Lukas Gage asks about cringeworthy moments

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Handsome. Jim with friends on the handsome pot.

Chime the my friends on the handsome pod.

Cheers.

Welcome to the handsome pod.

I'm May Martin, joined by Fortune Feemster and Tignotaro.

Woo!

Woo!

Guys.

Fortune.

We need some information about

your home.

Your house. We're just going into.

I need information. well because we were we did a mini so um when we were going to be doing a i'm sorry a mini so

sorry that's from another podcast

what do we call them our our pretty little

episodes yeah we were supposed to do a full one yeah but we did a miniature one because your internet wasn't um wasn't up yet but we were

at 10 30. yeah that's what we were wondering whether uh yeah yeah that's what that's that's internet o'clock so uh so how yeah, how was the move? Tell us everything, girl.

Girl, dish. Girl.

Well, yeah, so I got a new home that I am moving into currently.

It all happened very quickly. I, um, when we had looked for the last house that we were in, we looked for like two years.
LA's market is just bananas.

And I

had just kind of gotten to the point where I just felt like the house was too big for just me. You know, like it's a lovely home, and it's, but it's like for a family, you know?

It's like, it was even too big for when Jax and I were in there together. And May would be happy to move in.
You do know that. I mean,

go on, man.

I know you got that Pac-Man machine. That's right.
Well, it's kind of, it's come with.

Okay. Yeah.
I just was like coming home from the road and I was just like, I just, this is like cavernous. I don't feel at home.
Yeah.

And I just like casually texted a real estate friend and I said, hey, I want to just kind of start.

casually looking. Yeah.
Nothing serious, but like if you see anything cool, just send it my way. And there was a house.

I wrote her because there was a house in my neighborhood i was curious about i didn't think it was right but i was like i just want to check it out just to kind of see what's out there yeah and she goes yeah sure and then and then here are like five other places and one of them i was like oh this one's cool it reminded me of my first house i bought out here yeah i remember you saying you loved that i loved that house yeah um but this one was a little bit bigger but one story and just cozy and yeah with a more space and i was like this one looks cool and i saw it two days later and i was like yep

I'll take it.

I really admire that. Literally went that fast.
Wow, I really do.

That's one of my favorite qualities in a person: is like, just pulling the trigger, you know, just make the make the also spiritually like a fresh start, like that.

Yeah, like there's, yeah, just make some new memories in a new space. I think so.
I just, I just wanted something that was

smaller and I just, I knew I could, like being by myself, just knew where everything was and like in the house. I'm not upstairs, not being able to hear downstairs.

Wait, so you didn't hadn't, you hadn't gotten uh your bearings in your old house to know your way around? No, I mean,

everything was.

I mean, as far as like, if I'm upstairs and someone broke in or something, I can't hear.

You know, I don't know, just the safety of it, I think, yeah, yeah, was more of it for me.

And, and to maintain it, yeah, I mean, this old house had like a gazillion bathrooms, Like, I don't, I don't want to have to deal with all that. Right.
Um, so you're a one toilet kind of gal.

I'm a one baby two toilet kind of gal.

Um, and so yeah, I just you know, walked into it and just had the vibe where it again reminded me of my old house that I really loved. And

I was like, this is it.

And are you getting some good bites on the other house?

We're going to put it up for sale at some point, but that hasn't happened yet. But yeah, so I moved this last week.
That's why I missed our recording because the move ended up taking six hours.

I thought it would take like three or four.

And, you know, it's still kind of bare bones. I only moved some furniture, but I'll just be a little bachelor with some sparse furniture for a little bit.
That's fun, though. I'm excited for you.

I'm so excited. I think the question on all of our minds is: did you bring the plastic plant? The plastic plant has made its way

through this, of course. Because you're not there now.
You're not podcasting from the right place. Yeah, so I'm curious to see the new podcasting setup.

Well,

my office area, I've got to figure out if I'm going to jujit it up somehow. But the video game, I have a

multi-cade arcade stand-up. Hell yeah, you do.
It has made its way to this house and it's in my office now get me over there get on up get on over here I like you

so um yeah I'm like gone full bachelor in this house like no furniture no furniture and an arcade game we can do you need framed pictures of uh me may and thomas on your walls

okay okay individual and groups and what about a picture of uh kitty city do you why not yeah why not why not why not

yeah we're gonna have to get your new address and uh you're gonna be getting some stuff in the mail what about a small lamp you guys could also come over sometime well it's crazy that we're

i just you know i don't have a car i like to stay in my neighborhood may may doesn't have a car and still ubers everywhere i'm gonna i mean to be two bachelors in our respective bachelor pads playing games like i'm playing darts darts, you're playing Pac-Man.

We gotta just combine forces. I still gotta make it to your bachelor pad.
Yeah, you do. I'm gonna have a Halloween party.
All right, come on. Are you guys in? I'm gonna be in Toronto.

Not to avoid your party.

