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Handsome, chatting with friends on the handsome pod, chatting with friends on the handsome part.

Cheers.

Hello, Hello, it is you.

It's our friend.

Oh, and it's Fortune.

It's me, Tig, but you go ahead.

You go ahead and

welcome to the Handsome Pod.

Oh, well, thank you.

Who are you?

I'm Fortune.

Hey, Fortune.

It's me, Tig.

And me.

I'm May.

May, Fortune.

Hey, guys.

Hi, guys.

My hair's still wet.

I did a little treading.

Really?

Oh, my goodness.

How's treading going?

I don't know.

You tell me.

Oh, my lord, them guns.

How long are you treading these days?

Today was

like a 40-minute 40-minute one.

40-miner?

Okay.

40 minutes?

40-miner.

And

I've been doing anywhere from 30 to an hour.

That's amazing.

Thanks.

That's awesome.

I wonder if your life depended on it, how long you could go.

Like if your boat sank and there were sharks.

Good question.

Oh, I think about that all the time.

Not about fortune, but about myself.

I have to say,

sink.

Yeah, I wonder if I've trained myself to just do an hour.

Right.

And then

in my body, because I really do.

I clock myself to the minute and then I just exit the pool.

But I do wonder if I was in the ocean.

And of course, that would be a much harder tread.

Or would it be, maybe the salt would buoy you up?

Maybe.

There's also, you know, if you're treading and you get a little tired, you can just kind of float on your back for a little bit.

Yeah.

And just chill.

Till

you get back to it.

Yeah.

What happened?

What just happened?

That was Biggie.

Did he try to attack you?

No, I mean,

the older he gets, he keeps coughing up a lot.

And

it sounded like he was going

like a.

Does anything come out?

No.

Just love.

Just love.

He coughed up love.

Of course, Biggie coughed up love.

You've coughed up love.

Yes.

Oh, look at him giving kisses.

You remember Care Bears?

Of course we remember Care Bears.

We're human beings alive on the planet.

What if the Care Bears, instead of shooting the stuff out of their tummies, they coughed it up?

Oh, see, I don't know care bears enough to know things come out of their tummy.

Yeah, like they shoot

love and rainbows out of their cute little tummies.

I did not know that.

I had a little turquoise carabear back in the day.

Oh, yeah, the turquoise one was good.

And were there,

did the colors have anything to do with anything?

All I remember is Lionheart.

Yeah, I don't know what color he was.

I think regular one.

Simpler times, right?

Simpler fucking times, yo.

Than the ones we're living in now?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got really sad today about cash.

Like, I bet there'll be no more cash soon.

And I love a coin.

I love it.

Soon?

I love it.

Yeah, I bet they're going to get rid of cash.

Oh, I think it might have a moment for a bit.

Oh, you think it's going to have a moment?

No, I mean, like, it'll continue on for a bit.

Oh, yeah, maybe.

You're just ready for end of times.

I'm ready.

Yeah.

Guys, I just got back from DC.

Where was all about it?

I was just about to until you interrupted to tell me to tell you all about it.

Girl, I want all the hot gots from DC.

Yeah, what's going on?

I went to DC

to lobby.

I have never done that before.

Tig.

I know.

I was lobbying for the arts, and it was really interesting having to go into

you know, Congress and the White House and speak with Republicans and

try and convince them to not cut that budget.

Oh, my God.

So, yeah, that was interesting.

Have you guys ever done anything like that?

It was

very intimidating.

You should have top danced for it.

Like, that would have really gotten through to them.

They would have taken you very seriously.

Yeah.

I was in

this one office.

I was out there with other actors and people.

And

one of

it was so funny because when you walk out of one office, they had two baskets of peanuts.

One basket had peanuts from Georgia, and one had peanuts from Texas.

And the girl behind the desk was, you know, she had some sort of southern accent and was encouraging us to take peanuts and, you know, try both if you want.

And so, of course, I love snacks.

And so I grabbed one Georgia, one Texas.

And then we went into the next meeting and

we're having our

meeting and I was having my peanuts in the meeting.

And do you know Alex Borstein?

Yes, from Mad TV and

Family Man.

Yeah, all of those things.

She's so funny and cool.

But when we left that meeting, she said,

my favorite part of that particular meeting was you, she said, I heard some rustling and I looked over and you had your hand in the peanut bag and some peanuts fell on the floor.

Holy odds.

And I was like, look, I'm new here.

I'm easing in.

But yeah, it was definitely intimidating

for sure the first meeting that we had.

Yeah.

And I didn't speak up until the second.

meeting and then I started to feel more confident.

And I think I'm going to, you know, I think I'm going to continue doing some lobbying in the future.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, it was definitely, it's one of those moments where you go, you should do things to scare yourself.

Yeah.

It scared me.

I bet.

Even though I was lobbying for the arts,

there's a wide spectrum of response from Republicans about the arts.

You know, there are some that are just very much like, we're on board.

We do not want this budget cut.

And

all the way to

hard numbers of why we should not cut this budget and explaining how, you know, the money doesn't go to LA and New York and Chicago, places like that.

It goes to small towns to invest in these little theaters.

