Season 5, Ep 81 - Tiny Lizard (w/ Mayanna Berrin)

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Speaker 3 Now, while we ponder the choices before us and what kind of people we've become, let's sit back and enjoy the show.

Speaker 1 Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the Magical Land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Niekamp.
If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Speaker 1 Over 10 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon.

Speaker 1 Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, The Ruffled Feather, in McShingleshane Forest, on the outskirts of Hogsface in the magical land of Foon.

Speaker 1 And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, my good bud. He's my cousin, Chunt the Talking Badger.
Charmed, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Thanks for having me, Arnie. Oh, Chunt,

Speaker 1 what is this whole new look you've got going on? Well, it's a pleasure to be here. I appreciate your time and your signal boost.

Speaker 1 Of course, I now wear glasses. I'm not sure signal boost.

Speaker 1 What do you mean by that? I don't know what it means. I saw it on your phone.
I assumed it was something... positive.
You've been saying a lot of terms you've seen from my phone lately.

Speaker 1 You've also been talking about holding space, signal boosting, plastic. Arnie, let's put a pin in this and circle back because I am wearing glasses nowadays and this little scarf.

Speaker 1 Because, Arnie, I am now a bestseller.

Speaker 1 This little book I wrote, the little book about Narni

Speaker 1 about me, like

Speaker 1 thinly veiled about me. We talked about this.
We talked about this. Arnie, would you believe it's moved 1200 eunuchs?

Speaker 1 Now, of course, in Foon. Wait, they've been emotionally affected by your book, 1200.

Speaker 1 To become a bestseller, you have to emotionally sort of

Speaker 1 stimulate some eunuchs. If they tear up, if they cry, if they laugh, that's how they rate it.
So I've moved 1200 eunuchs, and I'm a bestseller. So, Arnie, thank you so much for having me.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Sip of coffee from a big mug, sets it down, crosses my legs.
Who else do we have on the show tonight? Oh, well. Do I need to move down on the couch?

Speaker 1 No, Chunt, first of all, you're not the guest.

Speaker 1 You're my co-host. You're not here to just talk about your book, although we can talk about your book.
We can talk about that later.

Speaker 1 And, Arnie, I do have an autograph copy for you here. Okay.

Speaker 1 There's just like a muddy paw print on top of this. That's my autograph? Oh.
I guess.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. I haven't realized this is how you autograph.
We have neither of us have been asked for our autograph in the 10 and a half years we've been doing this podcast. That is weird.

Speaker 1 You'd think somebody...

Speaker 1 Somebody would want our autograph. Nobody's wanted our autograph.
That's a little interesting. Yeah.
Anyway, speaking of someone else who

Speaker 1 you do not want to see his autograph, Usidor the Wizard. Why are the chairs all piled up over here?

Speaker 1 Usidor. Do I sit on the couch now?

Speaker 1 Chunt, scoot over. Yep, absolutely.
And this is my coffee here. Let me scooch this down.

Speaker 1 Mostly coffee. Winks at the camera.
Arnie, where's the camera at? There's no camera.

Speaker 1 We haven't pivoted to video, much to the chagrin of everyone we work with. not sure what a camera looks like, but okay.
Chun, did you somehow morning talk showify this corner of the tavern?

Speaker 1 Arnie, pick up the cards I made for you. You have a stack of cards, and that's going to prompt everything.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Also, it would be funny if you drank wine and got drunk. I think a lot of people would relate to you doing that in the morning, because that's funny.
It's funny that you're drinking on the job. Sure.

Speaker 1 It's charming. I guess so.
I mean, I'm usually drinking on the job, but I don't really like wine.

Speaker 1 Oh. I don't like wine.

Speaker 1 So we do this in a tavern.

Speaker 1 So, it's normal to drink here in a tavern. It's not abnormal.

Speaker 1 Anyway, my other co-host, Usidor the Wizard.

Speaker 1 I am Usador, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Tarakus.

Speaker 1 The Elves know me as Fianyalk. The Dwarves know me as Zonan and Hookstanges.
And I am known throughout the Northeast as Gasmanius Maystar.

Speaker 1 And I

Speaker 1 have a new chapter of my book ready. Oh,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 Chun has written his children's book, and now you saw you barely had started a book.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I started over from scratch, so uh, because everyone hated my book last week, so

Speaker 1 uh, I started a new uh book that's about the erotic adventures of a wizard. Oh, fuck, yes.

Speaker 1 Is it a children's book?

Speaker 1 Funnily enough, no. Oh,

Speaker 1 good.

Speaker 1 It is quite erotically charged. And should I read part of the first little excerpt from the first chapter for you? I guess.
I think that would be good.

Speaker 1 The wizard rose from his seat and walked across the room, where he transformed himself into a giant eagle. And then, once he flew into the sky, he saw a horse.

Speaker 1 That horse was beautiful and majestic, and he landed atop the horse. And

Speaker 1 then I was gonna ask you guys.

Speaker 1 So horny. This is so far, this is so horny.
Is it

Speaker 1 oh, so thank you for yelling woohoo at my beautifully erotic story. Was that you, Ani?

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, there's a little lizard.

Speaker 1 A surprise guest. Okay.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 4 Hello. I'm Scrunch.
That thing about turning into a giant eagle, is that true? Did that really happen? You can do that? Is that real?

Speaker 1 Oh, well, of course, I can transform myself into just about anything.

Speaker 1 I'm one of the most powerful wizards in all of Foon. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Speaker 4 Pleasure to meet you. I am Scrunch.
As I said, I have traveled far, far from the land of La Guardia, where all talking lizards come from. And I have just a humble request.

Speaker 4 I am so sorry to interrupt your

Speaker 4 morning show, was it?

Speaker 4 Can you turn me into a dragon, please?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 you sir go ahead and I would love to

Speaker 4 yeah let's do it right now

Speaker 4 well I the thing is uh do you have the proper paperwork oh um okay so I have it in triplicate and it's sorry it's on a leaf it's all that I could carry on my tiny lizard body but when I'm a dragon I'll be able to carry all the documentation anyone will ever need here you go okay these leaves seem to check out

Speaker 1 screenshot While he's looking through this stuff, I'm just going to let you know. You turning into a dragon, it feels like a sort of second or third act thing.

