Kraven the Hunter LIVE! w/ Jessica St. Clair

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First, there was Black Panther.

Now, there is white tiger.

We saw Craven, so you know what that means.

And it just can be

scarred.

ice.

Cause they're bad Jim Barney looking kind of nice.

All this shoes getting liberal.

Jason is getting lame.

Julius makes the shower all the monkey shots in the pain.

And just a bunch of movies while they making the grave.

Here's a real question for you.

How did this get paid?

Hello, people of Earth.

Hello, people of Austin, Texas.

Yes,

we are live in Texas to talk about Craven, colon the hunter.

A movie that IMDb describes as this.

Craven's complex relationship with his ruthless father, Nikolai Kravanoff, starts him down a path of vengeance with brutal consequences, motivating him to become not only the greatest hunter in the world, but also one of its most feared.

Tagline?

Villains aren't born.

They're made.

That's right.

This movie had a budget of $130 million.

Opening weekend was $11 million.

Domestic gross, $25 million.

Rough one.

Rough one.

Here's what I'm going to say.

I fucking loved it.

I loved this movie.

Russell Crowe with a Russian accent.

Come on.

And I got to tell you, I'm going to, well, I'll say some things that are sarcastic for sure, but Aaron Taylor Johnson, fucking ready for it.

I'm like,

that guy is performing with his dick out the entire movie.

And I love it.

I'm like, yeah, man.

He got it.

He got some memo.

He's like, this is where I'm going.

I'm like, I'm in.

I'm all in.

But you know what?

I might be the only person with this opinion.

Because tonight, we're going to break it all down.

But first, let me introduce my co-host.

Please welcome to the stage, Mr.

Jason Manzukas.

What's up, jerks?

Let's go.

Let's go, Texas.

That's right.

Last time I was in this state, you tried to kill me with COVID.

This time, don't you give me those measles.

I don't want your measles.

Is there a baby in the house?

Guess what?

I'm not holding it because of the measles.

Get it together, Texas.

Jason Craven the Hunter.

Wow, did I

see it before it was an assignment?

I've started it.

I started it honestly probably six weeks ago.

Okay.

I started about six weeks ago.

I watched the opening act.

I watched the prison cold open.

I was was like, we're definitely going to do this.

So I stopped.

I stopped because I was like, God help me if I have to watch this more than once.

And it's over two hours.

Wait a second.

You didn't like the opening prison sequence?

I liked it fine, but I was still like, I know this is dog shit.

Spoiler alert, I was fucking right.

I've seen Morpheus.

I know what we're up to.

I know how good this could be.

I know what it is.

Boy, that was, this movie is rotten to the core.

but the accents are good well

i mean i i have a lot of questions about the accents all right like like what region of the world does everybody come from europe it is but it but the brothers have american accents when they want to

you know you slip in and out of accents um look this movie is a referendum on the manosphere

we are gonna

bring out somebody who might have a lot of opinions about.

She's gonna be a special guest on this entire tour with us.

There are no trash can fires, but I think there are gonna be a lot of things in this movie that are going to upset her.

Please welcome Jessica St.

Clair.

Welcome, Jessica.

I knew I'd be tortured.

I knew I'd be tortured by a film.

This I felt would be right up your alley.

You got sex.

It's got hikers.

Well, I spent the first 15 minutes thinking we were in the post-apocalyptic future.

Sure.

So that was confusing.

Right.

Just a Russian prison.

Yeah, it's not.

Where somehow I suspect we will all find ourselves soon.

Honestly.

I was like, here we go.

And it's cold, so you know they're going to be lighting those trash cans on fire.

But then

he took his shirt off.

I said, that's something for mommy.

Something for daddy and mommy.

Oh, wait, baby daddy already?

Those baby abbies.

Mommy likes those baby what?

Baby Abby's abbies.

Baby Abby?

You call those his baby Abby?

I don't understand.

Are you fetishizing him having a child set of abs

there ain't no hair on that chest no hair or all the hair of the world that's right that guy is hairless he is hairless and he is finding oh he's slick as a seal baby he is finding reasons to take off that shirt except for an odd hour where he's just wearing a suit yeah which seems that's weird yeah she should have taken that shirt off um we have a very special guest tonight uh joining us to help break down craven the hunter uh you her from podcasts like How Did This Get Made?

Please welcome June Diane Ravio

Stand in Ovation.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

There's someone in my seat, Paul.

Welcome.

Welcome to a show that is certain to go down in history as Chaos Unlimited.

Welcome, June.

How are you?

I'm okay.

How are you, Paul?

I'm well.

Thank you so much for being here.

June, thoughts on Craven the Hunter?

Gosh.

Well,

first of all, listen, there are more women on this stage than there are in the movie.

That's for sure.

There's truly, I've never seen anything like this.

Like, this is, this came out in 2024.

Yes.

Dune offstage did say, when did this come out?

Yeah.

Because

to have one woman, there is one female character in this movie.

Yeah.

And then you lose track at the end.

What happened to her?

I don't know.

She's gone.

I'm so sorry.

There's the female pilot.

Who's an essential part of his crew, whose face we never see.

Never.

Now, Grant.

She was paid as an extra.

They were like, you don't have the money.

Just shoot her from behind.

At a certain point, because I actually, I thought that there was a lot of energy spent not seeing her to the point where I was like, she's going to be someone special.

Right.

We want that kind of thing.

We're going to see her.

Yeah.

And then as the movie went on, I said, where is she?

Where is she?

Where is she?

And then at one point, I thought, that was his mom.

Because I had to make, because I had to make some.

What are you talking about?

I thought it has to be his mom.

They're going to reveal it's his mom.

And they got back together and he found her and now she's working for him.

I would love that.

I would love that.

By the way, better movie.

By the way,

my mind had.

I wish my mom was a pilot.

I would love to work for both of my sons in the future, by the way.

That's a pilot.

Sounds like a dream.

But I had to make these connections and I had to make these storylines because none were provided to me as a viewer.

No connective tissue.

I have a question, and you very well may, but do you guys know which superhero this movie is is directly related to?

You are right in the pocket where I

didn't know

it was a superhero movie.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Wait.

Until when?

Are you just finding out now?

Honestly, until...

This is crazy.

Until that guy turned into a rhino at the end.

Okay.

So you did notice.

I'm not joking.

No.

This is not a bit.

I didn't know.

I just thought this is a story about a man who can talk to animals.

Sort of like a Dr.

Doolittle with abs.

Yes.

I got to tell you, Justin.

Shredded Doolittle.

I'm not that far off.

I also.

Oh, we got a high five.

That's right.

High five.

I also.

That's not my kind of superhero.

He's an assassin.

He's a murderer.

And I agree with a lot of what he's doing.

And I do see his eyes turning.

And I do see he can scale walls.

Aside from that, aside from scaling walls, like lions.

You tell me.

Right.

Would it surprise you if I said this character?

Okay.

You're not going to reveal it just yet.

Are you?

I'm not going to reveal it.

Is primarily known as a villain.

What?

Is the villain to a very popular superhero.

This is amazing.

Spider-Man.

It is a Spider-Man villain.

This is Kraven the Hunter, a huge Spider-Man villain.

Is that true?

Huge true.

See what I was saying.

But they're both fighting for justice.

I agree.

They are trying to weirdly make him a hero in this movie, and he is a villain.

Well, that's

your first problem, I guess.

Primarily for a storyline in the Spider-Man comics where he kills Spider-Man, buries him in the ground, and then lives as Spider-Man, trying to be a better Spider-Man.

Well, that's a dick.

Spoiler alert for Kraven's Last Hunt.

And so to watch this, I was like, this is mystifying.

Wow.

By the way, I do have, I mean, I have that issue with Disney movies now, too, where every villain has to like have all humanity restored.

And I'm like, let a villain be a villain.

Sometimes scar is just scar.

Yeah.

Sometimes Donald Trump is.

That guy's got to be dad.

Yes.

Here is a thing that you should know.

Wait, I just heard you.

This is how fucked up this movie has made me.

I just heard you say, here is.

