Sinbad of the Seven Seas LIVE! w/ Jessica St. Clair

Would you sell your soul for greatness?

What would you be willing to sacrifice?

Find out September 19th in the new Jordan Peel-produced horror film, Him, Only in Theaters, starring Marlon Waynes in a role of a lifetime as the greatest football player of all time, aka the Goat.

Tyreek Withers also stars as his up-and-coming protege.

Directed by Justin Tipping and produced by Monkey Paw Productions, Never Meet Your Idols.

Him hits theaters September 19th.

So, um, I was just parking my car, and then I saw you.

A Gecko, huge fan.

I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.

The honor is mine.

I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

Well, the Geico app is top-notch.

I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?

Sign what?

The app?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, that means so much.

Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.

Could you sign it again?

Anything to help, I suppose.

You're the best.

Get more than just savings.

Get more with Geico.

Your sausage mcmuffin with egg didn't change.

Your receipt did.

The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5.

Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Prices and participation may vary.

If you don't like this movie, blame Edgar Allan Poe.

We saw Simbad of the Seven Seas, so you know what that means.

J-Lin, big ball, and the beautiful June.

Gonna tip you from the boom, all the way to the room.

Ran to get the street fighter, help to blow off steam.

Just to suck a punch to iron life for Timothy's green.

Y'all the third team, how we stayin' alive.

They call me when they're badass and he's on the line.

Crankin' 88 minutes, cause they cool as ice.

Cause they bad Jim Barney looking kind and nice.

All his dudes getting literal.

Jason is getting lame.

Jules making sure all the monkey shots in the pain.

They're just a bunch of movies while they make it in the grave.

Here's a real question for you.

Out of this kid, pain.

Hello, people of Earth.

Hello, people of boys.

We are live at the Tree Fort Music Festival to talk about a little film called Simbad of the Seven Seas

which shockingly came out in 1989

1989

one year before 1990

just want you to pull that all together I'm out of breath trying to break out of that cage

I got a lot more respect for Lufrigno.

IMDb describes this movie as, Simbad and his shipmates and a young prince must battle an evil wizard to gain a hand of a beautiful princess.

Kind of.

I don't know.

Doesn't feel exactly like it's catching it.

Kind of seems like Simbad goes on an adventure, he cuts to get some jewels, and sometimes plots are just completely dropped.

Like mentioning the prince is offensive to me

because I rewatched the end of this movie four times just just to make sure I didn't miss that the prince is not there.

The Prince ceases to exist.

Oh, by the way, if you've not watched this movie, it's completely ADR'd, which means that no dialogue was recorded on set.

A little child is voiced by what I would say is a 30-year-old woman.

And just in case you're wondering, we'll get into this a little bit later.

This is not based on any Edgar Allan Poe story that we can find.

I mean, yes, he wrote a story, but this is not based on that.

Tagline is,

he must conquer evil on land

and at sea.

Okay, again,

not too exciting of a tagline.

There is no box office.

There is no domestic gross.

This came straight to DVD, videotape, whatever it was, thrown out with the trash at one point.

And we are lucky enough to get it.

Now we are going to break down this movie, every beat of it, and there are a lot of beats.

But first, let me welcome my co-host.

Please welcome to the stage, Mr.

Jason Manzugas.

What's up, jerks?

Let's go.

Let's go, boise.

There's a boat outside we're all going to see.

It's happening.

Oh, I'm out of breath now.

I am too.

I don't know what it is.

I thought that was just a Denver thing.

I don't like it.

Equally out of breath for doing nothing like what's happening.

They're gonna die on this tour.

Wow, wow, wow.

Look at us.

Look at us.

Brand new.

Brand new city.

Boise, baby.

I believe the only city on this tour we have never been to.

Yeah.

Right?

You better fucking bring it, Boise.

You better fucking bring it.

So many people say,

so many people say, no one comes to Boise.

And we said, we will come to Boise.

We will come,

Boise.

By the way, love these doppelgangers.

Oh, they are amazing.

We got a

home run doppelganger.

Oh, hold on.

Let me, the doppelgangers were great, but watch this.

Jafar, are you still here?

Whoa!

Oh, wow.

And Jason,

my only note, the guy overacted more.

You could have overacted.

So, Jason, Paul, has this movie ever come across your...

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Never once, right?

But this bears such a striking resemblance to a movie I saw as a child, which was Lou Farigno playing Hercules.

Yes.

It's the movie where he throws a bear into space and it becomes the star constellation Ursa Major.

Which, didn't we do that on this show?

Did we?

Yes.

We did?

Yes.

Okay, then I also, then I must have told this story about seeing it as a child then.

We'll tell it again.

I don't care.

I saw it as a child.

We all walked out.

So I did have a moment at the beginning where I was like, hang on, wait a minute.

And then I was like, oh, whoa.

This is a full-on other Lou Ferigno crazo.

And the fact that you just said that the Edgar Allan Poe at the beginning was a lie is blowing my mind.

Well, not a lie, but it's not.

It's fiction.

Well, it is.

Edgar Allan Poe never existed.

True.

That's what you said.

And all the stories written by him.

Look it up.

All the stories written by him were written by Marlowe.

That's exactly right.

Oh, not a big, not a big Marlowe audience.

Interesting.

Interesting, Boise, for a city that on its library has an exclamation point.

That's right.

That's right.

Library!

Yeah, we'll get into the Edgar Allan Poe of it all in a second.

But before we do, let's bring out our very special co-host, a person who has been subjected to so many abs and so many pecs on this tour.

And I feel like...

I think we should maybe rename this tour the Beefcake Tour.

I mean,

it is shaping up to be that.

Please welcome Jessica St.

Clair.

Welcome.

Hi, guys.

Let's go.

Yeah!

Jessica.

Jessica, Jessica.

Yes.

Is this your first time seeing a Lou Ferrigno film?

So Lou Farigno was briefly my neighbor.

He lived on my block.

He had four tiny dogs,

which he walked.

What era, like what general, how, how, like, somewhat recently?

Yeah, like 10 years ago.

Nine years ago?

Oh, that's cool.

Anyway, so

what was confusing to me about this film is this is the type of movie that was like around when my sexual awakening was happening as a young girl.

Which was when?

89.

89?

When is that?

So when was, how old was I?

17.

17?

No.

No, no, no.

Yeah, 10, 11.

So Flash Gordon, people tying people up, you know, casting spells.

This type of stuff got me.

People tying people up, casting spells.

Like, these are two very different kinks.

It's like a different time.

Maybe it's space, maybe it's not.

Maybe it's the olden days, maybe it's not.

No, no, movies were hornier.

They are.

are movies were hornier.

Kids these days, they don't know how to be horny because the movies aren't telling them.

That's right.

We're not getting enough.

We're not getting enough horny movies.

I mean, there was a whole

level or a whole genre of movies that were just like sex crime, right?

It was just like, that's it.

She fucks them and kills them.

Silk stockings, you know?

And we had to.

Wait a minute.

That's Skinnamax.

Okay.

But we had to find these things

on basic cable.

You You know what I mean?

We had to find it on a Saturday at 2 a.m.

Now our sex symbol is Mr.

Beast.

Who the fuck is Mr.

Beast?

Who St.

Clair just said who's Mr.

Beast?

Who's Mr.

Beast?

That's mind-blowing because even I know who Mr.

Beast is and I'm a fucking idiot.

Who's Mr.

Beast?

Mr.

Beast is, well, he's got a big reality show on.

He's an enormous YouTube personality who does like stunty things.

Like if you can stand in one place for 46 days,

I'll give you $5 $5 million.

Nothing.

No, but then my joke is that he's not sexy.

Okay, well, if you have to explain your joke, it's not funny.

Well, St.

Clair, it was based on that you would know who he was.

Halfway through the tour, St.

Clair doesn't give a fuck.

Also, St.

Clair shows up to shows having not talked to anyone all day.

And then it's straight nuts.

I know.

And I like to go up to everyone's spouse is like, anybody fight today?

Because I'm all alone.

I'm like, yeah, it sounds really annoying.

Fight more.

Anyway,

so what I was saying is when I saw this film, to be honest,

deep in my loins, there was a stirring.

Wow.

There was.

Well, this is a horny movie.

It is a horny movie.

It's a horny movie.

And also, it's got like a oiled up, jacked,

hairless for you.

Which I love.

