The Mouse Hunting System

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This is a Global Player Original podcast.

Hello, and welcome to Here Comes the Guillotine.

I'm Frankie Boyle, and I'm going to be talking to Susie McCabe and Christopher MacArthur Boyd.

funeral recently.

That's why

Des Clarke has to be so busy, right?

That's because think of the havoc a shapeshifter could wreak at something like the Pope's funeral.

All these dignitaries are turning up, leaders from all around the world.

Des could be out there, he could be cracking all kinds of deals as Zelensky, as Trump, as Trump, as

whatever.

So, consequently, his career, oh, you're doing every corporate in Scotland, you're doing every radio show, that's the only basketball game.

Basketball game, every basketball game.

Which you explain my thinking in a charity basketball game against Shapeshifter Des Clark's Hart FM Select.

But they're like, we need to keep this guy busy.

And that's the trade-off he's made.

He's like, okay,

I'll do your corporate.

And I'll leave the Pope's funeral alone.

I think the most bizarre thing about the Pope's funeral, and I'm saying this as a Catholic, and there was a lot of things that was bizarre when the Pope's funeral, but it was the little tiny table that they sat at Zelensky and Trump at in that massive room.

And it was almost like the Vatican went, We're going to tell you how insignificant you are.

You're just going to sit and look like a dot in the middle of all this marble because you know the Lord

it was very peculiar.

Is the Vatican allowed to make political statements like this?

Yeah, the Vatican can kind of do what it wants.

Yeah, you know, support Hitler.

That was the big one.

That was the big one.

The Vatican and the Daily Mail, they were big Hitler fans.

Big Hitler fans.

Yeah, shout out.

Guess what?

I watched last night.

So I went

down to Brighton, did a gig.

There's thunder and lightning above the tent before I went on.

Festival thing.

Holy moly.

Went on, gigged, and the clear smell of ozone.

It was great.

The guy that organises these gigs is called Will,

and he's like a very

big, smart guy, gigs very nice.

And he said, Do you know what's great?

Godzilla versus Kong.

You've got to watch Godzilla versus Kong.

And I'm like, what?

But this is a clever guy.

He's got good bills on.

His gigs are coming.

Because the lineups are good doesn't mean you can trust Nartan against Will.

I'd like to be booked for his gigs.

I'm not going to slander his letterboxed history, but

of the recent Godzilla films, I don't think, I mean, it's maybe two or three.

But listen, man,

I'm closing the morning show and or afternoon show.

The evening show is Kerry Pretchard McLean

and closed by Dylan Moran.

So I'm like, this guy knows his onions.

So

last night, my girlfriend was out and I thought, this is the time, Godzilla versus Kong.

And it was really terrible.

But it did make me think of something, right?

What if?

Because, you know, humans are quite peaceful.

Like, when you meet them one-on-one, you're sort of like, how do wars happen?

How do

and maybe wars don't happen.

Like, maybe these entities are out there and the wars are the cover story for fighting them.

So like Hiroshima and Agasaki were dropping bombs on Godzilla and like a giant moth or something like that.

The Iraq War, probably Jinn, a genie

fight off.

'Cause in the even in Aladdin, the first genie by Robbie Williams would sound and he was blue.

But then later a red genie came out and and it was Jafar who wished to be a genie.

That's Iraq War 1 and 2.

Do you know what I mean?

And they probably make these movies to kind of clue us in if we want to look for it.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Think of the First World War, digging trenches.

Digging trenches, Disney work.

Right?

Someone's just going to throw a grenade in, throw artillery in.

It doesn't make any sense unless you're actually digging up the world serpent.

Yeah.

Heroberos.

Do you know what I mean?

And then you have that period.

And then the 1920s, 1930s is like fucking boom times because we've freed the world from the grip of this fucking serpent.

And then World War II happens.

World War II is, I think, the allies against

the Jotun, the giants, the ice giants of Germany.

That's literally the plot to Wonder Woman.

Have you seen the Wonder Woman film?

No.

Wonder Woman hears about World War I.

And she's raging.

She can't believe that people are going to fight, even though her and all the Amazons have been kicking about and living in peace.

And she goes, Right, well, fuck this.

And it turns out World War One is caused by the god of war, and he's just like starting up his engines.

And she has to fight him, and that solves World War One.

Not literally the plot, though.

It's like a different thing.

Yeah, we bet.

In the world that we're living in right now, I don't think we need to be talking about film plots for war.

Like, there's quite a lot of war going on now.

But well, is it?

Is it though?

It is.

Do you know what I mean?

Because,

that thing in Iran, that was maybe

what are the Iranian.

So

my mate,

I was in Belfast gigging

and

my mate from Doha phoned me and you could hear

the missiles in Qatar.

And I was like, I mean, imagine if you had told me 30 years ago that I'd been Belfast hearing no bombs and you're sat in Doha hearing like missiles.

It's mad.

It's mad.

It's possibly just Samson stamping about the place.

But that was literally a back door deal.

When they say to the Americans, get your guys out because we can't lose faith.

We can't lose face in our culture for you doing what you've done to us, so we need to do that, but we're don't really want to start a world war.

Yeah.

That's what that was.

The coverage of it as well is just that you're like, there was a nuclear deal that Trump ripped up.

Yep.

Like, the thing's missing from all that coverage.

Israel has nuclear weapons.

Yep.

That would come up occasionally.

Once or twice.

Like, if you were trying to force someone to develop a nuclear weapon, like all the stuff they've done to Iran lately is the exact process you would go through.

Yeah.

I was looking up the list of other countries of nuclear weapons and I was like, France.

Really?

Pakistan?

Pakistan.

I am purely good on you.

I went from you, Pakistan.

I swim in a sauna the other day and there was a woman in the steam room who was on holiday and her and her husband have a ranch in New Mexico in case nuclear war breaks out.

She was chatting away and she was saying how horrible it is in America just now.

She's about my age and she's like, it's really horrible.

And she's like, even the Democrats are buying themselves guns, right, to arm themselves.

And I was like, all right, cool, cool.

And she's like, but you know, you come to Scotland and, you know, it's different you know it's like you feel totally safe like because there's no guns or nuclear weapons and I was like ah

I need to stop you there

you're currently about 45 miles from the United Kingdom's nuclear submarine base and we've also got some bombs we've also got a really big bomb dump and there's a whole load of stuff going on there so if you were going to strike anywhere in the UK, probably after GCHQ,

it's probably going to be there and that's going to us out.

It's definitely there.

