Here Comes The Mighty Helm of Balathor (Part Six)

Here Comes the Guillotine contains offensive language, mature content, and adult themes.

It is not suitable for a younger audience.

This is a Global Player Original podcast.

Hiya, this is producer Andy, and welcome to episode 6 of Here Comes the Mighty Held of Balathor.

Yep, I've managed to stretch this into more episodes than were intros recorded by Frankie and Christopher.

So let's get into it and see how Frankie Boyle, Christopher MacArthur Boyd, Louis Stewart, and Frankie's son Thor are getting on with Dungeon Master Rav Florence's campaign.

The wet stone and the damp wood

of

the structure of this dungeon around you starts to give way to a clean, white, textured clay

as the lift

moves down.

And then a room comes into vision as you descend.

It's a warm, bright room, completely unfamiliar to you, like something from another world or time.

It's reminiscent of the room you saw before

with the cooking implement and the window and the fungus,

there's a man, he's bald on top, he's got soft white hair on the base of his skull.

He's sitting on a large, comfortable chair.

He's watching images play out on rectangular glass on a box in the corner of the room.

He doesn't notice the lift's arrival, and the lift doesn't open,

comes down, lands, settles.

The door you enter by

is shut,

is sealed

and what does open in front of you in glass is a small

hatch, a hole in the glass.

You can reach your hand through

and the man sits watching his magic glass.

Can Quenn fit through that hole?

How small are you?

We all push hard enough.

Three foot.

You can't fit through that hole.

No, even your heat can fit through.

So it's like, it's almost like

a letterbox you would have seen of one of the big buildings in one of the main cities

of

Dan Hawk.

And this man is just sitting there, he's back to you.

in this chair just watching his glass and there's flickering kind of images playing it, and you can see that he has

occasionally picks up a box in his hand and he's pushing buttons on the box, pointing it at the thing.

He sits, hasn't he noticed you?

There's never been a better time to summon a snake.

Takes an hour, doesn't it?

I mean,

I've got nothing else to do.

You guys play cards.

Yeah.

I'll summon a snake.

Yeah.

I've got really

slander it.

The abuse of our time.

I mean, but then you've got it.

Hold on.

So you're going to stay in the glass for an hour or summon in a snake.

Just to change.

Wait, at some point have a snake.

Or we chat the window and go.

Are we magic myself again?

Can he hear us having this conversation?

Before I summon the snake,

the man

hears you're kind of bickering

what this is.

The man hears it and turns

and he says, Ah,

ah right, hold on a minute.

He gets up.

Right, somebody's found us, comes up to the glass, kinda has a look, looks at Oye,

kinda stands back.

Right, I know you won't be here long.

He says, So I'll tell you this quickly.

So my son made this place and he's sleeping upstairs now.

I can't wake him because I'm like, oh, you, I'm not really here.

But he needs to wake up.

He likes coming back to this place, but he can't stay here.

He's not a boy, he's a man now, right?

And oh, this, oy us, need to be away.

So, don't make the mistake of thinking that you shouldn't wake him up.

Nostalgia's a killer.

Give my best to the lady when you get there, he says.

And he walks off and he puts down his books on the arm of his chair and heads off into another room that looks off to the left there.

So the device is sitting on the chair.

So we've just killed this guy's son, his girlfriend.

No, no, no, no, no.

I think, no, no, I don't think there's discounts.

I think this is like

we're in the mind of a child

or somebody who's not a child anymore, growing up.

And one of his childish.

I think it might be a guy called Robert Florence.

I think it might be Robert's dad.

dad.

This is why I'm quite upset.

Rolled by a snake.

I think there's never been a better time to have a snake.

Should we get out of this box and then summon the snake?

What else are we doing?

Let's summon a snake.

Summoning a snake?

For now?

You want to see how you'd probably

old man interact with a snake?

So let's see.

So, what is that?

You've got to check your your summons summon.

So anything catches in having a wank.

It's this horrifying traumatised snake we're taking about this.

So does it come

in?

What is the name of this fellow?

Summon familiar.

Fine familiar.

Fine families.

Fine familiar.

Right.

Is that a role or anything?

I think my intelligence is 19, so I've got plus four.

It might not be a role.

It might be just...

You would never know.

It might be just your date.

right?

Okay, you're getting the service of a familiar, a spirit that takes an animal form you choose.

