calendar done.

Time's a ticking.

We really do.

We really do.

What a treat.

Let's get at it.

All right.

Let's get to our question asker.

This is really

one of my favorite concerts I've ever been to.

I've I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it till the day I am no longer with us.

Today's question asker is an Emmy Grammy and Tony-winning singer who has sold over 50 million records.

That is a lot of records, not as many as you have sold, May, but very close.

She was the first female artist to have four top five hits on the Billboard Top 100.

She was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year.

Cindy Lauper is asking today's question.

Oh, man.

Have you ever considered writing a cookbook?

Cindy just gets right to the point.

This is my question.

Right to it.

Oh, Cindy, most people usually say hi to us, but she doesn't have time.

Can we acknowledge that Cindy Lauper just has one of the greatest speaking voices of all time.

Like,

absolutely.

That accent, and she's so charismatic, and just yeah, have you seen her live?

Never, yeah, she's so

you've seen her live for two.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

I mean,

this woman, and I say it all the time.

Like, if she, if you see that she's going to be in concert, get front row center to watch her.

I mean, she's just a powerhouse.

And she's like running all over the stage singing.

She is.

Yeah.

She wrote Kinky Boots too.

The music on that.

That was a fun show.

She did.

Yes.

She's no joke.

Yeah.

And I feel like I'd be shocked by the number of hits that I forget that she has.

Like, if I saw her live, I'd be like, oh, I know all these songs.

Well, that's the fun part about seeing her live is everyone's like belting out the songs.

It's a greatest hits concert, no doubt.

Wow.

So, yeah, how do you choose what?

I guess girls just want to have fun would be that.

night.

Mine would be true colors.

I love money changes everything.

Do you know that song?

Rock lobster.

Such a good rock lobster.

What's the name of it?

That's B52s.

Who's writing?

Rock Lobster.

Oh, yeah.

That's a song by the B52s.

Fortune's just.

Fortune's like, oh, and start me up.

Has she seen no lobsters at all?

I'm sure.

She's been around for a beat.

You know, she's sold 50 million records.

Probably some sort of crustacean that she's mentioned or sung on.

I do like the B-52s as well.

Okay, well, that's a whole other day.

I love Jack.

That's a good song.

Yes, Fortune.

But

those are Georgia folk.

This is a New Yorker, all right?

New Yorker.

New Yorker.

And I need to say that Cindy Lauper sung

the Pee-Wee's Playhouse theme under a pseudonym of Ellen Shaw, but she,

and I think I've sung it on the pod before.

Maybe I was thinking about

Shebop.

Time After Time, also a good one.

Time After Time.

Yeah.

And the sadness at the end.

So far, I don't see any songs about lobster time.

Okay, and she's asking us about cookbooks.

Okay, but I really want to emphasize how great money changes everything is.

Okay.

I'll put it on my list to the can you sing it.

Have you not ever heard it, May?

Because you sounded excited when I mentioned it.

You were like, oh, money changes everything.

Or were you just like, yeah, in general, money does change everything?

I just agree that they also like rock lobster.

I know.

I think when you said it, I was thinking of money, money, money must be funny.

Money, money, and then I'm in a rich man's world abba right

another great song yeah but not cindy lauper's money changes everything

um anyway what her question is have you ever thought about writing a cookbook yes Tig, I feel like of the three of us, you...

Yeah, you would be the first to actually do one.

Yes, I have considered.

In fact, I kind of went a little wide with my, not wide, but like with Stephanie's family and our immediate family because Stephanie's sister is a phenomenal cook and she bakes and and then we've had to you know becoming vegan we had to learn how to feed ourselves and started digging into cookbooks in a way that I hadn't in my life before

as soon as my our diets changed and so

Yeah, it definitely interests me.

If you were to make a cookbook, would it be funny as well?

Like, would you write a little

cooking?

Cooking is serious.

I'm sure there would be some humor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I would, I just, you know, I did this.

I don't know if I talked about it, but I did the climate summit in Los Angeles,

Hollywood Climate Summit.

And what I was talking about was, you know, if you do

make a switch to eating plant-based, it's really important to have the thing that's making you make the shift.

So you, like anything else, so you don't lose your North Star.

And that's why, like, with my health, I don't ever lose that.

Because when people are like, is it hard for you to be around these yummy things?

And I'm like, no, like, you eat what you want.

I'm going to eat what I want.

And here's my reason why I do what I do.

And so, in order to keep going towards my North Star, I needed to make sure I knew how to sustain myself.

And so, those are the two things,

big pieces of my advice: to have that reason, the purpose that you're eating the way you are.

