G Flip asks about childhood career goals

This is a head gum podcast.

Cheers.

Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

It's me, your friend and host, Tegnotaro, sitting here with Fortune Feemster, me.

And me, Mae Martin.

And Biggie, he's here too.

Is he?

And Thomas, there he is.

There he is.

Oh!

Oh, hi, Major.

Biggie flying on in on his bed.

He's going to sleep now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is so wise.

Good to see you too.

Oh, yeah.

Good to see you.

We were supposed to be in person today, and

I'm sick.

You know, a little sicky poo.

Yeah, man.

I'm sick.

It's so boring, and

no one cares.

We care.

We want you to be okay, but we do appreciate you not getting us sick.

Right?

Well, yeah, that's what I'm always thinking about.

Tell us about your sickness.

Well, thanks.

It's riveting.

We're talking a classic cult.

I'm drinking a hot beverage out of, actually out of a mug that a handsome listener gave us at a live show.

Oh, says

a pineapple apart.

And there you go.

Oh, that is a nice mug.

Isn't it?

It's my style of mug because it's like

big.

It's big, it's earthy, it's like, you know, that's good.

That is really good.

Think of all of the things that our listeners have made and haven't been able to give to us.

You know, because we get things sent to us, handed to us.

Remember that woman tracked me down, ran down the airport in Austin to give me the biggie dead eyes That's right.

Teachers.

Right.

We had things crocheted for us.

Yeah.

Somebody knit it.

Yeah, crocheted the guacamole and avocado bear.

That.

And then what are the things called when it's like in a wooden circle?

Oh, like needlepoint.

Needle point.

We've had that.

Those are very.

What are those things called?

I don't know.

In a wooden circle.

Very crafty.

I never would have guessed needlepoint.

Really?

Yeah, you would have held me hostage for life trying to guess.

I would have guessed wooden nickel.

Wooden nickel, for sure.

That'd be my guess.

What was that thing you guessed on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune?

How dare you?

How dare you?

It was

one of the funniest things I ever seen in my life.

It was the what?

One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

It was not meant to be funny, Fortune Marie.

It was so funny.

Fortune, do not embarrass me like this in front of our listeners.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well,

what was it?

May, you have to Google it.

It's the greatest.

May don't Google it.

So obvious what it was, but what did you say it was?

It was like riding an exercise bike or something.

And you have to use it.

You know, you have to.

I sucked at Celebrity Jeopardy, so I can laugh.

Well, you know, they give you just bits and pieces of the sentence or phrase, and

I chose

crashing my exorcist bike

that was

fortune Marie

I

cried laughing at that

I had to

stand by what I said.

And you did.

I did.

I stood firm right there with Thomas Lennon and Nikki Glazer

laughing at me that was

one of the best TV moments in a while

crashing my exorcist bike that was my delivery as it was coming out of my mouth I was like this cannot possibly be the answer but I didn't know what else could be the answer and as soon as I realized it was exercise and not exorcist yeah it still made no sense,

but made more sense than my exorcist bike.

So, so funny.

That brought me a good tickle.

Thank you.

You are the worst fortune.

How good is it that that moment is immortalized?

Like, most people's embarrassing moments just live in their memories.

That is forever.

That will forever exist.

How do you know it was embarrassing?

That was proud.

It was a proud moment.

Oh, my gosh.

Crashing myself.

I'll never play on Celebrity Jeopardy again.

I'll tell you that.

Like, are you banned?

No, no.

I just was not great.

I had a hard time with the buzzer.

And I answered some just dumbass things.

And the worst thing is we're playing for charity.

Oh, God.

And so, like, you want to help people.

You want to raise money.

You want to do what's right.

And then it's like, oh, my my gosh, I'm a buffoon representing your organization.

And my sincerest apologies.

I felt like such a failure chiming in with,

you know, crashing my exorcist bike.

What the hell did I just say?

Yeah.

But

you want them money regardless.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all for a good cause.

Could have gotten them more.

That's all right.

Thanks.

Next time.

I don't think there will be a next time.

I want you to go back on and then it's a similar clue, and you're like, this time I'm not going to fuck up.

And so you're like, exercise bike.

And they're like, it was actually exorcist bike this time.

Damn it.

You get me.

What else?

What's shaking?

How's your mother fortune?

She's doing all right.

I just went to go visit her.

So we had some nice chats.

We found a bench.

You know, I love sitting on a bench.

And just

you're easy easy to please.

Honestly, I am.

I just, I was in my hometown, and it's such a cute little area.

And we just went to the park and sat and chatted for a while.

She went to Emory

in Atlanta and met with a specialist who, you know,

gave her some hope, which she was really happy about.

That's amazing.

Everybody else she had talked to kind of has been a little doom and gloom.

And he basically said, you know, like, you got to do three months of chemo

before we can even begin to come up with a plan

because we need to see how your body responds to it.

And everybody's body is different in its response.

So once you do that, you'll come back.

And then, you know, there's a lot of things, a lot of trials, and a lot of, you know, whatever.

And don't think about lifespan and numbers.

And

just let's, you know, start this journey and see how it unfolds.

Well, that's the epitome of a great bedside manner.

Yeah.

