Hercules in New York LIVE! w/ Abbi Jacobson (HDTGM Matinee)

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What do you do when you only have two locations, Central Park and a dingy hotel room?

You make a movie.

We saw Hercules in New York, and you know what that means?

What's the name grow, baby in his belly?

Rock a robstone vest, while ripping Justin Nike.

I'll maybe see a burlesque show with him crow.

And take a volume speech, you hit and cruise control.

J-Man, Big Paul, and the beautiful June.

Gonna take you from the groove all the way to the room.

Random games of Street Fighter helped to blow off steam.

Just a sucker punched the odd life for Timothy Green.

Sharp needle to bird demic, how we staying alive.

They call it in the badass, and he's on the line.

Cranking 88 minutes cause they cool as ice.

Cause of bad Jim Barney looking kind of nice.

Paul and June getting literal.

Jason is getting laid.

June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid.

They judge a bunch of movies while they're making the grade.

Here's a real question for you: how did get made

that's a good look

at irving plaza very excited to do a live show with you

oh my gosh So exciting.

So exciting to be here talking about a quintessential New York film.

Joining me tonight to talk about this movie, the one, the only Jason Manzugas.

Go fuck yourself, New York.

What's up, jerks?

Take that zeus.

Take that zooks.

That better be zooks and not booze, or I will straight up come out there.

I will come out there and I will fuck you up.

Also, join me welcoming my co-host, June Raffer.

We got some Junes.

Both their names are perfect for booze.

They could be booze or not.

And our very special guest tonight, you know her from Broad City.

Please go along.

Abby Jacobson.

Oh my God, Abby!

Well, well, well, well, well.

Wow.

How are we doing so far, everybody?

Good?

We haven't even fucking started.

This movie

is awesome.

Amazing.

I'm surprised I never heard of it.

Nope.

And I want to now watch it at least once or twice a year.

I feel like this is a movie we could do once a year on the show

and still have a lot to talk about.

There's no way we're going to answer all the questions tonight.

Okay, so let's just get into it.

Abby, your first impression, because when you see the poster and you put on the movie, I want to see like what everyone thought in the first couple of days.

That's a great idea.

Yeah.

I was surprised that he like kept acting after the movie.

This is like introducing.

And wait, wasn't it Arnold Strong?

Yes.

So I'm like, this was like introducing Arnold Strong, and then he blew up after this.

This.

Arnold,

where's it gonna be?

The big, you know.

Also, Arnold Stang.

Arnold Stang.

Arnold Stang and Arnold Strong together.

Wait, is that?

I don't understand.

Arnold Stang is the guy.

Pretzy.

I literally was like, does he go by two names?

I thought the same thing.

Wait, Pretzy gets a co-billing with Arnold?

Well, first of all.

What I thought was that Arnold Strong was the stage name Arnold Schwarzenegger had chosen.

Or he had chosen a name for himself, which was Arnold Strong.

And then he had also chosen a stage name, which was Arnold Stang.

Okay, so both were being stayed.

You thought both of those names, just to be clear.

We're getting in straight out of the gate.

Thrilled.

You thought both of them were his name, one his credit and one his character name?

Or both pseudonyms that he was going?

I thought they were both pseudonyms.

I did as well.

So we are 100% in agreement.

I do know a couple facts.

Producers thought that Schwarzenegger was an impossible name for anyone to get, so they billed it as Arnold Strong.

And Arnold Stang is a very famous actor of

the 60s.

Yeah.

The 60s and 60s.

I disagree.

Yes, he is.

I respectfully disagree.

Whenever we want to talk about Pretzy's apartment in New York, I'm ready.

Just, I mean, let's table it.

I will talk about Pretzy's apartment.

I will talk about his job selling pretzels on the docks.

In a basket in a basket I wondered if that's how pretzels were originally sold

pretzels pretzy's character appears to be from the teens

yes I think his character jumped like he's a newsie just as yeah Hercules came from Mount Olympus he came from the teens

Like it was he's his everything about him was like from a different era entirely perhaps the era he was famous in

Should we just jump to Pretzy?

Because I do have some facts, or should we, should we maybe just, because I do also want to, well, fuck it, let's jump to Pretzy.

Fuck it.

Here we go.

I want to show you this.

This is a picture of Pretzi.

Now, you obviously can't see it because you're listening to this, but look on his hand.

He's got a wedding ring on.

Wait, so

Pretzy is straight up married.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

Paul.

Paul, I disagree.

I disagree.

He is a widower.

I buy that.

Okay?

Oh, don't.

Oh.

No.

Deal with it.

Pretzy's wife died.

And it's your fault.

Although he might have poisoned her.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, I would do like a whole movie about Pretzy.

And he's like a fucking...

Like, how much money do you think Pretzi's pulling in a day?

Like, just a day.

Like what's just a day?

Yeah.

I don't know, like

$17 in wooden nickels.

In the teens.

It's also in the teens.

There was a moment where they drove from some dock to Central Park for two bucks.

Two dollars.

Two bucks.

And he couldn't pay for it.

No.

He has no money.

And they were so mean to this cab driver.

They treat the cab driver.

The cab driver.

They're like fucking $2.

Yeah.

He only did his job.

Yes.

Drive them from place to place and then did did them the disservice of asking for his payment.

I like that point.

That's the whole beginning of the movie to me, which is just like Hercules causing trouble in New York for people who are like just trying to do their job.

Yes.

I wrote down.

I said,

Hercules is like, fuck you.

You give me safe passage on your boat?

Fuck you.

Well, I wrote down, Hercules is a straight-up villain.

He is not a likable character.

He fights with reckless abandon.

Yes.

And he's real cocky.

It's not like, oh, I didn't understand.

It's like, oh, we told him to work.

And I did not want to work.

It wasn't like, I didn't understand.

But here's the really weird thing about Herc.

Herc?

Wait, are we already going to Herc?

Okay.

He wants to leave Mount Olympus.

Oh, yeah.

If I'm correct.

Central Park, you mean?

He wants to leave Mount Olympus because he wants to live the life of a mortal and find adventure and fun.

Correct.

And something different.

Yep.

When he arrives, he behaves as though he's still on Mount Olympus and can't understand why people aren't behaving as they would on Mount Olympus.

Even though he's set up

to go to a different length.

He does not attempt ever to be undercover.

Nobody's going to be able to do it.

Like he's like, I'm from Mount Olympus and my father is Zeus.

It almost appears as though he was transported there.

He chose to be there.

Well, I think he thinks, I'm not sure, I don't want to speak for Herc.

Don't, don't.

But I think he thinks when he arrives, he will be worshipped as the god that he is.

And at some point, somebody has to tell him, oh no, we don't worship the old gods anymore.

Like there's a part where people are like, what are you talking about?

Like that you are that Hercules.

And

I think, because they keep telling us...

that Hercules is insolent and he is a boar and he's like, that's their criticism against him.

The problem is, Schwarzenegger can't perform any of those emotions

so even though his lines are like i want to do this even though i don't want you to tell me what to do father whatever they're all right that's my schwarzenegger that's as good as it gets

no no no you don't have to it's not very good it's not it is not flawless i disagree but he he's meant to be like an absolute brat and that this is going to humble him, but it doesn't really.

But it's weird.

it's weird because he also gets into situations right away that are bizarre.

He goes on that boat.

He's picked up by just a bunch of sailors and they're like

and they're

the seamen pick him up and they immediately

talk about the airplane.

Oh we got to talk about the airplane.

We got to talk about this plane, bro.

