Pretty Little Episode #60

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Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

It's me, your very dear friend, Tignotaro, sitting here with my co-host, your close personal friend, Mae Martin.

Hello, Mae.

Hello, Tig.

Now, tell me what is going on behind you.

Oh, this is the same old thing.

This pile of clothes, they're all going to get donated.

I was going to sell them.

My friend who lives in my back house was going to sell them and keep the cash, but nobody wants to buy them on Facebook Marketplace.

So we're going to

just donate.

I have a new idea.

Oh, donation is great.

Yeah.

But you can also promote this online that it's just a mixed bag of random stuff from may martin and yeah and so you you pay a certain amount of money that you know is going to go to charity yeah and and it's just a mixed bag you just you get it in the mail and oh my gosh there's a shoe there's a bow tie there's a mustache there's a toothbrush yeah uh there's one sock a piece of quartz yeah a blazer yeah

that's a good idea i like that i mean i'm already like i'm it's a hive of industry here with these like animal books I'm sending out.

It's crazy.

My house is so full of stuff.

And how, how is homeowning going?

I guess months later.

I just am not here enough, but I have big, I've got big plans.

I, you know, I'm going to get an ice plunge maybe.

I thought you were saying ice skating rink.

I

wouldn't be shocked.

I wouldn't either.

You know what?

I got a dartboard, a professional dartboard.

I'm going to put it outside.

And What makes it professional?

Well,

I think the quality, it's dense cork and

metal,

sharp darts.

Yeah.

I might become one of those people with like personalized darts.

And yeah.

Do you play?

Have you ever played darts?

I imagine you'd be weirdly good at it, like bullseye.

I have played darts.

In fact, when I was in Toronto for season one of Starfleet Academy, this isn't darts, but

it's a brutal version of darts.

I was doing axe throwing at Targets for charity.

And did you find it intuitive?

Yeah, yeah.

Have you thrown an axe?

Never, never done it.

Nor had I, my friend.

And it was really fun and satisfying.

Yeah, the sound when it thunk into the.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Were you throwing them just at a Target or at like a at a Target.

Yeah, it was like a bullseye.

Oh, cool.

okay that's good

but i've also done the sharp metal darts and i've also done the velcro darts which max and finn have okay i just like the idea of with darts you can stay very still and then it's just like a flick of the wrist and oh man One time my mom threw one, it went in the bullseye, then she threw another one and it stuck into the back of that dart.

It was like, you had to see it to believe it.

I have a photo of it.

It was like.

I don't think I'd even believe it if I saw it.

I'll be honest.

Bullseye on bullseye.

It was a crazy mic drop moment from Wendy.

Wow.

Yeah.

But I had to get a dart board because Foosball has become too competitive.

And we started, we're drifting into dangerous territory because we started putting like five bucks on a game kind of thing.

May I know, and we've, we've introduced money, and so we've got to take that.

Not only that, but high stakes.

I know.

And I and I lose every time.

So yeah.

Now it's going to be darts for a while.

Okay.

Well,

I'm open to you going pro.

Thank you.

Getting one of those shiny acrylic shirts.

I don't know what people wear in the world of darts, but they're shiny.

I feel like they're dressed kind of like bowlers.

Like they wear, yeah, shiny shirts.

Maybe they have sort of glasses.

And I feel like it's the only professional sport where you can like nurse a beer while you do it.

Like, I swear they, it's like part of the culture.

I feel like people do that with golf, right?

Do they?

You're on the course, maybe you have like a little cooler of beer.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

Fortune will tell us soon with her

new job as a caddy.

Oh, right.

For Willie.

I was like, wait, is you're fortunate golf?

Like,

yeah, well, I guess we'll find out.

I mean,

I hate to add another thing to the list, but I would love to have you over to play darts.

Not ice skate?

Can you imagine?

Just like the amount of energy it would take to keep that cold in LA, too.

Like just

this like deafening roar of the air conditioning and the freezer.

It wouldn't be good for the environment.

No, it'd be

no, no.

Oh, well, we can ask Fortune about that, too.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'm sure she's working on a film about ice skating or something.

I have a question.