You know,

like one day at a time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And just having that openness.

And

I think it's really something that positivity that you get around you and that you feel and that it's all telling your body a message.

Yeah.

And

yeah, I think that's really, really great.

Yeah, so she had like a pep in her step when she called.

Great, great.

That's amazing.

And yeah, she said she was very happy she went.

And now she's going to start this chemo journey.

It's a road, but man,

I'm glad that she found what sounds like one of the best places to go for what she has.

And then having a doctor with that kind of vibe and that news.

And he was like, you know, listen, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.

It's a, you, you have, this is a tough, what you have is not great.

You know, like, this is a tough road.

Um, but we'll just, we're just going to do what,

like you said, day by day, take it and um, see what, what all we can do.

You know, sometimes it is, like you said, he didn't sugarcoat it.

And I think that's, I mean, the vibe, obviously, I didn't meet this guy, but the vibe sounds

just, just really good because of not sugarcoating it and because he's not doom and gloom and leaving that openness for

reality and that reality

being

a medical reality, but also an emotional reality.

Like to leave that space open for you to kind of bounce between the two because it's going to be an ongoing roller coaster.

It's not great, but here's what's positive about it.

And letting it be unwritten the future, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And apparently that's kind of the vibe of this Emery Winship

whole program is

a lot of people approach it, approach everything from a positive position of like

attitude, you know, just a very good demeanor and attitude.

So she's definitely in a good place.

So

happy, happy about that and happy she feels

feels the oomph to fight and get through this.

I feel like

she's going to be really popular in the chemo space.

Like she's going to, all the, like the nurses are going to love her.

Oh, yeah.

She's going to make friends.

Yeah.

She will inspire others.

She will make the most of this terrible situation for sure.

100%.

Yeah.

Well, thanks.

Thanks for sharing it with us.

Yeah, for sure.

Thanks for asking.

So

when'd you get back?

Like two days ago.

Okay, cool.

I'll be kind of popping in and out of North Carolina a lot more,

you know, just even if it's for a short visit, just why not?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How about you guys?

What's up with y'all?

Well, I just got, I told Tig on a mini episode, but I went to the desert.

And then I guess this is the Lord punishing me for going to the desert.

I got a cold.

And then...

Is that what people usually leave the desert with?

Is a cold?

Did you make out with strangers in the desert?

Is that why you got a cold?

With a lizard and a strange ghost I met in Joshua True National Park.

A strange ghost?

Strange ghost.

Not a normal

ghost.

You know what I found out?

Dung beetles navigate.

using the Milky Way as their navigation system and they're the only animal that does that.

Mayfact, may fact, may fact, and not the Milky Way candy bar.

Fortune.

I'm going to sit this out for a second.

You guys, can't stop, won't stop.

You can't stop that?

I could,

but do you want me to?

So it's can stop, won't stop.

Yeah,

okay.

Can't stop, don't want to stop.

That's right.

What about you, Tig?

What's up?

Oh,

what is up?

Gosh.

Anyway, should we go to our question?

Yes.

Let's go.

If I'm honest, I had a bit of a weird day today, but it's, yeah, it's good.

Stephanie and I go on a walk every morning.

Oh.

And

yeah, we drop Max and Finn off and then we go on a walk.

And

I don't know.

I,

you know, how just something from your life sneaks up on you and then just wrestles you to the ground?

Really?

Yeah.

Like from your past?

Yeah.

Just,

I mean,

not to fully go in

neck deep into anything, but

I think it's just

the gist of it is loving our kids so much.

And it spun into a conversation of knowing that my father loved me and my brother so much.

And he just wasn't really

so many factors in life made him not available or around and whatever.

And it tripped me up when we were talking about it.

And I got so emotional.

And

I was saying, I've never been mad at my father.

I've always just been sad or missed him or confused, you know, through my childhood.

And,

but it's also through the eyes of being a parent

that

I know

he meant well.

And I know he loved me.

And I understand

his life.

I understand his trajectory.

I get what happened, you know, for the most part.

And then it just came back around to me understanding myself more and

just hoping that in whatever ways that I fumble in life, that

my kids will

feel that way.

Not that this is born out of like some huge fumble of mine, but it's just that's like I said, I'm not trying to get neck deep into it, but it was so fascinating because it's a topic that typically does not trip me up.

Right.

Man,

not only did it trip me, it got me on the walk.

And I went home and I started writing like

crazy.

Really?

I mean, I started writing about my father.

I started writing about my stepfather.

I started just, I got into so much stuff because even though I was like tremendously emotional, I was saying certain things that was making,

I was making jokes.

and Stephanie would start laughing so hard where she was like, oh my God, like just that juxtaposition of

the joke on what I was talking about.

And I was like, I just have to go home and like really get into this.

And it was fascinating because it's been my whole day of, and then Stephanie went and did something and came home, and I was filling her in on it.

And then I got emotional all over again.

It's just, yeah, so, but I'm, I'm, I'm good.

Um, and it, it's, but it's been really,

really fascinating.

Yeah, it sounds like something was unplugged unexpectedly.

And then the fact that you, it's flowing out of you to write is, that's great.

Well, and again, it was so born out of

love for Max and Finn.