I'm going to Toronto just to avoid this party. That's how much Tick doesn't want to dress up in costume.
Costumes? Well, no, I go as an aging lesbian every year.

Nice.

But you love a mustache. You would, you would rock a mustache.
Yeah, yeah. You do.
Yeah, you could just wear that and call it a day.

Maybe I could wear a mustache and say, I'm gone as Tig.

Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, yeah. I'm going to

maybe go as Twinker Bell. So I'm going to be like a sort of gay boy Tinkerbell.

Whoa, what does that outfit entail? Shirtless?

I'm still workshopping it, but yeah, it's like shirtless with like, like, but with like a vest over it, you know, and then hide the nips, hide the nips, of course, and then maybe like some little shorts or something.

Well, this is fitting for what's happening in your life right now. Which is, guys, can you hold on? I'm sorry, one second.
This might be a call that I have to for a doctor's appointment. I'm sorry.

Hold on one second. Sure, sure.
Hello.

This feels like a prank.

Edge mercy.

I feel like that was. I'm sorry, calling from where?

Oh, yes, yes. Hi.

This will be on the pod.

We have to keep this. Listen.

Yes.

She's left her head. Thank you.

Bye.

Tig.

Sorry. What did you say? We have to keep her.

This is part of the pod now.

I mean, I thought that was a prank because the way it was like, oh, sorry, I'm just getting hello. The way I set it up,

where May's at in their life right now. Tig, I don't know if you knew this, but May is

even an even bigger heartthrob than they were before.

Why? Their show Wayward's still a big hit. It's still number one on Netflix.
Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be? I know, but May's an even bigger heart throb.
Now,

I don't know what episode is. Why are you yelling at me? But at some point,

May shows ass.

Yeah, I do show ass. May Marie.

May Marie shows.

All your dungarees. Back on, my friend.

We already know you're a strong show. Listen.
Yeah. Tig, listen to this.

So you've seen May's ass. Yeah.

Thomas, have you seen Mae's ass?

I haven't seen May's ass. Clearly, I'm the better.
I would remember that. Clearly, I'm the better friend of all of y'all.

I never claim to be a good friend to anyone. Okay.

But Tig, picture this. All right.
Wow. You watch this? Yeah.

This is her lady. They are friends.
Thank you.

Look, if you're a real friend of mine, don't look at my ass. Okay, that's how I gauge a good friend.
Give me some privacy. Go ahead.
Well, I'm going to paint the picture for you.

The May's partner on the show is like, come over here.

And May goes to stand up, and she goes, No, don't stand.

And then Mae starts crawling like this

and then

takes their shirt off.

Ripped.

Hats are glowing. You You sure? And then somehow turns over.
I can't remember how that part happened. She flips it.

Here comes the ass.

Pants down. Ass out.

Ass out.

Yep, that's our May, a little cowboy. And that's the end of the series? It's

the clue finger. That's it.

No, it's. You don't know what happens after that.
And there's no follow-up to the series. No, it's just make up your own ending.

It literally goes the end. Yeah, and that, and meaning May's ass is the end.
Okay, and so it's like a Mad Libs TV series is you make up,

you fill in the blank. May I say, it was very tastefully done.
You're not seeing ass whole here or full ass whole.

That's why I thought, this is so tasteful.

Is it like gather around the family?

Like this. This is so tasteful.

So tastefully done. You can get railed on the, and also my wife is seven months pregnant in it and fully clothed and I'm fully naked.
It's insane. And you're just getting railed from behind.

So is that the episode five? Like, holy cow. Is that the number? Yeah.
I, it was really

embarrassing, but then people are commenting on it being like,

saying things, nice things, not nice things. But then someone just commented, didn't May write this?

So

May wanted us to see their ass. Yeah.

That's embarrassing way to frame it. Little cowboy.
Good ass. They had to CGI out because you're wearing like a flesh-colored piece of cloth covering your nether regions.
Like, and so they.

You always wear those. Do you?

Even when it's weird. Oh, yeah.
You do actually wear flesh-colored underwear, don't you? I do.

I wear pontos. Yeah.
Grawny Pontus. Grawny Pontus.
Yeah. Anyway, thanks for watching, Fortune.
I'm going to watch it. Congrats on it.
It's still number one. It's been over, what, over a week?

I think it's about to get knocked out by Ed Gaines,

the serial killer Ryan Murphy thing. I think it's Ryan Murphy.

What does that say about our culture? You know, I mean, I'll be watching it, but.

Who knows what it says? I want to tell you that it keeps running through my mind that the other day, I can't remember if it was on a full episode or a minisode, or

whatever you called it.

There was something

that I feel like I delivered that could have sounded rude.

And I was like, oh, I wonder if May took that the wrong way. I was talking, we were talking about some show, and I said, I'll be watching Wayward before I watch that.

Oh, oh, no, I took it as a compliment. Okay, I didn't want it to sound like I was saying I would watch that.

No, I I have all the plans in the world to watch Wayward, but Stephanie and I are waiting to be together. It's zero press.
There's a lot to watch. And I'm going to go ahead and get away with that.