I know.

I'm reminding you.

Which I love.

And not the thin waist we saw last night with the barbarian brothers.

He's pretty proportionate.

But at the same time, I'm juggling that with watching him walk his elderly pugs.

You know, so there's a lot of different things.

Because he's still a big guy.

Like, he's not, he didn't lose the muscle.

No, he didn't.

Would you?

He's a wonderful husband and spouse.

I used to stare in at them while they were eating dinner.

Think, like, how does he sit in those tiny chairs?

Would you talk to him?

Would you say hello?

Just a little smile, a little Mona Lisa smile.

What do you mean?

Just like a little, hmm.

I see you.

So, anyway.

Now what happens if one day he comes knocking at your door?

This is older Lou Frigno wants to borrow something, you know, maybe some protein or whey.

And, you know, a cup of whey.

A cup of whey powder.

Can I have a cup of whey?

You've just gotten out of the shower.

No one else is home.

Do you invite Lou in?

Do you invite Lou into your house?

I'd give Lou a roll in the hay for sure.

I would.

I have to tell you, I kind of enjoyed the film.

Yeah.

I did.

I don't know why.

I'll say this: once again, and I'm so grateful, this tour has been very enjoyable movies, with the exception of Cravens that are not too long.

Right.

This went down smooth.

It went down smooth.

You could do your makeup while you're watching it.

You know, you can put in hot rollers, you know, while you're watching it.

But yeah, so anyway, that's a lot of conflicting feelings, but it's bringing back something, you know, very primal in me.

Well, it's glit-so glad then that you were able to watch it alone in a hotel room.

Now, is that why you got kicked out of that hotel?

Now, I just want to talk about the Edgar Allan Poe of it all.

Let's pull up, let's pull up one of these stills here.

We can pull up still one.

Okay.

This is the title screen that we see.

Did anybody else feel like Edgar Allan Poe has Jason's eyes?

Show me.

Show them.

Show them.

Look out with your weird eyes.

Look out.

Does anybody see that resemblance?

Am I right?

Would you call them sexy eyes?

Nope.

Creep, creep eyes.

Creep eyes.

Hunky eyes?

Creep eyes.

Now, I will say, when the Edgar Allan Poe picture arrived, I was like, oh, maybe this is the production company, like Poe Productions.

It's like, oh, no, okay, we're getting a little history about Edgar Allan Poe.

Don't know how this connects to Simbad at all.

And then we get to slide two.

You know, we're learning a little bit about him.

We're seeing that, you know, he is the inventor of, you know, various literary trends like thrillers and science fiction.

And we get to side three here, which, you know, kind of sets up that he wrote this book, The Thousand and Second Tale of, and this is the word I will not be able to say.

Shahirazad.

Sheherazad.

Now,

here's the thing.

No similarity can be found between the plot of that tale.

and this story.

If anything.

Is it a Sinbad story, though?

Is the title the same?

It says no similarity can be found between its plot and the story.

It says it does borrow many elements from the 1940 film The Thief of Baghdad.

Okay.

So I feel like

they stole from something else, but they kind of put you off the path.

Yeah, or maybe they were trying to legitimize it to say this is a family film and not the jerk-off fest that it obviously is for people.

But wait a second.

I don't think that Edgar Allan Poe screams family film.

Well,

I felt like this was an effort to make this movie feel like it had more gravitas or more weight.

That it's like, oh, this isn't just

a beefcake sinbad movie with like cheesy nonsense.

This is based on an Edgar Allan Poe story, which check your records is pretty important.

And then it's like, no, this is Lou Ferrigno doing absolute, like, knocking down

dozens of bad guys holding as a weapon one of the bad guys.

Yeah.

Which we need more of in our movies.

More horny people and more bad guys as weapons.

Yes.

Now I want to cut to slide five here because this is where I knew we were off the rails.

And this is it.

That's how they end the opening crawl.

Edgar Allan Poe doesn't look happy to be here.

I've never seen something that's like, this is based on a true story.

And

here it is, you motherfucker.

Enjoy it.

Like, they serve it.

Like, this has an energy to it.

If I was the Edgar Allan Poe estate, I would sue Canon Films.

Please don't, though.

We love Canon.

We love it.

When I saw that this was a Canon movie, I was like, oh, thank God.

Well, I knew it was a Canon movie when I saw, let's just cut to clip number one here, the ADR in the film.

Here, take a look at.

Wow.

Now, if you're listening, just know that these voices do not match.

This is clip number one, and you'll just get a little taste of the voices in this movie.

Starts off Princess Bride style, mom telling a daughter story.

I'll read you a story.

It's a very strange story, but you'll have to promise me you'll go to sleep afterwards.

I promise.

I hope you love it.

I promise.

Mommy, what happens to Sinbad?

Mommy,

I promise, mommy.

Mother, I doubt you.

I promise.

I'm a young girl, and I promise you.

This is basically the voice used in The Exorcist.

Yes.

I am so disturbed by this little girl's room.

First of all, it looks like she's living in a dorm.

Some sheet is just put up on the wall, a blue sheet.

And I don't know if we could rewind it, but there is also a headshot, which is clearly the daughter's headshot.

Oh.

Okay.

Like when they cast her.

Yeah, and they're like, they're like, oh, well, people won't know it's a headshot.

They'll just think it's a picture.

Right.

Her own headshot adorns her bed.

That is a weird choice.

So, this movie is, I will say this: there isn't a single normal choice in the movie.

This movie is wall-to-wall weird choice.

But that's why I think it's great.

Absolutely.

Because there's not even one normal, nobody's trying to have a normal scene.

No.

This is an insane, it's an hour and a half-long bedtime story.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Where the moment 1:30 a.m.

by the time she's done.

It's like sunrise has happened.

I think she's just like

her eyes are bleeding.

Like, what happens next?

When do I get to sleep?

Clearly, the director saw Princess Bride and was like, I got it, but wouldn't it be more interesting if the narration never stopped?

Wait, so you know?

And

the mom goes off track multiple times.

Like, well, mommy, what's going on?

And she's like, well, I think that he just felt that he wasn't into that.

And she was probably like, I don't know.

She's just riffing oh the like daughter reading the daughter at a certain point should absolutely have been like this story this story has narrative problems yeah this story has this story has act three problems

I don't understand what's the all hope is lost moment yeah what I mean the daughter I was confused when I had to write down all the names it's like we have the Viking we have Poochie we have Sinbad we have the bald cook

the bald cook and poochie let's be honest are useless.

And why?

The bald cook looks like he's got a couple guns on him.

He could do something.

He just hides.

The bald cook, at the only time in the movie where they eat,

the Poochie comes out and is like, I made dinner.

Well, why wasn't the bald cook making dinner?

Is Poochie from The Simpsons?

Poochie is the dog, the cool dog from The Simpsons.

Okay, cool.

Just making sure.

Yeah, and when Poochie, Poochie P, I believe.

And when

Pooch, Poochie does find

my favorite part of the movie where Poochie does overhear Jafar talking to a mirror, which is not possessed.

He's just talking into a mirror.

He's not having any larger conversations.

No.

And then

we watch the scene.

Poochie hears him, then goes out and then repeats it.

And then there's also voiceovers like, this is the plot.

We're underlining this is what's going on.

Don't be confused.

Well, and I appreciate that because then we go on some tangents and some side steps.

Well, the whole movie is just a series of quests, right?

It's a vignette.

It's like he's at the beginning of the movie, Jafar scatters.

Also, we don't even start the quest for like so long.

No.

You know, I was like, so anyway, Jafar sends all these gems all over the place.

And so now they've got to go and recollect the gems and bring them back, blah, blah, blah.

So that's the whole movie.

They just go on one thing after another, and they always fight him.

Some sort of a guy in a big rubber suit who's either supposed to be rocks or slime or it's the same actor

for sure.

Same

every time.

The movie is going at a clip until they get to the island of the dead, and then it's like, you know what?

Let's chill out here for an hour.

Okay, let me ask you this.

Every other quest, five, ten minutes.

Let me ask you this because the island of the dead made me think of it.

Is what is what?

I wish we had cut back to the mom telling the story right as he shoves his hand into the king of the dead's chest,

Pulls out his heart, which has his face on it.

Yep.

Like, what's the story she's telling the little girl?

Squeezes it.

Green goo comes out of it.

Yes.