Speaker 1 So, like, he's going to bullshit through this paperwork for a long time. I'm just letting you know.
It's probably not going to move as fast as it feels like it is right this moment.

Speaker 4 That makes sense.

Speaker 1 And Scrunch,

Speaker 1 just so you know,

Speaker 1 and I'm Chunt, by the way.

Speaker 1 So nice to meet a fellow animal.

Speaker 1 At some point, we are going to have Usidor make salsa. We're all going to put on aprons and we're going to move to the kitchen set where he's going to make salsa.

Speaker 1 Um, and make what and things are gonna go crazy. So just be prepared to make salsa

Speaker 1 and fake it till you make it. Even if you don't know what that is, just big smile, maybe drop something because that'll be funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.

Speaker 4 I also cut, I cut a little apron out of a sock. Hang on, I'm gonna just put that on.

Speaker 1 Oh, my goddesses, look at that. Oh, my goddesses!

Speaker 1 Oh god, we gotta pivot the video. I think uh

Speaker 1 Chanta Ani, um, yeah, what is it, Yusudor? I'm thinking that perhaps uh

Speaker 1 that you know, Scrunch is extremely cute. Very small little lizard, very charming.
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 Are we at all concerned that they may be stepping on Momo's territory? And should we fire Momo?

Speaker 1 Momo wants to be a dragon? No, no, no, no. Momo's a mouse with human strength.
Very adorable, very charming. But, you know, we have small, charming little creatures.
You know, how we have also Chunt.

Speaker 1 Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
You're charming in a different way. you're sort of a rap scallion yeah a bit of a scamp um

Speaker 1 you're so right also i think spintax kind of steps on your tail so go watch maybe we move spintax in we we should only just have one of everything i guess wait oh no wait hang on no no no spintax is a fucking prick let's get that straight everyone used to love him then he became an evil wizard like the rest of the wizards and i still fight for the forces of good yay woohoo sorry i eavesdropped on the huddle i no one can really notice when I sneak on in there because I'm trying to get a little bit more.

Speaker 1 I know you're so small. You can wiggle into any huddle, seems like.

Speaker 4 Sure can.

Speaker 4 I hear lots of things.

Speaker 1 Well, I've gone over the paperwork and everything seems to check out, but

Speaker 1 there are a few formalities that I like to do in these cases.

Speaker 1 Why is it you wish to become a dragon?

Speaker 4 I'm so glad you asked me that question.

Speaker 4 Where I come from in LaGuardia, I am the smallest of all the lizards.

Speaker 4 There are bigger lizards than me, and they all make fun of me, and they see that I'm just a tiny little guy and I can't do anything. And then, you know, I get sort of dark feelings inside of me.

Speaker 4 But one day, when I'm a dragon, I'm gonna go back to LaGuardia, and I'm gonna stomp on everybody, and I'm gonna tell them to cower.

Speaker 4 Men will cower before me, maidens will throw gold at me, and they will all

Speaker 4 cower before the villainous Toothclaw. That's my dragon name.

Speaker 1 Do you cower in fear? of my dragon?

Speaker 1 Toothclaw, toothclaw,

Speaker 4 and those are two sharp things at the same time.

Speaker 1 Right. I love that.
That's a very specific vibe. You're like, I want men to cower in front of me and women to throw money at me.

Speaker 1 Look, I'm perfectly familiar with the revenge monologue. I've given many myself, but it is a warning sign.
I just want you to know: if I grant you the power of a dragon,

Speaker 1 that is a great responsibility.

Speaker 4 I know, isn't it exciting?

Speaker 1 Yes, and with great responsibility comes great power.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 4 yeah. Okay, I got it.
Yeah. So I'm going to be really responsible for how powerful I am.
And I'm going to have all these powers.

Speaker 4 I'm going to breathe fire, and sometimes my claws will turn into ice daggers, and I can throw them at people, and it'll be so cool.

Speaker 1 Hold on, you want to be an ice dragon?

Speaker 4 No, no, no, no, no. Okay, so here's what I was thinking.

Speaker 1 Because that's a whole different thing.

Speaker 4 No, no, no. So I was thinking the head of a fire dragon.

Speaker 1 Let me write this down.

Speaker 4 Of a lightning dragon, the claws of an ice dragon, the belly of an acid dragon, and a dragon.

Speaker 1 Oh, the belly of an ass dragon? Oh, acid dragon.

Speaker 4 Acid acid dragon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dragon.

Speaker 1 I would love for someone to say that guy's got a belly like an ass.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 this is a lot you're asking for. You're not asking just to be a fire-breathing dragon.
You're asking to be a fire

Speaker 1 electric ice acid

Speaker 4 dragon.

Speaker 4 Oh, and the tail is poison.

Speaker 1 The tail is poison.

Speaker 4 Which is different than acid.

Speaker 1 So, wait a minute. You want to be a full-on flip.
Flip, of course, standing for fire, lightning, ice, poison.

Speaker 4 Yes, and acid. So a flipper.
I want to be a flipper dragon.

Speaker 1 A flipper. Mm-hmm.
What about grass type? You're going to get grass type in there? Psychic?

Speaker 4 Maybe, maybe, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I can read minds, and I can read the minds of all the plants.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Sounds pretty boring there.
Essentially,

Speaker 1 this is going to take a lot of work.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of different types of dragons that you want to be. Okay.

Speaker 1 So it's going to take me a little time to kind of cobble a spell together. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know, it feels more like maybe a third act thing.

Speaker 1 If you give me just a couple hours. Third act even? Let's be clear.
Usidor has never done anything close to as cool as this.

Speaker 1 Did you hear the chapter of my erotic novel? About how you got out of a chair?

Speaker 1 Well, hold on. He didn't get out of a chair.
Someone called the wizard. Someone called the wizard.
I see. Nope.
No first name.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, you know what? Let's take a quick break. And when we come back, Yusidor the Blue is going to be showing us how to make his famous salsa.
We'll be right back, folks. What is salsa?

