Jason X LIVE! w/ Rob Huebel & Jenny Slate (HDTGM Matinee)

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Five, four, three.

Oh, boy.

Hey, guys,

it's Will Arnett here from Smartless.

And there's Sean.

Sean's in the room.

Okay, I'm going to mention her.

Jason, too.

Okay, here we go.

Anyway, I just want to point out that we are really honored.

We're going to be the first ever live podcast show at the Hollywood Bowl on November 15th.

The Hollywood Hollywood Bowl.

Guys, please come help us.

Yeah, that's right.

November 15th.

Yeah, and you can go to smartlist.com slash live to get your tickets.

Live Hollywood Bowl, Smartlist.

Anything you want to say, guys?

See you there.

Sorry, we're out of time.

We're out of town.

Hey, everybody.

Before we start today's podcast, I want to let you in on a little thing here.

Before the shows, we normally play the trailer of the movie we're about to talk about.

It figures very prominently into today's show, The Trailer.

So, I want to play you the trailer right now so you understand a reoccurring joke that happens throughout this podcast.

Enjoy.

In the year 2455,

on a routine training mission,

a team of students

is about to discover a life form

frozen in time.

Wow.

They're on their way back.

Prepare for Document

You brought him on board?

Everything's under control now.

What the hell is going on?

Chasing Voorhees, that's what's going on.

He's an unstoppable killing machine.

You have got to get them out of there.

I think we're finally okay.

What the hell is that?

You've got to be kidding me.

Oh, wow.

He's been modified.

Oh, yeah, thick.

You guys might want to run.

Let the body set the throat.

Let the body set the float.

Let the body set the float.

Go

fight.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

Go back.

I don't think he's out there.

Why don't you just stick your head out and have a peek?

In space, no one can hear you say, eh?

we saw Jason 10, so you know what that means.

Sports a nigga grove, baby in his belly.

Rock a rhinestone vest while whipping Justin DeKelly.

Or maybe see a burlesque show with hit crow.

And take a vote with speed to hit and cruise control.

J-Man, Big Paul, and the beautiful June.

Gonna take you from the goof all the way to the room.

Random games of Street Fighter helped to blow off steam.

Just to suck a punch to odd life for Timothy Green.

Sharp needle to bird demic, how we staying alive.

They call it in the badass, and he's on the line.

Cranking 88 minutes cause they cool as ice.

Cause a bad Jim Barney looking kind and nice.

Paul and June getting literal.

Jason is getting laid.

June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid.

They judge a bunch of movies while they're making the grade.

Here's a real question for you.

How did this get made?

Hello, people.

And hello, people of Lord.

in Los Angeles at Largo at the Cornet, our LA home and we love this place.

It's so fantastic if you're in LA.

Come check out a show here.

Not just our show, but the many amazing shows that are here.

We have an amazing audience, a 10 o'clock audience.

I know the people at home, they don't know what that difference is, but you guys

bring the heat.

You're a little bit more drunk.

You're a little bit more alive.

And we appreciate it.

We need it because today is our Halloween episode.

And what better way

to celebrate Halloween than with the death of a franchise?

Here to talk to me tonight

about this film is my co-host, Jason Manzukas.

Welcome.

What's up, Jerks?

Welcome, Jason.

Thank you, Paul.

Jason, a movie of your namesake.

Oh, thank God.

Finally, finally,

all of the requests for this movie franchise to be talked about so that my name could be in it have been answered, and here we are.

Jason X.

Now, the movie about Jason Voorhees and Malcolm X combined

into

so many people had the Jason X hat.

Yeah.

So many people.

Jason,

where do you fall in the Friday the 13th?

When I tell you, zero,

a lot of my notes are reminders to ask you guys or the nerds what the myth.

It took me until the very end of the movie to be like, oh right no Jason is the main character

well because I was like I think he's gonna kill all the people

but here's the thing I find myself in the same camp I've seen a handful of Jason movies I think one of our guests tonight will have a little bit more knowledge than us but I believe that someone with our knowledge level wrote this movie

Like, it didn't feel like it was a lot of deep dive.

No, the person watched Aliens rewrote it, and instead of an alien, it was Jason, and they were like, that's the fucking movie.

I literally...

There's an Android, there's a ship, and all of it.

It's the same.

I literally feel like it was a fever dream that happened in 2001.

Yeah.

Like, Jason in space.

And then that was about all the thought process.

I feel like there was a phone call at one point.

They was like, hey.

You remember when you said Jason in space is a joke?

We're going to do it.

And the person was like, well, I I don't think you should.

I was very much joking.

There was an odd time, though, because the Leprechaun franchise, a movie we also did here on the show,

also went to space.

Leprechaun in space.

I feel like there was a couple moments where, like, ah, fuck it, I don't know.

Put them on space.

Heightening.

It's like that's just heightening.

Well, where else do we got to go?

Space?

Space.

Oh, I guess.

I guess that's what we're doing.

Well, to Fast and Furious in space.

By the way,

I don't want to take credit for this.

I think Fast 10 is a mashup of the Fast and Furious movies with Apollo 10.

I'll take it.

I don't want to say that we did this, but I believe that we mentioned that it should be in space in our podcast.

And then one reporter finally got a question to F.

Gary Gray about it during the press tour, and he's like, you never know.

It wasn't like, no.

Yep.

It was almost more like

additional writing by, how did this get made podcast?

Get us down.

WTA arbitration.

Do it.

Let's bring out

inside union, writing union jokes, right?

Guys, we have a lot of specific material about arbitration.

Stories, characters.

After

Writers Guild healthcare plans.

We struck, we won, we were ready to go.

There were a Writers Guild East and a West.

Unclear.

What if this whole show just became really a deep dive into who gets all the credits?

This is based on a story by, obviously, characters.

But screenplay by someone else.

There you go.

Tonight is a how did this game made all-star performance, which means that we have not one, but two guests who've been on the show before and are coming back again.

Our first guest,

you know this guy from the show show Transparent on Amazon.

You also know him from movies like The House and Baywatch, but more importantly, as a brand new YouTube Red series, what he created.

Please welcome Rob Hubel.

I realized that I just said that you created a YouTube show, but I didn't give you the name.

It's called...

Oh, don't say the name of it.

And

it fits in perfectly here.

Do you want to see a dead body?

That's right.

And you can be watching that on YouTube, Red, right now.

Right now.

When this comes out, this is right now.

So, Rob,

I believe that you have a deep knowledge base of Jason.

I heard you say that.

That's not true.

No, really?

No.

You don't have like.

No, I like horror movies.

I don't like these.

Not especially.

But I will say, I like the song in the trailer.

Let the boys hit the floor.

Let the boys.

And

if I'm not wrong, you are going to sing our Second Opinions theme tonight later, right?

If the theme somebody.

Somebody said, Let the boys hit the floor.

Let the opinions hit the floor.

But I appreciate

I don't have a huge knowledge.

You don't.

I've watched a bunch of them, but I was very little.

Okay.

Well, then I will put you into another story.

I was a little boy.

But you do have.

You did almost severely injure yourself while wearing a Jason mask, though, right?

I have a scar.

Only you would know that story.

I have a scar on my face

that I.

Fuck

I have a scar on my face from a what I thought would be a funny prank when I was in college

a bunch of us went away on like a date situation a bunch of couples went to a this sounds crazy

is this an orgy

I was hoping oh I hope my wife doesn't listen to this

It was college, but anyway,

we all went away for a weekend to a a summer camp somehow someone rented out the summer camp or like and so it was like you know 20 couples and so I was very excited I'm gonna keep this very brief I didn't know you were gonna say that

and I thought oh well I gotta scare everybody like I do love being scared and I love scaring people so I brought a hockey mask and I brought a long blonde wig and I brought a hatchet with me and so the first night you know it was college like everyone's drinking and smoking weed and partying and I was like it got really late and I was like oh I can't wait I can't wait to scare everybody and so I put on my hockey mask and my wig and I went up and everybody was down in this like one um like cabin

and I remember like sitting there like getting full on cane hodder like just like

Like really and I started so I my I had my hatchet and my fucking wig and I was like running and I was my plan was I was just gonna like burst into this cabin and like scare everyone Well, I got I was running like as fast as I could, and all of a sudden, I thought someone stepped out from behind a tree and hit me in the face with a baseball bat.