And Sim had a punch straight through his chest.

Like, the daughter would be like, what?

Yeah, like, don't worry, daughter.

His heart was in the shape of his own face, but that's the way the Legion of Death have their own hearts, like Mini Mis.

Austin Powers, I read the script.

It's coming out soon.

Does my heart have a face, mommy?

Why would your heart?

Why would your heart have your own face?

I mean,

I say that as someone who was one of the actors in a movie called Meet Dave, where Eddie Murphy was the captain of a spaceship that looked like Eddie Murphy.

That makes sense, David.

It makes some sense.

It does.

Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

Whether you're starting out or scaling up your business, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online i am a giant fan of squarespace i use it for many different websites unspooled how did this get made dark web and my own each one completely different and why do i love it so much well because squarespace gives you everything you need for your specific product every one of these websites is completely different and right now they offer services that help you get paid.

That's right.

Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments.

Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.

Every dream needs a domain.

Squarespace Domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price.

No hidden fees or add-ons required.

Head to squarespace.com/slash bonkers for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code bonkers to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain.

Tron Aries has arrived.

I would like you to meet Aries, the ultimate AI soldier.

He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.

You think you're in control of this?

You're not.

On October 10th.

What are you?

My world is coming to destroy yours.

But I can help you.

The war for our world begins in IMAX.

Tron Aries, rated PG-13.

Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

Only in theaters October 10th.

Get tickets now.

Your sausage mumbuffin with egg didn't change.

Your receipt did.

The sausage mcmuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Prices and participation may vary.

Did anybody was anybody disturbed by how much Jafar and the and the king, the whatever his name is, look like the Aladdin characters?

Yes.

Did they rip him off?

No, no, these are all characters that are in one,

But they look exactly like the drawings.

Right, but the drawings are basically.

I had a landline.

Yes.

You think Aladdin ripped this movie off?

I'm really concerned.

Is anyone else?

Is anyone else concerned?

They look exactly the same.

I feel like there's, when you go out there, I feel like some smart person, maybe there's a librarian in the audience, is going to explain what's going on.

Wait, you mean a librarian?

Yeah!

Library!

There's always a librarian in the audience.

Anyway, I think that's very disturbing.

No, you were right.

It definitely reminded me very much of Aladdin because I think it does steal from the story that Aladdin was based on.

Now, you do bring up Jafar, which is by far the best performance.

By Jafar, the best performance.

Jafar, in a way, the best performance.

Jafar brings it and is only knocked off his perch for, and we'll talk about her in a little bit, by Sucra.

Sucra?

Okay, now, so this is interesting because we've talked extensively about how the movie is all ADR, which is additional recording,

whatever, dialogue recording, which is recorded after.

So in almost every scene in this movie, they are not capturing sound on set, right?

Which is a normal thing for Italian productions.

Yes, extra.

Yes.

Yes.

Like all the spaghetti westerns are dubbed.

Everything's dubbed.

Except for

the scenes

on set.

Yes.

So Sucra and Jafar are talking.

Those are their voices.

And those scenes, as a result, are incredible.

I mean, because Sucra's like, what's up?

I'm Sucra.

I'm here.

Let's do this.

Sucra walked out of like Gold's Gym on Venice Beach into

glamorous ladies of wrestling.

I was like, fuck that.

There's a red Sonia here.

Let's fucking do this.

i'm coming for him i'll get him and i was so excited to see sukra's fight never happens never i know heart broke she literally the movie says she's like i want to fight him and i'm like would have loved to see it would have don't come

wasn't ready for it well also they weren't ready for a woman to fight

sinbad doesn't even fight jafar yeah

Sinbad fights himself.

I thought at one point, I was like, maybe I missed Jafar turning Sucra into Sinbad.

But no, he just turns Air into Sinbad because he could have also turned himself.

Wouldn't it have been great if when Sinbad shows up, Jafar is first like, Sucra, get him.

So we get a

big battle scene.

That would have been a big fight scene.

Yeah.

I loved Sucra.

I love Jafar.

Everybody is, I think, incredible in this.

With the possible exception of, what's going on with Viking Warrior?

What's this guy's deal?

He does not talk full stop.

Yeah.

He has a few lines, and his accent is all over the place.

All over the place.

And he is constantly getting his ass kicked.

Well, how old is he?

He's the warrior.

Is he old?

Oh, I think he's old.

I think he might be older.

Well, here's my thought.

My thought is this.

They're coming back from an exciting journey.

We don't know what that journey was.

And he's like, finally, take some time off.

Some RNR.

Yeah, and he's like, I got to go back.

Some weight off the joints.

And I feel like he just is, you're seeing him suffer from like, it's like almost when basketball players play like a back-to-back.

It's like he's playing a little tired.

I feel like he's definitely carrying that energy.

The only people, worthwhile people I feel like, on this team are the Chinese Soldier of Fortune and Sinbad.

Yes.

They are.

And Poochie.

And Little Books.

Poochie.

Poochie's incredible, but Poochie and the bald cook are always like...

Poochie's a rat.

We got to get the little rat in there to figure out what's going on.

Poochie's great.

I wish they'd used Poochie more, but they keep...

That's what I couldn't figure out.

Like, they spend all this time putting the team together, like it's Fellowship of the Rings, and then they're like, okay, there's bad guys.

poochie bald cook you guys hide in the boat we're gonna go over here and all separate and then everybody gets either captured or turned into like they're always getting captured they're always getting captured they love getting captured and tied up

yeah i i do

there is a moment early on where they come back to baskar and they they are they're in there you know they're in the castle they're being held uh captive loufrigno is down in the dungeon And when this scene happens, when Lou Frigno talks to a snake, like...

He's so validating.

Who hurt you?

Who hurt you?

And for that age, at 89, for him to know how to validate another person's experience and to say, I see you, snake.

But is it anyway?

I understand you're afraid.

Those are the 10 things we're supposed to talk to our kids like now.

I'm just saying that he would rather validate the snakes than the women in this movie.

Wow.

Jason, you are an America's hero.

Why you're still single, nobody knows.

You think?

Nobody knows.

Here's what I will say.

I felt like, wow, he really gets these snakes.

We should actually watch a clip of that.

That's

clip three.

Please.

I need your help.

Come here.

He's got a real connection with this snake.

Yeah, he does.

Nervous, huh?

Nervous, huh?

I know where you're coming from.

This is what he'd talk like this if we were on a date.

No, it'd be like right before sex.

Well, to me, I felt like he was grooming.

Yeah, he was.

You're right.

Because what he winds up doing is

hurting the snakes very badly.

Yes, no snake would survive that.

Survive?

You can't.

When he's tying, he's tying tails.

I'm just like, let's be clear.

Those aren't tails.

Snakes don't have tails.

They have bodies.

That's their body.

That's the snake's body.

And he's ripping it to shreds.

Have a tail.

So he is putting his full body weight on those snakes and he's talking so sexy to him and then seemingly leaves those snakes hanging

forgetting an essential part of it he

full his full body weight

that's what I'm saying yeah they are these snakes are so dead

They're so dead.

It is.

But they might be part alive.

That's the sad part.

You know that like when you cut off like this still alive, the earthworm part of it and they're and they know that they're going to die, and they're hung there.

One of the things that I wish that this movie would have done would have been to have, like, 10% more craziness.

Like, let the snakes have voices.

Sure.

Like,

you don't know what I go through.

Jeff Farr's always making me bite people.

You know,

listen, and they're Italian snakes.

So maybe they've got an Italian accent.

Right, right.

It's like, oh,

yeah,

a sinbad.

Oh, no.

Don't tie me in a knot.

It's a so wooi.

And I like a pizza and a pasta.

And it looks like a spaghetti.

Why is it so high-pitched?

But I really thought you were.

You went straight to like so high-pitched.

Hey, man.

Oh, it's Luigi.

Mama Mamia.

Oh, Sinbad.

Spend a lot of time alone in those hotel rooms.

Oh, yeah.

Where did you guys fall in the pun nichers?

That the torturer

has clever wordplay for everyone.

He's got your hair.

That's another oh yeah, that's another one that I was like give me 10 give me more of this guy.

Let this guy be like, hey guys, remember, I've got a show this Friday night.

I'm doing improv with some friends, so this is just kind of what I do.

Oh,

the

piranha love to eat you because you're gonna have, they don't like hair in their teeth.

Yeah.