I feel like you've chosen that right for the starter,

right for day one,

appearing in a yeah, there's no role or anything like that, appears in an unoccupied space within range,

is the statistics of the chosen form.

You also have a telepathic connection,

you can see through its eyes, you can hear what it hears,

and also if you need to cast a spell by range of touch, which you don't, your familiar can deliver the touch.

So, you can burn and hand somebody with a snake who burns them.

No, snake them.

The familiar is an ally to you and your allies.

It holds its own initiative and acts in its own tongue, so it's actually like a snake.

Could you sleep somebody with that snake, maybe then?

But you need to explain to them what you're doing then.

If you're summoning this snake, like because we're spending an hour together doing this.

I'm going to summon my familiar, Lathabal, the snake,

and he will help us in our endeavours.

I don't know if there's much point having him go and watch that old man sleeping.

But maybe we should take him with us.

I can also summon an owl, but I don't think it'd be a lot of use in a dungeon.

No.

As a snake would be really useful.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a good opportunity for you guys to kind of share some stories to each other and stuff as you've got an hour

waiting.

Do you have to sit or anything to do this?

Like, what's going on?

Yeah, I've got to sit and concentrate and find my familiar

on the astroplane.

I'm mislocated.

Can we see what's on the screen?

Yeah, I'm quite fascinated by what's on this.

There's no way we can get out of this box.

I can't try and jam the door open or anything.

I mean, you can try if you want.

You can try and just push it.

Push or have a make a strength check.

Do we want to get into some old man's living room?

Well, otherwise, we're sitting in this glass box for an hour.

Could we,

just before you shove the door and we attack this old man,

maybe can we pull the lever again?

You want to pull the lever?

That's okay.

Shall we wait till we've summoned this now?

Yes, it's an hour.

So he is trying to concentrate.

Right.

So you think that would upset him?

Let's all just sit here.

Let's sit here.

But that's what I'm saying.

It could be a good opportunity for you to tell some stories, some kind of calming stories for your past or something that would help Father Alti kind of concentrate and calm himself and communicate with

all the snakes on the astral plane.

Where's the worst?

Where's the worst?

You're podcasting now.

It's conversation sponsored by Barrel.

You know, when you're stuck in a dungeon, it can feel like that sometimes as a man, can it?

We've inserted ourselves as an intermediary between you and Help

so that we can take a cut.

Well, so we had sponsors?

Channel 4?

Channel 4, better help.

That was it.

Therapy and colleagues was the only two sponsors for the podcast.

We've got two weeks of sponsorship out of.

How are fire shit?

That is crazy.

My favourite bit is when it fades out with their little tune and then it just fades straight back in.

I don't know how big there is no idea.

But that'll all be solved by this DD.

This thing everybody asked for.

High concepts.

Right, okay, so about 20 minutes have passed.

Okay.

What happened in the temple?

You get up to the archigs Any chance?

Is there any women in the temple?

Is it just.

I think there is, yeah, I think it's like

there is.

Do you know you're not interested in the ladies?

Just completely, completely devoted to tear in every way.

Have you ever kissed a woman?

Hammer.

I think

it's a very teary ass of course.

I was uncomfortable with where this conversation is going

visibly sort of listen.

Seeing this adventure, we are going to get you

laid.

There's some boot is on your chest.

There's two pelvises in that room upstairs.

Have you still got some boots on you?

Yeah, but.

I find if you tie a snake in a tight enough knot.

I'm calling that SPC.

30 minutes have passed.

You start to see now that the room in front of you

is starting to transform back to stone.

So that kind of alien look that it had is starting to vanish.

You start to see a kind of shimmering on the back wall as it all kind of starts to turn to stone again.

But the magic mirror box glass thing that's that's displaying images is still there, as is the chair, as is the box on the arm of the chair.

Is the manga.

It's just it's almost like

snow-like.

It's nothing, there's no shapes that you can discern.

So you can't see, so even when he was pressing different channels or different sorts of things.

It looked like he was trying to get it to work.

Right, okay.

And in fact, the door that he's left through feels like that's starting to shift out of existence as well.

I'm about halfway through.

He's halfway through getting this snake.

Can you see the snake now?

I can see him but he's hanging around with his friends.

It's someone's birthday.

He's got a terrible house party.

I'm gradually persuading him.