And then, you know, I was telling Stephanie about this moment in my childhood that my father came to visit us at my grandparent, my grandmother's house, and he was kneeling on one knee, and we were like eight and nine.

And he had his arm around both of us, and he was just sobbing, saying, I love you guys so

much.

And, and it was so, and Stephanie was like, wow.

So he, he emoted like that.

I was like, oh, yeah.

He had no problem

with

crying about.

any of that stuff.

And this is a guy that walked around with a knife and a pistol in his cowboy boots.

And that's not to say that's

how everyone should be gearing up for the day.

But

yeah, it was just, it was, I just never, never doubted his love.

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Because not to get too into the weeds, but

he just wasn't around much in your childhood?

Yeah, I mean, my parents divorced when I was six months.

And he was the guy that my grandmother, my mother's mother, didn't approve of.

And when they split, he was, you know, they were young partiers.

And,

you know, two babies are born and they were in their 20s.

And,

you know, in the 70s, people weren't consciously uncoupling.

It was very severed and

not terribly open and

a lot of complications in life.

Yeah.

Your mom had full custody?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But we would see him every now and then.

And

there's, there is a lot.

There was a lot, a lot, a lot.

But

I think losing my mother and then

my stepfather and there's kind of backed up emotions, I think,

in

processing somebody else, another parent who wasn't directly always in my life.

And I kind of feel like I hit it today.

Yeah.

I mean, I've been sad before and stuff, but like, this was just like, not just sadness, it was like a real awakening.

And my, like I said, my love for my kids like cracked it open and

really got made me get in touch with his love for

us.

You know, it's funny, like, we're, we have so much uh fluency now around like mental health, and I feel like we have so much empathy for our parents' generation and our grandparents, and yeah, so it's it's tough.

Sometimes multiple feelings are existing at once because you, you so clearly see this like wounded person, but then also, you know, how it's affected you.

And it's a tough thing to balance.

Oh, yeah.

It's

really

interesting.

Like, I feel like I did, I feel like I did some sort of drug trip where I was like, I love everything and everyone, and I get it.

You know what I mean?

I forgive, and I hope you forgive me.

And I, you know, all of those things just hitting at once.

And it, it, you know, any sadness also felt just

good, too.

Think about

the generosity that you were

showing him and your mom and everything and the love.

And, you know, in this circumstance, it's like, there's no doubt that your kids for any minor fumble are going to have the same perspective, you know.

Yeah.

the three-dimensional human being.

For sure, they will.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've been having that like thing going through different things in my life right now where it's made me

understand

what my parents were dealing with when they were my age.

And I thought they were like so old when all their

fractures were happening.

And they were, I'm like,

we were the same age.

That's crazy to me.

Yeah.

You're the exact same age, right?

The exact, yeah, my parents divorced at this, the age I am right now.

Wow, and uh, it just made me when I realized that, I was just like, oh my god, not that I was like,

I never really held on to their divorce in that kind of like victim-y way, but yeah, it definitely just made me see them as like, oh, they just were doing the best they could, right?

For sure, yeah.

And that was, was that in the 80s?

That would have been uh 92.

Oh, okay, wow,

You guys are having deep thoughts today.

I like it.

I got to say, this cold is making me think about all colds, really.

I wasn't having that thought today, but Tig's journey made me think of that.

That has been on my mind.

Just

seeing your parents in that more vulnerable way of like, you know,

I don't know what I would have done in their position had I been three kids deep, no money.

You know, like you make the decisions you make and try to not mess people up too much.

Oh man, yeah.

I've recently been encouraging my parents to drink water, and then I was like, when did that

happen?

That I like parenting, yeah, yeah, like as a kid, it never crosses your mind that your parents need to drink more water.

Yeah,

and are they doing it?

I don't know.

I'll check in next.

next.

I'll let you know.

Their skin's glowing next time you see them.

Yeah.

Like, it never occurred to us to drink water until you said something.

Well, I think that was good for you.

I think it's good to have these like releases too, you know?

Well, yeah, it's just, it's crazy when they, I mean,

I am

never walking down the sidewalk boo-hooing, you know?

It's not really the place where I, and I'm, I'm not like a hard cry.

I definitely, and that's what Stephanie was pointing out.

She's like, wow.

So, your brother, your mother, and your dad, and yourself, you're all

crying.

Yeah.

And I'm like, yeah, fully.

Is

Stephanie not a crier?

Not really.

I mean, she does for sure, but

I beat her to it every time.

Yeah, yeah, every time.

I cry.

I try to be stoic, but it just

comes.

The cancer in me is just like emoting right away.

Yeah.

And again, it's like when it hits you from behind.

And I was like, oh,

I'm about to cry,

which is what I said on the walk.

And Stephanie was like, oh, and I was like, wow, I'm a little surprised right now.

But it was such a good release.

And yeah, like I said, to sit down and just write.

And I told Stephanie, I was like, I don't know if this is for me or for the rest of the world or what, but I wrote about my father.

I wrote about my stepfather.

I wrote about, yeah, everything that came to my mind and all serious end jokes, everything

was your sweet spot, though.

Yeah.

And the best thing is to write it just for you as if no one's ever going to hear it and then decide once it's written.