What it actually was, it was a children's summer camp where we were, and I ran into a clothesline,

like a wire, like an old rusty wire,

full speed, like as fast as I can run.

And I can run like 60, 70 miles an hour.

You're like a leopard.

So, knocked off my anyway.

I have a scar on my face.

Thank you for this.

I will say,

that story, in that story, you do use the name of the actor who plays Jason.

I do know.

Which means you know more about this movie franchise than I do.

Oh, we have a good Kane Hodder story.

Yeah, we'll say, but we'll tell us Kane Hodder as we get into it.

Our second guest tonight,

fantastically

funny performer.

She does a show here at Largo, but she has a movie right now on Amazon Prime.

It's called Landline.

You You can watch it right now.

It's fantastic.

She also is one of the stars of the new Netflix series, Big Mouth.

Please welcome Jenny Slate.

Welcome.

Woo!

Welcome, Jenny.

Hi.

Now, you are the person that now I felt bad that we made you watch this because

you're not watching horror movies.

Furious.

I really didn't know that this would be the kind of movie.

And in fact,

we got you to agree.

Let me tell you what, Jason.

That he was texting to see if I was feeling okay because I had the flu for like 90 years.

And then it was like, in the are you okay, blah, blah, blah.

Do you want to do the show?

I was like, okay.

And then I get a very formal email from Paul saying, be here, then, da, da.

The movie is Jason X.

I was like, you've got to be kidding me.

I watched it a couple hours ago.

I'm literally dressed like

a man because

I felt like

so scared.

I put my largest clothes on just to leave.

So you felt as though you had no recourse from fear other than to dress as a man.

Look at the world around you.

In theory, in theory, protecting yourself from certain doom?

Because the killer would be like, well, it's not a pretty girl.

It's

some man.

Yeah.

It's just a scared man.

No one wants to talk to him.

Who gives a hoot about that stuff?

Who gives a crap about that?

Don't come along.

I will say, though, I think you got off really easy because on the scare factor, this is not that scary.

No, it's not scary at all.

Not scary.

There's a couple of gross out moments, but that's really it.

A lot of gross stuff.

i would say the gross stuff has nothing to do with killing

and chases i would say that there's two that i can think of and they both have to deal with nipples oh

yeah

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We're here.

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie.

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well so the next time you have a home project leave it to the pros get started at angie calm

what really stunned me about this film and really the my mouth was open the whole time I just can't believe any of it but that at the beginning when they're trying to decide whether or not to freeze first of all I don't understand why Jason's so upset but that's another thing but secondly and I haven't seen any of Jason's other movies but

they're like should we freeze and should we not And then the scientist goes, This is the grossest thing I've ever heard.

I want him soft.

Yeah.

No, I wrote that down too.

I don't.

Well, first of all, let's just even step it back and go.

Sorry.

No, no, no, you were right.

I'm just saying that Crystal Lake was a campground.

And when this movie opens, it's the Crystal Lake Research Facility.

So,

in some years, this

kids' camp has now become like a science facility.

Yes, that checks out.

That totally checks out.

You know what?

I will get on board for that.

Why?

Other than our main,

the main woman who lives

to be in the future with him, you've got Jason, you've got like six dudes that he kills, and then it's a giant facility with nobody else in it.

That is completely fine.

It's a very big facility.

It's enormous.

When the middle of the scientists, it looks sort of like Matthew Modine.

Yep.

I was like, is that

Cronene?

No, no, no, not.

Oh, yeah, that's David Cronenberg.

In the very beginning, in the beginning, the guy that

wants to be.

Don't you worry about it.

Okay, great.

Blah, blah, blah.

That's David Cronenberg.

Well, by the way, David Cronenberg is like, oh, no, Cronenberg?

And Cronenberg sets up something.

He was there for like a day then.

Oh, I think an hour and a half.

He was there for 45 seconds.

Cronenberg sets up something that I don't believe is canon of Jason.

And here you go.

Take a listen.

What are you here

I'm taking the specimen well you can't I have him a cryostasis chamber

I don't want him frozen Rowan I want him soft

you've already discussed this yeah well I had to go over your head I'm moving him to our scrand facility dr.

Wimer you can't risk transporting him through open country this isn't open for discussion

His unique ability to regenerate lost and damaged tissue on it just it cries out for more research and you're willing to risk the deaths of innocent civilians if he escapes.

Yes.

But I'm sure Sergeant Marcus and his men can handle the transfer just fine.

Sergeant, everything's under control, man.

You know what?

We're not gonna light him at all.

We're gonna have Cronenberg lit, and the other guy, he's in the shadow.

Shadow.

The other guy looks like the guy who was like Rambo's buddy in Rambo.

But no, but I didn't know that was a part of Jason's lore that he could just regenerate like a vampire.

Throughout the movie, it's as if Jason Voorhees is Wolverine yeah it's and that I don't think will be I don't know if they ever

I don't know if they ever said it per se

like implied that like that he can come back

is he a ghost is he dead does he have a soul

first of all I don't know I wrote these questions does Jason what is Jason I wrote Cronenberg exclamation point

what is Jason

which for me is an existential note

Right.

That's not even about the film.

No, that was not about the film.

That was just your stuff.

That was really Jason.

I just, that's from when I was just looking at myself in the mirror.

The first thing I wrote down,

the writer who wrote this, is named Todd Farmer, and I wrote, Keep Your Day Job, Farmer.

And I'm not going to say that.

He's a farmer.

He's a farmer.

He is a farmer.

Because, I mean, Jason has no motivation.

As a character, he is just like, he's like a movie.

Well, this is the dominant movie.

Did he ever?

Yeah,

I asked my friend who I watched the movie with because I was too afraid to watch it alone.

You have friends.

I'm sorry.

I can't help it.

I love being popular.

I mean, come on.

I get it.

I watched it alone.

I had an existential crisis.

I get it.

You have friends.

I was telling you.

Go ahead, sir.

Well, he said that Jason got pushed into a lake a long time ago and he's upset.

It's not.

But that's what, guys, that's what I heard.

That's what I heard.

But why is he mad right when he wakes up right now?

Your friends are morons.

Well, I will say that on the commentary track, the writer did admit to never seeing the other movies.

Wow.

And here, if you want a quick, if you want a quick look back at the Jason films, part one,

Jason's mother is Jason.

She's stalking and murdering.

She is Jason?

Yes.

She's She's wearing the mask.

And she is stalking and murdering the teenagers of Camp Crystal Lake

because Jason drowned in the lake due to their negligence.

So that's a cool idea.

She's decapitated.

So it's the end.

A revenge story for the mother.

Yes.

So let's go to Outer Space.

No, and part two, Jason is alive, and he's a fully grown man.

He returns to Crystal Lake to guard it from intruders.

Five years after the event of the first film, Jason murders a new group of campers, and then the final girl finds a shrine in the woods to Mrs.

Voorhees' head, and then Jason kills her with a machete.

This reminds me of when I was a little boy.

Oh, no,

she kills Jason with a machete.

Part three: Jason removes the machete from his shoulder and finds his way to a local farm where he hides in the barn and kills anyone who comes in

and then finds a hockey mask to hide his face.

And then it seemingly.

Is that when the hockey mask arrives?

Well, I mean.

Is there no hockey mask in previous movies?

I think it had to be.

Maybe.

There wasn't.

Oh, wow.

You shit.

That's a mouse.

Thank you for that information.

Wait, what?

It's almost at the end of the third movie.

Oh, it's almost at the end.

So Jason finds out the music.

In the early movies, what is he wearing on his dumb face?

You see him from the back.

Bag is bad?

A bag.

Oh, yeah, he's wearing a bag.

He's wearing like a burlap set.

Like a burlap set?

Yeah, yeah.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Wait, for real?

Yeah.

In that first movie, he's not into not wearing anything.

It's just his mom.

His mom's nude?

Not for nothing.

Considering yourself about to be watched Friday the 13th one.

