Batman & Robin w/ Matt Mira & Jesse Falcon (HDTGM Matinee)

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Two words, bat nipples.

We saw Batman and Robin, so you know what that means.

Now it's time for

how to discremate.

We're gonna have a good time.

Celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, cause you know you you wonder, how did this create?

Let's follow in the mediocrity of some bar art.

Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made?

Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made?

I am joined, as always, by Jason Manzoukis.

Hello, Jason.

How are you, Paul?

You are in New York.

That is the sound quality that we are hearing.

But it sounds pretty good to me, I think.

I think so.

I think it sounds just terrific.

Unfortunately, June is not here today.

Scheduling has made it impossible, but the show must go on.

So we have two special guests.

Instead of just one,

two.

You know, this first guy from, of course, Attack of the Show and the very popular nerdist podcast.

Please welcome Matt Myra.

Thank you.

I'm so glad to be here.

I just wish I didn't have to watch that movie.

And then this is a friend of the show, somebody we're very excited to have.

He does a bunch of things at UCB Theater.

And we can say that you work for Marvel, right?

Absolutely.

All right, there we go.

And he works for for Marvel.

Please welcome Jesse Falcon.

Hey, guys.

Thanks for having me.

Very excited.

So,

all right, this movie.

Holy shit.

I don't even know where to begin.

I think you know that you're getting into something amazing when the first shot is ass.

It is like, it is, it's a gearing up shot, and it's just bat ass.

Boom, right there.

And not just, not just one, two.

Oh, yeah, right.

The Robin ass, too.

They're both pretty well formed.

I'm not going to lie.

No, they're in very good shape.

George Clooney and...

These guys have great asses.

Well, I would dispute that, Manzuchis, because honestly, I went back and I watched that, you know, gearing up montage, which we've seen in countless action movies and specifically superhero movies, but they really took an extra couple seconds on both of those shots.

I know people joke about this movie as being very homoerotic, but

it is.

I mean, there's no denying this movie is ridiculous.

The bat nipples.

This movie is three-quarters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This movie is three-quarters on its way to be a porn parody of a Batman movie.

The writing would have been better.

For the poor bears.

I do want to point out that the writer of this movie is Nakiva Goldsmith.

Dude, unlike

this guy is insane.

This guy's written so many amazing things.

Does he have an Oscar?

I'm sure he has or something.

This is Schumacher all the way.

Yeah, Schumacher, I think, went nuts on this.

He put neon lights on the battlemobile.

Why would you cover the battle with neon lights?

Oh, he put neon lights.

And then when Robin's Robin cycle, or whatever the fuck it's called, opens up, there are two neon robin signs on either side, just to remind you whose that is.

Well, also, when Robin crashes through a wall,

it creates a Robin, like a Batman

thing.

That was crazy.

I mean, this movie makes the Adam West Batman look campy.

Oh, God.

And honestly, and I felt that when I was watching it because I hadn't seen this movie in a long time.

I actually remember seeing it for the first time.

We were a couple buddies of mine, our D.C.

buddies' counterparts, were like, oh, we have a screening of this thing.

Come over to watch it.

And we really liked the Batman series, you know, up until that point.

We accepted the fact that they were going to

kind of retcon each episode, if you would, or each

individual film by getting a new actor after Michael Keaton left the series.

Then it became Val Kilmer.

It was like, oh, that's cool.

Val Kilmer was awesome.

He wasn't.

And you have to remember, even watching that movie now, it's very campy, but like that was before they did Pet Detective 2.

So Jim Carrey was at the height of his, you know, comedic power and people just couldn't get enough of him.

So they loved that movie.

And the movie did incredibly well.

It made so much money.

So

Joel was just like, I'm just going to keep going in that direction and really hit the gas this time.

I'm going to hit the gas without comedians in this one.

Like, that was it.

Like, he did not put any.

I mean, he put Schwarzenegger and Alicia Silver's top building.

Schwarzenegger, top build.

Yes.

The villain is top build in a Batman movie.

That was shocking to me.

The other thing that was shocking to me is that all of his henchmen were basically Starlight Express hockey players.

Yes.

I said that the whole fight scene felt like I'm watching Batman on Ice.

It was like, this is just a theme park show that was shot a little bit better.

I think that was part of the pitch when Schumacher came in.

It was like somebody was like, this is going to be just like a Batman movie, but think of it as Batman on ice and then you just know that like

we do sparkles came out just signed a deal with six flags we have to make it work yeah absolutely but to that point this is the other thing that i really noticed about watching this film is is that you know i'm very conscious of product placement and i don't mean like you know the coke can and ghostbusters when she opens up the fridge i'm talking about stuff that toy companies

specifically asked to be in like to be in the film.

This film really wasn't so much a movie, a Batman movie, as much as it was a feature-length Power Rangers commercial.

Oh, it was like an episode commercial.

It was absolutely a toy commercial.

There's so many.

I mean, there's literally a line.

I believe I have this.

Can you play the Poison Ivy one?

Yeah, I have that.

Like, listen to this.

No, no.

First, you're going to tell me where Freeze is, and then you're going to jail.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

That's why every Poison Ivy action figure comes complete with him.

Which is a bold-faced lie.

Every Poison Ivy action figure, by the way, we're getting a little taste of Uma Thurman, who plays Poison Ivy.

Her subtlety in this movie is on par.

There was obviously a Greta Garbo plant that bit her at some point.

Yeah, that was funny because she was like a mousy little girl in the beginning, and then

somebody pours a mixture of chemicals on her, and she completely becomes a different character.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, fellas.