I mean the real bookend, the bookend that ties the whole movie together

is the two airplane incidents.

Oh yeah, it's all about this.

It's all about plane travel.

The movie is a metaphor for plane travel.

Well, and it is really interesting, like, how the gods decide to arrive, because some of them just, I guess, fall out of the sky, and then others seem to...

And some of them fall out of the sky.

I'm playing the moment of him waving

to the woman.

Waving to a woman who is in an airplane.

He's very polite to her, very cute, almost like baby wave.

If you told me that this was pretzy in a wig

i would believe you

as far as i'm concerned the the woman who sees arnold out the window is from the same era of acting as pretzy well let me just say what

are dawn knots like

if i was a director of this movie which you could be i could have i would give three directions bigger yep fight and hands yeah because at any given point it's like

that's about it those are the three emotions well here's what's this woman does them all but but what's even stranger is the flight attendant is called over by her friend one of her best gal pals

and the flight attendant walks over and immediately starts putting oxygen on his feather hat

immediately

doesn't ask a question it's just by the way they take it down they pass it down as if she's there's a button that just releases all the oxygen mass for just that seat.

I've been on an airplane numerous times.

I've never seen them go, oh, yeah, you need the oxygen.

We're going to get it.

For anxiety.

Yeah.

So he is shot down by Zeus and he lands in the middle of the sea.

He's picked up by, like, I think, L.

Ron Hubbard.

Or he looks like L.

Ron Hubbard.

I think it was the Sea Org.

Yet another movie with a Scientology underlying message.

And he's picked up by these seamen, and they go, well, we need to get you like a class.

You're going to now work for us.

And then they seemingly don't want to let him ever go.

And I don't know if that's a rule of the sea, that if you find someone in the sea, you get to enslave them forever.

I think that's the same thing.

Because they're like, where are you going?

You can't leave us.

Yes, you can.

You found him in the ocean.

Maybe they're worried about mutiny and stuff.

Well, wait.

I don't know sea rules.

I don't know sea rules.

I don't know about them.

He saw something on the boat.

Yeah, I don't know what I mean there.

That's what I'm saying.

He was privy to a lot of deep Scientology stuff.

They can't let him go.

Can't let him go.

They have to be like, no, no, you have to stay here.

Well, I felt like that was like the rules of the sea.

Now that he has to obey the captain, because they're basically like, you can't leave until the captain tells you.

And he's like, I don't care.

And he walks off like he's like in with like a sweater around his shoulder and a jaunty cap like away.

look for him.

It's basically, is it Toms of Finland?

What's it called?

What is it?

Toms of Finland.

Thank you, everybody.

Look it up.

That's exactly what he's dressed like.

I said he became a dandy very quickly, like from shirtless and just running around.

He's like, oh, I'll wear a layering.

I realized when I saw him in that wardrobe that

I think it's the best he's ever looked.

And here's why.

He's so big and there's so many muscles.

Yeah.

That

actually making him more feminine to me made him sexier.

Yep.

Makes it work.

I had a big journey throughout this movie.

Please tell me.

Really questioning my thoughts on Arnold Schwarzenegger's attractiveness.

And it was never there before.

And there were moments in this movie where I was like, maybe, maybe?

You know?

I was like, I think I paused and rewound a couple times to figure it out.

And

it was like there was a new part or an old part.

It was an old timey part.

He has a very, very small waist, which I never noticed before.

Not necessarily an attractive thing, but I don't know.

I noticed it.

I noticed it.

I cocked it.

Delicate waist.

Yeah.

Well, anyways.

He's a beautiful, he's a beautiful man.

I'm sorry.

What?

i'm just gonna need you to repeat that

he is i mean he's a beautiful man arnold schwarzenegger quote-unquote is a beautiful man june 19 beautiful skin beautiful beautiful skin i'm gonna say this is the best i'm gonna go agree with them and say this is the best he's ever looked

right

And you really got to see a little bit of vulnerability everyone.

Every time he does this

or this, I was like, he's insecure.

That's is what it is.

He is insecure.

And I like that in a guy sometimes.

I agree.

There's something about him where it's like, I actually feel like I saw him.

What?

What are

you talking about?

I will say, this is a Tommy Wiseau level performance.

Watching this movie made me think in 10 years, Tommy Wizo might be the biggest actor of all time.

Because Schwarzenegger traversed that range from absolutely horrid in this movie to unbelievably secure.

First of all, Jason, I think you're mad because obviously this is a movie close to you with your Greek cult.

Guys, how dare he?

How dare he?

You are

dare he.

How dare they bring in this monster from Austria to perform as Hercules, one of the, oh, God, one of one of my gods.

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I will say to go

with Abby and June, like there is a moment, clearly a mistake, when he's on his date and he's walking with her into a lake

and he trips and you could tell it was an Arnold accident, not a Herc accident.

And he just kind of slaps his head like, oh, I'm a big dummy.

I feel like he tripped on like a wire they were using to film the movie.

And then we just sort of like, meh, and I felt like, I was like, oh, I like him.

He seems like a very.

Here's the thing.

I think it's that he's...

He's not performing the idea of Arnold here.

No, there is no idea of Arnold yet.

There isn't.

And so what you're getting is this, and it's not great, but

you're seeing fleeting glimpses of...

It's really not great.

You're seeing fleeting glimpses of just like this young man who's trying to do this thing.

Well, here's the thing.

He was 22 years old.

He got the job because his agent told the producer he has lots of stage experience

on

the bodybuilding stage.

That's what he said.

So Pumping Iron had not happened yet?

It's 69, so I think Pumping Iron is later.

Yeah, I think he's listening.

And

because he bulks up for Pumping Iron.

This is when he was at his smallest at this age.

But I will show you this.

Clearly, some people did not think that he could handle the lead of a movie, and they dubbed him.

So, we, I think, all saw the Arnold version, but when this movie was released, this is the version that you saw.

I'm gonna play dubbed and not dubbed.

Here we go.

Okay, here we are.

Pretty

Right?

1930.

Diane and Terpsikari are in love with him.

I think Hebe is attracted too.

It just shows you how desperate some women could be.

Diana and Terpsikari were in love with him.

I think Heby was attracted too.

It just shows you how desperate some women could be.

How awesome would it be if Pretzy was also dumped

by Schwarzenegger?

Schwarzenegger's mind readings are tragic.

They are so monotone and like that,

it's bananas.

Watching him struggle through some of these lines was heartbreaking to me.

Meanwhile, Pretzy is almost...

is almost in reaction to him trying to imbue every scene with so much energy and life that it comes off as if he's a don't do that as if he's a a a

marionette

That like a howdy-doody puppet that someone is like doing this with

The the director said that because they had such a low budget that they relied on Pretzy's reactions to sell everything because there are feats that happen when they get to Central Park so they can't show you him like pole vaulting because he's not gonna pole vault.

So they end up

showing his face going

The closest you can get to eyes popping out and the tongue going,

like he is working.

Oh, yeah.

Can I ask a question about the Central Park scene?

Yeah.

Was the U.S.

Olympic team

practicing on like a softball field in Central Park?

Yep.

I believe it was.

Are they affiliated with like Fordo?

Why are you talking about that?

Well,

it was also labeled as a college team.

They were all wearing USA Olympic outfits and they were just doing traditional Greek like discuss pole ball, yeah, javelin.

Long jump.

Arnold couldn't even long jump.

By the way, the guy in the movie couldn't even long jump.

It was like a shortstop.

Yeah, why was it long job?

Why was the professor there watching?

