Jillian Bell asks about songs in space

54m

The hilarious Jillian Bell (Brittany Runs A Marathon, Kinda Pregnant, Summer of '69) asks Handsome an explosively funny question on this week's episode! Plus: the de-puffer returns, Tig cracks some egg jokes, and the Handsome hosts sing a medley for the ages.


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Transcript

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Handsome, chime with friends on the handsome pot.

China friends on the handsome pot.

Cheers.

Hey,

welcome to the handsome pot.

It is your dear friend, Tignotaro.

And your dear friend, Mavis Martin.

And your dear friend, Fortune Beepster, and

Biggie.

Sorry, I just woke him up for that.

He was like,

wait, he was asleep and you pulled him.

I mean,

he was asleep for like a minute.

And I'm the villain for calling him what he is.

can fall asleep in seconds.

He'll be asleep again in two minutes.

Don't worry.

Oh, to be biggie.

I mean, I can fall asleep quickly, but I cannot stay that way.

I'll wake him up again a little bit later in the pod to see.

We'll check in on him.

All right.

Good tonight.

I could not sleep last night and I tried your...

Vaguely in my memory, TIG, you said all you do is like six deep breaths or something like that.

I do three.

That sounds so easy.

Three and that's it?

Well, it's not just three deep deep breaths.

It's and I don't know if this is right or wrong for breathing techniques, but this is one I was taught.

And I do it as soon as I'm ready to fall asleep.

I do a deep inhale through my nose, and then I pause and then continue the deep inhale.

So, and then hold three seconds, so it's like this

takes counting, and then exhale very

slowly.

Like you are really, really slowly exhaling as slowly as possible.

Okay, I'm going to try that next time.

Yeah.

So you're having trouble sleeping?

Yeah.

I mean, I was listening to horrific true crime podcasts right up till I got in bed, so that was part of it.

That's right, and then I tried the breathing, and then a good idea.

I don't know if you remember Fortune talking about the depuffer.

This is not an ad.

This isn't Fortune

the De Puffer.

And I was like, I'm getting it.

I got it as soon as we got the

De Puffer.

And so this is like,

it's like a facial influenced,

100% influence.

It's like a facial.

Have you used it yet?

Yes, I did it last night in bed.

What do you think?

I did it on the hot setting.

This is like a facial massaging wand.

Not a vibrator.

Boy, is this a two against one.

Yeah, look at this.

I think you go hot first and then cold.

I just wanted to relax.

You just described my personality to a T.

Okay, so Fortune and May are a real YouTube dream right now.

A real YouTube dream.

They are claiming these are not.

These really, it's really not a sponsored ad.

It's just

a vibrator.

It's also not a vibrator, but it very much looks like one.

Right, Biggie.

But it does deposit.

It's a buffer.

Hey.

Get a buffer.

It doesn't vibrate.

It just gets gets hot and cold.

But, like, immediately.

Yeah, it's incredible.

I'm a beauty influencer, y'all.

No, I know.

I see.

I should put on, guys.

Did I put on this before?

What is that?

From a episode.

You know, we had J-Lo sponsor us at one point.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like a laso bomb.

I've seen it.

Wait, did she drop out of?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Why did she drop out?

It wasn't believable.

There weren't enough lesbians buying.

Brown.

Jane Thomas, why did J-Lo drop out?

There were not enough lesbians buying Joe's beauty products.

I'm not going to renew all.

You know what?

We got a lifetime of memories.

Did we?

And I have

one.

Name one memory.

This is one.

Look at me.

If y'all think that we don't stand by some of our products, my only memory now.

My only memory now of J-Lo is that she dropped out of sponsoring our

gay faces as long as the bra companies stick with us come on y'all yeah yes don't leave us

we got your bras we got your makeup lesbians we need y'all to continue buying beauty products not tick or at least start you're drinking i can see what looks like an iced coffee but i'm going to presume this is decaf

yes yeah it is an iced decaf americano you know what i'm doing for myself today what's your self-defense girl

I'm going to go get myself a nice coffee drink.

And I'm going to take Biggie and we're going to sit on a bench somewhere.

And we're just going to be.

I

say,

hell yeah.

Yeah.

Do you ever do that?

Sometimes I just go sit on the bench somewhere.

And I just

listen to music.

I have different places.

around is this one of those things where you know it feels very much like a like a after school type movie that you would see where it's like, well, I haven't seen Fortune.

Where is she?

Well, you know, she's probably sitting on her bench.

Yeah, and then they go find you there and you're having some deep thoughts.

I'm like, people probably think I'm crazy.

I will go find a bench in random places and just sit and be.

I have no that is the least crazy.

That is, that's what you should be doing.

Is there grass by your bench?

Can you tell me?

There's different benches.

I don't have a bench.

Yeah, right.

So quit.

It's not a bench that you bring with you that you wheel around.

There's there's several ones, there's some ones in parks, there's ones at like one of those outdoor

benches.

I wondered where you're after some of the special bench was no, I don't do a bus bench, but but that's like what's crazy is that we feel the need to like document every second of our lives.

Like, it's so nice to just go be and not have to post a picture of you on your bench, yeah, not to have to

post a picture.