And also it runs on Windows, so it's as likely to blow up itself.

Runs on Windows for Trident.

Makes sense.

Like XP as well.

It's not even a good, like, recent Windows.

Yeah.

That was my theory about, like, we were talking about the IRFA,

the fairy version of the IRA, and, like,

the other world, and how much of the Irish Civil War was fought in this other fairy dimension.

Oh, no, no.

So that could tap

fairy war.

Yeah, between unionist dwarves

and what Republican leprechauns.

I wouldn't use the L word, but

some kind of elven race.

I've not used the L word, and the L word's not loyalist.

Well, there you go.

See, the thing with the English is they're like fucking like Anglo-Saxons.

So the Saxons come over

and like then the Normans come and kill all them.

So the English are always moaning because like you're no supposed to be there.

You're like kind of Germans and fucking some Vikings who washed up in France, kind of mixed together.

They don't, yeah.

So they all moan about everything.

You're like, yeah, because obviously you hate it here.

You're supposed to be in fucking northern Germany.

That's true.

But you can't say that to them because it's always like I'm English pure blood.

Like if you're of that kind of racist mindset, like I'm English through and through, and you're like, well, no one's really English through and through, are they?

Because

that's not really how that's worked.

And they're like, Yeah, man, English, English pure blood.

And you're like, probably Bavarian, probably a wee bit of Saxony.

That's probably what's going on with you.

It's weird.

I think

I've noticed people in Scotland are bored, man.

And some of the kind of bad behaviour you see I think is just from boredom.

So outside the museum yesterday, I was outside the museum in a park.

This woman comes along, she's got a pram, a pal,

two Al Satians, and some are working a dog, right?

And she's like, I should just let the dog off here, Batsy.

And like,

she's like, What?

Or something?

And she turns and shouts at someone randomly, like, It's a fucking dog, or he's like,

You're just kind of like the guy's not even sit, guys just like what?

And then, like, her pal, to be fair, is like, I don't know, there's a lot of wanes around here and she's like, The the kids would like to see it chasing the birds.

And she lets this Al Satan go and rockets off, right?

And the other fucking dogs start barking and it's running around all these like kids and all that stuff.

And then right up at the corner of the field, it maybe catches a crow or something, but seems to catch something.

It's just you're ah, that's like chaos.

And you're like, you know, at the heart of that.

She really wants someone to come up and go, Hey, what are you doing?

Yeah.

Shouldn't they be letting your you know, she wants that argument'cause that'll be like fuel for like two weeks of

everybody in her life tunes her out.

Do you know what I mean?

Of course.

I think most people are really bored and really lonely.

And that's why people do anything.

I think people make Glasgow in the back of this tour.

People make Glasgow brackets derogatory.

I think you're right.

I do.

I think you're right.

I think people are a bit bored and I think they just feel as if they're in a constant cycle of just a treadmill of nothingness.

And it's like there is nothing, there is no hope.

Yes, there's no hope.

There's no nothing, mate.

There's no future.

Treadmill and nothingness, yeah.

Treadmill and nothingness.

Not like if you're ever in a treadmill and you just think, Why am I doing this?

I absolutely hate this.

And you do it for as long as you need to do it, and then you just go off and you're like, Nah, I don't feel better about that.

I still feel that I fucking hated every minute of that.

That's how I'm viewing life at this moment in time.

Do you know when you're in the gym and you see someone get off a treadmill or a rowing machine or something like that, and they're listening to an audiobook?

And you're like,

I can barely do this with fucking some of the world's best hip-hop and you're fucking got infinite jest on.

I don't mind watching a wee um

like a wee programme.

You know, like if I'm watching something and go, right, all I need to do is do this and tune out and watch this show, and that's absolutely fine, and this will take care of itself.

But yeah, audiobooks are a different thing.

Different thing.

It's no good.

No good for the treadmill or the Roan machine.

You need a rhythm.

Yes.

You need thrash metal in your life.

No, you don't.

What, like Slayer or something?

I think that's good to jog to Pantera Megadeth.

Do my playlist.

Do my playlist.

I'll show you my kindness.

Can I be honest?

It does make you run faster, though.

I don't know if it would make me run faster.

I'd probably rather listen to like

old school dance music.

Yeah.

Up tempo.

120 beats per minute.

That's all I need.

Right on time.

Gotcha.

Right on time.

Gotcha.

I got a

wee bit of CC Penis Town in there, a wee bit of finally by CC Penis Town.

CC Penis Town.

What's been going on?

We got the pictures, Venice.

You seen it in Frankie?

So 28 days later.

28 years later.

28 years later.

The sequel.

So it was 28 days later.

That was in 2000 and it was like before 9-11.

And then it came out after 9-11.

And then they've done a sequel which was kind of panned and it was by an American person called 28 Weeks Later and now 28 years later by the guy Daddy Boyle who made Train Spot and all that.

What do you think?

Major spoilers ahead.

Yeah, if you don't want to hear what happens.

But the preamble is like terrible.

It's fucking shot on an iPhone or something and it's like

a

parody almost.

It's terrible.

And then they have a thing where it's like a wee guy and his da live on an island off the coast of like fucking northeast England somewhere.

And

yeah, yeah, it's Whitley Bay next to Newcastle.

Yeah.

And they kind of come in to learn hunt and all that stuff.

And that bit, because always with Danny Boyle, you sort of go, oh, you're doing it aim low.

And then you watch it and you go, no, there's some good stuff here and there's some clever stuff and it's he's a clever director and so that bit in the middle where he's training his son to be a

man who hunts zombies and blah blah blah is like a kind of four-story comic book arc like an old vertical comic or something like that and that's all really good and then right at the end

it's just like the shittest ending you could possibly imagine and they completely snatch defeat yeah at the very last moment that's because danny Boyle's got Celtic genes, isn't it?

And that's such a kind of Celtic thing, isn't it?

Like, you know, Scotland 2-0 up against England, draw.

Do you know, it's just what we do.

It's what we do.

It's also like us to blame ourselves for an English guy fucking up a movie.

That's her fault, Danny.

Danny!

Well, you know.

Go back by blood.

He did also do the Olympic opening ceremony.

Yep.

When it was in London.

But controversially, I thought that was shite.

Yeah.

Oh, that is controversial.

Yeah.

The Queen parachute and then.

Fuck off.

Exactly.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Aye.

Let's have the real history of Britain out there.

Just a fucking bloodbath, but a coliseum.

Man.

A bloodbath then was just coming in with like vases and statues from other countries.