Speaker 1 Arnie, big smile. Big smile.
He magically lost the ability to know what salsa is or something like that.

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Speaker 1 So, Scrunch, you're from LaGuardia. It sounds like you haven't been there in a little bit.
I've heard it's gotten good. I heard it's good now.

Speaker 4 It's gotten pretty good. Yeah, we've had a lot of really nice

Speaker 4 additions.

Speaker 4 The iguanas and the chameleons really brought a lot to the table.

Speaker 1 I see.

Speaker 1 There's like a nice water feature.

Speaker 4 Yeah, oh, yeah,

Speaker 4 the big lake. It's been really nice.
We all kind of gather around there. We find our favorite rocks to lay out on the sun upon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's really come a long way. Yeah, and I think there's an artichoke pizza in there now.

Speaker 4 There is.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we find all the artichokes ourselves. We steal them from the farmers who live in the little town over, and we bring them over and we chop them up, and everybody has one.
It's great. Wow.

Speaker 4 Pretty nice time.

Speaker 1 What you, you mentioned the chameleons and the iguanas.

Speaker 1 If it's not rude to ask, Scrunch,

Speaker 1 what kind of lizard are you?

Speaker 4 That's the problem.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Oh, no.

Speaker 4 When I hatched out of my lizard egg, I was all alone and I didn't know what other. I walked around and everyone was like, what kind of lizard are you? And I was like, I don't know.

Speaker 4 And I still don't know. And I traveled far and wide and I asked people, hey, what kind of lizard am I? And people would say, get out of our bed.
We're sleeping.

Speaker 4 And so I decided I would become the greatest lizard. I saw one flying in the sky one day and I thought, that's a dragon.
Because it was one.

Speaker 4 And I was going to become that and then I'd never wonder what kind of lizard I was ever again.

Speaker 1 Yeah wow that's a type of story that would move a eunuch.

Speaker 4 You really think so?

Speaker 1 I think so. Here's my card.
Oh, I'm

Speaker 1 oh um yeah just eat that and

Speaker 1 we'll circle back.

Speaker 1 Oh, I understand. I remember everything I eat.

Speaker 1 And here's what I think I can do for you. I've been I've been I've been crunching the numbers over here.

Speaker 1 and I think that I could definitely make you a dragon mm-hmm a mid-sized dragon with a fire claw and a lightning claw

Speaker 1 and like I like an icy stare. They won't like shoot ice, but like people you'll be like they'll be like oh it'll feel like it like oh what's

Speaker 1 they mad at me? What's going on? I love it I love it.

Speaker 4 I love it. Let's do it.
Let's do it right now.

Speaker 1 Can I no no like you do whatever is good for you i would say maybe no ice dragon stuff i feel like people just aren't really into ice right now

Speaker 4 oh you're right given how snowy it is outside yeah

Speaker 4 people don't want any more ice right now

Speaker 4 too much ice i say yeah it's like fuck that ice you're right too much yeah get out of our city what about a stare that makes it feel like you're being burned alive by acid oh

Speaker 1 okay yeah you could give him an acidic stare sure we can do that.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna have to

Speaker 1 recalculate this, though.

Speaker 1 How do eye powers work? Like, you've got acid eyes. Are you at any risk to yourself?

Speaker 4 Oh, I bet it's one of those things where it's like, you know, how tears are salty, but like your eyes don't feel that when you cry? I bet it's like that.

Speaker 1 It's like that. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, if they kind of sit in the acid, they don't feel it. Yeah.
Whatever happened, Arnie, remember, like, seven years ago, you asked you to give you Betty Davis eyes?

Speaker 1 Did that ever pan out?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 you tell me.

Speaker 1 I can't really see a difference, but I'll trust you on that. I forgot to specify the age.
I can barely see. Yeah,

Speaker 1 if you have acidic eyes, clearly the nature of your eyes are

Speaker 1 made to live

Speaker 1 in an acidic state.

Speaker 1 That makes sense.

Speaker 1 That's just the nature of it. What I still don't understand is how does Superman cut his hair? Huh? Arnie kept telling us about Superman.
Oh, it's a thing from here. Oh, Arnie's from another world.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you're aware.

Speaker 4 I think I heard something about that. Yeah.
People have talked about this tavern to me, and they're like, there's a wizard there, but there's another guy who's talking about Chicago.

Speaker 4 And sometimes people don't know what he's talking about. So that sounds like a thing that would check out.
Superman, that sounds like, is he a hero?

Speaker 1 He's like a dragon, right, Arnie?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 no, he's he's sort of like

Speaker 1 faster than a speeding bullet. Well, he shoots fire from his eyes and he breathes ice.
Well, he shoots lasers, and I guess he flies. He does fly.

Speaker 4 Usidor, yes.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 4 I want to be Superman.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 all right.

Speaker 1 All right, I have to read. I have to start over from the beginning here.
I mean, this is getting a little more exciting. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Carry the eight. Scrunch, I appreciate that you were born, you hashed out of your egg, and you didn't know who you were, and you went on a journey of self-discovery.

Speaker 1 And at some point, you were like, you know what? I'm not trying to find myself. I'm trying to find someone else and be them.

Speaker 4 Yeah, exactly. I don't like who I am.

Speaker 1 Oh, Scrunch. None of us do.
Oh!

Speaker 4 Well, did you try turning into a dragon or Superman? That sounds like you should try being Superman.

Speaker 1 Should we all become Superman? I mean, if Usidor can do that.

Speaker 4 If there's so many Supermans, maybe we can finally end the Wizard War.

Speaker 1 Oops. Oops, all soups? Oops, all soups.
Could that be an episode?

Speaker 4 I have a question.

Speaker 4 Is Superman a man who is made out of soup? I just have to ask.

Speaker 1 Ani, I don't know. Is Superman made all out of soup? He's not, as far as I know, made out of soup.

Speaker 1 Okay, good. Oh, but you said humans are like 98.7% soup, right? You said they're mostly soup? Yeah, they're mostly soup.
That's wild. Whoa.
That is wild.