And the other is to make sure that you've done the research to know how to sustain yourself while you're making that transition, even if it's as basic as a peanut butter and banana sandwich, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

So, anyway, I just, it does interest me for sure.

I'd buy it.

I'd give you one.

I'd give you a copy, little cowboy.

Would you sell it?

Yeah, and Fortune, you too.

I'd give you one.

Thomas, you as well.

You don't know how to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich?

I just gave you the secret.

I do love peanut butter.

I don't know that I need that in a cookbook, but I.

Yeah, that is one thing I feel like we could just know how to do.

Yeah.

But people forget that there are so many staples that are vegan, I guess, is my point.

Yes.

That's actually a good thing to remind people of because you think, oh, well, I don't love love falafel or whatever, but like, there are so many things.

Even Oreos are vegan.

Would you

include your recipe for dyke dust?

No.

Oh, that's going to always be a secret.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, look, it's not that much of a secret if you look closely at it.

All right.

If you inspect it, you can see it.

What I have moved on from is my

steel-cut oat meal.

Oh, you're over it?

I have moved on to a smoothie that incorporates so many high-nutrient

elements.

I might need that recipe from you.

I should start drinking smoothies.

Okay, this smoothie, you can really, if you have this, go about your day knowing that you've gotten a lot of really good stuff into your diet.

And I've told you that, Fortune, that if you've asked me about it before, and I would gladly make it or show you how to do it.

But only if people are genuinely interested.

Yeah, I'm genuinely interested.

I just don't put put berries in smoothies.

Oh, so I would have the seeds.

The blueberries I can do, but not strawberries or any of those.

Blueberries are perfect.

They're one of the best things you can eat as a human being on this planet.

Because I need to start getting more nutrients in my body.

Yeah, me too.

Me too.

But isn't it crazy that in the, like, I have such vivid memories of my grandma, who was an amazing cook, having these old cookbooks, like thick volumes that had all notes in the margins and like stuff stuck in.

And like now, we just Google things, but those cookbooks were like,

they were so important to my grandfather.

Sacred.

We have some of my grandma's cookbooks that like she hand wrote in a bunch of them.

That's, I again don't really know how to cook, so I don't have them, but someone in my family does, and I know it's a treasure.

Yeah, that's that would be a good thing to have.

Like, just the staples, like to be able to whip up like a white sauce for a thing or like a or a red sauce.

I'm only thinking of colored sauce, some green sauce.

Yeah, one of my favorite things that I still tease Stephanie about, and it's just become part of our life, is I was I was looking through one of the cookbooks, and that she had made a note by

one of the things

that said

it's okay if it jiggles.

And

to this day, them jugs, To this day,

no matter if it's a human body, if it's anything out in the world, or if it's a piece of food that's in the oven, whatever it is, we love turning to each other and saying, and remember, it's okay if it jiggles, or, you know, it's okay if it jiggles.

Maybe that would be the name of my cookbook.

It's okay if it jiggles.

Vegan.

Yeah, that would be funny.

You should actually do this.

I would like to.

I would like to.

And because you did all that studying on nutrition and everything, too, you probably have all this information.

Guys, my dad wrote a cookbook, you know,

in his 20s called The Seducer's Cookbook.

I think I've talked about it on the pod because it is really strange.

He was in his 20s, and it's a cookbook about

how to

seduce people into cook food?

Kind of, how to impress a date, basically.

That's such a great idea.

It's kind of tongue-in-cheek and ironic a little bit, but also flipping through it, some of these recipes are like sardines and like they're not date-friendly recipes, but it is a really strange part of his

history that he's written this.

This is it published, or is it just for the family?

No, it's published.

Okay, wow.

Yeah, and it's well, what would your, what would your cookbook be?

I would do

rather than a cookbook, it would be about the dinner party, like a

cookbook for how to make a immersive party experience like it would be the sure sure the recipe like a pie or something but then what games do you play around the pie how do you incorporate like and it is okay if it jiggles it is of course of course it is there's an escape room element to it yeah you're hiding a clue in the pie and people are digging out the clue and yeah what about you fortune well i wouldn't write a cookbook because

everyone knows I can't cook.

I have

a few staples.

But if I.

What are your staples?

That I do know how to cook.

Yeah.

Let's think about it.

Well, we don't want to rattle off a list of what you can't cook, right?

Yeah.

That's right.

I can cook.

I'm learning how to cook steaks.

Okay.

It's hard to figure that out on a grill like the temperature, but I'm learning.

I can make tacos, breakfast tacos.