And if you kill that, you kill the joy.

People don't go to the restaurants in the town.

People aren't filling up their cars and, you know, at the gas stations and all different people and

businesses are affected by it.

I never thought about that.

Yeah, how it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're successfully lobbying me.

I'm like, I was on the fence, and now I'm yeah, we don't want the arts cut for sure.

No, no, there's so many things we don't want cut.

Seriously, and as we've talked on previous episodes, there's different ways that we've all been involved, whether it's benefits or donating our money and time in different ways.

But this was a completely different

experience that I had in my in my life.

Yeah, that's impressive.

Take goes to Washington.

Yeah, that's a good Tade Goes to Washington is a good little book.

I'm buzzing because we had the Canadian election results.

Yes.

Thank the Lord.

I know.

Yeah, Mark Carney won and not the

not the creepy Trumpy guy.

Yeah, it was, it's always closer than you think, though.

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't looking looking good for Canada for a while.

I had to be following it, truth be told, so I didn't know.

You didn't follow the Canadian?

Yeah, no, I mean, it was looking tricky, really tricky.

Really?

And then once Trump went into office and all of this the tariffs really, yeah, really helped.

I think people see what could happen if we, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but there's a nice vibe on the streets today.

People are morning.

How are you doing?

Oh, that's you're in.

You're in Canada, Toronto, right?

Here I am.

Yeah.

yeah

what are you doing I'm doing the the edit for for Wayward almost done but yeah I'm in one of those like soul sucking offices with this overhead neon lighting and I feel like it's sucking my soul out of my body and when do you finish uh the show completely when are you uh a free bird like mid-June I think is the final is the final one mm-hmm yeah it's gonna be good it's like four years of of thinking about this one story

and you're liking what you see I'm liking what I see, I think.

That's great.

Yeah, but I feel a little loopy.

And I feel like

I talked about this when I was in the writer's room, like that I felt like a

kind of a fraud, like I'm a teenager.

Like I find it very hard to sit still and focus.

I keep jumping up and doing push-ups or like running around the block and all these

grown-ups around me are like, really?

Just gotta do some push-ups.

Yeah.

I have a hard time concentrating too.

Yeah.

I don't do push-ups because I can't.

with those guns.

You can't,

I mean, I haven't truth be told,

attempted it since

starting my tread journey.

Maybe I need to start.

I can't do the push-ups, May does.

I have to do my knees.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can do them against the wall.

Oh, like standing push-ups against the wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'll start with that.

Fortune, I have the title for your spin-off

podcast.

It's called Truth Be Told.

I don't have time for another podcast.

My heart is handsome.

Yeah, yeah.

Truth Be Told is good.

Truth Be Told.

Yeah, but you do know you say that a lot.

Truth Be Told.

Truth Be Told?

I didn't know that.

Did you not?

I really did not.

Oh, my God.

Have you noticed it, May?

Truth Be Told?

Now that you say it, it's all I'm going to hear.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

Everyone drink every time I say it.

Yeah, that would be good.

Oh, guys.

Also, I was at a cancer benefit last night.

Stop bragging.

And

guess what band performed?

Little Big Town.

Yes, Little Big Town.

I'm friends with them.

I know.

You came up at dinner.

They were sitting.

Yeah, they were sitting right there at the end of the table with me.

I mean, we weren't talking, actually, we weren't talking about you specifically, but I heard

there was like in passing, like, oh, yeah, Fortune has a podcast, and TIGS, you know, that kind of thing.

But

no, they had heard about us being in Nashville and about Brad Paisley, and they had been texting with Kimberly Williams Paisley about the show, and

that it was just a real highlight for them.

Oh,

yeah.

And so they were like, next time you're in Nashville, or you have to book another Nashville gig.

And I said, are you telling me we can get Little Big Town on?

Yeah, I didn't even think about it.

I didn't even think about it.

But yeah, they're so fun.

They love comedy.

I've known them for a while through my Chelsea lately days.

And then have seen them out on the road.

And their whole family, like everyone tours like a little village.

It's just like a really,

they're tight.

and

they're a family.

They're not family bands anymore.

I like that.

A whole family on the road like that.

They got it on lock.

It's a good time.

They're great.

Just, and their harmonies are like unbelievable.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, the harmonies are chef's kiss.

They're even, their music on their tracks are amazing, but like in in-person lives is like next level.

Little Big Town sounds like it would be Biggie's band.

And guess what They sing?

I know.

On the pontoon.

What?

That's my tongue.

Yeah.

They sing on the pontoon.

Yeah.

Which one if I on the pontoon?

Out here in the open.

Motor.

Okay.

They are.

It is all coming together.

Okay.

I know.

I mentioned to them that that song has, I said, we have talked about you on our podcast.

Yeah.

And yeah, so I mentioned that.

we'll have to get them to do a question for sure in harmony they could do a question oh

that's real good anyway i was with them last night and they were absolutely wonderful live and just

the most charming friendly people to sit and have dinner with

would you guys would you like it if someone If you received news via a musical delivery at your door, like a barbershop quartet.

Oh, like, um, what are those, are those called?

Something grams.