And I was like, but the man has a full beard, so the joke doesn't really matter.

He screams that out.

I have a beard before they lower him in.

But I have a beard.

I think a lot of these decisions were being made on the day.

Yes.

You know, and people were all, it was like,

you know, it wasn't like, oh, the actors and the writers are separate.

It's like, we're all doing this together, you know?

And we're only going to be shooting for four hours today because we've got to knock off and have that pasta lunch.

And by the way, I keep on cutting back to the girl hearing the story.

Like, uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Like, and then another one's thrown into the piranha pit.

People get thrown into that piranha pit.

And they don't ever seem to even fight their way out.

It's also dead.

Also, the pit's not that big.

No.

The pit's not big enough for

six men to be put into.

Also, in this scene, he says, he says to the snakes, like, things haven't been good for you since Eve.

And I was like, does this story exist?

In a biblical

in a post-the-Old Testament time?

I couldn't figure that out at all.

Yeah.

Well, there's that religion major of coming back for you.

But is it also that all snakes are connected?

Like, does that snake know the story of Eve?

Like, do they share one brain?

It's not like, oh, well, yes, I was reading the Bible, and you're right.

We've really gotten a fair shake.

Is that all snakes, like, shared trauma?

Yeah.

Is that generational trauma?

Wait, but I thought what I really, I can't believe we're spending this much time on the snake scene, but I really thought that he was going to motivate them to get up in the palace and bite people.

It was all to tie a snake rope.

That's all that was.

It was all so he could tie, like, that's what I'm saying.

He was grooming them to do evil to them.

That's fucked up.

Yeah.

And that's like the opposite of a save the cat moment.

That's a kill the snake.

Kill the snake moment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Read my book about screenwriting.

Kill a snake.

Yeah, go ahead.

How to make 10 movies for $40.

Yeah, and have them be horny as hell.

When they go to that island of

pussy.

Incredible.

I knew something was coming.

I was so excited.

It was.

Yes, it was.

It was something weirder, though, than I imagined.

When that woman turned into an old lady Game of Thrones style, I was like, I was like, uh-uh-oh.

No, your first uh-oh is when

the first woman they see is just doing multiple

backhandspring, backhandspring, backhand spring through the woods.

Just for fun.

And then the other one attacks that man with her crotch.

Yeah.

Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless.

And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should.

One, it's $15 a month.

Two, seriously, it's $15 a month.

Three, no big contracts.

Four, I use it.

Five, my mom uses it.

Are you are you playing me off?

That's what's happening, right?

Okay, give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch.

Upfront payment of $45 per three month plan, $15 per month equivalent required.

New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan options available.

Taxes and fees extra.

See Mintmobile.com.

It's that time of year again, back to school season.

And Instacart knows that the only thing harder than getting back into the swing of things is getting all the back-to-school supplies, snacks, and essentials you need.

So here's your reminder to make your life a little easier this season.

Shop favorites from Staples, Fest Buy, and Costco all delivered through Instacart so that you can get some time back and do whatever it is that you need to get your life back on track.

Instacart, we're here.

You love bad movies.

I love bad movies.

I also love good movies.

And there are a lot of great movie podcasts out there.

But the one I want to talk about today is one of my favorites.

It's called The Confused Breakfast.

Okay.

It's like your best friends hanging out in someone's basement give you hilarious takes on bad movies, movies that you don't even have to really re-watch.

You just know them.

They're in your body from Howard the Duck to Street Fighter to Anaconda and Cocktail.

They also dive into great films like the Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, and Back to the Future.

And they have theories.

I mean, they have a theory that Carl Winslow from Family Matters was dreaming up die hard, right?

He's in a mental institution, and that was coming from his brain.

Or they even go into theories about Jenny from Farrest Gump maybe being the worst villain in movie history.

Yes, this is your favorite movies dissected in ways that you never quite thought about.

So if you're looking for another comedic movie podcast, subscribe now to The Confused Breakfast.

You will not be disappointed.

Lou Ferigno's girlfriend was very

beautiful.

Beautiful.

And is she the Amazon queen?

Yes.

Yes.

She is referred to as a mind vampire.

That's right.

Oh, yeah.

Now, yes, mind, she is exerting some sort of mind control or something like that.

How is it vampiric?

She's sucking away his will.

Is that it?

Okay.

Well, because I think that there is a, but, but this is what I didn't understand.

One woman gets one guy by crotch, the other woman gets the other guy by butt dart.

Why are they, why are they so varied?

Like, they just want to hold them there, right?

Yeah.

So

why, like, was that a, do they all have special skills?

I think so, yeah.

Okay, so butt darts are

honestly, Prince Ali gets the butt dart.

Right.

The scene that I wanted to see was them all.

Fucking them to death or something like that.

Yes.

Like, honestly.

That's where.

And we were even on the boat setting up, ooh, and bring the ointment.

Yes.

And I'm like, uh-huh.

For yourself.

A lot of weird lotions.

I'm like, yeah, there's a lot of things.

There's like a pause and good idea.

Good idea.

So many ointments there.

It's so nice.

The hotel provides ointment.

So I feel like there were a lot of missed opportunities.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

I don't know.

Now, can I just say, well, I'll ask this question very openly and honestly.

That woman, when she turns old, that's a white woman in blackface, right?

Is it?

Yes, it was very disturbing.

They clearly could not find an older black woman.

They're like, this will work.

And it's

disturbing.

It's doubly shocking.

At first, it's an old woman.

Whoa.

And then you're like, oh, oh.

There are shockingly

offensive images,

music cues.

There are stuff, there's stuff in this movie that

is truly reprehensible.

This guy is working off of fork and fortune cookie logic.

Yes.

Nope.

Oh, it's nuts.

But I will say that some of the things that Confucius did say were, I was like, oh, that's interesting.

That's smart.

You wrote it down.

Yeah, I did.

A lot of plastic to hold down the princess.

Oh, when she's in that lair, she is in.

She doesn't have that much technology at that point.

But yeah, that's the thing is, in Jafar's lair, they have machines, they have tubes, they have leucite, plastic,

they have clear leucite.

She's in clear leucite, like hand guards.

I was like, what's going on?

Tubes with like stuff.

And then later, multiple people shoot lasers.

and out of the gems multiple people straight shoot lasers well sometimes out of the gem but sometimes out of their hands yep there's moments in this movie where I mean are there cameras because Lou Ferrigno looks right in the camera like all right Jafar

I'm coming for you.

Like he's in the running man or something like that.

Jafar is watching them on like a primitive iPad on the TV.

Well, but that's okay.

Jafar can be watching them.

No, I agree.

But you can't be watching Jafar.

Like, there's no other

shiny surface.

I agree.

But what's so funny, and I agree, it's so funny because there'll be action and then Lou Farigno Sinbad will win and then he'll be like, yes, Jafar, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But they don't then cut to Jafar looking at the screen, seeing Farigno yelling at him.

So it just is strange.

Connective tissues missing.

Yes, it just feels weird.

And you have to be like, why is he doing that?

Oh, wait, maybe he thinks, but what if Jafar's just not looking at the thing right now?

Right.

What if Jafar is like gut diarrhea

right and he's just right yeah it's not like it's not like a ring doorbell where you go back and go oh who was oh yeah Simbado

I would love it I would love it if Simbado is like I'm coming for you Jafar get ready and it cuts to just an empty room

and Sucra's just like whatever

by the way there are so many things that are just out of the world like Sucra's like did you take your meds this morning Jafar you take your meds

is so shocking at first you know what i mean and they and they are speaking so moderately so casually like the girl that uh simbad falls in love with she's like yeah anyway my dad's kind of crazy he made a fucking helicopter and we couldn't get it anyway we're here at the souffle your dad salvador dolly

who speaks like a gibberish language i was like what kind of terrible clown show have i been admitted to to watch this man perform?

Why does she speak English?

Yeah.

It's only been her and her dad for like, I don't know, 20 years.

Whose name is Nadir, who I believe is like the lowest level.

Doesn't that mean the bottom-up?

I think it does.

By the way, when they do fly away on the little,

what is it?

Like, hot air balloon.

Hot air balloon.

The hot air balloon that Sinbad inflates by blowing into it.

I'm pretty sure his, what what comes out of his lungs is not lighter than oxygen,

making them able to fly, right?

I don't know.

All I know is that the daughter has a cup of coffee.