Like, people are now sounding vaguely Russian to me when they're not meaning to.

Here is the problem.

A little thing that you should know, which is this:

they can't reference Spider-Man in these movies.

This is Sony's version of the Marvel world, and they only can really reference these

side characters.

So, the characters that are in this world are Venom,

Morbius, who we did a few years ago.

June has no memory of it.

Yes.

The vampire, Jared Leto vampire, remember?

Okay, still nothing.

No, listen, I wish I could erase it from my mind.

And now, Craven.

So they can never reference Spider-Man.

They can never exist with Spider-Man.

So they have to look at the market.

I think what makes me so mad, though, Paul, sorry to interrupt, but I'm like, I want to say to all the men of the world, there are other problems to solve.

Like, let's not be working out

how we can reference Spider-Man, but not, but also tie

the great minds got together.

Yeah.

It's like there are other things

that work on.

Collectively, they've probably spent over a billion dollars making Spider-Man adjacent movies

that do not reference Spider-Man at all.

That's so strange.

That's fucking

wild.

Bizarre in the weirdest way.

It would, yeah, it really is.

It's weird, and it's why this movie doesn't work in many ways.

But I'll say this.

That opening, I thought was great.

I was like, I'm in the prison.

This is cool.

Then we got to go back 16 years.

I got to find out how this motherfucker became this guy.

I don't care.

And that's like a Prince Harry and William story to me.

You know, I thought we were looking at, you know, the royal family.

Yeah, the heir and the spare.

The heir and the spare, which is another lens.

And if we could spend time talking about the Megan Markle series, I'd have a better time today.

Let's get into it.

Let's dig on.

Well,

love that, Keish.

Come on.

Listen.

I will say.

There There were some fundamental things I didn't understand, though.

One is when they kept on calling the other brother, the spare, a bastard,

so is Russell Crowe not his father?

He's his father, but not the mom, it's the different mom.

It's a different mother.

Where's that woman?

Oh, I'm sure he's killed her as well.

He's he's a

praying man too.

He's a true villain.

Russell Crowe is not a good dad.

Yeah.

By the way, I thought it was John Goodman.

No joke.

First time I saw him, I said, oh, here's a dramatic term for John Goodman.

Good for him.

Those are some nice residuals.

You saw his neckerchief and you were like, all right, John Goodman.

You're like, oh, shit, King Ralph's in this?

Truth.

The fact that

Russell Crowe pops in with a heavy Russian accent, I was like, I'm in.

I'm 100% accessible.

I wish he'd been in the whole movie.

I wish he was in the movie front to back.

And I didn't bat an eye at that accent.

And he's like, got it, love it, keep going.

Because he's got a commitment to it.

Like, most people, when they're uncomfortable with their accent, they're like, would

they're like quietly like, I am speaking in Russian.

He's like, I'm speaking in Russian, and it will be this.

And sometimes it will be like a pirate.

But it definitely

sounds so much like the Italian priest, exorcist priest, and it also sounds exactly like his Zeus from the

the Thor movie.

He's got one

accent all across.

And I mean, I'd rather honestly listen to 30-odd foot of grunts.

Good band.

They know how to party.

Well, the real mystery is how

the younger brother has no accent when we see him.

And I mean none.

Nothing.

Well, no.

And when old Taylor Johnson's not doing Russian stuff, he sounds like he's doing a Matthew McConaughey.

Yeah.

Like when she's like, did you do it?

And he switches for the first time into his American accent.

And he's like, good for me, bad for him.

I thought he was going to be like, all right, all right, all right.

Yeah.

And he takes off his shirt like, yep, he's a freezing cold.

Most of the movie, they live in London.

Like, I don't understand.

What is the world of this movie?

Does this movie take place in a world where everybody can be anywhere in half an hour?

Like when they're like, we think he's in Siberia, they drive there in trucks.

How?

I mean, I checked you were in Turkey, motherfuckers.

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Now, I know that we've already revealed that yes, Craven is a villain in the Spider-Man world.

There's some other characters in here that are also established people.

And if you were confused, they really hammer at home when they introduce Calypso and say her name 15 times in 35 seconds.

Is she a person?

Is she a person?

She is a person.

Yes.

She's also a Spider-Man villain.

Listen, Calypso.

She's a villain.

Villain.

Villains.

And is connected to Craven in the file.

A villain.

Yeah.

A fat villain.

Villain.

She speaks.

A villain.

Oh, period.

Calypso,

who is the lawyer who,

like, at a certain point, we set up.

Craven is the hunter.

He can find anyone.

He found her off of a tarot card.

That's all he had.

And he's like, hey, look, I need your help finding people.

What?

Wait a second.

I don't know if

I don't know if you've heard him, but Craven is, dot, dot, dot, a hunter.

Yes.

There's so many ellipses in everything he says oh everything i hunt dot dot dot people

i have a lot

i love it i love it it's like a crossfit instructor is is in a superhero movie it's like

yeah man i'm i'm doing it i'm doing like he's

got a lot of assuredness in this character and i think you need it when your powers are so hard to figure out what they are right like what are they paul

i don't know i'm saying like i'm like yes he's a hunter which I get, but he seems to have a lot of powers that a lion would have.

Can I say something?

He, in the beginning, is really critical of his dad for using a gun to fight an animal.

Right.

And he makes a pretty sweeping statement about weapons and human hunting.

But then he uses weapons all the time.

To hunt people.

To hunt people.

But

usually not guns.

Usually like bladed weapons.

Which, by the way, his armory is all like knives.

When his shit is not a game, I guess I'll just, but I'm trying to understand what his ideology is.

What he lives on.

Russell Crowe, like, what he's upset is, animals don't have guns.

Like, if an animal had a gun, he could use a gun.

Oh.

That's what, that's, that's it.

Arm the animals.

Right, Texas, who's with me?

Woo!

Which, by the way, Marvel did do in a series called Brute Force.

Oh, no.

Which was like a dolphin with a machine gun that also turns out.

The best thing to stop a bad guy with a gun is a dog with a gun.

No?

Okay, Texas.

But I think that that is it.

Like, I think it's explained here.

Beth, can you play clip two?

Nicolai, who shouldn't talk?

Save your pip.

No, it's a condition.

Oh, there's a guy now.

As long as I take a few breaks here and there.

One thing that you should know about me is that I'm always thinking of the future.

I want you to be my partner.

Doesn't he look like John Goodman right now?

He looks like Dan from Roseanne getting home from the factory.

Right?

Shut the fuck up, Donnie.

Alexei.

I thought it was Jason.

He looks like Walter.

Looks like Walter from the Boucher.

You're out of your element, Donnie.

Jason Schwartzman and John Goodman in

the hunter.

So what can some non-name non-existent?

255.

Except Schwartzman's got

the

no-cut

Anton Shigur hair.

He's like, give me the Shigor hair.

Teach you.

Well, we can stop the clutch.

But I believe that what they're kind of saying is you basically hunt to

the predators'

capabilities, right?

So if you're fighting a human and they have a gun, you can have a gun, right?

Because it's fair.

And I think what the son didn't like was, here's a poor lion.

My dad's using a gun.

What a jerk.

So what in that scenario, what would he have preferred his dad use?

His bare hands.

Yeah.

Or a tiger's tooth.

Yeah.

Guys, in that scene, he said to that guy, to Rhino, he said, I'm teaching my sons the joy of stalking.

Yeah.

And you're bothering me.

Yeah.

This is.

I can't wait to do that for my sons.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, we need a child psychologist immediately.

Because this is.

Do we, though?

Because it's all...

I don't even think this is subtext.

This is text.

This is how you create monsters yes when when the mother dies he just says we go to hut

when someone says that to you something bad is going to happen and keep in mind normally these people are fighting a teenager in Queens

that's what they're normally in service of fighting a teenage web swinger from Queens

Here's the thing in Spider-Man when Spider-Man gets bit by the spider in every version of Spider-Man we have to to always see it.

When he's learning how to be Spider-Man, he does like, whoa, whoa, what's this?

What's going on?