Yeah, music gram or something.

Like, if you open the door and it was like, we're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod.

What a way to get let go.

We're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod.

We hope you're not.

And Fortune's like,

here's a little

nod.

Oh,

I didn't know the song is going to keep going.

Yeah, you got it around.

You think the nod would soften the blow and the harmonies or would it make it like more infuriating i'm gonna say probably wouldn't i wouldn't hate it if someone sent it i would be like oh that was nice but also like this is weird um

if if you guys fired me via music

i would be i would be like oh they hate me like that is so like well yeah because it's so cold to be like yeah this shit

you're not taking the time to actually be personal with somebody and say, listen, you're doing a terrible job and nobody likes you.

That's why we have to let you go.

Yeah, you're going, look, this is a laugh for us.

We're thrilled about it.

And if you guys ever feel like I'm doing a terrible job and you want to let me go, you can just tell me that.

You don't have to send anybody.

Oh, my God.

I mean, I would be terribly bummed, but of course.

I would appreciate a more direct conversation.

We voted and it's two against one.

Oh my God.

That would be the ultimate two against one.

Yeah, it really would.

I think that's how it works around here.

How does it work?

Nobody votes.

No one votes anyone out.

Yeah, that should have been in our initial.

It just ends.

We just disappear.

Or it just never ends.

We're in the grave.

Gas

beards.

yeah long beards coughing up love

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I went to the Dodgers game.

That was fun.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, I love a live sporting event.

Did y'all know that about me?

I know you love a sport.

Yeah, I know you like soccer.

And

did you have any peanuts?

I had a hot dog and I had

some ice cream.

Oh, yeah.

No peanuts, but we had great seats because we

were doing some charity stuff with the catcher, Will Smith, not the actor,

but the catcher.

And we got to go to the stadium during the day and be on the field, field, which was really cool because I've been in LA for over 20 years, never been on the field.

Went in the dugout.

I threw pitches to Will on the

warm-up area.

I can't remember what it's called.

Bullpin.

Are you good at throwing?

Yeah, how's your arm?

Surprisingly, it was pretty good because I grew up playing softball and I was third base.

And it started coming back.

I was like getting it down

the pipe to Will.

Nice.

Nice.

Yeah.

And so, wait, who were they playing?

They played the Marlins

and barely won, but they won.

And that's all that matters.

I love watching the Dodgers.

You went to the World Series game, didn't you?

I did.

And I accidentally captured the big moment of the World Series accidentally.

Do you know this?

Wasn't that like you were taking a selfie?

Was the Freddie Freeman?

The Freddie Freeman walk-off Grand Slam, which I

am not a sports person.

I know it's called that.

I don't know what that is.

But me neither.

I'll tell you:

Stephanie was said, you know, I feel like we should take Max and Finn to the World Series.

And she said, and we should bring my dad because he's never been to a World Series.

So the five of us go, and I'm watching.

I'm having my, you know, vegan Dodger dog and my peanuts and what have you.

And I just happened to decide

to videotape,

you know, on my phone, whatever it's called.

Stephanie always makes fun of me when I say videotape, but

this pitch to

Freddie Freeman.

And when Freddie hits the ball,

everybody

went insane.

It went insane, including my family.

And I was so confused because I had been there all day and people have been hitting balls.

And I didn't know.

This seemed so over the top.

It was reactionary.

It was the weirdest moments in World History.

Ever.

Yes.

And I caught it beautifully on my phone.

And I turned and filmed my family screaming.

And I truly was like,

what?

You're like,

what am I capturing?

Yeah, because even if they won, it felt because we've been to baseball games.

This didn't feel like that.

And so, yeah, I caught that.

And,

you know, speaking of the Marlins, and if Thomas can fact check Finn,

yesterday when we picked up Max and Finn from school, Finn had a May fact.

He was asking everybody,

what is the one team that has never gone to a World Series?

Was it the Marlins?

I believe it was the Marlins.

Thomas, can you check?

And if it's not right, then I'm in the wrong and I'm saying the wrong team.

Right.

The Seattle Mariners.

Mariners, that's what it is.

It was similar enough, but I knew it was an M-word.

So, yeah, the Mariners have never been to a World Series, and we had to guess the entire way from their school home.

They would not tell us.

We were like, okay, we give up.

You just keep naming cities.

Yes.

That makes me want to support the Mariners.

Like, we should all get behind the belly bar, you know, Ted Lasso style, turn them into a winning team.

Like, yeah.

I think that's a good idea.

The Martin Mariners?

Yes, please.

Y'all never played softball, either of you?

No, absolutely not.

Never.

No.

I mean, I would play baseball in the yard with my brother and our friends as kids, but I never played organized.

I only played soccer.

Can I go back to why did they have in the White House peanuts from Georgia and Texas?

And it was like Georgia versus Texas or something.

I was like, I can't get this off my mind.

Yeah, I'm like,

peanuts on my mind.

I think I really got the impression.

I didn't ask, but that is a great question, little cowboy.

Thanks.

Follow up with someone.

But my feeling, based on her accent in Washington, D.C., I felt like it's probably

like something to do with where she comes from.