You want to come up and see me sometime?

She She does have like a crazy line where she's like,

My blood is aloe and my lips are poison.

It's like whenever Kate Mulgrew got trapped in the holodeck.

That's her deliverance.

Oh, my God.

A movie as a staple right away of a bad movie, which is there is a surfing scene right at the top.

Like, they're in like a little.

Oh, no, I was watching it just this morning, as a matter of fact.

And

when Mr.

Freeze's car starts tilting up, I'm I'm like, that's not a rocket ship, right?

They're not gonna take a rocket.

He's not taking a rocket, and then a fucking jet fires, and they're in a rocket.

Also, Schwarzenegger's in.

In a museum, in a museum.

The rocket is in a museum.

Right, well, he drove it in there.

He was ready, but if you do, if you ever happen to see this again on television, just pay attention to Schwarzenegger's terrible space work with joysticks.

Doing nothing possible.

By the way, I want to talk about Schwarzenegger's car.

He is Mr.

Freeze in the movie, which means he says a lot of Freeze puns.

We'll get to that probably a little bit later.

But his car looks like,

I don't watch Doctor Who, but what are those robots in Doctor?

Cyberman.

Does it look like it has all the things?

Yeah, it looks like that.

Or a Dalek, yeah.

A Dalek, yeah.

A Dalek, yeah.

And it looks like, so it doesn't even look like a car.

I don't know why it has all these like bullet things out of it.

It's ridiculous.

And Gotham City in this movie, like Tim Burton made a cool, dark Gotham.

It looked a little bit interesting.

This one, they have like statues that are hundreds of people.

I'm going to fight fight all of this.

I do, I do like, I do like the super gothic Gotham City.

Like, I like the giant statue.

I don't, what I don't care for is that gangs love blacklight.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

And both movies, both Schumacher movies, in the last one.

So much of this stuff has like elements to it that seem to me like Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals.

I don't really feel like

whether it's like the Starlight Express kind of like running around guys on roller skates or ice skates, I guess is what it is.

Or like that crazy, yeah, black light neon makeup that people are wearing.

It's crazy.

I just want to be at the meeting where Freeze decides this is what you guys are going to wear.

You're going to help me out.

Yeah, dude.

Honestly, like, if you watch, really gooning for Mr.

Freeze is one of the shittiest jobs you could possibly have.

Because it's like, you know,

they all have to sing

the freeze models or something.

And then what are they eating?

Tongues are all stuck to frozen dinners.

This is solid ice.

The best shot in the movie starts off on two, like, what is it, like polar bear feet, like slippers, and they're capping along, and they're watching.

And you pull up on his polar bear robe.

Polar bear robe.

Oh, it's so dumb.

It's so dumb.

And he's leading a sing-along to like that Raspin Baska heat miser song.

And he's like, sing!

Sing!

Like yelling at them to sing along with the Mr.

Freeze from that.

It makes no sense.

Well, it's even an insult to injury here.

It's like he has to wear that mechanical suit to keep himself alive.

And when he takes it off, he wears wears clothes that will make him warmer.

Yeah, which is like, yeah,

and this is Viveka.

Was it Vivek A.

Fox?

Vivek A Fox was like his

hench lady, which the whole logic of Freeze in this movie is so fucked up because, you know, at times he's like, I'll kill you, I'll rip the bones out.

And then, and then at the end of the movie, Batman is like, hey, listen, man, I know you just really need to save your wife.

He's like, really?

And then he's like, oh, I'm a good guy now.

Like, how did he make this hairpin turn?

I don't even understand what that Mr.

Freeze in this movie has no plan.

He's just no.

He gets cut.

I think the most compelling villain in this movie is Poison Ivy's boss that wants to sell off the Bane Super Soldiers.

Oh, which is that great.

Who's the guy from Smallville?

Yes, Sean Glover.

He is appealing to the united nations.

I loved those five character actors they had standing in the balcony, like one black guy, one Chinese guy.

You know that they are all dressed like that in their headshot.

They're the most racist view of the world.

Yeah, but there is no plan.

Like, just to point out, there is no plan.

Mr.

Freeze is just going around.

No, no, no.

His plan, which cracked me up, is to get money for research.

Oh, he has a new one.

That's his plan.

He doesn't want to.

He holds them ransom instead of selling the billions of dollars worth of diamonds he's stolen.

He decides to freeze Gotham City ransom.

Doesn't he need the diamonds in order to power his stuff?

Right, but that's what he needs.

He needs it to power that.

Now I'm talking about the plot of Batman and Robin.

Please, please get into it.

He needs it to

power his freezing engine, which will freeze Gotham City, which we will then hold ransom so he can get billions of dollars for research.

Thank you for clarifying that because I did not get that.

And I am happy to now know that that...

I fully missed that because he missed that.

But he could just cut out the middle of it and sell diamonds.

I think it's the frozen wife part.

I get the part where he needs to make his wife better.

Yeah.

But I could not understand what the fuck was going on because I was so confused by the idea that the most powerful fuel source in Gotham is diamonds.

I was like, I don't know.

Everybody seemed to want diamonds to fuel something.

Yeah, what?

Well, I mean, look, when you have, when the number one reporter in Gotham is a gossip comer.

Yeah, gossip comedy.

I'm here with Mr.

Bruce Wayne.

My personal friend, Mr.

Bruce Wayne says.

He was way overused in this movie.

Why were there two scenes that they needed that?

You know that that woman exists.

In reality, that actress is that woman, and she is best friends with Joel Schumacher.

Yeah.

Oh, Joel, baby.

