Here Comes The Mighty Helm of Balathor (Part Five)

Speaker 1 Here Comes the Guillotine contains offensive language, mature content, and adult themes. It is not suitable for a younger audience.

Speaker 2 This is a Global Player Original Podcast.

Speaker 3 Hello, and welcome to

Speaker 3 Here Comes the Mighty Helm of Balathor. If you're listening to this intro, then it's somehow stretched out into five episodes

Speaker 3 of us exploring a dungeon with Rab Florence, DM, Louise Stewart, my son Thor and CMB.

Speaker 6 Can I just say I really, really enjoyed making these

Speaker 7 in Sloan's, the oldest pub in Clasco with the legendary macaroni cheese and chips.

Speaker 6 And I would love to go back there. So if you're digging these,

Speaker 5 send in feedback.

Speaker 7 We only get the positive stuff because Bruce Randy sifts through the negativity to give us just glorious praise.

Speaker 6 So don't even bother giving us a hard time.

Speaker 5 Hope you enjoyed the episode.

Speaker 11 Okay, so to recap: You've come to Horse Hair Village after a strange, mysterious invitation and found yourself trapped in the wonderful and magical travelling dungeon of Memoria Mamaya.

Speaker 15 You have

Speaker 10 explored, found yourself in a mysterious room that looks out on an alien world that is beyond your comprehension.

Speaker 11 And upon trying to explore that further, you found yourself attacked by fungus.

Speaker 18 defending itself, purely defending itself. The fungus, after which our brave paladin was spewing in a bucket.

Speaker 4 Traumatised.

Speaker 18 Then you had an encounter with Black Bartholomew and in his room played some games with him, a very charming

Speaker 10 individual.

Speaker 22 And the latest challenge is you find yourself in this strange room with a glass box that the party assumes to be a lift.

Speaker 5 It's an assumption.

Speaker 15 You've pulled the lever a few times.

Speaker 10 You've looked at these pretty little plants with pretty little mouths.

Speaker 11 And you've also spent some time trying to work out the magical properties of a rope.

Speaker 10 And now you find yourself in a room where some skeletons lay sleeping.

Speaker 22 A room that the skeletons, to be fair, did not want you to enter.

Speaker 10 And now find yourself challenging this weary skeleton and this tired skeleton to battle.

Speaker 5 Maybe I could play WeTune to send them back to sleep.

Speaker 31 Or is it too late for that?

Speaker 29 You never say listen.

Speaker 8 We need to battle this skeleton.

Speaker 27 I like to never say no in Dungeons and Dragons or any role-playing game.

Speaker 23 So I'm going to ask you the question: as these skeletons are rising up from their slumber, do you want to, instead of rolling initiative for combat, do you want to play a wee tune?

Speaker 30 On second thought,

Speaker 34 I won't take that as me trying to dissuade you because that's not the idea of the thing.

Speaker 30 No, I'm thinking to myself, I'm a wee bit scared, my fingers are trembling, it's probably not going to be my best performance, so I'll just roll for initiative.

Speaker 10 Okay, let's say I know we rolled for initiative at the end of last session.

Speaker 28 Right. Let's be honest, who can remember that?

Speaker 23 Let's uh, was that a good roll you had?

Speaker 27 No, it wasn't a good roll.

Speaker 28 Well, let's roll again, that's good, that's good, let's roll again

Speaker 8 for initiative and see where we are.

Speaker 5 Eight, no, sixteen,

Speaker 3 no, eighteen.

Speaker 4 Three for me, three for you, have you added your for me?

Speaker 27 Have you added your extended modifier onto that already?

Speaker 30 No, but let's be honest, 24.

Speaker 37 It's still going to be what?

Speaker 25 What did you roll?

Speaker 38 I rolled a 19, I've got a plus five in a show.

Speaker 28 I'm 19. I've got 20.

Speaker 30 I'm five. I'm five.

Speaker 10 So initiative's the only thing we can roll. Yeah.

Speaker 33 Sam's in the west 24 euro what, sorry?

Speaker 30 Five.

Speaker 3 Five euro what? And nineteen.

Speaker 5 Nineteen.

Speaker 3 We want to get involved, but we've got no

Speaker 14 skills.

Speaker 27 Twenty.

Speaker 30 This is good. I've already said I'm scared, so I'm a bit, you know.

Speaker 5 This is exciting.

Speaker 14 You had a bagpiper.

Speaker 5 Pedro got five.

Speaker 8 I mean, you really could have played that tune, couldn't you?

Speaker 30 I should have. Let's be honest.

Speaker 3 To be fair, maybe the bagpiper should hang back.

Speaker 39 Is it bagpipes you're playing?

Speaker 30 I think here, I've got a couple of instruments.

Speaker 30 I've got some bagpipes.

Speaker 3 Back to sleep.

Speaker 40 That actually made me.