She's like, well, I'm just going to enjoy this flight.

She's drinking out of a cup.

Like, she is getting table service in the little hot air balloon.

And then at one point, they're like, throw everything overboard that's too heavy.

And then you seem to have had tons of bags of sand in there.

Yeah, that was.

All they're doing is throwing bags of sand overboard.

Oh my god.

The other thing I wondered about Sinbad is really he's doing all of this up until he meets that girl, the redhead, he's doing all of this just so the prince can get his dick wet.

Yes.

What's in it for Sinbad?

Just adventure.

Yeah.

Just adventure.

I don't think that's enough to hang a story on.

Well, really?

I don't.

And I think he's on a quest to

retrieve the things so that peace can be brought back to the city.

I guess so.

But every so often, that prince who looks like an extra from Wham is like,

whatever.

Do bands have extras?

I don't think, I'll be honest, I gotta take a piss.

Can you play this song for me?

Yeah, yeah, get that extra in here.

Guys, who else's mom was obsessed with George Michael and Wham?

My mom was so

in love with Wham.

What's the reverse of putting my hand down?

I love that you said that thinking everybody would agree.

He was, no, everybody loved loved him.

I love it.

There was a couple hands up.

Do people have moms obsessed with.

You were obsessed.

Yeah, we all thought he was straight and just had like great eyes, great eyeliner.

My mom liked Simply Red.

Oh.

Whoa.

Makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, that

makes a lot of sense.

Simply Red.

How did she feel about In Excess?

Oh, well,

she took away my In Excess C D

because it has a song called Suicide Blonde on it.

And she thought that if I listened to it, I was going to commit suicide.

Because you were so blonde.

Yeah.

She's like, you're already blonde.

You're halfway there.

My mom was like, I need to listen to this so you don't let you commit suicide.

Do you see it clearly?

Now she was like, I'll take this.

You're telling me this is a brunette version of Simply Red Man?

It's so thick for mommy.

Oh my gosh.

While I'm at it, I'll take this sound garden CD.

I did want Simbad to kiss Simbad.

Yeah.

That was, it was so eerie because last night, again, we did a movie in Denver.

It starred the Barbarian Brothers.

Yes.

Two beefcake, muscle-bound, bodybuilding twins.

And so that scene was so eerie.

I was like, I'm going to have a panic attack on this tour if all I do is see doubled up beefcakes.

Yeah.

so many pecs so many there was also the beefcake who tries to trap him with the chain oh yeah in the torture chamber

this is straight Toms of Finland here this is this is in the and I if you don't know what that is just go and check it out of the library

now that was a sensual moment when you were trying to break out of that screaming yeah they're screaming

there's a lot of you must have liked it because there's a lot of people being tied up Kira is also also tied up at one point, and he has to rescue her.

And I believe that's maybe the green monster that's after him.

There's also, it seems to me to be quite a bit of random foam on this set.

Like, like the baddies were having like a foam party or something.

Yeah.

And Sinbad showed up and was like, get ready.

The other thing that's interesting about the Isle of the Dead is how do you know when a dead, already dead person is really dead?

That's a great question.

Right, because like at a certain point, that'd be the last thing.

Crumble.

But like, he's already dead.

Well, also, isn't that the thing about zombies?

You can't kill them.

What you would think is that

you would defeat.

You eat their brains?

They eat yours.

Wait, do you eat?

How do you kill a zombie?

You bite them.

What do you do to them?

Wait, you kill them?

You think you kill a zombie?

This is amazing.

Just keep on going.

What do you think?

You said

so quickly.

First of all, you said you think you kill a zombie by you biting it, and then you said you eat their brains?

I really don't know.

Honestly, I'd like to kill a zombie.

Give us just a rudimentary.

Shoot it in the face.

Your rudimentary understanding of how zombies work.

Go.

They

somebody bit them, they became a zombie.

They want to eat your brains.

They bite you.

You become a zombie.

How do you kill that zombie, though?

Do what?

You destroy their brain?

Yeah.

So I was right.

You eat their brains.

Well, that was the...

No, if you happen to...

Wait, so...

What would happen if you-but what happens if you bite your drainage?

Why is biting the only methodology at play?

Why do you think that if you have to destroy their brain, you must ergo bite it?

By the way, also.

What?

Why?

But what I love about this is that if Jess has seen any zombie movies, which now we know you haven't, that would mean that the big final act would just be a bunch of people with spoons.

It would be so hard to get at their brain, to get through their skulls.

Yeah, it would.

But here's, then how do you do it?

You blow their head off?

Chop their head off.

They're easy.

Why are these zombie movies so hard then?

Blow their head off.

I would love.

And they move so slow.

Not all the time.

Why?

And not.

And sometimes they're fast.

Why?

And Danny Boyle invented the fast zombies.

There's thousands and thousands.

Oh, I'd love to see.

I would

love to see you try and battle zombies.

Fine.

I'm going to write that movie.

Fine.

Do it.

Just give me a cookbook and I will fight all the zombies you want.

I would love it.

A movie in which a zombie apocalypse happens.

You walk out and you think to yourself, I got to start biting these brains.

What happens if you bite a zombie?

We're always worried they're going to bite us, but what happens is that

blood?

Why?

Why?

Because

when they bite you and infect you, when you bite them, you don't think you're getting the same junk?

I don't know.

What is it that's actually getting you?

Their saliva?

Wow, wow, wow.

So much.

Let's go out into the crowd.

Please, for the love of God.

Okay, all right.

Hi.

All right.

Here we go.

All right.

What do you got here?

Stand up.

Stand up for me.

There you go.

Okay, great.

All right.

Now you're making, okay, you're making your child stand up.

Okay.

I own 200 physical copies of the movies you guys have watched.

I'm so sorry for you.

Yeah.

What?

I'm so sorry.

I'm not you.

She's not you, sir, the child.

Yeah, it's cute.

Please don't call CPS.

Yeah.

So she enjoys the sleepover, everything that's directed at her.

You know, she's like, why are they doing this?

Twilight is good, but.

So you're saying she loves the movies, hates the podcast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, there it is.

Good for her.

Well, lovely to meet you.

Nice to meet you both.

All right.

All right, who has a question?

Great.

All right, here we go.

Great work.

Adorable.

Here we go.

All right.

What's your name and what's your question?

So my name's Andy.

So I was looking on Wikipedia about this, and I'm just going to pull it up to make sure I get it ready.

You got it.

The original director was replaced by

Enzo G.

Castelleri.

The original director was Luigi Cazi, who directed The Legend of Hercules, the 1983 one.

And they said that.

Sorry, did you just say 83?

Yeah, 83.

Thank you.

Yes, this is, I have this, I have some more backup of this.

So here we go.

Yeah, govis.

What you got?

So they mentioned that Enzo shot three hours of unreleasable footage.

And given what we saw, how bad is that unreleasable footage?

Well,

I think I can clarify this in a second because I can walk us through the thing.

All right, let's see.

All right, hi, how are you?

What's your name?

I'm Scott.

Okay.

What's your question?

So I saw this movie twice.

And so

both times when I saw the scene with Sukra and Jafar, I thought this scene would be so much better with Jason and Jessica.

Oh,

bless you.

Amazing.

Jessica would look amazing in that outfit.

Bless you.

My question is, Paul, you're a handsome guy.

Which part in this movie would you like to play?

Well, it's apparent, the bald cook.

You've got more range, Paul.

Don't sell yourself short.

You've got more range.

This would be a good bald part.

I'm going to take it.

I'm going to get that

good bald money.

Get them bald bucks, baby.

Yeah, baby.

I'm going to come over to this guy over there, too.

Who do I have?

Jafar's got a question.

Jafar and the doppelganger's got a question.

You've got to come to the...

That's a gorgeous.

Let's see.

All right, here you go.

Hi, how are you?

I'm doing well.

How are you, Paul?

So I actually have a couple things.

The first one is in my research, I found that in 2015, there was a documentary called Capitan Cozy, which is an Italian-language German-made documentary about the making of Sinbad of the Seven Seas and other cozy productions, which was released by Freaka Rama Productions in 2015.

I could not find it.

I do not speak Italian or German, so I feel like I couldn't do much with it if I did.

It's nice to know it's there.

Yes.

Did anybody?

Was anybody successful in finding this or watching this or anything?

I'm curious.

No?