It's just part of them right now.

Just filling them with blood.

The spice girls were there.

Wasn't Russell Brand chasing the spice girls in a taxi or something?

I think if you watched that again, I wonder how it would look.

But like,

are you going to watch this film?

Do you want it spoiled?

I'd go for it.

Look,

we guy's about 12, right?

And he learns how to hunt zombies and blah, blah, blah.

And he goes and has a touching thing.

His ma's dying.

He takes it to this doctor.

She passes away peaceful, that stuff.

And then he's cutting about the end on his own hunting zombies.

And he meets a tribe of

Jimmy Savile impersonals.

who are dressed as Jimmy Savile

for no real justifiable reason.

I guess the subtext is they're paedophiles, and the kid has now been captured by a vast group of

kung fu, by the way, yeah.

They do backflips as soon as they meet him, and then like

it's like the worst, what it's the worst ending to any kind of major film I've ever seen.

In my head, it was a four and a half star film.

I thought it was absolutely beautiful about like death and like coming to terms with death, and

you know, the mums get all things rangwear, and and any you know, it's really interesting, cool film, all shot on iPhones, but like beautiful and like unique and there's a one zombie has a big cock

um which you can't really avoid looking at

and then at the end just all these it's like they're for a different film as well because their track suits and the wee wigs are completely clean and the way that they're shot back flipping it's not like a cut it's not like a kung fu film it's like power ranges or something

like a real you know

children it's like a chill it's it was like because you'd really need to get like proper people in if you wanted to do it properly.

Because we're now used to seeing really good martial arts films, so Power Rangers look stupid, but when you were a kid, Power Rangers looked like people doing good for them.

So they've just got, let's not bother, let's just

on the subject of Jimmy, everyone's favourite track suit wearer.

I have watched, I don't know if you guys have seen it, the Adam Curtis.

I mean, you don't really sit and watch Adam Curtis for a laugh, right?

But it's like basically the foundations of power are shifting, blah, blah, blah.

And it goes back to like the 1980s.

And the first scene is Jimmy Savo behind a door with like four kids and they're chatting the door.

And I was like, and here we are, like, what the fuck is this?

And then Thatcher opens the door.

And it's obviously a

dear Jimmy, please fix it for me to make the Prime Minister.

And

I was just like, what a fucking way to start a documentary about the shifts of power in Britain and what's happened kind of through that time.

And it's just Jimmy Saville behind the door.

And you're like, what a fucking country we are.

This is a good interview.

Mark Jennings interviewed Adam Curtis.

Oh, he loves Adam Curtis, doesn't he?

He loves Adam Curtis.

No Chomsky.

Yeah, I mean, getting Noam in

the shed for some laugh would make Mark's dreams come true.

I think if you could get Noam Chomsky to go to Clyde Bank, I don't know if Noam would be a laugh.

You'd need to call it some laugh.

If Adam Curtis was on it, I mean, I don't know.

I wasn't really some laugh with Adam Curtis, though, was it?

It wasn't the name of the podcast.

It wasn't like Stevie and Stewart sitting there going, oh, wait, I tell you

I had a burger.

Do you know what I mean?

It was a very different type.

It was very good stuff.

Check it out.

It was awesome.

Yeah, it was.

It was great.

Are they doing full YouTube episodes now?

They've been doing that the whole time.

I was setting you up for a podcast.

Oh,

yeah, they're doing full YouTube episodes.

Anyone else started doing full YouTube episodes?

Frankie, here comes a guillotine.

Oh, wow.

Scotland's favourite podcast.

No offense, some laugh.

Scotland's favourite podcast.

Holy shit.

No offense, James English.

Anything goes, Scotland's favourite podcast.

Here comes a guillotine.

Fuck James English.

What's the name of that mid weird guy with the long hair who's like a vax, an anti-vax guy?

Neil Oliver.

Neil Oliver.

Ah, fuck.

Fuck the fuck off, Neil Oliver.

If he has a podcast, not his podcast, Scotland's favourite podcast, Here Comes Guillotine, now has full episodes on YouTube.

I don't know if it's every week, actually.

I went to this.

I think it is.

In fact, it's twice a week.

Just looking up at the camera there.

Make eye contact.

Give it a wink.

Yeah.

We can make an adjournment out of that or something.

I've definitely thought more about what I'm wearing since I realised that these are are all going to be me too.

I've came in like a member of kneecap, basically.

I feel sorry for the people who are watching the full episode on YouTube for having to go through this lengthy pluck.

I feel

tickets for fucking 28 years later

now that watching this.

I'm a bit upset about the film.

As much as I understand the importance of it and I want to do it, I mean, it does take away the fact that we can't just have a beast wedger

when we're on the street.

tighten things up cubes little cubes with little cremino fondente

right rosetta stone

i'm off to italy in january i want to go oh i might go to italy not to top trumps here i might go i think i'm going to go italy

oh wow nice because you said it's good to go well yeah frankie said it's good to go in the winter because there's no tourists and you can go walk about the museums and see all the art but there's no crowds because it's off-season that sounds like a plan i think i'm going to try pretty much for all intents and purposes have January off.

Oh yeah.

From Italy or no just

from life.

From just life yeah.

Get yourself over to Italy.

I think I might.

I think I might.

Rome and the cannoli.

Aye.

Whereabouts in Italy are you thinking?

Rome and Florence.

Of course.

Right, I'm in.

Rome and Florence.

I would like to go to the Calabris region, the point of the boot.

Really?

Where the food is spicy and the people are fiery, but you're flying.

Aye, so I've got the work there.

For me, like train.

Oh, I tell you where's great as well, Milan.

Oh, that's a great place.

Used to be able to fly into Bergamo, which is like the press week, but a bit more glamorous of Milan.

The press week of Milan.

Wow.

The Orionair Milan flight, Bergamo.

Bergamo.

You know, I would like to do that.

I'd like to go to Rome.

I'm also thinking about going to Lisbon with my brother and his best mate and meeting them out there so we can go and see the Estadio de Nacional before it gets knocked down.

So I was thinking about doing that maybe around about April, May time.

That'll be nice.

Lisbon will be nice that time of year.

I'll be fucking melting probably, but it'll be nice.

Could I plug a gig I'm doing in the bottom?

Why not?

Doing a gig in Frankfurt.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, a one-off Frankfurt gig.

Well, you've spent a long time resisting the demands German audiences.

They've been crying out for

your style.

Yes.

And now you're taking it to them.