Would it distract him from his focus if Paladin was to start jabbing a door?

To try and get out of this conversation about

his sexual activity.

Could you all just chill

another half an hour?

40 minutes in this game.

Before we go back into the very dangerous dungeon, let's just get this one tiny bit of advantage.

We can send the snake ahead of it.

Alright.

We're 40 minutes in there.

40 minutes in.

40 minutes.

I'm not allowed to try and jam this door.

Is this what we decided?

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Don't think so.

This is very like being a parent in real life.

Just another 20 minutes please

what was Roshi like oh bloody hell

she was about six foot five

green as a grass

she was strong

emotionally

you know it's funny I was thinking about this while we were in that bloody skeleton fight

because

you know I quit fevery for a while and I suppose it was because she stole my heart you know so there was no need for me to steal anything because she just did it you know herself but now she's gone and

yeah it's been pretty lonely at the the the bridge I sleep under

now you start to

magic is heightened in this space.

Magic is heightened in this space and the snake sooner than expected.

Elizabeth!

Old Fred.

What has he been doing to the snake?

Does the snake want to be here?

The snake starts to take form within.

You look a little frightened, Elizabeth.

Oh my god,

snake.

He's a beautiful thing, by the way.

He's a beautiful

snake.

Wonderful iridescent coils.

Wow.

Darkest green.

And he appears.

He's right there.

He takes full form.

He's amazed.

I've never seen him.

Woo!

Fucking hell.

Wow.

So he's a new member of your party?

Yeah.

Wow.

And you're in complete control, so you can decide what he's up to.

Dangerous scouting missions ahead to you, old boy.

I think we should put him through the post box.

Shut him through the hole.

I think we should.

Go and look at Rab's dad's bedroom.

There.

I think we should.

Should we go back up?

If we pull the lever again, me my god.

Yeah, hopefully not.

Should we not at least send it through and be like...

Can we get a snake to press the buttons on the box?

See if there's anything on TV.

Right, so are you sending a snake through the B-hole?

It's on the group one.

And in the room.

It's my snake.

I don't know that there's much purpose to that, but

well

our other option is just to leave this room we've sat in for an hour is the door still there did the door phase out of reality the door's phased out of reality but the room is still it's starting to go now though you've been here for quite some time it's it's starting to go now

but the

the magic glass is still there still flickering and the box is still sitting there on the aluminum chair

i don't want to lose my snake

where is it going to go you You can just re-summon your snake at some point though, can you?

I could, but now I've...

It's very difficult to keep this group focused for an hour.

I say we just get the fuck out of here.

Or try to open the door.

Don't you feel so selfish about your snake?

Share the snake.

Put your hands out the door first.

Tell me to try and open this door.

Can we throw something out first?

To make sure it doesn't like disintegrate and a...

I'll put one of the playing cards.

I'll be shuffling.

I'll put a ace of spades through the...

Okay, it drops

on the floor inside the room.

Safe.

Fuck it hell.

Gorgeous.

Deck of snake, deck of cards.

Send a snake into the room then.

You're a good man.

You're a good man.

So the snake and in a sense...

Vaporises.

The snake and in a sense you

go through the little hole in the glass, slither down, drop into the room,

past the playing card.

Where are you going?

I'm going straight ahead

into the next room.

There's nothing.

You've got where the door is, but the door has failed.

I guess I'll try and work the remote control with my facts.

The snake goes up, slithers.

It's an amazing sight seeing this snake.

And he is obviously just completely spaced out while he's doing this because he is essentially within the snake's mind.

The snake goes up and has a proper look at this box that's on the arm of the chair, and there are six buttons on this box.

Numbered 16.

What are you thinking then?

Should I take the whole box back into

our box and maybe it will take us to different floors or something?

I mean...

I don't know there's snakes very good at pressing buttons.

What's the range on the remote?

What do you mean?

To the jelly.

Is it embarrassed?

I don't know what embarrasses.

Oh, I think so.

It was magical.

Yeah, it was a magical.

so is this box i try and wrap my snake body around this box and drag it back towards the lift don't forget he's card

you do it you well

you wrap well you wrap it almost feels as if you're wrapping your own body it's wonderful a wonderful feeling it feels like you're wrapping your own body around the remote control.

It was quite a difficult thing for a snake to do as well.

