The Mailbag: Always Be Suspicious of a Man's Version

Here Comes the Guillotine contains offensive language, mature content, and adult themes. It is not suitable for a younger audience.

This is a Global Player Original Podcast.

How are you doing? This is producer Randy, and you're listening to Here Comes the Guillotine: The Mailbag, with Frankie Boyle, Susan McCabe, and Christopher MacArthur Boyd.

If you have a problem, issue, or a dire need just to be heard, then email hctg at global.com. Enjoy the episode.

You better be the solutions. I'm a solutions guy.
You're a solutions guy.

Okay.

Bosco.

Oh, God.

I think there's a few good ones here. There's a few crackers.
You start off, Susie, yeah.

Sure.

Right.

Mailbag time. Some people have contacted us with our issues.
You can send your own.

What's the email address?

Is it hctg at global.com? I think it is. Are you putting a wee song on?

You and your Instagram? Yeah.

You sound like

people have contacted us with their fucking trials and tribulations. Throw me the ball.
Right.

Frankie's checking his reels out.

So, look, here we go. Think he's on TikTok again.
Cannot get him off there.

I am going to go with the second one on my sheet, Christopher. Oh, yeah.
Dear friends, thank you all.

That's meant to say for your quality work. Since listening to the podcast, I have self-diagnosed with autism and developed a special interest in my troubles.

We've all diagnosed. You and me both, but

the problem that I would like help with is how best to support my wife during her monthly bout of PMT.

I love my wife very much, but once a month, every ounce of civility leaves her body, and no one is safe.

The kids get screamed at, the dog gets kicked, and I am subject to either a volley of swear words, a grunt, or absolute disregard.

I know PNT is no joke, so I am asking for your advice on how to help and support my spouse during these times in order to improve our relationship. Frankie, would you like to?

I think one of us is more qualified than others to discuss this. Thank you, Christopher.

I mean, I don't.

Yeah,

I would say maybe

just wait it out. It's it's it's just one part of your life, a couple of days you a month or shite.
I mean, it's worse for her probably.

Maybe it's kinda like a werewolf, isn't it? It's what happens with them. Wow.
Is it not?

'Cause you I remember you were saying once that vampirism is a kinda

way of talking about uh anti-Semitism. Do you know what I mean? It's like, oh, they don't like the cross and uh they've got big properties and stuff, you know.

So, it's a kind of way you talk about charadracula, you're really talking about anti-Semitism, or you're talking about Jewish people for the point of view of an anti-Semite.

Is werewolfism is that a way of discussing pre-menstrual tension, but in a kind of horror way? Once a month, the moon comes out and you go fucking mental. Is that not what a werewolf is, also?

But it's not when the moon comes out, like everyone's cycle is different, it's not dependent on the moon. Can I ask a question? Yes, both of you.
Yes.

See how people say, Oh,

they were spending a lot of time together and their cycles

sinked up. Yes.
Surely we all share a planet. Why is everybody's cycles not synced up? No, no, no, no, no, no.

I think also, though. Oh, I love this.
I love how Fred Hiscody tells about this.

I read somewhere.

It's a misunderstanding of statistics. Oh.
And that they don't.

It's not that they don't. Like, what you can find is, as a woman who has lived with women in relationships,

what you can find is that someone can come on, and then within a day or two, you'll kind of come on, stuff like that, right? And there'll be a kind of synchronicity.

However, what I'm going to say is this: it is nothing like fucking werewolves.

It is not ruled by

Jewish people drink people's blood when they're asleep, but you know, it's a way of talking about it. Bosco, here's the thing: the bit building up to the period is the PMT.

That's the fucking hard bit. Once it kind of comes, it's just uncomfortable and you feel a bit bloated and you feel a bit sick and a bit nauseous and it's just pretty horrible and it's painful.

But that kind of tension, anger is all in the build-up to it. So, mate, here's a couple of ways you can deal with this depending on the age of your partner.

You, if your partner's kind of 44, approaching 45 and over, up to the doctors, have a wee discussion, fire on the HRT, get a test.

You can also get a pea stick now for the old menopause because that's not going to help the situation. Otherwise, live like Frankie in a hotel, getting afraid of a rat,

hazelnut Sundays,

and watching much of the day video in Dublin. But what I would say is definitely a wee trip to the doctors because that's just fucking horrible.
And you know what?

It's horrible for her because you need to remember her emotions are like peeking and troughing all through that. So it's fucking like there is no rationale relationship.

He's being too sympathetic though. He sounds like

I don't know, man. I think he's getting a bit of fucking kicking here.

Like the dog, the dog gets kicked. What's happening to Bosco? Like you fucking love your dog unconditionally, but she's got the PMT and she's fucking kicking the dog.
So what's happening?

I don't understand how people can isolate PMT from the general pain of life. Do you know what what I mean? It's because you've never had it.

I think men have a kind of version of it though. I think men.
Fucking courses do, because we can't have anything.

Fuck. I think men are grumpier than women.
Yeah. They get an easier ride.
Yeah. See, men 50 and over, and I've seen this with my friends'

husbands. They become a fucking grumpy bastard.
And you're like, what is it you're moaning about? White heterosexual straight man, you're doing fucking hardless for me. Oh, please do.