That's pretty creepy.

He's just a smart guy.

Look at these boys working out.

Ooh.

Well, the professor oddly is obsessed with Schwarzenegger.

There's no reason.

There's no reason why that professor be like, I'm ticking with him.

He's real brute.

Who here thought he was going to try and recruit Schwarzenegger?

That's the whole idea.

Yeah.

Nope.

Not to try and recruit him.

Just wants to get to know him a little better.

I thought

they were setting up.

This is what's strange.

What they set up, the first shot of the professor and his daughter on the

bleachers of Central Park, they were talking about

how

her boyfriend who's on the team is doing really well, but isn't paying attention to her.

Yes.

So it seemed as though, I guess, we were to

understand that the professor wanted Arnold as a potential mate for his daughter.

Unclear, because later, later in the movie, the boyfriend is there with the total.

What are you?

You guys are really good.

Yeah!

You were!

Someone.

You did that plot analysis!

Really hard.

You guys, when they're at the Save the Cat conventions, these guys go crazy.

All is lost.

Oh, hope is lost.

Fun and games and loved it.

But later, they're in the house, and the boyfriend is there, and they're talking about Hercules like he's all of their best friend.

And the boyfriend is still there in the picture, even though I'm pretty sure we've seen Hercules on 10,000 dates with the girl.

But by the way, the first time Hercules like flirts with her, it's aggressive.

He's like, Yeah, he's like in.

And he also says, You go like, that's Schwarzenegger flirting.

Oh, that's.

I actually have that.

I didn't mind it.

He also says, he is your lover.

By the way, I'm going to say, I like this actress.

I thought she enjoyed her.

Well, she's got two relationships happening at the same time, as well as a very unhealthy relationship with her father.

Well, and guys,

at certain points in the movie, she just flat out says to Arnold, Were you dropped on your head as a baby?

Oh, well, because she can only so many times say, oh, you're always joking.

Well,

these are educated people.

So after, because again, he's not hiding it.

He's like, I am Hercules, son of Zeus.

Even the least learned of us all would go, that's odd.

Those are Greek gods.

Like, it's not like deep.

It's not like, oh, they're really picking on an odd one.

Like, I don't know who Samson's father is.

You know, it's like,

this is the main one.

And they have to really be dumb to it.

Here's the flirt scene.

Here we go.

Is anything wrong?

What could be wrong?

It's just that you're looking at me so strangely.

I feel my hair may be out of place or something of this sort.

Everything's crazy.

Everything is in its place.

You just remind me of someone.

Really?

Someone you know?

A goddess.

A goddess.

I remind you of a goddess?

What?

And again, cut to Petsy to underline that it's awkward.

Pretzy?

Pretzy should have just ripped off his collars every time.

Lost the collar, new shirt.

If Pretzy had turned into an animated character in the middle of the movie,

I wouldn't have noticed.

I would have been like, yep, yep, this makes sense.

And

like an animated, like an animal.

I would have been like, okay, cool.

You know that Arnold Stang is like, motherfucker Don Don Knotts gets all my shit.

I should have been a kill in that role.

Three's company, I would have been great.

Well,

on top of the movie, and this is sort of an overall reaction, is that you would think they would take Hercules and put him in a situation in the real world that was uncomfortable for him.

Like

taking care of small children or something that Hercules says we know, I guess that is kindergarten cop.

But it's just so strange.

He's got this crazy strength in, you know, as in a god.

And then he's done.

He's thinking from Page News as a wrestler.

And then he's a wrestler and he's on the U.S.

Olympic team.

It's like, yeah,

these are all the things he can do.

There's nothing

about watching that drug.

Make him teach a college course about Greek mythology.

Hey, you know so much about it.

Like, why don't we love your first-person perspective?

How about the fact that Pretzi just straight up steals the professor's book

about Greek mythology?

He's like, ah, what's this?

Okay, shove.

He has such a depression-era mentality that he's like, what's yours is mine.

Who cares?

I found it.

You, I'm Pretzi.

I don't care.

I'm a scamp.

I'm a street rat.

I'm a river person.

Beautiful, like, Woody Allen apartment in New York.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Here's the thing.

I want to talk about this apartment, but I want to just go to one of the things of the awkward flirting.

They, we just saw that scene, and he says, like, you remind me of a goddess, and everyone freaks out, like, hey, you can't talk to a broad like that.

Yeah.

Well, he's only complimenting her, and then the boyfriend is like, hey, don't talk to my lady like that.

It's like, really aggressive and immensely being polite.

They fight.

Then they fight.

In the living room, yeah.

In the living room, which amounts to the boyfriend getting on her shoulders, and that's it.

That's the fight.

Break it up, break it up.

And like, it's just like.

Okay, now to the apartment.

Time for me to blow your mind.

It's not an apartment, it's a hotel room.

Pretzy lives in a hotel.

What?

Pretzy is squatting with Hercules because he says to him, He goes, We gotta make some money with all the bills you're racking up here at the hotel.

And then Pretzy's always there.

So Pretzy's homeless.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no.

Time out.

Time out.

When Pretzy goes at the end of the movie and listens to the radio, still in the hotel.

The hotel?

So he's going to be throwing out up there.

I'm going to try to pull it up.

Because it has a kitchenette.

I don't know about that.

That's crazy.

I wrote it down because I knew it was too crazy.

I could see if I can find the exact line, but I was like, it's a hotel.

It is.

Because that what Katie is because that dildo's the expert

that's all I need all I need is one person to agree with me yeah I would have loved to see

fuck you

I would have loved to see like them you know all of a sudden

Hercules has like a whole wardrobe and human clothes I would would have loved to see that a little

montage that's a great scene I wrote down that like he has a camera he has a lot of things.

Cannot afford any of those locations.

They had three locations.

That hotel room at Central Park, which was used a lot.

Because I agree.

The entire city of New York on the street, right?

It would have taken nothing short of

two weeks.

Two weeks for Taylors to custom make all of the clothes he wears in New York.

I was like, he got his same outfits the same way the gremlins get outfits and gremlins do.

All of a sudden, they're like in Page Boy costumes.

Like,

where are these gremlins shopping?

I guess at the same place that Arnold Schwarzenegger gets his clothes because it's like a me it's instantaneous he's a gigantic man those sailors did not have a perfect sweater well Paul

I'm about to blow your mind

just fine I grew up as the son of a family of gremlins clothesmakers

oh I wanted to talk to you guys about this again going back to that awkward flirting scene

The professor goes, we would like to invite you out for some tea.

Yeah.

And then he's like, oh, I I don't do Pressy, I don't do drugs.

Wait, is that what

term is that ever?

What a drug is tea.

No one's ever asked me to sit down and drink tea.

Like, is it like tea leaves?

Oh, it's a 60s term for what?

Tie stick

for marijuana?

Really?

Mean people really?

The tea is silent?

I don't mind saying you guys are the worst.

What do you think?

Or I guess

when was the moment for Pretzy when he decided to really take Arnold on?

I know it.

Oh wow.

I want to come back to this moment because I was really confused about this fight with this plank

and how

you're on the docks.

Around the docks.

Because Hercules should it should have been a lot easier.

it was confusing but then there's a moment where Pretzi goes back for his hat for Hercules's hat and sweater and sweater and he's like I got it and he was like I'm in yeah

no

I think he saw his moment where he could be the little dog that runs around the big dog and is like hey what do you need hey boss hey hey hey what do you need what how can i help hey how can i help

Pretzy is like a downright like an Arthur Miller character.