When this motherfucker gets the blood of a lion and drinks some syrup, he

is doing everything and has seemingly no reaction.

Like, he climbs up a whole building, and you're like, he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He never is like, what's going on?

He never has a question.

He never explains it to anyone.

Well, because we have a 15-year time jump, so we never get to see that.

But what?

We see him out of the hospital.

He climbs up a wall immediately.

I guess we do.

And he does it.

We do get the visual effect of him having like a zoom-in vision that's like having a telescope in a video game.

No, he's still

have that.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, does he have a bat power?

He has a lot of powers.

He also, I will say this.

Don't trust New York City.

I think it's a New York City hospital.

I don't trust that hospital.

That ER was way too chill.

They fly him in.

They're operating like, ah, he's dead.

And And then that doctor's just like, well, all right.

So what do I got to do tonight?

He wakes up and she's like, oh, shit.

Like, you know, like,

they're leaving him in there just cooking.

Like, dead.

So interesting is there's an element of this that is inside of, I know

we didn't get to play the Calypso clip, but inside of Calypso's world, a world of like magic and potions and tarot cards or these cards and spirituality and all this stuff that's so interesting.

And all of her whole thing just gets plugged into this dumb dildo.

Yeah.

He gets to soak it up in the middle of the day.

How about she drinks the thing?

I'd like her to drink her own potion.

Nope.

But he had an extra one.

Oh, yeah, no.

When she had that extra one, it's like, oh, well, we don't have another one.

Actually, I did.

Sorry.

I did.

I did.

What are her superpowers moving forward after this movie?

I couldn't quite tell you.

Calypso's a character I don't know very well.

It's not a big character, but I'm sure there's a nerd here who will.

Well, I will tell you, June 10th.

There's a Morgan in the room.

Is there a Marvel Morgan in the room?

Right there, right there.

Back there.

I will say one of her powers is to build clients with, she has great Excel skills.

Shoulder pads.

She had some real sharks.

Well, let me see if I can.

All right, we're going to go talk to our Calypso expert.

All right, here we go.

We flew him all the way up.

Oh, there's people that have jerks t-shirts.

Yeah.

So many jerks t-shirts.

Wow.

Wow, wow.

If people are in competition groups, you want to hi, how are you?

What's your name?

Do you have your son in one?

Great word.

This kid is fortified.

You're traumatizing him like John Goodman does.

The son, for those who can't, is like this.

He's like, we go to Hutt.

You're doing great.

You're doing great.

The son is the hero.

The dad is the villain.

We go to Hutt.

As we've learned from this movie, the son is the hero, the dad is the villain.

All right, so

I'm here with Calypso expert.

Tell me about Calypso.

What do you got?

Hey,

long-time listener, first-time caller.

My name's Shay.

Calypso is a voodoo sorceress from Haiti.

Yes, a Haitian voodoo sorceress.

That I do remember.

But what are her power?

A part-time lawyer?

Not normally.

Oh, my God.

I think that's like a side thing.

Okay.

All right, but in the comics, her whole thing is like she's sometimes Craven's lover, but all the time like his partner.

And basically, she helps imbue him with the powers of the animals.

So she gives them the potions, and so she can give them like a snake part.

That's a great thing.

All right, I like that.

Okay.

So they work in, they're a good team.

They work in concert.

She's giving him access to different animals.

She's giving him access.

Yeah, so she's also.

Oh, yeah.

Let's give him

access.

Why didn't we get to see a single smoochie?

Thanks.

Yeah.

Kind of waiting for it.

Because canonically, people this hot don't fuck.

What?

Because people don't know that cooking up is full of carbs.

It does.

Give it up for today.

It does feel like Craven and his family are a bunch of incels just roaming the country.

Yes.

Truly.

I feel like their hunting party has the Tate brothers in it somewhere.

Just tucked in like a couple of creeps.

What is this?

I did write down at one point 41 minutes and there's still no discernible plot.

Like there's, like, I don't know what I'm, I'm just watching scenes, I'm getting an idea, I'm living in a world, and I'm like, we should start.

Because Dimitri's

Dimitri's kidnapping happens very late, right?

Yeah, over 45 minutes in.

Right, because the thing with these movies that I don't watch is like, it has to make it, this time it's personal, right?

I don't know what's that from.

Who cares?

But it has to be personal.

Let it cook.

It's not meeting.

No, no, no.

I'd say, let's make it personal.

But this is the whole story.

The whole movie is like, we can't know who Craven is because then they'll come after the people that you love.

Well, he's got two.

Who cares?

That's it.

And it doesn't seem like he loves his dad, so he's really got one.

Also, that's Spider-Man's whole thing.

Right.

Craven the Hunter is like, I'm Craven the Hunter.

I'm here to hunt you.

Get ready.

That's his whole thing: I'm Craven the Hunter.

Hello, it's me.

I'm going to hunt you now, Spider-Man, little spider.

When they show his little face, I'm curious, why does he want to hunt Spider-Man?

Because Spider-Man, he.

Spider-Man is not in this film at all.

I know, but I think he's getting so much angry.

It's simply more interesting than what we saw.

Sorry.

It would be.

I agree because I agree.

We do not understand.

Theoretically, Craven is hunting the bad guys, the poachers,

the villains, the truly evil.

He's making a list, checking it twice, going to find out if you're naughty or nice.

And if you're naughty, you're fucking dead.

Yeah.

He is Santa Santa Claus of the jungle.

His list, he says I have a list so many times in this movie.

And he checks one person off.

But by the way, it doesn't seem like that's his own list.

It seemed like he got that list off of somebody's desk.

Two, I guess two.

That same room.

He kills two guys in that room.

That's it.

But that scene where he has that ledger.

Had a great line, which is, where is so-and-so?

And he says, you're standing in him.

Yes.

That was a good line.

That was great.

No, it had, there was some fun, like, dumb stuff in it.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

I love.

I mean, do you love the movie, though?

Do you love the movie male?

I like it.

Do you know what else I thought to myself?

I thought a lot about the hair, and I know that's really June's area.

And I knew I didn't think you were going to be.

That's June's hairia.

It's your area.

Did you say hairia?

Yeah, high five of them.

High five of them.

High five.

Boom.

But I literally thought

this is the hair when Jason closes his eyes that he wants.

Like, if I found out, you, Cravens, ATJ.

If I found out, you think I want ATJ's hair?

I feel like if I found, if I picked up your phone and I saw a screenshot of that guy's hair and you brought it into your barber, you're like, can you give me this?

Can you give me the craven?

When have you ever seen that?

That's the hair you want.

That's the hair you want.

It's not.

You can't do it, but you want it.

How?

It's time for you to stand up and tell the people that you want.

You want that hair.

You do.

I think you're you're projecting your desire to have me looking like this as my desire.

Methinks thou dost protest too much.

See?

This just tells me I'm right.

This acting out tells me I'm right.

Right, balcony?

I would never look like that.

Number one,

two

hairless.

Too hairless.

I'm not interested in this nonsense.

Nor should you be.

Come on.

Everybody's interested in it, but those abs look like they've been.

If I played Kraven, which I would have loved to,

I would have been a Kraven who fucks.

Okay?

That's your superpower.

That's what I'm saying.

Before you kill a bad guy, my commitment to you is: if they sign me up for a superhero movie, my character will fuck.

Also, you know what?

People with beards,

every person with the beard is a bad man.

Every person in this is a bad man.

Bad, bad man.

Well, by the way, Jason, I'm surprised it didn't come to you.

Wait a second.

I didn't love that ellipses.

Jason, I'm surprised it didn't come.

To you.

Now,

because the people who turned down the role of Craven were Brad Pitt, Pitt,

Keanu Reeves,

John David Washington, Adam Driver.

Everyone said no.

The movie was delayed for two years because people kept on saying, no, no, no.

And what was this guy up to?

He was with me.

They saw some footage of Bullet Train, and they were like, how about this guy?

Great.

And then they put him in.

And by the way, I think he did a great job.

I like him.

He did a great job.

I think that he played it.

Thank you.

He did a great job.