Speaker 4 So you're your own kind of superman.

Speaker 1 Especially in the fall. Oh.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's see.

Speaker 1 I don't know that I can turn you into Superman.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 1 I can definitely turn you into Booster Gold.

Speaker 4 Who's that?

Speaker 1 I don't even know. I don't know.
I just heard Arnie talk about it. I just, yeah, I was, I've been saying things.
Here's the problem.

Speaker 1 For 10 and a half years, I've just been talking about bullshit, and I didn't know that these two were paying attention. I didn't know that they were taking any of it in.

Speaker 1 It's like that, is it Sondheim song? Careful what you say, children. Listen,

Speaker 1 wow, didn't sound like a song.

Speaker 1 I have to run. Just listen to my

Speaker 1 okay. I wrote that down too.
Yes, seven episodes from now, they're going to be talking about Sondheim.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Is Steven Sondheim also a dragon, or is he more like a Superman?

Speaker 1 He's like both. He's just a magical being.
He can just be nothing. Yes.

Speaker 4 Can I be Steven Sondheim?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 let me see.

Speaker 1 All right, I have to do something to get rid of the cave. Usur, that would be so helpful for your quest.
We need someone that can finish the hat.

Speaker 4 That's exciting. What happened to the hat?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what happened to the hat? Oh no, it's not finished. Oh my god.
Oh no. Oh no.
Usur, add, finish the hat.

Speaker 4 And it's snowing outside.

Speaker 1 This is a very different kind of spell. I think we'll have to go high in a tower much higher than yours, just as unwakable.

Speaker 1 Ooh,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 4 And I feel like there's a part that's like,

Speaker 1 and I completely forgot about the segment. Thank you all for coming, but we're gonna get to salsa.
Yes, right now. We're gonna get to salsa.
Yes, right now. We're gonna cook salsa, everyone.

Speaker 1 We're gonna cook salsa today.

Speaker 1 Put on our aprons, put on your socks, scrunch. Yep.
All right.

Speaker 1 The best thing about this is I don't know if there's a song happening or you're all just talking weird. It's more patter, I guess.
I guess I'll cut up tomatoes. I sound stupid, though.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean, we can continue to.

Speaker 4 squishing.

Speaker 4 I have tiny little lizard hands, but if there's like small vegetables, I can squish them real good.

Speaker 1 Oh, chunt, is there any way we could

Speaker 1 reconfigure this segment into a guacamole segment?

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Yeah.
Here, smash up these avocados. Get to town.

Speaker 4 Got it, boss.

Speaker 1 Squish, squish, squish. Chunt, chunt.
Yeah. Is it just me? Or Scrunch is delightful.
So helpful and positive. I just feel bad that

Speaker 1 they feel so bad about themselves. Yeah, I'm not thrilled that Usur said smash these avocados and Scrunch is squishing them, but that aside,

Speaker 1 100% 10 out of 10 delightful. Sure, sure.
I'm just worried about the Guacamole segment. Yeah, it's really

Speaker 1 going to shit, this guacamole segment.

Speaker 1 And Arnie, think about it.

Speaker 1 If we, Scrunch is so affable and friendly and kind, if Scrunch gets turned into a dragon, we could then possibly ride Scrunch into battle against Spintax to stop him from destroying the Northeast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just put some brown sugar in that.

Speaker 4 You got it, boss.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Shunt, that's a good thing. While they're working on this, I've been meaning to talk to you.

Speaker 1 Since we found out that Spintax is going to try to take over the Northeast, and if he does that, he will be able to conquer all of Foon. I've been trying to send messages to Tomblane Bellaroth.

Speaker 1 He keeps killing the messengers and sending them back. I just keep, every day I keep getting dead birds.

Speaker 1 I tried to send a wolf with batwings, which is the most reliable but most dangerous way to send a message.

Speaker 1 He just sent this wolf head back.

Speaker 1 Oh, that is disgusting. And Arnie, I do need to come clean.
Wait, the wolf dead?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 4 Oh, do you want a wolf head in the guacamole?

Speaker 1 Or.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no. That's okay.

Speaker 1 This is how you make it, but I went ahead and made some beforehand. So here's how you make brown sugar and beef guacamole.

Speaker 1 Arnie, I do have to come clean.

Speaker 1 Those words were.

Speaker 1 You can't expected to let those words just slide,

Speaker 1 so to speak.

Speaker 1 Those birds were a gift from me. I tend to bring you a dead bird every morning as just sort of a gift.
Oh, because you're like my owner.

Speaker 1 So maybe those warning messages I've sent to Tom Blaine have been received. I'm just assuming that he's

Speaker 1 still angry at me.

Speaker 1 Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm your owner, you said? I'm sorry, I didn't want to

Speaker 1 hold on to that.

Speaker 4 I also heard it. Sorry, I didn't mean to, but I just couldn't help myself.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I've always tried to avoid calling you a pet, but it seems like you've put yourself into that pet category now. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I thought the scarf was like a card, like a character choice, not like a collar type situation.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I guess it could be sort of a collar.

Speaker 1 You know, the more I'm just a badger and I've lost all magical ability, the more I just feel like, I don't know, sort of a want or a need to be like taken care of, I guess.

Speaker 1 And if being a pet provides that, then

Speaker 1 you know, maybe I'm a pet. Sure.

Speaker 1 Can you be my pet, buddy? Do you want me to start introducing you as my pet? Hmm.

Speaker 1 Maybe. I kind of like it.
We can workshop it. Yeah, just live with it a little bit.
Let's try this guacabole.

Speaker 1 Oh, brown sugared beef, my favorite.

Speaker 1 Yum.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's sweet. That is sweet, guac.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is terrible.

Speaker 1 Why are you guys pretending to like it? It's awful.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I said it's sweet. I didn't say it's good.
Oh,

Speaker 1 sorry. Sorry.

Speaker 1 It's like cloyingly. It's like sapron sweet.
Yeah. Oh, I put some apple cider in there, too.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 4 I feel like there's got to be another name for what this is besides guacamole.