Have you ever had a dream about me or Fortune?

No, of course not.

What do you mean, of course not?

We haven't penetrated your self-conscious?

No, nothing has.

I don't really have dreams often.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Every now and then, a little something happens, and I'll wake up and I'll be like, oh, that was

a slight dream, I guess.

Yeah.

What about you?

You have vivid dreams.

Yeah, and usually very literal about stuff going on in my life or like exes or family, but I've never had a handsome dream.

And I think that's because our relationship is very uncomplicated.

There's nothing to work out in my subconscious.

Like it's a healthy relation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's, it is what it seems to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, aside from all the simmering sexual tension, of course, which will one day explode.

Simmering sexual tension and simmering rage.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

But

yeah, so you feel like because there's not some sort of underlying drama that you're not dreaming.

Well, when I dream, it's usually like a conversation I want to have with someone that I haven't.

But I wouldn't, I'd love to have you guys pop up in a dream and just

say hi.

Say hi.

You know what I mean?

So just to go back to that, there's not anything that, and maybe this isn't the place to do it, but there's not anything you want to like clear the air with me about or any grievances to air yeah yeah um let me well with fortune there's the lingering resentment about the alanis morrison of course that'll never go away but on a serious level yeah as serious as we can be on here

is there something you wish i'd do differently or

no i think i feel really uh respected and supported you know i i'd love to spend more time together frankly but

you know that's not gonna happen exactly yeah yeah but no what about you anything you want to air i don't feel comfortable on the show okay okay yes

yes of course your agent will reach out to me yes yeah yes i'm actually without an agent oh

yes i did know this did you because my agents got nervous when they heard about that agents get nervous when they hear about people dropping their or going agent free and so they were like I think that they were like, so, but we're good, right?

Like,

that's hilarious.

I know, I know.

That is so funny.

You're ready to be contagious.

I was just ready to

just kind of

set sail in a new direction.

And,

you know, no hard feelings.

And,

you know, I still want to work, but I just,

I just wanted to go in a new direction yeah and it's tough when you're generating your own projects and stuff too it is kind of like yeah but I bet I bet those agents are dreaming about you now

should we get to a question I think we should hi everybody my name is Megan

and I am gonna ask you a question here it is

can you name your favorite ghost?

My favorite ghost?

I love that question.

but

but am i hearing that correctly my it my favorite ghost yeah

you know what i'm thinking about that song by is it kate

kate

i'm running up that hill

kate bush yeah kate bush isn't that about like the ghost in wuthering heights or something i don't know but it's a phenomenal song yeah

hmm favorite is that your favorite ghost no

no

my favorite ghost has got to be the telltale heart one.

And, you know, Edgar Allan Poe wrote that story.

There's like a, he hears, I think he murdered someone, this guy, and he hears the beating heart from under his floorboards.

And like, when the cops come, he's so afraid they're going to hear the beating heart.

And so I think that ghost had it right.

It was like, really mess with someone who killed you.

Torment them with your beating heart.

I think that's a cheeky little ghost.

And I'm on board.

Yeah.

What about you?

I don't, I mean, this question,

this person is assuming I have

a favorite ghost.

Well, what are some ghosts?

Like, you got Casper.

I mean, Casper's the most famous ghost, right?

Yeah, I mean.

I think so.

Oh, maybe Christmas Past.

I still feel like Casper.

Yeah, because I feel like no matter how old you are, you know about Casper.

Yeah.

Whereas maybe not everyone knows about christmas past you're right uh until a certain age but is he your favorite i well that's the thing is it's like they all fall in the same

category of who gives a shit oh you heard it here wait but have you ever seen one no

okay yeah because that might be your favorite if you'd seen one i haven't either but i mean i just don't know uh You know, I think as I talked about on

the Andrea Gibson episode, the Kristen Schaul episode,

I feel Andrea in a different way than I felt anybody.

But I don't know that I see Andrea as a ghost.

Yeah, that you would go so far as to

say ghost.

But I feel

it's challenged my thoughts and beliefs about

the afterlife.

Even, you know, I told you before we got started, Andrea's wife, Meg, is staying with me right now.

