Pretty Little Episode #46

This is a head gum podcast.

Pretty little episode.

Hello, it is your dear friend Tignotaro sitting here with my co-host.

Your other dear friend, Mavis Martin.

Hello, Mavis Martin.

How are you?

I'm well, actually.

I just got back from the desert.

Oh.

Yeah.

What's going on there?

Like minutes ago.

I feel like a new person.

Like, I feel like I got some sun.

I slept in a dome.

Oh, yeah.

You texted me a picture of the dome.

Did you get, when you were in the sun, did you get nut brown?

I got,

I immediately started peeling.

Like my nose started peeling.

I'm just, I don't really go nut brown, but

this dome, I feel like we all gotta get one for the pod, maybe.

It's like a clear dome, put it on the list, Thomas.

Yeah, giant pod for the pod for the pod.

It was pretty amazing.

I was like, I fell asleep looking at the stars through this clear dome, and it was a new moon, so the stars were super bright.

But then, like, as soon as the sun comes up, it gets really fucking hot.

Yeah, you cook.

And then I stepped on a lizard with my barefoot.

Oh, did it die?

I felt a squishy feeling, and then it died.

It kind of waddled away, but I think it might die soon.

Yeah, I think it might die soon.

May, that's

really bad news.

How big of a lizard?

Like a gecko little guy.

Oh, God, it was awful.

I feel like I've been in like grade five, I stepped on a snail and I've been holding on to it ever since, like feeling guilty.

Yeah.

How are you?

What's going on with you?

I was okay until you told me about the lizard.

I'm so sorry.

It's a horrible image.

What was that that you just lifted?

A jug of water?

Thanks for asking.

I'm going to drink this whole jug.

I feel like I got to hydrate from the inside out.

After the desert, I'm really parched.

When did you get started?

Yesterday, and I've only made a small dent.

Giant thing, yeah.

You're not planning on drinking that whole thing today, are you?

I am actually is that too am I gonna drown I don't know I just maybe it's because I'm older than you but I would be

getting up a bunch in the night but you stay up later than I do I think yeah but I definitely get up to pee as well but I also bought this stuff that you add to water to make it taste better and it's basically sugar taste what what do you mean taste better you don't like the taste of water I I do but I'm gonna drink it more if it's a little if it has the qualities of a juice.

Oh, you got a glass of water there.

Yes, I do.

And

when Stephanie and I went to Mississippi to visit my family

one time,

my cousin was drinking a large,

you know, whatever.

It wasn't a jug, but like, you know, those big things.

Yeah.

Yeah, that can go in the cup holder, but it's like a super, super big gulp.

Yeah.

Reusable.

She said,

or Stephanie said, what are you drinking?

And she said, water.

I've been trying to drink more water.

And Stephanie was like, oh, okay, that's good.

And she goes, yeah, I just throw some Skittles in there.

No.

You're kidding me.

I'm not kidding you.

She throws Skittles into our water to make it taste better.

So I should probably let her know about whatever it is that you're having.

So she's not drinking Skittle water.

I

so can taste in my mouth what that tastes like.

Skittle water.

Oh my God.

I used to put them in Coca-Cola when I was a kid and they kind of fizz.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty fun.

I like Skittles, I have to say.

Love a Skittle.

Taste the rainbow.

Yeah, I guess they're like

really bad for you.

Are they?

Apparently.

Apparently, they're some of the worst that you.

Oh, I don't need to go in and like bash anybody's company.

but anyway,

even though they're really bad for you, my cousin uses them to make herself healthier.

So

it works.

Listen, whatever gets you through the day, whatever gets that water into your bod.

My parents only drink wine and coffee, really.

They don't,

yeah, they don't really drink water, but they're they're trying.

And one of the things that they did to help themselves try is they squeezed a bunch of limes and added sugar and like cooked it down into a kind of serum syrup and they made their own like lime cordial that they mix with with water to try to get some water down them.

Okay.

Yeah.

Now I want to go back to this dome you were sleeping in.