Speaker 1 Just trash pile pot. Holy shit.
Yeah, trash pot.

Speaker 1 Well, that's how you make trash pile. Okay.

Speaker 1 Next week, we'll have a new segment where we make a...

Speaker 1 Ooh, make a lizard a dragon. Next week, we'll be making a lizard into a dragon.
Wow!

Speaker 1 Scrunch, Scrunch, can I talk to you privately for a moment?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can climb up into your pocket or I can be in your hand or...

Speaker 1 Pocket sounds good. Yeah, or the shirt pocket.
There we go. Oh,

Speaker 1 user, what the fuck is this? Is that lizard his pet now? Right in his pocket?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It seems like really stumping on your territory.
So, Scrunch,

Speaker 1 I'm really hopeful that you can get everything you want.

Speaker 1 You want to be a dragon.

Speaker 1 But I just want to direct your attention to the whole garbage pile situation. So, Usidor tried to make guacamole, and he made a garbage pile.
Yeah. So, I just want to.
Trash pile.

Speaker 1 So, I just want to calibrate your expectations on this whole becoming a dragon thing. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Is any of this getting through to you? Oh,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I didn't think so. You're so adorable, Scrunch.

Speaker 4 Oh, thanks.

Speaker 4 I don't want to be a trash pile.

Speaker 4 Do you think he's going to put the tail where the eyes should be or the teeth where the toes should be? I don't want to turn into a freak of nature.

Speaker 1 At minimum, one thing is going to be where something else is supposed to be. At minimum.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Ha! I've done it!

Speaker 1 I can easily make you into a Komodo dragon wearing a cape, a red cape. Whoa.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say no to that.

Speaker 4 How do I, how do I, um, how do I politely, um, how do I politely decline the offer?

Speaker 1 Well, you don't have to politely decline yet. First, hear all the details.
Okay. Be a Komodo dragon with a red cape, like Superman,

Speaker 1 but you might have a third eye. I can't say where.

Speaker 1 And Scrunch, I typically, when I want to sort of politely decline, I give a big smile, give a big thumbs up, and say, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Well, I'll keep.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 1 I'll keep working on it. Okay, we have time.
I'll keep working on it. Don't worry.
It's just my

Speaker 1 first draft, early draft.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a first draft? Is that like it's like, does it get better or does it get worse?

Speaker 1 I think he's working on the screenplay of his novel. I don't know.

Speaker 4 Oh, no, but it's not done yet. It's only one scene.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Exactly. He's, he's, I'm like, I keep telling him, write your book.
Don't, don't already already work on the screenplay and the stage production. He's just working on too many stuff.

Speaker 1 He's working on action figures. What? But for the wizard?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he hasn't even named the wizard yet in the book, and he's making action figures.

Speaker 4 I just don't feel like I have enough affinity for the character to care enough to have a physical embodiment of it on my lizard shelf made out of style.

Speaker 1 And you never will. And you never will.
I'm pretty sure. User, what's this drawing? Kung Fuck Action Grip? Yeah, that's Kung Fuck Action Grip.
Yeah, I'm working on the Kung fuck action grip.

Speaker 1 It's got to have an ab crunch so it can really get into all those, you know, real sexy parts.

Speaker 4 Arnie, does the wizard know martial arts?

Speaker 1 Is that part of the development of the character?

Speaker 1 I don't think the wizard knows anything. I'm sorry, Chunt.

Speaker 1 That's a typo. I meant to write marital arts.
Oh, I was going to say, you know partial arts.

Speaker 1 In a pinch, you could probably kick someone. Yeah, oh, oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Arnie, this story is going to be bad. We have to do something.

Speaker 1 No, just let him fail for a long time. That's what I usually do.

Speaker 1 Chunt, while I've got you alone, uh, can I ask you a quick question? Yeah, anything. You were listening to my story before and the eagle landed on the horse.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that was my favorite part, actually. So, what happens next?

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know. Can I read more?

Speaker 1 No, no, I'm asking you. Like, I think something sexy should happen after that.
But I was like,

Speaker 1 is it like

Speaker 1 a wing on a thigh or something? Oh, maybe the horse is wearing a bra and the eagle accidentally with its talon like undoes the bra? Ah, funny and sexy. I love it.
Or the horse says, undo my bra, baby.

Speaker 1 Scrunch. I have to help.
I have to help. No, scrunch.
We just met. I know this is a lot to put on a stranger.

Speaker 1 I am worried. We are doomed.
I am worried. We are fucking doomed.

Speaker 4 I have to save the. I have to be Superman.

Speaker 1 Usidore.

Speaker 4 Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear that idea.

Speaker 4 I know that I want to be a dragon, but I'm actually also a girl. And I think that you would perhaps benefit from a female perspective.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, little lady, just placed an order for 500 action figures of a horse and lingerie. No,

Speaker 4 no, Lucidor, Lucidor.

Speaker 4 And my many travels, I have seen romance, and typically it involves

Speaker 4 connection.

Speaker 4 So, does the what does the wizard want?

Speaker 1 Oh, uh, well, the wizard wants to stop evil in all its forms and uh-huh, and make a great

Speaker 1 name for himself so that he may

Speaker 1 spread goodness and freedom and health and happiness throughout all of Foon. Or whatever the name of this world is.

Speaker 1 You know, it's not necessarily here. For sure.

Speaker 4 What does that have to do with romance?

Speaker 1 Oh, good point.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you kind of... You know, sometimes, because if there, that's a lot of stuff in Uzadora, sorry, the wizard's life already.

Speaker 4 And, you know, if there were a maiden, perhaps she might be like, where am I in all of this? You know?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good one. Or a horse.
Or a horse, yes. In a bra.
It's an excellent point. I'm going to change this, my script.
I'm going to put the word evil in front of all the instances of horse.

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 4 so an enemies to lovers situation.

Speaker 1 No, it's just going to have the bird kill the horse. Oh, no, no.

Speaker 1 The action figures we just ordered. What?