Yeah, I have to get through all my stories before I get to Wayward. I don't think I've ever been offended by anything either of you have said.

Although that's good. That's really good.
I haven't been offended by it.

Well, I know.

I feel like I always get it. Like, yeah, I've never been.

I feel like it's a badge of honor. Most

people,

I think, get my sense of humor. Yeah, you're a famous comedian.
Well, sure, but there are people.

I remember I was doing something on stage where somebody in the front row, they were like, oh, I know what it was, where I was teasing the indigo girls coming out. Oh, yeah.

And this woman was shaking her head with deep disappointment.

And I said,

What's wrong? And she said, I guess I just thought you were nicer than this.

Oh, my God.

And I was like, wow. So this person really doesn't get my sense of humor.
Like,

yeah, that's insane. Yeah.
But no, you guys haven't offended me. And I feel confident I haven't said anything trying to upset anybody.

But if I do, let me know. And we'll talk about it.
We'll talk about it.

Damn.

Damn. Work it out, you guys.

We'll go to couples therapy. Also,

we'll go to Thrupples Therapy.

Hell.

We'll all three of us go to HR, which is Thomas. And we'll

get a talking too. Yeah.

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Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett.
No, no, no, no, no, it's Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that.
Exactly. No, all good.
All good. Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, and we host the show, What's Our Podcast here on Head Gum. But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released in the feed.

Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled that we didn't have a website for our show yet.
They were like, you don't have a website?

What are you guys like kindergartners? They wanted to do something about that.

So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guests and very web-savvy guests. Should we tell them who it was?

Let's see, we could play 20 questions.

I don't think we have time for that. Is it a person? No, it's not.

It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website.
Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website. Thanks, and you had some amazing ideas.

Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking and I was like, let's put a little open.
Let's put some widgets in there. I was talking about widgets.

You kept on using that phrase widgets. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there.
And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website.

Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun making this episode.
We had a lot of fun making this website. I thought it was a lot of my life.

I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it. Think of it as our little Christmas present to you.
Yeah, yeah, this is a gift for you. Okay.

It's just like it's a selfless thing we did for you. Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website, sponsoring the episode, and for supporting creators across the Head Gum Network.

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I'm going to be really like therapized soon because today I fly to this therapy retreat that I'm doing for six days.

I'm flying tonight, packed my little bag, not bringing a synthesizer, not bringing my contourings.

What are you going to do?

Not Not even your clear eye mascara. Mascara.
I'm bringing none of that shit. I'm going in.
Bare bones, baby.

Just your butt. Just your bare ass.
This is my bare ass.

Yeah, I'm nervous, though, to have my phone taken away. You've been there for like five days? Six, yeah.

I had my intake call. And I know I can't, you're not supposed to really share what goes on inside.
Like part of it is discretion.

girl, you're going to.

I'm girl.

Tell a girl.

Tell a hot girl. Listen, off the pod, I will, but I know I have to be.
I have to be. Yeah, we don't want you banned from there.
We don't want you arrested. Exactly.
I don't like it.

But I am nervous. Arrested.

Oh, man. That could happen.
Yeah.

I think I'll probably feel really anxious for the first couple of days, just not

the whole six days. Yeah.
yeah if not i mean listen am i going to be the whole time in arrowhead everywhere we're going to be with your phone and synthesizer

and your mascara

and that hot dog remember that hot dog do i ever oh yeah i try and like remove that. I think I need therapy after that.
Just not think about that.

It's an intrusive thought sometimes where I'm like, oh, man.

And the two chips as the garnish. The two Doritos.

The little Gherkin. Yeah.

But anyway, I might come out with a totally different personality. I might be like, hi.
Hi, guys. Oh, wow.
It's lovely to see you. I don't know.
I'm feeling Zen.

You'll be like of the earth. I don't know if we'll be able to use you on the podcast.
Yeah, we know. We need you to be funny.

Yeah. And like quirky.
You know,

you got to fill your role. You know, you definitely need your facts.

So

I got a Mayfact.

Give it to us.

Oh, maybe I told you already, Tay. Oh, well, then never mind.
Let's move on.

So I went.

Oh, okay. Let's sell it again.

It's about the dance plague.

Yeah, I have told it. I told you about it.
Yeah, never mind. I take it back.
Basically, Fortune, there was this woman. That's all I think about.
There was a woman in 1518 called Frau Traf.

Frau Trafrauy.

Don't remember your name.

Frau Trafrauy? I don't remember.

I think I must have tuned you out because I don't remember

Fraui. Merch Alert.

Frau Trafowi. Frau Trafowi.
Frau Trafraui cannot be real.

It sounds like a Star Wars character. Can you Google 15, 18 dance players?

And Frau Trafowi. However, that

spelling is up to you.

So she starts dancing. Yeah, Frau.

Frau.

I didn't know the gender.

Frau Trafaui. Oh, Fruit is typing.