Then you get the real juice out.

Do you ever find yourself writing for the audience

and then back up?

Or are you always like, this is for me, and I hope you come along?

Sometimes I feel like there's pressure to have a clear point of view on things for an audience when I might not know how I feel about anything.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I haven't

my stand-up, I haven't dug crazy deep emotionally.

There are clearly some things happening in my life right now that are going to require that.

And I haven't begun that process.

And I will be interested to see what that looks like.

So you are open to that?

Yeah, I think there's some stuff I'll, you know, I'm not going to get crazy personal, but there will be things to share.

Yeah.

But I don't know what that, I'm not going to force it.

Right.

I'm just going to see

as my life unfolds and evolves, what that looks like in terms of what I do talk about.

Yeah.

Well, and that ties into you're doing it for yourself and you can't do it for the audience.

Like, even if the audience is like, give us all the details,

some aren't for them.

Yeah, for sure.

And they won't be.

Yeah.

But yeah.

And maybe all of them,

maybe all isn't for them.

It just goes back to what you're most comfortable with.

Yeah.

But I think like the reflection of

big changes in life and headed into a new direction is

of something to discuss at some point.

Very relatable, I think, to so many people.

Yeah.

No doubt.

Good times.

Yeah, so I won't just be making just cooter jokes around here.

Don't you worry.

What about charcuterie jokes?

Oh, I'll still make cooter jokes for sure.

Yeah, I guess.

They're not just going away.

No.

You mean cooters or all jokes?

Hopefully, cooters are here to stay.

Oh, Fortune Marie.

Should we move on to our guest?

Yes.

Well, today's question asker is an awesome musician from Mebben.

Oh, boy.

Wait, Mebben?

Melbourne?

But they say

Mebino.

Mebben.

They don't say Mebben.

They say Melbourne.

Melbourne.

But I don't want to impress you guys with my Australian accent.

Like, once again.

Ooh, I have something for you, Fortune.

Please.

Try this.

You as well, May.

Rise up lights.

Oh, my God.

Rise up lights.

Rise up lights.

Oh, my God.

Wait, I'm going to, I just want to Google sentences to practice Australian accent.

Oh,

that keyboard is

fast quite worth us.

So was it really loud?

Clickety, clackity, clickety, clackety.

Are you serious?

You are a typewriter.

We are dead serious, May.

I couldn't hear it.

Okay, there's

rhymes.

Jennifer Lopez.

That's a good one.

Jennifer Lopez and her

lip taint.

Yeah, they're just giving me examples of like put a shrimp on the Barbie and stuff.

Put another shrimp on the Barbie, mate.

I can't, my accent just goes worse.

Let's introduce our guest.

Yeah, our question asker.

We'll continue.

We're not cutting that out.

Okay, of course not.

I'll go back and repeat myself so we can give our friend a proper introduction.

Our question asker for today is from Melbourne, Australia, whose platinum charting singles include Killing My Time and Drinking Too Much.

Their album, Drummer, won the 2023 J Award for Australian Album of the Year.

Wow.

G-Flip is asking today's question.

Yeah.

G-Flip's so cool.

I'm actually going to

be in a, I don't know if it's a secret, but I'm in a music video of G-Flips.

Seriously?

Secret is out.

You heard it here first on hand.

G-Flip's like an amazing drummer, but also sings and plays guitar and is just super rad and nice.

And we met last summer at a Pride event.

And yeah, just a rad,

cool person.

What are you going to do in the music video?

The thing that popped into my mind was, do you remember that Enrique Iglesis music video for Hero that had,

I like the ones that are a big epic plot.

And it was like, Jennifer loves

away the pink.

I'm not naked in it.

If that's true, well, then I'm not watching.

I love that song, Hero by Enrique.

You do?

I love it.

Wow.

Yeah,

I'm the comedic relief.

All the other gay people in the video are the sexy people with,

you know,

tank tops on, and then I come and i i fuss at everyone and and then we dance we are all sexy to someone and we were all we are also all terribly unsexy to others that's so true that's so true i will because you know g flips are they married um chrische is g-flips partner um from um selling sunset sunset they're a very good looking couple oh my god They are married.

They are married.

Yeah.

And so Chris was there watching.

and i was like i gotta bring the sexy because the two of them are very good looking so i did my best to like do the like smolder you know well yeah we've seen that with the eyes wait with the eyes wide it's a little scary that was really scary

what sort of message are you sending the eyes wide really how about

That's pretty good.

So you've already filmed it.

I did.

I bet it's coming out Pride Pride Month.

It's probably already out

because we are in Pride Month.

Almost at the end of it.

Have we heard their question yet?

No.

No, we haven't.

We have things to talk about.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

With attention spans like ours,

we had things to get to.

What's up, handsome podcast?

It's G Flip here.

Huge fans of all of you, Tigmay Fortune.

Love what you all do.

And my little question is:

when you were all younger, what did you want to be when you were older?

Um,

and this is like before maybe we wanted to be in the entertainment industry, like when we're three, four, five years old, um, keeping it wholesome.

So, yeah, that's my little question.

And

love all three of yours.

Work, you're awesome.

Oh, I feel like I sound just like G-Flip when I talk.