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 4 No, no, no. I think think you're onto something here, Usidore.
Because if the horse is evil and the wizard is good, perhaps through the power of love, they could come together and

Speaker 4 the horse could see the error of their equine ways.

Speaker 1 Scrunch! This is what I've been telling everyone. Arnie, back me up here.

Speaker 1 I keep finding evildoers throughout Foon, many of our most stalwart villains, and I've always wanted to convert them to the side of good. and and none of them have taken me up on the offer yet.

Speaker 1 This is the story I should tell converting evil to good through the power of romance through the power of love and romance. It shan't be sexual at all.
It should be very chaste. Yeah.

Speaker 1 At least in the beginning. Yeah.
And then they shall learn from one another and they shall grow together.

Speaker 4 A slow build.

Speaker 1 And then it's gonna get hot as hell.

Speaker 4 Yeah, after they've connected and see each other as like people and stuff. Got it, yes.
With interior lives see each other as people

Speaker 1 interior

Speaker 1 lives

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 I think I'm on to something. I think that's at least two chapters.
Wow

Speaker 1 No, but oh, but your problem

Speaker 1 let's see Sorry, I've got so many things going on here. I've got this book.
I've got this screenplay. I've got the stage adaptation

Speaker 1 I have the I have the web series which only goes to spiders. I of course have

Speaker 1 you know

Speaker 1 the Broadway rights. That's the version where the book's much wider so that people with bad eyesight can read it.

Speaker 1 The action figures, of course, I'm working on. And of course,

Speaker 1 the lunch boxes. Ah!

Speaker 4 You know, Isidore?

Speaker 4 I realized that your

Speaker 4 bandwidth, which is a word that I think Chunt said when they became a bestseller, might be a little stretched. So I'm going to do you a favor.
Okay. Don't worry about turning me into a dragon or

Speaker 4 Superman. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 1 shit, Johnson, it's happening, and it's happening at a pace that I feel like would probably be close to being finished when we finish with this commercial break.

Speaker 1 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. While traditions can offer a sense of continuity, creating meaningful new traditions that reflect our growth is just as important.

Speaker 1 Why Chunt Arnie and I have bonded by adopting the Earth tradition of Susaning door-to-door, singing merry tunes of winter solstice.

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Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Quince. I know what you're thinking.
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Speaker 1 Wow, Scrunch, you're so much bigger than before. I mean, I don't know that you're fully dragon-sized, but you're big.

Speaker 4 Thank you. I still have this voice.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whoa, big S. Big S on your chest.

Speaker 1 Is that a scar or a scrape? I can tell. It's it's Scrunch.

Speaker 1 I'm Scrunch.

Speaker 1 I'm super Scrunch.

Speaker 1 I can cry.

Speaker 4 Oh, I shouldn't hit the ceiling. That would be bad.
Sorry, ceiling.

Speaker 4 I can see

Speaker 4 and

Speaker 4 I can cry acid out.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Uzidor.

Speaker 1 And now I can fight the evils that plague this land and get rid of all the evil wizards.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, excellent, Scrunch. Now that you are a force for goodness, a powerful person, I want to remind you of two things.

Speaker 4 Okay, I can still count. One, yeah.

Speaker 1 Being Scrunch was always enough.

Speaker 1 Then why did you do the spell?

Speaker 1 Because that's what they wanted. That doesn't mean it doesn't take anything away from their transformation.

Speaker 1 And two,

Speaker 1 Scrunch. Uh-huh.
Yo, me one.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. What is it? What do you want?

Speaker 1 I want you to defeat, help me defeat Eva. I want you to join mine quest.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And when the time comes and I send up that signal, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The

Speaker 1 scrunch signal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 it's an S and a U, so you know it's from me to you.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I get it. I see the vision.

Speaker 1 Then you'll have to come and come to my aid in that in our time of greatest need.

Speaker 1 I can do that.

Speaker 1 Excellent. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And then I do want to help you write the screenplay book thing. I think that some

Speaker 4 female perspective might be very helpful for you to do.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I was thinking if there was like a scene where the wizard was like working out,

Speaker 1 you could just see him him getting kind of sweaty and really like

Speaker 1 what do you think about that?

Speaker 4 Yeah. Is it like, is it framed in a way that men will think it's cool, or is it framed in a way that, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, for men to think it's cool.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 I think what you might want to replace it with is maybe the wizard's sensually dicing vegetables in a tasteful cable-knit sweater while leaves fall in a window in the background and jazz plays and a maiden and she comes home and he says, How was your day?

Speaker 4 And she goes,

Speaker 4 It was actually really hard. And he stops chopping the vegetables to tell a story about himself.
Oh, so no, no, she wanted to talk about something.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, I see, I see.

Speaker 4 So he cradles her hand gently, and he goes, What's wrong? Are you okay?

Speaker 4 And then, and then she talks about her day, and then he listens, and then he fixes it.

Speaker 4 No, no, no, so then they kiss because what she really needed was for somebody to hear her. And then there's we've pan

Speaker 4 Which is where Peter Pan comes and he moves the perspective over a little bit to a camp to like a warm fire and the fire is a symbol for them having relations.

Speaker 1 Arnie, have we told you about Peter Pan? No. He's sort of a man who floats.

Speaker 1 He's made entirely of peanut butter and he loves to tell you where to look.

Speaker 1 Huh. You so I'm a little worried with these screenplay changes that my big scene where the two horses, the two women horses, and lingerie talk about a guy.
I feel like that's going to get scrapped.

Speaker 1 And I feel like that was like a really pivotal scene.

Speaker 1 Can the two women horses talk about anything else?

Speaker 1 What else is there to talk about?

Speaker 1 Do they have to talk about the guy? They're going to talk about a guy that's not there. Arnie, what are you talking about? This is storytelling.
101.

Speaker 4 But

Speaker 4 what did the horses in lingerie want?

Speaker 1 Well, one of them's a frustrated artist.

Speaker 4 Okay, okay, that's exciting. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm guessing they probably won out of that lingerie. It cannot be comfortable.
Arnie, calm down. It will get there.
It just has to build.

Speaker 4 I know. I know what it is.
The lingerie was designed by a man, and they are trying to get rid of it.