Yeah, Thomas is typing. Frauf is a real name.
Who cares? Frau, Trafia. Tell the story.
May spell it for the folks because they'll never guess. Okay, Frau, F-R-A-U, and then

Trophia.

T-R-O-F-F-E-A. Okay, this is good.
Thomas is just sent, I guess, from Wikipedia or something. I'm going to...
Okay, in July 1518, a woman whose name was given as... I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Tell me what happens where we would put in a toilet and wash that.

A woman whose name was given as.

Also, what do you mean whose name was given as?

As Frauf Trophia

stepped into the street and began dancing, she seemed unable to stop and she kept dancing until she collapsed from exhaustion.

After resting, she resumed the compulsive, frenzied activity and continued this way for days.

Within a week, more than 30 people were similarly affected. They kept going long past the point of injury.
City authorities were alarmed by the ever-increasing. So it basically was a contagious dance.

Oh, wow. People died and whatever.
And then she, I think, Trow from Trafaui went to different towns.

Miss Trafaui

and recruited people to die dancing.

Yeah, she kept starting these businesses. The fact that this story has come up twice, I'm getting the vibe.
We've entered another bear portal. I know.
Get me to the Institute. Get me to the Institute.

That's crazy, though. And why were people like, yeah, I can't stop, won't stop dancing till I die?

Well, some people think that it was like a poison in the yeast of the bread or something had gone bad in the town and they were all psychotic, but I don't know. I think it was a curse.
Crazy bread.

Yeah, all that crazy bread. Anyway, wait, there's crazy bread? Yeah, what did you mean by that? I went with it, but you said yeast.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but then you said, oh, yeah, that crazy bread, insinuating that people just know about crazy bread.

What?

What?

What you're saying?

That people ate bread and went nuts and started dancing till they died. It sounded like crazy red as well.

What has happened to our show?

How could we possibly get as much information as we just got? And then we all just fell off. We just fell off the wagon of conversation and looked at each other like,

what are you talking about? Nobody knows what the other person is talking about. And none of us knew that we were going to talk about this today.
No, we did not. And I've already heard about it.

I know, poor people. I've already heard about Frau Chafaui.

Look at you. No,

it was probably different when you heard it, too. It's changing.

Well, what a fact, May. Thank you.
You're welcome. And can we just put a cap on that, Frautcher Fowie? I think we've been Frautcher Fowi for a while.
I think we should.

You're attached to Frautchefowey? No, I don't mind it. Two against one.
All right. May and I have shared some tidbits of our life.
Tig, would you like to add anything to?

No.

Let's get to our question.

No, I'm not ready.

I'm not ready yet. Yeah.

I don't really have anything to say.

There's nothing going on in my life. God, I wish you did more.

I'm just, you know, Stephanie's still in London, and

I'm like,

I'm,

I, I, I've said it a million times. I'm just enjoying living my normal life.
I, you know what I did today? You're just normal mode.

I am. And I, I, I love it.
And I'm.

Fortune Marie.

How dare you

yuck my yum? I'm totally kidding.

While Fortune's playing Pac-Man in an empty house.

And I'm like doing laundry, folding clothes, emptying emptying the dishwasher picking up the kids going to the grocery store I wish you did more actually yeah

but I am still I'm still in that mode and I'm I'm really enjoying it wow I love that I but I do I love

doing the podcast I have a show I think tomorrow night And you know, Papa Grande is going to come over, hang out with Max and Finn.

And so it feels like that balance of like, I'm podcasting, I'm doing shows,

and I'm running around. Like the call I answered earlier was Max and Finn's doctor appointment.

And

it just feels nice to be submerged in the life that I've normally been out in the world working towards having,

but

really being in my life. Yes.
And not just

cramming it in in between

tours

or filming, but like really being being in it and it just it just feels feels nice so that's really nice i love it that's what i'm up to thank you even if that's not sincere it is

wildly sincere i think about you as i'm playing my arcade game all the time what are you talking about

what are you talking about

no that's that's what i i crave that type of life to uh-huh and that's what the the institute is going to help me conjure are you talking about just balance in general of

yeah,

and I want a family, so I want to be the best version of myself, you know, in order to magnetize that life that I want. Yeah.
And you, so you definitely want kids?

I want kids in my life that I'm raising. Okay.

Does that count? Sure. Whatever means it comes by.
Yeah.

I mean, I, yeah, I want to make up weird stories and games. I know there's other stuff to do with parenting, but that's the part I read.
That's pretty much it, right? Yeah. Fanciful worlds.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I also really enjoy is

this is very embarrassing to admit. I have this game in my head where I'm like, okay, if somebody

If somebody popped into our house

while Stephanie's out of town, even when Stephanie's in town, but she's in, let's just take it right now. While she's out of town in my mind I'm like I'm gonna keep up this house to a T

because like if there was like a house patrol that popped in and was like are the dishes clean are the clothes clean are they folded and put away are the you know is are the cats fed did you are is there enough food in the house like making sure that balance is going on that everything is handled i it's like

that um

i guess it makes makes sense because it's like when I train for something or I'm like

trying to get my health in order, I'm not into like competing against anyone in a team situation. I'm like,

I want to make sure I'm on top of what I'm doing. You know what I mean? And so it's like the ultimate

me against me game where I'm like, oh my gosh, the, I forgot the laundry. It's in there.
And before Max and Finn get home, I want all of their clothes clothes put away.