Yeah, yeah,

when you're Australian, yeah yeah pretty do it again hello handsome

hello hello handsome i'm a fan of all of you

i mean how come we rarely get anybody from ireland or

that's true we should get an irish person to say hello handsome i have a question for you at the top of the morning

that was not bad it's better than my australian accent for sure but i feel like every other guest is Australian.

I'm here

in Ireland looking at the pretty grass and the rainbows and the pots of gold.

And I'd really like to ask you a question.

Where did Fortune go?

Alienate ourselves from every country.

I know we're going to see the numbers drop off.

Yeah.

Is there an Irish?

Who could we ask?

Colin Farrell?

Jamie Dornan, Colin Farrell.

Colin, give us a ring-a-ding.

All of us.

Colin Colin, Colin.

Mate.

Do you like that?

Barry Key.

Colin.

Colin.

Well, don't you worry.

We'll get some Irish blood up in here.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Come in.

Interrupting Irish.

Interrupting Irish.

Who?

I was born into it.

Thank you.

I think you came in a second too late.

Really?

Was there a delay?

Yeah, I think there was a delay.

I had finished, and then you said it.

Wow, this fight is getting nasty.

Oh, God.

We have a good time.

You know, we have a laugh.

We have a laugh.

We have a laugh.

We have a cough.

We have a cry.

We're handsome.

So, when y'all were young,

do you remember

what you wanted to be?

Do you?

Do you?

I wanted to be a boy.

If I was a boy,

even just for a day.

That was

my theme song.

No, I think I, then the weird thing is, I think from like a really young age, my mom told me I was going to be

an actor or a comedian.

You're going to be a boy.

You're a boy, May.

They were Irish.

Yeah, I think I always,

like, outside of the entertainment industry, I don't know.

I think I always, because my dad would talk about being an actor when he was young.

And like, so I was always kind of

it's like the opposite of most people.

Like, my parents were like, That's a legit job, you should do that.

Um, what about you guys?

Because the ones people always say are like vets, astronauts, yeah, for sure.

An astronaut

was the go-to at my school, really, fireman for the boys, really,

yeah,

all those uh blue-collar jobs, and then an astronaut.

Yeah, or it would be like a teacher.

Yeah.

Like, kids always want to be vets, but I think the reality of it they would find quite depressing.

It would be a hard job for sure.

But

if you loved them animals, yeah.

I wanted to be a vet.

I mean, I wanted to be several different things, but

I had this white terry cloth jacket.

And whenever

one of our cats or our dog needed ointment or something, I would put that terry cloth jacket on and I would apply the ointment.

Or if a goldfish died, I would put the jacket on.

It looked like a

vet jacket.

And I would, you know, flush the goldfish.

I don't know that that's the appropriate thing to do.

That is what people would do.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Do you think a vet would do that?

I don't.

I don't think the vet was going going back there and just flushing goldfish, but maybe.

I don't know.

Depends on the plumbing.

I also was

interested in an architect, being an architect.

Really?

Yes.

Like you were doing Lego and stuff?

No, drawing plans out.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm not saying they were good or

you were building a log cabin house.

Were you like designing your dream home or like tree houses and stuff?

Yeah.

I also think I was very,

and this might tie back to my childhood and a lot going on, but I think I was drawing floor plans of

where I'm going to live.

Like

I'm going to move out of here.

I'm blowing this popsicle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I was always drawing floor plans.

I was like, yeah, maybe I'll be an architect.

Yeah.

If they let kids actually design a city, like and be the architects and do all the it would it would be there'd be slides in every house and like those poles that you slide down.

Like Barbie, Barbie's dream house.

Yeah,

was that a dream?

Yeah.

What did you want to do, Fortune?

I'm trying to remember.

I feel like I didn't have any goals when I was really young.

I just wanted to be footloose and fancy-free.

Is that the fancy

thing?

When was your most footloose and fancy-free time of your your life?

Probably, like, those young, young days,

kindergarten.

So, you had already hit your dream.

Oh, yeah, I peaked.

I was the most gorgeous I've ever been at five years old.

My curls were popping.

Oh, yeah.

I have a picture of me in kindergarten with these luscious locks.

Um,

and I was in my soccer cleats.

I had a muscle tee on, of course,

and our kindergarten teacher, as an activity for the class, had us

hammering nails.

What?

Yeah.

Into a block.

We were hammering nails at five years old.

With actual metal.

Actual giant hammers.

A qualified teacher.

He was amazing.

This teacher, he was a man.

It was a man.

He was in a closeted gay man.

We didn't know, but he came out a few years later.

Good for him.

He came out at school.

Like, did he?

He stopped teaching, I think, and then came out and then unfortunately passed away.

He was incredible.

Everyone wanted him as a teacher.

And yeah, I don't remember much, but I do remember that.

And

so clearly at five, I wanted to be a construction worker.

That was my dream.

I wanted to be butch.

I wanted to,

you know, take make sure the house was

repaired and standing um i think i would have i did like to draw a lot too i my um i learned how to draw an apple and good for you

thank you i also drew bart simpson

okay and uh and an s

with the you know how you do three lines and then the diamond s nothing more satisfying Tig, you know,

Mayno's is kind of S.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So

I thought I was was going to be, I wasn't thinking about architect as much, but I thought I was going to be a real artiste.

