Pretty Little Episode #60

Speaker 1 This is a head gum podcast.

Speaker 2 Pretty little episode.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's me, your very dear friend Tignotaro, sitting here with my co-host, your close personal friend, Mae Martin.
Hello, Mae.

Speaker 1 Hello, Tig.

Speaker 2 Now, tell me what is going on behind you.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is the same old thing. This pile of clothes, they're all going to get donated.
I was going to sell them. My friend who lives in my back house was going to sell them and

Speaker 1 keep the cash, but nobody wants to buy them on Facebook Marketplace. So we're going to

Speaker 1 just donate.

Speaker 2 I have a new idea. Oh, donation is great.
Yeah. But you can also promote this online that it's just a mixed bag of random stuff from Mae Martin.

Speaker 2 And yeah. And so you pay a certain amount of money that you know is going to go to charity.
Yeah. And it's just a mixed bag.

Speaker 2 You just, you get it in the mail and, oh my gosh, there is a shoe, there's a bow tie, there's a mustache, there's a toothbrush. Yeah.
There's one sock.

Speaker 1 A piece of quartz.

Speaker 2 Yeah. A blazer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good idea. I like that.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm already like, I'm, it's a hive of industry here with these like animal books i'm sending out it's crazy my house is so full of stuff and how how is homeowning going all these months later i just i'm not here enough but i have big i got big plans i you know i'm gonna get an ice plunge maybe or i thought you were saying ice skating rink

Speaker 2 i

Speaker 1 i wouldn't be shocked i wouldn't either

Speaker 1 you know what i got a dart board a professional dartboard i'm gonna put it outside and uh what makes it professional well the I think the quality it's dense cork and uh sharp sharp sharp metal

Speaker 2 sharp darts and yeah I might become one of those people with like personalized darts and yeah do you play have you ever played darts I imagine you'd be weirdly good at it like bullseye I have played darts um in fact when I was in Toronto for season one of Starfleet Academy this isn't darts but it's a it's a brutal version of darts.

Speaker 2 I was doing axe throwing at Target for charity.

Speaker 1 And did you find it intuitive?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you thrown an axe? Never, never done it. Nor had I, my friend.
And it was really fun and satisfying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the sound when it thunk into the.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Were you throwing them just at a target or at like a at a target?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It was like a it was a bullseye.
Oh, cool.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's good

Speaker 2 but i've also done the sharp metal darts and i've also done the velcro darts which max and finn have okay

Speaker 1 i just like the idea of with darts you can stay very still and then it's just like a flick of the wrist and

Speaker 1 oh man one time my mom threw one it went in the bullseye then she threw another one and it stuck into the back of that dart it was like you had to see it to believe it i have a photo of it it was like i don't think i'd even believe it if I saw it.

Speaker 2 I'll be honest.

Speaker 1 Bullseye on bullseye. It was a crazy mic drop moment for Wendy.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I had to get a dartboard because Foosball has become too competitive. And we started, we're drifting into dangerous territory because we started putting like five bucks on a game kind of thing.

Speaker 2 Maybe I know.

Speaker 1 And we've, we've introduced money and so we've got to take a look at it.

Speaker 2 Not only that, but high stakes.

Speaker 1 I know. And I and I lose every time.

Speaker 2 So yeah.

Speaker 1 Now it's going to be darts for a while.

Speaker 2 Okay. Well,

Speaker 2 I'm open to you going pro.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Getting one of those shiny acrylic shirts.

Speaker 2 I don't know what people wear in the world of darts, but they're shiny.

Speaker 1 I feel like they're dressed kind of like bowlers. Like they wear, yeah, shiny shirts.
Maybe they have sort of glasses.

Speaker 1 And I feel like it's the only professional sport where you can like nurse a beer while you do it. Like, I swear they, it's like part of the culture.

Speaker 2 I feel like people do that with golf, right? Do they? You're on the course, maybe you have like a little cooler of beer. I don't know.
I really don't know.

Speaker 1 Fortune will tell us soon with her

Speaker 1 new job as a caddy.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. For Will Florida.
I was like, wait,

Speaker 2 you're like... Fortune golf? Like,

Speaker 2 yeah, well, I guess we'll find out.

Speaker 1 I mean, I hate to add another thing to the list, but I would love to have you over to play darts.

Speaker 2 Not ice skate?

Speaker 2 Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 Just like the amount of energy it would take to keep that cold in LA, too. Like, just

Speaker 1 this like deafening roar of the air conditioning and the freezer and the it wouldn't be good for the environment. No, it'd be

Speaker 2 bad. No, no.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, we can ask Fortune about that, too. Yeah, because ice skating.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm sure she's working on a film about ice skating or something.
You know, I have a question.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had a dream about me or fortune no of course not what do you mean of course not

Speaker 2 we haven't penetrated your self-conscious uh no uh nothing has i i don't really have dreams often oh really yeah every now and then a little something happens and i'll wake up and i'll be like oh that was That was a slight dream, I guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What about you? You have vivid dreams.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and usually very literal about stuff stuff going on in my life or like exes or family, or but I've never had a handsome dream. And I think that's because our relationship is very uncomplicated.