And anyway, so that's my little saddle. So you're winning right now.

I am,

but

I have a load of laundry that is in. I'm sure the listeners will want to get a life.

I do have one. This is the life I want.
But so I have a little bit of laundry that still needs to be dried and folded.

But after that, After we record, I go get those little cubs and boom, their house is all ready. Oh, I love that.

Yeah, Fortune and I should pop in unannounced in disguise as house inspectors just at a random point to be like, Is this house in tip-top shape? Everything runs smooth, yeah. And

yes, and call me out and be like, Listen, I feel like the TV room should be a little cleaner, and uh, and then, but I can show you what I have done and why the TV room is a little in disarray still.

Yeah, um, so you do take explanations, so that's good.

I don't really see mess. Like my eye, my eyes would be like, this is all.
No, I know. Look behind you.

Like the last four podcasts, you've had just like a mountain of shit to the right of you.

Stuff I'm donating.

Hey, May, remember the rule of show, don't tell? Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Yeah, I gotta deal with that. I'll be like, look at the look at the pile that May's collecting over over there.

Yeah. I do have a new object that for when we're beauty influencers.
Oh, yes. I miss my beauty influencer days.
I haven't busted it out yet, but it's like a. What is it? Oh, it's the infrared mask.

Yeah, LED infrared mask.

What does that do? It like vibrates and relaxes your face. You're skimming out.

It fucks your face.

I'm getting the F

fucks out of my face.

You said I'm getting the F fucks out of my box.

I'm stunned. I am stunned.
I've never heard something so

vibrate. So

just assume that's what happens to your face is it gets F'ed.

I was just talking about how I play a game where the house patrol is going to come by and see if I've folded my laundry and

tidied the TV room and emptied the dishwasher and gone to the grocery store because I'm a normal person living a normal life. And then you go and say that?

I just

said what I heard.

Well, I'm going to, you got to get one. We'll compare notes.
You got to get one. Let me get it.
Two against one. Should we get to our question, please? You got to get one of these.

Girl, you're facing me. Girl, girl, back it up.
Girl, thank you.

Girl, no.

Who is our question asker? Please, please, girl, no. Okay, girl.

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Well, today's question asker, by the way, would appreciate this entire conversation. I know he would

because he's hilarious. He's an actor who played Dylan in the Emmy-winning first season of The White Lotus, which we'll get to what he infamously did on that show.

He also starred in Smile 2 and Companion. He's all over the place lately.
He's really crushing it. Lucas Gage is asking today's question.

Hey, handsome handsome squad it's Lucas Lucas Gage here and I have a question for you what is the most desperate stunt that you've ever pulled just to get attention talking next morning you wake up and you cannot believe you really did that oh oh okay first of all yeah let's just address that the tank top uh the deep voice I'm this is what I'm going for.

Lucas is sexy.

Go to YouTube, check that out. Even though I couldn't see it, I have to believe you because my eyesight is gone.
But he did look like,

he did resemble a very attractive person from what I see the shape, the general shape.

He's very attractive and he's really fun and he has a fun personality. So do we.
Of course. Yeah.
I wasn't. counting us out.
I know, but you have to always remind people that we are a fun bunch.

Do you want to know what he did in season one of White Lotus? What? Well, Lucas's character did this on the first season of White Lotus, and it was a real moment, a real TV moment.

He ate a guy's ass.

Fortunate Marie!

What is happening to our show?

Sorry, Tev.

Wait,

to slower to that. I can't talk.
No, you shouldn't share that. This is a family-friendly show.
And this is Tig. When you were drinking hot water, I thought you were going to do a spit take.

When Fortune said it, I thought you were going to go.

I don't do spit takes because my sons are in the middle of spit take.

Yeah, they learn to spit take. So anytime there's something funny going on, they always grab a drink so they can spit take.
Lovely.

And so I'm really on top of that. You know what else makes you spit take?

Eating ass.

I've not done that before, but I imagine. So is can I make you think?

I'm dropping out of this conversation. Poor Lucas gave

this podcast. No!

Yeah, yeah. Lucas is probably great.
My whole career has been boiled down to this one moment. But I would like to ask, is there a difference between rimming and eating ass? What is happening?

Is rimming just around the parameters and then the other way is really getting in there? I think maybe. Oh, come on.
Oh my gosh. Come on.

Tig is just taking off her headphones.

It's part of our world now, Tig. Even our grandmas are doing it.
Oh my lord. Run's dead, but she probably would have done it.
It's part of life. It's a beautiful thing.
Tig was her part of this.

All right. Well, I'll clean it up.
I'll promise. I'll clean it up.
Hello.