We'll get into his end monologue, but even when he's like being harassed by the wrestling guys, he's like drinking.

He's in a Eugene O'Neal play on the side that's way darker.

Pretzy.

So what do you think Pretzi gets from Herc?

Companionship.

Like value.

Life worth living.

What if

he's needed?

What if

he opened up a locket to look at a picture of his dead wife and it was a Schwarzenegger in a wig?

And that was the reason he's like, what if?

You know what would have been amazing if the whole movie ended with you realizing Hercules never existed?

It was all a projection of Pretzy.

It was a Tyler Durden situation.

And then every other person had only been reacting to Pretzy and had been like, what are you talking about?

Who's Hercules?

But you hadn't seen any of that.

And it was all just Pretzy.

Just a homeless man sleeping on a book of Greek mythology and it just kind of seeped in.

It is widely known that Fight Club is based on this movie.

No spoilers on Fight Club, Jason.

Oh, sorry.

But Brad Pitten is an imaginary character at the end of that movie.

And at the end of the prestige, Twin Brothers.

Spoilers

for those movies.

The one thing that I think

the movie does a great job of is letting you know that he's Hercules.

And

here is a...

Can I ask you a question?

Who does the best job letting you know that he's Hercules?

That's a tough one.

I'm going to say Hercules.

He does a great job.

And I'm going to play you right now a mashup of Hercules saying

Hercules.

Here we go.

These are all the times he says it.

Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Heracles,

Heracles,

you know, it's amazing.

What I love about that is how many times he says his own name numerous times in the same scene.

Which, when it's put together like that, you're like, oh, wow, in that one scene, he says it four times.

He's like a sports star who refers to himself in the first person.

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It's

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It's all sorts of awesome.

It's awe and then some.

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I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.

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I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

Well, the Geico app is top-notch.

I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?

Sign what?

The app?

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Could you sign it again?

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There's so much to talk about.

I want to.

We haven't talked about Mount Olympus at all.

Yeah.

Let's get into it.

It's a backyard of a house.

The most unimpressive Mount Olympus to a point where they use fog to an effect of, like, I guess, like, that will make it seem bigger.

Like, the camera pushes through intense fog.

But Mount Olympus has nothing on the planet of Pluto, which is just a gate and more fog.

A gate, fog, and wait, and

like, and

the, who is the, the guy who plays, the guy who plays Pluto is insane.

That is a portrayal that is next level, like, crazy.

He's amazing, and he says a great line in the movie, like, I hate the earth.

And then all of a sudden you hear, honk, honk, like, literally a cab, like they are shooting on the street.

They did not, there's a lot of horn honking in Mount Olympus, but you, but the one M Pluto, you hear, honk, honk.

And Mount Olympus seems to maybe have four people in it at any given time.

Oh, yeah.

And they're all, I feel like the stuff, the Mount Olympus stuff felt like almost Zardazy to me.

Very much Zarda.

You know, like in that way of just like people dressed up in nonsense, standing around like a lawn, and we're meant to believe, we're meant to like be transported to like like this is Mount Olympus like this is like the most amazing like like the home of the gods I get why Herc wants to leave I'm like I do too and I think that I think that's the one thing that they were successful in is and they they did this in Zardas but there's this something about being immortal that leaves everybody with just like

this apathy and this wait and there's just there is nothing happening.

Yes.

Well, you know what?

The gods are bored.

The gods are bored.

Well, I was thinking like we know Greek mythology and I guess there's an end point to it, but I guess like it's like a TV show that's been canceled.

It's still going on for them.

They're still having adventures, but we don't know it anymore.

Like our show is canceled.

We had a great thing.

Keeping up with you.

We're not keeping up with their stories.

Like their stories are just

weird.

Do they think that people that mortals believe in them anymore?

That's what I'm, I don't know.

Don't know.

Such a good question.

I mean, I still do.

you know my family

my family raised me

my family right back there everybody waved my family um

raised me raised me to believe in the old gods we would slaughter a lamb and offer it up as a offer its thigh up to zeus um

i love that mercury arrived in a helicopter

And I love that Pluto arrived via subway underground in hell.

But how did he appear in that helicopter?

Because Zeus, I mean, Hercules was like shot out

and fell into the water.

So did he just get shot into a helicopter or grab onto it?

That guy seemed to be checking off names and then another guy and he's like, who's that guy?

Yeah.

Because you can fit so, I don't know.

That was the point.

I guess he wasn't on the roster, but that was a real like kind of shit way to enter.

I mean, it's so like, and again, no one does anything about it.

Like, boom, that guy didn't exist.

There were so many scenes that were utterly pointless.

Yeah.

Just, I feel like, almost as if to fill time.

You know what I mean?

Like, why did we need any of that scene with Mercury arriving via helicopter?

We didn't need it.

No.

He could have just popped up into the hotel.

Because guess what?

He flies away outside the window when he's done.

When he's done, he literally jumps out the window of the hotel slash apartment.

And he flies away, and Pretzy almost loses his mind.

This is where Pretzy turns into like a Don Knotts cartoon character who's like, I gotta have a drink.

And

it's really Pretzi, guys.

Pretzy is on thin ice mentally.

By the way, it doesn't seem like Pretzi's working anymore either.

You could argue that this entire movie...

Yeah, because he doesn't.

But he is working as Hercules' manager.

I got worried in that moment.

Because I was like, no one believes him.

Yeah.

No one's going to believe him.

And no one's ever going to believe him because he ends the movie talking to a fucking radio.

It has broken him.

He is done.

Dunzo.

Pretzy, Dunzo.

He should have killed himself.

At the end of this movie,

Pretzy should have killed himself.

We should watch his end monologue.

This is, I mean, it's amazing.

Because

this end monologue, I really did feel, I was like, whoa,

what's going on here?

I feel like they were like, hey just you got to do the scenes with arnold but we're going to give you some real moments something juicy

sink your teeth into like um wait in this wait is this the radio uh this is the radio into

the radio okay is that the radio what's interesting is the radio when he talks to zeus through the not zeus her through the radio it's in the even the arnold version it's the dubbed british man's voice yeah which means arnold never recorded those lines ever they didn't have him, they couldn't get him, so they just kept the British guy's lines in.

So when Zeus speaks, I'm not Zeus, sorry, Hercules speaks to Pretzy, it is the British guy, which I found utterly perplexing.

Hold on one second.

I have, this is the great technical difficulty.

See, I thought that was a choice, that it wasn't

like

a beautiful British man's voice.

He was gone.

Well, I thought it was Pretzy kind of imagining that it was Herc, even though it wasn't Herc's real voice.

Wow.

Really?

Well, yeah, because we've heard Herc the entire time.

Why would there all of a sudden be a huge?

What if Arnold was like, said to the director, hey, we got another hour before we have to wrap.

I'd like to just do this thing.

And

he just improvises all off the top of his head.

Because I do feel like he was like, my character needs closure.

I need to go forward.

Pretzy?

Yeah.

You mean?

Yeah.

Oh, it's fucked up.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Hercules should have fucking taken Pretzi with him.

Or said goodbye.

Or said goodbye.

Or said goodbye.

Thank you.

Here's a bag of riches and gold for taking me in.

I don't disagree with you, Paul.

Everlasting life.

I won't say that Hercules is a villain, but he is a not thoughtful jerk.

Why doesn't he bring down one of the goddesses?

Just looking at this shot right now, that's not a hotel room.

Yeah, it's a hotel room.

This is three hours.

so we're gonna watch the pretzy, the last scene of the movie.