I'm just being hey, just being hashtag being.

Here's what I think this is really great.

Um, I I think we can all agree Fortune

could use some bench time with Biggie.

And here is really what I'm going to suggest.

You go to your bench that's got grass, you take your little hooves off and you put your little toes in the grass.

Oh, I like that.

And you ground yourself.

I like that.

That feels that the idea of that feels nice.

Yeah.

Tessu Z is like comedian Fortune Feemster falls on hard times barefoot at a bench for hours.

Friends can swim.

I'm like, it's self-care.

Leave me alone.

I went on a, on, on Easter Sunday, I went on a hike up to like Griffith Park Observatory.

Oh, yeah.

And I found a nice bench there looking out over the thing.

And up there, there was like someone had made like a circle of stones, like a meditation.

It was like a probably fortune.

It was probably fortune.

Did you make a spiral?

Bench visit.

That's her bench.

And she got benches on those hikes.

I've done those.

Yeah.

In the middle of this spiral of stones, people had left like little offerings, like a marble, a crystal.

This is my kind of vibe, right so i left um a penny that i found and then i left a little note with a poem on it and i hid it under a rock oh well i love that there's a spiral because quite possibly people that are in spirals are going there to spend time to clear their minds

exactly and the spiral is a powerful like g like presence in the in the world like you see you know like snail shells like this patterns in nature right where you see these whales that are just making spiral patterns with their air bubbles in the ocean, and they're like perfect spirals.

Like, yeah, anyway.

If my

memory serves me, which it typically doesn't, that is the layout of Paris, right?

It's like a

shell, a snail shell.

Really?

I think so.

Thomas, are you looking it up?

You know where I need to go sit on a bench is in Paris.

Oh, my God.

Can we come?

Put it on the list.

I would love to go to Paris.

Yeah.

Have you been?

Many times, but I would love to go back.

Maybe I'll go this summer.

The 20 arrondissements are arranged in the form of a clockwise spiral, often linked to a snail shell, starting from the middle of the city of Paris, with the first on the right bank in brackets, north bank of the Seine.

Nice.

Tig fact.

Tig fact.

Yeah.

Love that.

I was cycling in Paris.

I used to do long-distance cycling and

I was training for a five-day trip where I was doing 50 to 100 miles a day.

So I went to France to train and flew into Paris.

And my first night there, I went on a bike ride and I got completely lost.

And I kept telling myself, just keep the Eiffel Tower in sight.

But that didn't help at all.

I could see the Eiffel Tower, but I didn't know where the hell I was or where I was going.

And this was was before there were cell phones and GPS and all that.

Maybe there were cell phones, but you know, only billionaires had them.

And

so I got lost and this guy picked me up and put my bike in the back of his car.

And he didn't really speak English at all, but he somehow got me back to where I was staying.

And what he explained to me was this whole snail thing of the layout of Paris.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

And Those were the days.

No maps, no Google Maps, and you just throw in your bike in the back of some guy's truck.

And hope nobody kills you.

I know.

Yeah.

When I lived in Europe in 22,

02,

I would sleep in these chamber rooms and hostels with complete strangers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

me and this man shared a room in Germany.

And I'm like, I don't know this guy.

I could be murdered, but you just did it.

Yeah.

You can be murdered in your own home, but let's not go into that.

That is a hard, cold fact thing.

Yeah.

I actually just got a bunch of security cameras.

I've been living fast and loose.

Like I had, I, my gate was broken.

I had no security cameras.

I kept losing my key.

And then now I've got a baseball bat under my bed.

And I've

got a security.

Well, everyone said I should.

Yeah, why not?

Are you inviting a lot of strangers back to your house?

Yes, Dave.

You never heard.

I think we have bear sprays somewhere.

Do you really?

No, I I still got some kind of spray, like a wooden baseball bat.

And then they said, oh, you should put a sock over it.

So if you get the person tries to grab it.

Oh, I already said this.

Okay.

Well, I didn't know that you were really gearing up for a massive attack, but I do remember you mentioning putting a sock over a baseball bat.

And that's a really good idea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Safety first.

Safety first.

But now everybody knows

when they break into your house.

They're like, I know not to grab that baseball bat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I want to remind people my

really good defense of like getting on your back and just kicking wildly.

Like if anybody's coming at you.

And I do think that comes from my childhood when my brother would attack me.

I would just get on my back.

I took one semester of karate

in college because I think I had to have a credit in something.

And, um,

I did learn some pretty good skills.

I did learn how to break a guy's kneecap if needed.

Oh, how, how, how?

You have to kick down, kick out and down.

But I don't know what that means.

What do you mean?

I'd have to show you.

Well, stand up.

Because this is life.

Come on, Fortune.

I don't have the room.

You don't have pants on?

I don't have pants on.

Out and down.

Okay.

Yeah.

I can picture that.

So you're hitting it from the top on an angle.

Yeah.

Our next live record, I'll show you how to do it.

Next live record, you break takes me.

And

I broke a wooden thing with my foot as well.

Would you just call it maybe wood?

You know what?

It was big.

I broke a piece of wood.

A block of wood.

With your forehead would be really badass.

No, I know, but it was with my foot.

You know how strong my gams are.

Yeah.