And we've moved on from it. You're moving from that we're just talking about eating

something

stinky

stinky

yeah you gotta wash that up real good if that's fortunate

that no that's just hey hey hey hey hey hey hey that's just that fact girl back it up girl if i'm just saying if someone is gonna do that like please wash all of that real good.

Wash grandma's problem, Aria. Yep.
And wash your mouth out while you're in the middle. I will.
Maybe I will. Did you ever get your mouth washed out as a kid?

Yeah.

Never. Did you ever? One time I did.
One time I was. So a soap.

A bar of soap? Or that was some old school. That was like in the 70s, wasn't it? Yeah, it was.
Yeah. You know, it was, I was basically seven smoking a cigarette and holding it.

Not really, but I mean, you know, it was the 70s. And my mother only did it one time.
I think she was desperate because I wouldn't pull it together. You wouldn't put that sig down.
Yeah.

So did she say, go and put that soap in your mouth or she put it in your mouth for you? She like put the bar of soap on my tongue.

She probably wouldn't appreciate me telling this, but she's no longer with us. I don't know if I've ever told you that.
But I also, my mother's personality was also.

One that I could say, but you did it. So I am going to tell the people.
And she

that's the trade-off. And so, wait, what was his question? He says,

something you did for attention. Yeah, where you woke up the next day and were like, I can't believe I did that.
Something, some stunt that you pulled.

Like in an embarrassing, I can't believe I did that. Or in like a, whoa, I pulled off that stunt and I can't believe I pulled that thing

embarrassed me. Like, oh my gosh.
I'd like to hear a good one as well if you weren't embarrassed. But yeah.

Have I ever done something for attention?

Yeah, your whole career-that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing, yeah.
Looking for

I do comedy just because it feels good on the inside.

I don't want any feedback whatsoever.

Oh man, I mean, I've told the the story before of when I took the joke too far when I was 13 and I was doing a Scottish character. I was at a guy's birthday party.
I was 13.

I think I had a crush on the guy, so I was manic and uh doing all these voices and characters like Ace Ventura.

And I was doing this Scottish character, and I stood, we were waiting for the bus to go play laser tag, stood on top of like a newspaper box. Yeah, the whole thing was the most classic setup.

So I'm standing on top of this newspaper box being like, oh, look at that. Oh, look, look over there.
I'm doing this loud

character. And I remember thinking, I'm so fucking funny.
I am like, I am on fire. And then this couple walked by, this strange Shirz couple, you know, adults.
And I was so into my character.

I spat at the couple and it landed on their shoe and the world stopped turning. As soon as I

heard this. My

stomach dropped out of my body. I go, they look at me.
They go, did did you just spit at us? And all of my friends are silent and terrified. Like there's adults now mad.

And I was like, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that.
I just got, okay, you both look really disappointed in me right now. I have to answer this real quick.
My alarm's going off. Are you joking?

Are you joking?

No, not at not at my new house, but at my old one. Oh, your house alarm is gone? Yeah.

Did we give the address? And did we just stream live? Okay. They got it.
They got it. Okay.
They got him. They got him.

So just to clarify, that's twice on the box.

Sorry.

Well, I was like, I got a thing for

the security company. And I was like,

it was someone.

Yeah.

Anyways. I spied on this couple and I just knew in the moment I've taken this too far.
It was like, I was possessed. I don't know what came over me.
And then they got on the same bus as us to go.

And I remember sitting by myself on the bus my friends just humiliated and the oh my god fortune's on the phone

this is

this has never happened

may this is a sign of a good story yeah is

is when your co-host

holds up one finger

oh my god wait let's see what is it yeah okay

i wonder what if fortune never comes back and just continues working on the computer or something? And we're back. What's going on? What happened?

It was ADT calling to make sure that no police needed to come. But how do you know if police need to come? You're not there.
Because I know because it's people getting the house ready.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. All right.

Anyways, that's my most shameful moment where no one really talked to me for the rest of the birthday. Everyone was just like, you're unhinged.
And I just was trying to be funny.

and and the next morning did you wake up how did you feel like when you woke up the next day ashamed yeah bad i remember then going into the laser quest and just finding a corner to sit in in the dark while everyone's running around pew pew pew and i was like i'm just gonna find a little spot to cower in the in the dark yeah and and how long did it take you to feel better oh i mean look i'm still talking about it I'm still

yeah, yeah, you are.

What about you guys? Have you ever, especially with comedy, like just like I'm trying to be funny? It's such a trap, especially things don't age well and stuff.

Is there anything that you've done that you're like... I'm trying to think if there's a bigger thing I did.
I did fake having a retainer once because I thought that would be

cool.

How did you? It just was a paperclip.

I was like, why did I think this was cool?

It's like people would ask me about my retainer. yeah i have a yeah i have a retainer

it wasn't a joke it was like i actually want people to think 100 for real thinking for some reason that would make me cool wow yeah that was so stupid i think a couple days later like why am i eating metal yeah and how are you holding it in place i don't know

i i i like undid the paper clip so that was like around i used to do that and just really here like where it kind of

you could kind of fit it to your mouth. Yeah.