Like, you're going to see my paintings.

Do you still have that first apple you drew?

I don't.

See, there it is.

Oh, whoops.

There it is.

It could also be an eight.

Yeah.

But I thought I was learning how to do that.

I was like,

art is for me.

I remember this

neighbor of mine telling me when I was like in seventh grade, she said, My mom thinks you're going to be a comedian.

Oh, wow.

No way.

Oh, it was so exhilarating.

Yeah.

I felt seen

in a way I had not ever felt.

I was like, whoa,

your mother thinks I'm going to be a comedian?

Yeah.

I was in seventh grade.

And you know, it's a crazy twist to this story.

Is

years later,

my neighbor and her mother came to my show in Austin

and they told me that there were four kids in their family, and my friend was the oldest, and

she had a brother.

I think her brother was the youngest of the four, like he was probably two or three when you know what I mean.

Like,

anyway.

And

when they came to my show, they told me that he was in the car with his mother as like a teenager or college age, something like that.

And they were listening to This American Life.

And I came on, I think this is right, that I came on or I came on either This American Life or like local radius show playing comedy clips or whatever.

And he said, oh, man, I love Tignotaro.

And she said, well, you know, she was your neighbor.

and he was like, No, he had no idea.

Yeah, cuz, like, I moved away, people grew up, like we didn't, we weren't close over the years, and he never knew that I live four houses down from him.

Funny, that's

and he had said that to his mother, who said, Yeah, that I should be a comedian or something like that.

So, you must have been, you must have been funny around this mom.

I, I was, I think, were you hitting on the mom?

probably

you know

what's up susan also whenever i would hear the billy joel song um

what is it where he says got a call from an old friend we used to be real close something like uh now he's uh now he's giving stand-up routine in la what is that billy joel song every time i heard that line i was like

It was electrifying.

Yeah.

Because I secretly wanted to be a comedian, but I also didn't understand the path of getting up on stage.

But oh, the Bill, the Billy Jill song is My Life.

Um, and there's a line that

his friend moved out to the West Coast and is now giving stand-up routine in LA.

That must be one of the only songs that references stand-up comedy.

I know, I can't think of any other ones.

Well, it doesn't rhyme with anything,

yeah, it's comedy,

vomity,

yeah, yeah, dramedy, dramatic, Dromedy.

Dromedy.

There you go.

Vomity.

Vomity.

Vomity.

Yeah, it did it.

The vomity when you don't do well in comedy.

That's right.

Stand-up and comedy were not on my radar for

till

I think college maybe or maybe late high school.

Meaning you didn't follow it until then?

Yeah, I didn't.

You know, like people now will be like,

what stand-up albums do you listen to growing up?

And I was like, I mean, I love Saturday Night Live, but I didn't listen to stand-up albums.

So stand-up was not on my radar.

Did people tell you you were funny though?

In flashes.

In flashes.

Well, I would have like Pete.

You're funny.

I was pretty shy.

And then I would have moments of like coming out of my shell.

And in those moments, people would tell me I was funny.

Yeah.

So those were the flashes.

But I don't think, I don't think you would have, if you would ask anyone I grew up with, that they were like, maybe, maybe college people, but the younger days, I don't think they were like, oh, yeah, she's gonna be a comedian.

Yeah.

I remember, and maybe I've mentioned this before, but in my documentary,

the documentary made about me,

the director is talking to my stepfather, and he's talking about how he did not know that I was funny.

You didn't share that side of yourself with him.

You forgot to tell him that?

Yeah,

I guess I didn't let him know.

But I thought that was so funny and incredible.

He's like, Yeah, I didn't realize Tig was funny.

But because didn't you say once you got to like high school, you were like more thinking your path was going to be like music in the music business?

Well, I got into the music business.

I mean, I also wanted to be the fifth Beatle.

When I used to listen to the Beatles when I was little,

even though they had broken up and John Lennon had died, when I had their record on, I was like, man, that is my goal in life.

I'm going to be the fifth Beatle.

And it was just not going to happen.

I still don't think it's going to happen.

But yeah,

I think a

rock star, architect, or vet.

I kind of thought I was going to be like...

just hitchhiking around writing poems and like

make having girlfriends and like I just wanted to be like an itinerant poet.

But like when you were really, really young, you thought about girls in that way?

No, I guess when I was really young, no,

it was more about like I definitely fantasized a lot about being alone when I was a kid, like about living in a tree house and just having animals as friends and me too.

Yeah, and being on my own and in control of my own choices and stuff, which is weird because I'm not that good on my own now.

Like, I always have a friend staying with me.

I'm always, I like being around people, but yeah.

But you still have critters all in your yard, right?

Do I ever have a menagerie of pals?

Yeah, yeah.

I know whenever I would see TV shows or movies where like a kid lived alone in the woods or had a tree house or was living off the land and best friends with raccoons, I was like,

where do I sign?

Yes, exactly.

This is the life for me.

Like, I want to live off of berries, which is what I'm doing now.

But

even like when trees, like trees really speak to me.

And I was always up and one, always climbing trees.

