Ilona on the Pressures of the World Cup, Breaking the Dating Norms & Accepting Rejection

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I don't know if I'm just gonna have one love.

We all like are looking for just like one true love.

The way it's looking out here with divorce rates, you know?

Alone is pre-planning a divorce.

I'm pre-planning my first husband, my second husband.

Maybe that's where I go wrong, but I am excited at this prospect of loving many people.

So she's Polly.

Got it.

Live on House of Marr.

The seven husbands of Alona Mar right here, but actually I would just need to first get one.

Welcome back to House of Marr, a wave original presented by Opil.

Opil is birth control in your control.

The Wi-Fi password is woman underscore up, all uppercase.

Make sure to check out our YouTube, subscribe, like, share, do it all.

I am your host, Alona.

And I'm Adriana.

And I'm Olivia.

Welcome in to the House of Marr.

Take a seat.

Sit on down.

Coming up on today's episode of House of Marr, we're talking pack four, bachelorette parties, and a dating update.

We're also diving into a few perfect 10 butts, so stay tuned.

Ladies, where in the world are you?

Well, last week we were in my apartment and I'm in my apartment again.

But with such a better background.

It's beautiful.

New home studio.

Some books.

You all have a bracelet over here.

Oh, like a friendship bracelet.

Did you make those?

No way you didn't.

No.

You did not make those.

But yeah, Lo, you're pink.

I'm green.

Olivia, you're purple.

I do love purple though.

Thank you.

I will say I love this color green.

It has the apple print.

That's kind of, you know, aligned with our House of Mar

kind of branding.

But I love love this green color because it's so cozy.

But also, I fear you're going to get green screened.

No one green screen me.

Nobody pull her from this and put her in any other situation.

Don't put anything behind her, no matter what you do.

Oh, Mary, this could be fun.

I'm excited.

But you know what, also about that green?

That's like the color mom painted our dining room at home.

It so is.

Oh my gosh, Alona.

Good call.

Touch on me.

That my mom, like when we were in college, when we all were out of the house, empty nesting, she was, and she just went around and like started fixing all sorts of things.

And she painted like, she's somebody, our house at home is not, you know, beige.

It's not neutral.

It is popping with color.

So she painted our dining room like the brightest green with these, I think, strawberry drapes.

And then there's so many, you've probably seen it when we Zoom or when we make videos.

Then there's a whole wall of like little signs that say like

when the smoke alarm goes off.

Beware of attack father.

Stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah.

So I mean, that's our home.

Yep.

Don't count sheep.

Talk to the shepherd.

You should have been here yesterday.

The house was clean then.

Ah, that's a good question.

Something about wine.

There's some wine ones, too.

I love to cook with wine.

Sometimes I even put it in the food.

God, that's good.

That's a classic.

She loves it.

Mom's going to think we're making fun of her.

We're not.

Where does she buy these?

Do we know?

She just finds them, doesn't she?

They come to her.

yeah they come to her she or she'll find them at like she's a good thrifter you know mom mom can thrift anywhere i mean she she's good at that we have she's also what does she collect she collects um holy water

little holy water things we have that's the thing about dutch homes i don't know if it's dutch homes or if it's just our dutch families homes they have the littlest little trinkets all over the place.

They love a knickknack.

They love a knickknack.

It's everywhere.

Have things on the walls.

Have to have things on the walls.

They have to do it.

Have things on the walls.

There's dolls.

We have dolls in

creepy things.

Like the creepiest dolls.

Yeah.

Don't call them that.

They will hear you.

You just have to be nice.

Please.

Please.

Please keep the energy.

Keep the peace.

Alona, where are you?

I am in Los Angeles, but only here for a little bit.

Then I head to Miami.

Then I head to New York.

Then I head to Vermont.

Then I end to France.

So I'm all over the place.

Taking some time here to just

get my bearings.

I'm repacking.

I was away for six weeks.

Now I have to pack again to be away for like four more weeks.

So I'm just trying to figure out what I need to bring now.

And I'll try and take some time to myself.

I've been napping.

I've been going on some walks.

And then I have been just chilling.

You deserve it.

You deserve it.

Thank you.

I'm in New York City.

I'm currently at the Moxie Lower East Side, getting all cozy, kind of, you know, vibey and curtainy, you know.

You kind of balled out, didn't you?

You bought your own hotel room.

I, I don't know.

I just like, I'm at an age where I love staying with Adriana.

Dre, love your apartment.

Age is like,

she's been a little mad at me, I will say, but like, I just.

Adriana, no, are you really?

No, she's been tight with me.

You don't want to stay with me in my full-size bed that has a dent on one side for me sleeping on that side?

Right on the window where I hear all the construction that happens at like 2 a.m.

across the street from her.

I don't know.

There's also a parking lot.

She also has roommates, you know what I mean?

And it's like, I love being there.

And like, but I also feel like I'm encroaching on her space, even though she like would prefer I be there because like, A, saving a buck, like, you know, we're quite frugal, whatever.

But I was kind of at them.

I'm like, I'm at the age.

I think I just like need my own space.

And I think it was a really good decision for me because this is my, my little studio apartment here.

I've just been like venturing out and I'm getting my coffee and I'm walking my new neighborhood.

And I've also never lived down here.

You know, when I lived in New York City, I was either on the Upper West Side or I was in Astoria.

So this is my new neighborhood.

I'm just like fully embracing it and it's been making me very happy.

I got here and immediately went to the rooftop and had a journey martini with some french fries while the sun set.

Ah, are you kidding?

You were saying that you were just loving the vibe in New York.

Like you were saying that you had gone back in the winter when it was so cold.

And now that you were there in the summer, you're like, this is a city of

life.

So much happening around here.

I love it.

The opportunity,

like you feel feral when it's nice in New York City.

Like when the weather has finally turned and the sun is out.