I don't know.

But did you have like embarrassment or shame the next day or anything?

More of just like, what was that?

I'm sorry. I'm just getting, I'm just getting a call, guys.
Sorry.

This is for real. You stop this.

We are blowing. I hope.
Hopefully someone walks past your window again at some point so you can have a moment as well. Yeah.
But I don't know.

I'm trying to think if I did something on a larger scale that was like attention.

Drunk at a Hollywood party and you try and do the splits and you knock over the caviar.

I knocked over. Can you believe I knocked over the caviar? Oh my God.

Oh my God. Who knocked over the caviar?

What about you, Tig? It wasn't a prank,

but

I was at the age, my kids are just coming out of this age where they need a band-aid for everything.

You know, when kids are just, I don't know if you're aware of this, but kids love a band-aid. They love a band-aid.
And

it wasn't a prank, but it was kind of along the lines of what Fortune was saying.

It was first grade, and My mother had

made me wear a dress for Picture Day. And it was the group picture

and I was sitting in the front row in my dress and I was so young and dumb that I didn't understand

that what ends up in the picture my mother's gonna see

and um and so I'm sitting there in my dress which by the way was a happy medium of my mother being like, you have to wear a dress, which she didn't continue to make me do later in life.

But the one dress that I really liked to wear, if I had to wear a dress, was a denim.

It was a denim dress

with a farm scene on it. There was like a farm with little animals and a sunshine and a pocket for your cigarettes.

No, I just rolled those up in my sleeve. But it also had like overall, like a look of overalls.

Anyway, so I wore my farm dress, sat in the front row

and covered both of my legs with band-aids, knee to ankle. Oh my gosh.

Because I thought it looked so cool to have like all of these injuries on my leg, these fake injuries. So I get my picture taken.
I go. I think it might have been the first year because

I don't think I had a group picture in kindergarten. So it might have been the first year.
So I didn't, I just didn't know. I didn't have a lot of information yet in life.

So the picture gets developed and my mother, it gets sent to my mother because she purchased the picture. And she looks at it and she's like, oh.

Sweetie,

you have this on your legs. And I was so embarrassed.
I was so humiliated by my mother seeing that I snuck. and she was.

I mean, here I just told a story of my mother putting soap in my mouth, but she was like, People are going to think that

and beat the hell out of you. Yeah, yeah.

But anyway, so that was, it wasn't a, is that a prank? I don't know if it's a prank. It's not a prank, but it's something you did for attention.
Yeah, that then you had to be faced with.

But you know what? Yeah. Yeah.
So I guess it does feel the

oh my god. If my kid was doing that, I'd be like,

my kid's great. That is really weird and funny.
Yeah. Covering your legs with band-aids because you think it's kind of badass.
10 band-aids on each leg.

And not a single band-aid was left in the house. Right.

So there's my story.

We used to give each other hickeys on our eyeballs.

So three of us did, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Just last week.

So that it would look like a black eye because we thought that was cool.

So you can, you sort of would suck on the person's like lower eyelid and then so everyone in the class looks like we had black eyes gross yeah it was gross yeah the things that we thought were so cool were

nuts pretty badass pretty badass

should we hear um

lucas's uh answer yeah yeah

So my most cringy, most mortifying stunt that I've ever pulled just to get someone's attention has to do with you, Fortune. I'm so sorry.

It was the night before party. First year, you know, after the pandemic.
Never been invited to these Hollywood things. I didn't know how anything went.
I

maybe drank a little

too much.

And as I'm leaving, I'm walking out and I spot you at the valet getting in your car. And I go, oh my god, oh my god, that's Fortune Feemster to my friend.
We'd watch Barb and Star on repeat.

And

instead of just letting it go and

admiring or maybe saying hi, I

proceeded to jump on the hood of your car

like I knew you and instead fortune stop. You have to hang out with us.
Fortune and

I cannot believe I did this and I also can't believe how

amazing and nice you were because you kind of went along with it and kind of acted like we knew each other. You know, you probably thought I was absolutely insane.

And the next morning, I woke up in a cold sweat and I could not believe I did that. I'm so sorry.
Love you. I love the pod.

Oh my gosh.

That is so cool. I did not think that would be his answer.
That's hilarious. And it's so different from band-aids on my legs with my farm dress on.

That did. I want to.
I want to say he might have been with Meg Stalter that night. Yeah.

Yeah, I was, I I knew that obviously I didn't hit him with my car, but he kind of threw himself on the hood of my car.

That's a great bit. I would think I might have, I knew of him, but I don't know that White Lotus had come out yet.
But that is so funny. And I didn't think twice about it.

I just thought it was a funny bit. Yeah.
A funny person being funny.

I'd be like, yeah, we are going to be friends if that's your.