Yeah.

Oh, he's a great job.

yeah.

He's done no favors by this movie.

I think Aaron Taylor Johnson is a very good actor.

But this movie is insufferably boring.

And

oftentimes we all collectively, the audience and all the other characters know what's going on.

And Craven doesn't.

His whole thing is, I know everything.

I'm the hunter.

I'm stalking you.

I'm observing you.

And then oftentimes he's like, where's Dimitri?

Where am I?

What am I going?

I shouldn't have fallen fallen asleep in the park with my shoes off.

Yes, he's bad.

He's bad.

The whole thing about he should.

And the problem is there, listen, there are some sequences, like the whole opening sequence I loved.

But then there are other sequences, action sequences, where he's, when he doesn't have his shoes on, he's running through the streets.

And you just hear those flat feet

on pavements over and over and over and over.

Jump off of a skyscraper to the ground, but cannot catch them 40 feet away on flat ground.

He really is more just like a kitty cat.

That's why, by the way, when you said he's someone major's, you know, nemesis, I thought, well, cat woman.

Oh.

Because he's doing a lot of

planking.

He's back around.

He has to plank.

Yeah.

Boy, does that look good drawn in comics, and does it not look good in person?

I will also tell you.

I'm being on all fours.

Maybe we figured it out.

It's like that woman from the grudge, or what is it, the thing that crawls in the ring where she's going to go well.

What does she do?

She crawls up.

Gets you in the shower.

Wait, the grudge woman gets you in the shower?

Yeah, right?

She's coming out of the shower, Jess.

That's what happened.

I'm in your shower.

She's always in your shower, leaving long, dark hair.

I'm going to grudge you.

Watch out.

You're going to get grudge.

I got grudge on you.

Maybe that's the reason why they don't hook up is because he's got like that same thing, like a cat's tongue, so it feels like sandpaper.

Ew, Pa.

How do you wait, do you know that from making out with your cat?

I know it from my fanfic where he goes down on Calypso and she's like, oh, ow.

Ew.

Sorry.

Ew.

I'm sorry.

I can't read it.

It's in the lobby.

Put some potion on there first.

Put some potion on there first.

Here's the thing that got me: is

Craven seemingly has been living in the jungle since he's 16.

Like, he leaves, lives in the jungle, builds that nice little.

By the way, let's talk about what he built.

I'm like, don't worry about all of these bad guys on that list of yours.

Like, you have a wonderful career ahead of you in architecture and design.

He's in the geodesic dome in Siberia.

I thought it was gorgeous.

I'm going to see that in Dwell magazine.

Also, there's no way.

Also, he lives in the middle of Siberia and there isn't snow on the ground once.

No.

That's global warming.

Yeah.

I had an issue with this.

I don't know if anyone captured it.

When Craven goes to have that fun run in the middle where it's like Craven in the city and he goes to visit his.

It's like Caroline in the City.

Or Sex in the City.

That's right.

The more popular.

I would have loved it.

Caroline in the City, yes.

Very popular.

Give it up for Leah Thompson.

Leah Thompson, a classic lady of the 80s right there.

Love Leah Thompson.

No, no, no.

I would have loved it if in the middle of this movie Craven had been on a date with Samantha

from Sex in the City.

And he was like, rarr.

And she was like, honey.

Yeah, that's a great pair.

So when he goes to surprise his brother in his loft, his brother's in the shower.

And when he comes out of the shower, he's in a full bathrobe.

I noticed that.

What's up?

What's there?

Unless you have a very large shower, like at the gym sometimes.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

And I have a question for June.

June, how do you feel about men in a bathrobe?

That's such a great question.

It's a good area.

I only want to see a man in a bathrobe at a spa.

Great.

I don't want to see men in bathrobes at home.

Here's what I'm not interested in, wearing a bathrobe.

Get it off of my body, get it out of here.

Although

June, we have a friend who hooked up with somebody who had not only a bathrobe for themselves, but one for their overnight guests.

Was it Nick Nulty?

Was it Nick Nulty?

Was Nick Nulty?

But Jason, if somebody, if you slept with someone and then they're like, here, you want this extra bathroom?

I'm not fucking touching that.

I'm in their house?

Yeah.

It's clean.

It's been laundered.

That's wild.

I think it's.

It definitely throws a lot more questions.

I know, but it also depends on the size because, like, I'm okay with a really oversized bathrobe where a man looks really tiny.

Yeah, because I think that's fun.

So you want him to look like it's a home alone scenario.

Yeah, he's like so small in it.

But I don't love when like the hem of it is right here.

Like

a kimono.

Yeah, I don't want to see that.

You don't want a kimono cut?

No.

Yeah.

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Why is his name Craven?

Great question.

I believe because his last name is Kravenoff.

Well, they pronounce it different.

They pronounce it Kravenoff, right?

So should it be Kraven?

It's not an American accent.

It's Kraven.

What's up?

Hey, I'm Kraven.

I'm Kravin.

I'm Russian-born, American-schooled.

I live in Siberia.

I'm an international man of mystery.

That's a hinge profile.

I am not going to get it.

I've got an eight-pack, but I don't fuck.

Seriously.

Because of my cat's tongue.

Don't swipe on me if you aren't cool with me wearing fur.

Okay, speaking of fur,

to jump to the end of the movie, now that I know, now that I know he's Spider-Man's villain, it's all making a little bit more sense, but also, no, it's not at all.

Nothing's helping me.

Yeah, because I did get that he was becoming a villain when he put that

sweater vest on.

It's here.

It's here behind us.

This is the iconic

even,

like the lion's mane vest.

So

he was given that vest

by his dad, who he killed, but then the brother's like, oh, by the way, dad left you something.

So at that point, the dad must have been like, I guess my son's going to kill me.

But here's the thing.

The story between him and his brother, the brother is so upset that his...

The chameleon.

Yes.

The chameleon is so upset that Craven left him when he was 16 years old as he should be.

But, but I thought that dad said that the brother was going back to school in New York.

I believe he did.

So that's a great life.

Yeah.

It was the life his brother had before, and it is away from his father.

June, think about it like this.

16 years ago, in New York, impressions were just not a big form of entertainment.

So you have this Impressionist go there, and people are like, we don't want to see Impressions.

But that's why Bennett was a woman.

Open piano bar in London.

So he came to New York with great, he was like the next rich little, Fred Travellini.

And he's like, ah, buddy, you should have been here in the 80s.

That's when impressions were big.

You know, and then I was like,

I just didn't understand why the brother was painting this as though he had been left with the father the whole time i i don't think that that was true that's how i thought the father wants to keep craven with him he says you will stay here with me and we'll send the bastard away basically is essentially what he's saying he's trying to jon snow him to the wall you know right i think it's because he sent him to fordham and he really wanted to go to columbia oh jesus i i actually thought it was a big problem in the movie because you know, the save the cat moment, right?

Well, they didn't save the cat.

They killed that lion.

They killed it, first of all,

killed the lion.

That was not saved.

And then you're like, oh, I thought Craven was a big dick.

When he left him behind, I'm like, why don't you bring Dimitri along?

You know, like, put him in a side saddle.

You know what I mean?

He can.

Have Dimitri learn how to fly the helicopter.

Thank you.

He does.

When he left him behind, he goes,

I won't be gone forever.

Fuck you.

You leave me with my abusive dad.

What do you think's going to happen to me?

I'm going to turn into a chameleon.

He does.

Well, by the way, he doesn't even turn into a chameleon.

It's a year later.

So it's like after the events of this movie, when the dad is dead, the guy's like, shit, maybe I should go to New York and meet like a sorcerer?

Because he's not evil until the movie is over, which is the craziest fucking turn.

Well, no, it's because when he's with the rhino and the rhino tells him about the...

So the rhino's power inexplicably is derived from his backpack.

Tiny backpack.

Now, let's get it.

I want to be clear.

Like, I, as you know, I love a backpack.

And

is this an Evergoods?

Is this a Tom Bin?

A Topo?

It's not, it's not even a Topo design.

No, it's not.

It's not.

It's some dog shit backpack.