It's in the movie.

And her sister Cindy Adams.

Gossip Gertie is her name played by the lovely Elizabeth Sanders,

who has only been in, who's only been in the two Joel Schumacher movies.

What did I just tell you?

Why did she play the same character in both movies?

Gossip Gertie.

It has to be, right?

She also was in Batman Returns as Gothamite number four, but I imagine that has no lines there.

So I think that she could be a friend of Joel Schumacher.

You're probably right.

She has to be.

I want to get back to something for a second, just because this is a fun little tidbit of information.

The scene at the top of the movie where they're fighting in the museum and then they blast off into low orbit and then

use the escape hatches and surfboards.

Yes.

When Robin gets a thing.

Just the doors.

Just the doors.

Just the doors.

Yeah, just the doors.

Robin goes, Kelabanga.

Yes, he said that.

Yes, he did say that.

So he co-opted a teenage meeting in Turtle Line there.

But that scene was described to me in very early days before the X-Men movie ever got made.

And

the executive producer of the film had this idea that at the end of the X-Men movie, you were going to see something like you had never seen before, I have to say it in his kind of accent, because this guy was an amazing salesman.

He's like...

one of the greatest salesmen in the world.

And he was like, at the end of the movie, you're going to see something like you've never seen before.

It's going to be be Wolverine and Sabretooth up on the top of the mountain, and they're snowboarding down, and they're claw fighting all the way down to the bottom of the mountain.

So that scene almost happened.

They're claw fighting.

Yeah, claw fighting.

Almost happened in X-Men.

I will say that it is, we always are looking for signs of a bad movie.

And surfboarding, surfing

is always a clear sign.

Co-op like that.

It was bad before that because immediately when they're in the Batmobile, when Batman now is in the one-seater Batmobile, the 27-foot-long Batmobile.

That looks really like a

ambiguous igue duo.

It does.

Commissioner Gordon comes on and goes, there's a new villain.

A new villain.

To Trump that, to Trump that,

when Batman meets him, he's like, hi, Freeze, I'm Batman.

Like, what fucking superhero, what Dark Knight goes, hi, I'm Batman.

He calls himself Mr.

Freeze.

And we completely skip the fact that they look at each other, click their boots, and ice skates pop.

Because you never know when you need to ice skate fight.

Yeah, yeah.

Mind you, they just leave the, they just see the bat signal, so they're leaving on an ordinary crime fighting thing.

They don't know that they're going to bring the bat boots with the uh with the make sure it has the ice skates inside.

And this is it, this is a dig at Warner Brothers a little bit.

That movie was made in what, 1997?

Yeah, yes.

So that was the closest we've come so far in film to seeing World's Finest.

And there's one line where he says, Now I know why Superman works alone.

And I'm like, that's the fucking closest we've come to see Superman and Batman

on screen together.

That's an atrocity.

Can we talk a little bit about,

I feel like the whole movie is like they left the camera rolling or they didn't make the cut as quick as they needed to.

Like there's always like an awkward beat after the final line is said.

Like

there's one scene in particular where Alicia Silverstone shows up as

Barbara the dot.

And then she's niece Sally.

She's Alfred's niece.

She's British.

Her parents are British.

She's Alfred's niece, but she

came from school in England.

Mind you, Alfred's sister's got to be as old as Alfred.

Yes!

Yeah!

And Alicia Silverstone's like 18.

She comes in and they're like, can she stay?

Basically, like, can we keep her?

Can we keep this girl?

And they're like okay and then they just like cut on one person's face cut on another person's face another person's face no dialogue is like shaking their head and just smiling like yeah yeah yeah yeah but there's nothing it's like it just seems like i almost felt like should i leave the room like this is over right this is the movie where we figured out that alfred must cut both their hair Like Rob and Clooney, they have the same fucking haircut.

It makes sense.

He takes care of them, gets their bullet wounds.

I also like that

the back computer in this movie is just a Mac.

It's a Mac.

It's a Mac.

It's just a Mac.

It's not even a fancy one.

It's just a regular Mac.

No, but the hard drive icon's the bat logo.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's weird that they make moves like that.

Like all the other computers in the fucking bat cave are bat.

Like they have bat iconography all over him.

But they have a Mac.

But when they start bidding,

fucking Batman pulls out a credit card.

Oh, God.

Batman returns.

It actually said Batman returns.

What is this?

Batman good through forever.

No exploration days.

It was good through forever.

The Batman credit card.

He never leaves the game without it.

And I know that.

Oh, my God.

And you can make the argument.

You can definitely make the argument, like, oh, no, they're trying to be campy.

But they aren't.

They do some things that are super campy, and then some things that are super serious.

Like, Alfred's dying in this movie.

And that dealt with, like,

Alfred's dying, and we have, this is a big deal.

But then there's back credit cards, too.

So it's like, it makes no fucking sense.

There's even another level to it, and I'm glad we got onto the Alicia Silverstone introduction because there was something that was so fucking disturbing to me about

Robin wanting to like seemingly fuck her that just seemed like a brother wanting to fuck a sister.

And it's just like, hey, man, like, just leave that alone.

He's like, I can't, man.

I just gotta, I gotta fucking taste that shit.

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we haven't even talked about the fact that bane is in this movie oh yeah yeah

huge forgot all about bane like like like the reality is like the main villain of the current super uh batman movie is this crazy weird cartoon character in this movie yeah oh i mean beyond cart like he he look he looks like a toy i've never seen a character look more like a toy.

And he has the best.

This is by that time the Nightfall series had already come out, right?