Speaker 5 I thought I'd brush something. I thought I'd brought a liver.

Speaker 5 I've got two bagpipes. Actually.

Speaker 41 One for each arm.

Speaker 43 The drone can be quite soothing.

Speaker 30 They don't have ear canals. Maybe it's a battle with a player.
Is it a battle cry? Like to raise the spirits?

Speaker 15 Of course you can do that.

Speaker 10 And we can also use that as inspiration if you want to give people inspiration during the

Speaker 17 odds. Where we're fighting, you're also playing your bagpipes.
Is there any particular tune you're playing?

Speaker 30 No, it's just a...

Speaker 33 Jesus Christ!

Speaker 30 It's intimidating.

Speaker 38 It's intimidating.

Speaker 23 Right, so we've got, as you can see, this is the odd up here.

Speaker 28 So the two skeletons will be acting before you,

Speaker 28 but everybody else will be acting before the skeletons.

Speaker 30 So you just have to. That's how I actually feel.

Speaker 5 Finish it fast and I'll make it.

Speaker 24 Because

Speaker 15 these skeletons have been rudely awakened from their sleep, I'm going to give you all advantage in the first round of combat.

Speaker 35 Wonderful. Alright?

Speaker 17 Because they're just getting out of their beds,

Speaker 10 reaching for their weapons, coming into battle.

Speaker 11 Let's just go for it.

Speaker 12 Quen, you're up first. I was up front.

Speaker 38 I'm gonna realise I've made the mistake. And as a halfling, I don't have to like move people out the way.
I can kind of run through the legs, apparently.

Speaker 38 So I'm gonna just go back

Speaker 38 under everybody's legs.

Speaker 28 Through everybody's legs.

Speaker 38 Go around the corner and hide.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 33 So that I can then use stealth in my next turn.

Speaker 38 Assuming these skeletons don't burge the way to find me.

Speaker 42 Alright, okay.

Speaker 8 He's done. I mean,

Speaker 28 you're headed outside the room.

Speaker 10 You're outside the room.

Speaker 3 I met magic missile, yeah.

Speaker 34 Many of you can speak so you want to communicate that to your.

Speaker 32 Otherwise, they'll know.

Speaker 31 I just think you're running away.

Speaker 27 I'm saying.

Speaker 38 Actions speak louder than words.

Speaker 3 So on the thing where you had advantage, you ran away. Yeah.

Speaker 38 To hide.

Speaker 35 Yeah, to hide.

Speaker 31 To gain advantage on your next gut. You've just tried an advantage for a different advantage.
Yeah.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 13 Five seconds of the combat has a lot of time.

Speaker 27 I'm not not a tank.

Speaker 38 I'm a

Speaker 8 hobbit.

Speaker 4 Fair enough, right?

Speaker 38 You don't send a hobbit into a room full of two skeletons.

Speaker 11 But I suppose you're switching up so that Hammer can

Speaker 35 take.

Speaker 38 I trust you guys.

Speaker 4 Right, okay, so you both have to do that. These two skeletons,

Speaker 11 there's one that looks tired, right?

Speaker 10 There's one that looks tired. There's another one that's really kind of weary and kind of depressed looking.

Speaker 28 A depressed looking skeleton.

Speaker 10 You know what I mean?

Speaker 18 It's like the vibe you can pick up after them.

Speaker 16 You're wondering how you can tell that?

Speaker 13 It's body language.

Speaker 30 Body language is what it is.

Speaker 8 Yeah, you can tell it's body language.

Speaker 31 I think I feel a bit bad for the depressed one. I sort of get my long sword out and swing it at the less depressed one, sort of give the other one a chance to liven up a bit.

Speaker 30 What?

Speaker 5 See, I would have.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 5 What's wrong with the script?

Speaker 34 Right, so you're just going for the tired one.

Speaker 10 Right, make the attack then.

Speaker 43 Advantage, yeah.

Speaker 42 Yes.

Speaker 31 Okay, 10

Speaker 31 plus

Speaker 31 50.

Speaker 35 It's a hit.

Speaker 13 Real damage.

Speaker 31 2 plus 5.

Speaker 11 5 damage total? Yeah.

Speaker 20 So

Speaker 10 tell me how you land your sword on it.

Speaker 21 Explain it to me.

Speaker 31 I'm coming across in a big

Speaker 29 sort of slice across its chest.

Speaker 5 You hear its ribs

Speaker 28 start to crack as you hit in it.

Speaker 19 It just looks sad when you hit it.

Speaker 28 The skeleton just looks sad.

Speaker 18 Its jaw just kind of droops. There's no enjoying it.

Speaker 44 It's no enjoying the battle.

Speaker 29 That's quite unfortunate.

Speaker 27 Balder up. Balder up, you're up.

Speaker 3 I'm going to roll burning hands. I'm going to step forward and grab his napper.

Speaker 5 The skeleton.

Speaker 16 Which one?