And we were leaving

Max and Finn's baseball game the other day.

And there was just this extraordinary tree.

I was like, man, Max, look at that.

He was like, I'm going to climb it.

And I was like, please do.

And so it was, oh, yeah.

And with his cleats on and everything.

And it was,

I was a little jealous.

I used to love to get lost in the woods.

Yes.

But you know that moment where like you're blissed out, you're on your own in the woods, like heart pounding and stuff.

But then there's a moment where you're like, oh, I'm too far, like, and you can't hear anyone anymore.

And then you, and then you run back, you sprint back.

No,

no, you're not.

No, in fact, I remember my stepfather, there was this creek

that

was near our house.

And I, oh my gosh,

I used to go out into the woods with a clipboard and paper, and I would take notes.

I don't know what my job was that I was imagining.

I was in like fourth grade, and I would be taking notes, and I'd be drawing pictures of different animal tracks I was seeing and all that kind of stuff.

And my stepfather, I remember, put on rubber boots,

rubber steel-tip boots to like walk down that creek looking for me.

Yeah, because I was like so far gone.

Huckleberry Tig was nowhere to be found.

Yeah, you had to write, you had to make your report.

Yes, I don't know.

I remember one time I was in a sewage ditch and I had leeches

on my legs, and I didn't know what they were.

Pure Stand By Me.

What's that?

Like that movie Stand By Me.

Oh, yeah, I didn't see that, but I had leeches

on my legs.

It was before we worried about ticks and stuff.

Anything.

The word disease.

We didn't care about anything back then.

No sunscreen.

I was smoking.

You know.

Yeah.

To grow up by a creek.

Oh, man.

Did you?

No, it was very urban always.

It was in a city, right?

Yeah, but I could walk to the cemetery and Mount Pleasant Cemetery was this big,

it was, it was really big, like you could drive around it, and it was kind of the closest thing to nature near me.

And so I would always go there with a, I'd go to the 7-Eleven and buy a gallon of chocolate milk.

And me and my friend Nicole would go and sit by the graves and

drink the shit out of that chocolate milk.

Imagine the things these graves see.

Or don't see.

Yeah, true.

I remember one time I was in a graveyard.

I was on tour and I passed this graveyard and I was like, I'm going to wander around.

And I went into the graveyard and I saw this tombstone that had birthday decorations all around it.

Oh, wow.

And just like this celebratory vibe.

Yeah.

And it was so

stopped me in my tracks.

Stopped me in my tracks.

What about those big mausoleums?

Like,

imagine you die and you have a big gothic, like, mausoleum built, a big little.

I don't think I'd want to be in one of those.

No, I don't think so.

I'd feel claustrophobic.

You think you're claustrophobic?

Guys, I keep making jokes that suck.

Let's hear it again.

Let's hear it again.

There's nothing better than a repeated joke.

I missed it.

Okay, you said, I don't think I want to be in the mausoleum.

And I said, what about a wasp?

Wait.

Okay, okay.

I don't get it.

I don't think I want a B.

Oh,

I don't think I want a B.

Okay.

I don't think I want to be in one of those.

What about a wasp?

Oh, my gosh, May, you are on fire.

It is better now that you've told us.

I'm telling you.

You have to be a comedian.

You have to write that down.

You should

insert that into something.

I have to.

This isn't from my childhood, but I did this as an adult, and I felt like a child.

And it was so freeing.

And I cannot encourage people enough to do this.

When I lived in Austin,

my first girlfriend and I, she's an incredible musician.

I play a little drums, a little guitar.

Yeah, you do.

Rock star.

I told her that I had always had a fancy

of

taking my drum set in the middle of the night and setting it up in the middle of a golf course and just playing and people not knowing where the drums are coming from because who's going to be on a golf course in the middle of the night?

Right.

No one.

So we drive the drum set out there, set it.

I mean, like,

you did this?

We did it.

We did it.

What?

Yeah.

We haul the drum set out into, you know, piece by piece, out into the middle of the golf course.

She brings her French horn, which she jammed on.

And we, I played drums, she played French horn, and we just went nuts.

We were like so free.

We were laughing.

We knew nobody was going to catch us.

Nobody knew where it was coming from.

And it was, I felt like a child.

That's incredible.

Yeah.

So what would you do?

Like, if you did catch two people doing that, I don't think we'd get in a lot of trouble.

It was a public golf course.

I can't remember the name of it in Austin, but it's right there in the middle of, I don't know, maybe near Hyde Park, whatever neighborhood that is.

If you're a listener in Austin,

yeah, my girlfriend and I went and set up in the middle of the night and just rocked it.

So spontaneous.

I bet someone listening to this is going to be like, oh my God, that's what that was.

Like, they

heard this

French horn.

I don't know that she has a French horn.

What a specific instrument.

Oh, my God.

She played the tuba.

She played the zither, banjo, piano, drums, guitar.

Whoa.

I mean, Dick Van Dyke, if you know what I mean.

Everything.

I don't know.

May Marie.

Can you explain it again?

Oh, my God.

Please.

Dick Van Dyke is.

Let me explain one more joke.

Dick Van Dyke is, he's always, you know, he wears in.