Bane had killed Batman, essentially broken his back in the comics.

So you're in for this, like, oh, Bane's in this movie.

He's going to do something awesome.

And Bane is just a guy who goes, How about that?

How about that

fucking photograph of them coming off the plane Casablanca style?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

And it's just like, it looks like his face is Photoshop.

I mean, it's basically that they took the bad disguises of the thing from from Fantastic Four

or if you opened it up it would be the little rascals on each other's shoulders yeah yeah exactly

Bane is the worst

the glow in the dark gang

oh he just essentially it's a two-move it's a two-move fight where they whip him with chains and he throws them all and they run yeah yeah they just run out of their home and

bane basically like uh he gets you know the venom shot into him that makes him bane and uh he goes from like a little wimpy guy who basically just blows up on steroids within a second i'm not uh i don't know all about bane's backstory but is that how it happens in the uh

it's not far off yeah oh he does he uses the one thing when he hit the chest and he got more juice he'd become more powerful but like the thing is they've been working on that guy for years to get him to that size but uh um

he didn't just he didn't just basically drink some potion and turn it to he's the second or the first character in the movie that you see because you see all three of the origins you see his origin you see the the making of

Poison Ivy and Mr.

Freeze.

Each one of them is Doused in Chemicals and then becomes this supervillain.

I just like it, it's like the easiest fucking out.

It's like it's just the Joker thing over and over.

Hey, you fall in the vat and you become like, hey, you fall in some plants, and you become that.

Yeah, you fall in a thing.

Yeah, and

Schwarzenegger falling into his vat of ice.

I don't know what the value of the thing is.

No one knows about that.

But I really enjoyed

his small performance as Victor, I thought, was like, yeah, I believe that.

I like a lot of Nobel Prize winner.

I don't know what he was a doctorate of.

I think it was icy puns.

Speaking of puns, I do want to play.

I know that you probably have seen this clip online, but it's worth just listening to for a second.

It's a combination or a compilation of every freeze pun.

Super cut.

Yeah, super cut.

Supercut.

Ticket.

Freeze puns.

Tonight's forecast.

A freeze is coming.

Allow me to break the ice.

Okay.

You're not sending me to the cooler.

Freeze well.

What killed the dinosaurs?

Yes, eggs.

There's like no follow-up to that, you know?

Just.

Be cool, bird boy.

Let's get some ice.

Show some mercy.

I'm afraid that my condition has left me cold.

Can you please have mercy?

All right, everyone.

Chill.

It's cold.

Alright, you get the idea.

What I do like listening to those is that he goes really the extra mile and something like, what's good, the dinosaurs?

Like, well, all right, yeah, I guess the ISA.

Jesus is probably meteorite.

I mean, some of the evolutionary.

Oh, my God.

It's so bad.

It is so...

Just the thought that Schwarzenegger must have gotten $20 million.

$25 million and he's only on screen for 25 minutes.

A million dollars a minute.

And when he is regular Victor Freeze,

he's watching a video of himself giving his wife a necklace.

Wow.

Where was that video camera?

This is like a personal moment.

It's just like Bruce, who remembers everything third person.

Yeah.

Oh, Alfred, when I fell.

All of his like weird shadow memories of Alfred tucking him in and stuff.

And by the way, Coolio alert.

That's right.

Coolio shows up for a motorcycle race.

Because, oh, yeah, Alicia Silverstone got kicked out of her boarding school for racing motorcycles.

Of course, that's definitely against the rules of that school.

She was there to study computers.

Oh, she's really good at computers because when she's guessing Alfred's password, she's the worst ever at guessing a password.

Types in England.

England is one of the passwords.

Wayne.

Yeah.

The other thing, too, is like she gets, this is the other thing.

Like, fucking Batman's supposed to be the greatest detective on the planet.

She shows up.

He's like, who the fuck is that?

Like, you don't know all of Alfred's extended family?

Oh, yeah.

And then,

oh, yeah, wait, you're at what school?

Oh, yeah.

Because I read it on your chat.

Like, he should know everything about her.

By the way, yeah, there's only one person, arguably, in Bruce Wayne's life that he cares about.

Would be Alfred.

Yeah.

So you figured he would do a little bit of due diligence and be like, oh, so

you have someone you're connected to in your life?

He would know that Alfred's brother is the Alfred Raja Maharaj.

It's like a family of butlers, you you know?

It's just like Man Servants Incorporated.

Hey, guys, about three-quarters of the way through this movie, the fight sequences start having cartoon sound effects, right?

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yes.

And I forgot that.

That slides out of nowhere.

No, that starts early because the dinosaur, when the statue of the dinosaur crumbles, it roars.

Oh, I don't know if anybody caught that sound.

Oh, you know what I totally forgot about?

The fucking Fred Flintstone entrance of Batman?

Oh, yeah.

He slides down the back of a dinosaur, pops off his tail, just like the opening of the fucking Flintstones.

And it's like, whooshy!

Well, it was five o'clock.

It was weird that he did punch his time card into the dinosaur's night.

Yeah, I mean, Joel Schumacher, oh, man, the oh, what was it?

They were, um, those Dayglow skeletons, when they did have that fight, did I see this?

They were hanging out in the Turkish baths.

Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, the Turkish baths, yeah, Closed Turkish baths.

In a bathhouse.

They made.

Normal.

Totally normal.

All the bad guys hang out with closed Turkish baths.

Not a gay thing at all.

Not gay at all.

I love that in this reality of Gotham City, the police cars have not been updated since 1933.

Yeah, that's another thing.

It's like they, I feel like they're like, oh, we like this Tim Burton thing.