Okay, got it.

Okay.

You know, sometimes somebody has.

And then my second thing is: Jason, earlier when you asked if this is set in biblical times, before Kira, Sinbad, and Nadir get into the flying machine, Kira says, Nadir, the famous wizard, he's been a member of the Baghdad fraternity since 82.

Yes.

What is that?

What is 82?

What is the Baghdad fraternity?

What is happening?

In 1982?

That is all.

Thank you.

Probably 1982.

She also says that he's making his famous couscous, which is finger-licking good.

Fish couscous.

Finger-licking.

I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait.

And then I think at one point.

I don't think we can do finger licking good for something that's not chicken.

I thought at one point Luke Friggal said, Dyno Mite.

Yeah.

He did say, gosh, you're beautiful.

I was like, that's so earnest.

I mean, like, come on, Sinbad's so earnest.

Do you think he's a virgin?

Do you think Sinbad's a virgin?

Yeah.

He keeps getting interrupted every time he's about to get some.

You don't think he fucked a snake?

Can you?

Can you fuck a snake?

I don't know.

That's a question.

All right.

Let's find out.

At the library.

All right.

What do you got?

It's her birthday.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Oh my gosh.

Happy birthday.

All right.

Okay.

We're hoping for some clarity on the seven moons.

It says he has seven moons to find all the gems.

Is that seven days or seven months?

And both is way too long to stay on that plastic table for the princess.

That's true.

Wow.

I bought seven days, like four score.

Like, I I was like, but seven moons would be.

Well, like, I was like, seven moons, I was like, oh, like, like, in my mind, I was like, oh, seven moons is like, like, just a week.

But I think

it might be a month.

Yeah, I would also say that, but, you know.

And they seem like they were gone for quite some time.

Well, you really did.

When you're traveling by boat, I mean, it's very easy.

So seven moons.

She's been on a table for seven months.

That's it.

She would be so dead.

Yeah.

See you guys.

Without any food or water.

I do think the movie wants you to think it's seven days.

So

at one point.

Who the fuck are you?

No, I'm asking you.

Say your name.

Say your name.

Yeah, introduce yourself.

Oh, my name is Mark.

Beautiful, Mark, everybody.

Yeah, Mark.

I didn't mean to scare you.

Balls brothers.

Yeah, Balls Brothers.

I didn't mean to scare you, Mark.

No,

at one point, gibberish talking dad, they're like loading up on the balloon, and he says something.

I only saw this movie once, so maybe you guys caught this.

We only watch it once.

I barely watch it.

Whatever you're confused by, you probably forgot that logical expression.

Basically, he said, he speaks his gibberish, and then she translates for Sinbad, and it's something to the effect of, we're coming for you, Jafar, and we will see to it your name is canceled from the list of accredited magicians.

And it just seems to me like, isn't that a really...

Like, is being an accredited magician such a big deal?

What does that weaken?

What do you stop Jafar from doing what we're doing?

What a weak threat.

Absolutely.

I wrote that down too.

What a weak threat.

To be like, we're going to come and we're going to have your papers revoked wait wait wait wait wait but i have an issue with this which is are magicians getting accredited yeah like i mean is this like is this even something that they calculate like sometimes on free range we're gonna take away your tenure

you won't get good you won't be fine basically we're taking away your driver's license

all right what do we got over here uh yeah hi my name is richard hi right

i have two questions so number one uh do you think that nadir

was uh

like supposed to sound like he was speaking a different language, but they were kind of mocking or parodying?

Like, uh, there's an Italian singer named Adriano Selentano, okay, who has a song that is pure gibberish.

You want to play it for us?

Is that play?

That's the famous gibberish song, isn't it?

It is made to sound like English, but it sounds nothing like English.

But it has no English words.

Yeah,

I think it has no actual words.

I think it's all pure made-up words.

We don't stand in the shoes, and I'm all

Except that I feel like what Nadir is doing is like, you know,

I feel like they are making him look like Salvador Dali, and then they are giving him like

Italian gibberish nonsense sounding stuff.

And the fact that they wouldn't ever translate it, and

my

closed captioning referred to it as native dialogue.

That's problematic, too.

And I was like, huh, to where?

Yeah.

I think they just needed beauty.

Is this how they speak on the Isle of the Dead?

I think they needed comic relief and they just made it crazy.

I'm going back to the side of the theater that day.

There we are, you're wrong.

All right, the Rogues Gallery over here.

Let's see if we can pull us out.

What's your name?

What you got?

Hello, guys.

My name's Connor.

Okay.

And so, with all this ADR, all this weird, anachronistic dialogue, what stood out to you?

I mean, hey Nong Man got the, gosh, you sure are beautiful.

Yeah.

The other one,

wrestler lady, Glow.

Hey, Jafar says, go do your stuff.

I'm going to tell you, if anyone, I just got those AirPods, you know, Macs or whatever, and you do feel like you're in a surround sound theater.

And I have to tell you, the movie with those is a whole different experience because you're hearing every, oh, ow, ow!

And like, in like those death, the dead people that they're fighting, the first ones, the skeletons, they're like this.

How did the oracle sound with noise-canceling headphones?

The oracle sounds like.

You know, I don't remember him as much.

But yeah, it's a real, it's a whole, you, you really, I think the voiceover artists are the heroes of this movie.

Oh, yeah.

Truly.

They really bring in the heat.

Yes.

All right, what do you got?

I just had a question.

So what if when he fell down in the snake pit, what if he actually died?

And this was...

Jacob's Landerson Arian.

Yep.

Get out of here.

And then here we go.

I'm just going to have security escort her out.

Bring us home, I guess.

Let's see.

What do you got?

All right.

Name's Gavin.

So

we established that this movie was originally three hours long and then it was cut down to an hour and a half.

God bless.

To try and make it less confusing, they added the mom and the daughter to fill in the gaps.

Do we think when we're cutting down movies, as far as the Justice League, if we had established a mom and a daughter telling the story,

could the JJ Abrams version been better than the Snyder cut?

I, you know, look, this is a good Joss Whedon version.

Wait, do we think that they added it after?

Is that what I'm saying?

I'm going to tell you.

I actually know the whole.

I know the whole thing.

I'm going to come to you because I have a feeling you're going to have a good one.

What?

I'll tell you the whole thing, and I'll make it all make sense.

Okay.

All right.

What do you got?

Okay, two questions about the love stories here.

One,

Poochie and the bald chef.

Right?

In love.

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Two, Sinbad's love story.

Did anybody involved in the production plan on that being part of the story at the beginning?

Because that came out of absolutely fucking nowhere.

And all of a sudden, Sinbad's getting married at the end.

I will say it did seem to me that they rushed into that

up scene.

That was like the love is blind type of scenario.

They had just met.

I was very glad that they found each other.

I believe in Sinbad and Kira, but

to get married that quickly is putting a lot of pressure on them.

Yeah, especially with, have they discussed that Sinbad's always on the road?

Right?

Yes.

Is she going to travel with him?

Do you know what I mean?

What is this?

The Odyssey?

It felt very much like the end of speed.

It's like that relationship's not going to work out.

Oh, wait.

We've switched off hands.

What is going on?

So my name's Ben.

Great.

My question was, at the end in the great battle where they're fighting through the palace, we have this moment where

Sinbad tells the bald cook and Nadir, you guys deal with the monster.

And then they have a little bit of where they're like, yeah, we got to deal with the army.

And then Nadir says it's gibberish.

And oh, yeah, we got to deal with the soldiers.

Oh, no, we got to deal with the monster.

Did I, like, have a dissociative break or something?

Or did we never see the monster?

What is the monster?

We never, this is what I'm saying.

We don't see, we don't see Sucra disappears after she literally says,

I can't wait to fight them.

Double justice for Sucra.

And Jafar is like, Jafar is like, oh, you like a battle.

And then we don't ever see it.

Okay.

I'm starting to.

Double justice for Sucra because for some reason, after her first scene, they put her in a weird hat.

I loved her hair.

I loved her hair.

1989.

That was the hair I wanted in New Jersey in the 80s.

My question was, did her hair change or is that a different actor?

What?

There were times where I was like, is that the same actor?

Are they doing, like, what's the, because they were almost obfuscating her period sometimes.

I don't know.

I now think the t-shirt should be a 1989 presidential campaign with Sucra and Poochie.

Oh, that's so great.