Speaker 1 There's nothing to work out in my subconscious. Like it's a healthy relation.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's it is what it seems to be.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, aside from all the simmering sexual tension, of course, which will one day explode.

Speaker 2 Simmering sexual tension and simmering rage. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes. But

Speaker 2 yeah, so you feel like because there's not some sort of underlying drama that you're not dreaming.

Speaker 1 Well, when I dream, it's usually like a conversation I want to have with someone that I haven't. But I wouldn't, I'd love to have you guys pop up in a dream and just

Speaker 2 say hi.

Speaker 1 Say hi.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So, so just to go back to that, there's not anything that, and maybe this isn't the place to do it, but there's not anything you want to like clear the air with me about or any grievances to air?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, with Fortune, there's the lingering resentment about the Alanis Morris elevation.

Speaker 2 Well, of course, that'll never go away. But on a serious level,

Speaker 2 as serious as we can be on here,

Speaker 2 is there something you wish I'd do differently?

Speaker 1 No, I think I feel really

Speaker 1 respected and supported. You know, I'd love to spend more time together, frankly.

Speaker 2 Well, I know that's not going to happen. Exactly.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But no, what about you? Anything you want to air?

Speaker 2 I don't feel comfortable on the show. Oh, okay.
Okay. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes, of course.

Speaker 1 Your agent will reach out to me. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes. I'm actually without an agent.
Oh, fuck. Yes.

Speaker 1 I did know this.

Speaker 2 Did you?

Speaker 1 Because my agents got nervous when they heard about that. Agents get nervous when they hear about people dropping their or going agent-free.

Speaker 1 And so they were like, I think that they were like, so, but we're good, right?

Speaker 2 That's hilarious. I know, I know.
That is so funny. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 Contagious.

Speaker 2 I was just ready to

Speaker 2 just kind of

Speaker 2 set sail in a new direction. And,

Speaker 2 you know, no hard feelings.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know, I still want to work, but I just,

Speaker 2 I just, I just wanted to go in a new direction.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And and it's tough when you're generating your own projects and stuff too.
It is kind of like, yeah, but I bet, I bet those agents are dreaming about you now.

Speaker 1 Should we get to a question?

Speaker 2 I think we should.

Speaker 3 Hi, everybody. My name is Megan,

Speaker 3 and I am going to ask you a question.

Speaker 3 Here it is.

Speaker 2 Can you name your favorite ghost?

Speaker 2 My favorite ghost?

Speaker 1 I love that question.

Speaker 2 But am I hearing that correctly?

Speaker 2 My favorite ghost. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm thinking about that song by, is it Kate?

Speaker 2 Kate.

Speaker 1 I'm running up that hill.

Speaker 2 Kate Bush.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Kate Bush. Isn't that about the ghost in Wuthering Heights or something?

Speaker 2 I don't know, but it's a phenomenal song. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hmm. Favorite.
Is that your favorite ghost?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 My favorite ghost has got to be the Telltale Heart one. And, you know, Edgar Allan Poe wrote that story.

Speaker 1 There's like a he hears, I think he murdered someone, this guy, and he hears the beating heart from under his floorboards.

Speaker 1 And like, when the cops come, he's so afraid they're going to hear the beating heart. And so I think that ghost had it right.
It was like, really mess with someone who killed you.

Speaker 1 Torment them with your beating heart. I think that's a cheeky little ghost.

Speaker 1 And I'm on board.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what about you? I don't, I mean, this question,

Speaker 2 this person is assuming I have a favorite ghost.

Speaker 1 Well, what are some ghosts? Like, you got Casper.

Speaker 2 I mean, Casper's the most famous ghost, right? Yeah, I mean. I think so.

Speaker 1 Oh, maybe Christmas Past.

Speaker 2 I still feel like Casper.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I feel like no matter how old you are, you know about Casper. Yeah.
Whereas maybe not everyone knows about Christmas past you're right

Speaker 2 until a certain age but is he your favorite I well that's the thing is it's like they all fall in the same category of

Speaker 2 who gives a shit oh you heard it here wait but have you ever seen one no

Speaker 1 okay yeah because that might be your favorite if you'd seen one I haven't either but I mean I just don't know

Speaker 2 you know I think as I talked about on

Speaker 2 the Andrea Gibson episode, the Kristen Shaw episode,

Speaker 2 I feel Andrea in a different way than I felt anybody.

Speaker 2 But I don't know that I see Andrea as a ghost. Yeah, that you would go so far as to

Speaker 1 say ghost.