It should be weird.

But no one had an idea of why it was good when Tim Burton did it.

It was like, yeah, it'd be like, old car, super new computer, and you have high tops, you wear old ties.

It's like, it makes Alfred's Max Headroom.

Yeah.

This is my favorite scene of the entire movie.

Did you pull a clip of this scene?

I did.

I actually did.

It's just so fucked up that it's like, it's like they went through a bunch of pop culture things like cartoons and Max Headroom and fucking old Batman shows.

And they're like, just put all of it in.

Just shove it in.

It just feels like someone just shoved everything into a bag.

It's like, yeah, just sit on it, cram it together.

No, Joel, it doesn't fit.

It doesn't fit.

I don't care.

I I don't care.

No, it kind of hurts.

The nipples.

Bat nipples.

Oh, man.

No, wait, play the clip of it.

Oh, yeah, okay, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This is Alicia Silverstone is kind of bored one night.

She finds a bat cave, and this is what happens.

One of the most preposterous things of all.

After she breaks into her dying uncle's secret to his brother.

Yes.

Here it is.

Intruder, alert.

Intruder, alert.

Intruder, alert.

Intruder, alert.

Identify.

Identify.

Cloverd, it's me, Barbara.

I expected that you might find your way down here, child.

As such, I programmed my brain algorithms into the bad computer and created a virtual

simulation.

I'd like to help Batman and Robin.

I anticipated you would, and took the liberty to create something in your size.

And that's how she becomes Batgirl?

He he said he programmed a thing.

He's like, imagine recording that day.

Like, all right, well, if she comes down here and she wants to know, I'll have to answer that.

She just wants to hang.

All right, I'll have to answer that.

Oh, she needs a costume.

Like, it's the, like, that's how she becomes Bat Girl.

Just like, oh, yeah, I thought that this might happen.

And also, I love the fact that Barbara reacts to Alfred as if he's a person, not.

Yeah, no, no, no.

It's me.

Barbara.

Why can't you see me with your eyeballs that are clearly in front of me?

Why are you being so mean?

Why is your voice skipping?

I did not remember how, like, unappealing.

Like, I don't know, there's so much.

There's so, like, like you said, it's like falling in a vat.

It's like, oh, oh, yeah.

Yeah, you got a costume.

And she, not only, there's no training.

She has shown no skill besides motorcycling.

Well, she flips Robin over in the

garage.

And if I may,

in the previous film, okay, Batman Forever.

The only training, by the way, the only surviving two members of this fucking cast are Robin and Alfred.

Alfred's the only Alfred all the way through all four of these things.

In the previous film, when

Robin's family is killed and Bruce Wayne takes him in, Alfred sees him cleaning his clothes

in the room where they've got the washing machine.

And he says, Oh, do you want to use the dryer?

And he's like, No, deep man, I've got my own way of drying clothes.

And then they cut to this fucking insane montage of him like using his wet clothes as like nunchucks and like

draining the water out.

And like, that was the extent of his his bat training.

Like, drying his

karate kid of drying.

Well, I mean, he tried them really well, saved a lot of energy.

It makes you realize, like,

and then you said, like, Batman Forever, people are like, that was a good movie.

I like that one.

So much that they gave them $125 million to make this movie.

That's how much they.

I was reading about the movie, and the dailies were coming back to Warner Brothers, and they were so happy with them, they signed Joel Schumacher for another movie.

Yeah, it was going to be a scarecrow movie.

Yes, that's right.

With Jeff Goldsmith.

Jeff Goldblums.

Excuse me.

So my question is,

Warner Brothers must have just, like, I mean, the dailies couldn't have been better than this movie.

I just think maybe the dailies didn't have sound.

Looks cool.

He looks good.

That's cool.

It looks really cool.

You know what?

I think when you see the dailies compared to the last film, like, it really doesn't, if you take the individual segments, they don't look that different.

Yeah.

You know,

the thing that really makes the previous film watchable is Jim Carrey.

Yeah.

You know, Jim Carrey

kind of funny in the movie.

You know, and it's like he does the best with that material that anybody could possibly do and kind of makes it enjoyable.

And there's still lines that I crack up at, but, but they're, but this, there's none, there's none of that element holding it together.

And if you're going to be that campy, you need to be funny.

And they, they weren't.

But they, you know, they had all those elements.

It's like.

I mean, they had nobody being funny.

I mean, I mean, I guess Mr.

Freeze.

But there's little to no logic in this movie either.

None.

I mean, even, like we were saying before, even the puns don't even make sense at a certain point.

It's like there was one pun who was like, Some of them aren't even puns.

Yeah, like, why not?

Some of them are just riddles or statements.

If revenge is a

dish best serve cold, then put on your Sunday's finest.

Like, what?

What are you talking about?

Hang on, Freeze, I don't follow you.

What am I doing?

Iceman Cometh.

And I was like, is this like a Eugene O'Neal reference?

Like the play?

The funniest line to me in this entire film is

right after Batgirl appears to Batman and Robin, she says, Bruce, it's Barbara.

I found the bat cave.

Like, so dumb.

So dumb.

Yeah, because he goes, who are you?

She's like, Bat Girl.

She goes, isn't that a little un PC?

And then she's like a bat person or bat woman.

Yeah, and then she gets like offended.

No, Bruce, no, no, no.

It's me.

Barbara.

Barbara's only.

Obviously, you don't know know that it's me.

I mean, I'm covering a square inch of my face.

You couldn't possibly

another fucking crazy move because, all right, Alfred designs a suit for her.

