Pretty Little Episode #62

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Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the Handsome Pods. Pretty little episode.
I'm Fortune Feamster. And I am Tignotaro.
And we stumbled over each other, didn't we? That's all right. That's what we do.

We don't want it to be too clean. No, and it's not.
We've managed to keep it not so clean.

I see you have your gavel.

I do. I have my gavel.

This is a real gavel.

What's engraved on it? It says

Colonel Tignotaro, because

an auctioneer taught me how to, well, he tried to teach me how to auction, and I did my best, and it wasn't very good, but he still

had this made for me. Yeah, I think I remember that with you and Sarah Paulson giggling about being an auctioneer.

I've made,

yes, there is a very fun video. If you're listening, go track it down for my old podcast, Don't Ask Tig.

Look up Sarah Paulson, and it's, I think it's the very end of the episode. And we just go completely sideways.

It's pretty funny. It's so fun.
But yeah. And you're in your new house, Fortune.
I am. I've had a busy week to

just getting everything moved. And I'm finally out of the old house for the most part, aside from things that will

divvy up when that house sells. But

all my personal stuff's moved, but now I'm just trying to figure out where I put everything.

I just like was because I've been filming too, so I just threw everything in like drawers and closets, and now I'm trying to unravel all that. Did you have packers or did you do it all yourself?

No, I did it all myself. Um, what? Yeah, I had movers move obviously the furniture, yeah.
Um, but I've never hired packers in all my years of of moving. Yeah.

I just highly recommend. Really?

Yes.

Oh, my God. Yes.

I told you I got 30,000 steps the day of my move.

I don't know if I caught that. Oh, maybe I didn't tell you guys.
But yeah, it was like the equivalent of like 16 miles.

Because I did it all by myself with the movers.

Yeah. I just, you know, I spent a couple days just like filling my car up and driving back and forth.

And then the day of the move was just like going constantly back and forth. And then with them and then doing stuff all around.
Yeah, I was pooped. Yeah.
Yeah.

Packers might have been the move.

1 million percent.

Especially a full house like you have. Like, that's that's insanity.
Yeah. So,

well it's done now okay I went to the store today and got I'm just kind of starting over I got like yeah ziploc bags and foil and yeah like laundry detergent and dishwashing so so and wait that stuff

you left at the old house

why

um I think Jax will be staying I I don't know what her plan is but she might be staying there till oh I see but i'm not exactly she needs her foil

well i just figured i'd just start new yeah yeah yeah sure get all the sort of basic stuff all the old foil memories out and all the new foil memories in that's right

um

yeah well i i stand by how exciting to

be starting anew.

Do you have everything figured out of like, this room is this? And how many bedrooms is it? Three, well, technically four bedrooms, but this one I'm using as an office.

So I'll have two guest bedrooms. Oh, okay.

All right. Yeah.
Nice. But it's a much, it's a much smaller house than what I had, which I wanted.
Yeah. It's one story, which is so nice when you forget something.
You just boop into the next room.

There it is.

Boop, boop, boop. It's a manageable house for a lady living living by herself.
Pretty little lady. Pretty little lady living by herself.
Have you met your neighbors? I met one neighbor.

She was very nice. I have not met anyone else, but I've also barely been here.
And was your neighbor like,

are you from the handsome podcast? She did not, but maybe she was thinking it.

And then when you said you got 16,000 steps in one day, do you climb? 30,000. Oh, 30,000.
Where did I get 16?

16 miles. Oh, oh, okay.
All right. I thought that was a little weird that I pulled that.
I don't know if I lost a single pound.

You probably gained muscle in those games.

And do you clock your steps every day? It just was on my phone. I need to, I can't find my Apple Watch.

I would like to start wearing that again to start tracking my steps because I'd like to be walking on this new show that I'm doing

with Will Farrell. He keeps his pedometer in his pocket

because we're walking a ton on the golf courses. So I want to start tracking mine.
But right now, I'm just going by my phone. So he has one that's not his phone or his Apple Watch.
It's just

a little wrist

pedometer. And is it connected to his phone? Probably.

Okay. I was just asking somebody if that exists because I love to track.
I didn't know about tracking steps. You know who taught me? Mr.
Thomas. Oh, nice.
Yeah.

When we were in Toronto years ago, he was like, oh, yeah, the phone. I don't know if you remember that, Thomas, but you're like, oh, yeah, the phone

counts steps. And I was like, really?

And so it's always interesting to see, especially when you're like traveling in a new city and wandering around.

Yeah, you're like, 30 steps. Stephanie and I were in Amsterdam one year.
Yeah. And I think we hit somewhere around there where we had been wandering around forever.

And it was outrageous, the steps that we took. I know, it feels so good when you've done a lot.
You're like, yes, I'm not a bum.

Do you have the 10,000 a day goal?

That's always the goal, but I don't always hit it.

