Pretty Little Episode #59

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pretty little episode

welcome to the handsome pods pretty little episode i'm fortunate feemster and i am your dear dear friend tignotaro and we're together

We are together.

Just

deeply in love.

Yes.

Kisses.

I see you're still in

imaginary grandma's bedroom.

Yep, just, this is my last day in this here grandma's bedroom.

Okay.

All right.

And what else, Fortune?

Where are you off to after you leave grandma's bedroom?

I have to go back to Los Angeles because I start this new television show.

Nice.

It's going to be filming in Los Angeles, which is rare.

That's a luxury.

Yeah.

You must be thrilled.

Yeah, I can't believe it.

I have not.

For a good 10 years, I shot in L.A.

every year.

And then in the last four years, I have not filmed in L.A.

once.

Wow.

I mean, aside from like one-off things like

that.

I'm just talking about like

and stuff, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, so this is a treat.

That's amazing.

That's really great.

Well, you're on fire, kitten.

This girl is on fire.

Now, do you mind

when I chime in with the singing?

Oh, I love it.

Okay, so let's take it again: two, three, and

this music.

This girl is

fire.

This girl is all

the time.

Wow.

You brought some

vibrato, as they say.

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Where did you learn that?

I just went rogue and it came out.

And that's Alicia Keys.

Sure is.

Yes, yes, yes.

Boy, is she phenomenal?

Look at you, pop culture queen.

Well, I know music.

That's true.

Yeah, music is my sweet spot.

That's right, that's right.

Yeah.

And that goes from pop to country, old country, new country, heavy metal.

I love it.

Tell me some 90s ladies' country.

90s.

Jodie Casina.

Sure, sure.

Well,

the chicks.

Tails Catalog.

Tornado.

What's up?

What's Ellen?

up in the mouth down by the ocean where it don't matter long as we're going somewhere together.

I got a quarter.

Texas Carolina.

Texas, California.

Okay.

That's right.

And then yeah, the chicks hobby.

Hobby.

Yeah.

Now, I do enjoy a female country singer, but I feel like the the majority,

I like male country singers.

Oh, like, give me an example.

Keith Whitley.

Okay.

Okay.

Anybody else?

I love

Willie.

I love Willie.

Willie?

Yeah.

I like Dirk Spentley.

Oh, okay.

I like Tim McGraw.

I like George Strait.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do like this one guy so much, but he is so

far off from my

beliefs and life.

Is he problematic?

Well, he just, I don't think, is a fan of my existence.

Hilarious.

But I enjoy his music, and I struggle.

You want to say who it is or no?

Jason Aldean.

Oh, wow.

I did not expect that.

Oh, wait, why?

Because you don't like Jason Aldean?

I mean, he just is like more on the

conservative side.

Oh, yes, he is.

Yeah.

I like that.

And it also goes without saying that I do love me some Brad Paisley.

That's right.

We like Brad.

You like that song?

I don't know who's singing.

Josh Turner.

Maybe lock the door and turn the light.

Don't tell.

Yes.

Something, something, baby.

Something

slow.

We ain't got no other place.

And then I forgot the rest.

What would we.

You also didn't know most of that.

I started off not knowing most of it and then did not know that.

And really, really continued with that.

I just like it when they go real low with their voice, just like you do in our handsome song.

Now,

what do you say?

I know we've talked about starting a handsome band, but what if we started a handsome country band?

What would May do?

May would have to play the guitar still.

I know, but May, I don't know that May enjoys country music.

I don't think May probably knows a single country song.

No, but we could be surprised.

We'll have to ask May next time we're all together.

We could be surprised.

I guess I'll have to be the lead singer, find

yes, you will twist my titty.

Is that the saying?

Is that the saying?

Yeah, twist my titty.

I'll do it.

I don't know, but I immediately pictured twisting your titty.

And I said, yes.

It's so visual.

I know.

That's why it works.

Yes.

Yes.

And to twist a titty, it feels like it has to be substantial.

And I know based on what you've told me, you don't have a substantial rack.

They are there.

They just point down.

I did not know that.

I thought they were just minor.

They're just giving two thumbs down.

Two nips down.

They're there.

Okay.