That specific woman.

Like it was a personal hospitality thing.

Yeah.

Oh, you got to make your job fun.

Like, if I was sitting at a desk in the White House, I might be like, yeah, try this Toronto,

I don't know, jerky or something.

Yeah, what would Toronto's thing be?

I don't know.

Tim Hortons, donuts.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'd go Dunkin' Donuts versus Tim Hortons.

Wouldn't it be poutine?

Wouldn't that?

Or is that just poutine?

Poutine.

How do you say it?

Yeah, poutine.

Yeah, I say poutine, but it's probably not that

poutine.

That's what I always said.

But in the Canadian election, I was just noted.

I was like, oh, yeah, all of the politicians here have to be totally bilingual, and that's pretty badass.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I gotta rep all those French Canadians.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not me.

I don't know a lick of French.

I bet that's not true.

We we polé vous français.

Merci.

Yeah, you know some coup vaux.

How do you see, I don't even know how to say that.

Vous leis vous,

yeah, that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's too dirty for me to say.

You are the dirtiest of the three of us.

No, don't cry.

It's not true.

I'm a delicate, dainty flower.

Yes, you are.

Thank you.

Our little fortune.

That's right.

There she is.

Oh my gosh.

Everybody, introduce your baby talk.

I just did mine.

Was that your real baby talk?

I don't know.

Everyone, introduce your baby talk.

Introduce and introducing.

He's my baby talk.

Oh, my God.

Is that your talk?

That's your baby talk.

He's my baby talk.

Oh, that's your baby talk.

No, my baby talk is to Biggie.

Like, hello, my biggie baby bear.

I love you so much.

You are my best friend.

And what does he do?

You're my prince.

He goes,

he's still sleeping.

He's sleeping.

Rainbows shoot out of his belly.

Yeah.

He's sleeping like a good baby bear.

May, you're next.

I know.

I know.

I'm going to build it.

Come on.

I'm going to build it.

I've been dreading it.

Oh, God.

I don't know.

What would I?

Okay, I'm going to.

Pretend you're looking at something really cute.

I'd be like, okay,

what's its name?

The cute thing.

It's called the cute thing.

Okay.

Oh, it's a

cute thing.

Oh, you're so cute.

So I love it.

And do you ever use that voice?

Yeah, well, because my friend Alana was fostering these two pit bull puppies.

Still is.

Yeah.

And so

I'm sure I said, there's one called Ernie that has just like lodged himself in my heart immediately.

Weren't you co-parenting them?

I kind of promised to co-parent.

And then

I've been away a lot, but I think she's going to adopt one.

She's adopting Ernie.

Where's Bert going to go?

Well, apparently, you have to separate sibling pit bulls or else they become like pack mentality.

And they don't, yeah, they don't.

So I think a friend of hers has taken Bert so that they can still be brothers.

But yeah, with Ernie, I was definitely going, Ernie.

Well, and if you are, just side note, into Pit Bulls, my friend Rebecca Corey has a really great organization called Stand Up for Pits.

And she

aren't you attracted to Pit Bull the rapper?

Yes.

Rebecca also

has an organization supporting Pit Bull the Rapper.

If you met Pit Bull the Rapper, would you do a baby voice to him?

Hello, Pit Bull.

Hello,

Pitbull.

Hello, Mr.

World Boy.

His face popped up on the TV screen last night at the cancer charity because I guess he had, I guess, performed previous years.

And I turned to Stephanie.

I had never told her about my Pit Bull attraction.

Really?

Yeah.

And

I was like, side note:

that is who I

have a thing for.

That's your whole past.

Yeah.

He's wild.

Yeah.

And she was like, interesting.

So you think he's handsome.

And I said, I don't even know if it's that.

I just, there's something about him.

You like the charisma.

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

The confidence in the tiny pants.

I love charisma in tiny pants.

I will say, when I was in that dugout with those couple of Dodger guys, I crossed my legs and turned into a pretty little lady.

Really?

Hella's girlfriend.

You were your girlfriend.

I like to know why I just crossed my legs and just started chatting.

We do not typically cross your legs, is it?

Not like that.

Not like in a dainty way.

Like when you're giggling?

Like in a man-spreading way, I will sometimes, you know,

where it's like your legs kind of like uh straight like this yeah like your knee is flopped down and this was like

real really cross like everything's in like a like a little pretty little laney like unpack me now where you like tee hee hee small oh look at me little fortune

and she's small i need a big baseball guy to help me get who doesn't have a boyfriend here

so you were i wonder if you were like subconsciously trying like flirting like no i feel like oh no i don't even think it was subconscious

i think she was putting herself out there i think my instincts

like subconsciously i'd immediately start like broing out like i'd go the other way i'd be like what's up gentlemen i'd be like spitting and what's up fellas grabbing your crunch really intensely and far

they spit intensely like yeah and then i'm like oh yeah men are gross.

Yeah, what's the spitting about?

Is it, do they still, or is that like old-timey Babe Ruth days that they would have like tobacco in their mouth?

Is it just tradition?

Some have tobacco, but a lot of times it's gum or sunflower seeds.

That's crazy.