We are, and I think we can go back and talk about other stuff, but I feel like you're so in a pretzy wormhole right now.

No, no, I agree.

Strongest guy in the world,

trying up, but a nothing like me.

Who is he talking to?

Well, he really made me feel like something.

A half-pike like me.

I ain't never gonna forget him.

Never.

Don't breathe, my friend.

In the memory of Lee Lips, separation may have a quiet happiness all its own.

Herk?

We are friends, you and I.

And nothing can take that from us.

Herk!

Well, Herk!

Where are you, Herk?

What are you doing on my radio?

Hey!

Herk.

It's me.

It's Pretzy.

He knows it's Pretzy.

He's talking to him through the radio.

Why does he have to let him know?

I mean, would you be surprised if that scene ended with him putting a gun in his mouth?

I wouldn't.

By the way,

that's kind of a beautiful scene, right?

I have, oh, yeah.

Will you go back?

Will you click on it?

Will you open it up?

Can we watch the first couple of seconds of this again?

Yeah.

A half pint like May I can't play the strongest guy in the world, blah, blah, blah.

And now just imagine that it's being played by...

This character is being played by a turtle.

Okay?

Now just watch.

Just watch.

It's a turtle.

Strongest guy in the world.

Trying to.

But nothing like me.

Imagine.

Oh, he really made me feel like something.

Yeah.

A fucking turtle He is wearing tortoiseshell glasses.

I also like I also like he's like he's like okay

I'm gonna do the scene and and he's like okay what's my eye line and they're like oh the camera's over there so your eye line is on the floor over here

He's that the whole shop.

He's looking down and off.

Well, I think half pint like me.

I think he's looking I think the geography of the apartment is that

the bedroom, the hotel, sorry.

Damn it.

That he's looking at the bed.

So I think, like, that's where Hercules slept on the bed.

And he's like, really?

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I don't know, because I will throw this out.

Watching it now, when he's talking to the radio and saying, it's me, are you in there?

Or whatever he says, it seems as though he might think Hercules is in there.

Like, is in there.

Well, he says, what are you doing in my radio?

In my radio.

That is a line in the movie.

It's like.

Which would lead you to believe that Pretzi believes Herc is in the radio.

Yes.

I just saw for a moment, like, you look sad when you watch that monologue.

It's devastating.

It is.

I don't like when characters have no dignity.

I don't.

I don't.

And what, so when he says a half pint like me, it's like, oh, it's so sad.

It's very sad.

Maybe these dock workers were beating him up.

And he was, that's maybe why he got into it.

They definitely felt like they beat up a pretzel man.

He definitely felt like he needed this friendship.

Like there, this, for Pretzi, this movie is really about Pretzi.

Pretzy has the most interesting arc of the movie.

The only arc of the movie.

Hercules.

Hercules just does a series of nonsensical things.

Not even the Herculean tasks.

Didn't Hercules have like tasks and?

The one that he did do is fight a bear.

A bear wearing sneakers, look closely.

I love when he's fighting the bear and the woman, the girl that he's on the date with, the daughter of the professor, goes, beat him up.

I love that the zookeeper or the police had the wherewithal to be like, a bear is loose.

And this one's known to be surly and dangerous.

Not like the other grizzly bears who are polite.

Was it the docile and safe one?

Nope.

Wait, why was a bear loose?

He just broke out.

Oh, he got it.

Yeah, he just broke out.

He just broke out.

Yeah.

Wow, that's crazy.

Central Park Zoo.

Central Park Zoo used to be real loosey-goosey.

Jeez.

By the way, Central Park looks like shit in this movie.

Like, they drive cars all over the great lawn and ripping it up.

Yeah, what is that?

Well, this is an era where New York was like, in the fucking toilet.

You know,

this is just a couple of years away from like son of Sam, like that era of New York where everything is super bleak and difficult.

Not like the beautiful city that you all live in now.

Hooray!

We did it!

Do we want to talk a little bit?

I mean, I want to get into the chariot chase, but I also want to just talk about the wrestling aspect of this movie.

Sure,

because and the mobsters?

Oh, yeah, mobsters.

So, yeah,

the movie was done in 1969, and wrestling could make front-page news.

I mean, the newspaper spins,

strongest man, wrestler.

And then they clearly have no footage of wrestling.

They can't afford it.

So they just use, like, old weightlifting competition photos.

Basically.

And then they go, okay, yeah, he's a big wrestler now.

But we never, ever see him wrestle.

That and

the competition that you think would be between two wrestlers where they would wrestle is just weightlifting.

Yeah.

Which is his strong suit.

And he loses.

Well, and also, well, because his strength has been taken away there.

Yes.

By Zeus.

But even without his strength.

No, by

Nemesis.

Nemesis.

But even without his strength, he still has a lot of strength.

He lifts 750 pounds.

He's still very 50 pounds, right?

Yeah.

By the way, they took away his strength, but yeah,

that's good.

If I could bench just cold lift 750, I'm happy with that.

Following his strength was a thing that I was confused by.

Because going back to this board on the docks.

I think the board on the docks does open it up for a lot of discussion.

Go ahead.

I was like, Hercules should be able to push these guys over on the thing, right?

But I understand there was a lot of stunt tricks on the docks of hidden guys over onto the thing.

Knocking guys' heads together.

Knocking guys' heads together.

And then the, what is like the next.

So the bear being able to beat up a bear.

And then the only difference in showing he's weak is this 250 pounds.

He can't lift a thousand pounds.

Right.

That, yeah, that was the height of his weakness.

Like, you would think that he would get attacked.

Like, he never, that's the only time he's weak.

And correct me if I'm wrong, the end fight scene in the cardboard factory.

He's I got great news, boss.

I got us a final location.

What do we got?

Please tell me steel mill.

A cardboard factory.

He'll be throwing cardboard boxes and cardboard tubes.

Well, you think, though, Abby, because when I saw that, when I saw him push that board and all those guys go flying, I did have the thought, like, I think I could do that.

Exactly, me too.

So I was like, why is this so hard for Hercules?

And why is this the sort of, you know, example of his great strength?

Yes, well, you would think that if Hercules, because Hercules does punch a lot of mortals,

at which point I would think their heads would detach from their bodies.

That should be what happens.

He still seems like he's struggling on the boat.

He's not taking them down with one punch.

They're getting back up.

But then he does stuff, which I also can't figure out.

Like, why does he

like grab onto the dock lift, the dock worker's forklift?

Why does he do that?

Why does he stop that forklift?

And the guy's like, hey, what are you doing?

Let it go.

And he's like, I like your chariot.

Where's the horses?

And he's like, hey, guy, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

And he's just holding for, I don't know why.

And then he just lets it go.

Like, ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Why?

Why?

But at the moment of his weakness,

he does this thing that I loved, which is this.

Oh, yeah.

An off-shut moment.

It was It was amazing.

And over.

It was incredible.

It's the best.

Right.

Yeah, when he loses the match, he really gets upset in that all.

Just like Tommy Wizo.

And it's, this is a Wazoian performance.

I mean, he invented the Wazo.

And, yeah, the fight in the cardboard factory, then, oh, I guess the chariot race leads to that.

So he gets caught up with these mobsters who take Pretzi out of the picture

And you know the mobsters are making a lot of money on weightlifting No and wrestling wrestling But they also had a lot of money on this weightlifting competition Yes, so and then it seemed like everyone from their crew was gonna take him down.

Yep.

There seemed about 20 or 30 of them at the end

and They're chasing him through the city.