Speaker 4 That way they can still be talking about a man, but it is associated with their interior life and their need to liberate themselves from the shackles of lingerie.

Speaker 1 Shackles. Are those literal shackles?

Speaker 4 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 These are metaphorical shackles

Speaker 4 that you know how sometimes you feel like you've got chains around your heart

Speaker 4 yes

Speaker 4 i think i might have gotten a little bit of the sondheim in here too oh yeah

Speaker 1 holy cow i was just thinking that maybe it's because scrunch now that you're so big i'm taking all of your notes more seriously all your ideas that makes sense

Speaker 1 Okay, so then he holds her hand and they kiss. He listens to what she has to say, and then outside there's a huge explosion.

Speaker 4 Okay, then that part makes sense if they both, after having a night of sensual romance, they both put on their cool masks and they go, The city needs us.

Speaker 4 Because the hard day she was having was she had to go down to the magical courthouse because they were trying to say no more magical super elves can do super elf work in the city because she was also she could yeah and they're trying to put all of the super elves on a list

Speaker 4 and and there's um there's a a um and a reimagined meta metallic man who actually is kind of down for the list but the super elves who got the super magic potion that makes them super strong are anti the list and then there's a big sort of magical war of some kind

Speaker 1 and then the web comic people show up and everyone goes I wasn't expecting the spiders to be here no one expected the spider-men uh yes well I think uh yeah it's it feels like it's gonna be hard to get the rights to get booster gold in this but I think otherwise I think we're pretty good.

Speaker 4 I can shake them down.

Speaker 4 I can go and scare them and be like, give us the rights.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's not worth it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 4 Okay, but if you put that signal in the sky, I'll know you changed your mind.

Speaker 1 If I put that signal in the sky,

Speaker 1 it means we're taking on the wizards. Okay, finally bringing peace to Foon.
And I'll need you by our side, along with our other companions.

Speaker 1 Like, uh,

Speaker 1 who else is... Who else is helping out right right now? Almost no one has agreed to help us fight the wizards.
Really? A lot of people said no.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I will stand by your side. Thank you, Scrunch.
Thank you, Scrunch.

Speaker 1 What about Momo? Is Momo gonna stand by our side? I think Momo's busy with her show.

Speaker 1 All right, we should fire her.

Speaker 1 But you're right, though.

Speaker 1 Actually, let's start a list of people that we can circle back with and really confirm they're going to help us defend the northeast from the wizards okay yeah i'll start making that list okay sexy horses and lingerie are out oh come on no no no they're busy uh they can't help i'd remember that momo is a maybe

Speaker 1 let's see who else have we talked to recently uh the king

Speaker 1 uh tombladen is out scrunch while we figure this out what's next for you now that you're a big powerful dragon like will you go go back to LaGuardia do you want people to see you're the new you you know what I was thinking about

Speaker 4 I originally wanted to turn into a dragon so that I could show people who I really am

Speaker 4 really what I actually wanted was to show me who I really am so I don't need to go back to LaGuardia unless it's to visit my family for the winter solstice holidays which I probably will because they make really good soup but it's about me embracing the real me The me that was inside of me all along.

Speaker 4 And also helping Uzador with their screenplay book.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.

Speaker 4 And also fighting all the wizards and stopping the war and stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm not really into war or any of that kind of thing. Oh, yeah.
I mean, who is? I mean, I suppose warmongers.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't get why that would be the thing that they chose to be. If you could choose to be anything,

Speaker 4 why would you choose to be a warmonger?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't know.
You know what, Scrunch? I'm learning a lot from you in this episode. If I'm being perfectly honest, when you came on, you were very adorable and you said you wanted to be a dragon.

Speaker 1 In the back of my mind, I was like, that's not going to happen. I should probably convince Scrunch that they're, like, that who they are is right.

Speaker 1 You know, kind of similar to how, like, if your friend is like, I'm going to go back to school and study interior design, in the back of your head, you're like, don't do that.

Speaker 1 I told you that in private. Sorry, you Sidor.

Speaker 1 But... You want to, you seem happy.
You wanted to be a dragon, and you're a dragon. I don't know.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know what people need

Speaker 4 you know what that's a good point but i think what i realized is although i am different on the outside what i was on the inside was already enough yeah indeed which is fortunate as this spell only lasts about an hour

Speaker 4 you know what

Speaker 4 that's okay Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Because what a fleeting.

Speaker 1 I would be so pissed. And we can do it again later when I call, when I send up the signal,

Speaker 1 I'll turn you into a dragon again. You'll be a dragon for about an hour.

Speaker 1 That makes so much sense. I think we can defeat evil in about an hour.

Speaker 4 I think that you know every story I've ever heard about it's usually the last hour is kind of how long the bad part takes and then the rest of it is like everyone's learning stuff about each other and whatnot.

Speaker 4 So Uzador, thank you. Thank you for not changing me permanently because perhaps the real change was the change in me that I had to embrace after the change had changed back.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 This should be the book.

Speaker 1 I'm actually going to use that in my new book, Lingerie Horse. Damn it.
Chapter 1. She slid out of her horse panties.

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 1 Let's. I can't visualize that.
Let's table the term horse panties.

Speaker 4 I'd also just say, I would say she like clopped. She clopped out of the

Speaker 4 game.

Speaker 1 She trotted out of her horse panties and galloped.

Speaker 4 towards a chair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she galloped out of her horse panties.

Speaker 1 Still not sure about horse panties, but okay.

Speaker 4 She like rode off into the sunset against a beautiful sky as the colors of the clouds blended into a gradient of warms and pinks and yellows.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that is good.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 1 And she was dragging ass.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, do you guys mind if we take a moment and answer some emails?

Speaker 1 I'll allow it.

Speaker 1 Big smile, thumbs up. No.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 So, listeners, you can always email us at magic tavern at puppies.supplies is a real email address. Or even better, you can join our Patreon at patreon.com slash magic tavern and message us there.