She goes out, she helps those guys, they get their ass kicked.

But then Alfred's computer brain had also designed another suit for her to wear it.

So against the cold.

Yeah.

These other guys, you know, I mean, again, that's another like

fourth, you know, or third act action figure move where it's like, we're going to need to sell some different toys.

We need another

costume for Barbara.

Oh, good old Barbara.

Barbara also does, I mean, because she is so like naive, like, it's me, it's Barbara.

Like, you wouldn't think of her as kicking anyone's ass.

I feel like even a little bit.

Not even a little bit.

Did she take it?

I guess the only reason why they really need her is because she needed to take care of fighting Poison Ivy, right?

She had to fight Poison Ivy just so my dude wasn't beating up a lady.

Yes.

And by the way, when Poison Ivy is finally defeated, the line, curses,

is uttered by Uma Thurman.

That's the line she says.

She says, curses.

Because this is PG-13, guys.

You can't say fuck in those murders.

I also love.

Would it be amazing if they just, in one line, were like, fuck.

It's PG-13, we get one.

We get one.

We get one.

And they really give it,

fuck.

It's fucking cold.

Jeff.

Jeff Ventura's cameo was great, too.

And

the other guy who he's a guard with is the other dude who ended up playing Conan on the TV show.

Oh, really?

His name is like Rolf, crazy long-last German name.

Oh, wow.

I was going to say one of my favorite, again, Mr.

Freeze lines.

It's another kind of pun, but not really, is don't forget to winterize your pipes.

Like that.

It's like his, like,

it's so.

Also, I enjoy the idea that Bane can't possibly get through Reinforced Steel after everything we've seen him do.

Oh, Reinforced Steel.

Oh.

You know what was weird is like when he's not Bane or when he's like the little wimpy version, like I, were they playing like baby crying sounds?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, what the fuck, dude?

Also, that guy's supposed to be like a hardened serial killer.

Yeah.

Mass murderer.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, that guy was a mass killer.

Like, I mean, I guess he had the body of Jeffrey Dahmer.

I bet you that's what they were kind of going for.

But

it was Schumacher.

Yeah, Schumacher really got in there.

So what he does is he puts the gay men in the tubs.

Yeah.

What about the, I was going to say, Mr.

Freeze's car fires like 30 missiles and misses everything.

None of them hit.

Also, if you watch back the big moment for Barbara when she jumps off of her motorcycle, there's no reason for her to do so.

And then she lands on Robin's wind-powered surf car that goes over ice

and then looks to her right and the motorcycle perfectly intact, still moving.

She jumps back on it.

Was she just afraid that she was going to hit like a crack in the ice?

I don't know.

I do also like that the first line of this movie is,

I want a car.

That is the first line of Batman Robin.

And he goes, chicks, dig the car.

He's like, you have your bat motorcycle, whatever it is.

But that's the first line of a Batman movie.

I want a car.

It does set the tone for this film pretty strongly.

I mean, like, they really are getting.

Kids, don't you want a car?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

That might as well be the first line of the commercial for the Batmobile toys.

Oh, I'm sure it was.

By the way, turn on some fucking lights in this world.

Every room is in complete darkness.

There's not a single lit thing, and it's a disadvantage, I think, for everybody.

But yeah, the whole movie is just...

It's dark.

It's dark, but not like Tim Burton dark and interesting.

It's just like, no, no, no, we'll just just have really low lights.

Well, you're bringing up Tim Burton.

I want to play What If for a second.

Okay, because this is kind of the temperature of the times, and

this is what Warner Brothers really wanted to do here.

If this movie had been a success,

their plan would obviously have been to do another one.

They signed Joel Schumacher to do another one.

But there was another property that they were developing at that time with Tim Burton, which was the failed Nicholas Cage as Superman

film.

And I don't know if you've seen some of the work that Steve Johnson and his special effects team have done online, but there's a bunch of costume tests

of the suit, and it's really incredible just because

it's so far away from

anything that we know about the character.

It's Tim Burton's interpretation of Superman as played by Nicholas Cage.

And there are pictures of Nick Cage with a gigantic mullet, which Superman was wearing at that time.

He had long hair,

just in the back.

And so the mind wanders into the possibilities of there being a world's finest Nicholas Cage, George Clooney.

And

what that would have been like.

That would have been amazing.

Just Nicholas Cage and, I mean, but maybe Clooney doesn't stick around.

So

who would be the next guy in 1980s, 90s?

Jasper Van Diem.

Ah!

Yeah, okay.

Hot off of Starship Troopers.

Get him in there.

But yeah, I mean, and George Clooney, I like George Clooney.

He's fine in this movie.

But it's like,

but man, George Clooney and Nicholas Cage together would have been

unbelievable.

The world is robbed of yet another How Did This Get Made?

The ultimate How Did This Get Made?

I would have loved to have seen it.

I mean, basically, if this movie was successful, Christopher Nolan's Batman movies would never exist because this killed the franchise.

It did.

This was done.

I mean, and if it continued, we would be in like, it would be like a bad James Bond series.

It would be like Batman 12, and here's another another lesser-known villain.

I can't even, I don't even want to think about that.

It's so bad.

And this is this movie, too.

I really, it's really very noticeable that Batman can't turn his neck.

Like, he cannot turn his face.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Like, it's very, he's making a lot of big moves.

Well, his neck is clearly...

What a disadvantage.

It looks like a guy in a neck brace.

It's like, just always looking up and never able to look at.

My single favorite shot in the movie is when they're riding their vehicles across the tops of the city.

Yes.