So if you can't hear.

Are there nude moms in this movie?

What do you think my preferred channel on Pornhub is?

So if you couldn't hear it clearly enough,

first movie, Jason's mom is wearing nothing.

Yeah.

Second movie, Jason's wearing a bag over his head.

Third movie, bag until hockey mask.

Then we go into, he's seemingly killed by an axe to the head in part three.

Then the final chapter starts with Jason killing everyone in the morgue that he's taken to.

Then he returns

killing everyone in the morgue in the movie.

They're already gone.

Sounds like a bit ridiculous.

We both really, you know,

open the drawer.

Stab, stab, stab, step, stab.

It's to build up his self-confidence.

He was, he was, to Jason's point, he did get an axe in his head, so he thought those people were alive.

Then he returns to Camp Crystal Lake, kills everyone, and then a character named Tommy, who's at the cabin near the camp, kills Jason.

Then a new beginning starts with Jason, with Tommy being committed to a mental distribution, while Copycat takes on Jason's

Jason's likeness.

Then Jason lives.

Wait, Tommy becomes Jason?

Yes.

Then Tommy visits Jason's grave and accidentally resurrects him.

Wait a minute.

Accidentally?

I think there was like a lightning bolt.

Yeah, lightning strikes the grave.

I was such a little boy.

And then Tommy...

By the way, lightning and electricity can reanimate anyone.

Always.

Always.

Always.

And then it gets crazy.

Then he's like chained, put to the bottom of the lake.

Then part seven, Jason's telekinetically resurrected by Tina, who was trying to bring back her father.

I want to see her.

And then Tina returns Jason to the bottom of the lake.

And then part eight, Jason goes to Manhattan.

Shit.

Where he works for Meryl Streep and is

dating Adrienne Grenier.

Not a lot of people know that Jason Voorhees was originally cast in the Devil Wears product.

And they shot 30% of the movie with him and were like, it's not working.

It didn't work.

Then he's melted by toxic waste, and then,

and Jason goes to hell the Final Friday.

Jason is resurrected, but we don't know why.

The FBI is hunting him and then kills him.

He survives by possessing different beings until his niece stabs him with a magic dagger and sends him to hell.

So that's.

Wait, isn't there a Jason Freddy movie?

Yes, but that's not canon.

Oh.

That is a side.

That's like a one-off.

That's like the new hope.

That's like a side movie going.

Not New Hope, I mean Rogue One.

Sorry.

Oh, oh, oh.

Sorry.

Well, Rogue One is still can.

Just a side movie.

It's not part of your trilogy.

Can I ask a question?

Yeah.

And we might not have answers, but one of these dildos might.

When and why is he obsessed with his machete?

And also, where did it come from in this movie?

He's all chained up.

He's got this old one that he sees on.

He's all chained up in the prison.

And then when he's free, he's like, got my machete.

Yeah.

He has it when he's frozen.

When they unfrozen, before they freeze him, though.

Before they freeze him, he's all chained up in the opening scene, right?

Right.

Also, is the opening credits take place in hell?

They take place inside an hell.

It's inside the body.

Ah, okay, okay.

I wasn't paying good enough attention.

That was like inner space.

Have you seen the movie Inner Space?

Yes.

Yes.

And not to bring up that I obviously watched this with a very cool friend, but that's what my friend said.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Am I your cool friend?

No, I watched it with another cool friend.

You're cool.

I didn't watch it with anybody, so I didn't have any.

Can I tell you how I watched this, Paul?

We're very briefly, we're sleep training our baby right now, which don't have babies.

And

so basically, what that means is you just let your baby cry and

you don't go in there, and then they figure out, like, oh, I'm going to be okay.

So I was.

Or they realize you don't love them.

So I was watching the

movie with one headphone in right by her room and watching the baby monitor like this and it was fucking the baby monitor was what was scaring me because you know it's just like a little tiny person like ah

I will say something I'm like that's dumb

okay by the way you need to score your baby monitor to let the bodies hit the floor

hey babe come here look at this let the bodies hit the front!

Just your adorable child.

I watched this movie on an airplane because I needed to cram it in before I got back here.

Ooh, never say the phrase, cram it in again.

And I was

soft.

I'd appreciate it.

I like them soft.

Ooh, cram it in while it's soft.

I was sitting next to a child, and the.

My child?

Yes.

Who was doing fine?

Who was fast asleep?

Who's fast asleep?

You're sleep training my baby on a plane.

And you know, that's how you're supposed to do it, by the way.

They don't tell you that in the books.

You take your baby,

plane train him.

Plane train an automobile.

So I'm watching this movie on an airplane next to a child.

I feel like the first thing, the kid looks over at my iPad and sees somebody's head get sliced off.

I'm like, ooh.

and I kind of like cover up my iPad, and then I'm watching it further, and then there's that scene with like the two girl campers, and it's the only time that like real nudity is in the movie.

I'm like, ah, and then I turn it like this.

There's real nudity earlier in the movie,

very little with the robots' nipples,

they fall off, it was so clinical.

The nipples fall right off.

We'll get there.

Okay, okay, sorry.

I have a 30-minute

So I got nervous and the nudity came on with the kid that I turned my iPod, or my iPad out to the aisle, which meant that I was just flashing.

Hey, anybody want to get a look at this?

Check it out.

It was so, I was like, oh, I was really mortified.

And then I was like, now I'm like this fucking creepo who's like watching like a Jason movie on my iPad.

Like everyone's like watching like Baby driver and Spider-Man.

I'm like, yeah.

Yeah.

Like you're watching like legit trash.

Like and I bought clearly bought it.

It's not even on the seat back entertainment.

I was like, I gotta watch this shitty.

I don't wanna watch what you've got.

I've got my own, what I think is better.

That's the that's the message you're sending is my watching is more important than what you have on offer

I tried to make my note-taking really apparent because I just didn't want it to be like, well, clearly you're doing it for some sort of

quill and a bottle of ink.

Taking notes, taking notes.

Well, just me taking notes.

I have a, just to back up, a question about this opening scene, and then we should probably move on.

Yeah, sure.

Why am I driving the podcast?

You know what?

This is a hostile scene.

But isn't this the scene where they go in and Jason's chained up and then they come back and you know and the guy puts the coat over his face?

Isn't that just stolen from Silence of the Lambs?

That is the scene from Silence of the Lambs.

Yeah.

No,

I feel like this guy, this writer, didn't have any issue with that.

He said the movie is based so much on alien that he named one of the characters after Tom Skerritt's character in the Alien film.

Like, he names

every single character, like the cowboy hat fucking coke.

Yeah, like

everybody.

It is, it really is just man Scarrett.

I mean, like, the guy's a legend.

I was gonna talk about Alien War, and then I was just like, me, we need more Tom Skarrit in the world.

Just saying

mustache.

Oh, I'll sit in this.

I don't care.

All right, so here we are.

We're at Camp Paw Paw.

Scary.

All right, let's go.

So here we are at Camp Crystal Lake Research Facility, a place that's seemingly uninhabited with no lights and very damp.

There was like literally water on the floor.

They have this test subject.

He's a serial killer.

They want to hold, they yet let him keep his hockey mask on, which seems like they would, I think that you'd want to see what was under the hockey mask.

Or

you wouldn't have to let him know.

There's a weird line where they're first assessing him where they say that hockey has been outlawed.

Well, that's in the future.

In 2024

was

when they outlawed hockey.

But they don't tell us why hockey has been outlawed.

Football's still going on on Earth 2 in this movie, Hockey.

Our technology.

The guy realizes it's a hockey mask,

and I was like, obviously, they're in the future, but they're like 450 years in the future.

Yeah.

Like, I don't think a hockey mask would be that recognizable.

Yeah, if it's been outlawed for that long.

But also, their technology,

they're using like, you know, FaceTime.

Oh, they are also wearing half shirts.

They're wearing, they're all in Chamille sweaters.

Everybody's wearing half shirts.

Why are they wearing that that in a lab?

Like, she's like, go to him in Operation in so horny a sweater.

Why are they, those two dwarfs are so horny and then they just go and pick up the ship.

Why don't you guys come back when you're more focused?