Yeah.

Is it

gone from that too fast?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's it's glass.

Is it

plastic or yeah, like perspex or something, like some kind of plastic.

Yeah, very you feel really exposed.

Like I rented an Airbnb and then the dome was in the backyard.

So my friends slept in the beds and I slept in the dome.

And is the dome, what is it for?

Is it

looking at the stars, sleeping?

Really?

Yeah.

So it is specifically something to go out and sleep in.

You don't live in it.

No,

you would cook, I think.

You would just bake.

And you have to get up early, obviously.

Oh, man, it was nice, though.

Like, you get it.

The sun comes up and it, you know, like, I didn't set my alarm.

I just let the sun wake me up on my face and then you feel like you're, yeah,

in the elements, but you're not.

You're safe and sound, safe from all scorpions.

And do they have a bed set up in there?

You had to bring your sleeping bag.

No, beautiful big bed, electricity, little desk.

Yeah.

Wow.

I was thinking I got to get a dome for my for my place, like in the backyard.

And then I thought, if I get a dome before I get my driver's license, that's so LA.

Like I can't, I I gotta just learn to drive.

I can't be buying domes.

What about a dome on wheels?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be cool.

It would look like little tortoises going around.

Yeah.

But you can only drive at night.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was really cool.

And now that you're explaining what it was, because you were like, oh, I slept in this last night.

And I was like, oh, okay, that's cool.

But I was also like, what is this?

What I don't know.

I have more questions, but I guess I'll leave it for the podcast.

Yeah.

But now that I know, it's very appealing to me.

Because I'm not, are you much of a camper?

I'm not much of a camper.

I used to camp more.

I was in a relationship once with somebody that really liked to camp, and so we went and did that.

But Stephanie is not a camper.

Right.

However,

When we were in Ojai, apparently she had a conversation with Emily Sailiers from the Indigo Girls and about camping.

Emily was like, we should all go camping or something like that.

And Stephanie was like,

and then it turned into glamping.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much what the domes are.

It's glamping.

I think that's more our speed.

Yeah.

I should be a little, I'm a Canadian, like, I should be camping, but you really should.

You should be camping.

What are you doing here right now?

I know.

Why am I not in a tent?

I listen to too much true crime, and also I don't have all the gear.

It's an extra skill.

So were you scared in the dome?

I was a little scared in the dome, yeah.

Because imagine if you woke up and there was just someone pressed against the glass looking in at you like you're a...

Who were you in there?

Were you sleeping with anyone in there?

No, I was by myself.

Really?

Yeah.

That is bold.

Yeah, it felt bold.

Were you sleeping naked?

No, I slept.

Actually, I slept in pajamas and then I woke up so hot from the sun and I was too tired to move out.

So then I did get naked.

And then that, then you're really vulnerable vulnerable and you're dumb.

Remember the other day I was saying I feel like the coolest person taking a walk at 6.45 in the morning?

Yeah.

Well, this feels like you're kind of beating me to all of the cool early morning stuff.

The first hit to the sun.

That would be so incredible, I think.

I love it.

Yeah.

But then

definitely a fly in the ointment when you step on a lizard first thing, as soon as you exit the dome.

Why'd you bring that up again?

This poor little guy.

I know.

They're resilient, like their tails grow back.

I'm hoping his internal organs also grew back.

Grow back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, should we see what our first question asker is now that we're

sad?

Yeah, let's do it.

Hi, handsomes.

My name is Kayla, and I live in Utah.

I was wondering wondering who

was your very first famous friend?

And how did you navigate that relationship?

Did you feel starstruck?

Did you feel out of place?

And I also want to know how you met them.

Wow, that's a great question.

It's interesting.

I know who mine is.

Do you know who yours is?

I'm trying to think.

And was this, was yours like before you were in the industry and stuff?

No, I was in the industry, um, in the entertainment industry.

I just

had been kind of bobbing around as just an open mic comedian.

And then I did,

well, it's Sarah Silverman.