Speaker 10 The tired one or the depressed one?

Speaker 4 The tired one.

Speaker 37 I step forward and grab his head.

Speaker 40 Yeah. Burn it.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 So you're using a spell slot?

Speaker 35 Yep.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's a big hit. 19mm.

Speaker 21 So, what's the damage on that?

Speaker 29 I just say there, you'll have to check.

Speaker 29 I'll check.

Speaker 28 What did you say it's called?

Speaker 28 Bombing hand. Jesus, it just sounds bad, doesn't it?

Speaker 10 Bombing hand.

Speaker 24 It's a 15-foot cone.

Speaker 24 Each creature in a 15-foot cone.

Speaker 41 No, he did step ahead.

Speaker 5 He did step ahead before he cast it.

Speaker 30 Okay, so... My hair gets singed.

Speaker 34 Right, okay, so the skeleton was going to make a dexterity saving throw.

Speaker 16 Do I have to make that as well?

Speaker 28 No, no, you're fine, because he stepped forward.

Speaker 5 He stepped forward and

Speaker 32 I was right in the fucking boss.

Speaker 44 This is why I got out.

Speaker 20 You had a girl in the corner.

Speaker 31 I, in this moment, realise exactly what

Speaker 32 your whole thought

Speaker 4 was.

Speaker 43 Nobody blames Quenrow Milk Thistle for his speedy escape.

Speaker 5 Cowardess.

Speaker 8 Someone would say that. 3d6.

Speaker 16 Do you want to roll because one of them has dodged, but you've hit one of them.

Speaker 10 So let's say the one you've hit is the one you've put your hands over in the side.

Speaker 15 You roll 3d6.

Speaker 21 Fire damage.

Speaker 39 Two.

Speaker 39 Four.

Speaker 4 Twelve in total.

Speaker 15 You a cone, a fire, fires out for your hands and through the skull of the tired one.

Speaker 14 It's a regular.

Speaker 34 The depressed one behind just kind of ducks under it.

Speaker 8 You can hear

Speaker 11 a moan, like a ghostly moan coming out.

Speaker 22 And by the time you move your hands away, there's no head there.

Speaker 12 The skeleton just falls

Speaker 15 in pieces to the floor.

Speaker 18 It's quite a dramatic death for that skeleton there.

Speaker 5 Really dramatic.

Speaker 4 Right, so now the

Speaker 10 depressed skeleton is going to make its move.

Speaker 11 How was this?

Speaker 10 Depressed skeletons moving up to you after what happened there.

Speaker 24 What's your armor class?

Speaker 21 It's probably quite poor.

Speaker 40 11.

Speaker 8 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 15 So, it's only got a B short sword.

Speaker 5 Fucking knackered-looking short sword that's got it lifts, swings, and hits,

Speaker 8 which is

Speaker 21 five Piercing damage to you, so it's five damage, five

Speaker 5 HP Africa, and

Speaker 5 three

Speaker 5 pedro you.

Speaker 5 Ouch.

Speaker 30 Right, listen, I've got daggers.

Speaker 4 Cool. Right? Yeah.

Speaker 30 I heard my stabbing a bone.

Speaker 46 Listen, don't worry about that.

Speaker 30 Alright, okay, okay, okay, so it doesn't, so that's not going to affect me. Why are you getting into you?

Speaker 39 I don't know.

Speaker 30 I don't know.

Speaker 39 I'm just worried.

Speaker 30 I'm just worried.

Speaker 30 I don't want any fuck it up for the rest of you. I'm an actor, I'm an overthinker.
I like to know my motivation for stabbing the bone, right? So I'm going to um

Speaker 30 I'm assuming I'm slightly further back at the moment. So I um

Speaker 30 one of them's gone now? Yeah,

Speaker 27 yeah, there's only one left. There's only one.

Speaker 30 There's only the tired depressed skeleton. Can I throw a dagger at its heat?

Speaker 5 Yeah, absolutely. Like that.

Speaker 13 Make your roll and it hits the dexterity modifier on your dagger when you make a roll.

Speaker 30 Dexterity modifier on my roll.

Speaker 30 And I whipped my roll in a one blah blah blah. One D4.
No, you roll your D2.

Speaker 27 Oh, David 20 for the okay.

Speaker 30 Oh fuck's sake, that's a one.

Speaker 42 Oh my god.

Speaker 11 Hammer, make a save and throw, make a dexterity, save and throw.

Speaker 10 Dodge it to the wire.

Speaker 34 What is your dexterity?

Speaker 35 13, so plus one.

Speaker 28 Plus one, so it hits the dagger, hits you, the damage against Hammer.

Speaker 40 Oh

Speaker 5 sorry.

Speaker 39 We're fucking fucking cast.

Speaker 4 They're rough to end it, engine.

Speaker 44 Dang your damage, roll rolls for damage.

Speaker 33 Oh no, don't worry.