So you have to just go from underneath.

Uh-huh.

Well, but what are you doing with your fingers?

Twisting.

I was picturing.

Oh, I was picturing twisting the whole thing.

Oh, you wanted a...

Okay, like a.

That's what I'm saying.

You wanted this?

I guess I was just doing nips there.

No, no, no.

I was picturing grabbing a hold of one

and just twisting the whole thing.

Yeah.

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

We're co-hosts of a podcast.

Might as well twist your titty.

How do we get into happy conversations we get into?

I don't know, but here we are.

I blame myself.

I blame Jason Aldean.

God,

it's crazy

that I like him.

Yes.

Wait, no, you just don't like his music or you just don't like his political beliefs?

I mean,

I don't know what.

I guess I don't know what his songs are.

Oh, okay.

But

anyway.

I like Luke Bryan.

Oh, yeah.

He's good.

You like anyone in a tight pair of jeans?

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Come on now.

Come on now.

Well, should we get some questions here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Hi, handsome.

This is Mackenzie.

I'm calling in from Sherbrooke, Quebec.

I'm hanging with my dog, Jude, and my little cat, Shrimp.

And we need some advice on handling jealousy.

And I'm wondering if you guys have any productive ways that you can twist and turn jealousy into maybe becoming like a

healthier version of yourselves, or if there's any silly ways you recognize your own behaviors when you realize you get jealous and yeah I just I wanna

I want to be better you know so let me know we were just talking about twisting funny I know

twisting the night away twisting twisting the titty away you don't strike me as someone who gets jealous at all I mean I've certainly had

I've been in relationships, you know, where I was so much more,

I was so much younger, obviously,

insecure and

probably,

you know, aside from taking responsibility for myself, I feel like I also was at times with people where, you know, we were

toying with each other.

Right.

Trying to incite jealousy, you mean?

Yeah, or just you're hoping to see see if they like you enough.

Right, right.

You know, and I definitely have been guilty of doing that.

And then, you know, I've had some jealous moments with Stephanie where I felt like, but like when we were first getting together or.

you know, conversations you can get into exploring feelings and thoughts and you're like, oh, hold on, wait.

But it's always ultimately

just,

I mean, obviously, when you have a connection with somebody and you can actually get in there and get completely uncomfortable and rid yourself of that, of, you know, and that's in a relationship.

And I've heard of people getting jealous.

I had this friend of mine where he was like, oh my God, I had to get off social media.

I'm so seething with jealousy.

Oh, wow.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Oh, of like other people doing well, that kind of thing.

Yeah, or their lives, you know, because the go-to is to show all the shining moments of life and

and um

i don't know i think

for me

i don't know i don't know i don't feel jealous looking at people experiencing joy or whatever i think when it's over the top my thoughts flip into

why are you trying

like why are you what are you masking

oh yeah or why are you like if you're really happy and enjoying yourself,

probably you're not going to be thinking I need to share every moment with the general public is my feeling.

Out there enjoying it.

Yeah.

It's like, but of course, you sometimes are like, God, I have to show this thing.

And I don't want to sound judgmental.

That's just my feeling is like.

When it becomes a lot, I start to wonder, like, why does somebody need to show

constant joy?

Right.

Not that I'm looking for them to show constant sadness.

Sorrow.

But

I don't feel jealous of that.

And I think it's probably also because

I feel pretty good about where I am.

And I like, I don't know.

I just,

I don't know of anybody where I go, God, I want their relationship or their career.

I just feel pretty good with things.

And I always just kind of feel like I want to maintain this, but I can't claim that that was.

I was certainly in the beginning of my career when people would, you know,

get opportunities and shows or festivals or a TV appearance that I wasn't getting any traction.

I would be like,

what in the hell

do I have to do?

You know, and there were streaks of jealousy, but it's like, how long can you be jealous in

a relationship or a career?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

That's how I feel.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't really get jealous.

Not to say I haven't gotten jealous.

I think there's not a person on the planet

who doesn't experience that at some point.

I think ways to work on that are like, obviously, your own self-worth.

feeling good about yourself and what you bring to the table helps.

If you're in a relationship,

part of that is your partner helping you feel secure.