My son, Finn, you know,

they both play, but he really is,

he'll pitch, and Max will catch.

And when Finn is on the mound, he always will turn and spit.

That's so good.

Yeah, it's real fun to watch.

That's amazing.

Any hoodles?

Should we get into our question?

Yeah, I'm really excited.

Yet, because

I'm sorry, thank you.

Awful.

I'm really excited because

that was gross.

Yeah.

People have, like, longtime listeners have turned off.

Yes, Thomas unplugged his headphones and left town.

Yeah, left town.

Yeah.

Don't you want to kind of hear

Thomas?

Can we hear your baby voice?

Yeah, can we?

Hey, Tig.

Hey, May.

Hey, Corchin.

Oh, yeah, that's pretty big.

I hope the three of you are having a good podcast record so far.

Oh, my.

Oh, my God.

That was not what I was expecting.

Me either.

That was kind of Michael Jackson-y.

I listeners

do their baby voices.

Wow.

Send in your baby voices.

Baby voices.

And then

we'll be like, why are we getting these creepy messages?

Okay, let's hear.

Tell us about our guest, May.

Our guest today, I'm very excited about because she's my sweet angelic friend who played my love interest, George, on my show, Feel Good.

She's a super talented actor from the UK.

You know, we're from Ghosts, Fresh Meat, Dead Pixels, and she feel good.

And she's now

one of the leads of the Netflix series You.

She was in the last season, and now she's in the final season, being such a badass.

My friend Charlotte Ritchie is asking today's question.

Nice.

Hi, May.

Hi, Fortune.

Hi, Tig.

Hi.

It's Charlotte Ritchie here.

I have a question for you.

If you could run, like own, run, manage,

create a shop, what would it be?

What would you sell?

What would you make?

And where would it be?

You can talk about the layout.

Yeah, I want to know.

You can talk about the layout.

That's a great question.

Also, Charlotte is an amazing singer as well.

Oh, yeah.

Fortune, you'd have a blast singing a couple hymns with Charlotte.

She would love to.

Her brother, Luke Ritchie, is a musician who who does beautiful folk music and then they sing together and you know when siblings sing together, something magical happens.

That's the Bill Rite thing.

It's like.

It's

yeah, gorgeous.

There's a song called Hammerite that is breaking.

Have you sung together with her?

We have like during filming because we filmed in the pandemic.

We were like isolating together and so we had our keyboards and guitars and we did a lot of sweet harmonies, a lot of songs.

That's a very old big town.

I love that she's asking about what shop would you write?

What a relaxing fantasy to imagine just putting together a little shop.

Yeah, but once the shop gets up and going, I can't imagine it's relaxing.

High stress.

Yeah.

Yeah, you need a shop that has its regulars

and you don't have to survive off the money of the shop.

Because usually the first couple years, you're in the red, right?

Yeah, it's hard to make money.

And so you just need a shop where you're like, I'm just doing this for fun.

I don't actually want a lot of customers.

Yeah.

Just my neighborhood regulars.

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Oh, but it would be so, so juicy.

I think, okay, the thing that came to my mind was,

okay, so I want it to feel a little magical when you walk in the door, like a little bell goes.

At first, you don't see me.

I'm like tucked in the back, like, like maybe I'm an old man.

And I come out and the first thing that happens when you come it's a puppet store but you make your own puppet at the store so you come in oh it's like that um place where you make a cup and you paint it it's like that yeah yeah yeah or when you there's one where you make teddy bears as well I think for kids like but so you go in and first you have to go into a room called the mirror room and it's like a little booth where you have to stare at yourself in a mirror until you see kind of your shadow self and you have inspiration for your puppet, which is going to be an extension of your soul.

Then you

thought this out.

Well, I'm just thinking about it now.

And then you come to me and you go, okay, I want to make a puppet.

It's a, you know, it's a, it's a frog or it's a, you know, a jester or whatever.

It's like you're, it's like you're a clown almost, you know?

And then I give you, it's like Olivander's wand shop.

Like I give you what I think you need, what materials you need to make the puppet.

I'm very controlling in this fantasy.

I'm very

dear.

Some people I go,

strings, as they say.

Yeah,

good fortune.

Judge my little fortune.

Yes, it is, my little fortune.

The roof

with those guns.

Yeah, but some people I would turn away if they're not ready.

And if they're ready, not ready.

It's...

Well, you describe the puppet you want to make to me.

And if I think you're not really looking inward deeply enough,

you know, if you go, I don't know, I want to make a dog called, you know, Doofus or something, I go,

tell me more.

You need more depth.

More depth, yeah.

And then you make your puppet.

And I'd put a little puppet theater in the back of the shop where I could host puppet shows.

Yeah.

So you're not planning to make money either.

Well, if

each puppet costs,

I don't like their idea.

Yeah, that's true.

I shouldn't be turning people away.

Not in the first years when you're in the red.

Did you know that Color Me Mind started as

a real ceramic artist?

It started as a puppet shop.

You know, Color Me Mind is like ceramics.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's the mug place.

Like it started as a place.

A real artist was like, who has amazing pieces?

It's like, I got to make some money.

