Pretty Little Episode #65

Speaker 1 This is a Head Gun podcast.

Speaker 1 You know what's smart? Checking All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?

Speaker 1 Not checking the weather before scheduling your end-of-year yard sale. Nobody's going to buy your old jeans and that guitar you never got around to playing if it's pouring rain outside.

Speaker 1 Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.
You're in good hands with Allstate.

Speaker 1 Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Speaker 1 Cheers.

Speaker 1 Hello, it's your friend Tignotaro. I'm sitting here with my friend Mae Martin, joining you and Thomas Sigans.
Correct. Yeah.
Fortune is not here. We were supposed to do a full episode, but Fortune

Speaker 1 sold her house.

Speaker 1 She's moving, but then she said, well, her internet's down. And I thought,

Speaker 1 she's having an orgy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know that line.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, she didn't say my internet will be back up at 10.30.

Speaker 1 After I shower.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so we have pivoted to.

Speaker 1 What is this called? I was going to call it a mini episode. Yeah, a mini episode.
A pretty little episode. A pretty little episode.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Also, today was the first time in Handsome History that we logged on before Thomas. It was Tig and I just wait.
I was startled. I was startled.
Yeah. I was like,

Speaker 1 wow. Thomas isn't here.
Fortune isn't here. And we were just staring at each other.
We didn't say a word. No, we were like,

Speaker 1 it's you. It's you.

Speaker 1 How are you doing, anyways?

Speaker 1 I've never said that phrase in that way. It was a really weird.
It was like if I was cast in something and that was the dialogue, they'd go, just do that again. I did, I said something

Speaker 1 that made me laugh because I had never said that in my life. And I wonder what it was.
I left Stephanie a message this morning saying, oh my God.

Speaker 1 And I can't remember what it was. So apologies for that story that went nowhere.

Speaker 1 I liked it a lot. Thank you.
I have a thing with a friend where if we use a word or something that we don't normally use in a text, we write in brackets inst.

Speaker 1 So I-N-S-T, and it stands for I never say that. So it's slice.
So you'll be like, wow, that was appalling. And then in backwards, in brackets, inst.

Speaker 1 Inst.

Speaker 1 And did you make up inst?

Speaker 1 I think he did. I think he made up Inst.
Okay. Yeah.
Are you still trying to, you're still trying to remember the?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was so subtle and not weird because other people say it all the time, but it's that thing of like it would never normally come out of my mouth. And for some reason, it did on my morning walk today.

Speaker 1 Was it Yas Queen?

Speaker 1 I will jokingly say that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 yeah, Stephanie's still in London, so I have to leave her voice memos when something funny happens.

Speaker 1 She always makes fun of me because...

Speaker 1 When I get a coffee to go somewhere, I don't get a lid.

Speaker 1 Have I told you this? That's very interesting. Well, let me tell you why.
And I'm sure it makes no sense because of all the other toxins in the world and in the cup and in the coffee and whatever.

Speaker 1 But in my mind, if I have a plastic top on my cup and I'm pouring hot coffee into my mouth, then the hot coffee is heating up the plastic top and just pouring plastic into my mouth more more so than so.

Speaker 1 I don't get a top when I get a to-go coffee. Yeah, I'm on board with that.
Okay. And then Stephanie is so annoyed by me because I spill my coffee all

Speaker 1 day, all morning.

Speaker 1 When we're on our walk, I'll just, we'll be talking and having our coffee, taking our walk, and she'll hear me go, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 And then, and she looks at me, she's like, oh my God, why don't you put a top on? And I'm like, no, no, no, it's fine.

Speaker 1 And today, I haven't told her about this, but, you know, I have my little Cortado cup, which is so tiny. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 I lifted my hand up to, and if you're on YouTube, you can see the act out.

Speaker 1 Head on over. This is very important.
I have my little cup in my hand and I have an itch on my neck. And I used the hand that had the cup to itch on my neck.

Speaker 1 And the coffee came out of the cup, not just on my hands, but down my neck and on my shirt.

Speaker 1 And I was laughing so hard by myself because i was thinking if stephanie was with me she would be annihilating me because it's it's i'm like it it's a bad character and

Speaker 1 i think for sure this time i'm going to be able to finish our walk without getting coffee all over myself and it's impossible it's very like Kramer almost. It's like a

Speaker 1 quirk that I sort of like, of course it poured down your neck.