Speaker 8 Well, daggers will do much, do they?

Speaker 4 What D4 plus 2?

Speaker 30 2, 4.

Speaker 35 Four damage.

Speaker 27 We can learn that.

Speaker 3 We've been essentially taking a schoolboy into a dungeon and used him as a human.

Speaker 42 It's got a land somehow.

Speaker 5 Beautiful, lovely.

Speaker 39 Lovely.

Speaker 4 Right, so that's the end of that round of combat.

Speaker 44 Well done, everybody.

Speaker 27 Is there any moving or anything you've got?

Speaker 39 We really had the advantage in that round.

Speaker 11 This is exciting, by the way, because we're going to find out what we can do.

Speaker 27 Where the hoffy enemies are away,

Speaker 8 you're done.

Speaker 4 I'm done.

Speaker 27 I'm finished. Here we fucking go.

Speaker 38 I'm going to use, even though I already had Advantage, this time I'm going to really use Advantage now that it's been thinned out a bit.

Speaker 38 I'm going to sneak in, hide behind Falderal, sneak attack over the shoulder with my dagger. Also get something called Nick,

Speaker 38 which is a dagger, which you can do with a dagger, which means you get an extra attack as long as it's a light weapon which i dagger is

Speaker 8 crazy

Speaker 17 this is mvp stuff

Speaker 33 right

Speaker 17 by the way you forgot to use your advantage

Speaker 22 at the start right did you well who you choose one person person at the table you want to inspire them?

Speaker 30 Well now I feel bad because I've stabbed a wemas.

Speaker 5 He's a good day and attack though.

Speaker 38 I would love to get an inspiration.

Speaker 38 Because I just rolled a three and a five and a half.

Speaker 30 Alan inspired you.

Speaker 23 I would say outside the room as well.

Speaker 16 You have all been kind of involved in combat.

Speaker 10 Outside the room he's probably had many a chance to listen to the bagpipes as well because he's been hiding

Speaker 20 out.

Speaker 33 So I get stabbed.

Speaker 30 I think you're a man that appreciates music.

Speaker 29 Yeah, I mean

Speaker 11 also to be fair it's not too surprising that you missed throwing a dagger while playing bagpipes either.

Speaker 38 The music reminds me of my ex-wife.

Speaker 35 Well, ex-wages.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 5 I thought she was your bag. Are you alive?

Speaker 9 I thought she was your beloved today.

Speaker 38 I misspoke.

Speaker 38 Reminds me of my beloved deceased wife, Roshi.

Speaker 3 I think the bagspipes have inspired you because it's drowned out the screams coming from the room.

Speaker 45 Is this suspicious?

Speaker 30 Because he also said, he also went to see my current wife. He told me something.

Speaker 39 He told me something.

Speaker 5 I'm on your side. Right, here my D6.

Speaker 34 Fling me one of your D6s across then.

Speaker 28 Yeah, fuck that.

Speaker 14 So

Speaker 33 you can add that.

Speaker 35 It's a four.

Speaker 17 You can add that to any roller.

Speaker 35 Thank you.

Speaker 13 Oh, okay.

Speaker 23 You know what I mean?

Speaker 15 So he made sure.

Speaker 35 Okay.

Speaker 8 So, Dear, so you're attacking.

Speaker 22 You're attacking the depressed skeleton with sneak attack.

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 38 Cool. I rolled a five there.
Plus four plus three. Would that hit?

Speaker 28 No, it's a miss. Alright, fuck that.

Speaker 30 Did these guys, did these guys even go to attack us?

Speaker 39 I'm just making sure.

Speaker 20 I'm using it, to be fair.

Speaker 21 He won't hit him.

Speaker 30 From the very beginning? When we walked in the room?

Speaker 17 No. No, no, they just got up.

Speaker 14 He just got up and then we just started right a cake.

Speaker 45 Good temper people.

Speaker 29 To be fair, Faldural burged one of their heads off and the other one hit him with a stick.

Speaker 4 I take the burden of this, Falder.

Speaker 27 I don't think it's going to act. So that's true.

Speaker 38 I fucked it.

Speaker 39 She ran out of the room,

Speaker 3 hit some bad pads, ran back in and missed twice.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 43 Oh, there's a second.

Speaker 33 Did I get a roll again then?

Speaker 38 I thought it was like two stabs on the side. It would be a different roll.
Can I get another chance? If I'm using my

Speaker 38 Nick move then, Nick's like a second dagger.

Speaker 15 But does...

Speaker 24 Well, hold on, does Nick.

Speaker 38 When you make the extra attack...

Speaker 38 Make it as per I.

Speaker 5 I mean... Alright, okay.

Speaker 8 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 38 This attack can only be made once per turn, the extra attack per night.

Speaker 5 Alright, fair enough.

Speaker 38 Okay, that's a 9 plus.