We want to see that.

Yeah.

They are.

Sucra Poochie 89.

They're part of like the,

and it's, what's the town's name?

By Land and by Sea.

By Land and by Sea, something about America.

All right.

Wait, something about America?

Yeah, because they're running for president.

Oh, oh.

No, I think they should be running for president of Basra.

Oh, Basra.

Yeah.

Make Basra great again.

Make Basra.

Boo.

Maba.

Mabas.

Maba.

Maba.

Maba.

All right.

I get it.

Boo?

Oh, Boo?

By the way, thank you everybody for asking questions.

Y'all did a great job.

Y'all did a great job.

You did a great job.

I loved it.

You guys are great.

Okay, so screenwriter Luigi Cozy was originally set to direct this film in 3D in 1983.

Which would have been awesome when Lou Ferigno is like, I'm coming for you, Javar.

But what had happened is, before they started production, he was fired.

And they replaced him with Enzo G.

Castellari at the last minute, who changed Cozy's script drastically.

Okay, so then Castellari goes millions of dollars over budget and submits three hours of unusable footage.

And they're like, well, we can't release this.

Right?

So then after a couple years, like three or four years later, they go, Maybe we just bring back that original director and see if he can do something with this.

So they bring back Cozy, who never shot a frame, but they said, Can you

get it?

Yeah.

And he goes, well, maybe.

Give me $500,000 and I'll shoot some extra scenes, which was the mother and daughter scene and some other connective tissue to make it make sense.

In 1980s, half a million dollars to shoot that bedroom scene?

Yeah.

Well, you see.

Like, check that guy's pockets.

Yeah, for sure.

I think he's Italian.

You know what I mean?

Edit, edit.

What do you mean?

What do you mean about that?

What do you mean about Italian?

Yeah, baby.

And I also think they added music and lasers.

So the other thing that he added in was he actually found old stock footage of a movie called Leader of the Moon Men.

This is weird.

Yes.

So he actually, sorry, he actually found stock footage from Hercules against the Moonmen from 1964 and used the bad guy of that, the leader of the moonmen, for one of the villains in this movie.

I believe that was the Oracle who told them to go to different places.

So then they used light effects and voiceover to change it enough.

And then then

this is wild.

What a lot of effort to go.

Like, why not just build some like

puppets?

Yeah, no.

And then finally, Luke Frigno has said this is his favorite film that he's ever made.

God bless him.

God bless him.

Well, I mean, he probably was like living in Italy for months at a time.

I bet this was a blast.

Yeah, no.

He's so happy.

To put some context on it,

the reason why they shelved this movie and then kind of pulled it back out is because Canon Films needed to make money because they had just made Masters of the Universe and Superman 4.

And those are such big flops.

They're like, we got to put something, just throw more shit out there because maybe the dollar will come back.

So that's

what a backstory.

Yeah, it's an intense backstory there.

And

the original director, the guy who directed the unusable footage, Enzo Castellari,

did also make the film The Inglorious Bastards, which Quentin Tarantino gave him a small cameo in and a special thanks because Quentin Tarantino had to buy the rights to his film so they could have the same title.

Wow.

Incredible.

Yeah, so that is all the stuff there.

That is a very big.

That is great.

Yeah, that is a lot.

Well, with all it went through, knowing that, knowing the journey it took, the many seas that it traveled to get to be this film seven of them I'm really proud of it I think they they really

they strung something together you're proud of it you know it's like when you're on your way to school and like your fucking planet you know your planet project falls apart you're like shit I gotta get this back together and you get something that looks a little bit like the solar system you know why do I feel like that's an episode of the Brady bunch

That's not your real life.

That's an episode of the literal Brady bunch.

Here's the thing that I found interesting, which was the line that Jafar couldn't quite sell to me, the only line, because I thought it was incredible, was in the name of all that is evil, budge.

Budge!

I was like, is he saying budge?

What a strange word.

Here's another

exclaim.

Here's another.

Budge.

Here's another great line of his.

I can trust no one, let alone a woman.

Here is my favorite line.

Now I'm getting it.

Now I'm on Jafar's side.

My favorite line of Jafar was when he was hiding and going,

Don't come any closer.

No.

Like,

a really good Jafar impression.

Not as good as our person dressed as Jafar.

Now,

let's see.

There have never been

a more scary moment in my life than to say this.

Oh boy.

Do we have to?

Skip it.

Skip it.

She gets it.

She gets it all right.

Obviously, we've had opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a second opinion.

It is now time,

God help us, for second opinions.

All right, my name is John.

I've got another impression to make

on this movie.

Ferrignos flexing his pecs all day

with his pal Poochie.

The horniest movie that doesn't show any boobs.

I'm gonna give it five stars, five star, five star, five star review

on Amazon and five star, five star, five star, five star review.

Wow, poisey,

you brought the heat, you redeemed yourself.

Great job to all the Katie's, all the Gabbies.

Everybody did great.

This is what we get.

It's a music festival, not an ask-question festival.

But we will be back for your springtime ask-question festival.

So much fun.

So many different question intents.

All right, so the average prime rating of this is 4.3 out of 5 stars.

And when you say prime rating, you don't mean the Logan Paul drink, right?

I mean, now that I, yeah, because I'm always like, the prime is the best drink of all time.

So I'm only like,

everything is out of five primes.

Right, yeah.

Okay.

117 reviews, 64% are five-star, only 4% are one-star.

And I will say this: the second opinions tonight will sound like the questions from the audience.

Franzie W.

writes writes in 2006, that's a really, really good movie.

Buy this DVD and you will not repent it.

Five stars.

You won't repent it?

You won't repent it.

Wow.

Vaxia wrote in 2020, Jafar, I'm coming for you.

And you know it.

Including colon, skilled pillow talk.

Take notes, featuring colon i always wear my purple pants to town and a

hot air balloon

i the title of this i've watched hundreds of films five stars

weird that one is like i feel like that person wrote that while having a stroke yes

that's the last thing there's

this one is lofty uh this one is from our deal louferigno Ferrigno acted his heart out as Sinbad.

Truth.

Representing not one, nor two, but all seven C's in this feel-good movie of the decade.

Sinbad makes me love being a man.

Yes.

Yes.

I get it.

I get it.

I don't want to give away too much, but yes, there is some Sinbad on Sinbad action.

Woo, mommy!

And the princess is so hot.

Pre-teen boys could so watch this at sleepovers after the parents fall asleep.

This is, this is a, wow, this is creep city.

And then

continues by saying, and Sinbad is hot too.

Everybody's happy.

Gotta go.

Dot, dot, dot.

Outside.

What?

What?

Five stars.

Oh my god.

What does outside mean?

What?

Is he outside?

Gotta go.

Cool down.

Outside?

Is he here now?

Gotta go, dot, dot, dot, means I turned myself on so much writing this review.

Yeah.

I've got to go jerk off.

What outside?

Outside?

Well, I mean, that is what a creep would do.

It's true.

Now, this is a first and second opinions.

There is no review.

This is only the title.

I've never seen this before.

My name is Tim Bergman.

When you sold me Sinbad, it was in Spanish.

I am not Spanish.

I am English, Tim.

Five stars.

That's a haiku.

Wait a second.

I'm looking over there and it says, I'm from Boise.

I am English.

Oh, my God.

Interesting.

Maybe

she's using a computer at the library

to post that review.

Holy cow, this movie, what a treat.

Wow.

It does.

You got a good one.

You got something.

You got one for the regular book.

Would you recommend this movie, Jason?

Fuck you.

Yeah, man.

Fuck yeah.

Like I said, it's like not even an hour and a half.

It's dumb as hell, but like very watchable.

Yeah.

In ways that are truly confounding.

I will say that it doesn't answer any of the questions I had, which kept me interested.

The movie is playing hard to get.

Jess?

Absolutely.

You know what I'd like to do is have like a Sunday gathering and just put this on in the background.

You know, there's no threat of zombies in it.

There's no threat of anything.

You have a smile on your side.

Oh, there's a ton of zombies in it.

Yeah, there's definitely the undead.

But they're not scary.

They're fun.

The slime monster, the rock monster.

By the way, this man never uses his sword.

He always takes it out and then immediately throws it away.

He throws it away or it breaks on the first thing.

The other thing that is constantly happening throughout all the battle sequences is they're just dropping in the sounds of clattering swords.