Oh, boy, do we.

How did you get those gams, by the way?

My only guess is that they, I've played sports my whole life.

So I grew up playing soccer, softball, basketball, and tennis.

But I don't feel like Abby even has calves like that.

I played collegiate tennis all four years and collegiate soccer my senior year.

So I ran all the time.

But I don't know.

I think part of it's genetics.

Do you remember the...

In sort of like college age, guys were really into crushing cans on their head.

Like you you finish the can and then you crush the can on their head.

Is that still, do you think people still do that?

I don't run around in that

circle.

Yeah, I really don't.

I'm in bed by nine, but um, yeah, I've never done it either.

Me neither.

Yeah.

You ever done a keg stand?

No.

Do you not?

Do you really not know?

Oh, you haven't.

No.

Okay.

Thomas,

did I answer this?

Yeah, I've done the keg stand.

Thomas Marie.

Honestly, Tig, we don't know.

Like in your past, there are some wild things you did do.

Oh, my gosh.

I did wild things, but not alcohol or drug wild.

Oh, okay.

I don't think we knew that.

You're like, you walked on train tracks or you robbed a guy.

So wait, you're saying you don't know that I didn't have like in your younger, in your dyke days when you had the, remember your okay dyke picture?

Yeah, you're saying I could have done those days jacked up on drugs and alcohol.

I didn't have done a cake stand.

I don't think you were jacked up on anything, but I didn't know how much you dabbled.

I think I was just jacked up on gayness, but I

were pretty gay.

I didn't really drink alcohol until

maybe until I was 30.

I mean, of course, I had had a drink here and there, but I didn't casually drink alcohol till I was 30.

I think it was mainly because I was dating somebody that drank more than casually.

She drank way more than casually.

So you had to be in charge?

Not just in charge.

It was more so I was drinking to

make our

relationship make sense.

Yeah, yeah.

And

then after that,

yeah, whatever.

Who cares?

But no, I don't have any.

I think like once a year.

And I really don't even

really even drink a drink even anymore, but maybe

we've seen you have a sip of whiskey here and there.

You know,

you had a margarita on top.

In the past like six months, I would say it's, I've stopped.

Okay.

Even a little sip of whiskey or a margarita or something.

But I feel like probably so many comedians have done this joke that it's hack, but it did happen to me.

So I will say that on Easter, I had ordered food delivery.

And so I got a notification on my phone from from Uber Eats that said Jesus is on the way.

Yeah, that was pretty cool.

And it was on Easter?

It was on Easter.

Yeah, yeah.

And the driver was called Jesus.

Risen.

I thought you were going to say the joke that I made, which I'm sure I'm not the first, but

we were going to

an Easter egg hunt.

with Max and Finn and somebody said something about

the egg hunt.

What time is the egg hunt start?

And I said, well, hasn't that been our entire last year, huh?

Hunting for eggs.

Hello.

What?

Eggs are hard to come by because, you know, have you not heard about this?

Because they're expensive and the bird flu.

Oh, I thought you were talking about like a fertility thing.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh, you're trying to freeze your affair, May.

It wasn't a great joke.

No, no offense.

Fortunate three.

You think that was a good joke that we've all been hunting for eggs?

I have not been hunting for they're on the shelves.

Sometimes they're not though.

Sometimes they're not.

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They're coming back, but there was a moment there where they were very hard to find.

I mean, I'm not hunting for them.

Thank you.

So my joke was stellar.

It would be funny if you and Stephanie got a babysitter for Max and Finn so that you guys could go to an Easter egg hunt.

That'd be funny.

Yeah.

Easter is so much more fun when you have a child.

Yeah.

It's really not a thing if you don't.

When you don't have a child, you're like, I mean,

you celebrate Jesus and all that stuff for sure.

I disagree with the fun thing because my friend Beth, it is her favorite holiday.

And before we had Max and Finn, as adult, and Beth and I are like friends from way back, we, we, we, we times.

And she organizes.

and used to organize adult egg hunts.

Oh, and we

had so much fun.

So how dare you say it's only fun with a kid?

We would have a whole brunch and we would all get a basket.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah, it was so fun.

And then Max and Finn came along, and now we just transferred it over to them.

And

we start organizing more social things.

Let's do it.

Say the word.

Say the word.

I'll get into my social phase this summer.

Yes, you will.

Activities, though.

Like, activities are where it's at for me.

That's still getting me out.

We're going to be social butterflies this summer.

Dinner.

You know what also I want to do since the love of tap dancing has

come to the forefront even more?

Yeah.

I want to take a like a

tap class for real, but I feel like they only do it for children.

So

I want to, I want to disguise.

I already have a dance instructor ready to teach us here in LA.

That's true, but I also want to go to a kid's tap dancing class.

Okay.

My kids.

Let's talk about this weird

because then we'll all be learning at the same pace.

Well, my suggestion is that because that amazing dance teacher from our live show.

She doesn't want to teach us buffoons.

Well, she's been like DM'd me some suggestions of classes.

What if we all pay her an exorbitant amount of money to do a private class, just the three of us?

It's a big deal.

She lives in Austin.

And also she's a major choreographer.

And, you know,

we test patience.