I need ladies over 40 drinking and making some mugs.

What a funny name, Color Me Mine.

Color Me Mine.

Yeah, what is that?

Color me mine.

Color me mine?

Does that mean like I want to paint mine?

Does it have the same ring?

No, I think it just was like, they were like, this sounds good.

They were ladies in their 40s drunk,

drinking out of coffee.

What are we going to call this?

Laba, Color Me Mine.

Janice.

Janice, what do you like?

Color me mine.

Oh.

Would you guys want to come into my puppet shop or not?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I want to look at it.

Does your dad work there?

I'm going to do a Yelp Review.

Yeah, my dad and his puppets.

I mean, because I'm staying with him now, he's making the...

I got to see his workshop and he made me a puppet for my birthday.

Oh.

It's a dog who's doing a painting.

It's an artist's dog.

But then you take its little hat off, and it turns out the ears were fake.

And underneath the fake ears, it's a bear.

Oh, wow.

I know.

He's fucking with me, my dad.

Oh, the boy's a birthday.

May 2nd.

May 2nd.

I knew that.

Did you know that tick before I said?

Wow.

How did you do that?

Fortunately, it's July 1st.

Wow.

Neither of us are saying yours.

That's all right.

This was

just past.

Was it March?

It was March.

14th?

And I texted you.

I think I also texted you.

You texted me, when is your birthday?

No, I didn't.

no i got everyone's phone calls and texts and gifts and i appreciated every single one of them thank you take what would your store be what would you you know i feel like it's just so obvious that it's annoying and that's fine but um really

yeah a vegan a vegan food shop yes yes yes

or the dike dust on the shelves

yeah dike dust on every shelf um you know i love those little um grocery stores that also make coffee and they sell organic produce and um little

just little treats you can't find in the regular grocery store i like those kind of shops and i'd love it to be fully vegan yeah like a little country store like you might have fresh cherry pies they're vegan yeah yes of course yes and um

yeah that's a vegan country store and are you the only employee or are you hiring staff?

Oh, yeah, it's just me.

I'm in an apron.

I'm like, just, I'm unpacking all the

produce in the mornings and putting them on the shelves.

I'm making the, I used to work in a coffee shop.

I'm a pretty good barista.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

And

it's only decaf that you're serving.

It's only decaf.

That's right.

Polishing every zucchini before you put it on the shelf.

I'm, you know, I like zucchinis.

I don't love them.

Really?

I don't love them.

I like them roasts, cut really thin, roasted with olive oil and some salt.

Yeah, sure.

At a Japanese steakhouse.

Wait, you're opening a Japanese steakhouse?

No, no.

I like zucchini when they serve them at a Japanese steakhouse.

I was like, well, that's such a flex after the vegan food store that you're going to open it.

Whatever I do.

You have lots of veganism.

Especially Japanese.

Wagu beef.

I don't know about tick, but I'm going meat.

I also would like to have local art on the walls and a little stage for poetry and open mic you know music and that kind of thing that's my dream so if anyone wants to invest in me here I am as I said about lobbying I'd be a good

good

person to invest in

I'm kind of imagining like this little old lady who She doesn't have a lot of friends and she's kind of awkward and she comes into your store every day just for a chat and you know she's not going to buy anything, but you kind of indulge, yeah.

Oh, morning, Amber, you know, oh, Amber.

Oh, I got anything new?

Yeah, is Amber an old lady name?

No, it's kind of a sexy name.

I don't care.

I was gonna say Justine, and then Fortune already did a Justine in this episode.

So, I was like a Cecilia or something,

yeah.

Like a what about Myrtle?

Myrtle, why don't we just go for it?

Yeah,

yeah, Amber's like maybe she used to be

vegas dancer and

now amber what's up amber well if it isn't grandmother amber

oh god yeah fortune what would your shop what i kept going back and forth like

uh I love this place in Nashville called Biscuit Love.

And

they have fun shirts and I just love, you know, biscuits.

And so at first I was like, do I want a biscuit shop?

And then I was like,

I don't know if I want to go just double down on biscuits

and have it become your whole personality.

Yeah, like there's the there's the biscuit gal.

Um, I always thought it'd be funny.

Except if you're in the dugout, you're not the biscuit gal.

I like one of those places that in the morning till like three or something, that's a cool coffee shop.

And then at like four, it turns into like a cool like cocktail wine bar.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Um, because I like a

coffee situation.

I'm a big espresso gal.

Yeah.

Um, and I like a place that's just like light and airy and like clean, and

you know, this not like it's it's not like super modern, but not like cluttery, like an old cottage.

Um, and then at night, I like a nice, like, old-fashioned or some kind of mixologist, like

cool ingredient kind of cocktail situation.

Yeah.

Sprinkle a bit of tic tusk.

It's not really food.

We don't really have food food, like a kitchen, but we have like some good muffins in the morning that are delish.

We probably get someone else to make them because who wants to deal with that?

We can make them over here at my Country Mart.

There you go.

Country Mart.

Get the.

I can.

When I say we.

Oh, yeah.

Me you.

And Amber

can deliver them.

Amber or clothes still.