Speaker 38 I already used it and it fucked up. 9 plus 12 again.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 8 So you missed.

Speaker 21 You did a missed rebase. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Arms, hammer.

Speaker 31 I guess I just.

Speaker 28 So you've just seen this depressed skeleton whack the wizard right in the arm with a sword.

Speaker 26 I know he comes in and just

Speaker 27 reruns back through your legs.

Speaker 31 You've leaped over his shoulder as well, so you've like leaped at him and just falling onto the floor.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 33 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 10 Do you get that dagger in the back of your shin as well?

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Volley him right into the skeleton.

Speaker 4 Hunter!

Speaker 40 He's right at your feet on the volley.

Speaker 29 They do it as a bonus action.

Speaker 35 As a step forward?

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 14 This is...

Speaker 40 This is really disrespectful. A human cannonball.

Speaker 4 I've been deep some time.

Speaker 34 They rejected that. This is disgraceful.

Speaker 8 Do you have your sword? Is it your sword you're holding? Yeah.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 29 I feel like he wouldn't kick a wee hobbit.

Speaker 26 Maybe he'd pick a wee.

Speaker 8 Are you too righteous to do that? Yeah, I think he's righteous.

Speaker 3 I'm not.

Speaker 29 I think we can wait for Falderal to do that.

Speaker 31 It's much more of a Falderal activity.

Speaker 31 Yeah, I think I just sort of lunge forward with the knife in my calf, sort of limping a bit.

Speaker 31 Swing down.

Speaker 31 That's a nine

Speaker 23 plus five. That's That's a hit.

Speaker 13 For your damage.

Speaker 19 Your sword comes right down on the skeleton's collarbone.

Speaker 31 Six plus three, that's nine damage.

Speaker 15 The skeleton just comes down under the weight a wee bit, but pulls itself off your sword and comes forward.

Speaker 5 Falder all you're up.

Speaker 5 And it's still focused on him because he's the one that's done that

Speaker 10 frightening damage in the room.

Speaker 3 And where is young milk this in relation to?

Speaker 39 You run through

Speaker 28 everybody's legs so I can say he's crouched down right in front of you.

Speaker 3 I've got a magic missile but I don't know I want to blow that on this quite weakened skeleton.

Speaker 29 If the other one down maybe 12 hit points.

Speaker 3 This one's probably taken.

Speaker 3 Maybe I could just

Speaker 3 gently lift you towards the skeleton with the toe of my

Speaker 3 wonderful butt.

Speaker 25 How about that?

Speaker 33 Yep, you do it. Yeah.

Speaker 16 We'll treat that as a shove, right? Make a roll there.

Speaker 8 Make a strength roll, I would think.

Speaker 3 Oh, strength, okay.

Speaker 35 Yeah, because you're

Speaker 40 13?

Speaker 5 As strong as a wizard.

Speaker 14 You should see how

Speaker 5 much. It's a stronger.
He was a high buff. He's had a lot of.

Speaker 3 So, what did I roll on? Is 20?

Speaker 5 He's been working it a lot.

Speaker 38 He's been doing a lot.

Speaker 9 Yeah, D20 and you'll add your strength modifier.

Speaker 3 Seven strength modifier.

Speaker 27 What? One.

Speaker 15 So you kick him, he comes forward, rolls almost like a a forward roll, almost like one of your tradesman forward rolls

Speaker 28 to walk a skeleton, and you clatter against the skeleton, knocking the skeleton back.

Speaker 10 Knocking it off balance, a little bit of no DNA, significant damage, but knocking it off balance.

Speaker 22 And actually,

Speaker 9 because it's fell back, I'm going to give you an opportunity attack because you're up.

Speaker 22 I'm going to, I think it makes sense that you have an opportunity attack in this situation.

Speaker 42 Well,

Speaker 31 I'm not going to not take the opportunity attack. So that's 16.

Speaker 24 It's a hit. What will be your damage?

Speaker 24 10.

Speaker 24 What?

Speaker 24 What?

Speaker 31 10 damage? Definitely adding my strength to it.

Speaker 35 7.

Speaker 8 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 16 You swing your sword and as the skeleton staggers back, a wafy Quenril staggers back, just still in range of your sword. You swing your sword and cleave it into,

Speaker 16 smashing its spine, it collapses and the bones fall apart and scar onto the floor.

Speaker 3 Good work, everybody!

Speaker 42 We did it.

Speaker 5 The room

Speaker 28 falls silent.

Speaker 10 Now, all you can see ahead of you in the room is

Speaker 15 scattered bones everywhere.

Speaker 28 A jar with an illuminated bug flicking around inside,

Speaker 18 sending light across the room, and a kind of messy bed covered in dirty blankets.

Speaker 30 Would you say a wee prayer for the guys?

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 27 I think I'd be like

Speaker 31 Tears whole thing, you know, righteous combat or whatever.

Speaker 27 You'd be like, well done.