But I need to go back to Fortune saying we would all learn at the same level, even if you're not a small child.

A small child is learning the basics.

So are we.

And I think we need that.

Okay, but we are too.

So we're still learning at that same level.

But do you want to?

But we can get a private.

Are there adult classes that teach at that level?

I feel like I have to join the seven-year-old.

Fortune Marie.

Listen to me.

I have an instructor.

Although, wouldn't that be funny?

And we could have dance recitals.

Okay.

But fortunately.

I need a child to

teach us a private lesson, the three of us.

Okay.

And so we can have our own recital and we will do that.

Okay.

Invite our friends.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yes.

I love that.

It is so hard to put on the list, Thomas.

Even scheduled.

We will make the time.

I will do that.

Yes.

By the way, I have a friend who told me that her parents love Easter and love the aesthetic.

And they're always like, like, their internet password is Easter Bunny and stuff like that.

My God.

And then her and her siblings were sitting around and they were like, wait, we're all born in January.

That means we were all conceived around Easter time.

And they brought this to the parents.

And they were like, yeah, well, your father worked a lot.

And that was the one day off was Easter.

And they're like, what?

So this whole time, like the internet password is Easter Bunny.

And this is all a reference to how you guys bone every Easter.

We're doing it like bunnies.

I know.

yeah doing it like bunnies that's a real that is a real love of easter yeah and the lord and the lord

bless you and keep you

thank you fortune

the lord make his face to shine upon you

to shine upon you okay sorry well no don't be sorry don't be sorry i mean i was thinking of getting the show moving along, but then one of my favorite things in the world is to hear

fervor.

Yeah, just

inspiration

to you.

What does it mean when they talk about countenance divine?

And like, is your countenance your face?

I don't know.

Countenance divine.

Like, I think it's...

like a religious term for your face.

Let's find out.

Anyway, speaking of religious faces, the Pope checked out.

Oh, I know.

I know.

Aren't you glad you?

Yeah, it is.

Countenance is a person's face or facial expression.

Oh, you have a beautiful countenance.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, Tig, it's nice that you got to go and

meet the, who knows what the next pope will be like.

It could be a scary pope, so it's good that you.

I've seen online people calling me a conspiracy theorist and saying I'm gullible, but I will say that there is a prophecy of the popes that said that this pope would be the last before the end of the world.

And so when he passed, I got a little nervous.

Uh oh.

Uh-oh.

And so what makes you nervous about the end of the world?

Um,

yeah, good point, actually, when you put it that way.

Because if we're all gone, yeah, I'm ready to go.

I mean, I don't want it to happen, but I was just wondering what your nerves are about.

Well, yeah, isn't it kind of dark that I feel more comfortable with the end of the world because I wouldn't be missing out on anything and everybody would be dead.

Like, I'm less scared of that than my own death.

No, I don't know.

But they just found the most, like, the most

they found evidence of life on another planet.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Yes, recently.

It's not confirmed.

Is it not?

It's, I think, it was, it's like 124 light years away or something, and it's it's all it's uh the um

the gases that creatures emit.

Creatures.

Fortune, please let the scientists speak.

Can you tell me more about the creatures?

I think, unless I read something else, I think they have a lot of reason to believe this is what's going on, but it's not fully one hundo.

Sorry,

Fortune just shown as a creature.

Fortunately needs attention because we were right in the middle of getting some very updated information from

scientist Tignotara.

No, from you.

I'm calling you the scientist.

You were saying gases and stuff.

But then you were following it up with equally well-researched.

Was it a Mayfact that you were sharing that someone felt was a conspiracy theory?

Was that what you were saying?

I made the mistake of dipping in to a little Reddit thread about.

And it was like, oh, May's so gullible.

And this is

clap.

But listen, I just like a little joy in my life.

And I like to entertain the the possibility that all these things are true.

And does it cause me stress?

Yes.

Am I overwhelmed?

Yes.

And did Tig and I know at any moment what you're talking about?

No.

No.

No.

But you try the deep breathing.

Yeah.

See if it helps.

Buy the tinfoil hat.

And by the way, real quick, when we should move into our question, but does anybody have any feelings about all of the ladies that went off into space?

Well, I feel like Fortune's kinder than me.

I love it when the internet kind of unites sense of humor-wise and finds the same thing funny.

And yeah, it makes me feel like the human population has the same sense of humor.

And so, I am enjoying the content of like the ridiculousness of Katy Perry singing up there.

And, you know,

it was funny.

It was funny.

But here's my question.

Yeah.

Is

let's say,

because I understand what you're you're saying.

My concern is I don't like pylons.

Right.

Yeah.

Because I know when it's there, you know, they're just going to space.

And look, you can be like, absolutely.

You,

it wasn't great for the environment.

Absolutely.

There was some over-the-top

reactions to what they were doing.

And yes, money could have been spent in different ways, but okay.

And then, and then it's like, it just felt kind of tone-deaf, I guess, is what people are feeling.

Absolutely.

But yeah, you're right, I guess, I guess.

But it was pretty, I mean, I love Gail.

I love Gail.

I like running into Gail.

She's like, hey, Fortune.

She's always so nice.

I don't want to be so nice.