If you are in a situation where the person's not committing or flirty

or, you know, that will definitely breed jealousy in security.

So it helps to have a person who is conscious of that.

And, you know, I've in past things been tested before by whoever I was with, and there are times I took the bait, and the times that I didn't take the bait, though, actually were always a more positive result.

Um, and it made the person not want to do it again because it didn't have a reaction, like they didn't get a reaction from it, so they were kind of like, Oh, well, then that why am I doing that?

Um, and I just have found that I value my peace so much that

if I was in a situation back like back back back in the day

where the person i was with was kind of trying to make me jealous it would i and it it would it would chip away at my peace and eventually that got old to me and i didn't want to be in that situation anymore absolutely so i would then in my older age now

seek out uh

people that don't have who aren't so insecure that they need that from you

Um, that would be my suggestion: would be,

you know, finding people who don't who feel good about themselves so they don't need to try to make you jealous in order to see if you like them.

They'll just ask, Hey, do you like me?

Or they'll just, you know, like, yeah, yeah, I'm a fan of just being transparent.

Yeah,

I think also

I remember this is probably 25 years ago.

I remember having this feeling come over me

in my career when when I was having waves of like, how come I can't get into this place or how come I can't get representation?

And then I had to kind of really organize in my head what I,

Tignotaro,

really

want for my life and to not confuse somebody else's dream with my dream or confuse my dream with somebody else's.

Yeah.

Because

that

can send people so far down the wrong road that you end on, you end up taking on things where you're like, I didn't even want to do this.

Right.

You're like, I don't, I don't, I don't just want success and money and work.

Like, I want to do what like makes me happy.

And so I think you have to really get in touch with that.

And I also think it's good to celebrate others that you really think are incredible.

You know,

I just think being as authentic in that place of being like, man, that's a solid comedian.

Or like, they are the best working today.

Or that person annoys the hell out of me, but God, have you seen them act?

Yeah.

Like,

I can acknowledge they are an incredible actor, but they are annoying as hell.

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Anyway,

all perspective, but I really think it's good to not confuse your dream with somebody else.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, so hopefully that, hopefully, that helps.

And I would say all of us can work on our self-esteem.

And the better we feel about ourselves,

the better, you know, any of these friendships, work relationships, relationships

will be and benefit from that.

Yeah, for sure.

Thank you, McKenzie, for that cool question.

Absolutely.

and how embarrassing to be human

right

you know

yeah i don't know a person on the planet who does not get jealous at some point so just know that oh my god absolutely hi handsome you are my favorite podcast ever

this is heather from st louis um my question to you is What is the favorite age you have lived or do you think you will live?

If you haven't lived your favorite favorite decade, what do you think will be your favorite decade?

Interesting.

That is interesting.

I love the questions we get.

Yeah.

Well, I know, because sometimes it's like these things you just have never thought of.

For sure.

Gosh,

I did.

I've enjoyed different eras of my life for different reasons.

Like, I loved college.

I had such a blast in college.

And I thought I could never top that.

And I remember being sad to graduate, thinking like this is the best that it's going to get.

And then I had this like period in my 20s at the groundlings being broke, but just like laughing all the time with my friends, creating

things.

And then hitting my 30s and then get, you know, finally getting professional work and

like getting to do what I love for a living.

And then, uh, and then I was married for a bit and like experiencing that.

And that was

cool.

And now I'm hitting an age where I think I'm pretty excited to see what's ahead.

There was a period of time where I was like, oh, God, like my life is falling apart.

This is the good, the good days are over.

And then I've gotten out of that cloud and am experiencing some very happy times.

And just excited for whatever this next phase is.

So maybe the best best is yet to come.

I bet you're right.

It kind of reminds me of that episode where we were

reflecting on the loss of Andrea Gibson.

And I was saying that I really am

all in for the surprises of life, you know.

And I feel like that's really what you've come out of and are going into.

And it's really,

really fun to watch because it's like

not in like a

shallow way of like you know when people put that meme or whatever of like somebody eating popcorn watching but it's like that that's like what your past year has been of like oh my gosh where is this going and

you know and it and it just continues to you just continue to flourish and it's exciting and it's funny that this question came up because last night i can't remember if it was max or fin but one of them asked something

about,

it was a very similar question to this.