I literally was standing at my window.

I've this gorgeous, you can't see it, there's a gorgeous view right here.

I'm like, I gotta get out there.

Like, I could feel, could feel my inner, like, demons, like, needing to just have a drink somewhere and just be like, I don't know.

Are people more attractive here all of a sudden?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm walking around the streets.

Tell us the little story that you were saying about your ice cream cone.

Ah, oh,

because she's she was so funny.

This is like, okay, it's not great for like feminism or whatever, but like, I truly was like, I got a creamy soft serve.

There's a new soft served place down here called, I forget what it was called.

Soft side?

Soft side.

There you go.

And they had

pistachio creamy.

I was like, I've never had that before.

So I get that.

It's dark out.

I, you know, I did my makeup.

Like, I went, you know, I had my martini on the roof or whatnot.

And I'm just like walking around and it's dark and it's nice weather.

I feel like

a Lord song should be playing.

Do you know what I mean?

And I

walk away with my creamy and someone across the street cat calls me.

And cat calling is like not great, right?

Until it hasn't happened in a while.

Okay.

Okay.

Keep going.

Sounds kind of hot, right?

And the voice goes, can I have a bite?

Right.

I'm feeling cheeky.

So I decide to turn and look.

And like, yeah, kind of a an attractive human being.

But then again, he is yelling at women on the street.

So automatically not a great person, but whatever.

so i decided to be cheeky and give like a mm-mm like shake my head like i'm a martini deep i'm like

keep walking and this man goes i'm talking about you not the ice cream

sir okay so here's the thing cat calling is not good it only works if this person's slightly attractive is what i'm hearing from

okay

so please don't keep cat calling people don't cat call people unless i did just see a tick tock of a girl who was like, why'd y'all have to stop cat calling?

Some of us need that.

Okay.

You saw that right on one.

Did you see that one of that girl?

She was like, some of us really needed that as we got older.

I hear you.

Well, you were probably looking great.

I think if it was a less attractive person, you would have been like, how dare he?

No, exactly.

I've been like, call the police.

right now call the police not a great double standard of course but this reminds me of remember when 50 shades of gray was like coming out and everyone's like oh it's so cool like romantic and wow like oh, the mystery of it all, and like, oh, the like.

But then somebody was like, If this happened in a double-wide trailer in the middle of Louisiana, it would be an episode of Criminal Minds, you know, like that's the difference.

Like, he's a billionaire, you know, with these kings, but if it was happening elsewhere, this would be a totally different story.

You know what I mean?

It's all situational.

And why do we keep talking about 50 Shades of Gray on this?

Do we keep talking about 50 Shades of Gray?

Didn't we talk about this earlier?

It all comes back to that.

No, it doesn't.

Don't say that.

Specifically, the third movie.

We don't even talk about it in our daily life.

I don't know why you've talked about it so much on this podcast.

Sorry.

Like, my brain just keeps going there.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, Alana, you've been on the move because you have been competing in the Pac-4, the Pacific Four.

You were back.

What was that?

Eight weeks away?

What was that?

Six weeks away.

How are we feeling?

That's a lot on the body, the mind, the spirit.

Give us a little kind of update.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was long.

First in the two weeks in San Diego, not in a good place.

Not doing well.

You, specifically.

Yes.

Okay.

Mentally, right.

Mentally was not

happy.

And it's funny you can tell when I'm not happy because dad will message.

My dad message me and was like, how are you?

I have seen you haven't posted recently.

And I was like, oh, no, you know it's bad when he notices.

I think it was just like the six weeks were really daunting for me that

because you're locked in for those six weeks.

Like you can't do, you know, oh, I want to go do this with friends.

I want to go to this, go to just make my own dinner.

Like, you can't do stuff like that.

So, that was really tough, but it was in San Diego, so it was kind of nice because I took that time away.

Then we went to LA for a weekend, and actually, well, the that second week, I did a little tear on my hammy, so I had I was out for a little bit and I couldn't play in that first game, and that was really frustrating because it was going to be in LA, so it was a home game.

Like, Olivia went, so, really, not

happy to have missed that.

Um,

and then

we went to Kansas City.

Kansas City was really cool because we set a record there.

We had like 10,500 fans out.

Really cool vibe.

Thank you.

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you.

Really cool vibe.

It definitely people love women's sports.

We love sports out there in the Midwest, and I think they're really loving women's sports as well.

So to see them all come together to watch us.

And we played pretty well against Canada.

Canada is like number two in the world.

So they're a very good side.

It was a good showing of rugby.

I was there.

It was a solid game of rugby.

It was.

It was definitely pretty.

Incredible carries.

And that stadium was built for women's sports.

Yes.

It was built for the Kansas City Current, which is that team there for women's soccer that's doing really well.

And like they have just great branding.

I think all around they're really kind of doing a great thing for sport as well.

But what you were saying is that it's because it's built for soccer.

So exciting that it's for women's sports, right?

But the field conditions itself aren't necessarily the best for rugby, right?

Well, the field's very hard.

You know, they want the ball to bounce on the field, whereas instead of us, it's not balls bouncing, it's our literal bodies bouncing on the ground.

Because I remember we went to like doing captains run on the field, and it was like, this is some solid, solid turf here.

And then we from there did the flight over to Australia, which was that, that was long.

That was really long.

That was from

Kansas City to, I think, like summers in Texas.

I've blocked this all out.

To then to Sydney, then to Canberra.

So not even on the coast.

We were inland.

We were inland in Australia.

So that was tough.

And then we played Australia and then we went to New Zealand.

And the thing is, is we didn't win a game.

Right.

And that will really take some wind out of your sails, I think.

Yeah.

It was just really frustrating.

I think we just couldn't figure out our attack.

We couldn't seem to get it together.

I mean, we could barely hold on to ball at times.