It's some weird dog shit backpack full of nonsense scientific googas.

Who cares?

Right.

And his whole thing is

he's got it jacked into his body and it's giving him like venom juice.

And correct me if I'm wrong, expert from Marvel, but this is not how the rhino works, right?

Correct.

Thank you.

So,

that fact that Facebook is keeping him at bay, like he's circulating.

Let it be the rhino.

Let it be the rhino all the time.

I just want to say one thing.

Does everyone know that Jason, in the year 2000, had a backpack?

Had a hard shell backpack that, quote, he called his go bag

that had at any time in New York City what he needed to survive.

Wow.

In Siberia.

Truly.

Not in Siberia.

If shit went bad.

Yeah.

Like that.

So you reading the watch in the morning.

Well, I hope shit doesn't get crazy.

Let me get my hard shell go bag.

Yeah.

You are craven.

Oh, I wish I could.

I didn't have a haircut.

I wish I was craving.

There we go.

And now we're getting it.

I wish I had his hair.

Oh, no.

So are you saying?

He said it.

He said it.

Are you saying, Jess, that you think that the rhino should have had a hard shell backpack?

It was hard shell, wasn't it?

No, it wasn't

off shell.

It was like a fucking douchey tech bro backpack.

And I was like, I burned their work, but there's nothing in that backpack.

Oh, no, every backpack in this movie is empty.

When they're hunting in the, like, in Africa or wherever, and they're all wearing big, giant backpacks, they're light as a feather.

And the backpacks are like,

they're empty.

They have bubble wrap in them.

It's embarrassing.

It makes me feel like these men can't carry weight.

Wow.

Did you just give this movie like a separate backpack watch or were you both watching?

I watched the fanny backpack scene twice.

I'm looking for labels.

I'm looking for weight distribution.

I'm looking for who's using a detachable hip belt.

I'm looking for materials.

What Denier Cordora is the...

Are these Dynaema?

What?

That's fucked up.

I feel I'm losing you, but I don't care.

I was wondering why he wasn't wearing a fanny pack because I was thinking when he's in that car, I'm like, oh, that's uncomfortable.

You always have to be like, your back, you know, it's like it's too uncomfortable.

Well, it doesn't need all the space in the backpack.

Yeah.

It could easily be condensed into a fanny pack or a sling.

And there's some really nice, attractive fanny packs you could be wearing.

Well, and I think if it was hard shell, which I would argue it should be, if it's protected,

and also he's a rhino.

But my point is,

yes, and

it's not imposing at all.

all but that's my point should as the backpack expert should it have been bigger if it was hard shell would we have thought turtle yes dangerous turtle hero in a half shell yes hero in a half shell very much could have turned into the the turtle character from uh master of disguise okay

this is a pistachio by the way scenario but by the way i will say

like what if again a rhino is not synonymous for having a shell shell on his back, nor, and I'll say it again, a rhino never forgets.

They are combining, whoever wrote this script is not familiar with animals.

Yeah.

Or they see all animals.

It's like, I don't know.

I can't tell different animals.

I'm an animal.

Whoever wrote this script didn't drink any of Calypso's potions.

They didn't drink.

It's so funny because looking at the backpack now, and I'm so glad we have the time to just take a really close look.

Buckle up, Austin.

But

looking at it now, I'm like,

Tuesday, they talked about backpacks for two and a half hours.

I'm also like, it's, and you'll probably disagree, Jason, but I think it's, it's trying to be a very stylish,

sleek look.

I agree.

It's, it's techie and

slick.

I know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's, it's a backpack for people who don't wear backpacks, and that's the thing I get.

You know what?

This is, this is fucking, this, this douche, this fucking douche.

Yeah.

This is the big bad of the movie.

And it's like, no, this guy is like, hey, I swear to God, I have a meeting with Tim Cook.

You got to let me in.

For sure.

I swear to God, I'm on the schedule.

I'm supposed to meet Tim Cook.

Poor Alessandro Navola is doing fantastic work.

And he's like, do I really have to wear the backpack?

Yeah, they're like, you can't get it.

I did not go any better.

This is the type of guy who, like, there something major happened in his life, and he was like, I am not carrying a briefcase anymore.

And then the day happened where he was like, I'm moving into a backpack.

Well, because

he's got to have his hands free.

Yep.

yep yes he's gotta keep his hands free why not just be the rhino all the time no how badass would that be because i guess it's painful question mark who cares they do chop honestly who cares it's painful toughen up but by the way also what a fatal flaw the fucking rhino has oh yeah i am indestructible except for a small hole Small hole that if you put a pen in there, I'm fucking dead.

Also, when the rhino is when the rhino, we see the rhino only in the very end of the movie, fully rhinoed out, right?

And he's on top of a car, and Craven's on top of a car.

They're both on top of vehicles in the middle of a stampede.

And once again, Craven is looking at a human rhinoceros combo and is like, cool.

Nobody's like, what the fuck?

Here's something I actually thought was, why am I doing such high-level work tonight?

But forgive me.

Go ahead.

This is your high-level

work.

Forgive me.

But I thought one of the things that didn't make it scary for me, and it should have been.

And in fact, in the first five minutes, the man next to me on the plane said, are you sure you should be watching this?

What?

Yes.

Because I kept going like this.

Like, because I just thought, oh, what's going to happen?

And, you know, he bit that guy's nose off, I think, at some point.

But I never worried that Craven was going to get beat.

Like, shouldn't we always have some tension?

Well, I thought the rhino never got beat.

The rhino is pretty tough?

Like, it is until he realizes.

Well, you're right.

I mean, look.

Okay.

Oh, God.

He's put his hand in.

I think that,

and, you know, as somebody who has been through this, when you get.

Through what?

When you get chomped in half by a full lion, it's hard to scare you.

That's a chapter that didn't make it into your book.

Couldn't put it.

Didn't get the rights from the lion.

But that's what I think that this movie kind of posits.

It's like, yeah, man, a fucking lion just chomped down on me hard.

I'm not afraid of anything.

Like, and I feel like that's the energy that he carries with him in all.

But here's the interesting thing about the experience with the lion because he becomes, I think, part lion, right?

We think.

I think part lion.

The legend.

But he also has a really intense experience with other animals who he seems to be communicating with.

Like when that bird shows up at his window, and that bird is very much so like, knock, knock, knock, that happened to you.

Hey, bro.

I know, but but then

he has a defense relationship

with the bear as well at the end of the movie.

And the bear, and then also his own herd, his own stampede.

And the snow leopard that attacks him.

Hey, you don't attack me.

I attack you.

With the exception of that snow leopard, the movie posits that lions

are natural friends to every other animal.

Oh, how I'm going to him.

I don't think it doesn't work.

I don't think it's natural friends.

I think he's meant to be establishing dominance over all of them.

Really?

Because they seem like they help him out.

The lion being the apex predator.

But they do so many solids for him.

I agree.

At the very beginning.

No, no, no.

I do think in some way, shape, or form, the movie wants us to believe he is talking or communicating with the animals the way that Aquaman talks with the fish.

But I just have an idea now because,

all right, so the dad does kill the lion that chomps him, right?

Yeah.

And then at the end, end, his dad, I guess, sews him that nice, like,

the vest with the mane on it.

I would imagine that he would not want to wear the mane of that lion because it.

That seemed weird to me, too.

Also, that his dad said, let's just unpack that and go.

I am you, you are me.

Thanks for the gift.

I'm wearing it.

It's weird.

Yeah.

Like, he doesn't want to be his dad.

No, but I think his dad's like,

as much as you don't want to be me, you are.

Fuck you.

I'm dead.

Bye.

Here's the thing.

What's What's crazy in this movie is the stakes are so high.

They're going all over the world.

Everything that's happening has massive, massive,

like, like evil is being perpetrated all over the place.

And

all of it is because of each of these men's reaction only to Russell Crowe.

He has birthed all of this.

Well, because Navola is also like, I couldn't get your father to like me.

So now I'm the rhino.

But no, no, he doesn't want to be the rhino.