All right, I can make salmon, I can make uh pumpkin pancakes.

Hey, gotta have kills

because it's uh Trader Joe's a mix that's just super easy to follow.

So, you can open a bag, I can open a bag and add an egg and water and all this stuff to it.

Um, I can make rice,

I can make um rice is hard to make sweet potatoes, like a breakfast hash or burgers.

That's a cookbook.

Chicken.

Sausages.

I'm buying it.

I mean,

I can do some staples for sure, but if you told me to make something fancy, I couldn't do that.

But if I had to write a cookbook because someone's like, we're giving you a bunch of money, we need a cookbook.

It would be something about finger foods.

Ooh.

Because you love apps.

You love apps.

Cooter apps.

Yes.

Yes.

Have charcuterie without cooter.

The word without cudery.

Actually, that would be a good sort of title for your book: charcuterie, but C-O-O-T-E-R.

Something with the word cooter for sure.

Yeah.

But yeah, it would be just all these apps.

And even if I don't cook them well, I would just give you the recipe so you could cook them better than me.

I have a great idea for you.

Okay, Fortune.

You got to make an app

for apps.

An app app.

An app app.

An app.

An app app.

And it's an app

that has appetizer recipes.

Look at that app.

Yes.

An app app.

You're going to a potluck dinner.

People say, can you bring an app?

You go, actually, yeah.

And you go right.

You can do all.

There's so many different kinds of apps, but dips.

I love dips.

Dips.

Dips.

I love jalapeno poppers.

Your voice dips.

I'll talk of crab rangoons.

Yeah,

pigs in the blanket.

Oh, fuck that stuff.

I love an app.

One time when I was home sleeping and I had like a bunch of comedian roommates years ago,

Henry Phillips called looking for me.

And Chris Fairbanks told him I was still asleep.

And he said,

oh, yeah, it's an, what do you call that?

A tig in a blanket?

That's really good.

That's nice.

That's good.

Tig in a blanket.

Tig in a blanket.

Meanwhile, I had no idea this hilarious joke was happening while

I was in a blanket, still sleeping.

That's all good, man.

I don't know why I've never thought of that.

Yeah, I hadn't either.

And just to hear Henry Phillips' voice, just, yeah, what is that?

A tig in a blanket.

The image of you wrapped up in a little blanket is pretty adorable.

I mean, I am so cute.

You are.

I am.

I'm so cute.

I'm so cute.

We're all pretty cute.

We are.

We're all very

cute.

We have a little something to offer everyone.

We have such different guns and gams and faces and personalities and

no jugs.

No jugs.

That's why I'm the one over here selling bras.

Slinging bras.

Slinging bras to the public.

In my spare time, I'm just slinging bras.

Are they flying off the shelves?

They're flying off the shelves.

They're like, if Fortune's wearing those, we're in.

That's why people come to the handsome pod because there's a little something for everybody.

Oh my God, I was so lazy about buying bras forever.

And I dated this woman years ago.

And she brought her mom's old bra over, and I wore her mother's bra.

It fell apart

because I just, I'm somebody that will wear my underwear until, as Paula Poundstone says, until it turns into a dream catcher.

And I wore my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra

for at least five years.

Why?

Why did you shop?

I'm sorry to you.

I just, I'm not a shopaholic, I'll be honest with you.

Why are you on the one road?

I'm wearing a Nashville Comedy Festival.

I don't shop much.

But she was like, oh, I think you and my mom have the same size

jugs.

And

before mine were tossed in.

I was like, I'm going to go to the titty titty committee.

Yeah.

How dare you?

I assume they weren't big.

They were not.

Look, you knew me when when I had them.

I know.

No, they were not big, but they're okay if they jiggle.

But yeah, she was like, you need a new bra.

And then she just brought over her mother's bra one day.

And she was like, here, just wear my mother's.

She just grabbed one bra.

That's all I needed.

And I wore it for five years.

I think I wished it to have it.

I'll sign it and sell it.

I've washed it.

We can all sign my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra.

Oh, my God.

Sell that on.

That's probably why I got breast cancer.

Because I was wearing a dirty bra

for years.

Spage from the 19

bra that's like two size too big for you.

It's got asbestos in it because it's from the wires have disintegrated.

Oh my God, the wires had come out of the sides.

What stoked me?

This thing gave me breast cancer.

Oh my God.

It did.

It started out racine white and then it just was like a sweaty, tattered

babe.

Anyway, should we hear what Cindy has at what may?

Like if a charity got in touch with you and was like, do you have something to auction?