But we are friends and I see him around. Did you drive off saying hey would you be a guest on my podcast in a few years yeah yeah i did

can't wait to see you eat ass gorge come on sorry oh sorry

sorry sorry meg stalter is someone that when she's around like

i get egged into this lunacy like i maybe always should ask meg to do a question of course i don't know why we haven't we haven't i just thought that can i say really quickly she is currently filming hacks so she's in vegas i think And she has, I guess, a lot of time off just in her hotel room.

And I have so much respect for how she's using that time, which is just she's doing these Instagram lives like she used to do during the pandemic, where it's sometimes two hours.

And she's in character. She's wearing these wigs and people are calling in.

And she does a character called Miss Love, who she did a whole night where she was giving love advice and being like, my polyamorous boyfriend and I are getting married.

Then the next night she does another two-hour live stream being like, I'm getting a divorce.

It's like the best. I'm just like, that is a comedy brain, you know, that just is.
She's always thinking of bits. And she doesn't give a shit.
And I'm just,

I really, really, I respect it a lot. I've done a couple of her Largo shows, and I'm just like, what is going to unfold tonight? That's so funny.
Well, you know what?

Lucas also got married on television. I didn't know if that was going to be one of his things.

What do you mean? Lucas got married on the Kardashians

television show to Kim Kardashian's hairdresser. And the wedding was on the reality show?

Yeah.

And he was really, that's really his husband.

They are now divorced.

I mean, that sounds like something I would do.

But they both wore matching, like,

I don't know if it was real or faux fur,

big black faux fur, whatever jackets with black leather pants in, I think, Vegas. And Kim was the officiant.

And how long was he with his husband? I don't know. I think it was a shorter

relationship.

I think he's since talked about it on some podcasts, saying he regretted doing it in that way.

I feel like

I would get overexcited about something and be like, yeah, show the world, do it. Yeah.
Like it swept up in something. Yes, 100%.
That sounds like,

especially if

Kim Kardashian's going to officiate, I'll marry you guys. I'll marry anyone.
You're going to marry whoever, just so Kim can officiate. Yeah, yeah.

Well, my friends, this was a delightful episode. Can't get enough.

That's right. But that is enough.
We do need to move on.

I just wanted to say that we have new merch. Yeah.

Including, speaking of yeah, we have a Yeah, ghost crew net

and a handsome zip hoodie. Go Go to handsomepod.com.
Also, I cannot stress enough the importance of rating and reviewing our show. Subscribe to the podcast.
Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel.

And follow us for our socials because some of these merch things

were from the feedback we got on those socials.

And if anyone knows the couple who I spot on in character, get in touch with them and apologize. Yeah, that's a good idea for sure.
What do you guys have coming up?

Or I can start because I can say that I'm, and I'm supposed to say, and I get emails reminding me to say, I am on tour.

I'm going on tour in February for 35 cities I'm going to, and the tickets are on sale. And my whole team is very nervous about the ticket sales.
So please buy some tickets. Come see me live.

I've never done an American tour. I'll be in Canada.

Yeah, it's going to be incredible. You're going to sell tickets.
I can't wait.

I can't wait.

I'm going to try and meet as many people as I can too and do meet and greets and stuff. So, yeah, check it out.
Well, this November, I'm at the Chicago Theater. It's almost sold out.

So get your tickets.

San Jose and Fresno, California, the end of that month.

Charlotte, North Carolina, St. Petersburg, Florida, Orlando, Florida in December.
And then a bunch of dates got rescheduled, like Norfolk, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, and Seattle.

Those are at the end of the year. Seattle, Washington, I'm doing New Year's Eve.

So come celebrate the new year with me. It's before the countdown.
So you can come to the show, then go celebrate the ringing in of the new year elsewhere.

I'm going to be in Montclair, New Jersey for the Montclair Film Festival. And Stephen Colbert is hosting the evening

of

the documentary screening.

Oh, no way.

Yeah, yeah. So that's going to be really fun.

This isn't like a stand-up show, but I'll be out there doing

Drew Barrymore's show and Colbert promoting the documentary. So we're in full, full documentary promotion mode right now.

So if it's, if the, if the film is screening anywhere near you, please check it out. And we are creeping up on the premiere of Come See Me in the Good Light on Apple TV November 14th.

I cannot emphasize enough how beautiful this film is. And

I mean, it really, really

promotes and encourages

compassion. I'll also be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, November 16th, and Largo in Los Angeles, November 21st.

So get your tickets and go to tignotaro.com for all my other live show information.

Sweet. Really sweet.
And I would say until next time, shall we

keep it at handsome?

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.

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Hi, I'm Nicole Bayer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zemeda.

And this is the podcast: Best Friends.

And we're here at Headcom.

So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah.
We're best friends. Yeah.
We talk, and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.

So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.
We are professional friends. We are professional friends.

Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch videos on YouTube.
New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week.

I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were.
I'm really sorry. I was all the support.
I was so okay. I was trying to be supportive.
Yeah.

But I was like, wow, no, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot.
I think you did good. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.