So you start to move back and it's all well and good until you get to the foot of the glass box with this opening up above it but you you need to get up there now is the problem.

Can you magic hand your snake?

Oh I could mage hand everybody.

We've got another article.

Can I not just stick my spear out there?

I'm going to bring my snake back in the box.

Yeah you're going to mage hand it.

I'm going to bring the snake back in, I'm going to send out the mage hand.

Do you know what I mean?

Because if I would run a remote control and it's at the base of a

let it drop the remote control

and slither back up through the gap.

Make a roll

with a D twenty?

Yeah, D20.

You've got a diastetic modifier, a plus three, with the snake as

plus one, nine.

No, but

so the snake's starting to try and slither itself up, but it's flopping back.

It's no really get anything here.

Purchase.

Can we not try the spear system or just sort of split it grabbing the spear?

Or you could put your magic rope out there?

Or the magic rope?

Can I waste that magic rope on this?

Waste?

It's not fucking.

Is the movie to me and dangle the magic rope out?

Right.

Oh, this is now one use thing, this is.

Oh, no.

Oh, okay.

I rope out.

I thought you'd have to get the fucking mage hand ring your neck.

So the snake has dropped a remote control,

coils itself around the rope and makes its way back up to the arms, the arms of its master, it kind of coils itself around your neck.

I might use my cantrip now to try and pick up the remote control now.

So we didn't need the snake, you could have used the mage now.

Well,

it's very easy to criticise a snake.

But who was it that wanted the snake to go out there in the first place?

So the spectral hand appears again.

He's really, I mean, he's putting on quite a show for me.

He's clearly a snake to me.

The imaginary hand appears and goes through, reaches down, picks up the box, brings it back, and deposits it safely, deposits it in Von Rog's hand.

I give it to you though.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Feel free to explore.

I'm going to give it a go because I've seen the guy doing it.

I'm just going to try and press.

Which button are you pressing?

One.

The minute you press the button,

the image changes on the magic box

and you see

a forest glade.

Beautiful forest glade on there.

And there are

men walking through this forest glade.

a line of men strolling through, and they look dejected,

they look sad.

And you recognize

all of these men.

You recognize these men as your former lovers.

And they're walking and they're weeping towards this

pool of shining water.

That's there.

And that's all that's happening, that's the image that's playing out.

These men are just walking, and when they're reaching the water, they're taking their clothes off and they're just slipping in and just sinking under out of sight.

This is my dream we're living.

This is apparently around another one.

Just a succession of these kind of beautiful men of different species.

What's all this then?

And it's up to yourselves whether you want it, and it's also up to yourselves whether you want to communicate what you understand through what you're seeing.

What's that?

Well, they seem to have brought along some animals.

I don't know why.

That's your fucking snake.

So, are you saying you recognise these people?

From the Love It's.

It's going to be quite a while.

Do you recognise the

place?

I don't know.

So, the pool and stuff?

It's It's just the pool.

Yeah, there's no other place you recognise.

And it's just gone, it's just the same.

I'm worried for you.

I'm not.

I'm worried for you.

Seems that some of them have had children now.

Okay.

I'm going to breath number two.

Quen.

Oh, fuck.

You immediately see

the pale green body

of your wife.

Not your ex-wife.

Your deceased wife.

Lying on a stone slab,

quite dead.

And her hands are being examined and her nails are being examined.

And you realise as the image changes that it's Black Bartholomew

who's examining your wife's corpse,

tenderly washing her down.

And then he goes over, writes the name

in the ledger

and the image turns to black.

You can communicate this if you want.

So we all see this.

Yeah, you're all seeing it.

Hey, Roshi.

Are you alright?

No!

What the fuck?

I thought he was sad.

I thought he was alright.

That's my new best friend.

It's closest to felt to anybody.

This is Roshi.

Put another channel.

I think all the channels are dead.

I don't want any of the channels.

I'm infrared.

I'm really hoping you don't switch to the rest channel.

And also, you know, I'm kind of hoping, secretly hoping that I might

get a glimpse of.

I can't watch this anymore.

Put something in there.

My mother or something.

I'm also hoping.

I also want to see his past.

Three.

I don't want to see my past.

It's your family.

As you remember them them years ago.

And they're all sitting around a table having a dinner, but there's an empty chair there.

They're all enjoying themselves and laughing.