Speaker 1 I'm scratching my neck with a coffee cup in my hand. Where else is it going to go? A full lidless coffee.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I always feel

Speaker 1 really free and thrilled when you're rushing out the door in the morning and you get in the car,

Speaker 1 in my case, the Uber, and you have

Speaker 1 a mug of coffee. And you bring the mug with you.
That always feels really. really cool and bold.
I like that. Oh, oh my God.

Speaker 1 There's so many times I didn't even mean to be cool or bold where I've just walked out our door with Stephanie and I and we're like halfway down the street and I'm like, oh my God, I have my coffee mug.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't continue with it. I do bring it home because we usually walk for about an hour in the morning.
Do you mix up your, I want to say root, but would you say route?

Speaker 1 I say route, but I know what a route is. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 so I know what you're asking me. And when I mix it up, I just, I zigzag different streets at different times and different ways, but it's pretty much the same.

Speaker 1 And I am such the mayor of the town. And I'm sure everyone in town is the mayor of town because

Speaker 1 there's so many regulars of this guy is always sitting at the coffee shop and this person's always having a meeting outside of that restaurant. And

Speaker 1 it's very like, hey, good morning. Oh, hey, how's it going?

Speaker 1 So it's a nice feeling.

Speaker 1 I want to get to know my neighbors. I don't know any of them yet.

Speaker 1 They're mysterious to me, but I think it's because when I was a kid, my parents had this place in Greece and they lived there for like five years. Wow.

Speaker 1 And they were like, they made the mistake of getting to know all their neighbors right away. And just, it was a small village in Greece.

Speaker 1 And it was like constantly throughout the day, you'd hear, because my mom speaks Greek and you'd hear these old ladies coming down.

Speaker 1 the path you'd hear their feet and they'd go yasu wendy wendy like that and she'd be like oh my god it was always when she lay down for a nap or something. And they were so nice.

Speaker 1 They'd come with like honey or like some eggs from their chickens. And my mother.
Yeah. Yasu Wendy, Tikani.
Like that every morning.

Speaker 1 So I'm like,

Speaker 1 what if I make two good friends with my neighbors? And then. Well, did I tell you about my relationship with my next door neighbor? Maybe.
Tell me again. Owen and his family.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They make the most delicious lentil soup. Ooh, God.
I didn't see that coming. No, nor did we.
And they put it in a jar on our front doorstep. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then Stephanie makes the most delicious vegan banana bread. And then in exchange, a few days later, we go put the banana bread on their front porch.

Speaker 1 And so that's been

Speaker 1 something that we've done for,

Speaker 1 I mean, almost eight years. God, that's nice.
My thing is

Speaker 1 my problem at the moment with my house is animals. And,

Speaker 1 you know, I have my friend Matt and his girlfriend in the back house, Leslie. And Leslie is an animal.

Speaker 1 Leslie is a skunk. No, she's like befriended this stray cat, which is great.
And he had worms and they got him medicine. Like they're really, and he's so friendly.
His name is Dean. We name him Dean.

Speaker 1 And then, but she's getting a little bold and leaving him food out at night.

Speaker 1 And I went out the other day and it was like a Disney movie where I'm not kidding, at the same time there was a skunk, a raccoon, and a possum. Like they were hanging out.

Speaker 1 That sounds like the animal lottery to me. I mean, like you pull the latch and all three of those show up.
Yeah, and they were all just hanging. Yeah.
And it's a little, it's too wild back there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, this is getting crazy.
There was an owl that kind of dive bombed Leslie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the raccoon's not scared of people at all.

Speaker 1 He gets, and they're sniffing around for the cat food. So I don't know.
I got to lay down the law. I have a friend that has just fully gone with it.
Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Like with

Speaker 1 raccoons. Oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 And she has, you should follow her. It is the most hilarious thing.

Speaker 1 Everybody would tell you, do not feed raccoons. Yeah.
Her entire back patio is like 10 raccoons and they like bang on her door and she calls them her children. She's so funny.