And altogether, I only played three games because I was injured for one of them.

And then I missed the scrimmage we had as well.

So that was really annoying because it was like each game, you're trying to get better and kind of feel it out more.

But it's like hard to do within three games.

But I'm happy I did it because it'll put me in the best place for World Cup.

But it was definitely like

a lot.

And it the it definitely moved slowly.

Once we got to New Zealand, I I was like okay cool we got a week left but it was a long time and I mean it's not just for me I mean it was a long time for everybody for the coaches staff players

but it is a world cup year so it is kind of like you know different circumstances and you kind of make sacrifices like that but

it was not easy and when you're not getting those wins like you expect like we should have beat Japan We've never lost them.

We should have beat Japan.

Canada is number two in the world.

That would have been really tough, but we could have beat them as well.

And then we could have beaten Australia, no doubt about it.

And then wins were really taken out of ourselves when we played the Black Ferns.

That was a toughie.

That I don't even want to say the scoreline.

You can go look that up.

You can go look for that.

All I say is when that match got done, I went, 80 minutes is too many minutes.

That's that's too much rugby.

I've decided.

I've decided it's too much rugby.

Too much time for the other team to score tries, really.

Yeah, yeah,

problem there.

Do you guys come together?

Do you regroup?

Like, how is this kind of group meshing?

I mean, we regroup, but like,

frick, it's very hard.

Also, though, we're not, the thing is, is we're not like England or New Zealand, like a small country where players can just come together and train all the time, like every week.

We only come together like two, three weeks before a game, and then we play.

Like, that's not enough time.

So, we're really at a disadvantage here.

I mean, we live all over the country.

Some people live in Massachusetts.

Some people live up in, you know, Oregon or Florida or whatever it is.

And then

to get across America, it's pretty much like crossing, you're crossing a whole continent, crossing a whole ocean.

You can't take trains.

You have to take planes.

So it's very hard to come together and kind of, you know,

prep and be on the same page with stuff.

So it's very like, you want to, we want to regroup and we want to get better, but also it's like, We're such a growing sport and we're still trying to figure it out that we're already at a disadvantage to some of these teams who can just train all the time together and who have, you know, funding from their other sides.

Like the England, like New Zealand, they have very successful men's programs.

They have the All Blacks.

They have the

English Roses.

So it's like they get the money filtered down from them.

We're struggling.

I mean, Canada's struggling.

Canada women.

are number two in the world and they were trying they're trying to raise a million dollars which sounds like a lot a million dollars is nothing to fund a team That goes away so fast.

To help a team.

And so

it's just kind of,

it's like, how do you go from here?

I mean, it's going to take a lot of grit.

And I think we, something needs to change because we, we could be great.

We're our own worst enemy, truly.

That's interesting.

Now, whenever I invite my family to the games, I try not to get the free tickets.

Like I always, I make you go buy them.

I don't, you know, I pay for them, but I'm like, you buy the tickets for yourself because I'm at a place of privilege now where I can afford afford these tickets and I want to buy the seat.

I want to show my support for it, even if like it's a small way.

But we have, we have so much work to do.

We have a World Cup coming up here.

We're going to do the men's and women's World Cup in America in like 2030 something.

I'm like, we got work to put in, y'all.

It is not going to be easy.

Like we, we want to be filling up stadiums and right now it's not going to happen and we need it.

We so it's just like a daunting task.

And I I mean, this World Cup is also daunting.

The World Cup is going to be like 10 weeks away.

And it's going to be starting from like July 6th.

So I think like September 22nd, we're in camp and we're battling it out.

And

it's,

it's definitely like weighing on my mind, but I'm just kind of like, I hate that I'm like, okay, just get through it.

I don't want to just get through it.

I want to enjoy it.

But it has been a lot

to process.

And I just feel like now that I'm back, I'm like, oh gosh, okay,

let's see if I can do it again.

I remember during the Olympics, you were always reminding yourself to enjoy the little moments that this is so special, and you were taking like in every like every little thing.

What do you think has changed now going into 15s?

And you're kind of, is it maybe like too big?

Yeah, there's a lot of on your shoulders, too.

I think that I'm kind of trying to figure out more my love of rugby in a way.

Like, I'm trying to figure out how it fits in my life, I guess.

Like,

I love rugby, but I also now built a brand where there's so much other stuff happening where I don't need rugby as much.

And I love doing the other stuff.

I love doing the media side.

I love going to do this and that.

And, like, sometimes rugby takes away from that.

So, I think it's just been hard because I, at times, don't know if I'm really

doing the rugby so much for myself, you know?

Like, at times, I think I'm kind of doing it for

maybe the rugby world in general.

I'm doing it for, could even be my dad.

He, you know, he's like, it's a World Cup alone and you got to do it.

So I think I'm trying to find my why.

Like, why am I in it?

Because if you don't have like a reason for doing something or a why, it can make it very tough.

So it's been slow, but like a slow process of trying to figure that out during this pack four.

I mean, part of me also feels like, yeah, you're, you're looking for your why, but also you are quite a black and white person, though.

And we've, I've talked about this before, where it's like, your why is there.

You're going to find it.

It's, it's for yourself.

It's for future you.

It's for the girls that haven't found rugby yet who are looking, you know, it's, you're fighting the good fight, but it is a lot on your shoulders.

There's a lot being asked of you to continue fighting this good fight where it's like, hey, I've been doing that.

Like,

you know, but yeah.

So I feel, yeah.

It's okay.

I, uh,

I'm tired.

I'm excited for this month.

I think we have a lot of fun things going on.

So I'm like excited to take on all of that.

And then I think I am excited for World Cup.

I mean it's going to be an amazing time.

It's, it's, I've heard just so amazing to do.

So it's going to be good.

I just got to get my little old mind right.

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While I was, you know, away for six weeks, you, Olivia, went to a bachelorette party.

