Pretty Little Episode #40

This is a head gum podcast.

Pretty little episode.

Welcome to a pretty little episode of the Handsome Pod.

I'm one of your hosts, Mae Martin, joined by the handsome Tignotaro.

It's me, May.

It's me, Tig.

Hey.

Hey.

I see you're still in Toronto.

Yep, still here.

Still here in my parents' basement.

Oh, you're at your parents?

Not in this moment, but I sleep in their basement.

Yeah.

And they have a Murphy bed, and they love that Murphy bed, man.

I love a Murphy bed.

You don't like a Murphy bed?

No, I love it too, but not the way they love it.

Like they are just electrified.

Oh, just like we unfolded the Murphy bed.

And

when you're not here, we fold it up.

Well, isn't that just

letting you know that the Murphy bed is down or up?

Is that really, truly a love affair with a Murphy bed?

It's the look on their face that they are electrified.

Let me see the look.

It's like that.

Sparkling.

And is it comfortable, the Murphy bed?

It's super comfortable, and it's like a sensory deprivation chamber down there in the basement.

It's like no light, no sound.

And just kind of on the wall, they have framed my Shiatsu massage diploma,

like their proudest moment.

I forgot about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that your choice that you sleep in the basement on the Murphy bed?

Is there another room?

Is this...

Is this the house you grew up in?

No, it's their, it's, they only got it like 15 years ago, and it's, it's the only, it's the only room.

I was like, I could get a hotel, but it feels it's been nice I've been in Toronto like once a month doing this edit and it's it's been nice eating home cooked food and like

you know who's the cook at the Murphy bed my dad oh my god he's such a good cook what's his specialty British food so roasts and um but he'll like a nice piece of fish that he'll just cook it so well and he does like roasted broccoli that that is really nice.

I'm not making it sound good, but he really is.

Listen, I am a huge broccoli fan.

Me too, Tig.

And isn't it crazy how when you roast a tig, it

takes on a whole new flave tig.

Roasting will do that.

And then, are you?

Do you enjoy cauliflower or are you like?

Yes, I love cauliflower.

Yes, okay.

Love cauliflower.

We have found a common

common ground?

Yeah, a common ground, like a food.

Yeah, finally, we can talk.

No, I just, I feel like broccoli gets such a bad rap.

You know, maybe it's just for children that maybe I'm just hanging out in the world of small children.

I mean, my kids like broccoli, but I do feel like people are like, eh, you know, like I was just

at a dinner a few nights ago, and part of the dinner was broccoli.

And I looked around.

So many people pushed their broccoli to the side are you serious come on guys grow up and i was gonna say and these were adults and i i truly wanted to be like can i have your broccoli like are you really not gonna eat to me that is yum yum stuff it's the classic veg and and also um

i feel like now in restaurants and stuff like you're you never get just a side of broccoli.

It's always broccolini or like something special.

I just want your standard brock.

I want like

I don't have a problem with broccolini.

I'll be honest with you.

You ever hang up on broccolini?

No, I like it too, but

I love a hearty, a hearty head of brock.

Yeah.

Do you like it raw ever?

Sure, sure.

I have it raw.

Yeah.

You don't care.

You just want your broccoli.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then now Brussels sprouts very trendy in restaurants.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Roasted sprouts.

And have we talked about this, but the majority of the nutritional content is in the stem of broccoli okay that rings a bell but it's all it's blown my mind again if that's if you've already told me that that's crazy because you'd think that the the darkest green would be it's not true it is the yep it's the stem there so eat your broccoli stems eat your broccoli stems yes martin and fruit

is that what you were referencing is marn and fruit

i think i wrote a hit song yeah i think you did too i've had people come up to me after shows and sing your song about Morning Fruit.

Wow.

And then speaking of hit songs, how's your music going?

Oh, thanks.

Good.

Thanks.

Yeah.

I got two new songs coming out actually soon, which coming out like in June, and it would be like a deluxe edition of the album that I already

put out.

I think this is like the way they do it to trick you into thinking the album sales have been better.

They go, oh, we put, buy the album again with these two new songs.

I shouldn't be saying this, but anyway,

they're two more recent songs.

Okay, so you did write them after.

It wasn't something you held on to and then later decided to release?

No, I wrote them after.

Yeah, I'm loving writing music right now.

And is there anything

that inspired these two new songs?

Well, they're kind of breakup-y songs, but not necessarily about my breakup, just general.

But then the other day, I was- God, I hope they're not about my breakup.

They're about your

breakup.