I would be curious if our listeners know more about this, but I heard recently,

you know, it's always been said 10,000, but I heard you're pretty good at 7,000 and above. And you know what I've heard? What? 10,000 should be the least amount.
Oh, God. You should do.

Well, then I'm in trouble.

No, but I'm sure you're right.

But also health experts, doctors, whatever will say,

even if you take a 20-minute walk every day, that is, that is something. Just doing something, yeah.
Yeah. Just moving your body.
Well, right now I'm moving my body quite a bit.

I haven't had time to tread water. Do you have a pool at the new place? A little mini one.
Uh-huh. But I think that I haven't tested it out yet, but I think it's just enough room to tread

in a little circle. Nice.
How adorable. I'd love to peek in and see the little lady treading in a circle.
I could be wrong.

I might get in there and be like, yeah, there's not much treading happening here.

It's pretty small. But honestly, I'm, I kind of like the idea of a much more maintainable

pool as well. Yeah.

Well, sounds like you're all set.

Speaking of all set, should we head on into our first question? Let's do it. Let us do it.

Hey, handsome pod. My name is Don, and I'm in Portland, Oregon.
And I've been really enjoying you guys so much. Appreciate you very much.

Okay, the question that came to me to ask was,

What was your favorite Halloween costume growing up and why? Hmm. Well, you know how I feel about my ALF mask.

The greatest line of all handsome episodes. Then why was it, then why did I go as ALF? Then why was I out? Whatever you said.

That would have been high up there for me. I'm trying to, I was not great at putting together Halloween costumes, were you?

No, but my mother was an artist. And so she kind of really got into

Halloween. Like, if

we wanted to be something, she really got into

making it. Yeah.
You know.

And

I was just talking to my therapist about how,

oh my gosh, I just have to share with you. I took a picture after my stepfather passed away of his phone, the weekly report.

And this was when he was alive. Your screen time was down 47%

to two minutes a day. He was on his phone.

That was his average.

I guess his average was four minutes.

Yeah. But anyway.

Yeah, I was talking to my therapist about

how I dressed, and maybe I've shared this on here, how I dressed as John Travolta.

And went to a friend's birthday party, and all the girls, it was for Greece, and all the girls were in poodle skirts. And

they were crowding around me wanting to dance and treating me like I was like this cute guy. And it was very confusing for me.
But

I really liked that. And also

for a few years on and off, I would dress as

Dracula.

Yeah.

That's a good one. Real girly stuff.

Yeah, we were so lazy about it. We were just like grabbing like a, something to just put on our heads, and that was it.

I don't know why not me or my brothers were like, oh, I'm going to go as this, and I'm going to wear this. And my mom wasn't crafty, so she wasn't like making us anything.

So, yeah, we kept it pretty simple in the themester house. So, would you just be like a sheet over your head, and you're a ghost? Oh, yeah.
I did the bare minimum. Uh-huh.
Yeah.

Which is so funny because now I'm in costumes all the time

for work.

I figured.

Not just for fun. Yeah.
You're just treading around in your tiny pool in a costume. Yeah.

You know what's smart? Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking if that new restaurant in town is open on a Monday.

You're excited to try that new Italian spot, but spaghetti is going to have to wait till Tuesday, even though you drove all the way from your house. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.
Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Yeah, I'm kind of now that Max and Finn are a a part of my life. Um,

Halloween is so over the top. They're both so into it, and I am so not.

Yeah.

I mean, for years, I would just say I'm going, I'm, when people would say, who are you? What are you? I'd say, I'm an aging lesbian. And that's the extent of what I put into costumes.
But

yeah, I'm more of a Thanksgiving kind of gal. I do love some Thanksgiving.
Me too. Well,

should we hear what Dawn's answer is?

It's going to be Alf. It's going to be Alf.

Okay, and then just to share, my favorite Halloween costume was I was an angel. I think I was sixth grade, 11 years old.

I got to wear this angel costume with these pretty like wings that had all this glitter on them. But the coolest part was I got to roller skate because I had these like cool white roller skates.

Keep in mind, this is like the late 70s. And so I was like a roller skating angel.
And the reason it was awesome was because I was roller skating and I thought that was cool. All right.

Thanks. Keep doing what you're doing.
Love y'all. Love you too, Dawn.

Yeah, Dawn.

That is so not my world. The butterfly wings and sparkles.
And

probably wasn't any of our handsome lives, right? No, yeah.

I don't think any of us had any of that sparkle. Although I could see May

doing some version of something with wings or something,

something. I don't know what it is.
But anyway, thanks for your question and your answer, Dawn. And what else we got?

Hi, handsomes. This is Anna calling from Copenhagen.
I have been a fan of yours ever since Saint Take Life here in Copenhagen a couple of years ago.

I am utterly and truly in love with all three of you.

Now I have a problem and I desperately need advice.