He steals a hot he steals a chariot

from

like a strong man.

I don't know like what that guy was doing with a chariot.

Unclear

Just a guy with a chariot in New York City who's stopping to get a hot dog.

It's New York

Yeah, there's a chariot on every corner.

Don't worry about it.

It's New York

which leads to your favorite moment in the movie also my favorite moment of the movie which we'll just show for you guys and and we'll kind of

So the chariot has been running through the city now clearly he stole this chariot from a a guy who was getting a hot dog.

That's all you need to know for this.

Here we go.

The wheels fall off.

Just like the movie.

Look at Pretzi run!

Where did that monster go with my chariot?

I want my chariot.

You will be seeing that moment in Broad City Season 3.

This is, I wrote down, best

in the movie.

It is

like a moment of clear genius.

It's like, yes, this hot dog vendor is so intent on getting that sauerkraut.

He's like, I will not.

Like, he has no invested interest in the chariot or this race, but he literally ran

miles with sauerkraut on a fork to deliver it.

Does not worry about anything.

That is a great moment.

That is a great moment.

I think

that feels like a Benny Hill sketch with crazy bazooki music in place of Yakety Sacks.

Like, you could play this whole thing and just do...

And why is...

And again, to go back to the chariot, it looks like a Tarzan man.

Yep.

In a chariot, so it's not necessarily connecting.

And he looks like a Greek

looks like Crispin Glover.

He does.

In a Tarzan costume.

His dick's really just like right there.

It's kind of puffed out.

Yeah.

And all eight-yard lines.

I auditioned for the hot dog vendor.

By the way, I respect the dress.

I even wore my best dressed hot dog vendor in New York.

That's when New York hot dog vendors knew how to dress.

Not like the semi-homeless that are giving us hot dogs now.

But I think the hot dog vendor and Pretzi, like they are selling pretzels and hot dogs, but they are

men of honor.

Yeah, absolutely.

They're lacking something in their life.

They need to chase after these weird men.

Ooh, I would love a movie that's based on these two dudes.

Can I, I want to play a game with you guys.

I want to play this.

What if this right here had been a scene from Tarzan in New York?

And there was a whole other movie that took place concurrent.

Like Rosencrantz and Gilded.

Saying her dead together.

So this was the only scene they shared.

It's also weird that Hercules, I mean, maybe it's not weird, I don't know, but he doesn't ever think to just run.

Like, he's got...

Or fly away, which he can do.

Although I don't know if he can do it.

He has no powers.

Oh, right now he's depowered.

I'm sorry.

Still.

By the way, and again, just to talk about, they're tearing up Central Park.

I mean, that was like someone's like, yeah, yeah, fuck it.

I don't care.

Shooting there.

Drive cars, put a horse there.

This is when Central Park was basically like New York's toilet bowl.

Yeah, they got the Central Park location for two bags of heroin.

Two bags of tea.

The tea is silent, though.

E.

Here's my game for you guys.

I'm gonna play you a clip.

You tell me what Arnold Schwarzenegger is saying.

This is for the big, this is the big come to Zeus moment.

Here we go.

My Mighty Suz has more wisdoms than Hercules.

He knew better what is best for him.

Mighty Zeus.

Mighty Zeus.

Well, let's see what you guys think.

Anyone know?

No, I don't know.

No?

Oh, gobbledycook.

Literally, not since.

I'm going to play it one more time.

Might it Zuas has more wisdoms than Hercules.

He knew better what is best for him.

What was best for him?

He knew better what was best for him.

He has more wisdom.

Let's take a look at the British version.

Here we go.

So here we go.

We get a full explanation.

Mighty Zeus has more wisdom than Hercules.

He knew better what is best for him.

For him.

There we go.

He knew.

Oh, boy.

This movie is.

Wait, do you have Mercury?

I don't know if I have a Mercury movie, yeah.

Did anybody

show the question?

I have a question for the audience.

Did anybody think that Mercury sounded like anybody else?

No.

I wish we had a clip.

The guy playing Mercury sounds exactly like Adam Scott.

Before Adam Scott was born?

Yes.

Oh, one quick thing, and then I'm going to go to the audience to get some questions in here.

Did anyone notice what was weird when they sent Samson down to the fight?

He had short hair?

Anyone?

Yes, Samson's from the Bible, now he's Greek mythology.

No one was doing the fact-checking on that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Samson.

Send Noah, too.

Get Noah involved.

Get all the strong men.

Anybody who's strong from any kind of mythology.

Send Thor down.

I don't know.

By the way, why at the end of the movie, Zeus wants to...

Zeus does travel to the mortal land.

He flies as a Hasidic being

on the planet.

Yes.

He flies down like he, like, like he's...

But does he go down because it sounded fun?

Yes.

And was it fun?

Yeah, well,

he gets all like jazzed up by like, I want to go have a horny adventure.

Because that's what Zeus does.

Zeus goes to Earth, he fucks a bunch of Earth broths,

has a bunch of children, some of whom gestate in his thigh.

It doesn't matter.

And then he has all these, that's why Juno, although Juno is not his wife, isn't Hera his wife?

Hera's his wife.

Who's Juno?

Is she.

Okay, guys, guys, I'm going to need you to elect a spokesman.

Ellen Page is a Roman Juno.

Ellen Page is Juno.

Guys, you need to stop freaking out.

I understand two-thirds of you are classics majors,

and you need for us to know how smart you are, but relax.

All right, I'm gonna come to the audience for some questions.

Here we go, sir.

I'm gonna start with you.

All right, and all right,

when the microphone comes to you, you can talk out loud.

All right, so here we go.

In your best Schwarzenegger, say, I am Hercules,

or actually, yeah, say, I am Hercules, then your real name, and then your question.

Here we go.

I am Hercules.

Right?

Really good.

Really good.

My name's Rick.

And do you think the wheel falling off in the chariot scene was deliberate or completely accidental?

Ooh, great question.

Great question.

Interesting.

I feel like everything in this movie was accidental.

And that chariot lasted way longer than they thought.

Okay, sir, you got to go.

You're best Hercules.

And then,

and if you're back here, come to me.

So here.

I am Hercules.

Good.

Really good.

That was not good.

My name's Brett.

I was just wondering, they shot a lot of scenes during the day, but made them nighttime.

And the editing person was terrible at doing that.

Why?

Yeah, there's one thing when Mercury visits him in that room, those curtains are like bound to the wall.

It's like that was clearly daylight.

And then Pluto says, you can tell by how dark it is out.

And it's clearly like daytime.

And then in the middle of their conversation, Hercules is like, I'm going to take a shower.

And starts to undress with Mercury and Pretzi in the room, which is weird.

Here's a question.

How many days did this movie take place over?

Oh, wow.

One week or four years?

Yeah.

All right, your best Hercules, your name, and your question.

I'm Hercules.

Really good.

Really good.

Pretty.

You know what?

Half of that line is dudes who are like, I've got a pretty good Hercules impression.

I'll think of a question while I'm online.

Okay, my question is about Pretzy, who actually is famous.

He was Top Cat.

He was in Curtis Callie Dog, but he was also in the movie Ghost Dad.

Like, and he played almost the exact same role.

In the Bill Cosby movie, Ghost Dad?

Bill Cosby directed.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, Ghost Dad director.

That late, so he's still alive in like the 80s.

Curse Callie Dog was 2002.

so he's around.

Wow.

And so my question is...

Wait, he's still alive?

Alright, so my question is...

Just said he was alive in 2002.

No, Pretzi died in 2002.