Which I've never been to.

Tell me about it.

How was it?

It's right.

Never been to one.

It was good.

This was my second bachelorette party.

And I think I've been to two bachelorette mecas in the United States of America.

Nashville, Tennessee.

And Scottsdale, Arizona.

Like both of those places where you can't throw rock without hitting a bachelor or bachelorette party and matching shirts, you know?

Yeah.

With penis paraphernalia all over the place.

I will say I love.

You know, you hear a lot about like drama when it comes to these, when you combine so many different people and, you know, friends from different walks of your life and whatnot.

But I love stuff like that.

I think maybe I just like, I like people.

I like being kind of the bell of the ball and like making people like the person that's there to make people giggle or, you know, help you over here if I can.

Oh, I'll make the drinks.

So I'll do this.

But also I love things that are supposed to be fun, like theme parks and Niagara Falls and, you know, stuff like that.

Like, I love that.

And so I think I thrive in places like Nashville or Scottsdale, where it's just so built.

Like the infrastructure is for, you know, places like this.

You're the ideal tourist.

No, thank you so much.

I love, I love a tourist trap, except for like a wax museum.

I've never been into one of those.

Sorry, Madame Toussaux.

Yeah, you can keep that, Madame Tussau.

I guess I don't see the point in a wax museum.

Like, I, I don't know.

Maybe I also, it's not that I don't care about the people they've put into wax, but like, I don't.

They've put into wax.

They are dipping these celebrities.

Unless you want to make a wax of Alonamar, then I would go to Madame Tussau's.

That's true.

But please don't dip her.

We need her.

Don't dip her.

She has to carry the river.

Hold me by the high heel.

Yeah.

Achilles.

Achilles style.

There you go.

Achilles style.

Into the river of wax sticks.

But

so it was good.

It was

for my best friend.

And we did like classic pedal bike tours where you drink, you like, you do this, that, the other thing.

It was fun.

I love stuff like that.

But then I will say I was the only person I realized at one point, I was the only woman on this trip that didn't have a partner or a husband or a wife or a boyfriend, you know?

So that was a bit interesting.

I don't know.

I guess.

What made you realize that?

I just kind of looked around and I kind of took stock of all the women around me.

And I was like, oh, that person had that, you know, but that doesn't say anything about me.

Like I, I was having a great old time.

I was bullied.

I've never, I think as I've gotten older, you know, thankfully you, you unlearn, I guess, centering the male gaze a bit, especially like being at bars.

You're like looking to catch the eye or like whatever.

I just like danced.

I just shook my ass with my best friend and we boogied on down.

I will say there is a little bit of that still.

There was like, but I'm like, what's up with men?

I don't know.

I wanted to ask you, like, men don't come up and ask or talk to you anymore, or maybe it's just a me thing.

Maybe I'm like.

shaking too much ass.

Like that's too intimidating to try to approach.

But like there was this cute guy, tall, nicely dressed, who was with a bachelor party.

And the, the, the, um groom of that bachelor party came up to our group, talked to our bride and was like, oh, you guys, like, I'm getting married too.

Like, my friend will buy you guys around if you want.

It was like, oh, how fun.

Cause it's so bachelor-bacherette culture there.

And there's the guy that was going to buy the round, he was like cute, well-dressed.

He was tall.

They were just like dancing, right?

And

he went to the bar at one point.

So I was like, oh, let me.

go to the bar too.

So I like saddled up next to him at the bar and kind of like gave like a look and he looked right at me and then like looked away.

As we left, I was was like okay well never mind like i was seeing something that apparently wasn't actually happening like i thought maybe he had been right looking at me or not and as we left one of one of the other bachelorettes on this trip was like was like oh my gosh that guy kept looking at you did you guys talk i was like wait what you saw it too this guy kept looking at me like kept trying to like look at me and like interact with me but then i gave him i busted open the door to interact with me.

I went, I saddled up to the bar next to him when he was away from his friends and alone and ordering a drink.

And I like made myself, I don't, I'm like, what else can you do?

Like, granted, I guess I could have said, hi, how are you?

I don't know why I didn't, but I just, I guess I was like, I made that move.

Like, you know, meet me the other

like 75% of the way or whatever it is, you know?

So that was like really frustrating.

I was like, wait, what's up?

But then again, hey, everyone has their reasons.

I was maybe seeing something, but the fact that, and then another girl was like, yeah, that guy kept staring at you.

I was like, well, what the hell?

That reminds me of that TikTok sound, which I don't know if I can say this on this podcast, but oh, where's my dick at?

Because

it is becoming like that.

Like, I think that there's a shift in it.

And honestly, women have to take more of the reins in a way.

I don't know if it's like the change in culture, the men wanting to be politically correct or something like that.

But you did take it.

You did take control.

And that was a perfect opening.

I think he's either dumb or he is seeing somebody who was just a little

kooky.

It's definitely,

I think it is going to, for all the women listening, I think it's going to take us kind of now,

we're growing, we're pussy power.

Can I say these words on this podcast?

Yes.

I say yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

Hey, I think it's going to be.

Let us know in the comments.

Let us know in the comments if you think we can say pussy.

I think it's about like now big, big pussy energy.

Like we've got to

kind of put ourselves out there a little more and like be the ones to go up to them.

I would, maybe we should have a man on and ask him what that's like.

Why don't they do that?

A dating expert.

A dating expert.

A dating expert man that would like to come on this podcast.

Because we do need that.

I'm actually.

But if a man is a dating expert, does that mean he's actually an expert?

I don't know.

Maybe

that'd be the interesting thing.

I can't remember many times have like I've been approached.

And that has been like hard on my self-confidence because

I've seen it happen to my friends, specifically like these two friends that are like drop dead gorgeous, like fit all the beauty standards, like petite.