It's actually quite a warm scene, but there is an empty chair at the table where you would have once sat.

Don't get too upset because it's not actually you.

It's just a character.

It's just a character.

I told you I'd cry every time.

Alright, that sacks.

Oh

There is a man in Oya struck immediately by the charisma of this man.

He has a missing hand.

He has silver eyes, striking silver eyes.

And for the first time, you hear

powerful sound

from the screen.

My son,

It is I

have been watching your endeavors so far.

I appreciate your faith.

I appreciate your efforts

for justice.

But I must tell you, my son,

these companions you are with

are evil.

They are dark

figures

and they are unjust.

So I tell you, my child.

Make some good points.

Wait for your opportunity and strike them down in my name,

lest the sleeper awakes.

And the image goes to black.

You may or may not communicate what's happened to or what you understand of it to your companions.

Did we hear that as well?

We all heard it, yeah.

Oh.

Like a sort of nervous

look around at all of you that's made things awkward

don't really know what to say about that one

it's not easy being confronted by your own god

also deeply shocked at having an intense religious experience we also have to entertain the fact that it's not real.

Well, that's a big thing.

Because what that TV, sorry, I don't know what a television is.

What that magic box has

showed us is our fears, our insecurities.

Our, you know, how many men have you hurt in the past, you beast?

Do you know what I mean?

So.

If you knew Roshi's body the way I do,

I was real.

Transplant!

This place is playing mind games.

I don't know.

You're inspired regardless of what you take for that message.

So, Markdown, that you have inspiration that you can use later.

I'm sort of in a state of shock.

I'm not really

to distract me from the moment.

He's contouring into his colours.

You need to find.

You have pressed four of the six buttons on the box.

Five.

Oh, God.

I'm still processing.

It's a moonlit night.

This image.

Somewhere on a dusty track,

there's a horse and cart

stopped on that track.

And as the image changes, you can see

yourselves

sleeping in the back of this cart,

bundled up together,

warm,

cozy under your blankets.

And then there's movement.

And you see a man you recognise as old Jed.

And he opens a jar

and some spores are released

from the jar.

Are we all still tripping on the black guy's car?

On this fucking store's tripped to spores.

Dance over your bodies bodies and kind of settle.

You even see a close image of a spore

going up Quenrill's nose.

Explains it all.

Sleeping.

Your eyes are flickering under your eyelids as you sleep.

And then old Jed produces a knife from his cloak.

And one by one, you watch

as he slits one throat.

Then the next,

then next,

then the next.

And the screen goes to black.

Now, this is a shocking sight for all you because so many people get confronted with an image of their own death or their own murder.

So I want you to tell me

how you're going to process this.

I want you to tell me whether you want to process it intellectually

or you're going to intellectualise it.

I want you to tell me if you're going to use

your own wisdom to try and kind of understand emotionally what's going on here, or use your own charisma, maybe even to kind of talk to yourself and talk yourself down.

And like you did, just said, Well, this is probably not real, any of this that we're seeing here.

So you're going to make a saving throw of your choice,

but I also want to hear you justify that saving throw.

I don't know if you can use dexterity to combat an existential crisis.

You're good tickle yourself.

Wow.

Well,

I think

Hammer makes an intelligent saving throw to try and

use

his intellectual abilities to understand that this is symbolic of

their experience in the dungeon rather than something that actually happened and thus also

maybe

says something about the reality of the message he received before.

Okay, make your seventh row.

Oh,

that's

that's sick.

You just find yourself as much as you try and intellectualise this, you just feel a horrible sensation in your gut.

It seems to sap

energy away from you.

You just feel devastated within

you.

But we'll we'll come to that in a minute.

Who else wants to?

I would say my guy's like, well,

you know,

I've just got, yeah, something in my stomach, not intelligence, but in terms of just like a gut feeling, you know, constitution.

It's just something in my constitution says it just don't sit right with me.

Based on the fact that this is very tenuous.

To your physical constitution.

Yeah.

My gut feeling, this fresh and gut feeling.

Catching gut.

Stop your wisdom.

I'm going to allow it.

I'm going to allow it.

Let's allow it.

Appreciate your cheek.

God for constitution.

Now make a roll.

It's going to be a low roll after this, innit?

After that.

It's a five.

A wine plus two is a seven.

This feeling that you've got in your gut

seems to develop into a nervousness.