Yeah, and they're like, okay, we will.

Yeah, whoa.

That's crazy science.

Transplanting all of the horniness of summer camp onto a spaceship was

so weird.

A spaceship out of a CW show, and I mean that and no offense to CW.

It's just a

offense to CW yeah it's just

really bad graphics it's like so

CW on blast

there's some also there's some digital blood in this that is also really bad when the guy gets his arm cut off like there's some I like had to go back and go just fucking try like try to make the blood spurt the first arm that gets cut off of like the dork by the way why would he be allowed on that science expedition he's like a dumbass he's like the stupidest why would they have brought him and he needs it is he can't have that kind of hair if you work in the lab sure have your hair out

i know you think it's moose from step up and it's not

um

so basically but we won't even know like so you know jason is accidentally frozen this space crew comes like salvaging earth one but we don't even know what this crew is there they don't seem like they have any job like in an alien they're like oh they're like space truckers essentially like you know on you know serenity they're like pirates you know they're kind of doing clandestine stuff here it just looks like a bunch of young good-looking people who are kind of all equal scientists it's like a school it's like a mobile school yeah

yeah oh yeah right there is a school element because the guy's a professor because of and he loves his nipples to be yang yeah even 450 years from now he's still 450 years from now he's wearing current day like negliges what was the line that the girl says

about her midterm that you know, right?

When she's like, do it, do it, and then he goes, you pass.

Which is like such a funny thing to say at Orgasm.

By the way, some of you guys,

you may guess in this audience, two of you are going to have sex tonight.

Scream, you pass.

You pass.

Or if you're listening to this on the podcast with your lover,

scream, you pass.

You pass.

Let's us hear it in real time here.

Good.

Right there?

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

You pass.

That device is too big.

I thought when she first brought it in, it was gyneological equipment.

Dude, that's what I thought.

I don't like this already.

And then I didn't like this more than the thought of the thing that I didn't like.

What do you think?

My question is, is this the tool's intended use?

Or is this a maybe she just grabbed it?

She's like, I'm about to see Professor and just grabbed it on her way from the lab.

She was really thinking about the rose, yeah.

Like something that is like hedge trimming shears in size.

Oh,

the other thing.

Is she having sex?

She has her underwear.

That's the other thing that I was just about to say, and then I just stopped myself because I was like, I don't know if I can live through what I'm about to say.

You go, Rob.

Well, when I have sex,

if you die, we will have lightning strike you to reanimate you.

And then, apparently, this man

climaxing is what awakes Jason.

Like, wait, really?

Yeah.

He doesn't like horniness.

Yeah,

that's the one thing that we need.

He doesn't.

But he hates fucking teens.

He doesn't hate fucking teens.

He hates teens that fuck.

But he hates fucking teens.

He hates fucking teens.

He fucking hates fucking teens.

He can smell jizz.

He can smell jizz.

But he immediately kills the person who was bringing him back to life, who seemed to be the only one that was doing her job.

Yeah, by the way,

that was really violent.

Her entire body was sucked out of a four-inch hole vent.

And before she got sucked, she said, this sucks.

Yeah, on so many levels.

Yeah, this sucks on so many levels.

By the way, not to pull the rug out from under us, but at the beginning of the movie, they set up that they can reanimate arms and everything.

Who cares if anyone gets killed?

We'll bring them back.

It doesn't matter if any of us get killed.

Like,

why would we possibly be upset?

It's like, oh, okay, except for the girl that got sucked through the through the vent.

But here's my other issue with this whole movie ultimately.

You bring the serial killer on.

I get it.

That has to be the conceit of the movie, right?

You got to get this guy on.

But it's a confined space where all you need to do is sound an alarm, say, hey, everybody, stay in your bunks.

There is no seemingly zero communication between anyone at any given point.

There's no intercom.

There's so many ways this could have been avoided.

I mean, this movie.

You could have not asked me to watch it.

The link I had could have been broken.

There's so many ways I could have avoided watching this.

No, they are constantly.

That's where I was like, I had to readjust and be like, oh no, these movies are this.

These movies are, it's all about the kills.

It's all about people making dumb decisions and going to the basement when they shouldn't.

Or like when the dude is like on the run and he's like, wait a minute, quick, we got to get to the shuttle, but should I fuck my robot that I just made?

That's the craziest.

Like, yeah, I think I fucking should.

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You love bad movies.

I love bad movies.

I also love good movies.

And there are a lot of great movie podcasts out there.

But the one I want to talk about today is one of my favorites.

It's called The Confused Breakfast, okay?

It's like your best friends hanging out in someone's basement give you hilarious takes on bad movies, movies that you don't even have to really re-watch.

You just know them.

They're in your body.

From Howard the Duck to Street Fighter to Anaconda and Cocktail.

They also dive into great films like the Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, and Back to the Future.

And they have theories.

I mean, they have a theory that Carl Winslow from Family Matters was dreaming up.

die hard, right?

He's in a mental institution and that was coming from his brain.

Or they even go into theories about Jenny from Farce Gump maybe being the worst villain in movie history.

Yes, this is your favorite movies dissected in ways that you never quite thought about.

So, if you're looking for another comedic movie podcast, subscribe now to The Confused Breakfast.

You will not be disappointed.

How did they do the nipple effect?

So, that actress they covered up her real nipples and then put fake plastic nipples on there, so much so that when they fell off, I was like, oh my god,

her nipples fall off like a like your refrigerator lost magnetism.

It's like

zero time.

I assumed it was like a computer.

It was like a computer effect.

Do you think it's practical?

They feel like they're CGI effects.

I think it's a computer.

Here we go.

But listen to the sound they make.

They're not going to be money on that.

The sound that they make is what really makes it disturbing.

What do you think?

Do you like them?

They're fine.

It sounds like

two Seka Jawea silver dollars hitting the ground.

So if he did put on steel nipples, what is he getting out of that either?

Also, who manufactured those in space?

She was like, I want you to make me some nipples.

And he was like, I'm busy.

Really?

I've got a lot to say about this movie.

Why is when Jason is still dead, not dead, but like, yeah, dead.

When they are, when Blondie, who gets smashed,

when she is kind of doing stuff, she

carves his mask off of his face, blah, blah, blah.

Why is the goop that leaks out of his head green?

Yeah, why is it?

Again, and I wrote it again.

What is Jason?

Also,

why did she need to clearly cut off the mask?

But then, seemingly the mask stayed, like, she just kind of smushes it back off.

She puts it on in like a non-medical way.

Like, that's not the way a doctor would put your thing back.

Just like putting, just like just putting a sticker.

She takes his eyeball out and just looks at it and then like freezes it.

Yeah.

Puts it in a thing.

Yeah.

Also, sheer,

I forgot this character's name.

What's her name in real life?

Is that Alexa?

Doig.

Doig.

What is it?

D-O-I-G-Doig, I'm assuming.

Like no Doig.

And so her first.

Does anybody know what it is?

Her first line when she wakes up, this movie was made in 2001.

She wakes up in 2455.

The first words out of her mouth are, did you get him?

That's the first, like, her first order of business.

Ooh, it was cold when I was frozen.

Well, first she clocks.

Yeah.

She clocks that guy, first of all, which is hilarious.

By the way, Jason's machete, when

we believe, goes through like metal, steel, like cryogenic chamber, like a hot knife through butter, like to

kind of get her killed too.

But like that machete, someone should look into that.

That machete seems like it has some powers.

He's obsessed with this machete.

Like I would argue like the machete is like his true love.

It's almost as if this movie was written by someone who never saw any of the Jason movies.

But this professor guy or this teacher guy, his whole motivation is it's like a weird, like, he just wants people to pay to see her.

Remember, he says, like, he says, like, oh, people will pay money to see her.

She was for, and then she goes away, and then it's like, or whatever.

And then, so then he's like, people pay money to see Jason.

Like, he's like some carnival animal or something.

Which you know, that's not gonna work out well at all.

And he'll just kill everybody.

Yeah,

it's, it's a, it's a weird, it's a weird movie because they're just running.

They're

There's no deliberate, like, there's no

reasoning with Jason.

There's no reason why he has any grudges with any of these people.