And like when we're out together and like they are getting so much attention, it can be like almost like hard on me.

Like obviously I'm not like harping on them, but I'm always just like, why doesn't that happen to me?

Yeah.

And I think

I'm like, am I like intimidating somehow?

Am I putting off like a certain vibe?

I like to be like, it's just my height, I guess.

I'm just too broad of shoulders for someone to approach me.

But like, I've been approached by women.

And so I wonder if it really is, is like that is almost switching these days.

Like people are just changing.

Yeah.

It's changing.

And I just want to say we've fully just turned it right here into tea time.

We're just right.

This is, this is the real tea of this episode.

We're in tea time now.

But I just, I hear you, Alona, on maybe we need to change.

Maybe we need to like, you know, I get not make concessions as women and like, you know, maybe start to initiate more, but it's like, yeah, but the kind of guy I don't want to be with would initiate with me.

Like, but Adriana, I know you.

Oh, my God.

You think that's it?

The other way too.

She's not happy at me.

Olivia was on a dating app and getting so annoyed that no one was messaging her first.

Okay, yes, that is annoying.

But you were refusing to message anyone else first.

Okay, background, this dating app, like I had a connect, I made a connection and it was like, hurry, you've got seven days to message so-and-so before it expires.

I was like, oh, correction.

So-and-so has seven days to message me.

Are you out of your minds?

And Adriana thinks that that's the totally wrong headspace to approach it from.

Because I just think you're, as we're discussing right now, people aren't always reaching out first that you have to make that first move.

And I don't think it's a big concession to make of just like sending a quick message of like, just mess like something about their profile to be like,

I don't even know.

I can't come up with anything.

But I often do that of like just responding to a prompt.

Because oftentimes, if I will go through my likes and I'll have eight matches.

And if I don't say anything first, only one person will then go back and say something to me.

And I'm like,

yes, I would love someone to say something first, but I also don't think it's like anything against them for not doing that.

Maybe that they just

aren't on the app so much or just like, they're not, I'm not motivated for it.

So how can I expect them to be motivated?

Okay.

So like, I don't think it's that much effort to just be like, hey, I also love blank band.

That's true.

That's like minimal effort.

I do like that.

Well, you, Dre, you were supposed to go on a date, you told us about at a Yankees game.

Oh, that's a cheeky smile.

What's going on?

No, that didn't happen.

Oh, see,

I

got back to New York and then I didn't, I didn't reach out.

But then he reached out.

So how are we going to be preaching at me

about outreach anyway?

Hey, I'm not perfect.

Okay.

But then he reached out to me, and it was like after the Knicks won a game.

And I think he was a little drunk, and he was like, the Knicks just won.

Yankees soon.

Question mark.

And so I went back to his profile.

I scrolled through and I saw something I didn't like.

So that was my excuse to not

go with them.

But I did go to a Yankees game with my friend.

Aw.

Actually, the other day I opened Hinge.

This was yesterday.

And I hadn't been on the app in so long.

All of my previous messages had gone

like because they not expire but they got like hide it if you haven't messaged anyone in

a lot of time so it's been like that huh it's been like that it's been

it's been dry alona you you famously have reached out to people first

yeah looks where it got looks where it's gotten me

um okay wait let's tee this up though okay so our producer wants us to do like a a new segment called, oh,

which is when, you know, you've swiped on all the dating apps, you've been on many bad dates, and we're going to start a segment where we go over those where it could be like, uh, to, mm-hmm.

So, guys, we need to start putting in work because I don't know if mine's ever going to go from

to mm-hmm.

Right now, I'm at, uh.

I will say, no, I am a person who does, I have shot some shots and a a lot have landed.

Recently, I shot a shot at this guy that I used to see and very weird reception.

Just like not a good reception to it.

Like, I, yeah, what Olivia just made it.

If you were, if you're listening, she just said, like, I tried to shoot it, was absolutely denied.

Stuffed.

It was very weird, though, like the way that he went about it.

And I think that...

goes more to

I don't really know like I think rejection I'm kind of getting more okay with rejection in a way.

And like being all right with that, it's like, it's not maybe a reflection on me.

I think also I'm okay with rejection because I have girls like my sisters and all my teammates and my mom who are like, no, they're sounding boards.

And I almost wish sometimes men had like sounding boards like that.

Like they could bounce things off of people, bounce things off of their friends because

it was just a really interesting interaction that didn't really like, I think he was trying to convey something that he didn't convey well through like texting i was like why are we texting this first off this all could have been said in person

um

but that like not only took the wind out of my sails but i was like i just don't have time right now i'm sorry but i'm not gonna focus energy on that for i was like i'm was willing to kind of put in some energy and and you know go see him or whatever but It was a very interesting interaction to the point where I'm like, I just don't have time for that.

I want somebody who

I guess like I feel secure in and who, who they feel secure, and who they are with me as well.

And thankfully, I have you guys who make me feel so good because, like, I just think a lot of women and our interactions we're having with men are leaving bad tastes in our mouth.

And

I just, it's so funny, like, how much I love my female friends because the way that we talk, the way that we like are together, I just, I wish men had that

so they could bounce some things off of them and i think everything you're saying is i mean have you guys been hearing about this male loneliness epidemic oh i think i've read something yet give me a break you've read it you watched it

yeah you saw it on tick tock

um it's like go talk to somebody go be a good human being go forge a connection like right it's not easy it's not easy but it's worth it and it's necessary and like we need each other as humans we right literally need one another.

Adriana and I just went to, you know, Cherry Bomb Jubilee.

Gloria Steinem was the keynote speaker and she was talking all about how much we as humans need one another to the point that the, there's no reason that the highest form of punishment for a human being is solitary confinement.

That is the highest form of punishment.

I mean, I guess besides death, but like, do you know what I mean?

Like that's, we need one another.