Oh, in chitty chitty bank.

Or

Mary Poppa.

He's got a drum, he's got a horn.

He's got a bunch of...

That's another good one.

And write this down.

No, that's a good reference.

So Dick Van Dyke, I've got Wanna B.

Oh, my God.

Also,

also, my ex that I did that with with

posted a video online of her one-man band.

She did the whole clanky, clanky, strum, strum.

She plays accordion, harmonica, everything.

And the bag joke was a real winner.

It was on point.

Should we get to our answer here?

Yeah, we should say that that Spice Girl song, Wannabe, should have.

I could.

do wanna wasp anyways um let's hear gene no no no explain that Let's stop for a minute.

Think about this.

I would like to learn how to play the banjo.

That's really hard.

The banjo is harder than the guitar.

Oh,

Biggie.

Biggie's up from his nap.

He just want to say hi.

Hi, Biggie.

Let me see that face.

Okay.

There he is.

There he is.

Every time I can't believe that is a real face.

And the tongue?

He got a little haircut.

The tongue hanging out.

What a guy.

Don't show us his privates this time, though, okay?

Are we looking at it?

Yeah, kind of.

Put your tongue out.

There we are.

I get that.

Yeah.

Twins.

He just wanted to say hi to his handsome friends.

My God, that face.

That is insane that that face.

exists on this planet.

I feel like I like, I don't want to overdo him and make people get tired of them, but I feel like his face makes people happy and they

if they are serial killer

that says serial killer, yeah, yeah.

All right, so here's the answer.

And my answer to that question of mine is: I was dead set on being a taxi driver.

I love love cars, still love cars and I just wanted to drive people around and just chat to random folks every day and yeah was real keen on being a taxi driver

which I guess if the music fails I can always go back to my

early dreams.

You know what would have been a good kind of taxicab driver?

Remember that show Taxi Cab Confessions?

Oh, yeah.

If that made anyone want to be a taxi driver,

I believe it because

the hot goss that was happening in those taxis was pretty exciting.

Yeah.

Also, that's really interesting to love cars and the go-to is taxi cab driver.

Like, why not car sales person?

Yeah, or race car driver.

Because they want a mechanic

with people, I guess.

Yeah, they love to chat.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

Born to chat, just like you, Tig.

Yeah, born to chat, girl.

You know, I have an ex with a tattoo, BTC, born to chat.

Really?

Thanks for the amazing question.

Yes.

Yes, G-Flip.

We were talking about that.

That was fun to reminisce about, you know, childhood, and I think it tied in nicely with that big parental intro.

Yes.

Right.

Absolutely.

I really, I hope I get to meet G-Flip and Crochet soon.

Oh, I'm sure you will.

All in good time.

All in good time.

Yeah.

Anybody have anything going on?

I feel like Fortune isn't doing anything.

I sure do have some things going on.

I'm on tour, you guys.

I'll be

at Thunder Valley Casino Resort in Lincoln, California on June 27th.

And then taking a little time off in July, which is nice.

And I'll be in Edmonton with Mateo Lane in July.

And then San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, Richmond, D.C., Portland, Maine, and Boston, among many other dates that are coming.

Nice.

Can I tell you something really ridiculous?

Please.

Every time,

and you know, obviously, Thomas edits things nicely so it sounds all clean and like we're chiming in right away and people don't realize that I am always slowly mentioning my tour dates.

Yeah, you're Googling them.

Well,

I

have been doing that by pulling up my calendar

and going through each month and looking for shows that I have.

And it just dawned on me the other day that I could pull up my tour dates

on my website.

And this is the first time I'll be doing this.

So anytime you've heard me rattle off dates,

it has been an ordeal for me.

And I don't don't appreciate that nobody has helped me with that.

You just let me struggle.

That's right.

Oh, oh, and people check out season two of FUBAR that's streaming on Netflix right now.

I play season.

How dare you interrupt me?

I'm sorry.

I will be live and also in concert

August 17th

in West Hampton Beach, New York, and then August 23rd in Provincetown, Massachusetts, two shows.

First one is sold out, and I have not checked on the second one in weeks.

So for your sake, I hope there's some tickets left for the second show.

Also, go to tignotaro.com for any Largo or Dynasty Typewriter shows in Los Angeles.

I think that's it.

What about you, May?

I think I don't have much going on.

I think check out my Instagram.

I've always got shows in LA at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter, but I think I'm just

chilling out.

So

check it out with that.

Yeah, check out Feel Good on Netflix, or if you listen to music, you might like to listen to some of mine on Tech Wire.

Some great tunes that May's got going on.

Thanks.

Yeah, every now and then something will pop up on Instagram, and I'm like, that's a good tune.

Thank you.

That is a good tune.

That's true.

I love that.

Yeah, me too.

Nothing wrong with hearing a good tune.

And May, you say you're not up to much, but pack up a drum set and go out into the middle of a golf course and

get it.

How fun does that sound?

That sounds perfect to me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, please subscribe to the podcast, the audio version and YouTube.

And also send your favorite episodes to friends and loved ones and help us build this very handsome community.

And until next time, what do you say?

Let's keep it

handsome.

Yeah.

Handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a head gum podcast.