No, no.

I was playing the piano the other day and I thought, God,

I'm really playing a beautiful song.

And then I realized it was the song Beautiful by Christine Aguilera, and I was just stealing it.

And you were literally playing a beautiful song.

Pretty much, yeah, yeah.

I was

wow.

It's called Beautiful.

Yeah, I know.

And it was that song was written by Linda Perry.

Yes, Tig.

See, we are

common ground today.

Broccoli and Linda Perry.

That's right.

linda perry lives in my neighborhood and i uh we shuffle past yeah yeah we shuffle maybe she moved uh because her

i think she had a breakup song in her life a few years ago so maybe um yeah when she and sarah gilbert split i think sarah oh my god stayed in the neighborhood and linda Linda hit the road.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm making that up.

My apologies, Linda.

And Sarah, if anybody's listening or if anyone knows them, I will tell you an awkward thing that happened.

Stephanie recently said, I saw this very beautiful home for sale online.

And she said, after we dropped Max and Finn, would you have any interest in driving past it?

Not like we're looking to move or anything.

And she said, I think it's the most beautiful home I've ever seen.

Whoa.

I said, sure.

We drop off our little cubs.

We go find the house.

It is eight in the morning, and we pull into a cul-de-sac.

And who is pulling out of the driveway of the most beautiful home?

Is Sarah Gilbert?

No.

And

I think she saw us, we saw her, and it was just this awkward feeling of like, good morning, Sarah.

You know, like,

we know her,

but we don't know her well enough to where we've been to her home.

That's awesome.

Yeah, it was so, I don't know if I can quite explain the awkwardness of that early in the morning, being trapped on a on a cul-de-sac just with early morning lesbians, not knowing quite why.

Maybe she was like, oh, maybe Tig and

Stephanie are interested in my home.

But that all goes back to Linda Perry.

I feel like Sarah stayed in the neighborhood and Linda, now that I think about it, I probably haven't seen her in the past year.

I would, if I left my house at 8 a.m.

and I saw you and Stephanie parked in a car across the street like vultures, I'd be like, Well, we weren't parked in the car across the street.

We were just looping around the cul-de-sac.

Okay, okay, okay.

That I can, I would explain away.

Tig, would you ever, like, do you ever get inspired to write poetry?

Like,

do you have a sort of notebook in your bag and you might write down ideas, but then also once in a while you'd write down a little couple lines of poetry?

I used to write poetry when I was a kid, you know, when I was a teen in my my early 20s and that whole time.

And boy, I've come across,

I've come across those poems.

And

I don't think that's my strength.

Right.

I really don't.

I would love if you ghost wrote a song for me.

Like you send me the lyrics.

Well, what about Morn and Fruit?

Would you release Morn and Fruit?

And do I have to do the accent?

Of course.

Yeah,

of course.

Would I release it?

I think you could sell it to an ad company and make a billion bucks as like an ad for, I don't know, oranges or something.

Okay.

Anyone listening that you need a jingle that goes a little like Marnen Frit,

Marnen Frit.

Don't forget to eat your Marnen Frit.

Go on, chime in.

That rendition was so good.

I'm one of the best out there.

One of the all-time greats.

I'm not a poem writer.

Here, you say a line and then I'll do the rhyming couplet.

Okay.

I love a couplet.

A line of poetry.

Okay.

Sometimes I think of you.

But then I remember the things you do.

Ah, see?

Yeah.

And is that the end?

Yep.

That's like a haiku.

That's a breakout haiku.

I'll be honest.

That is the first line of a poem of mine from my childhood that I came across where I said, Sometimes I think of you, but then again, I always do.

Wait, that's beautiful.

Why are you second-guessing yourself?

That's so much

better than because there's something so nice about being like, sometimes, and then the reveal is always.

Always.

You're always on my mind, as Billy Nelson once said yeah

should we hear what our listeners want to know I think we should just

that will make this whole episode make sense

hi handsome pod my name is Kamala I am a middle school music teacher and my question for you is I'd like you to think back to your middle school years think like ages 11 to 14 and share one really positive thing that came out of those years I know there's probably a lot of negative things that come to mind for obvious reasons but speaking as someone who deals with middle schoolers all day, every day, there is actually a lot of joy and positivity in those years as well.

Bonus question: What is something you thought was really fashionable or like a funny hairstyle that you now look back on and think, what was I thinking?

Middle school teachers, that's doing the Lord's work.

Truly, though.

Yeah.