Yeah.

Good to see.

It's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

My pal Viktor Petraskin does tours all over Europe and Asia and everywhere.

And he's like, do you want to come and hang out and we'll eat pastries and do some shows?

And I was like, yeah, why not?

We're going to go to our beautiful theatre in Frankfurt and attempt to do stand-up.

I'm not saying you should do this, but if you grew the Tash,

you would look a bit like Hitler.

Do you think they would like that?

That's a mate.

You've made an effort.

They liked it when you make an effort.

Everybody likes it when you make an effort.

The rights on the rise, man.

What have you got to lose?

Yeah.

Do you see him doing fucking stadiums or something?

Little Hitler.

You've seen him on Instagram.

Now, watch him at the Olympic Stadium movie.

Oh, Hydro.

Hello, Glasgow.

Little Hitler comes out.

Wow!

I don't know if Little Hitler would work for the cod audience.

I think Little Hitler is maybe a different section of people from this city in Scotland.

There will be crossover.

No.

Well, there's always crossover.

You know?

The Venn diagram

is slim, but...

I remember when I was doing the Shake Reymour campaign, you know, like

when Tan will be and all that, you'd always get the occasional guy with a Celtic bio giving it, get these Muslims to fuck.

Kind of thing.

You're just like, fuck's.

Come on, gay.

I done a gig.

You'd done it too, the Palestine gig?

Hell yeah.

We'd done the Palestine gig at the stand, and I had made a joke about being Catholic and lesbian.

And I was having this conversation with a priest, and someone went, boo.

And I was like,

what?

And I was like, you cannot boo, first of all, you cannot boo a Roman Catholic gay, right?

Having a joke about a priest.

But also, do you know what fucking gig you're at?

Like, you're at a free Palestine gig.

Like, the fuck is wrong with you?

And it was like, just shop.

And I was like, yeah, just fucking shut up for everybody in this room turns on you.

People's politics are so chaotic.

It's fucking weird.

It used to just be really simple, didn't it?

Like, I remember walking up to Celtic Park as a kid, and you'd have been a few years older than me, so I reckon reckon you'll remember this.

And it was like the socialist worker and stuff like that.

So it was very left

to kind of not even centre-left, it was left-to-left, you know, far left to left, and that was you.

And then

if you went to Ibrooks, there was like Combat 13 and that kind of stuff.

So it was quite a disquite a distinct political spectrum, and you were either one side or the other.

Whereas now you're like, How can you be a Palestine kick boo?

A fucking Roman Catholic homosexual?

What is that?

I don't.

The world is hurting my head.

It's the same with

the fact that Trump wants the Nobel Priest Peace Prize and he's inviting a fucking war criminal on holiday.

Well, Netanyahu's nominated him, so of course he has.

It's cool.

Can you just say that's cool?

Well,

nice one.

I'm just really not down with the whole people queuing to get food and being machine gunned thing.

To me, that is

and that seems less of a deal-breaker for most of British culture.

So it's sort of like, yeah,

you know,

sometimes this shit happens.

That's the underlying attitude of Britain:

you've got to break a few eggs, you know?

And like

their tolerance from the centre right through

to the far right is incredible for what they will allow

and what they can see as normal see the Glastonbury thing so I'd been to see Bob Villon and they were I saw a thing on TV so I very rarely even catch a glimpse of TV right but I'm putting on the the streaming and I see a thing and it goes oh BBC kneecaps thing is not being broadcast and it underneath it like in the picture is a thing of the the timetable for that day and top is Bob Villain and I'm like Bob Villain

You've cancelled

for Bob Villain

like and then

no to be an anti-fascist hipster, but I've been a Bob Villain fan for a long time.

It all kicked up.

It all kicked off and there was

You know, so he was going death death to the IDF and I was saying to my pal you know, is there a bit that's kind of like you know ice cube didn't literally want to fuck the police, right?

And it's kind of like you know, all that.

So

I looked into it, but then there was like a previous gig where Bob Villains going

death, death, deny, death, by which I mean every single individual's older.

But yeah,

I just don't know a country like it that can get itself so fucking upset.

I mean, you're sitting going, well, the kneecap thing.

I'm going to take the kneecap thing first of all, right?

And just be like, the kneecap thing was fucking ridiculous that Kier Starmer was coming out.

I mean, literally, his government was falling apart, his backbenchers were revolting, there's people fucking needing heating allowance, he's taking money off the poor, People are fucking having a right old Got him.

There's all sorts going on with Trump.

And he's like,

well, you know, kneecap.

Oh, they shouldn't.

And you're just like,

fuck off.

This isn't the biggest issue in Britain today.

There's so many more issues.

And user just using this as a distraction.

Seized on as a distraction.

Absolutely.

And then I'm watching Lisa.

Was it Lisa Nandi?

Yeah, Lisa Nandi, the culture secretary, demanding an investigation at the BBC.

She's saying, why haven't people been sacked as a result of a documentary, which was a documentary that seems completely fine to me, except the narrator was the son of a Hamas official, like

the narrator who was a child.

You know,

it doesn't seem like a huge deal to me, or certainly not something people would get sacked over.

I would say that that is less of a deal than a former KGB

like director son being in the house of lords.

And if you understand how the BBC works, which is the commission programs from independent production companies, it's causes nobody to sack who works at the BBC.

If you're talking about sacking people who work in factual and documentaries at BBC, like I've done like two documentary series there, right?

And much as it pains me to say this is a fucking pearl clutching performer, but they're fucking like brilliant people.

You get someone comes in who's like the head of documentaries or whatever, and their notes are things like, oh, you need a you need a linking word in that

bit of voiceover that suggests that the next scene is going to be like this.

They're really, really technical.

They're filmmakers themselves.

You know,

the idea that you're going to come in and sack these people because, you know,

what a narrator is like.

Presumably, the way like Gaza Society works, loads of people are associated with Hamas on some level, just in the Hamas are running the fucking territory.

There is nothing about this cabinet that I like.

I mean I could honestly probably go

Avet Cooper.

I think she's probably a very good politician and she's an authoritarian though.

So she's prescribed Palestine action.

Yeah.

I've windowed it up with something called like the was it like the Nazi Maniac Party or something?

Yeah, yeah.

Unbelievable.

They're going to be huge fans of Lil Hitler when he does the stadium.

I just wonder

if

Do you think Angela Rina just wakes up every day and goes, fucking hell?

What shite am I going to need to deal with today?