Well, I want to support my gal, Gail.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, sure.

Sure.

Gail's great.

And look, there's no, I'm just curious because, of course, there's like funny things, but then I go, oh, but these are actual people.

I know.

I know.

I know.

It's easy.

I don't like the pylons either.

I don't like pylons.

Just I'm like, oh, oh, gosh.

Right.

And I don't like yucking people's yum.

Yeah.

That's a good expression.

They had, they had a, they, it was special to them.

It was powerful for them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

But yes, yes.

There's, there was tone deaf moments.

There was

easy targets and not great for the planet and money.

think I just, I kind of, it passed me by.

And then, so I only heard about it or was aware of it like when it happened.

I didn't really know it was happening.

And I think it just felt, it's just some things feel surreal.

It just felt like we're, it was just slightly surreal.

It's like, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, I was just curious.

I didn't follow it too much.

Somebody, well, Stephanie sent me

this random person.

Yeah.

Sent me something about it.

And I was like,

I totally get it, but I'm just like, man,

it stresses me out when there's a pylon on people.

Yeah.

But haven't groups of men gone to space, and was it this big of a deal?

Well, that was the thing is they were like, women, power, and you, and

unite, and it just, it felt like it probably wasn't a lot.

It probably wasn't eight men holding hands and singing.

You know, like,

I love when ladies hold hands and sing.

That's my favorite part of any lady hang.

I'm all for it.

And I'm all for spending money in the best way possible and doing all the right things.

But let's say somebody, there was a glitch and

this is a constant debate in my family, too, because I love space and I care about space and space travel.

Now you sound like Katy Perry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because baby, refine.

Did she say that up there?

No, and that must have taken a lot of restraint, which I respect.

She's a B song if you're going to sing one.

I know.

And can I tell you, Stephanie, I love Katy Perry and she got me tickets to her concert years ago.

Maybe I've talked about this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I did.

I loved it.

Hilarious.

And there were lots of

things happened to Katy Perry and Shikes dancing in the background.

I did not know that she appeals to kids.

I was like, what the hell?

She's like, what?

What if we showed up to our live podcast and the whole audience was kids and we were like, oh, we didn't know this was our demographic.

I guess our friends from the tap dancing class.

Yes.

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but this is a big debate in my house between my mom and i because yeah we we care a lot about space travel but also like the money that's spent and and it would be so easy to solve you know world hunger that part would be nice for sure yeah and and also now that space travel seems all connected to these billionaires and sort of eccentric.

It would be nice for all the money that Jeff Bezos spends, like when he spends a big chunk of money on something, he also donates a big chunk of money to something else.

That would be nice because he has the means to do that.

Yes, he does.

Tenfold.

Yeah.

So

you hear us, Jeff?

Hear us?

Stephanie did a commercial with him, and nobody on set could call him Jeff Bezos.

They only call him Big Bird.

Wait, he requested that?

I guess because of like kidnapping, like

Big Bird is in the building.

Yes, Big Bird is.

And it's like, why not come up with something like Carl or something?

Because Big Bird, you know, Big Bird's not there.

You know, that's ostentatious.

You for sure.

People would be like, why?

What did Big Bird?

I got to go see that.

They're like, that's not a real person.

Let's look into that.

Yeah.

Yeah, like, you know how when people, celebrities check into hotels and they'll use names like Big Bird or like Al Capone.

Nobody uses Big Bird when they check into a hotel, mate.

But if I was a stalker and I wanted to find someone, I'd go to the front desk and go, hey, is there anyone staying here with an insane name?

Is there like Big Bird?

Yeah.

Yeah, connect me to Big Bird's room, please.

All right.

Should we get to our question?

Should we go bird?

First name, Big.

Hello, Miss Bird.

I'm sorry to bother you, but there is somebody at the front desk.

Okay.

I can't read anymore.

So, if somebody could introduce

because Jillian is one of my best friends.

Wow.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

I'll tell you who this is and then tell you how we're best friends.

Okay.

Our question asker today is a comedian, director, and writer.

She's starred in so many things like Britney Runs a Marathon, Rough Night, 22 Jump Street.

She wasn't workaholics.

And she just co-wrote and directed this new movie called Summer of 69 that's going to be streaming on Hulu

May 9th.

She is amazing.

She's one of my best friends.

Jillian Bell is today's question asker.

And yeah, we go back from we met at the Groundlings

15 years ago, 16 years ago.

We were neighbors neighbors in two different neighborhoods for years.

Her sister Brianna is one of my dear friends, bestie too.

And I love her so much.

We have been trying to get a movie made together for a while, and it is my dream that that happens.

That would be a great pairing because she's one of the funniest people ever.

I'd like to be in it as well.

I have a lot to say about her.

Yeah.

As you know, I don't follow a lot of pop culture, TV, and film.

Stephanie and I,

we were like, let's go see a movie.

This was years ago, whenever the Britney Runs a Marathon came out, and she suggested we go to that.

And I was like,

had no idea what this movie was.

Honestly, wasn't, I don't think I was familiar

with Jillian.

And we went to that movie.

And I was like, this is so good.

This person is so funny.

I need to watch it.

And it just opened my whole world to this person.