I mean, any teacher, whether it's like even a, you know, daycare,

elementary, junior, high, high school,

college, like

swim instructors.

When I sit, you know, my kids learned to swim at their school.

Yeah.

And

I cannot, I mean, all the kids talking, laughing, you know, kind of floating away and not paying attention.

And the teachers that are so patiently

keep

everyone and keep, I'm just like, how do you do what you do how I know how think about how exhausted we are after we like do a show and have a meeting in a day and these people are on their feet teaching hordes of children like it's unreal

and middle school shepherding people through puberty and oh my god yeah wow That was a very visceral time for me.

Yeah.

Those are the worst times of my life.

Maybe me too.

You know, if I can cheat a little bit here and just bump it up a year and get me into high school, I'll say that

my vice principal saved my life.

Really?

Saved my life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think you mentioned this person who just kind of saw you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I wrote about her.

I was asked to write,

what is it?

Richard Pryor's book.

His book was reissued and his family asked me to write a little something beforehand.

And somewhere in there, I talked about my vice principal because

she,

yeah, as you said, saw me, took an interest, didn't just,

when I was in trouble or sent to the office, didn't just

discipline me and then, you know,

she could tell me all that was going on.

Yeah, she just really took time and

investigated what was going on with me.

And, and it kind of made me realize, like, wow, there was a lot going, there's a lot going on here.

And

I haven't talked to her in a couple of years, but we've remained in contact

here and there.

I feel very, very lucky.

I'm thinking what's coming to my mind is Mrs.

Silver, my music and drama teacher.

And yeah, I was a wreck in middle school and

kind of bullied, but just, but I had one friend called Laura.

I mean, I had lots of friends, but she and I would get like hysterical laughter fits in a way that I never have since, like where we thought we were going to die.

And there was one day where, first of all, she peed herself in the snow trying to, maybe we'll bleep out her last name, but she was laughing so hard that she, and she sat down in the snow.

And I was like, we got to go.

We got to get to class.

We were crying, laughing

about nonsense.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

And she was like, I can't.

And then eventually stood up and there was a yellow patch in the snow.

But anyway, that, and then we took watching.

And you didn't eat that snow, did you?

I did not eat that.

The people definitely are getting the word out not to eat yellow snow.

Yes, 1 million percent.

And we went to music class.

Yeah, I was in a lot of trouble all the time.

Never did my homework.

Always getting kicked out or suspended.

And so we were in music class and this hysteria took over and we could not stop and i always remember mrs silver was like one of the only teachers who found us funny and and was like reluctantly disciplining us but was like found us kind of funny yeah on that particular day she just went mate and laura just go go in the hall and laugh until you're done laughing like like she wasn't mad she was just like if you you guys need to just go get this out or you're yeah yeah yeah yeah we just went and sat outside the classroom and laughed and it was just so nice carla silver she we were we were in touch a little bit i think a couple emails but if she's listening she really was great like encouraging me to do music and stuff too carla carla oh that's nice carla silver she was kind of a rebel in the school like it was a it was an anglican private school and and uh i don't know i could tell she was sort of misunderstood she was a rebel yeah sure yeah man we see you rebels

and also, you know, as far as fashion, I think this might have been before your time,

but I really don't know.

I'm not the one sitting here in a flannel telling anybody about fashion, but were you at the bottom of your jeans or pants, you fold it over and then roll your pants up?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I still do that.

Oh, you do?

Okay.

Okay.

That was.

You were rolling.

That was very popular in the 80s to like do that, make it tighter and then flip it over i guess my fashion thing was i had long hair in middle school for the only time in my life and it was slicked back into a ponytail and then i had two pieces just hanging down framing my face and i would put gel in them and they were like crispy oh that's a good look should we hear kamala's answer yeah we should definitely hear that my thing that I took out of those years that was the best was like I made my first like real friends like friends that I was like these are my people finally like really connected.

And I think my personality comes from those friendships in middle school.

And bonus answer, I had a beautiful, sweet granola mom who just did not tell me that I needed to be wearing a bra.

So I was flopping around for way too long.

Looking forward to hearing your answers.

Well, she came to the right two hosts about flopping around.

I didn't wear a bra till I should have been wearing one.

And I wore like a crossbody bag.

So the strap would go between my pointy little boobs.

They would just be,

oh, God.

Yeah.

Where are your boobs these days?

Probably near the dumpster that yours are in.

Okay.

Well, because mine, you know, they hold on to for tumor reasons.

So.

Do they?

No, they don't.