They have not done anything bad to him, but bring him back to life.

And, well, that's it.

It's interesting.

He's like a Frankenstein type figure,

but there is no, like,

there is no understanding.

It really is.

We're looking at it the wrong way.

I think the way that you're supposed to look at it is he is the hero.

We love him.

We're rooting for him.

Yeah, for real.

Like, we're rooting for him, and we're paying attention.

To kill all the dumb dumbs while we beat off.

Although this movie is very hard to beat off, too.

You can find your moment.

What do you mean you can find...

Look, I was on a plane, so it was a little bit more challenging.

Can I tell our bummer story about Jason?

Okay, the guy, the actor that plays Jason in real life, is named Kane Hodder, and I'm scanning the audience as if I know what he looks like.

So, hopefully, he's not here.

But one time, Sheer and I were at something in New York.

It was like a Comic-Con type, but not Comic-Con.

It was a very low-level horror convention

in New Jersey.

Yes, like in a hotel.

Wait, are you sure it was a horror convention, or were you just in New Jersey nailed it?

Wow,

that's right, New Jersey.

Kaboom.

That feel.

So it was one of those things where you go and there are people, you know, there are the signing booths.

And so Kane Hodder, Jason from the movie, is there, you know, and you pay 20 bucks to get his autograph or whatever.

So it was very close to Halloween, like it is.

Not when this podcast comes out.

And so the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life was a probably...

Keep in mind, you have a child.

Yes.

The cutest thing you've ever seen in your life, though, is this.

This is cuter than...

this is cuter.

My child is a crybaby.

No, this, so, so there was a mom there with like a three-year-old boy in fucking full-on Jason garb.

Tiny little overalls, tiny little hockey mask, like three years old, like, you know, bare, like doing this.

And his mom is there, sees Kane Hodder there, like, you know, he's got a big poster or whatever.

And she's like, go on, go on, go on up there.

And so the little boy is just like,

and goes up there.

And he gets up to Kane Hodder, the person in real life, and Kane Hodder goes, 20 bucks.

20 bucks to the little kid.

So I couldn't help but remember that as I was watching this movie that, like, oh, that guy.

What a surprise that Jason is a bad dude in real life.

Edit out the pause, Paul.

Take out this pause.

Take out this pause.

No, you know, let's just sit and listen.

Take it out.

Take it out.

Let's just pause.

So, Jason

is on this ship that has an anchor in it.

The spaceship has an anchor.

Yeah, because you have to anchor your spaceship all the time.

Otherwise, it'll float away into space.

And so many rooms full of

space things.

You see the

say, drop anchor.

Star Wars, drop anchor.

Star Trek, Mr.

Sulu, drop anchor.

They just need to get him in rooms with chains and like giant, like, they just put like, oh yeah, put an anchor.

We'll put some in on an anchor.

And like that,

I'll give into that.

But what I don't like is the abuse of VR in this movie.

These two kids are playing VR,

and Jason murders the VR orc.

And it like exists in the game.

Jason is able to, without his own set, without anything,

into the game they're in,

participate,

and then when they take the masks off, he's just standing there and the video game disappears and he's like, what's going on?

And to me, why not just make the smarter choice of not making the people in the future wear any sort of VR masks?

Yes.

Like make it like a huge.

Everybody is in a thing.

Yeah.

No, but they have the two guys like sitting down on like two carpets.

And why are they sitting on the floor like that?

Like, where is that the game room, or do they just sit down?

Like,

where are they playing their VR?

Like, how people 400 years ago watched television.

Yeah,

I was more psyched about those monsters.

Like, it was such a misdirect.

I was like, oh, cool.

Now we're going to see some fucking cool monsters.

And then it was like, oh, this is a fucking VR sim or whatever.

I don't know.

Technology.

You know what furthers

your hypothesis that Jason is the hero is that every human being in this movie is a fucking asshole.

Yeah,

the only nice one is the woman who puts his mask back on.

She's like, poor thing, or something like that.

He really ruins her head.

Yeah, and look what she got.

Like,

these fucking dummies

single-handedly destroy Solaris

without a hair in the middle of the day.

Oh my god, they never existed.

No repercussions.

How many hundreds or thousands of people?

How many thousands of people they killed on that thing?

Just

a smash.

They drove through it and it looked.

And then it explodes and they're like, oh, my God!

Back it up.

They are awful people.

And I guess that was maybe, for me, the thing that was giving me a little bit of tension.

I was like, well, these people are terrible, but Jason is the protagonist.

I think what I'm not used to.

Well, my.

I mean, I'm the protagonist in my life, I feel like.

So I understand where Jason could be the protagonist.

Right, you just feel, you feel like it's just about Jason.

Yeah.

Most things are.

Yeah.

My Zook X.

One of my main beefs is the poor commitment to jolts on the spaceship.

Yeah.

You know, because like everyone's going in a different direction.

Like Solaris blows up, one guy goes that way, someone goes like this, someone else goes like, whoa!

You know, it's like Star Trek level.

Yeah, like original series Star Trek level, like, oh!

Yeah.

But the robot woman is actually good at the jolts.

She's got a lot of jokes that she's like.

Lisa Ryder is her name.

Lisa Ryder is far and away crushing it in this movie.

Just interesting, you know, obviously one of the big reveals of this movie is when the robot like becomes full-on Terminator.

She gets an upgrade and like

upload.

Sorry.

So does that mean he just like keeps like he just like booked it up?

And they're like,

You're better now.

They're trying to get to the pod, and he's like, wait a minute.

And they have like a moment that is romantically charged, but I don't think she understands romance.

No, I think she does.

She loves him.

That's why she wants her nipples.

Is that it?

Yeah, because she wants to be like Janessa.

Also, you memorize.

There's a character 450 years from now named Janessa.

Who has a fourth of a blouse?

Which I have a lot of trouble with.

Whoa, really?

Janessa.

Yeah, the guy writing it was like, what's the name of a sexy girl

who will like me, basically?

Like, he just, like, you know, he falls in love with her while he's writing it.

He just loves Janessa.

Janessa.

Todd Farmer walked down the street.

Yeah, he's like, shoot, you gotta change it.

You know, that, like, someone from Todd Farmer's past is like, is this about me?

And he's like, no, Vanessa, why would you say that?

Janessa's shirt is like the most insane garment I've ever seen in my life.

Yes.

And one, and it's like, it's crazy.

It's just like two strips down in titties like that.

And then, and then with like weird bolts, right?

Yeah.

And then, and also, my, my pants just are completely broken.

I can't, I can't stand up like this.

By the way, they say that in the movie.

They say, she says, don't wreck my pants.

Don't wreck my pants.

Don't wreck my pants.

That was a great box.

That should have been on the box.

But there is a part where, like, they're doing something that's like tough, and she, like, she, like, makes sure that her shirt's on, as if it was ever really on.

Like,

yeah, she should have been wearing something.

Everyone in that spaceship should be wearing more.

More.

Yeah, that, like, it's weird to say for a horror movie, put on more clothes, people.

Except for during the sex scene when they should be wearing less.

Yeah.

Even the military people are like pornographically dressed.

Yeah.

I will say this is interesting.

So when Jason is killed, he's reformed.

Now, if you listen to the podcast, you know we did a movie called Virtuosity and the way that Jason came back was

an idea stolen from virtuosity.

Wow.

Literally?

Yes, truly.

This is on the commentary track.

The writer, Todd Farmer, lifted this idea of nanotechnology from virtuosity.

He said he thought it would be cool.

Because it worked in that movie?

Worked in virtuosity.

But it's also, it's not just nanotechnology, it's just ants.

Like at one point, they cut to like an extreme close-up, and it's just fucking bugs.

It looks like I think they're robot bugs.

Yeah, they're nanotechnology.

Robot bugs.

Well, yeah, of course, but still,

you've got a bug problem.

It's a fucking bug problem.

Yeah.

Just to give you an idea of other ideas that Jason could have been in instead of space, these are the ideas they passed on.

Alright, so Jason in the hood.

Jason.

Jason in the snow.

Jason underwater.

Jason in the Arctic.

Jason.