Yeah.

Even when no swords have occurred.

It's clattering, I know.

Like, it'll be like, somebody will punch someone, it'll be a clang, clang.

And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not what just happened.

So go ahead.

You want to play it in the background?

And the other thing would be fun is to do like a costume party where everyone comes dressed as a character.

Ooh, I like that.

You know, that would be fun.

I also feel like

if you told me that the costume designer was given $50 and said to go to Party City and just see what they could find, and they built a story around that, I would believe it.

The best set is the set in like Jafar's little

studio, yeah.

Where the princess is captive in the machine.

Which makes me think that the director who came back on board might have shot those scenes as well.

And it was available.

Right.

Somebody else had it.

It was like Buck Rogers had like a side swing set.

That was another one.

Boy, oh boy.

By the way,

I want to get it from both ends by Buck Rogers.

That's right.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby.

Clearly, that set was not meant to be fully shot around.

Because he's walking around the lava pit.

And it's like, well, I guess the lava pit's only a small circle in this room.

Like, it's like, it's not like he's.

I didn't know until the end of the movie they were in an active volcano.

Yeah.

Had no idea.

Wait, they were?

What?

Yeah.

He throws them into molten lava at the end.

You don't just have lava around without a volcano, do you?

Can you?

Wait, real talk.

Wait, can you have a...

Were they in a volcano?

Did you ever get an establishment shot of that?

Do you have like lava and magma and no volcano?

No.

I mean, I guess you go deep, deep, deep underground.

Yes, of course, of course.

Okay.

Well, again,

one pothole.

What maybe supports this theory

that these are reshoots is that Sucra maybe never fights Lou Ferigno because they never worked on the movie together.

Right.

Like,

she and Jafar shot all that stuff later.

Right, because that's the only scenes that are not ADR'd, too, which makes me think he's somebody else's money.

He's like, half a million dollars.

I'll record audio on the day.

And I'll give you a great mother-daughter start to get away with it.

Yeah, and by then, Sucra's like, has three kids and is living in Boise.

By the way.

She's like, giving up acting.

She's like, fuck this noise.

Let me go live a quieter life.

I will say it is kind of progressive to have it be a mother-daughter telling this story.

Like in a way, right?

I mean,

no.

Sure.

Everything's wrong.

If you told me that that woman abducted that child and that they are on the run.

Boy, wouldn't that be interesting?

Like if the blue curtain fell away and they are in like a post-apocalyptic

station 11.

She's like, go to sleep.

Go to sleep.

Go to sleep.

Mommy, does Sinpad save them?

Will Sinpad save me?

Yeah.

We hope.

We hope he does.

I loved it.

I just thought that once we got to the Island of the Dead, I was like, wow, we're still

repetitive.

It's very repetitive.

You can't can't fight two separate dead armies.

You also can't just fight slow.

Like,

they get slower as the movie goes on.

That's not fun.

Well, and there's a lot of just like, even the even the hand-to-hand is just like,

yeah.

It's not, there's no fight choreography.

There's nothing really going on.

They might not have had the budget for it.

Certainly not.

You know.

But what a great film.

Wow.

Casey, want to promote anything?

Oh, yeah.

I'll shout out

Invincible season season three on Amazon Prime.

Just wrapped up.

I was walking here and two lovely young men were like, are you Rexplode?

And I was like, wow.

To be recognized as an animated character was

pretty cool.

Also, Taskmaster, UK.

That's right.

That's right.

UK panel show Taskmaster.

I'm on season 19.

It's coming out May 1st or May 2nd or something like that.

So get involved.

It's on YouTube.

Why?

It just is.

So watch it on YouTube.

But you can also get that Taskmaster app, which I get, which I love.

And you get Taskmaster kids on there.

You get everything commercial.

Taskmaster Jr.

is fantastic.

So good.

And then one more thing.

The final season of Big Mouth will be starting in May.

Here we go.

Woo!

Yeah.

Season eight.

We're going to be fucking some pillows.

Always.

Jess, what do you got?

Some pillows.

Pillows.

If you haven't checked out the deep dive with Ms.

June, Diane Raphiel, and I, please come if you want to join the Deep Dive Academy of Significance.

We'd love to have you.

Enrollment is pending.

Accreditation, our university, and the art of small talk, which I wrote with Casey Wilson.

And yeah, so you can get that on Spotify, iTunes, whatever.

Every week, every Monday, the dark web is live on YouTube, also completely free.

Rob Hubel and I exploring the dark web.

So much stuff that we find from

touchless knockdowns from karate experts to a guy vehemently saying you never need to brush your teeth.

We find the weirdest shit on the internet and we put it up for you.

And then I thank everybody for buying my book.

And if you want to get a personalized version of my book, you can go to the website.

And I appreciate you all.

And the libraries have been supporting the book.

Thank you so much.

It's been so awesome.

You have been an amazing crowd.

Thank you for coming out.

I know it's a little tricky to get tickets for this thing, so we appreciate you being here.

Thank you, Jason jason manzugis just sinclair i'm paul shear good night eat shit boise

that's our show but please don't go we have a couple of very important announcements first of all one of the best shirts that we've ever made ever happened in boise you can go get that shirt of sucra and poochie under the banner of library in our merch store at our how did this get made website you can get it as a sticker a coffee mug whatever you want i love this design uh it really was a banger.

I wanted to talk about something a little bit serious right now.

You know that we've been doing this show for a very long time.

The movies that we pick on this show have been credited to one person.

Her name is Avril Halley, and she has been the rock, the hidden feature of How Did This Get Made?

She has been with us for over a decade, and she is fighting brain cancer right now.

And we would love it, and she would love it, if you could send some words of support, fan art, anything to lift up her spirits.

We have sent videos and songs.

People have just written her emails.

It really makes a giant difference, and she's not asking for anything more than just a couple minutes of your time to send her some good wishes.

You can send those good wishes to andrew at moviebitches.xyz,

or you can actually send something in the mail to Averill at P.O.

Box641-Agora Hills, California 913-76-0641.

All this information is on our Discord.

It is also on our How Did This Get Made pages.

Support Averil for all the amazing stuff that she has brought to us.

We are rooting for her in this battle.

We just send her so much love.

We absolutely are in her corner every step of the way.

We love you, Avril, and we can't wait to have you back.

It sounds silly to transition to anything else after that, but I will say we had an amazing time at the Morrison Center in Boise.

We will be back.

Our tour manager, Beth Thomas, thank you, Beth.

Thank you to our EP, Cody Fisher, who stepped in to help edit this show down.

I also will tell you that Jason Manzukis is on Taskmaster this season.

You can watch it on YouTube.

It is a fantastic season.

He is great on it.

My book just came out in paperback, Joyful Recollections of Trauma.

It is a New York Times bestseller.

And for those of you who bought the book, let me tell you, my website is now decked out.

I have a gigantic show and tell section.

I have old sketches from UCB shows.

I have me meeting Michael Lennon.

All elements of my book are now kind of shown in a much bigger way.

And the book also, the paperback, has 20 extra pages.

So for all you UCB nerds, I go into a lot more detail about that.

I also go into some detail about how my parents get me terrible gifts for Christmas.

So check out my website, PaulShear.com.

You can check out all the show and tell stuff there involving my book.

And if you have not bought the book, what a great chance to do it.

You can get it right now.

And if you want it personalized, you can head over to Chevalier's and I will sign it and personalize it to you whatever you want.

Also, make sure you're watching the dark web every single week.

And guess what, people?

We're coming to Vancouver.

That's right.

We're coming to Vancouver in July.

So keep your ears and eyes open.

Vancouver, early July.

Get ready for it.

All right.

We'll see you soon, everybody.

And remember, if you have have any corrections and omissions for Simbad and the Seven Seas, you can send them to our Discord at discord.gg/slash HDTGM or give me a call at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K.

That's right, 619-Paul ask.

And remember, if you're listening to our show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please make sure you're subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on.

That's all.

We just need you to do that.

It helps with our ratings, okay?

We're not asking you to buy anything.

Just help with our ratings.

Anyway, last but not least, I got to thank our entire team who this show couldn't be done without.

I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sawney, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, as I've mentioned before, Averill Halley, our engineer, Casey Holford, and Jess Cisneris, who makes our social media videos.

That's all I got, people.

We'll see you next week on Last Looks.

Bye for now.