And I think working in comedy, you know, you can get kind of

run down with it and not easily amused.

And she is so deeply funny.

And I know everybody already knows this, but

I, yeah.

I'm very interested in it.

Did you know as soon as you met her?

Did you know this is someone with funny points?

Oh my God.

When if you watched Gillian at the Growlings back in the day, she's so unique.

Her point of view was like no one else's.

And you were like, who is this person?

And she wrote all those sketches herself.

So her point of view was like, How did she come up with that?

Where does that, how does her brain work like that?

She's just so like, I'm dying for us to get to do something big together.

We've been writing the script.

We've, for years, it's just been, we always are like, we have to, we have to like have something together.

But she's just such a great person.

She's like

just there when you need her.

A good person.

Kind heart.

Well, listen, no matter how big or small the project, go ahead and throw me in there too.

Okay.

Because big fan right here of Jillian Bell.

Let's hear a question.

Yeah.

Hello.

It's Jillian Bell.

Oh, I'm so excited to be talking to the most handsome people on earth.

Speaking of Earth,

here's my question.

Okay, you're in space

on a spaceship, and you've been told that the spaceship is going to explode

in three to four minutes.

Wow.

The only thing they can do to comfort you

is blast

whatever song you want to go out.

with a bang on.

What are you going to play?

And follow-up question,

would you ever go to space?

Interesting.

Can you believe that?

We were just talking about that.

I can.

So now it's the handsome.

Now it's the handsome shuttle.

Hopefully, there's no...

What does it matter if this expedition gets backlashed?

Because apparently you were dying.

Yeah.

It'll be like the, what was it?

Didn't...

Buddy Holly and a bunch of people die in a plane crash?

Yes, yes, yes.

I might have to sit on a ball.

That was the day the music died.

That was the day the music died.

That wouldn't be a bad choice of song.

And you know what?

The big bopper was on that.

Yeah, Richie Valens.

Richie Vallens and

then Buddy Holly.

And I remember, you know, Buddy Holly has that famous song

every day.

Well,

what is it?

Love like yours will surely come up.

There's that.

And then also,

oh, wow, I've completely spaced it.

Anyway,

I'll come back to it.

That'll be the day.

Yeah, that'll be the day when you say goodbye.

That'll be the day.

Yeah.

And when you say goodbye,

some about when I die.

And then, boom, he died.

Well, would you go to space?

I would not.

I would not go in a shuttle, but I would go in a hot air balloon through the ozone layer because that is what Joe Kittinger did.

He was the first person to see the Earth from space.

And you can in a hot air balloon with like a breathing mask and a space suit, but exposed and then jumped off and free fell and parachuted.

And same with that Red Bull guy did it.

No,

yeah, Felix.

This guy jacked up on Red Bull jumped out of a

Red Bull promotional thing.

Yeah.

Drink Red Bull.

Joe, he was full of Red Bull and vodka and just jumped out of a hot air balloon.

I'm an astronaut.

Because I'm stressed stressed about the mechanics and the machinery and

the pollution and stuff.

But a hot air balloon, I feel like, is simple.

It's going to be fine.

And then I can jump and parachute.

So I would do that.

But I don't think I would go in a spaceship.

I don't even know if I'd go in a hot air balloon.

Really?

No.

Even if you weren't going to space.

No.

I didn't know hot air balloons went to space.

How weird to be like, I don't know if it's possible.

And a hot air balloon passes you out.

I thought that was like actually a big faux pas.

Well, it's probably a special hot air balloon.

A big faux pas.

It's a faux pas.

A hot air balloon community.

It's a big faux pas.

You're going way too high.

That's a big faux pas.

That's a big faux pas.

We don't do that in this hot air balloon community.

Wait, would you go to space, Fortune?

I like space in that, like, I like to look into telescopes and learn about planets and things like that.

Sure.

I don't want to go to space just because it's like there's a rocket attached to you.

And it's, you know, lots of fuel.

could blow up it could like jelly

many times

many times i just yeah i don't know i i the reward of it is not big enough for the risk for me yeah i feel like what do i need up there yeah to float i mean

like a sense of we tread water yeah we tread water what do we need to float for in space

katy perry came back with all this kind of perspective on on love and unity but william shatner went to space and he came back and had a very different take, which he was like, It is hostile up there.

We should not be there for real.

A cold and hot, desolate, hostile environment.

Okay.

Well,

yeah, I mean, I was just thinking, I'm from the Star Trek world.

You would say, exactly.

You don't even want to go.

I don't want to go at all.

I just.

I just want to wander around my neighborhood.

And

I understand why people do it, obviously.

It's just not anything I've ever aspired to do.

And so, okay, you get the message.

This poor person is tasked with telling you, okay, you got four minutes and it's going to explode.

We're uploading your Spotify playlist as well.

Yeah, I can play a song.

Also,

the person that's telling you, oh, oh, it's if, oh, you're saying the person from like Earth is contacting you.

Okay.

Houston.

Yeah, Houston.

So what's I mean, maybe the Katie Berry's fireworks song also is good for this.

I might want something

like the rainbow connection.

Oh, Kermit the Frog.

Yeah, I might want to hear Kermit as I go out.