And the first time I met her was actually at a mutual friend's birthday party at a comedy club.

And I remember we were

oh, she said, oh, I really like your pants.

And then we started talking.

And then it turned out we lived kind of down the street from each other.

And then

everything, like, what's your favorite color?

All that kind of boring stuff where we were like laughing because we were, we were, it was lining up and just hitting every time.

Like, no way.

And then the big moment was like, I said, okay, who is your

like favorite rock and roll

female rock and roll singer?

And she said,

Chrissy Hind.

And I was like, that's your girl.

Yeah.

And I was like, no way.

And then so I

she said, yeah.

And her boyfriend was standing nearby.

And she went and grabbed him.

And she said, who is my favorite like rock, female rock singer?

And he was like, Chrissy Hine.

And I was like, oh,

thank God.

It was so insane.

And then

she wasn't terribly famous at the time.

She was just kind of,

you know, because I think of you guys as like,

you know, similar timelines, but I guess she had come up earlier.

We're the same age.

She's two months older than I am, but

she

started stand-up at 17.

Yeah, yeah.

And so

I was nowhere near getting, you know, I was still like 10 years out from starting stand.

I mean, maybe I was 26 or something.

But

yeah, so she started way before I did.

And so, yeah, she was a known stand-up and doing bit parts and movies and TV and stuff.

And then years later, after I had met her at that party, I was doing stand-up at

this place called Luna Lounge in New York that was like the place to perform.

And when I got off stage, Sarah was so complimentary to me.

And at this point, she was definitely more known.

And then

she asked for my number.

And I remember thinking, oh, I probably won't hear from her because, you know, people are very flaky.

And

she seemed like a very famous person to me.

And then she called me and was like, hey, it's Sarah Silverman.

Do you want to go to lunch?

And I was like, sure.

And then

I love when people call each other.

Well, this was a long time ago.

Yeah, I still miss it.

Yeah

I'm trying to I'm trying to think of mine like

oh, yeah, she was like it's Sarah Sarah Silverman.

I met you at Luna Park and I was like, oh, I know who you are.

I remember.

I guess I'm going to say

like maybe Lisa Kudreau because it was well like I was friends with people who were kind of England comedy scene famous or were on the panel shows and that type of thing.

But

for us, for this little British show, to have Lisa Kudra flying over, and then

when we kind of broke through into being actual friends and like couldn't stop talking, that was, that was probably my first famous

one.

I think so, yeah.

Good question, though.

I want to hear, I want to hear the answer.

I want to hear what famous friends Kayla has.

I am just a boring English teacher in the state of Utah, so I don't think I have any famous friends.

but

one time I had the opportunity to chit-chat

after sliding into the DMs of Tig's old roommate, Chris Fairbanks.

Back before Chris had any boundaries, he would message his followers back when they messaged him on Instagram.

So I've kind of felt like I had a brush with fame as me and Chris talked about.

Well, I don't remember, so it mustn't have been that interesting.

Thanks so much, you guys.

Your podcast brings me joy and keeps me sane.

Thank you for doing what you do.

And we all love you very, very much.

Oh, well, thank you, Kayla.

And I have to, I can't fully speak for Chris Fairbanks, but I would not be surprised if he would continue to be responding to people these days.

There definitely was a moment when social media was new that you could message like your idols on MySpace and stuff, and they would respond to you and you were like chatting i mean i had a yeah i are you sure you had their right account i mean i used to go on tomgreen.com and chat to i swear chat to tom green when i was like he'd talk to all his fans that's great i bet he still does yeah i bet he does yeah yeah yeah all right next question hi fortune may and tig my name is gabby and i am a pretty little lady out in denver colorado nice My question for you is this.

If you're traveling on an airplane, do you prefer to sit in the window seat, the aisle seat, or my goodness, the middle seat?

What imagined psychopath

would say the middle?

Oh, my God.

Can I say my prediction of your answer?

Yeah.

Because I know that you get claustrophobic.