I have been single for about a million-ish years and I have a really hard time connecting with people out in the dating world. But I recently met someone who I like and who likes me.

And I feel like this could actually turn into something,

but

he has bad breath.

I don't know what to do. We have been out a few times now, and I haven't even kissed him because I feel like I just can't

as much as I would like to. Dang! I brought mints to our last dates and kind of ate them obsessively, but I felt too awkward to offer him one.

I don't know why, I guess because it was like on my mind that it would be too obvious why. Yeah.

So, how do I discreetly and politely do something about this?

I just don't want to give up on a potential connection over something so dumb. So I hope you can advise me.

Thank you so much.

Wow.

That is tough. And it's not dumb, I will say that, because

I think it's like the people's scent is so

crucial

with attraction.

And, you know, oftentimes bad breath is,

you know, dehydration or a bad diet or whatever. But

I don't know what to do about that. I've certainly been in that situation a time or two.
What about you, Fortune? I mean, well, definitely I would have started with offering them the mints.

Yeah, but that's not a long-term fix.

That's one mint in a lifetime. I know.

I mean, that's, it's so hard in the beginning because you're both trying to like, you know, not walk on the eggshells, eggshells, but you're just like, oh, you know, you don't want to like ruffle any feathers.

I don't know. I think I would have a hard time being blunt about it, but I feel like you would just be like, would just say it.
Me? Yeah. You don't think you would just tell the person?

Your breath stinks? Well, not like that, but just

I just envision you being like,

hey, I just want to, you know, I don't want to make things awkward, but I did, I felt like I should tell you that the, you know, your breath could be better.

Your breath could be better.

Is that a delicate blow?

Yeah, I guess if I try and picture myself, because I struggled with it with people and it made, made it hard to kiss them.

What would if I were to buy a mouthwash?

But you have have to have the conversation because he's not,

you know, it's probably not that he can't afford mouthwash or he,

you know? Yeah.

I think you're supposed to also be scraping your tongue. You really got to hydrate.
Yeah. I guess if I was really into, ooh, it's tough.

I think she just can't date this person.

Really? Because what if this is the one and you just do find a way? Maybe, Maybe, do you have a therapist? I don't know that I, I don't know if I could be with someone full-time

and like not even be able to get close to them. But what if they kicked the

breath situation? I mean, I guess if that's, I guess that that's what you're faced with, right?

If it's like you either have this uncomfortable conversation or you just don't date this person because we can have this way to lose, right? Yeah, yeah.

Because if you say, hey, I'm not going to see you, it's the same as if you tell them and you hurt their feelings and they leave. It's the same result.
Yeah.

So now we've narrowed it down. So it's kind of like, yeah, what do you have to lose? Because the alternative is that you're just not going to date this person.
And that's the same result. Yes.

So I would say it sounds like a band-aid.

Yeah. It sounds like he's worth it.

And I would just say it as gently as possible. And I don't know what that is because I don't know how you deliver news.
But yeah,

I would preface it with: I enjoy you so much.

I find you so attractive.

And I don't know. I don't know how to get to

that. Butter him up with compliments first.
But truly, to let him, not just compliments, but just to let him know you really do like him. But that

you don't know if there's something chemically that's not jiving in his uh

in his gut but something

stinks i mean yeah it could just be like i you could just preface it with listen i want to bring up something a little awkward you know just kind of call out the elephant in the room Yeah, say it's awkward for me, and I hope that you hope it lands okay with you because

I'm only bringing this up because I like you so much. And I want to be close to you.
Yeah.

And, you know, I just noticed

this

and I don't, you know, I mean,

I would probably put it on me and like, I'm extra sensitive to this. Yeah.

Maybe other people wouldn't care as much, but I'm extra sensitive to scents. Is there a way to like, you know, look into that? Yeah.

And then have a care package full of floss, tongue scrapers, mouthwash, toothpaste. Hopefully they're just, I mean, hopefully they're not a person that's just not brushing their teeth.

Because to me, that's a sign of like, what else are they not taking care of? That's rarely the issue. Yeah.
It's usually in your gut.

It's something deep in your body that is causing that. Or like I said, dehydration.
Yeah. But anyway, well, please keep us posted, Anna.
I know.

I want to know what happened. I know.
And we wish you the absolute best. Please send us an update.
I've never been to Copenhagen, though. I do want to go.
You haven't been? No. Oh, it's so beautiful.

I've heard. It's really pretty.
I went to an incredible restaurant there. Anyway,

send us your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod.

And if you like any of our episodes, please share them with a friend and help us build this

very handsome community. Like, review, give us five stars if you're up for it.

And until next time, what do you say, Fortune? Keep it. Keep it? Pretty

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.

You know what's smart? Checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?

Not checking that you have a bunch of business cards before going to a networking event.

Sure, you could manually type your info into someone's phone, but there's something elegant about whipping a card out of your pocket and handing it over to that new potential client.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.
You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.