Speaker 2 But I feel

Speaker 2 It's challenged my thoughts and beliefs about

Speaker 2 the afterlife.

Speaker 2 Even, you know, I told you before we got started, Andrea's wife, Meg, is staying with me right now. And we had

Speaker 2 a conversation and a thing happen

Speaker 2 that was,

Speaker 2 we were just stunned the way things lined up and handed us over to

Speaker 2 something

Speaker 2 where we were all full of

Speaker 2 goosebumps and tears.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 that's just one of those examples of like, this is challenging me, but I just don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm curious whether this person is going to name like a famous ghost or one from their personal life.

Speaker 2 I would say, without a famous ghost attached to this conversation, I would say I love

Speaker 2 an old, old ghost rattling chains. Like, it's just so silly.
Yeah, a classic. Or you're like, where'd you get those chains?

Speaker 2 Why? Why are you doing that? And why did you tell your friends to do that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't mind a ghost that's dripping with weeds and stuff from the water. That's a swamp.
A swamp ghost.

Speaker 2 Also, do you become a ghost right when you die?

Speaker 1 Only some, only some.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Some.

Speaker 1 I think you get the choice, maybe.

Speaker 2 Are you making things up right now? Well, yeah, of course. Oh, yes, of course.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And if I can.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 the main fact is, when you die, you get a choice.

Speaker 1 And they say, do you want to be a ghost? And if so, do you want some chains or do you just want to do your own thing?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Should we hear? Let's hear Megan's answer.

Speaker 2 Well, let's hear Megan's answer. And Megan, I apologize.
I just, I don't, I'm not attached to this this ghost thing.

Speaker 3 My answer is no, because I have way too many and you get to listen to me list all of them. First is Timer from Ghostbusters, the animated series, not the live action.

Speaker 3 Beetlejuice from the animated or the live action movie animated series. And then Marley from a Christmas Carol, but specifically.
the performance by Statler and Waldorf in the Muppet Christmas Carol.

Speaker 2 Oh my god.

Speaker 3 Bruce Willis in the sixth sense.

Speaker 3 I don't remember the character's name, but I do remember finding out he was the ghost and being shocked. Last, Casper.

Speaker 3 Just a legend.

Speaker 2 Yep. Okay.

Speaker 3 I hope you loved my list. Thank you so much for answering my question.

Speaker 2 Absolutely, Megan.

Speaker 1 Megan's listed every famous ghost there.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 I love

Speaker 1 the Muppet ghosts. That's true.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Casper made number one basically casper made number one that sounds like um

Speaker 2 waste

Speaker 2 like human waste made number oh made number one yes very good yes

Speaker 2 um apologies for that addition um yeah i just do not feel attached to ghost stuff

Speaker 1 yeah and then i i you know if i was If we had a ton of time, I'd want to dig into some of those that Megan List didn't say.

Speaker 1 Is Beetlejuice a ghost technically, or is he a sort of demon that you summon like an you know

Speaker 2 i'm you're out

Speaker 2 here

Speaker 2 who cares i i don't care and i'm i'm sorry if i'm offending people that care about it i just don't Listen, there's something for everyone in this pod.

Speaker 1 You can send your lists of ghosts to me.

Speaker 2 And you're okay with me being honest? Do you think Megan is? Because she sounds like she would be open to me not caring.

Speaker 1 Oh, totally. I think in a way it's a badge of honor.

Speaker 1 People would be delighted by you not caring. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Well, May Martin, should we get one more question?

Speaker 1 Well, Tig Notaro, yes, please.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Let's do it.

Speaker 4 Hey, Tig, May and Fortune. This is Kristen calling from North Carolina.
Woo-hoo!

Speaker 4 I just listened to one of your episodes and you said you love giving advice. So here's a twist on that.

Speaker 2 Let's say you were to meet yourself 10 years down the road what advice would that 10 year older self give to each one of you like 10 like so 64 jesus 64 year old tig yeah 10 years guys 64 year old tig what advice would i give tig may and fortune or give yourself i think Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Again, we're getting into the weeds with a whimsical question that requires some suspension of disbelief.

Speaker 2 But yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is, okay, 10.

Speaker 1 I mean, in a way, that's just saying,

Speaker 1 what advice now do you need to hear? You know, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And for me, it's always

Speaker 1 stop trying so hard.

Speaker 1 Wow, that came out of the depths of my soul.

Speaker 2 Well, that's good.

Speaker 1 Just in general, stop trying.

Speaker 1 just go lightly, you know, let things roll and evolve and don't feel this like

Speaker 1 tension.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What about you? Well, I guess, like, to go back to what you're saying, are you saying like you, you need to have more of just faith in yourself?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And, like, yeah, because I think the trying, the, the, like, trying and overthinking and stuff comes from like

Speaker 2 a fear of failure.