Like, what do you mean you're lonely?

There's so many people.

There's so many means to communicate with one another.

Like, go do that.

Go.

And like, having people in your life makes you a better person.

They hold you accountable.

They, they tell you when things are good or what bad.

And you look at that and you see that off of other people too.

And you learn.

And like, no, but like, we shouldn't all be the same, but we should all treat one another the way we want to be treated.

Sorry to go all veggie tales on this, but like, come on.

I will say, like, men have friends, right?

But they don't have friends that they get deeper with.

Yeah.

You know, they can share this stuff with.

Like, even with this guy was messaging me, I was like, I wish you had a woman and you could just just, like, show your, these texts to a lady, like, show what you're saying to me to a woman.

Like, there was passive aggressiveness in there.

There was some other stuff.

And, and I know we're all saying this.

If he listens to this, look, buddy, I'm calling him buddy.

Men hate when I do that.

I really was vulnerable.

I tried to be very vulnerable.

I wanted to like, you know, come see you.

And

then I was just met with like passive aggression, like kind of saying all these things that maybe we did when we were seeing each other.

And I was like, okay,

like I'm not going to put up with this.

And I really put myself out there, knowing I could be rejected, knowing I could,

things could work out.

And it hurt.

I mean, it hurt what he was like saying to me.

And I was like, I just wish you had a woman who you could show this to.

Yeah.

And be like, and I never came back with him at him with anything like that, like anything mean or whatever, because I was like, no, I'm not going to stoop to that.

And I just think that

the boy, men aren't having these relationships where they can say what they're feeling, or it's, they're still, there's still the stigma around, you know, being emotional or whatnot, where they can be vulnerable and where they can like learn to be a better person.

But I will say, like, in a situation like that, it sucks, but like everyone tells on themselves, he showed you exactly who he was.

And now you will never have to worry or wonder about that down the line.

You know, like, I think it was good.

It took away the what-ifs.

It took away any regrets or anything like that.

Like, oh, maybe that that could have he could have been the one well yeah i did i did what i thought you know was best and

it you know it didn't work out so that's okay like

i think we have to be now as women

i'm sorry ladies okay get your get your pussy energy up

it's okay to be rejected it's okay It is.

It's not a thing on you.

And if it feels like it's on you, go talk to your lady friends.

And I want to say one of my favorite quotes, Andre,

you said a quote

similar to this once, but I love this one is, I am not afraid to be seen trying.

Sorry, I just remember the context in which I said that.

Yeah.

What was the context?

Hers.

I was going through it.

You were going through it and yours was, yours was do it scared, right?

Do it scared.

Do it scared.

But in this one, it's like, I am not afraid to be seen trying.

Like you put yourself out there.

You put yourself in such a vulnerable position.

Right.

But you made yourself a better person for it.

And you didn't stoop to anybody's level.

And you, you're trying.

We're on this earth to try and to get to know one another.

And like you weren't afraid to do that.

And that takes a lot of guts.

So like, good for you.

I think rejection can be beautiful in a sense of like that you put yourself out there.

You know, like I think rejection is part of being human, the human experience.

And like you didn't let life pass you by.

You went for it.

And although it didn't pan out, be proud of yourself.

Was it, it was it rejection or

redirection

hey and you know what's funny guys is you know how we're not really religious but I get these tick tocks of like

tick tocks that are like

don't worry queen God wouldn't have put that in your life if he didn't want or like or like you know these things that are like God did this I'm like shoot

maybe he did do this for me

maybe he is really letting me up thank but here's what thank god for the prayers he didn't answer There it is.

That's it.

I think I literally liked a TikTok that said that.

I think mom has said that to me before.

But it's also like, you know, doors closing, windows opening and all that.

Like there's always something else.

And that's one of the other one that's very like that.

It's like, thank God I didn't get what I thought I wanted.

And I like, I like that one.

It's because.

Like this dating segment, it's going to be probably

for a while for me.

And I'm going to be busy for a long time, but

It's okay in a way.

I mean, I'm not willing to sacrifice what I have and how cool everything is that I'm doing.

I do believe it's gonna happen.

Like, our Oma didn't meet her, the love of her life

until she was 32.

Mm-hmm.

And when you think about it, in her days, everybody was getting married.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

But it's like...

And if you're over 32, it'll still happen.

You're done.

It'll still happen.

32 is not the cutoff, everybody.

Sorry about that.

But I do feel that, I do feel like that's kind of cool.

A lot of the women in our lives didn't get married until later and they're still married.

Our mom, not till 28,

29, 28.

Alma, 32.

Like, we got time.

And I think that's why we just know we have time.

We have such ladies who show us great examples of that.

Yeah, we have, there's timelines are made up.

There's so much life to live.

And I feel like I know myself so well and I continue to learn so much more about myself because I am by myself.

You know, I've had long-term partners and whatnot.

And you do learn a lot about yourself in a relationship, but I feel so blessed for this time to just be doing me.

I am, I am settling so wonderfully and cozy into myself.

And timelines don't exist.

I get that like with the female body, there are like physical timelines when it comes to like, you know, child rearing and whatnot, but like relationship and hitting these benchmarks do not exist.

So I'm excited about about this segment, though.

I do think, I don't think it's all, it's not, this isn't going to be linear.

It's not going to go, uh, to

I think it's going to be uh,

you know what I mean?

But that's life, and I think there'll be some fun things along the way.

I will say, our cousin got engaged this past weekend, and she's my age.

I open hinge.

I was like, I gotta get him on this.

Oh my gosh, that's so cool.

Okay,

I gotta lock in.

That is Long-term looking for open to short.

Goodbye.

That is a thing, though, around us.

Like a lot of family friends of ours,

you know, cousins, they're like all engaged or married.

And then it's just like the three Mar girls, like,

I was talking to dad when I was home in Vermont.