He's trying to get the super soldier serum.

Like, he's like, get a rhino.

He doesn't want to be the rhino, but he wants to be strong.

Strong press cravens for him.

But here's, there's

the bummer about this movie is there, there is such a better movie in there about a son who has been abused by his dad and doesn't want to become that man.

And in this over-correcting effort to not become him, he becomes exactly who his father is.

But that's not this movie at all.

Because in the journey to do do that, like we never get to emotionally see that that's anything he's challenged with.

We don't, the movie is not interested in his interior life at all.

And so I don't think he is.

And I don't think he is either.

Not interested.

So when he puts,

when he puts on that vest,

we are sort of left to believe, like, oh, yeah, the vest turned you.

You know what?

And I swear to God,

I guarantee you, this is how they sold it to Aaron Taylor Johnson.

It's the Godfather.

You're Michael Corleone.

Wow.

The godfather is the godfather, and you are trying your best to be good, but at the end, you're bad.

But you're a bad guy.

But he's not a bad guy.

I don't think that's what this show is.

He doesn't break back.

He's not bad.

He's never bad, right?

The brother's bad.

He's not bad.

And then he puts on that.

He's not bad.

Of course, he's not bad.

But because, and again, I'm doing more work than the movie cares to do.

But because he's so obsessed with not being bad,

he ultimately knows he's seen as bad and can't escape that.

And can't escape being his father's son.

And so decides it's so much easier to get it.

The brother, yeah, you're right.

And the brother basically says, you're just as bad as dad.

You just think because you do it for a different reason.

But is he?

He's killing bad people.

I don't think he is, but I don't think it matters because, again, this is the movie doesn't care about any of this but but because he can't escape that he decides to become bad he's not bad in the movie thing if Jason's theory is true which I think it might be like the Michael Corleone moment like there I also mentioned that theory in a different way but no no no

just like the movie

women are erased

I meant I meant to say the way that he plays it at the end because like Michael Corleone at the end of the godfather you see this like moment of him just being being like, oh, fuck,

what have I gotten into?

But here he's like, put this on.

He's like, fuck.

I look cool, my new jacket.

Like, there's no, there's no, like, what have I become?

It's more like, wait, are we supposed to believe he's turning bad at the end?

Yes.

I think that's what the movie wants.

I'm not saying it's successful, to be clear.

Yes, but I think the movie's happening.

Oh, God.

Now, Paul, you're getting up to go

to the audience.

Now, I'm going to pause you for one second.

Sure.

And that second is only to say, who is the foreigner?

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe we didn't talk about the foreigner.

We forgot about the foreigner.

Wow.

And how do we get him out of our country?

One, two, three.

We got to build a wall this guy.

We can't keep this guy in here.

Jay, does the foreigner exist?

Foreigner does exist though.

All right, foreigner does exist as well.

It's my understanding, because I looked that character up and he is is powerless.

Well, he does.

He's hypnosis powers that allow him to just get behind you.

The scariest, the scariest moment of the foreigner, honestly, with all those people he kills, is when he was slicing that rare steak so close to Dimitri.

It's like, this is the nastiest shit I've ever seen.

And where is that?

He just appears with a steak.

Also, you know what?

I don't need to watch you eat or do anything.

Hypnotize me for that part of it.

Honestly, hypnotize.

You're

I think what I love about these movies is they're going lower and lower on the tier of villains, and you're just seeing how pathetic they are.

It's like, I am the foreigner.

It's like, all right, I guess.

Like, I don't know if we need a whole movie.

Poor Alessandro Navola.

Poor Chris Abbott.

Like a character who really genuinely, we're meant to be like, oh,

this is a true assassin.

And he's like, oh, Craven killed my mentor.

Who is the mentor?

Do we know?

The guy in the team?

The guy in the prison with the bad teeth.

The mentor?

Yeah, but I was so confused.

The guy in the prison running the prison, I thought he was just a warden.

I thought he was a warden, but then you're not going to be a good person.

No, I think he's like a bad guy who's a prisoner who just has a room.

Why did he get his own office?

Great question.

Why is he in that prison?

The movie isn't.

Here's what's interesting about a movie like this.

It's not interested in exposition.

These movies usually love exposition.

This movie says, you'll figure it out.

Now, yes, this movie knows if it starts giving you information, you're going to start being like, hang on.

Wait a second.

All right, so your name, your question.

My name's Letty, and I have a question.

So he's going to Siberia, and he's stampeded by all these buffalo, but those are Cape Buffalo from Africa.

Uh-oh.

So, like, where did.

I love, I love it.

A woman over there is like, a woman right there is like, yes, yes.

Yeah.

We have a buffalo expert.

We we have multiple buffalo experts well look it's shocking because the movie

if you have a if you're a buffalo expert yeah

couple couple I mean so I guess we found the first flaw

yeah that's it all right that's the only thing all right well mark it and decide it tricky all right I go to people with notebooks I see this notebook I see a lot of notes what do you got I am Brad oh so there's obviously so many questions with this movie it's kind of insane well just do one of them

but um so I watched it with closed captions on in the beginning.

Oh, if you have this note, I may have the same one.

All right, this is great.

Okay, yeah.

Oh, I think you do, yeah.

I watched this with closed captions on in the beginning, and I think they couldn't understand Russ's accent.

And it said, this lion is responsible for two or three thousand deaths.

And I was curious, like, lions only live to be like 10 years old, maturity in the wild.

Oh, yeah.

No, this lion has killed thousands of people.

But now what I saw was he said 200 or the 2,000, because it was a giant number when it was on screen, right?

Well, it was 2,000 or 3,000.

It was.

I saw it too.

I saw that too.

Which, if you run the math back, is like he killed 300 people a year.

By the way,

by the way, to be fair, then, if I'm being honest, the lion is doing a better job than Craven.

For sure.

The lion is a better hunter than Craven is.

Let the lion live justice for the lion.

Hi, what's your name?

What's your question?

Hi, I'm Aubrey.

So you guys didn't mention this.

I'm kind of surprised, but like scene for scene, especially when he first shows us like his new, his house in Siberia or whatever, it's very Twilight-esque.

And I don't know if you can see it.

Yes!

Yes!

Yeah, they're climbing on the trees.

Right, so like his eyes are like an amber color.

Yes.

You see the like blood exploding, like all of it.

He's running through trees.

Anyway, so my question is, are you guys Team Craven or Team Jacob?

I've never been Team Jacob ever.

So I guess I'm Team Craven.

I'm still Team Craven.

Yeah, I'm Team Craven.

And I agree, it is Twilight Coded

and nothing else.

I didn't realize, though, that.

I didn't realize that are all these Marvel superhero hero movies so sexless?

Yes.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yes.

That's too bad.

It is too bad.

It's heartbreaking.

It's a great opportunity.

It's truly heartbreaking because it's as if all of these incredibly strong charismatic men are not interested in

their dating at all.

What a bummer.

I feel like Craven is the guy you date in college.

You know, he's a lot of fun at a party.

I know the people you dated.

You know.

What are we doing?

He's fun at a party.

You know, take his shirt off and all of that.

I know that guy.

But you don't marry Craven.

No.

Do you know what I mean?

But I'm taking.

Unless you're Calypso.

Unless you're, I guess, you're Calypso stuck with him.

It was her grandmother's fault.

Daddled her with this responsibility.

Sorry, if you guys were talking for a while, I'm in the mezzanine.

Jesus Christ!

You're like the foreigner, Paul.

You just show up.

Hi, how are you?

I'm well.

How are you?

Good.

What's your question?

So my question is mostly for June and Jessica, who I love, and I'm very happy.

Take a break.

We're giving women a chance to speak.

Take a break.

Unlike the Marvel Universe, go ahead.

You guys got your Madame Webb.

What do you mean?

That's the other one.

Madame Webb.

Madame Webb.

Bonjour, Madame Webb.

Good old sleepy time.

All right, go ahead.

Okay, so as a woman,

towards the end of this movie, Calypso calls Craven and she's like, oh, the bad guys are in my office and I need to get out.