Speaker 33 Or whatever.

Speaker 33 Because I shot a fellow by the way.

Speaker 14 And fucking.

Speaker 31 Yeah, I think he sits there for a wee moment.

Speaker 29 and sort of tries to process that

Speaker 31 just sort of kneels in the middle of the room.

Speaker 31 Does a week prayer and then

Speaker 31 tries to process that incredible set piece delivery from Falderal.

Speaker 31 Yeah, I think he's just kind of trying to honour their

Speaker 10 kind of nice V1 too.

Speaker 24 I kind of feel like it was the first time teamwork had kind of happened.

Speaker 21 In a sense.

Speaker 23 You're filming yourself like a wee ball for everybody to kick around the room.

Speaker 3 We'll get better as we do it more.

Speaker 3 I take the skeleton's index finger.

Speaker 37 No plans for it.

Speaker 38 I've got a pair of card with a bog in it.

Speaker 3 Are we going to sleep here first? Get our spell slots back.

Speaker 5 I think we're fine. Haunted beds.

Speaker 3 Yes, but you haven't taken five damage.

Speaker 22 He's all going to climb in the one bed.

Speaker 39 I'm not going to bed with him.

Speaker 39 There's two beds.

Speaker 32 There is two beds, yes.

Speaker 3 We could have a sleep while you guys

Speaker 26 watch.

Speaker 27 We're just nominating.

Speaker 11 No, for short rest.

Speaker 8 That's a good thing.

Speaker 29 I'm no putting, listen, these are level one characters.

Speaker 10 I'm happy for East to have like an 8-wheel nap and an 8-wheel sleep in here if he's watching.

Speaker 25 If you want to summon your sleeping.

Speaker 34 Because I will say,

Speaker 28 this doesn't feel like as safe a place to sleep as Black Buffalo Music did.

Speaker 3 Because you have to put the sandbags against the door.

Speaker 31 I think they just give you the five points of healing and you get your health back.

Speaker 17 There you go. What did you say? You're.

Speaker 38 You want some spells? Spells.

Speaker 3 You've still got all the spells. I've got one spell.

Speaker 30 Okay.

Speaker 30 So the vibe is off, though.

Speaker 30 The vibe of this area is off.

Speaker 8 Why do you need to make a perception check?

Speaker 28 Why don't you make a perception check if you're worried about it?

Speaker 30 I'm just, you know, I'm always worried. I spend my life worried.

Speaker 30 Hold on. on.

Speaker 45 What's my...

Speaker 41 Do I not have a... I'm sure I've got a...

Speaker 16 Perception will just be a wisdom modifier, isn't it?

Speaker 4 Is that wisdom modifier?

Speaker 30 Plus two perception. Am I rolling a this?

Speaker 18 Yeah, D20.

Speaker 45 D20.

Speaker 5 I had a six in my hand.

Speaker 30 1921.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 11 At first, you were feeling like this cannabis, but see, as silence kind of settles in the place and you start to think about the fact,

Speaker 18 well, these skeletons are kind of sandbagged the door, and it seems like they were safe enough to sleep in here.

Speaker 25 You think to yourself, well, maybe you feel a little bit calmer about it.

Speaker 5 The door, I think. What was going on?

Speaker 43 What was going on with them? What was their life like that they had?

Speaker 27 Yeah, no wonder they were wearing something.

Speaker 25 You didn't mess them up.

Speaker 5 You just attacked them, the poor cows.

Speaker 38 I wish I had been friendlier or kinder.

Speaker 39 Did they drop any staff?

Speaker 11 I'm not sure you said that same hang on your deathbed

Speaker 46 and then you go, fuck I said that same hang years ago on.

Speaker 30 Right, there's nothing else in the room that's of any use. There's just the bugs.

Speaker 25 Two beds, some bones.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of there is, again, it's like quite a featureless room, quite a bare bones room.

Speaker 11 Just a couple of beds and the bug on the wee bedside table.

Speaker 44 And a loader.

Speaker 28 You know, everything's a bit singed now, right enough.

Speaker 5 It's a bit singed.

Speaker 38 I think just have a wee nap, grab the bug, crack on.

Speaker 30 Right, I want to sandbag the door, though.

Speaker 11 Who's climbing into bed?

Speaker 5 I'm getting into bed. You

Speaker 10 are aware of something in the bed the minute you sit down.

Speaker 5 Good news. Something hard.

Speaker 11 Something hard against your seat.

Speaker 8 Wow.

Speaker 10 As you sit.

Speaker 34 When you pull this up

Speaker 19 It's a long implement that you recognise because you've seen some of the master wizards that you trained with,

Speaker 28 you've seen in their collections things like this.

Speaker 18 So you immediately know what it is.

Speaker 12 You can explain to the others what it is as well.

Speaker 3 I've found the horn of blasting.