Something really soothing and kind of your inner child.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I hear

Kermit's on my mind because I was.

Do you know who the singer?

This is a stretch, but do you know who Lucas Nelson is, Willie Nelson's son?

He is so cool.

So cool.

He's so cute, so talented.

And he did this post on Instagram about how he got sober, he got in shape, pulled his life together, and

did something he had always

been scared of, but wanted to do.

He's scared to fly.

And so he got his pilot license.

And he was just like making this announcement of like basically somebody that really turned their life around and did something that scared them.

And I just found it inspiring.

And

it made me look at his dad's page, you know, went to Willie's page.

And then I'm like, who does Willie follow?

Guess who one of the accounts Willie follows?

Who?

Kermit the Frog.

That's perfect.

That is so perfect for their friends.

Not only does he follow, I was like, wait a minute, Willie Nelson follows Kermit the Frog.

Then I go to Kermit the Frog's page, and then I'm like, who follows Kermit?

I have like 60 friends that follow Kermit the Frog.

I think I probably do.

Yeah,

of course you do.

But I filmed with Kermit.

I got to film with Kermit and Fozzie Bear.

And did he go by Big Bird?

He did not.

It was one of the coolest things.

I was like, I can't believe I'm filming with the freaking Muppets.

That's awesome.

That's incredible.

Watching those guys in action was unbelievable.

I mean,

it was

such an interesting world.

They have so like, and they have people that their whole job is to keep up with facts about the Muppets so that you never, there's never any sort of like different story.

Like once they establish something about the Muppets, that's it forever.

And they have to keep up with it.

You can't improvise stuff about them.

It's really interesting.

And then you can

film them when they're down.

Of course.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, shouldn't that be the rule for anyone?

You don't want to be filmed when you're down.

You have to always be alive and alert.

So kids always see them in their

adult alive positions.

I don't want to see Kermit cast out and trashed.

It is.

And those guys are like rolling around, and there's three of them.

Oh my God.

I don't want to know.

I don't want to break the magic.

Unbelievable.

Tig, it's breaking my heart imagining that song coming through the speakers and you looking out the windows.

Rainbow connection.

Fortune, what about you?

I was thinking dramatic.

I was going dramatic for a second, like a Whitney Houston, I will always love you,

where you know, it starts with a

if I

should

stay, you know, the aca-cola

it blows up right then.

I'm just like,

and die.

Boom.

Where do you want the explosion in the song?

Oh, it should be that moment in Whitney's version where it goes quiet.

Uh-huh.

And then

excuse me.

That's pretty good.

That's good.

That's really good.

Wait, better than Kermit singing.

It's just a different vibe.

It depends.

Are we being filmed for a documentary?

Mine's

down.

Mine's great for a documentary.

Yours is epic.

One tier.

One tier going down.

Mine's epic, too.

I think so far, not that it's a temporary.

Yours is great.

Tig, yours would make me cry more.

Fortune would be more celebratory, I guess.

You'd be inspired.

But wouldn't mine also make you.

I think we're all the loved ones we're going to leave behind.

We're telling them we'll always love them.

Yeah, that's nice.

And as sad as mine might be, wouldn't mine also be hilarious?

Like when you had some space,

some distance from it, and you laugh and you go, oh my God, Tig went out on Rainbow Connection with Kermit singing.

Mine's like a more Armageddon movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Armageddon theme song would be pretty good.

I could stay awake

and breathe in.

Okay, my option is.

What about pour some sugar on me by Def Love?

Pour some sugar.

We're acting like the end is not near.

I would play the handsome theme.

No, I would.

I mean, my first thought was ground control to major tongue.

But that's really dark and sad.

So I think, I mean, I'd love to pre-record before I went up just in case, like an original song about my life or something.

Like, hey, kid, you did good.

And here we are again.

Are you tap dancing, I assume?

Yeah, yeah.

And all three of us together, we're just having to listen to each other's songs.

It's on our playlist, our Armageddon playlist.

We're like, now your turn.

Now your turn.

It's like Russian roulette.

But you don't know who's what you're going to die on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I'd go great gig in the sky, Pink Floyd.

Nice a little bit.

That vocal solo.

Yeah.

Give us a taste.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

And take it, I have to listen to that.

The

no connection,

the lovers,

the dreamer,

sugar on me.

And

I don't think we're taking the end of our lives seriously.

Oh, boy.

I mean, Fortune a Hymn would be nice.

Can you imagine the people at ground control going

up there?

They don't seem smiling.

They don't seem stressed at all.

In fact, they're singing along.

I mean, you would kind of have to just resign yourself to it if you knew you were going to be able to do it.

Yeah, what are you going to do?

I know.

Like, I wouldn't want to go out stress.

I think I would accept it.

Well, I think that's a good thing.

I think I've talked about this, but you know, Tom Cruise is filming in space.

He's going to be the first actor to film in space.

Oh, my God.

Classic TC.

Yeah, classic TC.

Every time I watch these shows where they're in the elements and it's crazy, I'm like, we're actors.

What's happening?

Right.

You know, like The Last of Us, they're shooting in Alberta, Canada.

They're all like having hypothermia.

Like, what are we doing?

I know.

If I ever have to do a rain scene in the cold, I'm like, oh, God.