And

I don't remember exactly what their question was, but my answer, and Stephanie's was the same, is that

right now,

this is my favorite time in life.

And

I've had like you going through all these different decades of your life.

It's like, oh my gosh, I had so many great, fun, exciting, crazy times.

Yeah.

But I, what has unfolded in my life as far as finding Stephanie, having Max and Finn, and seeing my comedy career come true

and that I'm healthy.

Like, I'm like,

I, I, there's truly nothing more than maintaining what I have.

Right.

What I'm most excited about is I want to maintain my health so I can see Max and Finn

have their lives like I really want to see where they go what they do if they have families and um or if they don't whatever they have I just I want to see that that's what I'm I'm so excited about oh

yeah if it's true it's like man That's my North Star is I want to take care of myself and I want to see

I want to see their lives.

Yeah.

You know, yeah.

So I'd say,

yeah, right now and me at 85, please.

Yeah.

The hope is that as you get older, there's just like new, cool things to look forward to and experience.

And you're like, hopefully, a more evolved version of yourself to like rise to that occasion and appreciate the things that are good in your life.

And you've had enough experiences with.

harder things that you've learned to get over those things quicker.

Yeah, I think we were saying it on,

I think it was on this podcast or I said it somewhere else, but I just love that idea of like, whatever it is, you're going to get over it one day, so might as well do it now, you know?

That's true.

And

get on with the show.

Yeah.

No, no licking your wounds for too long.

That's right.

That's too much good stuff to experience out there.

Yes, indeed.

But lick your wounds.

Lick them.

For sure.

Deal with them and lick them.

Let's hear Heather's answer.

So far, I think I like my 30s and 40s best.

I am right in between Fortune's age and Tig's age.

Well, not right in between, but I'm 48, and I do appreciate being older for the wisdom, but I hate the age for the aches and pains.

I love being more sure of myself

and loving

that I don't give a shit as much about what other people think.

I just don't love the aches and pains, and

I wish I wasn't so achy and painy.

And so that's that's why I think we all start taking better care of ourselves in our older age because you want to feel better.

So eat healthy, exercise a bit, you know, etc.

Make sure you go to those doctor appointments, right?

So thanks.

Love you guys.

Bye.

For sure.

Yeah, I guess we, yeah, you start prioritizing health.

And for especially someone like you who's seen the

debilitating nature of things when you are feeling healthy,

there's probably no better feeling.

Well, yeah.

And like so many other people,

it didn't really, my health didn't cross my mind until I lost it, you know?

And I can't remember she said she's 48.

48, yeah.

My understanding is 35 to 45, that's the prime time

to

try and turn that ship around.

Like you're still in whatever shape you're in now.

And not that you can't make a decision when you're 70 to turn the ship around because anytime works.

But in what my understanding is between 35 and 45,

you

really still have such a massive opportunity to get your health in order.

And that's something that I wish I

wasn't so cocky about when I was younger that like, I'm like, I'm fine.

Nothing's going to happen.

And then once I lost it, I was like, oh, God, I'd do anything in the world.

Please, please, please.

Right, right.

So, yeah, I'm all for what Heather has to say.

And I do, I can't express enough.

I love, I get so excited to hear everyone's different questions and takes, and that, that's real.

So, send it on in.

Keep on sending it in.

People can submit their questions or ask advice to any of us at speakpipe.com/slash handsome pod.

That is where you send it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, and very quickly, I will be in Salt Lake City on October 11th.

Otherwise, go to tignotaro.com for all other show information.

What about you, Fortune?

I have some shows coming up in like Boston and Atlanta, Chicago and San Jose

and Orlando and St.

Petersburg.

A bunch of stuff on my website, Fortunefeamster.com.

Yeah, well, Fortune, love you dearly, not queerly.

I love you dearly too, pal.

And until next time, what do you say?

Keep it.

Keep it pretty handsome.

Pretty handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a hit gun podcast.

Checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart.

Unfortunately, not checking that your porch light is on is not smart.

You don't want to be stumbling in the dark out there when you go to let out your dogs at night.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with all state.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

All state North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.