And he's like, come out and join me in my chip and and Joanne, like greenhouse.

And she,

she, there is a scene, there is a shot of her, like, packing her note.

Oh, I know what you're gonna say, Aubrey.

I'm already there with you.

I'm gonna get a car on bag, like, like, carry-on bag, but like a purse that size, like a big tote.

And then she is in Siberia.

And then

at the end, she kills Charlie from Girls with the Crossbow.

Three motherfucker.

Yeah.

And all of a sudden, she is in a like a hot smoke leather outfit.

Hot look.

She has many outfits.

Now I thought about this.

This reminds me of your friend with the extra bathrobe.

It's interesting that you're answering, Paul.

She said it was for us.

Yeah, okay.

So.

Thanks, Craven, part two.

Thank you.

Paul's man's funny my question.

But

for the ladies, did she have this made and she was ready because she is the granddaughter of all of these amazing women?

so she just had a to-go superhero outfit or did Craven have a woman superhero outfit ready for her yes Chip and Joanne greenhouse just in case so I'm so glad you brought this up

and I thought about it too this is so vital it's it's an important discussion

you know I well first of all I just want to say I'm not sure I didn't think she called him I think she happened he called her and she happened to be on the phone and say, oh my God, five strange guys just walked in.

And so she just randomly caught them at that moment.

But she couldn't have packed that.

What I have to believe is that that outfit was in one of those

things that popped out.

Yeah.

Actually, it made me really...

appreciate Kraven a lot more.

In that what, though?

Tell me, is it like our friend who hooked up with the guy who had the extra bathrobe?

Who's like, try that on?

It's more, yeah.

It's like the guys.

It's like the guys

who always kept their bathrooms stocked with tampons when they're single and like just had extra toothbrushes.

For nosebleeds.

Extra stuff.

In case I get a nosebleed.

It just seemed like a really nice gesture.

And like he was waiting for the moment when a woman would arrive.

Here's my question.

Here's my question.

He says to her, I just got attacked.

They're going to come for you next.

Get ready.

She says, there's guys here.

He says, go, come to me in Siberia.

Boom.

She's loading up her bag.

Why doesn't she bring her noise-canceling headphones?

They're in the drawer next to everything else, and she doesn't pack her noise.

Headphones.

When you're being hunted, you do not want white noise.

You want to be

eyes out.

Hi, what's your name?

What's your question?

Hi, I'm Abba.

I thought it was interesting that when we see him in the jungle, he is like fishing and then takes a bite of the raw fish and then goes into his beautiful house with this kitchen as if he's like living purely off the land.

He's got like a biking range, but he's like, I'm so hungry, I'm just going to bite into this fish head.

And also, he's not looking into the fish's eyes and getting some message.

He doesn't give a shit about the fish.

No, because I think he's going to eat it.

And he knows if he talks to the fish, they're going to be like, no, don't eat me, cool.

Don't eat me.

Oh, come on, Craven!

And he's being like, He's doing his golem thing,

but yeah, like the movie's not interested in him being like grimy and down and dirty, and eating and being like ferocious because he has to be so slick and handsome all the time that at any point someone could fuck him, even though no one ever will.

I am in the balcony, oh boy,

be careful.

Be careful.

I am among my people.

There's nothing scarier in the balcony.

Nothing scarier than a Texas balcony.

This is my Siberia.

I will not take from these people.

Yes.

Stinks of barbecue farts.

All right.

What's your name?

What's your question?

Okay.

Hi, my name is Reena.

I want to say I cannot believe we have not talked about the singing at the club in this movie.

What the hell is that?

What do you want to say about it?

Go.

First of all, I don't think that's him singing.

Well, no, he's a chameleon.

Tony Bennett.

By the way, the balcony is killing it, too.

That is.

That was him.

That is Tony Bennett.

Was it Tony Bennett's voice?

Yeah.

That's why he's the chameleon.

For one of the songs.

Not the first one.

Before everyone gets killed.

All right.

Well, all right.

But

I'm just going to say, I don't know anything about Marvel movies, so I did not know this was a Marvel movie for the first hour and 45 minutes.

You wouldn't know that most Marvel movies.

You would be well within your rights.

That's totally normal.

How did I know that Tony Bennett was going to show up in a Marvel movie?

Okay, now hang on a second.

That wasn't, of course, that wasn't actually Tony Bennett there.

No, no, she's shaking me now.

No, it's Paul's

Bennett's voice.

I understand that.

But it's not, right?

It is, honey.

It is.

But you just said it wasn't.

It's not him, but it is his voice.

So

what they did was they sliced him.

They played the song, and he went like this.

I got you.

Paul, I think what she's saying is she's surprised.

Yes, we've heard him do voices because I was surprised too.

We've heard him do voices.

We've heard that he's like an amazing impressionist, but we have not known up until that point.

I'm going to be honest.

Keep on giving her the mic.

I knew he was mocking it.

I knew he was mocking the voices.

You guys are doing great.

Just hang on.

It was good.

It was good.

What do you got over here?

All right.

So we talked about how this is a sexless movie.

Yes.

And we talked about how we kind of all got the freaking ick when he walked on all fours.

So we think that's why Calypso didn't have sex with him because she saw him walk on all fours and got the ick.

Oh,

I don't think so.

Wow.

I don't think so.

I think

she wasn't into him because the bosses were like, no, they don't fuck because we don't show that to young people.

Young June and I'm not sure.

So you don't even think there was an undertone.

I didn't even feel much of an undertone because I didn't deny that.

Because I know they are partners in the comics.

Yeah.

I mean, again, I had to create sexual tension between him and the pilot.

I had to create it between him and Calypso.

Can I

go through the movie?

I'll be completely honest.

There was more chemistry between the brothers

than anybody else.

I was like,

when are we going to white lotus this shit?

Let's go.

Let's go.

Dimitri, jerk your brother off.

Let's go.

Come on, Marvel.

Texas?

Teas?

I did, I think there is a deleted scene I saw where he jerks off a bear.

Okay, okay, Paul.

Well, that's how he gets him to attack his dad.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

He's like, I need you to kill my dad.

And the bear's like, what's in it for me, bro?

I auditioned to play the bear.

Obviously, we had opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion.

It is now time for second opinions.

I'm Susan.

I'm Letty.

I'm Ellie.

Ooh,

second opinions.

Ooh,

ooh,

second opinions.

In Siberia, then in London, the craven hunts tonight.

Dreams of mommy and scary spiders, the craven sleeps tonight.

Opinion, opinion, a second, opinion, opinion, opinion, a second, opinion.

Here's the rhino and then chameleon.

The foreigner counts to three.

One, two, three.

Sony's bringing all the billions, but Spider-Man, where is he?

Hush, my brother, don't fear, my brother.

We've got emotional scars.

This movie's left us totally empty, but we still give five-stars!

Amazing.

Yay!

Great job.

Thank you so much.

All right, these are five-star opinions from Amazon.

There are 76.

But.

And you're going to read all of them?

I'll get through as many as I can.

69% are five-star reviews.

69%.

Yeah.

Craven and that bear.

69.

All right.

My name in Latin is Beautiful writes, I wasn't interested in this movie at all after seeing the trailer.

It looked like just another blood and guts film with no real storyline.

Now, we ended up at the theater by mistake, buying tickets to the wrong movie.

Someone in our group wanted to see Craven, so we decided to give it a shot.

Within the first 10 minutes, I turned to everyone and said, this movie's really good.

Title, Unexpected Win, five stars.

I'm so curious what they were going to see.

Was it Paddington 3?

Paddington in Peru?

Does he have the marmalade powers?

Do you think Craven understands Paddington better?

Oh, he definitely.

Great question.

I mean, Paddington, to be clear, speaks English.

Wouldn't it be great if Craven was like, he had the scene with his father at the end, and then Paddington came out of the woods?

Like in his blue coat and his hat?

Oh, man.

Marmalade.

Or just Aunt Lucy.

I would love it.

I would love

any of them.

No, it's a woman.

They don't want her in that bill.

This is a quickie.