Speaker 1 Like, what'll happen if I don't, if I don't try this hard that I'm like burning out, then I'm gonna lose it all. Like, instead of just trusting,

Speaker 1 you know, that things will, what will be, will be. I don't know, that's a fine line.

Speaker 1 For sure, you gotta try a bit for sure, yeah, for sure, yeah.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 1 I'll probably spend more time with my parents, too. I mean, I see them a lot considering we live in different cities, but I want to see them more.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 That's good. I would say

Speaker 2 I think that the time that I spend with people,

Speaker 2 whether it's my friends,

Speaker 2 Stephanie, my family, Max and Finn,

Speaker 2 just to really prioritize that, which I am in the process of

Speaker 2 doing,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 in that time to be

Speaker 2 present,

Speaker 2 more present than ever. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it's, you know, so overstated. And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course, everyone needs to spend more quality time and be present. But like, I really,

Speaker 2 you know, I have moments where I'm like, I'm walking through my life doing things. I'm taking Max and Finn to baseball and picking him up from school and having dinner.

Speaker 2 And then I, you know, I'm always stopping and having to,

Speaker 2 my phone dings. And And

Speaker 2 I,

Speaker 2 just this morning, it bothered me when Finn was talking to me while I was returning an email. And I was like, hold on, hold on, Finn.
Let me, let me, hold on. Let me, let me respond to this.

Speaker 2 It just felt terrible. Right.
Right. And he patiently stood there and waited.
There wasn't like a conflict, but inside of me, I was like, God, that feels so gross. Yeah.
You know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. It's so easy to say, but it is the main thing, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It really is. Yeah.
And that

Speaker 2 when I'm, because I took him to a doctor's appointment this morning and just when we were waiting to go in, he had a question for me. And I'm like,

Speaker 2 hold on, Finn. Hold on.
Let me let me just respond to this. Yeah.
And he was like, okay.

Speaker 2 And then I was like,

Speaker 2 yeah. I didn't like, ugh, I don't like, not that I was saying it to him, like, stop it.
Let me finish it. It was just more of this distracted, like, my phone buzzed.
And it's like, why am I,

Speaker 2 I should just not. And I don't respond to everything all the time as soon as it comes in.
I'll definitely let things pile up and respond to it later.

Speaker 2 But I just, it was a reminder of less of that, less of that.

Speaker 1 I used to really enjoy, like, if I had a doctor's appointment and my, and my mom would take me or my dad, it would be a little outing and you like get a snack and you chat and you listen to shit in the car on the radio.

Speaker 1 And it's just like a nice one-on-one time.

Speaker 2 Max and Finn love it, they have like a little special day because we go drop off one at school, and then the other one leaves with us to go to the doctor's appointment.

Speaker 2 And yeah, we'll usually stop and go to the bookstore or get a bagel or something, and it ends up just being just a tiny little special moment together.

Speaker 2 Oh, and so more of that.

Speaker 1 Should we hear Kristen's answer?

Speaker 2 I think we should.

Speaker 4 So, my answer is:

Speaker 4 nurture your relationships hey life is short

Speaker 4 treat people with respect kindness

Speaker 4 and curiosity that was my dog he's out chasing a deer love you all thank you for the love light and joy you bring into our lives every week Love that.

Speaker 1 And also the sound of those crunching footsteps sounds the opening of a true crime podcast. I'm walking through Des Moines, Iowa.

Speaker 2 Whatever. Yeah.
Des Moines.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love that. I, after

Speaker 1 my, I had my premiere of my show in Toronto and afterwards, um, my friend just unexpectedly wrote me an email about it.

Speaker 1 And, you know, and people had texted or been like, congrats, but she sent me just the most thoughtful email. It was like three paragraphs just like about our friendship.
And it meant so much.

Speaker 1 And then I wrote back and I was like, God, that makes that little thing makes such a difference.

Speaker 2 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 It's so nice to take those moments and more of that, more of that, more of that.

Speaker 1 So next time I have to go to the dentist, will you take me and we'll have a little day?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll take you to the bookstore and take you to get a little bit. Yeah, I'll take you to get a little blueberry bagel.
Oh, I'd love it.

Speaker 2 And please keep sending in your questions, our handsome and pretty little listeners.

Speaker 2 Send them into speakpipe.com slash handsome pod and also share episodes that you like with people that you like and help build this handsome community.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we love hearing from you and we love you and each other and ourselves.

Speaker 2 That is true. And

Speaker 2 more special, special time, focus time with loved ones.

Speaker 2 And until next time, May, Weltig,

Speaker 2 keep it

Speaker 2 pretty handsome.

Speaker 2 What a podcast.

Speaker 2 What a podcast.

Speaker 1 That was a head gum podcast.