Speaker 1 I actually haven't seen a post of hers in a while, but I'm certain they're

Speaker 1 eaten by raccoons. Oh, probably.

Speaker 1 I think also there's skunks in the mix, but she just goes for, she does not follow any rules. And I'm sure there's going to be people that are going to get upset hearing this and yell at us.

Speaker 1 But I'm not doing it. Becky is doing it.
This is not a nice.

Speaker 1 No, yeah.

Speaker 1 They are cute, but until they're not, you know, until they charge you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like Thomas. He's cute until he charges you.

Speaker 1 He will charge you. He'll come at you.
I told you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That's why

Speaker 1 you can't feed him too much. Yes, he'll get too comfortable.
But when you do feed him and you say you want to buy to this, what does he say? Yes, please. Yes, please.
Yes, please.

Speaker 1 You know what's smart? Checking all-state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?

Speaker 1 Not checking if you've got some doggy bags before taking the pup out for a walk. Let's all pitch in to keep the neighborhood sidewalks as clean as they can be.
Yeah, checking first is smart.

Speaker 1 So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.
Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

Speaker 1 Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

Speaker 1 All right, let's hear it. First one.

Speaker 2 Hi, May Fortune and Tig. This is Annie.
My question for you is: if Shania Twain appeared in front of you and said, let's go, girls, where would you be going and who would you be going with?

Speaker 1 Great question.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, I'd have a little chat about gender.

Speaker 1 But I, you know, Shania can call me. She can call me a girl.

Speaker 1 She can do no wrong. Wow.
Okay. Who would you go with and where? I think I'm going to

Speaker 1 an amusement park, like

Speaker 1 roller coasters.

Speaker 1 And I'm taking a lot of girls' pics.

Speaker 1 You know, you're going to have your propeller hat on. Yes, spinning on the coasters.
And

Speaker 1 it's going to be like a montage of. Actually, can I say, and this is maybe TMI, but I was.
Wait, do you know my whole feeling about TMI? No, tell me. Well, TMI

Speaker 1 is too little information. Yeah, you're right.
You're right. I like it.

Speaker 1 I was in a sexual situation and I never know what music to put on.

Speaker 1 And this person put on a playlist and Shania came on the list at a sort of crucial moment in the encounter. Was it Let's Go, Girls?

Speaker 1 It was indeed. And it was really a good moment.

Speaker 1 She was like, I'm going to change the song. And I was like, don't.

Speaker 1 What about whose bed have your boots been under? Do you know that song? No. No, that's a shania song.
Who's your sort of crew of girls, Teg, and what girls outing?

Speaker 1 I feel like for you, it's that party bus with like

Speaker 1 I mean, that that's, I mean,

Speaker 1 May is referencing a viral party bus video that happened. A lot of really fun friends were on that.

Speaker 1 Who was that? Glennon, Abby, Sarah,

Speaker 1 Holland Taylor, Holland Taylor, And then Amanda Klutz.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 who hugged you? Oh, yeah. Allison Janet.
And there was a whole gaggle of people. I mean,

Speaker 1 but not only did she hug me, she broke my ribs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, sent me flowers. But

Speaker 1 that's the crew that you got to assemble, I think.

Speaker 1 If I hear Let's Go, Girls. Yeah, Shania.

Speaker 1 I guess that's right. But also, I can't help but think, I mean, Shania,

Speaker 1 I'm so still deeply in the world of,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 Shania's song was Andrea and Meg's song. And I think if Shania said, let's go, girls, I would see that as an Andrea sign.
Right. You know? Yeah.
I'd be like, we're going to Andrea town. Yes.
You know?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I would assemble our

Speaker 1 gals. That's a good answer.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I do, I do love me some some Shania.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 She has so many hits that you forget about, too.

Speaker 1 So many, in fact, some you don't even know. Yeah.
Like, whose bed have your boots been under? I actually only know two.

Speaker 1 Should we hear Annie's answer?

Speaker 1 Annie, give it to us.

Speaker 2 My answer would be...

Speaker 2 Ideally,

Speaker 2 maybe

Speaker 2 getting on a private jet with some of my girlfriends and going to somewhere crazy like Australia.

Speaker 2 But you know, if we were on a budget, perhaps just getting together with my mom friends and going to brunch without our children.