And you almost feel like you need to evacuate your bowels.

You feel

you're emotionally devastated by this.

Fucking hell.

Because it looked so real.

You've never seen anything

yourself.

I'm going to use my charisma and I'm going to talk myself in a...

I'm an actor.

Yeah.

I'm used to dealing with things that are not real.

100%.

And I, you know, that is one dramatic performance I saw in that mirror glass box thing there.

So I'm just going to convince myself that it's just a play.

Okay, make a roll, charisma.

10 plus 5.

There's just something.

There's just something about you, and you've had this your whole life.

Something about you where when you're in moments of kind of trauma and stuff like that, you can almost play and perform your way out.

You can distract yourself with trivial performance

stuff.

And you're doing that, you're leaning on that right now.

So, you stand strong for the moment, Father Al.

I feel it looks very realistic because I've often had my throat cut in role play,

and

therefore I can't rely on my wisdom, my knowledge, and I can't rely on my charisma because if I told myself not to believe it, I wouldn't believe myself.

I think I'm very untrustworthy and very low charisma.

So, I'm going to have to do what I do with everything and intellectualize it and just tell myself it's not real.

Okay.

Make your throw.

Six, no, a nine.

And plus four.

Thirteen.

As much as you try and intellectualise this,

probably just the

crumbled in front of a TV.

The nature of what you've seen, particularly as much as you try and intellectualise, right, maybe this isn't real.

Maybe this and

having seen your former lovers there

understanding where their heartbreak comes from.

All of this just feels too real for you to intellectualise your way out of.

So user all going to have a wee bit of the kind of these are a wee bit emotionally exhausted now at this point, which means the ability checks are going to have disadvantage.

You're good to go.

You've managed to bullshit your way through it as you've bullshit your way through many things.

Mentalise everything.

Great.

You have pressed five buttons on this box.

We all plead with you not to press the last button.

You've got to face your fears.

Six.

I'm sitting there sort of crying in a corner.

You're pressing it, you're pressing it.

You're pressing it.

Because I'm like, it's not real.

Six.

The minute you press it, the room outside the box

just turns to stone.

Just an empty stone chamber with nothing in it.

All is gone.

See?

It's just everything

is

magic.

Let's hit that lever again.

Let's just get the fuck out.

Let's see the rest of the charge.

How's your snake peeling?

Snake's point.

Snake's point.

You pull the lever and

the lift rises

back up to the room you were in before.

And when it stops,

the light starts to fade within the room.

You can hear the power of the box

die.

And you're back.

You have to use your fucking magic box and that.

I think it's rope time.

Rope time for all of us.

I don't mean suicide.

So you're coming out of the box.

I mean, we have to come out of the box.

I mean, the room ahead of you is just this like empty.

You're inside the box, and it's again, it's just a door to the north.

It's in the one into the east where the skeletons were.

So you're coming out of the box.

Yeah.

The minute you step out of the box, you hear, Welcome to the Grand Skeleton Fight Room.

Please enjoy your battle with the skeletons.

I hate this guy.

Wow.

What?

Here's more skeletons now.

If you check a skeleton room,

I think it's just

a regular announcement.

This programme.

It just triggers my vibe.

Could I take a peek in the skeleton room and see if I could speak to him this time?

You take a peek into the skeleton room and it's just as you left it when

you finished your sleep.

Sorry about it last time.

Sorry about it, mates.

And then let's head into the chimney room, I'm calling it.

Or the genie's whale, I suppose for the the genie's well.

So again,

you crunch across the coins that are all landing in the foot, landed on the floor of this space, and you come again to that vertical shaft that leads up.

Can I try something?

Might seem a little bit

strange.

No, here we go.

I wish I was at the top of this well.

You just need to drop a coin.

Oh, fuck.

Has anybody got a coin?

You must have a coin.

Oh no, well yeah I suppose, yeah.

So much rat.

Got quite a lot of money actually from a burglar in the background.

I've got coins.

I wish I was at the top of this genie as well.

Are you just holding the coin?

Yeah.

Throw it!

I'll flip it like two-face.

It lands

on the floor below you

and nothing else happens.

Oh damn it.

Right.

Right, okay, so you make the command to send your rope up.

Yeah.

So the rope goes up 30 feet, turns the corner.

Studdy, it's holding its position.

Yeah.