And the Batmobile jumps off and Freeze freezes it and he ejects and then he flies through the windshield of Freeze's vehicle.

And then the next shot you see, it's a very quick shot, but it's the fucking weirdest shot in the whole movie because they don't do this.

Like, so you see, the next shot you see is his cape, and then it kind of becomes unfolded, and Mr.

Freeze is laying on the ground, and Batman standing over him in a pose, like holding up his arms.

And it's a really quick shot, and it's almost like, I got him.

It was the weirdest shot because

it's almost like,

I don't know, it wasn't necessary, but it was so weird.

Did you guys notice when

Poison Ivy's Plant hangs Batman up?

Like the cape is attached at the thighs.

Like

with a string.

It's like, really?

And also another great chance to get an ass shot in there.

Yes.

Wow.

A solid ass shot.

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I love the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast, and you will too, because every week Seth sits down with fellow SNL alum and comedy, music, sensations, The Lonely Island, to discuss their wildly popular and groundbreaking series of SNL digital shorts that aired on Saturday Night Live beginning in 2005.

Now, I was a super fan of those shorts.

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And does it still even have impact to this day?

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Okay.

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Okay, so, man, obviously we had some opinions about this movie.

You know, and I would say that we didn't love it.

But there are some people out there, some people who really, really liked it.

And I culled together some five-star reviews from Amazon

for a second opinion.

This is from Ryan.

Honestly, if you like Batman movies, action movies, or any kind of movie, I recommend this movie to you.

Oh, Ryan.

So that is a five-star review.

Well, how old was Ryan?

We'll see.

When you're a kid on Amazon, it says kid review, so he must be older.

You can cheat that though.

This is the one that kind of got a little dark.

Cheryl Kane Neal writes, No matter what the source of the crime, these heroes gave it their all in protection of human life.

Even though these epics of action and adventure, they were best portrayed with dignity and comfort.

Comfort?

Comfort!

Wow.

What is that?

This woman really had a moment writing this.

Wait, what was Gossip Gertie's real name again?

Okay, this is

another one.

Jeffrey writes, what's wrong with this movie?

I don't care what you say.

The film is good, other than the directing and the plot being a little bit bad, but that's nothing.

No, the directing is bad and the script is bad, but that's nothing.

Forget about that.

And then the and he finishes off his review by saying this: he reviews all the Batman movies: Batman, bad.

Batman Returns, terrible.

Batman Forever, bad.

Batman Begins, Christopher Nolans, terrible.

Batman and Robin, excellent.

Five stars.

The only one that he liked.

And Batman.

And just so Batman returns and Batman begins, both terrible.

And Batman, at least, is just bad.

Wow, that's incredible.

Nominated for 11 Razzies.

11 Razzies on this movie.

A big, a big, big accomplishment.

Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you guys popped out to you?

Anything else that we...

It's just, you know, it's really funny is the randomness that happens.

It's like there's no really cohesive

storytelling message throughout the film film because they just keep throwing weirder and weirder shit.

This, this, you know, the Scooby-Doo special effect, sound effects.

Yeah.

You know.

And it's added midway through.

So it's like, I feel like people made changes.

Like, even Uma Thurman, she's dressed all sexy the entire time.

And then all of a sudden, like, in one scene, she's in like a full green jumper.

And it's like, wait, wait, bring back a sexy version of her.

Like, she should be in that one.

That one that came out of the gorilla.

I couldn't make heads or tails out of Uma Thurman's character at all.

Oh, I mean.

I didn't know what she was doing.

I didn't know what her point was.

She was truly like there were so many characters in this movie that it's just a mess well i mean her i mean her character basically just wants to save the have the plants come back and but she also is upset when mr freeze says he has a wife he like she's been killing all the men and then like freeze is like i have to save my wife and she's like oh you have a wife huh didn't mention that woman show yeah it's like but but what do you want to do by the way great poison ivy anytime anytime it is a pretty good one

But what was very funny is when the epic, the fight with Batgirl, she pulls out a two and a half inch tiny blade that looks very dull and won't cut anything.

And then they have her check her fucking makeup while she's fighting.

You know what?

Chicks dig that stuff, man.

That's what ladies do.

That's how ladies fight.

Have you ever been to the fucking Bronx?

That's how they fight, though.

Not only is this movie set back filmmaking, it set back

vision of women and action movies.

It set back racial stereotypes.

Everything takes a giant step back.

And it must have been crazy because you feel like George Clooney must have been like, oh, fuck, did I blow it?

Did I like...

Should I have been staying on ER?

Yeah, because this is, yeah, this is the movie that he put it in.

It's funny because you can find videos of him online going, I killed the Batman franchise.

Oh, yeah, he talks about it.

He talks about it.

He's really open about it.

I think he was in the, like, he got called to the president of Warner Brothers' office, and the guy's like, doesn't even give him an option.

He's like, you're the next Batman.

And he's like, oh, okay, I guess I'm doing that now.

So it's it's work is work.

He had, I mean,

there was a rough little moment there for him, I feel like.

That was, I mean, because it's like, what happens next to George Queen?

But he obviously came back and did it.

It made 60-something million its first weekend.

And then its total domestic was like 103.

Like wait, this Batman movie?

Yeah.

Wait, I thought it says here on WGA.

Oh, I thought it was much smaller than that.

Let's see.

It says here,

oh, yeah, you're right.

Total gross, 237.

I mean, worldwide.

That's worldwide.

Paid for itself, but only just, you know, and

it made everybody re-evaluate what the fuck they were doing.

Pretty much people say this is the worst superhero movie made of all time.