And then at night, it's just like little, like, I like how

in Europe they do, you know, the little appertivos with the olives or chips or snack mixes, things like that.

Sure.

And are you in need of a puppet waiter?

Yeah, bud.

Come on.

You can hang your puppets on the wall space in a little outdoor area.

Oh, that's nice.

The sun's out and it's nice, or at night, there's like candles.

Are you going to have a rooftop?

You got to have a rooftop.

Yeah, a rooftop would be good for those cocktails at night.

Yeah.

Biscuits in the morning on the roof.

Come on.

We have some desserts at night, too.

That's yeah, that sounds lovely.

Who's going to make the most money?

I'm going to, this is going to shock you guys.

I'm going to say me because I'm.

You are shocking us for sure.

Yes.

Because you're wrong.

Well, all I need is.

Because ain't no way.

but please tell us.

Good luck selling one puppet.

What are my overheads?

I just have the mirror for the mirror room.

True.

I have some arts and crafts supplies.

True.

And then I'm charging like 10 grand a puppet, and I only need to sell one per month.

Okay, well, that's a lot of puppets.

Wait, one?

And why?

No,

five grand.

Okay, five is a little bit more reasonable.

No, five is still pretty pricey.

It's nothing you don't want.

I'm like, ooh, it's half-all, but boy, is that expensive.

But it's like a six-hour experience.

So it's like, I feel like it's almost like.

What about like $1,000 a puppet?

Okay, yeah, you're right.

How about $30?

No, because it's...

I give you a bunch of people.

They also get to meet May, and there are fans of May who will pay that

turning out for six hours.

It's just me and my full attention.

And you look deep into their soul and tell them nice things.

Well, and it's therapeutic what's happening to them.

It's like mask work.

do you make out with them at the end?

Listen.

Wait, with the people or the puppets?

With the puppets.

I make out with their puppets at the end.

Oh, my God.

Well, that's why we were paying a thousand a pop here.

You said look deep into their soul and tell them nice things.

What about looking deep into their soul and tell them really terrible things?

I think some people be into that.

What if my puppet makes out with their puppet?

We'll be right back after this commercial.

I don't know if any of us are raking in the dough here yeah i'm selling zucchini guys yeah you're definitely not raking in the dough you're not you're mine it's organic mine has a chance but i'm gonna have to really promote it on my social media you're gonna have to sell a lot of biscuits to pay off the building you just described well no the biscuits aren't happening anymore it's just muffins but what you're out it's not gonna be a huge it won't be a huge space i don't want to go you don't want to go too big.

I have an idea.

You can also get a membership.

So you got your regular customers and tips and stuff, but then you get some people who get a membership.

I don't know what.

What do they get with that?

Is this for your business?

No, for you.

Oh, for mine.

Maybe they get to touch Biggie or something.

Oh, Biggie, baby, bear.

Well, they have to really like dogs.

Come on in and touch Biggie

for

$300 a month.

He's like, well, why am I a part of this?

And also, just assuming everyone knows who Biggie is,

come on in, step right up and touch Biggie.

The only people that come to this coffee/slash bar are my fans.

Now, what is the name of your business?

Yeah, good question.

Thank you.

Oh, gosh.

Mine is Biggie's Country Mart.

So Biggie's involved in your business.

He's in a lot of businesses.

He's an entrepreneur.

You can tell just looking at him.

He's asleep right now.

He doesn't know he's about to be called upon.

Mine is

Dante's Inferno.

Whoa.

Something like that.

Of course, it is.

Of course, it is.

Because you're looking deep into the seven levels of hell of your soul and you're encountering

yeah

all the the things that you repress mine's something like Daunt Mays, Inferno.

Sorry.

What is it?

Daunt Maze?

Daunt Maze.

Okay.

We're still work shopping.

Yeah, we're work shopping.

What about Fortune?

What if yours is no biscuits here?

That's a good one.

Thanks.

Workshopping.

I like something ambiguous, like the library, you know.

Yeah, that's cool.

Well, you know, that's always a good title, something like that, the library, because if somebody's cheating,

yeah, on their credit card statement.

Yeah.

I just went to, to i went to the library yeah i was at the library all day yeah yeah the dentist the dentist

we have at least one drink that um has smoke in it oh for sure you need you need something that people want to instagram you know yeah you're right well biggie's there that's your instagram that he's part of it but yeah we need biggie we need one or two cocktails that are showstoppers yeah

yeah Well, should we hear what Charlotte has to say?

I think for sure.

I love it.

I hope she sings it in the form of a hymn.

Me too.

My shop would be a second-hand electronics shop where I fix like the wires in hi-fi's and Walkman's.

And it would be in Camden Town in London.

Just as an example.

Thank you.

Bye.

Interesting.

Secondhand electronics.

Yeah.

Where you fix the wires

definitely making the least money.

I don't know.

That's really functional.

I'm really surprised.

It's such a specialized space.

A second-hand electronic shop, right?

Can we listen to

it again, Thomas?

I think she referenced a walkman, even.

Yeah.

I kind of, I'm not going to lie to y'all, I kind of missed what she said.

Yeah, we're going to listen again.