And I was like, I was kind of joking.

And I was like, are you worried that all three of your daughters are single?

Bold.

This man took that seriously.

He was like, you know, sometimes I'm worried that your your standards may be too high.

Oh.

But

at least you haven't settled with someone who doesn't truly suit you.

Okay.

So I was like, okay, okay, bringing me up, bringing me down.

You know, you are, get him on the pod.

I gotta, I want to know what he thinks.

What he means.

What does he mean?

Our standards are too high.

That's because of you.

That's because of you, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's the thing about having the opposite of daddy issues?

You actually think men are good people because your dad's a good person.

You know what I mean?

Like, what the hell?

I don't even think my standards are that high, honestly, guys.

I think they lower each year, to be honest.

I keep letting more and more slide.

No,

you can't do that.

You can't keep that.

I'm like, whoa, okay.

Breakups are hard, right?

But like, better to go through the heartbreak of a breakup than go through the heartbreak of walking down the aisle and people feeling bad for you.

You know, like, you're just like, no.

Oh, nightmare.

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and this is a deep take

i don't know if i'm just gonna have one love

like i think we all like are looking for just like one true love okay the way it's looking out here with divorce rates, you know?

Alone is pre-planning a divorce.

I'm pre-planning my first husband, my second husband.

Maybe that's where I go wrong, but I am excited at this prospect of loving many people.

You know what I'm saying?

So she's Polly, goddamn.

Yeah.

That's new.

You heard it here first.

Live on House Soul R.

I'm reverse hareming.

Ethically non-monogamous.

Ethically non-monogamous, reverse harem.

WMM.

No, wait, what is it?

FMM.

Female, male, male, loves.

Hey!

Yo!

That's me.

That's actually goals.

Why choose?

Yeah.

Why choose.

Right.

The seven husbands of Alonamar right here.

Actually, kind of, you know what?

That sounds great.

And I kind of want that.

The seven husbands.

But actually, I would just need to first get one.

Yeah, let's start.

That is not going well.

So

let's go.

There's a lot of things.

These are going to be like dominoes.

Once you get one, then they're going to keep coming.

Well, have you found that, though?

There's like phases of life.

Like I'll be like, I'll go months, months without any interest.

And then all of a sudden, I'll get like a week, two weeks of just people flooding my DMs.

Everybody wants a piece of this.

And then dead silent.

You guys haven't been in this scene like I have, really.

I ain't been.

I ain't been on the screen.

You guys haven't been in this game.

I've street streets.

I find

the currency of youth.

That's where I'm at.

No, you're not.

I am.

No, you're not.

You literally are the most beautiful thing you've ever been in your 30s.

You know, you are.

I do feel that way.

But how do other people perceive me?

Do I, do I get perceived as 30, which is fine because I am.

But I guess in Scottsdale or like when I do go out to bars and nobody's coming up to me, I'm kind of like, right, I am 30.

Like, is that affecting men's like, not that, like, I don't want a man that doesn't want a 30-year-old.

You know what I mean?

But what I'm saying is the last time I was single, I was 24, 25, like, you know, hitting bars and whatnot.

And like, that was a whole other phase of my life.

And I'm now here grappling with the currency abuse.

Is that real?

I don't know.

I don't know.

You have to grapple with that.

I think you're fine.

I even think from what I've seen on TikTok, women are going for younger men.

So think about it.

Should I try that?

Could be.

I think you would eat them up and spit them out.

And some would love that.

You know the movie, How to Be Single?

Her nurse's sister or doctor's sister, she likes meets that younger guy.

I love that storyline.

I don't know why.

Why am I picturing that?

Well, let's manifest that for you, but not the pregnancy part.

Mind this the pregnancy part, but like a good guy.

A younger man who loves you.

Younger and cooler.

All manifest.

Do you guys believe in manifestation?

I don't know if I do, but sometimes I just pretend like I knew it before bed.

I'm like, man.

Like, I think I manifest manifestation.

Seven times.

Yeah.

Seven husbands.

Seven husbands.

That's what I'm saying.

When I I get back to my apartment, you've just written seven husbands all over the walls.

On the walls.

No, we'll keep you up to date with that segment, guys.

We are busy this month,

so that may be tough.

For example, we're going to Miami.

We're all getting spray tans.

Yes.

And then actually, Jonna, though, is being rubbed down by Olivia.

There is no more spray tan slots in New York.

Well, Manhattan.

And so I was like, I'll just buy a bottle.

Olivia, can you rub me down?

Yeah, she was stressing me out.

She was like, oh, there's no time because we're doing it like before we fly.

Olivia is getting a spray tan at 9 a.m.

Our flight is at 1.30.

So she's going to sit in this spray tan until we get to Miami.

I'm a marinade.

She got the last 9 a.m.

slot.

Literally.

In all of Manhattan.

To stress Ajahn out.

And then she started stressing me out.

And I was like, just buy the stuff.

I'll rub you down.

Like, come on.

I'm spooked for how Ajahn is going to look.

I don't know.

I've never had a fake tan of any sort.

Or a tan of any kind too.

What?

Oh.

Were you silent?

Or were you silent?

I got the lightest shade possible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I called up my friend who does like fake tans on her, and I was like, tell me everything.

And she's like, she sent me the links.

And it was for the lightest shade.

And she's like, this color would look smart.

Okay, good.

Does she know your undertones?

Yeah.

Okay, good.

I hope so.

Really just pink.

Just pink.

You look at me from like five blocks away.

That's a pink person.

Don't worry, Johanna.

I'll bring in my light and I'll make sure Olivia doesn't miss a spot on you.

Brilliant.

I'm excited.

I got a glove and everything.

I exfoliated in the shower today, shaved everything down because that's what the internet told me to do.

I'm so proud of you.

Yes, you should.

Should we

razor too?

You'll still see it.