Trend 700 writes,

this is more than a great movie.

It is a definitive portrait of a legendary character.

With Craven the Hunter, Taylor Johnson doesn't just set the bar.

He is the bar.

Five stars.

Can I ask a question?

What's that name?

That user's name?

Trend700.

Isn't Trend a steroid?

It seems like yes.

Yes.

That is clearly a steroid user who's like, this dude's fucking jacked.

I love this movie, five stars, jacked.

Jacked dude who doesn't fuck just like me.

I love steroids and not fucking craving five stars.

And finally, Dartman writes this.

I've streamed the movie.

It's one of the best.

But the price is ridiculous.

I'm not going to order it based on the price.

Five stars.

Okay.

That's right.

Okay, sir.

Look, sometimes that price point is hard, so I apologize to all of you.

I will say this.

We talked about how this movie, you know, had some moments.

It's the first Spider-Man-related project to receive an R rating.

So that is a, they believe that that's the issue because on Netflix.

So the genre of movie this is Spider-Man related?

Yeah, these are Spider-Verse movies.

Yeah.

You don't see a Spider-Than movie.

So these are all movies

that are waiting for Spider-Man to show up.

Spider-Man is living rent-free.

Oh, yes.

Wow.

Yeah,

they all exist as theoretical foils for a hero who's not in the movie.

Now, here is a little fun fact.

This character was supposed to be in Black Panther, a movie that would fit perfectly, but they told Ryan Koogler, yeah, you can't use him.

Sony's got him.

And so that's why we.

You didn't realize that two people own two places.

It's like if McDonald's, if like Ronald was with this person, the hamburger stuff.

These are your superheroes.

Yep.

Your superheroes are the

McDonald's Playland game.

Give me that Grimmus, baby.

Uh-oh, hamburgler's here.

I want our t-shirt to be Craven in his chair with Grimace on one side.

And the fry guys.

And the fry guys and hamburgler.

And it just says, you up?

The other idea for a shirt I had was a picture of Tony Bennett, and it says, this is not Tony Bennett.

That might be the one.

No, I think it should be son é pas Tony Bennett.

If we want to go full McGreek.

I love it.

Any final thoughts on this film?

Yes, I felt much the same way the rhino did when he said at the end of the movie, I wish I'd never met you, Kravenoffs.

No more cogent piece of information was put out in this movie.

That said it all.

I was like, me too, guy.

I much more preferred the rhino when Paul Giamatti played him in the Andrew Garfield movies.

You know,

I wrote down one line that Russell Crowe says at the end when he's describing Craven.

And he says, he's an assassin who uses all the methods of the animals of the jungle.

And I thought, does he?

Because that was the one line where I was like,

I was craving.

I was craving.

I was cravening for it so badly.

Like, oh,

that's what his powers are.

That's what his whole deal deal is that's who he is that's who he is in every situation we put him in but then when he said it when he finally said it i was like that doesn't sound like the guy i well know who's throwing darts and such i felt like i agree in the sense that when he has the yellow eyes of the lion i'm like yes give me like explain to me this power set and what access he has to the knowledge of the lion or whatever using a blow dart you never see a bear

bear.

No, you're not going to see that.

You're not going to see it.

They don't have the ability with their paws.

This is a movie.

They just don't see it.

That's why he needs somebody to jerk him off.

I loved it.

Yeah, I loved it.

Listen, it did.

I don't know why.

You loved it.

I loved it because it was so...

aggressively dumb on every level that I was like,

oh, I don't have to like, great.

I get it.

I'm in.

I think that sometimes when you get all this exposition, when you find out the backstory, of like, I don't need it.

No.

Then you did love this movie.

I'm just going.

I'm just going through my notes to be like, oh, did I miss anything?

Was there?

And so I talk about the backpack so much in my notes.

Yeah.

I have so many notes about the backpack and other backpacks in this movie.

That's the movie I saw.

I saw a two and a half hour movie about backpacks.

Yeah.

It wasn't good.

Jesse.

Well, we never talked about the severed finger.

That was disgusting.

Well, you know what that brings up, and I'm sorry, but the movie, as we've talked about, isn't interested in investigating or having any of our characters be romantic or sexual in any way, shape, or form.

But goddamn, if there isn't a grisly violence in every...

Yeah, so many limbs chopped off, those antlers removed.

I think that's a good thing.

We never machete that guy's head.

Oh, too much.

We can't see him finger someone, but

we can watch him chop

in a way.

A machete to the head is a certain type of fingering.

How so?

Putting your fingers up in that person's skull.

Yeah.

Just like Tony Bennett.

Listen,

I also

can say

all the movies I have to watch for this make me feel physically ill.

This one didn't.

Okay.

And that's shocking to me.

And what that's showing me is that you wouldn't break away from that abs on the pan

will get me through a lot understood i really mean well you're in luck on this tour we got some abs coming up a lot of movies have abs coming up no it's gonna be worse and i saw those zombie heads on those surfers i'm so upset that's four shows from now you got some time yeah it's gonna be bad but yeah no i i have to say like as far as it goes now again didn't know it was a marvel movie sure you know i don't know about spider-man That wasn't haunting me the whole time.

And, you know, you and I were so free

in our watch to just see what we were seeing.

And

I think we were the only ones not thinking about Spider-Man.

What's so interesting is I wish we had watched it together only for the sake of, I would have loved to have been present when a man in the movie about hunters and poachers turned into a human rhinoceros.

Yeah.

If you had no idea that

this was a superhero movie, you'd be like, whoa.

You know what, though?

Interestingly, I wasn't that shocked.

I was like,

okay.

I can buy that in this world, a doctor did it.

Like, I thought superheroes, it's like you were born that way.

But I guess the fly is that a superhero.

Fly is not a superhero movie.

But that's what.

The Hulk.

The Hulk

experiment gun rhino.

Yeah, it's an experiment gun rhino.

The Hulk.

But I thought, okay, we have a serum in this world that makes you a rhino.

That doesn't make you a superhero.

If you have to, like, stab yourself with

something from a tiny backpack, that doesn't make you a superhero.

Superheroes are born.

Hey, well, first of all, let me say they're not created.

For all the diabetics out there, I want to say that you are our superheroes.

You're always pandering to the diabetic crowd, Paul.

It's so see-through.

Yeah, are you getting kickbacks?

Like, what?

Yeah, what the fuck, Paul?

For all you insulin users out there, I see you.

But wait, but you said, you claimed earlier that the ports on their body are points of weakness.

Yeah, you just have to, quote, jam a pencil in there.

Yeah, you.

That's nice, Paul.

You highlighted.

Edit that out.

Edit that out.

Wow.

Okay, so superheroes are created?

Yes, like some tragic event like Batman, you know, saw his parents murdered in front of him.

Oh, I saw it.

they were born like something's off

like oh I mean wait what do you mean something part bat

well Batman is not part bat man bat

man bat is part bat but Batman is not part bat oh he lives in a fucking cave he's not a bat fuck you man

thank you that's our show hey huge mistake Huge Paul, I want to go on record.

Huge mistake.

The next 10 minutes, St.

Claire's going to be on fire.

It's like a kid who's been up too late.

She's about to be nothing but truths.

We're going to wrap it anyway.

Yeah, see?

Thank you, good night.

Eat shit, Texas.

What a great show.

What a crowd.

Thank you to everybody who showed up.

And remember, you can find us anywhere you want online at HDTGM.

All right, idiots.

It's Jason.

Guess what?

We finally have a release date for Taskmaster season 19, and it is right around the corner.

If you're interested in watching the show, you can check it out on YouTube, on the Taskmaster app.

The official release date is May 1st for the UK viewers on Channel 4.

That, I believe, means it will be available for the rest of us in the world watching it on YouTube the 2nd.

May 2nd.

Go to YouTube right now, subscribe to Taskmaster on the YouTube app, and get ready for absolute unbridled chaos.

A big thank you to our producers Scott Saney and Molly Reynolds and our movie picking producer Averill Halley, as well as our engineer Casey Holford.

We'll see you next week on Last Looks.

Bye for now.