Speaker 2 Anyways, love you guys. You guys make me giggle every day on my way to and from daycare.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 1 Oh, she was giggling on her way up.

Speaker 1 Have a little mimosa with your mom friends. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or go to Rhizoplites. Rise.
Yeah, my gosh.

Speaker 1 Good thing Fortune's not on this episode, or else we would have been derailed with some Rise-Ablights. Rise-up lights and Ginafalopez.
I can't do it.

Speaker 1 I think the closest thing I have to my gagala girls is, as we've talked about, I have childhood friends that I'm

Speaker 1 very tight with. Yeah, I think that's probably who I would take as well.
I'd take

Speaker 1 childhood friends. You know what I'd do? I'd pack them all in the lesbian party bus and take them to a Shania Twain party or a concert.
That's exactly what I would do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's sad that neither of us picked handsome.

Speaker 1 Like you, me, and Fortune on an outing. Let's go, ladies.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's go, girls and me.

Speaker 1 I used to do this stand-up show at the improv. I think I actually was in a few different places when I first started out, and it was called Pretty Funny Women.
Okay. And

Speaker 1 I used to call it Pretty Funny Women and Tig.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 Listen, it's a spectrum. Yeah, it sure is.
Should we hear another one? I think we should.

Speaker 3 Good morning, Fortune May and Tig. My name is Gabby, and I'm a pretty little lady who's originally from Wichita, Kansas.
Shout out to my mama, who also listens to this podcast.

Speaker 3 I am looking for some advice as an aspiring artist.

Speaker 3 So recently, I started sharing my work on TikTok.

Speaker 3 I do spoken word poetry, and I find video footage online and edit it and then I put my voice over it.

Speaker 3 My question for y'all is this.

Speaker 3 When you're putting out work for a wider audience, how do you stay true to yourself and not cave into pressure to maybe stay relevant or relate to a wider audience even if that's not what you're truly wanting to do?

Speaker 3 So what I mean by that is I feel like there's a lot of pressure nowadays to

Speaker 3 burn and turn content to post things to fit an algorithm or to stay relevant with more people.

Speaker 3 However, I only want to post work when I feel inspired and when something tickles my fancy and I want to share it with the rest of the world.

Speaker 3 And so I'm wondering, how do you stay grounded in yourself when there's all of these external pressures on you?

Speaker 1 Well, Tig, I know you're an expert on TikTok.

Speaker 1 Are you on TikTok? No, I...

Speaker 1 I think that's passed me by. I think someone sent me up a TikTok account and I haven't done it, but I relate to the question a lot.
Like once you get on that hamster wheel of

Speaker 1 wanting to constantly have an output so that you can generate momentum, but I don't think that's a good approach. I think it's okay to go quiet and then

Speaker 1 only do stuff that you're, I mean, it's tough though. In this, I think it just depends on what you're looking for.
If you want to have that hamster wheel

Speaker 1 like financial security, where you're like, this churning stuff out, and

Speaker 1 but I can't, I just

Speaker 1 i can't make myself create things but i certainly i mean i guess i could force myself but i just i just don't enjoy that process i like when i'm kind of

Speaker 1 i'm at

Speaker 1 an interesting place right now in that i have material that i haven't fully

Speaker 1 explored. It's just bits and pieces.

Speaker 1 And I was actually thinking this morning that I need to sit down and see how much deeper I can go with these concepts and just any other twists and turns I just haven't thought about.

Speaker 1 But like to actually sit down and

Speaker 1 force myself to find something funny, I can't do that. But if something,

Speaker 1 I mean, I could do that. I don't like to do that.

Speaker 1 But if something naturally strikes me, I make a note, I write it down, and then I explore it later. But I have to do it naturally or else it just does not feel good to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I feel similarly. So maybe the answer for her, though, if you're doing, if you're doing short form content

Speaker 1 with spoken word is like, and you don't want to do it if you're not inspired.

Speaker 1 So rather than forcing yourself to do it, it's thinking laterally, how do I

Speaker 1 cultivate inspiration in my life? Like, how do I make that percentage of time that I'm feeling creative and sparkly? And, you know, what makes me feel like that?