Well, that's the thing, though, because if you think you hate West Streeton, it's nothing compared to how much West Streeton hates you.

Oh, I.

I.

Because they loathe common people.

He was brought up in like a high-rise flat and all that shit.

And

do you know what?

It's almost that baby boomer effect where the baby boomers who had all that social mobility could have gone to the left and changed this country, but they've decided to go to the right and be that Harry Enfield character of I am considerably richer than you.

And West Streeton is an absolute fucking shining prime example of that.

And it is disgusting.

The thing though as well, where they don't understand you because they don't have to understand you.

So we have to understand,

say, like the ideem of Radio 4.

I went and did a really good Radio 4 show last week.

But you have to

pitch it in a certain way, right?

Um, and we understand that, and we understand that we have to change our register when we go and do those kind of things.

They don't have to know that about us because you know,

nobody's pulling them up going, How come there's no Scottish working class lesbians on TV?

Do you know what I mean?

Because, no, well, I will say what I will say about Radio 4 is I've met Julia Mackenzie a few times and she is very pro

regional voices, working class voice, LGBT do you know what I mean?

Like, they commissioned a show, a Scott Again News, a year or two ago.

It's probably still an iPlayer, and it was fucking brilliant.

It's a great show.

And there is no way that would have been commissioned in Scotland.

That had to be radio fold because it was dealing with drug addiction, heart attack, HIV, a kind of a gay lifestyle thing.

And then the kind of familiar relationship and the fallout of that.

There is no way that would have been commissioned here.

But it took someone at at the top there to go, No, this is important and it's it's funny, but it's important that that gets out there.

Do you know what I mean?

Because there's nothing else like that.

Do you know BBC Scotland doesn't let you do a comedy about drugs or alcohol?

We got told that we were doing a scripted thing at the moment, and they went, We can't have something that ties Scotland with drugs.

I was in BBC and you're kind of like

reality

train spotting, you know, anybody, like the only fucking successful movie of the last 30 years everybody's life and family and friends and the culture that they live in.

Also,

that's that's interesting, right?

So, I'm working on something scripted just now, and I didn't do drug and drink addiction.

And someone has got addiction, but I made it gambling, made a gambling addiction, made them quite a respectable character as well to have that gambling addiction.

And it's interesting what you're saying because my entire life

we laugh at poverty in this country.

It doesn't matter if you're if you're head BBC or regional BBC, we laugh at poverty, and it's like, oh, I, what's that like?

And then, even when you go to maybe do the odd show, like a keeping up appearances, where it's we're laughing at kinda middle-class England, actually, how are the poor represented in that?

How are the working class represented within that sphere?

So, yeah, we're laughing at them, but we're still laughing at them because we're still

so the mere notion that if you're writing something scripted and they're saying, oh, don't associate drinking drugs in Scotland, but go, well, you fucking have associated it with the past 40 years of television in this country.

So

now we don't.

Now we just pretend that everybody's vegan and it's all everyone's out jogging.

But also if it's Ramsey Nesbit, it's fine.

Do you know what I mean?

So long as you're you know, conforming to a stereotype of Scottish people, it's fine.

But then if they're if they're something else but they happen to be a a drug addict, certainly that's a problem.

Yeah, and actually, quite a lot of addiction now in Scotland would appear to be with the middle classes.

It seems to be the two or three bottles of wine a night type mums and the dads board on the gambling addictions and fucking nearly losing their 500,000 pound houses.

Do you ever hear the like I used to live in the West End fucking glass collection?

Like, holy shit.

I can verify that.

I mean, they're just absolutely hammering out away, man.

It's like, you know, when they empty the big bins at the fringe, generally, when you're on a punchline

and they come round and they empty the massive fucking big council local authority bins, and it's just bottles.

And obviously, it's from the bars and the gardens.

So you go,

fair enough, but yeah, that's what it sounds like in the west end of Glasgow.

It's and the posture

you go into the west end.

The further away from Byers Road you go,

the fucking worse it is.

Do you know what I mean?

It's true, mate.

Honestly, they're alienated.

Alienated from their fellow man.

This is your rat sheriff.

Tell you what they're fucking addicted to.

Like, fossil fuels.

Like, they've all got those fucking Jeeps that you cannot park.

They sit them running outside their fucking kids' school, giving their kids brain damage.

And they fly away skiing like fucking four times a year, man.

It is not.

Talk to them and they're like, yeah, we're every kid's holiday.

We're picking them up from the school and we're just getting off and we're fucking halfway up a mountain by Saturday morning it is not it is not the fossil fuels that's giving their children brain damage it's them they're fucking giving their children brain damage fucking wine fumes

fucking

curtain twitching petty bastards man

they are fucking weird weird people weird breathing beaujolette in their children's sleeping faces and say whisper things to them in the night you can time you can time what point of the day it is and what point of the week it is.

Like, when you see people heading to certain places, we fucking want to make fun of people in the West End.

We fucking have

six months.

Not anymore, motherfucker.

Not anymore.

In the last six months.

I'm just letting stone a fucking match on tears I leave.

Fuck you.

So funny.

Sunday did come up to me and I don't think, you know, Frankie, I don't think he enjoyed living in the West End.

And I was honestly looking at them going, well, no fucking wonder if you were a neighbour.

Honestly, so fucking twitch.

And do you know what?

I have never met more miserable people.

Like, generally, fucking

miserable.

And you're like, mom, then,

and you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

They're just, I don't know, I've never seen so many.

I was talking to my mate about this who just lives off Novar Drive, right?

I know this is very postcode, but don't you start your murder for the postcode chat.

And she has lived there her whole life and she was like,

I'm literally here for the kids to get educated and then once kids are educated I'm getting to fuck

and it's just she was like just tell it like that about the pettiness of things like there's k everyone's got a permit and there's car parking spaces and it's like but that's my space and you're like no one has a fucking dedicated space.

They get cones out.

They get cones out and they stick them in our space man.

One guy got a ball art fitted and the council made him move it'cause it's a fucking public road.

You dick.

Got a ball art a fucking ball ard.

Jay.

Got a baller come out, and you know, like you get a key in it, and you can move on down.

Oh, wow, that's cool.

Fucking

there's no cattle.

There's little hatless.

How's your mice scenario?

Yeah, I heard them last night.

I heard it scrabbling around last night.

What does it sound like?

It sort of talks.

Yeah.

To me.

But the hole has not been breached and I haven't seen them and I haven't seen evidence.

There was a tomato on my kitchen floor last night and even though I heard them in my walls, I woke up this morning and tomato was unbit.