I don't know if we can.

Was it the accent or your?

Wait, did you just say, I'm not going to lie?

Yeah, you didn't say truth be told.

You said, I'm not going to lie.

Okay.

Go and drink.

That's adjacent.

My shop would be a second-hand electronic shop where I fix like the wires in high-fives and walkmen's.

Um, and it would be in Camden Town in London.

Hi-Fi's?

Hi-Fi?

You guys, I feel like are boggled by the accent.

And like

in Camden, where's Camden Town?

Town.

Fix the wires in high-fives and walkmen.

What does it look like?

What is hi-fi?

I don't know, but it feels like this is

high-fidelity.

High-fidelity stereo.

Okay, so yeah, we all do that.

There's like nostalgia involved in her choice.

Like it's, it's like she's keeping the relics alive.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what my doctor does with me.

Keeps you.

You know, it kind of reminds me of, I have, and maybe I could combine this with

Biggie's country store, but

whenever I see furniture on the side of the road, I always want to take that and sand it and paint it.

And I don't have any talent around that kind of work.

But Stephanie is,

she is not into picking up furniture on the side of the road.

That makes sense because it could have like bugs or stuff in it.

Because you're usually the germy one.

Guys, I'm not picking up furniture that has feces and bugs all over it.

You don't know what if it had, what are those things called?

Wow.

I mean, mean to bring the mood down.

No

bed bugs.

It got bed bugs.

I'm just trying to share my dreams with you and all of a sudden I'm crazy and filthy.

You and crazy Amber are out there picking up furniture.

Amber, we're closed.

You have a carpentry shop called Filthy McNasty.

Boy, that's your dream is to pick up old furniture and restore it?

Look, some of us have bigger dreams than others.

But yeah, I love when I see an old table or chair or

something.

I like it.

I'm like, God,

that is

garbage, but I'd like to pick it up and paint it something.

That could be business, too.

Secondhand that.

Well, I was thinking I could redo that and use it for like the table and chairs at Biggie's Country Store and people sit in those.

And I can also put them up for sale.

And also sell them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can buy my garbage.

Now we're starting to get a more of a marketing profitability plan here.

I like how practically

you're thinking about profit margins for that.

Oh, yeah, you gotta make money.

You can't just have a passion.

I like that.

The image of Charlotte, though, like that's very in keeping with her personality, I think, the like, like the calm of just

quietly repairing some wires.

And yeah, the kind of analog nature.

Like she's not very, she's not on her phone a lot.

Like, she doesn't have social media.

Like, I can, I imagine maybe she'd be listening to classical music or like on her walk man her newly repaired walk man from 1981 she lives in london right she lives in london not in camden town what is camden town though did we camden town is like a part of london where i would say when you go there it's like every trend that's ever existed so like punk uh goth like ravers it all still exists in camden town it's like

it's just a weird little melting pot of like, I think it's where Amy Winehouse would perform.

It's kind of grungy.

And there's like.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Sounds like there might be some furniture on the side of the road that I could.

It's a place where a Walkman still exists.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At least one.

Well, listen, I'm not going to yuck her yum.

No yuck in this yummy episode.

That was a joy.

to do this episode, I'll be honest.

A joy and an honor, my friends.

I'm honored.

I'm honored.

I'm honored.

I'm gonna go to each one of y'all stores and I'm going to leave them five star reviews on Yelp at least once a month

I'm gonna cut out I'm gonna clip the section of Thomas's baby voice and I'm gonna use it as my ringtone so every time my phone rings

I'm gonna use I'm gonna use it as my alarm on my house if somebody breaks in then they're gonna have to hear that

please don't break into my house

That would be scary.

Leave us alone.

We don't want no trouble.

We don't want no trouble.

Oh, you guys.

You guys.

Should we give a finger kiss to each other?

Anyone have anything coming up?

I am on tour doing, I got three music shows in June.

June

10th, 12th, and 13th on the West Coast.

So check out MaymartinMusic.com.

I'm in San Francisco and Portland and Vancouver in June.

Yeah.

Nice.

May 16th.

I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, then Minneapolis.

Then coming after that, St.

Louis, Kansas City, Mulburn, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky.

Knoxville, Tennessee, Asheville, North Carolina, and lots and lots more dates coming in the fall.

On May 17th, I will be at the Ojai Playwrights Conference Fundraiser with Emily Saliers from the Indigo Girls and Jonatha Brooks and several other people.

It's going to be a great show for a good cause.

Get your tickets online.

I'll also be at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City June 7th with the film that I produced, the documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light.

So if you're in New York, come check that out.

And then I'll be in P-Town August 23rd doing two shows.

And then I'm always working out new material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles.

Go to tignotaro.com for all information.

And

please, if you enjoy our show, share your favorite episode with a friend and help us build the handsome community.

It's a really good group of people, I gotta say.

Sure is.

Yeah.

What do you say until next time?

Well, I think we should tell people to

keep it.

Handsome.

We should have done that in a baby voice.

Oh, yeah, should we?

Can we?

Okay.

Until next time.

Keykeeper.

Handsome.

You.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

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What a podcast!

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