Speaker 1 And how can I generate more of that feeling? Like, what people do I like collaborating with? That's always a good thing. If you're like,

Speaker 1 I got nothing, but you have a friend who makes you feel funny or creative and you can

Speaker 1 get you out of your head. I don't know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I personally don't. I don't think it's good to think about.
And this isn't like a negative against. the audience, but I don't think it's good to think about them.
Yeah. I really don't.
I do agree.

Speaker 1 Like, I, especially, well, just with my recent experience with Wayward, like pitching it, there, there was so much anxiety around. Oh, Wayward, you mean the number one show in the world? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. There was so much anxiety around

Speaker 1 genre and tone and algorithms and like. Like, is it a comedy or is it a thriller or drama?

Speaker 1 And you do kind of have to tune that out and be like, well, it's a story and the tone will serve serve the story. And

Speaker 1 yeah, because otherwise you fall into like tropes and things. Yeah.
Yeah. Or you're just not connected at all to what you're doing.

Speaker 1 If you're thinking, oh, this is what is popular right now, or this is what everyone else is doing. Or I don't know.
I mean, I, I know

Speaker 1 it works for some. It just, you have to figure out.
if that feels right to you or not. And it's easier said than done.
And I know everybody's got to make a living too.

Speaker 1 But I just think if when I think about the things that have really like lit me on fire as a fan of people, it's always weird. Like, like Pee Wee Herman was, that was unlike anything, you know, and

Speaker 1 he stuck to his guns

Speaker 1 there or like, you know, yeah, Twin Peaks or, you know what I mean? Things that were just so singular.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And by the way, you accidentally just said the title of your next stand-up special. I did?

Speaker 1 What was it? I think you're going to be very excited to find out that your next comedy special is called Sticking to My Guns and you're in a tank top.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 we cracked it.

Speaker 1 And I've contoured the shit out of them. They're gleaming in the sticking to my guns.
Yeah, sticking to my guns. Bang, bang.
In parentheses.

Speaker 1 Really attract the NRA audience.

Speaker 1 And And they'll be so disappointed when they turn it on.

Speaker 1 Oh, but the right audience won't be disappointed when they see your guns. Hey, all right.
Well, that was a fun episode.

Speaker 1 And that was a little, tiny, pretty little episode coming straight to you from Tig and May. Thanks for sending your questions.
Keep sending them in.

Speaker 1 Submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. We would really appreciate it.
We want to hear from you.

Speaker 1 Well, and you know, I have to say, to follow up on that last question, this podcast is a perfect example of doing what you want, doing what feels right.

Speaker 1 You know, people have suggested, hey, interview people, or hey, what if you do this? Or maybe you shouldn't do that. And it's not that we don't care about the audience.
It's that as

Speaker 1 artists and performers, you have to make sure you're enjoying what you do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's always the thing that people end up connecting with. Yeah, the specificity.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, that just reminded me of that because there's a million podcasts interviewing celebrities, and there's so many wonderful ones out there. But that's not what this show is.

Speaker 1 This show is exactly what this show is. Exactly.

Speaker 1 It's dumb and it is fun. Yeah, it's fun, dumb, and silly.
And sometimes it's tear jerky. Yes, every now and then.

Speaker 1 But that's what it is. So, yeah, submit your questions and advice to speakpipe.com/slash handsomepod.
And also go to handsomepod.com for merchandise.

Speaker 1 Share episodes that you love with friends that you love, family members you love, people you cannot stand. Send them an episode and say to join this handsome crew.

Speaker 1 I guess all that remains is to remind everyone to keep it pretty

Speaker 1 handsome.

Speaker 1 Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Speaker 1 Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

Speaker 1 What a

Speaker 1 podcast!

Speaker 1 That was a hit gum podcast.

Speaker 1 You know what's smart? Checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?

Speaker 1 Not checking what time the tour starts when you visit a a new museum. The only thing I enjoy more than a museum is an expertly guided tour through a museum.

Speaker 1 So you know I'm going to be waiting in the lobby at 10 a.m. sharp.
Yeah, checking first is smart. So check All State First for a quote that could save you hundreds.
You're in good hands with Allstate.

Speaker 1 Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability.
Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.