So what does that tell you, Frankie?

Is that your system?

Yes.

I like to leave a single tomato out as a kind of did you know I don't know if you used to read these wee books when you were a wee guy or if these books existed

and you're there

but when I was a wee guy it was loads of books like the spy's guide to being a wee boy and it'd be like if you want to make sure check to see if people have been in your house put a wee hare in the doorway and then if you come in and the hair's on the floor someone's been in that door awesome stuff

tradecraft and i'm using tradecraft to see if the mouse is breaching the walls

Sounded like there was many mice.

And the thing you said about my walls being alive, bursting with vermin,

I did struggle to sleep last night.

I did struggle to sleep last night to an extent.

But I'm making peace with it.

It's all about kinda

Taoism.

Taoism?

Taoism.

It's very confusing they spell it with your T, but it's Taoism.

Oh, okay.

I'm a Taoist.

That's your first step on the path.

I'm making peace with the the rented rats who stalk my chambers.

What is this?

Oh, it's a red envelope.

A red envelope.

Haikung Fa Chao, I believe, is Chinese New Year in Chinese.

I can't mango that.

Apologies to any

Cantonese listeners.

Here comes the Gill.

Shave the top of your head, Lil Mao.

Lao Mao is going to be the tour after Lao Hitler.

I've got a red envelope here.

Yesterday I shot a music video for long-term fans of Here Comes Guillotine and indie rock stars,

former champ.

And I shot a music video and to thank us for me doing that.

I have here this ringing bells.

The picture I'm raising up.

Is that the Nippon?

Is it the Nippon Kitchen?

Look at this.

Nippon Kitchen gift voucher.

£50.

These are available for anybody who wants a great gift for anybody.

I'm trying to get a job with QVC or something.

And these are perfect for the kids.

and if you children love Japanese cuisine but this has been issued recently and yeah I've got a 50 quid voucher for the Newport Kitchen here to thank me for making an appearance in a music video and I thought it's on former champ today imagine we go in there and have a slap up feed and they've just made that

I didn't think that I didn't think that a wee bit yeah sweet that's great so

former champ thank you former champ and check out their new single porcelain uh which is available available on all streaming platforms.

And the music video is coming out soon.

The Star of Me, International Pop Star, Amelia Baylor.

And one of the extra, one of the guys in the music video was comedian.

Yes, the pop star comedian.

Very cool person.

And

yeah, one of the her boyfriend in it was played by a guy who was an extra in an episode of Succession.

So you can do a Kevin Bacon with me.

And

who was in fucking Manhunter?

The big long guy for Manhunter?

Who was uh

do you know I'm talking about?

Doesn't matter

what was the thing with uh

what was the thing with Hannibal Lecter when it was Brian Cox.

Oh right Manhunter?

Yeah.

Yeah, and then there was the big long guy

for the end dollarhead

Have you seen this?

No, right

dollarhead is in the X-Files

I'm up on that.

Who's the big long guy?

Amazing.

Why can't you just do that?

You can do Brian Collins.

I could do Rushmore.

You could do

Lucy Premble.

She was the showrunner for succession.

Well, there you go.

Me and Lucy Prebble.

Two Kevin Bacon to be a feature there.

Exciting.

Anyway, that's the only reason I've done it.

All you need to do is do one episode of Jonathan Ross, and then he's met everyone.

Have you done Jonathan Ross?

Yeah, a couple of times.

It was good.

It was the Puff Daddy episode.

That's right, that's right.

The celebrations of the colours.

He ate a bounty.

He took away a bounty, eh?

Wow.

What were we thinking about that?

That verdict.

What were you thinking?

I thought it was always inevitable.

He was going to get away on some level.

He's like a trickster god.

You try and hold him.

He turns into a rabbit.

He turns into a fucking merman.

He turns into a breath of wind.

He's away.

Yeah.

as I said to you, he's now on a wave of lube, like Iceman from Spider-Man, his amazing friends.

He's riding that wave of lube down the streets in New York.

You see the video Jay-Z

at a party,

diddy's right-hand man, at a party in 2020, which I believe was quite a difficult time for Jay-Z as he'd been accused of.

And the world, too, was having a fucking party in 2020.

That's what I want to know.

Who the fuck was having a party then?

Like, is he

must have been like January or February?

Fuck right.

And

people are saying that Jay-Z is kind of looking dead nervous next to Puff.

And he's got this crazy ring on that he's kind of doing like this.

And some people are saying that Jay-Z

has a spy camera and his jewelled ring that he's using to film everybody at the Diddy party.

And they probably used it in some kind of lubed-up freak off that very night, is what some people say.

Allegations is

imagine you just see fucking Jay-Z's ring like going straight up someone's ass.

Jesus.

They need to get quite chunky hands as well, because it's hard to get an appointment with a GP these days.

If you need

a GP, the jigger man just get

fisted by Hover.

Do we?

Yeah.

He posted what was that diamond about?

He was actually spreading someone's arsehole with his palms and fingers.

Jesus.

And apparently, no Epstein list now.

No.

Apparently, I didn't Epstein was just

a good guy.

Yeah, just

on an island on his own.

A confusing figure.

He had an empty plane flying to him on the regular.

So

tell me this, what's happened there?

I think most of the key figures have been silenced.

Okay.

I'm still up for getting a trawler around that island and seeing how much we scoop up in terms of Pokemon cards, friendship bracelets.

And has the list went missing, or is it just no?

Now they say there was never a list.

Oh, like, what are you talking about?

So, Elon Musk said, There's a list, Trump's on the list, Steve Bannon's on the list, and now I think it's the FBI have come out and gone, list?

Fuck's sake, who's the most surprising person on the list for you?

Hawkeye.

Hawkeye.

Yeah, that was wild.

Yeah.

What was he up to?

Yeah.

Rolling about.

Maybe just watching.

Maybe just watching.

He didn't really say he's getting a foot massage.

Yeah.

Didn't even have the.

But I think it would have been a two-tier thing.

There would have been the, yeah, you're the you're the hawking guest.

You're the oh, you know, take the photos guest, and you're the, oh, you'd be the.

It's like when someone's doing a wedding, you get the nighttime guests and the daytime guests.

Yeah.

There's nighttime guests to Epstein's Island and there's daytime guests who are like, I'd love to raise money for and then there was hoskages, and then there was just sex slaves, yes, yes, who weren't guests.

Hard to put that into the wedding method though, you know, in the wedding, you got the daytime people, the nighttown people,

the sex slaves, get Jay-Z's ring over there.