Totally different, bro.

Totally different.

You've never been to the Arctic.

Yeah,

one could be like the thing and one could be like snow day

The other one Jason and LA fighting gangs

The other one Jason on Safari and they even considered something involving the NASCAR circuit

Wow, yeah that

the um I did Sheer, did you have any thoughts on the sim at the end the crystal lake throwback where that's where I was showing nudity to people on my airplane.

Yeah,

that's an odd sequence because that's like one of those rare moments, too, where like I felt bad because it felt like gratuitous.

Like, you like, there's no, like, how could you get anyone to even do it?

It's like, hey, so this is not integral to the part, the plot.

This is something like, you know, you like.

What are our lines?

Well, you're going to yell, we love premarital sex.

And then we get into sleeping bags and are beaten to death with each other's body

using the sleeping bag as a weapon.

So they cut back to Jason Voorhees and he's holding a sleeping bag with a girl in it and he's clobbering the other girl.

The other girl

sleeping bag with that girl.

I will say.

I will say that there's a lot of like weird production design in it, but I did feel like the sleeping bags were not full enough.

Like they felt

like period.

The audio, wait a minute, the audio track was like, ow, ow, ow.

Yeah, I couldn't understand what the audio was.

I was like, is the sim glitching?

Are they laughing still?

Because they're like looking up at the camera and just like.

Also, how is the sim prepared for that scenario?

Yeah.

Like, what?

I don't know that it's that that's within the

I don't know.

He was he was using he the the the boyfriend of KM was using her severed head

and somehow checked that into the sim thing right and she was downloading that program am i wrong can i also say i love km but i also like the scientist i liked her boyfriend i like that guy

to me it was the most relatable character let's go let's all go around and say who our favorite dummy was

mine was the robot yeah

i loved her non-magnetic nipples i loved when she became like laura croft tomb raider at the end i i i would go with my favorite was, and I think this is him, Boyd Banks, who played Fat Lou,

who was the guy who was like, yay, what the hell?

He's from Fat Lou.

No one ever says my name, but you know who I am.

Yeah.

Fat Lou.

He has necklace trips.

Kids and their dumb field trips, I bet I'm going to catch shit for this.

And then he gets chopped into

like a gajillion pieces.

Then the other guy comes up and is like, oh, this is a nightmare.

But I've seen worse.

What?

Yeah, that's never

explored that at all.

Are you going to explain what

stopped worse?

The movie

wasn't.

No, he's seen worse in, like, then he refers to some war that they fought.

Oh, the Microsoft.

Microsoft.

Where people were fighting each other with their own limbs.

Microsoft.

Over old zoons.

By the way, also, one of my favorite lines is,

it's going to take more than a poke in the ribs to

put down this old dog.

Flink!

That ought to do it.

That was a great line.

Yeah.

But it's like, that's where that movie was weird because it's like, they were going for jokes, and I like that joke a lot, but then they would also, like,

they would treat some things like, like, that I think worked.

But then there was another moment where, like, what's his condition?

He's screwed.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Why did I go?

That's like

there?

That was her friend.

He's screwed.

And why were they never shocked when people were dead?

They're not in a war.

They're scientists.

They should be like, if they see one dead person that isn't like part of their lab, which they don't keep clean, they

should be like...

The only time

calm and be like, hey, hey, everyone.

The only time they did that is when they ran out, like one door opens and there's like a security guard dead.

And then they go like, ah!

I was like, you don't even fucking know that guy.

Yeah, also, also, the guy who she says he's screwed, it's a visual joke, or it's a visual line for her.

The person on the other end should be like, what do you mean?

Yeah, wait, so

what are you talking about if he's late?

He's been mine and has been impaled on a screw.

He's like, what do you mean?

He's screwed.

Why are you saying it like that?

Oh, because there's a giant screw in this room, and he's a bad guy.

Oh, his body has impaled on a giant screw.

Okay, got it.

Okay.

That's good.

Really?

That was good.

Let's go to the audience.

Audience, do you have any questions, things that we haven't talked about?

I know we haven't talked about a lot, but anything else?

The scene where

he is.

It doesn't matter.

Sir, your name, your question.

My name's Matt.

I'm just wondering if we can go over the fact that they say they executed him three times.

They went from electricity to firing squad to hanging, and then they just jumped to cryogenically freezing.

Well, I think that that actually makes sense.

You know, I feel like at a certain point, you're like, well, we can't kill him, so let's

freeze him.

Yeah, let's put him on hole.

I think they also said that checks out.

Scientifically, that checks out.

No, it doesn't check out.

Of course, it does.

Like, here's the thing.

If you want that guy gone, chop him into a million pieces.

They did that.

They blew off his leg.

They blew off his foot.

But that's in this movie.

Yeah, but yeah, but if the nanotechnology wouldn't have come back, he would.

I I mean, again, they knew that he regenerated, so why would they leave him in that room alone?

Why did they leave him on the regeneration slides?

Also, why does he regenerate, question mark?

Because of the bugs.

But they can regenerate all of their friends.

It doesn't matter.

Sir, your name, your question.

My name's Devin.

Why do we need their names, Paul?

I like it.

I like it.

I like it.

Devin is using a fake name.

The people at home.

You're telling me that guy's dead.

That guy's name Devin.

Yeah.

His name's Devin.

Nope.

I don't buy it for a fucking way.

Paul!

Paul?

Get his license.

See you, let's check out your license.

All right, Devin, if that's your name, your question.

So early when the lady that travels through, or it's frozen and going through time,

she, yeah, when she's getting thawed, the robot says this line that I think is just either miswritten or something.

She's saying, I think she's supposed to be saying cellular, but she says celery.

Wow.

First of all,

good catch.

Paul, Paul, that's not a question.

That's not a question.

It could be observations.

We're taking observations and questions.

So you're telling me she says celery?

No, now I got to watch the whole movie again.

She's going through celery regeneration.

Celery regeneration.

I will say, to Devin's point,

I thought

fake news.

It did seem like there were more than a couple flub lines that they didn't even try again.

It seemed like there was a moment when Miss Doig forgot her line and ran into a room and was like,

We have to get to like this.

And I was like, okay, I know what that is because I've done that myself.

You don't know what you're saying.

We got it.

Let's move on.

I know what's going on.

Moving on.

Check the gate.

Your fake name and your question.

Oh,

well, my real name's Corrine, and that sounds fake enough, so let's just go with that.

So when the guard, or when that Maureen or whatever she is, finds her friend impaled, and she's like, oh, he's been screwed.

He hasn't even been screwed.

It's a drill.

Like, it's not even a screw.

So my question is, what do you guys think about that?

What about this?

What about this?

He's dead.

This is not a drill.

Oh, wait, it is.

Fuck it.

Yeah.

You got a little bit of a standing ovation.

Thank you.

That's most like sports.

We'll give you the clever wordplay.

All right, your name, your question.

My name is Scott.

In Graydon Undercover shirt.

Name.

Great and undercover.

This is great.

So

when the professor is with the Space Marine, he's like, do you have all your kids?

He says, yes, I've got them all.

They immediately cut to the Bobo Holodeck where they've got these idiots playing games.

That's Todd Farmer.

The bald idiot that gets cut in half is Todd Farmer.

Really?

Oh.

Todd Farmer, also the writer-director of Drive Angry, the Nicolas Cage movie that we did on this podcast,

and was also

killed in that as well.

Paul, we have not even touched on the last minute of the movie where Jason comes.

Yeah, no, sorry, sorry.

Yeah, where Jason comes at us, and then Brodsky comes in and tackles him, and then like Iron Man flies him back through the atmosphere, burning him up, and they become a shooting star.

And then two horny teenagers go, oh, a shooting star, Mako.

Are we not going to talk about like, by the way, I would argue the best part of the entire movie is what you just said.

I think Todd Farmer started with that.

Am I wrong?

Friend of Todd Farmer?

All right, your name and your question.

My name is Rachel, and I know that, like, the bad guy sneaking up on the unsuspecting people are kind of like the thing with this movie.

But the...

The rules about how he moves around the set are bonkers.

He like teleports from one room to another.