Speaker 33 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 You can use in action to speak the horn's command word and then blow the horn, which emits a thunderous blast in a 30-foot cone that is audible 600 feet away.

Speaker 3 Each creature in the cone must make a constitution saving throw and if they don't it does quite a lot of damage.

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 3 How much? How much damage? 5d6 thunder damage

Speaker 3 as well as turning them deaf.

Speaker 43 Second nuke.

Speaker 3 There's a caveat.

Speaker 3 Each use of the horn's magic has a 20% chance of causing the horn to explode.

Speaker 3 The explosion deals 10d6 fire damage to the blower

Speaker 3 and destroys the horn. So perhaps last resort.

Speaker 35 Yes, yes. Okay.

Speaker 12 Right, okay. So

Speaker 28 you're climbing into bed. Who's?

Speaker 38 I think just go based on size. I'm small, who's big?

Speaker 38 The biggest and the smallest should share a bed, and then the two medium people should share a bed.

Speaker 31 I don't know how large you're surfing.

Speaker 30 I'm 5'10.

Speaker 8 These are both pretty tall.

Speaker 11 Are you climbing in with Aldral then?

Speaker 43 How tall are you?

Speaker 37 Jumping.

Speaker 5 I'm three feet. Six one.

Speaker 10 How tall are the skeletons?

Speaker 13 How long is the bed?

Speaker 5 That's the question.

Speaker 17 I've no annoying to be honest.

Speaker 28 I've no written down in this adventure how tall these skeletons are or how long the bed.

Speaker 38 How long do you think they're in the state of the mind though?

Speaker 8 Eight foot seven?

Speaker 5 No. What?

Speaker 13 No, they're like five eight.

Speaker 5 Average

Speaker 5 eyes.

Speaker 35 Five eight.

Speaker 38 And they're depressed, which kind of shortens them.

Speaker 8 Okay, so are you sandbagging the door?

Speaker 10 Is that a thing you saw?

Speaker 28 Yeah, sandbag sandbag that door.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 10 So you sandbag the door, get everything prepared.

Speaker 28 You know, the bags are heavy.

Speaker 21 It was a strong person that had to open it.

Speaker 5 Who opened it again?

Speaker 25 It was you, then you shouldered it.

Speaker 20 And we know you walk it.

Speaker 27 You're strong. We know you walk it.

Speaker 10 So he's in his bed, he's horn or blasting. You're climbing in with him.

Speaker 8 Have you got your rope? You brought your rope with you?

Speaker 38 The rope's with me, yeah. We've got the rope now.

Speaker 10 You sandbag the door and you you settle down.

Speaker 18 You're settling down for a night's sleep.

Speaker 30 I'm worried about this.

Speaker 42 No, I'm not. Are you not?

Speaker 30 My character's a worrier. I'm worried.

Speaker 42 Right.

Speaker 20 Listen.

Speaker 3 It's still my car.

Speaker 5 Could you pass it, Mario?

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 15 So you settled down for a sleep.

Speaker 30 Oh, he's rolling.

Speaker 5 He's rolling.

Speaker 29 Are we all sleeping now?

Speaker 10 Some hours pass

Speaker 13 and then you can hear boom boom boom boom boom movement on the door.

Speaker 5 Boom boom boom boom boom.

Speaker 10 Almost like there's somebody attempting to open it.

Speaker 18 But then it falls silent again.

Speaker 18 And when you naturally awake after some time you realize that you've spent the night safely in this room. And

Speaker 18 you did dream during the night though and you kind of dreamt of

Speaker 10 there was kind of happiness in this room at one point.

Speaker 18 There was

Speaker 18 happiness and companionship and Oh my god.

Speaker 28 But because of that, you've had a fully restorative sleep.

Speaker 14 So, restore your spell slots.

Speaker 14 I don't even know their names.

Speaker 28 Restore your spell slots or anything else you need to do.

Speaker 8 In terms of healing, when you sleep, it's

Speaker 12 when you heal after a long rest.

Speaker 11 For the sake of this adventure that is

Speaker 18 again just a kind of introductory one-shot, just I think you should just heal yourself up to your maximum.

Speaker 10 Particularly in a room that's had so many fond memories.

Speaker 27 Half an inner.

Speaker 43 Why were they depressed then?

Speaker 33 Because they were dead.

Speaker 9 Because you said fucking barge jump window.

Speaker 3 Because we blew this colour.

Speaker 4 We.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 12 Thanks for you guys, you're awake, you are up in the room.

Speaker 31 How confident do we feel going out this room? Into.

Speaker 3 Well, we're going to, we can't stay here forever.

Speaker 4 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 40 The lights are going back.

Speaker 31 Should we perhaps have some decision getting out there, some readiness for web banging on that door?

Speaker 23 True. But that was hours ago when you went back to sleep just to stuff is up with the bagpipes.

Speaker 30 Just get asleep.

Speaker 29 Alright, I'll take some inspiration on this.