Why don't you just manage to hack in Jay-Z's ring and we had all that footage, man, just from

hip-hop of some of the world's greatest crimes?

It's wild.

Got 99 problems, but

surreptitiously recording six parties with my bejeweled spy ring is not one of them.

It's the B-side.

Maybe he didn't even want to get rich, he was just like, I need an excuse to have a huge diamond-encrusted ring.

And the whole rap career was just he's an undercover cop, and he starts out, and he's just got to get good at it.

I think that could be the premise of a cozy crime novel.

What a rapper?

I don't know.

I don't know if they're up for that.

I think they say, Listen, a bit of cozy crime in the cottage worlds with a rapper with a ring that is surreptitiously filming everyone.

It would scare them off.

I'm celebrating some cozy crime.

I'm loving it.

I'm loving it.

I'm loving writing a description of a tea shop.

I'm loving it.

Are you Jessica Fletcher?

Are you like Cropper?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm hammering away.

I've written a lot of it, but now I need to start sorting it out.

But I'm only about 15,000 words away from the end.

So it's fucking exciting times.

That's exciting.

That's very exciting.

See, when you're right, so I always think the thing about like murder things is that you need to write

the way it actually happened, but then you need to do all the red herons and stuff as well.

Do you ever do like a red heron that's so much more interesting than the actual one that you need to make that the actual killer?

Well, I think it's more because you do that kind of stuff at the end, as you suggest, that it doesn't really happen.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

But yeah, it's always kind of changing.

So, my plot, I had one martyr, and then I decided I would add something else

that kind of made sense to me.

It's just that thing, as you go along, it is a bit of an improvisation.

So, you have your idea of what it's going to be.

It's much more to do with tone.

Once you can get the tone, if you write 10,000 words and it all sounds like it's from the same voice, that's the big thing.

And then you're like, oh, yeah, now we need to.

So, you hit a description or you hit a bit of dialogue and you go, oh no, he wouldn't say that.

That's the kind of bit you need to get into.

I was in Dubai Airport and I seen that it was one of the Cozy Crimes boo, one of Osmond's numbers, was like the number one book in Dubai Airport.

And I was a bit like,

what could

some oil guy in a slave state get out of this?

Because they're probably British.

It reminds them of home.

I don't think the locals are reading Richard's book.

I think it's probably

the expats longing for a taste of home.

In his demographics, it's largely Filipino sex workers spread across the Middle East.

And he's just got to kind of cover that up.

It's a cozy crime novel in itself.

A very tall novelist has to dot around the Middle East silencing.

Yeah, that would be good.

Did you do any research before you took upon writing Cozy Crime?

Did you just ask him if he's murdered anybody before?

I don't think we can say, have you murdered anyone before?

But it's set in a rehab.

Of course it is.

It's not.

I've never been to rehab.

Someone doesn't care if BBC Scotland makes this.

Absolutely.

It's also...

He's narrating it.

He's a slightly annoying narrator.

And he's narrating it from Barcelona.

Oh.

I did go to Barcelona for a month.

You know, I can throw in some detail there.

Yeah.

And he's kind of reminiscing about it all.

But it's all kind of like playwrights and actors and pop stars and stuff like that.

And I've always felt quite a lot of affection for those people.

And I find when you watch, like, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here or something, the subtext is a bit, look at these pricks.

Do you know what I mean?

Look at what these pricks are like if they don't get their latte every morning or whatever.

And I've always kind of

like I love meeting an intense theatre director or a you know like larger than life show business types I really enjoy and I thought it'd be good to write something affectionate about those people as one is like a kind of actor who's been done over by the papers like throughout his career and is a wee bit bitter or whatever but I'm like that is a thing those people have a right to be bitter you know I think there's a weird thing isn't there where people in the press they hate being joked about so I've got real real flack sometimes for doing jokes about the press.

And

they have a kind of disconnect between what they actually do and what they feel they do.

So they feel that, oh, we're kind of, you know, you know, honest brokers of information here, we're telling the truth.

First draft, the history of the quality.

Yeah, all that kind of stuff.

And you're like, yeah, I get everyone has a good feeling about their job at some point.

But at the point where people go, aren't you actually searching through the bins of some real TV star?

Handling Handling the phone of a dead girl or whatever.

Yeah, they get really angry, and there's a disconnect.

And to me, it's a bit like you know, when there's like a disconnect in the mind of a serial killer where he's just like, I'm just making these ladies pretty for God, you know, no, no, you're not, you're murdering them, yeah, you're taking the flesh and you're making them ask.

I think there is that, and it's quite interesting because the more and more podcasts that come out and stuff, and you're listening to people like that, you're like, oh, yeah, you're a complete, like, you think what you're doing is this, but actually, what you're doing is that, that and somehow you've managed to justify it to yourself in your own head.

It's fucking weird.

When I was studying journalism they said that in your first couple of weeks at a newspaper the kinda equivalent of like sending somebody for tart and paint is that you need to go up to someone's house and tell them that the children have died or something.

Like that's the kinda

to kinda get you used to like dehumanizing the top the like topics and stuff.

So like yeah, the first couple of weeks of newspaper you know go do stuff like that.

Whoa.

But that's kinda like hazing into it.

It's kind of hazing ritual.

But also

evil.

Oh, that's horrendous.

Although you're talking about like

when you're working with journalists, do you remember me and you done um

news news quiz?

And it was me, you, Ashley, and Alex Massey.

That's right.

Oh, what an uncomfortable two hours that was for Alex Massey.

I find it like he's like a Scottish um kinda like conservative journalist for maybe the Times or something that or Telegram.

Yeah, but like I always find those people are really uncomfortable with me anyway when I because they're like, oh god, are you going to absolutely monster me?

And part of the thing is sort of talking to them beforehand and going, it's just a

panel show.

Yeah.

But was quite funny.

So he'd been

round about the time of the kind of trans demonstrations outside the

Scottish Parliament.

And I remember he'd put up a headline going,

I uh,

my wife can't attend this protest, so I'm going in her place.

And you thought,

right, you're not getting any form of sense of irony from that.

And I remember, so me and you were in one team, and Ashley was doing her first news quiz, and she was with him.

And every time he said something, me and Frankie would just look at the audience and not move our face.

And the whole audience were just like looking at him, like, nah, that's my default expression.

He felt so incredible, it was so good, and he was just like

every time he said something, because he always just tried to go in and like anything that was remotely left or remotely tolerant, he tried to kind of go in it and be that opposing voice.