Speaker 1 Since we announced that we're going to try to figure out a way to bring humans to Foon,

Speaker 1 a plan that we is in its very early stages, gotten lots of emails from people sort of saying they want to be considered.

Speaker 1 Many of them really just have podcasts that they want to promote, so I'm not really sure where I'm going to put them in the hierarchy.

Speaker 1 But here's an email from someone who wrote, greetings, Arnie, Usidor, and Chunt. Greetings.
Hello.

Speaker 1 I am formally submitting my application to move to Foon. I have been listening to the podcast since the beginning, and I shall be looking to acquire an official moving to Foon shirt.

Speaker 1 But I was wondering if I could be moved up in line due to my special ability of having a voice that really disturbs people who hear it.

Speaker 1 I often get asked to stop talking like that when I adopt a certain cadence and tone. Could that help You Sidor in his quest to defeat evil?

Speaker 1 I do have a family, but they don't listen, and I was wondering if I could get a copy of myself to leave behind. Anyway, looking forward to your reply.
Thank you for this opportunity.

Speaker 1 Oh, and all the entertainment from the podcast, Andrew S. In Virginia.

Speaker 1 You can definitely get a copy of of yourself to leave behind, but you'll still have acid eyes. Oh.

Speaker 1 And the copy will be left behind.

Speaker 1 However, this special power you speak of,

Speaker 1 a voice that people find irritating, boy, we have that covered in space. Yeah, we probably

Speaker 1 have a lot of that. Think about Can the Wizard, think about Pizza Skull, think about Spintax, plenty of people with annoying voices.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Andrew, or call you Drew, If you talk in, uh, you know, Drew, if you talk in an annoying voice or cadence, uh, Arnie, what did you do with Drew and Foon?

Speaker 1 Uh, I think Drew's dead. Hmm.
I think Drew died. Yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 1 Chunt. Sorry.
I have never seen someone's application more quickly go to the bottom of the pile.

Speaker 4 I can eat it if you want.

Speaker 1 That'd be great.

Speaker 1 All right, one more quick email. Here's another one.
Dear Chunt, Usidor, Arnold, and possible guests.

Speaker 1 So that's for you, scrunch wow in a previous episode while arnie was planning to widen the portal to earth he'd mentioned it was too small for him to fit through this reminds me about a story on earth we have about a friendly little bear who loves to eat honey named winnie the poo in the story he has been known to get stuck in his own front door when his butt gets too fat so he'll be half outside his house and half with his butt indoors arnie mentioned he is also trapped between the two worlds, with his waking self having a normal day job on Earth and his sleeping self adventuring in Foon.

Speaker 1 Is it possible that Arnie, physically, spiritually, or psychologically, never actually made it all the way through the portal the first time he arrived? And so, by being in between worlds,

Speaker 1 he can operate as a passage between Foon and Earth, so long as people are willing to find his Earth self and physically, spiritually, or psychologically crawl into his butt and out his mouth.

Speaker 1 Okay, anyway, At least I didn't need to read that. Yeah, you definitely did not.

Speaker 1 Also, I would like to not promote people finding Arnie on Earth. Yeah, that is all.

Speaker 4 Just don't do that.

Speaker 1 Let's not do that. Yeah, don't do that.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 1 But what I will say about your theory is,

Speaker 1 this bear, frankly, sounds stupid. Did he dive out of his door? Head first?

Speaker 1 How does he, how does he walk through a door?

Speaker 4 Also, why didn't he just build a bigger door to his house?

Speaker 1 thank you and winnie is a horse's name it's what they do winnie the poo

Speaker 1 winnie should be wearing horse panties no no no no winnie is a mathematician's name also is is poo a type of bear or is that just his last name

Speaker 1 or is winnie his title kind of like sir i'm so confused where the the is the the his middle name winnie the poo i guess he's a poo arnie i do remember when the portal was too small you did try something where you left on your pink polo, but you took off your pants and underwear, and you were walking around saying, oh, bother.

Speaker 1 And then you tried to climb through. It didn't work, but it was fascinating.

Speaker 1 I was trying. I need to try everything.
I just need to try everything. I tried it also without a shirt, but wearing pants.
I just don't know how this is going to work.

Speaker 4 That's the mathematician in you.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 That's exactly right. I don't know how to solve this problem.
We should all go talk to Owl.

Speaker 1 Who?

Speaker 1 Owl?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think each one of us represents some sort of mental disorder?

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 3 Does that mean I represent the enlightenment that awaits us all once we've really done the work? That sounds right. Use it or the Wizard was played by Matt Young.

Speaker 3 Chunk the Talking Badger was played by Adol Rafai. Scrunch the Lizard was played by special guest Mayana Baron.
Mayana is a writer for Dispatch, Baby Shark, and Wild Pack.

Speaker 3 And she's a voice actor in the game's Dispatch and Fire Emblem. A voice actor.
We'd benefit from one or two of those around here.

Speaker 3 Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon.

Speaker 3 Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

Speaker 3 Here's a clip of the most recent bonus episode, a behind-the-scenes chat about the last stretch of episodes in season two. Listen in as this content machine swallows its own tail.

Speaker 1 Okay, I do want to talk about one of my favorite

Speaker 1 interludes or sort of spin-off episodes we've ever done, which is near the end of season two, Hello from the Future, where we did a kind of like

Speaker 1 our space universe thing.

Speaker 1 And the idea was we didn't want to do Star Wars, we didn't want to do Star Trek, that stuff felt like it was really

Speaker 1 done a lot,

Speaker 1 but that it would be fun to do kind of like a, I don't even know what you would call it. I was going to say space opera, but that's what Star Wars is.
Like a sort of Flash Gordon-esque.

Speaker 1 It's a pulpier space opera.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just a kind of weirder thing like that. And I would play a kind of sort of borderline villain or at least just very full of himself version of my

Speaker 1 who, you know, by some degree could be considered one of the villains of the series.

Speaker 3 To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, including how to gift a Patreon subscription, visit patreon.com/slash magic tavern.

Speaker 3 Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adol Rafai. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.
Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Sage GC.

Speaker 3 Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Alard LeBan. Magic Tavern Theme by Andy Poland.