Splurching.

So should we wind this down, guys?

This is the part of the episode where we just kind of slow things down.

And today we're going to do a round of Perfect 10.

But

this is the part of the show where we envision a perfect partner, a perfect friend, perfect isolate, but they've all got one unusual flaw.

Wait, let's also be about this.

Remember, dad said our standards are too high.

Oh,

let's.

Let's take that into consideration as we're doing this.

I'm holding that.

Hold that.

Holding space for

dad's opinion on my dating life.

Okay.

Okay, perfect 10, but their entire apartment is decorated the same as mom's dining room.

I don't think any man would do that.

Yeah, I feel like that actually raises a flag if it is.

Because he stalked you.

No, same vibe.

Same vibe.

I love it.

That's a cozy vibe because that's homey to me that I'm just like, are we meant to be?

Are we faded?

Is that not a gay man?

Is that not a gay man?

Or is it like that one episode of Sex in the City with Charlotte?

and the not gay straight man and they were actually working so well together.

But then you couldn't kill a bug.

Oh, I remember that.

Yeah,

that might freak me out a little bit.

I mean, sorry to my dad, but I'm gonna be picky on this one.

Like, same vibes as mom's, yeah, same vibes.

Seven, so going from ten to like a six, probably.

Yeah, I'll go seven.

That's like a slap in mom's face.

No, I love my mother.

I don't love that.

That's a woman's kitchen.

That's a woman's space.

Yeah, all I'm hearing is gender stereotypes.

Atriana.

Fine, put them on me.

Perfect 10,

but their dog doesn't like you.

I don't like the dog.

I've been here before.

I don't like it.

I don't.

It's tough.

Because they love the

people.

Yeah.

It's tough.

Alona, I mean, maybe it's perfect for you.

This is a, that's like a poly relationship.

That's a three.

That's a, that's a, there's three people in that relationship.

That dog means the world to them.

And it's not that you're competing with it, but like, yeah, time-wise, their obligations, what their responsibilities are.

And if the dog doesn't like you, I know you have to clean up its shit.

Then, could you be the type to be like, Where, where was it where it was like, me or the dog?

You know, I don't think I could do that.

Where I'd be like, It's me or the dog.

I'd be like, I'll probably see myself out.

I would never say that.

Just be a good human and like choose the person you choose a human, you know what I mean?

To love and probably that is me or the dog.

You just did, you just did that.

No.

You exactly.

I don't have to say that to them.

So I guess I'll just kill myself out if I feel those vibes.

Right.

Does that make sense?

Right.

I don't know.

So I think I'm going to take it down to like

a seven.

I think I'll go like

eight.

Yeah.

I'm going to, I'm going to not go too far down.

I'd go seven or eight.

We can get together at my place.

Maybe the dog and I can go to training together.

Right.

And I'll just feed him and hopefully spend some quality time.

We'll see.

We don't need to cuddle.

It's fine.

But that also feels weird because I love dogs and dogs typically love me.

So that feels weird if the dog doesn't like me.

Okay, Flex.

Hmm.

Just saying.

Dogs love me.

Dogs love me.

Welcome back.

I'm 100 dogs.

Yeah.

Perfect 10,

but they make six figures.

And still, Venmo requests you for a $5 cold brew to keep things even.

This is a good one.

i feel like there's a lot on either side of this four i don't like three four

what we're in a committed relationship and you not even a committed relationship oh okay that we could be on a a second date and they venmo me for that

i would pay the venmo and never talk to them again period i love that and then i would make fun of them and then they'd probably be insecure

i think i also we come from like mom and dad are so like open about that It's like you guys are you guys are you guys are in this together.

It's not tit for tat right you're here to support one another and it's like I scratch your back you scratch mine.

I have friendships like that.

It's beautiful.

Like I'll grab a drink you grab.

I just know you'll get the next one.

We're friends for life.

You're going to pick it up somehow.

Like it all comes out in the wash.

Don't Venmo me for a $5 cold brew to keep things even.

I'm riding off into the sunset without you.

What if, okay, what if we take the six figures out of that though?

We don't know what they make.

I still think that it should go like one person, then the next person pays.

It should go off on.

Like, just because, well, that place, their coffee is three bucks, but the other place, it's 350.

So, really, they're spending 50 cents more.

Like, who the fuck cares?

Right, right.

So, yeah, I'm bringing this way down.

I'm going

three.

Whoa.

Yeah, same.

I'm going to go five.

Perfect 10, but they always take meetings calls when you're on a date.

Sorry, I gotta take this.

I mean, maybe he's a working man.

He'd just be, he'd be getting his money.

Yeah, he's in a bag.

He's in his bag at it.

He's bringing his bag in.

But that can be very frustrating.

And like, especially if it's happening a lot.

And it, it could also be a case of

they're just not respecting your time.

Like maybe not, maybe it's not that important.

And it could wait two hours.

I think if there was clear communication from the get, hey, this is what my job consists of.

I have to do a lot of this.

And like, you need, like, I need to be with someone who kind of understands that.

That that's like, I need to step away and do this.

If there's clear communications and you know what you're signing up for and that that's going to happen, I think that that makes it a little bit better.

But then there still needs to be some compromise from that person to be like

to find time where they can carve out where it's protected just the two of you, you know, like, and so I think I think with clear, clear, clear communication and you needing to be okay with that as well, then it's not as bad.

Because I've had jobs where I'm always on my phone and I'm not, I need to step over here and do this.

And I'm always so thankful to the people around me that understand.

I'm just trying to do my job.

All right, eight.

Oh, wow.

I really sold that.

I didn't mean to sell it so much, but yeah, I think eight.

Eight's solid.

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Yeah.

Easy peasy.

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Get out of here.

Get out of our house.

Get out of our house with our green balls and our strawberry drapes.

I'll let it

be the