Is it because you're

like in pain because you get older? Is that why people get grumpy, or your

cocking balls don't work no more?

What is it? I think they become prisoners of ideology, you know,

they just become so like crusted over with the standard responses and

air satisfyings that you're offered

that they stop being fully human.

It's interesting.

I think what you said, Susie, about maybe going to the doctors could be a good one.

Don't tell your partner to go to the doctor's while they're feeling like this stuff. Maybe wait for a peacetime.

I would approach this

if it was me in that situation. I would approach this as somebody who's on your second marriage, so take this as fucking loosely as you like.
I would approach this with:

listen,

it's really tough for you at that time of the month and in the build-up to it, and it's quite stressful for the kids and everybody as well. But we're all just really concerned about you.

And the kids have spoken to me about it, and I'm worried about you. And I think, you know, we could maybe go to the doctors together.
I'll come with you.

One way you can be sure it's always on a good day when they're happy, put it in a Christmas cracker. that's the joke who should go to the doctor because of the pmt answer you wow

i can i believe that you're single man

i don't know

i sympathize with the women in this i don't think this guy

we are the last people to approach about this i don't think this guy has tried much

i don't think he sends i think he's fucking terrified this is his version always be suspicion of a man's version it's an unreliable narrator here Some catcher in the right type scenario where you're right, man.

Sometimes I think you're more a feminist than me.

I think I'm essentially a female spirit.

You get a female spirit and a man's body. I don't know that it's a man's body.

I feel a wee bit like that. I think

I don't know.

Gender's very limiting. You know, the binary nature of it.
You're kind of like...

It's more complicated, isn't it? Was the silver surfer non-binary? Yeah, he didn't have any

general-wise. That's how I see myself.

The herald of Galactus.

Well, I'm a herald in the apocalypse. That's all I've been doing my whole life.

Do you know what I mean? And

I can't really surf.

Neither can he.

Yeah, well, who knows why?

He's been called the Silver Flyer. On a

But

it's interesting because we would describe that as a surfboard, but. He probably had another word.
Yeah.

He probably had his own language. But there's no way on his planet the waves are silver and he surfs on them.
Do you know what I mean? I'm trying to remember the silver surfer's name.

Do you know what it is?

Norin Rad.

Norin Rad? Yeah.

What was his planet like? His planet was going to get eaten by Galactus. And

the Silver Surfer offered himself up to Galactus and went, I will be your herald. I don't see how it helps.
So he saved his planet.

How does it help that some guy turns up on a surfboard with no cop and says, you've got five days left?

Like,

we would have rather not known.

100%.

Yeah.

And also, I feel like if the Silver Surfer showed up here, you just wouldn't believe him.

You You know what I mean?

He would barely register on TikTok.

Amazing. People would assume he was AI.

Maybe it was.

Well, there you go. Hope that solves your

PMT problems. The Silver Surfer's name was not bad.

But also, maybe just try and be a wee bit sweeter.

Delighted that you've understood yourself a wee bit more in terms of autism and the IRA.

Haven't we all on the panel? Did you send that in?

I thought it was maybe my pal Roscoe in disguise as Bosco. Kind of loose to scare.

That is something that Roscoe would do, though, isn't it? Bosco Beskellen. Bosco Miskel.
But it's not.

Thanks a lot, Bosco. Best of luck with your

autism and

terrorism.

Republicanism.

He sees on the tongue.

Next Champions League game. Pull him aboard.
Next Champions League game, he'll be there on me.

Little fish on the end of a line that's just running out of fights.

Tell you what, my uncle is kind of a rebel adjacent.

Wolf Tones cassette in the car when I was growing up.

Personal Rebel Adjacent. That's fully indoctrinated.
Yeah.

And he came to see me, do stand-up for the first time since 2017 or something. I was doing like a 30-seater at the French.

And he came and seen me at the pavilion and I'd done a bit in my show comparing Irish independence to Scottish independence and I was talking about St Stephen's Green and the Easter Horizon and stuff and he was really tears in his eyes seeing me like that.

He'd never he didn't know that I had

done my research.

He's not done any research and been radicalised.

I might get him Killing Thatcher for Christmas. Oh, you should, man.
I'd really like it. It's a great book.
Yeah. I think I get everybody

killing Thatcher for Christmas.

I might go back in time and kill Thatcher for Christmas. I wonder is it like Jesus you could get Betsy Thatcher?

Do you know what I mean? A fingerbone and a a relic, I suppose you would call it. Yeah, I would love her skull and maybe use a...
See if she had a spine.

She had a spine but it was uh

was holding up a h horrible head full of fucking poison.

Um I'd kinda wear a spine as a cravat I think. Skull is an ashtray.
Skull is an ashtray.

You could keep your condoms in that. Yeah, why not? That would be something.
I know that was in a different episode. But Christopher was having some condom storage problems.
And if you...

I don't have a condom storage problems. If your condoms are where they should be.
If you could reach into Thatcher's dead mouth.

Blanc. You did have a hard time before you reached the end.

And that's enough of that. Thanks, Bosco.

Thank you for listening to Here Comes the Guillotine Mailbag with Frankie Boyle, Susie McCabe, and Christopher MacArthur Boyd.

If you have a problem, dilemma, or issue that you think Frankie, Susie, and Christopher can fix, email hctg at global.com.

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