Is that what you said?

He played a character

in 2002.

That was the last time we saw him.

Got it, got it.

Anyway, my question is, do you think Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier were sitting around watching this movie, just looking at it like that guy?

That's the guy who we need in our movie reacting to a U.S.

event.

Do you want us to analyze the thoughts of Bill Cosby?

Yes, yes, I do, sir.

I just want to make sure that's the question you're asking.

Right.

What was Bill Cosby thinking in casting?

We'll never know.

We'll never know.

I did hear he took a meeting with the actress in this movie, though.

Oh,

too soon.

Too soon.

Too soon.

Gotta wait for another 40 people to come out.

Too soon.

Let's get some ladies.

If you're a lady, you can come to the front of the line.

All right, come over here, ladies, ladies.

Ladies, come on.

I do want to say that I think that Pretzi did a great job.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Ladies just jumped.

Holy shit.

Paul, are you okay?

Wow.

Look what just happened.

Look what just happened.

Ladies.

Bitches, we're just.

We're going to have to go back to some guys in a second, too.

All right, here we go.

Your best Schwarzenegger.

Your question.

I am Hercules.

Really good.

Hi, I'm Amanda.

And I just want to hold the mic.

Are you grabbing at that mic, Amanda?

Hey, Amanda.

Maybe I like to hold up the school.

Is that okay?

Amanda, we're going to need you to let go of that one.

My question is, you guys have not addressed the fact that this looks like a low-budget porn

towards the end of it.

Like, I just kind of want to know your thoughts on that.

Okay, do you watch a lot of low-budget porn, Amanda?

Go back to your seat!

Go back, go back, Amanda.

All right.

We have a lot of ladies now.

We got to go.

Ladies,

we don't all have to grab the mic.

Okay?

We're going to get to a lot of you.

We're going to get to a lot.

Here we go.

Not everybody, but a lot.

Here we go.

Paul, if you need help, you just let us know.

Oh, you're a little scared with the body.

Uncomfortable or scared.

I was a little scared there.

All right.

Your best Hercules.

But I love that all you did was say, like, how about some ladies?

Next thing you know, you're drowning in titties.

What's going on?

You just have to yell that in a crowded place.

I'm going to try that later.

Best Hercules.

That was adorable.

Get ready for it.

I am Hercules.

Good.

You know what?

We're going to get, we're going to figure out who's going to ask this next question by, oh, that's great.

Somebody's showing me a picture, which we'll not read on the podcast, but it's of a turtle with glasses and it looks like Pretzi.

Send that to us.

Girl, gets it.

The best Hercules impression gets asked this next question.

Here you go.

You already did yours.

Do it one more time.

I am Hercules.

I am Hercules.

That's terrible.

Hercules.

That is terrible.

Okay, terrible.

I am Hercules.

I am Hercules.

I am Hercules.

I am Hercules.

I am Hercules.

I could do this for an hour.

Just girls saying I am Hercules is legit one of the most erotic things I've ever heard in my life.

Well, that was tough.

They were all very good.

Really?

I like that one.

Do you want to speed through their question?

Yeah, here you go.

Speed through your questions.

Here we go.

So, Pretzy, we don't know his last name at all, I don't think.

Do you think his first name is Pretzel?

Not his given name.

Pretzy is not his given name.

So when he's signing the contract, those three goons are like, hey, sign this contract.

Pretzy.

Dancer, Pretzy.

He either signs it Pretzy.

Or he just draws a pretzel.

Ooh, he draws a pretzel.

I like that.

All right, your point.

Go to your seat.

Real quick.

One more time.

Speed round.

Turtlenecks.

Turtlenecks.

Turtle necks.

Go to your seat.

Great.

Done.

Here we go.

We're busting.

All right, so my question, I wanted to know what you guys thought about the mobsters.

I know we touched on the...

The mobsters?

They drive station wagons.

That is not a mobster car.

And don't have guns.

Just cigars.

Don't have guns.

They're ready to duke it out at a moment's notice.

Alright, here we go.

Joey, alright,

someone you guys asked your question.

If you've asked your question, sit down.

Do your Hercules and then talk about John Candy.

It's going to be hard without moving my face to do it appropriately.

Move your face then, weirdo.

I don't know why I didn't say him not to move his face.

Oh, what?

I never told him not to move his face.

Okay, so feel free.

Oh, you're putting future Hercules impressions.

Feel free to move your face.

He doesn't move his face, why should I?

Here we go.

I hate you.

Question revoked.

Question revoked.

Aha!

All right.

Wait, wait.

What do you mean?

He's very impassioned.

What do you mean?

This is a subject of internet debate that I want you to clarify.

Is John Candy in this movie?

In that very first scene, when he's shaking his fist

right in front of the camera at a man hanging off of the ship,

that is

50% of Google searches say yes, John Candy.

50% say no.

Okay, we're going to settle this right now.

Sit down.

All right.

I need to know.

We have moved on.

The John Candy debate will never be solved.

We will never.

We know.

Yes.

We're not telling.

This was, by the way, telling people to get out of their seats was a terrible idea.

Terrible idea.

You have been

bombed.

We'll not do that.

For those of you listening at home, Paul is currently being a sea of people.

Well, see, the difference between New York and LA is LA.

Nobody wants to say anything.

Nobody.

New York, everybody's like, I need to fucking talk.

I love it.

You know what this show needs?

Me talking into a microphone.

Who here?

We're going to do two more questions.

Who believes in their questions?

So everyone.

In LA, hands go down.

Okay.

We got a speedrun.

All right, we got a speedrun.

Right.

Speed around.

Speedrun.

Here we go.

Okay, so the IMDb.

Pull out your phone.

The IMDb description says that Hercules is sent to Earth where he finds true love.

I already hate it.

Sit down.

No, no, no.

No, no.

You gotta get, you gotta.

From here on in, the question's gotta be real quick.

Is Is the true love that girl or Pretzi?

Great question.

Okay, hang on, hang on.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

June?

Pretzy.

Pretty.

All right, moving on, moving on, moving on.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

The man in the bear suit or Nick Cage in the bear suit and Wickerman, who wins in a battle?

Okay, sit down, sit down, sit down.

Pretzy, by the way, is going to Brooklyn to buy his pretzels and then returning to the docks to sell them.

Don't we think the docks are in Brooklyn?

Are we on the Red Hook docks?

Whose docks are we at?

Queens?

Is he in Queens?

I will say that my favorite line in the movie is, he goes, these pretzels are

food of the gods.

He goes, oh, that's real funny.

That's the name of the bakery that I get it from.

By the way, I enjoyed that whole scene in the cab ride about apartment.

Alright, one more question because we gotta...

Okay.

All right, I'm gonna go to you.

Given that this movie came out in 1969, what did the characters of Mad Men think of it when they saw it?

A very good question.

I was thinking about that today, as a matter of fact.

Well done.

Everyone sit down.

Everyone sit down.

Well done.

Alright, so obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are some people

that disagree.

These are second opinions.

Second opinions.

These are opinions that five-star reviews culled from Amazon about Hercules in New York.

Okay.

Hot dogs, pretzy, and airplanes.

What can I say?

The title says it all.

Hercules, a strong young man looking to find his purpose in life, being judged by his father.

Well, this doesn't make dramatical sense.

Being judged by his father is hard enough, so he moves to New York and creates havoc in the big city.

The hot dog vendor seen as the best.

I would pay 300 yen to see that again.

The guy chases the horseman and it goes bog.

It's awesome.

Bog!

Five stars.