And we had

a conversation and a thing happen that was,

we were just stunned the way things lined up and handed us over to

something

where we were all full of

goosebumps and tears.

And

that's just one of those examples of like, this is challenging me, but I just don't know.

Yeah, I'm curious whether this person is going to name like a famous ghost or one from their personal life.

I would say, without a famous ghost attached to this conversation, I would say I love

an old, old ghost rattling chains.

Like, it's just so silly.

Yeah, a classic where you're like, where'd you get those chains?

Why?

Why are you doing that?

And why'd you tell your friends to do that?

Yeah.

I don't mind a ghost that's dripping with weeds and stuff from the water.

That's pretty swamp.

Swamp ghost.

Also, do you become a ghost right when you die?

Only some, only some.

Okay.

Some.

I think you get the choice, maybe.

Are you making things up right now?

Well, yeah, of course.

Oh, yes, of course.

Yes.

And if I can

Yeah, the fact the main fact is when you die, you get a choice.

And they say, do you want to be a ghost?

And if so, do you want some chains?

Or do you just want to do your own thing?

Okay.

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Should we hear?

Let's hear Megan's answer.

Let's hear Megan's answer.

And Megan, I apologize.

I just, I don't, I'm not attached to this ghost thing.

My answer is no, because I have way too many and you get to listen to me list all of them.

First is Timer from Ghostbusters, the animated series, not the live action.

Beetlejuice from animated or the live action movie, animated series.

And then Marley from a Christmas Carol, but specifically the performance by Statler and Waldorf in the Muppet Christmas Carol.

Oh my God.

Louis Willis in the Sixth Sense.

I don't remember the character's name, but I do remember finding out he was the ghost and being shocked.

Last, Casper,

just a legend.

Yep.

Okay.

I hope you loved my list.

Thank you so much for answering my question.

Absolutely, Megan.

Megan's listed every famous ghost there.

Yes.

I love

the Muppet ghosts.

That's true.

Yeah.

And Casper made number one, basically.

Casper made number one.

That sounds like

waste.

Like human waste.

Made number one.

Oh, made number one.

Yes.

Very good.

Yes.

Apologies for that addition.

Yeah, I just do not feel attached to ghost stuff.

Yeah, and then I, you know, if I was, if we had a ton of time, I'd want to dig into some of those that Megan listed and say, is Beetlejuice a ghost technically, or is he a sort of demon that you summon?

Like an, you know?

I'm

careful.

Who cares?

I don't care.

And I'm sorry if I'm offending people that care about it.

I just don't.

Listen, there's something for everyone in this pod.

You can send your lists of ghosts to me.

And you're okay with me being honest?

Do you think Megan is?

Because she sounds like she would be open to me not caring.

Oh, totally.

I think in a way it's a badge of honor.

People would be delighted by you not caring.

Okay.

All right.

Well, May Martin, should we get one more question?

Well, take Notaro.

Yes, please.

Thank you.

Let's do it.

Hey, Tig, May and Fortune.

This is Kristen calling from North Carolina.

Woo-woo!

I just listened to one of your episodes and you said you love giving advice.

So here's a twist on that.

Let's say you were to meet yourself 10 years down the road.

What advice would

that 10-year-older self give to each one of you?

Like 10, like, so 64, Jesus, 64-year-old Tig.

Yeah.

Listen, 10 years, guys.

64-year-old TIG.

What advice would I give Tig, May, and Fortune?

Or give yourself, I think.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Again, we're getting into the weeds with a whimsical question that requires some suspension of disbelief.

But yeah, okay.

Yeah, that is, okay, 10.

I mean, in a way, that's just saying,

what advice now do you need to hear?

You know, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And for me, it's always.

Stop trying so hard.

Wow, that came out of the depths of my soul.

well that's good just in general stop trying so like

just go lightly you know let things roll and evolve and don't feel this like

tension yeah

what about you well I guess like to go back to what you're saying are you are you saying like you you need to have more of just faith in yourself yeah and like Yeah, because I think the trying

and overthinking and stuff comes from like

a fear of failure like what'll happen if i don't if i don't try this hard that i'm like burning out then i'm gonna lose it all like instead of just trusting

you know that things will what will be will be i don't know that's a fine line

for sure you gotta try a bit for sure yeah

i like that I'll probably spend more time with my parents, too.