I know you like to pee, so I'm going to say I'll for you.

I like to pee.

Yeah.

I know it's one of your favorite things to do.

Oh, my God.

When I am not recording handsome, I am on the can.

It's one of your mouthies.

Well, that's a really good guess, but I do like the middle.

No.

Just kidding.

Oh, my God.

No, I prefer the window.

That also helps with claustrophobia.

And I also have

issues with dizziness.

Oh, and it's helpful if I can open or close the window shade

based on how I'm feeling.

Yeah.

So, yeah, the window.

I'm an aisle guy.

Yeah.

As soon as I know that I can't pee, like if I'm once I get settled and

the person next to me falls asleep or something, like the anxiety, I can spend two hours trying to

work up the courage to wake someone up.

Oh, yeah.

But I hate when you're on the aisle and then the cart goes by and knocks your elbow

or your knee or your precious little toe.

Exactly.

It's tough stuff, May.

It's tough, it's tough out there.

Yeah, it really is.

Especially if you're a gecko.

Oh,

my God.

Yeah.

Should we hear the answer?

Yeah.

Gabby,

where do you like to sit on the airplane?

I do believe that there is a correct answer, but I've heard multiple different perspectives that are also valid, too.

For me, I prefer the window seat.

I like to tuck myself in, get my neck pillow, get my sweatshirt, and just post up there for the duration of the flight.

The only negative thing is sometimes I drink too much water and I wish I was in the aisle.

Thank you so much for answering my question.

Hope you guys have a great week.

Thanks, Gabby.

Yeah, I mean, in terms of curling up,

I guess, window, window supremacy for sure.

Yeah.

And you're also more private.

You're just like wedged in there.

You've got your own little dome going on.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Have you ever taken a blanket and put it over your whole head?

No.

And okay.

But go on.

Let's hear the rest of the story.

And over the chair in front of you, and then you have made a little tent.

But then I think people will assume you're doing weird stuff under there.

Yeah.

Even if you're doing normal stuff under there, it's still weird to

create a tent.

Yeah.

Antisocial behavior.

I'm pretty good about

when I have to get out of the aisle, though, even if somebody's sleeping.

You step over like a...

I'll step over and I'll try to not interrupt them.

Yeah.

But I'm also okay

if I, if I do.

Oh, right.

Because I feel the same.

If somebody needs to get out and I'm in their way,

don't hold back.

Tap me.

Step over me.

Ask me to get the hell out of your way.

I get it.

Nobody.

But there's a breaking point.

It's when it's like three times in an hour.

You're going to be like, are you fucking kidding?

But there's nothing like trying to step over a sleeping person on a plane, and you're like doing the splits over their lap, and then they wake up and your froch is in their face, and you're not, or you don't even have to go to the bathroom, you just do the splits over them and just awkwardly stay there until they wake up and say, What is happening?

Yeah, all right.

Well, um, gosh, keep sending in these questions, they're fun to have to like think this stuff through.

Yeah, I just learned, I learned about you today.

I would have for sure said aisle, but it's window.

I learned about myself in these as well.

I learned about you, me.

Learned nothing about Thomas.

Yeah, as well.

Yeah.

Don't have a clue what Fortune would say.

But yeah, send your questions in to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod.

That is speakpipe.com/slash handsome pod.

And

subscribe.

to the podcast and the YouTube channel because then you can see May's jug of water.

Oh, it has turned nut brown.

It's not brown water.

I've made a little dent even as we've been recording.

Check it out on YouTube.

You can see the process.

Head on over to YouTube right this second and watch that water go.

You don't want to miss that either on YouTube.

I just almost drowned.

Yeah, you sure did.

It was a pleasure knowing you, though.

And yeah, send your friends an episode of Handsome and help build this handsome crew.

Go to tignotaro.com for anything

that you might need.

And maymartinmusic.com.

I got some gigs coming up, some cool merch.

And I guess, aside from that, all that remains is to remind everyone to please keep it

pretty

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.