I know why the bog is in there.

This is another good one.

This is from Arnold Phan.

Of Arnold Schwarzwatch, which one?

This film will make you appreciate why Arnold Schwarzenegger is the greatest and still is the greatest of all time.

His phenomenal phenomenal aesthetic mass at 6'1 tall is clearly evident in this film.

Most competitive bodybuilders today are between 5'5 and 5'8 and look horrible.

Five stars.

This is from Frida Tarvison.

This movie is my favorite.

I don't like people seeing it as a joke.

It's a good film.

Arnold's first!

All in caps.

A cool film indeed.

Hercules is bored and he wants to go down to New York and he finds it hard to fit in because of his enormous strongness.

It's a real fish out of water story.

My favorite quote in the film is when he talks to the coach and says, I want to show them how to throw the discus.

And the coach says, you don't say.

And Herc says, I do say.

That is great.

Another good thing in this film: just pure fighting, no over-driven explosive things like an eraser or red scorpion or universal soldier.

Not to say it's bad, but sometimes you get tired of those things.

Tared?

T-I-E-R-D.

This is a way cooler.

Five stars.

And finally,

the review is titled A Cult Film for Bodybuilding Fanatics.

This film's a must for those who love bodybuilders.

It's actually a comedy, but every five minutes or so, you get to see Arnold take off a piece of clothing and flex.

This is his first film, so his bot is much more beautiful than any other film.

You'll never see a more beautiful male body in any film.

Five stars.

Wow.

And that is a second.

And that user's name was Creepy Weirdo, right?

Anything that we didn't cover that you guys feel like we need to talk about?

I mean, there's so much.

Oh, the whole conversation.

I love when they get, this is just like highlights that we didn't get to.

They get in the cab on the docks.

They drive, they do the whole scene before the cab driver goes, where are you going?

They've been, and he goes, oh, we're at Central Park right here.

They've already taken the ride without giving him any direction.

And it looks like the sketchiest part of Central Park.

I was like, oh, Pretzy will now murder Hercules.

Yep.

You know, I love this other movie.

And it

reminded me of this, Coming to America.

You know what?

There's a lot of similarities that you say it.

You're saying in that movie, Arsinio Hall is Pretzy?

Yes.

I don't know, it cuts back to the dead and these like

it's like a

I think there's a lot of similarities, but to June's point, he goes out of his comfort zone.

He works at McDowell's.

Here, it would just be like the prince just beating people up.

Yeah.

My last stray thought is: do you think Pretzy was nicknamed Pretzy or started calling himself Pretzy?

Nicknamed.

I bet dock workers.

I bet dock workers were like, hey,

Pretzy.

Like, because he's been there for years and they never bothered to learn.

I think it's like this.

I think he's like,

he was like, you know, somebody buys a pretzel from him.

He goes, hey, and if you want, you can call me Pretzy because I sell pretzels.

I'm the pretzel guy.

Pretzy.

Pretzy.

He's like, all right.

All right, man.

Thank you.

I think he's giving it to himself and forcing it on other people.

I'm Pretzy.

Pretzy's the Pretzel guy.

That's the best thing that makes me out so much.

Pretzy, when the mobsters show up to threaten Pretzy and they're like, you better sign this contract, Pretzy.

That scene also, very sad for Pretzy.

He's drinking and shaking so much.

The director of this film was asked

why did you do this?

Why did you do this to us?

How dare you?

This is a war crime.

He was paid.

He was asked, is it a war crime crime to have done this movie?

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Have you no honor, sir?

These are all questions he was asked.

He was paid $1,000 a week to direct and said, Are you surprised that Schwarzenegger ever worked again after this movie?

And he said, yes, very.

That's what I mean.

The idea that this performance exists from a man who is responsible for many of the highest-grossing movies of all time is

shocking.

Is shocking.

And a governor.

And a married king.

And if you watch it very closely, there are glimpses

of an actor in there.

And I actually, I do think, I mean, of course it's a troubled performance, but there are moments, and I think you saw them too.

There are moments where you see this like beautiful open face and you want to cast him again.

Can I ask this question?

Is it fair to say that most movie stars, like the biggest of biggest movie stars, you're going to see them and their personality?

And I think that that's what shined through here.

It wasn't about the acting.

You want to see a Will Smith movie.

Yeah, you're seeing the inherent

Tom Cruise.

Charismatic, whatever that lies beneath.

Got it.

Okay, he's got it.

He's got it.

Really?

Because he has

dead eyes and

a placid face.

He appears to be a buffoon.

This movie was made in 1969.

He just released a low-budget indie movie where he plays the father to a zombie daughter.

Still doing it.

Yep.

Non-stop.

Yeah.

Still doing it.

God bless.

This guy is the American Dream, even though he's...

Yes.

Oh, for sure.

For sure he is.

It's unbelievable what he's accomplished.

Some applause for the American Dream.

Yeah.

America.

No, because

you know why it doesn't get applause?

Because this is New York and New York is like, no, New York.

Fuck America.

I think we'd all agree that we would say, watch this movie, right?

Watch this, watch it.

Watch this movie just for Pretzi alone.

Well, thank you guys for being here.

But before we go, you can take your pictures now.

But as you're taking your pictures, anything that anyone wants to plug, we can do a plug line there.

I just put a bunch of stuff up on Craigslist.

side tables and some lamps and stuff so just check it out

I

like our

like

oh yeah we'll give you a good pose we'll pose as we are letting you guys take pictures

I'm really gonna fuck it up for people who are trying to take pictures I'm gonna be much taller than everybody I would like to plug uh my new web series called Sheer RL,

which is, oh, thank you, which is recreations of MTV's TRL.

And there you go.

Terry Cruz as Diddy,

Brett Gelman as Marilyn Manson, Kamale Nanjiani as Mariah Carey, and a lot more.

June?

I will plug the Netflix show I'm on, Grayson Frankie, which is out, and you can see it now.

It's really great.

And

Jason?

But just, you know, follow me on Twitter.

Okay, great.

Oh,

are you on Twitter now?

Not on Twitter.

Oh, geez.

Abby, what's your name on Twitter?

It's just my name.

There you go.

You can follow her, too.

Did it?

Yeah, did it early on?

Not very clever.

No, I'm just my name, too.

Yeah, yeah.

Cool, great.

Jason's not on it.

June, you are what?

At Ms.

Wow.

Wow, wow.

Wow.

Whoa.

Don't worry, I'll get half her money.

Look at that.

Boom, it's right there.

Ms.

June Diane.

A big thank you to Avril Halley, who cut all these amazing clips.

Our researcher, Nate Kiley, Dave, who's up on the board, everybody here at Urban Plaza.

Thank you.

Yes.

You can follow us on Twitter, though.

Oh, yes.

At

HDTGM.

That's all the initials out of this get made.

And if you have a correction or omission, put it on the Earwolf board.

We'll read it in the mini episodes.

Thank you guys for coming.

The best outro of all time.

Give it up for Abby Jacobson.

She was amazing.

Give it up, Jason Manzukas to Diane Ramfield.

Thank you guys so much.

Good night.

New York City.

I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I saw you from across the cafe, and you're the Geico Gecko, right?

In the flesh.

Oh, my goodness.

This is huge to finally meet you.

I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service.

Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction.

Anyway, that's all.

Enjoy the rest of your food.

No worries.

Uh, so are you just gonna watch me eat?

Oh, sorry.

Just a little starstruck.

I'll be on my way.

If you're gonna stick around, just pull up a chair.

You're the best.

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