I mean, I see them a lot considering we live in different cities, but I want to see them more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

I would say

I think that the time that I spend with people,

whether it's my friends,

Stephanie, my family, Max and Finn,

just to really prioritize that, which I am in the process of doing,

and

in that time to be present,

more present than ever.

Yeah.

And

it's, you know, so overstated.

And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, everyone needs to spend more quality time and be present.

But like, I really,

you know, I have moments where I'm like, I'm walking through my life.

doing things.

I'm taking Max and Finn to bath baseball and picking him up from school and having dinner.

And, and then I, you know, I'm always stopping and having to,

my phone dings.

And

I, just this morning, it bothered me when Finn was talking to me while I was returning an email.

And I was like, hold on, hold on, Finn.

Let me, let me, hold on.

Let me, let me respond to this.

It just felt terrible.

Right, right.

And he patiently stood there and waited.

There wasn't like a conflict, but inside of me, I was like, God, that feels so gross.

Yeah.

You know?

yeah you're right it's so easy to say but it is the main thing right yeah it really is yeah and and that

when i'm because i took him to um a doctor's appointment this morning and just when we were waiting to go in he had a question for me and i'm like hold hold on finn hold on let me let me just respond to this yeah and he was like okay and then i was like

yeah i didn't like ugh i don't like not that i was saying it to him like stop it let me finish it it was just more of this distracted like, my phone buzzed.

And it's like, why am I,

I should just not.

And I don't respond to everything all the time as soon as it comes in.

I'll definitely let things pile up and respond to it later.

But I just, it was a reminder of less of that, less of that.

I used to really enjoy, like, if I had a doctor's appointment and my, and my mom would take me or my dad, it would be a little outing and you like get a snack and you chat and you listen to shit in the car on the radio, and it's just like a nice one-on-one time.

Max and Finn love it, they have like a little special day because we go drop off one at school, and then the other one leaves with us to go to the doctor's appointment.

And yeah, we'll usually stop and go to the bookstore or get a bagel or something, and it ends up just being just a tiny little special moment together.

Oh, I love that

more of that.

Should we hear Kristen's answer?

I think we should.

So my answer is

nurture your relationships.

Hey.

Life is short.

Treat people with respect,

kindness,

and curiosity.

That was my dog.

He's out chasing deer.

Love you all.

Thank you for the love, light, and joy you bring into our lives every week.

Love that.

And also the sound of those crunching footsteps sounds like

the opening of a true crime podcast.

I'm walking through Des Moines, Iowa.

Whatever.

Yeah.

Des Moines.

Yeah, I love that.

I, after

my, I had my premiere of my show in Toronto and afterwards, um, my friend just unexpectedly wrote me an email about it.

And, you know, and people had texted or been like, congrats.

But she sent me just the most thoughtful email.

It was like three paragraphs just like, about our friendship.

And it meant so much.

And then I wrote back and I was like, God,

makes that little thing makes such a difference.

Absolutely.

It's so, it's so nice to take those moments and

more of that, more of that, more of that.

So, next time I have to go to the dentist, will you take me and we'll have a little day?

Yeah, I'll take you to the bookstore and take you to get a little, yeah, take you to get a little blueberry bagel.

Oh, I'd love it.

And, and please keep sending in your questions, our handsome and pretty little listeners.

send them into speakpipe.com/slash handsome pod.

And also share episodes that you like with people that you like and help build this handsome community.

Yeah, we love hearing from you and we love you and each other and ourselves.

That's all true.

And

more special, special time.

Focus time with loved ones.

And until next time, May.

Well, tig.

Just keep it.

Pretty

handsome.

What a

podcast.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

That was a hit gum podcast.

Checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart.

Unfortunately, not checking that you updated your playlist is not smart.

Your collection of super upbeat dance songs is fantastic, but probably not appropriate for the meditation group you're supposed to lead this afternoon.

Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.