Speaker 30 That's all I know about playing the bagpipes.

Speaker 10 I want to remind you as well, remember you have your inspiration that I gave you at the start of the adventure, which gives you a reroll.

Speaker 18 You need to remember your stuff that you can use.

Speaker 30 I did write it down, but I just don't think.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 34 Right, so you're playing your backpacks to create a wee bit of inspiration.

Speaker 46 Who do you want to inspire here?

Speaker 34 You gave him a D6, you need to use it for 10 minutes.

Speaker 41 Who needs it?

Speaker 30 10 minutes! An hour?

Speaker 13 10 minutes? Oh, that's an hour. Sorry, it's an hour.
That's right.

Speaker 28 I had some.

Speaker 38 Someday I should get a shot.

Speaker 3 Harmer time. Give Hannah time.

Speaker 27 Harm take some inspiration.

Speaker 35 Alright, you're here to take it.

Speaker 28 I feel like we've youth and his spirit he's the most likely to be inspired by your buggling. He doesn't understand that it's actually quite powerful.

Speaker 37 Wow.

Speaker 5 Wow, what is that?

Speaker 30 Wow, you just created beef there. Well,

Speaker 3 are we going to try and feed this bug to those plants?

Speaker 33 Can I actually do something?

Speaker 42 Can I do something before we do that?

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 30 We looked up in the other room. But we never looked above the box to see if it was a left, if it went anywhere.

Speaker 30 So what's above the...

Speaker 11 It's a.

Speaker 16 The box in the corner is like from ceiling to floor.

Speaker 30 So, it's like so, like, so it could, so if it was a lift, the floor would go up within the

Speaker 30 lift shaft. But if you go in the box, if you look up,

Speaker 30 is there a hole? Like, can you see anything?

Speaker 22 Um, well, that you

Speaker 8 why don't you go into the box

Speaker 8 and look?

Speaker 34 I'm not going to tell you what's in a place you're not looking at the minute.

Speaker 3 For that you need a magic snake.

Speaker 31 Alright, okay.

Speaker 31 Should we go into this box and try and feed these plants and bugs?

Speaker 38 Open the jar with a, if it is a jar.

Speaker 17 So back out of the room, you're into the box, you're all climbing out of the box.

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 38 Okay. Everybody in the box.

Speaker 45 Everybody in the box.

Speaker 21 Open the jar.

Speaker 38 Open the jar kinda just cautiously so that the only way the fly can go is into the mouth of this flower.

Speaker 39 Well,

Speaker 5 okay.

Speaker 46 Make an ecstatic check there for that because that's quite a dexterous move to kind of

Speaker 38 three, that's a 12 foot

Speaker 45 agile.

Speaker 8 So you very carefully

Speaker 22 open the jar and the the insect flies out and it kind of flies around a little bit and you kind of shepherd it almost with your hands a wee bit.

Speaker 29 It's a gentle thing.

Speaker 19 And you shepherd it with your hands a wee bit towards the plants and you can see immediately the plants start to turn but also

Speaker 10 you start to smell a kind of sweet sickly smell as well seems to be coming for the plants and the insect

Speaker 10 attracted by this flies down to land in one of of the mouths of the wee plant, and the mouth

Speaker 5 snaps shut.

Speaker 10 And immediately, the stem of the flower starts to glow.

Speaker 10 The light passes down into the pot

Speaker 10 and onto the ornate little table that the plants were sitting on glows, and you start to feel an energy humming

Speaker 5 through the box.

Speaker 16 And the light, and you can feel your hairs standing up in the back of your necks,

Speaker 10 and you see the light and energy moving towards the base of the lever.

Speaker 11 And a gentle hum starts to fill the space.

Speaker 28 Use lever.

Speaker 27 Immediately.

Speaker 26 You pull the lever,

Speaker 19 and

Speaker 8 the floor you're on starts to move

Speaker 5 and starts to move down.

Speaker 30 Yes! That was unexpected.

Speaker 32 Lowering slowly, lowering slowly and slowly down

Speaker 8 into the floor.

Speaker 28 Oh much as I'd expected.

Speaker 47 Thank you for listening to the fifth episode of Here Comes the Mighty Helm of Balathor with Frankie Boyle, Christopher MacArthur the Boyd, Louise Stewart, Frankie's son Thor and Dungeon Master Rav Florence.

Speaker 47 This episode was recorded at Sloan's Bar in Glasgow, produced by myself, Andy Logue, and the music created by Michael Cameron and Michael Bell from the band Park Safely.

Speaker 47 Tune in next week for the sixth part of Here Comes the Mighty Helm of Balathor to find out what happened when the gang pulled that lever.

Speaker 48 You can get all the episodes of Here Comes the Guillotine on Global Player right now.

Speaker 48 Search for Global Player on your App Store or go to GlobalPlayer.com.

Speaker 2 This is a Global Player original podcast.