And you were like, yes, I have my ex-girlfriend's

mother's

bra that I think gave me cancer.

May cause cancer.

Oh, God.

Okay, let's hear what Cindy has to say.

Yeah.

You know,

I have.

But it depends.

In this one particular period of time in my life, I was a little pissed off, so I decided I was going to write the Ajita cookbook.

It's not a cookbook you want to serve to everybody, but you know, it's like when you're really pissed off, you know,

things that shouldn't go together, you know, to give people, you don't really like.

But

all kidding aside, I have written recipes down from my grandmother or somebody else's grandmother or their mother.

And I was my mother's sous chef.

So, yes, I do know regular recipes, but I just think the Ajita cookbook could be, it could be big.

It's funny.

Come on.

I like it.

I like it.

And I also thought she, when she answered, was just going to say, yes, I have.

Yeah, and then that would be the end.

That was it.

You know, when she was just talking, I was thinking, can you imagine if she ever, ever in her life tried to prank call someone?

They would just be like, hey, Cindy.

Yeah.

You know, even if you didn't, even if you don't know her personally and she just randomly called you, it would be like, oh my God, Cindy Lauper's on the phone.

Yeah, Cindy Lauper's prank calling me.

It's an incredible voice.

And there's like a

musicality of it just lends itself to comedic delivery so well.

I know she should be like

24-7 booked as a voiceover actor.

Maybe she is.

I have no idea, but Twyme in My Life.

It wasn't like that.

Pissed off.

Pissed off.

Yeah, that was incredible.

But she's right that there is something nice about intergenerational recipe transmission.

That's really nice.

And

I should look for those cookbooks of my grandmother's.

Intergenerational cookbooks that cause anxiety, stress, or aggravation.

Yeah.

Well, that was a real treat to have Cindy Lauper on the handsome pond.

She's keeping it handsome, is she not?

She really is.

Yeah, she's a pretty little lady.

Yeah.

I want to know what you guys are have coming up.

And I will say, so many people on the tour said, this is the trifecta.

I've seen all three of you live.

I want to say that is such a quantifiable and tangible way to support

like live comedy or performance.

And it's really so we can't do it without people showing up.

And it's so nice that people like travel and come to shows.

It's just like the best way to show some support.

So, thank you.

Absolutely.

Gosh, people show us so much support.

It's kind of embarrassing how much.

Just like your ex-girlfriend's mother's bra.

Well, I'm going to tell you right here and now where I'm going to be, where you can show me support with your ex's mom's dirty old bra.

June 21st, I'm going to be a dynasty typewriter, and I have been writing my face off with new materials.

So come on down.

August 17th, West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center in Westampton Beach, New York.

That is going to be a grand old time.

And then August 23rd, I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts.

So come on out.

Go to tignotaro.com for ticket information, show information, and I'll see you there.

July 20th, I'm in Edmonton,

out in Canada with Mateo Lane.

And then still in Canada, July 26th, I'm doing a gala in Montreal.

Then

I'm doing it too.

Oh, yeah?

I'm doing your gala on Montreal.

Amazing.

That's amazing.

Very cool.

And then starting in September, ton of dates, San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, and Richmond, Virginia, D.C., Portland, Maine, Boston.

Burlington, Mobile, New Orleans, tons of stuff.

Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, Salt Lake City.

You can go to to my website, FortuneFemesh.com, for tickets.

I'm not doing a ton.

I'm traveling a bunch, but I'm in Montreal

just for laughs on July 25th doing May Martin and Friends comedy show and doing Fortune some gala.

So see you in Montreal.

Well, please, if you enjoyed a cackle or if you let it jiggle this episode, please share this episode with a friend that you would like to join this handsome community.

Subscribe to our podcast.

And also, we have a YouTube page.

And until next time,

keep it.

Keep it handsome.

Happy birthday, Fortune.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

That was a headgum podcast.

What's up, everybody?

I'm Kyle Mooney.

And what's up, everybody?

I'm back by.

And man, ooh,

we got something to tell you.

Oh, yeah, we definitely do.

Yes, it's a brand new podcast on Headgum.

That's right.

And it's called What's Our Podcast.

Yep.

And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about.

Yeah, we don't.

So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about, and then we try it.

Yep.

Guests like Mark Maron, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Kate Berlin, Bobby Moynihan, Make Stalter, and Tim Ball, Landon Axler, Joey,

Joni McGrees,

and Dender.

And Dender.

New episodes release every Wednesday.

So subscribe to What's Our Podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms.

Yeah.

I'm going to go do it right now.