To be fair, Susie, I think journalists with three comedians is often, I think, that comes from a day when they didn't really have that many comedians.

Do you know what I mean?

Where there was like 30 people on the London circuit or something, and you had Mark Steele and Jeremy Hardy and two journalists who might know what the stories were or fill in a bit of background or whatever.

And you're like, I don't know.

Why don't you just have all comics now?

If it's a comedy show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We used to take this guy, he was like an open spot, like turn of the century.

And

he would always finish with this bit, you know, because your clothes is your big bit.

And he would go, do you remember on Fred Flintstone, they would have

dinosaurs doing as everyday household objects, they'd have

a lawnmower, but it'd be a turtle eating the grass, and it'd it'd turn to the camera and go, I don't enjoy being a lawnmower so much, or whatever, right?

Yeah, that's what he did about this.

And so

the audience would be like, Well, okay, it was 30 years ago, but yeah, I guess I remember.

And um, and he would be like, Well, you know, like Wilma would have had a load of sex toys and Fred as well, you know, so it should have been an episode where Fred got a fucking giant squid, which by the way isn't even a dinosaur.

Nope, um, and he like would like fuck this giant squid, and then the fucking squid would turn to the camera camera and go, I don't enjoy people ejaculating inside my head so much.

I took complete silence every time, right?

Every time.

And then I met him in the street after we'd started doing like TV on BBC Scotland.

He was like, you know, I really regret it, you know, because I stopped doing comedy just at the point where everybody got on TV.

And you're like,

it wasn't just, it wasn't just beat around.

It was, you know,

never go to work.

Do you know that meme where it's like the guy mining

and he's like

sweating, but he's mining and he's so close to the gem and the earth, and then there's a one underneath, and it's the, you know, it's like you just had to keep you gave up, but if you just kept going, what you don't know is sometimes behind that wall, there's like explosive gas.

And if you keep digging, brother, you're going to make a spark and you're going to kill you and your entire family if you keep digging.

He's mining to the center of the earth, this guy to be consumed by molten lava.

i i was thinking about that i don't know if i spoke about this before but i was thinking you know if i was going to kill myself maybe i would jump into like a in a foundry you get those uh terminator two you're like terminator to myself basically

but somebody says

this might sound obvious but it's actually an extremely painful way

because all the

water in your body kind of like rapidly cools your flesh so you've you it's not I thought it'd be like you drop a coin in a foundry and it would just go

but it's actually incredibly painful I've been told I would have had money on that yeah I mean I think I'd have got five points for the is this a painful death round of Richard Osman's house of games yeah

I still can't believe you've not been on it it's strange isn't it you need to pull him up but I don't know that

the thing of like you just asked him

did he yeah he's a bit of a dark character.

I think that's it's time to face the fact that I'm off into the sunset like fucking Paul Bunyan.

Do you know what I mean?

In terms of my panel show life, now I'll be this cozy crime

niche cosy crime.

Maybe that's why

you're a new type.

Unpopular cozy crime.

Maybe you're too close to Richard's cozy crime.

And he sees you as competition.

No, he's also I've not written it yet.

Ah, okay.

Small fast.

I don't think he in any way sees me as competition.

I think we know the people that we need to call to get you on that programme.

And I think you need to do it.

I would love to see you on it.

It'd be like Taskmaster all over again.

Yeah.

Give me an Ivo, get the dream team back together.

The big man's threatening to come up and have a hot tub.

Yeah.

You and Ivo grey.

I'm in a hot tub.

I'm threatening to come over and have one.

You can come over when Ivo comes.

Anytime.

Anytime.

Why not?

You're welcome anytime.

Both of you.

Just standing hot tub invitation.

In the style of that Nippon Getchin thing.

But virtually.

Wherever you hand me a red envelope.

Unless someone has me a red envelope, I don't consider myself invited to something.

Have a sauna.

Have a hot tub.

Thank you.

Oh, do you have a parasol?

I've got a parasol.

Okay, interesting.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, okay, I'm up for that.

As long as I need to ride in the back of your electric bike as we fly through.

How is it?

I've not been on the electric bike this week because the school holidays has seen the local park choked with human vermin.

Yeah.

I don't really want to.

I got quite a clip on the old bike.

I don't really want to be weaving in and out of the public.

No.

But I'm thinking like next week, by the time everybody's off on their kind of summer holidays kind of stuff, it'll be fine.

I I

went to the fort the other day.

Oh, hello.

Day two.

Miles stopping grounds.

The Scottish summer holidays, and I couldn't get parked.

There was, it literally was like car park full, car park full, and I was like, Woodstock.

Is this where we now bring our children for the summer?

Like just an open-air shopping centre on the east end of Glasgow?

Is that what we do?

It's an incredible piece of infrastructure.

I went to Silverburn recently and I felt like magnificently alienated.

You know, I really enjoyed the ballarding

you ever seen crash by the way no watched that the other night what one like the one where James Spader the sexual one was turned on by car crashes but it's like

you know people go this would never get made now but it's like stuff that would get made now like 40 towers or something and you're like

this is like a guy fucking people's car crash injuries.

It was a Saturday night movie.

Like James Spader, Holly Hunter, like and they're just um driving about getting really turned on by car crashes and fucking yeah, pretty cool.

Pretty much.

Whatever your kink is, is your kink.

Enjoy it.

That's what I say.

I'm not going to judge.

That's what I say.

I've heard worse.

There's a bit of Gayness.

Oh, obviously.

With Holly Hunter?

No.

Oh.

Is that yeah, there's some boy gay stuff?

Well, he's sort of shagging his wife at one point and she likes talking about this guy who's into car crashes and she's like, what do you think his penis would be like?

And he goes, Badly scarred from a motorcycle accident.

That's cool.

That's pretty cool.

Jesus.

'Cause it's crazy that there's two films called Crash and one of them's about people who are sexually turned on by um

like car crashes but then there's another one that won the Oscar for best film that nobody ever talks about'cause it was actually extremely shite.

And it's about like how racism could be solved if we just got along with each other or something like that which is what the oscars loves

if we could just be sound it's two very different messages

lunch you hungry

i'm gagging for some eddy mummy beans let's do this

hey how you doing produce andy here thank you for listening to another episode of here comes the guillotine with frankie boyle susie mccabe and christopher macarthur boyd susie and Christopher are playing Edinburgh Fringe this summer, so if you want to head along, head to their socials for more information.

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