Or even just the cold.

If it's like slightly chilly and I have to act like it's summertime.

Yeah.

I'm like, God, what do you think?

I can't imagine.

I filmed a night in Toronto in July where it was frigid, and I was like, this is too hard.

And I'm like, staying out bird of Canada in a blizzard.

But I'm like a glutton for punishment or something, or like that sort of 12-year-old in me is like, oh, yeah, just punch me for real in the scene.

Or like, oh, yeah, let me in there.

Let me just, I'll take my shirt off and get in the lake.

Like, no, I'm like, what are you doing?

Pretend.

Yeah.

I'm like, fire me.

Replace me.

Please.

I got a replacement.

I missed my cat.

I was gayly enough for this.

Well, should we hear what Jillian has to say?

Yeah.

And this is my answer.

Nice.

Wow.

Telephone line.

Yellow.

Yeah, a little electric light orchestra.

So good.

Whoa.

But I would never fucking go to space.

You can't.

Me and you both.

I don't know that song.

I don't.

Do you know ELO?

No, but that sounded good.

I know that song.

That was amazing.

I'm going to listen to it right now.

All right.

Telephone line.

ELO.

Well, that was a very fun episode, I have to say.

I got to say it too.

Yeah.

I was not expecting the fun that we had and the joy that we experienced.

But we did it again on Handsome.

Do you want us off again?

Do you need to check in?

Of course.

Oh, I just saw Biggie's private part.

Also, when you hide him up,

he did a little squeak when you lifted him up.

Of course he did.

Because he was laying down.

He's like,

he's relentlessly adorable.

I didn't get to see him for a few weeks, and now I'm so happy to see him again.

Fortune, you are relentlessly adorable, too.

You really are.

Your countenance is divine.

Hold on a minute.

Did everyone see our producer blow a kiss?

Thomas, did you just blow a kiss to Fortune and Piggy?

Yeah, I just blew them a little kiss.

No, let me give you a finger.

Where was that kiss for, Fortune?

Thomas,

a finger kiss back.

Thank you, Fortune.

Thomas, who were you kissing?

It was just aimed in the general direction of Fortune and Biggie.

And Biggie.

Was it really?

Or did somebody walk by?

No.

No, it was.

No, there's no one back there.

You were blowing kisses, Thomas.

You were so sweet.

And I really, I get it.

Like,

also,

get you a producer that blows kisses.

And look how adorable we are.

It's hard not to blow us a kiss.

What if, Thomas, once an episode, one of us gets you a kiss and it's like a reward for being relentlessly adorable and we never know who's going to get it.

Wait, we get a kiss?

Like, he'll blow us a kiss.

Because I was like, I don't know if you're

going to jump into that relationship with.

No, just, you know, a reward for being.

Yeah, I can do that.

Okay, thank you.

When we least expect to like, who did the best on the show each episode?

It's always going to be Biggie.

It's always going to be Biggie.

Oh, look how happy Biggie is.

Because it was a joy to see you.

What a joy.

I had some nice giggles with you.

I want to just mention right out of the gate gate here that I have a gig that is very exciting coming up.

I'm doing a benefit, a charity event in Ojai, California on May 17th with Emily Sailors from the Indigo Girls.

I mean, we talk about them a lot, right?

Yeah, Closer to Fine would be a good song, too, on a spaceship.

Oh, my God.

I mean, that's a good song anytime.

Galileo.

But yeah, to blow up

closer to fine.

Get your tickets for the Ojai Playwrights Conference fundraiser for May 17th.

It is in a tiny venue.

I mean, it is microscopic.

So tickets aren't cheap, but it is a very intimate evening with a cocktail party, I believe, and meet and greet, all sorts of things.

But

it's a great cause.

Also, june 14th i will be in eureka springs arkansas and then you can catch me two shows august 23rd uh in peatown or at peatown or around peatown i don't know how to say it and then also go to uh my dear pal andrea gibson's website to find out when our documentary come see me in the good light is uh screening because there are numerous dates around the country and the world.

And this documentary, I can't say it enough.

It's so beautiful and inspiring and funny and touching.

And it's just killing it at festivals.

So get a ticket.

I am very excited because I'm doing three more big music shows where I'm playing my entire album with a band and I'm so pumped.

And these are cities I've never played music in before.

So, June 10th, I'm in San Francisco.

June 12th, I'm in Portland, Oregon.

Never even been to Portland, Oregon.

And June 13th, in Vancouver at the Vogue Theater, which is massive, and I really want to sell it out.

And

please listen to the album, and then you'll know the songs.

I'm going to play some covers and some new songs and meet people after and sign merch and stuff, and it'll be great.

So go to MaymartinMusic.com.

My tour continues May 16th in Grand Rapids, Minneapolis.

Then I go to St.

Louis, Kansas City, Mulvane, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Knoxville, Asheville, and a ton more dates just got added, like Chicago and all those good Boston, all those places.

Get your tickets, fortunefeature.com.

Also, I will be a Dynasty Typewriter May 10th, I believe.

Go to Tignotaro.com.

I have live dates that are in LA coming up.

So check those out.

And

I don't know.

Until next time, why don't you keep it?

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.

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