And the one that drove me the most crazy is that girl is when he's coming back to life because all the people are having sex.

He moved his leg, she turns around, nothing.

He shifts his hand.

He just kind of clenches it.

Nothing.

He sits up, gets up off the table, nothing.

She's like, no, I don't hear that bit.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there's a weird angle there where like they're kind of like showing her spine.

Like, you know, she's in that like cut off shirt and they're, and it's like he's twitching.

And it's just like showing that like she's a vulnerable human or something.

Like it's really, I was upset by that.

I'm also sleep training my baby.

So by the way, I was thinking.

We get it.

You've got friends.

If you have unprotected sex, we get it.

Once, one time.

Gross.

I mean, this is also, I will say to your point, a person who at that point in the movie is wearing chains.

So when he would move, you're hearing the rattling.

You're always going to hear the rattle.

You would also think when he sat up his hockey mask would fall to the ground

There's a there's a sorry go ahead.

I mean there's another point where like he's supposed to be in one other room.

It's in the beginning the guy falls through the door and he's dying.

She's like, oh, what happened?

What happened?

He's in the room.

He threw him through the door.

She turns around.

He's in the hallway.

How did he get there?

Did he go around?

Where is the other door that he came through that he just teleported over there?

We're not going to have an answer for you.

I'm worried about you because you seem genuinely upset about this.

We have no answer.

She has created like a JFK monument in our house.

But you're so sorry.

You're positing a theory where there's another Jason.

It's because this is the magic Jason.

Yeah, yeah, there's a magic Jason.

There has to be another Jason on the grassy knoll.

But you bring up a good point that there is so much sneaking up behind people that it's like it's ridiculous.

Like I like it this movie could be called just look behind you.

Just like one.

Everyone's just backing up, backing up.

No one ever goes, I'll just look where I'm going.

By the way, how about this?

They introduced this so late in the film.

There is a ship that they could just easily all get on and then leave Jason on the main ship and get the fuck out of there.

But he's not blocking it.

They don't have to get like...

But then the one girl blows it up.

right?

But they, but it would have been so easy, like, hey, let's all go to that one ship, right?

Like, they're like, it's like, oh, Jason, but then what would we all be doing?

We wouldn't be doing, we wouldn't be here.

And again, again, you're acting as if that girl or those people are the characters we're following.

Right.

And it's not.

Jason is the character we are following.

And my only

thought again is.

And Lexi Doig, I guess.

Lexi?

Alexis?

Alexa?

Alexa.

Oh, no.

Now we just turned on everyone's Alexis at home.

Oh.

Alexa?

Alex.

Alexa Doig.

Alexa, search Alexa Doig.

Alexa, play Steely Dan, Peg.

The other thing.

Alexa, what's the weather?

Oh, this is fun.

People in her are like, oh, fuck.

Oh, come on.

Alexa, play, let the bodies hit the floor.

Alexa, wake the baby.

Alexa, fuck you.

Alexa, tell me a joke.

Alexa, tell me a dirty joke.

I have an Alexa, and I got an email every week.

It's like, do you like comedy?

Ask Alexa to tell you a limerick.

Ew.

You get that email every week?

I would lit Jake kill myself.

I keep it around because I want to know what the new latest skills I could teach my Alexa are.

I don't do any of that.

A

limerick.

A limerick.

I just like to be like, do you like comedy?

Then ask Alexa for a good limerick.

I would like this movie to be Jason running around with the mask constantly falling off.

Just that, like, just the slabs that go

killing someone.

Oh, fuck, where is it?

Where is it?

The contacts are in that mask.

They've done 10 of these.

How have they never done one that's just like the airplane version of this movie?

Sir, your name and your question.

My name is Ryan, and unfortunately, it is a bit of a statement, but I have some insight that relates to this movie.

Are you Todd Farmer?

Yes.

I have a limerick.

No.

I can explain Kane Hodder's sour disposition.

Okay.

So, Freddy vs.

Jason is canon.

Oh, damn.

All right.

This is something that fans campaign for, and Kane Hodder and Robert England both campaigned for it.

Conventions and stuff, probably like the one you went to.

When it finally was going to happen, all the rights came together in the different studios and whatever.

At the end of Jason Goes to Hell.

Jason sinks into hell, literally.

The mask is all that's left.

And the last scene in the movie is Freddy's hand coming up out of the ground and grabbing it.

So Freddy lives underground in hell.

Jason goes to hell, apparently.

He has an apartment.

He has a timeshare.

So years and years of

campaigning.

Like, this was like Kane Hodder's life was campaigning for this movie to get made.

They made the movie with Robert England as Freddy.

Some other dude is Jason.

Oh.

And this is Kane Hodder here in this one.

So you think that Kane Hodder is just...

Kane Hodder's been a bitter individual ever since.

Oh, you're saying, I'm sorry, I thought this whole story was about why Jason is always trying to kill everyone, but you're just

like,

hold on and Kane Hodder well now I want to know more because I don't know he's probably a nice guy I'm sure and also I don't want to get murdered like please

Kane Hodder don't I'm glad you said that because up until now because we've been friends for a long time I've considered you someone that wanted to be murdered no no no I

no let me be clear I do not want to be murdered he said no love said he'll always deny it on a podcast but he definitely wants to be murdered Alexa don't murder Alexa murder Rob Hubel please

Alexa put Rob Hubel on my do-not-murder list

as per his instructions.

Alexa?

Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion.

It is now time for second opinions.

Stupid logic, idiotic.

That's what critics are saying.

Great action.

Super Bactin.

That's what I am seeing.

Top that.

Top that.

I got a second opinion about that.

Top that.

Stop that.

Top that.

Stop that.

It's my second opinion.

So don't try to stop that.

Give it up.

Give it up for Mike.

Wow.

Good job.

Mike with a top

that

second opinion theme

from the great film Teen Witch.

Teen Witch Callback.

I will say I did not know where I was going to begin with, and I was really happy.

He got more confident as the song went along.

Yeah, that is the power of Teen Witch.

If you're having a bad time, Alexa, play Teen Witch Top That.

That was great.

Mike, great job.

You should be proud of yourself.

Yeah.

All right, here we go.

I still have a problem with those shoes.

This one is written by Gerhalt in 2001.

Fake name.

I have a message to all the critics who I'm sure are readying their pens to dump all over this latest installment.

Their quill pins.

Don't bother.

We know the acting will probably be horrible and the story won't be poignant or meaningful and it doesn't matter.

If it's Oscar caliber performances you want, go see Captain Corelli's mandolin.

Whoa!

Somebody has to.

Whoa.

Alexa, play Captain Corelli's mandolin.

Leave us in our slasher film alone.

It doesn't need to make sense or even tie into part nine.

All we need is Jason and his hockey mask and nudity and blood.

Wow.

And that's it.

I've been a fan of Jason since 1982 and I plan to be here to the bloody end.

Pun intended.

Five stars.

Sign little Rob Hubel.

Baby Hubes.

This one is a weird

10 fingers, 10 toes, not enough to count the bodies.

Basically, I watch Jason movies because of the high body count.

But this movie went to

fall.

Oh, wow.

Jason kills 20 to 25 people, and that's not counting the thousands he helped blow up.

And Solaris.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Jason's mind is gone.

As soon as he sees someone, they're dead.

It's the best Friday the 13th movie ever.

Five stars.

Wait, I thought.

That's a lot weird.

It really takes that.

The road turned upside down and then he drove his car upside down.

Yeah, he was like, I don't like it.

And I actually.

His mind is gone.

His mind is gone.

But his business.

His mind is gone, guys.

It is interesting because they say his brain is so small.

Yeah.

You know, that at some point, so like, but his dick is very big.

Okay, Paul.

Wait, what?

Yeah, why did you focus on that one line?

What said about Paul?

That's the thing that you took away from me.

Well, because

there is?

I thought it was weird because she said, but his dick is so big.

And then

she says she's hung like a mammoth.

Oh, okay.

All right.

He's hung like a mammoth.

Why do you know that?

Yeah, Paul.

And she says, I bet he's hung like a mammoth.

Yeah, then you just decided it's true.

And if shrugged.