Probably not my full-on boobs, but like my tumors like are because I have to have these tests done every, you know, six months or so that can kind of tell the future if i'm gonna have a cancer recurrence whoa based on the tumor the old tumors so my my uh yeah my tits are actually not in a dumpster like we've joked they're in a fridge somewhere yeah they're definitely they're in a tit fridge

is pretty good yeah do you know where yours go i have no idea i hope i hope they burn them i don't know

or donate a smaller they're still smoking yeah

i liked what Kamala said about

that's sort of the first time that you really are choosing your friends.

Because in elementary school, you're kind of like friends of the people in your class.

And you have to go to every birthday party.

And in middle school, you're like more discerning.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's going to be interesting

when my kids start because already in their school, yeah, everybody was friends with everyone, and everyone's pretty much still friends with everyone.

But they're starting to really lock into,

no, this is is my vibe, this person.

Yeah, what do we got?

What's next?

Hi, handsome.

I am Nina from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

And my question is: do you have any superstitions that you abide by rigorously?

If so, where did it come from and who taught you them?

We were just talking about Rio de Janeiro.

That is crazy.

Yes, yes, yes.

Talk about superstitious.

I don't know if this is superstitious.

I mean, maybe you can tell me, but

Stephanie gives me such a hard time about this.

But when she, she's always the last in bed.

Yeah.

And when she gets in bed, I always ask her to crack the bathroom door a little bit

and crack the bedroom door a little bit.

And

there's, there's a, it's not superstitious.

I guess I'm answering it incorrectly.

No, it's like, that counts kind of.

It makes you feel calm.

I feel safe.

Like, I like

it.

Although, I think it originated from not wanting light in when I'm sleeping and also so the cats can go in and out.

Yeah.

So I like for the doors to be as closed as possible.

But so Kitty City can make their rounds into the bathroom, out of the bedroom, and wherever they might need to go.

Yeah.

But

with the bedroom door, I like to have a book as a doorstop so the door doesn't, you know, open more, that it just stays cracked enough for a kitty to go in and out.

Okay.

And that way, also,

I would know if somebody had come into our room at night.

Right.

Because, yeah, if the if the door is open and the book has slided back, then somebody has come in that's bigger than a kitty.

Okay, I like that.

That counts.

I think that's like a sort of habitual thing that you do to feel safe.

Sure.

Yeah.

Sure.

What about, like, are you walking under ladders and stuff?

Or what, or you don't care?

Yeah, I don't care about that stuff.

I'll walk under a ladder.

I'll, yeah.

I don't, I don't, um, you don't walk under a ladder?

No, I'm like, of course not.

I'm not going to risk it.

I'm not toasting with water either.

I'm not cheering with water.

That's bad luck.

Oh, is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

And I, wow, I didn't know.

Why is that bad?

I don't know.

Maybe because water is so lame and boring, Tig.

Oh.

No, I don't know.

I don't know.

I think it's like,

I don't know.

Yeah, but also if I see a penny, I'm picking it up.

Even though that's probably gross, but I have to do my 10 push-ups before every show.

That counts.

And I kind of say a prayer before every show.

Do you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can we know the prayer?

It's different every time, but it's like a pretty earnest moment.

It's not to any particular deity, but it's just like a little calm moment.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

That's nice.

Should we hear what Nina has to say?

Yes, please.

Mine is that I cannot drink the water that is by my bedside.

So if I wake up in the morning and there is still some water left from the evening before, it has to go to my plants or to my cats because it absorbed all of my dreams or nightmares from that night.

Honestly, I do not remember being taught that.

I think I invented it,

but it is a strict rule for me.

No dream water ever.

Okay.

Bye.

I love listening to you guys.

Come to Brazil someday.

Oh, we have to go to Brazil and see Nina.

I would love to.

And also that, there's more and more studies about water having a memory, like when being able to be a kind of conduit.

Interesting.

Yeah, there's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like people who are freezing water

and with a thought or an intention and then when, and then looking under a microscope and it's formed a picture of what they were thinking or talking about.

I don't know.

It's water's crazy.

Where'd you hear about this?

Well, you know,

word on the street.

Oh, thanks, Nina.

Yes, Nina.

And

listeners, don't forget to submit your questions.

If you have one, don't be shy.

Submit it to speakpipe.com/slash handsome pod.

We love hearing from you.

We love the handsome community and we want to build it.

So tell your friends.

And thanks for being such,

such a great crew.

Truly.

Yes.

Real angels.

And I don't know.

Until next time, what do you say?

We just should probably just keep it pretty

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

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