Nice and stubby up there.

Alright.

You want to coil it into knots or anything just to make it easier?

To help the less agile members of the party.

Okay.

So let's...

I'll carry my snake around my shoulders like a scarf.

If we're all going to climb this, if we're all going to climb this, then we're going to have dexterity checks for everybody as we go up.

Who's going up first?

Fuck it, infra penny in for everybody.

Do anybody want to do a warm-up before we go up?

Or?

I'm feeling too emotionally exhausted, but

I'm warm up.

That's an eight plus three.

That's

eleven.

Roll again.

Twelve plus three.

You're up.

I'm up.

You clamber yourself up, you get up to the top.

Wait till everybody's up and tell you what you see.

May you roll.

Ah, nine plus four.

You pull yourself up quite gracefully.

You put in a hand helper up of me.

Yeah, okay.

He's a team now, you're a team now.

Father always gone for it.

Five plus one, six.

I mean,

well, even at disadvantages, you're not going to get okay, five plus one, six.

You start to climb up, you start to climb up, but feel yourself slipping, you're just only quite dexterous enough to get yourself up there.

take one d4 damage fallen damage

hammer want to climb

that fall

crashes into the coins i'm going to

can you roll d4 fallen damage for the snake as well

two okay

snake snake gets a bit of a squash on its tail well if you just hang on now once we get up we can just pull you you up.

Just pull me up.

Are you?

Are you climbing?

Yeah, I'll climb.

No chance I can make this an athletics check rather than a single thing.

Yeah, go for it.

Alright, go for it.

Well, that's quite powerful.

That's a win there.

It's a critical for you.

Jesus Christ.

So

you're climbing up and you're almost right up to the top, right?

And you just, yeah, you know, you're just, you've been very shaken by what's been happening really.

You've also been spewing, you've had a rough goal.

and you just feel almost like a bit of weakness coming into your body, and you slip and you fall, and you've fallen almost near the top of the rope.

Roll 1d6, take 1d6, fallen damage.

Two.

You're a sturdy boy, though, you've got your chain mailing, you land, doing it.

You're gonna make it work.

Doing it on the coils below, take two,

take two damage.

So, you two are both on the bottom.

You go on again?

I might just send my snake on the rest of the mission.

Could the snake go up and pull you?

Well, we could

do you, you know.

My pussy's got there and pulling thus.

I mean, who's I'm not that strong?

Are you very strong?

Um, my strris, my str- No, I'm not.

No, no, if you get up, you'll pull me up.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You got to be strong.

You've got to get up to the thing.

Slight bit of embarrassment if I fail again.

I mean, it was really because you rolled a one.

You'll get up, you'll get up.

Right, so.

Seven buttons left.

Five, yeah, so yeah, that will get you up.

So, although let's you're at disadvantage still, so let's roll just to make sure we're going to get

right.

Okay, so this time, determined

you pull yourself up right up to the top.

You're gonna

do a strength check then to pull you up.

Uh, that's eleven,

yeah.

I'm gonna allow it.

You can assist as well.

You can assist as well.

So you pull.

Thank you.

It's like when a guy gets rescued or come out and something is just spinning about.

But it's very grateful.

Now that you are ascended, you can see a sign on the wall that says wishing well, all wishes considered.

And the corridor leads ahead to a single door set in the wall.

And this door looks as if it's made of metal, slightly more elaborate and ornate at the end of this corridor.

And I think actually this might be a good time to pause our session as we reach the exciting climax.

Oh my god,

macaroni and cheese, here we come.

Yeah, I'm always talking about not getting macaroni,

but

I feel like you've made much more progress in that session.

That was a good one.

We've got a snake now.

Thank you for listening to the sixth episode of Here Comes the Mighty Helm of Balathor with Frankie Boyle, Christopher MacArthur Boyd, Louise Stewart, Frankie's son Thor and Dungeon Master Rav Florence.

This episode was recorded at Sloan's Bar in Glasgow, produced by myself, Andy Log, and the music created by Michael Cameron and Michael Bell from the band Park Safe.

Tune in next week for the seventh part of Here Comes the Mighty Hill of Balathor to find out what happened when the gang entered that quarry.

You can get all the episodes of Here Comes the Guillotine on Global Player right now.

Search for Global Player on your app store or go to globalplayer.com.

This is a Global Player original podcast.