And Brett also just look at his dead, limp dick and find out.

There's one way to figure this out.

Alexa, how big is Jason Voorhees' penis?

Which Jason Voorhees.

Alexa, how big is a mammoth's penis?

This is one of my favorite reviews here from Mr.

Bayvine.

Mr.

Bayvine.

One of the guys looked like Lawrence Fishburne, and I thought he was until I found out he wasn't.

For anyone that didn't know, the X in Jason X means the tenth one.

The actors did a good job, and that one girl actually took the dead guy's gun.

I've been wanting someone to keep the guy's weapon every time I watch a horror movie.

Overall, I'd say this is the best Friday the 13th ever.

Five stars.

Wow.

You know, the other thing I just want to ask is: does this movie take place on Friday the 13th?

No.

No, okay, okay.

Because there is no Friday the 13th in space.

Right.

On Earth 2, they've outspoken it.

That does make me, it does make me kind of begs the question: what is Jason?

I still haven't gotten an answer for you.

Yeah, well, you know, we're going to show that into you guys.

What is Jason?

Do you know?

No?

He's a shooting star, bro.

And then finally, this is a very heavily edited review,

like eight, nine paragraphs here from Techno

Machinima 1996.

And I'm just going to read the final paragraph.

It's pronounced Machina.

Oh, yeah.

Techno X.

But there's no X, so it's Techno Mach.

It's not even spelt like that.

This is before Machina.

Overall, if you're looking for a unique sci-fi horror experience, if you like to look at attractive and decidedly sexy people, if you're into Jason and Friday the 13th, but need something different, if you like super awesome special effects, if you like action, if you like humor, if you like sex appeal in your horror movies, and you want to see Jason in a whole new way, well then, this movie's definitely for you.

Five.

Super awesome special effects.

Really?

What?

Why?

Why?

What is Jason?

What is Jason?

Why, when Jason gets, you know, fixed by the ants, does he get turned into like

Bane?

Yeah, why is he so much more like ripped?

Yeah, he's jacked and he's half metal and he's like, it's like he gets.

Because the ants fucked him.

They all fucked.

If you got fucked by ants, you would be so.

Oh, so you think that is a

sexual process?

Why wouldn't they regenerate his skin and why would they regenerate his mask?

Yeah.

Like, because it's nanotechnology.

Why were his better face?

Why were his eyes red?

Smoking that weed, bro.

He's because he is

a replicant, right?

The replicants all have red eyes.

Oh, is that right?

Okay, guys, sorry.

Didn't mean to go crazy with my Blade Runner now.

He looked like Elijah.

I also watched that on the Blade Runner hot take.

Yeah, my Blade Runner hot take.

Oh, I said I thought he looked like Bebop or Rocksteady, like from the original Teenage New Ninja Turtle.

With a little bit of Krang, because his head's head's so brave.

I have a question too.

I would maybe like say Legend of the Ooze more, but let's see.

I have a question too.

At the very end where those the horny teens see the shooting star of Jason and Brodsky, they're on

Earth.

Earth 2?

Okay, that's what I want.

On 2, which is somehow habitable?

Because I was told...

Yeah, because we destroyed Earth.

Yeah, but I thought all planets were uninhabitable.

No, just Earth.

Regular.

I'll edit that out.

Earth 2 is fine.

Alexa, is Earth 2 still habitable?

Does anyone want to take a swing at what the tagline might be for this?

Don't wreck my pants.

It is this Halloween meet the perfect 10

in terror.

Now what is interesting about that is this movie came out April 26th.

And also, wait, I'm sorry, and this is, you might just also have to edit this out because it's a genuine question.

This movie is not from the Halloween series either, right?

No.

Okay, so, okay.

Yeah, yeah, this Halloween.

Isn't April 26th like Easter?

Well, that would go with the other good tagline.

Resurrection.

He's been drowned, chainsawed, knifed, axed, hammered, shocked, burned, spiked, nailed, shot, and frozen.

And now he's back for more.

Like, it's, you know, a resurrection.

Wait, was he in Frozen?

Jason, not a lot of people.

He is the Sony.

He's Olaf.

Yeah.

This movie came out in 2002.

The number, the top three movies that year were Spider-Man, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers, Star Wars Episode 2.

And the budget was $11 million.

And worldwide, it made $16 million.

It was was a profitable

dicks.

We don't know for PNA.

Don't use fucking industry terms on me.

Alexa, buy the house on Blu-ray.

One-click purchase.

This sales is pretty cool.

I think right after this episode, like, bam, a huge spike.

let's see so obviously what we watch these movies uh because they're like fun bad movies and so now let's go around and see do you believe that this is a fun bad movie to watch you don't have to agree to it you it's your own opinion would you recommend people to watch this film if they have not seen it i will say watch this movie Don't watch this movie while you're watching your baby try to go to sleep

because you you're listening to people getting murdered and people screaming while you're watching your baby also scream at you.

This is a very niche angle on this.

You should have put your iPad in the baby's crib, then you could be watching your baby and the movie almost like you're at a drive-in.

I should have just put the baby monitor on which is the iPad playing the movie.

Yes.

Smart.

Really smart.

And not damaging at all to the baby.

Jason, any,

what would you say here?

You know,

it's fine.

There are better.

There are better.

We've done better.

The Halloween that we did.

Season of the Witch.

Leprechaun.

Yeah, we did Season of the Witch.

Season of the Witch?

That's what it is.

Yeah, okay.

Sorry.

That, or Leprechaun in the Hood, right?

That's what the Leprechaun was?

Yeah.

Those movies are better.

Troll, the Troll 2.

We did not do that.

We've never done it, but that's a good one.

Like, there are better.

Ooh, when's Troll 2 going to happen?

Please ask me back for Troll 2.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

There are better, like, this is fine, and watch it if you want.

It's fun, it is very self-aware, it's very goofy.

There's a lot of

like it's not enough.

It's a bit neither nor.

That's the thing is, it's a bit neither nor.

If you don't watch it, I think you're fine.

I don't think it's not like it's not like it's Miami Connection,

which every single

Alexa purchase Miami Connection.

That movie is like the greatest.

And this is kind of like blah,

if I'm being honest.

Jenny.

Jenny?

I would say it's worth it for one thing, which is that the costume designer truly put everyone, almost everyone, in some sort of velour

vest or

belly shirt.

Or belly shirt.

Yeah, the costume designer is really the person to look out for.

I feel like that is, it is really.

They made a real attempt to provide futuristic tech and all that stuff, but they just assumed that everybody in 400 years in the future will dress like people in 2002.

Yeah, like real Chenil kind of stuff.

I really, it's great for that, and if you like to smoke weed.

But I would say it was, I mean, I'm like, it was a little bit gross.

You know?

Yeah, to me.

To me, I would say, like, I find it to be like the same way.

I was like, eh, it was fine.

It was fine.

It's a movie.

There's other movies we talked about in in the beginning, other horror movies that went to space were Hellraiser, Leprechaun, and Critters.

So maybe we just do four of these and just figure out what's the best person in space.

I think a better version of this movie would have been if the whole thing had been, or no, at the midpoint of the movie, if it had switched to the sim of Crystal Lake.

Like, once they got into that, I thought, like, oh, that's the movie.

Like, that's the thing.

I mean, not the girls, like, we love premarital sex.

But, I mean, it would have been interesting to have to have the people on the ship act like they were in a summer camp, like on earth, on an old earth

that they don't know what it is.

Yeah, so they're having to do it in order to lure Jason out.

That would have been fun.

Are you listening to this fucking farmer?

Are you taking Billy on farmersonly.com?

Just dating himself.

He's always liking himself.

Oh, it's me.

A big thank you to Averil Halley, who cuts all of our amazing clips.

July Diaz who's up in the booth.

Nate Kylie does all this research and listened to the Jason X commentary track into copious notes.

Kelly Alto, Liana Waldron, everybody here at Largo, everybody at Earwolf, thank you so much and good night.

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie.

And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home.

Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own.

So you need all your jobs done well.

For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter.

From plumbing to electrical, roof repair, to deck upgrades.

So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well.

Hire high-quality pros at Angie.com.