And I totally agree.

There's a lot.

This is bad ones, yeah.

Catwoman.

Catwoman.

We've talked about it.

Roger Corman, Fantastic Four.

Oh, that's

Howard the Duck.

Another, another, I could throw Marvel under the bus a little bit.

Another one there.

I mean, they deserve that for those two.

Do you want to hear the first and third choice for Mr.

Freeze?

Yeah.

Well, first of all,

Arnold Schwarzenegger, not the first choice to play Mr.

Freeze.

Who do you think the first choice to play Mr.

Freeze was?

I'm going to say Kevin Coster.

Go Tom Hanks.

Jason.

I'm guessing Robin Williams.

Anthony Hopkins.

Oh!

Anthony Hopkins said no.

And Dumi Joe Black.

That would have been amazing.

I really want to see that now.

Third choice, Hulk Hogan.

No,

yes.

I cannot see Hulk Hogan turning down.

Well, at the time, it was Hollywood Hulk Hogan.

He never would have turned it down.

Oh, my gosh.

Wow.

I cannot, but Anthony Hopkins, though, would have been amazing.

The tiny little ice man or Mr.

Freeze.

That would be great.

That whole movie, because just the script probably would not have changed in him running around in that costume.

all the puns, like to go from Hannibal Lecter, the fucking Captain Freeze pun.

And now we'd have

Arnold Schwarzenegger, no doubt, as Odin in the Thor movies.

Oh, man.

It is.

What a mess.

This movie is great.

You have to see it.

Yeah, exactly.

You have to see it.

It is hard to find.

I found it on Amazon for very cheap.

You can buy Muse and stuff there, but I recommend seeing it.

You have to at all costs.

You would recommend seeing it, right?

Oh, I mean, just try it.

See if you can get through it.

I would absolutely recommend if you're with a bunch of buddies and you want to have a laugh.

People spent a lot of time and energy making this thing.

$125 million went into this movie.

Wait, now you said there was something a callback in the animated series.

Yeah, I just thought this was so cool.

There was an episode of Batman, the animated series.

It was kind of later on where it was centered, the episode centered around these three little boys.

And none of them have actually seen the Batman.

They live in Gotham.

They heard about the legend.

And each little boy tells their own version of what they think the Batman really is.

And the first one tells this story about, oh, my uncle saw him one night at a,

he was a museum security guard.

And the story that he tells is animated in the style of the opening of the old live-action TV show, where it really looks like that animated style.

next kid has a has a style where where he's telling a story where it's basically the Dark Knight returns.

And then before the third kid can tell his story, this one kid named Joel shows up and he's got a boa wrapped around his neck.

And

he's coming out of his dad's store and his dad's a shoemaker.

And he's like, I see the Batman as having like nipples and like you see his butt all the time.

And they're like, come on, Joel.

He doesn't do that.

That's completely inaccurate.

So even the people who create the canon for Batman were like, dude, this was horrible.

Well, I mean, I think it breaks the general rule of Batman.

Batman is like a social gad flying that's not Bruce Wayne.

Yeah.

Batman.

Like, Batman is invited to events.

Yeah, Batman goes to events.

He like hangs out for photo ops.

It's like, Batman.

There might as well be a scene where he's like a DJ.

Yeah.

If it was made now, he would totally be like DJing every Friday at the Hard Rock Ditch Fridays.

He'd be there all the time.

I will tell you and remind you that in Batman Returns, Batman did scratch a CD.

I don't know if you remember that part.

He recorded the villain's monologue so he could out the penguin as being a bad guy, not really the real mayor.

And as he's playing it,

it's like a bat CD player with a bat logo on the CD from the Bat Cave.

And he's playing it.

He's like, this town's going to rot.

And this town's going to fucking fucking fucking fucking rot.

And it's like, Michael Keaton's there, like, scratching the CD.

So it already happened.

Oh, man.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

And it makes you, and I think I've just gotten so brainwashed to the Chris Nolan version of Batman that it's so shocking that this is a successful franchise.

I just can't imagine being George Clooney and watching that movie at the premiere and just thinking.

Everyone.

Oh,

everyone.

Even El McPherson, like, why did I do this?

This is bad for my career.

My one line.

I should never have done it.

Even Chris O'Donnell, I read this article where he said that whenever he would complain about the script, Joel Schumacher would go, shut up!

It's a comic!

It's not.

So he would just, yeah, it was ridiculous.

Well, go check out this movie.

Do whatever you can.

Thank you very much to all of our guests.

Matt, Jesse, thank you so much.

Would you guys have anything to plug?

Anything you want to

tune in to Tackle the Show?

It's 7 o'clock weekdays on G4 and listen to the Nerdist Podcast if you don't already.

You can follow me on Twitter at JScott with1TFalcon.

Oh.

And go buy some great Marvel products, guys.

Like it.

NTSF SDSUV, the show I do on Adult Swim, is coming back this week, August 9th, 12.15, following Children's Hospital.

Check that out.

June is in it.

I'm in it.

A bunch of great people are in it.

You'll like it, I think.

It's second season.

It's good.

And Jason, what do you got?

Nothing really, guys.

I got really nothing to plug.

Feel really bad about it.

Hey, you know what?

It's cool.

It's hey, don't, don't, don't worry about it, man.

It's

sometimes

out.

I should have thought of something to plug.

All right.

Well, we have our t-shirts.

They're amazing.

The Crank 2 t-shirts.

Thank you to everybody here at Earwolf, Dave, Steffi, for pulling these clips for us every single week.

We'll see you next time.

Bye-bye.

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